


Why Does Everything Hurt?

by DolphinFlips



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Adora gets hurt multiple times, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Arguing, Best Friends, Bow is sad, Child Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Cutting, Female Friendship, Gen, Glimmadora friendship, Glimmer breaks down, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Mental Health Issues, Pain, Suicide Attempt, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:35:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 82
Words: 372,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27568378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DolphinFlips/pseuds/DolphinFlips
Summary: Set after S4 Ep8 where Adora and Glimmer's relationship continues to fracture.Everything Glimmer does seems to be wrong. Her friendship with Adora keeps getting tenser and she's drowning in her grief.Adora struggles to mend things with the Queen. An injury changes their dynamic in ways they never imagined. Finally Adora is left with a decision, is it time to leave Brightmoon for good?
Relationships: Adora & Bow (She-Ra), Adora & Glimmer (She-Ra), Bow & Glimmer (She-Ra)
Comments: 606
Kudos: 193





	1. Still Reeling

**Author's Note:**

> Soooo this is going to be a super long story that starts after s4 ep8 where it deviates from canon. The main focus in this story is Adora and Glimmer's friendship and how they try to tackle the ups and down's in their bond. They both make a ton of mistakes and there's ALOT of angst. This is purely friendship and aims to show people that friendship is just as strong and close/soft as any other type of bond. 
> 
> First chapter is Adora & Bow going on a mission as a way for Adora to clear her head from the argument she just had with Glimmer, but thing's don't go according to plan.
> 
> Hope you enjoy.

"Bow, get down!" I yell as I pull him out of the bomb's radius. Unfortunately I'm not quick enough to get myself out of the firing range and the next thing I feel is a surge of hot blinding pain everywhere. I'm thrown violently back towards a boulder before finally dropping to the ground with a loud thud and the sword clutters away from me. I vaguely hear Bow's shout of panic before succumbing to the agony.

  
**Bow's POV:**

  
"Adora!" I shout as I watch my friend collide with the rocky wall and fall to the ground in a heap without a twitch. The sword falling out of her grasp several feet away from her while her She-ra form fades out as she reverts back. I run over to her, rolling Adora onto her back. My eyes widen at her badly singed jacket and bruises forming along her jaw. I turn my head back to Mermista and Perfuma who stand with shocked and fearful expressions on their faces. "We have to get her out of here." I say as I take Adora into my arms. 

  
"What about the evil looking bots heading towards us?" My eyes follow Perfuma's pointed finger and I groan aloud.

  
"Don't worry I've totally got this." Mermista states casually with a flick of her wrist and jumping up on a wave of nearby lake water she plunges the remaining bots into a depth of water, short-circuiting them. I nod in appreciation and together we make our way back to Brightmoon. My eyes can't help but keep trailing down to Adora's still form. ' _I was hit by that bomb last time and I needed She-ra to heal me; what in the world are we going to do with Adora?'_ I think anxiously.

I spot Glimmer standing stiffly at the entrance of the palace. Her eyes are relieved when she sees us, until they zone in on Adora's still form in my arms. Seconds later she appears in front of me, her eyebrows drawn into a worried frown.

  
"What happened?!" I gulp thickly and shift my hands slightly around Adora.

  
"She got hit by that same bomb that I was hit with. I don't know what to do!" I recount in a panic. I watch as her eyes crumple.

  
"But last time Adora healed you with her She-ra powers, how are we going to save her without She-ra?!" Glimmer frets, as a wave of guilt lodges into her throat.

  
"Aren't you like learning magic from that creepy Horde lady?" Mermitsa interrupts with her eyebrows drawn up close together. I widen my eyes at the suggestion and nod my head frantically.

  
"That's right! Surely Shadow Weaver knows some sort of healing spell or something!" No sooner does the words leave my mouth do I find myself poofed into Adora's room.

  
"Lay her on the bed, I'll get Shadow Weaver." And with that command Glimmer teleports out of sight. Carefully I lay my best friend down on her bed and take note of her eerie stillness.

  
"Please be ok." I whisper softly, as my eyes start misting over.

**Glimmer's POV:**

  
I teleport into Shadow Weaver's garden and turn my head side to side in haste as I search for the ex-Horde commander. When I spot her at the corner, cutting away at her plants, I dash over.

  
"Your spells, you must have one to heal right?!" I demand in one breath causing the spellcaster to look up at me in surprise.

  
"To heal? No. To relieve pain and speed recovery? Yes. But Adora can do a better job than any spell I could...wait. What happened to her?" If I wasn't so concerned and overwhelmed with guilt, I would've been impressed at how sharp the spellcaster is, but there's more pressing things to think about.

  
"She's hurt badly. I need you to teach me how to help her." I say out in a rush, I watch a flash of concern pass through her eyes, but I don't give her any time to respond as I grab her wrist and teleport us back to Adora's room. Shadow Weaver's eyes hone in on the unconscious blond and with quick hands she grabs mine and motions me to copy her. I do and when the spell is complete I pass it over Adora. The reaction is immediate. Her eyes scrunch together tightly, indicating the pain she's in. And it hurts to see her in any form of agony, but at least she's moving now. _'Not like before when she was so...lifeless.'_ A lump appears in my throat at that thought and I push it away as I take a seat at Adora's bed side and clutch her hand tightly.

  
"I'll keep an eye over her. Bow, take Shadow Weaver back and make sure the princesses are alright." My eyes dart to the spellcaster and I mouth my gratitude to her as she leaves the room with Bow in tow. I stay sitting at Adora's bedside for hours, long after the sun has gone down.

When the mask of darkness settles in the room, it's only then does Adora begin shifting, her eyebrows knotted tightly together as a frown takes hold and beads of sweat appear on her forehead. I wipe them away and watch as she moves her head from side to side, her face pinched with fear. _'She's having a nightmare.'_ My mind supplies dumbly. ' _But I thought they had stopped.'_ I grip her hand and try to wake her up.

  
"Adora wake up. It's just a nightmare. It's ok." I comfort as a whimper escapes from the blonde's lips. With a gasp her eyes suddenly fling open and she pushes herself up into a sitting position, but yelps as the action pulls at her abdominal wound. "It's ok, you're safe now." I try to reassure with my hands on her shoulders. Her eyes finally drop their glazed appearance as she focusses on me.

  
"Glimmer?" She inquires softly.

  
"Yes, I'm here." I hesitate. "Do you remember what happened?" I watch as she frowns, trying to recollect prior events. My heart leaps briefly. _'Maybe she's forgotten. Maybe she doesn't remember all the horrible things I said to her before she left for that mission.'_ But as I start to get my hopes up, I catch the way her eyes dim and she flinches under my touch, pulling away.

  
"I remember." She replies with a croak. She then shifts, hiding a wince as she does so and turns to give me her back.

  
"Adora, you should be resting." I say, my throat dry from all the painful constrictions its doing.

  
"I'm fine." She states stiffly. I sigh and teleport so that I'm now kneeling in front of her.

  
"You're not fine. You had one heck of a hit..." Her eyes flash briefly with annoyance and I trail off.

  
"I said I'm fine!" The blond warrior argues roughly. I swallow thickly.

  
"Adora...what I said before...before you left...I didn't mean any of it, I was just letting my anger and grief get in the way." I plead, trying to make her see that I never meant those biting words.

  
_"The rebellion is in a worst state than ever since YOU showed up!"_

  
_"Well maybe you're best isn't good enough. If it was, my mother would still be here!"_

  
"It's fine." Adora states stonily. I shake my vigorously and take her hand into mine.

  
"It's not fine!" I shout. "I know you're angry at me and you have every right. But, please tell me how I can make it up to you. How can I show you that I didn't mean it?" I beg earnestly, as tears start leaking out of the corner of my eyes. I hear her sigh softly.

  
"Honestly Glimmer, its fine. I just...my stomach just hurts." I bite my tongue at her response, knowing from her refusal to meet my gaze that everything is nowhere near fine. I decide to try another tactic.

  
"You looked like you were having a really bad nightmare before you woke up." I state cautiously, but my words cause the warrior to stiffen up, her shoulders bunching up to her ears.

  
"Glimmer, how many times do I need to insist that I'm fine!" I blink back the tears at the exasperation in Adora's voice. _'You used to be able to tell me anything and now I've just gone and mucked everything up with my sharp tongue.'_ I exhale heavily, knowing that I won't be getting anywhere tonight with Adora's stubborn attitude. I release my hold of her hands.

  
"Ok. Just tell me if you need anything." She nods and with a swallow I blink away until I'm back in my own room.

**Next Morning:**

  
**Adora's POV:**

  
I sigh heavily, and with a painful grunt I push myself up until my feet are planted on the ground as I sit on the bed's edge. Moments later the door to my room slams open to reveal a fretting Bow.

  
"Adora! Glimmer told me you woke up last night. How are you feeling? I was so worried, I literally couldn't sleep the night. It's all my fault that you got hurt in the first place. I should've been paying attention, I should've been faster." I shake my head at Bow's barrage of words before deciding to interrupt him.

  
"Bow. _**Bow** **!**_ It's not your fault. We were just in the wrong place at the wrong time." I say earnestly as Bow starts to tear up. He walks over and takes a seat beside me.

  
"That seems to be happening to us a lot lately. How are you feeling?" I sigh heavily at the archer's question and slump against him.

  
"Terrible. My abdomen is killing me. And on top of that I'm mad at Glimmer for what she said, but it's more than that. I'm mad that Glimmer is right. Hearing her say that...it hurt...a lot. I'm trying so hard to do my best and fight against the Horde, but my best just isn't good enough. I'm not good enough. I let people get hurt instead of me and it kills me to know how badly I'm failing everyone, including you and Glimmer. I just don't know what to do." I say as a ball of emotion and pain lodges itself in my throat. When Bow places his hand on my shoulder, I drop my head, unable to meet his eye.

  
"Adora you're _**NOT** _failing us! Without you we wouldn't have come nearly as close to winning as we have in the past few years. Glimmer is hurting and misses her mum. You unfortunately happened to be in her line of fire when she lashed out. She didnt mean it." I shrug.

  
"I don't know." I mutter with closed eyes as I feel every last shred of my self-belief vanishing. Bow grips both of my shoulders and forces me to look up at him.

  
"Well, _**I DO**_. You're more valued than you'll ever know and I'm only sorry that Glimmer and I haven't showed you that enough." Bow's intent gaze makes me release a small breath.

  
"Ok." I say, as a small smile slips past my lips.

  
"You better believe it!" My smile widens slightly at Bow's enthusiastic response. "Soooooo I've got to head to this meeting with the Alliance. Apparently we need to plan our next course of action against the Horde." I nod my head and shift further off the bed's edge which causes Bow's eyes to widen. "What are you doing? You need to rest!"

  
"I'm fine Bow..." I trail off at the glare that the archer shoots me with and slump forward slightly. "Ok, I know I'm not fine. But I can't stay in bed while you all decide the future of Brightmoon. I need to be there. I need to not be useless." I say with a quivering breath. Bow gives my shoulder a gentle squeeze.

  
"You're _**NOT** _useless, but if it makes you feel better to join us then I'm not going to stop you." I release a sigh of relief and direct my grateful eyes to my best friend. Carefully, I get to my feet and push back the wave of pain that hits me from the added stretch on my abdomen.

  
"Are you sure...?" Bow trails off when I shoot him a glower and with shaky steps I exit the room. I hear the archer's feet catching up to me until he walks by my side. "Just let me know if you need a break. I'm here for you." I push down the irrational feeling of annoyance and nod gratefully.

  
"Thanks Bow." My words elicits a grin from the rebellion fighter and soon we find ourselves in front of the war room. I take in a deep breath and push open the doors to find all the princesses already gathered around the table. Queen Glimmer stands at the front; when she turns her head towards us I see her eyes widen in surprise. I hunch my shoulders up slightly and take the seat furthest away from the Queen. Bow follows behind me and opts to stand in suit with the others, leaving me to be the only one sitting. _'More like resting.'_ My internal voice hisses to me. I grimace, but my expression must have been taken as a mark of pain as Glimmer moves closer to the table.

  
"Adora, shouldn't you be..." She starts, but Bow jumps to stand beside her, a hand on her shoulder as he shakes his head silently. She drops it and opts to start the meeting, but her gaze lingers on me for a few moments longer. I drop my eyes to the table, not wanting to deal with all these heart wrenching emotions.

  
"Alright everyone! We've gathered new reports that the Horde is making their way south towards one of our towns crucial in providing our crops. Crupella. We need to send a team to stop them before they reach there. Any volunteers?" At Glimmer's question, I shift on my chair, the movement catches everyone's attention as they all turn their heads towards me. I see the frown playing on both Glimmer's and Bow's faces.

  
"Adora you can't..." I interrupt her before she gets the chance to finish.

  
"I know I can't." I say ruefully and cross my arms stiffly. "But I suggest a group of at least four goes due to the absence of She-ra. To be safe." I stress before quickly averting my eyes from the Queen's gaze. I hear her sigh audibly before she decides to speak.

  
"I agree. Mermista, Perfuma, Netossa and Bow, how would you feel in going?" Glimmer's question is met with murmured agreements, but I notice the lack of a certain voice. Looking up, I find Bow glancing between Glimmer and I, an expression of uncertainty plays across his face as he knits his eyebrows tightly together. I chew my bottom lip briefly before sending him an encouraging smile. He seems to hesitate for a moment longer before finally voicing his agreement.

  
"Good. Make sure to report in regularly. At any sign of trouble you will contct me and I'll be there in no time. Is that clear?" Everyone nods their heads and starts heading out of the room. I try to make sure that I leave with everyone else, but the pain that radiates from my whole body slows me down and I'm unfortunately the last to leave. This gives a certain someone the chance to speak up.

  
"Adora, wait." Despite every muscle in me screaming to keep moving, I find my feet coming to an instant stop. But I don't turn to face her. Silence seems to stretch on for an age and when no words come forth from the purple-haired teen, I can't help but twist my body slightly until we're face to face. Looking at Glimmer this close, I can see the bags under her eyes, the stress marks on her forehead and the insecurity that settles on her shoulders as she holds a hand to her chest. The display causes me to subconsciously soften my eyes.

  
"Glimmer?" I say, my voice sounds raw even to my ears and I watch as Glimmer winces slightly.

  
"Can we please talk about what happened...about what I said?" The young queen states after finally plucking the courage to take the plunge. I close my eyes briefly and let Glimmer's past words wash over me and the reminder just stings all over again.

  
"We don't have to, I'm fine." I force out as I re-open my eyes to find Glimmer several paces closer to me, her whole being wrecked with indescribable guilt.

  
"Don't tell me you're fine when I know you're not!" Glimmer screeches which causes me to flinch.

  
"What do you expect me to say?!" I shout back in an attempt to mask my vulnerability.

  
"Tell me you're mad at me or that you hate me or something. Just don't pretend everything is ok when it isn't. Its not making anything better!" The young Queen yells back. I grit my teeth and try to control my breathing, _'This conversation hurts.'_

"You want to know what I think?!" I holler in a high-pitched tone. I pause and drop my head down. "I'm mad that you're right." I whisper out softly, as a tear falls from my eye to the ground. Silence.

  
"Adora..." A harsh sob escapes from my throat at hearing my name being voiced so gently. I suck it in. _'I will not breakdown. I can't. At least not in front of anyone.'_ I hear the sound of footsteps nearing me before a hand touches my chin and tilts my head up until I'm staring deeply into Glimmer's concerned eyes. I take a shuddering breath and pull away from her before forcing myself to continue.

  
"You're right. If I was good enough Angella would still be here." I hear a sharp intake of breath beside me, but I'm too scared to meet the teen's eyes. Instead I focus on the mural of King Micah in the background. "I should've taken her place. It should have been me. It was my destiny, not hers. If I could go back and change it I would. I want to prove to you so much that I'm useful, that I can help, but it seems all I ever do is mess things up. Perhaps I was better off not existing or..." I'm broken off when I hear a sudden outburst.

  
" ** _NO!"_** I blink in shock and before I know it a pair of arms are wrapping themselves tightly around me. I peer down to see Glimmer's head nestled into my chest as she shakes her head vigorously. She pulls back slightly to look me seriously in the eye. "Don't you ever say that about yourself! Do you hear me? Your presence is worth more than a million victories. I used to be the Princess whose ideas was always pushed to the side. But when you came along, that changed, suddenly my mother trusted me with all these big decisions, she..."

I watch as Glimmer takes a shuddering breath and I bring my hand to rest it on her forearm. It seems to have been the right thing to do as she takes in a deep breath and continues. "...she started to really listen to me for once. I wasn't ignored or naïve anymore, I felt that I was finally like an actual commander and not a rag tag relief helper. Having her gone..." When Glimmer's voice cracks I struggle to push down my own self-guilt and sense of failure, especially when tears start to glisten in my best friend's usually sparkling eyes.

"...it's been the hardest thing I've ever had to face. When my dad died I was still so young, but my mum...I miss her SO much that it aches. I hate that my last words to her...that our last conversation was of us arguing. The guilt just keeps eating away at me and doesn't want to subside." I bite the inside of my cheek hard, knowing exactly how agonising it is to be weighed down by guilt. I give her arm a gentle squeeze. "I never got the chance to tell her how much I loved her. And then...I almost did the same to you. If we didn't have Shadow Weaver, you could've died last night and my last words to you would've been..." She trails off as she averts her gaze from mine. _'She doesn't need to repeat them because they'll forever be engrained into my mind. A reminder of my short-comings.'_ I swallow past the dryness in my throat and watch Glimmer struggle with her next words. "I don't ever want to be in a position where my last words to people I care about are filled with hate. You need to know that I didn't mean it Adora, please." Finally, Glimmer's eyes return back to mine, an earnest plea buried deep within her purple orbs.

  
"Surely you must blame me, even a little bit, otherwise you wouldn't have said it." I say carefully and in that moment when Glimmer's eyes flickers guiltily away from mine before returning back I know the truth. Even if its on a deeply buried subconscious level she does hold me accountable for Angella's absence and that hurts more than anything has ever done before. I stumble out of her embrace, my legs suddenly feeling like jelly. She makes a grab for my wrist, her eyes pleading me for forgiveness.

  
"Adora, please! I just...I'm just so scared, angry and lonely. I..." But her words wash over me as my mind starts to numb. _'Catra was right. Everything is always my fault.'_ I snatch my hand out of hers and try to sprint away from her, but I forgot about my injury and the pain blinds me momentarily. I nearly stumble straight into the ground as agony courses through me, but I manage to cling to the wall just in time. I take several shaky breaths, but the pain refuses to lessen. _'What's wrong?!'_ I ask myself silently in frustration. But the fiery sensation continues to surge through my body and I quiver at the onslaught, without meaning to I lose my grip on the wall and sink to my knees. I vaguely hear the sound of rushing feet and the call of my name. _'No. **Please no**. Don't let her see me like this, like some weak thing.'_ But it's too late, Glimmer is by my side repeating my name as she leans me against her while her hands run over me frantically and I can almost pretend that she's holding me close like she used to during the times that she comforted me. Before I failed her. Before she blamed me. Before our friendship broke apart. I take in a deep breath and welcome the darkness.

When I next come around, I find myself back in my room lying on my bed. A quick survey of my room reveals no Glimmer and I can't help but sigh in relief at this, not ready to deal with anymore conversations. I push myself up, but hiss in pain when my abdomen screams back at me. Subconsciously I wrap a hand round it, but am surprised when I my fingers come in contact with an unfamiliar fabric. Looking down I suddenly notice the bandage wrapped around my waist, traveling up to just below my chest bindings. I shiver and decide to lie back down, pulling the cover over me for warmth. ' _Maybe I can just live my life in here without seeing anyone and then everything will be ok again. I could pretend things are ok.'_ But when I hear the sounds of voices floating from underneath the door, I know that I could never do that. _'I could never do anything.'_ I think ruefully. When the voices get louder I decide to feign sleep in case someone decides to enter and from how I'm now able to pick out the words that may well be a possibility.

  
"Is she ok?" Bow asks in a hushed whisper, not realising that the whole palace could probably hear him with how loud he's being.

  
"I don't know Bow...I've ruined everything!" My heart constricts at Glimmer's self-blaming tone. _'Its not your fault Glimmer.'_ I think silently, wishing I had the guts to tell her that to her face. But it seems Bow must have heard me somehow as he parrots those same words.

  
"It's not your fault Glimmer. Adora just needs time. You both do." At his response. I hear the door crack open and from beneath my closed eyelids I notice a trickle of light pouring in. "She's still asleep." Bow states softly. A sniffle.

  
"Good. She needs the rest. I've never seen her whither in so much pain before. It hurt seeing her like that...and what's worse is that I was the cause of it." I feel my throat going dry at Glimmer's confession. _'Despite everything, she still really cares about me.'_ I hear the door click shut again.

  
"Adora's strong. She can get through everything..." After those words, Bow's voice becomes muffled from what I presume is their increasing distance down the corridor. When their voices completely fade out I release a breath that I didn't even realise I was holding and sag against my pillows when the tension eases away from my shoulders.

  
"I wish I was that strong Bow." I whisper quietly into the room. A wave of tiredness hits me and I decide to let sleep consume me, praying with all hopes that no nightmares come to visit me tonight.

**1 Week Later:**

  
I throw a punch at my my makeshift punching bag. Then another and another. I snap my foot forward and the momentum must have been intense as the bag snaps off the rope I tied it to. I sigh and wipe my sweaty forehead before bending down to pick it up. I wince at the twinge that the action elicits, but I push it to the side, just like I've been doing every single time I've worked out.

  
"Shouldn't you be resting?" I groan at Bow's question before turning to my bed where he's sitting.

  
"How long have you been there for?" I ask with a raised eyebrow, wondering how I hadn't noticed his presence, especially considering how loud the archer usually is. It's quite a surprise that I was that absorbed in my punching.

  
"A few minutes. So?" I purse my lips before crossing my arms across my chest.

  
"I don't need rest." I answer briefly but when he shoots me a dubious look I relent. "You know how antsy I get when I'm not doing anything. Staying here has been driving me nuts, so what better way to spend my time than to make sure I'm in tip top shape." I say as I stretch out my arms above my head but I regret the action at the who-knows-how-many twinges of my abdomen I've had today.

  
"You know you can leave your room and head to the common room. All the princesses have been missing you. Or you could even attend some of the meetings. You've always had great insight." I stiffen at the suggestion and turn to re-fasten my collection of pillows to the dangling lamp.

  
"No. I'm...good here. Besides my 'insight' could just get you guys in trouble. I'm better off staying out of the way unless there's no other choice." I say carefully as I finish tying the punching bag. A hand to my shoulder causes me to tense up momentarily until I remember its just Bow.

  
"You know you can't keep avoiding her." The archer's statement causes me to drop my arms back to my sides. I spare a glance at my friend to see his concerned eyes.

  
"I'm not avoiding anyone. I'm perfectly fine being here." I say as I avert my eyes from his.

  
"Come on Adora, we both know that's a lie." I don't respond and fortunately I don't have to when the doors of my room slam open by a stocky-looking guard.

  
"Master Bow! Queen Glimmer has called an urgent meeting and requests your presence immediately." We share a troubled glance at the news, before Bow gives a nod of confirmation to the guard.

  
"I'll be right there." He says and then gives my shoulder a squeeze.

  
"You know you're welcome to join." I bite my lip at the archer's suggestion. The urge to leave this room is strong, but so is my desire to avoid Glimmer. The uncertainty that plays on my mind must have been evident on my face as Bow takes my hand and leads me out of the room and towards the meeting hall.

  
"I don't know Bow..." I stammer nervously, causing him to tighten his hold around my hand encouragingly.

  
"Trust me, it will be fine. Besides, secluding yourself in one room has never done anyone any good." I don't get the time to argue however, when Bow pushes me through the grand set of doors. Several pairs of eyes fall on me and I push down the urge to sprint back out of the door. My eyes rests on Glimmer's surprised face, but she quickly schools her expression to neutral and turns to address the rest of the princesses.

  
"Good we're all here. Now, the reason why I've called this meeting is because..." Glimmer's words wash over me as I shuffle to one of the unoccupied seats with Bow taking residence beside me. I turn my eyes to the front and re-focus on the queen's words. "...the Horde are already at Plumeria with numbers we've never seen before. Perfuma was able to mention a new weapon before she had to break off. We're presuming that she's been captured and we need to plan a rescue now. If the Horde is getting so bold as to attack one of our strongholds and not just villages we need to be sharp and on our guard. Mermista, Bow, Netossa and Spineralla you're with me. Frosta, I need you to stay behind this time to keep an ear out on any other attacks. Understood?" I look around as everyone nods their heads and decide to speak up.

"What about me?" I ask, attracting Glimmer's attention.

  
"You're still not cleared to fight." The queen answers rigidly and begins to move towards one of the maps.

  
"By whose orders?" I demand, surprised that a person has to be cleared to fight to start with. _'In the Horde you kept fighting until your dying breath.'_ Glimmer raises her steel eyes to mine.

  
"Mine." She answers bluntly before returning her gaze back to the landmarks in front of her, a finger points to the entry point.

  
"I'm fine now. I can fight!" I argue, but my poor choice of words leads me to be on the receiving end of a scalding glare.

  
" _ **No, you're not!**_ " Glimmer snaps. The hall goes so quiet that I swear you could hear everyone's rapid heartbeat as they all glance between the two of us. Fortunately, Bow decides to intervene and places a reassuring hand on his best friend's shoulder.

  
"I think Adora is capable of handling herself. I just saw her punching a makeshift pillow bag into submission. Besides, if this intel is correct we're going to need all the help we can get." The archer explains smoothly and I watch as the tension eases from the queen's shoulders as she slumps forward.

  
"Fine. Let's get moving." And with those parting words the queen exits the room without a backward glance. I swallow and stare at the place where the queen once stood before finally swivelling my grateful eyes to Bow.

  
"Thanks." I breathe out which earns me a smile. I'm almost ready to ask what's the deal with Glimmer's attitude, but decide to let it slide, not feeling quite ready to open that jar just yet, if ever.

**4 hours later...**

  
We continue trudging quietly on the outskirts of Plumeria after bumping into Perfuma who was forced into hiding and waited for our arrival. I scan the area as a shiver runs up my spine. I glance from side to side, but find nothing really amiss. I shrug, but the feeling of unease returns.

  
"Bow, don't you think it's too quiet?" I ask in a hushed whisper. The archer glances up from his tracker pad with a frown.

  
"I was thinking the same thing, but my pad isn't picking up anything. In fact, it's not even detecting any Horde activity which is strang..." The shiver up my spine returns and I shove Bow to the right, breaking him off. He lands on the floor and rubs his bruising behind. "Adora what in the...?" He doesn't finish his sentence as an arrow embeds itself in the tree next to where he was standing. His eyes go wide and I give him my hand to pull him up.

  
"We're being watched." I hiss out. The effect of my words is immediate when everyone stiffens and move closer together, eyes darting everywhere.

  
"By who? The Horde usually go storming into everything." Perfuma inquires with a touch of anxiety, but I shake my head.

  
"Not always, we...erm...the Horde can be stealthy when they want to." I say befuddled, receiving strange looks from the rest of the group. I curse inwardly, still used to being called a Horde soldier, despite having defected years ago now. Turns out I'm correct as moments later we're swarmed by bots and Horde soldiers. I groan inwardly, _'This isn't going to be easy.'_ Then a massive bot, a size I've never seen before appears through the bushes. _'This **REALLY** isn't going to be easy.'_

I shake my head and we all step into the fray. I swing my sword left, right, up, down and in angles I've never even tried before. I watch as the bots go down, but for every bot that falls, three more take its place. I jump up and dig my sword into the ground, the added momentum pushes back several bots and soldiers, but the action sends a raging flare up my body from stretching my abdomen too far. I pull the sword out of the earth and get to my feet, refusing to accept Glimmer might have been right about staying back. I sling two soldiers over my shoulder, then turn to quickly survey how everyone else is doing. That turned out to be a mistake. Those milliseconds of distraction gives that huge bot time to sneak up behind me. I'm not quite quick enough to react as it uses one of its legs to pierce into my back. Somehow, I manage to roll away and stifle my scream at the same time. I take a few deep breaths and rise slowly to my feet. With set determination I sprint to the bot and pose my sword ready to cut its leg clean off, but when it does meet the metal, my weapon just bonces back at me.

  
"What?!" I say with wide eyes. I step back when the machine swings at me again. I'm just about to go for another hit when I hear frantic ruffling behind me. I turn to see Bow get his case of arrows pinned to the tree by one of the normal sized bots. I transform my sword into a spear and lunge it at the bot, stopping it in its tracks before it gets the chance to fire its laser beam. The bot collapses into a heap while I run over to retrieve my sword just as Bow makes a reach for his arrows.

  
"There's too many of them." He states with a touch of panic. I grind my teeth and look up to see the princesses trying to hold their own and despite doing an excellent job of it, the numbers are tiring them out.

  
"I think its time we bonded." I suggest, but I don't get the time to respond as that large bot pushes me to the ground. A string of wires come out of it to entrap my body.

  
"What in the world is this thing?!" I moan with an exaggerated huff. An arrow flies over my head and pierces straight into one of the wires by my feet, burning it away. I flex my arms, breaking the the remaining ties and scramble back. I look up at a sheepish Bow.

  
"Sorry, that arrow was a little closer than I would've liked but it was the only spot I had a clear aim of." I shake my head and get to my feet.

  
"What's that arrow made of? I tried swinging at it with my sword but it had no effect." I explain with raised eyebrows.

  
"Oh it's this acid based toxin I was experimenting..." The archer doesn't get the chance to finish when the bot raises its leg again at us, but Glimmer teleports in front of us to shoot a beam of sparkles which pushes the giant bot a few paces back. She turns back to face us with a twitching eyebrow.

  
"This is hardly the time to be standing around chit-chatting!" She shouts with raised arms. I flinch which causes Glimmer to leans back slightly, but I don't give her the chance to comment.

  
"That bot is nearly indestructible. I couldn't slash it with my sword. It seems that only its interior parts can be harmed." I rush out in one breath. Glimmer clucks her tongue in annoyance and teleports to behind the bot to try her luck, but reappears in front of us with a head shake. "I think it's time to bond." I suggest lightly. With no further words she gives me her hand and we start to glow. Regrouping with the rest of the princesses leads to the same result. With our new enhanced strength we are able to take down numerous bots in no time. When the Horde soldiers see our mounting success they decide to high tail it out of there in retreat, leaving us with just that freakishly humungous bot. I inhale deeply and jump onto the moving machine, wedging the sword into its wired circuitry. It doesn't respond for a few moments, but then it starts shaking like crazy. I nearly lose my grip, but I push the sword deeper inside. However this results in the bot shuddering even more frantically. I lose my footing and land on the floor with a thump. My back screeches in pain and I have to close my eyes to compose myself. The next time I open them however, I see the bot running straight into the tree as sparks erupt from the machine.

  
"Everyone take cover!" I shout and the bot explodes. The machine's fluid goes everywhere and I have to shudder as its slimy composition runs over my whole body. I get up stiffly with my now slime covered sword in hand. I twist round to see everyone reappearing from behind the trees and whatever else they took cover behind. A beat of silence passes before they all cheer.

  
"Well, that bot was different." I turn round to see Bow wiping goo off his armour and I murmur my agreement as I change back to my normal self. He looks up at me with tightly knit eyebrows. "Are you alright? You took some pretty bad hits." I wave my hand non-committedly.

  
"I'm just tired. I guess the week off has made me a bit out of shape." I state, but the half-truth is apparent by the increased burning sensation in my everywhere once I'm no longer She-ra. Bow opens his mouth to question me further, until Glimmer appears beside him.

  
"We should get going to Brightmoon and make sure the Horde hasn't decided to attack anywhere else while we were occupied." I nod my tired head at the queen who when she zones in on me, a flash of some emotion passes through her eyes before returning back to its stony expression.

  
"You look like you've taken quite the beating." She quips dryly without a hint of worry. I shrug.

  
"It was a difficult battle." And with that I move to lead the walk back to Brightmoon. We trudge in silence for the first half hour and would've continued to do so if Bow hadn't decided to try one of his trick arrows. I nearly trip up when I hear the sudden loud bang behind me. Unfortunately Glimmer isn't so lucky and ends up tripping over a tree root from her distraction with the sound and ends up hurtling right into me. We go tumbling to the ground and a sharp intake of breath escapes me when the queen lands on my back.

  
"Bow, would you quit trying your celebratory arrows! Or at least warn us before you use it." Glimmer rebukes as she shifts off my back.

  
"Sorry, the silence was starting to get to me." The apologetic archer states as he hangs his head in shame. I hear Glimmer grumble incoherently while I push myself up onto my knees. She turns her gaze to me and gasps.

  
"Adora! Is that...blood?" I frown and looking at the ground I see the grass tinged with red. I get to my feet with Glimmer in tow, her eyes showing the first bit of concern for me since last week. I'm about to open my mouth to say I'm fine, but decide against it at the last moment, not wanting to unleash the queen's anger.

  
"One of the bots managed to nick me; it's no big deal." I downplay with a shrug, but by the way Glimmer's eyes flicker from the ground, to my back and then finally to my eyes I know I haven't persuaded her. But to my surprise after a flash of hesitation she nods and walks past me. I nearly drop my mouth open in shock. _'Jeez, Glimmer must be really mad at me if she's just accepting that lame excuse.'_ And somehow that makes my whole body burn more with pain. I shrug it off and trudge behind her.

**Back at Brightmoon:**

  
I kneel by my bed and rummage underneath it in the hopes that I have some spare bandages, but my hand comes back empty. I sigh.

  
"Great, I must have finished it when I hurt my abdomen." I say with a mutter as I lean against the bed's wooden frame, forgetting about my back. I hiss and pull away abruptly. I'm just about ready to complain to the sky when I hear a knock at my door. I groan loudly and stiffly get to my feet. ' _Probably Bow checking in on me. Maybe I could get him to bring me some bandages.'_ But when I open the door I'm taken back by the person who stands rigidly in front of me.

  
" _ **Glimmer?!**_ " I squeak out. The queen moves past me and closes the door. "What are you..." She doesn't let me finish.

  
"I know you're hurt. Just let me bandage you up and I'll go, ok?" I open and close my mouth several times, but no words come out. I settle on nodding and walk back to my bed with Glimmer in tow. I sit down as the queen takes residence behind me. She tugs at my jacket and I'm met with another sharp intake of breath when I remove it. "Adora, your top has been soaked through!" I cringe at the exclamation, waiting for the rebuke, but it doesn't come. Instead Glimmer wordlessly hitches my top up to my armpits. I hear her shuffle behind me with some plastic and then a pause.

"I'm going to use some antiseptic, so it will sting a bit, ok?" I nod and clench my hands that rest on my thighs into fists. One dab. Sting. Two dabs. More stinging. Three dabs. I close my eyes. Four dabs. I exhale a shaky breath. Pause. The fifth dab is the final one. Then comes the bandages. Glimmer starts wrapping the fabric around my waist before she clucks her tongue and pulls back.

"You know being this tense will only loosen the bandages when you relax. They need to be tight to stem the blood flow." I sigh and force my shoulders to relax and clench my hands tighter. But when Glimmer's hands return I flinch, causing her to pause momentarily before continuing. "I've almost finished." The queen whispers softly by my ear as she leans forward to continue wrapping the long material around me. I want to tell her that her touch isn't what made me flinch, but rather a reflex from years of abuse that only seems to return when I'm anxious, like now. But I remain silent.

"There. I've brought a spare top for you to change into." And with that I feel the warmth vanish as she moves off the bed and goes over to the door.

  
"Thanks." I finally croak out. She pauses in front of the exit and turns to face me.

  
"Anytime." The queen answers with a small smile and then it's gone. She reaches for the door knob and I have the overwhelming urge to stop her from leaving, to do something. But nothing comes out and I've lost the moment. She's out of the door before I can even blink. I slump forward before flopping onto the bed. I hiss again and turn over to my side. _'Why does everything stink?'_ I moan internally.


	2. Mending - Only To Break Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to mention at the beginning of the story that I often paint Glimmer in a negative light throughout this story, but that doesn't mean I want anyone to disrespect or hate her. Glimmer is actually my favourite character and I don't want this story to make people dislike her. I've only had to do it this way to keep the plot going and keep the pain high. She's got her own struggles so please be gentle with her ha.
> 
> Wanted to thank everyone for the kudos! Wasn't expecting that many :) Please also drop a comment if you have time. Thank you and I hope you enjoy this chapter.
> 
> A lot of angst and hurt in this one. Adora essentially avoids Glimmer, still hurt over what she said. Needless to say, Glimmer is upset and hurt by this.

**Adora's POV:**

It's another 2 weeks before Glimmer and I make eye contact and even that was an accident. It seems the more time I spend closed up, the more distant she becomes with me, physically and emotionally. I sigh heavily as I look for a new set of bandages in the medical stock room.

  
"The bandages are in the top righthand cupboard." I flinch at the cold tone. Turning slightly I see Glimmer at the door, but her eyes aren't on me as she scans a paper in her hand.

  
"Thanks." I breathe out as I find it exactly where she said it would be. "What are you doing?" I ask sheepishly when she makes no move to leave.

  
"I'm doing a stock list. If I knew you were here I would've waited." The brash response causes tears to prick the backs of my eyes, but with one blink its gone.

  
"Sorry." I mumble out and move towards the exit, but I pause. The ache of being so distant from her suddenly becomes too much. "Glimmer?" I voice tentatively. She doesn't lift her head up from the paper.

  
"What?" Although I know it's just a word, she somehow manages to encompass all her feelings of anger and frustration at me in that one syllabus. All her anger at me. I swallow thickly and push down the urge to cry because I don't cry in front of anyone, not Shadow Weaver, not Catra, not Bow and not even Glimmer. I turn away.

  
"It's nothing." I mutter quickly and dash out of the room and into the safety of my own where I can cry as much as I want without prying eyes and that's exactly what I do.

I cry over my guilt for not being good enough. I cry over the loss of Angella, who through my time here I've grown to think of her like a mother. I cry over my broken friendship with her daughter. But most of all I cry over the fact that I'm too much of a coward to fix it, scared that I've ruined everything beyond repair.

That night, as I stare at my ceiling, unable to get to sleep for the 3rd week running. I finally decide to leave my chambers and go for a walk. Without even meaning to, my feet take me to the hallways leading to Glimmer's room. I bring one foot up to go down it, but cowardice takes hold once more and I swivel the other way to head to the gardens. I breathe in the burst of fresh air that greets me when I step outside and instantly I feel the tension ease off my shoulders. ' _This is what I needed; some fresh air.'_ I walk over to the tower where Shadow Weaver has been secluded to and as I crane my head up, I can't help feel a pang of familiarity at knowing she's so close by.

  
"Adora, what are you doing out this late at night?" Despite the sudden sly voice that sounds behind me, I'm proud to say that I didn't jump or flinch. Perhaps it's because I've learnt how to tell when the spellcaster is close by. I turn around and raise a sceptical eyebrow.

  
"Shouldn't you be up in that tower?" I snark back with crossed arms as the women hovers over me.

  
"I suppose I should, but then again what harm am I doing out here at night? You know that if I really wanted to cause harm I would've done it by now." I purse my lips, knowing that she has a point.

  
"Still, rules are rules." I state stubbornly, eliciting a sigh from the spellcaster.

  
"Of course. I suppose I'll return back up there after our chat." My eyebrows rises higher at this.

  
"And what makes you so sure that we're going to have a chat?" I ask with grated nerves.

  
"Oh please Adora. I _**raised** _you, I think I know when something is bothering you. Besides, with all of Glimmer's moaning, its isn't that hard to work out." The half-formed scowl drops off my face at hearing my former best friend's name.

  
"Glimmer...has been talking about me?" I inquire unsurely.

  
"Not until I forced her to open up. Magic is influenced by emotions you know. A build up of negative emotions leads to distraction and distraction leads to failed spells." I take a step closer towards the woman.

  
"Is she...what did she..." I trail off and take in a deep breath to re-start. "Is she mad at me?" I finally ask in a small voice. Shadow Weaver's eyes seem to watch me for a moment before she stares into the horizon.

  
"Oh yes, she's simply fuming." Those words are like a punch to the gut and my shoulders slump forward. Shadow Weaver's eyes return back to mine and when they crease slightly I try to think of any other word to explain it other than 'soften' but come up blank. "She's angry that you won't let her back in. She's hurt that you keep pushing her away. But most of all she's scared that things will never go back to the way it was. From what she's told me, she's already tried bridging the gap but with no success. It seems she's waiting for you to make the first step." I swallow and drop my eyes to the ground at those words.

  
"I don't know if I should. It seems that all my presence has ever done is hurt people." I state shakily. When Shadow Weaver stretches a hand to my cheek, I stiffen. She must have noticed as she diverts it to my shoulder instead.

  
"From what I can see that is hardly the case. Keeping away from her is only going to hurt her more, and you for that matter." Her eyes then glance above my head before returning to mine. "You should head inside now, dawn is approaching." She states as she nudges me back to the direction of where I entered. I walk around the palace in a daze, still reeling from Shadow Weaver's... kindness? _'No that doesn't sound right.'_ In my distraction I don't notice where I'm going and smack right into a warm solid body causing me to fall to the ground and in the process, banging my head against one of the lamp stands as I go down.

  
"Ouch." I say as I rub my head while the person extends a hand.

  
"Gosh I'm so sorry, I wasn't paying attention and... _ **Adora?!**_ " I blink and squint in the darkness at the person's face. My heart drops.

  
"Erm hey Glimmer." I greet sheepishly. My gaze turns to her slack hand in front of me. "Is it ok if I...?" I half ask as I pointedly look at her hand. A flash of confliction passes across her face, but she doesn't retract her hand so I take it and she pulls me up. "Sorry, I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." I apologise as she releases her hand from mine.

  
"That's ok." A beat of silence passes and it seems she's almost ready to leave.

  
"What are you doing up? You usually sleep like a rock till noon." I ask with a slight smile. But my question is met with a stony response as she crosses her arms.

  
"Being the queen means I don't have that luxury any more. I was going to check on the daily itinerary for the meetings I have today. Some start in a few hours, so I thought to be ready." I wince at the detached response, but I know it's what I deserve for all the avoiding I've been doing.

  
"Oh." That word is the only lame response that leave my lips. Glimmer seems ready to leave it at that, but in a moment of indecision she doesn't.

  
"What are you doing up? Talking to Shadow Weaver?" I hear the bite in her words, but I'm too surprised at her correct deduction to be hurt by it.

  
"How did you know?' I question with raised eyebrows. She points to something behind me.

  
"You forgot to close the garden doors." At her blunt tone I glance back to see I have indeed left the doors open. I drop my head in shame.

  
"Sorry. I guess I didn't really intend to go outside to start with." I mumble.

  
"Oh so you just woke up and thought to take a nice stroll in the middle of the night and just happened to go outside?" Glimmer's snarky sarcasm causes me to tense my shoulders and I turn away from her slightly.

  
"I couldn't sleep." I admit with a sigh, hoping that will get the teen off my back. She must have not expected that response as she drops her crossed arms to her sides.

  
"Oh." At the subdued reaction, I chance a glance at the queen to see her eyebrows furrowed in thought. I decide to plough on, if only to spend more time with my former best friend.

  
"Yeah, so I thought maybe a walk would help." I state with a shrug.

  
"Are you still having nightmares?" I freeze up at the question and my eyes widen. I force myself to relax and observe Glimmer's neutral face wearily.

  
"What makes you think I'm having nightmares?" I ask, trying to sound disinterested. It must have worked as the queen shrugs her shoulders.

  
"You had one 3 weeks ago on the night you got hit by that bomb." I close my eyes briefly, that recurring nightmare still fresh in my mind's eye. When I re-open them I see Glimmer's outstretched hand before she decides to drop it. "Sorry." She mutters with averted eyes, but I've had enough of this.

  
"You haven't done anything to apologise for." I state strongly and then sigh when I remember her question. "Yes." I whisper. I watch the unease play across her face until she decides to step closer.

  
"Are you ok?" She finally asks. I shove down the instinct of saying I'm fine and shiver.

  
"No." I croak. Glimmer's eyes widen in disbelief and alarm "I miss you." I choke out with a clogged throat. All at once Glimmer's rigid stance sags and her eyes soften. In silent mutual agreement we throw our arms around the other and pull each other close. "I'm so sorry Glimmer. Everything is my fault. I just kept pushing you away." I gasp out.

  
"No this is my fault. I said all those horrible things and instead of keep trying to pull you back I ended up pushing you further away. I've missed you so much that it hurt. Gosh I even started complaining to Shadow Weaver of all people!" I can't help the laugh that rips through my throat and soon we're both having a laughing fit. Eventually we quieten down, but remain in each other's arms for a while longer before Glimmer finally steps back. "Were you able to change that bandage by yourself? I kept wanting to do it for you, but I guess I was waiting for you to give me the say so." The queen asks with guilty eyes.

  
"I actually haven't changed it yet. I was just giving myself something to do." I say with an embarrassed shrug but when I see Glimmer's jaws go slack, I rush to continue. "But it's no problem, I've done plenty of bandage work back at the Horde." I try to reassure, but Glimmer makes a grab for my hand and drags me to her room.

  
"You haven't changed your bandage in 2 weeks?! Don't you know you could've got an infection!" I chew the inside of my cheek at Glimmer's berate.

  
"I didn't think it was important..." I break off into a cough at the queen's glare. She gathers a a bunch of supplies and teleports us up to her bed.

  
"How has the pain been?" Glimmer asks as she settles behind me in a weird bout of deja vu, as she unwraps the old material.

  
"Tolerable." I answer shortly earning a snort from the teen.

  
"That's not a real answer." I shrug.

  
"Pain has kind of merged into this one annoying thing that I choose not to take notice of anymore otherwise it becomes too much." I admit but it causes the hands around my waist to pause in their tracks. With a raised eyebrow I try to twist behind me to see Glimmer's face but she moves to hold my shoulders in place.

  
"Don't move, you'll just strain your back." She says as by-way of explaining. I frown, still confused by her initial response.

  
"What's wrong?" I inquire when she doesn't say anything further.

  
"I just...I'm sorry for not asking earlier, for pretending I didn't care. You...you didn't think I meant it did you?" My back tenses underneath Glimmer's hands and as she gently rubs in some soothing oils I can tell I just gave her my answer. "I didn't want to hurt you, but at the same time I was so mad that I ended up convincing myself that I don't care." Glimmer states with an audible gulp.

  
"I don't blame you. I was pushing you away, even when I didn't want to, its just...I couldn't help it." I try to explain, but my words seem to get jumbled together. I hear the queen sigh behind me as she finishes wrapping the fabric round.

  
"Looks like we both were at fault. Still, I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt you, but I ended up doing just that." I inhale deeply at Glimmer's apology.

  
"I'm sorry too, for pushing you away. I should've just talked it out with you rather than leaving it to fester." I respond as I turn to face the teen. Her eyes automatically drop to my bare abdomen where a large scar starts to form from the healing wound. When she reaches out a hand I force myself not to react, especially when she starts tracing its outlines.

  
"I should've gone with you. This wouldn't have happened." Glimmer states with regretful eyes as they continue focusing on my stomach. I take her hand into mine to push away the feeling of discomfort that spreads over my body from her touch.

  
"It's ok Glimmer. It's in the past. Besides, scars don't bother me that much." Finally her downcast eyes rise to meet mine.

  
"I know. I just wish I didn't lash out at you and then send you off. It makes me feel..." I don't let the queen finish her sentence as I pull her into a hug and rest my chin on her shoulder.

  
"Really Glimmer, it's fine." I whisper subconsciously, but I feel the teen stiffen underneath my arms and push away from me.

  
"Please can you stop saying things are fine when they're not. It makes me feel that everything is anything but fine." I raise my hands up in defence at the queen's fiery retort.

  
"Sorry, force of habit." I say in an attempt to soothe her, but it only serves to cause her shoulders to slump.

  
"Please stop apologising when you have nothing to be sorry for!" I cringe at the queen's command and watch her wearily when she crosses her arms.

  
"Glimmer, I'm trying to help, but you keep butting heads with me." I state cautiously, but as she tenses her shoulders I realise I've said the wrong thing.

  
"I don't need help! I need for you to stop trying to be so gentle with me!" My eyebrows shoot up at the teen's words. "Ever since my mum...left, you've been treating me like this fragile glass that's about to break." My jaw drops at the accusation.

  
"I was trying to be sensitive." I emphasise, my tone miffed.

  
"If you really wanted to be sensitive you would give me the chance to give the orders instead of blazing past me all the time. Double Trouble might be a snake but he was right about one thing. You spend so much time giving orders and plans, but you never give me the chance to do the same. I'm the queen now, I'm supposed to make the decisions, but you just plough straight past me." I jerk my head back as if I've been slapped.

  
"Glimmer we're friends. You don't need to pull rank over me. I'm just doing what I think is best and giving you the chance to adjust." I say with wounded eyes.

"See you're doing it again! I can handle myself and don't need to be babied! I've been doing fine as a princess before I met you and I can be just as good a queen if you give me space to breathe." I open my mouth several times, before shutting it again as tears prick my eyes.

  
"So are you trying to say you don't need me then, is that it?" I ask stiffly, trying to ignore the way my heart keeps pulsing rapidly. My question earns me a frustrated groan.

  
"Don't twist my words! I just want you to support me..." I interrupt her.

  
"That's exactly what I've been doing!" I argue, hurt leaking into my voice.

  
"You've been stifling me. Everyone looks to you for a plan." My eyelid twitches at that comment.

  
"So you want me to be silent? Let you take the lead? If that's what you want then that's fine, but don't just lash out at me and then not tell me what's bothering you." I say, trying to extinguish this heated argument.

  
"Can't you just be how you used to be? The Adora who just supports me?" My eyes flash at that accusation.

  
"I have been myself! It's you who's changed!" I yell and then pant heavily. I shake my head and move towards the floating stairs. Just as I reach the ground Glimmer appears in front of me, the only thing standing between me and the door is her.

  
"Of course I've changed. The circumstances demanded it, I can't just frolic around anymore and go on quests. I have a duty to protect the whole of Etheria now." The queen explains as her eyes harden.

  
"I'm She-ra and have the same responsibility, but you don't see me shouting and arguing at every opportunity!" I lash out causing Glimmer to take a step back in a mixture of shock and hurt. The action causes my shoulders to slump. I pinch the bridge of my nose. "I'm going to my room." I say with a resigned sigh and walk past the teen, but I don't get far as a split second later her hand snaps out to grab my bicep.

  
"Wait, we need to sort this out. We can't go back to pushing each other away again." I shake my head at her and snatch my arm out of her hold.

  
"I don't think we can sort this out. It seems we're just constantly at each other's throats." I confess, my voice barely above a whisper. My words causes Glimmer to widen her eyes before they crumple.

  
"We can sort it out! We just need to talk." I chuckle humourlessly at her desperate plea.

  
"Yeah and look how far talking has got us! We're constantly shouting at each other! I never thought..." I stop, unable to continue as I wrap my arms around myself, as if the action would keep all the pain at bay. The teen takes a step closer, leaving close to no space between us.

  
"You never thought what?" The queen inquires anxiously. I turn my head away from her and take a backward step towards the door.

  
"I never thought I'd see the day when you'd stop being so gentle with me." I whisper softly. I don't wait for her response as I make a grab for my jacket and exit the room. As I head back to my chambers I almost crane my ears, hoping to hear the sound of quick feet rushing after me, but the corridor is silent and I know Glimmer won't be coming after me. _'Who knows, maybe this really is the end of our friendship.'_ That single thought brings a fresh round of tears to my eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, I'm mean. Hope that satisfied your angst needs. Please let me know your thoughts. Thank you for reading :)


	3. Falling into a Pit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the comments and kudos guys, I really really appreciate it! :)  
> Usually I'm not this good at updating so this is going well so far haha.  
> Sometimes things may seem repetitive, so I apologise, but I suppose this is more for people who love a limitless train of angst.
> 
> Adora and Glimmer go through a particularly rough patch. At this point I'm not sure who's angry with who.

**Adora's POV:**

Days stretch into weeks as our friendship becomes more and more non-existent. _'Right now I can't tell which one of us is ignoring the other, I suppose it's become a mutual thing.'_ I contemplate as I sit on a couch in the lounge with Bow beside me and Glimmer beside him. "So what do you guys think, up for a spy mission?" Bow asks enthusiastically.

  
"Well, I think..." I start, but I don't get very far when Glimmer snorts.

  
"Of course, _**you** _would be the one to jump in first." I grind my teeth at the queen's haughty tone and turn to face her.

  
"Oh I'm sorry, did you want me to be silent _**your majesty?** _" I sneer back causing the teen move her head to meet my eyes, with poor Bow being the only one between us.

  
"You know what? That might actually be a good idea!" She shoots back, but before I can whip out a retort Bow is pushing the two of us apart.

  
"What has gotten into you two?! You guys are best friends!" I shake my head at the archer's comment and rise to my feet, my back to the pair.

  
"What's gotten into _**me?!**_ Ask Glimmer! She's the one that hates me." I bite out and I'm surprised at the lack of rise that gets out of the teen. I look back to see the agape expressions on the two of them.

  
"I don't hate you..." Glimmer chokes out haltingly.

  
"Well you sure act like it!" I snap back. "When you're ready to go on the mission let me know. I'll be waiting outside." I state and start walking away until I feel a hand on my shoulder. I crane my neck back to see Bow's furrowed eyebrows.

  
"You two need to fix whatever is going on now. We can't go on a mission together if you both aren't getting along." I shrug his hand off and turn to face him properly with crossed arms.

  
"There's nothing left to fix." I say simply, despite how much it kills me to say that. Bow's eyes widen in shock at my brutally pessimistic response and shakes his head in a daze. Glimmer appears beside him with hardened eyes.

  
"She's right Bow, there is _**nothing** _left to fix. You're going to have to learn to accept it." The queen states coolly. And I know I was the one to say it, but hearing Glimmer's admission of it, causes it all to tumble down and makes it sound so real. In that moment I so desperately want to take it back, but my stubborn self refuses to back down, _'Glimmer is the one who started this mess, she needs to be the one to fix it.'_ I push away the pain and nod stiffly, exiting the room faster than I can exhale.

  
The walk to the Horde outpost is brutally silent and awkward, especially with Bow's constant attempts to get us to talk. It sends a pang of guilt down my throat at how hard he's trying to keep us together. _'Bow doesn't deserve this, he's been nothing but a supportive friend. He deserves better.'_ But I choose to keep those thoughts to myself.

  
"Er guys, did you hear something?" At the archer's sudden question I crane my head, but I'm only greeted with silence and the occasional cricket sounds.

  
"No." Glimmer and I say in unison, we glance at each other before turning our heads the other way. "What does it sound like?" We say again in sync. We shoot each other a glare.

  
"Can you stop doing that?" She growls out causing my eyebrow to twitch.

  
"Oh I'm sorry, you wanted me to be silent right? Only the mighty queen is allowed to give the orders." I snark back. I watch as the teen clenches a fist and takes a step towards me. But Bow steps in front of her.

  
"Guys this isn't the time! But you seriously can't hear that? It sounds like a drill in the distance or maybe some loud clicking sound. I'm not really sure to be honest."

  
"Bow, I can't hear anything! Are you sure you aren't just imagining it to stop us fighting?" Glimmer states in exasperation.

  
" _ **What?!**_ Of course not! Maybe?" The archer responds with an embarrassed smile. I slap my forehead while the queen groans.

  
"Bow!" Glimmer and I voice simultaneously once again which results in the teen twisting her body towards me.

  
"Cut it out!" She demands.

  
"I'm not doing anything!" I retort back and then fold my arms. "You know what? I'm going back to Brightmoon. I can see that I'm not wanted here." I declare, despite my heart telling me that this is a bad idea. _'I should just suck it up. I need to be here to protect them, no matter what's going on between Glimmer and I.'_ But my feet seem to have a mind of their own as I take a step away from them. Bow grabs my arm.

  
"No! We need to stick togetherrrrrrrr." I raise an eyebrow at the archer's exaggerated words, but when I turn around I spot a huge spider-like creature bearing over us. I don't have enough time to react as it makes a grab for Bow and starts scurrying off.

  
" _ **BOW!**_ " Glimmer and I shout. We start to run after him but four more huge bugs drop in around us, blocking our exit. I lift up my sword.

  
"For the honour of Grayskull!" With those words I quickly transform into She-ra and start batting the bugs away with my sword until one of them snatches the weapon clean out of my hands with its spiderweb and runs off in the opposite direction. "Hey!" I exclaim and am about to run after it when I hear a grunt behind me. Turning round, I see one of the creatures ramming Glimmer into a tree. I'm just about to go and help when she teleports to behind the creature and sends a burst of sparkles at it, blinding the creature and causing it to run away. I turn my attention back to locate the spider that stole my sword only to find that it has disappeared. I flicker my frantic eyes everywhere, but the other two spiders have also disappeared. I clutch the sides of my hair in panic.  
"No no no no." I repeat in anxiety.

  
"Adora what are you doing?! We need to go and save Bow!" I move my head towards the queen.

  
"One of those spiders took my sword! But he ran in the other direction." I explain, trying to keep my panic at bay. The teen widens her eyes and teleports so that she stands beside me.

  
"It did what?!" I watch as the queen pinches the bridge of her nose as she groans. She raises her eyes to mine, obvious confliction in her eyes. "We need to split up. You go after the sword. I'll go and find Bow." I blink at the command before shaking my head.

  
"We can't split up! Who knows what else is lurking out here! We need to stay together to have each other's back."

  
"We don't have a choice. You can't lose the sword and we can't leave Bow with that thing! This is the only option." Glimmer insists with a hardened resolve. I look into her eyes, purple orbs that used to be so easy to read, but now? All I see is a mask, as if she's completely shut off all her emotions. But in that split second when I gaze at her I see Queen Angella and her last words echo in my mind.

 _'Take care of each other.'_

I clench my jaws.

  
"I'm going with you. My sword can wait." I say with a tone of finality and start to walk past her until she takes hold of my bicep.

  
"Why must you always go against everything I say?" My jaws go slack at this and I'm just about to fire out a retort when I see Glimmer's downcast expression. _'Wait, she's not trying to be spiteful; she just genuinely believes that.'_ I raise my hand and rest it on her hand at my bicep.

  
"I don't mean to, it's just...your mum told me we should take care of each other. The least I can do is stick to that." I say softly which causes Glimmer's grip to loosen. She sighs and lets go completely.

  
"I guess you're right." The queen mumbles.

  
"And who knows, maybe my sword will be where Bow is! Surely all big scary spiders live together right?" I say optimistically, earning me an eye roll from the girl beside me as we start walking.

  
"I don't think that's exactly how the laws of nature work." Glimmer states seriously, but a small smile slips past her lips. I grin.

  
"I don't think the laws of nature really apply to this forest. I mean its called the whispering woods, how ominous does that sound? You should've heard the stories that the Horde used to tell us about this place." I say with crossed eyes, which elicits a chuckle from the purple-haired teen.

  
"If they're anything like those ghost stories, then I think I'll pass." I snort as laughter rips out of my throat at the reminder. When my laughter dies down I catch Glimmer's eyes before she quickly averts them.

  
"Glimmer..." I trail off, feeling unsure on what to say.

  
"Don't worry, I'm sure we'll find Bow and the sword." The queen reassures without taking her eyes off from the trees in front of her.

  
"No, I...that wasn't what I wanted to say." I say as I chew my lip. The queen spares me a glance before returning her eyes ahead of her.

  
"Oh." She releases quietly. I'm about to open my mouth to clarify when I feel something around my ankle. I frown, but before I can glance down I'm pulled straight off my feet and dragged across the ground.

  
"Glimmer!" I shout as I grab hold of a passing rock to stop me from being further pulled into who knows where by who knows what. The queen looks back briefly before widening her eyes in shock.

  
"I'm coming!" She shouts and I hear her teleport to somewhere behind me. The thing around my ankle tightens painfully and I muffle my scream into my shoulder while tightening my hold on the boulder. I hear the sound of whooshing and smashing until finally the grip around my ankle lessens and then retracts. I push myself onto my knees, wiping away at the mud on my jacket. Glimmer appears kneeling in front of me a moment later.  
"Are you ok?" She asks with knit eyebrows.

  
"Other than all the mud in my mouth and clothes? I think so. But what just happened?" I inquire as I rub my bruised jaw.

  
"Some of the tree roots in this forest are alive, believe it or not. Although it's quite rare and usually not this close to Brightmoon." I balk at that answer and shiver.

  
"Next time we're taking transportation." I grumble as Glimmer gets to her feet. I move to follow suit but the moment I put pressure on my foot, a surge of pain runs up it but before I buckle back to the floor Glimmer catches me. "Thanks." I huff out. She lays me back on the ground and reaches a hand to my ankle. As soon as she makes contact, my foot jerks away.

  
"Sorry." The queen apologises as I flinch. "What do we do now? You obviously can't walk." I snort and get back up to my feet or rather foot.

  
"I'll be fine..." I shrink back at the glower the teen shoots me with. I cough to alleviate the atmosphere. "I could just sling my arm around your shoulders?" I ask meekly. For a second I think she's going to reject the suggestion but then she wraps an arm around my waist. I sling my arm around her shoulders and subconsciously lean into her. _'I didn't realise how much I'd miss her hugs.'_ I think as water stings the backs of my eye-sockets.

  
"Adora?" I blink at hearing my voice and look down to see Glimmer's frown.

  
"Yeah?"

  
"You looked distracted." My throat goes dry at the blunt statement. _'I didn't realise I'd miss Glimmer's comforting and gentle attitude towards me.'_ I swallow as tears burn my eyes. I turn my head away and blink rapidly to keep them at bay.

  
"It's nothing. Come on, we need to find Bow." I feel the hand around my waist tighten slightly, but she doesn't argue and we make slow progress across the forest but with no sign of our best friend.

  
"Aurgh! This is hopeless! We have no idea where he could be!" Glimmer growls out as we stop for a break so that I could catch my breath while leaning against a tree trunk.

I look guiltily at the ground, _'If I didn't lose my sword then we would've been able to keep up with that spider.'_ I'm just about to open my mouth when I hear a strange clicking sound. Frowning, I turn my head and squint my eyes to look at something hidden between all the branches.

  
"Are you even listening to me?" I jump at the sudden voice next to my ear and snap my head back to a frustrated looking Glimmer. "You've been distracted since that tree root grabbed you. What's going on?" My throat goes dry, _'I was hoping she wouldn't notice. Being that close to Glimmer as she helped me walk was reassuring. It made me feel that maybe she doesn't hate me. Maybe she even still cares. Not that I would tell her that. The last thing I'd want is for her to detach herself from me again.'_

  
"I haven't." I mumble with averted eyes, eliciting a loud groan from the purple-head.

  
"You're terrible at lying you know." I can sense how grated she's becoming and know its not long before she snaps at me again. My mind races with something to say.

  
"Can I ask you something?" The words drop from my mouth before I even have the chance to think about them. Glimmer is as surprised as I am with the change of conversation as she leans back.

  
"We don't have time for this. Its not long till night approaches and we'll be in serious trouble then if we don't find Bow and the sword." She responds gruffly with crossed arms, trying to salvage some control of the situation. I sigh but nod in agreement.

  
"Of course. Actually before you spoke up, I thought I heard a clicking sound, but maybe I was just imagining it." I explain while pointing towards a set of branches.

  
"Might as well see what it is. Not like we have any other leads." The Queen states and takes hold of me by the waist. I lean into her again, but this time the teen shoots me an unreadable expression. I tense and ease away from her slightly, not wanting to push her away, but the action just serves to cause all flickering emotions to cease, her face returning once more to neutral. I sigh internally. _'Its like I can never win with her. Whatever I do it's always wrong.'_ As we approach a darkened part of the forest, our jaws drop simultaneously at what we see. Masses upon masses of webs everywhere. Glimmer taps me on the shoulder and points up. When I follow her line of sight I find myself gaping at the sight of those huge bugs attached to the tree tops as they huddle around something. I squint and nearly gasp. _'Bow!'_ Something sparkles in the light and my eyes widen. _'And my sword!'_ I turn back to Glimmer.

  
"What do we do?" I ask in a hushed whisper, not wanting to attract those spiders towards us.

  
"There's too many to fight off without putting Bow at risk. Plus you can't even fight." I scowl slightly at that assumption.

  
"I can fight without She-ra you know." I say causing the queen to growl at me.

  
"I meant your ankle." She rectifies but the scowl doesn't leave my face.

  
"I've fought plenty of times while I was hurt; you don't think the Horde went easy on us do you?"

  
"Jeez, stop being so defensive! I'm only pointing out the obvious. You could barely walk here." The teen points out impatiently. I don't bother to enlighten her.

  
"I can fight." I state seriously and I can see that the queen is ready is pop a gasket at my stubbornness. My eyes trail back up to the webs and suddenly I'm hit with an idea. "Wait, what about I distract them?" I say quickly before Glimmer has the chance to shout at me. She blinks and tilts her head to one side.

  
"As in you lead them towards you while I break Bow out of those webs? I don't know. You'd be completely defenceless." The queen states dubiously.

  
"You could grab my sword and toss it to me while I cover you as you bust Bow out. It can't go wrong." I state confidently.

**1 hour later in a deep dark ditch...**

  
I laugh awkwardly as Glimmer clenches her fists and her eyes flash.

  
"Oh what could possibly go wrong you said!" I rub the back of my neck self-consciously.

  
"Well, we saved Bow." I point out optimistically as the archer tries to smile reassuringly.

  
"You had _**one** _job! To distract those spiders and instead you managed to get us trapped in this hell hole which for whatever bizarre reason won't let me teleport us out of here!" I shrink back at Glimmer's reprimand.

  
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..." But I don't get the chance to finish as the queen takes a threatening step towards me.

  
"That's always the case with you! You didn't mean to do this or you didn't mean to do that. But at the end of the day it doesn't matter! It always leads to us being in a worse mess than before!" The accusation cuts me deep as my lips wobble in an attempt to silence my sharp intake of breath and for once I'm fortunate for the darkness. Bow takes a step towards the queen and rests a hand on her shoulder.

  
"Glimmer that's enough. You know Adora didn't mean for us to fall into here. We need to work together to figure out a way out of here." The teen looks ready to retort but with an exaggerated grunt she nods, but not before giving me her back and walking to the opposite end of the pit. Bow and I watch her go. A moment later archer focuses his attention on me.

  
"Are you alright?" He asks quietly. I turn away from him to hide my glistening eyes.

  
"Of course I am, why wouldn't I be? Its just the usual Glimmer hates Adora thing. No big deal. I'm used to it." I utter out as I stare at the wall in front of me.

  
"Adora that's not true..." I pull away from Bow's outstretched hand.

  
"Don't try to defend her Bow. She blames and hates me for letting her mum take my place." I breathe out slowly. "And I don't blame her." I mutter. "And maybe she's right, maybe I have been too overbearing." I feel the archer grasp my hand.

  
"Adora, no..." But he's cut off by Glimmer's sudden holler. We turn our heads towards the queen.

  
"Guys there are foot-holes in the wall, we can just climb up!" Bow and I both blink before racing over to her side of the pit. It's too dark to make out anything on the dark surface. Stretching out a hand, I find that there are indeed holes in the wall, big enough for a foot and hand to latch onto.

  
"Do you think that's safe? We can barely see anything down here, what if we fall?" The archer states unsurely as he eyes the close to invisible holes.

  
"I know it's not ideal, but there's no other way to get out of here. We'll just take it slow and steady." Glimmer admits. I bite my lip. _'Great, I could do nearly anything with a busted ankle, but climb? This is going to suck.'_ Bow seems to have read my mind as he turns his eyes to me.

  
"But Adora your ankle." The archer points out in concern causing the queen to widen her eyes in remembrance. I flick my wrist.

  
"I'll be fine. You should've seen some of the training courses the Horde put us through. Climbing a wall is a piece of cake." I say over-confidently, but they both see straight through my façade as they lift sceptical eyebrows at me.

  
"Bow's right. This climb is bad enough for a fully fit person, forget someone with a bad ankle." I cross my arms at Glimmer's statement.

  
"I can do it!" I force out between lying teeth. _'I don't need to give Glimmer another reason to think I'm useless.'_ She sighs and then shrugs.

  
"Fine, but either Bow or I should be behind you in case you slip." I nod in agreement to that and we begin climbing. It's decided that Bow will climb behind me, as he's the least clumsy while Glimmer climbs ahead of me. Its slow going and we all have plenty of close calls during the climb. I close my eyes briefly when my weight returns back onto my injured ankle. I inhale deeply then exhale, as if breathing out could somehow take away the pain.

  
"Adora are you doing ok up there?" I sigh at the question that Bow has asked ten times in the last 10 minutes.

  
"Just great." I mutter, the lie easily rolling off my tongue.

  
"Guys we're nearly there!" I lift my head up hopefully at Glimmer's exclamation and sure enough I can make out the moon in the darkened sky. I press my forehead against the cool wall in relief. We continue moving up, but my relief makes me careless and my foot misses the next hole. I bury my fingers into the two holes my hands are resting in as my leg flails around looking for the hole.

  
"Adora!" Bow shouts causing Glimmer to pause in her climb and crane her head behind her.

  
"What's going on?" She asks quickly. I open my mouth to answer before Bow.

  
"Nothing! I just missed a hole, but I'm fine." I shoot out rapidly, not wanting Glimmer to think I'm any more useless than she does already. I keep digging into the wall but can't find that hole and I can feel my fingers tiring at the added weight and then they slip. Fortunately with all the time I spent plummeting into dark pits in the Horde I know what to do and dig my sword into the wall to stop me from reaching the bottom as a pancake. I whizz down past Bow and grind my teeth as I stick my sword deeper into the wall until I slow to a stop, several dozen metres below the others.

  
" _ **ADORA!**_ " The archer shouts as I disappear from his line of sight.

  
"I'm fine!" I holler up.

  
"Stop saying you're fine when you're not!" The queen's voice floats down and I rest my forehead against the wall again. "How far down are you now?" She asks a moment later and my heart plummets, knowing that I've failed in proving my worth once again.

  
"Not far, maybe a few metres below Bow." I answer, then pause as a thought occurs to me. "Keep going, I'll be right behind you."

  
"But Adora, we need to make sure you're not going to slip agai..." I clench my jaws at the archer's statement.

  
" _ **I said go!**_ " I snap. There are two beats of silence before I finally hear the steady sound of crunching movement. I release a quivering breath and force myself up my sword. I feel around for those holes again and once I find them I make the painful re-trek up. I don't know how much longer it takes, but I hear the others shouting down to me.

  
"Adora we're out. Just take your time and we'll be here to pull you out." Bow shouts down encouragingly. I sigh and move up again. _'Great. As if I couldn't be more of a bigger failure.'_ Several times I feel my pained ankle ready to slip and several times I hug myself as close to the wall as humanely possible. When I see a shadow above I gulp back the exhale of relief.

"You're almost there!" Bow reassures as he reaches an arm down. I move one, two paces up before I can finally grab onto his hand. He starts pulling me up when a second shadow appears and grabs onto my other arm. Together they manage to get me out of that ditch and we lie on the ground in exhaustion. I shiver. _'Never again.'_

"I suppose it's too late for us to do any more trekking in the forests. Maybe we should head back?" I pull myself up into a sitting position at the archer's suggestion and turn my head towards Glimmer.

  
"I agree. This mission was a bust from the start, considering we didn't even know where we were going." The queen concedes with a head shake.

  
"Is...is your powers back?" I ask meekly, earning a nod from the teen.

  
"Yeah. It's strange, but that pit acted like a magic dampener or something." I nod, relieved that we won't have to walk all the way back. _'I don't think my ankle could take anymore.'_ Glimmer reaches over to Bow and I and before we know it we're zapped back to Brightmoon. At the familiar surroundings I can't help but heave a sigh of relief.

  
"I'm going to go work on my tracker pad. If I can just sort out this glitch then we'd be able to find that Horde safehouse." The archer explains and waves a quick goodbye as he dashes down the corridor, leaving just the queen and I. I shift my stance in order to take some of the weight off my throbbing ankle.

  
"Well, I guess I'll head back to my room." I state after a beat of silence. The queen's eyes drop slightly before returning to meet mine. She stretches a hand out. I look at it in puzzlement.

  
"Here, let me take you to your room. I think your ankle has had enough for one day." My heart melts at the offer as I take her hand. A second later I'm in my room and I gingerly take a seat at the edge of my bed. Moments later I hear someone clear their throat and opening my eyes I realise that Glimmer is still here.

  
"Thanks." I breathe out, eliciting a shrug from the purple head.

  
"No worries. Now let me have a look at that ankle." My eyebrows shoot up at the suggestion. _'What happened to being cold, detached and wanting nothing to do with me?'_ I think as I watch her grab some bandages from the bedside table and kneel on the ground beside my feet. _'She wants something.'_ My mind supplies as she opens the packet and rolls out one of the fabric pieces.

  
"You know, I can do it myself." I supply causing the queen to pause before continuing her actions.

  
"I know." She murmurs out as she removes my shoes. I furrow my eyebrows at the response, but I don't get any further in my questioning when her fingers dance across my ankle. I pull away at the pain that it elicits. "Sorry. I don't think its broken, just badly sprained." The teen says as byway of explaining and starts bandaging it up. "At this rate you're going to be covered in bandages." Usually at this sort of comment I'd assume she was joking but by the way she's clenching her jaws it suggests anything but. I reach a hand out and settle it on her shoulder. I feel her stiffen under my touch before she sags slightly.

  
"Glimmer, what's wrong?" I murmur softly.

  
"Nothing. I just hate seeing anyone hurt." I raise an eyebrow, confused over the queen's sudden change in attitude.

  
"Even me?" The words slip out before I can take them back and when Glimmer's head snaps up to meet my eyes, I wish I could.

  
" _ **Especially** _you." I blink once, twice and cock my head to the side at the strong response. I don't speak and the teen sighs. "I know things between us are sketchy, but that doesn't mean I don't still care about you." The purple head explains quietly as she turns her head away from me.

  
"Really?" I choke out, having believed that our friendship was no longer important to her. I watch as the queen pauses yet again before she finishes her wrapping. I observe as she rises to her feet and I think this is it; _'She's not going to answer and leave, as usual.'_ But instead she sits beside me on the bed. We stay like that in silence for what feels like hours but couldn't possibly be more than 5 minutes. I shift slightly so that my eyes are directed at the teen who stares intently at the door in front of her. She must have felt my eyes om her as she swivels her head towards me.

  
"What did you want to ask me when we were in the forest?" I blink in surprise at the sudden question and then shrug.

  
"It's not really important." I say half-heartedly, not wanting to start any potential arguments between us.

  
"Ask anyway." I purse my lips and scrutinise the purple head for a few moments, but these days its so much harder to tell what she's thinking and feeling, especially as her eyes only seem to contain my reflection and what annoys me the most is that I _**used** _to know. I used to be able to read her like an open book and now? It seems all I can see is a blank page that's been folded up so many times that I can only ever see the tip of the iceberg. I sigh and look away from her intent gaze.

  
"I was going to ask, why...why does it bother you so much when I say I'm fine?" I state as I fiddle with the hem of my blanket.

  
"Oh." I chance a look at the queen to see her eyebrows furrowed. _'I suppose that's not what she expected me to say. I wonder what did she thought was on my mind?'_ My eyes zone in on her fingers that drum against her thigh before they still.

  
"I suppose because it was the thing I always told my mum when she asked if I was ok. I'd always say I'm fine mum, even when things weren't fine... _ **especially** _when things weren't fine. I guess hearing you say it, translates into: nothing is fine but you feel you need to lie because you can't tell me about it, sort of thing. Thing is, I didn't realise how annoying it was until someone else does it to you." I widen my eyes at how accurate that deduction is and duck my head down in shame, but I feel a hand on mine and looking up I see the discomfort on Glimmer's face. "So is there? I mean, is there something you want to say but feel like you can't?"

I gulp and avert my eyes. _'How do I tell her that I want her to stop pushing me away all the time? How do I say that I'm still mad that she thinks I'm useless and that a part of me doesn't believe that she stills cares? And how on earth do I tell her that I miss her presence and comfort? Can I really tell her that she's the one thing that's stopping me from spiralling down into a dark pit of guilt, depression and pain?'_

I feel her hand squeeze mine. I open my mouth. _'I have so much to say, but I can't seem to say any of it. Do I even want to pile her with all my baggage? It's enough that she's still dealing with the loss of her mum and running a kingdom, plus the rebellion, would it be fair to add this on her?'_ When the outside lights gleam into my room, I see the bags under her eyes and the stress lines along her forehead. I snap my mouth shut.

  
"Nothing. I'm just worried about you." I mutter out and despite the truth in those words, we both know that's a lie. Her hand tightens around mine.

  
"Honestly Adora, you can tell me anything, even when I'm in the midst of being a cow which I know I have been lately. But I don't want you to feel that you can't talk to me." I shake my head, part of me wanting to tell her but the bigger part, the cowardly part, chooses to remain silent.

  
"Really Glimmer, I'm just worried about you." I repeat with a half smile. With that the teen retracts her hand from mine, leaving a cold sensation behind.

  
"I told you. You don't need to worry about me." The teen states with hardened eyes. And this time its my turn to take the queen's hands into my own, not wanting the purple head to detach from me again.

  
"I know, I know, but a friend can't help but worry. That's part of the deal remember?" I say earnestly, causing her eyes to soften slightly.

  
"I suppose that's true. I guess I should head to bed. We've got an early meeting tomorrow." I nod as she rises to her feet and despite talking we both couldn't feel further away from each other as she blinks out of sight. I sigh and flop onto my bed. _'I should've said something.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not giving these guys a break am I? Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Comments and kudos are always appreciated.  
> Also, a heads up, my updating schedule will so not be this good all the time. I'm a med student so I tend to find myself crazy busy, but I'll try my best. At this point in the term lectures are slowing down so I have a bit of extra time on my hands, but just in case I go AWOL you know why. 
> 
> Also I repeat, no hate on Glimmer.


	4. Going Downhill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos and comments guys!
> 
> I've got lectures to do, but procrastination is making me post this instead, so here we go.
> 
> The word 'useless' really cropped up a lot in s4: once when Adora called Lighthope that and another time by catra to scorpia. Since catra- scorpia's friendship was meant to reflect Adora & Glimmer's I thought about what if Glimmer had called Adora that? Get ready for a round of hurt. Again.
> 
> Ok CrazyButterSock has been super kind, amazing and awesome to provide some fantastic art for a scene here. THANK YOU an absolute BILLION CrazyButterSock for drawing this beautiful piece, it captures the emotions and feelings perfectly. I hope everyone else enjoys it as much as I did and please give a big shout out and thank you to CrazyButterSock for bringing it to life.  
> P.S it took us a bit of fiddling to figure out how to embed a pic into the story lol, but I found out she's not only an art genius, but an IT genius too, so defo ask her if you need IT help XD

**Adora's POV:**

Over the next few days Glimmer and I enter a half truth, no longer ignoring the other and making short conversations. That is until the day that the Horde took Plumeria for good while we were busy fighting to keep Frosta's kingdom safe after a tiresome battle against the Horde's toughest. We returned to Brightmoon feeling more defeated than ever and it was only a matter of time before someone lashed out at the other as we huddled into the communication room with Perfuma being utterly inconsolable.

  
"I have had it!" The queen shouts as she punches the table, causing everyone to jump.

  
"Glimmer I know this is bad, but we need to..." I start but wilt when the teen shoots me a glare.

  
"Don't tell me to be calm! My people are being captured and killed while you aren't doing anything about it! What good is She-ra if she can't help?!" The words cut through me, but I refuse to step down.

  
"Don't you think that I care about what's going on as much as you do?! I'm _**trying** _Glimmer, what more do you want from me?" I hiss out, but as usual the purple head doesn't choose to back down.

  
"Trying isn't good enough! Why aren't you asking Light Hope about She-ra? Surely she knows everything about her. Maybe there's a secret weapon or a new power we can use."

  
"Don't you think I've already done that?! It's not my fault that she doesn't tell me anything!" I shoot back as my aggravation levels rise to try and replace the cold throbbing pain encompassing my heart.

  
"You're just so...useless!" The queen screeches. Everyone gasps as they swivel their eyes to me, well aware of my inferior-complex. I gulp audibly and stare at the teen.

  
"No wonder why Angella had a problem with managing you! You're just too bull-headed to take notice of what anyone else thinks or feels!" I retort harshly with serious eyes. And before I know it my head is snapped to one side as my left cheek burns with a stinging sensation. I blink once, then again before turning my head back to stare at Glimmer's enraged face that hovers inches away from my own. I bring a hand up to my stinging face to feel the heat radiating against my cold hand. _'Glimmer just **slapped** me.'_ My brain supplies dumbly. I take in a sharp breath, but its no use. I can already feel my eyes watering.

I take a couple of silent steps backwards before sprinting out of the room. 

  
"Adora!"

  
"ADORA!"

I ignore the multiple shouts of my name and make a beeline to my room. Once in, I barricade the door with all sorts of stuff: desk, cupboards, bed -you name it. I next move onto the window, knowing from experience the easy access it provides to anyone. Finally once I'm sure everything is secured and no one could get in, I sink to the floor in despair. I wait for the tears to come but they don't. I'm strangely dry-eyed and part of me wonders if I've suppressed my tears so often that I've lost the ability to cry. I pull my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around them, making myself look as small as I feel inside. It reminds me of the time when I used to do this at the Horde, in one of the toilet stalls after a fight with Catra or a rebuke from Shadow Weaver and the reminder just makes everything hurt so much more. _'I just want to help, but I can't even do that.'_ I think glumly as I rest my forehead onto my kneecaps. I hear a bang behind me, but I make no effort to move.

  
"Adora? _**Adora!**_ Why can't I open the....wait have you locked yourself in?! Everything will be ok Adora. Glimmer just...she didn't mean it. Let me in please." The plea in Bow's voice sends a rush of guilt through me, but I can't find it in myself to move. "Please Adora, it's just me." I bury my head further into my knees, the desire to be alone is overwhelming but so is the need to assure him that I'm ok, even though I'm not and maybe that's why I remain silent. "Ok, I guess you want to be alone. I can understand that, but just...when you're ready to talk I'm here." I don't respond and I vaguely can hear his sigh on the other side. "Alright. I'll check on you in a bit." He waits a few moments more, probably hoping that I'll open the door in the last minute. Finally I hear his footsteps moving away. I sigh heavily, but decide it's better this way.

I remain in my room for the next few days, not even leaving to eat. Bow drops by multiple times, each time becoming more worried than the last. He even tried entering through the window, until he found that I had locked that too. The other princesses drop by too; all trying to persuade me to exit my room, saying they wanted to see me. Frosta's speech was by far the most moving, I was so close to fling open that door and give her a hug, but I dug my feet into the ground and just hit my punching bag harder, trying to block out their words. _'They don't need me. I just muck things up or at least that's what Glimmer thinks and...maybe she's right. I heard they were able to get Plumeria back...without me. I'm not needed.'_ As much as that line of thought kills me inside, I just have to accept that they can do better without my interference. I throw a punch, but I'm not in the mood and that's shown by the way that the bag barely shudders under my fist.

I sigh, _'well at least no one has tried to break the door down...yet. There's only one person who can enter with ease and that's...'_ I shake my head and throw another punch. This time the bag hurtles backwards before returning straight back at me, I widen my eyes but I'm not quick enough to dodge it. The bag hits me square in the face and unfortunately I had the brilliant idea of stuffing the thing with books to make it feel more lifelike. I rub the right side of my face, knowing that tomorrow I'll probably be waking up with a black eye and a swollen cheek. But that's still better than remembering my now faded red cheek on the other side. _'I'm sure I look like a mess.'_ I think humourlessly. I bend down to pick up the heavy bag and re-attach it. As I do that, I hear a set of hesitant feet appearing outside my door. ' _Great. When will Bow and everyone learn to just give up?'_

A second later I hear a knock, causing me to frown. _'Bow doesn't usually knock.'_ Silence ensues for several moments as I wait for whoever is outside to either speak up or leave, but there's nothing. I start thinking that the person must've left until a moment later I hear a familiar sparkle sound behind me. I turn around slowly to come face to face with the queen. I scowl slightly and cross my arms.

  
"What are you doing here? The door is locked for a reason." I spit out. I watch as the teen's eyes slide to my door, taking in the heaps of stuff that I've piled in front of it before returning to mine, her gaze weary.

  
"I know you're mad..." She starts but I'm not having it.

  
"Mad doesn't even cut it. Get out Glimmer." I hiss out, almost as surprised as the queen is at the venom in my voice, _'maybe I've been burying these emotions for too long.'_

"Bow's been telling me that you haven't left your room since..." She trails off as her eyes drop to the ground.

  
"What, you can't say it? Let me say it for you then. I've been in here since you..." I'm meant to be mad, furious, I've had days to just stew in the unfairness of it all, but the words get stuck in my throat. I gulp back the ball of hurt that tries to lodge itself in my throat. "...since you slap...ped me." I choke out and I hate myself for looking so vulnerable in front of her, especially when her eyes crumple as she notes my shaking shoulders.

  
"Oh Adora..." She takes a step towards me but I step back, a hand out in front of me to deter her from coming any closer.

  
"Don't _'oh Adora'_ me! I've had enough of you telling me that I'm useless and worthless!" I shout and then drop my voice. "It's enough that I know it myself." I mutter out quietly, thinking that she wouldn't hear me, but at her sharp intake of breath, I know she must've heard it regardless.

  
"Listen, I messed up really badly. I know I did. What I said and...did was totally out of order, but at least have something to eat. Bow said you haven't eaten since coming in here and its been days." I shake my head, taking another step back when she tries to edge closer.

  
" _ **I'm fine!**_ And what do you care anyway?!" I snap back, half-expecting her to blow up at me for using those words she hates so much, but instead I'm shocked to see tears spilling over her cheeks.

  
"Gosh Adora I care about you so much that it _**hurts** **!**_ Just, let me explain." She states as she takes another step towards me, I back away, only to bump into the wall. _'Great.'_

"You've tried to explain and that only ended up with you shouting at me. We're meant to be friends!" I gasp out as the thought cuts me.

  
"We are friends! I haven't been behaving as I should but..." I shake my head, cutting her off.

  
"I don't want to hear it. Just leave, _**please!**_ " I plead as my head pulses.

  
"Adora..."

  
" **Glimmer!** " I yell, causing the purple head to flinch. I drop my eyes to the ground. _'Glimmer might shout at me, but I promised myself before that I wouldn't do the same. Looks like I failed at that too.'_

  
"Just, let's go and get you something to eat ok? You don't have to talk me after that." I shake my head at her request, but I regret the action when it results in black spots dancing across my vision. I hold my head and before I know it I collapse to the ground as darkness washes over me.

**Hours Later...**

When I next wake up, I see a drip beside my bed and Glimmer sitting on the other side. Her fists are clenched so tightly that her knuckles go white. I try to get up, but the movement sends a painful pang to my head. Seconds later the teen is pushing me back down onto the bed. I don't resist, my head throbbing too much to concentrate on anything else.

  
"Adora?" The queen inquires meekly.

  
"Wa...ter." I croak out and she rushes to grab a glass on the bedside table. She slides a hand under my head to prop me up slightly as she presses the glass to my lips until I gulp the whole thing down. I lean back on the pillows and close my eyes, willing for the headache to settle down, but with no luck.

  
"How are you feeling?" The queen asks quietly.

  
"My head feels like its been split into two. What happened?"

  
"What happened is that you starved yourself. Your blood glucose had dropped so low that the doctors had to hook you up to a drip to get it back up again." I can hear the slight admonishment in her tone and I don't blame her. It _**was** _a dumb thing to do.

  
"I didn't mean to. I just didn't feel hungry." I reply with a sigh and closed eyes, but I open them when I feel a hand on my forearm.

  
"This is all my fault." Glimmer grits out between clenched jaws as tears stream down her face. I frown, hating to see her cry, but I don't respond. "I...I made this foolish promise to myself after my mum...left." I jerk in surprise at this, wondering what in the world she promised herself. Her eyes float away from mine as she stares ahead of her. "Losing my mum hurt more than I ever thought it would. There were days I didn't want to get out of bed and I just wanted the feeling to stop. You and Bow were amazing. You guys never left my side and tried to help me grieve. You're the last ones I cared about as a family. Then the irrational thoughts started. What if I lost you both too? I...I don't think I could've handled it. So I made a promise to myself." Glimmer breaks off and a trickle of dread enters my stomach. ' _Did she promise herself what I think she did?'_ I gulp and squeeze her hand.

  
"Glimmer?" I voice quietly. A moment later she turns her cheek-stained face back to me, discomfort written clearly in her eyes. She gulps audibly.

  
"I promised myself that I'd never let myself get that close to anyone again. I thought if I distanced myself from you both then I'll never feel that pain ever again. I was reluctant to do it, especially since Bow and I have been friends for forever. I didn't know how to just switch off the 'I care button'. Then I said those horrible things to you and you didn't want anything to do with me. After my initial failed attempt to patch things up, I started to think that this was the perfect time to distance myself from you. I'd work on distancing myself from Bow later and start with you because things were already crumbling between us. I wanted to not care _**so** _much because everything was so raw and then you go and keep hurting yourself - chipping away at that wall I built up, but I'm stubborn. I couldn't allow myself to feel that type of pain again. But you weren't having it either and you started trying to reach out to me and it _**hurt** _every time I pushed you to the side. But I thought it was for the best. I started shouting and being mean to you on purpose, I hoped that maybe you'll just drop it, but you didn't and it made me mad. I didn't want to care about you anymore." Tears sting my eyes upon hearing this and I blink them rapidly away.

"Nothing was working. You kept coming back. Then...I slapped you. Gosh Adora I had never seen you so devastated in my life and I've seen you at your lowest multiple times. It's like I saw something break in you and...I felt it too. I didn't know what to do, so I left it. Thinking... _ **hoping** _that it would just be like those other times that we ignored each other where we would go back to some an uneasy truth, but it wasn't. When Bow told me you hadn't left your room in days and that you've barricaded the door. I started to worry. It's one thing to ignore each other, its another to force you to impose self-isolation. Then I started wondering if you were eating. I tried knocking, but from what I've already been told you weren't responding. I knew you'd hate me if I just teleported into your room because you didn't want to see me and I'd just be going against your wishes, but I had to make sure you were alright. I should've done it sooner. Gah you were unsteady on your feet and kept squinting! I can't believe you were actually starving yourself. I don't know if it was on purpose or if it just never occurred to you. Then you passed out. That scared me, knowing that you could die because of me and my actions. And... I realised that you can't just switch off your emotions for someone. They're wedged into your heart whether you like it or not. Adora, I...sorry doesn't even begin to cover everything I did to you." I close my eyes, unable to look at the purple head any longer. My head grows more dizzy than it was before. I feel a hand on my cheek and to my shame I find that tears have leaked out onto my cheeks. Gentle fingers wipe them away, but the action just causes me to cry harder. I want to hold it in so badly, but I can't. It's like all these buried emotions have finally spilt out.

  
"I thought you didn't care anymore. I thought you hated me and blamed me for everything. I started to believe that I was the cause of everything wrong that happened." I choke out between gasps of breath as my chest tightens. A pair of arms encircle around me and pulls me up so that my head rests on the queen's chest, but I refuse to open my eyes.

  
" _ **Never**._ I could never think of any of those things. You're special to me Adora. I thought I was doing the right thing, but really I was only being selfish and wanted to avoid future hurt. I'm so _**so** _sorry. I'm sorry, sorry, sorry." I feel tears drop on my forehead and I move my stiff arms to wrap them around the teen as we hug each other close and the purple head continues reciting apologies for the next half hour. I want to tell her it's ok. That she can stop now. That I understand and that I've done a similar thing before when I ran off to that temple, thinking it would be better if I wasn't around, but it only served to hurt my best friends in the process. But the words don't come out and instead I just enjoy being in her embrace, it's been so long.

  
"I've missed your hugs." I say subconsciously, causing the teen to tighten the hug.

  
"Gosh Adora, that's what you wanted to say that day in the forest, isn't it? That you missed being close to me. I could read it on your face and when you said it was nothing I convinced myself that I was only imagining things. I denied you the one thing that I've constantly showered you with from the beginning and I didn't even realise. I just...I missed your closeness too. It felt wrong without you around." We remain silent for a while and I must have drifted off because the next thing I notice is the dark room indicating nightfall. I'm lying flat on the bed and Glimmer is gone. _'Was that all some dream?'_ I tremble, scared that it was, but when I turn my head I see the drip still attached to my arm and sag against the pillows in relief. _'It wasn't a dream. That really happened.'_ But a feeling of unease settles in the pit of my stomach and I'm not sure whether it's from being in this room for so long or fear that Glimmer will withdraw again. I push myself up onto my elbows and take a deep breath when my head pulsates. I look over to the drip attached to my arm and take it off, knowing that I can't really walk around with it. I inhale again and get to my feet, strangely no bouts of dizziness appear and I start the walk towards Glimmer's room. But before I open her door, I see a light in the room opposite, _'the communication room?'_ I frown and push open the door to find Glimmer sitting at the table with her head in her hands.

  
"Glimmer?" I inquire softly. The queen snaps her head up at my voice and widens her eyes upon seeing me.

  
"Adora? What are you doing up? You should be resting in bed." The teen reprimands as she rises from her seat and moves round the table to meet me halfway. Her arm goes round my shoulders as she steers me into a nearby chair, while she remains standing over me.

  
"Are you ok? You looked...disheartened." I ask with furrowed eyebrows which elicit a sigh from the queen.

  
"I am. I just come here when I...think about my mum. She used to do a lot of her thinking in here. I wish I knew then how much she had on her shoulders, I would've appreciated her more." I watch as water glistens in the teen's eyes.

  
"Oh Glimmer." I rise from my seat and wrap the purple head into a hug. She returns it, before finally releasing me and pushing me back into the chair.

  
"What about you? Thought you'd be sleeping the night away. You looked exhausted." I drop my eyes at Glimmer's question, suddenly realising how ridiculous my reason for being up is, especially compared to hers. "Adora?" I sigh at her prompt.

  
"I guess I was...I wanted to make sure it wasn't a dream." I state haltingly at which the queen blinks in confusion before crossing her arms.

  
"To make sure what wasn't a dream? Because the way I've been behaving has been more like a nightmare." The teen replies dryly. I purse my lips and lift my head up to look at her.

  
"Erm...to make sure that..." I break off, _'why is this so hard to say?! Is it because it sounds pathetic and weak?'_ I take in a deep breath. "I was scared that everything would return back to how it was before if I didn't seek you out. I wanted to make sure that everything isn't broken." I spill out causing the queen to cringe. "Sorry, that sounds...pathetic." I apologise with averted eyes, but the teen kneels down until she's just below my eye level, her hands on my shoulders.

  
"No it doesn't. I'm sorry I wasn't more clear. It was foolish of me to try to cut you and Bow out, but I'm not going to do that anymore. I just need you to be patient with me, everything is still so hard and with the Horde gaining more territory, it's becoming more difficult to handle." I rest a hand over Glimmer's.

  
"I understand. But remember that Bow and I have your back." I pause, then inhale deeply. "Do you promise that you won't detach from us again?" I ask and watch as Glimmer chews her bottom lip anxiously.

  
"I can promise I'll try, but with everything's that's happening it will be hard not to regress..." My eyes drop at this confession until I hear the teen clearing her throat. "But I promise that no matter what disagreements we've had in the day you are _**always** _welcome to come by my room in the evening for us to talk and sort it out. I'll never turn you away." I chew the inside of my cheek in thought at this proposal. _'It could be worse, but then again it could be better.'_ I sigh before nodding.

  
"Ok." I concede.

  
"And could you promise that we make decisions together and not just blaze past me or try so hard to protect me." The queen requests in return.

  
"But Glimmer, you're the queen. I have to..." I trail off at the purple head's pointed look. I purse my lips while my eyes dart from one area of the room to another until they rest on Glimmer.

  
"I promise I'll try." I parrot the queen's previous words. She gives me a wiry smile.

  
"Very funny, using my own words against me." She responds dryly as I shoot her a bashful smile.

  
"Thought we'd be at the same level." I say with a shrug. She rises to her feet and gives me her hand.

  
"Come on we should head to bed. I'm...sorry again for how I've behaved. It wasn't fair on you." The queen apologises with downcast eyes. I rest a hand on her shoulder.

  
"As long as you don't leave me I'll be good."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh my heart hurts after writing this haha. Ok so it looks like things are brightening up huh? Wrong. It gets worse. You guys are probably thinking why you're tormenting yourself with this ha. I'll tell you what I love about writing this story, the fact that I get the chance to demonstrate how soft Glimmer & Adora's friendship is while also incorporating a world of pain. It's like a fun balancing act. Anyway, comments and kudos are always appreciated :) 
> 
> Again, no hate on any of the characters. I know Glimmer was harsh in this one.


	5. Is this it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much guys for the positive feedback. Wasn't really expecting anyone to read this tbh, so I appreciate it.  
> I really should be studying...heh.
> 
> Warning, I do switch between POV's here so I hope it doesn't get too confusing. I try to stick to one POV, at least per chp, but I just had to get two in this one. Also the writing is a little patchy in this one, not sure why but words were not really working here, so I apologise if it feels a little off. And there might be a little self-harm in this one.
> 
> Another argument, but this time there are consequences.

**Adora's POV**

Things become easier over the next few days as Glimmer and I tentatively re-build our friendship. It's almost as if we didn't have any problems to start with, but even I'm not that naïve to think all the pain is over. There are times when we still have our disagreements, but it's more manageable. And she's stayed true to her promise of never turning me away when I go to seek her out after any fights we've had. Although I'll admit, I _**do** _miss seeing Glimmer's soft side. But it seems to have mostly dissipated since Angella's...sacrifice. The only time it ever comes out is at night and that's usually if she's comforting someone. I sigh as I stare out my window while changing from my sleep wear into my day clothes. _'You didn't expect that everything will go back to normal after Angella's sacrifice, did you?'_ A voice taunts silently in my mind. I shake my head. _'Of course I didn't. I just didn't expect the change to be so...significant.'_ I gaze at myself in the mirror, taking in the black circles around my eyes and the black bruise along my cheek curtsey of my stress and make-shift punching bag. _'I miss how things used to be.'_ The three of us going on adventures with complete love and trust between us. _'How did I let it go so wrong? I should've taken her place. I should've, should've, should've!'_

  
"Adora, come on! We're going to be late!" I sigh again upon hearing Bow's voice from the other side of the door.

  
"Coming!" I holler back and grab the belt of my jacket. I stare one last time at my reflection in the mirror. _'I won't let anyone down again. I **can't**.'_ With a determined nod, I exit the room.

**3 hours later...**

  
"The Horde has been spotted in the Whispering Woods. They're getting too bold and we need to remind them whose in charge and whose land they're on." The queen's brief echoes in my mind as we trudge through the forest once again.

I go left, splitting away from the group. Still acting as a decoy despite us having found out that the Horde is definitely _**not** _tracking me through my sword. It grates on my nerves, but I'm trying to keep the arguments to a minimum, so I play along. Even if the plan upsets me. I only have Mermista to keep me company which is probably the best considering that her usually silent and I-don't-care persona is the exact thing I need right now. A sound crackles in my ear.

  
"Ok, we're at the back of the base. It's crawling with Horde soldiers, so you need to draw them out." The queen commands over the com. I don't reply and step out from behind the boulder I was crouching behind. I jump and slam my sword into the ground. Pushing several wandering bots and soldiers back a few metres. It catches their attention and soon I find myself swarmed with Horde personnel . I bat them back and forth while Mermista covers my back. The more we defeat, the more that comes running towards us to defend the 'oh so special hideout.'

  
"Good job. The base is nearly cleared. We're going in. Just make sure to keep them busy." The com crackles again. I grip the handle of my sword tighter and swing one soldier back further than I intended. I breathe in. _'Take it easy and focus.'_

  
"Are you ok there tall princess? You kind of threw that guy over the tree." Mermista points out casually as she fires a surge of water towards two incoming bots.

  
"Of course I am. Why shouldn't I be?" I grit out between clenched teeth and continue smacking bots left and right.

  
"I know you don't like this bait thing, but it's not that bad. We still get to fight remember?" I bite the inside of my cheek, annoyed that the water princess could read me so easily.

  
"I'm fine. Can we just focus on the fight?" I retort back as I slice three bots into two with one long swipe.

  
"Hey just trying to help you blow off some steam so you won't get into another argument with you know who." The water princess throws out casually as she ducks an incoming laser beam.

  
" _ **I said I'm fine!**_ " I snap causing Mermista to raise a sceptical eyebrow at me. I grunt and turn away from her, choosing to ignore the princess and focus on the task at hand.

  
"It's a trap, they knew we were coming. The whole area is wired to go off. You need to get Mermista and yourself out." I widen my eyes at the news.

  
"What about you and the others?" I ask as I dodge several laser beams.

  
"We'll be fine. We're making our way out. Now go." I frown at Glimmer's usage of words, knowing that something is up.

  
"How far away are you from the exit?" I inquire, piercing the bot with a grunt.

  
"Not far, now stop asking questions and go." I hear the slight shake in the teen's voice.

  
"But..." I start but I'm quickly cut off.

  
"No buts. For goodness sake Adora, just listen to me!" The queen shouts. I pause in my actions and growl slightly.

  
"Fine." I shoot back and switch the com off. I turn to Mermista whose looking at her nails bored as she shoots another jet of water to somewhere behind her. A second later I hear a loud thud of bots crashing down. "You need to get out of here. I'll be back in a moment." I say with distracted eyes.

  
"You do realise that I also heard the transmission right?" I groan at Mermista's response, forgetting that we all have an ear com.

  
"It doesn't matter. I need to make sure they get out safely and I don't want you in harm's way." I state seriously, but the princess just flicks her wrist.

  
"I can take care of myself. Besides, if we both go then the heat will be split between us instead of you getting all the backlash." At the princess' reply my resolve softens, touched by the thought.

  
"Ok, but we'll be quick. In and out." I direct as we run through the trees to reach the back of the base.

  
"And what makes you think that Glimmer isn't just going to teleport everyone out of there?" Mermista asks as we sprint. I frown, the notion being entirely reasonable.

  
"I don't know. I've just got this feeling..." I break off as I purse my lips. "She was bothered by something, I could tell her voice." The princess doesn't reply as the back entrance comes into view. We enter quietly and move stealthily through the base. We come across tattered bots now and again, but no sign of the princesses and Bow. _'Maybe I was wrong and they've already left?'_ I think, doubting myself until I feel a hand on my forearm. I look to Mermista who points to the right. My eyes follow her finger to find Glimmer standing with both her hands engulfed with purple light as she faces one of the Force Captains who has a gun trained on Bow. There are other Horde soldiers who have their guns pointed at the rest of the princesses.

  
"Put down your weapon and turn yourself over to us your majesty or else we hurt your friends." The Horde soldier commands. I watch as Glimmer clenches her fist. I almost feel like screaming. _'Why in the world would Glimmer not tell me this?!'_ I shake my head and quickly think up a plan. I motion to Mermista and swirl my finger round, indicating for us to move so that we're situated behind the Horde soldiers for a surprise attack. She nods and we slowly make our way around, making sure to stay hidden behind cargo boxes and out of sight until we're behind them completely. Only Glimmer, if she looked carefully enough, would be able to see us. I scan the situation, trying to come up with the best solution. I sigh, as only one idea comes to mind. I raise my sword slightly and shoot a beam of light, pushing everyone back and off the feet. Mermista and I jump up from behind the cargo and run to help the princesses up to their feet. I hit the Force Captain in the back of her legs, immobilising the soldier. The queen appears beside me, her face furious.

  
"I told you to get away!" She yells with slit eyes.

  
"Did you really expect me to leave you all?! Besides, it looked like you needed our help." I retort, but the purple head slaps her forehead in frustration.

  
"I told you that they have a bomb which they would set off if there was any false moves!" I raise an eyebrow, but before I can respond I feel the ground beneath us shake violently. She shoots me a glare and grabs hold of Mermista, Perfuma and Frosta before teleporting away. I run over to Bow.

  
"We need to stop the bomb going off. It will destroy this area of the woods!" I holler at him as the archer fiddles with some wires from a dashboard on the wall.

  
"I'm trying to, but they're so complex!" Bow replies in a panic. Glimmer re-appears, her hand outstretched.

  
"Come on we have to get out of here!" The teen calls out.

  
"But the forest!" I argue.

  
"It's too late. The forest will re-grow. We won't!" The teen states firmly. I sigh and take hold of her hand. Bow takes hold of mine and we're teleported away just as I hear a bang. I open my eyes to find that we're back at Brightmoon. But Bow doesn't stick around for long and quickly disappears around a corner, leaving me alone with a very annoyed looking queen. "Adora, why don't you _**ever** _listen to me?!" I purse my lips at the question.

  
"I thought something was up when you called so I just wanted to help!" I answer with averted eyes.

  
"You 'help' led to the destruction of a sizeable portion of our defence on the east side." The purple head mocks with air quotations around the word help. I bite the inside of my cheek hard.

  
"Well, if I didn't butt in then what would you have done huh?" I answer back, waiting to hear her response.

  
"Bow had already dismantled the gun that was held against his head. He was just about to snatch the detonator from the captain's hands before you threw us all back!" I blink twice upon hearing this.

  
"But what about the guns trained on the other princesses?" I question in an attempt to save face.

  
"All dismantled! That's why you were the decoy, to give us time to deactivate their weapons! We stood like that to pretend they had the upper hand and jump them as soon as there were no imminent danger. I called you so that we would re-group at the rendezvous point." My jaw drops at the explanation and I feel a wave of shame hit me.

  
"But why didn't you tell me that was the plan? I thought you were all in genuine trouble." I argue weakly, but as Glimmer crosses her arms I realise that she has prepared an answer for this as well.

  
"I didn't tell you in case things didn't go to plan. I thought you would just follow orders, but I guess I should've expected the alternative by now!" The purple head growls out as my shoulders slump. _'Jeez I messed up big time.'_

  
"Glimmer, I'm sor..." I start but the queen raises a hand up.

  
"Don't tell me you're sorry, tell the forest you're sorry. You're going to have to guard the east side until it re-grows. A waste of time that could've been avoided. I know you hate being the decoy, but that doesn't mean you need to butcher our plans." I drop my head at the accusation as the teen stalks past me, her cape brushing against my hand. Soon, I'm standing alone and I clench my fists at the unfairness of it all. I go in the opposite direction to the purple head.

  
_'The rebellion is in a worse place than ever since **YOU** showed up.' _

The voice asserts itself into my mind. I raise my clenched fists to cover my scrunched up eyes.

  
_'Maybe your best isn't good enough!'_

The words assault my brain. I shake my head, trying to get it out of my mind.

  
_'If it was, my mother would still be here!'_

My feet slow to a stop. I turn my attention to the wall and throw a punch. The pain that comes after is a welcome distraction from the pain in my heart. I hit the wall again, ignoring the sting that it brings and repeat the action again. Eventually I stop and take a shuddering breath. Giving my back to the wall, I slide down against its sturdy surface and rest my forehead on my knees while I stare at the ground beneath me. _'I'm past this. We talked it out and she didn't mean it....then why does it still hurt?'_ I scratch my head hard. _'Maybe it's what she implied, if I hadn't showed up, she would still have her mum.'_

 _'She wishes you didn't show up.'_ My dark inner voice whispers.

  
 _'Face it, if you hadn't gotten the sword and been the world's worst She-Ra none of this would have happened.'_ Catra's past words returns with a vengeance.

I smack the back of my head against the wall behind me, but that only serves to give me a headache. I sigh and rise to my feet, knowing that I can't sit on the ground all day. I go to my room to pack a few supplies in preparation for the most boring mission I have set before me. I leave a note on my bed and taking Swift Wind I return to the scene of one of my biggest mistakes. I transform into She-ra and sit on a nearby log where I take note of the devastation before me. I sigh heavily and take another shuddering breath. _'It's ok you can do this. You can still prove you're worthwhile.'_

**Several hours later At Brightmoon:**

  
**Glimmer's POV:**

  
I sigh for the tenth time today and I'm relieved when the meeting finally comes to a close. I dash out of the room quicker than you can say 'for the honour of Grayskull' and go to find Bow, pleased that all meetings are done for the day. I knock on my best friend's door. His holler to 'come in' sounds a second later. I push open the door to find him fiddling with his arrows at his desk.

  
"I hate meetings!" I groan out as I throw myself onto his bed.

  
"I know you do; you only mention it a dozen times a day." Bow teases, prompting me to throw a pillow at the archer. He catches it however and raises a mocking eyebrow.

  
"You're no fun." I complain, eliciting a chuckle from the fighter.

  
"It must have been one boring meeting if you're throwing pillows around."

  
"It was! Why do I need to discuss taxes and maths? Isn't that what the palace staff are there for?" I moan.

  
"You're the queen. You're in charge of everything now." At that response I push myself up, my eyes downcast at the reminder.

  
"Yeah I suppose." I answer lowly Bow must have caught the melancholy in my voice as he puts down his arrow and turns to face me properly.

  
"Hey, are you alright?" My best friend asks softly.

  
"I just hate that I miss her so much. I wish I could switch those feelings off." I swallow thickly. "I wish I could take back what I said to her." I feel tears trailing down my cheek, but I wipe at them roughly. "I wish she was here." I whisper harshly. Bow immediately gets up from his seat to take residence on the bed beside me and wraps an arm around my shoulders.

  
"I know it's hard Glimmer. But remember that your mum loves you and forgave you as soon as those words left your mouth. It's ok to be upset." He comforts, but then hesitates with his next words. "And you've still got Adora and I, plus the whole of the Princess Alliance." I stiffen upon hearing Adora's name as I recall our last conversation. Bow takes notice as he removes his arm around me. "Glimmer?" He probes. I inhale deeply before blowing a breath out.

  
"Things between Adora and I have been strained at best." I admit, hating that I'm being forced to acknowledge that ugly truth.

  
"I've noticed." The short response is all I get from Bow. I massage my forehead.

  
"I'm sure the whole palace has noticed. I just don't know why we keep butting heads all the time. I tell her go left, she goes right. She just doesn't want to listen to me and at the same time tries too hard to protect me. I just don't understand. We used to click and now...we don't." I explain remorsefully.

  
"Have you tried talking about it with her?" At the suggestion I shoot him a glare.

  
"Of course we've tried talking about it! It just always ends up with us fighting or only fixing superficial problems. She won't tell me what's really bugging her. I have, admittedly not in a soft-gentle kind of way, but I have. She just closes up." I rub at my eyes, not wanting any water to leak from them, _'I don't need Bow to know how much this is bothering me. I'm the queen, petty friendship crises shouldn't affect me.'_

  
"That's because neither of you two are actually listening to each other! You need to find the root cause of what's pushing you and her apart." The archer explains impatiently.

  
"Like what?!" I express in frustration.

  
"Like Shadow Weaver for instance! Have you ever considered what having her walk freely is doing to Adora?" I frown at him.

  
"I know Shadow Weaver did a lot to her, but Adora needs to know that I'd never let anything happen to her when she's out. I'll protect her." I reply stiffly.

  
"You can't tell her that. Adora is fixated on protecting _**you**_. She's not going to accept you protecting her, that's not her." Bow insists. I chew the bottom of my lip in thought.

  
"So what, you think I should have Shadow Weaver under watch again?" I ask unsurely, not quite liking the idea considering how much she's helped us.

  
"Personally, I think that's best. She manipulates people without them even noticing..." I cut him off before he can continue.

  
"She's not that bad. Plus she's been so much help since she joined us..." I trail off at Bow's pointed look.

  
"See? She has you wrapped around her finger." I grind my teeth and leap up to my feet, ready to argue. But the archer continues. "She's a bad influence. You should know, look at what she's done to Adora." My open mouth snaps to a close at that statement and I stare at my feet.

  
"You want me to stop talking to her." I state as a matter-of-factly, but to my surprise Bow shakes his head.

  
"I'm not saying anything. I just want you to see things from Adora's perspective and go talk to her, _**properly**_. My shoulders slump forward.

  
"I don't know Bow, we've had enough arguments to last a lifetime. I don't want to say something that I'll regret and hurt her. I've already done that and I hate myself for it. I think its best if we just limit our conversations." I respond mournfully, but the archer leaps to his feet and takes my face into his hands.

  
"No! That's not how you fix a friendship. You have to try at it, no matter how long it takes or how hard it is. I know how much you miss her. You might be good at hiding it from everyone else and even her, but I can see it." I widen my eyes at this and step away from him, hugging my arms to myself as I turn my head to one side.

  
"I do miss her, so much that it hurts. I miss our easy friendship, but every time I open my mouth I just keep hurting her. I don't know what's wrong with me!" I confess bitterly.

  
"Maybe it's all the pressure and grief?" Bow suggests. I turn my back on him.

  
"Yeah maybe." I mumble out as I stare at the ground.

  
"Wait, you _**know** _what's bothering you, don't you?" I hunch up my shoulders at the correct deduction. "You and Adora aren't getting along, you keep snapping at her, she keeps withdrawing and thinks that everything is her fault...oh my gosh, you **_blame_ **her." I stiffen at Bow's gasped exclamation, _'the disadvantage of someone knowing you for so long? It's hard to hide anything from them, even the most buried feelings.'_ I don't respond.

  
"If Adora knew that you blamed her for..." I flinch hard at his words causing him to pause. "...she knows, doesn't she?" Bow inquiries lowly. I hear shifting movements behind me and a moment later Bow appears in front of me with disappointed eyes. "How does she know?" I close my eyes at the question and turn my head to one side, but the archer isn't having it as he rests his hands on my shoulders. " _ **Glimmer!**_ " The fighter asserts firmly. I slump my shoulders and inhale deeply.

  
"I told her." I whisper shamefully. As soon as the words leave my lips I feel Bow's hands withdraw. I re-open my eyes to find Bow staring down at me with a disapproving glare.

  
"You told her?! You know what Adora's like! She's going to carry that to her grave. You might as well have destroyed her reason for living! Heck you _**know** _how little she thinks of her own self-worth. This has just made everything that the Horde's been telling her worse as it came from her best friend!" He pauses to shake his head as I drop my head down. Tears build up in my eyes at the word lashing. "No wonder why the two of you keep butting heads. How could you tell her that? Actually, scratch that, why do you believe that? You know that's not true!" At Bow's shout coupled with my own self-loathing I feel my legs tremble. Then with a snap the camel's back finally breaks and I collapse to the ground as tears run down my face.

The burden of it all just becomes too much to bear: my stifling grief, the pressure and duties of being queen, the agony of losing so many people - my people - to the Horde, my overwhelming fear of losing the two people I care about more than anything and my battering insecurities that I'm not good enough, that I'll never be good enough to be the queen I need to be, that I'll _**always** _be the weak one. The useless one who can't seem to do anything right, who just fails again and again no matter how hard I try. My breath catches on these thoughts and I only vaguely notice Bow crouching beside me as his arms encircle me.

  
"Hey, it's ok. Its all ok. Don't cry." My best friend attempts to comfort me as he rubs my back, but I shake my head.

  
"It's not ok. Nothing will ever be ok. People are being killed and forced out of their homes by the Horde. If my mum were here she'd know what to do. She'd be calm, collected and come up with all these efficient plans. Everything with Adora is going disastrously wrong and I can't bring myself to properly apologise until I get this deep seeded belief out of my system and I can't do that because I miss my mum so much..." I break off when a fresh round of tears leak from my eyelashes. I swipe at them roughly, hating the sensation of crying and hating that I'm doing it in front of Bow. "I need Adora so badly, but it never comes across like that. I'm such a screw-up!" I express bitterly, but Bow grabs both sides of my face and squishes them together as he bears down on me with the most serious expression I've ever seen on him.

  
"You are _**NOT** _a screw-up! Yes things have been difficult and a mess, but that's _**NORMAL.**_ We've just lost our queen, you've lost your mum. That sort of thing doesn't heal overnight, if ever. But we learn to cope and deal with it. Things have happened in the worst time and the Horde hasn't given us our chance to mourn properly which isn't fair, but that's life. You and Adora are stronger than anyone I know. You can sort everything out, you just need to believe in yourself. As soon as you do that, everything else will fall into place. I know you can do it, you just need to leave the past behind you to focus on the future." I'm stunned and touched by Bow's speech, but the niggling thoughts won't leave me alone.

  
"How can I leave the past behind when everywhere I look reminds me of her?" I force out in a choked whisper. My question results in me being on the receiving end of a tight hug from the archer.

  
"I know its hard. But you're not alone, we're with you." The soothing voice whispers which nearly calms me down until my darker side niggles again. _'But they've left you alone while they went off on missions, what's to say they won't leave you completely someday?'_ I shake my head violently at the insistent thought. The fighter pulls back and looks at me in concern. "Are you ok?" He asks with furrowed eyebrows.

  
"Fine." I lie. I watch as he raises a sceptical eyebrow causing me to sigh. "Ok, not fine. Not yet. But I just need to work at it." I exhale heavily. "I've never been good at working on things." I admit, but my best friend reaches out and rests a hand on my forearm.

  
"I know that from past experiences." The fighter teases with a twinkle in his eye, I chortle as I punch his bicep. "But you're stubborn. If you really want things to change. You will do your best to do so." I sigh and nod.

  
"I guess you're right." My response earns a gasp from the archer. I look at him with a raised eyebrow.

  
"Did you just admit to being stubborn?!" I laugh and throw a nearby cushion at my best friend. It hits him right in the face and soon he joins in with my laughter. He pulls the pillow off and after a final chuckle his face returns back to serious. "But in all honesty, maybe it's time you and Adora sat down and talked, like really talked." At Bow's suggestion I find myself chewing the inside of my cheek.

  
"I guess. Or at least I should go and apologise for the way I blew up at her today." I say as I get to my feet and Bow follows suit. "Thanks for listening to me. I needed to get some of that off my chest." I continue gratefully, eliciting a smile from the archer.

  
"Anytime Glimmer." I return the smile at his words and go over to his door. I'm about to leave until my best friend stops me in my tracks. "Adora's not in her room by the way." My eyebrows shoot up upon hearing this and I spin round to face the fighter.

  
"How do you know that?" I ask in surprise as Bow returns to the seat at his desk.

  
"I dropped by earlier and she left a note. Said something about guarding the east side of the forest where we were today." My jaw drops at hearing this news and I begin shaking my head.

  
"But she wasn't meant to go there today! There's no point, the Horde will keep clear of that area until its safe to do so. It was going to be discussed at the meeting tomorrow." I explain as I pinch the bridge of my nose, but Bow just shrugs in response.

  
"Maybe she thought to make up for what happened?" The archer suggests, which just serves to send another punch of guilt into my gut. I groan.

  
"I'm going to get her. Don't wait up for us. In fact, you should probably head to bed, it's nearing midnight." I suggest, earning a snort from the fighter.

  
"I'm a night owl, I like the night. Anyway, try not to be too hard on her. She didn't know." I glance away at Bow's knowing gaze.

  
"Yeah." I mumble and blink out of sight and into the woods.

**Adora's POV:**

  
I stare ahead of me into the darkness, my agitation beginning to grow from being out here all day. _'I wonder how long Glimmer wants me out here, all night? Not that I mind the silence. It's actually refreshing to be out here, albeit a little lonely.'_ I tense up when I hear a sound behind me and make a grab for my sword.

  
"Adora?" A familiar voice sounds somewhere to my right. _'Speak of the devil.'_ I breathe a sigh of relief, loosen my grip on the sword and turn to face the queen. Her face is somehwat illuminated by the light she holds in her hand.

  
"Hey Glimmer." I greet as my eyes watch her wearily, our conversation from earlier appearing at the forefront of my mind.

  
"What are you doing out here?" She asks with a neutral face. I raise an eyebrow at the question.

  
"I thought you wanted me to guard the east side." I answer in slight amusement. I watch as her gaze drops to the ground before returning back to me.

  
"Sorry, I didn't mean today. We have a meeting tomorrow to discuss it all. I should've been more clear." I nod my head at her response, not really surprised.

  
"Yeah I figured that, but thought I might as well. Not like I have anything better to do." I say with a shrug and turn back to face the trees hidden in the darkness.

  
"That's not true, you could've sat with me in those boring meetings." I glance back at the queen to see a faint smile on her face and I release a faint chuckle at the suggestion.

  
"Yeah no thanks. Think I'd prefer to sit out here." I joke as I continue to stare ahead of me. A beat of silence passes until I hear the sound of nearing footsteps.

  
"Mind if I sit here?" The teen asks as she points to a spare space on the log I'm seated on.

  
"Knock yourself out." I answer with my head still facing forward, but I keep one eye on the queen as she sits beside me and clasps her hands together.

  
"About this morning...I'm sorry for snapping at you. It wasn't fair on you and you didn't know." I exhale softly at the apology, half-expecting it as this has become the 'ritual' since I starved myself. _'Glimmer shouts at me during the day and at night comes to apologise. It doesn't change'_ I sigh.

  
"It's fi...alright." I quickly correct, trying to avoid that much hated word. My eyes swivel to the purple head in the hopes that she wouldn't mind my response. She doesn't answer for a few moments but when she does she turns her head towards me and under the glow emitting from her hand I spot her red puffy eyes.

  
"I should've told you the real plan, but I was scared you'd be against it and we'd end up getting into another argument. I was trying to save us from having another disagreement, but that didn't work out the way I hoped." I nod at the queen's explanation, only half listening as I stare into her eyes. I shift, so I'm facing her completely and scrutinise the queen carefully.

  
"Were you crying?" I ask outright, but regret it when Glimmer recoils away from me.

  
"What makes you think that?" She asks with surprised eyes.

  
"Your eyes are all red and puffy. Are you alright?" I question with a concerned frown. I stretch a hand out towards the queen's forearm but when I see her flinch I drop my hand back to my lap.

"I'm alright. Come on let's head back home." She answers stiffly as she stretch a hand out. I roll my eyes at her usage of my words but don't comment and take her hand. In a flash we're back at Brightmoon. I blink a couple of times to let my eyes adjust to the bright lighting. But when I open them I find Glimmer's hand still in mine, her eyes staring at them. I shift in discomfort.

  
"Glimmer?" I prompt, breaking her out of her stupor as she raises her eyes up to meet mine.

  
"What happened to your hand?" The queen demands. I frown and look down at my hand. Only then do I notice the split knuckles. Dried blood crusts over them as the colouration begins turning black and blue. I pull my hand out of hers and clench it before hiding it behind my back.

  
"Nothing." I mumble with averted eyes, but the queen takes a step closer, leaving close to no space between us as her eyes flash at my words.

  
"It's obviously not nothing." She pauses and then widens her eyes when a thought crosses her minds. "Was it the Horde? Did they show up while you were out there?" I blink at the suggestion.

  
"What? No, it was dead quiet." I respond.

  
"Then what happened to your hand?!" I curse myself at the repeated question, _'I should've said yes!'_

"Really, it's nothing to worry about." I insist earnestly, but Glimmer isn't having it as she reaches behind me and snatches my hand, raising it up to eye level.

  
"You're saying this isn't something to worry about? Look at it!" I force my eyes to follow her command and as I stare at my beat up hand I start to notice the sensation of pain emanating from it. "Tell me!" She demands.

  
"That's rich coming from you, you won't even tell me why you were crying!" I quip back causing the teen to blink in surprise. She lets go of my hand and I let it drop uselessly to the side as Glimmer crosses her arms.

  
"That's different." She mutters and I can't help but release a humourless bark of laughter.

  
"No it isn't." I retort, folding my arms in like manner.

  
"I was just missing my mum, happy now?" Glimmer replies stiffly, but the words are like a punch to the gut as the sense of guilt returns with a vengeance. I can't hold the purple head's gaze and drop my eyes down. When I don't reply, the teen changes the topic swiftly.

  
"Now tell me about your hand." I stare down at the appendage, wracking my brain for a plausible lie.

  
"I...bumped into something." I answer lamely.

  
"Adora." I lift my eyes up when no further words come forth to meet her steely gaze. "I know that's a lie." I gulp.

  
"Ok, I more like bashed my hand. It wasn't really a bump, I mean bumps can only give you bruises right?" I laugh unsurely, but Glimmer isn't buying it.

  
"We can stay up all night until you tell the truth; I have time." The queen states between tight lips.

  
"For goodness sake Glimmer! Why does it matter?! So my hand's a little beat up, it's no big deal." I deflect whilst throwing my arms up in frustration.

  
"Of course it matters!" She yells, dropping her arms to her sides to clench her hands into fists.

  
"But why?!" I shout angrily, _'why won't she just leave it be?'_

"Because!" If our friendship wasn't in tatters I probably would've snorted at that answer, but instead I shake my head and give her my back.

  
"I'm going to bed." I announce, but I only take two steps before she appears in front of me. I groan and turn the other way but again she teleports in front of me. _'Gosh, I never thought there would be a day that I'd hate Glimmer's teleporting abilities.'_

"Glimmer, leave me alone." I growl out and spin on my heels in the opposite direction, but again she blinks into existence before me. However, this time she grabs both my wrists, stopping me from turning away from her.

  
"Adora stop being so stubborn!" The queen roars in turn. I slap her hands off me.

  
"I punched my hand into a wall ok!" I shout in mistake. I watch as her eyes widen in shock and I slap my forehead in annoyance at my careless slip. She takes a step back from me, staring at me in confusion.

  
"But why?" The teen whispers with furrowed eyebrows.

  
"Would you cut it out with all the questions. I told you the truth, now can I please head to bed?" I plead, my eyebrow twitching.

  
"You don't have to hide things from me." I roll my eyes at her flimsy statement.

  
"Oh we are not going down that road. You've been keeping things from me since...since....you became queen." I finally settle on saying, still finding it hard to voice Angella's sacrifice.

  
"Being queen isn't easy." Comes the rigid response.

  
"I know that! But try being the friend of said queen." I reply dryly. "And being queen doesn't mean you have to shut us out." I add as an afterthought. I observe as a range of emotions flicker across the teen's face, before she finally shakes her head.

  
"We aren't talking about this, not now." I snort at the excuse.

  
"If ever." I mutter, earning me a glower from the purple head. She takes a dominating step forward and if it wasn't for the fact that I'm taller than her, then it might have been intimidating.

  
"Why did you punch your hand into a wall?" Glimmer questions in the most regal voice I've ever heard her use. I open my mouth ready to shoot out a retort, but nothing comes, so I snap my jaws closed again. I avert my eyes away from her steely gaze.

  
"I was angry at myself. Angry that I mucked things up again...like Catra told me in the portal...like you told me..." I admit quietly with closed eyes. "I punched the wall to get the voices out of my head." I confess with a sigh and re-open my eyes, but keep them glued to the floor. Silence ticks by for what feels like an age, but I refuse to take my eyes off the ground, not wanting to see the pity or guilt on the other girl's face.

  
"I..." I wait for her next words but they don't come. Frowning, I finally chance a look at the teen to find her face turned away from me, her jaws clenched tight. The sight elicits a pull in my chest and I cautiously step closer to the purple head. I eye the stiffening in her shoulders and almost retract my foot back, but decide not to. _'For once I want to try to enjoy being in the presence of gentle Glimmer, when the darkness seems to hide all her burdens and leaves her as just the regular princess who opened my eyes and gave me a purpose.'_

  
"Glimmer?" I voice meekly, hoping to break her out of her trance. It works. But when she turns her face towards me I see the watery build up her eyes. She blinks once, twice and they're gone. But I can tell that she's trying hard to keep them at bay. "Hey, what's wrong?" I ask with furrowed eyebrows, trying hard not to appear too concerned, but I must've failed because the next second her face crumples. I scoot closer, ready to engulf her in a hug if she needs to be. If she wants.

  
"Stop it." The words are unexpected.

  
"Stop what?" I echo, causing her to shake her head.

  
"Stop being nice to me." The hollow response causes me to gape at the queen.

  
"What? Why? Friends are meant to be nice to each other, remember?" I state, hoping that she'd clarify her thought process.

  
"Is that what we really are?" The question hits me hard and I have to take a few steps back to give myself room to breathe.

  
"Are we not?" I ask dryly and I wearily watch as Glimmer places a hand on her forehead.

  
"In the last few months I've behaved nothing like a friend should, why are you still trying?" I balk at the response, scared of Glimmer's implications.

  
"Do you not want me to try?" I counter back, trying to get some control and answers. My words have the desired effect as the queen snaps her head up and drops her hand as she closes the distance between us.

  
" _ **NO!**_ No, it's not that." Her violent reaction provides an automatic sense of relief in my chest, so much so that I'm close to collapsing. Glimmer takes my hands in hers and gently brushes over my split knuckles with her thumb. "It's just I've been terrible to you, but you never once retaliate. I don't get it, why don't you give up?" My eyes soften at her small voice.

  
"Because Glimmer you're my friend...my _**best friend**_. If you need to take out all your frustrations on someone then I'm the person you can do it on." I say without thinking.

  
"But I don't want to do that to you. Look at what I've done." The queen bites out as she raises my bruised hand. "You deserve better than me." Her bitterness sends a rush of cold down my back. I give her hands a squeeze.

  
"Glimmer, you've done plenty for me. I'd still be in the Horde if it wasn't for you. You've been nothing but supportive and gentle with me since I came here. I'm not going to let a few short weeks change that. And it's my turn to support you. I'm sorry I haven't been doing that lately." I confess with a sigh.

  
"No, don't try to be sorry. I'm the one who needs to apologise. I just...I'm so sorry. I've managed to destroy you with a few words. I'm no better than Catra! Maybe it's best if..." I watch as she breaks off to bite her lip. Her gaze fixated on our joined appendages and for some reason that cold anticipation increases, I tighten my fingers around her hands. "...I think it's best if we aren't friends anymore." The teen finally breathes out. For the briefest of seconds my heart stops.

  
"No no no! This isn't the answer!" I implore forcefully. Glimmer doesn't lift her head.

  
"There's no other way. I keep hurting you with my behaviour and words and I don't think it's going to change. Before, I used to butt heads with my mum all the time. I used to think that's because she's my mum, but now I'm doing the same with you and look at how much its tearing you up. Maybe I'm just prone to butt heads with someone and I refuse for that to be you. My guards and members of the royal court can take it, that's what they're paid for. And maybe I can channel that feistiness into my meetings as discussion points..." I shake my head vigorously, stopping the queen in her tracks.

  
" _ **NO!** _I'm fine, you don't need to do that. We can still fix this." I plead with earnest eyes.

  
" _ **YOU'RE NOT FINE!**_ " The teen shouts suddenly and I hate myself for it, I really do, but I flinch as an after reaction and the horror on my best friend's face is enough to feel like my heart has been yanked out of its ribcage. "I'm sorry Adora, I'm so so sorry, but I can't be the cause of your pain anymore. I refuse to." Glimmer exclaims decisively as she releases my hands.

  
"No please Glimmer, _**please**_. You say you want to stop me being in pain? Well then don't terminate our friendship." I beg and I'm close to going down on my knees just to show her how much I don't want this. The purple head's eyes start to glisten in the light.

  
"You'll get over me. You did with Catra who you knew your whole life. Getting over me will be easier." Glimmer states remorsefully as she starts taking backward steps away from me. I grab her wrist but she's stronger than I gave her credit for and I find myself tripping up and landing on my knees.

  
"Don't _**I**_ get a say in this? Aren't I allowed to decide what will hurt me?" I retaliate as I feel the backs of my eyes starting to sting. She doesn't respond as she tries to pry me off her. I change tactics. "What about Bow? Are you going to cut him off too? And what makes you think we'll stop butting heads after? We'll still see each other." My words stop Glimmer in her tracks.

  
"Our interactions will be different. You should know how colleagues interact with each other, it will be like that. And..." I watch as she takes in a deep breath before setting her hardened eyes on me. "...Bow and I don't butt heads." Those words wind me completely. I find it hard to breathe and in my shock I release my hold on the queen. She takes this opportunity to take a step back from me. It's only two more hesitant steps before she runs off, leaving me on the ground as I cry my eyes out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is everyone's hearts still ok? No? I'm sorry XD   
> I hate ending it in such a heart wrenching way but this chapter was getting too long. Fingers crossed I'll update tomorrow so I won't leave you in such a state for too long.  
> Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed it. Kudos & comments are appreciated.


	6. Things Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly thank you all for the support! Love hearing from you all. Everyone ready for another round of angst? Nope? Let's go anyway XD This isn't one of my proudest chapters, felt it was a bit off, but hope it's decent enough.
> 
> This chapter is basically the aftermath of Glimmer's decision from the previous chapter.

**Adora's POV:**

The next few weeks pass in a blur, if it wasn't for Bow I'm pretty sure I would've stopped functioning completely. A huge part of me is tempted to just starve myself on purpose, in the hopes that it would catch the purple head's attention, but the more sensible part of me wards that thought off. _'If this is what Glimmer wants then I shouldn't be the one to force her to do otherwise, even if I miss her hugs, her gentle affection, her reassuring presence, even her apologies. Heck I'd take gentle Glimmer by night and brash Glimmer by day over no Glimmer at all.'_

Often I'm still bewildered by it all, but mostly hurt, bitter and angry. _'It's like my friendship meant nothing to her. She just threw it all away, how could she? We could've sorted this out. I know we could've. It would just require both of us to open up about everything...'_ I shake my head, _'who am I kidding we both suck at talking about our feelings, me even more so. But still she should've tried...or I should've tried.'_

And that's what it all boils down to: my irrevocable guilt of not doing anything sooner. _'I should've acted when I had the chance. Should've told her everything that I felt, everything that bugged me, but instead I let it fester and get worse until...'_ My throat catches at the reminder of our new status. _'I'm a soldier under the Queen of Brightmoon's rule.'_ I think bitterly. ' _Its not fair! And she won't even see me outside meetings. She makes sure we're never alone, not even on the battle field. She exits when I enter and ignores me unless I'm making battle contributions and the worst part is that she doesn't even seem fazed by our changed relationship. It's like I **never** mattered.'_

My heart throbs and the urge to cry is overwhelming, the only thing that's stopping me is the fact that we're on a mission. _'Maybe this is karma for not saving her mum. This is what I deserve.'_

"Adora are you...are you ok?" I'm broken out of my thoughts by Bow's question, the frown evident on his face.

  
"Of course I'm fine, why wouldn't I be? It's not like my best friend decided to break off our friendship after all we've been through together." I answer sarcastically causing the archer to wince. I sigh. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to snap, it's just..." I trail off as I swallow thickly.

  
"I know Adora. I know. I've tried talking Glimmer out of it but she won't hear it. Its like she shuts off when I even mention your name. But now isn't the time for this, we need to focus..." The rebel fighter doesn't get any further because a moment later we're engulfed in flames and the surging pain causes me to black out almost immediately.

**1 hour later...**

  
"Adora? Come on She-ra, wake up!" I groan when I feel a tapping sensation against my cheek. I crack my eyelids open a fraction to see a frowning Mermista.

  
"Mermista?" I choke out causing the water princess to wilt back in relief.

  
"Thank goodness. I was worried that explosion got all of us. Fortunately the flower girl and I were far enough back that we didn't get hit." I put a hand to my pulsing head as I try to recollect what happened and then it hits me.

  
"Bow!" I yell as I fling myself up into a sitting position but vertigo stops me from getting to my feet.

  
"He woke up a few minutes before you. Apparently a couple of his arrows were accidently activated and the gunk combined with his net saved him. Though he's still pretty worse for wear." When the dizziness settles, I turn my head both ways until I find the archer. He's leaning against a rock covered in green goop and singed ropes with Perfuma hovering over him in an attempt to clean him off. I sigh, but its only then do I notice a fiery pain along my legs, looking down I find out why. I wince when I take in the large splotches of red. Some of which oozes pus while others ooze blood.

  
"Ouch." I say subconsciously as I stare at the burns. Mermista follows my eyes before returning back to look me in the face.

  
"Yeah and I think your ankle is broken too. It's way too swollen to be just a sprain." I groan at the added news.

  
"What about Bow? What's his injury status?" I ask, praying for no long lasting damage.

  
"Some burns, but nothing as serious as yours. We think he might have broken his wrist too, but it could just be a bad sprain. You both definitely need to be checked out by a doctor though." I wilt back in relief, satisfied that at least one of us won't be scarred for life.

  
"What happened? Did the Horde set that explosion?" I inquire as I shift into a more comfortable position.

  
"They did. It explains why there was suddenly no sign of Horde activity in this area. They set us a trap." I grunt at the answer, not surprised by the under-handed tactics.

  
"Great. Just great. I bet the queen won't be pleased with this." I mutter, hating the fact that I've managed to disappoint her again. If anything, this will prove that her decision to detach from my uselessness was a good one.

  
"She isn't. She's already sent a pick up for us. Never seen her so freaked before." Mermista's words wash over me as I close my eyes in an attempt to still my pounding head.

The next time I wake up I'm in a bed in the care unit of the palace. I groan, _'did I pass out again?'_

  
"Adora?" My head turns towards the voice drifting from the bed next to mine to find Bow sporting a bandage on his arm.

  
"Oh thank goodness you're ok." I breathe out in relief.

  
"Me? You're the one who passed out again! Are you ok?" I squint at the archer, wondering why he doesn't come closer, that is until I notice his shoes are off and his feet are splotched with burns.

  
"I was just tired. Must have dozed off. You didn't pass out?" I ask when I notice the ruffled sheets. My question earns an embarrassed cough from the rebel fighter.

  
"Noooo...I dozed off too." I snort at the obvious lie and push myself up into a sitting position. The room spins at the action but after a few more moments it settles down.

  
"Gosh we make a right pair. The leading rebel fighters just pass out. I'm sure that made the news." I joke, pushing down my self-disappointment.

  
"If by news you mean we got a very worried queen then yes. Don't think I've seen Glimmer so scared before." The archer recalls as his expression becomes far-away while my eyebrows shoot up.

  
"You saw her?" I question anxiously.

  
"I did. She came by but had to leave for a meeting. She was worried about both of us." Bow states casually as he watches my expression.

  
"Worried for you yes. Not me." I correct with downcast eyes.

  
"No, it was for _**both** _of us." The archer insists but I shake my head.

  
"Nice try Bow, but she just doesn't care about me." I answer ruefully.

  
"If she didn't care, she wouldn't have sat by your bedside clutching you hand for 2 hours straight. The only thing that made her leave was to plan our next course of action against the Horde." I balk at this.

  
"She did? Wait, how do you know this if you passed out?" I ask sceptically with a raised eyebrow.

  
"I woke up when they carried me in here and a second later I had the air squeezed out of my lungs by Glimmer." Bow explains. I sigh and rest back on the pillows, for once not wanting to think about the purple head.

**1 Week later:**

  
I'm finally back in meetings once the doctors decided to discharge me from the care unit. But I'm still under strict rules of not partaking in any extraneous activity. A feeling of anxiety runs through me as the princesses and I take our seats in the meeting room as we await for the queen's arrival. _'I haven't seen Glimmer since I went on that mission. All I've heard from the princesses is that a Horde base was completely demolished in the follow up of the explosion that hit both Bow and I. Everyone is speculating the queen was behind it, but no one really knows.'_ I look up when I hear the sound of opening doors to see Glimmer walk in. Her eyes scan across the room until they fall on me. I watch her eyebrows bunch together slightly before she soon turns her attention elsewhere.

  
"I've been notified of increasing Horde activity on the outskirts, but none of my spies have managed to get close enough to find out what they're doing without getting caught. It must be big, so I'm proposing a scout mission. No fighting and no engagement with the enemy. It's purely information gathering. Perfuma and Mermista, do you think you're up for it?" I glance at said princesses who voice their agreements. "Good. That's all for today." With that parting statement the queen exits the room in a flash, with the rest of the Alliance following suit. I turn to Bow whose still seated beside me.

  
"Do you think the two of them will be enough? If other people were getting captured maybe they'll need some back-up." I ask as a flash of worry runs through me.

  
"I was thinking the same thing. But there's no one else available. Spineralla and Netossa are on the east side to keep back any Horde soldiers and Frosta was called away to her kingdom for urgent matters. And we're..."

  
"Not cleared to fight." I finish for him and sag into my chair. "This whole needing to be cleared to fight is ridiculous! Your sprained wrist is better and you can walk fine now. And I..."

  
"Can barely stand without the room spinning." The archer finishes off for me. I shoot him a glower.

  
"My head's fine thank you very much. It's my burns that hurt, but a little pain never killed anyone." I complain in a huff. I watch as Bow pushes back his chair and gets to his feet.

  
"Let's hope that they come back safely so we don't have to test your theory." The rebel fighter states and I watch as he walks out of the room. I sigh, _'I suppose he's right.'_ I get to my feet and fight the vertigo that threatens to surface. I put a hand to my head, _'yep definitely right. Maybe I'll go and take a nap.'_

**2 hours later...**

  
"Adora wake up!" The sudden shout has me flinging my covers back with my knife at the ready, only to find a very surprised Bow standing by my bed.

  
"What's going on?" I slur, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

  
"Should I be concerned that you keep a knife under your pillow? Or should I be more concerned that your reflex is to point said knife at the poor person who wakes you up?" The archer asks as he eyes the weapon in my hand before pushing my hand down.

  
"It didn't faze Glimmer much last time." I mumble sleepily, then widen my eyes when I realise what I've said. Thinking about it sends a regretful pang to my heart. _'Things used to be simple back then.'_ I think painfully. I shake my head to rid the thought. "Anyway, is there a reason why you're shouting down my ear?" I ask quickly before Bow has the chance to question me.

  
"Our fears were right. We've lost contact with Perfuma and Mermista. They must have been captured. We need to go after them." Cold dread sinks into the pit of my stomach at the bad news.

  
"Oh no. I knew this was a bad idea. I should've said something!" I mutter as I rub my forehead before looking back up. "But I thought we aren't cleared to fight." I finger quote, displaying my obvious distaste at the protocol.

  
"We aren't, but we have no choice. Glimmer's coming too so between the three of us we should manage." That cold dread turns into ice. The temptation to hide in bed is strong, but I know I can't. _'My friends need me.'_ I push back the covers and get to my feet, ignoring the bout of dizziness that appears. Bow watches me critically before shaking his head. "Maybe its best you stay behind. You're still dizzy and while the doctor may have given you a support for your ankle I doubt you'll be able to run." I blow a stray strand of hair off my eyes and cross my arms.

  
"I'm not about to let the two of you walk into danger. I'm going whether you like it or not." I state stubbornly. "Glimmer doesn't know, does she?" I ask as an afterthought.

  
"Well, no." I nod my head at Bow's unsure response.

  
"Then let's keep it that way." I say determinedly as I snatch my jacket and fasten it up. We make our way to the castle's entrance to find that the queen is already waiting, her eyes glazed as if in deep thought. She looks up as we near, her gaze alternating between Bow and I.

  
"One rule. You both aren't meant to be going out at all, so when I say something just listen, ok?" She states seriously.

  
"Of course." Bow answers easily, but I remain silent.

  
"I said, _**is that**_ _**understood**_?" The queen repeats with an edge. I clench my jaws and then release it.

  
"Understood, **_your majesty_**." I answer between grit teeth. A flash of emotion crosses her purple orbs. I'm not sure whether its pain or annoyance. But its gone as quickly as it came and without another word she takes hold of us by the shoulders and teleports us to the outskirts of Etheria.

  
"We lost contact with them near here, so be on your guard." The queen warns as we walk along, the town deserted. Another bout of dizziness hits me and I have to screw my eyes tight to stop the spinning. When I re-open them, Bow and Glimmer are already several paces ahead of me. I'm just about to sprint after them until I hear a shallow beep to my left. I frown and go closer to where I heard the sound but find nothing. I shake my head. _'Great, now my mind is playing tricks on me.'_ But then the beep sounds again. This time from underneath me. I look down to see a square metal object a few centimetres away from my boots. A sharp intake escapes me when I recognise what it is. I look up to warn the others but they're already out of sight.

  
"Guys!" I shout, hoping they haven't gone too far. I hear ruffling movements before Bow's voice floats back.

  
"Adora be careful. Those explosives are scattered everywhere!" Comes the panicked response. I clench my hands as my mind races. I look up at the trees and sigh. _'Looks like I'm climbing.'_ I think grimly as I hoist myself up the tree branches. Fortunately the forest is so dense that all the trees are closely packed together and easy to climb across. A few tree jumps later and I finally find the pair, surrounded by bleeping red lights. I focus my eyes ahead, trying to look for a space which isn't loaded with touch-sensitive explosives, but come up empty. _'They're going to have to use the trees.'_

  
"I can't see any explosive free spaces, you're going to have to climb!" I yell down below. The sudden sound of my voice startles the pair as they look around for me. Glimmer spots me first and nudges Bow with her elbow, pointing up at me. When the archer spots me he nods and takes hols of Glimmer's hand, a second later they appear on the branch adjacent to mine.

  
"Good thinking." The archer compliments as he peers down beneath us. I shrug.

  
"I heard a beep and found one. How did you guys not set them off?" I ask curiously.

  
"Luck. Then we noticed that we were surrounded by them. If we made one false move..." Bow trails off in a shudder. I gulp at the implied thought, _'Bow and I are still recovering from the last one and that was only one.'_ Then a thought hits me.

  
"Wait, do you think Perfuma and Mermista...?" I leave the sentence unfinished, unable to bring myself to voice it.

  
"No, they're fine. They have to be, otherwise the whole area would've been destroyed. They must have realised and went some other way." The teen states strongly, her eyes fixed ahead.

  
"So what do we do now? We can't seriously be considering to jump from tree to tree?" Bow asks with a raised eyebrow as his eyes flicker between Glimmer and I.

  
"It's our safest bet. The Horde probably didn't consider putting any on the trees and we have no idea how many more of them are out there. We can't risk stepping on one if there's more hidden and out of sight." The queen explains, eliciting a sigh from the rebel fighter.

  
"So, which way?" I question, as I shift my position slightly on the tree branch. I watch as Bow makes a grab for something behind his back and pulls out his tracker pad.

  
"I'm going to see if I can track any nearby Horde activity. If there is then that must be where they're holding Perfuma and Mermista." The archer suggests as he taps on the device. Seconds later and an aggravated groan from the fighter tells me all that I need to know. "This doesn't make any sense, there's no Horde at all for at least 2 miles. But where else could they be?" Bow inquires in annoyance as he shakes his pad several times.

  
"Maybe they weren't captured?" I suggest earning sceptical looks from the two fighters.

  
"Then what do you think happened to them?" Glimmer asks, a touch of hostility entering her tone. I frown, but don't comment.

Instead, I stare at the trees ahead of us, but spot nothing out of the ordinary. I look back the way I came to see broken branches. I purse my lips in thought. I look both left and right. My head starts pulsing at the strain of thinking so hard, but then I see it. There on the left, in the distance, a familiar pink flower.

  
"There. They went that way. That's Perfuma's signature flower." I point out. The queen and archer both turn to follow my pointed finger and inhale deeply when they notice what I'm pointing at.

  
"Then they must be alright!" Bow squeals in delight.

  
"We hope." Glimmer adds under her breath as we start moving in that direction. The further we go, the more flowers we find. Every now and then pain slams into my skull and I have to pause to give myself time to rest. Fortunately, I remain behind the pair and therefore out of their analytical line of sight. Although now and again I catch Bow flickering his gaze behind him before quickly glancing ahead of him again. When I catch him doing it for the 7th time, I shoot him a glare.

  
_**'What?'**_ I mouth. His eyes flicker up, he touches the side of his head and then frowns in concern. _'So he noticed.'_ He then gives a pointed but subtle look at the teen beside him. _'Is he crazy?! Why in the world would I tell my ex- best friend that my head is a little achy?'_ I shake my head, motioning for him to keep silent. He purses his lips for a moment before releasing a defeated sigh.

  
"Would the two of you cut it out!" The sudden chill command makes me jump and I almost lose my grip on the branch.

  
"Cut what out Glimmer?" Bow asks innocently as he jumps onto the next tree.

  
"You know exactly what I mean Bow. All the silent hand gestures are getting on my nerves. What are you telling her anyway?" The queen asks in disinterest. _'Her. She can't even say my name now. Ouch. Could she **get** any colder?'_

  
"I have a name you know." I mutter subconsciously. It's only when I see the teen's shoulders stiffening that I realise I must have said it aloud. Bow's eyes flicker between us unsurely until he finally coughs to break the tense atmosphere.

  
"I was thinking that maybe we should slow down. You know...for Adora's sake." I tense up at Bow's words and glower at him in betrayal.

  
"Bow I told you I'm fine! Let's keep moving." I retort sharply and make the jump to the next tree.

  
"I've reviewed the medical notes. Adora will be fine. We don't have time to waste. The princesses might be in danger." The queen states firmly in a tone of finality. I grip the new tree branch tightly, trying hard not to scream to the heavens above at Glimmer's cold response. The pain in my heart somehow migrates to my head as a stronger bout of dizziness hits me. I grasp the branch more tightly and rest my aching head on the cool tree trunk. I hear and feel movements beside me.

  
"Adora, are you ok?" I push my face away from the tree to see Bow hovering over me, his face pinched with concern. He reaches a hand towards me, but I slap it away.

  
"I said I'm fine!" I snap causing the archer to reel back in shock as hurt crosses his eyes.

  
"Sorry. I just wanted to make sure you were alright." The fighter mumbles and jumps off my tree to the next one without a backward glance. A block of lead settles settles in my gut.

  
"Bow..." I start, but the archer doesn't show any indication that he heard me as he increases his pace across the trees. I swallow back the rising guilt and steady my shaking hands. When I look up I catch Glimmer's strained face, but in a flash she turns her head away and continues forward. I force myself to move, but each jump just makes me feel sicker and sicker.

  
"Guys I found them!" Comes Bow's sudden holler. The words are almost enough to make me forget my overwhelming emotions. When I catch up to Bow and Glimmer, I see why they've stopped. There in the trees, are a huge amount of explosives scattered around, with Mermista and Perfuma dead in the centre.

  
"Oh thank goodness you're here. We've kind of got ourselves in a pickle." Perfuma giggles nervously. I watch as Glimmer's face becomes set with determination.

  
"Hang on, I'll get you out of there." The queen announces but Mermista throws up one arm.

  
"Don't! If you move us then all the explosives will go off, including the ones at the base of the tree you're on, Bow and Adora will be goners." Mermista explains in a rush.

  
"How do you know that?" I ask aghast with furrowed eyebrows.

  
"We found a civilian out here, he...he didn't make it. The bombs are wired in area quadrats, so only the ones in this 20 square feet will be activated." Perfuma answers with downcast eyes. Glimmer turns to the two of us with a firm expression.

  
"Alright I'm taking you two back to Brightmoon and coming back for Perfuma and Mermista." The queen decides.

  
"Do you even know where to teleport back to? It took us ages to find this place." I question as a sense of fear rises up in me.

  
"Yes, I know what I'm looking for now." Glimmer replies as she takes in the surroundings.

  
"But the forest! More and more of it is getting destroyed. This is what the Horde wants, to slowly chip away at our defence." I argue, as I rack my brain for another option.

  
"Don't you think I know that?! We'll just have to be careful in future missions. There's nothing we can do." The queen answers brashly.

  
"But...!" I start, but the flash of anger in the teen's eyes stops me in my tracks.

  
"I am the Queen. You are a **_SOLIDER_** in my army. You _**WILL** _listen to me. And I say: **There. Is. Nothing. We. Can. Do**. Is that understood?" The purple head states menacingly as she pokes my chest roughly with each word. I lower my head down at the onslaught.

  
"Yes." I choke out. Two seconds later and I find myself in the familiar corridor of the castle, but I make no movement to leave. It's a full 1 minute before I hear the familiar sound of teleportation and find both Perfuma and Mermista materialising before me. I look up to spot Glimmer's stoic face and release the breath I was holding. When the queen narrows her eyes at me, I find myself taking several shaky steps backwards before she blinks out of sight.

  
"Adora? I, erm...maybe we should go and see a doctor for you. To check that head of yours, maybe they missed something." Bow suggests hesitantly. I don't respond at first and exhale shakily. "Yeah, that's a good idea." I answer robotically, but my feet don't move. After a moment, the archer takes me by the hand and guides me to the care unit. "Do you think Glimmer will always hate me?" I whisper suddenly. Bow winces at the question.

  
"I think...if you didn't constantly question her, maybe things will go back to normal." The rebel fighter advices gently. I hunch my shoulders.

  
"I was just scared. What if she teleported straight into one of those explosives?" I explain, my tone sounding defeated.

  
"I know you worry. We both do. But you need to give her space to grow and do her own thing. If she needs us, she'll come to us. But for now, maybe we should just trust that she's got things sorted." I sigh heavily at Bow's words, but I know he's right. I close my eyes as another headache threatens to split open my skull. I stumble on my feet, but Bow throws a steady arm around my shoulders. "Adora?" I try to force my eyes open, but I'm only able to open them a fraction.

  
"I don't feel so good Bow." I murmur weakly just as my legs give out underneath me.

  
" _ **ADORA!**_ " I hear and see the fear in my best friend's face, but my head hurts so much to the point that I can't reassure him. I'm granted bliss moments later when unconsciousness washes over me.

**5 Days Later:**

  
My eyes flutter open and again I find myself on a bed...my bed. I squint, trying to recall what happened. _'Bow and I were talking...then my head started hurting and then...nothing.'_ As I gather my bearings I become more aware of nearing footsteps.

  
"She still hasn't woken up?" My heart races. Glimmer.

  
"No, I'm getting worried, what if that doctor was wrong too?" Bow.

  
"I've brought in every doctor I could find. I don't know what else we could do. I shouldn't have taken her with us. All that jumping around must have made it worse." I frown, _'Glimmer sounds...upset? No, that can't be it.'_

  
"You didn't know." Bow soothes.

  
"I didn't need to know! You both weren't cleared to fight, end of. I should've went on my own."

  
"Glimmer no! Going alone is too dangerous." The archer rebukes forcefully.

  
"Well look what happened when I took company with me! Adora's lying unconscious in that bed because of my carelessness!" When I realise that this conversation is taking a turn towards a full blown argument, I decide to intervene by coughing. I hear the longest pause of my life before the two of them open the door. Bow enters in first and upon seeing me with my open eyes he runs over and engulfs me in a bear hug.

  
"Oh thank goodness you're alright. I was so so worried. Don't you _**ever** _pass out on me again!" Bow berates as he squeezes the air out of me. I stretch out a hand to pat him on the back in comfort as my eyes zone in on Glimmer's tense face relaxing in relief. I watch as conflicted emotions cross her purple orbs before they finally rest on neutral. The archer pulls away, but keeps his hands on my shoulders. "How are you feeling?" He asks as his eyes analyse me critically.

  
"I'm fine. No headaches at the moment which is a plus." I reply with a smile, trying to ease his nerves.

  
"You were unconscious for 5 days! We started worrying that you..." Bow trails off when he notices my aghast face.

  
" _ **5 days?!**_ It can't have been that long." I retort, but when the archer bites his lip and Glimmer looks away from me, I know it's true. I clutch my forehead in shock. _'5 days gone just like that. No awareness or anything.'_ I shake my head in disbelief. "But why? What happened?" I ask in confusion. I'm even more surprised when Glimmer takes a step closer.

  
"You had a small brain bleed. Probably from when the explosion threw you back and caused you to hit your head. The doctor however didn't pick up on that until you passed out again." My eyes bulge at the news and I have to lean back onto my pillows to take it in.

  
"And now?" I ask, a note of worry entering my voice, scared of its implications. Bow reaches a hand out to rest on mine.

  
"And now you'll be ok. You just need to make sure you don't exert yourself." My best friend explains as he shoots me a comforting smile. I massage my temples, relieved and still bewildered.

  
"How in the world do you even miss something like a brain bleed?!" I complain.

  
"I know. Though I do feel sorry for the guy, Glimmer really gave him grief over it." At Bow's words, my eyes slide over to the queen who shifts in discomfort. When she feels my eyes on her, she crosses her arms defensively.

  
"What? Brightmoon is supposed to have the finest medical care. I couldn't just let that doctor escape scot free, he needed to know mistakes as big as those aren't tolerated." The purple head explains in a huff.

  
"But did you really have to fire him?" Bow asks innocently as he shares a wink with me. I raise an eyebrow at this, _'even Glimmer wouldn't be so brash to fire a royal doctor, unless she still...'_ I blink away the thought.

  
"I'm not talking about this. I've got important queen duties to attend to." Glimmer dodges and marches towards the door. She pauses and turns back briefly, directing her gaze to me.

  
"Keep away from any and all extraneous activity. Doctor's orders." And with that she leaves. Bow turns back to face me with a pleased grin.

  
"Well I think that proves Glimmer doesn't hate you." The archer says triumphantly, but I refuse to believe that.

  
"Glimmer's only making sure that her staff are up to par. It's her duty. Its not because of...anything else. I'm just a soldier remember?" I counter with closed eyes.

  
"Adora..." Bow starts but I shift onto my side.

  
"It's alright Bow. I just...need some time alone." I respond quietly. A second later I hear the rebel fighter getting up to his feet.

  
"You know she still cares. That won't change no matter what she says otherwise." My best friend tells me gently.

  
"If you start telling me that she spent the last 5 days in here I'm going to..." But Bow interrupts me before I get the chance to finish.

  
"She did. And she cancelled all her meetings for the rest of the week to keep an eye on you." The archer insists but I shake my head slightly.

  
"Bow I'm sorry, but I just can't believe that. Glimmer can't change from one extreme to another in moments; she's not that good of an actor." I argue wistfully. The rebel fighter opens his mouth, ready to refute my words. "Please could you leave?" I request softly, eliciting a sigh from my best friend.

  
"Ok Adora. I'm here when you need me." Bow concedes and with a final squeeze of my hand he's gone, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I shift onto my back again and stare at the ceiling. _'Bow's wrong. He **has** to be. Glimmer's hot and cold treatment doesn't make any sense. It's like she wants to get close to me but is too...scared to. Maybe it's best I don't think about it, because the reminder just makes everything worse and more confusing. She doesn't care...'_ I swallow thickly. _'...and I can live with that...'_ I close my eyes and convince myself that it isn't a teardrop that's sliding down my cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jeez just realised I've ended another chapter with Adora crying...ops?  
> Gah please don't hate Glimmer, she's just so clueless and lost. I do aim to put a few chapters that has more of her POV, but think that's still a little while off. 
> 
> Side question, do you guys like these long chapters, or do you prefer if I cut them down a bit?
> 
> Also I prob should mention that there isn't a rigid plot here, it's more just to burn off my angst steam. I mean it does progress obviously, just ridiculously slowly and the main aim is to satisfy anyone else's hurt/comfort needs :) Also, warning? Next chapter is going to be REALLY painful. You have been warned.
> 
> I had the urge to write exradural haemorrhage instead of a brain bleed, but realised Glimmer probably wouldn't know what that is lol. But for the sciencey people among you, that was what I was going for.
> 
> Kudos & Comments are always appreciated.


	7. Black Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glimmer is sick of falling for all of the Horde's traps, so she makes the decision to avoid helping a village. Little did she know how wrong she is. Adora is doing her own thing...as usual.
> 
> Also, I've always kind of wondered what did the other Horde soldiers think of Adora defecting, of course we knew what her squad thought, but what about the average soldier? Did they hate that someone from their own was disloyal? Did some admire the fact that she actually had the courage to leave? In this chapter I delve a little into that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are really awesome! Thank you so much for all your kind words, comments and kudos :)  
> This is a heavy chapter with some torture so prepare yourselves. There's also some switching between POVs here, just so we get to hear a bit more from Glimmer's side of things. Don't worry she'll have more chapters dedicated to her later on, just not yet.
> 
> Hope you enjoy.

**Adora's POV:**

**2 Weeks Later:**

  
"Your majesty, we've had distress signals from the village of Lowlettia. We believe the Horde is attacking them." The general announces as she rises from her chair.

  
"There's no further information?" The queen questions from her seated position with her elbows on the table and her hands clasped together.

  
"No, your majesty." At the guard's response, Glimmer rests her chin on her folded hands in thought.

  
"We can't go." The queen decides causing everyone to whip their heads towards the teen in shock. I splutter, bewildered at Glimmer's decision. "The Horde has been setting traps for us in the past month and we've fallen for every single one of them. In the process of our failings we've destroyed a sizeable chunk of the forest, our only defence. I refuse to fall for another trap." The purple head explains seriously. I glance around me, expecting someone to argue, but when I see no one making a stand I push back my chair and rest my palms on the table.

"But what if it _**isn't** _a trap?" I assert, earning a groan from the queen.

  
"And what if it is? We can't risk the lives of our troops or the forest." Glimmer expresses firmly.

  
"So we're risking the lives of civilians?' I retort, my face appalled. The queen slams her hands against the desk as she pushes her chair back, silencing me in my tracks.

  
"I will not be a pawn in the Horde's game. We are not sending help unless we have more information and are sure the area is cleared of explosives." The teen declares as I frown.

"But Glimmer...!" I start, but trail off at the scalding look the queen shoots me.

  
"Silence! Everyone is dismissed, except the Princess of Power." I gulp and glimpse to my left and right as I watch everyone exit the room. Perfuma and Mermista try and give me encouraging glances as Frosta throws a thumbs up before they rush out. Bow regards at the two of us and takes a step towards the queen.

  
"Glimmer..." He starts but the teen shoots him a withering stare.

  
"I said _**everyone** _is dismissed." The queen repeats with hardened eyes. The archer opens his mouth, but closes it a second later. He nods and pats my back when he passes by me. I hear the door click shut, leaving the queen and I alone. I eye the purple head wearily, dreading the coming onslaught as she paces in front of me.

  
"You aren't making this easy on me." She finally settles on saying with a sigh. My eyebrows shoot up at the unexpected turn of events.

  
"I'm sorry, but someone has to say something. We can't let people get hurt." I state neutrally, hoping the lack of edge in my voice will settle her down or at least get her to see sense. She pauses her pacing and swivels round to face me.

  
"If we send people out, someone will get hurt. Those explosives have been planted across a third of the forest and we don't know which third. Don't forget what they did to you." The jibe reminds me of the dull ache at the back of my head and the burn scars scattered across my lower half but I push it all back. I take a step towards the purple head, only for her to step back in response. The action hurts and it must have been evident on my face because the queen flashes me a silent apology before crossing her arms.

  
"Listen, I know you're scared, but you've never backed down from a fight before. Why now?" I inquire softly. I watch as frown lines appear on her face as her eyebrows bunch together in exhaustion.

  
"I've got my reasons. We aren't talking about this anymore." Glimmer answers stiffly and I release an aggravated growl.

  
"Glimmer...!"

  
" _ **No!**_ I need you to listen to me! For _**once** _in your life, _**just listen!**_ " The queen hollers as her voice rises an octave.

  
"I can't just listen all the time Glimmer! Life doesn't work that way and just because you're queen doesn't mean you can treat me like this!" I yell as I throw my arms up in the air, finally fed up with her mask of superiority. This time it's my turn to retreat a pace as my ex-friend takes a step forward.

  
"I wouldn't have to treat you like this if you behaved like everyone else! Even Bow knows when to take a step back, but you can't take a hint! It's time you learnt your place." Glimmer grows out as she points a finger at me. I slap it away.

  
"And _**what**_ is my place exactly?" I jeer as the queen clenches her hands into fists.

  
"You are a _**soldier** _in this war. Nothing more, nothing less. From here on out you are banned from meetings until you can learn to tame your tongue." My eyes bulge at the announcement. I watch as the queen shoves my shoulder as she stalks past me. In a split second my hand moves without conscious command and grabs her wrist.

  
"Wait, Glimmer..." I begin, ready to try and quell this animosity but her next words freeze me to the spot.

  
"That's _**Queen** _Glimmer." The reply is like acid being poured on my appendage as I retract my hand from the teen. Two beats of silence passes before the queen marches out of the door. I clench my hand and after 5 minutes staring at the space the Queen once stood in, I finally exit the room and make a beeline to my chambers. _'If the **queen** doesn't want to help then fine by me! But I'm not going to stand by and watch innocent people get hurt because she's too scared to do anything about it.'_ I check that my sword is still attached to my wrist and climb out of the window.

**2 hours later...**

  
When my eyes set on Lowlettia I feel a burning sensation in my heart at the destruction and screaming before me. _'I **knew** it wasn't a trap!'_ I think to myself as I transform into She-ra. I leap into the air and slice a tank into two. The explosion that follows attracts the attention of nearby soldiers as they take a couple of paces back.

  
"What's she doing here?! We were told no princesses would be on site!" I hear one of them shout to their colleague. I frown, _'this was their plan? To scare the rebellion into not taking action as they slowly took more land.'_ I press my lips tightly together and throw my blade to the right which pierces three bots simultaneously. Soldiers come at me to and fro, waving their tasers at me, but I push them back with a sequence of punches and kicks. I run to my right to pick up my weapon and focus on emitting a blast of light from the sword's tip. The action obliterates two tanks as the drivers leap out of the vehicle in the nick of time as it explodes. I smile, _'I didn't realise how much I missed smashing stuff up.'_ I turn swiftly on my heels to jab at the bot coming up behind me.

  
"Hey She-ra!" I blink and turn my head towards the taunting voice, but I realise my mistake a second too late when I feel something grab hold of my leg and sending a bolt of electricity up my whole body.

  
"AHH!" I scream and fall onto all fours. My eyes are fixed on the ground when a pair of black boots appear in my line of vision. I look up to see a Force Captain that I vaguely recognise from my time in the Horde. I'm about to jump back on my feet when another current zaps through me, forcing me to the ground as another scream rips through my throat. "AHHHH!"

**Meanwhile...**

  
**Glimmer's POV:**

  
I pace back and forth in my room, unable to get my thoughts off Adora. _'I was too harsh on her.'_ The nagging voice repeats, but I shake my head. _'No. Adora needs to learn that this is how things are now and that orders have to be obeyed.'_ I try to reason with myself. _'You just called her a **soldier**. Could you be any more hard hearted?'_ I groan at the guilt-tripping thought and perch on my couch with my head in my hands. _'It **has** to be this way. I refuse to let anyone else get hurt and if this is the way to do it, then so be it.'_ I sigh and lift my head up.

My eyes automatically drop to an overturned photograph beside me. Hesitantly, I reach out a hand towards it, already knowing the picture as well as my reflection in the mirror. A second passes. I turn the frame over to see Adora's confident smiling face staring back at me. Her arm is draped playfully around my shoulders as I gently nudge her with my elbow, a big toothy grin etched on my face. This is the only photo I have of just the two of us. Bow had insisted on taking the picture. It was before everything went wrong, back when things were...easy.

  
" _ **GLIMMER!**_ " I blink at the sudden shout and hurriedly turn over the photo and jump to my feet. Bow throws open my doors, his face filled with panic.

  
"Bow? What's wrong?" I ask in concern, before my eyes zone in on the sheet of paper in his hands.

  
"It's Adora, she went off by herself to Lowlettia" My jaw drops at Bow's rushed news.

  
"She did _**WHAT?!**_ Even after I _**specifically** _told her not to!" I shout, ready to rip my hair out and scream to the heavens above. Bow grabs my attention when he rests a hand on my shoulder.

  
"I know you're mad Glimmer..." I shrug his hand off.

  
"I'm not mad, I'm livid!" I retort angrily causing the archer to put his hands up in defence.

  
"Yes I _**KNOW**_ , but we have to get to her first before she hurts herself." I growl at the fighter's words, but know he's right. I grab him by the chest and teleport us to the town. What my eyes sees makes me gasp in shock. _'The Horde did this on purpose! They **knew** we wouldn't be here.'_ I nearly kick myself for falling for it, but then my eyes zone in onto a Horde soldier bearing down over someone on the ground in the distance. I squint and clench my jaws when I realise who it is. I teleport in front of the Horde soldier and hit her with a blast of light, throwing the fighter and her taser several metres back. I turn to look behind me to see Adora pushing herself onto her knees. I notice the cord wrapped around her feet and bend down to cut it off.

**Adora's POV:**

I thought that was it when the Force Captain started bending down to shock me unconscious with her taser. Closing my eyes, I wait for the numbing pain, but instead I'm greeted to a sound that I know all too well. I look up to see Glimmer's back, her hands encompassed with her glow as she blasts the Horde fighter. I push myself up onto all fours to come face to face with the crouching queen as she cuts off the electrocuting ropes. Her face tense.

  
"Glimmer, I..." I start but trail off when the purple head rests her hands on my shoulders.

  
"We'll talk about it later. For now, are you ok to fight?" I blink and nod my head. She helps me up to my feet before blinking away and reappearing on top of a bot, blasting the thing to smithereens while Bow fires arrow after arrow. A faint smile appears on my face. I reach down to pick up my sword and charge back into battle. It takes a total of 15 minutes before the Horde finally decides to scatter and for us to win back Lowlettia. I wipe off the bot's remnants from my sword and regroup with Bow and Glimmer. As I near. the queen turns to face me with an unreadable expression. I sigh heavily.

  
"Glim..." I pause, my mind casting itself back to our earlier conversation. " _ **Queen** _Glimmer." I correct and watch as the teen's eyebrows knit together in a frown.

  
"You went against my orders." She states bluntly. I open my mouth to refute that statement, but after finding that I have nothing to say I close it again.

  
"I did." I mutter in agreement, but then straighten my shoulders. "But I _**couldn't** _do nothing and it turns out I was right!" I say, waving my hand around the carnage to emphasise my point, but the queen takes a threatening step towards me.

  
"What you did was put yourself in danger. What if Bow hadn't stopped by your room?" Glimmer interrogates in exasperation.

  
"I would've been fine!" I huff out as I fold my arms over my chest.

  
"Oh really? You didn't look fine from where I was standing." The teen jeers as I bite the inside of my cheek. "You can't keep throwing yourself into dangerous situations and expect Bow and I to come and rescue you." Glimmer continues, clearly vexed by the way I handled things.

  
"I didn't ask for you to come and rescue me! I left that note so Bow wouldn't have a heart attack. Besides, we're fighting a war, we're bound to be thrown into dangerous situations; you know that!" I explain impatiently, annoyed that the purple head won't just admit that I was right and she wasn't.

  
"Oh gee maybe next time we'll leave you to fend for yourself then!" The queen retorts.

  
" _ **Fine!**_ " I shoot back. The queen pinches the bridge of her nose before looking back up at me again.

  
"You don't get it! The rebellion needs you, but we can't make good use of She-ra with your careless attitude." Glimmer states between grit teeth. I bark out a humourless laugh at this.

  
"What happened to me being _**useless** **?**_ Or the rebellion being worse off since I got here? Make up your mind Queen Glimmer!" I mock, then suddenly its like my tongue has a mind of it own. "Either you need me or you **_don't_**. Either you care about me or you _**don't** _because I'm frankly fed up with you!" I shout, but as soon as those words slip out, my eyes widen. I observe as Glimmer's hands clench into fists and a second later she raises one of them. I close my eyes, waiting for the hit, but it doesn't come. When I crack them ajar, I see her fist inches away from my face before she finally drops it. Instead, she pushes past me.

  
"I don't care what you think about me, but my command is still law. From now on, you are not only banned from meetings, but you're also being assigned two guards to watch over you 24 hours a day since I can't trust you to follow orders." The queen orders coolly. I gape at her in disbelief as she continues walking away.

  
"You can't do that! You're treating me worse than...than _**Shadow Weaver!**_ " I cry out causing the teen to stop in her tracks. I see her hands clench twice before she relaxes them.

  
"It's _**done**_." That's the only answer I get as she moves away with Bow following her, his head down. I drop to my knees in a mixture of despair, sadness and frustration. The urge to punch something is great, but not now, not when they're so close. I remain in my kneeling position for 10 minutes, long after the duo are out of sight. Finally, with a sigh, I decide to get up. But before I get the chance to, a pair of strong arms appear around my neck.

  
"Hey!" I shout as I try to wriggle out of the strong grasp. Something hard hits my head a moment later and I hit the ground with a thud as my eyes roll back into my head.

When I next awake I immediately notice two things. One? My head is back to throbbing painfully. And two? My arms are chained up to two metal poles. I shake my head to clear the fogginess and take note of where I am. _'It's dark and dingy save for a couple of torch lights...a cave maybe?'_ I look down to find myself kneeling on the hard ground and my sword is gone. _'What happened? Who hit me?'_ I ask myself in confusion and as if summoned, the Force Captain who had me on the ground earlier steps out of the shadows. A trace of blood beading out of her forehead.

  
"What do you want?" I spit out as the soldier steps closer. Something glints in the light and when I squint I realise she's holding a metal rod in her hands.

  
"Revenge." The enemy breathes out while crouching in front of me. My nostrils get a whip of stale breath and I try hard not to wrinkle my nose in disgust.

  
"So what, you're going to ship me back to the Horde and have Catra deal with me?" I jeer with fierce eyes, but I'm surprised when the giant lady bellows a maniacal laugh.

  
"Oh no, I want to have the honour of beating you myself. If it was up to Catra, she'd have you tied up, perfectly safe. Not with me." I feel a trickle of fear travel down my spine.

  
"What do you mean? Hordak will not be pleased to find that you're hiding me away from him." I state, sounding a lot more confident than I feel.

"He'll never know." The solider states with a sinister grin and slams her rod into my stomach. I gasp out at the sudden loss of air. She doesn't give me a chance to recuperate as she hits me again in the gut. I bend over spluttering.

  
"What's your...issue...with me?" I wheeze out, but regret it when she cuffs me by the ear.

  
"Do you know what you've put me through?" The Horde giant screams as rises to her feet and aims a kick to my face. I close my eyes waiting for the hit and when it comes I swallow my yelp of pain as I hear the crunch in my nose. "I was stationed at nearly every post that you've attacked on. Every failure meant a gruelling punishment from Catra." I hear the sound of a knife flickering open and alarm shoots up my limbs. I shift, trying to wrench out of my bindings, but the action only serves to act as entertainment to my tormentor.

She bends down again, a sadistic expression on her face and shows me the knife in her hand. "Well look at that, an ex-horde solider is afraid of knives. Let's get you up close and personal with one." The enemy states with a cackle and pushes my sleeve up. She runs a finger along the inside of my forearm and I shiver in fearful anticipation. Her finger disappears and is replaced with the sharp side of the blade. Her eyes flicker from my face to the weapon and with one fluid motion she cuts open the skin, a flash of red and pain appears immediately after. I swallow harshly and blink away the stinging in my eyes. The soldier tilts her head at me.

"Not a peep. I can see why Catra values you so much. You're strong, at least stronger than I gave you credit for. Lets see if we can break that." I clench my jaws and spit at her.

  
"You're just jealous that Catra is in charge and you aren't." I bite out, the words sounding hauntingly familiar to my ears. The retort earns me a slice to the cheek and I bite my tongue at the pain.

  
"As despicable as she is, at least she's **_loyal_**. Unlike you. You're defected scum and it seems you just cause problems wherever you go. Your own friends don't trust you." I inhale sharply at the jibe, eliciting a chuckle from the fighter. "Oh did I hit a soft spot? It's funny how little the Queen of Brightmoon thinks of you." The captain states deviously as she circles around me. "I mean look at how she keeps you under lock and key. If you ask me, it looks like she doesn't trust you. But who can blame her? You _**were** _part of the Horde. The same Horde who took away both her parents." I grind my teeth.

  
" _ **Stop it!**_ " I spit out between clenched jaws. She jabs her knife into my bicep. I drop my head, choking my scream down.

  
"The truth hurts, get over it! Have you ever wondered why she took you in so quickly, despite where you came from? She wanted to keep an eye on you. She _**never cared**_ about you." I move my head, ready to headbutt the heartless reptile, but she grabs my face between strong fingers and squeezes my cheeks together, pressing hard on my wound.

  
"You don't know Glimmer." I grit out.

  
"I saw enough from your little argument earlier. She prefers Shadow Weaver over you, _**how sad**_." I screw my eyes tight as my throat clogs up with painful emotions. But I'm not given time to dwell on it as I feel her drag the knife vertically down my arm. This time I scream.

  
" _ **AHHHHHH!**_ "

  
"There we are. A nice scream. You should've heard all the screaming I did when **_I_** was being tortured." Tears leak out of my eyes, as the fiery sensation burns from my cuts. One tear drop hits the cut on my cheek and the salty consistently just causes it to sting more.

For a few moments she doesn't say anything else as she returns to kicking me repeatedly in the chest. Breath after breath escapes me and soon I'm wheezing hard, trying to swallow down any semblance of oxygen. "What's it like for the mighty She-ra to be _**weak?**_ " She nicks my side. " ** _To be cut_ and _broken_.**" Another kick. " _ **To be**_ _**useless**_." A slice to my other arm. "I'm going to do your friends a favour and take you off their hands." The Horde fighter whispers by my ear. I swallow thickly as everything comes crashing together in a mass of hot blinding, numbing agony.

**Meanwhile...**

  
**Glimmer's POV:**

  
"Don't you think you were a bit too harsh on her?" Bow asks after several minutes of silence. I groan, knowing he would bring it up sooner or later.

  
"I know Bow, but she needs to learn that she can't charge off on her own like that. She could've got herself hurt or us." I say firmly.

  
"But is the guards really necessary? She's been sheltered her whole life in the Horde, isn't this just going to make things worse?" Bow's statement causes a leap of guilt to rise up in my throat.

  
"Don't you think I know that? But nothing I do with her seems to be working. Talking doesn't work, arguing doesn't work, ordering doesn't work. What _**other** _options do I have?" I question with a sigh.

  
"Have you tried compromise?" The archer asks with a pointed glance. I give him a sour look.

  
"Adora doesn't _**do** _compromise. It's her way or nothing." I counter with a snort.

  
"Sounds like someone else I know." My best friend mumbles mildly. I purse my lips at him.

  
"That's different. I don't understand why she's being like this. This never happened before..." I trail off, the topic still raw.

  
"Adora hasn't changed Glimmer. That's how she's always been. It's you who's changed." I clench my jaws at the familiar words, uttered by Adora when we first started falling out.

  
"Of course I've changed. I've got actual responsibilities now. I can't be the follower anymore. I need to lead and I need people to trust me and that will never happen if Adora keeps ignoring and leaving me." I explain with hardened eyes.

  
"Leaving you? What do you mean by that?" The archer asks with raised eyebrows. I curse myself silently for the slip-up.

  
"You know what I mean. She goes off on her own without telling us." I counter with a wave of my hand. Bow analyses me sceptically.

  
"That's not what you meant." He states bluntly. I ignore him and glance behind me, a frown making its way up my face.

  
"Where is Adora anyway?" I ask, my feet coming to a slow halt.

  
"Oh I don't know, maybe still mopping in the mud where we left her?" Bow replies offhandedly. I spare him an annoyed glance.

  
"You're mad, I get it already. Come on, you go and fetch her." I say as I cross my arms.

  
"Why me?" The archer asks as he mimics me and crosses his arms.

  
"Because _**you're**_ still her friend." I mutter as I tap my foot impatiently.

  
"I still can't believe you cut off your friendship with her." My eyelid twitches at the reminder.

  
" _ **Bow**_." I voice with a warning tone.

  
"Don't think I haven't notice how much you miss her or that photo you were trying to hide earlier." The archer continues with a smirk. I tighten my hand around my bicep.

  
" _ **BOW!**_ " I snap.

  
"Fine, I'm going!" The archer gives in and starts walking back the way we came, all the while grumbling incoherently. I have to force myself not to roll my eyes at the display. After 15 minutes of waiting I start to wonder what's taking so long. I groan and begin trudging back until I hear frantic shuffling.

  
"Bow?" I call out as my eyes dart from tree to tree.

  
"Glimmer, I can't find her!" I widen my eyes at the response and dash over to where I heard his voice. When I arrive I see Bow couching on the ground. "I don't get it, we left her right here!" The archer points out as he scratches his head. I frown and survey the area, a sense of foreboding makes me shiver.

  
"Maybe she went off for a walk, to clear her head." I suggest as I walk past the destroyed tanks.

  
"Maybe." My best friend agrees unsurely as he gets to his feet. I'm gazing so intensely at the bots that I don't notice my footing and trip over something smooth. "Glimmer!" Bow hollers when he sees me go down.

  
"Aurgh, what kind of person leaves a sword lying around for people to trip on!" I complain as I rub my foot. I blink and then realise what I've said. I turn my head to look at the weapon I tripped over and my eyes bulge at the sight of it.

  
"Are you alright?" My best friend asks as he bends down beside me.

  
"That's Adora's sword." I echo out and grab the sword. "She wouldn't have left this here." I mumble, staring at the weapon anxiously.

  
"Are you sure? She was pretty upset. She might've just thrown it." Bow suggests with a shrug, but I shake my head vigorously.

  
"No, she would never. Something happened." I say and get to my feet. My eyes flicker around the area and I spot Adora's jacket belt, cold dread trickles into my gut. I stoop down to pick it up and then grab Bow.

  
"We need to get to Brightmoon. I have a bad feeling."

  
"But shouldn't we find Adora?" The archer asks in confusion.

  
"That's why we need to go home. I can use Shadow Weaver's water fountain thing to find her." I explain quickly and teleport us into the sorcerer's tower. I quick survey the room, but surprisingly there's no sign of the women. I rush to the fountain, grabbing the flower and powder that I saw the sorceress use and cast the spell. I sense Bow hovering beside me. His eyes are weary and a flippant comment is on the tip of his tongue, but I ignore him and wait for the water to clear. When it does, the sword slides out of my weakened grip and clatters loudly on the ground, masking the appalled gasp from Bow and I. There in some shadowy place is Adora. Tied up, head bowed low while that Horde soldier from earlier reins blow after blow on the blonde. I grit my teeth hard and grabbing Bow I teleport us out of Brightmoon.

**Adora's POV:**

  
"You know I'm starting to understand the appeal of torturing someone. There's a certain satisfaction of hearing someone scream in agony." The reptile lady comments as she flicks her knife open again and runs her blade down my shoulder again.

  
" _ **AHHHH!**_ " I scream, convulsing in pain. " **Just. End. It.** " I rasp out when she removes her knife.

  
"Oh, but where's the fun in that? I'm sure the mighty She-ra can take a few more punches before I knock you out for good." The soldier mocks as she flexes her fingers, ready to come in with another blow. I spit out the blood that runs down my lips and weakly lift my head up. The action causes everything to spin in front of me and with a raspy breath, my eyes close as I try to ward off the headache and the pain that radiates from everywhere.

  
" ** _GET AWAY FROM HER!_** " The sudden shrill and smashing sounds causes me to fling open my eyes to find Glimmer standing over me protectively, her face filled with pure fury as she shoots blast after blast at the staggering soldier. Bow bends over me with worried eyes as he saws at my chains.

  
"Bow?" I voice weakly.

  
"Hang on Adora. You'll be ok." The archer comforts with a hand briefly on my shoulder before returning back to cutting my bindings off. I watch the queen hurl the reptile back and forth until the solider finally hits the ground unconscious, but Glimmer continues stalking towards her. I want to call out but Bow beats me to it.

  
" _ **Glimmer,**_ _**stop!**_ She's unconscious now and we need to help Adora." At the mention of my name, the teen swirls round and runs to me, her eyes gazing me up and down. A sob escapes past her lips as she crouches beside me. Her hands hover over me, but she looks conflicted on where to hold me.

  
"Adora?" She probes softly.

  
"Here, Glimmer." I whisper. A shaky breath escapes her as she draws closer to me.

  
"Where does it hurt?" The queen asks, her voice wobbling.

  
"Everywhere." I rasp out, but regret it when I see her face crumpling.

  
"Got it!" Bow shouts in triumph as he releases my hand from one of the cuffs and begins work on the other as my arm falls limply to my side. I wince, but seeing the horror on the purple head's face is nearly as bad as the pain.

  
"Oh my gosh Adora..." She chokes out as she takes my hand in hers. "You're going to be ok. Everything's going to be alright." The teen soothes, but part of me senses it's just as much to comfort herself as it is to me. I blink hard, now that the constant barrage of hits have stopped, blinding pain travels up and down my body. My eyes flutter to a close, but a moment later I feel a squeeze to my hand. "Hey, you've got to stay with me ok?" The voice says.

  
"I'm still here...just...resting." I mumble with still closed eyes.

  
"Adora please just open your eyes." I sigh at the request and force them open again to find Glimmer cradling me in her arms.

  
"I've missed... you saying my name." I breathe out lowly, my mind not catching up with my mouth. I feel the queen tighten her grip round me and I flinch.

  
"Sorry." She apologises, dipping her head down in guilt.

  
"It's...ok." I murmur, eyes closing again.

  
"Adora? Come on Adora! Wake up please. _**Please!**_ " I frown at the cracked voice and force one eye open.

  
"I'm still...here..." I croak, but I can feel the edges of unconsciousness closing in.

  
"There! Come on, get us home!" A familiar voice shouts.

I blink, but my perception of time and place merges together. Only the comfort of pain keeps me afloat. Voices drift in and out. Bright light shines. More shouts and screams and then...crying? There's something familiar about that sobbing sound. It makes me feel something...like I should be doing... something...comforting! That's what it is. I need to comfort someone. But who? Purple. Portal. Princess. Queen. Mother. Daughter. I push it away, it's all too confusing, but the crying persists. Someone needs me. I pause. _**Does anyone need me?**_ I feel a sense of...worthlessness. Maybe I'm wrong. **_No one needs me_**. The sobs intensify, and a sensation...a touch somewhere. It fills me with warmth. I focus harder. _'What's going on? What are those sounds? Who are they coming from?'_

  
"Adora." A voice floats nearby. That name is familiar, it feels like it belongs to me...it's my name! I focus harder, waiting to hear what the voice will say next. "Please Adora you have to wake up. You can't leave me! I don't know what I'll do. _**I need you**_." The voice...person needs me? I'm needed? I look around in this black empty space, but how do I get out of here? How can I help? Somewhere in the distance I hear a beep. Then a yell. Then more bawling. I have to try for whoever that is. I push hard at the darkness, will it to obey me but nothing happens. I kick at it, annoyed at the lack of success but the kick shatters a shard and from it a light seeps in. I kick again and again.

Until piece by piece the darkness falls and I stare at the light. It's too bright and I have to turn away. Do I want to step into it? It's warm but it _**hurts**_. I look behind me. At least in the darkness nothing hurts...but it's cold and lonely. I take a deep breath and take a step. Awareness and pain hits me like a bulldozer as I gasp for breath desperately. My eyes fling open to find the queen's face hovering over mine, tears trailing down her cheeks as she stares at me with furrowed eyebrows.

  
"Adora, you're going to be ok."

  
"Glimmer?" I whisper softly and then black out.

**3 Days later:**

  
The next time I wake up the room is noticeably darker as I lie still. My eyes dart around from irrational fear that I'm still in the clutches of that Horde soldier, but when I notice I'm in my room I heave a sigh of relief. I lift my arm up to push down my blankets, but I hiss at the throbbing pain that occurs when I twitch my arm muscles. _'Jeez, that Force Captain really did a number on me.'_ I try again to raise my arm, but the pain is too much and I'm forced to drop it back down by my side. I flinch at the flare of agony. My ears perk up when I hear nearing footsteps. I twist my head towards the door, but I regret it when the room spins. I scrunch my eyes shut, waiting for the vertigo to pass, but I'm left with a numbing headache.

  
"Adora?" My eyes snap open at the voice to see Glimmer beside me, a hand hovering over my shoulder. It diverts down to take my hand. She takes a seat on the chair by the bedside and watches me carefully. I close my eyes.

  
"This is happening too often." I groan aloud. I feel a gentle hand squeeze in response.

  
"I won't ask you how you're doing because...well, it's a dumb question." The queen admits with a sigh.

  
"Yeah, definitely a dumb question." I echo back. Silence.

  
"You're staring at me aren't you?" I ask when the teen makes no move to speak.

  
"I've been staring at you for the past..." She trails off. I sigh.

  
"How many days was it this time?" I question tiredly.

  
"3 days." Comes the short response. I crack open my eyes, the silence killing me.

  
"Do you think you can help me up? I feel so stiff." I ask and watch a flicker of conflicting emotions cross her face.

  
"You should be resting." The purple head states, but nevertheless she goes to slip an arm behind my back. I flinch at the cold sensation when her hand makes contact with my bare back. I frown.

  
"Pull down the covers." I order, earning a quizzical look from the queen. "Please." I add, eliciting a sigh from the teen as she does as asked. I inhale sharply at what I see. I'm donned in a pair of shorts and chest bindings, but other than that I'm bare. Although that's not what's caught my attention. It's all the bandages laced around my top half, including both arms. "Great, I look like a mummy." I mutter out as I stare at the wodge of material.

  
"This isn't funny." The queen replies tightly. My eyes flicker up to her face where I notice new stress lines along her forehead.

  
"I wasn't trying to be." I mumble as I avert my eyes. I shift on my pillows, so that I'm slightly propped up and finger one of the bandages across my stomach. "What's all this for?" I ask finally.

  
"Your broken ribs. And cuts. You were bleeding a lot." I exhale at the mechanical response and return my gaze to the purple head.

  
"Alright what's up?" I question at last as her disconnected persona starts making my anxious.

  
"Nothing." The queen utters. I groan at the lack of interaction.

  
"It's obviously not nothing! Are you mad that I got myself captured? I'm sorry, but I didn't intend to get knifed, or kicked or punched. Heck, getting tortured wasn't even on the agenda!" I list sharply, but stop when I hear a sniffle. I blink and scan the teen in front of me. Her lips are pressed tightly together and only now do I notice her eyes are bloodshot.

  
"Hey what's wrong?" I ask gently, tightening my hand around hers.

  
"You have no idea do you?" I blink at the random question.

  
"No. I suppose I don't." I answer unsurely. A faint smile appears on her lips and I realise that was a rhetorical question. I blush in embarrassment, but her smile drops a moment later.

  
"Adora, you were dying." My eyebrows shoot up to my hairline at the confession. "Every time I think I've faced the scariest thing that will ever happen to me, you come along and top it. Your heart had stopped because you lost so much blood." I swallow, not realising how close I was to death's door. I'm broken out of my thoughts by Glimmer's shuddering breath.

  
"So how did it start back up again?" I inquire hesitantly, not sure if I actually want to know all the details.

  
"I was pleading for you to come back. To not leave me." The words jerks something in my mind's eye. _'I was in a dark empty place and I heard crying and words. That must have been Glimmer.'_

  
"You said that you needed me." I voice subconsciously causing the queen to back away from me slightly.

  
"You heard me?" The teen asks in astonishment.

  
"Yeah I guess I did. It was all murky and confusing but I heard crying and voices and felt pain. It was weird, like I was stuck in my head." I try to focus on it but my head throbs at concentrating too hard. "What happened next?"

  
"Your heart beat returned. The doctors managed to do an emergency blood transfusion and you've been stable since." The purple head explains, her hand tight around mine. I breathe in deeply as I recall the incident clearly, the sharp words and knife cuts. I shudder at the memory.  
"Adora?" At the prompt I realise I'm shaking and the queen moves so that she's now seated on the bed's edge as she gazes at me in concern. I still my trembling hands.

  
"I'm fine." I utter, staring at the bandages.

  
"It's ok to be scared. I mean, you went through something traumatic." Glimmer soothes, her hand hovering over my shoulders again but she retracts it on the last minute. I give her a questioning look at the action. "I keep forgetting about the cuts around your shoulders." She states as byway of explanation. I nod in understanding, then my eyes fall back to the fabric around my abdomen, a small red stain centred at my side. I feel Glimmer's stare on me, but can't bring myself to return the gaze. A few seconds later, the teen pulls the covers over me, hiding the bandages. I raise an eyebrow at the action and finally look up to find the teen shrugging at me.  
"You staring at your bandages was bothering me." I crack a smile at her miffed tone, knowing why she really pulled the blanket up. Then sigh when I realise I probably should apologise.

  
"I'm sorry for running off without telling anyone. In hindsight it was a dumb thing to do and if I didn't do that then this..." I give a pointed glance to my covered wounds. "...wouldn't have happened." I finish with averted eyes, but I'm surprised when I feel the teen take my other hand in hers, holding both of mine tightly within hers.

  
"I should be the one apologising. I was so focused on those explosives that I didn't consider the possibility that it was a genuine attack after a month of false alarms. If I hadn't blown you off then this wouldn't have happened. I'm sorry." Glimmer says regretfully as her eyes drop down. I don't reply, choosing to breathe deeply instead, but gasp in pain when the it tugs at my broken ribs. "Adora you need to rest." I sigh at the light reprimand, but can't find it in myself to argue.

  
"Alright." I concede and with Glimmer's help I'm back to lying down, with the covers pulled up to my chin.

  
"Goodnight. I'll be back tomorrow morning to change your bandages." The queen whispers softly as she turns to leave.

  
"Ok. Goodnight Glimmer." I voice lowly.

I watch as she disappears and release a tense breath. _'I can't figure you out Glimmer. It seems the only time you show any semblance of care or interest in me is when I'm hurt. But perhaps that's because a person can hardly be mean to an injured individual. Or maybe, the detached attitude is all just a pretence? But why? Her flimsy excuse of protecting me doesn't make sense. **Nothing** makes sense!'_ When my head starts to throb I decide to leave the thinking for another day.

But as I stare up at the ceiling, my mind flashes back to that Horde soldier. I shudder violently and the memory sets my wounds on fire, as if I'm being cut all over again. I swallow thickly. _'I should've asked Glimmer to fetch me some morphine. That would've knocked me out for the rest of the night.'_ As I lie there in the darkness I realise I won't be getting any sleep tonight. I try drifting off several times but each time I do the reptile's face and words flash before my mind's eye, making me fling open my eyes again. _'Before, I was kept up at night by my guilt and what happened in the portal or Glimmer's words. Now, **this** is keeping me up. I don't know which I'd prefer!'_ But when my eyes drift to a close and that knife glints in the darkness, I realise that I _**much** _prefer the guilt. My heart thuds erratically against my broken ribcage. _'Forget Morphine, I should've asked Glimmer to stay. She wouldn't have minded...I think.'_

I groan aloud and push myself up onto my elbow as the feeling of restriction and fear becomes too much, but another sharp pain rips through me, so I flop back onto my pillows. Eventually the exhaustion is so consuming that I fall asleep when sunlight starts to stream into my room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I WAS going to end it after Adora blacked out, but realised that it would be too mean to make you wait until next time to find out what happened, so thought to compromise the setting of the next chapter slightly to keep the tissues to a minimum. 
> 
> Anyway, how are you all doing? I don't need to get the defibrillator out yet...do I? XD Not that I know how to use it...yet. 
> 
> So we never really saw Adora get proper injured in the show (guess it's because it's aimed at kids). The worst we saw was Bow getting hurt and Shadow Weaver dying or I guess infected She-ra. So I wanted to explore what would happen if Adora got hurt a little more seriously.
> 
> Also, I'm legit just making up names of cities/villages in Etheria, simply because I didn't want to keep repeating the same few that we do know, thus Lowlettia was born (and I think it was Crupella in a previous chapter XD) 
> 
> Sorry for the amount of jumping around between POV's in this one, usually I refrain from doing that, but this is just one of those chapters that I couldn't help it. Hope it was still alright to read.
> 
> Kudos & Comments are always appreciated :)


	8. Are we Friends?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora manages to persuade Glimmer to sleep the night in her room in the hopes that it will keep the bothersome thoughts away. But thoughts are rarely that easy to get rid of. And Glimmer has always had a knack in knowing when something is bothering the blonde.
> 
> Also, anyone ever thought about how Horde soldiers are referred to? Correct me if I'm wrong, but they're called by numbers from what I remember. That's pretty dehumanising. I presume that outside of Adora's squad and Shadow Weaver, Adora was most likely referred to as a number. That must've sucked. The only thing that really belonged to her was her name and in the show there was that really poignant moment when Shadow Weaver named Adora. So I'm guessing that it must've hurt Adora that Glimmer kept calling her a soldier. I delve into that a bit here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is definitely lighter than the previous ones. Don't get me wrong, it still has angst, but it ends on a more upbeat note...this time. Oh and this chapter follows directly on from the last one!
> 
> If anyone is wondering how on earth I'm able to write this amount of words, it's only because all these chapters are already pre-written, I'm just editing them. I've legit been writing this story for about a year now, ever since s4 dropped, because the cliff-hanger was so intense that I felt I needed to write something, thus this fic was born XD
> 
> As always thank you so much for all your lovely words & kudos. It's great hearing from you all :)

**Adora's POV:**

**5 hours later:**

  
"Any better today?" The queen inquires as she steps into my room, closing the door behind her before crossing the room.

  
"No." I mumble tiredly, having woken up from a nightmare an hour prior. Glimmer eyes me with a frown.

  
"Did you get any sleep?" She asks while taking note of the bags under my eyes.

  
"No." I repeat without thinking, then blink when I realise what I've said. "I mean I got some, just not much." I correct, but at the queen's narrowed eyes, I swallow. "Pain." I add to sedate her curiosity.

  
"I should've got you some morphine. I'll go and fetch the doctor to hook you up to..." I cut the purple head off.

  
" **NO!** I'm...fine now." I lie, not wanting to be alone with my thoughts again. Glimmer eyes me sceptically.

  
"Alright, but if you change your mind just let me know." The teen answers unsurely before sitting on the edge of the bed and helping me up into a sitting position. I try to suck in all my groans of agony, but from Glimmer's worried expression I presume that the pain is etched into my face. I watch as she pulls down the cover and begins unravelling the bandages. I suck in a breath when I see the ugly black stitches holding the long slashes together. The queen looks up at me. "They'll heal." She says, in an attempt to calm my thoughts.

  
"Yeah, with scars." I reply, sounding more bitter than I intended.

  
"It's just a mark to show how strong you are. They don't define you, kind of like a a birthmark or acne spots." The teen comforts and I shoot her a wiry smile at the comparison.

  
"Alright." I say with a sigh as Glimmer rubs some ointment into both arms, pausing at every flinch I make. "You don't have to keep stopping." I state, not wanting to drag this out. The queen pauses at my words.

  
"I don't want to hurt you." The teen explains, but I have to hold back a snort. Glimmer scans me closely before slumping her shoulders. "You don't believe me." She says at last with a tone of disappointment.

  
"Can you blame me?" I retort as the purple head picks up a new roll of fabric to wrap round my forearms.

  
"Not really I guess." Comes the muttered response. After that our conversation comes to a standstill with the only sounds in the room being the rustling of fabric and the squelching of the ointment. I close my eyes after spotting the large blotchy black and blue mess on my chest and abdomen.

20 minutes later, I'm back on my own. Glimmer apologises for a bunch of meetings she has to attend, but promises that she'll return at night to see if I need anything. Bow is fantastic and drops by several times in the day to keep me company and stop me from being driven insane by being stuck in bed all day. When evening approaches, I'm fighting off the urge to jump out of bed. I start pushing the covers back just as I hear the door creak open.

  
"Sorry I couldn't pop in sooner. It's been a long day...and _**what are you doing?!**_ " The queen exclaims when sees me moving one leg off the bed.

  
"Do you have _**any** _idea how boring it is to be stuck in bed all day?" I ask in a huff to ward off a telling off. Glimmer crosses the room in two seconds flat to push me back into bed.

  
"And do you have _**any** _idea the world of hurt you'd be in if you got out of said bed without someone's help?" Glimmer fires back with crossed arms.

  
"I would've been fine!" I mutter under my breath causing the queen to shake her head.

  
"You're the worst patient to take care of." I roll my eyes at that. "Besides, it's time to go to sleep. I was about to head off to bed, but thought to check on you. Do you need anything?" The teen continues before tilting her head at me.

  
"No." I mumble, prompting the purple head to clap her hands.

  
"Alright. Goodnight Adora." My eyes widen at those words as I recall the treacherous night I had the day before. Glimmer is almost out of the door when I shout out to her.

  
"Wait!" I call out. The purple head turns to face me in confusion. "I...erm..." I stumble on my words, _'Do I even need Glimmer to stay here for the night? I'm sure I'll be fine...right?'_ Due to my internal conflict, I don't notice the teen returning to my bedside until her hand touches the back of mine lightly.

  
"What is it?" She asks softly. I swallow, _'I can't spend the night awake again, not with all those thoughts.'_

  
"Could you stay the night please? I just...need someone here." I admit. The queen seems taken aback by my request as she removes her hand off mine. "I mean you don't **_have to_**. I'm perfectly fine on my own. In fact, you can forget I said anything..." I ramble, in an attempt to cover up my vulnerabilities that peak through the cracks of my tough exterior.

  
"Sure. I'll just go grab a blanket and pillows." The purple head replies, interrupting my babbling and blinks out of sight. A moment later she reappears with a heap of sleeping comforts and sets them on the ground by my bed. I blink at how easy-going she is about it and peer over the bed's edge.

  
"Are you sure? I mean you really don't have to..." I trail off, not wanting to completely dissuade her out of it as I feel the rise of anxiety building up as the night looms closer.

  
"It's fine Adora. Goodnight." Glimmer answers smoothly as she rests her head on the pillow. So I follow suit and lay my head down.

And I thought having someone nearby would keep the dark thoughts away, but all I can picture is that knife, the soldier's musty breath and her words. I groan internally, shifting slightly to one side. I push them out, only for Glimmer's words to take hold instead.

  
_"For once in your life just **listen**!"_

_"It's time that you learnt **your place**."_

_"You're a **solider** , nothing more, nothing less."_

  
_" **I can't trust you** to follow orders."_

  
**I can't trust you.**

**Can't trust you.**

**Trust you.**

**Trust.**

The words play on a loop in my mind, as if trying to torment me.

 _'She doesn't trust you. Why **else** did she take you in so quickly? To keep an eye on you.'_ That reptile's voice re-enters my mind.

_'The rebellion is in a **worse** place than ever since **YOU** showed up.'_

Suddenly, I feel sick and alone and not needed.

  
"You're still awake." The abrupt voice in the darkness pulls me out of my head. I turn my head to the right and look over to see that Glimmer's eyes are open, staring up at the ceiling.

  
"So are you." I acknowledge.

  
"That's because I keep hearing your erratic breathing and shifting." A wave of shame washes over me when I realise that I must've been keeping her up.

  
"Sorry. I didn't mean to keep you up." I mumble. A second later the teen rolls over to her side to face me and props her head up onto her hand.

  
"I didn't mean it like that. I just...want to know what's up. Why can't you sleep?" The queen asks with furrowed eyebrows.

  
"Nothing's up." I answer quickly, _too quickly_.

  
"I know you're lying." The teen states bluntly and then shifts a little closer to my bed. "Are you worried about having nightmares?" She adds as an afterthought.

  
"What makes you say that?" I ask wearily.

  
"I saw you having a nightmare before, remember? And you mentioned it in passing. Plus your bandages this morning were damp. People tend to sweat when they're having nightmares. So?" I duck my head in embarrassment about the sweat comment, _'definitely need to remember that in future.'_ And then I think back to what the queen said and nod when I recall the nightmare I had months ago the day after...what Glimmer said.

  
"Yeah I get nightmares, but nothing I can't handle." I admit begrudgingly, eliciting a frown from the purple head.

  
"How often?"

  
"It used to be now and again, but now... it's nearly every day." I disclose with averted eyes.

  
" _ **Every day?!**_ Since when?" Comes the shocked response.

  
"Since the whole portal fiasco." I say with a sigh. A choking sound penetrates the room and I flicker my eyes back to the queen.

  
"Oh my gosh Adora, why didn't you tell us?" Comes the anguished question. I shift in agitation.

  
"Because you just lost your mum and you had a lot to deal with. A couple of petty nightmares is nothing anything compared to grief. I needed to be there for you." I reply seriously and silence falls for several moments before the teen speaks again.

  
"I was in a dark place, but you could've told Bow at least." Glimmer answers weakly.

  
" _ **You** _were our main focus. Nothing else. Besides, I'm fine." I lie, attempting to calm the distraught teen.

  
"You're obviously not fine. For goodness sake you can't sleep!" I don't respond to this, unable to deny that statement. "What..." I raise an eyebrow when Glimmer cuts herself off. "...what are your nightmares about?" I suck in a breath at the question and shift in discomfort.

  
"Erm...before they were mainly about what happened in the portal and..." I trail off. _'Despite my anger at what Glimmer said to me, I can't really say that her words have been giving me nightmares. I promised her mum I would take care of her.'_ I gulp and decide to move onto slightly safer ground. "...but now it's about what happened with that Force Captain. I can't seem to get what she did and said to me out of my head." I confess. "It's ridiculous I know." I add when no response is forthcoming.

  
"No, no! It's not ridiculous at all. What...what did she do? I only saw a glimpse before Bow and I came to find you." The purple head questions as she reaches up to take my hand. I shiver at the memory.

  
"She had a knife...and used it to cut me. And some punches and kicks." I list off monotonously, but stop when I feel Glimmer's hand tightening almost painfully around mine.

  
"I know the Horde is terrible, but it seems a bit _**too** _personal. What did she say to you?" I nod at the queen's correct deduction.

  
"It was personal. She apparently got punished whenever she faced us and failed. Said this was revenge." I explain, shaking my head at the illogical reasoning behind the captain's actions.

  
"What else did she say?" My heart drops at the query.

  
"What makes you think she said anything else?" I ask nervously.

  
"You said you can't stop thinking about what she said. I doubt her need for revenge is the thing that's bothering you." I curse silently at her observation. _'Since when has Glimmer become so observant?!'_

  
"It's nothing." My muttered response elicits a long sigh from the purple head. I eye my companion as she pulls herself up until she's kneeling by my bedside. Her eyes inches from my own.

  
"Tell me." I chew the inside of my cheek at the prompt. I look away from her steady gaze.

  
"She saw us arguing." I settle on saying, eliciting a soft _'oh'_ from the purple head. "So she was just picking at it." I say vaguely, but the teen isn't having any of it as she cups my cheek and turns my head back towards her, causing me to stare up into her purple orbs that are filled with so many unreadable emotions.

  
"What did she say?" Glimmer repeats neutrally. I swallow thickly.

  
"Just commenting on stuff like how quickly you befriended me. Said you didn't trust me and that you thought to keep an eye on me by having me close." I say with a shrug, averting my eyes again at her flickering expressions.

  
"Do you believe that?" I close my eyes briefly at the painfully soft but vulnerable question. I don't reply. I feel Glimmer's thumb gently run over the crusty wound on my cheek. I subconsciously lean into the soothing gesture. "Adora?" I bite my lip at the probe and push myself away from her, missing the warmth of her touch, but needing space to sort out this mess. I force myself up into a sitting position and swing my legs over the bed's edge so that they're planted on the ground with my back to the purple head.

  
"I don't know what I believe anymore Glimmer." I voice in frustration. A second later the queen appears in front of me, kneeling as she looks up at me with wounded eyes.

  
"I'd never deceive you like that Adora. _**Never**_. I took you home that day because I believed in you. Not because I didn't trust you. You have to believe me." The teen pleads earnestly, taking my hands in hers again. I sigh and look down at our connected appendages, her thumb once again tracing over my skin, warming up my cold knuckles.

  
"Do you really care about me Glimmer?" I choke out. The Queen is taken back by the query as she looks at me with hurt filled purple orbs.

  
"You know the answer to that." Comes the quiet but tight response.

  
" _ **Do I?**_ " I challenge, not backing down until I hear it from her lips. Her hand stills. And for a while the only thing we do is regard each other tensely. It's then that I realise that I'm this ball filled with hurt and rejection and she's this tight string ready to break. I watch as she takes a deep breath. Her eyes focusing on nothing but me.

  
"Adora, you _**know** _I care about you. I **_always_** have." The admittance hits me harder than I thought it would. Maybe because for a while now I've managed to convince myself otherwise, in the hopes that it would alleviate the pain of all her actions and comments. I swallow harshly.

  
"Then _**why**_...?" I trail off, unable to voice it aloud, but when Glimmer drops her eyes, I know that she understood what I meant. When her gaze returns back to me, I see her face crumple and then she retracts her hand from mine. I'm about to question her, until she returns her hand to my cheek, her thumb wiping away at the tears that I didn't know had leaked out.

  
"Because I was _**scared** _of losing you too. Because I wanted to keep you on the side-lines, out of harm, but you wouldn't listen. You _**never** _listen. And that hurts. But what hurts more is that your best friend doesn't feel like she can tell you anything. She feels that she has to hide her emotions and feelings behind a brick wall. And what hurts the _**most** _is that I'm the cause of it all. I'm the reason you can't speak to me and I'm the reason you're putting yourself in harm's way. I distance myself from you in my own self-hatred. To stop you getting near to me because all I do is hurt you. I'm not worthy of your kindness and patience." I gape at the queen for so long that she has to avert her eyes from me. I move my hands up, intending to reach up to her face, but the sharp ache in my muscles means I can only reach her shoulders which is where I rest them.

  
"Don't you _**ever** _say such terrible things about yourself." I say with utter conviction.

  
"Adora it's true. You have a natural flare for leadership, but I'm just nothing. I've always been the weak princess, the one who can't do anything without getting into trouble." Glimmer counters with a sigh.

  
" _ **Stop it!**_ " I hiss, hating the way that she talks down at herself . _'That's MY thing, not hers. She's BETTER than this.'_

  
"But...!" I drop my hands from her shoulders and make an attempt to move off the bed but quick hands rest on my knees, stopping me from getting up. "What are you doing?! You're going to hurt yourself!" I hear the tone of fury in her voice and decide to match it in kind.

  
"I don't want to hear you talk about yourself like that. It's not right!" I shout.

  
"This is why I didn't tell you what I was feeling! I _**knew** _you would dramatize it!" The queen yells and I feel like I've just been slapped.

  
"Dramatize? You think I'm being dramatic?" I echo out in disbelief.

  
" ** _Yes!_** " Comes the snap reply.

  
"And you didn't tell me how you were feeling." I continue in a daze.

  
"No...Bow's figured out I can be a bit insecure from stuff I've told him before, but I couldn't bring myself to tell you." The confession winds me.

  
"Because you don't trust me." I conclude bitterly. Her eyes fling wide open as she shakes her head vigorously.

  
" _ **NO!**_ That's not it at all!" The teen yells frantically.

  
"Really? Because suddenly all your actions make a lot of sense, like wanting to assign guards to watch me!" I frown at my words and can't help but slide my eyes towards the door. "Are there guards out there right now?" I ask sourly. I get my answer when Glimmer starts avoiding my eyes. "Unbelievable." I breathe out as a mixture of anger and betrayal rolls within me, hitting me with a wave of nausea.

  
"But it isn't what you think! They're just there to make sure you aren't doing any extraneous activity that will rip open your stitches, that's it. _**I swear!**_ " I choke at the purple head's explanation. And suddenly I can't take it anymore and jump off the bed, screaming internally at the added aggravation on my broken ribs and cuts. But I push it to the side as I slowly back away from the queen who's taking steady steps towards me, stress lines appearing once again on her forehead. "Adora, please just sit down. Your wounds..." I cut her off before she can finish.

  
"My wounds are _**fine!**_ Heck that's the only thing fine at the moment! Was it all just a lie then? Everything?" I shout, but regret it when pangs of pain hit me. I encircle an arm around my abdomen to keep it at bay, but the pain is just replaced by the one radiating from my arm. Glimmer takes another step closer.

  
" _ **No!**_ Definitely not! You can't really believe that Horde soldier. They're a bunch of liars!" But her words serve nothing but to fuel my doubt.

  
"You keep forgetting _**I** _was part of the Horde." I retort sharply as the teen pauses in her motions.

  
"I haven't. You think I'd forget that huge Horde mark on the back of your shirt? That doesn't matter to me. You're still Adora. You're _**still** _my best friend." I breathe in deeply at those words, but again needles prick at my chest and I have to close my eyes tightly.

  
"I thought you cut off our friendship, remember? Or maybe we were never friends in the first place and that's why it was so easy for you to cut it off." I voice lowly as I re-open my eyes to see Glimmer's ashamed face.

  
"I _**lied** _Adora. I was hoping it would change something, but it just made things worse. You have to believe me." The teen pleads as she bridges the gap between us.

  
"And what's with the sudden change in actually calling me by my name? You got tired of calling me solider or the Princess of power?" I jeer, causing the queen the flinch.

  
"That was horrible on my part I know. But you said that you missed hearing me say your name. I'm trying to make up for it." My eyes bulge at the teen's regretful words.

  
"Wait, I said _**what?!**_ " I repeat in disbelief, eliciting a couple of blinks from the purple head.

  
"You don't remember? Well to be fair you were pretty out of it." I frown, trying to recall when I spoke those words, but come up blank.

  
"When did I say that?" I interrogate further.

  
"When we found you with that Force Captain." Glimmer answers unsurely, confused by my random questions. I bite the inside of my cheek hard as thoughts swirl around my head.

  
"Gosh that must have sounded so pathetic." I mutter subconsciously.

  
"What? Of course not!" The queen rebukes, but I ignore her as I'm pulled further into my mind. _'My name was the **only** thing that really belonged to me. In the Horde I was so often called by a number or soldier or cadet. Shadow Weaver and my unit were the only ones to ever call me by my name. It was personal and it was mine. But I NEVER told anyone how much it meant to me. How important it was for me to feel like I'm my own person and not some abstract thing. And here, in my pain-induced deliriousness, I've spilt that personal vulnerability of mine and to **Glimmer** no less. Someone that I don't even know where I stand with anymore.'_

  
"Adora?" I flinch at the sound of my name and take another step back. The air in my lungs slowly seeps out, but I'm too hurt and confused to notice. "Come on, let's sit down and talk about this." I tighten my arm around my stomach as the woozy feeling intensifies.

  
"Glimmer...I don't feel so good..." I admit breathlessly and immediately my legs buckle underneath me. The queen must have saw it coming as she appears in a flash, saving me from falling flat on my face. But catching the extra weight proves to be a bit too much and we both end up on the floor, with the teen cushioning me against the ground. The purple head pulls herself up and leans me against her. Somehow the position eases my breathing and the swimming in my head fades out.

  
"Adora?" The scared prompt forces me to exhale as I start to think more clearly.

  
"I think...I'm ok now." I answer tiredly. At my response I feel Glimmer's arms snake underneath my armpits where her hands rest just above the cut at my side as she pulls me close to her.

  
"Good. I said you shouldn't get up." The teen reprimands lightly.

  
"Mm." I sound out as my head rests on her chest. "It's been a while since you hugged me." I voice quietly, but I start to worry when I feel her arms tense around me. A moment later they relax and Glimmer gently rests her chin on the top of my head.

  
"I know." She murmurs softly. "I wanted to do it as soon as you woke up, but you were covered with so many cuts and bandages...I didn't know where to hold you without hurting you." Glimmer admits with a choked voice. I furrow my eyebrows when I feel something wet drop onto the tip of my nose. My frown deepens when I feel it again.

  
"Glimmer...are you...crying?" I ask somewhat timidly, _'I can probably count on one hand how many times I've seen Glimmer cry since I've known her.'_

  
"I'm fine." The teen states with a sniff.

  
" _ **Glimmer**_." I utter sternly.

  
"You have no idea how scary it was when we brought you back to Brightmoon...when the doctor said you were dead...I...I felt a part of me broke then." I widen my eyes at this revelation.

  
"The doctor actually _**said** _I was dead?!" I echo back in shock and I feel Glimmer's arms tighten around me.

  
"Yes. Your heart stopped for a good three minutes. I broke apart. Even Bow couldn't get through to me." I swallow at the admission, the thought of Glimmer breaking down again like she did when she realised that her mum was really gone pulls hard at my heart-strings _'I swore that day I'd **never** let Glimmer feel like that again.'_ So now to hear that it happened again and that **I** was the cause of it, brings a fresh wave of pain over me.

  
"I..." I trail off, not knowing what to say, I thought I just had a close brush with death, but hearing that I was actually dead for 3 minutes? I don't even know what to think or what to feel, other than numb. "I'm sorry. I never wanted you to feel that hurt again after...your mum." I apologise in a whisper.

  
"Don't apologise. I just...I want you to know that you've always been my friend since I brought you here and I don't want you to ever think otherwise. You're special to me Adora." I have to swallow again to push away the sob that tries to rip through my throat at that last comment.

  
"I am?" I inquire. The queen pulls me even closer.

  
"More special than you'll ever know." Glimmer echoes back. I wince when I move my hand, but I don't let it deter me as I rest it on the teen's forearm.

  
"The same goes for you. You're important to me Glimmer and that's why I fuss and worry over you because...I don't know what I'd do if I lost you." I admit in a whisper.

  
"I know...I just let Double Trouble get in my head. He really knows what buttons to push." The teen says with a sigh, my jaws tighten at hearing this.   
"What exactly did he say to you?" I ask, as I try to twist my body to look into the queen's eyes, "Ah!" I gasp at the painful tug around my chest. I feel Glimmer's arms move up, loosening around my chest as she holds me upright against her.

  
"Don't move." She commands gently. "Let's get you back on the bed." She continues, getting ready to teleport until I shake my head.

  
"No, I don't think I'll be able to get to sleep without close company." I disclose with a groan. Glimmer goes silent in thought and a moment later I'm back on my bed. The Queen appears at my right side and pulls something out of the bed. My eyes widen when I realise that my single bed can be converted into a double. "Since when could it do that?" I question in disbelief, staring at the new space.

  
"It's always been able to do it. I thought to get you an extendable bed in case you needed someone beside you. But you never needed it and so I just forgot about it." The teen explains as she finishes fastening the two parts together and takes a seat on the second half.

  
"Oh." I voice and watch as Glimmer lies herself on the bed after adding a few more pillows and blankets. I force myself to lie down likewise and despite having lived most of my life while sleeping in close quarters with several others, this seems different somehow. A moment later I observe from the corner of my eye as Glimmer rolls over onto her side, her eyes fixed on me. I wait for her to speak, but when no words come, I finally shift, turning my head to face her.  
"What?" I ask self-consciously which breaks the purple head out of her trance as she shrugs at me.

  
"Nothing." She pauses. "We've got a lot to talk about, but it's getting late and I need to be up early tomorrow. Can we resume our conversation tomorrow?" Glimmer asks tentatively. I chew the bottom of my lip at the request, scared that whatever little progress we've made will be lost on the dawning of a new day.

  
"As long as you don't try to duck out of it...then its ok." I reassure. In return Glimmer stretches her hand out to take mine.

  
"I won't. I've got to come and change your bandages again, remember?" I nod, comforted by the response, until one final thought plagues my mind.

  
"So...we _**are** _friends then?" I ask uneasily. Her hand gives mine a squeeze.

  
" _ **Best**_ friends. I'm so sorry I said otherwise." The queen states remorsefully and part of the tension around my shoulders fade. My eyes are finally able to flutter to a close. A couple of minutes later I feel the bed sinking closer to me and a hand tucking a loose hair strand behind my ear.

  
"Glimmer..." I mumble, too tired to open my eyes.

  
"Shhh sleep." I shift closer to the warmth beside me and soon drift off into a dreamless state.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew, I managed to give you guys a break from heart-breaking endings, well sort of.  
> I always really appreciated how soft their friendship is and decided to write a fluffy part for once.  
> I think this is a bit shorter than usual, so I'm sorry for that, but I think the next one is longer. Actually the next chapter is one of my favourites, so I might try to get it out soon...if my lectures give me a break. 
> 
> Ok I know that Glimmer has cried quite a bit in the show, but I went back to check some pics of when she did cry and realised that most of the time it was in front of Bow, i.e. in the absence of Adora, so I'm guessing that Adora really hasn't seen her cry much outside her grief for Angella. I mean in s1ep1/2 & s1ep9 are really the only times I remember her crying and prob one ep in s3 during the alternate reality. If I'm wrong forgive me.
> 
> Kudos & Comments are always appreciated. Thank you for reading :)


	9. Stitches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora has a nightmare and ends up pulling out some of her stitches. She comes up with the brilliant idea of not telling Glimmer. Arguments & tension ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of my favourite chapters, so I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.
> 
> I have no clue how trigger things work, but I should warn that anyone who has a panic or anxiety disorder you may want to be weary of reading this chapter. Or this whole story to be honest, it gets really dark.

**Adora's POV:**

**8 hours later:**

  
I wake up with a start to find the space beside me empty. I sigh and push myself up into a sitting position while shoving the covers back. I turn my head to the side where my eyes fall on a note attached to a book. I go to pick both of them up and begin reading the paper:

  
_Don't get out of bed. I thought you might find this book interesting and help keep the boredom at bay._

The corner of my lips curl up slightly and I flick through the novel to find it detailing old battle strategies used in ancient Etherian wars. I'm so engrossed in reading that I don't notice my door creak open an hour later until a sudden hand lands on my shoulder. I jump before flinching at the flare of pain to see Glimmer with an amused expression and a hand on her hip.

  
"Only you would enjoy reading battle strategies in your spare time." The queen quips with a smile as she sits on the edge of the bed. I shoot her an embarrassed smile and set the book down beside me.

  
"Well, what do you read in your spare time?" I ask with a raised eyebrow as I watch the teen rummage through the drawer of the bedside table.

  
"Oh you know, interesting stuff like fiction and fantasies." The purple answers offhandedly as she pulls out a fresh roll of bandages and turns back to face me. I snort at her response.

  
"Made-up stories don't teach you anything. Books are there to teach you facts and build up your knowledge." I counter mildly as she unravels the material wrapped around my arms, starting around my bicep and going down to just above my wrist.

  
"Reading is meant to be for enjoyment and relaxation, not studying." She replies with a smirk. "Anyway, how was your sleep?" The queen asks, changing the topic as she runs a finger over one of the shallower wounds.

  
"It was good." I pause, deliberating on how honest I should be. "Better than I've had in a while." I admit, causing the teen to still her hands for a moment before returning back to its ministrations, checking the various other wounds.

  
"I'm glad." I smile at the queen's sincerity. "You looked like you were half-way into a nightmare a couple of hours before I had to leave. Do you remember what it was about?" I furrow my eyebrows, trying to grasp at any subconscious memory, but nothing comes up.  
"No. Usually my nightmares wake me up. Are you sure I had one?" I ask sceptically.

  
"Pretty sure. You were frowning and muttering in your sleep. I don't know about what, but you quietened down after I shifted closer to you." I avert my eyes upon hearing this.

  
"Sorry. I hope I didn't wake you." I apologise lowly as the teen unfolds the fresh set of bandages.

  
"You didn't. I haven't been sleeping much to be honest. Too much on my mind." Glimmer confesses with a shrug. I widen my eyes and with my hand on top of hers, I stop her from wrapping the new bandage around my forearm.

  
"You haven't? Since when?" I ask as a flash of concern runs through me.

  
"A couple of months. You don't need to worry." The queen assures, but I shake my head.

  
"Glimmer, sleep is important. Why didn't you tell us?" I inquire with furrowed eyebrows.

  
"I could say the same to you." The teen states irritably. I withdraw my hand from hers at the brash response and when Glimmer looks up to my face, her shoulders hunch up and her features draw together as stress lines re-appear. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap. I'm fine. I takes naps during the day, so it's ok. Besides, sleeping beside you last night helped. You looked so peaceful most of the night." The teen utters as she starts wrapping the material around my limb. "Think I'll get the doctor to remove your stitches in a couple of days." The queen mutters softly to herself while I stare at her in surprise.

  
"Should I be more concerned about the fact that you were watching me while I slept or about the fact that you were awake all night?" I ask with a raised eyebrow causing the purple head to choke on her own saliva as she returns her gaze to mine sheepishly.

  
"Yeah that does sound weird, doesn't it? You just looked so serene. It was a nice change from the usual negative emotions that flicker across your face during the day. And, I was getting up in a few hours anyway, so I didn't see the point in going to sleep." The teen explains as she finishes wrapping both arms. I purse my lips at her in disapproval and she clucks her tongue when she catches my expression. "Don't worry! I'll be sure to go to bed early tonig..." Suddenly the door bangs open to reveal one of the palace guards, cutting Glimmer off.

  
"I apologise for disrupting your Majesty, but your presence is required immediately at the communication room." The guard announces, eliciting a sigh from the queen.

  
"Alright. I'll be there in a moment." The purple head replies and the guard bows before exiting and closing the door behind her. Glimmer turns back to me with a regretful expression. "I'm sorry I couldn't stay longer."

  
"It's fine. Go. I'll see you later?" I assure with a half-smile as the queen pushes herself off the bed.

  
"Yes, probably in the evening." Comes the response. I hesitate for a second before voicing what's on my mind.

  
"To talk?" I probe. The queen stiffens momentarily before nodding.

  
"To talk." Glimmer confirms and with a wave she teleports away. I groan at being left alone again until my eyes fall once more on the book beside me. _'I guess I could do some reading.'_

And that's what I do for the rest of the day, read and read, waiting for Glimmer to return. When the clock strikes 2am, I finally give up on waiting for the queen and drop back onto my pillow, staring at the ceiling. By now I feel like I've memorised all those patterns lining the surface by heart, as my eyes trace them for the hundredth time. I swallow and blink away the stinging sensation at the back of my eyes. _'I should've expected this. Glimmer has been dodging every opportunity to talk for months now. Why did I expect this time to be any different? And honestly what would we even say? Is it worth bringing up every disagreement we've had since...the whole portal incident? She's already told me why she's behaved the way she has, mostly anyway. Isn't that enough? But I feel like there's other things that's bothering her, stuff she hasn't told me...doesn't want to tell me.'_

I bite the inside of my cheek hard in an attempt to deviate the pain in my chest elsewhere. _'If she doesn't want to tell me then...then I should respect that.'_ But my thoughts quickly return to what she said the night before. _'What has Double Trouble told her? What did he say that influenced her to pit us against each other? Maybe it's what I did or said...it could all be my fault that we started arguing in the first place.'_ Then my mind starts entering dark territory when I start remembering what happened in the portal. _'It is my fault. Her mum is gone because she took my place. I should've sacrificed myself, not her. I'm not important. **I** can be replaced.'_

I sling an arm over my eyes and shove my face into it, ignoring the way that it aggravates my stitches. _'This is why everything went downhill, because I didn't fulfil my duty. Queen Angella is stuck in some dark forsaken place while I'm here resting in bed and being useless.'_ I feel my bandages getting soaked through with tears that I try to keep at bay but I fail in doing so. _'Why do I hurt everyone I get close to? First it was Catra with my ego and abandoning her, then Queen Angella with her sacrifice and now Glimmer.'_

Then I picture Shadow Weaver and I can't help the violent shiver that runs down my spine. _'I can't believe Glimmer is just letting her roam free with no retribution, after everything she did to us...'_ A series of memories flash before me, every cutting word, every deceitful touch, every torture, every hit. I shudder again, more violently than the first. _'...after everything she did to me. She gets to walk free and enjoy her so-called gardening. How does Glimmer not see that's she's up to something? She's manipulative, she'll hurt people in ways you don't expect, like she's done my whole life. How does Glimmer not see what having her around is doing to me?'_

I swipe at the traitorous tears and slam my arm against the mattress. A surge of pain rips through me as I jostle my still bruised chest. I slam my fist again, this time onto my thigh and the pain is almost a welcome distraction from my inner turmoil. I release an aggravated sigh and decide that's enough thinking for one day, otherwise I might do something that I'll regret. I force my eyelids shut and even my breathing. A small part of me wishes Glimmer were here to hold me close and keep the dark thoughts and pain away, but I know she's not coming. _'She's either avoiding me or is too busy. I'm just a nuisance.'_ I screw my closed eyes tighter, trying to fight off these thoughts of low self-esteem, until eventually I drift into an uneasy sleep.

_**Nightmare:** _

  
"Do you really think you can trust her? What makes you think that she won't just return to ignoring and shouting at you once you're up and well again ? Why will this time be in any different?" I stare ahead into the darkness, ignoring the green lizard that circles around me, like a predator eyeing its prey. I don't answer and opt to clench my jaws together.

"You _**know** _she blames you. She would've far preferred having her mother over you. I mean, _**who are you** _to her? A recently acquired friend? Her mother was the one who bore her, cared for her, the _**last** _primary link to her family and _**you** **ruined**_ **_it!_** " The words hit me hard and I have to push my hands into my ears to block out the voice. A leg snaps out in front of me, kicking me in the shin and forcing me fall to the ground, I wheeze at the fall.

  
" _ **Oh Adora**_ , what did I tell you about getting too attached to people?" I freeze at the new voice. Seconds later Shadow Weaver appears before me, grabbing my face between her fingers, squeezing my cheeks as she digs her fingernails into my flesh. She forces me to my feet, staring at me behind her mask. "Getting attached makes you vulnerable to being hurt. Look at what happened with Catra. You're still wrecked with guilt for leaving her, for not protecting her." I grind my teeth.

  
"It was Catra's choice not to join me, I gave her the chance to change but she refused!" I bite out.

  
"And yet, you still feel guilty because you left without so much as a word." I snap my head away from her, ignoring the familiar rise of panic inside me. "And the same thing is happening with Glimmer. Except this time _**she's** _leaving you." The malicious voice sounds in my ear as the spellcaster twirls with a strand of hair by my ear.

  
"How does it feel to be the one left behind?" My head snaps up at the familiar taunt to find Catra with a scowl on her face as she pushes me in the chest causing me to stumble a couple of steps back.

  
"To be not told things." Another shove.

  
"To feel like your whole friendship meant _**nothing** _to them." A harsh push.

  
"To come to the realisation that they _**never** _cared about you because if they did they would've stayed and tried their hardest to keep you close." A roundhouse kick to my gut makes me gasp as I bend over in pain.

  
"Or maybe..." I lift my head up at her pause as she contemplates something. "...this is how _**you** _made her feel. How many times did you leave her in the dark and went off on one of your so-called missions?" I watch her with wide eyes as she punches me in the face. I stumble backwards and land on my behind with a thud. To my horror, Catra morphs into Glimmer, her face etched with hurt.

  
"Do you know how I felt when you and Bow kept leaving me to go on missions?" Her hands light up as she stalks towards me.

  
"How I watched _**helplessly** _as the two of your grew closer while I grew apart." I swallow as utter disbelief at the thought runs through me.

  
"Glimmer, I didn't know..." I say as my heart throbs painfully.

  
"You left me out of it all: inside jokes, plans, parties, _**everything** **!**_ " She shouts and fires a bolt of light straight at me. I scramble out of the way and push myself back onto my feet again.

  
"Then you defied my orders repeatedly, as if whatever I said _**didn't matter!**_ "

  
" _ **No!**_ " I holler in disagreement, but she shoots another lightning bolt at me. I'm too slow and the impact winds me completely as I fall to my knees, holding my stomach painfully.

  
"All you ever tried to do was be the hero! You never understood what I was going through, the grief and pressure I had to face!" The shriek is accompanied with a barrage of lighting rays. I scrunch my eyes tightly as I take the onslaught.

  
"How could I know when you _**never** _told me?!" I scream back, enraged at the unfair accusations.

  
"Don't lie to me! Why _**else** _would you let the people of Elberon boost your ego so high? It's because you wanted so _**badly** _to believe them. To believe that you weren't a screw up. To get rid of the consuming guilt that you felt for forcing me into a role before my time."

And there, as if she read my mind, was my true fear. I didn't understand what Glimmer was going through and because of that I chose to pretend that things were exactly the same and ignored what she was feeling because I didn't know how else to deal with it, especially with the added knowledge that it was my fault. In turn, that must have only heightened her resentment towards me. I bow my head low until it touches the ground of this dark pit.

  
"You're just so _**useless!**_ " Glimmer screeches.

  
"This is all _**your fault**_." Catra mocks.

  
"I tried to warn you, you _**weren't** _good enough." Shadow Weaver hisses out.

  
"You are the one to blame, destroyer of families. The rebellion was doing just fine before _**you** _showed up." The Force Captain taunts. I hurl as my head pounds aggressively. When I finish emptying my stomach I lift my head back up to see all of them looming over me. Another face emerges amongst them. Hordak. He picks me up until I'm dangling in mid-air.

  
"You are a waste of space." He growls out as he punches me hard in the gut and suddenly it's like I can't breathe. I wheeze heavily, trying to catch my breath, but it's like there's a crushing sensation around my chest, tightening and tightening.

**Reality:**

  
I snap my eyes open with heavy gasping, but the breathlessness is still very much present. I look up and realise that I'm no longer on my bed but on the floor. My anterior lies against the hard ground. I try to push myself up onto all fours but my arms are shaking so badly from both the pain and the nightmare that I collapse back on the floor. The impact presses onto my broken ribs and I bite my tongue to stifle a scream. I roll over slowly until my back is now lying against the hard surface but the feeling of breathlessness returns. I push myself up until I'm upright, but a needle-like pain shoots through my side. I look down to the throbbing area and inhale sharply when I find the bandage tinged with red.

  
"Shoot!" I curse and quickly unwind the fabric, grimacing at the strain I put on my still healing arms and broken ribs. ' _Please let the stitches still be there. Please let them be there.'_ I chant to myself repeatedly until the material falls away completely and I breathe out in relief when I find that only one of the stitches have come undone. I look round and fortunately find that the bedside table is within reach. I stretch an arm out to pull the drawer open and rummage for new bandages. I pull out a new packet and start wrapping it around myself, but I start sweating at the exertion and have to stop multiple times to push away the swimming in my head. The torment comes to an end when I finally tie the end of the fabric, but I groan when I see that the blood has already started seeping through it again.

  
"Shoot! Glimmer is going to kill me if she sees this." I mutter aloud and run through my options. _'Either I go and pay the medical bay a visit and get them to stitch me back up before she comes here or I find a t-shirt to wear to hide the bloodied bandages.'_ I stare at the door, knowing that I can only hide the blood-stained dressing for so long. With a groan I decide to get to my feet, but as soon as I try, pain flares up my side and I have to stop. _'Ok, there's no way I can walk to the sick bay on my own. I could just wait for Bow to pop in or call out to those guards standing outside...no bad idea, they'll report back to Glimmer for sure. I'll wait for Bow.'_ But four hours pass without any sight or sound from the archer.

  
"For goodness sake Bow, _**where** _are you?!" I complain.

  
"Are you alright in there?" A booming voice asks from the other side of my closed door. A wave of panic washes over me when I realise the guard must have heard me talking to myself.

  
"Yes! Absolutely fine! Just...reading this very good book!" I lie quickly with a raised voice, but it must have been convincing enough as the guard mutters an _'ok'_. I wilt back against the frame of the bed in relief before glancing back to my bed. _'I should try to get back into bed so nothing looks suspicious.'_ I chew the bottom of my lip anxiously, not wanting to rip out more stitches or be struck with more stabbing sensations. I lift up the top I'm wearing which I fortunately found lying nearby and stare at the red patch at my side. I drop the t-shirt back down and with a bout of determination I get myself up and onto the bed.

The process is difficult and agonising, but I manage it and without losing any more stitches. I think. I drop the back of my head onto the pillow and wipe the sweat off my forehead. _'I can't believe this. I used to be able to get through a whole training simulation without breaking a single sweat and now I can't even get off the floor and into bed without pooling in perspiration.'_ The whole episode fills me with exhaustion and its so tempting to just fall asleep, but I shake my head. _'Falling asleep is what got me into this mess.'_ I think in annoyance, until another voice appears in my mind. _'No, your insecurities and failings is what got you into this.'_

I pinch the bridge of my nose as I push that notion away. _'At least this incident stopped me from thinking about that nightmare.'_ I shiver, but I'm not sure if its from the cold against my sweat-covered body or because of how horrific that night terror was. I glance to my right to see that the book still there. _'I guess I could finish that off.'_ I glimpse quickly at the clock to find it already 5pm in the evening. _'Where on Etheria are they? I could understand Glimmer's absence with the whole not wanting to talk thing. But Bow? He usually pops in unless he's on a mission...'_ My blood runs cold. _'You don't think something happened?'_ I bite my lip. _'No. They're fine.'_ I grab the book and pick up from where I left off, trying hard to keep my mind off the archer.

  
It's just past midnight when I hear my door crack open, but I don't look up from the novel in my hands despite having finished it hours ago, because I know there's only one person who'd come to my room this late.

  
"Adora?" I don't reply when I hear the tired voice. The sound of steps echoes in the room until I can almost feel the queen's breath above me. "I know you're mad at me, but I didn't mean to be gone so long. A bunch of sorcerers from Mystacor were attacked...including my aunt." My eyes widen at Glimmer's shallow voice and I look up to see the bags under her eyes.

  
"Is she ok?" I ask rapidly with a touch of worry in my voice. My response must have been enough encouragement as the teen perches on my bed. I force down a wince as the jostling causes my side to throb again.

  
"She's fine. A little shaken up, but fine. Bow and I spent all of yesterday and today pushing back the Horde until they finally retreated. Gosh I'm exhausted." The teen voices with a yawn. I look down in guilt for having been annoyed at her and for not being there to help.

  
"You should head to bed." I suggest as I watch Glimmer rub her eyes.

  
"But I promised we would talk." The queen argues and I can't help the warmth that passes through me at her persistence to stick to her promise.

  
"It can wait. Go and sleep." I urge softly and the queen must have really been shattered because she nods without further argument. But I'm surprised when she moves round the bed and lays her back on the spare space beside me. "Glimmer?" I inquire in confusion. She rolls over onto her side, her eyebrows furrowing slightly.

  
"Thought to make up for my lack of presence lately, but I can go if you want." The teen explains, already pushing herself up into a sitting position and ready to move away completely. I snap my hand out to grab her wrist to keep her seated. The discomfort ripples up my bicep but my face is resolute.

  
"No, it's fine. I was just...surprised is all." I mumble. Glimmer watches me for a moment before lying back down on her side.

  
"I thought it might help to have company to keep the nightmares at bay. You seem to sleep better with someone close by." The queen answers carefully. Her eyes gauging my expression.

  
"Yeah, you're right." I answer stiffly as I stare up at the ceiling, hoping she'd leave it at that and go to sleep. I hear the clock tick five times before the purple head talks again.

  
"Did you have any last night?" I tense up at the unwanted question and an image of Glimmer stalking towards me with her hands lit up flashes before my eyes. I shudder involuntarily which causes the teen to frown as she moves closer to me. "You did. What was it about?" I curse silently at my inability to hide anything from her and hate that she won't leave it alone. I feign a yawn.

  
"We can talk about this later. For now, we're both tired and should get some sleep." I suggest smoothly. I see the conflict that passes through her eyes before she sighs.

  
"Fine. But we're talking first thing tomorrow." The queen states, followed by a yawn. I nod rigidly and close my eyes. It takes 20 minutes before I finally hear the even breathing of the girl beside me. When I do, I release a small breath and relax, not realising how stiff I was before. _'I'm praying that she doesn't ask, because I have no idea what I'd say. It can't be the truth. In any case she'll probably be busy with meetings and I'll be be able to dodge that conversation.'_

As I survey the room, my eyes fall on the purple head beside me and I can't help but smile at how peaceful she looks when she's asleep. _'This is probably what Glimmer meant when she saw me asleep. It's like there's no problems or worries when we slumber.'_ I observe as the jewel on her forehead glints in the moonlight and I subconsciously move a hand to ease it off slowly. The action elicits a sigh from the teen as she sinks deeper into the bed. I place the jewellery piece on the table and shift slightly in an attempt to get more comfortable, but I cringe at the sudden ache. I hover a hand over my side before finally letting my palm rest against it lightly.

I bite my lip when I feel something wet against my skin and as I bring it up to the moonlight I spot a dark substance coating the centre of my palm. _'Gosh I was hoping it would just scab over by now. I wonder if it was more than one stitch that came undone.'_ I investigate again, but it seems to be only a shallow flow of blood, enough to seep through both my bandages and shirt, but not enough to die from if I leave it for a couple of days...I think. _'I should really get some help.'_ But when my eyes return to Glimmer, I can't bring myself to wake her. _'She looks exhausted...'_ But as I think that, a smaller part of me voices something else. _'You just don't want her to ask what happened or what your nightmare was about.'_

I groan at the insistent voice and shift again, this time turning my head to look at the sleeping queen. _'I'll sort it out later. With Bow back, I can get him to take me to the medical bay and Glimmer will be none the wiser.'_ I eye the queen and sigh heavily, knowing that hiding things will only make our relation worse, but I don't know what else to do. The queen shifts in her sleep and moves her hand up to rest it by her head. Hesitantly, I extend my hand to rest it on top of hers, the contact helps settle my nerves, but when I feel her squeeze mine, I almost jump out of my skin. And when her eyes crack open I try to jerk away, but she tightens her hold around my appendage.

  
"You know you're terrible at being subtle." The teen teases.

  
"I thought you were asleep!" I choke out between slack jaws

.  
"Hard to do when you keep moving around and watching me." Glimmer states with amusement and I flush at being caught.

  
"Sorry! I just couldn't sleep." I stammer out, thanking the first ones that the room is dark enough that she can't see my red face.

  
"Yeah I figured. Something's bothering you, what is it?" I curse inwardly at her inquisition.

  
"I'm fine." I mutter out, but regret it when I feel her hand becoming rigid underneath mine. She then pushes herself up onto her elbow and reaches over me to switch on the lights. I tense up when her arm brushes my side, but her limb retracts moments later. I blink several times to get used to the sudden lighting and when I open them fully I gaze up into Glimmer's stern face.

  
"If you say your fine, then you definitely aren't. What's wrong? Are your wounds acting up? Did last night's nightmare bother you that much? Are you worried about what that Horde lady did?" I tense up more and more at each question that the teen fires at me and I have to raise my free hand to pinch the bridge of my nose to collect myself. A minute later I hear a sharp intake of breath. I frown and am just about to remove my hand until the queen grabs it and turns it over to look at my palm. "Is that _**blood?!**_ " The exclamation prompts me to take a glimpse at my hand and I curse myself silently for forgetting about it.

  
"I..." I start, but avert my eyes when I realise I don't know what to say. Moments later, the cover is pulled away completely and I shiver at the sudden cold. Glimmer's eyes scan me up and down until they zone in at the dark patch on my grey vest. She moves so that she's kneeling on the mattress and hikes up the top to my armpits and gasps when she sees the blood red on the white dressing. Her eyes snap back to mine, the anger evident in her features.

  
"What the heck Adora?! What happened?! Why didn't you tell me anything?!" I squirm at the barrage of enraged questions. I use my elbows to push me up slightly to rid the vulnerable sensation I feel of the queen bearing over me.

  
"It's _**fine!**_ I was going to get it sorted out tomorrow." I explain with a frustrated tone, but my response earns me a heated glare from the purple head.

  
"How is bleeding _**fine** **?!**_ Did you rip out a stitch while I was gone? I told you to stay put! Why don't you _**ever** _listen?!" I flinch hard as the final question sends a hurtful pang to my heart. Glimmer must have seen the distress on my face as she snaps her jaws closed, but her mandible throbs with barely restrained fury. She doesn't ask me any more questions as she quickly unwinds the material, her hands brush over my skin now and again. I have to close my eyes when a bout of light headedness hits me from the sudden smell of blood. When the dressing falls away completely, I feel her hand brushing over the open wound. I fling my eyes open and choke out a gasp of pain. Her eyes flicker up to me before returning back to my side. "There's a couple of stitches missing here. There aren't any doctors available now, they're either tending to those wounded from today and yesterday or they're catching up on much needed sleep. If you told me earlier, I might've been able to find someone." I shrink back at the heated tone.

  
"I can just wait till tomorrow morning." I suggest quietly but bite my tongue when the queen shoots me a glower.

  
"You've already lost a ton of blood, you don't need to lose any more. My mum made me take a few stitching lessons in case anything happened on the battle field. I could stitch you up but...it's going to be painful without any pain killers." The teen voices regretfully.

  
"It's fine." I answer a beat later.

  
"Would you stop saying that!" Glimmer snaps and I cringe at her tone. I swallow and rest my hand on top of hers that's resting over my abdomen.

  
"No seriously, it's fine. We didn't have pain killers in the Horde so we had to bear the brunt without it. I've had stitches before without any. I can manage." I voice determinedly. I watch the queen hesitate, closing her eyes briefly with a sigh before re-opening them and nodding. She reaches over me again to open the drawer of the bedside table and pulls out an antiseptic bottle, needle and thread. The teen wipes away the dried blood with the liquid as I lie rigidly to stop myself from flinching. Then the queen picks up the needle, her eyes returning back to mine.

  
"I'm going to start, just try not to move and I'll be as quick as I can." Glimmer orders. I drop my hands back onto the mattress and take in a deep breath. I feel a prick but when the needle embeds itself deeper into my skin, I find myself holding my breath as old memories resurface. _'Its been awhile since I last had stitches while I was awake. The last time was when I disobeyed orders as a young teen...'_ I'm broken out of my thoughts by another prick, sharper than the last. I bunch the sheets beneath me into my fists, digging my fingernails into the palms of my hand. The object digs deeper, a sharp intake escapes me. Glimmer doesn't move her eyes off her work, but her eyebrows furrow as she presses her lips together tightly. Another prick and I close my eyes. I hear the sound of scissors and minutes later I feel a hand on my cheek. "All done." The voice whispers softly. When I crack my eyes open, the hand falls away. "We should change you out of this shirt. Do you think you can move?" The queen asks as I release a shaky breath.

  
"Yeah." I reply and wince when the purple head props me up on a few pillows. She leaves the bed, but returns moments later with a new top. It takes a few tries but she helps me into it eventually. All the while her eyes refuse to meet mine, a stony expression set on her features. I watch as she checks the bandages around my arms, probably checking that I didn't pull any of those off. "Glimmer..." I start, but pause when I realise I don't know what to say.

  
"Save it Adora." Comes the harsh response and I snap my jaws closed. When she's double checked that I'm not secretly bleeding from anywhere else, she switches off the lights and lies back on the bed. She rolls over onto her side away from me, her back towards me. I gulp.

  
"I really was going to get it checked out tomorrow." I state, hoping to reassure her, but no luck.

  
"It doesn't matter." The queen states monotonously. "It's not like you were going to tell me anyway." I hear her utter. I bite my lip hard as my chest throbs painfully. I stretch out an arm towards her shoulder, but as if she knew what I was doing, she slaps it away. " _ **Don't**_. Just go to sleep." My eyes burn at the rejection and I swallow thickly.

I turn my head away from her and look up. _'You always have to go and ruin it don't you?'_ My inner demon hisses. If it was difficult getting to sleep before, then its impossible now. I shut my eyes forcibly, but the darkness only serve to amplify my feelings of being trapped. Usually the presence of someone nearby would help, but tonight it only serves as a source of affliction. Instead of focusing on my tormented thoughts, I concentrate on the aches and stabs across my body. The throbbing of my side, the pushing of my ribs around my chest, the stinging of the cuts on my arms whenever I flex my muscles and the ache in my heart. _'These physical pangs are nearly enough to distract me completely from the hurt inside.'_ But when I make that comparison it crashes down all over again and my head starts to pulse from all the stress I'm subjecting myself to.

I exhale slowly, so as to not attract Glimmer's attention, who I'm pretty sure is still awake if her hunched shoulders are anything to go by. I feel like slapping myself at the foolish mistake. _'I should've just told her as soon as she walked in. For goodness sake I just had a nightmare where Glimmer was literally voicing all her fears to me, including the one where I hide things from her! The same nightmare that got me into this ridiculous situation to start with!'_ I blink hard and shift further away from the queen, until I'm close to the edge of the bed. _'I don't even know if any of that is true. It's just stuff my subconscious made up...although it does sound plausible.'_ I glimpse at the teen, her back still to me. I bite back a groan and rest a hand over my eyes. _'Why didn't I just say?!'_ I stiffen. _'Actually, I know the answer to that._ '

Cold dread drips down my spine and it takes everything in me to stop myself from pushing back the covers and getting out of this bed. I inhale and exhale, forcing the memories away. _'Its **fine**. Everything is **fine**. Nothing's going to happen. I'm **fine**.'_ I tell myself until my body unwinds slightly from its tense state. I feel something moist on my cheeks and then realise a moment later I'm crying. I swipe at my eyes, annoyed at myself for being so weak and in that second I'm glad Glimmer is too angry to notice.

I swallow, in an attempt to get some air back into my lungs, but my nose is too blocked with mucus. I take a shuddering breath but it does no good and a whimper escapes me. I quickly cough to mask the sound, but it soon turns into a coughing fit as I try to breathe in at the same time. I hear movements and then arms are pulling me up into a semi sitting position, I grimace at the tug from my side but my coughing fit stops me from thinking about it too much. A hand starts patting my back and eventually the coughing stops as I'm left wheezing for breath. My ribs protesting at the abuse. I encircle an arm around my abdomen, trying to squeeze the discomfort away. After a while it all eases down and I wilt back until I notice that I'm leaning against warm solid support. I'm about to move off, but Glimmer's arms tighten around my stomach. "Sleep." Comes the soft demand and it's as if I needed permission because minutes later I find myself drifting away.

**Morning:**

  
The next morning I fully expect Glimmer to be gone, so I'm shocked to find her still in my room, standing several paces away from me with her back turned as she stares at the bookshelf. I frown and watch her, but when she makes no move to leave I close my eyes, hoping to feign sleep and escape from her obvious barrage of questions.

  
"I know you're awake." I jump at the sudden voice and look at her in wonder.

  
"How did you...?" I start to ask but she cuts me off before I finish.

  
"When people sleep their breathing is even, but when they awaken, their breathing pattern changes immediately." The queen explains neutrally as she finally spins round to face me. Her arms crossed and her face set. I gulp.

  
"Don't you have meetings or queen duties to attend to?" I ask nervously.

  
"No. Today we celebrate an ancient Etherian holiday, so most people have the next few days off." The queen states offhandedly and I force myself not to groan at my luck. I push myself up onto my elbows and wait for her to speak. When 5 minutes tick by with no words, I feel a sense of irritation building up within me. I move so that I'm now sitting on the bed, ignoring the stabbing ache.

  
"Well, go ahead and shout at me; I know you want to." I snap, annoyed at her constant staring. My words prompt the queen to sigh as she takes a few steps towards me.

  
"I don't want to shout.." I snort at the statement, but when the teen glares at me, I wilt back. "...that doesn't mean I'm not furious at what you did." I bite my lip at the unfair accusation.

  
"I didn't intend to rip out a couple of stitches. It just happened..." I trail off when I realise how lame my response sounds, even to my ears.

  
"That's not the only thing that I'm mad about and you know it. Why didn't you tell me?" I purse my lips at the question.

  
"I didn't want you to worry." I answer flatly.

  
"That's a lie. What's the truth?" I widen my eyes at the ease in which she picked up on my deceit.

  
"How did you...?" I inquire with surprise as the Queen pinches the bridge of her nose.

  
"You're a terrible liar. You have this nervous tick you do whenever you're lying." I blink at the blunt statement and drop my eyes to my lap in humiliation.

  
"The _**truth** _Adora." The stern demand makes me stare hard at the surrounding blankets as I chew the inside of my cheek.

  
"I didn't want you to ask me what happened." I mutter honestly. I must have been a bit too honest as no words come forth from the purple heard for a full minute.

"I figured as much." The queen finally replies with despondence. I glance up to see her head turned to the side, lines of distress contour along her face as her jaw throbs from repeated clenching. I exhale slowly.

"I fell out of bed during my sleep. That's all. I didn't get up or defy you or anything like that. And I ripped the stitch out while I was trying to get back up." I disclose at last, hoping she'll leave it at that. I watch as her eyes widen slightly and she takes several steps closer until she's a half metre away from me.

  
"You fell out while you slept? You mean you were bleeding for the _**whole** **day**_ until I came back?! You should've called out to the guards, they were standing right outside!" I avert my eyes at the berating, but slide them back to the purple head when I hear a sudden intake of breath. "Oh...you were worried they'd report back to me..." I nod stiffly at the accurate deduction, part of me impressed at how observant she's being and yet the bigger part is annoyed that I can't hide anything from her.

  
"Why did you fall out? The bed is now a double, if anything that means it's less likely to roll off the mattress." The teen questions bluntly and I can't help but cluck my tongue at the constant quizzing.

  
"Can you just stop asking me all these questions! Just...give me a break from the constant interrogation! You're either shouting at me or questioning me. What happened to just normal talking? Because you know that would be much more appreciated!" I snap in indignation, but when I see Glimmer's crestfallen face I wish I just bit my tongue, especially when I see her bottom lip tremble and the creases that appear along her eyes. I extend an arm towards her but drop it when she recoils. "Glimmer, I..." I start.

  
"No, it's fine. I probably should go and check on my Aunt. I'll see you later." The teen mutters as she turns towards the door. The action sends a chill of panic through me for unfathomable reasons.

  
"Glimmer no, I didn't mean..." I stumble on my words, not knowing what to say to stop her leaving. "Please don't go." I plead, but when she doesn't turn back to face me I bite my tongue hard. "Fine, _**fine** **!**_ It was a nightmare! I fell out of bed because of this dumb nightmare, ok? Just...don't ask me what it was about." I choke out in a rush. I don't notice the hands on my cheeks until I feel a thumb swiping at something below my eyelid.

  
"Adora? Adora, it's ok. I'm not going. I'm still here, see? I'll stay for as long as you need me." I'm confused by the sudden onslaught of comfort until I realise that my whole body is shaking. I force my trembles to stop. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to push you so hard. I was just worried about what was going on with you and...hurt you wouldn't tell me." At Glimmer's last statement, her eyes flicker away in shame. My breathing returns to normal again and the queen's hands fall away from my face and instead take residence on my thighs which is when I become aware that she's kneeling in front of me.

  
"It's fine. I don't know why I did that." I mumble in embarrassment as I drop my head down. A second later, gentle fingers takes hold of my chin and tilts it up.

  
"You did something similar yesterday. I think...think it might've been a panic attack." I blink twice at the suggestion before shaking my head vigorously.

  
"No definitely not. I don't get panic attacks." I state strongly with crossed arms.

  
"Adora, there's nothing wrong with having a panic attack." But I continue shaking my head, refusing to even consider it.

  
"It doesn't matter because it _**wasn't** _a panic attack. I've just been wound up so tightly these past few months with all these emotions and lack of sleep that it started to wear me down. _**That's all**_." I assert stubbornly earning an unsure look from the queen.

  
"If you insist." Glimmer utters dubiously.

  
"I do." I voice and then we fall into silence. The purple head taps her fingers on my knee in thought.

  
"Did I really upset you that much last night?" I gape at the bold question and avert my eyes from her bearing gaze.

  
"What makes you think I was upset?" I inquire quietly.

  
"I heard you whimper." I grimace at the direct statement. _'Note to self: keep a tighter lid on my emotions.'_

  
"I just..." I stall and decide to be truthful. "I don't want to disappoint you. I want to try my best to be the friend that you deserve, but I just keep letting you down." I confess with downcast eyes. Soft fingers tilt my chin back up until I'm staring into emotion filled purple orbs.

  
"Adora, that's not true. You're fierce, loyal and brave. You stick to what you believe is right, even when everyone is against you and you sacrifice more than anyone I've ever seen. You're _**more** _than I deserve." I close my eyes.

  
"I don't know." I mutter insecurely. A warm hand cups my cheek and I flutter my eyes open to see the resolute expression on her face.

  
"Then believe me." Glimmer breathes out as she leans forward to touch my forehead with hers. I almost choke at the gesture, remembering the last time we did this was when...when Angella saved us. "I know sorry doesn't cover anything, but I'm sorry for everything and I'm most sorry for making you cry last night. I was being a jerk." I chuckle at the insult.

  
"So you were only a jerk yesterday?" I tease, causing the purple head to lean back and stick her tongue out. "You know it's very unbecoming for a queen to do that." I joke as Glimmer retracts the muscle and rolls her eyes.

  
"Fine. I've been a jerk for a while. Happy now?" I smirk at the admission, before it drops and a frown makes its way up my face as I sigh.

  
"You aren't the only at fault. I know I've been difficult, what with ignoring your orders and everything. I hope you can forgive me." I say as I bite my lip.

  
"Already done." Glimmer replies with a smile and wraps her arms around me in a hug. I exhale in relief and rest my chin on her shoulder. "You know we still have a lot to talk about." The teen whispers softly which elicits a groan from me at the reminder.

  
"I know. But, can we just put it on pause? At least for the time being." I request and I feel her nod into my shoulder.

  
"Alright. I'll leave it to you to bring it up, since I'm obviously too pushy to be the one to start. Just...don't leave it too long, we don't want anything to fester." I sag deeper into the embrace, satisfied with the compromise.

  
"Deal."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally gave Catra some lines. Admittedly it's nightmare Catra and not real Catra, but she'll pop a few times over the course of the story.
> 
> Saying what on etheria instead of what on earth felt so weird heh, I might just switch to just using earth since you guys will know what I mean anyway.
> 
> Anyone ever done that thing where you don't want anyone to hear you crying, so you try breathing through your mouth because your nose is so clogged up with mucus from all the crying and then you end up breathing funny and start coughing? Yeah, that's what I tried to explain with Adora, but not sure if it came across that well.
> 
> Again, no hate on Glimmer. We still have a while to go before we see more of her POV.
> 
> So still an angsty chapter, but good news is that they both agree that they need to talk now. That's a start right? Hm maybe not XD
> 
> Anyway what did you think? Kudos & Comments are always appreciated. Until next time guys :)


	10. Opening Up is Hard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The topic of Shadow Weaver sparks unrest and the chance for the two friends to finally talk. However, sometimes opening up is too hard.
> 
> This chapter was inspired by the fact that at the end of the day Glimmer would've lost either her mum or Adora, there was no way around it. It was never really touched upon in the show so I delve a little into that, would Glimmer have preferred the alternative?
> 
> Also I realised that Adora never knew about the fallout/argument Glimmer had with her mum before the portal opened, so I chose to remedy that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little longer than I would've liked but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. I really like this chapter as it explores a few things that the show brushed on but didn't have time to explore properly. I'm really curious to hear your thoughts on this one, so please comment if you have time. 
> 
> Definite triggers of cutting and panic attacks, so be careful!
> 
> Thank you for the kudos & comments guys. It's great hearing from you :)

**Adora's POV:**

Over the next few days we begin to repair our cracked friendship and things go back to pretty much how they were before. The key difference is that Glimmer sleeps in my room every night. And I haven't had a nightmare since. Bad thing is, I still haven't brought up the issues between us, worried that it will end in another row. But nearly two weeks later after I've been given permission to walk around the palace, I catch a glimpse of Shadow Weaver with the queen as they disappear around a corner. The sight sends a shiver down my spine and I stalk back to my room where I remain for the rest of the day until Glimmer comes knocking on the door in the late evening. She pops her head through the door to find me sitting on the edge of the bed with my arms crossed and my mind deep in thought.

  
"Adora?" I blink and lift up my head to find the teen in front of me, her head tilted.

  
"Yeah?" I voice distantly.

  
"Are you alright?"

  
"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" I ask with a touch of attitude causing the purple head's eyebrows to shoot up.

  
"Yeah there's definitely something up. What's wrong?" Glimmer states with crossed arms. I flicker my eyes up to hers before glancing away.

  
"Just...I don't understand how you can stand being around her, let alone letting her teach you." I answer rigidly. I observe as confusion contours her features until understanding dawns a minute later.

  
"You're talking about Shadow Weaver." The queen breathes out and drops her arms to her sides. I don't respond and opt to stare at the carpet by her feet. She hesitates for a moment before walking over to sit beside me. Her hands clasp together on her lap. "She's useful." Comes the short reply. I narrow my eyes.

  
"She's manipulative." I answer back while tightening my hands around my biceps.

  
"I know. But I've always wanted to be a sorceress like my dad and she was my dad's old teacher, who better to teach me?" I bite my lip, not wanting to argue against that especially with Glimmer having lost both of her parents now.

  
"Can't you get someone else to teach you; like your aunt?" I ask, hoping I don't sound too desperate.

  
"Shadow Weaver was the best that Mystacor ever had, My dad was the only one who was ever able to surpass her abilities. I love my aunt, but she's not...good enough. And with Horde Prime on his way, we have to be ready and at our strongest." I cluck my tongue at the explanation.

  
"But you're plenty strong. I've seen you in action and you're amazing!" I retort as confliction crosses her face.

  
"But I can be better!" The queen argues. I don't reply. "Besides, learning magic makes me feel closer to my dad and without mum here I feel like I need that more than before." I sigh and stare at the ground.

  
"Alright." I utter reluctantly, disappointed in myself that our conversation didn't change anything. A hand rests on my forearm and I find myself being pulled towards the teen until we're face to face.

  
"It really bothers you, doesn't it? Bow mentioned it to me before but with everything going on I forgot to bring it up with you."

  
"Bow?" I echo with a frown as Glimmer averts her eyes.

  
"Yeah, he...said how much it bothers you that Shadow Weaver is free." My eyelid twitches at how pathetic that sounds, but I don't deny it because it's true.

  
"It does! Seeing you with her reminds me of when I was with her in the Horde. She twists you and influences you without you even realising it. She's dangerous and shouldn't be allowed to walk freely." I explain in irritation.

  
"So what do you prefer? That I ensure that there are a couple guards around her at all times? News flash Adora, if she wanted to pull something she would've done it by now, with or without the presence of guards." The queen voices frankly.

  
"Would be better if you didn't learn from her." I mutter quietly.

  
"I told you that I can't do that." The teen expresses sternly. I turn my head away from her and clench my jaws repeatedly.

  
"Why does it bother you if she teaches me? I'm the one dealing with her. You don't even have to see her." The teen asks in a completely oblivious tone.

  
"Of course you don't get it. You've been _**pampered** _your whole life." I bite out but upon hearing her sharp intake of breath I wish I could take it back, especially when I see the hurt in her face and the anger in her eyes. I rise to my feet and take a few steps away from her. "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. It's just...you wouldn't understand." I apologise. I hear the creak of the bed behind me and then a moment later her hand rests on my shoulder, spinning me around until I face her once again, her expression unreadable.

  
"Then enlighten me." At those words a variety of emotions flicker through me and I have to turn my head away again.

  
"Seeing you with her...reminds me of everything that she put me through, every lie she told, every bad and confusing memory. I'm scared for you, but its not only that. Having her here brings all these flashbacks. Things I want to forget but can't because she's _**here**_. Knowing that she can do to you what she did to me." I explain haltingly. I glance back to the purple head to see her frowning deeply.

  
"What exactly did she do to you?" I shiver at the question.

  
"I don't want to talk about it." I mumble and watch the protest ready on the queen's lips before she snaps them closed again.

  
"Ok. I know you don't like this. But trust me when I say that I'll never let her harm you. And I won't be manipulated by her. I can limit my lessons with her if you want? And keep a tighter watch on her, but I'm not sure what else I can do because we _**need** _her Adora." I wilt when I hear my name, knowing how important that this is to Glimmer, despite my reservations and fears. I sigh.

  
"You do what you see is best. I won't stop you." I answer robotically.

  
"But I don't want to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable." Glimmer responds as uncertainty plays on her face.

  
"Just...be weary of her. Don't listen to anything she has to say other than her magic teaching." I request, my voice becoming hoarse at the thought of the sorceress' manipulations. The queen takes my hands into hers.

  
"I will, just trust me." The teen replies earnestly and I almost flinch at those familiar words. _'Why does Glimmer always feel the need to say that whenever we question her? Does she really think we wouldn't? Or is there more to it than that? Something she doesn't want to tell me.'_ When I feel her hands tightening around my own, I realise I still haven't responded to her statement.

  
"I do Glimmer. You know I do." I state genuinely and it seems to relieve the tension from the queen's shoulders as they relax and she releases my hands. I view as the purple head claps her hands together, a smile on her face as she twirls round to go back to bed.

  
"I'm glad that's sorted. Now, we should head to bed, there's a super early meeting tomorrow that I can't be late to." The queen utters with an upbeat tone as she gives me her back to get into bed, missing the strained expression I display at her misunderstanding of the whole Shadow Weaver situation. I sigh, knowing that I can't push anymore than I have without getting into another argument. I go over to the bed and lie down on the mattress, staring at the ceiling.

I chew the inside of my cheek as I think of all the things we haven't discussed and how likely that it will end in disaster if we keep avoiding every issue. I drum my fingers against my chest, _'Maybe it's time I open up that conversation?'_ Then my mind flashes to that nightmare. _'That means I'll have to tell her what that night terror was about and I don't know how she'll react to it, especially when she finds out how much her behaviour has had a role in them. What if she decides to cut off our friendship again in an attempt to 'protect me' again? I don't think I could handle that again.'_ I shudder, feeling like a mouse caught in a cage. _'What do I do?'_

"What are you thinking about?" I jump at the sudden question to see the purple head staring at me unsurely. I swallow, _'the truth or a lie?'_ I deliberate for a few moments before sighing when I realise I can't keep dodging this talk. I take in a deep breath and push myself up into a sitting position. I watch as the queen does likewise, confusion written clearly on her features.

  
"Do you think we can talk?" I ask before I chicken out of it again. The queen frowns as she rests her hands on her lap.

  
"About Shadow Weaver?" Glimmer utters with a tight expression.

  
"No, I mean...about everything. I know I've been dodging it lately, but maybe it's time we did talk about it all." I state, my voice turning small when I realise that I'm actually going ahead with this, I'm actually going to lay myself bare in front of the purple head. A small 'oh' escapes her, before she shakes herself out of whatever trance she was in and meets my eyes in hesitation.

  
"If you're sure? I don't want you to feel that you have to." Glimmer expresses softly as her fingers fiddles with the edge of the cover. I nod.

  
"I'm sure." I voice, sounding more sure than I feel.

  
"Alright...what did you want to talk about first?" I purse my lips at the reluctance in the queen's voice, but I force myself not be put off by it. I drum my fingers against my thigh as I think of what question I want to ask first.

  
"Why do you always think Bow and I don't trust you?" The query shoots out of my mouth before I can think to word it better. I cringe when the purple head drops her jaws at the blunt question.

  
"I...what? No! Erm...I don't know what you mean." The queen stumbles, her eyes darting away from me.

  
"You always say it. Like just now and this isn't the first time." I point out. "Don't you trust us to trust you?" I ask with a wounded tone as our prior conversation comes to the forefront of my mind, her inability to trust me back when we first met. I know that Horde captain twisted the truth, but I can't help but think that maybe there's some substance to it. My probing causes the purple head to snap her eyes back to mine as she she shakes her head vigorously.

  
"No! That's not it at all! Of course I trust you and Bow." The vehemence in her words is almost reassuring, but a part of me can't help but niggle at me for more.

  
"But?" I prompt.

  
"There are no buts." The queen states sternly and I shoot her a withering look at the lie. She slumps her shoulders before wrapping her arms around her.

  
"It's dumb." Comes the quiet response. I scooch a little closer to my friend and place my hand on top of hers, stilling her fidgeting fingers.

  
"It can't be dumb if it's bothering you." I answer softly which elicits a sigh from the queen.

  
"It's just an insecurity issue. As I said before, my mum never listened to me. She didn't trust me to make my own decisions. Who's to say that you guys won't do the same?" I frown at that response.

  
"Is that why you get so angry with me when I ignore your orders? Because you think I don't trust you?" I voice out, slightly appalled that the trust in our friendship wasn't as two way as I thought it was. The hurt must have been portrayed on my face as the purple head drops her gaze.

  
"When you put it like that..." The queen trails off as her eyes remain fixed on the blanket. I look at her, unsure whether I should be angry, hurt or sympathetic.

  
"I thought all friendship was meant to be based on mutual trust and respect. How can you not trust that I trust you? Better yet, how I can prove that I do trust you?" I inquire with furrowed eyebrows. When Glimmer lifts up her gaze, I swallow when I realise I already know the answer. I push the cover back and twist round until I give the queen my back.  
"No, no way. I'm not doing that." I force out strongly. Silence pierces the air for several moments until I hear shuffling behind me. A second later a hand rests on my shoulder, but I refuse to turn round.

  
"Adora." I shake my head stubbornly at the prompt.

  
"I'm not going to blindly obey you Glimmer just because you have trust issues. Everyone makes mistakes, including the two of us. That's why we're an alliance, because if one of us sees a hole in a plan then we can fix it. That's why we're stronger together, because we all have different views and knowledge. I'm not going to jeopardise that to make you happy." I utter ruefully.

  
"I know." I blink at the unexpected agreement and turn my head back to see the queen's resolute face. "I know I can't ask this of you because it wouldn't be fair. You're right, everyone makes mistakes...even me..." She sighs. "... _ **especially** _me. I told you, it's just some dumb personal issue." The purple head explains weakly and drops her hand off my shoulder. I furrow my eyebrows and face her completely again.

"But why? Why do you find it hard to trust us? Is it something I did?" I ask guiltily as my mind flashes back to all my failures. I'm broken out of these thoughts when Glimmer snaps her hands out to grip my own tightly.

  
" _ **No!**_ Definitely not." I purse my lips at the strong reply.

  
"Then what?" I probe, but the queen loosens are hold of my appendages, ready to retract them away. I grip onto them, stopping her from pulling back. She fidgets in discomfort, staring everywhere but at me. "If you can't tell me then...then _**I am**_ the cause." I continue wounded. That gets her attention as her eyes snap back up to me.

  
"No, it really isn't. It's just...ridiculous." I watch as the queen chews her lip subconsciously and I can't help but bite the inside of my cheek at the display.

  
"Why can't you open up to me? We'll never solve anything if you keep being so tight lipped." I say more harshly than I intended.

  
"That's rich coming from you. You've done nothing but close up! How do you expect me to do the same?" The queen retorts with a scowl. I open my mouth to argue but snap it shut when I realise she's right.

  
"Fine. What do you want to know?" I ask between grit teeth.

  
"What happened in that nightmare that shook you up so badly that you fell out of bed a couple of weeks ago?" I stiffen up at the blunt question and turn my head to the side to stare at the wall. A second ticks by till I realise my hand is still in hers and I pull them away to grip my knees.

  
"Why is that important?" I ask rigidly.

  
"Because I need to know what's bothering you. Maybe I can help." Glimmer suggests quietly.

  
"You can't help because it's not important!" I grit out. I hear a thump and turn to face her wearily.

  
"If that's the case, then neither is mine. Goodnight." The queen declares as she throws herself back onto the pillows. I feel my jaws pulsating hard at the childish display. I run a shaky hand through my hair and finally decide to get out of bed.

I walk up to the bookshelf, blindly grab a book and seat myself at the couch by the window. I sigh softly and bang the back of my head against the glass behind me as I rest the book on my crossed legs. _'Out of all the things she could've asked, it **had** to be that one. She could've asked anything else and I would've answered!'_ I bite my lip when my mind falls on Shadow Weaver and what she used to do to me. _'Ok, **almost** anything. That's still a sore subject. But the nightmares? That's like confessing all my vulnerabilities to her and I don't...I can't let myself feel that exposed. Never again, not after how Catra took advantage of it in the portal.'_

I flex the fingers of my right hand as a tingling sensation runs through them as if it recalls the hitting sensation I felt when I punched my ex-best friend. _'Maybe Glimmer is right. How can I expect her to open up when I can't do the same?'_ I shake my head. _'No, that's different. My actions aren't hurting her. My past with Shadow Weaver has nothing to do with her and neither does my nightmares.'_ I think stubbornly until a small voice emerges in my mind. _'She was in your nightmare, how can that have nothing to do with her?'_ I groan inwardly at the reasonable thought. _'You're scared of her, but you don't want to admit it.'_ My eyes widen at that suggestion. _'I'm not scared of Glimmer!'_ I scream silently. _'Of course you are, why else would your subconscious manifest a nightmare of the girl stalking towards you while hitting you with magic balls? Admit it, you're scared that Shadow Weaver will corrupt her so much that she'll turn against you and you'll end up losing another best friend.'_

 _'Power changes people.'_

I suck in a deep breath as I struggle to breathe normally. _'Is that really the other reason why I've been argumentative and closed? I'm worried that...I'll lose her too.'_ I shudder and pull my knees up to my chest, letting the random book slide down my lap until it rests beside me. I place my forehead on my patellae, trying to force it all out, but it's not working. I just feel my throat constricting more and more and everything feels like its closing in around me. _'I can't lose anyone else. I can't lose her. I don't have anyone else apart from her and Bow. Without them...I don't know what I'll do.'_ I inhale sharply when I feel a sudden pair of arms around me. I'm just about to push them away until I feel them tighten almost protectively around me.

  
"It's just me. Relax." The soft whisper is voiced by my ear and I shiver at the warm breath on my neck. "Adora?" My eyes snap open in recognition. I realise my face is buried into Glimmer's shoulder and I'm shaking hard. I force my body to relax and I slump against the purple head as the last bit of tension fades away. I don't move away and opt to squeeze my eyes shut in embarrassment as I feel Glimmer rubbing my back in soothing circles. _'For the love of...! What's wrong with me? I never used to be this claustrophobic. Unless...nope, nuh uh, I refuse to believe that this was a panic attack.'_ I'm thankful that the purple head doesn't choose to speak and continues her gentle ministrations. Finally, when my heart rate has returned to its steady lull, I take in a deep breath.

  
"You were in my nightmare." The words shoot out before I can even think about it. I feel the purple head stiffen against me and her hand pauses its movements.

  
"Oh." She releases in a shaky breath. I bite my lip hard.

  
"I mean it wasn't only you! There was Shadow Weaver, Catra, that Horde captain and Hordak. Everyone saying a bunch of stuff and it just...shook me." I explain lamely as Glimmer pulls back to scan my face.

  
"What did I say?" I open my mouth at the question and then snap it shut again. I squeeze my eyes closed.

  
"I don't want to say." I whisper fearfully.

  
"Why?" Comes the short response.

  
"Because I'm afraid of losing you." I admit quietly. "I don't think I can handle you hating me or leaving or anything." At my words I feel a pair of hands on my cheeks.

  
"Adora, look at me." I swallow and re-open my eyes at the command to see the queen gazing deeply at me, her thumbs running over my cheekbones, wiping at stray tears that have pathetically leaked out of my eyes. "I could never hate you. Annoyed maybe, but never hate. You're not going to lose me. Not now, not ever. I'll be here for as long as you need me to be. _**I promise**_." I chew my lip at the earnest response, flickering my gaze elsewhere. "There's something else, isn't there?" I sigh at the probe.

  
"I don't want to be vulnerable. Being vulnerable is pathetic and it means you can be taken advantage of." I confess haltingly.

  
"Being vulnerable isn't pathetic. You can't be strong all the time Adora, it's just not possible. I broke down at my own coronation, I was vulnerable and I revealed that only to you and Bow, because I _**trusted** _that you wouldn't take advantage of me. I knew you'd have my back." I frown at Glimmer's words.

  
"I thought you had trust issues?" I point out, confused. The Queen retracts her hands from my face.

  
"I do, I'm scared of opening up. But I know I can count on you to cheer me up when I'm upset." Comes the static response.

  
"Then why did you hide your tears from me before?" I inquire further.

  
"Because...because I'm scared to be vulnerable too." I inhale deeply at the admission, not expecting Glimmer to be fighting with the same demons as me.

  
"Maybe it's time we both drop our defences. At least that way we can be vulnerable together?" I suggest half-heartedly, unsure if I'm really ready to go that far. I watch the Queen purse her lips, hesitation splayed across her face.

  
"I...suppose that will be easier. We won't be able to get through this block otherwise." Comes the unsure response. I drum my fingers against my thigh, trying to figure out what to say, but fortunately the purple head beats me to it.

  
"What about we start with the more simple questions? And then take it in turns." I blow out a breath at the suggestion and nod.

  
"Sounds good." I agree and watch the queen purse her lips in thought.

  
"Did you have these...episodes before, with all the trembling and shaking?" I flinch at the query, half-surprised at the question, but then again it is the mildest thing she could've asked in comparison to everything.

  
"I..." I pause, feeling uncomfortable when I realise that not even Catra knew about my...bouts of anxiety. "...occasionally. After a serious telling off or if I mucked up on something, but it wasn't often or severe and I always broke myself out of it." I explain, with averted eyes.

  
"So why now?" Comes the follow-up question.

  
"I thought we were taking turns." I mutter as my eyes flicker up to hers. The protest dies on her lips when our eyes meet. I sigh.

  
"Fine. I suppose it might be because...I'm doubting myself more. In the Horde I was always so sure of my position and what I was striving for. Here...everything is not as easy, I'm no longer the golden child. I'm...the screw-up." I mumble, picking at the fabric of my jacket, until a hand rests on it to still my movements.

  
"Adora, no." I pull back my limb ane cross my arms.

  
"Glimmer don't pretend its not true. I've screwed up more often than I've helped in recent months. Just look at what happen in the portal!" I voice loudly, causing the queen to throw her arms up in the air.

  
"Not this again! I thought we were over this." Glimmer snaps bitterly. I eye her wearily.

  
"Are we? Are _**you**_?" I ask pointedly. I see a flash of uncertainty cross her face before she replies.

"Of course I'm over it. It's _**you** _who keeps bringing it back up." The queen answers stiffly, her shoulders bunched up to her ears.

  
"So can you really tell me that you're happy with how things are?" I challenge with crossed arms. The queen mimics my actions.

  
"Of course I'm not happy, but I'm moving on. That's the point of life, to move on!" I tighten my grip around my biceps, squeezing so hard that I'm sure I'll leave red finger print marks on the inflicted area.

  
"So you _**wouldn't** _want your mum here instead of me?" I voice painfully softly. My question must've been unexpected as the queen jerks her head up in shock.

  
"What?" She echoes. I lick my lips, a touch of anxiety slowly creeps in when I realise that I never told Glimmer what happened in the portal, what Angella's final words were...what really should've happened. And I suppose on a subconscious level, this is at the core of what's been bothering me; the fact I never told Glimmer the truth of what happened. I assumed she pieced it together, but that's different from actually telling her.

  
"In the portal, everything was disappearing and I was nearly gone. It was Angella that saved me from dissipating completely."

  
"Adora." I ignore the voice.

  
"She said she had a secret...that she was a coward while your dad was the brave one and then...you."

  
" _ **Adora**_." Her voice become more insistent, but I ignore it.

  
"You were the brave one who had to make the hard decisions for her and she said it was time for her to be brave."

  
" _ **Adora!**_ " The queen's voice takes on a more warning tone, but I have to say this.

  
"She flew up and grabbed that sword. My sword..."

  
" **ADORA!** " The shout barely fazes me as my self-guilt rises up like bile in my throat and I continue my tirade.

"...she took my place. To save the universe. But it should've been me! I should be the one trapped in that forsaken place, alone and..." I'm cut off when I hear a loud clap of skin against skin and the burning sensation that follows after. I cup the assaulted cheek and look at the queen in a mixture of shock and hurt, as she pushes the base of her palms into her eye sockets. No one says a word for several moments until Glimmer eventually pulls away her hands from her red eyes.

  
"I don't want to talk about this." Her static voice sends a shiver down my spine. I open my mouth to say something, but no words appear. I scour my short-circuited brain for anything.

  
"I know you hate me." I state in monotone as I drop my eyes to the plump pillow beside me. My answer is met with tightly gripped fingers around my biceps.

  
" _ **NO!**_ When will you get it through that thick skull of yours that I **_don't_** hate you?!" I snap my eyes up at the unexpected response, confusion work its way across my mind.

  
"But, but, you're angry at me?" I voice, but it comes out more as question than a statement. I receive a furious head shake.

  
"No! I just...I don't want to hear you tell me all the praises my mum gave me as her last testimony when..." Glimmer breaks off in a sharp whimper. I frown and shuffle closer to the purple head. "...when the last things I said to her were nothing but the opposite!" I blink twice and pull away slightly.

  
"What?" I echo in confusion as I try to think of anything that Glimmer said to her mum, but come up blank and then realise something must have happened when I was captured. My attention returns to the teen when a sniffle escapes her and she huddles into herself.

  
"I said terrible things to her and...we argued and behaved nothing like we should've. Then I went off and disobeyed her which ended up being the last conversation I ever had with her." I gape at the Queen, shocked at the revelation, but finally get some inking on some of Glimmer's actions and behaviours as of late. _'She's guilty that the last words said to her mum were of malice instead of...'_ My eyes crumple at the thought. _'That must have eaten away at her.'_ I pull the purple head towards me.

  
"Why didn't you tell me?" I ask quietly as I wrap my arms around the trembling queen.

  
"I forgot that you weren't there. Besides, it doesn't matter. It doesn't change the past." The queen whispers and with a sigh, she pulls away until she can look me properly in the face. I watch as she stretches a hand out to cup my reddened cheek. "Sorry. I shouldn't have...I'm really sorry." Glimmer apologises as she strokes the sore skin. I exhale tiredly, not finding it in myself to be quite as angry as I should, but I still pull away from her ministrations regardless, hating all this confusion. I turn my head away from the purple head.

  
"It's fine." I echo hollowly. I hear her sigh beside me.

  
"Adora..." I exhale deeply at the probe.

  
"It's ok." I pause, my thoughts returning back to my earlier question. _'I want to voice it again, but I'm scared of her response.'_ I take in a deep breath, but keep my eyes off the teen. "So...do you?" I ask as my voice drops to a shallow whisper.

  
"Do I what?" Glimmer questions in confusion. I chew my lip.

  
"Do you wish that...your mum were here instead of me?" I force out in a strangled tone. _'I don't know why I'm even asking. I don't **really** need to know the answer to that. Its not like it's going to change anything. But still...I feel like I have to know.'_ My question is followed by a long pregnant silence.

  
"Don't ask me that." Comes the stiff response. I turn back to see the queen's hardened orbs and her hands clasped tightly on her knees.

  
"It's a reasonable question. At the end of the day it was either Angella or I who was going to be trapped there. I want to know who'd you prefer that to have been." I state, sounding more confident than I feel.

  
"No, it isn't! What does it matter anyway? It's happened and there's nothing that can be changed." The queen answers, her eyes resolute.

  
"I _**need** _to know." I plead desperately. I watch as the queen's knuckles become deathly white as she grips her knee-caps more tightly.

  
"I'm _**not** _answering that." The teen utters between grit teeth.

  
"But _**why**_?!" I shout in frustration as I throw my arms up at her stubbornness.

  
"Don't you dare ask me why. It's so unfair! Now will you just drop it!" The queen commands, her shoulders stiff while her jaw juts out in such a way that she demands to be obeyed. But to me, her refusal to answer can only mean one thing. _'She thinks it should've been me.'_ The thought winds me and I have to swallow thickly to keep silent.

Unfortunately, my emotions end up being manifested elsewhere as my sight starts to become blurry. I swipe at the offending substance, but its no use, more just keeps leaking out. I twist my whole body away from the teen, not wanting her to see me in this state, but not being able to stop it because man does it hurt. _'And I know I shouldn't have expected any less, because it's her **mum** and of course she's going to prefer her over me. So why does it sting so much? Is it because I know that I'm no one's most special person? I'll always be...second best.'_ I keep rubbing my eyes with no avail, until I feel a hand grabbing my forearm and turning me around. I hear a sharp intake of breath, but I refuse to meet those crystal violet orbs.

"Adora don't cry. I'm sorry for snapping. Come on." The apology sends a fresh round of tears to my eyes. _'She doesn't get it.'_

  
"Am I really that expendable?" I choke out subconsciously.

  
"What? I never said you were!" I blink at the response and realise I must have said that thought aloud.

  
"You didn't have to." I mutter and look up to see Glimmer's eyes widening in understanding.

  
"You thought I didn't want to answer because...I wanted things to have happened in reverse, with _**you** _stuck in the portal?" The queen queries numbly and I give her a short nod. I watch as she bites her lip and flickers her gaze away from me. "That's not...why I don't want to answer." I snap my head up upon hearing this.

  
"What?" I echo. The queen's gaze returns to mine and she reaches out a hand to brush away at the still leaking tears. A minute later she drops the limb down and rests it on one of my own.

  
"I told you I don't want to answer. Not only because I'm afraid of hurting your feelings but because...I don't think I really could answer." Glimmer replies tiredly, her voice strained and head down. I reel back in shock.

  
"But your mum...?" I breathe out as the teen stiffens and raises her head up, eyes scanning me critically until they soften.

  
"I love my mum. But I care about you too. I don't ever want to be put in a position where I have to choose between my mum and my best friend. If I had to...I could choose, but I wouldn't want to which is why I'm so mad at you for asking. You put so little thought in your own self-worth and expect others to measure your whole existence, which isn't fair on anyone, including myself. You decide who you are and what decisions you make, not me. So don't ask again. What happened has happened. It won't change and my mum made that decision for you. She believed you were worth far more than her, so don't keep questioning or getting me to question it otherwise it invalidates what she did." I watch as the teen takes in a deep breath before continuing, her eyes averted from mine. "If you were the one who stayed behind, I'd...still be grieving either way." I swallow at the soft confession as tears burn the back of my eyes.

  
"You would?" I repeat back, hoping I don't sound too soft. Glimmer responds by pulling me into a warm hug.

  
"Of course I would. You're my best friend Adora. I don't know what I'd do without you." My heart leaps at those words, but I push it down, not wanting to give myself that satisfaction.

  
"You'd do plenty." I voice bitterly, remembering all the times I've got in the way. The queen's arms tighten around me.

  
"No. You've saved me time and time again. You're special Adora and I won't allow you to think otherwise." I bite the inside of my cheek at the strong reply and rest my chin on the teen's shoulder.

  
"Thanks...Glimmer." I choke out and close my eyes, revelling in her embrace.

  
"It's the truth and don't forget it." The queen utters and I nestle my head deeper into her shoulder, enjoying the warmth of her presence. After a few minutes Glimmer pulls away, but she keeps her hands resting lightly on my shoulders.

  
"About your nightmare...?" I stiffen at the reminder, but realise I can't keep hiding it, especially as the teen has already shared her thoughts on my question. I exhale deeply.

  
"You want to know what happened in it?" I ask, earning a nod from the queen. I chew my lip and pull my legs closer to me. "It started with that Horde soldier and she was just saying a bunch of stuff." I state vaguely.

  
"Like what?" Glimmer asks with a tilted head. I suck in a breath, recalling exactly what was said. I turn my head away from the teen to stare at the wall.

  
"She was saying that...you don't trust me and as soon as I'm well again you'd return to shouting and ignoring me. And that you'd prefer your mum over me..." I'm cut off when Glimmer interjects.

  
"That's why you asked? How long has this been playing on your mind? You know I trust you right?" I swallow at the barrage of questions, but keep my eyes fixed on the wall.

  
"Yeah...a while now and...I know." I reply softly. A pair of hands grip my shoulders and spin me round to face the troubled queen.

  
"I _**do** _trust you. I promise. My issues...they aren't personal. Don't let anyone poison your mind." Glimmer voices earnestly. I give her a half-smile, hoping it's enough to satiate her. It isn't as her hands remains on me, but she doesn't say anything more and so I decide to continue.

  
"Then Shadow Weaver appeared and said a bunch of stuff about not getting attached to anyone because it will only lead to...hurt." I flicker my eyes away from the purple head as I say this. When I hear her mouth opening, ready to comment, I rush on. "Then Catra appeared. She was trying to compare what happened between her and I to what's going on with us..." I trail off, hating that I'm getting closer to the part of the nightmare that I really don't want to share.

  
"What?! How?" I welcome the diversion with a relieved sigh.

  
"Like how we were hiding things from each other and not talking about things that bothered us and...I left you, like with Catra." I choke out in a whisper. I see the queen tense up from the corner of my eyes. I take in a deep breath. _'Time to see if what my subconscious was telling me was right.'_ I direct my attention to the silent purple head. "Then you appeared and said how hurt you were that Bow and I constantly went off on missions, leaving you behind as the two of us grew closer. You said I didn't understand what you were going through and that I opted to ignore it while pretending that everything was perfect." I let out in one go, watching Glimmer's tight features become tighter. "Is...is that true?" I finally ask. The queen turns her head away from me.

  
"Did anything else happen in your dream? Was it just taunting voices?" I purse my lips at the dodged response, annoyed that Glimmer isn't reacting to anything I've been saying. I blow a puff of air out, deciding to say the last parts in the hopes that she'll at least respond.

  
"The words were accompanied with punches, pinches and kicks." At this the teen snaps her head back to me as she stares with wide eyes.

  
"I _**punched** _you?!" I watch her uneasily, weary of her loud exclamation.

  
"No, that was Catra and the Horde soldier. You...shot me with those light bursts." I confess quietly. When I see the appalled expression on the queen's face, I decide to push on. "Then Hordak appeared and said I was worthless. After that there was a bunch of voices saying I was a destroyer of families etc. Hordak punched me in the chest and dropped me to the ground. I was falling and woke up breathless to find I fell out of bed." I say with an embarrassed chuckle, hoping to alleviate the tense atmosphere, but with no luck as Glimmer stares at me, her eyes glistening with unshed tears.

  
"Adora, that's really intense. I can't believe you've just been holding all of this in." I shrug at Glimmer's words.

  
"It's alright." I look up. "So is it true? What you said?" I ask hesitantly as the queen becomes more rigid.

  
"I didn't say that. Your subconscious version of me said that." Comes the stiff response. I shift closer to the teen.

"I know that, but is that how you feel? Do you think I've been...abandoning you?" I ask cautiously.

  
"I...that's ridiculous." Glimmer falters with averted eyes. I narrow my own.

  
"Why would you think that? I'd never leave you, why would I?" I question with a touch of annoyance.

  
"I never said anything! Stop assuming things!" The queen huffs in frustration as she crosses her arms. I throw up my hands at her stubborn attitude.

  
"But it's true isn't it? Back at Princess Prom you were afraid that Bow would leave you for Perfuma and others. You're scared of people leaving you." I state as I put the pieces of the puzzle together.

  
"That was a lifetime ago! And don't start pretending that you suddenly understand everything that's going on with me. For months we were barely even talking until recently." I clench my jaws at the hostile response.

  
"It's not like that was my fault." I mutter.

  
"Oh are you trying to pin the blame on me now?" The teen bites out. I run an agitated hand through my hair.

  
"Maybe we should stop." I grit out, despite really wanting to get everything out in the open, but I definitely don't want us to go back to being angry at each other.

  
"No. You wanted to talk, so talk." Glimmer voices with hard eyes.

  
"You know talking goes _**both** _ways!" I shoot back.

  
"What's that supposed to mean?" The queen demands with a snarl.

  
"For goodness sake Glimmer! I told you what happened in my nightmare, despite not wanting to, but you can't even meet me half way. You won't even tell me what's going on with you! Why don't you trust me? Why are you angry at me? Why do you trust Shadow Weaver? Why do you keep pushing me away? Why do you keep shouting at me? Why won't you talk to me? Why...why do you keep _**hurting** _me?" I utter in a strangled voice as my throat closes up with pain. I close my eyes to keep the tears at bay, but I snap them open when I feel a hand on my shoulder. I slap it away.

  
"Adora..." The queen starts, but I cut her off.

  
"No! I've had it! I can't take it anymore Glimmer, all the hiding and shouting. I...I want the old you back." I utter with a quiver as the teen drops her outstretched hand.

  
"I...think she's gone." The world around me shatters at that quiet confession. I push the base of my palms into my eye sockets, wanting to feel anything else but this painful throbbing in my heart. My shoulders shake with barely suppressed sobs.

  
"She's only gone, if you want her to be." I voice lowly without removing my hands from my face.

  
"I think I should go." The queen says finally. I don't say anything and moments later I feel the couch beside me lifting at the sudden absence of the teen's weight. I don't stop her, not even when I hear the sound of the door opening and when it clicks shut again, the room is plunged into silence.

I pull away my hands from my eyes and stare at the empty room. _'I should've been quiet. I shouldn't have opened any of this up. Now...now we're back to square one.'_ My breath catches at that thought and I feel the tears break through the barrier and slide down my cheeks. _'This is all my fault. It's always my fault.'_ I force my shaky knees to stand and go over to the bed that I've been sharing with Glimmer for the past couple of weeks and more tears blind me. _'This isn't fair. Everything used to be perfect until Catra opened that dumb portal. This is all her fault! And Hordak's. And Entrapta's and...mine.'_

My legs buckle underneath me and I collapse to the ground in a heap, knocking off my pillows and the knife I keep hidden underneath. I stare at the tool, old memories resurfacing. I reach over and my hand hovers over the blade. My fingers twitch until I shake my head and snatch my appendage away from the taunting object. I hold my hands close to my chest as I keep shaking my head.

  
"No, I'm doing that again. Never again." I voice to myself and I find myself repeating my old mantra. _'Never again. I don't need to do that because I'm strong enough. I am.'_ I put a hand to my forehead in an attempt to just block everything out. _'I must really be in a mess if I'm thinking about that. Jeez I haven't thought about it since...'_ I shake my head. _'Ok, I'm closing the door on that subject.'_ I push myself up to my feet and grab the fallen pillows and knife and throw them back onto the mattress. My fingers linger on the blade for a second longer than I would've liked, but I snap myself out of it and go over to stare out of the window and into the night sky. _'What am I going to do now? Apologise? Ignore her? Pretend nothing even happened? No I don't think that's the answer. But confrontation obviously isn't either.'_

That thought prompts me to raise a hand to my red cheek. _'How can a hand that cups my cheek in comfort, be the same hand to...slap me? I just don't get her anymore!'_ And in a flash of anger, I spin round and snap my leg out to the unsuspecting punching bag causing it to fly straight of the hook. I grunt and throw myself onto the unmade bed and realise its still warm from when Glimmer was lying there earlier. A whimper escapes me. _'Why do you keep hurting me Glimmer? Do you hate me that much?'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry that I ruined their progress...hm ok not really because it was fun to write XD But I am sorry for bringing back the hurt.
> 
> Poor Adora, she gets hurt when someone blames her for something and yet she always seems so insistent on putting the blame on herself.  
> Patellae is the knee bones in case anyone is curious. Also I think I mentioned anterior and posterior in the previous chapter. Heh the med terms are slipping out, so sorry about that.
> 
> Please comment & leave kudos if you've enjoyed :)


	11. Adora's Demons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glimmer tries to apologise for the night before but Adora's not having it. 
> 
> Anyone ever wondered if Adora felt like a third wheel with Bow & Glimmer due to their childhood friendship? The show did a brilliant job of making Adora fit in, but what if sometimes there were small cracks? Also, has anyone every wondered what Glimmer feels about Adora & Catra's former close friendship? I always picture her being jealous. We never really got that, so I delve into that a little here, but it's a reoccurring theme throughout the story. Hope you enjoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So 1st December today...can't believe 2020 is nearly over, it's been one crazy year. Anyway, back to the story!
> 
> We actually have Catra making a short appearance in this one! And a bit more of Bow since he's been side-lined a little.
> 
> Trigger Warning! Mentions of self-infliction and cutting. I actually have no experience with this topic so I apologise if I depicted it all wrong. I've got chapters down the line fully explaining why I wrote Adora doing such, but unfortunately that's SO many chapters away, so I guess I'm asking you to be patient with me if you feel it's OOC. I would explain it now but I don't want to spoil it for you guys.
> 
> Thank you SO much for the amazing comments guys, they really made my day. As always, I love hearing from you all.

**Adora's POV:**

For the rest of the night I try to fall asleep but I toss and turn frequently as nightmares plague me, worse than before. I awaken so many times with a scream on the tip of my tongue, but I manage to clamp it down as I'm jerked back to consciousness time and time again. The nightmares torment me with the queen's harsh words and the knife she holds in her hands that she presses close to my neck. The last nightmare is of the teen slitting my wrists and I only wake up when I fall to the ground with a loud thud. I push myself up onto all fours, my arms shaking in fear. _'No, no, **NO**! I can't be thinking of this. I **CAN'T**!'_ I'm broken out of my disturbing thoughts by a knock on my door.

  
"Hey Adora? I was thinking we could go and get some breakfast together, what do you think?" Bow hollers from the other side of the door. I pull my hands back as I stare at the door on my knees.

  
"Yeah, good idea. Just give me a minute." I call back and get to my feet and rummage for a new set of clothes. I peel back my sweat-soaked tank top and shorts and throw on my usual attire, my eyes flickering to my upper thighs. I shake my head. **_'Stop it!'_** I hiss to myself and dump my nightwear into the laundry basket, before going and opening the door to see Bow leaning against the wall outside.

  
"Hey you're ready! Did you sleep well?" The archer asks, his voice chipper.

  
"Yeah." I mumble with averted eyes as we start making our way to the royal banquet hall. I feel his eyes on me, but refuse to make eye contact, not wanting him to see my red eyes, black circles and who knows what on my face.

  
"Are you alright? You seem a bit...out of it." The archer asks as he shuffles a little closer to me.

  
"I'm fine Bow. I'm just not much of an early riser." I lie. The rebel fighter doesn't reply for a few moments before shrugging.

  
"Okayyyy. What do you fancy for breakfast? I'm starving!" I shoot a half smile at my enthusiastic friend.

  
"Pancakes?" I suggest offhandedly, eliciting a squeal from the archer.

  
"That's a brilliant idea! I love pancakes!" Bow agrees whole-heartedly and grabs my wrist to drag me along faster. My heart jumps at seeing how happy he gets at the simple things. _'Why can't Glimmer and I be like that?'_ Bow and I make a quick stop at the kitchen to request the pancakes and then head to the dinning hall, but we stop when Bow gasps. I turn to look at the archer, wondering what's going on, only to find him staring at me worriedly.

  
"What?" I ask self-consciously.

  
"What happened to your face? You've got a cut on your forehead and is your cheek swollen?" The rebel fighter asks as he leans forward to take a closer look. My hand flies to my forehead and I flinch at the sudden soreness from the contact.

  
"It's nothing! I just banged it while I was asleep." I answer hurriedly, but the archer narrows his eyes sceptically.

  
" _ **Adora**_." Bow emphasises with crossed arms.

  
"Really! I banged it while I slept." I repeat earnestly, relieved that part isn't a lie. Bow stares at me dubiously for a moment longer before sighing.

  
"Ok, but if its anything else you can tell me." The archer states softly as I smile.

  
"I know Bow. Thanks." We continue the rest of the walk to the dining hall to find the pancakes just being set on the table. We take a seat and moments later the queen enters the hall, but I resolve to keep my eyes glued to the plate in front of me.

  
"Good morning Glimmer." Bow greets cheerfully.

  
"Good morning Bow." The teen answers in a slightly less upbeat tone. I feel her eyes lingering on me. "Good morning Adora." My breath catches at the mention of my name. I lift my eyes up briefly.

  
"Good morning Glimmer." I mumble and return my attention to the pancakes, picking at it with my fork. The queen hesitates for a moment before pulling out the chair beside me and taking a seat. I stiffen at her close proximity but make no move to speak. The rest of breakfast is spent with Glimmer and Bow chatting about some new technical project that they're planning to use to take down the coms in the Horde soldiers' helmets.

  
"I'll go and work on it right now. See you both in a bit." The archer states suddenly as he pushes his chair back to get up. He waves goodbye and is out of the hall before you can say 'first ones'. I try to shoot him a pleading look to stay, but he misses it completely, leaving me stuck with the queen. I continue picking at the now cold meal until a palm rests on the hand that's holding my fork. I still my movements but don't look up.

  
"Adora...I'm sorry that I left last night. I should've stayed and talked it out with you." The teen apologises regretfully.

  
"It doesn't matter." I mutter, my body getting agitated at having her hand so close to my wrist as my nightmare flashes in my mind's eye.

  
"Please look at me." The queen pleads, but I don't move. Her hand drops from mine and a second later her two cool hands appear on either side of my face, turning it towards her. I finally get a proper look at the purple head to see bags under her eyes and her hair unkempt. I sigh.

  
"What do you want Glimmer?" I finally ask when she doesn't say anything more. I watch as a a range of emotions flicker through her purple orbs before determination takes hold.

  
"I want our friendship." She eventually settles on saying.

  
"Do you _**really**_? Because it seems you want anything but." I challenge, tired of being the nice and patient one.

  
"Adora I do. I want things to return to as they were..." I cut her off.

  
"You made it _**perfectly** _clear last night that isn't possible." I retort sharply.

  
"I was being dumb!" The purple head cries out.

  
"No, you were realistic." I answer, disheartened. Her hands snap out to take mine.

  
" _ **Please**_ , Adora!" I pull one hand out of hers and rub my eyes. "Please. Just give me one more chance." Glimmer begs.

  
"And how many have I already given you? I'm tired of being hurt Glimmer." I emphasise tiredly.

  
"None of this has been easy on me. Just...I need you to be patient." The queen voices weakly.

  
" _ **Until** **when** **?!**_ If you want me to be patient until we've got rid of the Horde, well then I don't think I can wait that long! Besides, you keep making it out to be that you're having it so difficult; you forget we're having a hard time too. And you're not the only one who misses Angella!" I shout and then clamp my hand over my mouth when I realise how insensitive that sounded. I push back my chair abruptly, ignoring the wounded look on the teen's face. "I should go." I say shakily and dash out of the room, ignoring her call of my name.

I make a beeline for my room and slam the door shut before sliding down it. _'Jeez could I be a bigger jerk? I made it out to seem that I'm having a worse time than she is and despite everything I've had to deal with, it's not that bad. At least not compared to Glimmer, I don't know what's it like to lose someone.'_ I bang my head against the door. _'And she was trying to apologise. I'm the one being so bull-headed. Its just I've had enough of dancing in circles around her.'_ I close my eyes briefly.

With a sigh, I finally get up and re-attach my punching bag that I left lying on the floor last night. As I bend down, a glint catches my eye. I groan and turn my back on the object. A moment later I twirl round and take the knife out from underneath the pillow. I stare at the blade for what feels like an age. I bring it up and tap the flat side against my wrist. A shiver runs down my spine and I drop the object to the ground, clattering loudly in the otherwise silent room. _'What am I thinking?! Catra would freak if she knew I went back to it.'_ I pause. _'But Catra doesn't care anymore. No one does.'_ A dark voice whispers in my mind. I collapse to the ground beside the knife, hugging my arms to my chest. I'm broken out of my internal conflict by a sudden loud knock.

  
"Adora! The Horde is attacking a town along the coast of Salineas. We have to go!" Bow shouts from outside my room.

  
"Coming!" I call out and nudge the knife under the bed and leave the room.

**After the Battle:**

  
I pant heavily as I rest my hands on my knees and bend to catch my breath as Bow and the rest of the princesses clear the rest of the scattered bots. I sense something behind me and straighten up immediately. I pull out my sword ready to slice the thing behind me only to stop inches away from Glimmer's nose. I pull back and revert back to my normal self.

  
"Sorry. I thought you were a bot." I mumble.

  
"Don't worry about it." The queen answers easily, despite being inches away from having her face cut into two. "Are you ok?" She asks carefully. I frown at the seemingly random question. The confusion must've been evident on my face as she continues. "You were slammed around a lot." The teen clarifies.

  
"Oh. Yeah I'm alright." I reply with a shrug which sends a twinge to my sore shoulder muscles. "Just a little sore." I add to sound convincing. The queen steps closer to me and dabs at my forehead with her glove.

  
"You've got a cut here." Glimmer states in explanation when I furrow my eyebrows in confusion at the action.

  
"Oh, that's not from..." I trail off when I realise that I probably shouldn't say anything, but unfortunately Glimmer has already heard me as she pulls her hand away.

  
"Not from the fight? Then how...?" I curse myself inwardly for the slip-up.

"I banged it while I slept." I say repeating the same lie from earlier, but the queen's eyes narrow immediately.

  
" _ **Adora**_." The purple head utters in a warning tone.

  
"Honest!" I insist genuinely.

  
"Did...did you have another nightmare?" Glimmer asks with furrowed eyebrows. I groan inwardly at how easy I am to read.

  
"What's it to you?" I snap and twirl round to give her my back, with the full intention of walking away until her hand grips my wrist.

  
"Adora, _**please**_. I'm really sorry." The teen pleads, but I snatch my hand away.

  
"Sorry doesn't mean anything anymore! Only action will." I hiss out and I'm about to leave, but I find myself being engulfed into a tight hug.

  
"Please give me another chance. _**Please**_." My mouth goes dry at both the pleas and embrace, but I pull myself away. _'Maybe Shadow Weaver was right; getting attached only leaves room for hurt.'_

"Glimmer, I _**can't**_." I utter as my throat tightens. I watch as the queen's face crumples while her eyes become watery. I back away slowly and then break out into a full sprint towards Swiftwind who takes me back to the palace where I slam the door to my room. _'Great, I made her cry! That wasn't supposed to happen. She's meant to be angry or lash out; she's not meant to be upset!'_

I punch my hand in a nearby wall, but it doesn't do anything. The pain isn't enough. I go over to my bed and drop to my knees as I stretch my arm underneath the bed frame to pick up the knife. I stare at it for the longest time. _'Just one nick, that's it.'_ I change out of my leggings and grab a bandage roll as I take a seat on the mattress. I gaze at my upper thighs, taking in the faded vertical marks. I run a finger over the last one, the ridge is rough and raised. _'Aurgh what am I **doing**?! I don't want to go back to that...addiction.'_ And then everything from the last few months flash before my mind's eye, the taunts, shouts, glares, insults, nightmares, slaps, guilt, the portal, Shadow Weaver and the kidnap. I inhale sharply at the sudden sting of pain and look down to see a new red line on my thigh, oozing out blood. I bite my lip hard and chuck the knife across the room where it embeds itself into the wall beside the door.

  
" _ **Shoot** **!**_ What did I do?!" I screech to myself as I dab the stinging wound to stench the flow of blood. I push the fabric hard for several minutes before peeling it back and wrapping a bandage around it, but it tinges red almost immediately. I sigh at the mess I've put myself in, but I can't help but feel a minute amount of satisfaction, a sense of relief that everything's that's been haunting me for months have come to a stand-still. I get to my feet, but gasp at the stabbing pain. I screw my eyes tight and breathe deeply for several moments before limping over to the wardrobe where I pick out a pair of trousers to wear. I run a shaky hand through my hair, still shocked that I went back to...that. Even after _**promising** _both myself and Catra that I wouldn't. _'But Catra isn't here anymore.'_ I think bitterly. I'm just about to limp back to my bed when the door slams open. I jump and turn anxiously to find Bow standing with a rare face of fury.

  
"What did you do?" He demands. I break into cold sweat. _'He couldn't have seen anything, right?'_

  
"Wh...what do you mean?" I stammer as he takes a few steps into the room.

  
"You know what I mean! Glimmer is bawling her eyes out because of you. What happened? I thought things were back to normal between the two of you." The archer explains seriously, his eyes flashing with anger.

  
"I didn't do anything! It's all _**Glimmer's** _fault." I grit out between clenched teeth, wounded that he would blame me for what's going on.

  
"Oh really? Because I don't see you crying your eyes out and I overheard her apologising but you just took off!" Bow expresses, his voice rising slightly as he points a finger at me.  
"Stop blaming me! I've had enough of her fake apologies." I hiss back.

  
"Well I've had enough of you two squabbling like a pair of children! She's trying Adora, just cut her some slack." The archer states, dropping his tone.

  
"I bet you didn't shout at Glimmer when she was giving me grief." I mutter.

  
"Adora, you're being ridiculous. You _**both** _are. You two need to be locked in a room together and sort out whatever is going..." The rebel fighter is cut off by a pair of rushing feet.

  
"Tech Master Bow, you're required urgently in the boardroom." The Captain declares quickly. Bow spares me a glance.

  
"We're not finished talking about this." Bow warns before running out of the room and slamming the door shut behind him. I grab a pillow and scream into it. _'This is **so** unfair!'_ I limp over to where I threw my knife and in a burst of impulsiveness I grab it and slash it across my bicep. I grit my teeth at the fresh pain but in some twisted way it helps. It takes my mind off everything and all I focus on is the pain and the blood that drips down my arm. I watch the flow of red with some sick satisfaction. _'I don't know whether its from the fact that I can punish myself for things going wrong or whether its because the pain stops me from thinking about my problems. It's probably a bit of both.'_ I decide as I wrap another roll of material around my upper limb. After that's sorted, I go over to my punching bag, ready to hit the object into submission until my door flies open again. _'What now?!'_ I turn to find the captain standing once again at the entrance of my room.

  
"She-ra, you are needed at the boardroom." I groan at the announcement.

  
"What's going on now?" I ask as I meet the captain at the door while trying hard not to limp.

  
"The Horde has decided to go after the Kingdom of Snow." The guard answers with stoicism.

  
"Again?" I say with a raised eyebrow which ellicts a nod from the captain. We arrive at the boardroom to see everyone is already gathered. The teen lifts her eyes up briefly before dropping them back down to stare at the map in front of her, but not before I catch the rim of red around her eyes. My heart skips a beat. _' **I** did that to her.'_ I turn my head away and cross my arms, squeezing at the wound on my bicep. I breathe deeply at the sharp pain, but welcome the distraction.

  
"We need to launch a full scale assault before they get past the second borders. We've already got a breach at the first so we need to be quick and effective. Everyone gather your fighting equipment. It looks like it's going to be a long fight." The queen orders. Bow looks up from the map to glance between Glimmer and I.

  
"I agree. But first, I think the two of you need to apologise quickly. We'll get everything ready and meet you out by the gates." Both the queen and I snap our heads towards the archer at this and throw him ludicrous glares.

  
"I think we've got more important things to worry about Bow." I hiss out between clenched teeth.

  
"I agree. This can wait." The purple head adds a beat later. Then the rebel fighter does the last thing that I expect; he bangs the table with his fist.

  
" _ **NO!**_ You two squabbling is going to get us killed. I've been patient, hoping the two of you can sort it out yourselves but I've had enough! We don't have time for a full length conversation, but you two need to apologise to each other and that's final." With that the archer storms out, leaving the rest of us bewildered. The rest of the princesses back away slowly before hightailing it out of the hall, leaving just Glimmer and I. I sigh and direct my gaze at the purple head who's looking everywhere but at me.

  
"Glimmer, I..." I start, but the words get stuck in my throat. _'This is too hard.'_ I bite my cheek hard and try again. "I'm sorry for making you cry. That...that was never my intention." I voice regretfully. At last the queen finally lifts her eyes to mine, but the hurt written in them is so clear that my throat catches in guilt.

  
"It's fine. I'm sorry for...everything." I watch as Glimmer's eyes skirt from mine when she says those words and if anything I feel worse because her saying 'fine' means she's anything but. Nonetheless, my head is in such a jumbled mess that I don't even know what to say. "Now come on. Frosta needs us." The queen adds and walks past me. I sigh and trudge behind her, feeling worse than I did before. The teen most have noticed my disheartened mood as she slows her pace until she's in step with me. She hesitates for a moment before letting her hand brush against mine. I glance at her.

  
"For what's it worth Adora, I really am sorry." Glimmer utters lowly and I bite my lip.

  
"I know you are Glimmer." I voice softly. The teen comes to a halt and my feet automatically stop as well. I stare at her in confusion at the sudden pause.

  
"Can...can I give you a hug?" The purple head asks uncomfortably causing my eyebrows to shoot up to my hairline. I turn so I'm facing the teen completely as I look down at her and note the vulnerability in her posture.

  
"You don't have to ask Glimmer." I answer quietly and the teen requires no further prompting as she throws herself into my arms with a slight whimper. I inhale sharply when her knee collides with my thigh, but I bite my tongue from making any other noises.

  
"Are you ok?" The queen asks as she starts to pull away from me to to look me in the eye.

  
"Yes yes." I reply quickly and tighten my hold around her. I sense the uncertainty from the purple head but fortunately she decides not to push in favour for enjoying the embrace for a little while longer. Eventually I hear her sigh and she pulls back.

  
"We should go, but...afterwards we'll talk. Properly this time." Glimmer promises and I nod in agreement, shooting a small smile to her tentative one.

**During the Battle:**

  
I duck when a bot comes hurtling towards me and slice its underbelly into two until it collapses inches away from me. I put a hand on my knee, exhaustion starting to set in as my clothes become sticky with blood and sweat. _'Why did I go back to cutting on the one day that's been littered with battles?'_ I complain to myself.

  
"Oh is the Princess all worn out?" I snap my head up at the familiar grating tone and narrow my eyes into slits when I see the feline on top of the destroyed bot.

  
"Catra." I acknowledge with a flash of bitterness. The second in command crosses her arms and leans against the bot's head.

  
"Hey Adora." Catra greets with a smirk as she jumps down from the bot to stand a few paces in front of me.

  
"Haven't you've done enough damage?" I bite out as the cat stares at her nails for a moment.

  
"Still sore about that huh? Well, get ready because there's so much more to come. Just you wait." The feline voices with her lips curling upwards. I growl and lunge at her, but she merely side steps out of the way. "You always did becomes sloppy whenever you get temperamental." Catra tsks as she raises a hand to cover her pretend yawn.

  
"I'm not temperamental!" I argue and raise my sword to swing it back and forth, but Catra simply ducks, dodges and side steps out of all my attempts to subdue her.

  
"You're getting rusty. Have you let all the princess pampering get to your head or something?" I shout at the taunt and convert my sword into a rope and lasso her ankle, sending her tumbling to the ground. But it doesn't take her long to break out of the trapping to jump back to her feet. We circle each other, our faces set. Then suddenly she propels herself into the air with her nails outstretched before brings them down, scratching my cheek as I protect my eyes. I grab her leg before she lands and throw her back into the trunk of a nearby tree. I watch as she hits it with a thud and drops ungracefully to the ground. I go to stand over her with my sword pointed at her neck.

  
"You lose Catra." I declare, but she looks up at me with a devious glint in her eyes.

  
"You're so easily distracted. When will you learn to actually pay attention to your surroundings?" I frown in confusion, but before I can do anything I'm blasted from behind by one of those bots and I go hurtling into the tree as Catra leaps out of the way. I push myself onto all fours, wincing at the strain it puts on my arm. The feline doesn't give me a chance to recuperate as she pulls me to my feet and slams me against the same tree trunk. Her fingers dig deep into my upper arms and I can't help the yelp that escapes my mouth when she presses into both my cuts from earlier, her knee digging into my thigh. She pulls back slightly in surprise. A frown graces her features before its replaced by her eyebrows shooting up to her hairline. She releases me and I drop to the ground in a heap. A second later I'm rolled over and I find my arms being yanked above my head as a hand strays to my shorts. I squirm at the action and try to buck her off. After the third attempt I succeed, but not before Catra saw what she was looking for as she hops back a pace with an unreadable expression on her face as she presses her lips tightly together.

  
"You're back at it?" She questions lowly as I get to my knees.

  
"I don't know what you're talking about." I voice with averted eyes, but my ex-friend's eyebrows furrow tightly, a scowl present on her face.

  
"You _**promised!**_ " She accuses with flashing eyes and despite everything, I'm shocked at the the venom in her voice, but more than that, I'm angry at how guilty I feel at breaking that promise. I shakily get to my feet, using the tree as a support.

  
"It's not like you care anymore! And I don't have to listen to you either." I snap back. I watch as Catra opens her mouth, but a flash of glitter blinds us and stops us from continuing.

  
"Leave her alone!" Glimmer shouts as she shoots another blast at Catra who backflips away. Her eyes remain on me for a moment longer.

  
"You need to sort yourself out Princess." The second in command states sarcastically as she jumps onto a nearby skipper just as Glimmer makes her way to my side. Catra shoots a glare at the queen. "You need to keep a closer eye on your friends Sparkles. They might not stick around much longer for you to shout at them." The feline utters offhandedly from her hovering craft.

  
" _ **Catra!**_ " I growl out as Glimmer shoots me a confused look.

  
"Until next time!" Catra yells as she flies away and disappears from sight moments later. The queen turns to face me, her eyebrows knit together in apprehension.

"What's she talking about?" Glimmer asks, her voice small.

  
"Nothing. She was just trying to ruffle your feathers." I mutter as I push myself off the tree, but in my distraction I put too much pressure on my leg and the strain travels all the way up, eliciting a gasp from me as I fall back against the tree.

  
"Adora!" The queen shouts as she wraps an arm around my waist to stop me from tumbling to the ground. I flush in embarrassment.

  
"Thanks." I breathe out and slowly push myself off the trunk and onto the teen.

  
"Are you ok? What happened? Did she hurt you?" I breathe deeply at the barrage of questions and my mind races for some plausible excuse. _'The last thing I need is for her to insist to bandage my thigh up! If she sees it and then all the older ones, she'll put two and two together and figure out what's going on. I've been fortunate enough that I've always cut myself high enough up my thigh that it's always covered by my shorts.'_

  
"Yeah, I just got blasted in the back by one of those bots while she was distracting me, but I should be alright." I say at last. _'Its not a lie and if she insists to check then that still will be fine.'_

  
"Are you sure? Because for a second there it looked like you couldn't put weight on your leg." I bite my cheek at Glimmer's observation.

  
"Just my back!" I answer too quickly, but again Glimmer doesn't push it. My eyebrows furrow slightly when she slumps her shoulders in defeat and drops the questions. _'Has she decided that pushing for answers doesn't do any good or what?'_ I wonder in perplexity. "Where's everyone else?" I finally decide to ask when the silence stretches on for too long.

  
"They're dealing with the last few bots. I didn't see you for a while and thought to come and check that you were alright." The teen explains as her eyes skirt from mine and I can't help the warmth that spreads through me at her thoughtfulness.

  
"Thanks." I breathe out, prompting the queen's gaze to return to mine. With her spare hand she reaches out to my face and wipes off a drizzle of blood from where Catra scratched me earlier.

  
"Catra and her claws. The day I get to clip them off will be all too satisfying." The queen declares with a growl and I can't help but laugh at that statement.

  
"Catra's not Catra without her claws." I say with a smirk, but instead of the smile that I expected, the queen turns her head away from me.

  
"Yeah." She mumbles distastefully. I blink at the sudden mood shift and rest a hand on her shoulder.

  
"Hey, what's up? I only meant it as a joke." I say, in the hopes that it will clear up whatever is bothering her.

  
"Yeah I know. It's nothing. I suppose the battle has finally worn me down." I frown at the hollow response and shift away from the queen, releasing my hold around her shoulders and opting to stand on my own. The action immediately causes the purple head to look at me, a flash of hurt crosses her orbs before they become neutral.

  
"I can help you walk you know?" The queen states casually, but I can tell that my behaviour has offended her more than she lets on.

  
"Nah I'm good. I need to walk out the stiffness anyway." I say, fed-up with her hiding what's on her mind all the time. My tone of voice must have been a dead give away, as she takes a step closer to me.

  
"I'm just annoyed that you and her have this whole history together. Sometimes, you even talk about her...fondly." Glimmer confesses and I gape at the unexpected admission.

  
"Glimmer, are you...jealous?" I question in disbelief, her reaction is immediate.

  
" _ **What?!** **NO!**_ Definitely not! Why would I be jealous of you growing up in the Horde?" The queen defends vehemently with hands spread out in front of her. But the words are like a punch to the gut.

  
"Ouch." I utter, too hurt to say anything else. I watch as Glimmer's eyes widen a fraction of a second later when she realises what she just said and stretches a frantic arm towards me which I side-step away from.

  
" _ **NO!**_ I didn't mean it like that! I meant...it's just...you know. Even on opposite sides you still care about her, even after all she's done to you...to me." Glimmer states lowly as she turns her head away from me. I chew my lip in thought, unsure of what to say.

  
"Its...complicated. We grew up together and were best friends, heck I could even call her my sister. I know what she's doing is wrong and I'm angry at her, but I don't think I could hate her." I clarify, partially surprised at myself for saying all that. _'I've tried so hard to detach myself from her that I forgot what we've been through together, how I care for her.'_ My words don't seem to have the intended effect as Glimmer keeps her head turned away from me. I inhale deeply at her attitude. "Besides, you've known Bow your whole life. You two are close." I mutter as I stare at the ground, not wanting to recall how Bow picked Glimmer's side over mine earlier. A moment later a hand appears on top of mine.

  
"You're right. I was being silly. I hope we didn't make you feel left out or anything?" The queen asks with a worried expression.

  
"No, you guys have been great. Now come on, we should check on the others." I say and start walking back to where the rest of the battle was taking place. Glimmer remains a pace behind me for some reason, but I can't bring myself to strike up any more conversations or else I'm sure to get a migraine. I see Bow and the other princesses up ahead, tying down the last bot. There's no sign of any Horde soldiers. When the archer spots us he jogs over with a smile on his face.

  
"There you two are. We were just about to go and look for you. Everything alright?" The rebel fighter asks as he scans me up and down before glancing to the queen behind me.

  
"We are, thanks. Glimmer has good timing." I praise, shooting a glance at the purple head behind me who looks up as if she's been broken out of deep thought.

  
"Huh? Oh right. I'm sure you would've been fine without me." The teen answers, her eyes distracted. I share a look with Bow who just shrugs a moment later. We stay with Frosta for another hour to make sure all the civilians are cared for. In which time Bow pulls me to one side to apologise for his earlier behaviour which I tell him that I've nearly forgotten about anyway and pull him into a hug to show him there's no hard feelings.

Glimmer teleports us back to Brightmoon where we all part to our respective rooms. I flop onto my bed with a sigh, relieved that the day is finally done. _'And no arguments in two whole hours, that's not bad.'_ But my thoughts moves to Glimmer's odd behaviour and words. _'I wonder what's bothering her? She seemed distracted and what's all that about Catra? Does she want me to hate her? I'll admit I was pretty darn close to it straight after the portal incident, but that faded away after a few weeks. Is she jealous? I mean I know she said she isn't, but her behaviour and words says otherwise. But why? I'm...friends with her, not Catra. Why does my past with my former best friend bother her? I wish she would just talk to me! It's driving me insane with how much she dodges my questions, it's like they don't matter.'_

I hear a knock on the door and struggle to keep in check the groan that wants to be released. _'I **swear** if there's another attack, I'm going to collapse!'_

  
"Come in!" I holler, too exhausted and in pain to get up from my position on the mattress. A mass of purple head pokes through the ajar door as Glimmer's eyes scan around the room until they zone in on me.

  
"Hey." She greets, pushing open the door further.

  
"Hey." I echo back.

  
"Are you alright? Its not like you to not open the door." The queen observes with knit eyebrows. _'Great, another gruelling question session, when will fate be kind to me?'_

  
"Yeah, just tired. It's been a long day." I answer shortly, resting my forearm over my face.

  
"It has. Mind if I sleep here tonight?" At the timid query, I pull my arm off my face and lift my head up to stare at the Queen who looks everywhere but at me.

  
"Really?" I ask, unable to keep the disbelief out of my voice.

  
"Yes. I mean, if you'd prefer not then..." I cut her off before she finishes that sentence.

  
"No, it's alright." I reassure, shifting to one side of the double bed. I eye the teen as she walks round the bed and gingerly lies down beside me. And despite how difficult everything is between us, I can't help but feel the same sensation of comfort whenever she's around. I keep my gaze fixated on the queen who stares up at the ceiling. She must've felt my eyes on her as she breaks the silence.

  
"I can feel you staring at me." The teen voices with a smirk. I smile and turn to look up at the ceiling too.

  
"I missed you last night." I utter honestly. I hear her shift beside me and a quick glance shows the purple head is now lying on her side facing me. Her gaze sombre as she looks at me.

  
"I missed you too. I'm sorry about last night. I shouldn't have run out like a coward. It's just...I find it hard to open up sometimes." The queen admits, prompting me to lift my hand and settle it on top of hers.

  
"I get it, but let's not talk about this tonight, ok?" I beg, eliciting a sigh from the teen.

  
"We can't keep dodging this you know?" Glimmer whispers softly.

  
"I know." I whisper back. "But it's been a ridiculously long and gruelling day. Can we just pick it up in the morning?" I ask with earnest eyes. The queen gazes at me for the longest time before releasing a deep breath.

  
"Alright." The purple head voices in reluctance and I have to force down the victorious grin that tries to work it's way up my lips. I turn my head back to stare at the ceiling, while Glimmer remains lying on her side. I try to close my eyes, but that's hard when you feel someone's stare on you. I take a deep breath and force them shut. _'If I say something now, that will just open the whole conversation thing and I'm not in the mood for that.'_ But the uneasy sensation doesn't go away and so with a sigh I roll over to my side, away from Glimmer. _'I just hope that Glimmer doesn't touch my upper arm.'_ The seconds turns to minutes, but sleep refuses to come. _'I seriously don't know what I prefer, insomnia or nightmares?'_

  
"Adora?" I start at the sudden sound in the silent room. _'Darn it, I was hoping she fell asleep already.'_

  
"Yes?" I inquire lowly without turning round.

  
"You're tense." My eyelids fly open at Glimmer's statement.

  
"Oh." I utter and try to relax my rigid muscles that I had been tensing up subconsciously. But they stiffen up again when I feel a hand landing in between my shoulder blades.

  
"Relax, I'm not going to do anything." The queen says with a chuckle and I flush at my paranoia, relieved that I'm facing away from the teen. "Bow and I used to give each other massages after some training sessions and you look like you could do with one after Catra blasted you in the back." If anything I tense up even more at those words, having forgotten about that minor detail. _'If she finds out that I'm tense because I'm scared she'll find out about my secret...I don't even want to imagine what will happen. She was livid enough when I didn't tell her I had ripped out a stitch, what about if she found out I was actively cutting myself?'_ I suppress a shudder at the thought. "Adora?" I blink at hearing my name, realising that I still haven't answered her.

  
"I'm alright Glimmer." I finally say, but I feel the hand moving up and down my back, rubbing gently and I can't help the shiver that works its way down my body. Her fingers brush against my shoulder blades as they try to work the tension away. Subconsciously, I find myself leaning back into her touch, enjoying the warmth that pools in my chest at the gentle ministrations and soon enough I feel my body relax, but the queen doesn't let up in the massage as she starts working out the kinks in my shoulders. This time I do shudder and I reach up a hand to clasp the teen's one, stilling her movements. "I'm better now Glimmer. Thanks." I voice shakily, the ministrations making me anxious as she neared my bicep.

  
"Are you sure?" I hear the doubt in her voice, so I pluck up the last remaining bits of my confidence to encompass it into my next words.

  
"I am. Thank you." I express sincerely, keeping my hold on her fingers.

  
"Alright." Glimmer concedes and pulls away her hands from my shoulders. I almost sag in relief, until I feel the mattress beneath me sink and a pair of arms encircle my waist. I squeak at the unexpected action and try to twist behind me to look the teen in the eye, but I'm fixed in place.

"Glimmer?" I utter in confusion, but instead of a response I feel her head burying itself into my spine as she shudders slightly. I furrow my eyebrows in concern. "Hey, what's wrong?" I ask worriedly as I I rest a hand on one of hers that sits across my abdomen.

  
"I'm glad you're still here." Comes the muffled response. I widen my eyes and try harder to twist round.

  
"What do you mean? Of course I'm still here." I state, still royally perplexed at the purple head's strange behaviour.

  
"You don't have to be." Glimmer utters bitterly. My eyebrows shoot up.

  
"What?! Glimmer what's going on? You're really starting to scare me." I voice in a panicked tone.

  
"Catra's right. You don't have to stay around and put up with the way I treat you. You could leave at any time. None of this is really your responsibility, but still you stay. You take whatever I say to you on the chin, why?" Glimmer answers in a choked voice. I blink twice, recalling Catra's words. _'Oh. She thought Catra meant that I could...Glimmer doesn't know what she really meant. Of course she wouldn't, the alternative is so...ridiculous.'_

  
"Glimmer, I'd never leave you. You're my best friend. I know you're going through a rough patch, but I'm sure you'll work through it eventually. You're the strongest person I know." I state seriously, hoping to convey my sincerity.

  
"But why do you put up with the way I treat you?" The queen repeats.

  
"I told you, you're my best friend." I echo again, not understanding the reason for the repeated question.

  
"But all friendships can break apart. You know that first hand with Catra. You can leave at anytime, why don't you?" The teen explains. I groan internally and for once I'm glad that the purple head can't see my face. _'Thanks **a lot** Catra.'_ I think in annoyance.

  
"What do you want me to say Glimmer? Would you prefer if I left?" I ask, spinning the question back on her, but knowing how unjustified that is. _'Just because I can't answer, doesn't mean I have the right to shoot the question back at her.'_ I silently berate. Her arms tighten around me.

"No of course not! You know I didn't mean that. I was just asking." Glimmer mumbles defensively. I sigh and massage my temples.

  
"I stick around because I care about you Glimmer. You know that." I pause, contemplating on whether to say the rest. _'Maybe it will satisfy her.'_ I take a deep breath. "Despite everything, you still make me feel safe and loved. I suppose that's why it hurts so much when things go south between us." I explain with misty eyes and I have to clear my throat before it sounds like I'm crying. She releases one of her hands around my waist to squeeze one of mine.

  
"I...you...that's the same...feeling." The Queen fumbles, probably due to it feeling like an age since we've been civil with one another. I sigh in disappointment, but what did I expect? _'Nothing has been right between us since that dumb portal.'_

  
"Alright. Well, we should really get some sleep." I say, so that we can drop the whole thing.

  
"No, wait. I'm...you're specia..." Glimmer starts, but I cut her off her before she can finish.

  
"Yeah yeah I know, I'm special to you." I finish off for her, though my voice doesn't sound the slightest bit convinced. I feel her arms pull away from me. I'm surprised at the sudden action until her hand lands on my bicep and I just about hold in my flinch.

  
"Adora. Look at me please." The teen begs and I fight off the urge to groan.

  
"Glimmer, it's _**fine**_. Can we just sleep? _**Please?**_ " I plead, wanting to seriously ford off any further disagreements.

  
"But we have to talk about this! I can't let you go to sleep thinking that...that I don't care about you!" The queen protests and this time I do groan aloud as I roll over to find the queen kneeling on the mattress and hovering over me.

  
"I know you care about me." I reply, my voice hollow. If anything, that makes it worse as the Queen visibly deflates.

  
"But...!" The queen starts, but trails off at my glare.

  
"You agreed that we wouldn't talk about anything tonight!" I express in frustration. The purple head slumps her shoulders at my rebuke.

  
"Ok. Sorry." Glimmer mumbles with downcast eyes as she lies back on the bed and pulls the cover up to her chin. I bite my tongue when waves of guilt roll over me, but I shake my head. _'No, I shouldn't be getting guilty. We **agreed** to leave this for today.'_ But when I chance a look at the teen, the guilt only intensifies. I run a hand through my hair, untangling the knots with a sigh, before shifting to my side to give Glimmer my back. _'She is not guilt-tripping me into talking. Nope. No way. Besides, if she really does care about me, she'd give me this.'_ I think in an attempt to persuade myself. My eyelids flutter to a close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes nice words aren't enough...I know that from experience.
> 
> Anyway, pretty heavy chapter huh?  
> Bow has finally had enough of Glimmer & Adora's issues. Lol, DarkViral it seems that Bow shares your same thoughts of locking the two in a room XD Both Catra and Swiftwind made their debut in this story. What do you think? Always keen to hear your thoughts. 
> 
> Gah I love the softness of their friendship, don't know why I hurt them like this...ok I do know, but it pains me as much as it does for you guys.
> 
> Next Chapter they FINALLY have a proper talk. Don't get me wrong, I've still got plenty of angst planned, but they're non-canon things. But the next chapter involves them talking about their current problems that we saw in the show (which s5, for me, never resolved)


	12. Let's Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora & Glimmer FINALLY have a talk.
> 
> Also, I keep thinking because of Adora's upbringing, I doubt anyone ever told her that she was loved. Definitely not Shadow Weaver and not even Catra. So what if she's finally told she's loved by her best friend? Prepare for a bit of fluffy friendship (nice change from the angst) XD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have I told you guys that you're epic? Well, you are, super epic. Thank you so much for all your words, they really highlight things I overlooked and emphasise what you find is important, so really appreciate that.  
> Think you guys might enjoy this brief break from the constant angst...don't worry it will return in the next chapter XD But I didn't want to give you a high BP from the constant hurt.  
> Hope you enjoy :)

**Adora's POV:**

**Nightmare:**

  
"It's always your way or no way; isn't it? That's why everything is your fault, because _**you're** _the one making all the decisions!" Glimmer shouts loudly and I flinch hard at the reprimand.

  
"That's not fair!" I argue, but self-blame already starts to encompass my entire being.

  
"It's the truth." The queen states with a hardened eyes. I grind my teeth and look away from her.

  
"I can't believe you went back to it." My neck snaps to my other side to find Catra with her hands on hips. I swallow.

  
"It's not what you think." I protest as she makes slow deliberate steps towards me.

  
"That sounds familiar, where have I heard that before?" Catra mocks as she puts a hand to her chin before clicking her fingers. "Oh yes, it's when I first found you doing it. And now I find that you went back to cutting, after you **_promised_** not to do it again." I clench my jaws tightly as my ex-friend circles round me like a predator circling it's prey.

  
" _ **Stop it!**_ You don't understand what I'm going through." I yell hoarsely.

  
" _ **I**_ don't understand? How can what you're going through at Brightmoon be any worse than what we've went through at the Horde? Face it Adora, you're getting soft, _**weak!**_ " The feline shouts. I cover my ears with my hands, trying to block it all out.

  
"I'm not weak. I'm _**not!**_ " I chant to myself, hoping to sway my crumbling resolve.

  
"Wait. You're _**cutting** _yourself?" Suddenly my face pinches white as I glance up to spot Glimmer's mortified face.

  
"I...I..." I falter. _'NO! She can't know! She can NEVER know!'_ The queen makes her way over to me and in a flash she pulls up my sleeves and the hem of my shorts to see both old and new marks...self-inflicted scars. I watch as her face twists into disgust.

  
"Catra's right. You are _**weak**_." The teen grits out, shoving me roughly in the chest and I stumble into the ground, landing on my back. I sit up, stretching an arm towards the purple head.

  
"Wait Glimmer. Please! Let me explain." I plead, my chest tightening in anxiety.

  
"There's nothing to explain. You're _**pathetic**_. I wonder how I even thought you were fit for war." The word lashing winds me as my throat catches.

  
"No, please. _**Please** **!**_ " I cry out as she walks away, fading into the darkness around me. Everything seems to shift and become less solid, but I can't seem to concentrate on my changing environment because everything just hurts.

**Reality:**

"Adora!" I flinch hard at the teen's voice. Subconsciously pushing away from the hands that grasp at me. "Adora, it's just me." The queen urges. _'That's what I'm afraid of.'_ I think to myself. "Adora, wake up! It's just a nightmare." The voice calls out. I frown, _'Wake up? Wait. Is this not part of the nightmare?'_ A flash of pain is what jolts me awake completely as my eyes fling open and a yelp escapes my lips.

I blink several times to adjust to the darkness and realise I'm in my room, with Glimmer bearing over me, her hands hovering above my arms, but she refrains from touching me. She gazes at me through wounded eyes. I grasp my chest, trying to slow my erratic heart and push myself up onto my elbows as the teen moves back slightly to give me space to breathe. I take several deep breaths until the sensation of anxiety eases away. _'Ok...maybe... panic attacks aren't as far fetched as I thought they were...MAYBE.'_ After several minutes I re-open my eyes and drop my hand from my chest. At that point, Glimmer decides to speak.

  
"Are...are you ok?" She finally settles on asking as she gazes at me deeply.

  
"Fine. Just a nightmare." I breathe out vaguely. I watch as she bites her lip and looks away briefly before making eye-contact again.

  
"Usually..." The queen trails off and I cock my head to one side, wandering what she was about to say. She chews her lip more vigorously. "Usually I can keep the nightmares away just by holding you. But tonight..." My heart plummets as she trails off for the second time. "...tonight you flinched and squirmed when I came close. Were you...was I in your nightmare?" Glimmer inquires with a small voice. I bite the inside of my cheek so hard that I taste blood. I drop my head down and don't answer while the queen remains conflicted on what to say and do.

"It's because I pushed isn't it?" She questions, but I remain silent. "Do...do you want me to go?" The teen falters. At this I snap my hand out to grasp her wrist.

  
"No. Stay." I answer shortly.

  
"But I'm the reason for your nightmares. I thought I was helping to keep them away, especially when I saw that bruise on your forehead this morning, but it seems like I'm just making things worse." My eyes widen at her deduction.

  
"Wait, how did you know that bruise was because I had a nightmare last night?" I ask, bewildered.

  
"Other than you just confirming it now? You said it wasn't from the battle. The only other way would be if you banged it in your sleep and you thrash around a lot when you have a nightmare." The purple head explains neutrally.

  
"Oh, right." I echo.

  
"I think I should go. I'm not good for you. I was trying to convince myself otherwise, but...this isn't working." Glimmer confesses in a choked voice as icy cold dread pools into my stomach. I rise to a sitting position and tighten my grip on her.

  
"No! Don't do this again. Don't...hurt me again." I whisper brokenly. At this, Glimmer's face crumples completely and her whole body slumps.

  
"I don't want to Adora. Heavens know I don't want to!" The teen cries out as her eyes become misty. I pull myself closer to her.

  
"We need to talk, properly. I'm sure that will sort things out." I affirm, more confidently than I feel. "But I'm too exhausted to do it now." I admit as weariness pushes hard on my joints and muscles. The lack of sleep from the night before, coupled with the battles we've had today makes me dip forward, but the queen is quick to act as she catches me and settles me against her shoulder. "Thanks." I mumble, half-asleep, resting my head on her deltoid.

  
"Ok, tomorrow we'll just talk. I promise." Glimmer agrees and I hum in response as my eyelids droop. I feel her hands at my sides as she slides me back onto the pillow and pulls the covers up to my neck. "Goodnight Adora." She whispers softly.

  
"Night Glimmer." I reply sleepily. I feel gentle fingers brush hair strands off my face, but I'm too tired to comment and soon enough sleep overcomes me.

**Next Morning:**

  
A dull pain is what awakens me, as I shoot up from the bed with a gasp to find my arm tangled in the sheets that I was lying in. I groan and rub near the injured area for a moment until my eyes widen and I whip my head to the side. To both my relief and disappointment I find the space empty, sheets no longer crinkled. _'Oh please don't tell me Glimmer lied to me last night and did what I...'_ I'm broken out of my thoughts by the opening of the door and I visibly sag when I see a familiar purple head poking through the door. Her eyes zone in on me and she shoots me a tentative smile.

  
"Hey." She greets as she steps into the room, closing the door behind her.

  
"Hey." I repeat back.

  
"Did you manage to sleep alright? I didn't want to leave this morning after last night, but I wanted to make sure we wouldn't be disturbed."

  
"I don't recall any more nightmares which is a plus." I pause when I take in her last words. "Wait, what do you mean we won't be disturbed?" I question in confusion.

  
"Good. I made sure to clear the day of meetings, so we can have a proper talk without anything getting in the way. The only thing that could interrupt us is...well a Horde attack." The queen responds as she stands half a metre away from me. I blink twice, touched that she'd go through the effort of that, but...

  
"Glimmer you don't have to do that. Maybe something important will come up." I argue flatly as the teen crosses her arms over her chest.

  
"But I want to. Besides, I had a quick leaf through, there's nothing pressing enough that can't wait till tomorrow." Glimmer explains before clapping her hands together and coming over to sit beside me. I swing my legs over the bed's edge to give her more space as she directs her attention to me. "I've been thinking that...it's your turn to ask me questions. I've been so selfish in pushing you for answers while I've been short with you in giving any in return. So...ask away." The queen announces. I feel my eyes bulge at this unexpected turn of events.

  
"Are...are you sure?" I stutter. A flash of hesitation crosses her face until it becomes set with determination.

  
"Yes." Glimmer voices. I swallow. _'Where do I even start?'_ I take in a deep breath.

  
"Two nights ago, I asked you if what my subconscious conjured was correct...is it?" I finally ask. I observe the subtle stiffening of the queen's shoulders, but other than that, she appears somewhat calm. Until she flickers her gaze away from me.

  
"Yes, it's...true. Its why I was so mad when you asked, because I didn't want you to find out." Glimmer admits. I stretch out a hand to wards her forearm.

  
"But why? We could've stayed behind or done something to stop you feeling so left out." I probe with furrowed eyebrows.

  
"And let the Horde keep winning? Not a chance. You were both needed, besides it was petty." My frown deepens at the teen's dismissive hand wave.

  
"It's not petty if it bothered you." I state firmly. This prompts Glimmer to return her wandering eyes back to me.

  
"It's just...I didn't want to be alone. I've lost both my parents and you guys are all I have left. It made me scared that either something would happen to you both or...you'd leave me behind. You got along so well and I was just...there." The teen whispers, discomfort and hurt etched on her face. My heart breaks a little for the young queen and I wrap my arms around her.

  
"Oh Glimmer. We'd never leave you behind. _**Never**_." I utter seriously. I feel her arms come round and settle on my back.

  
"It's ridiculous, I know. But I really don't want to be alone. I can't lose anyone else. I just...can't." The teen chokes out and I tighten my hold on her.

  
"You'll never be alone Glimmer. We'll always be here." I repeat even more firmly.

  
"That's what I thought about my mum." Comes the quiet response and I can't help but feel my heart constrict in that all too familiar feeling of sick guilt. I bury my head into her shoulder.

  
"I promise you that won't happen again. I won't let it." I state, more forcefully than I intended, but the queen remains silent as she stays in my embrace. "Do...do you really blame me for...what happened?" I falter, feeling only confident to ask her when my face is hidden from hers, but she pulls back sharply at my query and searches my pale blue orbs carefully.

  
"You still think that I meant that?" Glimmer asks, her voice small.

  
"Didn't you?" I challenge. _'And I know we've talked about it before and I know she told me that she didn't mean it, but still I find it so difficult to believe. It doesn't help that I blame myself.'_

  
"Adora I told you I didn't mean it." I prepare myself for a tongue lashing, but I'm surprised when the teen pulls her legs up to her chest and cradles her knees self-consciously. "I don't know if you've ever felt angry at the world for all the stuff it puts you through. But, when things are constantly taken away from you, you just want to lash out at everything and everyone. I blame everyone for what happened, even myself. In the weeks leading up to my coronation I went through every agonising detail on how things could've went differently, on what we could've changed to stop that portal from opening. Every time, I found that it could've been avoided. If I asked for Shadow Weaver's help sooner, if we didn't go to the crimson waste, if we didn't meet Huntara. I could go on."

Glimmer pauses and looks up at me. "But what I said Adora, I said it in that moment because I wanted to hurt you, I was so angry at everything! Angry that I was queen and having to deal with all these problems, angry that we were losing, angry that my people were getting hurt - killed and we weren't doing anything about it. Angry that we were just so useless and I was angry that you were so darn upbeat about everything. You were convinced that everything could be fixed. Well news flash Adora, not everything can be fixed. So I lashed out. But, other than one thing, I've never regretted anything more in my whole life. You are _**not** _to blame for what happened to my mum. I...I know that. I put so much childish and unrealistic expectations on you and that wasn't fair. I don't want you to keep thinking that you can do everything on your own. I want you to let us help and not shoulder the brunt of this war. We're in this together." My jaw slackens at the queen's speech.

  
"I...wow. Well, that makes more sense now. I guess...trying to fix things is my coping mechanism because I know the past has already happened so I always convince myself that I can do something about the future. I...didn't realise it bugged you so much. I'm sorry." I apologise with downcast eyes, but I jump when a hand wraps around my wrist tightly.

  
"Don't apologise. Your upbeat attitude is something I love about you. That optimism is what we need in this war, I just got irritated because I couldn't see what you saw. I just saw darkness and destruction and I felt you were being idealistic. I didn't realise it's how you coped when things went wrong. I'm so sorry for what I said. I really really am." I listen carefully to the purple head's sincere explanation, but my attention zones in on one word in particular.

  
"Love?" I echo back, it rolls off my tongue like some foreign object. Glimmer blinks twice and leans back with a contemplative expression.

  
"Of course." The teen answers easily as her eyes watch me carefully.

  
"You love me?" I repeat again, still dumbstruck, _'no one has ever told me that. Not Catra and definitely not Shadow Weaver.'_ Glimmer starts to flush as she goes to punch my uninjured bicep.

  
"Jeez, now you're making it sound weird. What's so strange about that? You're my best friend, of course I love you." The queen chuckles awkwardly, but I freeze up when she says it so bluntly like that. She notices. "Adora? What's wrong?"" Glimmer asks, her eyebrows knit together in worry which is enough to pull me out of my stupor as I clutch my elbow, feeling suddenly self-conscious. I glance away.

  
"It's just that...no one's ever said that to me before." I reply softly as I become increasingly more embarrassed. I chance a look at the queen to see her eyes widening in disbelief.

  
"Wait, no one's ever said they love you?! I mean I know its the Horde, but still. I mean, what about Catra?" Glimmer asks, her face turning sour at the mention of the girl before going blank, but I shake my head.

  
"I couldn't even get her to tell me that she liked me; forget love." I joke with an eye-roll, but it only serves to deepen the queen's frown.

  
"That's terrible. Well in that case; I love you Adora, so very much." I flush bright red at the direct words which elicits a laugh from the purple head. "If I knew that was all it took to make you speechless then I would've done it ages ago." The teen teases with a twinkle in her eye.

  
" _ **Glimmer**_." I growl out, as I feel the heat radiating off the tips of my ears.

  
"Alright, alright I'll stop. But I do." The teen states seriously. I clear my throat and avert my eyes.

  
"Thanks. Me too." I squeak back, earning a grin from the purple head.

  
"So, anything else you want to ask or say?" Glimmer queries softly. I hum in thought.

  
"I'm guessing we're really not going to get anywhere with the whole Shadow Weaver business, are we?" I presume, eliciting a heavy sigh from the queen.

  
"She's helpful. If it wasn't for her, we never would've caught Double Trouble." I dip my head down in disappointment at her answer, despite expecting it.

  
"Yeah." I mumble.

  
"Why does it bother you so much? Other than the bad memories, why are you so against it? You were the one who said she could change remember?" The teen reminds with furrowed eyebrows. I breathe deeply and look up to stare at the young queen and I can't help but rub my forehead anxiously.

  
"It's just...she gets inside people's head, suggests ideas that are wrong or bad. I mean..." I trail off when a sudden thought strikes me. "...wait. Who's idea was it to use me as bait?" I fire out suddenly which causes the purple head to stiffen up before crossing her arms defensively.

  
"That was...ok... I'll _**admit** _that was Shadow Weaver's idea, but she didn't manipulate me. I chose to go with it." Glimmer concedes reluctantly. I grind my teeth. _'I knew it!'_

  
"Glimmer that is the very definition of manipulation! Gosh, how did I not figure that out sooner?! I'm such a fool. Of course you wouldn't be the first one to think of using me as bait." I rant, but I'm quickly cut off by the scalding look the queen shoots me.

  
"No it's not! It's called _**listening** _to other people's ideas, maybe you should try it sometime!" The teen snaps and I reel back in shock, my face a mixture of hurt and disappointment. The anger fades from the teen's face a split second later and is replaced by sorrow. "Wait, no. I'm sorry. I didn't mean that." Glimmer apologises as she moves closer to me but I pull further back.

  
"Is that what you think? That I don't listen to you?" I ask wounded and watch as she turns her head to the side and closes her eyes briefly.

  
"Sometimes, it's so difficult to get a word in with you Adora. You always have to be right or we always have to follow you. It's frustrating." The purple head confesses. My lips quiver upon hearing this and I have to bite the inside of my cheek hard to stop myself from saying something brash.

  
"I'm only doing what I think is best." I protest weakly, but the fire in my tone is gone. _'Is that what she thinks? That I'm in the way? Or trying to take over?'_ Glimmer must've noticed my pained tone as she snaps her head back to me, her eyes hard to read.

  
"I know you are, but you don't let other people lead or make choices. That's not how a team works." The queen tries to explain as she tones down the edge in her voice.

  
"So...you don't want me to say anything?" I ask wearily, our previous arguments flash before my mind and I feel my heart throb in hurt. Glimmer must have been thinking the same thing as she snaps her hands towards me to grab my wrists.

"No! That's not what I mean. I just...can't we just take turns in listening and compromising together rather than bulldozering with your own ideas?" The teen pleads, as she holds my appendages desperately. I chew my lip, _'I've never **not** been in charge before, what if something goes wrong? What if everything becomes my fault again?'_ I wander frantically. "Nothing will go wrong, we'll sort it together, but only if we try. I'm willing to, are you?" I'm almost shocked at how easily Glimmer was able to read what I was thinking, but I guess she always did have a knack in knowing what's bothering me as we became closer. _'Now am I willing to try? I suppose it can't hurt, especially if it matters that much to Glimmer.'_

  
"Alright." I agree with a smile and I'm almost thrown back when a warm solid body tackles into me. I groan at the flare of pain, but wrap my arms around the teen regardless.

  
"Thank you so much Adora. That means a lot to me." Glimmer whispers as she buries her head into my chest. I feel my heart leap in my ribcage, relieved I've finally done something right.

  
"I should've done it sooner." I reply regretfully.

  
"Why didn't you?" Comes the unexpected question.

  
"I just...wanted to do what your mum told me to; to watch out for you. I'm sorry." I answer with a sigh to which the queen squeezes me once before letting go.

  
"It's ok. And about the whole Shadow Weaver thing? I'll...try to think twice before listening to her ok? She won't influence me." I bite my tongue, uncertainty still plagues me, but maybe I should give her the benefit of the doubt, _'I mean Glimmer is strong, she'll be ok...I hope.'_ I sigh.

  
"Alright." I say reluctantly. The queen furrows her brows at my still obvious dislike of the situation, but she decides not to say anything more.

  
"Ok. Erm, anything else?" The teen asks unsurely. I think for a moment, _'1 more thing...jeez I didn't realise there was **this** many issues between us.'_

  
"The bait thing?" I utter tentatively, knowing this is one of the things we fought viciously about. The purple head takes my hands and gazes at them deeply with a deep breath.

  
"I know you didn't like it. I didn't like it when it was first suggested, but this is war Adora. We don't do what we want, we do what's necessary or what will make us win." I scowl at that response and snatch my hands from hers.

  
"That doesn't mean you have to lose yourself in the process!" I snap as the teen crosses her arms in irritation.

  
"Why do you hate it so much? You're still fighting!" Glimmer asks pointedly and I can't help but raise a mocking eyebrow at her.

  
"Did you seriously just ask me that? It's dangerous, I could've been hurt that day, along with the other princesses!" I explain impatiently.

  
"But you weren't!" The purple head shouts back while throwing her arms up in annoyance.

  
"But I _**could've** **!**_ " I yell as a wave of insecurity washes over me. I clutch my elbow. Glimmer notices my shift in mood as the frustration drops from her face and moves closer to me.

  
"What's this really about Adora?" She asks so softly that I have to look away.

  
"It's just, you're turning me into this tool or this thing that's part of a strategy rather than treating me as a person." I express lowly. It takes a moment for Glimmer to understand the full implications of my words and when she does she breathes deeply.

  
"I didn't mean that. This is isn't the Horde; you're valued. _**I** _value you. I'm sorry I didn't make that clear enough." I lift my eyes up at her words.

  
"So no more being bait?" I ask hopefully, earning a chuckle from the teen.

  
"No more being bait unless you want to be. We'll strategize and talk about any plans we make from now on." Glimmer agrees with a smile and I grin back, relieved that's sorted. "So...are we good?" The queen asks tentatively with hopeful eyes. I rest a hand on her shoulder and give it a squeeze.

  
"Yeah we're good. Thanks for letting me ask about...well, everything." I state gratefully and the teen pulls me into a tight hug. I sigh in content and enjoy the comforting warmth of my best friend. "I missed you Glimmer." The words fall out before I can stop them, but if anything it prompts the purple head to bury her face more deeply into my chest.

  
"I missed you too Adora. Nothing's felt right since we started arguing. You've been an anchor in all this mess and I just kept pushing you away. There were so many times after our fights that I just wanted to run back to you and curl up in your arms." I feel her sigh heavily. "But I was too stubborn." I laugh at her admittance of her less than admired trait and rest my chin on the top of her head.

  
"That you are. Don't know how you managed to resist my hugs for this long. I certainly found it difficult." I slip out, I widen my eyes when I realise how pathetic that sounded. "I-I mean..." I stutter, trying to amend my slip-up.

  
"It was near impossible." Glimmer says suddenly, stopping my stutters in their tracks.

  
"Wait, what?" I ask with wide eyes.

  
"Resisting to give you a hug was nearly darn impossible. Every time you looked like a kicked puppy my arms would twitch by my sides because I wanted to make it better, but I couldn't because _**I**_ was the reason you were sad in the first place. It was painfully ironic." The queen confesses as she pulls me even more closely than I thought was humanly possible.

  
"Really? I thought wanting a hug was pathetic." I voice embarrassingly.

  
"No, never. I wanted one from you just as much." I smile softly at this knowledge and breathe in the teen's strawberry shampooed hair, relaxing at the familiar scent.

  
"Your Majesty, are you in there?" A sudden voice booms from the other side of the oak surface. Glimmer pulls away from me with a disappointed sigh as she turns her head toward the door.

  
"I am. I thought I made it clear that I was not to be interrupted." The queen rebukes firmly as I watch in amusement, _'Now that I'm not on the receiving end of the queen's telling off, it's quite funny to see Glimmer be all queen-like and in charge.'_

  
"I apologise Queen Glimmer, but it's urgent. Force Captain Catra has been spotted at Thaymore with a group of Horde soldiers and bots." The atmosphere suddenly grows heavy as the queen rises from the bed, an expression of rage on her face as I frown deeply. _'Thaymore, the place where I realised the Horde was evil and became friends with Glimmer and Bow. What is Catra plotting?'_

  
"I'm on my way. Prepare the Princess alliance and get them to meet me at the gates." The queen orders.

  
"Of course your majesty." The guard responds and I hear the sound of hurried feet going down the corridor. The young royal drops her stern face as she turns to face me.

  
"I'm sorry. I really didn't want us to be interrupted today. I was hoping we could just get everything sorted out between us." The teen apologises, her eyes downcast.

  
"Hey, it's ok. Besides, I've asked everything I wanted to and you cleared it all up, so I'm good." I reply with a relaxed smile as I rest a comforting hand on the girl who bites her lip in response. I frown. "Unless...there were other things you wanted to ask me?" I probe unsurely which prompts the queen to raise her eyes back up to mine as she holds her elbow insecurely.

  
"There were a couple of minor things, but it can wait. You're right, we've got the major issues between us sorted, right?" Glimmer affirms as she watches me closely. I swallow, the cuttings still fresh in my mind. _'She doesn't need to know about that. Not now, not ever. Besides it's not like I'll go back to it now that we've made up.'_

"Right." I agree. The queen watches me for a moment more, a thoughtful expression on her face.

  
"There's nothing important you want to say before we leave? You know, in case we get distracted or tired later." Glimmer probes again.

  
"Nope. Now let's go and beat Catra." I state firmly. The teen purses her lips before nodding.

  
"Alright. Let's go." The purple head utters with a smile and offers her hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so there was a bit of angst, but I think less than usual?  
> Next chapter is a bit shorter.  
> Deltoid is the muscle located at the shoulder...sorry, med terms XD  
> I definitely peg Adora as someone who has difficulty to voice her emotions. And I'm pretty proud of Glimmer in this chapter, hope you are too XD
> 
> Catra makes another appearance in the next chapter. One word? She's mean XD Angst ensues next chapter as usual.
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated.


	13. Exposed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra cares about Adora in her own complicated way. OR maybe she just wants to further divide the rift between Glimmer & Adora. Perhaps on some level Catra is jealous of Glimmer replacing her as Adora's best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys can I just say how touched I was by you all? Seriously, I had a huge grin reading your thoughts and words. So thank you so much. 
> 
> I'll be honest? I never intended to post this story at all. I wrote it just to keep myself busy during the hiatus between s4 & s5 and then found myself pouring a lot of my feelings and emotions about things into it. I read it back to myself and quite liked it so didn't want to delete it, but it was taking too much space on my phone. I seriously deliberated just getting rid of it anyway, but couldn't bring myself to and then finally decided to post it here for me to come back and read now and again, I never expected anyone to like it. SO this is my roundabout way of saying thank you for taking the time to read, enjoy and comment. Makes posting the chapters so much more enjoyable than I anticipated. Anyway you prob weren't interested in that so I'll just get to the story!
> 
> This chapter is short so I'm sorry about that, but I felt it was a really good point to stop at. 
> 
> This is a really heavy chapter so tread with care. Not sure if Self-worth is a trigger but that's definitely mentioned. Also mentions of cutting!

**Adora's POV:**

**At Thaymore:**

  
"Hold still Catra!" I growl, jumping from rock to rock as I try to catch up with the quick feline.

  
"It's not my fault you're slow." The cat taunts back, dodging behind a hut. I sprint after her, readying my sword, only to find that I've reached a dead end. _'Where did she go?'_ I wonder, looking left and right. I look up a moment too late as my ex-friend leaps from a nearby tree branch and tackles me to the ground, pinning my arms to my sides. She leans close, her lips brushing my ear. "So, are you still doing it?" She queries softly. I buck her off, looking for my sword, until I spot it a metre away from me.

  
"No." I answer with a scowl as I pick up my fallen sword. Catra rises to her feet easily, a lazy look on her face as she rests one hand on her hip.

  
"So things are getting better between you and the queen, how cute." The feline mocks. "I wonder what she'd do if she knew." I snarl at her words and hurl the weapon at her. The blade flies past her face to trim a couple of strands of her hair. The action earns me a growl as the cat leaps at me, scratching my forearm. "Just for that, maybe I should tell her." Catra threatens and I feel my heart drop to my stomach before a flash of rage takes over and I grab her by the tail, chucking her against a tree trunk.

  
"Don't you dare." I warn between grit teeth and push her further into the tree trunk.

  
"You wouldn't have to worry about it if you told her yourself." My ex-friend expresses with a smirk as she rests her hands on mine.

  
"Zip it Catra. You were never meant to know." I answer rigidly, eliciting a snort from the Force Captain.

  
"Of course I wasn't. It's your thing isn't it? Hiding stuff from your best friends. You were always terrible at opening up." A flash of pain crosses my eyes at the accusation.

  
"That's not fair Catra." I voice, my tone wounded. A moment of indecision plays on her features before she clamps back up and glares at me with a snarl.

  
"Life's not fair princesses. You were the one who taught me that." The feline answers bitterly.

  
"You could've left! Like I did. You didn't have to stay and take what they did to us!" I yell, annoyed at her words but more out of the rising guilt I feel every time I remember that **_I_ **left her. Not the other way round.

  
"Oh yeah of course, I could've followed you because you _**always** _get to be the leader." Catra argues back and in my moment of distraction, my grip on her collar loosens just enough for her to worm out of my hold. A second later I find myself on the receiving end of a roundhouse kick, causing me to stumble back a few paces, clutching my jaw.

  
"There didn't have to be leaders and followers! We were _**friends**_." I argue in irritation, dropping my hand from my mandible as I stare the feline down. She leaps again, scratching at my knee, despite having a clear shot at my thigh. "Ah!" I yelp, moving to hop on one leg which in hindsight was a dumb idea as she sweeps my leg from underneath me and I go tumbling to the ground. A roll out of the way when she tries to tackle me for the second time. A blast sounds nears me as I move onto all fours.

  
"Oh hi Sparkles. Wonderful day for a fight isn't it?" I freeze upon hearing Catra's greeting and quicker than a mouse I'm up on my feet to find the feline and teen circling each other.

  
"Drop it Catra. You're outnumbered." The queen orders as light flickers in her hands, _'this...this is too familiar.'_ I think with a touch of worry. Catra shoots a side glance to me before smiling deviously. Cold dread seeps into my bones. _'She wouldn't.'_

  
"That might be Glitter, but I have knowledge on my side." The Force Captain purrs and jumps till she's standing behind me. I'm about to twist round but her hands snaps out to grab my wrists and pulls them behind me. "I bet you didn't know this dark secret about Adora." Catra voices confidently and at that point I see red. I break out of her hold and swiftly spin round to throw a punch straight at the cat's face. The hit is so forceful that it throws the feline several metres away as I pant heavily. But the bad thing about Catra is that she always gets back up. I watch as she wipes a trickle of blood from her split lip before curling it up ruefully. "Aw did I hit a sore spot?" My ex-friend taunts.

  
"Shut it Catra." I growl as Glimmer looks between the two of us in confusion. Catra's face hardens.

  
"No I won't shut it. Your current best friend should know what I know, or maybe you two aren't close enough like we were." The feline mocks with a lie, knowing that I never told her to start with. She stumbled in on me when I became careless. I spare a glance at the queen, watching her usually tanned skin become increasingly pale. _'She's trying to push us apart. That is a whole new low.'_ I take a threatening step towards the cat.

  
"Don't you _**dare**_." I hiss, low enough that the teen shouldn't have heard it. The Force Captain stares at me with a sad glint in her eye, almost as if she's apologising in advance? But it's gone a second later and I'm not quite sure if I imagined it or not because it's quickly replaced with her signature smirk. She jumps away from me and makes a dash for the queen who blinks in surprise but teleports to my side just before Catra gets to her. Annoyance etches itself on the feline's features before she turns to face us with her hands on her hips.

  
"Sparkles, Adora cuts herself." My world comes crushing down at those blunt words.

  
"What?" Glimmer echoes. I don't look at her.

  
"Oh I forget, life with you is all pink and roses, you probably don't even know what that is." At those words I force my lead-like feet to move as I run towards her with my sword raised, but the cat simply dodges. "Adora self inflicts wounds when things get a bit too much." Catra elaborates. I hear a sharp intake of breath behind me. I drop my sword and swing my fists at her, but she dodges each and every single one of them.

  
"Shut it. Shut it. Shut it!" I scream as my punches increase in frequency. The feline catches one of my fists and stares at me seriously before leaning in to whisper by my ear.

  
"Its for your own good. Besides, if your little friendship with the queen breaks apart then that's a plus." She utters sweetly before shoving me roughly back. I'm about to run after her until she looks up. "Looks like my ride is here. You two have fun talking." The Force Captain announces with a smirk and jumps onto an oncoming skipper. I start to run after her, but the machine is too quick and I lose sight of her soon after. I smash a fist into a nearby tree so hard that the whole thing shakes underneath my hand.

  
"Adora?" I hear Glimmer's quiet voice behind me and subconsciously I revert back to my normal self. I don't reply. _'How dare Catra reveal something so private? She **promised** she wouldn't! But then again, I did break my end of the deal, but still! That's not something you can just say!'_

I hear the crunch of leaves as the teen steps closer. "Is what Catra said...true?" I hunch my shoulders up. _'I could just lie. It's not like she's got any proof, but my reaction might be enough of one.'_ I don't answer.

"Adora, look at me." The queen commands firmly. I don't move. _'Maybe I can pretend this is all a terrible, terrible nightmare and I'll be waking up any minute now.'_ Seconds pass, but it's still all too real. _'Glimmer **knows**.'_ I whimper. _'No, no! This can't be happening! She CAN'T know. She can't know that I do THAT.'_ Catra's reaction from when she first caught me doing it flashes before me and I find my legs buckling underneath me.

"Adora!" I don't respond as I hug my arms to my body and begin to shake. _'No, no, **no**! She'll **never** look at me the same again. She'll think I'm weak or pathetic or unable to cope. Everything is ruined! She'll finally see me as the worthless person that I really am.'_

I vaguely hear some faint sound, but I can't concentrate, my chest aches and it's starting to get hard to breathe until I feel a pair of arms around me. My face collides into something soft, solid and warm. That strawberry scent returns and I eventually become aware of a soothing voice and a gentle hand that runs up and down my back. Slowly the tight knot in my chest eases and breathing eventually becomes easier. When I open my eyes I find we're no longer in Thaymore but in Glimmer's room at Brightmoon. _'I haven't been in here since...one of our fights.'_

I look up to find Glimmer's face above me, her eyes staring ahead of her, lost in thought as she continues rubbing my back. It's then that I realise I'm on the ground with Glimmer's arms loosely around me as I lay across her lap. I don't say anything, too scared to open that can of worms. A few moments later I feel the teen's abdomen move as she heaves a heavy sigh.

  
"I know you're staring at me." I flush at the blunt statement, embarrassed that I've been caught and drop my eyes down to where her hands rest around my waist.

  
"S-sorry." I stutter, not sure if I'm apologising for that or for...The Queen sighs again before she finally looks down at me, her eyebrows knit in concern.

  
"Are you ok now?" Glimmer asks softly. I'm almost surprised that she isn't jumping down my throat about it immediately, but then even Catra was at a loss on what to do. I take a deep breath.

  
"Yeah. My chest isn't so tight anymore. I...guess you were right about the...you know." I concede between clenched jaws. Glimmer watches me carefully, her eyebrows furrowing further.

  
"We've got some good...health advisors. They can help you manage it if you want?" The teen suggests tentatively. I bite my lip, at this point I know that we're skirting around the real issue, but I can't bring myself to be the one who opens the subject.

  
"I'll think about it." I mumble. It takes a few minutes before the purple head opens her mouth again.

  
"How long?" I blink at the random question.

  
"What?" I utter, but the queen shifts in discomfort.

  
"How long have you been...you know..." Glimmer trails off lamely, seemingly unable to say the word, and I'm not sure if its because she's worried I'll go into another panic attack or because she simply hates the word. I pull myself up so that I'm no longer leaning on the teen and cross my legs as Glimmer drops her arms into her empty lap, her gaze is weary.

  
"I...did it at the Horde. I think the first time was when I was 13." I answer quietly. I take note of the way her eyes widen and I feel like cursing Catra for putting me in this situation... _ **again**_.

  
"You've been...all this time?!" Glimmer voices frantically. I bite the inside of my cheek, _'tell the truth or a lie? If I tell her I've been doing it when I met her, she'll think I'm unstable. If I tell her I stopped and returned to it briefly she'll **know** that she was the cause of me going back to it!'_ I groan internally and observe the anxiety in her eyes. _'The truth. I can't keep lying and hiding things. I just hope...that it will be alright.'_

  
"No. I stopped when I was 16 after...Catra caught me. When she caught me the second time, she made me promise not to do it ever again and in return she wouldn't tell Shadow Weaver or anyone." I confess with averted eyes.

  
"So she blackmailed you." The queen clarifies bluntly. But despite everything Catra's done to me, I feel the need to defend her, at least with this.

  
"No. That wasn't her intent. She realised that talking wasn't going to stop me since she tried that the first time she found out, so she did this instead. She didn't know how else to get me to stop and it worked." I state seriously, returning my gaze back to the purple head to make my point clear. A flicker of emotions cross her lilac orbs before going blank.

  
"Ok, but why did she bring it up now? Unless..." Glimmer breaks off sharply as her eyes narrow. "You went back to it." She states rigidly as her lips press together tightly. I look down, not able to meet the accusation in her eyes. " _ **Adora**_." I flinch at her tone. Glimmer takes a moment to consider this before shifting closer to me. "Adora." The teen repeats more softly. I bite my lip before raising my head slightly. "How...when...?" The queen trails off, her face completely lost on what to do and say.

I bite my lip harder, prompting the queen to sigh as she stretches a hand out towards me. I suck my teeth back in as her hand gets closer to my face until her fingers brush across my lips. I widen my eyes in surprise, but when she pulls back, I catch a spot of blood on her finger. "You have a bad habit of hurting yourself." The purple head comments and I can't tell if she's teasing or more worried.

  
"Yeah." I utter quietly. The queen purses her lips for a moment before resting a hand on top of mine.

  
"Adora, talk to me. Please? I want to help and I can't do that if you don't tell me what's going on." Glimmer pleads.

  
"If I tell you, you won't want to talk to me again." I choke out. I can almost hear the wheels turning in the teen's head as she tightens her grip on me.

  
"I wont....I _**promise**_. And you know I always keep my promises." The teen expresses earnestly. I take a deep breath as I decide to take the plunge before I chicken out.

  
"I did it a couple of days ago." I blurt out. The Queen blinks twice, as if trying to recall what happened a couple of days ago and then her whole face just crumples. I feel the familiar tightening in my chest as guilt gnaws at me. _'I shouldn't have told her. I should've just lied! Why didn't I lie?!'_ An arm wraps around my shoulders.

  
"Adora, it's ok." Glimmer voices soothingly and then I realise I'm shaking again. _'Dumb **weakness**!'_ I bury my head into the teen's shoulder, too scared to see her expression and anxious that she'll leave.

  
"I'm sorry." I apologise quietly, but no sooner do I say that I'm pushed back with firm hands on my shoulders as I stare into the queen's rigid face.

  
"Don't you dare apologise! This is all **_my_** fault. I pushed you to..." Glimmer breaks off as her eyes well up with tears. "Gosh Adora, I'm so sorry. This is what Catra meant the other day, isn't it? I thought she meant that you would leave Brightmoon, I never considered the alternative." My eyes widen when the teen starts shaking as she pulls her arms back to wrap them around herself.

"Hey, don't cry." I comfort with knit eyebrows as I move closer to the purple head, but she just moves back and gets to her feet.

  
"Have you done it before then? After you left the Horde?" The queen asks, the underlying demand evident in her voice.

  
"No." I admit with a sigh. I watch as the teen runs a shaky hand through her hair. I get to my feet. "Glimmer, its f...ok." I amend quickly, but it doesn't keep the anger at bay.

  
"How is this ok?! I caused you to...to..." The purple head trails off, still unable to voice the word.

  
"Glimmer it's fine! I once cut myself over something Catra did while we were still best friends. Stuff happen." I emphasise, my tone taking on a sharper edge. I observe as the queen pushes the base of her palms into her eyes and my annoyance fades as I take a couple of steps towards the girl. I reach out to remove her hands from her eyes. She looks up at me, the vulnerability crystal clear in her purple irises.

  
"But that's not me. I'm supposed to be better! This...I've messed up." I blink twice, shocked at Glimmer's admission. I'm so surprised that I don't even respond. So I jump when the teen suddenly grabs my hands and pulls them towards her, holding it close to her chest. "You wouldn't...take it that far, would you?" I balk at her implications and shake my head immediately.

  
" _ **NO!**_ " I shout a little too loudly. I clear my throat. "It's just a coping strategy when things get too much. That's all. I would never..." I cut myself off, not even wanting to entertain the thought. My violent reaction must've been persuasive enough as the the queen slumps her shoulders in relief.

  
"Thank goodness." Glimmer mutters under her breath before raising her eyes to meet mine again. "Listen, if I ever push you too hard, just tell me. I'll back off immediately." Glimmer expresses resolutely. I furrow my eyebrows.

  
"I don't want to use that as an excuse. I should be strong enough to handle it...I _**am** _strong enough to handle it. This was just...a slip up." I defend weakly.

  
"I know you're strong enough, but just...I don't want to be the person who pushes you. Despite how I've been behaving I do care about you so much and the thought of hurting you kills me inside. Please?" I purse my lips at Glimmer's request and sigh.

  
"Ok. I promise I will." I agree and the queen squeezes my hands in response.

  
"And...you won't do it again?" The teen asks, her voice small.

  
"No. As I said, it was just a slip up." I affirm strongly, squeezing the queen's hands. I watch as the tension visibly disappears from her forehead before she launches into me for a hug.

  
"I'm so sorry." She whispers quietly into my sternum.

  
"Hey, it's alright." I answer softly, stroking her hair soothingly. It's a few moments before Glimmer speaks again.

  
"Can...can I see them?" I stiffen at the request. The teen pulls back slightly to look me in the eye. "I mean, you don't have to." She adds, but I can see that's more to reassure me.

  
"Er..." I utter anxiously.

  
"Or just...where do you usually...you know?" I blink at the different query.

  
"What?" I echo as I watch Glimmer squirm and releases her hold of me completely.

  
"I mean I've seen you without your top and leggings before, but I've never noticed anything, unless they don't scar?" The queen asks, cheeks turning rosy red.

  
"No, they scar." I reply as I feel my own face reddening.

  
"But where...?" The teen repeats. I cross my arms.

  
"Why do you want to know?" I ask self-consciously. The queen watches me carefully before exhaling a breath.

  
"Just...I want to know what to look out for, like Catra does." The purple head voices seriously. My eyebrows shoot up at her response.

  
"I told you I'm _**not** _going to do it again." I say impatiently, annoyed at her lack of belief in me.

  
"I didn't meant it like that! It's just...I'd feel better knowing; please Adora?" At Glimmer's plea, some of the tension from my back eases. Especially I realise that the teen is just scared for me.

  
"On my upper thigh, just underneath my shorts." I admit in discomfort. Immediately Glimmer's eyes drop to my legs and I fight the embarrassing urge to run, but the queen's eyes return swiftly to mine again.

  
"Thanks." She simply replies and moves round me to get to the door. "I should check that everyone got back safely." The teen states and I nod in understanding, until something occurs to me.

  
"Erm, Glimmer?" I voice out as the queen opens the door agar, the purple head twists slightly to face me.

  
"Yes Adora?"

  
"Could...could you not tell anyone this? Including Bow." I request quietly. At this Glimmer turns around completely, a slight frown on her face.

  
"You know Bow wouldn't judge you right?" The queen clarifies carefully. I swallow.

  
"I know. I just don't want anyone to know." I assert slowly as the teen's face flickers with emotions.

  
"Ok, I won't. It stays just between us." Glimmer promises and I exhale in relief. The purple head goes to leave but as if remembering something she back tracks slightly, her hand remaining on the door. "Oh I forgot to ask, did you want me to sleep with you tonight or do you think you'll be ok?" The teen asks nonchalantly, but her gazes is intent as I blink in surprise at the random query. _'That's right, now that we've cleared everything between us she doesn't need to come here anymore. It will be so weird without her, but I need to let Glimmer know that I'm fine now and don't need constant monitoring, especially with this revelation.'_

  
"I think, I'll be ok now thanks. I'm sure you'll be happy to go back to your soft comfy bed." I joke until I notice the way her eyes fall in disappointment. I open my mouth, ready to amend that statement, but the young royal beats me to it.

  
"That's good! I'll just get to it then. See you later." Glimmer voices and without so much as a parting glance she's gone and out of the door which closes behind her with an audible click. _'Well that was weird. If I didn't know better...she's actually disappointed that I refused?'_ I shake my head. ' _Nah I'm being ridiculous.'_

I hold my arms to my chest. _'But it will be strange without her, I've gotten so used to hearing her quiet breaths beside me and her tendency to latch onto me in her sleep.'_ I shake my head again. ' _Aurgh this is like the first time I came here and found it hard to go to sleep without Catra and everyone else around me.'_ I drop my arms to my sides. _'I can deal. I've done it before. Besides, I've still got a while before I head to bed anyway.'_ I give the door my back and my gaze falls on my makeshift punching bag. _'I guess some training couldn't hurt.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow that was too short, but I promise to update tomorrow to make up for it...I hope...it's my birthday so hopefully I won't get too distracted to post. I'll admit this isn't my best chapter, so I apologise. Not sure what mood I was in when I wrote it XD But yeah the hurt and angst was back here, so ouch. What did you think, expected that?
> 
> Told you Catra was mean XD Funny enough she makes another appearance in the next chapter for those of you who like Catra. Next chapter is a really hard one to swallow and deviates from canon a lot. I like it, but want you guys to prepare for a steady downhill disaster from next chapter onwards. Things always get worse after they get better, right? Or maybe I'm just being cruel XD Well, see you all later :)


	14. Injury

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra's mad that her plan of tearing Glimmer & Adora's friendship didn't work, so she tries something else instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, THANK YOU SO MUCH for all the birthday wishes, was really sweet from you all <3 My birthday wish to you guys? Have cake on my behalf XD
> 
> I've been writing fics for 6 years now and this is actually the first time I've ever posted on my birthday before, so that's a pretty cool new experience XD 
> 
> This is a ridiculously short chapter which I'm really sorry for, but there was legit no better place to end this chapter without it becoming a long essay. Fingers crossed I'll get another update out tomorrow. No angst in this one which some of you may be happy about XD

**Adora's POV:**

**Next Day:**

  
I wake up with a yawn, my cheek squished against the mattress as one of my arms dangle over the edge of the bed. I groan as my eyes flutter open and blink when I realise its already morning. _'Wow, I actually slept in and didn't have any nightmares! Maybe everything is starting to look up.'_ I think with a smile as I push myself up to change my nightwear and go to the dining room to find the queen already seated with Bow and Mermista. At the sound of my footsteps, Glimmer looks up immediately and shoots me a half smile.

  
"Hi guys!" I greet cheerfully causing Bow to pause mid-sentence and turn his attention to me.

  
"Well someone sounds chipper this morning." The archer voices teasingly.

  
"Yep! I'm well rested and ready for the day." I reply confidently with a grin, eliciting a grin from the tech master but a groan from the water princess beside him.

  
"Aurgh please don't. It should be illegal to be that happy this early in the morning." Mermista complains. I laugh.

  
"Maybe if you give it a chance..." I start but the sea princess sticks her palm out before I can finish.

  
"Nope, don't want to hear it. I'm going to my room. If you need me, you know where I'll be." Mermista announces and groggily exits the room. I blink and watch her go before turning to the two others at the table.

  
"What's up with Mermista? She's more..." I pause, trying to think of a word to explain the blue head. "...well, cranky than usual." I ask with a raised eyebrow. My two best friends share a glance with each other before returning their attention to me.

  
"We're planning an attack to take back Salineas, but we're still working out the kinks." Bow starts as a byway of explanation while my eyebrows shoot up.

  
"Yeah and Mermista's been understandably emotional about it." Glimmer continues before taking a spoonful of cereal.

  
"Wait, you're planning to take Salineas back? When?" I question in surprise as I take a seat opposite the young royal.

  
"As soon as we get over this block. We're trying to figure out a way to close the Horde's access to the sea, but its hard since they're already so wide spread along the coast. We're thinking about a scouting mission to get intel about the sort of numbers and stuff we're dealing with." The Queen explains.

  
"I'm working on this new tech that should help us with camouflage, but it's a bit fiddly. Actually, I'm going to go and work on it now. The sooner I get it working the sooner we can regain the upper hand against the Horde." Bow announces while pushing back his chair. He waves us goodbye and is out of the door in no time, leaving Glimmer and I alone. I turn my head round to find the teen quickly dropping her eyes.

  
"So, no nightmares last night?" The queen inquires as she plays with the utensil in her hand.

  
"Nope. I slept like a baby." I joke, but the teen's shoulders slump slightly. I'm just about to question her when she seems to shake herself out of a self-induced daze before lifting up her head and forcing a smile to her face.

  
"That's great. I'm glad you're back to sleeping well again." The purple head states with fake enthusiasm. I raise an eyebrow at the absurd behaviour.

  
"Are you alright? You're acting strangely." I comment as I pick up a spoon and start eating while keeping one eye on the queen.

  
"Yes, of course. Why wouldn't I be?" The teen answers quickly but averts her eyes a moment later. I sigh and lean back.

  
"We agreed that we wouldn't hide things from each other, remember?" I remind mildly.

  
"Don't worry. It's nothing. This plan is just running through my head is all." Glimmer assures, a half smile on her lips. I shrug.

  
"Alright." I utter reluctantly and go back to eating. The room goes silent for several minutes, save for the occasional clutter of spoon against bowl.

  
"So, how did you sleep?" I inquire in an attempt to make conversation.

  
"Oh, it was alright, thanks..." The purple head trails off, fiddling with her utensil for a moment longer before putting it down. "Actually, it was a bit weird going back to my own bed." Glimmer confesses, her eyes staring at the bowl in front of her. I chew slowly in consideration before swallowing.

  
"Oh?" I express, mildly surprised at the teen's words.

  
"But I guess that's expected considering how long we've been sharing a room for. I'm sure I'll just get used to it. Anyway, I should head to my next meeting. I'll see you later." The queen voices casually and teleports before I get the chance to respond. I sigh, _'Great, I should've actually said something. Oh well, as she said, she'll get over it in no time.'_ I finish off my breakfast and go to find Bow. It's not long later until we're all called to defend yet another village against Horde attack.

**Battlefield:**

  
_'How many more are there?!'_ I think as I swing my sword left and right as bots keep hurtling towards me. I faintly hear the sound of sparkles behind me and shoot a quick glance at the queen who's surrounded by her own group of bots and Horde soldiers. But my attention returns to the fight at hand as I'm forced to push a couple of bots back before slicing them into two. As I pull back, something glints at the corner of my eye. Frowning, I duck under an incoming bot and spot a silver metal tube hidden in the greenery. _'What the...?'_ I push the hanging moss to one side and my jaw drops in disbelief at the huge cannon. I take a swipe at it with my sword, but the same thing that happened with the super-bot happens again with my weapon bouncing uselessly back at me. _'I need to warn everyone!'_ I think urgently as I spin on my heels, only to be confronted by the second in command.

  
"Hey Adora." Catra greets with a smirk on her face and a glint in her eye.

  
"A cannon? Seriously Catra! That will kill so many people." I shout, feeling completely furious with the cat.

  
"Does it look like I care Princess?" Comes the bored response and I grind my teeth.

  
"Get out of my way." I grit out, but it simply prompts the cat to tense her hands as she brings them up in front of her, her nails glinting sharply in the light.

  
"And let you warn Sparkles over there? Yeah I don't think so." The feline voices sarcastically as she lunges at me, I duck and watch her hit the ground.

  
"I thought to take your advice and up my training a bit." I tease with a grin which elicits a growl from the cat.

  
"You're in an awfully good mood today. Did my stunt not have any impact on your precious friendship with the queen?" Catra questions as she rises to her feet. My grin drops at the reminder of her under-handed tactic.

  
"That was low, even for you Catra. But no, we patched things up. That's what _**real** _friends do." I utter, goading the Force Captain whose ears flap up and down in rage. Instead of launching herself at me as I expected, she backflips onto the control panel of the cannon with a devious smirk.

  
"Well then, maybe its time she got up close and personal with the Horde's latest weapon. I widen my eyes at her implications when I hear the whirring sound of the weapon switching on and frantically turn behind me to see the queen still fully immersed in battle and dozens of metres away from me. _'She won't hear me amongst all the clangs of bots and fighting if I shout.'_ I turn back to see the cannon powering up. I dash backwards, thankful that everyone else are too far back and out of range for the weapon to hit them. _'I have to reach her, I have to reach her!'_ I can feel the heat gaining closer and at incredible speeds as I sprint alongside the beam.

  
" _ **GLIMMER!**_ " I screech, shoving the queen clear as she snaps her head towards me in confusion at my holler.

Blinding and agonising pain encompasses my whole body. " _ **AAAAAHHHHHHH!**_ " I scream in a high-pitched wail, as the pain hits me harder than anything I've ever felt before. Agony trails from head to toe as I remain encompassed in the beam for I don't know how long. I'm not sure how long it takes until the beam suddenly disappears, but it doesn't matter because everything is still on fire. I vaguely hear shouts and screams, but nothing registers, just the pain.

  
"Oh my gosh Adora! _**Adora** **!**_ Can you hear me?! Please be ok. You have to be ok!"

  
"Take her to Shadow Weaver!"

  
"But what about you guys? I can't leave you with t-that monster!"

  
" _ **NOW!**_ "

Everything is hazy. I can't seem to focus on anything as feelings and sensations run up and down my body like a wildfire. I whimper, _'why is this so agonising?! Can't I just pass out now?!'_ Time crawls slowly and I eventually become unaware of anything concrete. Time. Places. They all merge together with no substance.

I don't know how long it is before I finally awaken, but when I do I kind of wish I hadn't. The pain is almost blinding as I inhale sharply, alerting the occupants of the room. I screw my eyes shut, gasping as agony wrecks havoc on my body. Moments later I feel a hand brushing hair off my sweat-covered forehead. Then a loud beep sounds, followed by a series of quieter ones and suddenly I'm hit with pain relief. I shudder at the sudden change and sag onto the mattress gratefully. I slowly become aware of the warm hand in mine and it's no surprise when I hear a voice soon after.

  
"Adora?" My name's spoken with such hesitancy and fear. I squeeze the hand in response and I feel the appendage becoming less rigid beneath my fingers. We remain like that for a long while until I finally get the energy to open my eyes. It's dark out, but still I squint, finding it difficult to focus on any one thing. I'm too stiff to move but my irises are just able to move to the side to find Glimmer sitting beside me, her gaze focused entirely on me. I take in her unkempt hair, black rings around her eyes and the general exhaustion on her face.

  
" _ **Please** _tell me that dumb canon was destroyed." I choke put, my voice sounding scratchy and unused. I receive a watery smile from the purple head.

  
"Yeah it was..." The queen trails off as a flash of something crosses her face, but I'm too exhausted to pick up on it as I sink further into the bed.

  
"Good." I mutter but wince when I move my head. "Jeez, everything hurts." I breathe out as I try to get my twitching muscles under control.

  
"I know. The healers tried their best, but it's going to take a while until you're back on your feet." The queen murmurs regretfully, her gaze downcast as she stares at our joined hands. I sigh, having guessed that by the intense amount of pain, but then a thought occurs to me.

  
"Did....did everyone get out alright?" I question apprehensively. I feel her hand tightening around mine before relaxing a moment later.

  
"Yeah, except you." The teen answers as she raises her head, again a flash of some unreadable emotion passes through her lilac irises, but I decide to let it slide, at least until my body doesn't radiate with so much pain. "You should sleep. You spent so much time being tense that I wasn't sure if you were actually resting or not. I'll keep an eye on your morphine." Glimmer commands and I'm almost ready to protest, but change my mind on the last second when I see how utterly exhausted the queen looks. I take in a breath and nod. My eyelids flutter to a close moments later and I find myself drifting off soon after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So again I do apologise for the lack of length :'( but I can say that this is the start of a whole lot of pain and tension. Next chapter you'll see tidbits of that but I'll continue to develop it. Some of the upcoming chapters are pretty awesome which I can't wait for you guys to read. When I mean awesome, I mean a truck-load of angst XD
> 
> If anyone is thinking that I have no life, I do, I promise XD I just enjoy posting and I'm trying to push out as many chapters as possible before the new term in Jan starts and I won't have time to post anywhere near as much as I am currently.
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated.


	15. The After-effects

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora experiences the after-effects of being hit with the cannon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part of this chapter is more therapeutic for me than anything. As a future doctor (in God's will) my role will be examining the human body on a daily basis which I know I'll be completely fine with, but I've not been exposed to such before. So I'll admit I feel a bit uncomfortable with anyone who's under-dressed, probably due to my upbringing. I know I'll get used to it, but I wrote this chapter to help me get past my feelings of awkwardness. There's a couple more chapters that touch on this so I'm sorry if you find it strange/annoying. But I'm sure a lot of people might feel a bit awkward around an undressed friend. But yeah just thought to explain why I put that awkward air you'll read in a bit.
> 
> Also my med school is always making us consider the patient's POV during any examinations, so thought to give my shot at writing that. Enjoy this fluffy mess of awkwardness XD
> 
> This chapter might be a bit gory? Not sure what everyone's tolerance of injuries are, but I don't go into much detail about it.
> 
> Anyway, hope you enjoy :)

**Adora's POV:**

**Next Morning:**

  
The following morning I awaken with needles of pain and when I look down to investigate the cause of my discomfort, I find my right leg twitching violently under the cover.

  
"AH!" I gasp out, alerting the sleeping purple head on the chair beside me. Glimmer blinks twice until her eyes zone in on me and she quickly fiddles with some device by my bedside before going to pin my leg down. I scrunch my eyes tightly, screaming internally at the agony until eventually the spasms slow to irregular twitches now and again. "What on earth?!" I voice shakily just as the teen pulls her arms back and looks anywhere but at me.

  
"You...got hit really badly. The doctors said you sustained some nervous system damage." I gawk at the teen, my heart rate increases while my breathing becomes irregular. "Nothing permanent! It's just the after effects of the beam. They think that because you were hit while you were She-ra you'll make a full recovery." Glimmer adds in a rush when she sees my mounting panic.

  
"Jeez what was in that beam?!" I complain as I finally open my eyes to see the teen shrugging.

  
"Bow thinks its more First One tech. That might also explain why you're...alright." Glimmer explains haltingly.

  
"I'd hardly call a spasming leg alright." I grit out, the pain grating on my nerves, but when I see the teen's face fall, I bite my tongue in regret. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap. It's just everything aches." I apologise, as the queen holds her elbow protectively as discomfort contours her features.

  
"No, no it's alright. I meant...anyone else would've died if they got hit with whatever that was." I blink at the quiet words and curse myself at being so ungrateful.

  
"You're right. I'm sorry I didn't..." I start but the teen cuts me off.

  
"Don't worry about it." Glimmer utters, a tired half smile on her lips.

  
"Can...can I see?" I inquire hesitantly. My question elicits raised eyebrows from the surprised queen.

  
"What?" Glimmer echoes in confusion.

  
"The beam...it must've done something to me, burns, cuts or something. I want to see." I explain. The purple head's reaction is instantaneous as her lips press tightly together and a deep frown graces her forehead.

  
"No. You should be resting." Comes the clipped tone.

  
"I've been resting all night! Come on, I need to see what it did to me." I plead, surprised by the queen's vehement refusal.

  
"One night isn't going to fix what happened! You didn't see yourself withering in agony; I did! Focus on healing before being bogged down with appearances." The queen orders and I feel my eyebrow twitching in barely concealed frustration.

  
"You think I'm bothered by appearances?! Come on, Glimmer you know me better than that. I need to see what it did to me. Why are you being so stubborn, unless...gosh it must be bad." I conclude with a frown and begin chewing the inside of my cheek. Glimmer takes a step closer and cups my cheek, her eyes pleading.

  
"Just, go back to sleep Adora." She voices softly, but I refuse to lay idle. _'I have to know.'_ I lift my arm and despite the absolute agony of moving, I push ahead and move it closer to the duvet that's draped over me. Glimmer's hand snaps out to grasp my wrist. " _ **Adora**_." I can hear the warning tone in her voice, but I don't look up and using my other hand, I pull down the cover in one jerky movement.

My jaw drops at the sight, my abdomen, presumably where I was hit directly, is splashed with black crusty patches, the areas that aren't marred with black skin are tinged with bright red, as dots of blood and pus are scattered across. I vaguely notice that I'm not wearing chest bindings, instead dressings are wrapped loosely across my chest. My gaze drops to my thighs and I inhale sharply when the scars from my past cutting sessions stare back at me. They're no longer covered by the shorts that I usually wear, but rather they're exposed due to the short pair of knickers I'm in. My eyes trail down further to see the wodge of bandages wrapped around my calves and shins. I drop my aching arm to my side.

  
"You saw." I utter dully as I stare up at the ceiling. Two beats of silence passes before I hear the teen shifting in discomfort.

  
"Not on purpose. The doctor needed an assistant and what with us being so short staffed lately. I..." Glimmer trails off, unsure on what else to say. I clench my hand into a fist before taking a deep breath and relaxing.

  
"Ok." I reply hollowly and close my eyes.

  
"Adora, I...I don't think of you any differently, if that's what you're worried about." Glimmer voices softly as her hand lingers on my wrist while she places my hand gently back on the bed.

  
"You weren't meant to see." I choke out as tears start to gather.

  
"But why?" The teen asks as a perplexed expression rests on her face.

  
"Because its evidence of my weakness, of my inability to cope and no matter what you say, you **_will_ **treat me differently." I express haltingly. Suddenly I feel soft hands on either side of my face and upon opening my eyes I see the resolution on the queen's face as she hovers centimetres away from me.

  
"You are _**not** _weak! Adora, you're the strongest person I know. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have coped with my mum being gone. We all have coping mechanisms and as long as we overcome the more painful ones it doesn't matter what they are as its in the past. It doesn't change how I see you. Adora, the legendary She-ra and most importantly my best friend." Glimmer voices with every ounce of her belief in me. Her finger brushes underneath my eyelid and it's then that I realise some of my gathering tear drops have fallen.

  
"Thanks Glimmer." I murmur quietly which prompts the teen to lean forward and tap her forehead with mine. I take in these few moments to enjoy her warm proximity before she pulls back, filling me with a pang of loss.

  
"So since you aren't keen on sleeping, I was thinking we could do with changing your bandages and adding some around your stomach. Does that sound alright?" The purple head suggests meekly.

  
"Sure." I agree with a slight nod. I watch as the teen grabs a few plump pillows and eases them behind me until I'm more upright. I somehow manage to hold in my groans of pain during the process and re-open my eyes when I feel a hand on my knee.

  
"I'm going to start with from down and work myself up. You...don't have to look." The teen states hesitantly. I nod in understanding and re-close my eyes as I feel the flutter of bandages being unwound and the cool air that hits my skin. I remain still and quiet as quick and precise hands work methodically, only flinching when hands brush against my abdomen. "Sorry." Comes the quiet mutter as she continues winding the material around me.

  
"It's fine." I mumble, but when I feel tentative fingers by my armpits, I snap my eyes open to see Glimmer readying to undo the dressings around my chest.

  
"Er Glimmer?" I squeak out in embarrassment as I feel my cheeks quickly heating up. The queen looks up and a light pink hue appears on her face.

  
"Yes?" She queries, equally as embarrassed as I am, if not more so.

  
"Errrrrrrrr I can do those?" I suggest as I fumble with my words. The teen drops her hand to her lap and raises an eyebrow.

  
"You do realise you can barely move, right?" Glimmer expresses, her voice leaning more onto a teasing tone.

  
"Yes!" I squeak out again, completely befuddled on what to say. _'Seriously I shouldn't be this embarrassed! Glimmer's just changing the bandages...around a private area...'_ The purple head watches me carefully for several moments as she taps her fingers against her thigh.

  
"If it makes you feel better, I was there when the doctor put them on you the first time." Glimmer voices casually. I shrink further back into the pillows. _'So Glimmer has already seen...gosh could this be anymore humiliating?!'_ I watch as the teen furrows her eyebrows before she rests a hand on my bare shoulder.

  
"I can get the doctor to do it if you'd prefer?" The queen asks sympathetically. I open my mouth, slightly dumbstruck as the next string of words fall out of my mouth.

  
"I'm not sure if that will be any better." I admit. "Can't we just, you know...keep the bandages on?" I request meekly, but I'm met with a disapproving gaze.

  
"You know we can't do that. I've already been putting it off for long enough." Glimmer confesses as her cheeks flush slightly. _'Great, at least I'm not the only one who's feeling downright uncomfortable.'_ I groan loudly and press the back my head deeply into the pillow that's propped against the bedframe.

  
"Fine. Just be quick." I mutter shortly as I clench my hands into fists. A second later I feel a hand plopping on top of my right fist.

  
"Honestly, I can get anyone else to do it. Just give me a name." The teen expresses earnestly. I release a breath and look up to see the queen's tightly knit eyebrows.

  
"I..." I cut myself off, _'I'm being ridiculous.'_ Taking in a deep breath I start again as I keep my gaze level with the queen's purple orbs. "If there's anyone I trust to do this, it's you." I mutter seriously and I watch as the tension eases from the teen's shoulders while her eyes soften considerably before she wraps me in a side hug.

  
"I appreciate that Adora." Glimmer voices quietly before pulling back. She brings hesitant fingers to the bindings and with a final jerky nod from me, she unwinds them. I flush when the material falls away completely, but Glimmer is completely professional and her eyes remain focused on the work at hand, checking on some cuts just above my breast and rubbing in some antiseptic ointment to the worst of them.

I shiver when her hand gets increasingly closer to my actual breasts, but she deviates in the last second and moves to grab a fresh set of linen. The urge to cross my arms is overwhelmingly strong so I opt to screw my eyes shut and bunch the sheets tightly in my hands. I sense the bed sinking once again and the feel of fabric being wrapped around my bare thorax. Other than one accidental brush that elicits a shudder from me the queen is able to get the whole thing done in 5 minutes flat. I don't dare open my eyes until I feel a warm hand on my forearm. I look up to find Glimmer's face blank, but her emotions are betrayed by the rosy red on her cheeks and the way she averts her gaze when I make eye contact. "All done." The queen announces stiffly.

  
"Thanks." I mutter, also averting my eyes. Several seconds of awkward silence follows before the teen finally clears her throat. I return my gaze to find the purple head getting to her feet.

  
"So, I'll just go and check that there's no new Horde activity." The purple head decides, her eyes flickering away every now and again. I open my mouth, ready to apologise for being so awkward, but she blinks out of sight before I get the chance. I slump on my pillows. _'Great, now I've made things feel weird, as if we haven't had enough issues.'_ I blink back the burning sensation in my eyes as I finger the newly wrapped dressings, knowing the teen probably won't return till the end of the day.

It's 4 hours later when I get another spasm attack. I screech at the violent movements of my limb which shakes my already aching body. I grit my teeth and reach over to pin it down but it only serves to shoot a mess of fiery sensations across my upper body. Another yell leaves my lips as the pain becomes so extreme that black spots dance across my vision. I vaguely hear a knock and the sound of a door opening.

  
"She-ra, should I get a doctor?" The question is asked apprehensively from whom I presume must be a guard.

  
"Glim...mer." I force out, clenching my jaws so tightly as another wave of pain hits me. I hear the sound of running feet, but I can't seem to concentrate on more than that as the pain becomes overwhelming. I don't know how much time has passed when I hear the shout of my name and skidding feet by my bedside before a series of beeps sound in the otherwise silent room. I feel a pair of hands landing on my shoulders, but my eyes have glazed over from the pain and I can't make out who's standing in front of me. Fortunately, I'm given bliss minutes later as I slip unconscious.

**7hrs later...**

  
The next time my eyelids flutter open, I become increasingly aware of the damp sheets beneath me and the prickling aches of pain that's spread across my body. A quick survey of the room tells me it's already night. _'I've been unconscious all day.'_ I think sombrely and then crane my head to the side to find the purple head sleeping in the chair by my bedside. Exhaustion radiates off the teen in massive waves and a pang of guilt hits me when I realise the amount of stress I've put on her. I release a small breath, but when I hear shifting movements beside me I go still, hoping I didn't wake the teen up.

  
"Ad...ora?" The sleepy voice murmurs a second later. My gaze returns to the queen who's rubs her eyes in an attempt to get the sleep out of them.

  
"Shhh go back to sleep." I utter quietly, but if anything that makes the purple head appear more awake as she removes her hands from her eyes. I watch as she leans forward until she's sitting on the edge of her chair as she gazes at me critically.

  
"How are feeling?" Comes the tired question. I open my mouth, ready to say that I feel achy and damp but when a yawn escapes the teen, I change my mind.

  
"Better than earlier." I answer with a half truth, eliciting a snort from the purple head.

  
"I would hope so. The doctor decided to up your level of morphine and muscle relaxant until the spasms settle down." The queen explains.

  
"I guess that's good." I reply dubiously, not really a fan of being reliant on drugs. A few beats of silence passes as the teen fiddles with her fingers before re-opening her mouth.

  
"About earlier...I'm sorry that I practically ran out. I guess I was just as embarrassed as you. I've never changed anyone before. And then I started thinking that you might want some alone time because everything was so...awkward?" Glimmer apologises unsurely as the pink hue from this morning returns to her usually tanned skin. I flush at the reminder and drop my gaze down.

  
"I...yeah. No I get it...I didn't want you to be uncomfortable either..." I trail off and bite my lip as the atmosphere becomes weird again. I cough. "Sooooo, why are you sleeping on the chair instead of the bed?" I ask in an attempt to change the subject. The change of conversation is welcomed as the teen exhales in relief and relaxes her tense shoulders.

  
"You're hurt, I didn't want to accidentally hit you or something. Besides, you aren't having nightmares anymore so there's no reason for me to sleep in the bed anymore. I was going to set up some blankets on the floor, but I guess I nodded off." The queen answers with a shrug, but I can tell she's bothered by something when she taps her fingers absentmindedly. I purse my lips, our conversation from before the battle comes to the forefront of my mind.

  
"Do you..." I pause, _'am I really going to ask this?'_ When Glimmer's shoulders tense, I make my decision. "Do you miss sharing a bed?" I inquire out-right. Her reaction is immediate as her eyes widen and her fingers still.

  
"What?" She utters tensely.

  
"You've been off ever since I said I don't need you to come here at night anymore. Does that bother you?" I clarify with a level gaze.

  
"No! I told you, I'm happy that you're not having nightmares anymore." Glimmer denies as she presses her lips tightly together. I raise an eyebrow at her wording.

  
"But you're not happy to go back to sleeping alone." I state carefully and watch as the teen's eyes flash in annoyance as she slams a fist into her lap.

  
"Adora I told you I'm fine! Why would I want to sleep beside you anyway? I have more space on my own." The queen bites out and I recoil slightly at the harsh words and drop my eyes to my lap as my eyes start to burn. I hear a sharp intake of breath before a hand lands on top of one of mine. "I -I didn't mean it like that! I just...ok, I missed sleeping beside you." Glimmer falters, I risk a glance to the purple head to see her downcast expression.

  
"Then why lie?" I ask with furrowed eyebrows.

  
"Because it's ridiculous." The queen mutters. I blink twice and give her hand a squeeze.

  
"It's not." I affirm strongly. "I missed having you here too." I add causing the teen to raise her eyes in disbelief.

  
"Really?"

  
"Of course! I grew up with sleeping around my friends. It's soothing having you close by." I admit with a half smile which elicits a grin from the queen.

  
"That's true." Glimmer agrees softly.

  
"Well then, whenever you want some company just pop by." I decide, earning me a warm smile.

  
"Thanks Adora."

**3 weeks Later...**

  
I'm seething as I sit on the edge of the bed with my feet planted on the ground. With one hand I encircle my abdomen and with the other I grab the knife under my pillow and chuck it across the room. It just so happened to be at the exact same moment that Glimmer chooses to open the door. I hear her squeal as she sees the hurtling sharp object and she teleports out of the way to stand next to me with a hand on her hip as we both watch the knife get embedded into the wall by the door. A beat of silence passes before the teen turns to face me with a raised eyebrow. I sigh and clutch my aching abdomen harder.

  
"I know. That was extremely reckless of me, but I'm fed up of not being able to move much without yelping in agony. It's been 3 weeks and I've only started being able to sit up and walk a couple of metres!" I complain.

  
"There are better ways of taking your anger out that don't include knife throwing." The queen discloses in amusement. I grumble incoherently and glare at my feet. I hear her sigh a few moments later before she appears in front of me, kneeling on one knee so that she can see my face. "I know it's frustrating, but you are progressing. Not everything heals in a matter of days and weeks. You just have to be patient." Glimmer voices with an encouraging smile. I blow a strand of hair out of my face in frustration.

  
"Easy for you to say; _**you're** _not the one in pain. Dumb cannon." I mutter lowly. Immediately the queen tenses and draws back. I look up at the unexpected behaviour to see a tight expression on her face. "What's wrong?" I ask with a frown.

  
"Nothing. Bow needs my help in something. I'll drop by later." Glimmer utters stiffly and disappears before I can even open my mouth. My eyebrows furrow further. _'What on earth? All I said was...oh. Oh!'_ I slap my forehead hard and flop back onto the mattress.

  
"Could I have been a bigger jerk?!" I moan bitterly. _'I essentially just implied that I regretted saving her life which isn't true! Aurgh, couldn't I just keep my complaints to myself for once?!'_ I groan loudly and stare up at the ceiling for the remainder of the day, only getting up to limp across the room to grab that knife so I can chuck it again. _'There's something oddly therapeutic about throwing sharp objects around. Not exactly the best management technique, but it beats cutting any day. Speaking of cutting...'_

My eyes drop to the shorts that I've started wearing as I became increasingly self-conscious after I caught the queen glancing at the scars once. She insisted that wasn't what she was looking at, but I felt ashamed all the same. It's just past midnight when I decide to get up again, having chucked the knife higher than I intended when I came to the sinking conclusion that the teen isn't coming. I groan and try to reach to the shelf that the weapon got embedded into, but it's just out of reach.

  
"For the love of Grayskull!" I curse, trying to stretch further, but pain hits me from every angle, especially from my abdomen and when I feel the familiar twitching in my leg, I know I have to stop. A full blown spasm hits me before I have the chance to reach the bed and I hit the ground hard, gritting my teeth as the burning sensation travels up and down the limb. When I hear the creak of the door I almost groan at the unfortunate timing. _'So now she shows up?!'_ I think bitterly.

  
"Adora?" The confusion is evident in the purple head's voice as she finds the bed empty and from my obscured position behind the door, I doubt she'll be able to spot me. I release a grunt of pain, alerting the teen of my presence as she steps further into the room to find me on the floor. Her eyes zone in on my twitching leg and in a matter of seconds she snatches the syringe off my bedside table and plunges the needle into my thigh. I grit my teeth harder as I feel the strange warm liquid entering my veins and bit by bit I feel the tension ease from my leg until it goes completely limp.

I release a sigh and lean against the bookshelf in relief. "I told you not to exert yourself." Comes the stern rebuke a few minutes later. _'Great, another telling off.'_ I think acidly as I stare up into the queen's rigid face.

  
"I wouldn't have to if you didn't leave me stuck in here all day by myself! Do you have any idea how hard it is to be alone in a room all day for weeks at a time?" I snap causing the purple head to reel back in shock. I inhale deeply before hanging my head. "Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm just fed up." I mutter, as I stare hard at the tiled floor. I hear a sigh and moments later I feel the teen's arm brushing against mine as she shifts to sit beside me.

  
"No, you're right. I shouldn't leave you alone for so long. At the very least I should send one of the princesses or Bow to keep you company or something." The queen agrees with furrowed eyebrows. I exhale when I realise the teen isn't mad at me and lean further into the book case behind me.

  
"And...I'm sorry for what I said earlier. I didn't mean anything by it." I apologise, turning to face Glimmer who's face immediately becomes rigid.

  
"It's ok." She replies robotically. I frown and stretch my hand out towards the queen who leans back in response, prompting me to drop my hand back down.

  
"Glimmer..." I start but the purple head isn't having it.

  
"I dropped by the medical bay earlier today and found that there are pills you can take prophylactically to prevent the spasms from occurring in the day. The doctors said you need to take it every day since..." Glimmer trails off as she drops her gaze. I frown, unsure whether I should pick up on our previous conversation or query the sudden look of discomfort on the teen's face. My curiosity decides for me.

  
"Since what?" I echo. I watch as the teem reaches a hand to clutch her elbow as a flash of insecurity crosses her face. "Since...since...erm..." Again the purple head cuts herself off. I frown deeply and clutch the teen by the biceps.

  
"Since what?! What aren't you telling me Glimmer?" I demand sternly as the teen flickers fearful eyes to meet my steely gaze.

  
"The doctors...they don't think that...they started talking and they aren't sure that...I mean they don't know but..." I feel my eyebrow twitching at the young royal's babble.

  
" _ **Glimmer** **!**_ " I shout, causing the queen to flinch. I almost feel guilty for it, but my overriding sense of suspense pushes that emotion to one side.

  
"They're not sure if the spasms will ever stop!" The teen blurts out in a rush. I release my hold of her in shock and stare at her in disbelief.

  
"They'll never stop?" I repeat dumbly. The thought of my physical prowess being limited makes me feel numb. My eyes dart from side to side in thought. "You're saying that...I'll have to take pills for the rest of my life?" I ask quietly. Glimmer bites her lip before turning her head to one side.

  
"Maybe. It's just speculation. They said its still too early to tell." I shake my head at the feeble statement.

  
"They wouldn't have said that if they didn't see something that made them worry. Out with it! What's wrong with me?!" I yell, eliciting a shudder from the queen.

  
"You had that X-ray yesterday remember? They saw something that worried them. I don't know what, it's all complicated medical jargon. But it's still early to tell." The teen tries to reassure. I groan and bang my head against the bookshelf. I'm about to repeat the action but instead of hitting the hard surface as I expect, I find my skull being cushioned by something soft. I turn my head to the side to find Glimmer's arm stretched out, her face grim. "Don't do that. You'll give yourself brain damage." The queen orders sternly.

  
"Better than being physically incapable." I mutter bitterly, causing the teen to inhale sharply and narrow her eyes.

  
"You didn't have to save me you know!" Glimmer retorts crisply.

  
"Of course I did! I promised your mum I'd take care of you." I reply hotly. I watch as the girl's face falls slightly.

  
"Oh is that all?" The young royal bites out. I blink twice in surprise and then regret fills my features when realisation hits me and I push myself off the hard surface behind me.

  
"No! I didn't mean that. You're my best friend; of course I wanted to protect you!" I answer earnestly with my hands spread out in front of me to show how much I mean that.

  
"I told you I don't need you to protect me!" Glimmer growls out and a pang of hurt runs through me at how ungrateful she's being.

  
"Oh so you'd prefer to have died then? Or be in a spasming mess?! I didn't have to save you Glimmer, I _**wanted** _to!" I yell, my voice sounding more pained than I would've liked it to, but fortunately it goes unnoticed by the purple head as she throws her arms out in front of her.

  
"At what cost?!" The teen hollers and I reel back in shock.

  
"What do you mean, at what cost?! We're both alive aren't we?" I retort sharply, still not understanding what the queen's deal is.

  
"But you might never be 100% again!" I grit my teeth at the reminder and turn my head away from the teen when I feel a tear sliding down my cheek.

"I don't get it Glimmer; why are you so mad at me? I thought that you'd at least be grateful that I saved you." I choke out in a whisper.

  
"Because I don't want to lose you!" Comes the sudden shout. I frown and turn back to the quivering queen. "I've come so close to losing you multiple times in the last several months and I can't. I just _**can't**_. I'm the queen, _**I** _should be protecting you."

  
"It's because you're the queen that I should protect you! What would Etheria do without you?" I argue, still not understanding what the issue is. I watch at the teen's lips tremble as her hands clench into fists.

  
"But what would I do without you?" Glimmer states softly, throwing the question back at me. I widen my eyes and drop my jaw, not expecting that response.

  
"I...you'll be fine?" I answer weakly, causing the purple head to snap her hands out to grasp my shoulders.

  
"See? That's your problem! You don't ever notice your self-worth. If you di...ed I wouldn't cope." I gape at the queen's confession.

  
"You would! You're strong Glimmer, just as you dealt with your m..." I start but I'm soon cut off.

  
"Adora you don't get it! I _**can't** _lose anyone else! I'll fall to pieces." The teen shouts in frustration. I chew my lip.

  
"But I'm not important and you'd still have Bow." I try to reassure, but my words have the opposite effect as the queen tightens her hold on my shoulders.

  
"How many times do I have to tell you that you're important?!" Glimmer growls out before pinching the bridge of her nose. "Ok you know what? Let me rephrase that. If you don't want to consider yourself important, then fine. But at least consider the fact that you're important to me. Just as you care about me and don't want anything bad to happen to me; remember the same goes for you. I care about you and it kills me to see you hurt or..." The queen trails off as she turns her head away from me.

  
"Glimmer, I'm...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you worry. But I can't say I wouldn't do it again, not because I think you can't handle yourself, but because I don't want to see you get hurt." I voice seriously, prompting the teen to turn back to face me as she scans me closely before a quiet sigh escapes from her lips. After a moment of indecision she pulls me into a hug.

  
"Alright. Just be careful and try not to get yourself killed." Glimmer expresses quietly.

  
"I promise I'll be here for as long as you need me." I utter genuinely from over her shoulder.

  
"You know you shouldn't make promises that you can't keep." The soft response floats back. I pull back to stare the queen down.

  
"No, I mean it. I'm not ever going to leave. I _**promise**_." I say earnestly as Glimmer's eyes begin watering slightly and she wraps her arms around me again.

  
"Thanks." Her voice is quiet, but I can sense the strength of her emotions and how much this means to her. "And thank your for saving me that day. I didn't say it before because I was so mad that you put yourself in harm's way again, but I appreciate it, a lot. I'm...just glad you're ok. And you're right...at least we're both alive. We can sort out the rest later." I smile at Glimmer's words and hold her closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol that felt awkward XD Poor Glimmer feels lonely but she's not great at communicating that, while Adora has some serious self-worth issues, just when you think things are getting better...  
> Bet you guys didn't expect that huh? What are your thoughts? Any theories?
> 
> So the syringe is to relax the muscle when it's spasming, while I aim for the pills to be used to reduce/prevent the spasms. I got the idea from asthmatics who use blue inhalers to prevent airway constriction, but have a pink inhaler if the blue inhaler isn't enough and they have an attack. I don't think the same really applies to nerve damage, but that's the great thing about fiction, you can make stuff up XD If anyone gets bored of my science lingo, let me know, I'll dial it down.  
> Prophylaxis is medicine you take to prevent either a disease (e.g. malaria) or an exacerbation of a current illness.
> 
> Next chapter hurts. Heck the next few really hurt, so get ready. One more appearance of Catra next chapter and then I think we don't see her for a while. See you all later :)
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated


	16. You're Not Ready

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora discovers some unpleasant news and tries to go on a mission. It kind of backfires.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I want to say thank you again for reading and commenting, it's a real joy.
> 
> This is pretty angsty and we've got a bit more of Bow & Catra in this chapter so I hope you enjoy. I know I side-line a lot of characters, but Glimmer & Adora's dynamic was by far my fav, followed by the BFS in general. Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter :)

**Adora's POV:**

**1 month Later:**

  
"You still haven't told her?!" My ears perk up when I hear Bow's disapproving tone and I back track down the corridor of where the archer's chambers lie.

  
"Shhh! She's up and about now. She could drop by at any moment." Glimmer's panicked voice floats out from underneath the crack of the door. I frown and tip toe closer to the room.

  
"But Glimmer, she's going to find out eventually! In fact she should be back in war meetings soon enough. How do you think she'll react if she finds out that you've been lying to her about this?" The rebel fighter continues.

  
"I haven't been lying! I just haven't told her...and it's not like I'll never tell her, I'm just letting her adjust. She still gets those twitches even with medication. If she finds out she'll insist on going with us on our missions." The teen admits with a sigh.

  
"How bad are her twitches? I thought the point of the pills were to stop them." Bow queries in confusion. I hear another sigh from the queen, this time more exaggerated than the first.

  
"I know it's ridiculous! They seem to only stop the spasms and general twitching, but if she gets too stressed up the twitches return. I thought she'd be better by now, it's been nearly 2 months and it's making me feel so guilty because it's my fault she got hit with that cursed thing in the first place!" Glimmer yells which is followed by a thud. I frown, _'Glimmer's still blaming herself for that?! I thought we talked it out. And what on earth hasn't she told me?!'_

  
"Come on Glimmer, you know that's not true. You don't have eyes on the back of your head. Besides, if the only change is the occasional twitching and taking a pill once a day, it's not that bad. Plus, she is still recovering." The archer comforts encouragingly.

  
"Yeah but she wouldn't have to do any of that if I was paying more attention." The young royal retorts.

  
"That's the price of war. Things won't always go perfectly, no matter how much we want them to." Bow utters wisely as I hear shifts of movement.

  
"But, what if one day she'll hate me for it?" Comes the scared whisper.

  
"Adora could never hate you. She cares about you too much to even entertain the thought. If anything, she'll be more mad that you didn't tell her about the cannons." My eyes widen at Bow's words. _' **Cannons?!** I thought there was only one!'_ I push open the door, slightly guilty that I've essentially just eavesdropped on my best friends but too befuddled to care at the moment.

  
"Cannons? What do you mean? I thought there was only one." I question sharply. The queen drops the pillow in her hands as her face goes white. The archer beside her stares at me with wide eyes before glancing fervently back and forth between Glimmer and I. He coughs into his hand before rubbing his neck anxiously.

  
"Well, there was one cannon. The one that shot you was destroyed, but...we uncovered more on the outskirts of the Fright Zone. None have been fired yet, but they have been threatening civilians with them and many towns around the regions have dispersed. We think they're waiting for the right time to fire." Bow explains nervously and I gape at him. After a few moments of silence, I turn my attention to the young royal who's staring at her feet.

  
"Why did you lie to me?" I ask as my voice becomes strained. Glimmer raises her guilty purple irises to me.

  
"I didn't lie, I just..." I cut her off before she can continue.

  
"You didn't tell me the truth! 2 whole months and you didn't tell me there were a bunch of deadly killing machines out there!" I shout.

  
"What good would it have done, other than worry you? You were bed bound for weeks! Heck, you're still miles away from being cleared to fight." Glimmer retaliates with a deep frown. I growl and take a step forward.

  
"Glimmer that cannon was shot at _**you** **!**_ Now I find that there are a bunch of others and you've been going on missions ever since! You could get yourself killed!" I holler, my chest heaving with exertion from how wound up I am.

  
"I'm being careful of course." The teen retorts blandly. I shake my head in frustration.

  
"You don't have to keep being guilty about what happened! I'm doing fine!" I spit out, but when Glimmer narrows her eyes at me I realise I should've kept that statement to myself. She takes a threatening step towards me, her index finger pointed at me.

  
"You were listening in on us?" I gulp, but I'm quickly saved by Bow.

  
"Guys I think we need to calm down. This is all a bit of a misunder..." Glimmer spins on her heels to glare down the archer who promptly snaps his jaws shut.

  
"No! It's not ok for her to just eavesdrop on us! Overhearing something is one thing but spying is quite the other. Is that another thing they taught you at the Horde?" I inhale sharply at the snipe as I feel my right leg tensing in an all too familiar fashion. I glower at the queen with wounded eyes.

  
"Well, it's not ok to lie to people, especially those who are supposed to be your best friend." I say in a flimsy come-back as my muscles tighten.

  
"Best friends don't have to tell each other everything!" The teen fires back. I take a shaky step back, towards the door.

  
"No they don't have to, but they're meant to." I mutter as I move closer to the door. I watch as Glimmer opens her mouth, ready to shoot something else until the archer lands a firm hand on her shoulder.

  
"Glimmer, stop!" Bow orders sternly. The Queen scowls at him before turning her attention back to me. Her eyes automatically drop to my twitching leg and sudden regret fills her features. She steps away from Bow and towards me, as she massages her forehead.

  
"Let's just talk about this later, when we've both cooled down." Glimmer suggests as she pulls her hand away from her face to gaze at me. I grit my teeth as the pain and anger increases.

  
"There's nothing to talk about. You lied to me and I eavesdropped on you. There's nothing more to it than that. I'm going to my room." I announce and exit the room. I only walk a few paces down the corridor before my leg starts spasming painfully. I clench my jaws and clutch the wall before smashing a fist into the surface to distract me from the pain, but the spasms only get worse. _'Shoot, that dumb pill isn't doing its dumb job and here I was starting to hope that I didn't need to rely on that cursed thing.'_

  
"Adora!" I curse under my breath when I hear that familiar voice calling my name. _'Double shoot. I should move out of sight.'_ I stare down at my useless leg, knowing that I realistically won't be able to move, let alone run. I sigh and resign myself to my fate when I hear the sound of hurried footsteps. A pair of purple sneakers appear in my line of vision as the teen closes the gap between us.

I watch from the corner of my eye as the queen bites her lip before stretching her hand out. "Let's get you back to your room." Glimmer utters quietly. I lean back, out of her reach.

  
"I don't need your help. I can do it on my own." I bite out as I move closer to the wall when I feel my leg shivering harder. _'Don't you dare give out on me leg. Not now.'_

  
"Stop being so stubborn Adora!" The queen huffs out. I shoot her a glare.

  
"I'm not being stubborn! Just go. You're good at doing that when things get tough." I state bitterly which elicits a sharp intake of breath from the purple head as she looks at me through hurt eyes. I bite my tongue hard, hating the wounded look on her face. My leg starts trembling until it gives out completely.

As expected, I don't hit the ground as my wrists are grabbed by the purple head who pulls me up and towards her. I flinch when she wraps an arm around my waist and a flash of disappointment crosses her eyes before it disappears. Less than a second later I find myself back in my room on my bed as Glimmer rummages through the bedside cupboard to pull out a syringe. I lie down wordlessly as she removes my trousers and plunges the needle into my upper thigh. I breathe in deeply as I feel the painful spasming slowly down to the occasional twitches until it eventually relaxes completely. I'm about to get back up, but freeze when I feel a hand running along my self-inflicted scars. My throat catches for a moment as I watch the thoughtful expression on the queen's face.

  
"Glimmer...stop..." I falter, but my words are enough to break the teen's concentration as she immediately pulls away.

  
"Sorry." She mumbles without meeting my eyes. I get up and toss on my trousers quicker than you can say, 'for the honour of Grayskull' and perch on the edge of the bed before resting my hands on my knees, staring blankly ahead of me as the Queen takes a seat beside me, her hands are clasped tightly together on her lap. "I'm sorry about what I said earlier, that was uncalled for." Glimmer apologises. I scrunch up my nose and turn my head away from her.

  
"It doesn't matter." I mutter. When I feel a hand landing on my shoulder I shrug it off.

  
"Adora..." I hear the plea in her voice but I refuse to budge. _'I've had enough of letting things slide. Something has to change.'_

  
"I said it doesn't _**matter** _Glimmer." I repeat forcefully. Her hand rests on top of mine at my knee, but I snatch my hand away, finally fed up of her touches meaning the opposite of her words.

  
"Adora please look at me." I don't move. A second later the teen teleports so that she's in my line of sight, kneeling in front of me as her eyebrows draw together in obvious distress. I turn my head to the other side, but Glimmer just teleports in front of me again and I opt to close my eyes tightly.

  
"Adora please I'm sorry!" I feel desperate hands grasping mine but I snatch them away again.

  
"Stop touching me!" I yell as I open my eyes with a blazing glower directed at the purple head. I watch as shock crosses her eyes before her face contours in hurt and her lip trembles. My heart plummets at her expression, but I can't find it in myself to take it back. Glimmer pulls back until she's seated on the balls of her heels as she gazes up at me. "Don't...don't touch me until you learn to stop hurting and hiding things from me." I continue shakily.

Something at the back of my mind is telling me that I'm going to regret this but in my stubbornness I ignore it. The queen drops her jaw briefly before snapping it shut. The vein that throbs along her mandible is a good indicator to me that she's clenching her teeth...tightly. I observe as she gets to her feet and stares me down.

  
"Fine." Comes the clipped response. I meet her glare with one of my own and watch her turn to the door. I stare at the ground briefly before returning my attention to the queen.

  
"Why did you touch them? The scars." I ask, my curiosity piqued. The teen spares me a glance, an unreadable expression on her face.

  
"It doesn't matter." She simply replies and disappears. I groan at her childish behaviour and flop back onto the bed. _'Whatever, it's not like I needed to know anyway.'_ I try to convince myself as I stare at the clock. Late evening. It's supposed to be bed time now. I growl and roughly drag the cover over me. _'If she wants to act like that, then fine. I don't need her anyway.'_

That night I'm plagued with nightmares, primarily of that cannon. Every time it ends with either Glimmer's death, Bow's death or mine and each time I wake up screaming, clutching my chest as I try to slow my racing heart. After the fifth time, I pull back the blanket and hug my knees to my chest.

  
"It's just a dumb nightmare." I whisper, but no matter how many times I repeat it, the image of me running towards that firing cannon plays on loop. _'What if I wasn't fast enough and it had actually hit her? What if I had actually died? What if they use it on Bow and Glimmer the next time they go out on a mission?'_

Thoughts I never even thought about before keep barging into my mind. When a ray of sunlight streams in I finally decide to move off the bed. My eyes catch the makeshift punching bag and hesitantly I go over to the hanging object until I'm close enough to place a flat palm against the rough sack. I sigh and stare down at my feet, knowing that I'm still recovering and not ready to go back to kicking the thing, but I can't help it. I raise my leg up for a side kick, but before my tibia can even make contact with the bag, my leg cramps up and I'm forced to quickly retract my foot.

I clench my teeth briefly before resting my forehead against the bag and with a choked sob I curl my hand into a fist and lightly hit the sack. It doesn't even shudder. _'So useless!'_ It takes me a few moments to collect myself and when I do I pull away from the punching bag and quickly exit my room. It's too early for anyone other than the guards to be up, so I make my way to the dinning hall, hoping to grab breakfast to escape the awkward and tense air of being in the presence of the queen. I'm so busy glaring at the ground that I don't notice the purple head's presence who's already seated at her chair, a weary look on her face when I finally look up. _'Why does the world hate me?'_ I think bitterly.

  
"Oh. I'll just come back later." I state, not waiting for the queen to speak first.

  
"I've got a meeting in a few minutes anyway. You might as well stay." The teen utters rigidly as she takes another spoonful. I look away briefly before releasing a resigned sigh and sit 3 chairs away from the queen. I grab a plate and butter a slice of bread. It's only when I've taken a bite from the toast do I notice a set of eyes on me. I swallow and consciously turn to my left to find Glimmer looking at me through unreadable eyes. I frown.

  
"What?" I snipe which prompts the queen to furrow her eyebrows at me before turning back to her bowl of cereal.

  
"Last night I heard...sounds." The queen states deliberately without looking back at me. I nearly choke on the bread in my mouth and after a minute of dry hacking, I reach for a glass of water to wash it down.

  
"Yeah?" I say in disinterest, despite knowing that my little gagging show implies anything but disinterest.

  
"It sounded like...screaming." I watch as the teen pauses, her lips pressing tightly together. I turn my attention back to the bread in my hands.

  
"Must have been the wind or a fox." I mutter, as I continue to chew very slowly and deliberately. I feel her eyes on me again, scrutinising my every move and expression. I school my face into a blank wall and after a bit she finally pushes her chair back to stand.

  
"I suppose. I guess I'll be off." The teen replies smoothly.

  
"Bye." I bid as she shimmers out of existence. When her sparkles dissipate completely I sag back into my chair. _'I had to have my room situated down the same corridor as hers didn't I? And from her gaze I can tell she knows I'm lying. Just another thing I can add to the list of our mounting problems.'_ I finish off my second slice of bread and decide to just wander around the castle.

My feet take me to outside the war room and a peek through the cracked door reveals all the princesses, Bow and the queen gathered around maps and masses of paper. I exhale softly and spin on my heels away from the room. When I feel the all too familiar sensation in my thigh, I realise I forgot to take that dumb pill this morning and trek back to my room. _'While everyone is doing useful work, I'm here being useless and crippled.'_ I think sourly as I reach my dorm and chug the pill dry before throwing myself onto the mattress in despair.

**6 hours later...**

  
_*Knock Knock*_

I blink and look up from the book in my hands to see Bow poking his head around the door to give me a sheepish grin.

  
"Hey Bow." I greet with a smile as he steps into my room.

  
"Hey Adora! I thought I'd check in and see how you're doing. I missed you at lunch." The archer regales as he crosses his arms.

  
"Yeah well, I wasn't hungry." I mutter with a shrug, staring at the pages before me.

  
"You should eat. It's important for your recov..."

  
"What recovery?! My recovery process stopped weeks ago! This is what I am now; a cripple who can't survive without a ridiculous pill and said pill can't even help me when I get emotionally charged!" I yell, but bite my tongue when I see hurt etched on the fighter's face.

I suck in a breath and cover my eyes with one hand. "Bow, I'm sorry. I didn't...I shouldn't have snapped. It's just I hate being so utterly useless." I confess lowly. When a hand lands on my shoulder, I pull away my fingers to see the archer's kind understanding face gazing down at me.

  
"Hey, I get it. It's not easy to adjust to all these changes. But you need to stop thinking you're useless! You're anything but. I just don't understand why you keep telling yourself that." At Bow's expectant eyes, I glance away, unable to give him the answer he seeks. I hear him sigh and I know without looking at the boy that I've disappointed him. "Alright, come here." I turn back to find the fighter opening his arms wide and without hesitation I bridge the gap and hold him tightly. "Everything is a real mess now, isn't it?" Bow whispers quietly with a sombre tone. I breathe deeply before replying.

  
"Yeah. It is. It's been a mess since that whole portal thing." I agree with disappointed clarity.

  
"Oh, so Bow gets to touch you, but I can't?" I freeze immediately at the chilling voice before detaching from the archer and turning to face Glimmer who stands at the doorway with crossed arms and a scowl on her face. I feel Bow burning a confused stare at the side of my head but I refuse to meet his perplexed expression.

  
"Maybe it's because Bow isn't a freaking thermometer that goes from hot to cold in a matter of seconds!" I bite out matching the queen's icy glare in turn as her scowl deepens. I watch as her hands clench for a moment until she schools her expression into a blank sheet as she rests her eyes on the rebel fighter.

  
"Bow it's time we head out." The single statement that falls from the teen's lips has me swivelling my confused eyes to the archer as he rises from the bed. He shoots me a regretful look as he walks over to Glimmer.

  
"You're right, best we get there under the mask of darkness." I frown at Bow's words and get to my feet.

  
"Wait, where are you going?" I ask as I take a step closer to the pair.

  
"You don't need to know because you're not going." The purple head answers bluntly with crossed arms and set features. I almost growl in frustration at how bull-headed she's being, but instead I opt to rest my blue eyes on my other best friend who gives me a strained smile.

  
"Don't worry Adora, it's just some mission that the two of us are going on." I bite the inside of my cheek, knowing that there's something the boy isn't telling me, until it hits me like a bag of bricks.

  
"You're going to destroy those cannons aren't you?" I deduce, earning a wince from the archer and a stiffening posture from the queen. I take several steps closer until I'm only centimetres away from them. "You can't! It's too dangerous!" I demand in fear.

  
"We can and we will. We can't leave such dangerous weapons out in the open like that. You should know that." Glimmer responds with hardened eyes. I rack my mind for something to say.

  
"Then let me come with you." I burst out which prompts Bow to slap his forehead as Glimmer steps within my personal space, so close yet not touching.

  
"You're not going anywhere. You're staying put." The queen voices, her tone sharper than a two edged sword.

  
"You can't tell me what to do and you can't stop me from going!" I state with a slight snarl as I lean forward, our foreheads so close to colliding with each other in what would usually be a comforting gesture but now is anything but.

  
"Tough! Your leg was just spasming yesterday!" Glimmer argues.

  
"Only because I was upset!" I refute back.

  
"That's just it! I can't trust you to not get emotionally involved with anything. Besides you haven't even started doing any training since you got hit. You're not ready and you won't be for a long time." The teen states forcefully. I squint at her as angry tears line my eyelashes. Her eyes soften ever so slightly, before hardening once more. She makes a grab for Bow and marches out of the room without a backward glance before slamming the door.

I feel my legs tremble beneath me and I sink to the floor in despair. _'This isn't fair! All I ever try to do is help and it always ends up with me getting hurt or pushed aside.'_ I place a hand over my eyes. _'I can't let them get hurt. I just **can't**.'_ With my mind made up, I get to my feet and decide to hijack whatever ride they're taking to the Fright Zone's outskirts, being fairly certain that even Glimmer won't risk teleporting that close to enemy lines when Bow is with her. My eyes catch the bottle of pills on my bedside table and I purse my lips, debating on whether to take it with me or not.

**20 minutes Later:**

  
I turned out to be right as I hide in the back of a cargo truck while Bow takes the wheel with Glimmer sitting beside him.

  
"Glimmer..." The Archer starts, but is quickly silenced by the penetrating stare of the queen.

  
"Bow, I don't want to hear one word about Adora. She's not ready for any missions and I don't care if I had to be blunt about it." The teen expresses strongly with crossed arms as the rebel fighter closes his mouth briefly before opening it again.

  
"Well, what was that whole touching thing?" Bow questions with furrowed eyebrows as he chances a glance at the queen when she remains silent for a few moments longer than normal. The purple head turns her head to stare out of the closed window.

  
"Ask her. She's the one who made that dumb rule." The archer drums his fingers against the wheel for a minute before deciding to remain silent. I sigh when I no longer hear any voices and gently rest my head against the metal surface of the truck. _'Its ok, all of this will blow over eventually. I hope.'_

As minutes drag into hours I find myself drifting off into an uneasy sleep, only to be violently awoken when the brakes are slammed and I go hurtling to the opposite side of the truck's back. I rub my aching head and move towards the driver's compartment to try and catch the duo's voices on what's going on. I don't get far as the truck shakes roughly from left to right and I find myself sliding side to side.

I try to keep my balance, but fail and end up landing in a heap on the floor, I push my myself up onto all fours, trying to squint through the translucent window to the driver's side. _'What on earth is going on?!'_ When I hear yells and bangs I shoot up to my feet and rush to the window to find that the windscreen has been broken and my friends are surrounded by Horde soldiers. _'Oh great.'_ I run to the back of the truck and push the door open, jumping out as I race to help while I convert into She-ra. The duo do a double take when they see me, their eyes bulge.

  
"Adora?!" They shout in unison, while Bow is more surprised, I can tell Glimmer is on the verge of popping a vein on her forehead. No more words are exchanged as we find ourselves locked in battle. I can tell I'm rusty. Very rusty. And I'm slower than I would've liked, but I get by, just. As I push back a soldier, I hear a familiar purr behind me, whipping round I spot Catra, a hand on her hip as she stares me down, and an unreadable expression on her face as she takes several steps towards me.

  
"So, you're alive." The cat states blankly. I scowl at her.

  
"Yeah, no thanks to you!" I growl out, but I'm surprised when she turns her head to the side, a sombre expression on her face. I'm almost surprised by her next words.

  
"I didn't aim for you."

  
"But you aimed at my best friend. What did you expect me to do?" I ask incredulously.

  
"To stop being the dumb hero for once! I didn't actually expect you to take the hit for her! Is your life that meaningless?!" Catra growls out and I find myself flinching hard when Shadow Weaver's words echo in my head. The Force Captain seems to have guessed what's on my mind as she takes a cautious step forward. "Forget I said that." The cat mutters as her tail swishes to one side. I tighten my grip on my sword.

  
"Are we doing this?" I utter between grit teeth, but instead of the girl whipping out her claws as I expect, she remains stationary while gazing at me with critical eyes.

  
"I haven't seen you in months since it happened. What did it to you?" I balk at the uncharacteristic expression and drop the sword to my side in shock. After moments of silence I shake my head and shoot her a glare.

  
"What's it to you?" I bite out. Catra's ears flatten at my attitude but she doesn't back down.

  
"Tell me." She states simply which leaves me seething.

  
"Why would I do that?! So you have a valuable tool against She-ra? Yeah, no thank you." I voice sarcastically which causes the cat's eyes to flash in frustration.

  
"You look fine to me!" She bites back. "Just slower." She continues with an analytical look until her gaze drops to my bent knee that's shaking ever so slightly. Her eyes return to mine with a frown.

  
"Your..." She doesn't get the chance to finish when a loud screech catches both of our attentions.

  
"Are you two seriously just chatting away?!" Glimmer shouts as she fires down another bot behind her before putting her hands on her hips in a rebuking manner.

  
"What's it to you Sparkles? Unlike you, I've known Adora my whole life, so excuse me if I want to catch-up." Catra declares with a devilish glint in her eyes, knowing that the statement would set the queen off. It works as the teen stalks menacingly towards the Force Captain until she's a breath away from her, a finger poking into a furry chest.

"I'm not sure if you've forgotten Catra, but Adora is with us now. So leave her alone!" The purple head growls out and I can't help both my eyebrows as they shoot up into my hairline. _'I didn't Glimmer to get this wound up.'_ The Horde fighter narrows her eyes and slaps the teen's hand away from her as she bares down on the rebel.

"I think Adora is a big girl. Let her make her own decisions on who she does or doesn't talk to. Or are you jealous that Adora and I have a bond that you'll never have?" Catra drawls out as she leans back with a victorious smirk while the queen is left speechless on what to say. I bite my lip and walk over to the girl, placing a hesitant hand on her shoulder.

  
"Ignore her Glimmer. She's just baiting you." I urge softly, but the queen shrugs my hand off and spins on her heels away from me.

  
"No no she's right. You go ahead and enjoy your chit-chat. Who am I to interrupt a conversation between old friends?" The teen mutters coldly as she throws one of the incoming soldiers over her shoulder. She then teleports away and a second later appears fighting next to Bow on the far side of the canyon. I watch her dishearteningly before whipping my head back to face the cat who's staring at her fingernails in a bored manner.

  
"Why did you do that?!" I snarl.

  
"It's obvious she's got jealousy issues, I can't believe you haven't noticed that. Besides, she's always so easy to rile up that it's hilarious." Catra explains as mirth dances across her eyes. I stare at her, unsure whether to be shocked at the revelation that Glimmer is jealous or whether to be annoyed that she's purposely winding up said person. But before I get the opportunity to open my mouth, Catra's com beeps. The girl growls at the interruption as she presses a finger to her ear.

  
"What is it Hordak?! I'm kind of in the middle of something. You what? Can't it wait? Fine!" I blink in confusion at the one sided conversation until the feline's eyes snap to mine. "Lucky for you I'm needed elsewhere." The Force Captain announces and with a snap of her fingers, all Horde personal and bots retreat. I gape at her.

  
"Is that it?!" I shout as the cat saunters away. She turns her head to look at me briefly before returning her gaze ahead of her.

  
"Until next time Adora!" Catra voices lightly and soon she's out of sight as I stare after her, dumbfounded. _'What on earth?! No fighting? Just...talking?'_ I put a hand to my head. _'Its official, I must've bumped my head harder than I thought I did.'_ My attention diverts to the rebels as they draw towards me. I gulp. _'Glimmer does not look pleased.'_ When she reaches me she gives me a once over before turning to Bow.

  
"Bow can you please tell Adora how incredibly foolish she's been? I'm going back to the transport." The queen orders as she stomps away and towards the vehicle. I gape at her, unsure on whether to be offended at being called foolish or shocked that she didn't shout at me. I turn my surprised eyes to the archer who shifts uncomfortably, as if not used to telling anyone off.

  
"Erm Adora..." He starts, but I raise a hand up to cut him off.

  
"I know what I did was probably not the best course of action, but I couldn't stand staying back at the castle while the two of you faced those deadly weapons. I had to make sure you wouldn't be hurt!" I plead strongly. I watch as the archer pinches the bridge of his nose as he releases a heavy sigh.

  
"Look Adora, I get it. You're worried about us and I'd be the same if our roles were reversed, but I have to agree with Glimmer on this one. You're still hurt and a liability." Bow explains calmly, but my eyebrow twitches.

  
"A liability?! I helped!" I retort sharply, earning a face palm from the rebel.

  
"Glimmer and I had to constantly watch out for you and make sure barely any soldiers came your way, why do you think you didn't face a single bot?" Bow points out with crossed arms. I open my mouth, ready to refute that statement when I realise he's right, _'I didn't face any bots and only fought two or three soldiers at most.'_ I drop my head to stare at the ground in humiliation. A beat of silence passes before the archer slings am arm around my shoulders. "Just stay back. The two of us got this ok?" I bite the inside of my cheek hard.

  
"But what if you get hurt?" I voice, my tone wobbling in anxiety.

  
"And what if we don't?" Bow answers patiently.

  
"And what if you do? What then? It will all be my fault." I insist as I finally lift my pleading eyes to my best friend's warm chocolate ones.

  
"Why do you keep saying things are your fault? You can't control everything! You're not the cause of everything wrong that goes on in the world, you know that right?" Bow inquires with a frown. I avert my gaze away from him to stare at the beat-up truck. " _ **Adora!**_ " I flinch at his hardened tone.

  
"Bow, I just don't know." I mumble quietly which prompts the teen to twirl me round and grasp onto both my shoulders.

  
"What did you mean you don't know?! Do you want me start blaming myself for leaving Entrapta behind or heck why don't I blame myself for you getting shot by that cannon!" I widen my eyes and shake my head vigorously at Bow's ridiculous statement.

  
"Of course not! That wasn't your fault!" I rebuke fiercely as the archer squints at me.

  
"Then the same goes for you!" He answers with a tone of finality.

  
"But that's different!" I protest, earning me a light shake from the tech master.

  
"How is that different?!" Bow questions wildly and I bite my lip.

  
"It just is." I whisper lowly.

  
"Adora, stop it!" I blink at the sudden command and stare deeply into my friend's face. "I don't want to hear you talk about yourself like that ever again, do you hear me?"

  
"But..." I start, but Bow cuts me off with another shake.

  
"Never again! And I don't want you hijacking our missions either, you are to stay at Brightmoon and not leave until you're 100% healthy otherwise...otherwise I won't talk to you again!" The archer scrambles for words until giving me a decisive nod. I gape at him.

  
"You have to be joking, right?" I ask dubiously with a raised eyebrow, but he shakes his head.

  
"I'm completely serious. Now, let's head back." The tech master announces and walks over to the truck. I trail after him with slumped shoulders and open the door to the backseat where I sit dejectedly as Bow starts the engine. I catch Glimmer glancing at me several times through the windscreen mirror and after the fourth time I lean an elbow on the window sill and stare out of the window for the rest of the way. When we finally arrive home, I bolt out of the transport without a backward glance and head to my room.

Faintly I hear the words of: "Jeez Bow, what did you tell her?" But I don't stick around long enough to hear much more than that and I certainly don't want to. I close the door behind me and sink into my bed with a loud groan. _'Well that didn't go **at all** the way I planned it to. It's not fair that both of them are on my case about this. Why can't they see that I'm terrified that something bad will happen to them? Why can't they see that I can't be useless?'_ I grab one of my pillows and bury my face into it, fed-up of the constant conflicts and disapprovals. _'I thought things would change when I came to Brightmoon. I finally felt like I found my purpose and I wouldn't be scolded for my every move, but now it seems that's all that I'm good at, being rebuked at every turn. It's Shadow Weaver all over again.'_

I shudder and pull the pillow away from me. With a sigh I pull myself up into a sitting position and glance at the window to see the sunset. _'Sometimes I feel it would be easier if I just ran away, at least that way I'd never have to deal with any of this and everyone's lives would be easier.'_ With a grunt I push myself off the bed, grab a rope and open the window. I stick my head out of the window and after fastening the rope to the hook outside I climb up it to get to the roof to have a better view of the sunset. I already feel the tension in my calf, but I ignore it and watch the beauty of the sky with a gentle exhale, eventually the strain loosens until its returns back to normal and I stay up long after the sun's gone down. While I stare ahead a sudden flash of purple blinds my sight.

  
"AH!" I yell, scrambling back so quickly that I nearly lose my footing. I steady myself at the last minute and clutch my chest as my heart thrums rapidly against my ribcage.

"Glimmer!" I scowl once my racing heart has returned to a somewhat normal rhythm.

  
"Sorry sorry! I wasn't even sure you'd be up here." The purple head apologises regretfully.

  
"What are you even doing here?" I ask as I finally pull my hand off my chest and drop it to my lap. The teen drops to the ground beside me with a sigh.

  
"You looked off the whole way back. I thought having Bow talk to you would be better than me screaming in your face again, but looks like he's nearly as bad as me." The queen explains before turning to face me. "Either that or you _**really** _don't like being told off." Glimmer adds with a wiry smile. I raise an eyebrow.

  
"I'm pretty sure no one likes to be told off." I reply sourly.

  
"True, but some people can take it better than others." The purple head concedes. I sigh and pull my knees up to my chest while I stare at the night sky.

  
"Yeah I guess." I mumble. The atmosphere is quiet for several moments before the queen decides to speak up.

  
"You were screaming last night, weren't you?" I stiffen at the random statement and glance at the teen wearily before returning my eyes ahead of me again.

  
"So you knew." I answer blandly.

  
"I did. I should've came and shook you out of it but..." Glimmer trails off and shrugs her shoulders. I stare hard at the night sky as I collect my thoughts.

  
"Knowing that those cannons were still around scared me. I started imagining the worst. I couldn't bear it if anything happened to either of you. That's why I didn't listen. I had to see with my own eyes that you guys were ok." I mumble quietly as I continue gazing ahead. The corner of my eye catches some movement towards me but it retreats suddenly.

  
"I get it." I blink at the unexpected response and swivel my head towards the purple head with a weary look.

  
"What?" I echo as the queen fixes her gaze in front of her, staring at the lights in the distance.

  
"I understand why you did it. It doesn't make it any better, but I understand." I watch her heave a sigh as she dips her head slightly and wraps her arms around her knees.

"Its...it's also the real reason why I'm getting Shadow Weaver to teach me, despite knowing how bad of a person she is, because I'm scared that I won't be good enough to protect everyone, especially those I care about." Glimmer confesses as she lifts her head up to shoot me a soft gaze. I gape at her, surprise etched into my features.

  
"I thought you mainly went to Shadow Weaver because it helps to remind you of your dad?" I ask in confusion as the teen averts her eyes.

  
"That's a bonus. But really I want to be good enough to protect you and Bow and everyone. Shadow Weaver will never be my friend and I can't forgive her for what she put us through, but I put all that to one side for everyone's well being. And that's what I need you to do Adora, I need you to put your fears to the side for everyone's well being. You being on the field will only make the rest of us worry for you." The purple head explains with a set expression. I clench my jaws, knowing she's right, but too scared to agree. "Adora?" She prompts when I don't answer.

  
"But how will I know you'll be ok?" I plead as my lips wobble in fear. Glimmer's eyes soften at my response and she shifts closer, but not enough to touch me.

  
"You don't." She breaths out with a sigh as her eyes flicker away to stare at a nearby building before returning back to me. "But you have to trust us to take care of each other while you're still healing." The queen answers lowly. I drop my head down and place my hands at the base of my neck, feeling distraught.

  
"But...what if I never heal?" I echo out. Silence pierces the night sky for several beats.

  
"Adora, you're making it incredibly difficult not to give you a hug right now." I blink at the unexpected statement and lift my head up to find Glimmer's outstretched hand being quickly retracted away from me and coupled with her wiry look is when it suddenly hits me. About what I said to her. About the whole no touching thing. _'I could take it back, I could be in her warm embrace again.'_ The deepest part of me resounds, but I mentally shake myself out of that train of thoughts. _'No. I can't be hurt again. I won't allow it. If I have to close off my feelings for that to happen, then so be it.'_

  
"Sorry." I finally mumble when I realise I've been silent for too long. My response elicits a long disappointed sigh from the purple head before she visibly shakes herself out of it and re-focuses her attention on me once more.

  
"No, I just..." The queen trails off as she wraps her arms insecurely around herself. I frown at the display, almost ready to stretch an arm out towards her, but I refrain at the last moment.

  
"Hey, are you ok?" I ask with knit eyebrows. The teen takes in a deep breath before flashing her eyes back to me, a sting of pain crosses her lilac irises before dulling.

  
"Yeah. Yeah I'm fine." The purple head states, almost as if she's trying to convince herself. I purse my lips at her wording. I open my mouth, ready to question her further, but she continues on before I get the chance. "With regards to the never healing thing? We'll cross that bridge if we come to it. For now, I need to know that you'll be safe. I can't protect myself if I know I'll be worrying about you." Glimmer utters softly and I swallow thickly, knowing that I can't risk her safety for the sake of my fears.

  
"Alright." I finally concede reluctantly and watch as the teen's eyes brightens hopefully.

  
"Really?" She inquires, as if to make sure I really meant it. I bite my lip and avert my eyes.

  
"Really." I affirm quietly. I feel a brush of wind by my hand and when I turn back I once again see the queen's hovering hand pulling back. Her face flushes at being caught and she grasps at her elbow protectively. I watch as she coughs into her hand a moment later as she tries to compose herself.

  
"Thank you Adora. I'll...I'll make sure to get Bow to give you a tracker-pad. That way we can keep in contact and you'll always know what's going on." The queen announces. I beam at the idea.

  
"That's a great idea! Just like we did with you after your coronation." I express with a relieved grin. Glimmer shoots me a half smile.

  
"Yeah, like that." She voices with a frown, before shaking her head and looking back towards me. "It's getting late and we really should head to bed. Tomorrow Bow, Mermista and I are going on a scouting mission to Salineas, so we'll be leaving early." My grin drops at the news, but I quickly force another to my face.

  
"Oh, great. Well yeah in that case we should head to bed." I agree and we both get to our feet. A moment of indecision crosses the purple head's face before she looks up at me.

  
"Erm, do you need a teleport?" She finally asks uncomfortably. I blink and release a soft 'oh' when I realise getting down will be much harder than going up.

  
"Erm, yes please?" I request sheepishly, earning me a chuckle from my best friend as she stretches out a hand to me. I take it and a second later we're back in my room. I'm just about to go over to my bed when I realise my hand is still in the teen's. I bite my lip and let go of the appendage just as Glimmer looks away.

  
"Well I'm heading to bed. I'll make sure we check in with you regularly. Sleep tight." The queen voices with averted eyes. At this point we'd usually give each other a goodnight hug or something but since...I shake my head.

  
"Alright. Be careful and keep me updated." I murmur as the teen returns her gaze to me.

  
"We will." The queen answers smoothly. I rub the back of my neck.

  
"Well, goodnight." I utter with a half smile.

  
"Goodnight Adora." The purple head repeats back and blinks out of sight, but not before I catch the hurt in her eyes. I blow a strand of hair out of my face and flop to my bed in anguish. _'Why are friendships so hard? Heck, why is **everything** so hard?'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was pretty painful. You all still hanging in there? XD
> 
> Again, no hate on Glimmer. Her emotions kind of got the best of her in this one. But hey she got Bow to talk to Adora instead of telling Adora off herself, so that's an improvement, right? And Bow's just getting desperate at this point. Poor Adora, she just wants to help.  
> The whole someone treating you affectionately at one point and then lashing out later is really annoying and hurtful. Been there and it kinda bugs me. Glimmer is affectionate so I've kind of portrayed that onto her. Sorry Glimmer XD 
> 
> Tibia is the larger of two bones located in your lower leg.  
> Thought to clarify that the spasms come back when Adora is either emotionally distressed or physically strained. A pill can only do so much. Again this is not based on science!
> 
> Next chapter is just plain sad, please have a box of tissues beside you XD Also! Next chapter we finally have some Swiftwind moments. Now I know the fandom is largely divided on him. Personally, I found him a neutral character, but I've got some nice moments planned for him, so hopefully those that dislike him will end up disliking him a little less.
> 
> Anyway, always love to hear your thoughts :) Until Next time.
> 
> Comments & Kudos always appreciated.


	17. I'll Never Be Ready

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora semi-breaks down when she discovers a hard truth and Swiftwind tries to comfort her. Everyone else is oblivious and left in the dark. 
> 
> We obviously saw how Glimmer hated being left out of missions and largely pushed to one side whenever she contacted Bow & Adora over the tracker-pad. I thought it would be interesting to spin that on Adora and explore how she'd behave and react if she was the one missing out on missions and inside jokes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone got their tissues ready? No? Go and fetch some XD  
> Ok I'm probably bigging this up way too much, but I was pretty sad while writing this one.  
> Also, I SHOULD really be revising, but aurgh motivation is never there when you need it. Good for you guys though because it means I'm posting this instead.

**Adora's POV:**

**The next day:**

  
I groan when the light streams into my room and bury my face into the pillow to block out the sunshine. But after a few moments of not being able to continue slumbering I push myself up onto my elbows and rub the sleep dust out of my eyes. I kick off the blanket and swing my legs off the bed and onto the floor only to find a tracker pad and note on my bedside table. I raise an eyebrow in surprise and reach forward to pick them both up. After a second of indecision I open the note up first to find Glimmer's delicate writing.

_Hi Adora,_

_You were still asleep when I came in and didn't want to disturb you. Hope you had a restful sleep, I didn't hear any screams last night so that's a plus, right? Anyway, Bow, Mermista and I have already left. Thought to let you know in case you wondered where we were. We left you a tracker-pad in case you wanted to check in. Take care and don't forget your pill._

  
_Love Glimmer._

I smile at the sweet note and fold it up to keep under my pillow for later. My eyes drop back onto the pad and after tapping the screen mindlessly for a few moments I press call. It's a full minute before Bow picks up and when he does he seems distracted. His eyes flicker to his surroundings before returning back to the screen.

  
"Hey Adora! This isn't really the best time, we're just on the outskirts of the city and are about to go in." The archer explains.

  
"Is that Adora?" The queen's muffled voice cuts across from somewhere in the background. She appears on the screen a moment later and when she gives me a quick scan, a smile starts to tug at the corner of her lips. I raise an eyebrow at her behaviour.

  
"What?" I echo self-consciously.

  
"Good morning sleepyhead. You look like you just got up with how your hair poof is sticking to the side there." My hand automatically goes to my hair to find it indeed in a mess. I roll my eyes at her when Bow joins in with her chuckles.

  
"Not funny." I mutter as she lifts a hand to her mouth to cover her chortles before composing herself.

  
"Sorry. Anyway, we have to go. We're just about to try our new camouflage suits and need to be radio silent for a couple of hours." The queen explains and my teasing smirk drops at the news.

  
"Oh, alright. But you'll call me if you're in any trouble right?" I ask with knit eyebrows as Bow's face reappears in the shot.

  
"Of course we will Adora." The techmaster answers smoothly. "But remember, you need to rest." I groan at the reminder.

  
"You guys are taking forever, can we please move on?" Mermista complains in the background. Bow's eyes flicker to somewhere on his left before returning back to face me.

  
"Well that's our que. See you later!" Bow bids with a grin as Glimmer re-appears by his shoulder to give me a wave before the screen goes black.

  
"Take care." I whisper to the the blank pad, feeling more alone than I've ever been in my life. I slump forward before shaking my head to snap myself out of it and quickly drown the pill before getting ready for the day.

**6 hours later:**

  
I stare ahead at the entrance of Brightmoon with my knees tucked under chin as I wait longingly for their return. I chance a glance at my pad but it remains silent as it has done for the past 3 hours. The only message I received was an hour ago saying they've wrapped things up and have a better idea of the Horde's layout. I tighten my arms around my kneecaps. _'Why are they taking so long? What if something happened to them? Maybe I should...'_ But I'm broken out of my thoughts when I hear sounds of familiar laughter. I perk up and in the distance I spot the trio joking and elbowing each other.

  
"Oh my gosh you should've like seen me when I wiped the smirk of that Horde scum, he had no idea what to expect." Mermista drones with a satisfied smirk.

  
"What I loved was their reaction when they realised that you're the Princess of Salineas. The guy looked ready to pass out!" Bow teases ecstatically.

  
"No no the best part is when we cut them off from the gate." Glimmer adds with a laugh, prompting the duo to join in with her. When she looks up, her eyes catch mine and I get to my feet just as they reach me.

  
"Oh hey Adora! We were just talking about how hilarious some of the Horde soldiers were, seems a lot of them are a bit more of a softie than we initially thought. Kind of like you actually." The queen jokes with bright eyes. I force a smile to my face at the news.

  
"Oh that's...great? So what took you so long? You said you were done an hour ago?" I inquire, trying to mellow down my curiosity.

  
"Oh we passed by an information post on our way out and thought to check it out. It doesn't seem to have that much extra info from what we already know but it could come in handy." Bow explains as he waves his pad proudly.

  
"Exactly and now we know the weak points in the Horde's defence we can start planning on how to take back my kingdom!" Mermista adds with a confident smirk. I bite the inside of my cheek at the news and clutch my elbow subconsciously.

  
"That's...that's really awesome. I'm glad things went well." I answer monotonously, prompting the trio to share glances with one another before Glimmer decides to speak up.

  
"Hey are you alright? You seem a bit...down? This is meant to be great news! We can finally start changing the tide in this war." The teen asks with raised eyebrows. _'Darn it, why am I so see through?!'_ I release my hold on my elbow and start waving my hands frantically in front of me.

  
"I'm great! This is really awesome. I'm glad things are going so well without me." I say with a wide grin, earning another shared glance between my 3 friends. _'Shoot why did I say that?!'_ I internally berate.

  
"Adora..." Bow starts, but I quickly cut him off.

  
"Sorry I was just worried when you didn't show after a while. Anyway I've got to..." I pause as I search my mind for a plausible excuse to exit from this awkward conversation. "...to check on Swiftwind! I can sense how bored he is so I'm going to pay him a visit. I'll see you in tomorrow's meeting, bye!" I excuse in a rush and dash off before anyone can say anything further.

Once I dodge behind a bush I slow down to catch a breath, my leg tensing in discomfort. I grit my teeth and force myself to keep moving. ' _This is so wrong. I should be happy that they're doing so well. Ecstatic even. But. I'm not. It just sounds like they don't need me. Like I don't have any place with them.'_ My mind flashes to the memory of when we had just recruited Entrapta and the inside jokes the three of us shared. My feet come to an abrupt halt as I wrap my arms around myself. _'Why do I feel so alone and out of place? Before, I was angry that I was constantly being told off and now I'm annoyed that I'm being kept on the side. What's wrong with me?!'_

  
"Adora!" I blink and look up to find Swiftwind lounging outside his barn. With a sigh I find myself going over to him and wrapping my arms around his neck, eliciting a surprised gasp from the horse. We remain in silence for several moments before my trusty stead decides to speak up. "Well I love hugs as much as the next horse, but what's this for? Oh! Is it hugging season?!" The horse asks excitedly. I chuckle and bury my face further into his mane when I feel tears leaking down my cheeks.

  
"No. I just needed to hug someone and you give some of the best hugs." I confess with a wiry smile. Swiftwind is silent for several moments before I feel his jaw resting on top of my head.

"Hey, are you crying? What's wrong? Whoever hurt you will feel my winged wrath!" My stead swears seriously. I release another dry chuckle but it quickly turns into a sob.

  
"Swiftly, no one needs me any more. I'm so useless with this dumb leg of mine and everyone is just moving on to big plans without me and I feel so...alone." I choke out as my eyes sting with tears.

  
"What?! That's ridiculous! You aren't alone; you're surrounded by all your friends and people who care about you." The horse expresses strongly. I shake my head into his neck, refusing to meet his gaze.

  
"They're all just leaving me here while they go on missions. Jeez this must be how Glimmer felt when Bow and I kept leaving her." I state in sick realisation.

  
"You're still recovering Adora, you'll be back on the battle field in no time! I'm sure of it." Swiftwind declares with confidence, but another harsh sob rips through my throat. "Adora?"

  
"That's just it Swifty. I'll never be back to normal again." I whisper thickly.

  
"What? Of course you will, you just need ti..." I finally pull away from the horse and throw my arms up in the air.

  
" **NO!** I'm _**never** _getting better. The doctors said so." I shout and buckle to the ground when my leg tenses in an all too familiar fashion. I dig a hand into my jacket pocket for my syringe and plunge it into my thigh before my leg starts spasming on me.

  
"What do you mean the doctors said so?! Bow and Glimmer have been telling me that you're getting better all the time." Swiftwind asks his eyes confused as he tilts his head to the side. With a sigh I pull my legs up and hug them to my chest as I lean into the horse.

  
"I was so bored today while I waited for them to come back, so I took a stroll to the doctor's office. It was empty so I may have...searched for my notes without permission?" I confess meekly, earning a surprised gasp from my stead.

  
"Adora!" Swiftwind voices in disapproval. I dip my head in shame.

  
"I know it was wrong, but they weren't telling me anything and I had enough of all the secrets!" I explain and then tighten my arms around my legs. "I...I found them. They said that there's irreversible damage to a part of my spinal cord. They mentioned how they couldn't bear to tell me or the queen and so have kept silent to monitor my...condition in the hopes I might improve.." I trail off, my eyes fixed to the green grass beneath me. "Swifty...I'm... never going to get better." I choke out. Swiftwind wraps his neck around me and another sob escapes me.

  
"It's still not fact. Doctors can be wrong!" My stead urges but I don't answer and just clutch him tight. "If...if they're right then, well I'll always be here for you. And I know Glimmer and Bow will be too." The horse adds a moment later.

  
"Thanks Swiftly, but can you please not tell anyone this? I don't want Glimmer blaming herself for this. She's only starting to get over her mum, she doesn't need to be pulled down again." I request softly.

  
"But Adora, you can't hide this from them!" Swiftwind protests, but I clutch him more tightly.

  
" _ **Please** _Swiftwind. You didn't see the state Glimmer was in when she lost her mum. I don't ever want to see her like that again. And I don't want anyone to worry about me. I'll...I'll be fine. Some day." I lie.

  
"This isn't a good idea. But, I'm your stead so whatever you need, I'll do it. Just know you can talk to me whenever you want, even in the middle of the night I'll be there for you." Swiftwind promises as he shifts closer to me.

  
"Thank you Swifty. You're the best stead a person could ever want." I breathe out shakily and that's where I remain for the rest of the day.

**Night fall:**

  
"Where is she?"

  
"I haven't seen her since she ran off."

  
"I'll check the stables."

  
I groan at the sudden sound of distant voices and blinking my eyes I realise I must've fell asleep against Swiftly at some point after pouring my heart out. I rub my now sticky eyes and take note of the darkness around me. _'Jeez, how long have I been out for?'_

  
"Adora?" I turn my head to the left at the hushed whisper to find the queen standing with her hand encompassed in a purple glow. When I push myself off the sleeping horse I see her shoulders sag in relief. "Thank goodness. Bow and I have been looking for you for hours. What's going on? Are you alright?" The purple head fires out as she examines me from head to toe.

  
"Yeah, yeah I'm all good. Just was spending some time with Swiftwind and I guess I must've dozed off. Sorry, I didn't mean to worry you." I apologise as I step away from the horse and towards the purple glow. Glimmer watches me carefully as her eyebrows bunch together.

  
"Well, why did you run off earlier?" The teen asks and I curse under my breath. _'Shoot, I was hoping she'd forget.'_ I shrug in response which prompts the purple head to take a step towards me. "Adora..." She starts, but I don't give her time to finish.

  
"We should get out of here. Don't want to wake Swifty up." I urge and walk past the queen. She follows suit a few seconds later and appears by my side wearing an unreadable expression.

"Adora, what's wrong?" The teen repeats, her gaze fixed on me as we walk. I stare ahead of me, trying to figure out what would be enough to satisfy her.

  
"I'm starting to understand how you felt when Bow and I kept leaving you." I finally disclose. I hear a sharp intake of breath beside me and chancing a glance to my side I find Glimmer frowning deeply.

  
"Oh jeez Adora I'm so sorry. I...jeez I should've figured that out. I..." The teen stutters out in an incoherent jumble.

  
"Hey, it's alright. I guess I just need some time to adjust. I'll get over it." I reassure, but it only results in the queen staring at me sceptically. I jump when I feel her hand brush against mine which prompts her to snatch the appendage away.

"Sorry, t-that was an accident!" Glimmer apologises as she bites her lip.

  
"Don't worry about it." I mumble with a half smile. I eye the way she crosses her arms and turns her head away from me, but I don't say anything, mostly because I don't know what would I say to start with. _'The worst thing is that I know how much this is eating away at her. Glimmer is affectionate. She always has been. With me putting a brake on that, I can imagine how difficult it is for her to remember that.'_

  
"I can make sure we check in with you more regularly if you want? I know it's not much but it might help." The queen states after several moments of silence as she turns to look at me. I nod.

  
"Yeah that sounds good." I affirm, my mind elsewhere.

  
"How about I get you to your room? All this walking is making me tired." The teen jokes. I spare her a dry chuckle before wordlessly taking her hand and seconds later I'm teleported to outside my door.

Just before I can turn the knob however I hear a sharp intake of breath. I turn slightly at the sound and raise a questioning eyebrow at the purple head.

  
"Were you crying?! Your eyes are all red and puffy!" Glimmer questions frantically as she steps closer until her body is a mere hair length away from physical contact. I open my mouth ready to deny it, but snap it close when I'm met with a scalding glower. I hunch my shoulders.

  
"It's fine, I just needed a moment to collect myself. It's all good." I try to convince, but the queen isn't having it.

  
"It's definitely not fine if you're crying over it!" I flinch, hating having that word thrown around so casually. _'Crying is the worst, especially when other people know about it.'_ I turn my head away from the teen. "Adora, please. How can I help?" I turn my head back at the urging tone.

  
"Can I...?" I start, but I'm soon cut off.

  
" _ **No**_. You're not allowed to come with us until you're better!" The teen snaps and I stiffen when I realise that means never.

  
"Then I'll just deal with it alone." I grit out and grab the door knob to my room, ready to be done with this conversation. However I freeze when a hand clasps my shoulder. " _ **Glimmer**_." I utter, my tone tense. A few moments later I feel the hand retracting.

  
"We need to talk about this." The queen urges.

  
"There's nothing to talk about! I'll just deal with it." I argue as I clench my fist.

  
"It's only until you're better, I promise." The purple head tries to reassure in an attempt to change tactics, but little does she know how much worse that makes me feel.

  
"Yeah, when I'm _**better**_." I choke out before opening the door, stepping into my room and closing the entrance behind me without a second glance. I hear a heavy sigh on the other side, but I make no move to apologise and after a few long moments I finally hear the sound of her squeaky boots moving away. I lean against the doorway and slide down the surface until I'm sitting on the ground in despair. _'Why did this have to happen to me? **Why?** '_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this is getting increasingly dark...sorry? I just saw that this show had a lot of opportunities to delve into such deep topics and took the chance to incorporate them into this story. Like what if the hero did get permanently injured? How would they react and move on? So often in cartoons we see them finding some miracle cure and ta da all is right in the world. But what if it wasn't that simple? What if the hero is the one that needs saving? What if some animated shows honed into more realistic scenarios? Lol don't get me wrong I generally love happy endings just as much as the next person, but I can't help but wonder. 
> 
> Anyway that's my thoughts - what are yours? Any ideas about the direction of the story? Also I hope I managed to make Swiftwind not come across annoying while also keeping him in character.  
> For me the worst part of crying is when other people know, definitely prefer to be alone when I'm sad - so I mayyy have portrayed that in this story too heh. 
> 
> Next chapter is a bit shorter and has a series of ups and downs, so it's not a complete angst train crash. And the next chapter's ending leaves off on a pretty good note, you'll be happy to know :) We've got two more chapters left of Adora's POV, before we finally switch to Glimmer's! So that will be a nice change. Albeit not for long, think most chapters are in Adora's POV, but I can't wait to finally show you guys Glimmer's thoughts and side of things.
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	18. Give Me A Chance?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora stays back while the rest of the Alliance goes off to take back Salineas.
> 
> You know other than the whole glitching thing we didn't really see Glimmer get hurt. So thought to rectify and add a small slice of that here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys I can't thank you enough for all the lovely comments and kudos, I really appreciate them all :)  
> It came to my attention that this story is a lot heavier than I realised and I do apologise for that, if anyone thinks I need to put more warnings or tags let me know and I will add them.
> 
> Potential triggers of self-harm - it's pretty minor though.  
> This is REALLY angsty, so prepare yourselves mentally please XD

**Adora's POV:**

**Next morning:**

  
I awaken when a stream of light hits my eyes and suddenly I become aware of the hard ground underneath me. _'Oh great, I fell asleep on the floor.'_ I stiffly get to my feet and wince at the neck cramp. _'Jeez, I need to stop dozing off at random places.'_ With a sigh I change out of my crumpled clothes and stare at the door knob. _'Do I really want to face everyone?'_ I bite the inside of my cheek. _'You can't seriously think you can hide this from them forever?'_ A deeper voice echoes inside my mind.

I take a few steps backwards to take a seat on the edge of my bed and slump my shoulders. _'What am I doing? They don't need me any more. I'm not getting better, shouldn't I just leave?'_ But as soon as that thought becomes apparent I shake my head vigorously. _'No. I can still be helpful, I'm still the best one that knows the Horde inside and out. I can be useful in that regard.'_ And with a nod to myself and renewed vigour, I exit my room and make my way to the dining hall. Bow, Glimmer and Mermista all look up as soon as I appear at the doorway.

  
"Hey, are you feeling better?" Bow asks gently, his eyes shining with sympathy. I hold back a groan, _'Great, Glimmer told them.'_ I force a wide smile to my face and take a seat across from them.

  
"Oh yeah, all good. I just needed some time to adjust." I say, flashing him a thumbs up. The archer glances at the queen beside him before returning to face me with a shrug.

  
"Well, I'm glad to hear that. If you ever need to talk, we're here for you." The techmaster expresses genuinely and I smile, warmed by the thought.

  
"Thanks." I echo, before digging into breakfast. The room falls silent for several moments as we all become absorbed into our food, but Glimmer is the one who finally decides to break it.

  
"There's actually a meeting in a few minutes to discuss the take back of Salineas if you want to join?" The teen voices casually, her eyes flickering up to meet mine before quickly returning back to her bowl.

  
"That...that sounds great. I'll be there. Thanks." I mumble before taking another spoonful of cereal, ignoring the worried glance she shoots me.

**2hrs later:**

  
During the meeting I'm largely silent, pointing out only miniscule forgotten details in their plan. But otherwise I have not much to add, I might disagree with the idea that Mermista will be used as a distraction or I might be against Bow going in alone to the communication hub or I might hate that Glimmer will only have one back-up, Perfuma, when they face the surrounding ships. But I remain silent, because really it's not my place to say anything otherwise.

She-ra won't be there and will never be there, so these needless risks are just going to have to be a constant, despite how much I hate them. But arguing doesn't fix anything. If there's one thing I've learnt over the past few months, it's that. So when the meeting comes to a close and my two best friends share a concerned glance, I'm not really surprised when Glimmer comes running after me an hour later in the Brightmoon gardens.

  
"Adora?" The Queen probes unsurely while clutching her elbow subconsciously. I spare her a glance before returning back to stare ahead of me.

  
"Yeah?" I respond.

  
"Are you...ok?" I blow an invisible strand from my face at the question.

  
"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" I ask, knitting my eyebrows and wondering what I'm doing that's making my feelings so transparent. The teen hesitates before taking a few steps towards me and taking a seat beside me.

  
"You didn't say much at the meeting. I know there were a bunch of things you disagreed with from the amount of times your eyebrow was twitching, but...you didn't say anything." Glimmer explains carefully, keeping one eye on me as we gaze in the distance. The corner of my lip twitches at the tease, but I can't bring it in myself to smile.

  
"I just thought it would be pointless to argue and it's not like I can do anything about it." I voice with a half-hearted shrug, but that doesn't come across as a satisfactory answer as the teen starts shaking her head.

  
"Ok there is definitely something wrong. You've been off since yesterday. It almost seems like...like you don't care about anything anymore!" The queen grounds out as she crosses her arms in indignation. I release a soft breath, _'Is she right? Have I stopped caring? Or is it because I care so much that my emotions can't handle it and so I'm just shutting down.'_

  
"I can't do anything, it's hard to be engaged in stuff when I'm not a part of it." I grit out, hating that she's picking at these feelings. The purple head throws her arms up in frustration.

  
"What on earth Adora?! Of course you're a part of it. Just because you're recovering doesn't mean you can take a backseat and watch everything!" Glimmer bites out, the words punching me in the gut. I clench my fists.

  
"I'm not taking a backseat! I just have nothing to contribute!" I shout in annoyance. The purple head's eye twitches.

  
"With that mindset you definitely won't! You act like it's the end of the world!" The queen spits out with a glare. I turn away until I'm giving her my back.

  
"If you need my help on cracking some Horde tactics I'll be right here, but if not then you can go." I mutter venomously. A long pregnant silence follows before I finally hear the girl shifting to her feet.

"Sometimes Adora you're unbelievable. I really wonder how we used to get along as well as we did." Glimmer finally says before teleporting away. I dip my head down to mask the tears trekking down my face. ' _Don't feel. It's better this way. If she starts hating me, then maybe she won't feel so guilty if she ever found out the truth.'_ I try to convince myself, but the pang in my heart and the spasm in my leg suggests otherwise.

Over the next few weeks our conversations continue dwindling down until we've stopped talking to each other entirely. I thought I would be prepared for how much it hurts considering how many times we've gone through this before, but if anything it hurts more than ever, especially with the knowledge that _**I'm** _the one imposing it. It's not until everyone is readying themselves to set off for their mission of taking back Salineas do I finally take the chance to make eye contact with the queen who stands a metre away from Bow, examining her dad's staff with utmost concentration. I take a few paces towards her but she pays me no heed. After a few minutes I eventually speak.

  
"Good luck." I utter. She finally raises her eyes to me, as if only now realising I'm here. A flash of annoyance crosses her eyes and I can only imagine what she'll say, 'oh so now you're talking to me.' But instead of the backlash I expected, her eyes crinkle when a weak smile graces her face.

  
"Thanks." The teen mumbles, her gaze returning back to her staff. I almost step back, ready to leave it at that, but one thing keeps niggling at the back of my mind. I rub the back of my neck in discomfort.

  
"You'll...you'll call if you need anything, right?" I inquire softly, earning a glance from the purple head. I watch as she heaves a sigh before nodding.

  
"We will." She answers shortly. I nod my head and when the sense of feeling unwanted becomes more prominent, I start to take a step back. The queen's eyes flashes with some indescribable emotion. "Ill...see you when we get back?" She states unsurely, posing it as more of a question than a fact.

  
"Of course." I answer smoothly with a small smile, to which the teen returns briefly and then with a glance to everyone else and a wave goodbye they're gone.

  
It's 3 days before I hear back from them. They did it. They won. But not with ease as I go racing to the infirmary to find Perfuma lying on a bed with her leg up in a cast and Bow in the bed beside her sporting a head bandage. I gape at the pair and quickly squeeze both of them in cold blinding relief.

  
"Guys what happened?! I haven't heard from you in days! Are you alright? Where does it hurt? Should I get the doctor?" I blast out rapidly, my eyes racking over the pair of them for any other visible injuries. I watch as the two share a glance with each other before they burst out into laughter. My eyebrows shoot up in confusion and it takes a few moments before they collect themselves as Bow wipes a tear from his eye.

  
"Adora we're fine. A little more beat-up than we expected to be but the doctors said we'll be right as rain soon. I've just got a mild concussion and Perfuma broke her leg, so that will take a few weeks to heal up, but we're good. And hey, best news is that we won! Isn't that fantastic!" The archer explains enthusiastically.

  
"The Horde thought we needed She-ra to win, but we showed them huh?" Perfuma adds and I shoot her an unimpressed glance, prompting the princess to shrink back in embarrassment. "I mean She-ra would've been extremely helpful and definitely resulted in less injuries." The flower girl amends sheepishly, but if anything that just makes me feel worse as I slump my shoulders. Bow fires a glare at the Princess before taking my hand and squeezing it reassuringly.

  
"What Perfuma is trying to say is that we're ok. This is a huge victory and now that we have control of the seas again, we can finally change the tide of this war." The techmaster encourages with a grin. I try to match it but it falls short as I take in the various bruises and cuts along his arms and face.

  
"Are you sure there's no brain bleed or anything?" I probe, still sceptical, especially after my previous experience, but my question is met with a chuckle as Bow gives my hand another reassuring squeeze.

  
"Doctor checked three times, guess he really doesn't want to be fired by Glimmer." At this, a faint smile graces my lips at the memory.

  
"And what about everyone else? Glimmer, Mermista and Netossa?" I question further.

  
"Mermista is fine, barely a scratch on that girl, Netossa is a bit beat up but otherwise fine. Glimmer said she had a small cut but said she's fine." Bow lists of with a shrug. Finally I release a breath that I didn't realise I was holding and sag in relief.

  
"Thank God." I mutter.

  
"Why don't you go and check on Glimmer? I haven't had the chance to talk to her since I got whisked into here and I want to make sure she's alright." Bow requests after a moment of silence. I gulp and release my hold of his hand.

  
"I...guess I could do that..." I answer, sounding a lot more unsure than I would've liked. The archer spares me a dubious look before resting back into the bed.

  
"Good. Come back and tell me how she is." The techmaster commands. I bite the bottom of my lip before nodding and exit the room to find Glimmer. ' _She's probably in her room.'_ I think to myself as I turn left and down the hallway that leads to our rooms. Biting my lip again I halt in front of the queen's closed door. I take a deep breath and knock. There's silence for several moments before the sound of frantic scurrying creeps through the door crack.

  
"Is it urgent? I'm...busy at the moment." Glimmer's voice suddenly floats back from the other side. I frown.

  
"Erm, no its not urgent. Can I come in?" I finally say.

  
"Adora?" At the teen's surprised gasp, I raise an amused eyebrow.

  
"What, you thought it was a guard?" I joke, but there's silence from the other side and it's longer than I'd feel comfortable with.

  
"Sorry. And yeah I did. Do you think you can come back later?" My eyebrows bunch together at the request and without further ado I open the door, only to be met with a very displeased queen sitting on the edge of her bed. "What part of come back later did you not understand?" The teen scowls, her hands twitching on her lap. I shoot her a sheepish grin.

  
"Sorry, Bow wanted to make sure you were alright and I figured he wouldn't rest until he knew. Are you alright? It's not like you to hide in your room after a victory." I question, as my eyes scan the queen up and down while she presses her lips tightly together in annoyance.

  
"I'm fine...just thought to get some rest is all." My eyebrows shoot up at the teen's response and I take several steps into her room.

  
"You? Rest? After a successful mission? Ok, what's wrong?" I demand as I place a hand on my hip. Glimmer narrows her eyes at me and clenches her hands into fists.

  
"You're one to talk." The purple head bites back. I avert my eyes at the sting. "Listen, I just need some rest ok? I'll join you all for supper." Glimmer adds when I don't respond. I turn my eyes back to her and it's only then do I realise the way her right hand is positioned across her abdomen. I frown and walk until mere centimetres separate us.

I crouch in front of the seated queen, a hand reaching towards hers. "Adora what are you doing?!" The teen asks frantically as she flinches away from me, but I don't let that deter me and pull her hand away from her pelvis. I inhale sharply at the sight. Part of the queen's purple tights are torn to reveal a long red gash hazardously stitched up just underneath her abdomen. After two beats of silence I raise my eyes up.

  
"What happened?!" I demand as I watch the teen suck in her breath.

  
"Just some Horde soldier that got lucky. One of the medics stitched me up. I'm fine now." Glimmer explains briefly and I dip my head down, staring at the wound. I stretch out a hand, tracing the outskirts of the gash which elicits a shaky breath from the queen.

  
"I should've been there." I mutter under my breath, but it causes the purple head to abruptly pull away.

  
"I don't want to hear that!" Glimmer snaps and I draw back at the hostility, but before I can be hurt by her behaviour my eyes drop once again to her wound and the sick feeling of bile rises up in my throat. I stretch a shaky hand towards it again.

  
"Does it hurt?" I whisper. A beat of silence passes.

  
"A little." The teen admits.

  
"Come on, we need to get you to the infirmary." I decide as I get to my feet, but Glimmer is already shaking her head vigorously.

  
"No! I'm the queen. If I go the infirmary people will start to worry and that's the last thing we want. Honestly, I'm fine, I just need to rest and I'll be right as rain." The purple head voices offhandedly as she clutches her side. I frown.

  
"But!" I start, but trail off at the withering glare I'm shot with.

  
"I said I'm fine! Don't you have places to be and things to do?" The teen shoots out. "Like ignoring me and being a jerk." She adds under her breath. My lips tremble at her spitefulness and I clutch my elbow self-consciously. When I feel my leg tensing I realise I've probably overstayed my welcome. I take an unsteady step back.

  
"Alright." I choke out, but I don't get far as my leg buckles underneath me and I land on my behind. I grit my teeth at the spasm.

  
"Adora!" Glimmer shouts in a panic, but I ignore it and reach into my jacket pocket for my syringe and plunge it into my thigh.

After a few moments it goes limp and I sag my tense shoulders when the pain passes. I refuse to meet the guilty expression that I know must be gracing the teen's face. If I could just walk away right now I would, but the dumb spasm always leaves me shaky on my feet for at least 30 minutes, so I'm stuck here for the time being. I bend my good leg and rest an arm on it as I stare blankly to my right in an attempt to avoid the queen's gaze. After a while I hear her shift and grunt as she moves to sit on the ground beside me. My head whips round to face her and I widen my eyes in a panic.

  
"What are you doing?! You're hurt!" I exclaim in shock as the teen drops her gaze to the floor.

  
"I deserve to be hurt. I'm terrible to you." Glimmer responds lowly. My eyes widen further at the response and I go to place my hand on top of hers, but I draw back at the last second.

  
"Glimmer please get back on that bed." I urge, but am met with a head shake. However, I don't miss the wince and the way she tightens her grip under her abdomen. I chew my lip before opening my arms to her.

  
"At least rest against me." I command, prompting the queen to gape at me.

  
"You're hurt too remember?" She finally responds.

  
"My leg is strained, not hurt. Come on." I urge again, but the purple head bites her lip.

  
"But what about your whole no touching rule?" The teen reminds reluctantly. I bite the inside of my cheek at the reminder, but I remain resolute.

  
"This is a one time thing. I know sitting like that isn't helping your wound and I know you're too stubborn to listen to me about going back to bed, so this is a fair compromise." I swiftly deflect and after a moment of hesitation Glimmer finally leans into me, her head resting on my chest as I wrap my arms above her waist and rest my chin on top of her head. I hear her sigh in contentment as she leans further into me.

  
"Thanks Adora." The teens whispers. I swallow thickly, hating how much I enjoy having her warm solid presence against me again.

For the next week I dote on the queen, making sure she doesn't strain herself too much, but once her wound heals, I find myself withdrawing into myself once more and that only results in a backlash from the teen as she snaps at me for every little thing and I don't blame her. I know I'm giving her mixed signals. Sometimes I'm the most attentive friend and other times we might as well be enemies. It's exhausting keeping up with such a whirlwind of highs and lows and I understand why she's mad about it. But I refuse to break. I refuse to let anyone so close that I'll be hurt again, despite the fact that each of our spats are already leaving a gaping hole in my heart. But it's getting easier to be immune to and if it means she'll never know the truth about my leg then it's all worthwhile.

At least that's what I say to myself as I sob into my pillow after an incredibly bad shouting match. I suck in a breath when my leg starts cramping again, but I refuse to move from my bed, half wondering what would happen if I just left my leg to spasm. I'm rewarded an answer 10 minutes later when I find myself biting the corner of my jacket to ignore the agony. Still I don't move. As the minutes tick by, the torment only gets worse and eventually I find myself panting for breath. I blindly reach for the syringe at the bedside table but the pain is so blinding that I knock it down and I start withering as the pain increases, _'this is **WORSE** than cutting.'_ I try to get up to find the dumb syringe, but my body feels like lead and all my leg does is flap around.

  
"AHHH" I scream when the affliction becomes too much. Vaguely I hear the sound of hooves and dashing feet and I'm close to blacking out when a pair of arms roll me over and stabs me with the syringe. I look up to find the horror written clearly on the queen's face, but she tries to mask it as she shakily combs back my hair. I close my eyes, ashamed at what I did, what I was doing.

  
"A-Adora?" The tremble in the teen's voice is obvious even to the deaf. My lips quiver as I try to think of something to say.

  
"I'm sorry. I didn't...I-I..." But the teen shushes me as she wraps me tightly in a hug. A hug. I haven't had one of those in months. I choke out a sob and then I just breakdown.

"I'm sorry, so so sorry. Sorry sorry..." I repeat in a babble to which Glimmer responds by pulling me into her lap and holding me closer.

  
"Don't you dare apologise. You didn't do anything wrong. It's ok, everything will be ok." The purple head soothes. Eventually my trembles fade away and I'm so exhausted that my eyes droop shut and I'm out like a light a moment later.

When I next awaken, I fully expect the queen to have left, but instead I find myself still curled up in her embrace, my body sore from all the withering I did the night before. Looking up, I find the purple head observing at me with a scrutinising gaze. I bite my lip and am about to push myself off her until I feel her arms tightening around me. I frown at the action, my rule coming to mind.

  
"Glimmer." I echo sternly, but if anything the teen holds me closer. I swallow at the proximity and have to close my eyes briefly to compose myself. "Glimmer, let go." I command, but to no avail.

  
"Only if you tell me what the heck last night was about." The queen spits out. I shrink back at her tone, resulting in a heavy sigh from the girl as she reaches over me to pinch the bridge of her nose. "Adora, you really scared me. Swiftwind came barging into my room saying you were in trouble and then I heard you scream. What on earth happened?! I haven't seen you withering that badly since...well, since you were first hit with that thing." The purple head voices uncomfortably as she drops her hand back down beside me. I try to pull away again, but she moves to keep me pinned.

  
"Glimmer, I said let go!" I shout. I observe as the teen's eyes harden and her jaws clench together.

  
"No. Not until you tell me what's wrong with you!" Glimmer orders firmly.

  
"Nothing's wrong with me!" I lie and try to push away from the teen, but boy is she stronger than I gave her credit for.

  
"Stop struggling and talk to me!" The purple head cries as she tightens her hold on me. I grasp at her arms, trying to pull them off, but they remain sturdy and immovable. "What happened last night?! You could've injected yourself with that syringe but you didn't! It's like...it's like you _**wanted** _to be in pain." Glimmer realises with a tremble. I screw my eyes tightly. _'Dumb Catra telling my most private secrets.'_ I rant mentally. "You did this on purpose!" The queen suddenly accuses and I become sick to the stomach as she pieces it together.

  
"I didn't realise it would get that bad!" I argue in defence.

  
"What did you think would happen?!" The teen questions sharply. I clench my jaws and turn my head away from her. " _ **Adora!**_ " My eyes snap open at the hostile tone that she voices my name with.

  
"Would you just _**stop** _it?!" I shout. " _ **Stop** _asking me things! _**Stop** _being on my case all the time and just _**stop** _caring!" I holler out in a rush.

My words must've been one heck of a sucker punch as her hold around me loosens enough for me to break free and I scramble to the foot of the bed before she can hold me back. I heave and clutch my chest in the hopes it would slow my erratic heart beat, but when I feel my leg tensing again, I almost burst into tears. _'This **isn't** fair. I can't even express my emotions without having to look for that ridiculous syringe.'_

My eyes catch Glimmer's wounded expression and that's enough to push me over the edge as I start shaking, badly. I wrap my arms around myself, but it's not working, nothing's working. I feel the prick of a needle and it provides some relief, but all the hurt and pain is in a place where drugs can't get to. I flinch when I feel a presence moving towards me, but it diverts a second later and instead I feel a pair of hands on my knees.

  
"Adora take deep breaths. In and out. In and out." I listen to the quiet voice and soon my shuddering stops and my heart beat returns to normal. I refuse to meet the teen's eyes though. After minutes tick by in silence, the purple head finally opts to speak up. "Adora, what do you want me to do? Would you prefer if I stopped caring?" I choke at the question, not expecting that response and as much as I want to say 'yes' the more selfish part of me ends with me shaking my head. "Then what can I do? I can't help if I don't know what's wrong." Glimmer voices gently. I take in a deep breath and finally lift my head to meet the teen's eyes, but I almost wish I hadn't when I see the trek of tears down her cheeks.

  
"I'm fed up of us being at each other's throats all the time and I'm fed up of being so useless while you guys go off to fight and put your lives on the line." I state hollowly.

  
"You want to go on missions with us." The teen states as a matter-of-factly. I don't answer, but when the teen examines me closely she releases a sigh. "If you turn into She-ra, does that mask your injuries?" I blink, shocked that she's actually considering it.

  
"I...I don't know." I reply honestly. The queen taps her fingers against my knees in thought.

  
"Alright. I wanted to wait until you're better, but...I suppose we could go on an easy mission to see how well you hold up." Glimmer suggests reluctantly. My eyes brighten at the proposal.

  
"Really?" I probe. The purple head bites her lip, uncertainty crystal clear in her purple irises, before finally she nods in confirmation. Without thinking I throw my arms around the girl in gratitude.

  
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I repeat gratefully, _'I can finally prove that this side effect isn't a handicap.'_ I think optimistically. Suddenly I feel a pair of arms wrapping around me and then I realise what I'm doing. I'm about to pull back until the queen speaks up.

  
"Can...can I go back to hugging you then?" The teen requests softly. I gape at her and pull back to see the vulnerability in her eyes. I open my mouth, ready to deny the request, but snap it shut when I realise how unfair that would be. The purple head must've assumed my silence was a no, so she withdraws and wraps her arms self-consciously around herself. "It's just, the affection grounds me you know? My...my mum showered me with it and I didn't realise how much I'd miss it." Glimmer confesses with averted eyes.

My mouth goes dry when I realise that I've been hurting her a lot more than I realised. _'In the process of trying to save myself the hurt, I ended up hurting Glimmer just as badly.'_ I swallow.

  
"Of course you can. I-I didn't realise that was why you were so affectionate. I'm so sorry." I apologise profusely as my face crumples in guilt. The purple head encircles her arms around me and hugs me close.

  
"Don't apologise. You didn't know. I...I didn't want to say because it's childish, but...although there's nothing like mum's hugs, yours gets pretty close." Glimmer whispers quietly. I freeze at the unexpected comparison and swallow thickly before hugging the girl fiercely back.

  
"I love you Adora." The teen voices lowly which leads to my vision blurring from all these emotions. I sniff and rest my head on her shoulder.

  
"I...love you too Glimmer." I whisper back. It sounds strange on my tongue, like a foreign language, but it feels nice to be able to say that and it's even nicer when I feel the queen burying her head into my shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right, so not as short as I thought it was going to be. A bittersweet end to the chapter I think, esp after a series of ups and downs. There, finally Adora was able to say the word love - take that Horde XD This is love between friends btw, in case that was misinterpreted. And finally touched on why Glimmer is so affectionate too which I'm happy about. All thoughts are welcomed.
> 
> Next chapter is pretty sweet/fluffy, we get to see Adora interacting with a child. Of course there's always angst, but at least it's a nice change of pace/scenery. Oh and Adora gets to go on a mission too XD 
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated.


	19. Finally A Mission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora finally gets her chance to go on a mission to prove to everyone that her leg won't slow her down. Does she succeed?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR COMMENTS & KUDOS!!! You guys are awesome <3 
> 
> Super short chapter. Wasn't going to update today because work is really pilling up but found that this was so short that there's no harm in posting...I hope.

**Adora's POV:**

It's a whole week before an easy mission comes along, just guiding a bunch of townspeople to a new location after the Horde scavenged their last home. There aren't supposed to be any Horde attacks but I guess you never know. Being back in my She-ra form is definitely weirder than I thought it would be, but reassuring at the same time, it's like seeing an old friend again. A smile slips past my lips at the thought, but I'm torn away from my thinking when I feel someone elbowing my side. I look to my right to find Glimmer gazing up at me with an amused expression.

  
"You look happy." She notes with a smirk and I laugh at her observation.

  
"Yeah, I didn't realise how much I'd miss being She-ra or how much I came to depend on her." I disclose as my gaze drops to the sword at my side. But just as the teen opens her mouth to respond, a huge explosion sounds behind us, making the ground shake violently. We whip our heads back to find a smoky cannon in the distance. The queen turns back to face me.

  
"Make sure everyone gets to safety! The princesses and I will handle this." The queen commands as she lights up her hand with her signature glow.

  
"But...!" I start, but don't get far when I'm shot with a glower.

  
"Adora, this is the most important mission. To keep everyone _**safe**_. We'll distract them for as long as we can." Glimmer voices intensely. I drop my gaze for a moment before nodding my head determinedly.

  
"Take care. I'll meet with you later." I express with a half smile, earning me a nod from the purple head just as she blinks out of existence. I turn my attention to the crowd of scared citizens and urge them forward. "Come on everyone we need to keep moving. Everything will be fine!" I encourage and bit by bit the people slowly make their way forward. The ground continues to shake and I can still hear the explosives behind me but they eventually fade out as we reach closer to the safe haven hidden within the forest. I release a relieved sigh when we finally make it, but a frantic hand starts pulling on my shorts and looking down I find a frightened girl.

  
"I can't find my friend!" She bawls out and my heart constricts in a panic as I bend down to her level. "He wanted to check out the plants, but n-now I can't find him!" The girl cries tearfully and I place a comforting hand on her shoulder.

  
"Don't worry, I'll go and find him." I promise and rising back to my feet I do a quick scan of my surroundings and turn to Frosta beside me. "I'm going to check we didn't leave anyone behind. Do you think you can keep an eye on this lot?" I ask. The ice princess stares up at me dubiously.

  
"I can, but do you think that's a good idea?" She questions with crossed arms. I tighten my hold on the sword's handle.

  
"I'll be fine. I'm just going to find this little kid, shouldn't take more than 5 minutes tops!" I persuade and after a moment the Princess sighs before nodding in agreement.

  
"Ok fine, just don't take long. You don't want Glimmer on your case again." I purse my lips at this, but don't reply as I quickly retrace our steps. The closer I get, the louder the explosions become and I have to fight to keep my stance steady while searching for the boy. _'Maybe he's back at the safe location?'_ I think after 10 minutes of searching avails nothing, but a frightened squeal breaks me out of my thoughts and I jerk my head towards the direction of the scream.

With renowned vigour, I run towards the cries to find the little boy huddled into a tree as a bot looms over him. I dash towards the machine and stab it with my sword just before it fires its laser. I watch as it hits the ground with a thump, sighing in relief before sweeping down to pick up the boy who buries his tear stained face into my chest.

  
"I just wanted to see the daisies." The child wails. I wrap an arm around him, rubbing his back soothingly.

  
"Hey, hey it's alright. Daises are really pretty." I joke, prompting the kid to pull back slightly to beam up at me with watery smile. I smile softly back. "No one's going to hurt you. I promise." I vow seriously as the child clutches me tightly. Just then I hear the sound of snapping twigs and before I know it four bots and a group of Horde soldiers appear from behind a bush. The sight earns a scream from the child as he sobs into my shoulder.

  
"Please don't let them get to me." He cries fearfully. My face hardens at the thought and carefully I seat him up on one of the tree branches.

  
"I won't. I promise." I voice sincerely and turn back just in time to jump out of the way of a firing laser. I already feel my leg tensing at the sudden movement, but I grit my teeth and opt to ignore it. _'I left the dumb syringe at home.'_ I think sourly and duck out of the way of another laser. I slash my sword to the right, sending a beam of light and blinding a proportion of soldiers who trip up on the ground.

  
"Behind you!" I blink at the sudden shout and duck instantaneously, narrowing avoiding having my head knocked off by a creeping soldier. I flash the boy a grateful grin before knocking the fighter off his feet, earning me an excited clap from the child. When I straighten up, I wince at the increasing tension in my leg. _'Oh jeez, what did I get myself into?!'_ I think with a gulp as more bots come hurtling in.

I lift my sword up high to build up momentum before slamming the weapon into the ground which results in pushing everyone several paces back and off their feet. But before I can grab the child and run, another explosion in the distance shakes me off my feet and I land onto the ground with a thump. I try to get back up, but I can feel the leg cramp starting to worsen. _'Shoot! Why can't you work just this once dumb leg!'_ I curse just as a solider comes running towards me with their weapon in hand, I lift my sword up just in time and the two weapons collide, each of us pushing for dominance. I kick at her knee with my good leg and the fighter falls back, but not before scratching me on the cheek.

I roll over and push myself onto my knees but gasp when my leg starts spasming. In my distraction I miss the bot that hurtles straight into me, pinning me to the tree. I gulp when I see its laser eye powering up, but just before it can fire I hear a loud bang and a second later the bot breaks down into a heap, releasing its hold on me and I fall to the ground with a thud. Glimmer appears in front of me a second later and jabs a syringe into my thigh before I can say a word. She then turns her back on me to face the oncoming onslaught and I watch in awe as she takes them all out in moments. _'Jeez she's improving all the time.'_ At some point during my admiration, the boy had hopped off the tree and huddles by my side.

  
"I thought you were amazing." He whispers softly. I shoot him a regretful glance.

  
"Thanks, but...I'm pretty useless with this bad leg of mine." I express downheartedly as I flicker my eyes to the ground.

  
"No you're not! You saved me. Being hurt doesn't mean you can't still be a hero! If...if anything it makes you a better hero!" I feel tears building up at the warm comment and wrap an arm around his shoulders.

  
"Thank you. I...I needed to hear that." I say with a soft smile as the boy returns the hug. When Glimmer finally finishes with the Horde group, she turns to face us with a frown, but when her eyes flicker between me and the boy she raises an amused eyebrow before shaking her head and strolling towards us.

  
"Come on, let's get you both out of here." The teen utters as she squats down to help me up, wrapping an arm around my waist as the boy clutches onto my hand.

**That night:**

  
I sit against my bed frame staring at the night sky in thought. _'As much as I hate to admit it to myself...I think Glimmer's right. I can't go on missions, not when any little strain will force me into a full leg spasm.'_ I sigh heavily and stare at my hands in my lap. I clench them. Before I can fully analyse the day's events, a knock sounds at the door. I look up with a sigh.

  
"Come in." I holler. The Queen's face appears a moment later as she opens the door and closes it behind her before striding over to my bed and sitting at its edge. She doesn't say anything and I sigh at the silence.  
"You can be mad if you want. It was pretty reckless of me to face a Horde battalion like that." I say, prompting the queen to turn to me.

  
"I'm not mad. Well, I was mad initially, until I saw the child. You saved him. How can I be mad at you for that?" Glimmer states ruefully. I cluck my tongue at the response.

  
"That doesn't change the fact that I'm still incapable in battle. I can't go with you guys on missions. You're right, I should stay back from now." I echo out hollowly, hating that I'm finally admitting it to both myself and to Glimmer. I observe as she bites her lip, her gaze dropping to the ground.

  
"I...I know its hard Adora, but I won't always be around at the right time to save you. We just need to be patient with your recovery. Admittedly it's taking longer than we hoped, but the doctors keep banging on about how long nervous system damage takes to heal. You'll get better, I know it." The teen murmurs comfortingly. I almost release a whimper at that, knowing how oblivious she is to the truth. I bite back a retort and nod.

  
"Yeah, just got to be patient huh?" I state wryly and force a smile to my face for added effect. The purple head reaches a hand out to squeeze more shoulder encouragingly.

  
"Exactly that." She voices softly before getting up and leaving. I swallow thickly and drop my head into my hands in despair. _'This is my life from now on, to be in the background.'_ I hiss to myself.

Over the next few weeks I go through a weird cycle of withdrawing and then coming out of my shell repeatedly. I think the only reason I haven't completely withdrawn from everyone is because of what Glimmer said a few days after she noticed me slowly reverting back:

  
"Adora, don't withdraw from me; don't hurt me again. I won't be able to take it!" Her words echo on repeat in my mind each time I'm tempted to hide in my room. So I listen because I never want to hurt my best friend, despite how hard its becoming for me to go through the motions, pretending everything is fine when it's not. My smallest source of comfort is that I can complain and cry to Swiftwind as much as I like without having someone to pity me or make me face any other complicated emotion. And he's been strangely good at keeping it secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that was a pretty sombre depressing end heh. But it sets us up nicely for the next chapter.
> 
> Now for the small science explanation I have in my head about why Adora still gets spasms when she's in her She-ra form. Well, I thought about it long and hard because I didn't want there to be any gaps or faults in the story and this is what I came up with. I've realised that often when Adora heals things it's usually something that's reversible anyway, she just sped up the healing process that would otherwise take far longer to heal and that longer duration increases the risk of death. When she was hit by that bomb in s4 we saw her cuts fade when she was doing her healing magic, but cuts are reversible, they can be healed and most often without a scar. I'm assuming Bow had internal bleeding when he got hurt and thus Adora's magic clotted the blood rapidly and thus stopped the worst of the damage. However, damage to the spinal cord is very often NOT reversible mainly because nerves can't divide and regenerate like skin and other types of tissue. Therefore once the damage is done it can't be fixed or healed. Think of it like amputation, once your leg/arm is cut off it can't grow back, it's effectively lost. The same with spinal cord damage, you can't bring back something that's lost. I suppose there are small tidbits of regeneration, but no where near enough to restore you to full function again. Now it could be argued that this is magic, it can do anything, but I prefer to go along with this headcanon of mine: everything has limits - even magic. Anyway, that's enough science from me!
> 
> Next chapter we FINALLY have Glimmer's POV!!!! You'd think since Glimmer is my fav character I'd write more in her POV huh? Don't know, Adora is just easier I guess. But I'm excited for you guys to finally see how she's coping with things and what's her perspective. Feel like it will give a more balanced picture of things. I might slow on the updates a bit simply because I need to get this revision done, we'll see. 
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	20. Grief Hurts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glimmer tries to figure out the cause of Adora's detached behaviour and ends up having a chat with Swiftwind.
> 
> Also, s5 made it out to seem that Glimmer's grief was pretty much finished, which I feel isn't true. I get they had a lot to get through but ignoring that aspect of s4 bugged me, so I decide to fix it here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lucky for you guys I've finished the bulk of revision I wanted to get done today, so thought to post this. Heh feel like this has become my mini blog XD Anyway, I really really like this chapter and it was a lot of fun to write, so I hope you enjoy reading it. It's got a tiny bit of humour, some angst and some fluffy sweetness - not a bad mix if I do say so myself XD 
> 
> Something I learnt or realised from She-ra is that blushes don't have to mainly be romantic, it can be if you're embarrassed or if you hold affection for someone or if you appreciate someone. So I've decided to utilise that, again saying this in case it's misinterpreted.

**Glimmer's POV:**

  
I stare blankly ahead of me as I mindlessly roll a pen lid backwards and forth while my top General gives us the daily status of the Horde's activity. I blow a pink strand of hair off my face as I try to focus on what she's saying. But it's no use, my thoughts keep returning to Adora and her behaviour. _'Why is she so withdrawn? I don't get it. I understand how awful it is to be left behind while we go on missions. Jeez I understand that feeling a lot more than I'd like to, but there seems like there's something else that's bothering her. Unless withdrawing is her way of dealing with it? I mean I dealt with it by shouting at everyone.'_ I grimace at the reminder, hating how out of hand my behaviour became. I sigh. _'Its not like my current behaviour is much better, but at least I'm not blowing up at every little thing now.'_

  
"Your Majesty?" I blink when I feel a hand on my shoulder and turn to find Bow looking at me with a concerned expression. I swiftly turn my attention to the General who's watching me with a frown. "Are you alright?" I flush, realising that I was just daydreaming in front of my royal court and in the middle of an important meeting. I clear my throat.

  
"Yes. Sorry. You may continue." I express with an embarrassed smile, until the General glances to the solider on her right before looking back at me.

  
"Erm your majesty, we've finished." I balk upon hearing this and flush even further. I cough into my hand before looking up sheepishly.

  
"Ah sorry. I guess I'm still getting used to all this. Why don't we take a break for an hour before the next meeting begins?" I suggest meekly, earning a nod from the General as she and the rest of the council members exit the room, leaving just Bow and I.

  
"Are you alright? You seem distracted." My childhood friend asks as he takes a seat beside me. I massage my forehead and sigh.

  
"I don't know. I guess I'm worried about Adora. She's been taking this whole being left behind thing really badly." I mutter as I pull my hand away from my face.

  
"Oh yeah, she's been really distant for the last few months now. I tried talking to her about it but she just brushes it off. Sometimes I wonder if there's something else bothering her." Bow answers with furrowed eyebrows. I jerk my head up at this and turn to face him with wide eyes.

  
"I was thinking the same thing! But I can't figure out what else could be bothering her." I explain in frustration. I watch as the archer purses his lips for a moment.

  
"Do you think she's worried that she won't get better?" The techmaster suggests. I blink at the thought, _'that never crossed my mind.'_ But the more I think about it, the more I decide that's unlikely.

  
"It can't be. The doctors have been informing us about the improvements after each x-ray. I don't see why she'd be so negative about it." I finally say, earning me a shrug from the boy.

  
"Well in that case I have no idea. She's not telling anyone anything except Swiftwind." I jolt at this new information.

  
"What?" I echo, just as Bow flicks his wrist.

"Oh I've just seen her hanging out with him a lot more than usual. Heck if I didn't know better I'd think she's replacing us with a horse!" The archer jokes. I roll my eyes at his attempt at humour, before biting my lip in thought.

  
"So you think Swiftwind might know what's up with her?" I ask a beat later, eliciting another shrug from the techmaster.

  
"Well, he is her stead and they do have a special connection. Remember that time when he sensed that Adora was in trouble and you found her spasming?" I shudder at the reminder, seeing Adora that down was scary and painful. "So if anyone knows what's wrong with her, then it would be Swiftwind." Bow continues.

  
"Have you tried talking to him about it?" I ask curiously to which my best friend nods sombrely.

  
"I have, but he always seems in a rush to do something or other. Won't pay me any attention." The archer complains with a huff as he crosses his arms. I laugh at his childish behaviour and nudge him playfully.

  
"You know Swiftwind. His mind always seems to be racing 100 miles an hour." I joke, eliciting a series of grumbles from the boy. I grin before nodding my head decisively and pushing my chair back to stand. "Alright, I'm going to see him." I announce.

  
"Ok, but better make it a quick visit, you still have a meeting later on." My best friend reminds. I groan.

  
"No wonder why my mum was so high strung, these meetings sapped the life out of her!" I complain with a grunt as Bow shoves me with a laugh.

  
"Go on. I'll try to delay them if you're late." The archer voices with a chuckle. I roll my eyes at the twinkle in his eye. _'Ha he's so sure I'll be late, well I'll prove him wrong. I'll be back in 5 minutes tops.'_ I think to myself confidently and teleport to the barn to find Swiftwind reaching up to a branch for an apple.

  
"Hi Swiftwind!" I call out and work towards the horse who smiles widely at me.

  
"Glimmer! Good to see you! I was just thinking that we need to plant more apple trees around here, it will really liven the place up." Swiftwind greets with his usual list of ideas. I smile politely, not wanting to point out that the trees will be more for his benefit than anyone else.

  
"I'll think about it. Anyway I wanted to ask you something about Adora." I say, getting straight to the point. I watch as the horse tenses for a moment, before swallowing the apple piece in his mouth.

  
"I'd love to talk your majesty, but I promised a group of horses that I'd show them the true meaning of freedom!" Swiftwind exclaims as his eyes twinkle in excitement. I raise an eyebrow at his behaviour.

  
"It won't take long. I just want to know if Adora mentioned anything that's been bothering her?" I ask subtly.

  
"Oh Adora and I talk about tons of stuff!" The horse states randomly. I purse my lips as he dodges my question.

  
"Like what?" I ask sceptically _'Adora shouldn't need to go to Swiftwind for her problems, that's what Bow and I are for.'_ I think anxiously. I watch as the horse opens his mouth before snapping it closed.

  
"I'm sorry Queen Glimmer, but those conversations are private. I can't in good name break my promise." I frown at this revelation and draw closer to the horse.

  
"What do you mean break your promise? Did Adora make you promise not to tell us something?" I ask apprehensively.

  
"Oh apple crumbs! No! I mean yes? No!" The horse fumbles around as he looks to his left and right. "Look Glimmer, I really need to go." Swiftwind states abruptly and stretches out his wings. I widen my eyes in surprise before latching onto his neck.

  
"No wait! What did she say?!" I inquire frantically.

  
"Your majesty I'm going to have to respectfully request that you get off me!" The horse complains as he tries to buck me back.

  
"And I'm going to have to respectfully decline. What on earth is going on? What isn't she telling us?!" I command, but to no avail as the horse suddenly takes to the sky. I screech at the sudden lack of gravity and grasp onto the horse more tightly.

  
"Your majesty you're going to fall off if you don't let go." Swiftwind points out as he continues to fly into the sky. I shoot him a glower.

  
"I'm going to fall off if you don't go back to the ground!" I grit out, but the horse simply ignores me as he stares resolutely ahead of him. I clench my jaws and teleport so that I'm now sitting on the horse's back. We remain in silence for several minutes, the only sound around us is the rushing of wind that whips past as we fly. I chew my lip in thought and place a hand on the horse's coloured mane. "Swiftwind...at least tell me if Adora's happy. That's all I want, to know she's happy." I choke out. He doesn't answer for several moments and I almost think he won't until he releases a heavy sigh.

  
"She isn't." He mutters and my heart clenches in pain at the knowledge.

  
"Is...is it something I did?" I mutter lowly, but the horse shakes his head and I almost wilt in relief when I know that I'm not the cause of her trouble. "Then, why isn't she happy?" I ask again.

  
"I'm sorry Glimmer, but I can't tell you. You'll have to get it out of Adora yourself." Swiftwind murmurs quietly and I almost feel like banging my head against a metal pole because asking Adora is like talking to a brick wall. I know I won't get any answers from her.

  
"Swiftwind I've tried, many times in fact, but she won't tell me and we just end up fighting over it. Please tell me." I urge desperately.

  
"I refuse to break my word." I sigh and lean forward in disappointment.

  
"You really are a loyal stead aren't you?" I comment ruefully as I reach forward to scratch the animal behind his ear.

  
"That's my job!" Swiftwind boasts and I purse my lips, deciding to try another tactic.

  
"Swiftwind, do you want Adora to be sad?" I ask bluntly, eliciting a surprised neigh from the horse.

  
"Of course not! It's my duty to serve her and that includes her happiness." I nod my head at his answer, fully expecting it.

  
"Then what's the point in sticking to this promise if Adora remains upset? There's obviously something bothering her and she's been depressed over it for months now. I-I thought it was because she can't go on missions with us for the time being, but now I wonder if there's something else. And I can't help her...I can't make her happy if I don't know what's wrong." I explain carefully and bite my lip before saying the next part. "All I want is for Adora to be happy, she's...she's my family and knowing that something is tearing her up inside is tearing me up inside. I can't concentrate in my meetings, battles or plans when I know she's upset, so I'm asking you, for her sake, tell me what's wrong." I confess with averted eyes. A pregnant silence takes hold before the horse sighs heavily.

  
"I-I don't know..." Swiftwind trails off. "I want her to be happy, seeing her like this has been so hard, but what if she never trusts me again?" The stead questions, his tone coated in confliction and anxiety.

  
"I won't tell her, I promise!" I pledge.

  
"But how else will you know this? She'll know it was me!" The horse complains. I bite the inside of my cheek, not having a ready answer for that. I blow out a breath.

  
"Listen Swiftwind, I've told you my side of things. If...if you don't want to tell me I won't push you. The last thing I'd want to do is come between your bond with Adora." I finally say, despite the fact that I really didn't want to leave this open-ended, but for everyone's sake, maybe I shouldn't push this. We fly the rest of the way in silence and when Swiftwind finally lands on the ground, he doesn't meet my eyes. I turn away from him and my eye catches on the group of horses grazing on a hill and without a word I teleport back to Brightmoon.

As I stand in one of the grand hallways I find myself hugging my arms close before hesitantly walking towards my parents' old bedroom. I take in a deep breath and push open the door to find it just the way I remember it. And the memories hit me like a pile of rocks, memories of jumping on their bed to wake them up, memories of curling up close to my mum in that first year after dad died, memories of when my mum would let me play dress-up. A whimper escapes me and I falter, nearly ready to high-tail it out of the room.

A room I haven't been into since...since mum...left. I swallow and take a few shaky steps towards mum's dresser, all her perfume bottles lined up just as perfectly as they've always been. My hand traces them fondly as I remember the first time she allowed me to use one. I twirl round to find my mum and dad's huge portrait gazing down at me from where it's hung above their bed. I gulp and walk towards it as my hand reaches up to play with my necklace.

  
"Mum, Dad. I wish you guys were still here." I whisper quietly.

"I-I didn't realise how hard you both had it. All these responsibilities and commitments. I'm not even sure if I'm doing it right." I admit as my eyes shimmer from side to side.

"I don't think I am. The Horde is always one step ahead of us, if we win one thing, they just win the next thing. It's infuriating!" I complain before sighing as my gaze drops to the ground.

"But that's not the worst part. Adora and I...we're constantly at odds with one another. Its...kind of familiar mum." I joke weakly as my eyes flicker up to her face. I swallow.

"There's something bothering her, but she won't tell me. Maybe she doesn't trust me enough." I choke out as a tear leaks out from my eyelid.

"No one ever seems to trust me enough. Even you didn't." I voice with a wobble.

"Until now that is, you trusted me to take the throne and become queen. _**Why?!**_ Why was this the _**one** _thing you trusted me over?! This...this impossible task! I can't live up to you and dad, I _**can't!**_ I can't even do something simple like make Adora happy. How did you expect me to be able to lead?" I complain vehemently and the thought makes my legs buckle underneath me as I sink to the floor while wrapping my arms around myself. I lean forward to rest my forehead against the bedframe.

"I can't do this alone. I can't keep watching out for everyone and making sure they're ok, because I'm crumbling inside." I chew the bottom of my lip. "Everyone thinks I'm finally over my grief. Over you. But they don't understand that grief isn't something you can get over." I confess softly.

"Of course they don't get it. Bow has both his parents and Adora doesn't even know what it's like to have real parents." I voice bitterly, but shake my head when I realise how awful that sounds.

"It would be easier if I had their support. They're the only family I have left. I love Bow so much, but he doesn't know what to do and Adora has been emotionally absent for a while now." I explain and when my vision becomes blurry I roughly scrub at my eyes.

  
"Glimmer!" I gasp at the sudden holler in the distance and quickly get to my feet. "Glimmer, where are you?" I suck in a breath, _'It's Adora.'_ I rub at my eyes some more to hide all the tears. "Jeez Bow, it would've made more sense if you were the one looking for her. He knows this place better than I do." Adora mutters under her breath as she passes by my parents' room. I sigh in relief when she walks away, but she must've noticed the door was left ajar as she backtracks. _'I could teleport right now. But...if Bow's looking for me it could be urgent.'_ And then my eyes widen when it hits me. _'Oh my gosh the meeting! I forgot to go back for that meeting!'_ I slap my forehead.

"Glimmer? Are you in here?" I bite my lip, _'to teleport or...?'_ I don't get the chance to decide as my parents' door finally opens, revealing the annoyed looking blonde. "Glimmer! Didn't you hear me? Bow said you're meant to be at a meeting right n..." She trails off when she takes in my dishevelled appearance. "Hey are you alright?" She asks with tightly knit eyebrows as she takes takes several paces into the room. I clear my throat.

  
"Yes yes, sorry I was just...reminiscing." I force out as the blonde raises an eyebrow in confusion.

  
"Reminiscing? Why? What is this place? Don't think I've seen a room this extravagant before and that's really saying something." Adora asks as she examines the room in wonder. I bite back the smile that threatens to cross my lips at her admiration.

  
"This is my parents room." I voice offhandedly as I walk towards the door.

  
"Oh...OH...I'm sorry, are you...?" The blonde fumbles around uncomfortably. I shoot her a half smile as we exit the room and I close the door carefully behind me.

  
"I'm alright. I just haven't been in here since...everything happened and it hit me harder than I thought it would." I admit lowly. When I feel a hand on my shoulder I pause and before I know it I'm pulled towards the blonde for a hug. I swallow at the unexpected action and lean my head on her shoulder. "I know it's been nearly a year since it happened and I should be over it. I should be moving on..." I trail off as tears start making their way to my eyes again. "It's ridiculous. _**I'm** _being ridiculous." I whisper.

  
"Never! This isn't ridiculous at all. It takes time and you shouldn't be afraid to admit that." I release a whimper at the softly-spoken words and bury my head deeper into her shoulder.

  
"But...it shouldn't still hurt this much." I choke out as I feel Adora's arms tightening around me.

  
"I suppose it's not really a hurt that goes away. It just...gets easier to handle with time I guess." The ex-Horde soldier informs hesitantly. I snort.

  
"You sound like you talk from experience." I tease lightly as another tear drop falls off my eyelash. I feel her take in a deep breath.

  
"Not really, I mean leaving the Horde did hurt...more than I thought it would." I frown at the confession.

  
"I...didn't realise." I admit as a wave of shame washes over me.

  
"It's alright. I couldn't pinpoint the feeling myself for a while. But...change is always going to happen, sometimes for the worse but it's how we deal with it that matters. We can turn that change into a positive." Adora states wisely and I bark out a laugh.

  
"Since when did you get wise?" I joke, eliciting a chuckle from woman.

  
"I think I've spent too much time around Bow." She jokes back and I shake my head at that.

  
"Alright then, what's the positive of my mum being gone?" The words shoot out of my mouth before I can stop them. I gasp and pull back "Sorry that was..." But I trail off when Adora stretches out a hand to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear.

  
"All of Etheria and I got to see what an amazing leader you are." The rebel says simply as her eyes burn with conviction and sincerity. My eyes water at the admission and I throw my arms around her for another hug. When we finally pull back, the blonde clutches her elbow unsurely as she chews her lip.  
"Listen I'm...I'm sorry that I've been so...absent lately. All this staying back has me really antsy. And I'm sorry that got in the way of me looking out for you." Adora apologises with averted eyes. I reach out a hand to pull hers away from her elbow.

  
"I get it, but...if there's anything else bothering you, you would tell me right?" I inquire softly and watch as a range of emotions flicker across her face, the most obvious one being the confliction.

  
"I know I can come to you when I need to." The blonde dodges and I almost groan at the answer. I give her a hand a squeeze.

  
"You promise that you'd talk to me if anything was weighing you down?" I probe as the honorary Princess drops her gaze to the floor. She doesn't respond for several moments, but when she does, she lifts her head up and forces a smile to her lips.

  
"Of course." She answers in agitation. I release her hand, knowing that I won't be getting anything else from the girl any time soon, or ever.

  
"Alright. I...I should head back to that meeting." I finally say with a sigh and I'm just about to walk away when I feel a hand clutching my wrist.

  
"Wait. Glimmer." I blink, my eyes dropping to her hand before gazing back up at the unease on the rebel's face. She swallows, before digging into her pocket to pull out an earring and presses it into my hand. I blink twice before holding the trinket up to the light. _'This is one of my mother's earrings.'_ I lower my arm to gape at my friend who kicks her boot at some invisible dust.

  
"How did you get this?" I question in shock. She reaches up to rub her neck in discomfort, her irises fixed to the side.

  
"It came off when Queen Angella flew up to my sword. I picked it up and...kept it?" Adora states, her cheeks flushing slightly in embarrassment. I frown at the answer.

  
"Why did you keep it?" I ask, genuinely confused on why'd Adora would keep it rather than giving it to me. I watch as the women fumbles around as she opens and closes her mouth repeatedly.

  
"I guess I missed her? And...it reminds me of you when you're away." Adora murmurs, her voice small as she fiddles with the edge of her jacket. I stare at her with wide eyes, flabbergasted at the response until a memory jerks at my subconscious:

_"You're not the only one who misses Angella!"_

I bite the inside of my cheek, having forgotten about raising that point with her. _'Heck I hadn't even realised how much Adora...cared for her?'_ And then my mind falls on the later part of her sentence, _'she...misses me?'_ My throat goes dry at the revelation, but I must've remained silent for too long as the blonde jumps in with ramble.

"I'm sorry, I know I should've given it back to you straight away, but you were so upset and I didn't want this to trigger anything so I held onto it. But then you started wearing one and when we were fighting it helped having something to anchor me to you and aurgh this isn't sounding any better. I'll just go and erm I'm really sorry, I shouldn't have kept..." I silence her ramblings with a tight embrace, tears already coating my eyelids.

  
"Adora, that has to be the most sweetest thing I've ever heard." I utter gently and I can feel the sudden heat radiating from her face as she blushes bright red.

  
"O-oh? I thought it was creepy?" The fighter echoes out in confusion. I chuckle and lean back to hold her gaze in mine while keeping my hands on her shoulders.

  
"Yeah it's creepy, but also incredibly adorable." I tease and the teen somehow blushes deeper, but before she can retort her jacket starts beeping. She quickly fumbles into her inside pocket and pulls out a pad to find a frantic Bow on the other end.

  
"Adora where are you?! Have you found Glimmer?! I can't keep distracting these guys for much longer. One of them just threatened to have me banned from meetings! I mean can she even do that?!" Bow yells in his high-pitched voice. Adora and I share a glance before bursting into fits of laughter which if anything makes the archer more hysterical. "How on earth is this funny?! And how long has it been since you found her? Seriously have you guys been pulling me leg on purpose?!" The techmaster squeals angrily which doesn't help our laughing fit. Finally I wipe a tear from my eye and appear by Adora's side to see the screen.

  
"Sorry Bow. I'll be right there!" I voice with a grin and switch off the pad before turning my attention back to the blonde who's grin slowly eases off her face. "I've got to go, but...thank you." I murmur gratefully, earning me an embarrassed flush from the woman.

  
"Anytime. If you need to talk about your mum I'm here for you, always." Adora promises and I feel my heart swell at the warm sentiment.

  
"The same goes for you. I'm always here to talk." I reply and with a moment of indecision, I press the earring back into Adora's hand who snaps her head up as she stares at me perplexed. "You need it more than me and this way you'll always remember that I have your back." I express sincerely and blink away just as Adora tightens her hold on the trinket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well grief is hard. Again, I have no experience with that myself thank God, but I can just imagine how hard it must be. Jeez you guys are probably thinking why I'm tackling such intense subjects that I don't relate with. I think it's because I like analysing people's behaviours and expressions, I feel that it's important to be able to put yourself in other people's shoes and understand how they feel over difficult situations. Hence my attempts at doing that - I do apologise if I've portrayed it incorrectly, but I've caught glimpses of grief from my dad. That sad eyed gaze, the wistful sharing of memories, dreams, watery eyes. And that's decades later. I feel grief isn't something that goes away, the pain is always there, we just learn to manage it and over time it lessens, but it never disappears. I guess I was disappointed that s5 didn't continue that overarching grief we saw in s4 and this was my attempt to rectify that.
> 
> Anyway, there was no arguments for once! And we got more Swiftwind too! He pops in the next chapter too. Next chapter is another Glimmer's POV. Anyway, would really love to hear your thoughts guys, especially as I've flipped the coin on perspectives here. Hope everyone is well and until next time!
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	21. My Fault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glimmer discovers two unpleasant news and naturally she's not taking it well.
> 
> Also, anyone still have that image of Glimmer scribbling furiously in her diary when we first met her back in ep1? Well, I can't help but think that we never saw that again and I just know that Glimmer would continue keeping a diary, probably even more so after the portal incident as a source of outlet. This is my attempt at continuing that canon thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wasn't going to post today, but then I finished my work and well...guess I couldn't help myself XD Hope you enjoy.

**Glimmer's POV:**

**1 week later -** **Late Evening:**

  
I lay on my stomach as I scribble into my journal, part of me is still surprised that I do. _'I mean, do queens even keep journals?!'_ I purse my lips at the thought but shake my head. _'It's a good outlet, why change something that works?'_ I think with a nod as I continue writing the day's events. I bite my lip and flicker through the pages back to a week ago from when I semi-broke down in my parents' room. I shudder at the memory. _'Note to self: try to keep away from that room unless I'm emotionally prepared for a crying fit.'_ Then my eyes land on a detailed account of what Adora said after she found me. _'Quite possibly the most touching thing I've ever heard from her and since she grew up in the Horde that's saying something.'_

I purse my lips and flicker ahead, stopping at yesterday's entry. My heart drops at the reminder of our silly spat... _'well, not really a spat but more of Adora withdrawing AGAIN, me trying to reach out to her and ending with her stomping off.'_ I groan and bang my head against my pillow. _'It's like she opens up for a moment, only to close up again. She didn't used to be like that. I thought after having talked everything out we'd be in the clear, but that's obviously not the case. I can't seem to understand why.'_

I blow a strand of hair out of my face and aimlessly flick back through the journal. My eyes land on the word 'portal' and I gulp before quickly skipping through to an entry just before that incident. A soft smile tugs at my lips when I start reading, _'ah this is when I finally admitted to myself of how protective I am of Adora, how I started considering her like the sister I've never had. The day I vowed I would protect her at all costs.'_ The smile falls off my face at that thought. _'I failed so terribly. After the portal I brought her nothing but pain and hurt. I didn't protect her.'_ I think ruefully as I snap the journal shut and dig my face into the pink plush.

  
" _ **GLIMMER!**_ " I scream at the sudden shout and roll over my bed so rapidly that I find myself falling off the hanging crib. With a squeal I teleport myself to the ground, but my mind is so jumbled that I end up landing on my face with a thud.

  
"Ow." I mutter as I push myself onto my knees and rub my throbbing head. When my eyes land on Swiftwind, I widen my eyes and jump to my feet. "What's wrong?! Is it Adora?!" I shoot out in a panic, ready to teleport to the girl's room in a beat. But the horse grabs hold of my fluttering cape, stopping me in my tracks. 

  
"No! Well yes, but no its not that!" My lips part in confusion and I tilt my head to the side.

  
"What? Is she in trouble or not?" I bite my lip. "Is she spasming again?" I add as an afterthought, cringing at the possibility. But when I see the horse shaking his head I wilt back in relief, before staring the animal down in disapproval. "Then why the heck did you give me a heart attack?!" I growl out, but the animal seems to be oblivious to my annoyance as he scratches his head with his wing in unease.

  
"Well, I've been thinking really hard about what you said last week." I blink in surprise and straighten up at the words. "And I wasn't going to do anything about it." I slap my forehead.

  
"So you came barging in my room this late in the night to tell me that?" I ask with a twitching eyebrow. The horse finally seems to catch my tense undertone as he looks up with a raised eyebrow.

  
"What? Of course not. That would obviously be ridiculous!" Swiftwind quips with an eyeroll. I massage my forehead, _'sometimes I wonder how does Adora has the patience to deal with all this.'_

  
"Swiftwind, I'm sorry but if you aren't going to tell me anything important then can we please pick up this conversation tomorrow? It's been a long day and I have to get up early tomorrow." I explain and start walking back towards my floating crib until I feel a wing on my shoulder.

  
"That's what I'm just about to get to! Jeez you're so impatient, no wonder why Adora wants to leave." The horse mutters and I freeze at that statement. Slowly I twist round to face the animal again and stare at him through disbelieving eyes.

  
"What did you say?" I whisper lowly, earning a grunt from the stead.

  
"Adora's thinking to leave Brightmoon." The horse repeats. In a flash I'm in front of the animal, shaking him violently.

  
"What do you mean she's thinking to leave?! Why on earth would she do that?! Where would she go?!" I fire out rapidly as my eyes shift frantically at the revelation.

  
"Woah slow down your majesty and let me explain." I clamp my mouth shut and motion for the horse to continue. "As I was saying, I wasn't going to mention anything about the thing I promised Adora, but then earlier today she came by for our usual chat. She was really down, well she's been down for a while, but that's not the point! She started getting this crazy idea that you guys don't need her anymore and that she's just getting in the way. So she thought it was best to leave to some remote town. I tried talking her out of it but she just became more convinced that this was the right idea. But she didn't tell me when. Oh gosh I hope she hasn't already left!" Swiftwind suddenly yells in alert.

My jaw drops. I raise my forefinger and teleport to Adora's room without a further word to find her in bed, asleep. Her chest heaving up and down as she subconsciously digs her hand further underneath her pillow. My shoulders sag at the sight and after lingering a moment longer to convince myself that Adora isn't going to disappear before my eyes, I teleport back to my room to find an impatient horse.

"Well?!" He voices and I shake my head.

  
"She's still in her room, asleep." I comment before crossing my arms. "Would you mind telling me what's going on? Why on earth would she want to leave? She's still recovering and once her leg is all healed up she'll be back on the battlefield in no time." I state. "Even if it is taking way longer than it should." I mutter under my breath, but I forget how keen of a hearer horses are when he ducks his head.

  
"That's...that's the thing I promised Adora I wouldn't say." The stead comments quietly. I frown, trying to figure it out myself, until it hits me like a bulldozer.

  
"Wait, Adora doesn't think she'll get better?" I echo out in disbelief. In a moment of rarity, Swiftwind is unable to meet my eyes.

  
"She doesn't think...she _**knows**_." I shake my head, still confused.

  
"I don't get it, how would she know that? Heck even the doctors don't know how long this will take." I mutter, watching the animal carefully as he lightly stomps his hoof in agitation. Finally he lifts his eyes to me, a deep pain rooted within those blue-purple orbs.

  
"The doctors have been lying." The revelation hits me harder than I thought it would as I stumble several paces back in disbelief.

  
"No way. They can't have. How would Adora even know that?" I demand as my eyes move from side to side at the implications, though part of me still refuses to believe it.

  
"She sneaked into the doctor's office a couple of months ago because she was fed up of waiting to hear something from them. The office happened to be empty when she went in, so she looked for her notes and...it said that the damage is permanent. There's...there's no fixing it. They've been keeping everyone in the dark about it in the hopes she'd heal since the whole situation is very new to them, but they're giving up and have decided to inform everyone." At this, my knees buckle underneath me and my shins hit the ground with a thud as I stare blankly ahead of me. "Adora wanted to leave before you found it." Swiftwind adds quietly. It serves as a sucker punch, winding me completely as I wrap my arms around my abdomen, trying to breathe.

  
"No...no...no this can't be right. This can't be my fault. She can't be like-like that for the rest of her life! She can't!" I tumble out incoherently as I rock myself back and forth. I hear the sound of nearing hooves but I pay it no mind as my mind races at all the possibilities. _'So Adora has known for months and never told us, never told **me**. She's been leaving it to fester and now she wants to leave without telling us, without us having a say in the matter?! But this is my fault. She's like this because of me. If she didn't jump in the way for me then she would still be fine, she would still be fighting and be She-ra and be happy! No wonder why she didn't tell me, she must be furious, no cross that, she must hate me. No wonder everything between us is a mess!'_

  
"Er Glimmer?" I don't respond, shuddering at the onslaught of mental accusations. "Glimmer!" I duck my head down. _'This is all my fault!'_ My throat becomes tight. "GLIMMER!" A loud slap reverberates the room and after a second I lift my hand up to my sore cheek, staring up at the horse in a daze. "Oh my gosh I'm so sorry, but you weren't responding and then you were making these sounds and it was really starting to scare me." My eyes remain fixed on him, blank. "Glimmer please say something!" The horse shouts and I hold my biceps tightly as tears leak out from the corner of my eyes.

  
"This...this is all my fault. And now I'm going to lose another piece of my family." I whimper. The air becomes increasingly thin and I have to put a hand to my head to control the sudden bout of light-headedness, but it doesn't do any good.

  
" _ **Glimmer!**_ Oh my gosh I shouldn't have said anything! Glimmer, stay with me! What do I do?! What do I do?! I'm getting help, just stay right here!" The horse announces. But his words wash over me as I become more and more faint. With a groan the world goes black.

When I next awaken I find myself in another room with someone clutching my hand tightly. I squint, a splitting headache stopping me from taking in my surroundings fully. A moment later Adora appears in my line of sight, deep concern etched into her feature as she presses her lips tightly together and her forehead is pinched with stress lines. But when she sees me looking up at her, her shoulders instantly sag.

  
"Oh thank the stars you're awake." She breathes out before turning to look behind her. "Bow, she's awake!" I hear a set of rushing feet before my childhood friend hovers over me, his face pale until he scans me and takes my other hand.

"Oh my gosh Glimmer are you ok? Swiftwind said you passed out but he wouldn't tell us what happened." Bow explains as he gazes worriedly at me. I groan as everything hits me like a ton of rocks, and I just about able to supress a shudder.

  
"Aurgh sorry I must've passed out. How long have I been out for?" I ask, my eyes drifting to the window to find it still dark outside.

  
"Maybe 20 minutes or so? Swiftwind barged into my room and then I dragged Bow out of bed because I'm terrible with all this medical stuff." Adora explains, her face paling slightly at the memory. I'm just about to respond when the archer quickly butts in.

  
"What happened?! You never faint...well, unless you forget to charge your powers, but that's different now." Bow asks as he watches me intensely. I gulp, but I'm saved by the blonde.

  
"Maybe we should let Glimmer rest and then she can talk to us in the morning when she's better?" The Princess suggests, I observe as the techmaster opens and closes his mouth several times before nodding reluctantly.

  
"Alright. I'll see you tomorrow Glimmer." My childhood friend bids as he bends down to wrap me into a warm hug before exiting the room with a worried wave, leaving just Adora and I. Its only then do I realise that our hands are still joined. I bite the inside of my cheek before looking up at the frowning woman.

  
"I'm ok now Adora. You can go back to your room." I urge quietly, until the rebel lifts up her free hand to rub against her neck nervously.

  
"Erm this is my room?" The honorary Princess points out and as my head snaps around the room to survey the surroundings I find she's right. I flush in embarrassment when I realise I'm also taking up her bed.

  
"Oh...you brought me in here then?" I deduce in slight surprise as the woman drops her hand back to her lap.

  
"Yeah, I couldn't carry you up to your bed so I just brought you in here...I hope that was alright?" She questions hesitantly. I swallow before nodding vigorously.

  
"Oh yeah of course. Thank you. I was just surprised." I murmur softly and then with a sigh I pull back the covers ready to head to my own bed until I feel a hand on my shoulder.

  
"You shouldn't be moving. Sleep here for the night." Adora commands seriously. I gape at her. _'I haven't slept in her bed since...since I found out she cuts herself.'_ I nearly shiver at the reminder.

  
"I...are you sure?" I ask unsurely.

  
"Of course. It will be just like before." The blonde voices smoothly and as if to prove her point. She releases her hold on my hand as she gets up and walks over to the other side to open up the bed into a double.

I pursue my lips. _'Ok, so she doesn't realise I haven't shared a bed with her since I found out she cuts herself and she doesn't realise that I know...everything.'_ I swallow thickly before taking a deep breath. _'No problem, I can totally pretend nothing is wrong...or should I? Shouldn't I discuss this with her?!'_ I bite my lip in deliberation.

"All done!" The rebel announces, admiring her handiwork for a moment before taking a seat on the bed beside me. I watch as she lies down, her head hitting the pillow, but her eyes remain opened. I force my gaze away from her and opt to stare up at the ceiling. _'How can I sleep when I know what I know?'_

  
"Glimmer." I swallow and glance at the blonde, making it clear that I heard her. "Are you...feeling better? I mean, should I get a doctor or something?" The soldier asks quietly.

  
"I'm..." I pause, _'saying yes would be the biggest lie of the century because I feel anything but better.'_ I lick my suddenly dry lips, my gaze returning back to the ceiling. "I don't need a doctor. It was just a faint. No big deal." I dodge. _'The only thing I need is you by my side.'_ I think sombrely. Adora doesn't respond for several moments and when she does it's with a heavy sigh.

  
"Alright." She whispers before switching off the bedside lamp and plunging the room into darkness.

My heart beats rapidly as the sudden gloom sends a shiver of stifling loneliness and crippling fear of abandonment through me. I swallow again and take a quick glimpse to my right to find Adora's eyes already closed with one hand resting over her chest. The temptation to grab the appendage is overwhelming, but part of me holds back, worried I'll appear too needy or even worse - push her further away from me. I force my eyes away, but my heart rate isn't easing. I clamp my eyelids shut, but if anything that makes everything ten times worse. With a sigh a re-open them, but almost jump when I find Adora's face hovering inches away from mine, her eyebrows scrunched together tightly.

  
"Hey, are you alright? I can hear your breathing from here." I roll my eyes and nudge her elbow.

  
"I'm right next to you!" I exclaim, eliciting a tug from the blonde's lips as she leans back.

  
"True, but you seem...tense." The rebel says at last, her eyes skirting from mine.

"I'm fine." I state, falling into old habits, but surprisingly the blonde doesn't point it out. She scrutinises me for a moment longer before lying back down.

  
"Well, if you insist. Goodnight." She bids, her eyes fluttering to a close once more. I clench my teeth briefly before finally reaching up a hand to grasp hers, prompting the woman to snap open her eyes and throw me a questioning look. I gulp.

  
"I just...I need you here." I voice quietly. A range of emotions flicker through her blue orbs before nodding. I wilt in relief and now with that physical attachment grounding me, I finally feel my heavy eyelids come to a close. Even the shifting sounds beside me aren't enough to make me open them and nor is the arm that slips around my shoulders to pull me closer to a solid warm body. I bury my head into the blonde's neck, needing that reassurance that she's still here, that she won't leave me. And with that thought I finally drift off.

The next morning I wake up with a start when my hand finds the space beside me empty. My eyes fling open to find the right side of the room empty.

  
"Adora?" I call out, my voice wobbling much more than I would've liked.

  
"Here Glimmer." I roll over to find the blonde sitting on the couch by the window, her knee bouncing up and down nervously. The tension along my shoulders ease at the sight of her. I push the covers back slightly and rub the sleep dust out of my eyes. When I look up again, I find a pair of uneasy blue eyes on me. "What happened last night?" She finally asks after an age of staring. I bite the inside of my cheek and glance to the side.

  
"I told you. I fainted." I say, repeating the words from last night.

  
"I know you fainted, but why?" The blonde probes. I return my gaze to the girl, my eyes hardening.

  
"We're under a lot of stress! It's not unusual to feel a little lightheaded from it all." I snap defensively, ' _especially since you make up a sizeable portion of my stress levels.'_ I think acidly. But then she opens her mouth to say the last thing I expected.

  
"I know Swiftwind told you." Adora states, looking me directly in the eye. I gape at her.

  
"What? How?!" I voice loudly.

  
"He told me last night. Before I went to fetch Bow." My jaw drops at her answer and I swing my legs off the bed until they're dangling over the edge.

  
"You knew this entire time what was bothering me and you didn't bring it up?!" I question ludicrously, my purple orbs flashing in anger.

  
"For goodness sake Glimmer, you were proper passed out when I found you! Excuse me for thinking it was better you had some rest before we talked about it!" The blonde grates out in frustration. I clench my teeth and push myself up onto my feet, the action shoots a dull ache to my temples, but I ignore it.

  
"Do you have any idea how scared I was when Swiftwind told me that?! Actually scratch that, why on earth do you think this idea is anything but ok?!" I holler as fear mixes with my anger in some terrible fray of rage. I watch as the princess narrows her eyes at me before throwing an arm out in front of her.

  
"This is exactly why I didn't tell you, because you'll act like this!" She snaps.

  
"Oh, so you were planning to take off one night without telling us?!" I accuse, crossing my arms roughly. And when she opens her mouth, I shoot down her next words. "And leaving a note does not count." I growl out, prompting the woman to snap her jaws closed once more. She turns her head to the side, her sharp jawline throbs silently.

  
"It would've been better than dealing with this." Adora mutters. The admission strikes a punch right in the gut. My lip wobbles as I try to conceal my emotions, but the fact that she would prefer to avoid me hurts even more than her wanting to run away. I spin on my heels, giving the blonde my back when I feel a tear making its way down my cheek. I hear movements behind me, but I refuse to meet those pale blue irises. "Glimmer..." She trails off.

  
"Don't say anything, just _**don't**_." I order, my voice cracking towards the end.

  
"Glimmer, I have to go. The alliance doesn't need me anymore." Adora explains quietly. The words nearly push me into pulling my hair out. I round on the woman in a flash of anger.

  
"Why can't you understand that this isn't about the alliance?! It _**never** _has been!" I screech to the top of my lungs, rendering the blonde speechless as she stares at me with wide eyes. I drop my eyes to the ground. "This is about you and...what you mean to me." I whisper chokingly. "You're my best friend Adora. But you've become more than that. You're my family. Don't...don't let me lose that again." I admit with a shudder. The silence that pierces the air is deafening. Eventually, I feel a gentle finger hooking underneath my chin and tilting my head up. My eyes lock on a pair of watery blue eyes.

  
"Glimmer, I-I didn't realise...I'm so sorry..." Adora voices haltingly as she draws me in for a tight embrace. "I'm...I'm not going anywhere ok? I'll stay right here...with you." The blonde continues as I lift my shaky arms to reciprocate the hug.

  
"Promise?" I whisper, prompting the rebel to tighten her hold around me.

  
"I promise." A whimper escapes between my lips at this and I bury my head into her chest.

  
"I was so scared you'd leave me." I express with a tremble.

  
"I'm sorry. It was a dumb thing to consider." The blonde voices regretfully. I don't answer, silently agreeing with that statement. After a while, I finally say what's been weighing me down.

  
"Adora I'm so so..." I start, but the princesses quickly shuts me down.

  
" _ **Don't**_." She orders.

  
"But this is all my f..." Again she cuts me off.

  
"I said don't!" She repeats firmly.

  
"But...!" I start again, feeling frustrated.

  
" _ **Glimmer** **!**_ " I snap my jaws to a close at her tone. "I don't want to hear it. Can we just, move on?" Confliction flickers through me at the request, but when I lift up my head to stare in Adora's face, I know I can't resist.

  
"Fine." I utter reluctantly as the blonde releases her hold around me and claps her hands together as if we've reached a mutual agreement.

  
"Glad that's settled. Now why don't we go and get some breakfast?" The ex-Horde soldier suggests. Numbly, I nod my head and together we head towards the dining hall, but my thoughts remain troubled.

  
Over the next few days and weeks, you could say that I've gained an unhealthy obsession in making sure that I know where Adora is at all times. Granted, I can tell that it's starting to grate even on her nerves, but I can't help it. Knowing that she was about to walk out on us, terrified me more than I'd like to admit. But after the fifth time she caught me teleporting into her room at night to make sure she's still there, she demanded I trust her and to not enter her room unless I knock outside.

So here I am on my bed, lying on my stomach with my journal out in front of me as I nervously chew the end of my pen. I sigh. _'Adora doesn't even want to talk about the whole never being able to fight again drama. She shuts me down every time I try and it's infuriating! Why can't we talk about it?! Why can't I say how sorry I am that this is all my fault?'_ I feel my eyes watering at the thought, _'This really is my fault. I kept pushing the thought to one side, but that doesn't change the truth. The truth of me being the reason that Adora is....handicapped.'_ I clench my teeth as waves of self-loathing roll off me and suddenly I find myself writing frantically.

  
_Dear Journal,_

  
_Do you ever sometimes think about what would've happened if you didn't meet certain people in your life? Do you wonder what course life would've taken if things had been different? If I didn't meet a certain blonde, where would I be? A bucket less of stress that's for sure._

_Do you ever wonder how is it possible for someone to drive you so far up the wall that you're shocked at how much you still care about them, despite everything they put you through, all the pain, anguish and sadness. Do you wonder if maybe sometimes it was better not to know certain people? How different things would be? Mum would still be around. The alliance wouldn't be here. Perhaps the war would still be continuing, no one winning, but at least no one losing._

_Do you sometimes regret your decisions and actions? Do you lie awake at night, contemplating how royally you screwed up in every sense of the word? Or are you silent and still? Taking the world in its stride and facing whatever comes your way. I wish I could be like that. But sometimes things happen and I can't help but look back to see where it all began._

_With a certain blonde who tipped my world onto it's knees. This girl I care about, more than life itself, who I'd give anything to and do anything for. Yet still I wonder, what would it have been like to have never met Adora? Would I have been happier? Or blissfully unaware? Or would I have continued to live a lie within the walls of this place I call home? I'll never know. And maybe...maybe that's not so bad._

I stare hard at the last line, before crossing it out. I groan and close the book, dropping the pen to the side and grabbing a nearby pillow to smother tightly, yet feeling strangely lighter after writing my thoughts and sleep that night comes relatively easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guilt or regret are some very powerful emotions, dare I say it? It may rival even love itself.  
> Right, so we finally got to the point of the story where we address that question in the story summary. It's a big question for sure and I'll spend the next several chapters focussing on it, sometimes it will be subtle, other times it will be more glaringly obvious. 
> 
> If anyone is interested, Glimmer's fainting was due to hyperventilation. Hyperventilation is when you're breathing out too much CO2, making your acid levels drop and your oxygen doesn't have enough time to be exchanged with your CO2 in the lungs and therefore you aren't getting enough oxygen to your brain. This causes you to pass out in the body's attempt to stop you from hyperventilating and return your breathing back to normal.
> 
> Please don't judge Glimmer heh - I'm pretty sure everyone has had that thought cross their mind at least once.
> 
> Next chapter we return back to Adora's POV, but from here on out you'll be getting a mix of the two, rather than solely sticking to the same one for several chapters. In the next chapter I've come up with this really whacky crazy idea (that's definitely not canon), but I don't know, it's kind of cool? Or strange? Erm, I'll let you guys be the judge of it.
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	22. A Passage & A Connection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora's doubts over how much Glimmer cares about her starts to creep in. While she stays back from yet another mission, she makes a startling discovery and tries to figure out what it means.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took longer than usual to get out, trying to balance studies and other life duties is hard. Had a migraine this morning too which is always great :P Tried focussing on my revision but editing this chapter took less brain power and hence here it is XD Thank you again to everyone who left comments and kudos, never fails to make me smile :)
> 
> Right, so we've got my crazy wacky idea here - it does have some substance for me to build the story, so it's not entirely random. But anyone ever wondered if maybe, just maybe, the runestones could do a little more than just give the respective princesses their powers? Well, especially the Moonstone since that appears to be the most important one of the lot. Well, I'll stop rambling and leave you to read, but let me know what you think. Maybe it's too far-fetched, but then again we have flying horses so maybe not XD Enjoy.

  
**Adora's POV:**

**Next Morning:**

  
I grumble incoherently as I make my way to Glimmer's room. _'I don't see why Bow couldn't go and wake up Glimmer himself. It's enough that she's being extra clingy than usual, which I usually wouldn't mind, but I hate the feeling that she doesn't trust me anymore. She thinks I'm just going to up and disappear one day. Which, ok I **was** going to do, but it's like she doesn't believe in my promise, which lowkey hurts.'_ I take in a deep breath and knock on the queen's door, but I'm met with a series of quiet snores. I shake my head fondly and open the door. _'Usually she'd be up by now, but since we decided for a much needed day-off I guess she's catching up on some sleep.'_ I look up at her floating crib, eyeing the stairs before sighing.

  
"Glimmer, wake up! Bow wants to have breakfast altogether." I holler up. I might've been too loud as I'm suddenly hit with a rain of objects flying off the bed. First a pen, then a slim book hits me square in the face before a pillow follows suit and suddenly Glimmer falling off. Fortunately she remembers she has powers and uses them in the last second as she hits the ground with a soft thud. I rub my forehead, trying to ease the dull ache left there by that journal.

  
"Jeez Adora, do you not know how to wake someone up without giving them a heart attack?" The queen complains as she rubs her elbow. I roll my eyes.

  
"That's how we were woken up in the Horde. Although we did have clunky cymbals to accompany the holler. Besides, don't you know how to wake up without throwing a rainstorm down here. That book is hard!" I complain as I stoop down to pick up the pen and opened book. I frown at the familiar swirly handwriting. I blink and look over to the purple head.

  
"Wait, you keep a diary?" I tease. The words elicit a wide eye expression from the teen before she teleports to my side, plucking the book out of my hands.

  
"It's not a diary! Its a journal." She explains seriously. I raise an amused eyebrow.

  
"As in a book where you write your deepest darkest thoughts and secrets? Yeah I'm pretty sure that's a diary." I recall with a smirk as the queen snatches the pen from my other hand.

  
"How do you know what a diary is and not what an aunt is?" Glimmer asks incredulously. I flush and rub my forearm in embarrassment.

  
"I may have kept a logbook when I was in the Horde." I admit with red cheeks which elicits a chuckle from teen.

  
"Well, now _**that** _I didn't expect." The purple head jokes as she holds the journal to her chest.

  
"Everyone kept logbooks! It was for training purposes." I explain with a pout, but Glimmer's eyes twinkle with a knowing look. I hunch my shoulders up. "I may have used it to write...other things." I begrudgingly add as the teen's grin widens. "Let's just go get breakfast." I grumble when the purple head continues gazing at me with that smug face of hers.

  
"Suits me." The teen answers smoothly before teleporting up to her bed. She appears in front of me two seconds later, empty-handed. My eyebrows furrow in thought as we start walking towards the dining hall.

  
"Glimmer..." I start, but the queen cuts me off before I can get far.

  
"No, you can't know what I was writing." She states bluntly. I snap my jaws closed.

  
"Yeah, ok." I reply in discomfort, shooting her several sheepish glances when she doesn't respond. She catches me on the fourth time and with a sigh she allows her hand to brush against mine, before taking hold of it.

  
"Come on, why don't I teleport us to the dining hall before Bow finishes all those strawberry puff pastries." Glimmer suggests and with a smile I murmur my agreement.

That night, I lie in bed awake, staring up at the ceiling in thought. _'I wonder what Glimmer writes in that journal. I wonder how much of it consists of me.'_ Biting my lip, I shake my head vigorously. _'No! I shouldn't even be thinking of this. That's Glimmer's private thoughts and feelings. I'd hate if someone went digging through my personal things. But...maybe I'd finally be able to understand her, in a way that she never makes clear to me. Knowing her insecurities might help me comprehend everything. And maybe I'll finally know the truth of what she really thinks about me. I mean, I know she said that I'm her family, but a part of me doubts that. Why would she want me as part of her family? All I've done is make things worse. If I could read what she's written, then I'd finally believe it because she's obviously not going to lie in her own diary.'_

I roll over to my side. _'I need to know what she really thinks about me.'_ Until suddenly another internal voice cuts through my thoughts. _'What makes you think she's even writing about you? For all you know it could be just as impersonal as the Horde logbook.'_ I purse my lips at this, having not considering that possibility. But my mind flashes to the image of this morning, how Glimmer snatched the book out of my hands and how she hugged it close to her chest. My mind becomes set. _'No, Glimmer was scared that I'd read something from it. She wouldn't be like that if there wasn't something she's hiding from me or something she's written about me.'_

I roll onto my stomach, finally finding a comfy position. _'It doesn't matter anyway.'_ I think sombrely. _'I'd never betray Glimmer's trust like that. I'd never forgive myself and I don't think she would either. I guess, I just have to believe Glimmer when she says I'm that important to her. Even....even when I think she's only keeping me around out of guilt.'_ I exhale deeply. _'There, I said it. I'm not needed anymore. Why doesn't she let me go? Because she considers me as part of her family...really?'_ I groan.

 _'Aurgh why do I find that so hard to believe?! She actually fainted from how stressed she was about me leaving...or did she faint because she found out that she's the reason why I'll never fight again? That's why I shut her down every time she tires to bring it up, because I don't want to know. Part of me wants to pretend that she fainted because she didn't want me to leave, but the larger part of me believes its because of her guilt. And trust me, I know just how badly guilt can consume you whole. My guilt over Angella is still so immense that it **still** hurts to think about it, even worse whenever I remember catching Glimmer's tear-stained face and bloodshot eyes inside her parents' room.'_ I feel a stab in my chest and a tingle in my leg and I quickly force my raging thoughts to a halt. _'Ok, enough thinking.'_ I tell myself silently and eventually I find myself drifting off.

**Next day:**

  
I watch mournfully as the alliance prepares themselves for another mission. This is the first mission that the queen is going on since she found out the truth about my leg. She said she stayed back from the previous ones because they weren't important or dangerous, but I know she only really stayed back out of guilt, knowing that I'll never be out in the field again. But this mission is a big one. The Horde's finally taken up using their cannons and its been wrecking destruction on the surrounding villages. The spellcaster guild is on their way to set up a forcefield, but they need extra arms to wrestle out the Horde occupants and in case they decide to fire the cannons again. I bite my lip at that thought.

The queen surveys the room, ensuring the princesses are stocking up on needed supplies, before her purple orbs land on me. A wave of shame washes over her as she averts her gaze and busies herself with the first aid box beside her. I exhale slowly, _'yep, **definitely** still guilty.'_ Spinning on my heels, I decide maybe its best that I don't watch them leave and I exit the room. I hear a hesitant footstep behind me, but it retreats a few seconds later and I don't bother to turn around because really there's nothing to say to the purple head anyway. I make my way outside and after a moment of indecision I get Swiftwind to fly me up to the runestone of Brightmoon where I watch the group leaving the castle. My two best friends lag behind the rest and my throat nearly catches when Glimmer turns her head regretfully back towards the castle. I swear our eyes lock for a moment before she abruptly swivels her head back in front of her, hunching her shoulders up as she walks further and further away until she and everyone else are out of sight completely. I sigh, holding tightly onto the impressive architectural structure that surrounds the runestone.

  
"Hey Adora, are you doing alright?" My stead asks and I half turn my head to glance at the horse.

  
"Why do you ask that?" I question.

  
"Well, you're more down than usual. I mean you tend to be down when everyone goes off to missions, but this time you're even more blue." Swiftwind points out and I breathe out heavily, hating how transparent I am.

  
"I'm just worried. It's the first time they're actually dealing with those cannons and I'm not there to protect them." I answer in a half truth. I hear the horse trotting until he stands beside me.

  
"I'm sure they'll be fine. They've learnt from...past experiences and they'll be stronger than ever." The horse claims. I bite my lip.

  
"Yeah. You're right." I answer, despite finding it difficult to believe, as I continue staring agitatedly ahead.

  
"Hey! Why don't we go and see what the royal guards are up to? Oh or we could visit a nearby town, share some rebellion spirit!" My stead suggests enthusiastically, but I shake my head.

  
"I'm going to stay here..." I trail off when I notice the disappointment in the horse's eyes. "But hey! You can go and give Elberon a visit! I'm sure they'd love to see you." I add with an encouraging smile.

  
"They'd love to see you too, we're a package deal remember?" Swiftwind points out and I turn my head away slightly.

  
"They'd love to see She-ra and I'm not She-ra any more." I explain, the words hurting me more than I realised it would.

  
"That's crazy! You're still She-ra and you can still turn into She-ra. Just because you aren't fighting, doesn't mean you stop being her." I sigh at Swiftwind's attempt to cheer me up.

  
"But that's what she stood for. Protecting and fighting for the sake of the rebellion. Now that she can't do that I might as well not even have the sword." I whisper softly, my gaze dropping to the long golden bracelet that covers my wrist.

  
"Adora you're being too hard on yourself. You can still do everything she can, like super strength and healing...oh my gosh you can heal! Why don't you...?!" I shake my head again at Swifty's excited squeal.

  
"Don't you think that was the first thing I tried when I found out? I...it doesn't work. Not on myself anyway. I can heal every other single person or thing, but for the love of Grayskull I _**can't** _fix myself." I spit out bitterly as I take a seat on the ledge of the tall building and allow one leg to dangle off the edge.

  
"Adora..." I hear the pity in his voice and my stomach clenches tightly. I turn my head 45 degrees, so that he can see the side of my face.

  
"Why don't you go off? Tell the people of Elberon that I say hi." I say, changing the subject. He doesn't answer for several moments.

  
"Alright. Are you going to stay up here?" The corner of my lips twitch upwards at his acceptance of my decision. I turn back to look ahead of me, admiring the scenery.

  
"Yeah. The view is pretty amazing." I answer with a fond smile.

  
"You'll be ok? I can keep you company if you want." The horse questions unsurely.

  
"I'll be fine. Go ahead. You're wasting daylight." I encourage and after a second of silence, I hear his wings flapping and watch as he flies overhead and soon disappears into the distance. I slouch once he's gone, realising that I've just left myself completely alone. _'well, not completely.'_ A small voice sounds as Shadow Weaver flashes through my mind's eye. I shiver. _'Yeah no, better to be alone if that's the alternative.'_ I think distastefully.

With a sigh, I push myself off the ledge and turn my attention to the large stunning floating stone. My eyes drop to the recharging bed beside it and I bite my lip as memories hit me one by one. The day when we returned from the Fright Zone after our disastrous rescue plan. Glimmer coming here to recharge and trying to downplay everything. _'At least those times were simpler than now. Just trying to dodge Angella's interrogation.'_ A pang resonates deep within me and I swallow, remembering that this was where I told Glimmer...I wrap my arms around me as if it could protect me from the image of the princess' utterly crushed expression.

I turn my back to the recharging table as the urge to leave becomes too strong. Just as I walk past the runestone however, something makes me pause. I stare hard at the shiny surface, my reflection is surprisingly blurred. Hesitantly I raise a hand. _'If only you can heal me like you did with Glimmer's glitching episode.'_ I think sadly and finally I press a cautious palm against the cool surface. However, the moment my hand makes contact, a range of emotions and images strike me. I gasp as I see the princesses and Bow fighting. I hear a sudden sharp intake of breath and then a simple confused thought echoes amongst the images.

  
_' **Adora?!** '_ I leap several paces backwards, putting a halt to the vision and sounds as I stare at the stone with wide eyes.

  
_'What on earth just happened?!'_ I look down at my hand. It still tingles from the connection. I clench it before allowing it to drop by my side. _'Did...did I just see through Glimmer's eyes?!'_ I shake my head, _'No that's ridiculous and I'm pretty sure not possible.'_ I reason with myself until another voice echoes in my mind. _'You thought Etheria was the only planet until recently.'_ I bite the inside of my cheek, half-tempted to try a second time, just to make sure I haven't gone stir crazy.

But I banish the thought almost immediately. _'If I did connect with Glimmer then I've probably completely distracted the girl. Oh gosh I hope I haven't spooked her out...that's if what happened, really did happen.'_ I bite my lip, the urge to leave no longer so prominent and I take a seat on the ground, crossing my legs as I sit in front of the stone in thought. I reach into my jacket for an old First one book given to me by Bow and flick through the pages until I reach the section about all the runestones on the planet. The characteristics of each one is written in faded writing, a lot hard to make out.

I squint several times and with an exhale I pull out a pen and start tracing over the letters to make it clearer. I remain here for the remainder of the day, forgetting about lunch and dinner as I carefully study the words in the book. I bite the end of my pen, my eyes glued to the word psychic connection under the Brightmoon stone. _'So I **wasn't** crazy? Can everyone do that? Or is it just the princesses?'_ I purse my lips, _'But I wasn't She-ra when I touched it. Unless it just knows, like the sword did?'_

I scratch my head before dropping the pen to the centre of the book that lies on my lap. _'Aurgh why is all of this magic and Princess stuff so complicated! It was much easier being a soldier.'_ I grumble internally as I pick up the book again and stare at the faded drawing of the stone, a near exact replica. I tilt my head, something about the drawing seems...off? But before I can figure out what, the familiar whirring sound echoes to my right. I drop the book back to my lap when I see Glimmer appearing a metre away from me, her hand on her hip as she frowns at me with an unreadable expression.

  
"I was looking all over for you! Have you seriously been here the whole day?" The queen exclaims as her eyes sweep over her surroundings, as if looking for something out of place. I raise an eyebrow at her.

  
"How do you know I was here all day?" I ask, wanting to find out if she really did see me when she was looking back at the castle this morning. The teen looks at me with a mixture of surprise and embarrassment.

  
"I...I caught a glimpse of you up here before we left." She answers in discomfort, shifting her stance slightly, as to put more weight on her left leg. I shake my head and return my attention back to the book.

  
"I told you to _**stop** _feeling guilty." I retort, my tone hard as I keep my eyes off her. She doesn't reply for several moments.

  
"Let's not talk about that right now. Actually, I wanted to ask you something." Glimmer voices hesitantly. The cogs in my brain start whirling, _'is she going to ask about...?'_ I don't reply, waiting for her to continue. "I...while I was fighting something really...strange happened. I don't know how to say it because it sounds ridiculous." The purple head chuckles nervously while rubbing the back of her neck. I chew the bottom of my lip, lifting my head up to meet her gaze. "For a brief moment I sort of, well sensed you I guess?" My jaw slackens at the admittance. _'So that **really** happened?! I **wasn't** hallucinating?!'_ I think, subconsciously gawking at the queen who grows more self-conscious. "I know it's ridiculous." She continues when I don't say anything, as she clutches her elbow. I blink, suddenly realising that I should say something.

  
"No! I mean, I...I touched the stone and I think I ended up seeing things through your eyes. It was so weird, so I've kind of been hanging around here to try and work out what it meant." I express truthfully and this time it's Glimmer's turn to gawk at me.

  
"What?! I thought maybe it was my mind playing tricks on me, but...how is that even possible?! If-if anyone can touch my runestone will the same thing happen?" The queen questions with wide eyes. I shrug helplessly.

  
"I have no idea. Maybe we should get Bow and one of the princesses to give it a try?" I suggest. A thoughtful look crosses the teen's face before she walks up to me and pulls me up to my feet.

  
"Do it again." She orders and I stare at her with boggled eyes.

  
" _ **Now?!**_ Are you sure?" I ask hesitantly. In response the queen drags me over to the runestone before looking at me expectantly. My eyes flicker between her and the crystal and with a deep breath I stretch my hand out until I once again come in contact with the cool surface. The instant I touch it, my mind is flooded with a different perspective. I see myself making contact with the stone and I hear Glimmer's frantic jumbled mind. I instantly tear my hand away, equally as freaked out as I was last time. Again my palm tingles and once it stops I finally tear away my gaze from the runestone to look at the queen who gapes at me. Her hands snap up to her hair, clutching the sides of her head in shock.

  
"What on earth?! It's like I could hear your thoughts!" She babbles, before dropping her arms down to wrap them around herself insecurely.

  
"I don't know! I-I could hear your thoughts too." I admit. I watch as she bites her lip before dropping her arms to her sides.

  
"I'll be right back." The queen suddenly says and disappears before I have the chance to question her. I stare at the spot she was in, wondering where on earth she went to. It's less than 3 minutes later when she re-appears with Bow, Mermista and Perfuma. The three of whom cast confused glances to one another. _'Oh, she's going to see if that happens with everyone.'_

  
"Glimmer, are you going to explain why you yanked the three of us here?" The archer asks with furrowed eyebrows.

  
"I will. But first can you go and put your hand against the Moonstone?" The queen requests. Bow's eyes bulge at the absurd command.

  
"What?! Why?" The techmaster questions with slack jaws.

  
"Bow!" The teen groans out in exasperation. The archer purses his lips before he turns towards the growing crystal, his eyes fall on me and he raises a questioning eyebrow as if to ask 'do you have any idea what's going on?' I shoot him an uneasy smile and motion for him to do as our best friend says. With a sigh, he stretches out a hand and places it on the stone. I scan his reaction carefully, but he doesn't seem shocked or anything. My gaze flickers to the queen who purses her lips.

  
"Mermista, can you do the same please?" The queen commands, earning a shallow groan from the water princess as she does likewise, but again, no violent reaction from either her or the purple head. "Perfuma." Glimmer voices simply and the flower princess follows suit, again nothing. A frown makes its way across my forehead. _'So that only happens with me?'_ I think in surprise.

  
"Glimmer what's going on?!" Bow demands as the queen grabs hold of his forearm and the other two princesses by the hands.

  
"I'll tell you later." She mumbles and teleports everyone away. I scratch my head and sit back on the ground, _'the book never mentioned anything about She-ra being the only one to have a psychic connection.'_ I flick through the pages again to re-read that sentence. 'Ability: psychic connection.' I groan, _'yeah real helpful book.'_ I think in frustration. When I feel a sudden weight on my shoulder, I almost jump back until I catch sight of the queen kneeling beside me.

  
"Erm." I start, trying to break the suddenly stiff air.

  
"So it looks like you're the only one that can do...whatever that is." Glimmer finally says, her purple orbs unreadable as she gazes at me.

  
"Maybe it's a She-ra thing?" I suggest, but the teen doesn't seem convinced.

  
"Maybe...does that mean you can do that with the other runestones?" She asks after a moment of contemplation, but I shake my head.

  
"No, only the Moonstone has the ability of psychic connection. Or at least that's what this book says." I answer, sounding more sure than I actually feel. At my mention, the teen's irises drop to the book in my lap and she reaches a hand for it.

  
"Where did you get this?" Glimmer inquires as she lifts the novel to eye-level for inspection.

  
"Bow gave it to me, said I might find it interesting." I answer with a shrug.

  
"Where does it say the Moonstone can have psychic powers?" The purple head asks as she squints at the small writing. I lean over her shoulder and taking her hand, I move it down until her finger points at the sentence. As soon as I do that however, the page starts glowing pink and turquoise. I gape and hastily withdraw my hand. However, just as I do so, the page stops glowing. I share a glance with the queen who promptly reaches out towards me and returns my hand on top of hers. The page glows once more and I lean further into the teen to take a closer look when familiar symbols appear. My jaw drops.

  
"This is First One writing! I've been reading this book all day and I felt that something was missing, but woah I didn't expect it to be hidden!" I exclaim with an excited smile. I turn my head to look at my friend to find her cheeks reddening and it's only then that I realise my cheek is practically squishing against hers. I pull away, flushing in embarrassment. 'S-sorry." I fumble, but the teen is already shaking her head.

  
"No it's fine! I was just surprised. Erm, so what does it say?" Glimmer asks befuddled, dropping her eyes back to the open book. I blink.

  
"Oh yeah!" I express in remembrance and turn my attention back to the glowing page. I squint at the scrawny writing and start reading aloud;

_"A psychic connection is not for anyone._

_Only between the queen and her sun._

_A complex and special bond of which she is fond._

_Forever bound with blood, but beware of raging fire._

_The path ahead is painful and dire."_

I blink twice after finishing the passage. "What is that on about?" I ask with furrowed eyebrows. "And I'm pretty sure there's a bunch of grammatical errors here." I add in complaint as I re-read the extract. I feel Glimmer's hand slip from beneath me and the glowing words fade out. I spare a glance to the teen to find obvious discomfort in her face. "Hey, are you alright?" I ask in concern, as her face becomes pinched with white. Her lilac irises flicker to me.

  
"Yeah I just...this is kind of scary don't you think?" The queen murmurs lowly. I bite the inside of my cheek.

  
"Well, when you put it that way, I guess? Maybe we should dissect it line by line to figure out what it means?" I suggest hopefully, but the teen is already shaking her head.

  
"I think we both need to grab supper and head to bed. I was already exhausted from the fight today and now this has drained the last bit of my energy reserve."

  
"But!" I open my mouth in protest but the queen shoots me a withering glare.

  
"And you've been up here all day! Did you even leave for lunch or dinner?" Glimmer points out with a raised eyebrow. My shoulders slump at the question. "Yeah I didn't think so." I watch as she gets to her feet and stretches a hand out for me to take. "Come on, you need food and sleep. We can discuss this tomorrow." I take her hand and she effortlessly pulls me up to my feet.

  
"But you've got another mission tomorrow!" I argue as the purple head releases my hand to massage her forehead.

  
"Then we'll discuss it at the first opportune time. As crazy as this is, it doesn't take precedence. The war is our priority, you know that." The teen states firmly. I hunch my shoulders up, not wanting to agree with her as I turn my head to the side, eliciting a sigh from the purple head. "I promise when we have time, we'll figure this out, ok?" The teen assures as she crouches slightly to catch my downcast eyes.

  
"Alright." I reply dejectedly, but a niggling thought at the back of my mind won't leave me alone. "Am...am I really your sun?" I ask quietly. The teen tenses at the question and gazes at me wearily.

  
"Well, at least now you know I wasn't lying about how much you mean to me." Glimmer answers softly and grabs hold of my bicep to teleport us to the common room before I have the chance to answer. It takes a moment for my eyes to adjust to the sudden bright lighting and when it does I realise that any further questions I wanted to ask will have to wait as I find the princesses chattering and relaxing.

Frosta is the first one to spot us and motions for us to join her. I take a glimpse at the queen, but she avoids my gaze completely and goes to sit between Frosta and Bow. I chew the inside of my bottom lip. _'If I'm really your sun, then why do you always try to bury everything from me?'_ I think despondently as I trudge to the opposite side of the room and take a seat beside Mermista who starts complaining to me about her day. I nod, trying to appear attentive but my mind keeps wandering to that passage and the purple head. _'What does it mean?'_

**A Few hours later:**

  
It's a little past 1am when I'm back in my room, sitting cross-legged on my bed in front of a scrap piece of paper with a pen in hand. I scratch my head. _'Now what did that passage say again? Something about the psychic connection isn't between everyone and only for the queen's sun? And fond of? Plus something about blood and dire path ahead?'_ I groan and drop the pen to run my hands down my cheeks. _'Aurgh why did it have to be so long!'_ I bite the inside of my cheek and reach over for the open book, placing my hand over the picture but as expected, nothing happens. _'I need Glimmer!'_

I blink as a sudden idea strikes me and digging into my pocket I reach for the queen's earring and place it over the page with my hand on top of it, but nothing happens. I glare at the book. _'Great, why did I expect anything less?'_ I turn my head back to the plain paper in front of me and frown. _'Ok, think! The passage rhymed, so if I can just remember some of the words then I could guess the rest. So...'_ I poise the pen over the paper, writing the first line: A psychic connection is not for anyone. I stare hard at the sentence, hoping something will trigger my memory, but I come up blank. _'Aurgh I only do well in exams when I've had time to prepare!'_ I complain silently. _'Fine, I'll just have to write the words I remember.'_

I scribble down the disjointed words: fond, sun, dire, path, fire, bond. I sigh when I realise that's all I remember and drop the pen onto my duvet. _'Maybe Glimmer's right, there are more important things to be focusing on, like drawing that map of the Horde.'_ With a disappointed exhale I fold the paper and tuck it into my pocket, along with the queen's earring. I lie down and pull back the cover as I stare up at ceiling. _'I just wish I knew what it meant. What did it mean by a dire path? Is...is something bad going to happen? And...I can't really be the queen's sun right? Surely Bow is the most special to Glimmer now that...everyone else is gone. So why me? Maybe it has to be someone who's both special to the queen and has magical abilities, right? I can't be more important than Bow, I just can't.'_

And yet I can't help the small ball of warmth that emanates from my chest at realising that Glimmer really does care about me that much. _'It's not something she just says to make me feel better....but then, why is she dodging this? She's always been curious and impulsive, so why is she holding back on this? It's like...she's scared? Scared of the warning? Or is she scared that her connection with me is laid so bare like that? She has tried burying our friendship before to save herself hurt. What if...what if she tries to do that again?!'_ I grind my teeth in fear, clutch the blanket tightly and roll over to my side, knowing that I won't be getting much sleep tonight as I stare at my bedroom door. _'I'm starting to wish I never even touched that stone.'_ I think in frustration.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So heh, thoughts? Lol bet that was the last thing you expected. It does have some significance to the story I promise.  
> So more of Adora's self-worth issues. Anyone ever doubted whether someone really loves or cares about them? Like even if they tell you, you still don't believe it or when they're mad at you, you start wondering do they even care? You start thinking that you're unloved and that no one cares if anything happened to you. Yeah toxic thinking sucks, yet for some reason it becomes a sort of default mechanism. But anyway, at least this chapter wasn't angsty, right?
> 
> Next chapter switches back to Glimmer's POV on her thoughts about this situation. Next chapter has a bit more angst and the following one hits even harder. Updates might be a bit more random from here on out, sorry! But I'll be sure to at least get one more update out before Christmas. Hope everyone is doing well :)
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	23. Burdensome Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glimmer tries to contemplate the meaning of the passage, but finds herself getting side-tracked with other bothersome thoughts.
> 
> A bit of jealous friend vibes too XD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much, your support is immense.
> 
> Anyone ever been that jealous friend, where they wish they got more attention from a friend that they really connect with, but always finds that their friend prefer the company of some other friend? Yeah that feeling sucks and for the life of you, you can't seem to accept it or get over it. Sometimes you wish you were first on their mind. I touch a little bit of that feeling here, but it does crop up in some other chapters.

**Meanwhile:**

  
**Glimmer's POV:**

  
I run shaky hands through my short hair, for once wishing it was longer to help ease my fraying nerves as I sit in front of the newly written passage in my journal. _'Mum would be proud at how good I've become at memorising things off the bat like that. Guess all those sessions of forcing me to learn Etherian law and etiquette came in handy.'_ I think sombrely as I gaze down. A pit of guilt rests at the bottom of my stomach when I realise I'm being the biggest hypocrite to Adora right now. _'I told her we've got more pressing things to worry about and here I am staying up late just to write the darn thing and try to understand it.'_ I bite my lip when a taunting voice echoes in my mind. _'You were just trying to escape from your emotions again. Didn't want to open anymore wounds, especially if there's dire times ahead.'_

I shake my head vigorously. _'No!'_ I think as I clutch my arms. _'Adora means so much to you and you don't want to get hurt again. Don't want something bad to happen to her otherwise you'll crawl back into that pit of despair again huh? Except this time you won't have Adora to pull you out of it like before.'_ I plug my fingers into my ears, trying to block out the voices and thoughts. _'Face it, you're considering to distance yourself from her yet again to spare yourself the pain when something does happen to her.'_ I teleport out of my bed and down to the ground, pacing back and forth. _'Adora is in the castle. She's not on missions anymore, so she's **safe**."_ I try to convince myself. _'Oh yeah, it's **your** fault she's a permanent cripple.'_ I screw my eyes shut, hating the wicked reminder. I clench my hands when I feel a watery substance trailing down my cheek and wipe it roughly. I teleport back to my bed and re-read the passage:

_A psychic connection is not for anyone._

_Only between the queen and her sun._

_A complex and special bond of which she is fond._

_Forever bound with blood, but beware of raging fire._

_The path ahead is painful and dire._

_'Ok, so the first line is simple, not everyone can form that weird connection with the Moonstone. Its only between the queen, which is me and...her sun? I guess someone who's special to me, which makes sense.'_ I nod my head and move to the next part. _'Ok, special bond, check. Complex bond, double check. There is nothing simple about our friendship, hasn't been simple since that incident and I guess even before then we were on opposite sides. So that's understandable, right?'_ My eyes fall on the word 'fond' and I swallow thickly. _'Yeah, I've got mixed feelings about that word, but fine, I wouldn't trade our friendship for anything.'_ It's when I get to the next sentence that I find myself scratching my neck. _'What on earth does bound with blood even mean?! Usually that would be in terms of relations, but Adora and I are obviously not related. Maybe it's a blood pact or something? And then it just starts talking about fire! Like is that suggestive of a problem or is it literal fire?! We've definitely faced our fair share of problems.'_ I think distastefully and then finally I read the last line.

This one leaves me shaking and unsure. _'Does....does that mean something bad is going to happen? Or maybe its just referring to all those arguments we had.'_ I slap my forehead and flop back onto my mattress. _'What am I doing? This is just a dumb passage in an old book, in old writing that probably doesn't even mean anything. I mean seriously. If I didn't know better this might be suggesting that the two of us have a deeper connection than either of us realised which is ridiculous because Adora is just my friend. We've been through a lot together and I care about her deeply, but at the end of the day she's just a friend that I've known for what, 4 years now? Heck I've known the palace guards longer than that!'_ With a decisive nod I slam the journal shut, slip it under my pillow and tuck my cover around me. I close my eyes, ready to forget about all of this.

Yet my guilt of downplaying what Adora means to me keeps me up half the night. I roll over onto my side. _'Ok fine! Adora isn't just my friend. She's my **best** friend. My lifeline. It doesn't matter that I've known her for so little time in comparison to Catra.'_ My heart throbs at the admission, the knowledge that I'll never to know Adora quite like she does bites at me. It bothers me more than I'd like to admit. ' _I don't know why, I've known Bow my whole life and Adora seems perfectly fine with that. Why can't I be fine that Catra knows Adora better than me? Maybe it's because I know that I'm not her number one like she is to me. Catra will always have that spot. No matter how evil she is, Adora won't give up on her.'_ I inhale deeply, trying to mask the throbbing hurt that washes over me as I roll back onto my posterior, gazing up at the ceiling.

Part of me wishes to be beside the blonde, hugging her tight as she leans into me as if I'm the only one she can rely on. That feeling of being needed and wanted by someone so kind and strong is something I can't help but crave. _'I just wish I hadn't mucked things up so badly between us. Despite apologising for what I said and did, I know she'll carry those words to her grave and that haunts me nearly as much as the guilt of what I did to her leg and it's just so...stifling.'_ I sigh and push the cover back, knowing that I'm not going to get any sleep tonight.

I teleport to the hall of murals and look up at the huge one of my mum that towers over me. I run a hand over the perfected piece, part of me wishing that her face was also depicted. My eyes drop to the figure below her, my dad. A man of whom I have so few cherished memories with. Both gone before their time. And again a pang of grief hits me like a thunderstorm and I think that's the worst part of grief. It doesn't just drown you at first and leave you alone after that. Instead, it comes and goes in waves, hitting you when you least expect it and hurting just as freshly as it did that day. _'I didn't realise how strong you were mum, to deal with dad's death for that long without breaking in front of me.'_ I think with a choked swallow.

I twirl around and slide down against the wall until I'm sitting on the ground, hugging my body close. As if I could almost pretend that it's my mother's gentle arms around me. _'Why did I have to shun her embraces that much? I'd do anything to have one more hug from her.'_ A hiccup escapes me when my eyes weaken with tears. ' _I miss you **so** badly that it still tears me up inside and I-I don't know what to do about it. I just...want to forget.'_ I bow my head shamefully at the silent confession and remain in my crouched position until the sunlight streams into the room.

Sighing, I look up and realise that I've spent the entire night awake... _ **again**_. _'Great, and we had a scouting mission today.'_ I get to my feet, almost tripping over my socks when a bout of dizziness hits me. My head throbs at the lack of rest. Groaning I teleport to my room to get ready and teleport back to the meeting hall to find everyone already seated. At my arrival, all the princesses look up in surprise.

  
"There you are! Bow went looking for you when you didn't arrive on time." Perfuma exclaims, her eyebrows scrunching up together as she scans me from head to toe. "Are you alright? You look exhausted." The flower princess asks in concern which finally draws the attention of the blonde beside her who looks at me with a raised eyebrow.

  
"I'm fine and I'm sorry I'm late, didn't realise the time is all." I answer, hoping my smile is enough to reassure them. For all, except She-ra, it is. But the blonde continues to gaze at me with a frown. Just then Bow slams open the door, a panicked expression on his face.

  
"I can't find her! Oh my gosh what if something happened to her?! We have to send out a search party and check the whole..." Bow babbles frantically until Mermista grabs hold of his forearm and yanks him down.

  
"Yo Bow she's right here!" The water princess drawls out as she points at me. The archer releases a huge breath of relief before coming over to squeeze me in a hug.

  
"Glimmer you scared me!" He murmurs into my hair as I wrap my arms around him.

  
"Sorry. Time just got away from me; I didn't mean to worry you." I apologise as he pulls back. His eyes rest critically on mine.

  
"Are you ok? You look like you haven't slept at all." The techmaster inquires with a frown. I roll my eyes at the repeated question.

  
"I'm fine Bow. Can we please start the debrief? We're late enough as it is." I reply impatiently, which causes Bow's eyebrow to shoot up to his hairline in surprise.

  
"Alright." He answers, shooting me a dubious glance as he takes a seat beside me. The Captain of the guard makes a stand and starts informing us of the Horde activities and what today's scouting mission will entail. I rest my cheek against my open palm, my mind zoning out as her words fade into the background while my eyelids become increasingly heavy. A nudge pulls me out of my stupor. I blink and turn to my right to find Bow frowning at me once again. 'What?' I mouth silently. He juts his chin to the front and I look ahead to find the Captain staring at me with a raised eyebrow.

  
"I apologise if this is too bland for you Your Majesty." The guard drawls out and I flush bright red when I realise I must've dozed off.

  
"No no, not at all. Please continue." I urge and she does. I drop my hand to my lap to avoid the temptation of dozing off again, but my head is so heavy that I can't help but tilt forward, only to jerk back when I notice how close my face is getting to the table. A hand rests on my shoulder and I bite my lip knowing that little display has certainly not gone unnoticed by my childhood friend. Fortunately the Captain wraps up her debrief at the same time and I clap my hands to signal the end of the meeting.  
"Great! Now let's be going." I announce, pushing back my chair and rising to my feet, but a hand on my wrist stops me from moving any further.

  
"Glimmer, maybe it's best if you gave this one a miss?" I blink twice at the archer's suggestion and pull my arm out of his grip.

  
"What? Why?!" I demand, prompting the boy to get to his feet, a flash of disapproval crosses his face.

  
"Because you've barely been able to keep awake this entire meeting! You should stay behind and catch up on any sleep you missed." The archer states sternly.

  
"No. I told you I'm fine." I grit out, but both Perfuma and Mermista get to their feet.

  
"Bow's right, if you can't concentrate here then your attention on the field could be dangerous for you and the rest of us." The flower princess points out. I open my mouth in protest.

  
"Besides, it's only a scouting mission. Arrow guy, flowers girl and I should be more than enough. If we need back-up Frosta is close by." The water princess adds in a drawn out tone.

  
"I have to agree with the others Your Majesty, it isn't safe to go in without a clear head." My captain affirms. I scan over everyone's serious faces before pressing my lips tightly together.

  
"Fine." I spit out and teleport away before anyone can voice another word. I find myself in the gardens and release a long winded groan. _'Good job Glimmer. You just had to make yourself appear incompetent in front of your royal guard, the alliance and your friends.'_ I massage my forehead before taking a seat on the grass. _'I don't need to sleep anyway. I need to fight and put an end to this war. But it's not like anyone will listen to me anyway. You would've thought being queen means you get more of a say in things, but nope!'_ I sigh and lean back to lie on the ground as I stare up at the blue sky. The air is so tranquil that I find my eyes drawing to a close and before I know it I'm out like a light.

**Hours later...**

  
"She's been out here for a while." A faint voice rings in the background. I tighten my closed eyes, ignoring the sound.

  
"And you just left her there?! She's the queen! She should be guarded, not left out in the open air." A second, more angrier voice follows.

  
"It's because she's the queen I left her there. She's allowed to do what she wants. Besides, this is private property what did you expect would happen?" The first voice returns, then it hits me - that's Shadow Weaver!

  
"I don't know! Anything! You still should've informed someone. I was looking for her." And that frantic, high pitched miffed tone can only be from Adora.

  
"Well you obviously didn't look hard enough." Shadow Weaver drawls out sarcastically. I exhale heavily and not wanting to hear their bickering any longer, I open my eyes and push myself up into a sitting position, which catches the attention of the two women.

  
"Is it common practice in the Horde to argue while someone is sleeping?" I remark, earning abashed expressions from the two former Horde loyalists. The younger of whom rubs the back of her head in embarrassment.

  
"Sorry Glimmer, I just...didn't know where you were." Adora answers sheepishly and I rise to my feet, quirking an eyebrow at her words.

  
"Well Shadow Weaver's not wrong. The garden is a pretty obvious place to look." I point out dryly. But when the blonde drops her eyes to the ground, I curse myself for being so brash and decide to change the topic. "Have the others come back yet?" I ask.

  
"No. Bow said they have a new lead on something and so won't be back till sometime tomorrow." Adora answers with a shrug as we start walking back to the castle, leaving the spellcaster alone as she mutters a quiet 'your welcome.' The ex-Horde soldier shoots a glower at the woman who raised her before stomping away until we're back inside. I frown at the display until I remember that Adora still doesn't trust the women. _'Oh right, that explains the sour attitude.'_ I bite the inside of my cheek before zoning in on Adora's last words.

  
"A new lead? Maybe I should catch up with them." I suggest lightly, prompting the blonde to come to an immediate halt as she turns slightly to glance at me.

  
"Maybe it's best you stay here. Only a few hours ago you almost faceplanted into the table." Adora points out with a slight smile. I cluck my tongue.

  
"That's only because I needed to catch up on my sleep which I have." I retort. The Princess raises an eyebrow at me.

  
"What, you didn't get any sleep last night?" The woman questions as she watches me carefully. I gulp, _'darn it.'_

  
"No. I had stuff on my mind and before I knew it the sun was up." I admit casually. At this Adora turns round fully to face me, a frown making its way up her delicate features.

  
"What sort of stuff?" She probes and I cross my arms in annoyance.

  
"Just stuff." I answer bluntly, eliciting a scowl from the rebel.

  
"That's real specific." She quips sarcastically and I just shrug, not in the mood to share my grief with the blonde and especially not wanting to see the guilty expression that I _**know** _will flash across her baby blue eyes. "Was...was it about that passage from last night?" Adora adds when I remain silent. I purse my lips.

  
"A little bit, amongst other things." I reply vaguely and move to walk past the girl.

  
"Like what?" The rebel echoes.

  
"It's not important." I answer, not bothering to turn back, but after a moment I feel her presence behind me before she grabs my wrist. I swivel my head back to meet her steely gaze with a raised eyebrow.

  
"It's important to me." I feel my heart stop at those warm words. "If something's bothering you that much, to the point its keeping you _**awake** _at night, I want to know about it." I swallow at her insistence and when her eyes soften, I can't help but flicker my gaze away from her. And it's tempting, very tempting to tell her what's bothering me. To tell her or tell someone that I'm still not over my mum's death, that I think I never will be. But then I just picture Bow's and Adora's clueless and helpless expressions at my coronation when I broke down and I remember why I can't tell them. _'Because they don't get it.'_ I think bitterly. _'This will only just weigh them down with worry and in Adora's case - guilt.'_ So I slip my hand out of her grasp and take a step back.

  
"I'm fine. It's nothing I can't handle." I insist with hard eyes, catching the blonde by surprise at the mildly hostile behaviour. She seems at a loss for words, before dropping her still outstretched arm by her side, gazing at me in disappointment.

  
"If you insist." She utters unsurely.

  
"I do. And now that I'm rested, I'll just go and join the others." I add casually, eliciting an unreadable expression from the women as she eyes me sceptically.

  
"Bow said it's nothing serious, so you don't have to go." Adora says finally. I purse my lips.

  
"But I _**want** _to go." I remark stubbornly. Her face falls at my insistence and she turns to give me her side.

  
"Fine. Go ahead. You're the queen after all." The princess comments sourly and I cluck my tongue at her childish behaviour. _'Why is she acting like this?! It's just a small mission!'_ At that thought my eyes widen in sudden realisation. _'I'm so blind.'_ I shoot the sword-wielder a guilty look.

  
"I mean, if you don't want me to go, I can stay here." I voice quietly. My change in tone prompts my friend to flicker her blue irises over me before staring ahead of her.

  
"No, no. You go ahead. I'll see you when you get back." Adora answers smoothly, but her stiff shoulders are a dead giveaway. I bite my lip and take a step towards her.

  
"No, it's...alright. I'll just stay." I decide, as that familiar sense of guilt rises up in waves. _'If Adora can't go on missions, then I shouldn't either unless I'm needed.'_ The old promise I made to myself after finding out the truth about Adora's leg voices itself in my mind. At this, the blonde turns round to face me fully, her eyes darkening in annoyance.

  
"Don't stay because you pity me for not being able to go!" The blonde snaps. My jaws slacken in shock.

  
"I don't pity you!" I grit out angrily.

  
"Oh sorry, I meant guilt. Don't let your guilt stop you from doing what you want to do." I release a bark of laughter at her hypocrisy and point a finger at her.

  
"That's rich coming from you. You can't even say my mum's name without being filled with all kinds of guilt." I retort. The blonde slaps my hand away, but not before a flash of anxiety crosses her blue orbs.

  
"That's different." She mutters, averting her eyes to the side.

  
"How is that different? It's exactly the same! You feel guilty for not being good enough to save my mum and I feel guilty for not being good enough to prevent you from getting hurt. It's the exact same thing!" I explain impatiently.

  
"I was the reason we went to the Crimson Waste in the first place! Catra wouldn't have got the sword if we didn't go there! Plus, you can't always see everything that's going on around you, it's impossible and I made my choice so deal with it!" Adora argues.

  
"And my mother made her choice!" I shout, silencing the women into a stunned state. I watch as she dips her head slightly, her eyes moving from side to side in thought, before she decides to look up at me again.

  
"But she didn't _**need** _to make that choice." The blonde answers simply and I almost feel like ripping my hair out at her stubbornness.

  
"Fine. If you won't let go of your guilt over what happened in the portal, then I won't let go of my guilt over what happened to you." I announce, as a small voice echoes in my ear, _'not like I planned to let go of it anyway.'_ The women's eyes widen at the declaration and she grips my shoulders tightly.

  
"I told you it wasn't your fault!" Adora protests with panicked eyes.

  
"Neither is it yours!" I retort. She stares at me long and hard and when she makes no move to speak, I sigh and stretch my hands up to settle them on top of hers at my shoulders. "Can't we just move past this?" I plead quietly. Adora drops her gaze to the ground.

  
"I don't know if I can. Maybe I'll learn to let go when you do." The blonde mutters and my jaw drops at her underhanded tactic, knowing that I can't let go of the fact that _**I'm** _the reason she's a cripple. I take a step away from her, watching as her arms drop to her sides. "See? Not so easy to let go of things huh? Maybe you should start taking your own advice before dishing it to other people." The harsh comment makes me swallow thickly, hurt at how she's spinning this back on me when I was just trying to help her. I bite the inside of my cheek hard. It must've been harder than I realised as the taste of metallic fills my mouth.

  
"I'm going." I choke out and without conscious thought teleport to some random room in the castle. At least, I thought it was random until my mum's old study stares back at me. _'Great, like I need more to be guilty about.'_ I'm just about to teleport elsewhere until I catch sight of mum's messy desk. I raise an eyebrow and walk over to it. _'Well that's strange, mum was always ridiculously organised. She'd never leave papers spewed around like this.'_ My heart sinks. _'You don't think...'_ Quickly, I go over to the door handle, but after a few jiggles it remains stiff and locked. I breathe a sigh of relief. _'Good, no one has been snooping around in here.'_ I turn back to the desk with a frown. _'That means mum was the last person in here.'_ That thought hits me harder than I expected and suddenly I feel like I'm defiling the last place where her presence once was.

I run a shaky hand through my head. _'Pull it together Glimmer and stop being so ridiculous!'_ I exhale slowly and peer down at my mum's elegant writing, but only the usual boring stuff stares back at me: taxes, laws, letters. Nothing of importance. I pick one of them up, an old letter from Aunt Casta talking about rekindling their friendship. I sigh and fold it up. _'It's all ancient history now.'_ I gaze at the scattered papers. _'Maybe I could tidy this up? It's not like I have anything better to do, what with all my meetings cleared for the day considering I was meant to be on that mission.'_ I look back at the door wondering if I should inform someone of where I am, considering this part of the castle has been closed off since the portal incident, but I shake my head, opting instead to enjoy the peace uninterrupted.

Minutes tick by as I sort each paper into piles, one of matters to look into and another to shelve into a closet somewhere. When I finally finish, I open one of the desk drawers, in the hopes that there'll be some space that I can place one of these piles into, but a gasp escapes me as my eyes land on a pocket size photo of my mum, dad and me as a baby. I contemplate on whether to pick it up or to slam the drawer shut, my emotions still raw from last night. With a shaky breath I reach down and pick it up, scanning over the proud and relaxed faces on my parents' faces as my dad wraps one arm around my mum, with the other hand holding me close to his chest while my mum leans her head on my dad's shoulder. A feeble smile graces my lips as I trace over their happy faces. Carefully I put it on the desk, planning to take it back to my room and slide it into my journal after I'm done here.

I turn my attention back to the open drawer to find it pretty much full. I groan and run a hand across the piles of paper that already sit there, but frown when I notice a bump, as if something of small unproportionate size is hidden underneath the neat stack of A4 sized papers. I remove the stack of papers to find a slim hard-back notebook, the cover decorated in sequins and a violet background. A raise an eyebrow and flip open the book to find my mum's elegant handwriting staring back at me, but what surprises me most is the first two words at the top of the page: 'Dear Diary...' I almost drop the book in shock.

"My mum kept a diary?!" I whisper aloud, trying hard to get my head round this discovery. I bite the inside of my cheek. _'Should I even be reading this? It's her private thoughts, even if she's...not here.'_ I close the cover and flip it over to examine the back, a single number stands proudly at its centre: 4. I frown, _'are there more of these?'_ I open the other drawers but find nothing other than more boring paperwork. I grab the pile of papers that I plan to look through later, along with mum's journal and the photo before teleporting to the couch in my room. I set the papers to one side and pick up the journal, staring at it long and hard. _'I could always have a peek and if it proves to be too personal then I can just close it and never look at it again, right?'_ Taking in a deep breath I open it to the first page.

  
_Dear Diary,_

_Today was the Battle of Brightmoon and I must say, despite the victory, I've rarely ever felt so scared in my life. I really thought it was all over. If it wasn't for the Alliance it certainly would've been. I have my dear daughter to thank for that. Such a fighter and doer, so much like her father..._

_And of course there's She-ra, Adora, that girl is such an enigma. So brave and selfless, running off to save Glimmer without care for herself and then putting her life on the line once more. I wonder why. Why does she do all this for those she once sworn to fight against? Against my better judgement, I feel inclined to trust her, care for and dare I say it? Love her. She makes my Glimmer happy, so full of hope and purpose unlike anything I've seen before and it seems to be spreading onto me._

_But alas, hope is usually a fantasy. A thing to be crushed when we're most desperate to hold onto it. But I digress, something about Adora feels familiar, I just can't quite put my finger on it. Perhaps I've just read too many books about the legendary She-ra. I suppose I should rest now, we've got a big day tomorrow, clearing up all that Horde rubble and trying to figure out what to do with the whispering woods. As much as it scares me to have my daughter out where I can't protect her, I can't help but feel a wave of pride of how grown up she's becoming, even with our occasional spats I will always love her and strive to do my best for her, my sweet little angel._

A teardrop falls onto the end of the page and I hastily swipe at my eyes as the words swim in my head. _'Mum...was never mad at me for getting captured? She actually praises me for forming the alliance? I thought...she thought I wasting my time. A-And I didn't realise how depressed she could be. It almost sounds like she's giving up? Well, I guess if I were fighting a war for decades then maybe I'd feel the same.'_ And then my attention lands on Adora and my mother's observations, I flush at the thought, not realising how much of an impact the former Horde soldier had on me and how obvious that became to others.

I close the journal with a sigh when my thoughts land on our earlier conversation. _'That's history now. Everything between us is just a big messy disaster, even if our arguments have been cut back, it still doesn't change the fact that we're not as sync as we used to be and how much of that is my fault.'_ I swallow and teleport up to my bed, pulling out my journal and sliding the photo in between the pages before burying it back under my pillow. My eyes flicker to my mum's one and after a moment of indecision I slip it also under my pillow before flopping back onto my mattress. _'I know I should get some queen work done, but after all this I think I just need a nap.'_ And that's exactly what I do.

**Later...**

"Glimmer?" A faint voice calls out. I roll over to my side, ignoring it in the hopes it will go away. That is until I feel a gentle hand on my shoulder, shaking me slightly. I groan and flip back onto my posterior, my eyes fluttering open to see what's going on. I shoot up when I see Adora hovering over me and we almost butt heads if it wasn't for the blonde's quick reflexes. I rub my eyes in an attempt to remove the sleep dust from them.

  
"Adora?" I mumble tiredly as I pull my hand away from my face to catch the woman's sheepish smile.

  
"Sorry, I didn't want to wake you up. You looked so peaceful." The princess confesses. I glimpse to the side to find the dark skies from my window and turn back to the woman with a questioning eyebrow.

  
"What's going on? Did something happen?" I ask anxiously, but the blonde starts shaking her head and hands.

  
"No, no. I just...wanted to apologise for earlier. I was being harsh and I'm sorry." Adora utters shamefully as my other eyebrow lifts in surprise.

  
"You woke me up...to apologise? What time is it anyway?" I ask in befuddlement, craning my neck to the side to try to catch sight of my clock, but it's too dark to make out the numbers.

  
"It's just gone past midnight. I was hoping to catch you for dinner, but you didn't show and I tried going to bed but I couldn't sleep without saying something and yeah..." The blonde trails off, rubbing her arm as if she suddenly realises how ridiculous the whole thing sounds. "Sorry, I shouldn't have disturbed you. I'll...I'll just go." She adds when I don't respond. My arm snaps out to grasp her by the bicep, stopping her from leaving.

  
"No! Sorry, I'm still in that sleeping funk. I...thank you...for the apology. I'm sorry too, I don't want you to think I pity you or anything because I don't. You're my best friend, I just care about you a lot and don't want to hurt you, ok?" I confess with a small smile, prompting the woman to return it.

  
"I know. I shouldn't have got so defensive. Well, I should head to bed." The former soldier decides, but I keep my grip on her. She turns a questioning head to me when I don't release her.

  
"You're here now. Why not stay?" I suggest, suddenly feeling the need to have someone close by. A flicker of surprise crosses her face but she doesn't remark on it and settles down beside me.

  
"Alright. The company is always good." Adora whispers as we simultaneously lie down on our backs. But just as her head hits the pillow she winces and pushes herself up on one elbow. "Jeez, I know my mattress is hard but your pillow feels like rocks." The woman complains and I frown, also pushing myself up onto my elbow.

  
"What? My pillow is so soft." I retort in bewilderment as Adora sticks her hand under the pillow to pull out two journals. The sight of them causes my heart to drop.

  
"Wait, you have _**two** _journals?! How much do you write in those things?" The former Horde soldier asks in disbelief. I pluck the two books out of her hands, my eyes dropping to the one on top, mum's one.

  
"No. Erm...I found my mum's one today and took it back here to read." I mutter in discomfort, looking everywhere but at the blonde who drops her jaws open in surprise.

  
"Oh, I...are...are you ok?" I look up to see the concern in her blue irises and I force a smile to my lips.

  
"Yeah. I just...it's nice to hear her thoughts about things, like her perspective of the battle of Brightmoon for example." I say with a shrug as Adora gazes at me with wide eyes.

  
"Yeah, I guess erm...you've been thinking about her a lot lately. Are you, you know...doing ok?" The blonde inquires quietly with furrowed eyebrows. I dip my head forward, allowing a few hair strands to fall over my eyes as I study the journal's cover.

  
"When do I not think about her?" I mutter under my breath but I realise I must've been too loud as I feel the girl stiffen beside me. My eyes flicker up and I take in the taut expression on her face. I exhale softly. "Don't worry about me; I'm fine. It's been a year now anyway. Let's just get some sleep." I lie, placing the diaries by my side and resting my head on the pillow.

After several beats of silence, Adora follows suit, rolling onto her side so that her back faces me. I sigh lightly and also roll away onto my side. My lilac orbs gaze at the chandlers that are illuminated by the moon's light until I feel my eyelids becoming increasingly heavy and I eventually slip into my subconscious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anddd more grief. I feel like it's something that kind of just hangs around in the background. But it's also a great way to add in some hurt so why not? XD  
> Does anyone find it hard to share their feelings and emotions sometimes? Like if you shared it with someone, they just wouldn't understand and you start berating yourself for sharing because now they think you're pathetic or weak. Man am I portraying my feelings on Glimmer heh. But I do feel that's what Glimmer would do and is kind of what she was doing in s4 - I feel that she hid her grief from Bow & Adora because they didn't know how to help and in turn that kind of hardened her.
> 
> Next chapter is back to Adora and it's a real ouch of a chapter, so get ready. Until next time...whenever that is XD
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	24. A Temptation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Glimmer falls asleep, Adora can't help but feel tempted at the sight of the two lone journals sitting beside her friend. Can she resist the urge to peek?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I guess I was gone longer than I expected. Good news? I finished reading all my notes. Bad news? I've forgotten 95% of it. *Sigh* the life of a student. More good news? I aim to update daily until 3rd/4th Jan. After that the new term starts and boy does it look heavy :P I really want to reach a certain part of the story before I take a pause again, but guess we'll see. 
> 
> Anyway, IT'S CHRISTMAS EVE GUYS!!! I know that a lot of people are in lockdown or things aren't quite as normal as we'd have liked because of Covid, but I hope you all have a really wonderful, blessed day. I hope all of you have the chance to spend it with family and I pray that the new year will be bright for everyone. This is my small Christmas gift to you...I just wish it was a bit happier heh. Well, enjoy it anyhow XD

**Adora's POV:**

  
When I finally hear Glimmer's even breathing I toss onto my back before pushing myself up to observe the slumbering queen. One arm dangles off the bed's edge while the other is tucked close to her face as her chest heaves gently up and down. _'She looks so peaceful.'_ I think with a sad smile. _'I didn't realise how much she still misses her mum, it's like...she's still mourning for her as if it just happened, she's just...more controlled about it. I wish she would talk to me about it, but she just shuts down whenever the topic comes up.'_

My eyes slide to the journals nestled at her side and the familiar temptation rises up within me once more. _'If I could just read what she's written, maybe I can help her. Maybe we can fix this tense air between us.'_ I stretch my arm out over the queen, but at that precise moment she decides to toss onto her back, a hand resting on her chest. I retract my arm. _'What am I thinking?! Glimmer would never forgive me if I did something like that._ ' I think sombrely as I look down at my best friend.

Her eyebrows begin to scrunch together in the beginnings of a frown and the stress lines from the day appear across her forehead. I shift closer to her, hoping that my presence would keep the fears away. After several moments she seems to huddle into herself before relaxing again. I brush a pink strand of hair from the teen's face, eliciting a shallow incoherent grumble as she sinks further into the bed. I smile softly at the sight, missing our easy comradeship when nothing mattered and when our responsibilities weren't so overwhelming. I sigh, dropping my hand away from my friend's face and again my eyes slide to the diaries. _'I wonder if...no, I shouldn't. But what if I looked at Angela's? If not for information, but maybe for closure?'_

I groan and massage my forehead. _'Yeah great idea Adora, go ahead and read the private thoughts of the queen you failed to protect and the mother of your best friend. Real noble of you.'_ The sarcastic voice echoes in my mind. I groan, _'how **else** can I fix this?!'_ My pale blue orbs fall on the purple head, _'how can I fix things between us?'_ I voice silently. After a long pregnant and agonising moment of indecision I finally reach over for the top book and open the first page. Queen Angela's handwriting stares back at me. _'How does all the queens have such eloquent handwriting?! Must be a gift.'_ I think in awe.

I convert the Sword of Power into a small flashlight and peer at the first page and just as Glimmer said, it's all about the queen's thoughts of the battle. _'Hm, she must have others. There's no way she's start a journal with this, especially with the way she writes, as if she's written many entries before.'_ My eyes flicker to Glimmer after reading the queen's thoughts on me. _'Did...did I really have that impact on you?'_ I think in wonder.

I scratch my head at Angella's internal query, ' _what does she mean that I'm familiar to her? I've never been outside of the Horde until the day I found the sword.'_ I shrug, _'perhaps some confusion. Being immortal must've meant that she met thousands of people over the years.'_ I decide and flick through the pages, most of which details complaints about her council or boring meetings. There's a few mentions about our shenanigans and I flush in embarrassment when I realise what a load we must've put on the late queen. As I read, time slips by and I don't notice the breaking of dawn as I reach the entry of when Shadow Weaver arrived at Brightmoon. My eyes are captivated by what I read:

  
_Dear Diary,_

  
_Today has been a real rollercoaster of emotions. My husband's former teaching sorcerer showed up on our door! And after all she's done to us she just expects us to lend her hand?! Even if she was at her deathbed, it's hard to forget what she put us through; what she put Micah through! And yet it's hard not to sympathise with someone when they're about to die. And for a tiny moment I could see past her wretched works and see a women who possibly understands the masses of mistakes she's done. It was...unsettling._

_I was very adamant that the children will not speak to her, but do they ever listen? No! I suppose I can't blame them, Adora especially. And it did seem Glimmer actually tried to listen to me this time which was a nice change. I guess what really shook me was what Shadow Weaver had to say. Adora...from another world? It sounds so preposterous and yet all too similar to an old fairy-tale my mother once told me as a child._

_The story of the first queen and the First Ones or back then the queen and her younger sister who left her home to explore the galaxy. A time when stars existed. Yet, I believed that was just a story that my mother used to entertain me with, but now I can't help but wonder whether there's some truth to it? If that's the case, what does that mean for Adora? For me? For Glimmer? Could it mean..._

"Adora, what on earth are you doing?!" I jump at the sudden shout, my mind suddenly plucked out of the diary as my heart races rapidly in my chest. I look up guiltily to find Glimmer's eyes shimmering with fury and shock. "A-Are you reading my journal?!" She asks, her face aghast and filled with hurt.

  
"NO! I was...reading your mum's one?" I exclaim while shaking my head vigorously, until I realise that doesn't sound any better. I close the book and shamefully offer it back to the teen who snatches it out of my hand.

  
"That doesn't make it any less worse! These are private! I wasn't sure if _**I**_ should be reading it, let alone anyone else!" Glimmer retorts angrily. I hunch my shoulders up in guilt.

  
"I-I'm sorry! I just...was curious." I fumble apologetically, but the purple head shoots me a glare and I drop my gaze in humiliation.

  
"Is this why you came to my room last night? To read my diary?!" My head snaps up at the accusation as I gape at the queen through wounded eyes.

  
"What, _**no** **!**_ I really wanted to apologise for yesterday. I'm-I'm sorry, I shouldn't have looked at your mum's diary that was wrong." I apologise again with pleading eyes as the teen hugs the book to her chest.

  
"Have you looked at mine?" She asks solemnly and I shake my head intensely.

  
"No I haven't, _**I**_ _**promise**_." I pledge strongly, but I catch the look of doubt that crosses her purple orbs.

  
"You need to leave." The queen mutters coldly and a wedge of ice settles in my heart as she turns to give me her back.

  
"Glimmer, I'm sorry, I..." I start to plead but the purple head cuts me off as she whips round with fire in her eyes.

  
"How can you possibly think this was ok?!" She hollers, swinging an arm up in the air to emphasise her point. I shrink back, my heart batters heavily against my chest as my leg twitches in discomfort.

  
"I..." I trail off, my mind freezing.

  
"If you think it's ok to look at my mum's thoughts then what's stopping you from looking at mine?!" Glimmer continues, her voice reaching louder and louder levels. My lip quivers at how bad I messed up and how close her words runs to the truth.

  
"I didn't..." I voice weakly, but the teen sees straight through me as she clutches the book more tightly and hardens her eyes.

  
"Just _**go** _Adora." The queen commands and presses her lips tightly together. I open my mouth to argue, to defend myself or to say something, but when she narrows her eyes at me I find myself stumbling back down the floating stairs. The twitching in my leg becomes more and more evident that I nearly trip up the last step. I look up to find the queen's back to me and I shakily exit the room, closing the door softly behind me as I slap my forehead hard. _'Why did I do that?! Now I've ruined everything between us a-and Glimmer may never trust me again.'_ A choke escapes me at the thought and my leg nearly gives underneath me.

I dig a palm into my eye, wishing I could just turn back the clock and stop myself from making such a foolish mistake, but reality hits me and I realise that this is one thing I can't fix. A whimper escapes me and the pain in my chest is far worse than the pain in my leg. I feel the familiar spasming in my muscles and I try to hop back to my room for that dumb injection. But I forgot how mind-numbingly painful the cramps are and a few hops and a corridor later I find myself crashing to the ground, face first.

Trembling, I push myself up onto all fours and grit my teeth as the pain becomes too much. _'I'm so **useless**!'_ Raising a hand, I smash my fist into the ground, but I don't feel a thing, the spasms in my lower limb takes up all the pain. I sink to the ground, wishing I remembered to bring am extra syringe or pill with me last night. I didn't realise I would stay the night, much less that we'd get into another argument. I close my eyes, letting the waves of convulsions pass through me as I press my forehead against the cool floor, muffling the yelps from my throat. I'm close to blacking out when I hear a set of familiar trots. _'Swiftwind!'_ I think desperately.

  
"Swiftwind!" I call out, my voice quieter than I would've liked, but the trots become more urgent and soon the horse is standing over me as he bends down with worried eyes.

  
" _ **ADORA!**_ Oh my gosh what's wrong? what should I do?!" My stead asks as he tries to pull me to my feet. Another pained gasp escapes me and after an age I finally manage to sling my arm around his neck.

  
"My room...I need my injection..." I pant out before screwing my eyes shut when another agonising spasm passes through me and black dots start dancing across my vision.

  
"I'm taking you to the infirmary! No way you can inject yourself like that." The horse argues as he starts steering me towards the medical bay.

  
"No!" I protest, but my legs give out again and this time I fall to the ground unconscious.

The next time I awaken, I find an unfamiliar stranger standing over me as he writes something in his notes. I groan and try to get up, but the sharp throbbing in my head stops me from moving further. The man looks up over his clipboard and shoots me a half smile.

  
"Ah good, you're awake. Was starting to worry that the knock to your head was worse than a concussion. How are you feeling?" The man asks, I close my eyes briefly before looking back up to him.

"Sore." I reply dryly as the physician jots something down.

  
"Yes that's expected with the spasms and the knock to your head when you fell. It's a good thing your horse friend was around to take you to the infirmary. Staying like that can have detrimental effects on your nerves and muscle." The doctor states as I blink in confusion.

  
"Wait, what?" I echo with wide eyes, prompting a frown from the man as he puts his clipboard down.

  
"Didn't anyone tell you? Triggering too many spasms like that could have a negative impact on your body. Of course there's the obvious one, where you could break a bone or hit your head when you fall. But if your leg undergoes too many of those spams, over time your leg may lose its muscle tension and you could end up with a walking stick." The man explains as he raises an eyebrow. "This should've been explained to you." He continues, his tone surprised. I avert my gaze.

  
"Yeah well, I haven't been on good terms with any doctors since they hid the truth from me." I mutter.

  
"I see. I think I heard about that. Well, I advice you keep away from anything that's going to trigger outbursts of negative emotions or strenuous activity, because from your history I can see you've had a lot of ups and downs and these need to be controlled if you want to avoid walking with a limp or needing a crutch in future." My jaws slacken at this new information.

  
"I...understand. Thank you." I answer stiffly.

  
"Good. I suggest that you stay for the rest of the day for monitoring and then you'll be free to leave tomorrow. Sound good?" He asks. I nod numbly and watch as the doctor exits the room before sagging against my pillows. _'This...this is a mess and I can't fix any of it.'_

I sling an arm across my eyes when my head starts throbbing again. When it fades into a full ache I curl into myself as thoughts keep flashing past my mind's eye. _'Glimmer. That diary. Angela's words which I can't seem to piece together without my head screaming in protest.'_ Instead, I opt to remain in my foetal position. Only breaking out of it when Swiftwind pops in for a visit. But even then my responses are robotic and the horse soon excuses himself out of the room. When tomorrow afternoon arrives and the doctor asks how I'm feeling, I ignore the dull ache at the side of my head and lie saying I'm fine, not wanting to stay in this white-washed room any longer and he fortunately releases me with a stern warning that I must return if anything feels off. I shrug past him, not bothering to tell him that everything is off, that my whole life has been off.

I trudge through the castle's quiet corridors, clutching my elbow as I find myself at a loss on what to do, heck on what to think. _'Reading Angela's diary just reminded me that I still don't know where I came from or who I really am other than a First One. What really is a First One?! Do I have a family somewhere, waiting for me to come home one day? And what was Angela about to say in her journal? What did she mean that the first queen had a sister who was a First One? How is that possible? Why didn't she tell me? And...and if that's true, then...am I somehow related to the royal line to...Glimmer? Or maybe my ancestors were friends with Glimmer's ancestors? And I can't tell anyone because Glimmer is mad at me, Bow isn't around and I don't have anyone else to turn to.'_

My slow lethargic gait comes to a halt as I wrap my arms around myself in despair. _'Once upon a time I would've went to Catra if anything was bothering me, but that's ancient history now.'_ I think ruefully and when I feel a throb in my head and a twitch in my muscle I realise I have to stop thinking about this, at least until I grab some more pills in my pocket and so I continue the walk to my room. I tense up when I pass by the queen's room, even though the more rational part of me knows that she's probably in a meeting right now.

When I finally reach my room I release a sigh of relief and grab a few pills and a small syringe, stuffing them in my jacket pocket. I scan the room, wondering what should I do next. _'Either I hide in here for a while until Glimmer cools down... **if** she cools down or I go some place else.'_ I bite my lip in thought, _'But what if she comes in here to shout at me again? And she has every right to.'_ I shiver, staring hard at the ground, the temptation to run away hitting me with full force, but I shake my head. _'I promised Glimmer I wouldn't. But...she doesn't need me, heck she's not going to trust me after this. Maybe it's best if I left, before either of us gets more hurt.'_ But just as I think that, the image of the teen's unconscious form flashes before my mind and I take a step back. _'No! That was before I betrayed her trust. She wouldn't want me around anymore. But...I promised Angella I'd take care of her.'_

My leg starts trembling beneath me and in a flash of rage I find myself kicking the bedside table with my good leg and watch as it topples over onto it's side before I sink to the ground. _'I can't even show my dumb emotions without this disability pulling me down!'_ I scream internally and when I feel another twitch, stronger than the first I pull out my syringe and stab the needle into my thigh, watching as my lower limb slowly relaxes. When I feel a tear dropping onto my knuckle, I pull my good leg up to my chest and lean my chin against my knee. _'This isn't how I envisioned everything to be.'_

After a while, I push myself up to my feet and decide to look for Swiftwind. _'Maybe a flying session will help me forget my problems.'_ I think darkly, while pushing open my door as I start making my way outside and I'm fortunate enough not to bump into anyone. When I find Swifty grazing in the stables I heave a sigh of relief, half worried he'd be off doing his own thing. He looks up when I approach, tilting his head to one side.

  
"Adora! How are you feeling? You didn't look so great yesterday." The horse points out.

  
"Yeah I had a lot going on. Do you think we could go for a ride? I feel like I need some fresh air." I request quietly. My stead gazes at me in slight confusion, before leaning down to allow me to climb aboard without question. "Thanks." I mumble as the horse takes to the sky.

  
"Where to?" Swiftwind asks after a beat of silence.

  
"Anywhere far from here." I mutter at which I feel the back muscles of Swiftly tensing.

  
"Adora." From his warning tone I can tell what he's thinking.

  
"I'm not running away. I just need some space." I defend quickly and his muscles relax at my reassurance. We fly for hours, over Elberon and Thaymore. My eyes catch sight of the destruction at Salineas and I shrink back. _'My fault.'_ We fly over Plumeria and Dryll and when I catch sight of Frosta's kingdom, I realise how far we've travelled and pat the horse's side. "Maybe we should take a break?" I suggest and I hear a relieved sigh escape from my stead as he flies us down to a nearby town.

  
"Thank the stars. I was starting to think we'd be flying all night." Swiftwind utters as he touches the ground. My gaze flickers to the ground.

  
"Sorry. I guess I was enjoying the ride." I say with a half smile, earning an abashed expression from the horse before he opens a wing and wraps it around me.

  
"Hey, whatever is going on I'm sure it will sort itself out." Swiftwind murmurs softly and I reach up to hug the horse at the neck.

  
"I wish it was that easy Swiftly. I did something terrible and I don't think Glimmer will ever forgive me." I whisper lowly.

  
"Hey now, Glimmer cares about you a great deal." The horse expresses firmly.

  
"She keeps saying that, but...I don't know." I mumble into his mane.

  
"You didn't see her having a panic attack and fainting when she found out you were going to leave, I did. Trust me, you mean a lot to her, just like she means a lot to you." My stead insists, but I don't reply, not sure what to believe anymore. We remain on the outskirts of the town for a little while, but when Swiftwind suggests we head back I manage to persuade him to wait till morning. After all, he was flying non-stop for several hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it just keeps getting worse huh? I'm really not a flowers & roses type of girl am I? What can I say, I like my realism XD  
> This chapter was actually meant to be longer, but the second half would've just made it too long, so I decided to split it. Fingers crossed I'll have the chance to post it tomorrow as a Christmas treat, if not? MERRY CHRISTMAS for tomorrow guys!!! Have an epic day, ok? After this year we need the relaxation. I say that but I'm probably working tomorrow lol. Anyway, I'm teasing this greater sort of background plot and I've thought it through and think it's pretty exciting - I'm pretty pumped for you guys to see the bigger picture :D  
> I don't know what's it like for someone to read your diary but I can imagine it must be a mix of betrayal, fear, hurt and anxiety on whether you can trust that person again.
> 
> Next chapter is a direct continuation of this one where Adora goes back to Brightmoon to face the music.


	25. Facing the Music

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After some persuasion from Swfitwind, Adora returns to Brightmoon.  
> AND  
> A further look into Queen's Angella's journal
> 
> Also, was anyone disappointed that we never got a lot of our qs answered or that they were just swept aside in s5 about Adora, her origins and why she's able to wield the sword of power? s5 made it out to seem it was just random, that any first one descendent could wield the sword and that Adora didn't have this greater purpose or destiny. It was...anti-climatic to say the least, especially considering how desperate Adora seemed to find out. Anyway, I rectify that here - Adora can wield the sword of power because of a really cool idea that I came up with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm here to spread some Christmas joy! Or well, more like Christmas angst XD Firstly, MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!! Hope you all are having a lovely day...you can tell I like Christmas don't you? XD Unfortunately I spent the day clearing up a store room (always fun :P) but I'm thankful for a lovely Christmas eve. Hope you guys had better luck with today.  
> Hope you enjoy.  
> As always thank you for the kudos & comments. I love hearing from you guys, so don't be shy to speak up, even if it's to say hi :)

**Adora's POV:**

**Next morning:**

  
I'm awoken by a nudge to my cheek, the moist sensation prompts me to flutter open my eyelids.

  
"Swiftwind?" I mumble, rubbing my eyes and sitting up, my head protesting at the sudden movement. I massage my temples to find the horse looking down at me.

  
"Come on we should head back. Your friends haven't seen you for two days and it's still a long flight, we don't want them to worry." He explains. I bite my lip and draw my knees up to my chest.

  
"What's the point? I'm not needed anyway. I used to have a purpose and now I'm just uselessly lounging in the castle while others are starving and kicked out of their homes. Heck, I don't deserve to live in a castle while other people are suffering." I state bitterly. The horse lifts up a wing to pinch the bridge of his snout before staring back at me in annoyance.

  
"Adora we've talked about this! First of all, you're _**not** _useless, even if you can't fight you've got brilliant ideas and contributions that have helped plenty of times. Second of all, running away really isn't the answer. Brightmoon is your home." Swiftwind emphasises, but I just clutch my legs more tightly.

  
"Is it really? I used to think the Horde was my home and look how wrong that turned out to be! And ever since...the portal, Brightmoon has just felt colder. If anywhere is my real home it's where my family is, somewhere out of Despondos." I retort, my gaze fixed to the ground.

  
"Adora, Bow, Glimmer and the Princess Alliance are your family! And you've never been one to run from your problems before, so why now?" I jerk my head up at that comment.

  
"I'm not running away from my problems! It's just...maybe this is the only way to fix things. At least there will be no more arguments now. They all got along fine without me before I came into their lives, why is it any different if I leave now?" I demand with a taut face as the horse scans me critically before sighing.

  
"Before, they had Queen Angella. Do you really want them to lose someone else?" The words hit me harder than I thought it would, winding me completely as I drop my head shamefully at how selfish I'm being.

  
"I..." I trail off, my eyes flickering from side to side on thought. "...I hate it when you're right." I mutter which elicits a laugh from my stead as he leans down for me to climb aboard.

  
"I'll take that as a compliment. Now, hold on tight." Swifty cautions and when we're back in the air I can't help but inhale deeply, enjoying the freedom that flying brings. It's a little after evening when we finally arrive at the back gardens of Brightmoon.

  
"Thanks Swiftly." I say gratefully as I scratch his chin. But I'm pulled away from the action when I hear nearby voices.

  
"Gosh Bow this is all my fault! I shouldn't have shouted at her! What if she really left? Or something bad happened to her? Or worse, she's been _**kidnapped**_?!" The queen's frantic voice floats to my ears and I freeze in shock.

  
"Hey slow down! Maybe she went for some fresh air? You know, to clear her head." Bow soothes gently.

  
"But her bedside table has been tipped over! And I haven't seen her for three days now. Usually we bump into each other or something!" The teen cries out before her voice becomes muffled by what I assume is Bow pulling her into her a hug.

I feel something prodding me from behind and I glance back to find Swiftwind urging me forward. I gulp and round the corner to find Bow's hands on Glimmer's shoulders. They both turn at the sound of crunching leaves and stare at me in surprise before the archer hurls himself at me, pulling me into a strong hug, while Glimmer physically wilts in relief. After several moments, the techmaster pulls back slightly, but keeps his hands on my shoulders.

  
"Thank the stars you're alright. We were getting so worried. Are you alright? What happened? Glimmer says you've been missing for 3 days!" Bow fires out in one breath and I rub my arm self-consciously.

  
"Sorry, I went for a ride on Swiftwind and the time just slipped by." I mumble, refusing to focus on anything except the archer's concerned face.

  
"For 3 days?!" He exclaims in disbelief. I shrug, not wanting to tell them about my recent trip to the infirmary. _'It will only worry them more.'_ I try to convince myself, but deep inside I know that it's more about wanting to avoid another telling off.

Finally Bow releases me, but his eyebrow is raised sceptically, as if he doesn't believe me, but he doesn't push and steps to one side. His eyes falling on the queen. After an age I finally lift my gaze up to make eye contact with the teen. Her expression is unreadable as she eyes me from head to toe. The silence stretches into minutes as the air becomes more tense, finally the purple head opens her mouth.

  
"You should've left a note or something. We were close to sending out a search party." Glimmer reprimands.

  
"Sorry. I didn't realise I'd be gone for so long." I apologise with downcast eyes. The archer glances between the two of us before backing away.

  
"Well, I should inform the Captain that we found you!" Bow announces and heads quickly back inside just as Swiftwind appears by my side.

  
"Aren't you going to tell them?" The horse asks quietly.

  
"Tell us what?" The teen asks with a raised eyebrow. I shoot a glare at Swifty before shaking my head.

  
"Nothing! Swiftwind just wanted you to know how quick flying is and that we should do it more often!" I lie while clamping a hand over the animal's mouth. The purple head frowns, but doesn't question me any further.

  
"Alright. I'm going to head in for dinner." The queen states and starts to walk away. That is, until Swiftwind shakes my hand off.

  
"Adora spent the first day and a half in the infirmary!" Swifty blurts out, causing the queen to halt immediately before whipping round with wide eyes. I snap my neck to the side, glowering at my stead.

  
" _ **Swiftwind!**_ " I shout in betrayal just as Glimmer takes several steps towards me.

  
" _ **What?!**_ You were in the infirmary?! Why?" She questions, stopping half a metre away from me. I cross my arms and turn my head to the side.

  
"Just that dumb leg spasm, nothing new." I utter between grit teeth. A flash of indecision crosses the teen's face before she clutches her elbow insecurely. After a beat of silence she sighs and drops her arms to her sides.

  
"Come on, let's get something to eat." She finally forces out and I don't know whether to be relieved that she's not tumbling apologies or worried. I watch as she leads the way while I trudge behind her. Usually she'd fall in line with me, but not this time and that makes me wonder how badly did I screw things up.

Dinner is a quiet affair, with Bow trying to lighten the atmosphere, but the air is so thick that it could be sliced in half with a knife. The queen's face remains on her plate the entire time and I'm just reminded of how royally I mucked up, so as soon as I finish my plate I make a dash for my room. But alas sleep doesn't come and when it hits 1am I decide to go to the drawing room to draw up those plans of the Fright Zone that I've been putting off.

Collecting the required equipment of paper, pens and ruler, I seat myself at the table and begin to draw. My mind's eye flashes to various rooms and with them, certain memories. I chew my lip, trying to push them to the side as I continue sketching the layout. That is, until I sense someone's eyes on me. Looking up, I find the Queen standing by the door's entrance, her eyes surprised, as if not expecting me to be here.

  
"What are you doing here?" She follows up with. My heart sinks, _'I was hoping to avoid her.'_

  
"I-I was drawing up those plans of the Fright Zone." I mumble, flickering my gaze back down to the paper in front of me.

  
"Ok." The teen voices as she pulls her hand away from the door frame, ready to leave. I swallow. _'No. I can't let it be like this again.'_

  
"Glimmer wait." I call out, stopping the girl in her tracks as she turns to face me. Her face is stony and neutral. I bite my lip hard.

"I know my actions were so wrong and you have every right to be mad at me, but I'm so so sorry." I apologise regretfully.

  
"That doesn't change what you did. Those were my mum's most personal thoughts. At the very least you should've asked!" The teen retorts sharply and I flinch at her tone. My eyes becomes fixated on the wooden surface in front of me.

  
"I..." I trail off, not knowing how to respond to the queen. _'Dumb, dumb, dumb.'_ I berate myself just as my leg twitches in that all to familiar fashion.

  
"Why?" Comes the single worded question and I find myself unable to respond.

  
"I don't know." I finally whisper.

  
"That's _**not** _an answer!" Her voice rises an octave, but still I keep my irises on the wooden worktop. "How can you expect me to trust you around my stuff again?" The rigid question hits me hard and I have to swallow back the lump that bobs up and down my throat as I feel the backs of my eyes burning in shame. The twitching in my leg becomes more frequent and I know I should reach into my jacket pocket to pull out that dumb syringe but I'm so numb that I can't move. I'm so ashamed and worried that I've broken the trust that I tried so hard to gain from the purple head. "You're not going to say anything?!" The queen demands. My lips quiver, _'I've ruined everything.'_ The thought sends a painful rush of iciness across my body and I don't realise that the pain is emanating from my leg until I suddenly find the teen standing before me and crouching to my eye level.

  
"Do you have your syringe on you?" Glimmer asks quickly, her eyes darting from my spasming leg to my face.

  
"Pocket." I choke out and immediately the queen digs her hand into my jacket pocket to pull out said item and injects the liquid into my thigh. After several moments, the pain eases away. _'Great going Adora, you're going to be in crutches sooner than you think if you continue like this.'_ A silent voice taunts. It's a while before the purple head says anything and when she does I can see the exhaustion emanating from her entire being.

  
"Sorry." The teen mumbles with averted eyes. I chew my lip for a moment before finally deciding to speak up.

  
"No. It's...it's ok. I...I'm sorry. I'm _**so** _sorry." I swallow, as tears begin to line my eyelids. "I read your mum's diary because I just wanted to know how to fix things and I thought maybe some insight would be helpful but I'm such a fool for thinking this was the way to do it and...and...I'm so sorry that I betrayed your trust like that..." I trail off as my vision blurs. My breathing hitches slightly when I feel a hand on my thigh, but I don't dare to look up. It's only when a teardrop falls onto the girl's tanned hand do I hastily wipe at my face. But it's no use. More tears just replace those and I can't bring myself to wipe them away again. It's a full minute before the queen moves, and I'm surprised when I find a gentle hand tilting my chin back up to meet conflicted lavender orbs. I watch as she bites her lip, before swiping at the tears below my eyelids with her thumb.

  
"Don't cry. I hate seeing you cry." The purple head murmurs and that only makes the tears fall faster. I hear her release a soft sigh as her eyes bare into me.

  
"Did you really think this was the way to do it?" Glimmer asks lowly, her tone defeated, as if not willing to keep up this charade of anger or perhaps too exhausted to do so. She studies me carefully. I shrug helplessly.

  
"I don't know...I-I didn't know what else to do. I'm so sorry." I whisper, hanging my head in shame. I hear her exhale again.

  
"Let's just...forget this happened." The teen utters tightly, causing my head to jerk up in surprise.

  
"Really?" I voice in disbelief as the purple head turns her head to the side.

  
"Next time you go off, leave a note." I frown at the change of subject, but I don't get the chance to answer as the teen continues. "I went to the infirmary after dinner." The queen states, changing the subject again. I widen my eyes a fraction, praying that the doctor didn't inform the purple head of the most recent development about my leg.

  
"Oh." I breathe out as I watch the teen wearily.

  
"Apparently you blacked out and hit your head?" The teen queries, as if wanting confirmation while her face takes on a picture of guilt.

"Yeah. I forgot to put another injection in my jacket. Fortunately Swiftwind was nearby." I voice quietly as the teen clutches her elbow self-consciously, unable to meet my eyes.

  
"I'm sorry. Sometimes I forget..." I cut her off before she can continue.

  
"...that I'm disabled." I finish for her, but she widens her eyes at those words and shakes her head vigorously.

  
"You're _**NOT** _disabled!" She fires back venomously before taking on an unsure expression. "I forget that my words can hurt you physically."

  
"That's the very definition of a cripple. You have to behave a certain way around me because I can't handle what normal people can deal with." I retort bitterly. The purple head presses her lips tightly together as she watches me wearily.

  
"I didn't bring this up for us to talk about that. I just...wanted to apologise." The queen comments stiffly. I exhale softly.

  
"You don't need to apologise. It's my fault anyway. I shouldn't have..." I leave the sentence dangling, not willing to finish it.

  
"Let's just move past this. I need to head to head to bed and you should probably get some more sleep. I'll see you tomorrow." The teen decides. I nod slowly and when she teleports away I slump my shoulders. _'Why does it feel like nothing is resolved? Oh yeah that's right, because it **hasn't**. I didn't tell her the truth, not about my leg and not about what I read in her mum's diary.'_ I sigh and roll onto my stomach. _'Why is it so hard for us to open up?! I find it difficult and she finds it difficult and in the end our friendship is going to go into tatters if this continues. Well, that's if it hasn't already.'_ I think ruefully and bury my head into the table-top. _'When will fate stop being so cruel?'_ I complain before deciding to finally switch off for the night.

~=~

The next few days between Glimmer and I are awkward to say the least. It's hard to pretend nothing happened when there's a touch of distrust in those lavender orbs of hers. Of course I could just be imagining it. I mean the teen hasn't gone out of her way to avoid me or anything, but something feels off and stiff between us and considering things were already difficult, this just complicates things. It doesn't help that I can't stop thinking about what Angella wrote in her diary, about the First Ones and the first queen. _'What was she about to say? Maybe she knows where I came from? Maybe I can finally get some answers to the billions of questions I have.'_

So far I've been too much of a coward to bring it up with the purple head. Especially considering the amount of mess it's put me in thus far, but when another week passes and the curiosity is just about ready to kill me, I decide to subtly bring it up at dinner when it's just the two of us. I twirl the fork in my hands, absent-mindedly spinning the spaghetti around the utensil while stealing fervent glances at the Queen who sits across me, cutting her slice of steak in silence as her eyes skim over a report set on the table at her right. I bring the fork up to my mouth, taking a small bite before twirling the utensil once more.

  
"Alright, what's up? You've been staring at me all evening." The Queen asks as she looks up from the paper in front of her to pin me with curious eyes. I swallow, not realising how painfully obvious I was being. I fiddle with the handle for a moment, trying to think of the best way to phrase my next words.

  
"I...erm...have you er...you know...erm..." I trail off, earning an amused chuckle from the purple head.

  
"Adora, I can't read minds." The teen reminds as she puts down her knife while raising her fork to take a bite of her cut up steak, her eyes watching me carefully. I chew the inside if my cheek and decide to just get it over and done with.

  
"Have you read more of your mum's journal by any chance?" I force out in a rush and I immediately regret it when the queen stiffens in response before slowly lowering her hand back to her plate and pinning me with that steely hard gaze of hers. After several beats of silence she finally speaks up.

  
"I haven't. I've been a bit caught up with other things. Why?" She asks as a frown makes its way across her face. I drop my eyes back to my plate, playing with the utensil once more.

  
"There was...something she wrote. I guess I just wanted some clarification." I mumble vaguely, ready to drop the subject if things go downhill. I flicker my eyes up and observe as the teen chews slowly before swallowing, her face neutral as she goes over my words in her mind.

  
"What sort of things?" Glimmer queries haltingly, as if worried by something but for the life of me I can't figure out what.

  
"She mentioned something about the tale of the first queen and her sister, a First One?" I elaborate as the teen tilts her head to one side.

  
"The tale of the first queen? That sounds vaguely familiar. I think my mum might've told it to me as a bedtime story when I was a kid. I don't recall anything about a First One though. Are you sure you read that right?" The purple head recalls, scrunching her nose up in thought. I shrug.

  
"Probably not. It's silly, forget I said anything." I urge, suddenly feeling ridiculous for bringing it up. _'Its just some fairy-tale Adora, it's not real!'_ I berate internally. Glimmer watches me for a moment, a thoughtful expression on her face before blinking out of existence. I balk at the action and a surge of panic runs through me. _'Oh my gosh why did I bring it up?! I just reminded Glimmer of the reason why she should be upset with me!'_ I'm just about to slap my forehead when the queen reappears at her chair, a journal in her hands. I gape as she pushes her plate to one side and places the book in front of her before looking up and motioning with her head for me to come round.

  
"Come on, let's have a look at it together." Glimmer beckons. My jaw drops.

  
"What?" I echo dumbly.

  
"I said, let's have a look at it. I can't really remember the tale because it was so long ago, but maybe reading parts of it will jog my memory." The teen explains while flicking a couple of pages in the book, but I remain frozen in my seat.

  
"B-But I thought you didn't want me to read it? You were mad and everything." I point out anxiously, wondering if this is a test of some kind. A quiet sigh escapes the purple head as she fixes her gaze on me.

  
"That's not why I was mad. I was hurt that you thought it was alright to just read my mum's personal thoughts without asking me and doing it behind my back. But, let's just forget about it. Besides, if there's some information about the First Ones, then it's only fair that you know about it." Glimmer expresses while turning a few more pages in the book. My eyes well up at her consideration and I round the table to take a seat beside her just as she pushes the book to the centre for us both to read. "Ok when was this entry?" The teen asks.

  
"When Shadow Weaver first came to Brightmoon and said that I was from another planet." I answer, watching as the queen nods.

  
"That makes sense I guess." She murmurs as she continues flicking through the pages until she finally stops towards the end of the journal, she looks up at me with a raised eyebrow. "Wait, you read _**all** _this?!" She exclaims in shock and I shrink back, nodding slightly. Whatever the teen was going to say dies off her lips as she snaps her jaws to a close and looks back down at the book, pulling it up for a closer look as her eyes skim through the lines. I chew the inside of my cheek at the silence, wondering if I just went and mucked things up more, until the teen starts reading aloud. I perk up my ears as the words I read that night are repeated back to me:

  
_It seems preposterous and yet it sounds all too similar to an old fairy-tale my mother once told me as a child._

_The story of the first queen and the First Ones or back then the queen and her younger sister who left her home to explore the galaxy. A time when stars existed. Yet I believed that was just a story that my mother used to entertain me with, but now I can't help but wonder whether there's some truth to it? If that's the case, what does that mean for Adora? For me? For Glimmer? Could it mean..._

I hold my breath as anxiety claws at me. ' _This is the sentence that has been haunting me ever since I read it.'_ But as I wait to hear the next word, Glimmer breaks off as she stares at the page in disbelief. Whatever it is, it must've been so unexpected as the journal slips from the purple head's fingers and clatters onto the table. I flicker my eyes to and fro, between the book and the queen's frozen expression of shock, until I finally stretch an arm out to the Queen. But before I can even make contact she swivels her head towards me, her lavender orbs taking me in as if I were a different person.

  
"Glimmer?" I probe hesitantly. It's enough to break her out of her stupor as she shakes her head, speechless. "What...what did Angella write?" I inquire. Wordlessly the queen pushes the book towards me. I glance at the teen, still unsure if I should read it, but when Glimmer jerks her head towards the book, I finally allow my gaze to drop to the pages:

_Could it mean that there are some familial ties between Adora and the royal family...to Glimmer and I? Of course it would be a very distant relation, but a blood tie nonetheless._

_From the old tales it is said that the queen's sister left her homeland and began a family beyond the stars - her offspring being the seed of the First Ones and their legendary civilisation. But I suppose it is just a tale and there are counter stories. Some even say the First Ones were around long before the sister left and she made a family with one of them along her travels._

_If that's the case then it's highly unlikely that there is a relation. Unless of course, Adora is a descendent from that single family...which would explain why the sword chose her, having a distant connection to a long forgotten magical past. But perhaps I'm letting my muse run a little too wild here. I suppose it must be because I've come to think of Adora as part of our small family. Well, I think that's enough writing for one day._

A ball of emotion lodges at the back of my throat at the second to last sentence. _'She...she thought of me as part of her family?'_ The revelation hits me hard and I clutch the hardcover tightly. Somehow Angella's loss just hurts even _**more** _with that knowledge and I didn't think that was possible. Her words in that distorted world flashes in my mind's eye. The worry and fear painted along her face as she said;

  
_"And you'll come back too?"_

I swallow, _'s-she didn't want to lose me.'_ That realisation burns a hole in my already aching heart. ' _Someone cared that much about me, to the point they'd sacrifice their life just to save me. No one's **ever** done that before. All this time I thought Angella saved me because I was She-ra, because I was needed to fight in this war. But really? She didn't want to lose me.'_ Abruptly I push my chair back, getting to my feet. The movement is enough to shake the teen out of her daze as she looks up at me in confusion.

  
"Adora?" She voices, but I can't stay put to talk and I _**know** _there are more pressing things that needs to be discussed like the fact that the two of us could potentially be related or the fact that this weird passage in some old book is starting to make a lot more sense. But the only thought that's racing around in my mind is the fact that Queen Angella gave herself up for _**me**_ , not for the world or the war, but for _**ME** _and I can't deal with that.

  
"I-I need some space." I choke out and back away slowly before sprinting out of the room.

  
"Adora!" Glimmer shouts behind me, but I skid down a side corridor, hiding behind a pillar just as the queen teleports, probably hoping to cut me off, only to find the main hallway empty. I watch as she spins around, eyes darting from side to aide. "Shoot! Where did she go?" I hear her mutter before she goes running down a different side corridor. I sigh in relief before sliding down the wall and onto the ground in despair.

My head drops into my hands as I stare at the ground. _'I really am the reason that Angella's gone. Glimmer...wasn't wrong.'_ I feel my throat constricting at the bullish truth. _'Why would she do that?! Why would she give up her home, her status, her daughter - for me?! I'm not worth it! Things could've went back to how they were. Sure Bow and Glimmer would be upset but at least I would've left their lives as suddenly as I entered it. They would've got over it eventually. Why did she have to care?'_

I bite the inside of my cheek. _'Don't pretend that you didn't want her to care. That's all you wanted right? A family that genuinely cares about you, a **real** mother figure.'_ A voice taunts. I dig my fingers deeper into my skull. _'I shouldn't have wormed my way into their lives, I should've...should've acted like a soldier, then Angella wouldn't have felt the need to sacrifice herself. But I was so selfish, I wanted to be loved so badly. Aurgh its been a year and I'm still not over it!'_

My eyes widen and my head jerks up. _'Wait, if **I'm** not over it, then how is Glimmer still handling it?! Stars, how much is she hurting alone?'_ I chew my lip vigorously. _'Its not like she'd tell me, if she is.'_ I think bitterly. A hollow sigh escapes from my lips as I rest my head against the wall. The swirling patterns etched into the ceiling helps break me out of these negative feelings. _'I-Is it possible that I could be related to Glimmer? That would be insane and yet...nice. To have a blood relative is something out of dreams. Not to mention the chance to finally learn about my origins. Maybe I should go and find Glimmer. But...what if she'll be mad at me for running off? Or what if she realises that I really am the reason her mother is gone?'_

I shrink back into the wall. _'I'll just...stay here.'_ I think quietly, huddling closer to the tall green plant before pulling out that earring from my pocket. Hesitant fingers trace its smooth edge, wondering what it would be like to have a permanent place here. _'I wonder if this will change things between Glimmer and I. Will this be the thing to push us together again? Or will it tear us further apart?'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so wow. A LOT to dissect here. One of them being Adora being entirely oblivious to how much Angella cared about her, I think that was really in canon and I can imagine her thinking this stuff. And obviously there's the bombshell. What do you think?? Which idea do you think is more likely? Always curious to hear theories and thoughts XD
> 
> Ok, I actually did lose my original copy of a chunk of this chapter - I was meant to press copy, but ended up pressing cut. Needless to say I felt like screaming when it happened. I hastily wrote the parts I tried to remember but of course it didn't flow as well as it did when I first wrote it, so if you find this chapter a bit off, that's why.  
> Next chapter we go to Glimmer for her thoughts on all this!


	26. Will this Change Things?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glimmer has a talk with Bow about the possibility of being related to Adora.  
> AND  
> Glimmer and Adora talk to clear up a few things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone had an awesome Christmas & Boxing day?  
> So I know I've been side-lining Bow a bit, so I've given him some more speaking parts here.  
> Hope you enjoy.

**6 hours later:**

  
**Glimmer's POV:**

  
I shoot daggers at my bowl of pasta as I fiddle with the fork in my hands, pushing the pasta back and forth.

  
"So, no luck in finding her?" Bow asks from his seat across from me. A groan escapes past my lips as I sag back against my chair.

  
"No. I've looked everywhere. I even spent a couple of hours in the barn waiting for Swiftwind to show up, only to find out that even he doesn't know where she is." I complain, as I release my hold on the utensil causing it to clatter loudly against the ceramic surface.

  
"Well...do you think it's true?" The archer asks after a moment of silence. I run a hand through my purple hair.

  
"I don't know!" I exclaim as I self-consciously grip my elbow. "It would be weird if it was." I add under my breath, but I forget what impeccable hearing the rebel has as he lowers his spoon in confusion.

  
"Why's that? We're all practically a family anyway, so what if it becomes a little bit more literal?" The techmaster asks with a raised eyebrow. I shrug helplessly.

  
"It's just strange. I mean, does that mean I'm a First One too? And what does this mean for our dynamic? Things are already strained between us. The last thing we need is...all this." I mimic making random circles in the air with my hands. I watch as my best friend raises his other eyebrow before reaching for a napkin.

  
"Firstly, I think it's unlikely that you're a First One since you can't read First One writing. The most likely answer to this is that your ancestor married into a First One family and therefore the chance of you and Adora being related is close to zero. Second of all, why does your dynamic need to change at all? If anything this should make the two of you closer. Heck, the fact that you might have another relative outside your aunt should make you happy and yet...you're not." Bow explains rationally as he pierces me with those warm brown eyes of his.

  
"You're right, you're right. It's just...finding out that your best friend could actually be related to you just complicates things. We're trying to move past the whole portal business but it's hard and aurgh I'm not explaining this very well am I?" I say when I catch the crinkle forming across the boy's forehead.

  
"Yeah you really aren't." He answers bluntly before following it up by a chuckle when I pin him with a scowl.

  
"I just have a bad experience with my family so far. I mean, I got into frequent arguments with my mum. My dad's gone. My aunt is...to put it bluntly - an oblivious scatterbrain. So I'm scared that things will get worse with Adora. It's like things in my family are doomed to get worse and I don't want that to happen with her." I admit, dropping my gaze to the polished table. When a warm hand lands on top of mine, I glance up into the gentle face of my best friend.

  
"Sometimes bad things happen Glimmer. But that doesn't mean they're doomed to be repeated. Maybe try and investigate how much of all this is true before jumping to conclusions. Maybe all this really is just a fairy-tale." Bow advices, giving my hand a squeeze before retracting his limb. The corner of my mouth twitches up into a smile.

  
"Yeah, you're right. Thanks Bow." I agree gratefully, beaming up at the boy who gazes at me with proud eyes.

  
"Why don't you have a last look for Adora while I do some more work on my tracker-pad?" I sigh at the mention of the girl's name. My mind thinking back to her frantic behaviour earlier today, I frown.

  
"Hey Bow, why do you think Adora acted that way? I know it's shocking but..." I pause to bite my lip. "...it almost seems like she was scared, like she didn't want to be related to me." I utter as hurt courses through my veins. _'I know we've had a lot of downs lately, but I didn't think us being related would be the worst possible thing.'_ I voice silently, wounded by the implication that maybe Adora doesn't want us to be related. Bow seems to miss the real reason for my question as he shrugs cluelessly.

  
"She probably was just surprised. I mean I fell off my chair when you told me and I'm not even involved." He jokes before going for another bite of his meal. I smile faintly.

  
"Yeah." I mumble, unconvinced and feeling even more anxious about talking to the blonde. I push back my chair and get to my feet. "Ok I'm going to look for her again." I announce.

  
"Good luck. I'm sure the two of you will figure it out." The techmaster encourages and with a wave I blink out of sight, trying to retrace my steps from earlier.

I look down the two corridors I ran in earlier and turn to my right to peer down the third corridor that I didn't. Immediately I catch sight of something red between the green bush and feel like slapping my forehead for missing something that obvious. I tip toe towards the blonde, not wanting her to sprint off again. But I needn't bother as I find the girl sitting on the ground with her knees up, fast asleep. Her head is leaning against the wall behind her while her eyes are closed as she breathes softly. I watch her fondly, a warm sensation tugs at my heart strings. Quietly, I crouch down beside her and slip a feather-like hand behind her head and the backs of her knees and teleport to her room. Just as I lay the former Horde soldier on her bed, she stirs, releasing a string of incoherent grumblings as she squints in the dark.

  
"Glimmer?" She mumbles as she tries to get up but I push her back down.

  
"Shh sleep." I murmur softly and observe as the woman's eyes flicker to a close. I smile and get ready to leave until I feel a hand on my wrist. Looking back I find the honorary Princess' eyes still closed.

  
"Stay...please." Adora whispers. I hesitate for a moment, _'the last time we shared a bed it did not end well. But...we're not in my room this time.'_ I peel the woman's fingers off me, give her a hand a squeeze and teleport to the other side of the bed. I pull back the covers before covering the two of us with it. The hero rolls over onto her side to face me, her hand mindlessly searching for something until it clasps around my hand. At which she exhales softly and soon her breathing evens out. In the meanwhile I feel my heart racing at the action. _'Maybe...maybe I was wrong and Adora does want us to be related?'_ My heart swells at the possibility and I find myself shifting closer to my best friend to sling an arm around her in a half hug. I smile contentedly and finally drift off.

**Next Morning:**

  
When I next awaken, I find Adora already up, sitting cross legged on the bed and deep in thought. I push myself up and lean against the bedrest.

  
"Hey." I greet, pulling the girl out of her thoughts as she turns to me with a small smile.

  
"Hey. I'm sorry about yesterday." The blonde apologises, her eyes briefly flickering away from mine. I swallow, fiddling with the edge of the cover.

  
"You scared me." I admit, watching as the soldier hunches her shoulders up in guilt.

  
"I'm sorry." She repeats again, yet offering no explanation regarding her behaviour. I purse my lips, deciding to just be blunt about it.

  
"Does...does it scare you that much that we might be related?" My question receives an unexpected response as the woman whips her head towards me and widens her eyes almost comically. She blinks twice before slapping her forehead.

  
"Oh gosh you thought...aurgh I'm such a jerk." She mutters in frustration before dropping her hand to her lap and pinning me with a sincere gaze, her face scrunching together slightly. "That wasn't the reason why I ran off. If we were related...that would be a real joy." Adora murmurs softly. I bite my lip, my gaze dropping briefly to the duvet before glimpsing back up.

  
"Then why did you run?" I query as both confusion and anxiety etches itself into my face. I watch as the blonde turns her head to one side.

  
"I was overwhelmed about how much..." The Princess of Power pauses, as if struggling with her next words. I frown, ready to stretch out my hand to comfort her, but she pulls herself together and carries on. "...how much Angella cared about me." My heart stops at hearing my mother's name, it often does, but currently I'm bewildered at the woman's reaction to that knowledge and I tilt my head to one side, still confused.

  
"Why is that overwhelming?" I echo with a raised eyebrow. I watch as the blonde taps one finger against the side of her thigh, her eyes looking everywhere but at me.

  
"Because I've never had someone that cared about me that much. I'm...I should be expendable, but Queen Angella, she...she didn't think so. I suddenly realised that she didn't save me because I'm She-ra or because I'm needed to fight in this war, but simply because I'm _**me**_. She saved me because I'm Adora...someone she considered family and someone who was worth giving her life for." My best friend explains. I find my lips moving up and down wordlessly, not knowing how to reply to that and definitely not gathering all that from a single entry. _'I was so focused on the fact that Adora and I might be related that I didn't consider the minor details. Or at least, minor to me.'_ The blonde must've taken my silence as a note of disapproval as she drops her head slightly. "You must hate me." She whispers. The words put my thoughts to an instant halt as my jaws slackens in shock.

  
"Why on earth would I hate you?!" I ask incredulously. I observe as the woman fidgets in discomfort.

  
"Well because if it wasn't for me, your mum would still..." I lift a hand and shoot her a withering glare, effectively cutting the blonde off.

  
"I told you. That wasn't your fault." I voice sternly. She swallows.

  
"But that was before. Now you know that your mum stayed behind because she cared about me personally and not out of a sense of duty." Adora explains earnestly, as if wanting me to be mad at her. I frown at the thought, suddenly wondering how often was the woman told off during her time in the Horde. I sigh, eyeing the Princess of Power seriously.

  
"Adora, I knew how my mum felt about you. I didn't need to read her journal to find that out and...I thought you knew that too." I explain carefully and watch as a range of emotions flicker through the blonde's face as she gawks at me.

  
"Wait, you _**knew?!**_ But how?" She asks, her face a complete picture of disbelief. _'Jeez, was the Horde so against showing the most minor forms of affection?!'_ I think incredulously.

  
"Her actions. I mean, I thought it was obvious when she didn't want you to talk to Shadow Weaver." I point out, but the girl shakes her head in refusal.

  
"I thought she was worried that I'll be brainwashed or something." Adora mutters. Both my eyebrows shoot up to my hairline. _'Jeez, if Adora was oblivious to that, then how many other times has she been oblivious to mine and Bow's forms of affection towards her?!'_

  
"No! It's because she didn't want to put you through that again. Adora..." I pause, trying to collect my thoughts and realising that I'm having a full fledged conversation about my mum, but in a way that I never imagined doing. "...my mum loved you like another daughter." I choke out, my throat closing around the words, reminding me of all the times I behaved as the worst daughter. Pale blue eyes crumple at my words and I'm hit with the reminder that the word 'love' is a sensitive one in the ex-Horde soldier's dictionary. "My mum cared about you so much and that's why she did what she did." I continue, pushing through the lump in my throat, knowing that Adora needs to hear this, despite how much it pains me to keep saying it, to keep remembering my failings.

  
"But then you were right. It is my fault she's gone." The blonde expresses with a quiver in her lips as she waits anxiously for my response. I reach forward for the woman's hands and clutch them tight.

  
"I told you. It's not your fault. It's no different than if I were the one in your shoes. You can't control who chooses to love you and you certainly can't blame yourself over it. My mum sacrificed herself as if _**I**_ were the one in your place; it wouldn't make sense if I started blaming myself for it, would it? Be happy that you had the chance to be loved so dearly rather than feel guilty over it." I answer fiercely.

  
"But...!" She starts but I shake my head viciously.

  
"No buts." I express firmly, pressing my lips tightly together, as if daring the blonde to say another word in refute. Her jaws snap to a close as she dips her head slightly. After a moment I hear a soft exhale escaping the Princess of Power.

  
"Alright." Adora utters, lifting her head up to meet my eye. _'I'm not sure if I've convinced her if the slight twitch at the corner of her lip is any indication, but I don't know what else to say to change her mind.'_ When I don't respond, the woman awkwardly taps the surface of her palm against her thigh twice, stealing several glances at me before quickly looking ahead of her.

Finally on the fourth glance, she opens her mouth. "So, the whole related thing?" She probes hesitantly. I feel my eyebrow twitch slightly.

  
"Yeah?" I pose as a query, wondering where her line of thought is. Her tapping pauses and she rests her hands on her lap.

  
"Do...do you think its true?" Comes the same question that has been running through my head since I read it. I run a hand through my hair, unsure on what to say.

  
"I don't know." I admit, watching as the blonde glances away. "I talked to Bow and he thinks its more likely that my ancestor married a First One, which makes sense since I can't read First One writing." I continue as byway of explanation, retelling her what Bow and I were discussing. A flash of disappointment crosses those pale blue eyes. The blonde forces a smile to her lips.

  
"Right. Is...is there anyway you can find out?" Adora asks, her expression hopeful. I'm taken back by how much she seemingly likes the idea of us being related. _'Does she not find it weird? Like at all?!'_ I think in slight surprise, before trying to recall any information to answer her query.

  
"Well, there is an archive that catalogues all of the past queens. I suppose the first queen may have written something about her sister? But it's a stretch." I suggest, not wanting to get the girl's hopes too high. But I think I've failed in that regard when the blonde's eyes widen in determination.

  
"Let's go and check it out!" Adora exclaims while jumping to her feet earnestly, but I'm already shaking my head in refusal.

  
"We can't. There's a meeting today and Bow and I have to go on a mission afterwards." I state and just like that the former Horde solider deflates like a balloon. Her shoulders sag and disappointment shines through her blue orbs.

  
"Oh." She mutters and I bite my lip, hating to be the one that's letting her down. I rise to my feet and clasp my hands together in front of me.

  
"But, maybe when I get back?" I suggest, causing the woman to perk up slightly as a half smile graces her face.

  
"Ok. What's this mission that you're going on?" Adora asks, her face scrunched up as if she tries to remember a time when it was mentioned, but she won't. Remember it, that is.

  
"It will be explained in the meeting." I say simply, not wanting to butt heads this early on in the day. The blonde quirks an eyebrow, as if sensing the reason for my vagueness, but thankfully she doesn't push.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning from now, it's going to be a long time before we breach the subject of whether the two are related or not, so don't worry if you think I've forgotten it or anything as the chapters move on - it will come back...in the least of expected ways XD  
> Second warning? In the next few chapters I've dialled up the angst to near max, so you may want to do something that makes you happy before reading the upcoming chapters because it gets heated and painful XD And we'll be sticking to Glimmer's POV for a little longer too.  
> So thoughts?
> 
> Next chapter? Expect some serious butting of heads.
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	27. Heated Disagreements

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glimmer and Adora get into an argument over a mission. The fractures that they were ignoring in their friendship starts to widen.  
> AND  
> More friendship jealousy ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually really like this chapter and the upcoming few...is that bad? XD  
> It's a bit on the shorter side, to give you guys a little breather and also because it was the best place to end it heh.  
> Well, hope you enjoy :D

**Glimmer's POV:**

**After the meeting:**

  
I exit the meeting hall, massaging my aching temples, only to be stopped by Adora blocking the corridor. And unfortunately for me the rest of the Princess Alliance have already left to prepare for our mission. When I see the scowl on the girl's face, I can already feel a migraine coming on.

  
"So you're planning to try and take Catra hostage. Are you crazy?!" The blonde shouts while flinging her arms out in front of her. I inhale deeply in an attempt to soothe my already fraying nerves.

  
"If we can capture her then we might be able to put a halt to Hordak's plans or at least get some new intel." I try to explain patiently, but the former Horde soldier isn't listening.

  
"Hordak isn't going to stop if you capture her! He doesn't care about anyone. If anything, he'll probably be more motivated to fight if you capture her." Adora states urgently. I cluck my tongue against the roof of my mouth.

  
"Even if that's the case, we will still glean vital information which is currently something we need." I emphasise strongly, but the girl remains as stubborn as usual.

  
"She's Catra! Catra doesn't break easily, if at all! You will _**not** _be getting anything out of her and thus this mission is both a waste of time and dangerous!" The blonde argues. I bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from saying something that I know I'll regret.

  
"Adora. We are losing. The Horde has been several steps ahead ever since the portal incident. We _**can't** _keep losing territory like this. This is our best bet, whether you agree with it or not." I state firmly. I watch as the woman clenches her jaw while her sharp eyes pierce straight through me.

  
"No. This isn't right. Kidnapping someone isn't right." Adora finally says, her voice dropping a pitch. I feel my eyebrow twitching at her response.

  
"If I recall correctly, that's what Bow and I did when we met you." I point out.

  
"That's different! You didn't intend to go out of your way to capture me. Plus I _**wanted** _to go with you. But this is a downright plot to capture her. That's not what the rebellion is about; we don't take prisoners!" The honorary Princess retorts which acts as the final straw on the camel's back.

  
"Are you sure that's the reason? Or is it because you and Catra are best friends?" I sneer. The girl's eyes harden.

  
"Firstly, that's history and secondly that's not true." Adora denies, her stance stiffening. I cross my arms.

  
"You know I find that hard to believe considering how chummy the two of you were the last time you interacted." I state with a snort. Adora's jaws clench even harder to the point I can see a vein throbbing at her mandible.

  
"You _**know** _that's not true. It's sickening that I have to defend myself to you! Maybe Catra was right. You are jealous!" I stiffen at the accusation, hating how close it runs to the truth.

  
"What on earth would I be jealous about?!" I retort more smoothly than I feel. A second later the blonde mimics me with my crossed arms.

  
"Oh I don't know. Maybe it's something to do with the fact that Catra and I have known each other our whole lives and been through things you'll never understand." The Princess suggests sarcastically. I clench my teeth together.

  
"Are we seriously having this conversation?!" I voice in a mixture of anger and disbelief. Shaking my head, I drop my arms to my sides. "You know what? I don't have time for this. I've got more important things to do then squabble over the whole who knows who better." I voice sternly, hoping that's enough to quieten the woman as I push past her, but she's not quite done with me yet.

  
"It's Catra! _**She** _knows me better!" I falter at the blonde's holler, my heart ramming itself against my ribcage as if ready to explode. A lump lodges in my throat and after a moment I force my paralysed legs forward, not willing to turn around, not wanting to show the woman how much her words had hurt me.

I don't respond and continue walking away. She doesn't go after me and for that I'm glad. Or really I'm not because maybe she'd have gone after me if I was Catra, like she did in Thaymore. My eyes sting with unshed tears but I ignore them. _'I need to focus. I don't care what Adora thinks. If I'm not good enough for her then...fine.'_ I think, but my heart knows that I'm lying to myself.

**10 hours Later:**

  
To say I didn't expect this would be a lie. I knew it would be difficult to capture her. Heck I wasn't sure if we could. Catra is just too devious and cunning for her own good. _'You'd think the Princess Alliance would be enough to capture her, but nope. She has ways of slipping out of your grasp and then she had the gall to disappear completely. What a waste of effort.'_ And as much as I hate to admit it. Adora definitely would've been able to lure in the cat if she were with us, she has that effect on the Second in Command. _'Not like I'd tell her that though.'_

A wince escapes me and I look down to find my hand clenching into a fist, aggravating the long gash along my palm for today's effort. _'What a waste.'_ I grumble to myself and make a beeline towards the First Aid storage unit. Grabbing a set of fresh bandages, I stroll back towards my room, too tired to teleport myself to my chambers after teleporting non-stop all day. My eyes have become fuzzy with the constant flash of sparkles and even I've become sick of seeing that familiar blinding light that I've known for nearly as long as I can remember.

 _'I just hope I don't bump into a certain someone.'_ And I can't help but wonder if that's the cause of today's failed mission. The fact that I couldn't get Adora's words out of my mind for the entire day, no matter how hard I tried. It shouldn't bother me as much as it did. But it does. It still burns as if if wasn't hours ago since it occurred. The fact that Adora still cares about Catra. Heck probably even more than Bow and I just makes my heart throb painfully. I know it's unfair. I mean, Bow and I have a special bond. But, I've come to look at Adora like she was another Bow, someone I could've grown up with if fate was a little kinder.

That doesn't matter though. Not to Adora anyway. I'll just always be... _ **second** _best. Heck, maybe third best with how Bow and her get along so swimmingly. My feet come to an abrupt halt as I feel the blood rushing to my hand, pulsing repeatedly in pain. I swallow and close my eyes briefly, just wanting to forget the hurt. Or at least, stop it from bothering me, _'why did it have to bother me?!'_ I think angrily as I finally arrive to my room and push open the door.

My jaw drops at the sight before me, Adora sitting by the window on the couch, her arms crossed while her eyes remain unfocused. That is, until she notices my presence and looks up. I feel my heart twisting in an ugly sort of way and subconsciously I clench my hands, ignoring the added pain that it elicits from my open wound.

  
"What are you doing here?" I ask harshly. Then it hits me, I widen my eyes and before I can think about it I teleport to my bed, scrambling for my journal to find it exactly where I left it, but still suspicion runs deep through my veins. A second later I appear before the blonde who has risen to her feet with a confused expression until her eyes land on the book in my hand. Realisation hits her a moment later, as a flash of hurt and guilt crosses her blue orbs.

  
"I didn't!" She voices while shaking her head. I narrow my eyes at her.

  
"How can I believe you?" The words shoot out of my mouth before I can stop them and I cringe when she hunches her shoulders up as betrayal is etched across her features, which is crazy since _**I**_ was the one she betrayed and not the other way around. But still I feel the taste of bile rising up in my throat.

  
"I promise you I didn't." Adora insists and when I see the pleading look in her eyes, I decide to believe her. I quickly return the book to its original spot before standing in front of the woman once more.

  
"Why are you here?" I repeat, my tone losing its hostile edge. The Princess of Power slumps her shoulders, as if taking my tone as a sign that I'm willing to believe her.

  
"I..." The blonde trails off as her attention zones in on the package of bandages in my other hand. Her irises rise sharply to meet mine as she takes a step closer. I have to fight the urge to step back, but my flinch is enough of a message for the woman as she hesitates before taking her next step. "Are you hurt?" She asks softly, her gaze scanning me up and down, as if looking for any sign of injury. I clench my wounded hand.

  
"It's nothing to worry about." I voice seriously, but it doesn't hinder the girl.

  
"Please Glimmer." Adora pleads and the wall around my heart cracks ever so slightly. I feel my eyes subconsciously softening.

  
"Really. I'm fine." I insist, but I foolishly forgot that those are words I should not use as a moment later I find the woman's hands on my shoulders.

  
"Where?" The blonde states sternly and with a sigh I open my hand and lift it to eye-level. The former Horde soldier's lips quiver slightly and before I know it she's leading me to the couch and opening the packet of bandages. Gently, she takes my hand in hers, inspecting it closely and dabbing at the steady flow of blood with a tissue from a nearby table. I watch as she furrows her eyebrows together in concentration, while her lips remain tightly pressed together.

I hiss when one dab is a little too firm and guilty eyes flicker up to mine before returning back to the appendage. "Sorry." She mumbles and carefully starts to wrap the gash up. When the woman finishes, she gently places my hand in my lap before staring down at her own.

  
"You still didn't answer my question." I remind, in an attempt to break the silence. The rebel jerks her head slightly, but doesn't seem able to answer me.

  
"How did the mission go?" The blonde opts to ask instead. I narrow my eyes. _'Of course. She wants to know if we've caught her old best friend or not.'_

  
"You'll be happy to know that we didn't catch Catra." I state bluntly. A range of emotions flicker through the rebel's face, but the most prominent is relief and concern.

  
"I'm sorry." The former Horde soldier provides unhelpfully. I shake my head in frustration at her gall and abruptly shoot up to my feet.

  
"I'm going to sleep. Goodnight." I bid roughly, ready to hop onto my floating steps until Adora also rises to her feet, a protest on her lips.

  
"Wait!" I halt at the command, turning only slightly to catch her conflicted expression. The silence is stifling, but I refuse to be the one to break it. "This morning...I...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have..." The honorary Princess trails off after a series of stumbling words. My jaws tense.

  
"It doesn't matter." I retort blandly, ready to end this conversation and this day.

  
"No! It does matter. I just felt this wasn't the way, but it's your decision and I should've respected that." Adora expresses sincerely. And I know she's trying, she really is. But I'm too wounded by this morning's events to move past it, especially knowing that it's _**true**_.

  
"Fine, whatever." I mutter and jump slightly when I feel a hand around my wrist.

  
"Glimmer, I'm _**trying** _to apologise." The blonde voices, her face taunt at my refusal to meet her eyes.

  
"Adora, I'm tired. My hand is aching and I just want to sleep. Ok?" I snap, causing the hand at my wrist to withdraw. I bite the inside of my cheek, knowing that I'm being brash, but I'm too exhausted to do anything about it.

  
"O-oh of course. Erm...mind if I sleep here tonight?" Adora asks hesitantly and immediately my mind flashes to the last time I allowed her to sleep in my room. Before I know it, I'm shaking my head in refusal. The woman's face falls as she takes a step back. "R-Right. I'll just, leave you in peace. Sorry I wasted your time." The rebel mumbles as she moves towards the door and if anything that makes me feel worse.

  
"Adora-..." I start, but the Princess is already opening the door. She looks up briefly.

  
"Goodnight." She bids and quickly exits, leaving me alone and feeling terrible. I groan loudly, slapping my forehead hard at how harsh I was on the girl. I trudge up the steps and collapse on my bed. After several moments, I reach for my journal and pen. I wince slightly at the position my injured hand has to take to write, but I ignore it, because the need to write is too great.

_Dear Diary,_

  
_It's so unfair! I should be the one upset and hurt, NOT Adora! She's the one that blatantly said that she prefers Catra over me. I mean, not in so many words, but that's what she implied. That hurts. I thought that everything we went through together would make our bond special...unique. But turns out that her and Catra have been through stuff in the Horde for their whole lives. I-I can't compete with that._

_I thought I was special to her, like...like how she's special to me. But apparently not. Someone else takes up that mantle and I'm just...another friend. That really hurts. My dumb heart won't stop throbbing in pain. Why can't I just ignore it? Or forget it? Why do I care that much?! 4 years ago we didn't even know the other existed! And now she has the gall to be upset because I want some space! How unfair!_

_But...why do I feel so guilty about it? Maybe I should apologise, at least for snapping at her. But can I really move past the fact that I'm not the most important person to her? As selfish as this sounds, I kind of thought I was. I mean, Catra is evil and while Bow and her get along great, the two of us always had something different. Something precious, but looks like that must've been a figment of my imagination. Well, at least I've got Bow...then why does it feel like my heart has shattered all over again?_

I exhale, snapping the book shut and hitting the pillow with my head. _'I've had enough of writing. I just...want to forget.'_ I think silently, rubbing at my stinging eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that was...pretty sad. I can totally sympathise with Glimmer, it sucks when one of your closest friends prefers someone else, that pain is so real. And it's common when someone betrays your trust once, you'll be weary of them, at least for a little bit. But gah Glimmer doesn't mean to hurt Adora, she's just hurt.
> 
> Oh! And for once we have Adora bandaging Glimmer up instead of the other way around. I get the impression that while Adora tries to be careful she'd probably be a little less gentle than Glimmer considering her upbringing. Anyway, thought it was a nice change of pace.
> 
> Next chapter is another round of arguments and with arguments often results in saying things that you didn't mean. Anger sucks guys, it really does. Best to learn to keep a lid on your emotions to save further hurt either for yourself or for those around you.
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	28. A Painful Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things become even more frigid between the two friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a REAL ouch, it even hurt me to read it back lol and it's long - it's essentially a drawn out chapter filled with angst and pain...and it's one of my favourite chapters...hope you enjoy! XD

**Glimmer's POV:**

**Next morning:**

  
When I enter the meeting hall, I know I shouldn't have been surprised at the absence of a certain blonde, but that doesn't make me feel any less guilty. I take my seat at the head of the table with Bow at my right and tune into what the Captain has to say.

  
"I feel the best course of action is to repeat yesterday's mission." The guard suggests, prompting my to raise an eyebrow in confusion.

  
"Were you not informed of yesterday's failed mission?" I ask dubiously, eliciting a twitch from the Captain as she stands a little taller.

  
"I was your majesty. But I feel we missed a key aspect for our mission to work." The solider points out. My eyebrow rises even higher.

  
"Oh?" I voice curiously, eliciting a nod from the scarred woman.

  
"Adora." I feel myself freezing at the mention of the honorary Princess, but somehow I manage to motion for the guard to continue. "Force Captain Catra has a certain connection with She-ra. If you were to take Adora with you, then perhaps you could set up a trap for the Second in Command." The Captain suggests, but I'm already shaking my head in disagreement.

  
"I've told you Captain, Adora isn't in any condition to fight...not anymore." I state firmly, before dropping my voice to a mumble at the end.

  
"But she won't have to fight. Just keep the cat distracted until we set a trap for her. Play on her emotional side." I roll my eyes at the suggestion.

  
"Catra doesn't have an emotional side." I mutter under my breath.

  
"What was that?" The Captain asks, her face passive as she stares me down. I shake my head.

  
"I'll ask her. But it's unlikely she'll agree. She-ra still holds some...affection towards her former friend." I reply smoothly.

  
"Try. This is our best course of action against the Horde. You two are close, I'm sure she'll listen to reason." The guard states bluntly, as if she doesn't quite understand who I'm dealing with.

  
"Dismissed." I express firmly before teleporting to a random corridor in the castle. "You obviously don't know Adora." I grumble in frustration as I start walking towards the blonde's chamber. But when I enter, the room is strangely empty.

I groan and teleport to the stables, but again it's absent of a certain Princess. I'm just about to teleport back inside when I hear the crunching of grass nearby. Cautiously I move towards the sound, to find Adora sitting on the grass, picking green blade after green blade and flicking it to one side. I blink twice at the seemingly random action before taking several steps towards the rebel. She looks up startled at the sudden absence of sunlight before returning her gaze back to her grass picking.

  
"You weren't at the meeting today." I begin blandly.

  
"Yeah well, I thought you'd do fine without me." Comes the curt response. _'Great, now it's her turn to be mad.'_ I think in annoyance.

  
"They're important." I reprimand lightly, but it comes out harsher than I anticipated. Adora's hand stills, but she doesn't look up.

  
"What do you need?" She finally says. I frown.

  
"What makes you think I need something?" I inquire with furrowed eyebrows. This time, Adora does lift her head, but only to pin me with a steely gaze.

  
"Because you always come looking for me when you need something." The blonde answers bluntly and I can't help my jaw dropping at the brash implication.

  
"That's not true!" I protest sharply, but the rebel doesn't back down.

  
"It is. You just haven't realised it. I'm only important if I'm _**useful** _to you. Honestly, you're no different than Shadow Weaver in that regard." I take a step back at the venom in the girl's voice, wounded that this is what she thinks.

  
"T-That's not fair." I stumble, but it seems the blonde isn't in a forgiving mood today.

  
"Life's not fair! I'm a cripple because I tried to save your life and you've just shoved me to one side ever since!" Adora shoots back bitterly. My lips tremble as I try to hold in the heaving guilt that rises up inside me. I take another step back. _'I knew she wouldn't forgive me for that, but darn it I didn't realise how much I depended on that forgiving nature of hers to hide that regret of mine.'_

For once, I'm rendered speechless and in the face of the usually patient girl's fury, I shrink into myself. When I scan her eyes for any shred of softness and find none, I subconsciously teleport away. I sink to the ground of the random room I've ended up in and pull my knees up to my chest, rocking back and forth to block out my mounting faults. But alas, it continues to haunt me, staring me dead in the eye and not wanting to leave. Or to be forgotten. I don't budge from my position until a guard finds me. Apparently, the space was a break room for staff. _'Who knew?'_ I think blankly.

I wonder around the castle for a long time, knowing that I should be doing my queenly duties, but not having the motivation to do anything. Eventually, I end up on the high citadel that the Moonstone sits on. I sit on the ground and rest my back against my old recharging table and just stare into nothingness for a long while, knowing that I've missed dinner, but having no appetite to eat. Despite the constant rumbling from my stomach.

I glance at the bandage around my hand and quickly unwind it to find that the gash has already dried up and has crusted over. I clench it tight. The action forces some of the dried areas to break open and dots of blood flow anew. A groan escapes me. I look back to the old dressing to find it stained with yesterday's blood. I shoot a spark at it and watch as it burns into ash. Kind of like my relationship with Adora.

My chin drops to my kneecaps, knowing that I should move or at least make my presence known to someone in case people thinks I've been queen-napped or something, but I can't find it in myself to move. So I just remain in my spot, watching as drops of blood fall to the ground. I don't know what time it is when Bow finds me, with Adora trudging unwillingly behind him.

  
"Glimmer!" The archer calls out as he skids across to me and enwrapping me in a tight hug. When he pulls back, I shoot him a feeble smile. "We were looking everywhere for you, I got worried when you didn't show for dinner." My best friend informs as his eyes observe me from head to toe until it lands on my slowly drying bloodied hand. He frowns. "What happened?" He asks sharply.

  
"Nothing. I just strained it slightly and it broke through the scabs." I say with a shrug as he offers his hand to help me to my feet. The blonde doesn't say a word and I refuse to meet her penetrating gaze.

  
"Come on. Let's get a new bandage and a hot meal." Bow offers, leading me by the elbow back inside, but I shake my head.

  
"No, it's fine. I just need some rest." I force out through my lead-like tongue.

  
"Glimmer, you haven't eaten all day!" The techmaster retorts.

  
"I'm not hungry." I say, forcing a smile to my face in the hopes that it will be enough of a reassurance. Bow stares at me for the longest time before releasing a defeated sigh.

  
"Alright. Let's get you to your room." He offers but again I'm shaking my head.

  
"I'll just teleport. Thanks for coming to check on me." I state, pulling away from the boy and teleporting before he can say another word.

A quick glance reveals to me that I'm in my room. I drop to my knees to rummage in my cupboards for a spare bandage, but come up empty. Grumbling, I get to my feet and bunch up a stray tissue into my injured hand, but I wince when one of the corners jab a little too hard into the cut. I pull the material away to find that I've managed to cause it to bleed _**again**_. I'm just about to scream when I hear a knock at my door. I still for several beats, not wanting to talk or see anyone. But when the knocking persists I release a breath.

  
"Come in." I call out and watch as my door slowly opens as Adora peeks her head through the small opening, her expression guarded. I wait for her to speak. After a moment of hesitation she steps fully into the room and my eyes immediately drop to the plate in her hands. She shifts from one foot to the other, as if unsure on what to say until finally her gaze drops to the food on the plate.

  
"I...thought you must be hungry and these chicken pies were really good..." Adora trails off, while flickering her blue orbs between me and the ground several times.

  
"Thanks." I whisper, waiting for the blonde to place the dish on the nearest table and high-tail it out of here, but instead she remains frozen in her spot and starts chewing her bottom lip.

  
"What I said earlier...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that and said those things. I was just so annoyed." The Princess of Power finally says as remorse contours her features. I shrug.

  
"It's not like they weren't true." I mutter, rendering the atmosphere silent and tense. After an age, the rebel takes a step towards me, her face conflicted.

  
"Which part?" She asks quietly, those blue orbs piercing straight though me. I give her another half shrug, turning away from her slightly.

  
"Guess you can choose which one." I voice. "Not like you'd believe me anyway." I mumble under my breath, but the room is so silent that even the deaf could pick that up. Suddenly I hear a loud clang as the woman slams the plate against a nearby table, freeing her hands so that she can clench them tightly into fists.

  
" _ **Why are you being like this?!**_ " The blonde demands, eyes flashing with anger. I flinch at the sudden action, watching her with wide eyes. Immediately, the anger vanishes and is instantly replaced with regret as she takes a step towards me, one hand outstretched, as if going to touch me, but it remains hovering in mid-air. "I'm sorry. Sorry. I shouldn't have..." Again she trails off, hanging her head in shame and dropping said hand to her side. I bite my lip, hating to see her so downtrodden like this.

  
"It's alright. I guess I deserved it." I state with a weak smile, hoping the blonde would look up. She does. And in them I see a whole new level of vulnerability.

  
"Still. Shouting isn't the answer." Adora expresses so seriously, as if she's talking from prior experience and for the hundredth time I wonder what on earth did she go through in the Horde. We stare at each other, as if waiting on who will make the next move. I decide to be the one and open my mouth.

  
"The first thing isn't true. The whole...going to you only when I need you thing." I say as I clutch my elbow insecurely, eliciting a flinch from the woman.

  
"I know. I was mad and said things I didn't mean." Adora admits. Feeling slightly encouraged by that response, I continue.

  
"But the...the being the reason you're a c...your leg being the way it is, that's true." I force out, my throat constricting painfully at the wretched admission which wouldn't stop taunting me since it happened. In under a second Adora crosses the room and grasps my forearms.

  
"No. No. I told you. You aren't the reason. I _**chose** _to do it." The blonde insists but I turn my head to the side, closing my eyes briefly.

  
"You just said..." I start, but Adora doesn't give me the chance to finish.

  
"Forget what I said earlier! I was angry and I lashed out. But I didn't mean it. I _**promise** _you." The Princess of Power urges and when I turn my head back to her, I see the plea in her irises for me to believe her. But I can't find it in myself to do so, because she gave me the confirmation that the self-loathing part of me was looking for, regardless of whether it was said in a fit of rage. I don't reply.

I hear the blonde take a shuddering breath. "You don't believe me." She breathes out, the disappointment so evident in her tone. I swallow, hating that I'm the reason for it, hating that everything between us is so screwed up. When I remain silent she finally releases her hold on me and I immediately miss the warmth and the anchor her touch provided.

I watch as the honorary Princess runs a hand through her hair. "What were you going to ask me earlier?" Adora finally asks when she realises that she's not getting anywhere with me. Instantly my throat dries up at the query. _'Oh gosh, if she knows I really was just going to ask her for something it will suggest that ridiculous theory of hers is correct.'_ I hunch my shoulders up in shame.

  
"I-I...it can wait." I falter, averting my gaze until I feel fingertips brushing against the back of my hand. Looking up, I lock my lavender irises with her sky blue ones.

  
"Tell me." The rebel asks simply and not wanting to deny her again, I do.

  
"The captain had this idea of repeating yesterday's mission, but with you to draw Catra out." I say, my voice just above a whisper, but it doesn't matter because Adora's face hardens as she draws her hand back to her side.

  
"I'm not doing it." The woman states firmly, as if waiting for me to challenge her. Other than the familiar constricting of my heart, I don't.

  
"Ok." I whisper and a flash of surprise crosses her eyes.

  
"You're not going to make me?" Adora asks in disbelief. I shrug half-heartedly.

  
"You grew up with her and I can't pretend that she isn't special to you. I'll just let the captain know tomorrow." I mumble with averted eyes. A pregnant silence settles until the rebel clears her throat.

  
"This...this is about yesterday isn't it?" I hear a slap and cautiously I return my gaze to the Princess of Power to find her running a hand through her hair. "I shouldn't have said that. Aurgh I've really messed things up!" Adora voices in self-directed anger.

I don't know why, but when I see the beat-up expression on her face as she digs the base of her palms into the sockets of her eyes, I feel the need to defend her use of words, despite how much they cut through me. I take a step towards her, crossing the small gap between us as I reach up and pull her hands away from her eyes as I say:

  
"No, I get it. You and her have been through a lot together." I drop my head slightly. "I could never compete." I whisper. I feel hands on my shoulders once more, grasping at me urgently.

  
"Who said this is a competition?!" She demands, her eyes searching mine as if they would reveal the answer to all her questions. I give her another shrug, it seems like the only thing I know how to do.

  
"No one, but... that doesn't change the fact that she'll always hold a special place in your heart. Something I can't replace or fill." I find myself saying. As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I regret them. _'Those were some of my deepest thoughts and here I am just spilling them out without even thinking about it.'_ I curse silently.

I take a step back, away from those warm hands as I clutch my own appendages tightly. A flash of pain shoots through me at the action and I remember my bloodied hand. The blonde must've noticed as her eyes automatically drop to my hands. A small breath escapes her, before she reaches into her jacket pocket to pull out a clean bandage. She seems ready to dress the wound herself but after a moment of hesitation she offers the white fabric to me, her expression unreadable.

My eyebrows furrow in confusion, but after a few seconds tick by I take the offered fabric while pulling the stained tissue away from my hand. I cast it to the side and slowly wrap the dressing around the injury before tucking the end inside. I lift my head up when I've finished to find Adora's eyes on me, scrutinising me carefully as she rubs the back of her neck.

"Look, things with Catra and I are...complicated. I can't forgive her for all the things she's done, but that doesn't mean I still don't...care. We grew up together, it's hard not to. But that doesn't mean I don't have space in my heart for more than one special person. You don't need to replace her, you're my best friend. I care about you a lot but...sometimes it seems you don't realise that." I bite my lip at her admission, a wave of shame washes over me.

  
"It's just...sometimes it seems like she's the only important person in your life, like your history with her will always trump any new friendships you make along the way." I mumble.

  
"Why are you always comparing?! It's like asking me whether I prefer meat or vegetables! They're both important. You and Catra are equally important to me." Adora emphasises greatly, her tone bordering on annoyance.

  
"But if you had to choose?" The words fly out of my mouth before I can stop them. When the rebel's face hardens I know I've said the wrong thing.

  
"What is it with you and choosing?! What do you want me to say? That I prefer you over Catra?! That would be a lie! Earth to Glimmer, I can have more than one friend!" The honorary princess shouts with slit eyes. I feel my own orbs stinging at her words.

  
"So you do still consider Catra as a friend, despite what she did to both of us?" My voice low and pained, but the rebel doesn't take any notice as she shakes her head in irritation.

  
"I don't need to explain myself to you. You know what? I came here with the intention of sorting out what's been going on between us and to apologise, but I see now that this is a waste of time. If you want to mope, then fine. I don't care." The blonde states with a tone of finality. She waits a moment, waiting to see if I'll blow up at her as usual. But I'm so tired of being the angry one.

I try to swallow past the lump in my throat, hoping that some words of apology will come out, but nothing does. Instead, I feel my eyes burning so much to the point that my vision begins to blur. I only notice I'm crying when I feel something moist drop to the back of my hand. Adora falters, unsure on whether to storm out or stay with me. She goes with the later, probably because it's not often when I do let the tears fall around her.

I hear her sigh as she guides me to a nearby couch and pushes me down to sit. She follows suit a moment later, hands settling on her knees as she glances now and again at me. When my tears don't cease, the blonde wraps an arm around my shoulders and I sink into the half-hearted embrace, knowing that she's itching to leave, but her heart is too big to leave me like this. But for once she doesn't stammer out endless apologies. And that's another punch to the gut, to know that she meant those words.

After an age, when the tears start to dry, she finally opens her mouth. "Why are you so hung up over this?" The woman asks bluntly. I squirm, not wanting to reveal the answer behind her query. Silence stretches and with another sigh her arm retracts from around me, leaving me feeling cold and alone, as I've so often found myself being. "Glimmer I can't fix this if you don't talk to me." Adora expresses, her voice soft, as if she really wants to bridge this gap between us. Eventually, I turn my gaze to her.

  
"I'm sorry. Forget what I said earlier. It...it wasn't fair of me to ask that." I apologise, hoping that would help somewhat. It doesn't.

  
"Glimmer, you can't keep pushing everything under a rug. That won't solve anything." The blonde points out and I throw her a look. _'As if you haven't been doing the exact same thing.'_ I think, pressing my lips tightly together and I fortunately don't need to voice said thoughts as the woman dips her head slightly.

The Princess of Power massages her forehead before looking back up, tiredness etched into her features. "Just, tell me what's going on. _**Please?**_ " I crumble slightly at her plea, frustrated at myself that I can't voice all the things I want to say. Unfortunately my dumb mouth has a habit of digging me into an even bigger hole.

  
"I just want to know what Catra and I mean to you. Once you asked me who I'd choose to save with the portal incident..." I start, but I'm swiftly cut off.

  
"And you told me not to ask you that, a bit unfair that you're doing the same thing." Adora retorts with annoyance.

  
"Now you know how I felt when you asked me that!" I retaliate impatiently, prompting the blonde to blink twice in surprise before wilting back with a shameful expression. I take a deep breath, calming my anger before continuing. "Anyway, I told you I could choose, if I had to. Could you?" I force out. A range of emotions flicker through her face, thinking, weighing up. Her eyebrows furrow while worry is painted across her features as she chews her lip. It feels like an age before she answers. And when she does, she has the most pained expression on her face as her gaze penetrates through me, the edges softening ever so slightly as she speaks.

  
"If I had to, and I'd make sure I'll do everything in my power not to be in such a situation, I could." Adora answers. I'm almost tempted to ask who would it be, but I clamp my troublesome mouth just in time. I nod and release a shaky breath.

  
"Ok." I say. The blonde's eyes widen slightly, as if she was expecting me to ask. Her eyebrow twitches before settling in a straight line.

  
"I'd choose you." Adora murmurs quietly and I feel my heart leap at that, but as quickly as it does, it stops upon a certain realisation.

  
"Because I'm the queen." I finish for her with averted eyes so she wouldn't see the disappointment in them. Suddenly I feel gentle fingers under my chin, cocking me to look back at the blonde who watches me warmly.

  
"No, it's because despite how many downs we've had I know you'd never really hurt me and you've been my rock whenever I've doubted myself. I just wish that I could be that for you, but you won't let me." I feel my lips trembling at her admission and I have to tear my eyes away from her compassionate orbs as guilt envelops me. After a moment I feel her hand dropping from my chin to instead land on my hand at my lap. I swallow.

  
"I'm so sorry Adora. I-I didn't mean to make you feel like I don't want your support. I never want to be the reason that you're hurting. I just...aurgh I don't know. I keep bottling up without meaning to. For some reason I just can't open up no matter how hard I try and I know that's hurting you and I know I've let you down so many times and I'm so so sorry." I express emotionally as I blink back the new wave of tears. I feel the rebel's hand tightening around mine.

  
"Is...is this still because of the portal? Your...mum?" Adora asks hesitantly and I shrink back at her deduction.

  
"I know it's been a year. I should be over it. It shouldn't still hurt this much, but..." I trail off as I flicker my lavender irises away.

  
"It still hurts." She finishes for me with a tone of sudden realisation. I don't try and correct her. "Why didn't you tell me? Why let yourself suffer in silence?" The honorary Princess asks in confusion. I shrug.

  
"It's grief. Nothing can help." I state hopelessly. The blonde opens her mouth to refute that statement, only to close it again when she realises that her knowledge of grief is extremely limited.

  
"Oh Glimmer." I turn back just in time to find her arms drawing me into a hug. I feel another lump rising up in my throat before melting into the long overdue hug. "I didn't realise. I'm sorry, I should've. I know that it doesn't change anything, but you can talk to Bow and I. We're here to listen." Adora comforts but I'm already shaking my head against her shoulder.

  
"But I can't. We still have this war hanging over our heads. Besides, I don't want to burden you with that. Not again." I state. The woman doesn't answer for several moments, probably remembering the last time I was inconsolable and her being unable to help except for holding me tight and trying to will the pain away.

  
"It's not a burden and it isn't healthy for you to keep bottling it up." Adora settles on saying.

  
"It's just how I'm coping." I mutter. Again, this silences the rebel before she releases a long defeated sigh.

  
"At least promise to tell me when it gets too much." The blonde commands. I press my lips tightly together, not sure if I could keep such a promise. But when I feel Adora's arms shaking slightly, I give in.

  
"Alright. I promise." I whisper.

  
"Thank you." The princess breathes out and eventually we pull away. I watch as she gets to her feet, casting me a small smile. "Well, I should head back. It's getting late." The woman states and I'm almost surprised that she hasn't pushed on the whole Catra issue, but I suppose I wasn't giving her anything to work with. My eyes trail after her as she crosses the room towards the door and I can't help the words that rip out from my throat.

  
"Stay, please?" I murmur, halting the blonde in her steps. She turns around to face me. Her features are mixed with disbelief and weariness.

  
"I-I don't know." Adora mumbles with averted eyes and I can only think why. _'The last time she asked, I denied her. But...I don't want to be alone tonight. And Adora won't do it again...I hope.'_

  
" _ **Please**_." I plead as she crosses her arms.

  
"Aren't you worried I'll..." She leaves the sentence hanging and it doesn't take a genius to know what she's implying. I lick my suddenly dry lips.

  
"No. I trust you." I say, hoping that's enough of an apology in itself. The blonde scrutinises me for several seconds before dropping her arms to her sides.

  
"Ok." Adora agrees and walks back to me. I stretch out my hand and upon taking it I teleport us to my bed. We land with a soft plop and soon enough my head drops to the nearest pillow, too drained to do much else. Gingerly the rebel lays beside me, casting me furtive glances until I grasp her hand softly. And with her steady presence nearby it doesn't take me long before I drift off into a deep sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Erm...so...you guys alright? No hypertension (high blood pressure) or anything, I hope? That was...a lot. But they reached a semi-understanding I guess. But erm, sometimes promises are hard to keep. And I totally picture Glimmer as someone who bottles up her emotions, I mean she did do it throughout s4. And I relate to that, I suck at dealing with my feelings, I tend to just sweep them under a rug and forget - fortunately I don't explode tho - not yet anyway XD
> 
> Next chapter we have another Catra appearance! And also some interaction between Catra and Glimmer which is always interesting to read. I'm pretty proud of how I've written their interaction in that chapter so I hope you'll like it. Also things tone down a little tiny bit, but after that the angst goes back up XD I'm not giving these kids much of a break...or you guys for that matter XD
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	29. Glimmer's Demons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glimmer gets in a small scuffle with Catra  
> AND  
> Glimmer & Adora have a talk  
> AND  
> The queen gets hit hard with some memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for the comments, really brightens up my day :) <3  
> So we've got a mix of things happening in this one, so it's pretty long. But you'll be happy to know that I've made sure to add some humour to balance the dreariness of some other parts. Well, I hope it counts as humour? XD A bit more friendship jealousy; oh and Catra makes an appearance too! Hope you guys enjoy.

**Glimmer's POV:**

When I next awaken I find Adora already up, gazing at the nearby window with a thoughtful expression. Immediately my hand curls around the solid edge of my journal underneath the pillow and I have to stop myself from releasing a deep sigh of relief.

  
"Hey." I greet, earning the blonde's attention as she smiles brightly.

  
"Hi. Sleep well?" The rebel inquires softly. I push myself up into a sitting position while nodding.

  
"Yes, thanks to you." I say with a small smile, eliciting a raised eyebrow from the honorary Princess. I shrug at her silent question. "Sleeping with someone is better than being alone." I mumble as byway of explanation, earning me a squeeze to the hand. But after a few moments the blonde's face grows serious.

  
"So are you dropping the whole Catra plan?" She asks, watching me carefully. I feel my heart plummet at the question. _'Of course she would ask that.'_ My feelings must've shown on my face as I feel my hand being squeezed again. "I just feel that taking hostages is not what the rebellion is for, is all. Not because of anything else." Adora quickly adds, though she furrows her eyebrows as if she's wondering what is my sudden deal with Catra.

  
"I don't know. We're currently at a standstill in this war. What other option do we have?" I point out as the woman blows a stray strand of hair off her face.

  
"I...don't know, but I still think this isn't the way to do it." Adora insists. I sigh while rolling over her words in my head.

  
"What about this: I'll give you a week to come up with an alternative plan, if not you agree to take part in our original one." I propose, but upon the woman's stiffening, I can tell she doesn't like the suggestion.

  
"What if I don't want to take part?" She asks firmly. I'm tempted to blow my own bangs in frustration, but instead I opt to tuck my messy hair behind an ear.

  
"Then we'll give our original plan another go without you." I state simply. Adora's eyes slide to my raised hand and it's only when I drop it back to my lap do I realise that it's my bandaged one. The rebel shifts her gaze downwards for a second before rising to meet mine.

  
"Ok, deal. I'll come up with a plan." The Princess of Power vows determinedly. I blink in surprise, almost convinced that she'd turn down the proposal.

  
"So you'll join us if you don't think of an alternative idea?" I inquire in slight disbelief. The woman seems to hesitate before answering, she releases a slow breath.

  
"Yes. I'll...accompany you if I can't think of something, but I will." Adora promises firmly. I shrug, not minding what happens in the end. _'Either way we deal a blow to the Horde which is the main aim.'_

I'm pulled out of my thoughts when the blonde clears her throat. "And maybe when this mission is done we can do some research on the first queen's sister?" Adora suggests meekly. I blink twice, having completely forgotten about that whole situation. I open my mouth to respond, but a sudden firm knock at the door stops me from answering. A moment later a guard opens the door.

  
"I apologise your majesty for the intrusion, but the Horde is attacking the North side." The solider regales seriously. I clench my jaws tightly.

  
"Alright, I'll be right there." I inform, waiting for the guard to close the door again before turning to the blonde with an apologetic expression. "Sorry, I should go." I mumble, watching as the woman slumps her shoulders.

  
"I understand. I'll see you later." Adora voices with forced optimism. I open my mouth, wanting to say something reassuring, but find myself going blank.

  
"Ok. We'll talk later." I say with a half smile before teleporting away.

**3 hours later...**

  
I grunt as I'm pushed back, holding my staff up horizontally to protect myself from the incoming attack. Catra scowls at me viciously as she raises her hand up, ready to claw my eyes out. I draw one hand up, shooting sparkles out of one hand and forcing the feline a few paces back. I sigh, hunching forward to catch a breath, but the cat is relentless as she leaps onto me and slams me into a nearby tree.

  
"You are despicable." I mutter as I try to hold my staff in front of me as a barrier against her. My words elicit a smirk from the Force Captain.

  
"I know you are, but what am I?" She teases and with grit teeth I teleport behind her, surprising the Second in Command and raise my staff to hit her hard at the back of the head. But she's resilient and I only catch the barest wince and squeal from the cat.

She spins round, clutching her head briefly before pinning me with a burning glower. "You'll pay for that." Catra growls. I gulp and shoot several light beams at her but she dodges each and every one of them.

  
"Would you just hold still?!" I snap in increasing frustration.

  
"You would love that wouldn't you? Well tough luck Sparkles, but I'm not one to give up easily." The Horde solider jeers as she kicks the staff out of my hands.

I stare with wide eyes as it drops to the ground several feet away from me. I'm just about to teleport to it until I feel something tackle me from behind, pulling me to the ground. I twist round just in time to find Catra bringing her hand down. In a flash I bring my arm up to protect my face just as her claws dig into the skin of my forearm. I bite my tongue, holding in the scream that wants to push its way past my teeth.

"You know you're really bad at this without having Adora babysitting you all the time. Speaking of which, where is that best friend of yours?" The feline taunts, as she grabs hold of my hands to pull them above my head as she bares down on me.

A flash of rage causes me to scramble my legs back and push my feet against her stomach, finally forcing the girl off me. I force myself to my feet and watch as the cat hits the ground loudly. I'm rasping rapidly and make a nosedive for the sorcerer stick when I notice the Force Captian's eyes on my father's staff. I get to it first, but at the cost of having a hand clamped around my ankle, bringing me to the ground once more with a painful thud. This time I don't have enough time to spin round as the feline forces my hands behind my back. My grip on the staff loosens and I hear it clatter to the ground as my face is buried into the mud.

"Tell me, where is she?" Catra commands, her voice taking on an edge. I move my head to the side so that my cheek rests on the uneven earth. When I don't answer, I feel a knee pressed against my spine. My eyes close briefly in pain.

  
"Why do you want to know?" I spit out when she increases the pressure on my back.

  
"I've only seen her once since that cannon incident. It's weird for her to be missing the action for this long. Now, are you going to be a good little princess and tell me what's going on or are you that obsessed with Adora that you want to keep her all to yourself?" Catra explains, her tone haughty as she digs her knee deeper. I gasp, the action is starting to really hurt.

  
"Firstly, have you ever considered its because she doesn't want to see your ugly face?" I start as I dig my toes into the ground. "Secondly, if anyone is obsessed with her that would be you." I take in a deep breath. "And thirdly, thanks to you I'm not a princess, I'm a _**queen**_." I shout while generating a light beam from my tied hands, blinding the cat as she stumbles back and off me. I try to jump to my feet, but the soreness in my back stops me from moving as quickly as I'd like. When I'm finally up, the Force Captain finishes rubbing her eyes, a scowl on her face as we circle each other.

  
"You're just jealous of how close we are. And I didn't force your mum to close the portal, she did that on her own!" Catra spits out. My eyes flash in anger at the accusation and despite the pain running through my body and the blood dripping to the ground from my arm, I take an intimidating step towards the Horde destroyer.

  
"You _**were** _close - past tense! You ruined that with your disgusting actions! And don't you dare talk about my mother like that. If it weren't for her you wouldn't be here right now! It's your fault she's gone and I'll _**never** _forgive you for that." I growl out, clenching my my hands into tight fists as the desire to punch the cat starts to become overwhelming.

My hand shoots out to grab the Second in Command by her collar while I pull my other hand back. A genuine flash of fear crosses those mismatched coloured eyes and I find myself frozen, unable to deliver the blow despite how desperate I've been wanting to give the girl a taste of all the grief she's given me. _'She's the reason why Adora and I can barely have a conversation without getting into an argument.'_ I think bitterly.

But my internal struggle comes to an end when a blinding biting pain settles around my hand. I pull back immediately, holding the injured appendage to my chest as Catra backs away, her hand going up to rub at her neck. Her eyes weary as she watches me. A moment later she unsheathes her claws, bending low as if ready to pounce on me, but she never gets the chance as an arrow whizzes past her head, nicking her ear and eliciting a mewl of pain. I glance behind me to find Bow and several of the princesses racing towards me. I turn back to find the Force Captain growling at me as she clutches her ear.

  
"This isn't over Sparkles. I'll find out what you're hiding about Adora. But in the meantime, tell that dumb blonde I say hey." Catra mutters as she scurries off into the dense woods. My lips press together firmly as I glare at her retreating back.

  
"Glimmer!" I turn around at the call of my name to find Bow skidding in front of me before throwing his arms around me. I wince at the shooting ache and wait till the boy pulls away. He gives me a once over, his dark thick eyebrows pull together in a worried frown. "I told you to wait for us!" He accuses as he takes a look at my bitten hand. I sigh, having expected the berating as soon as I teleported away in a rush.

  
"There was a huge fire ahead, I didn't have time to wait." I explain patiently.

  
"You could've teleported all of us with you!" He points out firmly. I open my mouth to argue, until I realise that I don't have any good excuses for that.

  
"Oh, right. I didn't think about that?" I say sheepishly earning me a disapproved stare from my childhood friend.

  
"Glimmer, you can't keep barrelling ahead into everything! Look at you! You're all hurt and muddy." I'm just about to retort that I can defend myself when I see the build up of tears in his chocolate orbs. I gulp back what I was going to say as guilt runs through me at needlessly worrying the boy.

  
"I'm sorry. That was reckless of me. I was just so worried about the village, but that's no excuse to worry you. Forgive me?" I request regretfully, eliciting a small sigh from the techmaster.

  
"Of course I forgive you Glimmer. I just want you to be careful. Come on, let's head back to Brightmoon. The other princesses can look after the villagers, seeing as the Horde has retreated." I hesitate at the suggestion, but decided that I've disappointed the boy enough today and teleport us back to the castle. Bow starts guiding me to the infirmary, but I stubbornly shake my head.

  
"Bow I don't need to go to the infirmary, just give me some bandages." I try to persuade but the archer isn't having it.

  
"You might not be able to see the state of you, but I can and you look terrible." Bow states blandly and I gape at his bluntness. With an exaggerated sigh I find myself trailing beside him in defeat.

One downside I often find with being queen is the attention and extra care I'm constantly given. _'Do I really need 4 doctors fussing over me?'_ I think sourly from my perched position on one of the infirmary's beds after the physicians finally give me space to breath. And Bow had the gall to slip away during their investigations, as if he knew the grief I'd give him for subjecting me to this. I shake my head to myself, but regret it when a shooting pain travels up my spine. _'Catra is the **WORST**.'_ I think with a grimace.

  
"Glimmer?" I look up upon hearing my name, wincing again at the movement, to find Adora rushing towards me with wide eyes as she takes in the thick bandage wrapped around my right forearm and the discomfort on my face.

  
"Hey." I voice with a half smile which elicits a relieved sigh from the woman as she stops just in front of me.

  
"Bow told me you were in the infirmary, but man you look really beat up." The blonde explains with knit eyebrows.

  
"Thanks." I express dryly, _'I'm guessing manners no longer exist because I'm pretty sure it's rude to talk to a lady about her appearances.'_ I think with a huff. The honorary princess must've picked up on my tone as she shoots me an abashed expression.

  
"I mean, you still look as beautiful as always!" Adora amends quickly, but widens her eyes when she realises what she's said. I gape at her in disbelief. "Errrr you know, you look like you. Just with bruises, cuts, a bandage and..." I cut the blonde off before she can continue.

  
"Alright Adora I get it!" I shoot out, but I can't help but beam at her for the compliment. Adora gives me an unsure smile before shifting in discomfort from one foot to the other.

  
"Sorry. My mouth has a mind of its own sometimes." The rebel apologises.

  
"I can see that." I answer in amusement. "So you don't think I'm beautiful?" I add after a moment's thought, more to tease the woman rather than anything else. The blonde drops her jaw before fumbling with her following words.

  
"Well...I...I mean...y-yeah of course you're beautiful. Thought you knew that?" Adora word vomits as the tips of her ears redden in embarrassment. I can't help the scarlet flush that covers my face. After several seconds I shrug helplessly.

  
"I'm just me." I say quietly, but no sooner do I say that a hand wraps around mine urgently.

  
"You say that like you're nothing special." The blonde points out with a deep frown. I open my mouth to answer, but close it when I realise I have nothing to say to that. _'I'm not. I hurt people. How on earth can I be special if I do that?'_ Is what's really on the tip of my tongue, but I remain silent. The rebel's face sets in a serious expression. "You _**are** _special. You're strong, caring and fiercely determined. You're Glimmer." Adora expresses strongly.

I bite my lip. _'I'm not strong; if I was I wouldn't breakdown every time I think of my mum and the last words I said to her. I'm not caring; if I was I wouldn't have hurt you constantly. I'm not determined; if I was I would've found a solution to ending this war.'_ I think bitterly, but I school my expression and force a smile at the comments, not taking notice of the awed tone that Adora spoke them in.

  
"Thanks Adora." The blonde eyes me for a moment, probably wondering how genuine I am, but I must be a better actor than I thought because she nods.

  
"Good and don't forget it. Now, mind telling me what happened?" The Princess of Power asks as her eyes stray to my bandaged arm.

  
"Catra." I say simply, shrugging but another shooting pain travels up my back and I have to scrunch my eyes tightly until it passes. When I re-open them I find Adora's face inches away from my own, her hand on my shoulder as she gazes at me in concern.

  
"Are you ok?" She asks softly. I swallow at the amount of kindness leaking into her voice, despite everything I've put her through.

  
"Yeah, just a bit sore." I reassure, but the woman glances at me with a dubious look.

  
"That looked like more than a bit." She retorts. I exhale lightly at being caught.

  
"Alright; it's _**very** _sore. Happy now?" I mutter in defeat, but instead of the triumphant expression I expect, I see her face falling.

  
"I'm never happy if you're hurt." Adora utters lowly. I feel my heart rate picking up in speed at the amount of raw care she displays.

  
"I'll be f...alright. Just need to rest and I'll be right as rain." I try to reassure, but Adora's face contours darkly.

  
"What did Catra do to you?" The blonde demands. I raise an eyebrow at her protectiveness.

  
"She just had me tied up and pressed her knee against my back. Honestly, I'll be alright." I explain briefly while scrutinising the woman. She deflates a moment later.

  
"I should've been there." The rebel mutters. My breath catches at the reminder of why she wasn't with us. Of why she'll never join us again. My eyes subconsciously drop to my lap as I intertwine my hands together in an attempt to control their trembling. A long pregnant silence follows and when the blonde notices, she drops her hand from my shoulder, taking the warmth with her. "Are you spending the night here?" She asks abruptly. I blink at the change in conversation, but I shamefully welcome it at the same time, not wanting to dwell on one of my many mistakes.

  
"No way. Honestly this place gives me the creeps when its dark." I admit jokingly which earns me a laugh from the blonde.

  
"Agreed. The night I spent here..." She trails off when my face falls. _'She spent a night here because of me.'_ I think guiltily. "Anyway! Do you need help getting to your room?" Adora asks in a rush. The corner of my lip twitches at my friend's attempt at changing the conversation.

"No thanks. Teleportation remember?" I remind with false optimism. I watch as the blonde hesitates for a moment before saying what's on her mind.

  
"Well, mind if I spend the night with you?" Adora requests. I blink in surprise but offer her my hand regardless and a second later we're on my bed. I grimace at the change in position and gingerly lie down. The blonde follows suit moments later but both our eyes remain peeled.

  
"Hey Glimmer?" My lilac orbs flicker to the rebel before returning skyward.

  
"Mmm?" I hum in acknowledgment.

  
"How many things do you hide from me?" I splutter at the dark query, my heart halting momentarily before it continues its steady lull. I cough loudly in an attempt to buy me some time to think.

  
"What makes you think I hide things from you?" I finally say uneasily. The blonde heaves a sigh, her eyes are also glued to the ceiling.

  
"I know we both do it." I balk at her quiet admission, unsure on whether to feel annoyed at myself for not hiding my emotions better or scared that I was right about Adora keeping things from me. When I don't respond, the honorary princess continues. "I mean, it's one of the reasons why our friendship is in a mess." This time I do turn my head to face the woman, despite the twinge of pain, because Adora has never been so direct about the state of our friendship.

  
"I...it's...not much. And they're very minor things. Unimportant." I say in an attempt to convince the woman. She remains silent for several seconds before answering.

  
"Mine are probably more than minor." I wait for her to continue, but she doesn't. She just leaves her words hanging like that, as if she doesn't know how much that will annoy me. I chew my lip, trying to collect my thoughts and thinking if I should share anything with her. A light sigh escapes from my throat and I close my eyes when I opt to speak.

  
"I'm selfish because I want to be the most important person in your life." I whisper. The silence that follows is deafening, but I don't dare open my eyes.

  
"Why?" Is the single worded response. I press my lips tightly together before answering.

  
"Because you and Bow are all I have left. I don't want you to...forget me for someone else." I voice softly.

  
"You think I'd forget you for Catra?" The disbelief in her voice is obvious and I can only imagine her expression right now. I unconsciously wince at the name of the feline.

  
"It makes sense. If the war were to end soon and the two of you sorted things out between each other..." I trail off, not able to finish my sentence.

  
"You know we're talking about _**Catra** _here, right?" The teasing in her voice almost makes me chuckle, but I hold back.

  
"She's still your childhood friend." I remind lowly.

  
"Even if that happened, which I think is highly unlikely, I would never forget you." Adora utters but I'm already shaking my head.

  
"You say that now, but it wouldn't take long before the two of you fit together again as a duo." I answer sourly.

  
"You really _**are** _jealous." My eyes snap open at this to find Adora's head propped up on her hand as she gazes at me with a smirk and I suddenly notice the affectionate tone she used. I flush.

  
"I'm _**not** _jealous!" I argue while sticking out my tongue which elicits a chuckle from the solider.

  
"Your protest says otherwise." She points out lightly and my blush deepens at that. "You're adorable when you blush." Adora teases, not helping with my increasingly red face. I scowl, giving her a shove which only leaves her laughing harder.

  
"I've decided I want to sleep alone." I announce with petulance, but the blonde just snorts and throws an arm around my shoulders.

  
"What happened to sleeping is better with company?" The former Horde solider jokes. I jut out my lip in refusal to reply. "Alright fine I'll leave you in peace." Adora says a beat later and I widen my eyes, not really wanting her to leave and I snap my arm out to grasp her wrist.

  
"I was joking you dork." I mumble, earning a pleased grin from the tall woman.

  
"I know, I just wanted to see your reaction." I grumble at her words and draw my hand back. We settle in companionable silence for a bit before the rebel opens her mouth again.

  
"I've missed this." Adora whispers sombrely. I swallow just as a lump lodges in my throat.

  
"Me too." I confess. I chance a glance at the blonde, her gaze having returned to the ceiling. "Do you think we can ever go back?" I inquire anxiously. I watch as her chest heaves up, then down with her exhale.

  
"I think too many things have changed for us to go back to those times." She confesses just as my heart plummets in mourning. "But...that doesn't mean we can't make something new?" The blonde suggests. I purse my lips in thought.

  
"But how? We've been at each other's throats for so long now." I point out shamefully as a wave of depression washes over me.

  
"Somehow we're going to have to learn to open up to each other again." Adora answers quietly, her eyes looking everywhere but at me.

  
"That's impossible." I retort. At this, the rebel rolls to her side to gaze at me, her eyebrows furrowing.

  
"It's not. You did it just now." She points out and I hold back the retort that was ready on my lips when I realise she's right. I give her a small smile, but instead of returning it, her features become conflicted as if she's fighting with herself on saying what's on her mind. So I reach out my hand to grasp hers in encouragement. It seems to have been the right thing to do as she takes in a deep breath.

  
"You know that day after I read..." Adora trails off as a flash of guilt crosses her blue irises and I don't even have to guess what she's referring to, so I give her a numb nod, urging her to continue. "...and when I took that flight with Swiftwind I...I didn't want to come back." At that revelation a small gasp escapes me as my grip around her hand loosens. My lips move wordlessly but nothing comes out. "I'm sorry. I know I promised I wouldn't but..." Again she pauses, ending her sentence with a half hearted shrug.

  
"But you came back." I point out when the power of speech returns to me.

  
"That horse is very convincing." The blonde answers with a rueful smile. I bite the inside of my cheek hard, the irrational fear of being abandoned rises up inside me like an erupting volcano.

  
"What did he say that made you change your mind?" I ask shallowly, the sudden need to know what was the anchor that brought her back. Her sky blue orbs flicker with hesitation, but it seems she wants to make good on that change as a few moments later she answers.

  
"H-He said...did I really want you to lose someone else." The former Horde solider mumbles and I feel my face crumpling at the reminder. _'Those were the exact words I used to stop her from leaving that first time. It seems that's the only thing that's really stopping her from going ahead with that plan.'_ I feel the hand around mine squeezing me tightly. "Glimmer?" The rebel inquires fearfully and I realise I've been silent for some time. I lick my suddenly dry lips before pinning the girl with a serious expression.

  
"Do...do you still want to leave?" I ask, my voice wavering despite how much I wish it wouldn't. ' _I don't want to make Adora feel like she's forced to be here, even though I don't want to let her go.'_ I feel my chest tightening when the Princess doesn't respond straight away.

  
"No. I want to be here." Adora voices resolutely, but I see past her words, her eyes being the window to the truth. And the truth is she wants to leave. I want to call her out on it, but the more selfish part of me dominates and I choose not to comment. It suddenly dawns on me why we're not as open as we used to be, _'because now we have thoughts and desires that would either hurt the other person or isn't understood by them.'_ The blonde must've noticed that I could see straight through her as she fidgets uncomfortably before rolling back onto her posterior. "Maybe we should get some sleep now?" Adora suggests quietly when I don't respond. I swallow in an attempt to push back the crushing hurt of her wanting to leave. To leave me.

  
"Yeah." I murmur in a shallow tone. The urge to roll away from her is strong, but the pain in my back prevents me from doing so. I hear a hitch in her breathing, as if she wants to say something, but in the end she decides not to and silence fills the air. For the longest time I just stare up at the ceiling, trying to figure out the reason behind Adora's desperation to leave. _'She keeps saying it's because she isn't useful anymore but that's ridiculous. All her friends are here, that should be more than enough of a reason to stay. Is...is it because of me? Because I keep arguing?'_ I feel a prick at the corner of my eyes at that thought. _'Or because she's constantly reminded of what she can't do...because of whom.'_

I swallow thickly, the guilty sensation acts like a constant battering ram. Soon I'll be left bruised and broken on the ground and I'm not sure if I'll be able to get up again. I'm broken out of my thoughts when I hear movements beside me to find the woman shifting in her sleep as she curls into herself. I sigh and with a painful grunt I pull myself up into a sitting position and grab my journal and pen. I flick through until I reach a new page and just as I jot down the date, a pained whimper escapes from me as my lavender orbs become glued to the numbers I've written.

The pen slips out of my grasp to hit the page with a quiet thump. _'How on earth did I forget?!'_ I think, appalled with myself. I feel my hands shaking and I try to still them by digging them under my armpits but it's not working and suddenly the air in the room becomes too tight. I teleport without meaning to and find myself in my parents' chambers. My lips tremble as I clench my hands into fists. _'No! I **DON'T** want to be here!'_ I scream silently and teleport again, this time in front of my mum's mural. My throat goes dry as I stare up at her faceless painting. I clench my hands again and teleport away, only to find myself in my mum's old study.

Another whimper escapes me as I drop to my knees in anguish. The grief hitting me just as hard as the day I lost her. _'Today was meant to be her birthday.'_ I think numbly as my eyes stray to a nearby clock. It reads 2am. Her birthday was only a month after she left. I was still so consumed with grief that I didn't realise. But this is the first year that I'm completely aware of her absence on this date.

Flashes of memories from previous birthday celebrations cross my mind: mum letting me blow out her candles when I was 5. The tight hug she gave me when I first offered her a handmade gift. The matching dresses we'd wear at the royal banquet. The slices of cake we'd share at night on her bed. I hug my middle and close my eyes, willing the images away, but they continue to swirl around at the forefront of my mind's eye. I lean forward, ignoring the way that my back shouts in protest, until my forehead touches the ground. It's then when a sob escapes me. And when it starts I can't stop it.

My body shudders with the tears, the grief, the pain and the guilt. And for some absurd reason when you're hurting your brain thinks its a brilliant idea to make you hurt more by reminding you of every torturous memory and regret. The shouting matches with my mum constantly nags at my subconscious and they sit hand in hand with the same arguments I've had with Adora and Bow. My breathing hitches as the long list of my faults continue to play, as if on a loop. It's days like this when my guilt becomes almost overwhelming and it makes me wonder how will I ever live with myself.

  
"Mum...h-how can I fix this? I just want the hurt and guilt to go away, but...it's not." I choke out, a part of me wishing, _**pleading** _that the former queen can hear me. But deep down I know she can't. _'I'm all alone and **no one** understands.'_ Images of pitying faces appear before me and my hand lights up subconsciously. It's only when my hand tingles do I realise what I'm doing and with a gasp I extinguish the glow. My hand shakes in fear at the brief rage that flowed through me and I stumble to my feet, taking several terror filled steps backwards until I hit the bookcase. It shudders at the collision and a few books totters from their place on the ledge until they tumble to the ground in a heap. An agonising metaphor of me. Constantly tottering on the edge until I fall down.

I shake my head at the dark thought and stoop down to pick up the novels. When I reach for the second one, a frown makes its way on my face as I stare at the hardcover title: Tales of the First Queen. I gulp when I realise I've been ignoring Adora's request of finding out more about the first queen. Mainly because I'm not really sure if I want to find out the truth. My fingers hesitate for a moment before I carefully open the old book. The language is old. One that my mother forced me to learn when I was young, but refraining from constant use has left me rusty as I try to bring to mind my lessons.

It takes a while but when I finally remember enough to understand the gist of it, I turn the page. My eyebrows furrow at the type of queen she was; controlling, strict, traditional but still caring. I flick through the pages in the hopes of finding any mention of her sister, but come up empty handed. I sigh and return the novel back to its place on the shelf.

When I pick up the final book, I stiffen. Another velvet sequinned journal. Turning it over in my hands I find the number 5. I skim past the pages to find there's only 3 entries. My breath catches when I realise that this is the last diary my mum kept before...Suddenly I feel sick at the thought and have to put it down on the desk. _'Its like the universe is trying to torture me today of all days.'_ I think glumly as I hug myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! That was a lot going on there. While not quite as angsty as usual, it definitely has a lot of deep undertones I think. Hope you liked it! XD
> 
> So, I always wanted Glimmer to verbally say to Catra that she blamed her for taking her mum away from her. I know we got that whole showdown in s4, but it would've been interesting to actually hear her say it. Also, one of my biggest issues with s5 was how Glimmer just forgave and accepted Catra, heck even giving her hugs etc - can anyone genuinely tell me that they'd hug & kiss their mum's killer? If you can, then you're the rare few. Based on Glimmer's personality throughout the show, I can safely say she's not one of the rare few and it was really OOC. I won't get into the whole Catra didnt face the retribution she should've because I know a lot of people liked s5, but all I'll say is that I was disappointed and leave it there. Sorry had to get that out heh. But I hoped you enjoyed my own version of a showdown between the two, from both Catra lovers and those who aren't keen on her.
> 
> Also, I think alternating between embarrassing Adora and embarrassing Glimmer has become my second favourite past time, after the angst of course XD But I have to say banter between friends is one of the best things, like I have really fond memories of bantering with my uni friends. 
> 
> Well that was the last Glimmer POV chapter for a bit, we switch back to Adora next chapter! It's another painful chapter so get ready. Gosh we're getting really close to one of the most painful chapters in the story...can't wait for you guys to read that one XD
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	30. Why Won't You Talk To Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora goes on a search to find the queen, only to find her subdued and stubbornly asking to be left alone, but Adora can't think why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Round who knows what of pain here we go! This is pretty sad, so tissues at the ready! Oh and I've added some more doctor moments, because...well, I couldn't resist XD
> 
> Also, I am sorry if I offended anyone with my s5 complaints, my opinions often gets me in trouble XD But I hope you all will continue reading and enjoying this story. I never really paint Catra in a bad light in this story, so do not fear Catra fans XD  
> Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter and please leave me some feedback if you have time :)

**Adora's POV:**

  
When I waken, I'm both surprised and alarmed to find the bed beside me empty. I reach a hand out but the mattress is cold, suggesting that Glimmer left a while ago. A quick glance to the clock on the wall reveals it's still early. _'She can't have already left for her meetings...right?'_ I'm just about to get up when something sparkly catches my eye. My jaw drops at what I find: Glimmer's journal. _'And it's open.'_ I think with wide eyes. And if I was tempted before, then it's even _**more** _tempting now. But before I can really contemplate the thought, I stretch out a hand and close the book shut.

A sudden realisation dawns on me. _'What if Glimmer noticed that I was lying about wanting to stay here? She did become subdued after our conversation.'_ I chew my lip in worry. _'I knew it was a dumb idea opening up that can of worms, but I didn't know how else we were going to fix things! She obviously wasn't going to be the one to approach it directly.'_ I think as miniscule annoyance runs through me.

My eyes linger on the closed diary, recalling how the right hand page was empty except for today's date. I frown at the thought. _'She didn't write anything **and** she left it open which she would never do considering how protective she is about her privacy. It's like...she was in a hurry for something.' _Without another thought I push the journal back under her pillow and decide to go and find her.

**1 hour later...**

  
Opening the door of the dining hall to find Bow seated in front of his breakfast sends a wave of relief through me. _'Finally, someone!'_

  
"Adora!" The boy shouts excitedly, while waving his hand and spoon. I smile at his upbeat nature and trudge towards the archer, my legs becoming exhausted from all the searching I've been doing.

  
"Hey Bow. Good sleep?" I inquire politely.

  
"Like a baby. What about you?" He asks with a soft smile.

  
"Good but...have you seen Glimmer? I wanted to check the meeting hall but I wasn't sure if it was occupied and didn't want to just waltz in." I ask with hopeful eyes.

  
"Not today, no. And there's no meetings today. I managed to get them pushed back a couple of days so Glimmer can get some rest after yesterday. You can't find her?" The archer asks with a querying eyebrow. I shake my head.

  
"Yeah. She wasn't in her room, the gardens, the Moonstone spire or..." I pause before saying her parents bedroom, not knowing whether it's even appropriate for me to be in there. "...here." I say instead and watch as the techmaster rubs his chin in thought.

  
"Strange, those are the places she'd usually be in. Was she upset about something last night?" My best friend inquires, his warm inquisitive eyes on me. I open my mouth, but no words come out.

  
"No?" I mumble, sounding unconvinced with my own answer. The boy raises an eyebrow.

  
"You don't sound very sure." He points out. I bite the inside of my cheek.

  
"We were talking about things...and I think it was alright? I mean, it's Glimmer. She can be hard to read sometimes." I answer, earning an agreeable nod from the archer.

  
"Boy is that the unfortunate truth. Well, maybe she's having some time to herself. I wouldn't worry unless we don't see her by the end of the day." Bow suggests. I shoot him an unsure look, but I don't feel like telling him the reason why I'm worried, so I just nod.

  
"Ok. Thanks Bow." I say and give him a wave as I exit, my mind racing through other possible places the Queen could be, but I come up blank. _'This castle is huge! And it's not like I've ever asked Bow or Glimmer for a proper tour of the place. I mean they offered, but I didn't see any point to know any more than where's my chambers, their chambers, the meeting hall, the dining room and any mission related places.'_ I release a frustrated sigh as I massage my temples. _'Either I give her space like Bow suggested or I go on a wild goose chase around this whole building.'_

I bite my lip, something niggling inside me that I shouldn't be leaving the queen alone for some reason. And so with a tortured exhale I start strolling through the numerous corridors. When a couple of hours pass by with no luck, I have to stop to lean my throbbing leg before it goes into full spasm mode and decide this is useless. _'I'm never going to find her when I don't even know where she could be. Aurgh, she's my best friend, I should know where she'd go if something is bothering her!'_ I think in frustration as I slap the wall behind me.

Until a thought occurs to me. _'But maybe she's completely fine and I'm just being paranoid?'_ I purse my lips at that suggestion and slide down the wall until I'm sitting on the ground. _'Maybe I should just go and spend some time with Swifty.'_ But as soon as I think that, a feeling of unease passes through me and the desire to find Glimmer, even just to catch a glimpse of her is overpowering. _'Aurgh why won't you leave me alone?! I've tried looking for her. It's not like I can connect and find...her.'_ My eyes widen as an idea hits me. I scramble to my feet and dash for the spire that the Moonstone sits on.

By the time I get there I'm gritting my teeth at the excessive strain I've been putting on my leg and hope that it won't get worse. When I stand in front of the Moonstone I start to doubt whether this is a good idea or not. _'Isn't this just another way of invading her privacy? She could be livid! But...I need to know if she's ok. A-And I'll pull away immediately if everything is.'_ I try to convince myself and as I take a deep breath I hesitantly bring my hand to touch the surface of the stone. I'm hit with an overwhelming amount of emotion that I nearly buckle under the pressure, but I keep my hand there until I hear that same startled voice like last time.

  
"Adora?" It's quiet and downcast, but it's there and I almost sigh in relief. "What are you doing?" She asks a moment later. I find myself going blank, not sure what to say until the words just blurt out of me.

  
"You were gone when I woke up. I wanted to make sure you're ok?" I tell her through the psychic connection. A wave of surprise runs through me and I almost gasp at the strong sensation.

  
"I...that's sweet. Thank you, but I'm alright. I'll see you later." Glimmer answers and a second wave of emotion hits me. A mixture of affection and melancholy. My knees shake, the sensations run through me like a wildfire and it's starting to make me feel nauseous, but I'm not ready to break the link.

  
"Where are you?" I ask. A flash of concern flows down my spine.

  
"Are you ok? It feels like you're in pain." The queen inquires, her tone alarmed and I have to fight back the urge to vomit at the new emotion.

  
"I'm f-fine. A-Are you in the c-castle?" I express, my voice trembling despite how hard I try to control it. Waves of fear and concern hit me and this time I'm forced to detach my hand as I sink to the ground in exhaustion. I'm near to the point of passing out as my head pounds heavily. It's seconds later that I hear the familiar flashing sound and a set of hurried footsteps before urgent hands grasp my shoulders.

  
"Adora? Adora!" Glimmer's voice sounds both far away and incredibly close as I hear the panic entering her tone. I blink several times to get rid of the swimming patterns in my vision, but I find myself dipping forward and landing on something soft and warm. When I next try to open my eyes, I find my gaze on the blue sky and pink hair. _'Pink?'_ I think in confusion and blink again to find Glimmer hovering worriedly over me, the rims of her eyes are red and her brows furrowed tightly as her arms are wrapped around my shoulder and waist. Finally I realise that I'm lying across her lap on the ground.

A groan escapes me at the headache that slams hard against my skull. "Adora?" The queen probes quietly. Another groan escapes me as I squint up at the teen.

  
"Ouch." I mutter. I bring a hand up to my forehead. "What hit me?" I moan when the pain starts to lessen. A frown makes its way onto the purple head's face as she gazes at me worriedly.

  
"As far as I know; nothing. I sensed you in pain and found you nearly passed out here. What happened?" The teen asks while shifting her hands slightly.

  
"I...don't know." I admit.

  
"What do you mean you don't know?!" Glimmer asks in bewilderment.

  
"It's just that, I don't know. I touched the Moonstone and...I felt all these strong emotions and it was...too much." I try to explain, but by the furrowing of her eyebrows I can tell I've failed in that. I try to push myself off the purple head, but her hold remains sturdy and I shoot her a confused glance.

  
"Are you ok now?" The teen asks earnestly, her eyes roaming over my form and I struggle not to squirm at how inquisitive her gaze is, as if she could see right through me and the things I hide. I force a smile to my lips.

  
"Just a bit of a headache, but I'm fine otherwise." I reassure, earning a scrutinising stare from the Queen before she sighs and releases her hold around me. I push myself up into a sitting position and shift off the teen's legs. Once the pounding in my head eases I look up to find a faraway expression on the queen's face and note the same melancholy emotion I felt earlier. "Hey, are you alright?" I ask with furrowed eyebrows. Glimmer blinks twice, as if suddenly remembering I'm here.

  
"Oh right, yeah I'm...alright." She answers a moment later. My frown deepens as I drum my fingers against my thigh in thought.

  
"Well, I think we can now say that we can also sense each other's emotions and not just their presence with that whole psychic connection thing." I begin. The purple head looks up sharply at this, an stern expression on her face.

  
"Adora, I don't want you trying that again without my say so." The queen orders, prompting me to drop my jaw in surprise.

  
"But why?!" I demand.

  
"Because of what it just did to you! You were this close to passing out! Besides, emotions are private. You can't just...barge in unannounced." Glimmer explains, her lavender orbs resolute. I open my mouth to refute her decision but she beats me to it. "Why were you even trying that?" Glimmer queries as her gaze pierces straight through me.

  
"I...was trying to find you. You were gone this morning and Bow said you didn't have any meetings today and I looked everywhere for you, so..." I trail off with a shrug, leaving my point hanging. "D-Did I upset you last night?" I ask a beat later as I watch her anxiously. The teen's mouth parts before she shakes her head.

  
"What? No. You're good. I just needed to...get some air." The purple head expresses uneasily, her irises flickering away from mine briefly. My lips press tightly together in a thin line.

  
"But you usually sleep in when you don't have meetings. Plus, I didn't find you in the gardens." I point out. A flash of frustration crosses the teen's face.

  
"We don't need to be tied to the hip all the time! And maybe you just missed me, did you think of that?" I recoil at the venom in her words. Her eyes widen slightly at my action.

  
"I-I didn't say we had to. I just..." I'm quickly cut off by the purple head.

  
"I just need to be by myself today ok?" Glimmer explains, her tone dropping its previous abrasiveness.

  
"But why?" I ask again, knowing that I really shouldn't push her, but I'm so confused about her sudden need to be alone.

  
" _ **Adora I don't need to tell you why!**_ " The queen snaps. My lips tremble at her hostile attitude. A heavy sigh escapes her as she pinches the bridge of her nose. "I'm sorry for snapping. Just can you understand that I need some time to myself. I-I'll see you tomorrow alright?" Glimmer tries to explain patiently. But I don't move when she rises to her feet. Her eyes flicker down to me, guilty orbs staring down at me before she looks elsewhere. "Do you need a teleport?" She asks finally. Wordlessly I shake my head. But it seems the teen's guilt is stopping her from leaving. "Adora I'm sorry." She pleads, willing me to say something.

  
"It's fine." I choke out, but the purple head tenses at my response and drops down to one knee in front of me.

  
"Adora." It's one word. My word. But when I peer into her lavender irises I can see how tormented she is. Why? I do not know.

  
"Why won't you talk to me?" My broken whisper elicits a pained expression from the teen.

  
"Adora please don't do this to me." Glimmer begs quietly.

  
"Do what? Ask what's bothering you?" I pause, closing my eyes briefly. "You left your journal open on the bed this morning." I blurt out. I hear a sharp intake of breath and re-open my eyes to find that the girl's face is strained. "I didn't read anything. But you wouldn't have done that considering how guarded and protective you are of it. Well, unless something urgent came up." I continue, hoping the teen wouldn't accuse me of anything. I watch as she dips her head forward before lifting it up again.

  
"I appreciate your honesty but I promise you it's nothing that you have to worry about." The purple head repeats and in my frustration I find myself throwing my arms up in the air.

  
"You _**always** _tell me that! I don't have to worry about this or I don't have to worry about that; well guess what Glimmer that just makes me worry more!" I shout. The teen's eyelid twitches at my stubbornness.

  
"What do you want from me?!" The queen cries in annoyance.

  
"I want you to open up!" I holler.

  
"Maybe that would be easier if you did the same!" Glimmer retorts which effectively prompts me to clamp my jaws shut. The purple head shoots me a sour look. "That's what I thought. How can you expect me to open up when you refuse to do the same?" The teen mutters and my gaze becomes downcast at the rebuke. "Right, I'm going." The queen announces as she gets back to her feet.

  
"Where will you be?" I ask lowly. The teen doesn't answer for the longest time.

  
"Around." She states abruptly. I feel pinpricks at the back of my eyes as I look up to see the girl's back.

  
"O..." She teleports before I can finish. "...k." I draw my knees up my chest at the sudden emptiness and rock back and forth in my loneliness.

After a while I fall backwards until I'm lying flat on the ground as I stare at the blue sky. A wave of sadness and desperate yearning washes over me, but I'm clueless on how to satiate it. My emotions are in such turmoil that when my leg starts twitching I'm not surprised. I reach a hand into my jacket pocket for the syringe and inject it into my thigh before it can worsen. _'Why do I bother?'_

When I eventually get the energy to move, I stumble to to my feet, but it's still so stiff that I trip up several times and on the seventh step I find my face and knees skidding along the granite ground. I grit my teeth and using my hands I push myself onto all fours. But I wince at the pressure on my kneecaps and when I give them a quick scan I find my leggings and skin torn with dots of blood leaking through. I sigh heavily. _'Great, this is just what I need now.'_ I think with a groan as I try to push myself up onto my feet, but I just land on my rear when my leg doesn't respond.

I frown deeply and stare at the limb. _'What on earth is wrong? It should be back to normal now...'_ My eyes widen in horror and I gulp. _'Oh no. Please no.'_ I think fearfully as the words of that doctor comes to mind. I try to bend my knee and with great effort it finally does. Slowly, I rise to my feet again and take careful steps. It takes me twice as long as usual but I don't stumble to the ground again which is a plus. When I enter the infirmary my eyes scan the area, hoping to find that same doctor. I almost give up when I spot a tuff of black hair zooming behind an office door. I take a deep breath and make my way to said door and knock.

  
"Come in." A voice floats from the other side and I push open the door to find the same physician seated at a desk. He looks up in surprise, his green eyes roaming over me, stopping briefly at my grazed knees before floating to meet my gaze. "Well this is a surprise. What can I do for the Princess of Power?" The doctor asks as he puts his pen down and clasps his hands together out in front of him.

  
"I'm sorry for coming unannounced but..." I bite my lip. "...I was wondering how soon would I need a crutch if my leg still spasmed from time to time?" I question in discomfort. The physician furrows his eyebrows slightly.

  
"From the last X-ray it showed that your muscle tissue was thinning. We would need to do another scan to see if anything has changed drastically from the last time you were here. I doubt it would've changed significantly unless you've been under a lot of stress." He answers carefully, pausing briefly before continuing. "But it seems something has happened for you to be asking." He observes with a pointed gaze. I raise an impressed eyebrow at his correct deduction.

  
"Erm kind of? I...had a spasm earlier and usually after a half hour I'm back to normal, but today it was like my leg wouldn't respond to me. It was...numb." I try to explain as the man pushes his chair back and rounds the table to stand in front of me with a concerned expression.

  
"How many spams have you had since you were here last?" He asks abruptly. I blink at the urgency in his tone and try to recall the number.

  
"Errrr I'm not really sure? More than 5 I think? No, 10?" I waver, unsure. The doctor looks at me through uncharacteristically wide eyes before he clears his throat.

  
"Right. Let's get that X-ray done." He murmurs and guides me out of the office and towards the scanning room. My eyes keep flickering up to his face, but he's completely neutral. As he sets up the machine I finally build up the courage to speak.

  
"You'd tell me if there's something wrong...right?" I ask as I observe him sceptically, having a bad experience with trusting medical professionals after the last time they hid such a secret from me. He looks up from his fiddling and pierces his forest green eyes through me.

  
"Of course. As the patient you're entitled to the truth, even if its...undesired." He promises and usually I would still feel a touch of mistrust towards such people but this doctor has a way of reassuring me and I nod in understanding.

20 minutes later I'm seated in his office, fiddling with my fingers as the man's gaze is fixed on his screen. Alternating briefly to the scribbles of notes out in front of him. I watch as he releases a quiet breath before finally looking up at me with cautious eyes. And it suddenly hits me how difficult doctors have it. _'They have to tell people terrible news on a regular basis. I had to do it once when I broke the news to Glimmer that her mum was gone and it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Heck, fighting the Horde was easier than that.'_ I think as I look at the man with a newfound respect.

  
"Well She-ra..." He starts.

  
"Please call me Adora. I'm not really She-ra anymore." I interrupt. The man tilts his head to one side before nodding.

  
"Alright. Adora. The scan shows that the muscle tissue has thinned further from your previous visit." He exhales as he glimpses up at his screen before turning his attention back on me. "I've tried to assess how much damage occurs after each spasm but its hard to do so without consistent data so I can't give you accurate enough information. I will suggest again that you keep away from things that are causing the stress, but if you do find yourself having another spasm then pop back in my office and we'll take another scan to measure the difference between today and then. Sounds good?" He explains before waiting for my response. I hesitate, not really wanting to be caught coming back here again, but I nod eventually.

  
"How many spasms do you think it will be before I need a crutch?" I ask while holding my breath. The man seems to hesitate for a moment before shaking his head.

  
"Without another scan I can't really say, but if I had to guess...maybe two or three." The physician states carefully. I feel my jaws slacken at this.

  
"B-But that's so soon!" I complain with frantic eyes as I wave my hands out in front of me.

  
"I agree, but it seems you're either not administrating your injection soon enough or your spasms are more violent for some reason. Either way I must stress the importance of keeping away from any emotional or physical conflict." He urges and I swallow at the request, averting my eyes from him.

  
"Well, thank you for your help doctor. I should be going." I say while jumping off the bed only to stumble slightly. Fortunately the good doctor has quick reflexes as he jumps up from his seat and snaps out his arm to grab my bicep, steadying me. I flush in embarrassment as the man retracts his arm once I'm stable.

  
"I wonder if I should give y..." He starts but I quickly cut him off.

  
" _ **NO!**_ " I shout earning me a startled glance from the physician. My cheeks redden further at my outburst. "I mean, I'm alright. I just need to walk it off. I don't need a crutch." I amend. The man raises a sceptical eyebrow as he leans back to rest on the ledge of his desk, crossing his arms as he stares me down.

  
"I understand that being dependent on a crutch isn't convenient, but I get the sense that something else is bothering you. I don't want to impose, but I'm also qualified to discuss if anything not health related is worrying you. There's complete confidentiality." He adds after a moment's thought, but I'm already shaking my head.

  
"No no. I'm fine. Everything is completely perfect!" I say with false optimism. The doctor watches me for several seconds before shrugging.

  
"Well I'm glad to hear that, but if you do ever need someone to lend an ear then I'm available." The man voices kindly. I smile at him.

  
"Thanks." I semi-limp to the door but stop and half turn. "I never got your name." I inquire casually.

  
"Its Dr Crest. Thomas Crest." He answers with a half smile. I return the gesture and wave goodbye before slipping out of the room and closing the door with a soft click. I make a beeline for my room, ready to discard of my faithful leggings and clean up my crusty knees. Dr Crest offered to do so but I declined, not wanting to waste more of the doctor's time.

When I pass by the queen's closed chambers I think I hear something similar to sobbing, but when I halt it ceases. The temptation to knock is high but a quick glance down to my torn bottoms surpasses any temptation. _'The last thing I need is an interrogation. Glimmer already feels guilty for what happened, I don't need her to feel worse. Even if she doesn't care about how I feel.'_ I think sourly as I continue limping to my room. I exhale in relief when I shut the door and go to rummage for a spare trouser, but come up empty. _'Oh yeah that's right, this was the only pair of outside trousers I owned.'_

I change into some shorts and stare at the grey material. _'Maybe I can sew it?'_ But as quickly as the thought enters I dismiss it. _'Yeah no I can't sew to save my life.... but Glimmer can!'_ I suddenly remember. _'She sewed me back up when I tore out my stitches that one time.'_ My hand strays to my abdomen, the stitches long gone now, replaced with a jagged scar. My shoulders slump when I recall how angry the purple head was at me that day. _'Not like that's anything new.'_ I think sadly as I perch on my bed, disheartened. _'I doubt Bow knows how to sew too.'_

I bite my lip, running my hand over the two holes. _'If I ask for some new trousers then they'll ask questions that I don't want to answer. Maybe if I downplay it enough, Glimmer will sew them up? But...she's been awfully annoyed at me, more so than usual.'_ I think as my lips tremble and eyes burn. The twitch in my leg takes me by surprise and I have to screw my eyes shut to clamp off any more oncoming thoughts. _'Don't feel. Don't think. Don't care.'_ I repeat several times until I feel the tension lessening. I attempt to move the limb but it's slow to respond. I drop my head down, my heart tightening at the sudden realisation that my condition is getting worse. _'At the very least it could stay the same, but no! The world just hates me so much.'_ My shoulders heave up and down. _'Glimmer hates me too.'_ My vision blurs and the twitching returns.

I clench the fabric of my leggings tightly, but the twitching doesn't ease. I take in several deep breaths but each time I do my mind pictures the queen's annoyed face. ' _She used to be so gentle and soft with me. Before the portal incident, arguments were non-existent. And now? She's so guarded and hostile. She says she loves me, but deep down I think she's hiding how much anger she has for me.'_ A whimper escapes me. The twitching becomes a full on spasm and I dig around for that syringe and inject it into my flesh.

I wait for the tension to ease, but I'm alarmed when it doesn't lessen straight away like usual. I clamp a hand around my knee, squeezing the joint as the spasms continue. I turn the syringe over in my hands but the label reads I've still got two more doses left. I frown momentarily before gasping as a wave of pain hits me and I drop the injection where it clutters to the ground and rolls under the bed. I reach out for my drawer but fall short when another agonising wave washes over me and I curl into myself to escape the pain, but I forgot how precariously I was seated on the mattress and find myself tumbling to the ground.

  
"Ah!" The small shout escapes my lips. My body starts trembling and the hurt becomes too much. I hear a sharp intake of breath only to realise its coming from me. I fumble for my sword, hoping I can connect with Swiftwind but the next spasm leaves me feeling numb and I start panicking at how much this will badly affect my muscle. This doesn't help my current situation as my breathing becomes more rapid and I know it isn't long before I pass out. _'Have...to....get...someone...'_ I don't want to call out for the queen. Number one, I don't know if she's even in her room, but realistically she's the only option since her bedroom is only a few doors from mine. I take in a deep breath.

  
"Glim...!" My shout is cut off by another gasp of pain and I know I must be a shaking, huffing, spasming mess. _'Do I really want her to see me like this?'_ I think anxiously but another agonising wave slams into me and tears leak from the corner of my eyes and its becoming too much to handle. I try again.

"Glimmer!" I cry out but it barely comes out as little more than a whisper. I slam a trembling fist to the ground at my failure. "Please..." Sobs wreck my form when black spots dance across my vision.

" _ **GLIMMER!**_ " I holler out or at least I hope its a holler because right now my awareness is becoming more and more non-existent. I think I hear a familiar sparkle sound and my hunch is confirmed when the purple head enters my line of sight. Her face is horrified as she drops to her knees and pulls me up slightly. I lean back in relief as I feel her digging into my jacket pockets. "N-Not there...D-Didn't w-work." I mutter subconsciously as pain wrecks havoc on my being. I curl into myself again, willing for it to stop or to pass out.

  
"Didn't work?!" The teen echoes back terrified as she opens up a drawer and takes out a new syringe and injects it into me. This time I feel the familiar warmth that accompanies the injection, the same sensation that would usually happen with one dose of the thing, but didn't. I sag back against something warm and solid. The pain, still runs up and down my form, but it starts to ease slightly. The queen doesn't say anything for the longest time, probably waiting for my shuddering to stop. And when they do I take notice of the way her arms around me are shaking, but my throat is too dry to call her out on it. "A-Are you feeling better now?" She asks quietly, her voice trembling slightly. I lick my lips in an attempt to bring some moisture to them.

  
"Yeah..." I whisper.

  
"Were you like that for long?" Glimmer queries lowly.

  
"No...15 minutes maybe?" I answer tiredly. The teen remains silent for a while.

  
"We should take you to the medic bay." The purple head poses as a statement. My eyes widen at the suggestion, fear running up my spine at the possibility that she'd find out from Dr Crest the seriousness of these spasms so I find myself shaking my head vigorously.

  
"No! I-I'm better now. Promise." I plead, the teen hesitates at my insistence before sighing.

  
"Alright. I'll just get you back to your bed." Glimmer voices as she slips an arm behind my back while the other slides under my knees. I open my mouth in protest but the queen isn't having it as she rises to her feet with me in her arms. My cheeks redden at being so easily held by the shorter woman. The purple head lays me gently on the bed, her hand lingers at the backs of my knees before she slips them out completely and reaches for the duvet to cover over me.

  
"Thanks." I mumble with averted eyes. The queen must've realised the tension in the air as she suddenly coughs, a hand going to rub the back of her neck.

  
"It's nothing. I-I should go. We'll talk tomorrow about...what happened." Glimmer expresses, stumbling over her words slightly.

  
"Please don't leave." The words shoot out of my mouth before I can stop them.

"Adora, I can't." The queen's voice cracks.

  
"Why not?!" I demand, hurt that everything I ask from the teen is constantly denied.

  
"Because...I get the feeling I'm party responsible for...this." She mutters while waving her hand in my general direction. Any retort I had dies right then and there. "Look, I'll pop in tomorrow." The purple head continues when I don't respond. I turn my head away from her which elicits a heavy exhale from the Queen.

I hear her shifting around the room before a quiet ring echoes in the room. Curious, I turn my head back to find the girl holding up a bell and setting it on my bedside table. Her eyes catch mine and I avert them quickly.

"I'm going to leave this here. If you need me just ring." Glimmer voices, her tone tired. I sigh and nod. She hesitates, wanting to say something else but thinks better of it and disappears without another word. I close my eyes, ignoring the moisture that gathers below my eyelids and hug myself close.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who thought that Adora was going to read Glimmer's journal at the beginning? XD  
> So got a little bit more development about that psychic connection, what do you think?  
> Anddddd things are going downhill...again. You've got to wonder how on earth will these two patch things up, right? Don't worry I've got it sorted...and when I mean sorted, I mean by more pain XD
> 
> Ok realistically Adora would prob have had a CT scan (which uses X-rays) or more likely an MRI, because a plain X-ray is really only good for looking at bones or lung conditions like pneumonia, pneumothorax etc and prob the abdominal regions too. But I wrote this before I had adequate knowledge of scans and I cba to detail the experience of going into an MRI, so this is where fiction comes in XD Also, doctors definitely do not tell their patients their first name, something about professionalism. 
> 
> Also, lol one of the big jokes that I keep seeing bounced around the fandom is that Adora never got a change of clothes throughout the show (personally I loved her clothes and wasn't bothered with the lack of change), but I thought it would be funny to write as if Adora only owned one pair of trousers which would explain the lack of change.  
> And seriously I hate ending it here as much as you guys hate it. 
> 
> Next chapter is a bit of a meh one, but we have a bit of Adora & Glimmer talking, plus another trip to the doctors for Adora.
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	31. Bad News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora is woken up by Glimmer for a talk about last night.  
> AND  
> Adora pays another visit to Dr Crest
> 
> Minor thing, but has anyone ever wondered with Adora's inferiority complex did she ever consider any differences between her and Glimmer? Especially now that Glimmer is the queen and Adora is just essentially an orphan soldier - I mean, of course they're best friends, but they do have very different statuses. I very briefly touch on it here, but I'm definitely going to re-visit that topic later on in the story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a dull chapter imo, but I hope you enjoy it anyway.

**Adora's POV:**

**Next Morning:**

  
I'm awoken by a gentle shake and begrudgingly I open my eyes to find the queen standing over me. I push myself up onto my elbows, staring at her through confused and weary eyes.

  
"Glimmer?" I mumble with a yawn. She pulls back.

  
"Sorry, I didn't want to wake you but I've got some royal duties today and won't have time to talk later, so thought we could do it now before it gets left by the wayside." Glimmer explains while biting her lip. I pull myself all the way up into a sitting position and watch as the teen perches on the edge of the bed, her hand rests on the mattress, millimetres away from my leg.

  
"Alright." I finally say, observing her thoughtful expression.

  
"What happened last night?" She asks outright. I know I should've expected it but I didn't think she'd be so blunt. My throat goes dry.

  
"I had a spasm." I say vaguely. Glimmer stares at me, her lips pressing tightly together in a thin line.

  
"I know you had a spasm. I meant what triggered it? And what did you mean that your injection didn't work last night?" The queen queries. I bite the inside of my cheek as my mind races to come up with a plausible answer.

  
"I didn't say it didn't work." I lie, hating myself for it. The teen's eyebrows furrow.

  
"You did. I heard you." She points out.

  
"I was probably delirious. Pain tends to do that." I wave off, trying to downplay the seriousness of it all. The purple head scrutinises me carefully, as if trying to seed out any deceit.

  
"If that's the case then why didn't you inject yourself straight away?" She questions further as my heart plummets at the good point. My mind scrambles for something.

  
"I had a nightmare and only woke up when my leg started spasming and fell out of bed. I couldn't reach for it." The constant lying tastes bitter on my tongue. The queen widens her eyes.

  
"A nightmare did this?!" Glimmer expresses, appalled. I nod in uneasy confirmation. "What was your nightmare about?" My throat goes dry. _'Darn it. I forgot how many questions she tends to ask.'_

  
"Err... the cannon." I blurt without thinking and then mentally slap myself. _'I'm trying not to make her guilty!'_ I scold myself as the teen's shoulders slump.

  
"Oh." Her gaze drops to her lap as she chews her bottom lip. "I'm sorry..." She apologises and I'm already shaking my head.

  
"You don't need to apologise." I urge, but as usual she never listens as her features contours in guilt.

  
"Still. How are you feeling now?" The teen queries as her eyes runs up and down my form and I try not to shiver under her critical gaze.

  
"I'm better. Thanks to you." I say with a half smile, but it doesn't elicit any positive response from the Queen as her fingers fidget in her lap.

  
"You wouldn't be in this mess if it wasn't for me." The purple head mutters under her breath as I take in a sharp breath.

  
"I told you..." I start with a firm tone but the queen leans away from me, her lavender irises flashing.

  
"I get it! You don't want to talk about it." Glimmer bites. I clamp my jaws shut. We regard each other wearily in silence for what feels like an age before she releases a sigh and massages her forehead. "I'm going to get Bow to work on a mini pad for you. That way you can keep it on you at all times and can call one of us for help if this happens again." The queen states and I feel my shoulders slumping at having to be treated differently. She exhales a small breath before moving her hand from it's resting place on the mattress to land on my knee. I wince at the pressure on the still tender skin. The purple head pulls away immediately and stares at the red grazes. "Oh jeez I'm sorry! How'd you get those?" The teen asks with wide eyes.

  
"I tripped." I say quickly, prompting the queen to raise an eyebrow in distrust.

  
"You tripped?" The purple head repeats strangely as her eyes drop to somewhere on the ground. I watch as she stoops down to pick something up and comes back up with my torn leggings in hand. Her fingers poke through the identical holes. "That must've been one heck of a fall to tear these." Glimmer comments as she drops the material on her lap to eye me sceptically. I shrug.

  
"I didn't see where I was going. You know I can be a clutz sometimes." I point out and when I see her open her mouth I swiftly push on. "Actually, I was hoping...erm. I mean. I know you're busy so it's completely ok if you can't but..." My ramblings are soon interrupted by the purple head.

  
"Adora." Glimmer emphasises with furrowed eyebrows.

  
"...well, you're so good at stitching that I was wondering if you could...sew them together?" I request meekly as the teen blinks twice and glances down at the trouser.

  
"Wouldn't you prefer if we get you some new ones?" The queen asks, befuddlement leaking into her tone.

  
"No it's good. These ones are what I'm used to." I reassure. I watch as the purple head purses her lips.

  
"You do know that there are royal tailors in the castle that can do this sort of thing, right?" Glimmer points out as a lazy smile graces her lips. I feel myself flushing in embarrassment.

  
"O-oh yeah." I recall as Princess Prom flashes before my mind's eye and my humiliation becomes complete when the queen looks at me in amusement. "S-Sorry, I didn't mean to imply...erm. Forget I asked, I'll get the tailors to do it." I stutter, cursing myself at having asked the _**queen** _to do my sewing. _'I know we're friends but there are still rules and etiquette appropriateness that I completely just dismissed.'_ But Glimmer elbows me lightly as a chuckle escapes past her lips.

  
"I'm only teasing. I've always found sewing relaxing if I'm honest, so I don't mind. But on one condition." My head jerks up anxiously at her suddenly serious tone. "We go shopping for a new pair of trousers for you." My jaws drop at her proposal.

  
"But these are both comfortable and practical! Anything else is too... _ **frilly**_." I argue with a shudder. But when I see the teen's face set in that determined way of hers I know I've lost the battle.

  
"You need a spare pair in case these tear again. Do you seriously want to be walking in shorts all day? Besides, these are so worn out anyway, it wouldn't be long till all they're good for is being thrown in the bin." The queen rants. I open my mouth in rebuttal but she continues. "Plus, not everything in Brightmoon is frilly." She adds with finger quotes around the word frilly. I blow a stray strand of hair from my face before releasing a long exaggerated sigh.

  
"Fine." I grumble and watch as the teen fist pumps the air. I roll my eyes at the action but can't help the grin that works its way up my face. Before she can speak again a beep emits from her collar and the teen stretches an arm to click on a small metal device.

  
"Your Majesty, you're needed for organising tax credits." A voice crackles. Glimmer heaves a disappointed sigh before answering.

  
"Thank you for letting me know. I'll be right there." The queen answers and pushes a finger against the metal clip once more. I raise an eyebrow when the teen turns her attention back to me.

  
"That's new." I point out as the purple head rubs the back of her head sheepishly.

  
"Yeah. Bow thought it would be a good idea to have coms on us, even in the castle for easier communication. I guess I should head off, but I've got the evening off tomorrow so we can go clothes shopping then." Glimmer promises as she rises to her feet. A hand goes to briefly squeeze my shoulder. Swiftly I raise a hand to rest it on top of hers, keeping her in place which prompts the girl to shoot me a surprised look.

I hesitate, not wanting to ruin this rare show of ease between us. "Adora?" The teen prompts, but I cower away and shake my head as I drop my hand off hers. Her gaze flickers between me and the door before she makes up her mind and squats in front of me. "What is it?" Glimmer asks softly as she gazes at me in concern.

  
"It's ok. I don't want you to be late." I mumble, _'or ruin your good mood.'_ I add silently. The queen hesitates for a moment before shaking her head.

  
"I've got time." She voices simply. A half smile appears on my face at her attempt to try for me.

  
"Probably not. We'll talk when we go shopping." I persuade. I watch as the teen purses her lips.

  
"Are you sure? It's not like I can be fired." The purple head expresses with a wiry smile. I chuckle while bumping my hands against hers briefly.

  
"I'm sure. I'll see you around. Don't work yourself too hard." I insist. The girl scans me closely for several moments before nodding.

  
"Can't make any promises. And if you change your mind I'll be in the meeting hall or the general study." Glimmer says as she gets to her feet. She goes to grab my torn leggings and gives a small wave before blinking away. I stare at where she once stood for a while as slight apprehension fills me. _'I'm going shopping. Tomorrow. With Glimmer. I can't even remember the last time we spent some down time with just the two of us which didn't include evening talks before going to sleep. This is different. It's **normal**.' _

I bite my lip, _'I'm overexaggerating. It's just a short shopping trip...where we'll have to make awkward conversation, use changing rooms and pretend everything is **fine**...'_ I slap my forehead. _'Oh jeez, what did I agree to?!'_ I massage my temples in thought until a sudden idea strikes me. _'Bow! I could ask him to tag along and be our buffer!'_ I think with a relieved sigh. I swing my legs off the mattress and jump to my feet, but as soon as my left sole touches the ground, my calf cramps up and I hurtle straight into the ground, bashing the side of my jaw on my descent.

  
"Ow." I mutter as I roll over onto my back. I go to rub the aching bone while propping myself up. I stare hard at my leg as blinding fear crawls around my insides. _'This...this can't be right. I should be better now. It's been a whole night! Its always better after a good night's sleep.'_ I think frantically. I take in a deep breath and pull my leg up; when it does so without complaint I can feel my whole body sagging in relief as tears nearly fall from joy. _'It probably was just stiff from yesterday's events, that's all.'_ I try to convince myself, but a creeping sense of doubt grates on my nerves. _'Dr Crest did say for me to pop in if I have another spasm. I wasn't intending to oblige but if Glimmer will be busy all day, I can go without worrying about bumping into her.'_

I nod to myself as I mentally draw up the plan for today. _'Find Bow. Persuade him to join us tomorrow. Go see the doctor.'_ I get to my feet and rummage for a longer pair of shorts. I sigh at the pink pair I find and begrudgingly put it on. I snatch up my jacket and make a beeline for the dining room in the hopes that Bow is still having breakfast. When I find it empty, I check the common room to find the archer scratching his head in thought as he gazes down at his tracker pad.

  
"Hey Bow." I greet as I walk over to the boy. He lifts his head up to greet me with a warm grin.

  
"Good morning sleepyhead. You've overslept today." He points out with a smirk as he sets his device down onto his lap. I shoot him a sheepish smile.

  
"Well I guess my early morning routine is finally wearing off." I quip, not feeling like telling the boy about the conversation between Glimmer and I. Bow's eyes trail briefly to my shorts before raising a questioning eyebrow.

  
"Are you trying a new look? Because while I generally love different outfits, I don't think pink is quite your colour." The techmaster points out with a teasing expression. I roll my eyes at him.

  
"Don't worry, this is just temporary because my leggings have a tear in them. Actually, Glimmer suggested we go shopping for a new one tomorrow. Why don't you come with?" I suggest casually, while silently praying that he says yes. Bow visibly brightens at the idea.

  
"That sounds like fun! What time tomorrow? I've promised Perfuma that I'll take her to visit my parents' house in the evening." The archer states as he watches me expectantly. My face falls at the news.

  
"Oh. Glimmer said she was only free in the evening." I mumble in disappointment. The boy's face becomes saddened as he purses his lips.

  
"Well, guess it will be a girl's evening then, huh?" The archer voices as the corner of his lip upturns. I bite the inside of my cheek hard before forcing a smile to my face.

  
"Yeah, guess it will be." I mumble, but when the techmaster raises a confused eyebrow I scramble for something to say. "It's a shame because we haven't had the chance to do many best friend squad activities, but I hope you have a lovely time with Perfuma." I add to wave away any of the boy's suspicions. He watches me carefully for a moment before nodding in agreement.

  
"I know what you mean. It's been so busy here lately that we haven't spent much time together, but I'm sure there will be other opportunities." His eyes drop to his lap, glaring at it briefly. When he looks up to find me staring at him in confusion, he throws me an apologetic smile. "Sorry, I'm currently trying to figure out where this signal is coming from but its taking forever." Bow complains as he flicks a finger at the screen of his pad. I spare him an understanding frown.

  
"Yeah that sounds annoying." I say while sticking my tongue out distastefully. "But I'm sure you get it." I add encouragingly, eliciting a small grin from the boy.

  
"Thanks Adora. So what about you? Any plans today?" Bow asks as his eyes briefly stray back to his device. I freeze up, until I take a deep breath and cross my arms.

"Nah. Just walking around and probably spending time with Swiftwind." I say with a shrug when my brain un-freezes. The rebel eyes me thoughtfully.

  
"You and Swiftwind have become really close these past few months." He utters casually. I stiffen slightly at his observation.

  
"Yeah well, when you spend as long as I have in the castle, there's nothing to do but bond." I state ruefully. Bow observes me critically.

  
"True, but just remember that Glimmer and I are also here whenever you need to talk." The archer murmurs gently. I inhale deeply, knowing that the boy wants to bridge the awkwardness that has settled between us since they both found out I'll never join them on missions again.

  
"I know Bow. Thanks. I'll be around and good luck with...whatever you're working on." I bid as I exit the room. I hear a low sigh behind me, but I don't dare to look back in fear of seeing the disheartened gaze in those chocolate orbs. I trudge to the infirmary. The place is strangely quiet compared to usual, but I guess it is still early in the day. I take in a deep breath before going to knock on the office door and entering. Dr Crest is seated at his desk, scribbling a bunch of notes in a pad. His eyes briefly flicker up to mine before doing a double take.

  
"Adora? Well this is a surprise. I didn't think you'd be back so soon unless..." He trails off as his face sobers up in sudden thought. I watch as he quickly pens in a couple more words on the paper in front of him before he tucks the pen into his front pocket and gives me his complete attention. "You've had another spasm." He states a matter-of-factly. My eyes are downcast when I give him a small nod.

I hear the scratching of wood against wood and look up to find the man in front of me. "Come on. Let's see if there's been any significant changes from yesterday." Dr Crest voices, his eyes looking down at me kindly. I'm subdued when we enter the X-ray room, partly due to fearing the worst. I constantly feel the man's eyes on me as he plays with the machine to get correct settings. "It's emotional conflict, isn't it?" His voice pierces crystal clear into the otherwise silent room. I gape at him.

  
"How did you...?" I leave the question hanging. I watch as he removes his glasses, gives them a wipe and pops them back on his face as he scans me carefully.

  
"Other than the rumours I've overheard of your high strung personality? It's written on your face. Your a very expressive individual." The doctor observes. I blink twice at him. _'Darn it, I was hoping Glimmer could read me that well because she knew me, but it looks like I really am that transparent.'_

  
"What kind of things have you heard?" I finally ask when he goes back to his fiddling, setting the X-ray detector behind my leg while going round to lower the X-ray plate in front.

  
"Oh the usual things; like how determined and stubborn you are. How passionate and selfless. How much you care about those you love. It's pretty admirable I must say." The physician retells as he goes behind a screen. "Ok, same as last time, no moving please." I hold a breath and freeze until he gives me the say so. _'No matter how many times I've done this, it doesn't get any less weird.'_ I hear a soft click behind me and a moment later the man appears beside me. "All done." He informs and leads me out of the room and back to his office.

  
"Who told you that?" I ask when the silence becomes slightly awkward. He spares me a glance before looking ahead.

  
"Oh you know, around. The guards and princesses mostly. The queen occasionally." He adds after a moment's thought. My feet comes to an immediate halt and the man stops when he notices I've stopped. "Something wrong?" He asks with furrowed eyebrows. I avert my eyes from his piercing green gaze.

  
"N-No. I just didn't realise I was so talked about." I answer and force my feet forward. "Especially by the queen." I mutter under my breath. This catches the doctor's attention as his irises slide over to mine briefly, but he doesn't comment. Just as I take another step, I inhale sharply at a sudden twinge from my leg and I find myself immobile. The man stops again and reaches for my forearm.

  
"Adora?" He expresses in concern. _'Another admirable quality of doctors; being about to show concern for someone they don't know.'_ I think randomly before shaking my head. The painful twinge eases after a few seconds.

  
"I'm ok. Just a small ache." I batter away casually. He frowns.

  
"That looked intense." He states seriously, but I wave it off.

  
"Honestly, it's alright." I insist as the man purses his lips.

  
"Has this been happening often?" Thomas inquires as he scratches his chin.

  
"Not unless I've had a spasm. This...is new." I mumble reluctantly. The man hums in thought and soon it's like deja vu as I return to my position across from the doctor's desk as his irises flicker from one side of the screen to the other. A deep frown settles across his forehead as he leans forward. After several agonising minutes, I can't help but speak up. "So? Any news?" I prompt anxiously. I observe as the physician leans back into his chair as he massages his temples briefly.

  
"I'm afraid it's more severe than I anticipated. Your muscle tissue has significantly weakened with yesterday's spasm and at this exponential rate, it's only a matter of time before you'll need crutches." The doctor explains solemnly. I wrap an arm around my abdomen as a wave of nausea hits me. _'A matter of time?!'_

"How long?" I question lowly. Dr Crest taps his finger against the table's surface for a moment.

  
"I'd say with two more spasms you'll be limping. It's hard to know when you'll need crutches, but it wouldn't be long after the limping starts if you continue spasming." I thought I was feeling sick before, but at these words my stomach churns into a tightening knot.

  
"Two spasms?" I murmur shakily. The good doctor must've seen how pale I was becoming as he leans forward again, close enough to provide a reassuring hand if needed.

  
"It's not for sure. Honestly you're condition is pretty unique, so this is all speculation so far. I'm going to have to ask what are your main triggers? Maybe we can draw up a plan for you to avoid them." Thomas suggests as he digs under his files to reveal a blank sheet of paper and clicks his pen so that its point appears.

He looks up at me expectantly, but whatever colour I had left on my face drains away as I stare at him in horror. _'Glimmer. Glimmer is my trigger and I sure as heck can't avoid her. Not only will it hurt her, but it will also hurt me. She's my lifeline; even when we're arguing.'_ I must've started trembling as the next moment I find the good doctor on his knees in front of me, asking me to take several deep breaths. In and out. In and out. It's so familiar to what a certain purple head would do that I find my chest tightening even more as my panic attack becomes more defined and on top of that? My leg starts to twitch.

  
"Adora, I need you to calm down. Your leg won't be able to take much more of this." The firmness in the physician's voice is somehow enough to pierce through my hazy fog and slowly my breathing returns close to normal as I focus on those forest green orbs. When I'm stable, the man pats me encouragingly on the knee before getting back to his feet and returning to his seat. "I'm sorry. I should've asked if you were willing to share." Dr Crest apologises with guilty eyes but I'm already shaking my head in refusal.

  
"You don't need to apologise. It's just that...my trigger is a person and I can't avoid them." I answer vaguely as to not give too much away.

  
"Its Queen Glimmer, isn't it?" My jaw drops at his correct deduction.

  
"How did you...?" I voice with wide eyes.

  
"I've known the queen since she was a little girl. In fact, I was the one who taught her how to stitch in case of an emergency. We talk from time to time and you're often a topic of discussion. Not to mention, your reaction when you mentioned the queen was a pretty good giveaway." Thomas explains and I balk at him.

  
"I can't decide whether to be impressed at how intricate your deductions are or be worried that you're going to tell her everything." I admit before biting my lip. My words elicit a smooth chuckle from the man as he twirls the pen in his hands.

  
"Well, I would hope my deductions are at least partly decent considering its my whole career. But in terms of your fears, they are unfounded. Every doctor has sworn an oath of privacy for our patients against anyone, which includes the queen herself. The only way she'd find out anything is if she broke in here and while Queen Glimmer is stubborn she's also the most honest person I've ever met. She wouldn't invade anyone's privacy, including yours." I blink twice at his response and cross my arms.

  
"Are all doctors this comprehensive or is that just you?" I ask with a raised eyebrow, prompting another chortle from the man.

  
"We all have our own flare for doing things. Now, about your strained relationship with the queen, I'm not saying you should avoid her because I think that will worsen things, but I'm going to give you a set of calming techniques to use when things get too much. It should hopefully fight back any more spasms. Sounds good?" I purse my lips sceptically at the suggestion.

  
"I'm not sure if some techniques can really help with this." I mutter honestly. The man tilts his head to one side.

  
"I got you to stop having a spasm now, didn't I?" Dr Crest points out. I open my mouth to argue, but snap it shut when I realise he's somewhat right.

  
"Fine." I grumble. I catch the fleeting amusement that crosses his face before he becomes serious.

  
"Now, before we continue, is there anything else out of the ordinary that has happened in regards to your leg? It always helps to have the full picture." Thomas asks kindly when he spots me chewing my lip. I avert my gaze from his and pick at the threads of my jacket.

  
"You're sure you won't tell Glimmer anything that we've talked about?" I ask cautiously.

  
"I promise you, her majesty will not be able to access any of your medical notes without your say-so." Thomas reassures and with a sigh I open my mouth.

  
"When I had my spasm yesterday...the injection didn't work." I confess and I wince when I catch the shock in his face.

  
"It didn't work?" He echoes back while scratching his head. "Then how did you stop it?" He queries in confusion.

  
"Another dose stopped it." I state vaguely. I watch as he scribbles something down before looking up.

  
"You know you shouldn't administrate doses that haven't been prescribed to you. It could be detrimental to your general health." The doctor expresses firmly. I gulp at the sternness in his features and nod in understanding. "I'll prescribe you a higher dose, but you'll need to be extra careful not to use it so frequently because high serum levels can be toxic." My throat goes dry at all the bad news that's hitting me, as if I were some battering ram.

I nod again, my body beginning to feel numb. "One last thing." I look up as he continues, his voice dropping to a kinder note. "As promised there's complete confidentiality here, but...I feel it's important for you to discuss this with your friends, including the queen." He suggests hesitantly, but I'm already on my feet and violently shaking my head.

  
"No way! I don't need their pity and I'm not putting Glimmer through that train-wreck of emotions again. It's bad enough I did it once and now you're asking me to do it again?!" I voice angrily as the man puts up his hands in a pacifistic manner.

  
"I completely understand, but if they knew, then perhaps they'd be able to avoid further conflict..." I punch the desk surface, cutting the physician off.

  
"My leg might be busted, but I _**refuse** _to be treated like I'm disabled!" I shout. I wait for his response, but he just stares at me silently and it's then I realise what position I'm in, towering over the professional with my fist on the table. I gasp and stumble several paces back, a wave of shame washes over me. _'He's only trying to do his job and I just flat out yelled at him.'_ I think with wide eyes full of guilt. The room enters a tense silence until the doctor sighs and pushes himself up from his seat.

  
"I understand this is all very sensitive. I've given you my perspective, but it's up to you on what decision you take. Now let me give you those techniques to practice." Dr Crest murmurs calmly and I go to sit down again just as he does.

I mumble out apologies for the rest of the consultation but after the sixth time he silences me with a look and from then on out we focus on practising these techniques. By the time I leave his office I strangely feel as cool as a cucumber and for once all the things that used to burden me don't weigh quite as much anymore.

For the rest of the day I find ways to help around the castle, either assisting in making new swords and weapons or helping in the kitchen. It's not quite as fulfilling as fighting, but it's better than moping or aimlessly walking around the outskirts of the castle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we go, a more hopeful note to end on just as we come to the end of a really wacky year XD
> 
> So Adora is totally someone who would prefer to just stick to her same old clothes XD  
> And doctors totally have to take an oath and at uni we're often told about the importance of confidentiality, so that's all true ;) And no, I don't believe Adora would shout at a doctor, she's too polite for that, but I think when you're really scared and anxious about something you can find yourself behaving in ways you wouldn't usually, like a spur of a moment sort of thing.
> 
> Anyone ever wanted a girl's night out like Bow, Seawhawk & SwiftWind had a boy's night out in s4? Well, you're getting one whether you like it or not XD  
> Ok, so I have a bit of a dilemma, it's a really long chapter that I want to post tomorrow and I'm seriously deliberating on splitting it into 2 chapters because it's TOO long and who knows if I have enough time to edit it all, but it will kind of end abruptly which also sucks and it's a chapter that really needs to be read in one sitting, so what do you think - split it or not? Tbh I can already imagine what you're going to say, but want to hear your thoughts anyway. The first half is super sweet fluffy friendship and the second half is the very definition of pain, so I don't know. Let me know. 
> 
> Anyway, next chapter is a shopping trip! That's always fun XD
> 
> Comments & Kudos always appreciated :)


	32. Girls' Night Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora & Glimmer go on a shopping trip. It starts well to begin with, until things take a turn for the worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Hope 2021 is awesome for all of you. This is my new year gift to you all.
> 
> This chapter is both beautiful & heart-breaking, sweet & painful, fluffy & angsty. To put it simply, it's one of my fav chapters of the story. It gives me a chance to delve into how beautiful Adora's & Glimmer's friendship is, while also highlighting just how vulnerable it is. It's also the chapter that I finally address that question in the story summary. Get ready, it's painful. Also, would really love some feedback on this one, if you have time of course. This is a real monster of a chapter in terms of length...but guess emotions applies too XD
> 
> Some Triggers of self-harm.
> 
> One more thing? Over 100 kudos guys? That's mental! Thank you SO much. I never thought anyone would like this, forget 101 - seriously I'm really grateful and especially more to those who keep commenting, I really appreciate it <3

**Adora's POV:**

I surprisingly don't catch sight of the purple head until our outing and even then I get the distinct feeling that she forgot when I bump into the Queen the next day in the early evening. And when I mean bump, I mean it literally. I step back, rubbing my jaw from the collision to find the teen massaging her head. She blinks at the sight of me after rubbing her eyes twice.

  
"Adora?" The teen voices as she squints up at me in the slightly darkened hallway. I drop my hand from my jaw and shoot her a half smile.

  
"Hey, long time no see." I tease lightly, eliciting an eye roll from the girl as she leans back with crossed arms.

  
"I'm pretty sure we saw each other yesterday morning." Glimmer reminds with an amused smile. I shrug.

  
"Eh, that's over 24 hours." I utter, my smile widening when the queen covers her mouth with her hand to hide her laugh.

  
"I'm pretty sure we've gone longer than that without seeing each other, but ok it does feel like it's been a while. I've just been so neck deep in the normal day to day duties of running the kingdom that I've had to leave Bow in charge of making up new plans for fighting the Horde. It's annoying to say the least." The queen complains as she runs a displeased hand down her face. My eyebrows furrow in understanding and I rest a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it briefly.

"Well I think you're doing a great job with everything." I encourage which elicits a grateful smile from the teen.

  
"Thanks Adora. Well, what have you been up to? Usually we bump into each other, at least in the hallways." Glimmer asks curiously. I wave a hand.

  
"Nothing much really. Mostly just helping around the castle. I mean, did you know there's a skill to cooking?" I say jokingly, prompting the queen to elbow me lightly.

  
"Well considering I don't know how to cook, I'm not surprised." The purple head points out and I snort in memory of one of her more...disastrous attempts. "Oh sure, you laugh at me now. Do I need to remind you of the last time your great idea left us all grounded?" I stop in mid-snort and look at her sheepishly as she raises a victorious eyebrow.

  
"Good point." I mumble in embarrassment. The corner of her lips tug upwards before a yawn escapes through them.

  
"Anyway, I'm going to head to bed. The last 30 hours have drained me." The teen murmurs tiredly. I nod, pushing away the fleeting mixture of relief and disappointment at her forgotten trip. She's just about to move past me when her irises drop briefly to my shorts. Her eyes widen as if something suddenly struck her and she slaps her forehead. _'Oh great. She remembered.'_ I think worriedly as her gaze snaps up to meet mine. "Oh my gosh I completely forgot about our shopping trip!" Glimmer groans out.

  
"Hey it's fine. I'm actually getting used to these and you're tired anyway." I reassure, but she's already shaking her head in disagreement.

  
"It's winter, you need something warm. Come on. I'll get us there in no time." The queen expresses, her voice resolute. But I'm shaking my hands out in front of me.

  
"Honestly, I'm fine. The Fright Zone didn't have much heating and I lived to tell the tale." I joke, but it slides past the teen completely.

  
"This isn't the Fright Zone. Plus, the change of scenery will do us some good. Hey, maybe I can get Bow to tag along..." She starts, but stops when I start shaking my head.

  
"I've asked him already . He's got an arrangement with Perfuma." I explain. Glimmer's eyes widen as she stares up at me. After a few moments of that, I start to feel self-conscious. "What?" I echo in discomfort while the purple head shakes her head.

  
"You remembered? Why didn't you remind me?" The teen asks as confusion contours her features. I scratch the back of my neck.

  
"Well, you look exhausted. So I thought it can wait. Besides, you're the one who was keen on the whole shopping idea. Me? Not so much." I state despondently. The queen smirks and wraps her hands around my arm.

  
"You are such a tomboy. Come on, it will be fun! When was the last time we spent some downtime just the two of us which didn't include sleeping?" Glimmer asks, as she looks up at me hopefully. Her hold on me being so sturdy and gentle. I sigh, knowing that I can't say no to those lavender eyes.

  
"Fine." I mutter, earning me a squeal from the teen as she throws her arms around me.

  
"Shopping trip here we come!" The purple head announces and a second later I find myself in the middle of town. A few people walks past us, but the streets are otherwise quiet. I gaze up to find the streets decorated with lights hanging up ahead and take a moment to appreciate the beauty as Glimmer takes my hand and starts guiding me along. "I've always preferred doing shopping at night." She murmurs and I raise a questioning eyebrow.

  
"You do?" I ask, somewhat surprised. My surprise must've leaked into my voice as she spares me an embarrassed glance.

  
"Yeah, I've always loved the lights. My mum and I would always..." Glimmer breaks off and shakes her head before giving me a sad smile. "It's special to me." She finishes simply and I feel her grip around my hand loosening but I tighten my fingers around hers to stop her from withdrawing completely.

  
"Hey." I murmur, shifting closer to the queen. "The lights are really beautiful. Sometimes I wonder if the stars can be any more magnificent than them." I admit with a blush, not keen to share such a sentimental thought of mine with the teen, but feeling the need to wipe the sadness off her face. It works as the teen's eyebrows shoot up.

  
"Oh yeah the stars. Apparently they're just as beautiful as the moon. I mean, hundreds of lights dotting the sky? Sounds breath-taking." The purple head thinks aloud with a dream-like expression on her face. A rush of affection fills me at seeing the wonder in her features. _'Its been so long since I've seen that in her.'_ I think mournfully before shaking my head slightly as a smile tugs at the corner of my lips.

  
"Yeah, definitely breath-taking." I murmur in thought. The queen blinks and looks up at me.

  
"Erm Adora? Are you ok?" Glimmer asks with a raised eyebrow. I'm snapped out of my thoughts and flush slightly at being caught day-dreaming.

  
"Yep!" I answer quickly, but the teen's eyebrow just rises further. I blow an invisible strand from my face. "Its just nice to see the awe in your face. It's sweet." I admit with red cheeks. The queen moves her mouth wordlessly as her own face becomes dusted with pink. She ducks her head down, coughing slightly.

  
"Well it's been a tough year, but I'm...I'm still me under all these responsibilities." Glimmer mumbles as she finally looks up, her lavender orbs filled with vulnerability. I bite the inside of my cheek, _'way to go Adora in making things tense again.'_ I squeeze her hand.

  
"I know you're still you. Just more bossy." I tease, hoping to elevate the sudden melancholy in those lilac irises. It works as the girl's lips twitch upwards.

  
"You're hilarious." The queen quips dryly and I shoot her a wide grin.

  
"I try." I say with a shrug, prompting the teen to stick out her tongue as she drags me into a shop. My jaws slacken at the sight of rows upon rows of clothes and I suddenly realise that after all the years I've spent in Brightmoon I've never actually stepped foot into a clothes shop. _'Probably because I've always preferred wearing my usual get-up. The one time I wore something else was brought to me by Glimmer.'_ I think in wonder as I stare at the variety of materials on show.

  
"Adora?" The queen probes as her gaze flickers from me to my line of sight, as if trying to figure out what has me so wowed. I shake myself out of my trance and give her a sheepish smile.

  
"Sorry. I've just never seen so many clothes in one place before." I mumble as a wave of humiliation washes over me. The teen's jaw drops as she stares at me in shock.

  
"What?! Where did you get your clothes from in the Horde then?" She questions, as her eyebrows meet her hairline. I furrow my eyebrows at the question.

  
"We were given our uniform from the cabinet." I recall and watch as the girl's jaws drop further and suddenly I start to feel self conscious as I shift in discomfort. The queen seems to spot my change in mood and swiftly snaps her jaws to a close.

  
"Sorry. I was just surprised. I didn't realise Bow and I haven't actually taken you to a clothes store yet." The teen explains and I exhale in relief, glad I'm not even more alien than I am already.

  
"No worries. I do like my clothes so there was never any need to come here. So...how do these things work?" I finally ask in embarrassment while the purple head beams up at me and pulls me along to a rack of trousers. All hanging on a hanger and on each hanger is a sticker with a number. I tilt my head in confusion.

  
"Ok so you choose your size and try them on in the changing room to see if they fit and suit you." I blink twice and turn to face the girl.

  
"My size?" I echo back. I watch as the teen parts her lips to release a soft 'oh'.

  
"Right, you don't know your size...erm well I'm personally a 16 so you're probably a 14? Lets take one above and below that too so we don't have to keep coming back." Glimmer thinks aloud as she releases my hand and goes to pick up said numbered hangers. "What do you think of this style? There's more on the other side." The teen voices as she leaf's through the hangers. I furrow my eyebrows and poke my head around to the other side to find so many different colours and styles. My jaws slacken. _'This is a nightmare. Why would anyone subject themselves to this?! Surely it's just easier and more efficient to wear the same thing?'_ I think in befuddlement.

  
"What are you thinking about?" I'm broken out of my thoughts by the purple head's voice as she appears beside me with a range of trousers slung across her forearm. I massage my forehead, the whole experience being slightly overwhelming.

  
"Why are there so many styles?! Isn't it more cost-effective if everyone wore the same thing?" I blurt out. A fleeting look of shock crosses the teen's face as she stares at me before dissolving into a fit of giggles. I frown. And when the girl catches my displeased look she breaks off into a cough.

  
"Ah sorry, I forget how straight forward your thinking is sometimes. Erm, well people wear different things because it looks nice I guess? And it's good to change. Kind of like at Princess Prom, we dressed up because it's an occasion and you wear different things on occasions...I'm not explaining this very well am I?" The girls ends bluntly when she catches the frown still on my face.

  
"No I get it, I think? Sorry, erm what now?" I ask with an embaressed smile, eliciting a chuckle from the queen as she directs me forward.

  
"Well, have you seen anything you like?" Glimmer asks with a pointed look at the other racks. _'Oh. Right. We're here for me.'_ I hesitantly go over to a new rack and inspect it carefully. I scrunch my nose up in distaste at the holes in these blue pairs. _'Why would they sell torn trousers?'_ I think in confusion, but my eyes stray to a rack behind it and I go over to find a near exact replica of my old pair, except in black.

With a grin I pluck a couple of numbered hangers until my attention is caught on a navy one. I widen my eyes in interest and pick a few of those up too. I'm just about to go and find Glimmer when I see a jacket like mine, but in blue. My eyes sparkle at the few added design features, like the embroidered collars and I can't help but pick one of those, especially when it comes attached with a white pullover. My arms start to ache at the load I'm carrying and I trudge over to find the purple head eyeing a pink sequined dress. I watch as she chews her lip in thought and decide to step in.

  
"You should try it. It looks nice." I encourage, startling the girl slightly as she looks to me, her eyes drop to my arms before a smirk makes it way to her lips.

  
"Looks like someone is enjoying themselves." She teases and I flush in embarrassment.

  
"Ok fine, I undersold the whole different clothes thing." I grumble, prompting the queen's face to contour in victory.

  
"Glad to have made a believer out of you. Now come on, let's try these on before my arms become numb!" The purple head orders and starts marching to some place at the back. I raise an eyebrow when we stop, my gaze flickers between the two wooden cubicles which have a lavish red curtain on both entrances and inside hangs a mirror and hook. I glance at the teen who has already entered the second cubicle and is hanging up the clothes on a peg. Once she finishes she exits the room. "Alright, all yours." The queen announces. I blink twice and enter cautiously which elicits a laugh from the teen. "Jeez Adora, you make it look like you're entering a landmine! I'll close the curtains, just come out when you've tried something so we can see if it fits." Glimmer voices as she draws the curtain and separates us. I hang up the clothes in my hands and pick up a pair.

5 minutes later, I stiffly exit the room, my breathing restricted as I try to suck in my stomach at how tight these leggings are. The teen balks when she sees me and reaches a hand out to the tag at the side.

"Adora this is super skinny!" The girl exclaims with a laugh. I growl.

  
"I take it back. Shopping is complicated." I complain as the queen shakes her head at me.

  
"Ok take those off, you look like you're about to pass out from how tight those are. Rule of thumb? If one leg can't fit in then it's probably not the right size." The purple head explains.

  
"Now you tell me that?" I say with a scowl, eliciting an eye roll from the woman.

  
"I would've thought that was obvious." She answers bluntly while crossing her arms.

  
"I told you, it was much simpler in the Horde. Someone measured us and gave us the right fit. There were never all these...sizes and types." I moan out as I start to unbutton the trousers. I try to push it down, but it doesn't budge. _'Great.'_ I look up to find the queen with a raised eyebrow. "Erm, little help here?" I request as she shakes her head again and pushes me back into the changing room while closing the curtain behind us. Her hands settle on my waist as she tries to peel the material back. I swallow at the sudden proximity and watch as a bead of sweat forms on her forehead in exertion.

  
"How did you even get these on?!" Glimmer complains as she makes very small and slow progress at worming me out of these.

  
"Persistence?" I suggest sheepishly, but clamp my jaws shut at the glare the teen throws at me. Once the material drops past my rear, the teen lets go and straightens up.

  
"Take a seat on that stool while I try to get them off the rest of the way." The queen commands and I oblige. The teen drops to her knees and her eyes instantly drop to my faded scars. My throat goes instantly dry at her stare. _'Shoot! I should've worn something longer than these pants.'_ I curse silently.

I force myself not to squirm at the attention and finally the girl exhales a deep breath before looking up to me with a deep-rooted sadness. "C-Can I ask you something?" My stomach churns at how small her voice is and I feel sick about what she'll ask about them. _'Why did I try on those dumb skinny jeans?!'_ I think to myself but find myself nodding robotically.

I watch as Glimmer swallows visibly, as if she really doesn't want to voice what's on her mind. But I know Glimmer and she'll never let anything stop her, not even herself.

"I know the Horde is evil, but what...what was it that make you feel the need to...do this?" She asks quietly while giving a pointed look to my upper thighs where the scars lay. I gulp, not wanting to dredge up those memories again. I turn my head away from her as I try to decide what to tell her. I rest my palms on my knees, in an attempt to anchor myself to something sturdy.

  
"I...in the Horde I had a lot of expectations placed on me. Shadow Weaver made it clear from as young as I can remember that I had to reach certain goals. It...was a lot of pressure to be that good all the time. I started fracturing when I began failing to meet those expectations..." I trail off and grasp my knees tightly. I jump when I feel a warm hand settling on top of one of my hands. The Queen gives me an encouraging nod as she watches through concerned eyes. I drop my head, staring hard at the ground as I release a shaky breath while counting silently to ten, just as Dr Crest told me to. It helps, somewhat. "When I kept falling short, my commanders thought it was a good idea to give me some...motivation." I spit out, voicing the very words they told me that day.

  
"Motivation?" Glimmer repeats back in confusion. I grit my teeth, tightening my hands around my poor patella.

  
"I...cared a lot about my squad. We were like siblings. They thought if they punished them when I fell short then it would drive me to work harder. To protect them." I force out. I vaguely hear the shallow gasp from the Queen, but I'm not thinking about her.

All I can picture is that first time when they wouldn't stop dunking Catra's head in the sink basin after I failed to meet another target. I shudder hard as my heart rate picks up in anxiety, but when I feel that twinge in my leg, I close my eyes and picture my happy place: a war-free Etheria, surrounded by all my friends, in a tight embrace with Glimmer and Bow, Catra and I making amends. My heart rate slows until it returns back to its steady lull. And I open my eyes again to find the appalled look on the teen's face. I sigh.

  
"So I didn't have any choice but to improve. I worked tirelessly day and night to meet their demands and every time I failed they got hurt. And the guilt...it killed me. They got hurt because of me..." I choke out as tears burn the backs of my eyes. The twinge returns, but before I can do anything to push it away, I find myself engulfed in a tight hug.

  
"Adora that wasn't your fault. That was cruel and unfair of them to do that to you." The purple head murmurs as she rests a hand at the back of my head.

  
"It doesn't matter if it was unfair. In the end, I was the only thing stopping them from getting hurt and I failed... _ **so** **many times**_." I cry as the twinging sensation increases. I try to think about my happy place again, but all I can picture is Catra's tortured screams or Kyle's wailing at being kept in a dark closet for days at a time or Rogelio's grunting from a lashing or Lonnie's burnt shoulder. The only thing that stops me from going into a full blown spasm is the gentle murmurings and warm hand running through my hair. I lean my chin on the teen's shoulder and exhale heavily.

  
"Ok that's enough of that. You don't have to say anything more." Glimmer whispers quietly, but I'm already shaking my head.

  
"I've started, might as well continue." I mutter as I pull away from the purple head.

  
"Adora..." The Queen begins in protest, but I motion for her to stop.

  
"I improved, but I still had my occasional slip-ups and it was one day after I started shaving; I nicked myself by accident and it just felt...numbing. It dampened the pain I felt inside and I started wondering if I could use that. So the next time I fell short I..." I trail off, but the rebel picks up from where I left off.

  
"You cut yourself." Glimmer finishes quietly with pained eyes. I drop my head down in shame.

  
"Yeah. And then after that it just became a coping strategy when things became too much." I mumble but a string of self-loathing pricks at me. I find my hands being squeezed and watch as the teen struggles to say something.

  
"But you've conquered that and you're stronger than anything you may face." Glimmer states strongly.

I avert my eyes. _'Have I really conquered it? I might not cut myself anymore, but I've found other ways to hurt myself. Leaving myself to spasm is one.'_ I shoot a guilty expression at the purple head, wondering if she remembers the couple of times I left myself in a spasming mess on purpose. Her face pales ever so slightly and she swiftly turns her head to one side. _'Yep. She remembers.'_ I think dryly as my heart constricts painfully. I hear her clear her throat before she turns back to face me with a forced smile.

"W-We should get you out of these before the shop closes." The queen states in a swift change of conversation. I bite the inside of my cheek hard and nod numbly as the teen gets back to peeling the material down past my ankles and finally off me completely. I watch as she gets to her feet and makes a move to leave but I grab her wrist.

  
"You might as well stay. No point in going in and out right?" I voice quietly. Glimmer hesitates as her eyes flicker to my self-inflicted scars. _'Does it bother her that much?'_ I think worriedly and for the hundredth time I feel like cursing my former best friend at spilling my secret. _'I was trying to protect her for goodness sake and this is how she thanks me?! By telling the Queen of Brightmoon that her best friend is unstable and messed up.'_ I think angrily as Glimmer touches the hand that encircles her wrist.

  
"Ok." She answers reluctantly. I wilt slightly at her response and rise to my feet to try another pair but before I can, the teen peers over my shoulder to stare at the tag. A chortle escapes from her lips and I turn to face her in confusion. "That's another skinny one. Here, let me sort through them." The teen offers as she leaf's through the clothes, a touch of brightness re-enters her eyes and I sigh in relief for my fashion cluelessness.

After a few moments of silence, the teen places one pair in my hands. "Try this one." She utters as she takes a seat on the stool, watching me. I redden and it occurs to me how dumb my request of asking her to stay is. I give her my back as I pull on the new pair, but forget about the annoying mirror as my eyes catch her lavender ones. She gives me a small smile and just like that my anxiety evaporates. I return the smile and pull up the material all the way. Thankfully it's no where as tight as the last one.

I turn around as the teen scans me critically. "Well, what do you think?" She asks after finishing her analysis. I shrug.

  
"It does the job I guess." I mumble, eliciting an eye roll from the queen.

  
"Yeah we definitely aren't taking you clothes shopping again." Glimmer announces dryly. I pump my fist in the air.

  
"Yes!" I shout in glee, but when I catch the disappointment in those lilac irises, I backtrack. "Ermm I mean..." I pause as I scratch my head, scrambling for something to say, but the teen beats me to it.

  
"Hey it's ok. Shopping isn't for everyone. Now, we'll take a couple of pairs of those. Did you want to try on that jacket? We've only got a few minutes before closing time if memory serves me right." The purple head points out.

I nod and quickly shrug off my jacket. I'm half-way through taking off my white top when I remember I'm not alone. I glance at the teen but she has fortunately averted her eyes and is staring at a blank spot on the wall beside her. ' _Phew.'_ I think silently as I grab the jacket and new pullover. I start putting the first one on, but a breeze comes in contact with my back and I realise that the zip is at the back instead of the usual side.

"Here, let me." Glimmer murmurs as I feel a hand at the base of my spine as she fiddles with the zip. As I feel her tugging it up, I can't help the shiver that escapes me when her hand brushes against the sensitive skin which bares the scars from the battle of Brightmoon. I stiffen at the memory and flinch when I feel a hand landing on my bicep. "Are you ok?" The purple head queries in concern. I swallow thickly.

  
"Yeah yeah. Just...memories." I mutter as I run a hand through my hair. _"So many scars that mark my skin. It's hideous. I'm hideous."_ I think to myself, but I find myself being swiftly turned round with a blazing fire in those usually calm lavender eyes.

  
"You are **_not_ **hideous!" Glimmer expresses firmly with a scowl. I balk at her, not realising that I spoke aloud. I shrug, but if anything that makes the girl angrier as she holds me tightly by the shoulders. "I mean it. You're a wonderful and beautiful person. Don't think of yourself as anything less. These scars don't define you. They just tell a person of your story and strength." The queen presses sternly and I can't help, but look at her in wonder at how insistent she's being on this. I shoot her a watery smile.

  
"Thanks Glimmer." I utter gratefully as the queen nods her head determinedly. My eyes stray to the mirror and my smile broadens at the new outfit with my best friend by my side.

  
"What are you smiling about?" The purple head teases as she releases her hold on me.

  
"Maybe shopping isn't so bad." I say as byway of explanation as I nod to the mirror. The teen glances at the new outfit and grins.

  
"I'd hate to tell you I told you so..." She starts as I roll my eyes at her.

  
"You really don't." I snip in causing her to glare at me before continuing.

  
"...but you look awesome!" She finishes as she straightens out my collar. I grin with her and start changing back to my old attire when a knock from outside sounds.

  
"I apologise for interrupting, but the store is closing in 10 minutes." A voice, presumably a worker, calls out before his footsteps fade away.

  
"Well, that's our cue." Glimmer utters as she picks up the clothes I tried. I'm just about to nod when my eyes catch on the sparkly dress on the hanger.

  
"Hey, what about that dress you wanted to try?" I point out, picking up the outfit, but the teen waves her hand.

  
"It's fine; I've got plenty at home anyways. This trip was really for you." Glimmer voices, but I push it into her hands.

  
"We've got time. Try it on." I insist as the teen opens her mouth in protest. "Please. You might as well get something for yourself to make up for the time you've spent here with me." I persuade. The queen sighs before putting my clothes in my hands and taking the dress.

  
"You know I don't need anything in return right? Spending time with you is enough of a gift in itself." Glimmer states distractedly as she fumbles with the clasp of her cape. I'm moved by her words as I gaze at her in surprise. I'm not sure what to say to that as the queen undresses and after a moment I realise I should really be giving her some privacy, so I cover my eyes with a hand which causes the girl laugh. I blush in embarrassment, but keep my hand in place. "Well someone's embarrassed." Glimmer notes in amusement. I can feel myself reddening further.

  
"Glimmer!" I complain childishly as the girl laughs harder.

  
"I'm only teasing. Thanks for the privacy." The queen jokes and after the sounds of shuffling and fabric fluttering stop, the teen speaks up again. "Ok, I'm done." I pull my hand away and feel my jaw dropping at the sight.

  
"Wow. That definitely suits you." I utter with boggled eyes. She beams at me

  
"You're certainly behaving more charmingly today." The rebel points out with a smirk. I purse my lips, unsure on whether to be offended that I'm not usually charming or pleased with the compliment. I go with the former.

  
"So I'm not usually charming?" I ask with a raised eyebrow. The teen snorts and shakes her head.

  
"You're a clumsy dork most of the time." I'm about to argue against that statement until she reaches forward to ruffle my hair. "But that's ok, you're my dorky best friend." Emotion fills me at how tenderly she voiced those words and it feels like all the arguments and frigid tension between us is forgotten as I smile warmly at the girl.

  
"You too Glimmer. You too." I murmur lightly. The rebel catches the look in my eyes and somehow her eyes softens even more as she clasps my hand briefly.

~=~

  
Within 4 minutes we've paid and are out of the store.

  
"Now was that so bad?" The purple head states casually as she glances to me before looking ahead again.

  
"I suppose not." I grumble, but the wide grin on my face betrays me.

  
"Oh! There's one more thing we have to do to complete the shopping trip experience." Glimmer exclaims as she grabs hold of my arm and teleports us.

I blink away the pink sparkles to find us up a tower. A _**very** _tall tower. I gawk as the teen goes over to the railing and rests her forearms on the banister as she gazes in relaxation at the view. I furrow my eyebrows and go over to stand by the queen.

"This place has the best view of the entire kingdom. We used to come up here when things became burdensome and reminded us how small our problems were in the face of this all. Reminded us that it was worth it." Glimmer murmurs as she stares ahead and I can't help but feel that she's talking to herself more than to me. My gaze flicker to the ground when I realise who's the second person that composes of the 'we' in that sentence.

Hesitantly, I wrap an arm around the teen's shoulders and she leans into me as we bask in the sight. Silence reigns for a long while and it's actually a comfortable, if not slightly sombre, one. But now that all that shopping nonsense is out of the way, my mind can't stop thinking of Glimmer's strange behaviour from a couple of days ago. I glance at the queen, her face is so serene and caught in thought that I feel it would be a crime to ask, especially with what good luck we've had in getting along again. _'But if I leave it for too long, she'll just forget about it and it won't be worth asking again.'_ I feel the girl moving and find the purple head looking up at me.

  
"What's on your mind?" She asks curiously. I frown, _'what do I do that makes me so see-through?!'_

  
"What makes you think there's something on my mind?" I ask instead and watch as the teen raises an eyebrow.

  
"I felt your heartbeat pick up. What's up?" Glimmer utters as watches me carefully. I turn my head away from her.

"Is it ok if I ask you something?" I finally say. From the corner of my eyes I see the Queen straightening up, but still she remains close and maintains physical contact with me. She frowns.

  
"What is it?" She repeats. I feel her eyes on me, but I can't bring myself to look at her when I ask my question.

  
"What had you so bothered a few days ago?" I blurt out. Instantly, the teen's demeanour changes as she stiffens and pulls away from me completely. I mourn the loss of her warmth and know that I've royally screwed up.

  
"Its nothing." The purple head mutters, her tone taking on an edge, as if challenging me to argue. I clench my fists and turn away from her.

  
"I answered your question about my scars despite not wanting to and you won't tell me this?" I accuse in frustration. The teen snaps out an arm.

  
"I didn't force you to! If you refused I would've just dropped it. But you _**never** _do!" The queen spits out. I reel back, staring at the teen in disbelief, _'How did we go from joking and laughing to being back at each other's throats again?!'_ I think dejectedly.

  
"Fine. Lets go home." I grit out as the teen slaps her forehead.

  
"We were having a great time, but you _**always** _have to push and ruin it." Glimmer utters bitterly as she crosses her arms. I look at her through wounded eyes.

  
"Ouch." I mutter. The Queen looks up at that single word before heaving a sigh. I don't choose to wait any longer as I walk away. I've never been to this tower before and when I peer through the door I start to figure out why. Stairs. Lots and lots of stairs. I almost feel like vomiting at how far down the ground is. But I shake my head and with my jaws set I start descending down the first flight. I hear light steps behind me, but I ignore them and continue going down.

  
"That's going to take you forever." The mumble just serves to grate on my already frazzled nerves.

  
"What do you care?! Go and teleport yourself back to the castle." I retort sharply, but just as I lift my foot in mid-air I feel a sharp and sudden twinge. Its so unexpected that I miss the next step and tumble forward.

My knee collides onto the granite steps and I feel my heart stopping when I find myself still rolling forward. I try to grasp at the banister but miss as my cheek collides on the ground. Seconds later I feel my tumbling come to an abrupt stop and I open my eyes to find Glimmer grasping my wrists tightly, her face an unhealthy white as she releases the biggest sigh before she shakily pulls me towards her and sets me on the last step of one of the flights of stairs. She kneels in front of me. Her hands going out to inspect the damage on my legs and face. I feel the injury before I see it, as a trickle of blood runs above my eye before dropping onto my cheek. I lift a hand up to where I feel a throbbing sensation, only to be met by a soggy sticky liquid at my eyebrow.

  
"Shoot, shoot, shoot." The teen repeats worriedly as she digs in her pocket to pull out a tissue and presses it to my eyebrow. I try to wave her hand away, but she remains holding it, stubbornly. I sigh and dig into my own pockets in search for a spare napkin, only to find some scrunched up paper. A heavy exhale leaves my mouth as I try to wipe at my bleeding knees, made worse by the fact that they were already injured from a couple of days prior.

We remain in silence, other than my slightly rasping breathing as I try not to focus on the pain. After an age the queen pulls away the tissue from my eyebrow for a moment, but after a sharp intake of breath she promptly returns it. I flinch at the added sting, causing the purple head to flicker her guilt-ridden irises to me before looking away as she starts biting her lip.

When I feel the cuts on my knees starting to scab over, I remove the bloodied paper. After a moment's thought I open it up to find its the list of those techniques that the doctor gave me. I swiftly scrunch it back up and shove it into my pocket distastefully. _'I don't need mental tricks, I **need** to be healed!'_ I think angrily. I can feel the teen's curious eyes on me, but I refuse to meet them. _'If she doesn't want to open up, then why should I? Why should I even care anymore?'_ I think sourly.

  
"Adora, I'm..." Glimmer starts, but I shake my head vigorously, causing the girl's hand to move back as a few flecks of blood flies onto my clothes and the purple head's face. Using the back of my wrist I wipe at the wound, but inhale sharply at the sudden sting.

  
"Ow." I breathe out. Glimmer moves my hand and replaces it with her own, dabbing lightly at the cut. When I see her opening her mouth again, I shoot her a look. " _ **Save it**_." I spit out which causes the girl to promptly snap her jaws shut as her gaze drops to the ground. I'm almost tempted to ask her to take me home, but the more stubborn part of me doesn't want anything from her, even if that means I have to walk down all those cursed steps.

I feel another twitch, but it's small and barely noticeable. _'What the heck is wrong with it?! These random twitches are appearing even when I'm more or less emotionally stable. It's like it's...degenerating.'_ I realise in sudden clarity. I reach a hand up to my eye, willing away the water that starts to fill there. _'Come on Adora! Pull yourself together. You've known about this for weeks now. Why are you suddenly getting emotional about it now?!'_ I rebuke myself. I don't respond when a hand drops on top of one of mine.

  
"I'm going to take us back..." The teen starts, but I snatch my hand from hers and pull away completely.

  
" _ **No!**_ " I voice fiercely, surprising both the girl and myself. "You go back yourself. I'll walk it." I continue stubbornly. Glimmer watches me wearily.

  
"You really aren't going to let me take you home?" The queen queries with tired eyes.

  
"No." I mutter, eliciting a sigh from the purple head as she gets up from her kneeling position in front of me to sit on my same step, her hand finally pulling the tissue away from my face. I catch sight of the dark red staining the material entirely through and I hold back a gag. "What are you doing?" I ask when the teen doesn't speak up.

  
"Giving you company." She says simply, as if we weren't just having another fight minutes ago. _'Has she gotten so used to our arguments that they just slide right off her now?'_ I think in a mixture of disbelief and hurt. I don't reply and stare ahead of me with fixed eyes. An hour passes in stifling silence and I know I should either accept Glimmer's help or start walking down those stairs again. _'But the truth is? I'm scared. There. I said it. I'm meant to be the legendary hero that saves Etheria, but all I am right now is scared. Scared because that twinge could happen at any moment when I'm not expecting it and I'll just buckle straight to the ground again and I've had it with adding more scars to my already marred body. Everything is just getting increasingly worse.'_ My breathing catches at that thought, but I force myself to go numb, not wanting to dwell on it otherwise I'll find myself drowning.

My concentration is broken when I catch sight of the teen's head dipping forward before she abruptly jerks it back. She blinks several times, but in seconds her eyes droop shut and her head lulls backwards to rest on the step behind her. My face becomes crest-fallen at the image and I recall how the girl was just about to hop into bed before she remembered her promise.

The memory makes me feel sick and I realise I shouldn't let my fear hold me back, at least for her sake. I take in a deep breath and rise to my feet on wobbly legs. The purple head must've sensed the lack of warmth beside her as her eyes snap open moments later. She gazes up at me blearily, rubbing at her eyes and slowly rises to her feet as well.

  
"We're going down those steps now?" She asks, but I can tell she's still half asleep. I swallow.

  
"Yeah." I mumble and with a firm hand on the bannister I slowly make my way down. Every flight that ends without incident elicits a small breath of relief. But of course my luck is never that good for that long and its when we have two more flights to go do I feel another twinge. Fortunately this time my foot was already on the step as I freeze. The girl must've been more tired than I realised as I feel her smack right into my back and if I wasn't holding the bannister as tightly as I was, then I'm sure I would've ended up with a new array of cuts on my body.

  
"Adora?" Glimmer calls out as she appears by my side.

  
"Just need a second." I grit out as the twitching continues. _'Come on dumb leg, **move**!'_ I curse. But it doesn't stop and I have to lean back to rest on the step behind me as the niggling pain washes over me. The queen glances between me and my leg, confusion etched on her features when she sees no spasming.

  
"Do you need your injection?" She voices out a moment later but I instantly shake my head. _'Thomas increased my dose and told me not to use it unless I really needed to and this isn't one of those times.'_ Finally the twitching stops and I get to my feet and fortunately get through the last couple of flights without problems. The only thing left is the walk back to the castle. Throughout the walk I can feel the teen's eyes on me, but I refuse to make eye contact, frankly too angry with the girl to the point that it would be better if I kept silent to avoid the shouting match that would ensue. I hear her take a deep breath, but still I ignore her.

  
"It was my mum's birthday a couple of days ago." My feet comes to an immediate halt at the quiet whisper and I turn to face the teen.

  
"Birthday?" I breathe out as a trickle of dread leaks into my bones. _'In the Horde we never had any such thing. Heck I didn't know what it meant until Bow explained it to me a year after I moved to Brightmoon. I didn't have a birthday, or at least not one that I knew of, so Glimmer and Bow both decided to dub the day we met as my birthday. It didn't really make sense to me at the time, but I grew to understand its importance. A celebration of the day you came into the world. I don't need to be a genius to realise how big of a deal that was.'_

My tongue doesn't move as I stare at the queen who looks away from me as she clutches her elbow. _'Now things make sense. From what I remember, Angella sacrificed herself not long before her birthday. And if her birthday was just...oh jeez. That's why Glimmer wanted time to herself so badly that day.'_ I realise in understanding. _'But she should've told me!'_ I argue silently, but all that comes out of my mouth is a soft:

"Oh." She doesn't turn to face me and instead moves past me to continue walking ahead.

  
"I told you it was nothing." She mutters and I realise how unsympathetic I must've sounded. I jog to catch up with her.

  
"No, t-this isn't nothing. It's important to you. I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get in the way that day, but you didn't need to spend it alone." I utter quietly. I watch as the teen's face twists at my words.

  
"Firstly, you _**weren't** _in the way. It was thoughtful that you cared and I'm sorry I came off as harsh. Secondly..." She breaks off with a sigh. "...that day was always just the two of us. Even Bow knew not to visit on that day. And that's how I wanted to keep it." My eyebrows shoot up at the queen's words.

  
"But, there's nothing wrong with creating new traditions?" I propose, but the teen is already shaking her head.

  
"Not with this." The queen states despondently and I bite my lip. _'I'm starting to realise that this grief thing doesn't really go away. It just hangs in the background...forever.'_ I gulp at the thought and not for the hundredth time do I find myself wishing I had taken Angella's place. _'It would've avoided all of this. Glimmer would still be a princess, her mum would still be around, the Horde would continue fighting sure, but they've been doing that for decades and maybe Catra would actually step down because she's got nothing to prove if I'm gone.'_ A block of lead lodges itself into my throat and I have to look away from the teen's grief-stricken face. I cough in the hopes it will re-start my voice box.

  
"Well, in future you don't have to spend it alone. Bow and I are always here with you." I finally say, but a flash of doubt crosses those lavender orbs and the lead returns. _'She doesn't believe me?'_ I think anxiously.

  
"I know. It's getting really late, we should head back." The purple head states dully. I open my mouth to try again, but she beats me to it. "Now will you please let me teleport us home?" Glimmer pleads tiredly. It's hard to hold onto my rage at the girl when she looks as downtrodden as she does, but there's just one thing I can't get my head around.

  
"Can you at least tell me why you didn't want to tell me what was going on with you?" I question and watch as the queen releases an aggravated sigh.

  
"Adora, it's _**too** _late for this." She grumbles while pinching the bridge of her nose, making me feel like I was some nuance child. A lump bobs up and down my throat until I swallow it back.

  
"Yeah ok." I whisper, giving the girl my hand, but it seems she didn't expect that response as she does a double take before eyeing me carefully. Her face falls a second later. I start to wonder what's the reason for that when she bridges the gap between us and rests her hand against my cheek briefly while her thumb brushes under my eyelid. 

  
"Please don't cry." She murmurs and when she looks up at me I notice the raw emotions embedded into those lavender orbs and it's then that it strikes me this is equally as hard on her as it is on me. I don't notice my shoulders shaking until she wraps her arms around them.

  
"Why is everything _**so hard**_?" I choke out subconsciously. I feel the queen tensing beneath me before tightening her hold around me.

  
"I don't know." Glimmer replies, her tone laced with the same desperation that I feel. "I don't know." She repeats as her head lands on my chest. I take in a shuddering breath as I wrap my arms around her. Before I can do anything else I find myself back in the castle, inside Glimmer's room. "I'm sorry I upset you that day and every day before then and today. I'm sorry that you hurt yourself for me. I'm sorry that...t-that I'm not good enough for you." The teen's apologies come out in a string of muffled garble, but I understand it all perfectly and my knees nearly buckle underneath me at her last statement.

"No, no don't say that!" I command firmly, but the purple head doesn't respond and I have to try hard to get her to detach from me, but I nearly regret my effort when I come face to face with her shattered expression; eyes red and snot leaking from her nostrils. "Glimmer." I voice brokenly, pained to see her like this. _'I shouldn't have brought this up. I shouldn't have brought this up! Now look at what you've done Adora, you've made her cry. And you call yourself her best friend.'_ My inner voice taunts and I have to close my eyes when I feel my leg twitching again.

I stretch out both my hands to rest on the Queen's cheeks as I wipe away the tears, only for more to replace them. My heart thuds aggressively against my ribcage. _'No please. Please don't cry and shatter my soul like this. Why couldn't I have kept my big mouth shut?!'_ I berate myself as I keep wiping away her tears. I press my forehead against hers, ignoring the flashback of when I last did this, hoping it provides some reassurance to the teen but instead a whimper escapes from the girl and I realise this is probably the last thing she needs.

The twitching in my leg starts to become more prominent and I realise I can't do anything. _'I can't make Glimmer feel better. I can't take away her grief or her burdens. Heck, I can't even make myself feel better! What was I thinking?! I can't take care of her. I can't even take care of myself. Angela made a mistake in choosing me to look after her daughter. It should've been Bow or Castaspella - at least she's actual family.'_

When the twinge starts to become painful, I know I've had it. I drop to the ground before I can say another word. The purple head's eyes widen as she drops beside me, patting my pockets for the syringe that I left in my room.

"My roo..." I bite out and the Queen is gone before I can finish. She appears milliseconds later with the needle in hand. I'm half tempted to put my hand out to stop her from injecting the high dose but the spasm leaves me gasping for air. I feel the pinprick and then instant easing of the muscle. Moments later, I feel the teen pulling me up into a sitting position as she squats in front of me.

  
"This is why I didn't tell you. You can't handle it." Glimmer whispers, but she may as well been screeching in my face with how extensively my heart fractures into so many pieces. Pieces that I'm not sure I'll ever be able to put back together again. _'I was right. I can't take care of her. Not when she thinks that she can't come to me with her problems from her fear that I'll be a spasming mess. Bow is better suit...'_ My brain freezes at the sudden thought.

  
"Bow...did he...did he know? About your mum's birthday?" I ask suddenly, it's so random that the queen reels back in utter confusion.

  
"Yes? I talked with him briefly at the end of the day. He seemed like he knew. Why?" The teen asks with perplexed eyes, but I ignore the question. _'So Bow knew...and he didn't tell me. He left me unaware.'_ I don't know why, but that nearly hurts as much as Glimmer's words. _'They really think I can't handle it. All these emotions...they...they don't believe in me.'_ Something large lodges into my throat and it makes me feel like I'm drowning and no matter how hard I try, the waves keep hurtling into me, relentlessly and unforgiving.

I shove the purple head away from me, causing her to topple back onto her rear as she looks up at me with wide and befuddled eyes. I jerk up to my feet, nearly tripping over with how unresponsive my leg is, but I refuse to look weak again.

  
"Both of you don't think I can't handle it. Y-You think that I'll just be overwhelmed all the time!" I spit out as my body shudders violently in rage and betrayal. The teen rises to her feet, keeping a cautious watch on me as she places her hands in front of her with her palms facing me. I catch sight of that gash that has long since closed up, but still sits proudly on her skin, as if saying boldly: _**look at me, I'm going to scar.**_

  
"Adora, look at it from our perspective. Heck, you just had a spasm now because I mentioned my mum!" Glimmer reminds, trying to sound gentle but it comes off as a I-know-better tone. I scrunch my nose slightly.

  
"I wasn't spasming because of that!" I voice harshly, my heart thundering once more.

  
"Then what were you spasming about?!" The queen shouts as she throws her hands up in the air in frustration. _' **You!** '_ is what I want to say, but I bite it back at the last possible moment, knowing it would have detrimental consequences on our friendship. I grit my teeth.

  
"I was spasming because I realised I can't take care of you the way I promised I would! Soon I won't even be able to move without a dumb crutch!" I shoot out in anger until I realise what I just said. I slap a hand over my mouth just as the girl's mouth drops. When she takes a step forward, I find myself stepping back.

  
"What do you mean you won't be able to walk without a crutch?!" Glimmer questions sharply as her eyes dart frantically.

I clench my teeth, hating that I foolishly let that slip. When I don't answer, the queen takes a sudden step forward. I retreat until I hit the closet door. I curse under my breath as the teen continues stalking towards me until she's boxed me in. Her arms shoot out to land on the surface of the cupboard behind me. Her hands rest adjacently to either side of my head, effectively trapping me.

"Adora, what do you mean?!" She repeats firmly, but I keep my jaws clamped, which elicits a growl from the girl. I watch as her hands bunch into fists and for a brief unthinkable second I wonder if she's going to hit me. "For the love of stars, _**answer me!**_ " She shouts, but I keep my stubborn eyes on her, unwavering.

When I remain silent, she leans so far forward that my heart almost halts at the proximity, but she stops short. Her eyes are so close to mine that if we were in any other situation this would've been awkward. But instead it's fully charged with fury and unmasked hurt. This up close I can make out the wetness on her eyelashes and the slight tremble in her lips. I don't know how, but I finally have the courage to say the one thing I never thought I'd say.

  
"I want to leave." I choke out. Its so unexpected that the teen automatically pulls back, giving me room to breath easily again.

  
"What?" The echo is quiet, a stark contrast from her threatening behaviour a second ago. I lick my lips.

  
"I want to leave." I repeat, sounding more self-assured than I did the last time. This time it's the purple head that stumbles backwards, allowing me to push myself off the closet to continue. "I made you a promise that I would stay. A-And I have to stick by that, but...you're the only one that can free me from that pledge." I state and watch with a broken heart as the teen starts shaking.

  
"No! No - you can't ask me that." The girl cries out as she hugs her arms close. I bite the inside of my cheek so hard that a rush of metallic tasting substance fills my oral cavity.

  
"Just think about it." I press, prompting the queen to shake her head as tears leak from her eyes. I look away, my heart not being able to take any more of this. _'This is for the best. I need to leave. To fix what's broken inside me before I can even try and fix what's broken between Glimmer and I.'_ The purple head drops to her knees heavily and at the sound of a thud I look back to find her head dipping forward.

  
"Please don't ask me this. _**Please!**_ " She pleads so heart-wrenchingly that I almost give in, but I remain immovable. _'We **can't** continue like this. There's no way.'_ I think in an attempt to persuade myself, but inside I feel like shattering.

  
"Glimmer...this is important to me. I-I need to find myself again. For most of my life I was a Horde soldier. Then I became She-ra and joined the rebellion. But now that I'm not either of those? I'm lost. I don't even know who I am any more." I admit. The queen looks crushed as she hears my words.

  
"You want to leave me." Glimmer falters as my eyes burn.

  
"You know I don't want to, but look at what we're doing to each other. We've tried talking it out, but it hasn't worked. _**Nothing's** _worked. Maybe we need some time apart." I try to convince.

  
"How long?" The purple head asks, as if physically struggling with entertaining the very thought. I drop my head.

  
"I...don't know." I mumble and hear a strangled sound escaping the girl. _'I know Glimmer doesn't want to let me go. But equally, I know she won't force me to keep that promise because she'd never purposely try to hurt me. And she knows that me staying here? It hurts. A lot.'_

"Please can't we try again? We can fix this." I balk at my words being used against me and I'm starting to realise how annoying it must've sounded when I used it all the time. _'It comes from a place of desperation.'_ I suddenly realise.

  
"Sometimes, things can't be fixed without it being separated first." I utter and watch as the queen completely crumples before me, in a manner so painstakingly familiar that I almost collapse from the pressure. _'I promised myself that I'd never let Glimmer fall into that same pit of despair after her mother's...departure. Just another thing I failed at in the past year.'_ I drop to my knees in front of the teen and put my hands on her shoulders. I watch as she turns away from me, refusing the physical contact.

  
"You _**promised** _you'd always be there for me." My breathing catches at the broken whisper. I swallow thickly.

  
"I did and I'll keep that promise to my dying breath, if you want me to." I express seriously as the purple head looks back at me with a heavy sadness.

  
"But that's not what you want." Glimmer mumbles, her voice cracking. I bite my lip. _'Last time I lied about wanting to stay here because I didn't want to hurt my best friend.'_

  
"It doesn't matter what I want." I finally say. _'The closest thing I can say to the truth.'_ But as soon as those words leave my mouth, the queen's eyes snap up to mine with such ferocity.

  
"Of course it _**matters** _what you want!" The teen hisses before dropping her gaze to her lap. "Even if what you want will make me miserable." Glimmer mutters, just when I thought my heart couldn't break anymore, it does. "But I refuse to be selfish and make you miserable...is this...is this what you really want?" The queen questions despondently as she raises her eyes to meet mine.

I hesitate, _'If I say yes there's no going back. This mean I'll be leaving Brightmooon. The princesses. My friends. Bow. Glimmer. Behind. For who knows how long. Maybe forever. I can barely function without having those two constantly by my side! But then again, I think that's what the problem is. I've become so dependent on them that my very happiness is a direct correlation with theirs and that isn't right. I need to be my own person again. I need to find my place in the world.'_ I exhale heavily and nod.

  
"Yes." I say, sealing my fate and without realising, widening the chasm between Glimmer and I. The queen averts her eyes briefly before returning back to me.

  
"On one condition." I blink twice at the command and tilt my head to one side. "You'll truthfully tell me what's going on with your leg and anything else you've been hiding." The queen requests as my throat dries. _'Darn it, I was hoping she'd forget that bombshell in return for the most recent one.'_ I sigh.

  
"What about I write everything in a letter? And you open it when I leave." I suggest. After the longest minute of my life, she finally jerks her head up in a nod.

  
"When are you leaving?" Glimmer asks, her voice turning hollow. I almost want to say tomorrow, but I know that's not fair on anyone.

  
"A week?" I supply quietly, the reaction is immediate as I observe as the teen jumps to her feet and walks away from me.

  
"Ok." Comes the dull response and before I can stop her, she disappears. _'To where? I'm not sure, especially considering this is her room.'_ Slowly I rise to my own feet and exit the room, closing the door softly behind me. I already feel my leg dragging behind me, knowing that the limping will surely follow soon after.

But my leg is the last thing on my mind as I find myself in the midst of a whirlwind of emotions. _'I'm actually leaving. In one week. I almost can't believe it.'_ I think in astonishment as I enter my room and lie on my bed. You would've thought I'd be kept awake the whole night, but I fall asleep in moments. The first restful sleep I've had in awhile, as if finally having some direction in my life is the very thing I needed to keep me going.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry guys, this was a train-wreck of hurt, esp for the new year. So did anyone call it? Anyone guessed this would be the outcome? Pls no Glimmer hate heh.  
> So some thoughts about the rest of the chapter: I get the feeling Adora would be clueless in a clothes shop, or maybe that's just me, but I enjoyed writing her as a little on the clueless side here XD  
> We also get a little more of what I imagined the Horde to be like, probably painting it a little more darker than it may have been, but I feel this could've potentially happened, esp if it wasn't a kids show.
> 
> Next chapter? Adora leaving :( 
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	33. Goodbye Adora

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day Adora leaves is filled with ache for the Princess Alliance, but it's even harder on Bow and Glimmer, especially Glimmer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right this is...sad. Just plain sad. Goodbyes are always tough, aren't they? Especially when it's from someone you really care about and even more so when you don't know when or if you'll ever see them again. Hopefully I've managed to encompass those feelings well enough.
> 
> I switch to Glimmer's POV briefly at the end, so just a heads up.

**Adora's POV:**

The next few days were difficult to say the least. Bow refused to leave my side for the entire week. He was convinced that it was his fault that I was leaving and wouldn't stop apologising.

Mermista was abnormally less sassy than usual, most of the time she couldn't even maintain eye contact with me. I can't tell if it's because she's angry or worried.

Perfuma is the absolute opposite. Everywhere I go I feel her eyes on me, as if she's trying to memorise my every detail.

Frosta is understandably ignoring me. Better to forget right? Netossa and Spinneralla are the only two who are really supportive of my decision. I suppose that may be because they understand my reasons for leaving.

And Glimmer? I never catch more than a fleeting glance of her. I think she's trying to prepare herself for when I do leave, by completely evading me. I know she's doing it on purpose because I catch the sparkles from her teleportation several times when I enter a room. I tried talking to her again, but she blinks away before I get the chance to open my mouth.

So when the day finally arrives I'm not sure what to expect, but a cold shoulder certainly wasn't what I had in mind. I'm given numerous hugs and gifts which I stash in my shoulder bag and when I turn to Bow I'm engulfed in the biggest hug as he lifts me off the ground.

  
"Do you really have to go?" He whispers tearfully. I gulp and pat his back.

  
"I do, but I'll write often and I'll be back as soon as I can. Just take care of yourself and everyone, especially Glimmer." I whisper back. The boy buries his head into my shoulder as he gives a small nod in understanding.

My eyes fall on the queen who stands several paces back from everyone and when she sees me gazing at her, she immediately looks away. Before I have the chance to say anything to her however, I hear a loud slam, causing everyone to jump and stare at the person who created said sound. Mermista. I stare at the ruler of Salineas with wide eyes as she takes a threatening step forward, her hand raised up to point a finger at me.

  
"How is everyone just allowing her to go off like this?! We don't even know where she's going!" The princess shouts as she glares at the alliance around her. I open my mouth, but the Queen of Brightmoon beats me to it.

  
"Mermista, while I understand your concern. We can't force anyone to do something they don't want to do. That's not what the rebellion is about. If She-ra wants to leave then all we can do is respect that." Glimmer states firmly, daring the sea princess to argue. She doesn't. Instead she opts to cross her arms and grumble loudly. Her oceanic eyes flicker to mine briefly.

  
"Just be safe y-you...Adora." Mermista mumbles as she looks away from me. I feel a tug deep inside me at how much she cares. So often she hides behind this mask of bravado, but really she's loyal and soft deep inside. I step forward and pull her into a hug. She's stiff at first, but relents and returns it fiercely. "Call at the first sign of trouble ok? We'll come running." Mermista commands and I nod, starting to feel choked up with how much everyone cares. Or _**almost** _everyone.

I pull back to gaze again at the purple head who still refuses to meet my eye. The archer glimpses between the two of us before he starts ushering everyone out. He gives me a sad smile and a thumbs up before leaving Glimmer and I alone. I shift the shoulder bag slightly, unsure on what to say or whether the queen will even speak to me after a whole week of silence from her.

  
"So, this is it." I finally utter. The purple head's lavender orbs flicker to mine briefly.

  
"Yeah. I suppose it is." She mutters. I tighten my hold on the shoulder strap. _'Maybe I should just leave now before things become even more awkward.'_ I think despondently, but I can't help but sweep my eyes over the teen's form, cataloguing her every feature to memory. The way her hair is combed to one side to highlight its glistening quality, her tanned blemish-free skin, the sparkles in those lavender irises, her short and plump but soft stature which had many a time kept me sturdy when I stumbled, her gloved hands which held me when I was at my lowest, her smile - though absent now - could brighten even the most darkest of situations.

I swallow. _'Am I really doing this? Am I really just going to leave her? After everything we've been through.'_ I shake my head, sweeping my doubts to one side. _'I have to do this. I'm only sorry that I couldn't keep my promise to Angella.'_ My gut swirls in remembrance and I wonder if I'll ever be able to forgive myself for letting her down in regards to her final wish. Before I can dwell on that thought for any longer, I dig into my trouser pocket to pull out an envelope and step towards the teen, holding out the slightly thick paper. The girl stares at it for an age before finally taking it.

  
"That's the letter. It has...everything." I mumble reluctantly. ' _It took me so many times to word it just right and even now I don't think it illustrates my feelings for the girl, but you can only re-write something so many times.'_ When the purple head doesn't respond, I release a sigh and with a pang of regret I realise this is how our last conversation will be like. Nothing at all reminiscent of our entire friendship.

My fingers dig into the shoulder strap as the teen places the letter into her waistband. "Alright, goodbye." I whisper and take a step back, but before I can turn away I find a light hand encircling my wrist. I look up to find the queen gazing at me through unreadable eyes.

  
"Adora, I...." She pauses, struggling to push the words past her lips as she bridges the gap between us while taking hold of my other hand. "...there's so much I want to say, but I don't know how to. I've got so much to apologise for and even then it wouldn't be enough. It will never be enough. I wish...I wish it didn't come to this. I wish I wasn't the one who pushed you away..." I cut off the leader of the Rebellion before she can continue.

  
"You aren't the reason I'm leaving. Yes, we've had a lot of...disagreements, but I've been lost ever since I've stopped fighting. I need to find my purpose again." I state firmly, but a flash of doubt crosses those lilac irises and I know she doesn't believe me. I can only hope that my letter is more convincing.

  
"Still, if I didn't blow up at y..." She starts, but I shake my head.

  
"Glimmer believe me, I've been wanting to leave for a while. I just couldn't bring myself to admit it." I explain, but the girl's eyes harden.

  
"Until I shouted at you." She mutters bitterly and I realise that no matter what I say she'll still blame herself.

  
"We just need some time apart. They say that distance makes the heart grow fonder." I joke, hoping to elicit that room brightening smile of hers, but all I get is a twitch of her lips.

  
"I'm pretty sure that's only for couples." She teases lightly, but I can tell her heart isn't in it as she flickers her gaze to the ground. I squeeze her hands.

  
"Well couples aren't the only ones with a heart and a special bond. Friends and family can have those too, right?" I point out. This time a faint smile graces her face and though it's not as broad as I'm used to, I nearly wilt back in relief to have seen it one last time.

  
"That's true." She muses briefly before sobering up. "You'll always be family Adora. Remember that ok?" Glimmer voices seriously. I nod in acknowledgement.

  
"Of course. Brightmoon is home." I concede, but the queen shakes her head.

  
"No, I meant...you're a part of my family. Not just my best friend, but my family. You, Bow and my Aunt are all I have left of that." Glimmer murmurs sincerely and when she looks up to pin me with that watery gaze of hers I start to feel my own eyes burn. I'm about to tap my forehead with hers, but refrain on the last minute, not wanting to unearth more painful memories.

  
"Thank you Glimmer. You and Bow are my family too. I'll be thinking of you guys always." I choke out. I give her hands a final squeeze and pull them out of her grasp. I think this is it, but I find myself tackled into a big warm bear hug. I nearly collapse in the warm embrace, knowing that this will be the last in a long time. I hug the girl back with equal ferocity and we remain like that for a good 10 minutes before I finally pull away again. The queen keeps me in place though.

  
"Don't take too long, ok?" She whispers into my ear. I swallow.

  
"Ok." I whisper back and she gives me one last squeeze before letting me go. I take several steps back, but find myself bumping into something solid and swivel my head behind me to find Bow standing with his arms crossed and his lips curling downwards in disapproval.

  
"You didn't think you'd get to leave without having a Best Friend Squad hug, did you?" The archer utters seriously. A choked laugh escapes past my lips as Bow grabs me and the queen by the shoulders and pulls the two of us into his chest. I hug the two of them with everything I have, trying to pour out all my love and emotions into them, so that they know just how much I care about them. After a couple of minutes we pull apart simultaneously. "We'll see you soon." The techmaster states, as if he has no doubt that I'll be back in a couple of weeks tops. I throw him a shaky smile before waving them goodbye.

  
"Bye Bow. Bye Glimmer." I bid as my eyes soak them up. The archer returns the wave while Glimmer forces a small smile to her face, but even from where I'm standing I can see her lips trembling. _'She'll be fine.'_ I try to convince myself.

  
"Bye Adora." The teen's words are soft, almost inaudible and with a slight nod I turn my back on them and start walking down the grand common room and out of the castle to find Swiftwind standing patiently for me. He looks at me in concern.

  
"Are you sure this is what you want?" He asks, double checking that I'm not just about to make the worst decision of my life. I nod firmly, my tongue too twisted up with emotion to say anything. I jump onto his back and with a few flaps of his wings we set off into the skies. Briefly I look back, watching as the castle and Brightmoon fades out in the background before disappearing completely. My vision blurs and I turn my gaze ahead of me. _'I really hope I'm not making a mistake here.'_ I think anxiously as Swiftwind heads towards the Crimson Waste.

**Glimmer's POV:**

  
As soon as Adora disappears from my line of vision I teleport to the Moonstone's citadel before Bow can call out to me and I watch as the blonde climbs onto the horse and takes flight. Even after they've become distant dots in the sky I still stare, praying that this is some sick joke and Adora will turn Swiftwind around and come back like everything is ok. But after 2 hours of standing, waiting, wishing and _**hoping** _she'll come back, but when she doesn't it finally hits me. _'Adora's really gone.'_ My mind supplies numbly.

I sink to the ground and release a blood-curdling scream before breaking down completely as I unravel on the ground. _'I thought I'd never have to face that stifling and crushing pain again. After my mum's sacrifice I thought I was strong enough to handle anything that comes my way. I've got through the death of two parents before I've even reached my 20s. I just never counted on Adora hurting me in the same way. I thought she'd always be there. But then again, how often did I think the same with my mum?'_ I think ruefully as I clutch my arms close.

When I finally move my stiff legs and teleport to my room, I take a seat on the couch, only to find something uneven and ragged beneath me. I pull the fabric out to find it's Adora's torn trousers that I kept meaning to sew, but haven't had the time between meetings, reports and Horde attacks. I nearly whimper at the sight of it as I run my hands along the frayed edges. _'I've been neglecting her. Leaving her alone for hours and sometimes days at a time. I didn't even have time to fix her old leggings. No wonder why she got sick of waiting and left. It's all my fault.'_ My breathing catches and I find the tears pouring down once more. _'Last time, I used Catra as an excuse for my mum's absence, but this time? There's no one to blame but myself.'_

I release a bitter grunt, prompting me to bite the back of my hand to block any more sounds. I hear a crinkle at the movement and looking down I find Adora's letter still tucked in my waistband. I take it out and flip it over in my hands: _**To Glimmer**_ , is all the front of the envelope reads in that familiar scratchy bold writing of hers. I stare hard at it until a drop falls on the 'r', smudging it and I hastily grab a tissue to dry it.

After minutes of deliberation I wobble over to a set of drawers and shakily shove the letter into the bottom one. _'If I read it now then that's really it. I won't have anything left of her anymore. A-And I'm not sure I want to find out all her secrets...the truth about her leg...'_ I gulp and teleport to the hanging nest and fall to the mattress with my face pressed into the pillow and I find myself sobbing long after the sun has gone down. It's only when Bow knocks at 9pm do my sobs die down to occasional sniffles. That is, until I see the boy and I'm reminded that the Best Friend Squad has broken up and the waterworks start again.

  
"Hey, hey, hey. It's going to be ok." The boy comforts as he hops up the floating stairs and sits beside me. Using my forearm, I rub at my eyes, but the tears keep leaking through.

  
"It's not going to be ok. I kicked her out. She left because of me." I sob out as the boy pulls me in for a hug.

  
"That's not true. She's been lost ever since she couldn't join us on missions. Give her some time to sort through those feelings and she'll come back better than ever." Bow urges, but I shake my head.

  
"What if she doesn't come back?" I whisper, my most deep-rooted fear.

  
"This is Adora we're talking about. She's the most loyal and caring person I know. She won't leave her friends behind for that long. I'm sure of it." I look up to find the archer's eyes resolute and I'm almost inclined to believe him.

  
"I just...I'm losing so many people that I care about and I..." I break off when my throat constricts painfully. Bow pulls back and squeezes my shoulders reassuringly.

  
"You'll never lose me Glimmer. I've been here from the start and I'll continue to be here till the end. We're the original best friend duo, remember?" The techmaster reminds and I can't help but release a sad chuckle as I recall his old title for us. _'Its been so long since I've heard that. I got so used to the new one: the Best Friend Squad.'_

My breathing catches and no matter how hard I try, I find myself breaking down again. And I hate myself for it because the last thing I want to see is Bow's crumpling face as he pulls me back against his chest. I feel him exhale heavily.

"I know it's hard...I'm going to miss her too, but we'll get through this, like we always have." The archer promises, but I can't help the sense of terrible foreboding that things will never quite be the same again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Waaahhhhh this is so sad, Adora come back!! *cough cough* Ok I'm better now XD A short chapter since yesterday's one was ridiculously long. So this is it. In answer to that question - is it time to leave Brightmoon? Yes, yes it is. For good? Well, stay tuned for the answer to the last part of that question XD
> 
> Also, proud moment here, but this story has officially surpassed my longest ever fic which was at 172K, so I'm pretty chuffed here, especially since I've still got so many chapters left to post. And this is coming from someone who was terrible at English lessons at school. I was into science more...as you could probably guess by now XD
> 
> Next chapter? Mainly Glimmer's POV on how she's coping with Adora's absence. Also, tomorrow is my last daily update because after tomorrow I officially re-start uni (sad times). I have no idea what updating will be like since this term will be very heavy. I'd like to say weekly, but I've been known to update monthly or way longer, so I apologise that this is regular updating thing that I've managed to get away with since posting this story is coming to an end unfortunately. Probably a good thing because it gives me time to catch up on writing future chapters. Anyway, if you feel like I'm taking too long to update, just drop me a comment to remind me otherwise I get too caught up with lectures and forget.
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	34. The Letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glimmer finally works up the courage to read Adora's letter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another sad one, I think I've just replaced the angst with pure sadness at this point heh. Not sure which one is better tbh XD  
> I'm sorry that this is also a short chapter, but it was the best place to end on. I'm taking comfort in the fact that chapter 32 was like 8000 words or something XD
> 
> We briefly switch to Adora's POV at the end, but I think that's the last switching of POVs within a chapter. After that, we go back to just focussing on a single character's thoughts.
> 
> Again, thank you all for your support - you're all amazing :)

**Glimmer's POV:**

Days turn into weeks until a whole month has passed without word from the blonde and I find myself slowly falling into a pit of despair, despite Bow's attempts to remain optimistic. But I'm beginning to become more and more sure that we'll be lucky to hear from the honorary princess again. It doesn't help that I've been so neck deep in running the kingdom that I haven't had the chance to go looking for her.

It's 2 months later while I'm writing a letter to Prince Peekaboo and hunting for the official Brightmoon seal do I find Adora's envelope sitting in the last drawer. My eyes flicker over it haphazardly in my search before I do a double take at seeing it there. Slowly, I pick it up and stare at the _**To Glimmer**_ writing on its front. I bite my lip, not sure on whether I should just shove it back in its place or finally read it.

I glimpse at my unfinished letter and with a sigh I place Adora's one on the desk and pull out the seal hidden in that final drawer. After a quick scan over what I've written, I seal it shut with wax and turn my attention back to the blonde's envelope. I teleport up to my bed and with trembling hands I break the seal and slide the letter out. After taking a deep breath I begin to read:

  
_Dear Glimmer,_

_This is my 9th draft and I still don't think I've got the words right, but I know I need to write you something so I guess this one will have to be the finished version. I'm not sure where to begin to be honest? My leg is probably a good start. I...I found out from the doctor (Dr Crest) that my spasms will worsen my condition. Soon I'll be limping and need a crutch. I didn't want to tell you because I knew you'd blame yourself even more than you already do and I didn't want that. Remember I did this for you and I don't want you to even think of blaming yourself. It's not your fault! It was my choice._

_I won't pretend that I wasn't hurt that you thought I wasn't capable to handle your burdens, because it did hurt and it made me angry. I'm still me, even if I've got a slight...condition. But I am sorry I blew up at you that night. In the end, I know you only wanted to shield me and though I may disagree with it, I understand. There's a lot I want to say but for the sake of time I'll be brief._

_I'll tell you one thing I didn't understand. Your reluctance to find out more about the first queen and her connection to the First Ones. I feel like you don't want to find out if we're potentially related. I've tried to come up with reasons for that but came up blank. Maybe it would be weird? Maybe it would interfere with our already delicate dynamic? Maybe you'd prefer if we stayed just friends for whatever reason? I don't know. I still want to know personally, but it involves the two of us and it wouldn't be fair on you if I pushed it. So I won't. Just...let me know if you change your mind._

_There's one thing I know for certain though. And that's even if we're not related by blood you'll always be my family. I care about you more than you'll ever know and comprehend. Know that you'll be my shining star on the days that are dark and lonely. I hope that I can be at least an ounce of that for you._

_Oh! I almost forgot...we made that deal about kidnapping Catra, remember? I'll admit I haven't been able to come up with an alternative plan, but I do know of a Horde outpost that I forgot about. Its located off the east coast of Frosta's kingdom. Sometimes it holds important intel, I hope it still does._

_And I think that's everything? I didn't have much to hide really. Maybe it came across as that. Well, the whole wanting to leave is obviously out of the bag. I know that no matter what I say you won't believe me, but I'll say it anyway. Me leaving isn't your fault. I've been telling Swiftwind for a while how useless I felt and that was hammered home on the day I found out that my leg is permanently damaged. I've struggled and am still struggling to accept that I can't help in the way you all needed me to. I feel like a failure. And I'm an even bigger failure for not keeping Angella's promise._

_Truth is? You're right. I do still blame myself for what happened and I wish that I could've taken her place. At least things would've went back to the way they were before you met me. Maybe that would've been better. If I never picked up that dumb sword things would've been different. You'd still have a mum. I'm sorry. Not just for the portal or for not thinking you were capable to protect yourself or even for all those arguments. I'm sorry that I left. This single thing puts some of the other things I've done to shame. I'm so so sorry._

_I wanted so badly to stay, but I was breaking inside and I just...couldn't. Know that if things were different I'd never dare to leave. You and Bow mean everything to me and I'm scared I'll be lost without you both. But it's a decision I had to make. I hope you'll forgive me. I love you Glimmer. So very much. I hope it won't be long till we see each other again, but destiny is a strange thing. Look after yourself and continue being the amazing queen that I know you are and that your mum is so proud of._

_Lots of love,_

_Your Best Friend Adora._

_P.S. You still have my old pair of trousers, keep it safe will you?_

_P.S.S. I'm seriously going to miss your hugs._

_P.S.S.S tell Bow I love him and keep an eye on him. We both know how his optimism attracts trouble._

A teardrop falls onto the page as a sniffle escapes me. _'Oh Adora, what did I do? I was trying so hard to protect you from my load that I unknowingly gave you one. You thought I lacked faith in you but that's **not** true. I didn't want you to deal with my drama, but it just made you worry more.'_ A hiccup escapes me as the tears fall faster. _'Maybe I was a fool for thinking that hiding my feelings with everything was going to solve all this. And I was a bigger fool for not finding out more about the royal line for you. I was scared it would change everything between us. And in a way it did. You're not here anymore.'_

My vision blurs and I have to wipe at them to see again. My eyes drop back to Adora's sweet words. _'Oh Adora, of course you're my star too. Heck, you're my sun on the stormy days.'_ As soon as I think that, my eyes widen and I inhale sharply. _'That dumb passage. Well, it seems it got something right. I'm starting to regret not taking it a bit more seriously now.'_ I re-read the letter again, but one phrase keeps echoing in my head.

_I hope you can forgive me._

I swallow harshly. _'I hope I can too. Please hurry back. The longer you're gone, the more alone I feel.'_ A gasp escapes me when I suddenly remember our psychic bond. A second later I stand before my runestone. I stare at it in hesitation. _'I forbade Adora from doing this and now I'm going to do it myself? Could I be a bigger hypocrite?!'_ My eyes fall to the letter tightly held in my hand. _'Its been 3 months without word from her. I need to know she's alright.'_ I try to convince myself and without another thought I rest my hand against the stone expecting to experience that strange rush of mixed emotions and thoughts, but nothing happens. I frown and press harder, but still _**nothing**_.

  
"No." I whisper in shock. _'It must only work one way. Adora has to be the one touching it.'_ My body starts trembling.

"No, No, _**NO!**_ " I shout angrily as I desperately place my other hand on the stone, hoping, _**praying** _for a flicker of something. Just a sign to know where she is or at least if she's alright. But nothing. I only hear the gentle night breeze around me and I'm completely alone.

I choke back a sob and collapse to my knees. _'Why did you have to leave? Why are you making me go through this agony again? You saw first-hand how I broke down after my mum and now you're letting me go through this again. But it's **worse**. You're not here this time. And Bow doesn't know what to do when I shatter. You were the main one who dealt with all my mood swings and now you're not here. There's barely anyone here. I'm becoming increasingly alone and it's suffocating.'_

  
" _ **PLEASE**_...come back." I holler before dropping to a broken whisper as my tears drop onto the base of the runestone.

**Meanwhile...**

  
**Adora's POV:**

  
I shoot up from my bed with a gasp and clutch my chest tightly as my heart batters against my ribcage. I look around, hoping to find the reason for my sudden anxiety, but find nothing out of sorts in my tent. I swing my legs off the mattress and shakily get to my feet to exit the tent. I stare at the vast amount of sand around of me, before flickering my gaze up to the night sky. I bite my lip. _'Why...why does it feel like I just felt Glimmer shattering? L-Like she was begging me to come back?'_

I shake my head at the ridiculous notion. _'That's impossible. The only way she can do that is through her runestone and I definitely would know if she was using that to contact me.'_ I blink. _'Darn it, I forgot to tell her not to use the stone to contact me.'_ I remember in sudden thought and slap my forehead. _'It's been 3 months without her using it. So maybe she'll just respect my space?'_

I sigh and go to find Huntara. _'Maybe some labour will get my mind off the purple head. It doesn't help that she's been the only thing I've thought about since coming here, but the change of scenery is doing me some good, I've even helped in kicking some Horde soldiers out of the area. Nothing too strenuous, but I'm learning to use my limp and crutch to my advantage.'_ I think with a small smile as I limp towards the tent situated beside mine. _'I knew Huntara had things to teach me.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there we have it, my last regular update until who knows when. This is actually where I wanted to stop at, so I'm stoked that I've reached my goal before starting uni again. And I think we're roughly half way through the story. I mean, I'm still writing chapters, but I'm coming to the point where I'm nearly finishing it off and I think we'll prob have 60 something chapters in total.  
> Sad tbh because writing this story has kinda become my emotional lifeline, a place where I can just pour out my frustrations and emotions honestly without talking to anyone about it. I'm currently writing another story for another fandom, but it doesn't quite have the high strung emotions as this one does. I've got a potential idea for a follow up from this one, but who knows if I'll have time to write it. Guess we'll see how much I miss the characters.
> 
> For the next chapter, I don't want to spoil much, but all I'll say is there's a time skip and it's in Glimmer's POV again. The fact that I'm going on a break will just make the time-skip feel even more real so I'm happy about that XD
> 
> While you wait for the next chapter, tell me some of your fav angsty chapters so far, I'm curious XD
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	35. Time-Skip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 6 years later the war is over, but the fight isn't over yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so I honestly WASN'T going to post today, because I legit have a bunch of work to get done, BUT I haven't been writing notes for like a month now, so now that I'm suddenly back to making notes my wrist feels like it's about to drop off and I thought to take a break. Plus, where I live another national lockdown has been announced and everyone sounds sombre so I felt like diving into this story instead.
> 
> There are a LOT of changes here, since this is set 6 years later. There will be some changes in the characters themselves, of course I'll keep them in character as much as possible, but everyone changes in 6 years, I certainly have. So if you start wondering why certain characters are behaving differently, then that's why. Anyway, I'll leave you to enjoy this unexpected update XD

**6 years later:**

**Glimmer's POV:**

  
Months became years and I bounced between phases of depression and living. As time wore on Adora began to fade from my thoughts and even my memory as life moved on. Or at least it _**tried** _to. Though things never quite returned to normal after her departure. There was always an air of despondency when the alliance met up with some eyes briefly straying to the empty chair. But for the most part I pushed my feelings regarding the blonde to one side. Whenever she did make an unexpected appearance in my mind I would push it out immediately out of the hurt, longing and anger I'd have associated with the woman.

Things between Bow and I went south after my fifth breakdown. It didn't help I kept pushing him away and he kept trying to make me forget about Adora. He didn't realise that forgetting hurts. If you forget then all those warm memories will dissipate and then what are you left with? It wasn't until I went to Bow's and Entrapta's wedding that I realised that forgetting made things easier. It was easier to forget than to harbour an attachment and later on resentment.

If anything good came out of She-ra's departure, it was the drive it gave me to find a way to end the war for good. It was three years after Adora left when I found out about the Heart of Etheria from an old book that Bow's parents showed me. Against their wishes and Bow's, I used it. It gave us power like nothing I've ever felt before. And it also brought a world of pain. It was strange, how I had such power for a moment and then the next it felt like I was being completely drained from it.

In my agony I caught sight of the stars and I almost barked a bitter laugh as I recalled one of the last conversations that I had with the blonde about the stars. And the irony was shoved in my face when I saw that they truly were breath-taking. But the sight was ruined mere minutes later when I saw the sky dotted with airships. Hundreds and thousands of ships. And I started wondering if I just made the biggest mistake of my life as I started cursing myself for not heeding the archer's warning. But in a matter of moments it all disappeared. The airships. The stars. They vanished. Somehow we were back in despondos and I couldn't help but think that this was Adora's doing. It didn't matter anyway.

The Horde was scrambled after our super empowered attack and we were able to take back the Fright Zone. There are still surges of rebellions from a few Horde soldiers that managed to escape initial imprisonment, but they're disorganised and no where near as much of a threat as the original Horde empire was, especially after Hordak's execution. The rebels are nuances at best, stealing and terrorising cities on the outskirts which is why I developed the Etherian police force. They deal with crimes and if it's too much for them to handle they call in the alliance. But with Bow leading the force, most cases are easily dissipated.

I sigh at the thought of my childhood friend. _'Bow and I barely talk these days. I like to think it's because he has a job, wife and kid but I know I'm fooling myself. He's still mad that I went against him with the Heart of Etheria project, but I had no choice despite what he says otherwise.'_ However, I can't ignore that my action of withdrawing from him isn't another reason for our fallout. If it wasn't for Entrapta and his son I don't think we'd even be on speaking terms.

But the spunky princess has a way in erasing the tense air. And it might be because she's the last person who has reportedly seen Adora since she left. 2 years ago in that haunted town we came across many years ago. It's hard to get anything out of the tech princess, but all I've managed to gather is that Adora was there for research. _'Research about what?'_ Is what I asked, but Entrapta just ended up babbling about some new First One tech she found there and I gave up on finding out anything more. I shake my head, deciding to put my thoughts to one side as I fill in the requested tax reports in my office. A knock sounds at the door.

  
"Come in." I call tiredly, _'my sleeping schedule has been completely shot through over the years. It's a miracle I haven't collapsed from exhaustion yet.'_

  
"Your majesty, Police Captain Bow would like to speak to you." The guard announces. I furrow my eyebrows. _'Our monthly status report isn't for another week.'_ I think in confusion before motioning the guard to send him in. The archer, no longer a boy now, enters. A small smile graces his face and I push my chair back to stand.

  
"Bow. It's nice to see you." I say cordially, the techmaster seems tempted to call me out on my behaviour, but he refrains.

  
"Hey Glimmer. I hope I didn't disturb you?" The man queries as he takes several steps towards me. I shake my head.

  
"Not at all. I need the break anyway. Is there something you needed?" I ask curiously, taking a step towards him. We're close enough to hug if we wanted to, but things have been awkward for a long time and we stick to a brief shoulder squeeze in greeting.

  
"Well, kind of." The boy admits. I tilt my head to indicate that I'm listening. "The rebel group on the north side have become a lot more aggressive and escaped before we could catch them." I nod in understanding.

  
"Well that wouldn't be the first time. Did you want me to send some of the princesses? Or I could join you for old times sake?" I add as a fond smile graces my lips. The archer's eyes soften in affection before shaking his head.

  
"Well actually that's not the reason why I came. While I was on the job I bumped into someone." Bow voices unsurely. I raise an eyebrow at his cryptic behaviour.

  
"Who? If it's Sea Hawk, tell him I refuse to give him another police boat. He's already burnt through 10 of those and I don't think we have the budget for another. He's going to have to use any old boat from now on." I state firmly with an eye roll, eliciting a chuckle from the man.

  
"I'll be sure to tell him that, but...it's not Sea Hawk I saw." The archer expresses and I cross my arms.

  
"Well are you going to tell me before we're grey and old?" I joke, promoting the techmaster to elbow me.

  
"I'm trying to be sensitive! Sheesh, queens these days." Bow protests in petulance. I snort.

"I'm the only queen you know." I fire back, easing back into the easy banter we used to share, _'heck this is probably the longest conversation outside of work we've had in years.'_ The man sticks his tongue out before straightening up again.

  
"But seriously, erm...I bumped into Adora." As soon as that name leaves his lips, all ease vanishes from my face as I look at him dumbfounded.

  
"What?" I croak out in shock. Bow shifts uncertainly as he rubs the back of his neck.

  
"Yeah, it...it was a surprise. Gosh it's been six years since we saw her, I almost thought I was dreaming. But it turns out she's been following the same rebel group for a while now and she thinks they pose a threat, more than the others we've dealt with anyway." The archer explains, but I'm already shaking my head in disbelief.

  
"Wait. You _**spoke** _to her?" I voice lowly, watching as the man nods his head slowly.

  
"Yeah, it was... weird and nice at the same time? She's actually waiting in the common room..." I cut him off before he can continue.

  
"She's _**here?!**_ " I shout suddenly, prompting the techmaster to place his hands on my shoulders.

  
"Yeah. She wants to discuss a course of action against these rebels. Apparently they've been ransacking several towns and kidnapping children to recruit them to their cause." Bow states as he scans me carefully. "Are...are you alright with that? I know Adora is associated with a lot of conflicting emotions. I barely knew what to do when I saw her. She didn't expect to see me that was for sure." I shake my head wordlessly. _'For so long I've been desperately wanting to see the blonde, but now she's actually here I'm hit with everything she put me through. All those nights spent crying in my bed, every pit of despair I had to crawl myself out of, every hope that was crushed when she didn't appear month after month, year after year.'_ I swallow thickly as tears start to line my eyelashes.

  
"Bow, I-I don't know if I can see her. It's been so long and I've just started accepting that she's gone." I tumble out and for the first time in a long while I find myself in the secure embrace of my best friend.

  
"Glimmer, I get it. She hurt us both when she walked out on us and didn't keep in contact. But she's here now, you might as well see her before she disappears again." Bow advises. I bury my head into his shoulder.

  
"That's exactly why I shouldn't. I don't want to become attached again. I _**never** _want to feel like that again." I mutter, I feel the man stilling around me.

  
"Is that why you've been so distant with me? You're scared I'll hurt you?" I feel my throat drying at his wounded tone and I pull away slightly from the man.

  
"I just...I know you'd never hurt me. You're the only one who has always been there and that's what scares me. If something happened to you, I...well, you saw what happened after Adora left." I say with a half-hearted shrug, prompting the archer to shiver at the memory.

  
"I remember. That...that was some dark times. I thought after your mum, that was the worst I'd ever see you, but..." He trails off, leaving me to pick up from where he left off.

  
"...yeah I think it was the final straw on the camel's back, so to speak. It just felt like I was drowning..." I pause as the old nightmarish feelings and memories resurface before pushing it back down again. "Anyway, that's in the past. I'm sorry for hurting you and for not listening with the Heart of Etheria. I know you're still mad about that." I mumble with averted eyes until I feel the man tilting my chin up.

  
"I am still mad about that, but I forgive you. You went through a lot of burdensome things in a such a short span of time that I can imagine just wanting to lash out. I'm willing to let it go, if you're willing to let me back in." Bow suggests meekly and I turn my hopeful eyes towards him.

  
"Really? You'd do that after everything?" I ask in disbelief as Bow leans forward to plant a kiss on my forehead.

  
"Of course Glimmer. You're my best friend and I've missed you. I guess I forgot about our history until I saw Adora again, it...evoked some memories." The techmaster utters warmly and I feel myself softening at his expression. I pull him into a hug.

  
"Thank you Bow. I've...I've really missed you." I choke out as the man squeezes me.

  
"I'm always here Glimmer. Others might leave, but I will _**always** _have your back." I gulp back the whimper that threatens to rip out of my throat as I lean my chin in the crook of his neck.

  
"I don't deserve you." I whisper.

  
"You say that, but you forget that you're the stronger one between the two of us. I certainly couldn't have gone through all that and end up sane." Bow jokes as he pulls away. I release a sad chuckle.

  
"Are you sure I'm sane?" I question sceptically with a raised eyebrow as the man taps a finger to his chin in thought.

  
"Good point; maybe we should head to the medical bay for a check up." The techmaster orders with mock urgency. I punch him lightly on the bicep and watch as he rubs the offended area. "Jeez all that work out is really making you strong." He points out as I roll my eyes at him.

  
"I didn't even hit you that hard." I protest with an easy smile, the first in a long time.

  
"Says the person who isn't on the punching side." Bow grumbles before his mood shifts. "So, should the alliance and I meet Adora without you?" I blink at the change of topics before dropping my gaze briefly to the ground and clutching my elbow insecurely.

  
"Is...is she still the same?" I ask at last as the man purses his lips in thought.

  
"I didn't get the chance to have an in-depth conversation with her, but she seems the same? A bit brighter though, as if all the melancholy feelings have just dropped off of her. And more focused." The Police Captain tries to explain, but my heart drops at his words. _'Great, so while I was suffering because she was gone, she on the other hand seems to be completely content. Was I ever important to her?'_ I think bitterly before straightening up.

  
"I think it's about time I saw her. At least, to hear what she has to say about this rebel group." I declare and start walking towards the door until I'm pulled back by a hand grasping my wrist. I look back to see the concern in my friend's eyes.

  
"Glimmer, I know you're mad. Heck, I am too. But maybe we should just leave the past in the past. We don't really want to dredge up all those arguments again." Bow words carefully as he watches me cautiously. I swallow past the lump in my throat and nod.

  
"I...know. And you're right. I won't start anything, I promise. But I don't plan to welcome her back with open arms either, especially if she's going to leave again." I answer smoothly. My best friend eyes me for a good long minute before sighing.

  
"Well, I can agree with that. Come on, let's see what our old friend has to say. It must be important if she's out of hiding." The archer voices as he wraps an arm around my shoulders and steers me out of the office. I chance a glimpse at the man. _'Wow, Bow sounds really...sour. I never considered what he felt about Adora's disappearance. It didn't occur to me that he's just as hurt as I am with her silence.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So *cough cough* Bow's married....you know I personally always felt that Bow & Entrapta would make a good pair. Bow always seemed enthralled with her and was the only one who really cared about her (aside from Hordak) so I felt it was fitting.  
> And yeah Hordak has been executed. Personally, for all his crimes and destruction I felt it made sense that he received the highest penalty. He was seemingly let off very easily in s5. 
> 
> I'm trying to incorporate as much as I can from canon (or at least the parts I liked XD) like the use of the Heart of Etheria, but with my own twist. I had this thought - what if Adora had destroyed the sword while Etheria was being taken out of despondos? So Etherian civilians have a brief glimpse of the rest of the universe (i.e the stars), the sword is destroyed and thus the portal process is interrupted which ends up pulling them back into despondos. Watcha think? 
> 
> Next chapter is back to Adora's POV and includes a flashback of how she bumped into Bow for the first time in 6 years. When I'm updating? No idea. I actually do have a lot of work to get done tomorrow...I'll try for Sunday or something but no promises. I hope you liked this chapter anyway.
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	36. Adora Returns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora meets Bow and the rest of the alliance for the first time in 6 years. Not all welcomes are warm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo today is actually Coptic Christmas eve (yes there's such a thing and no I'm not crazy XD), so I'm taking a breather and thought to post as part of my break...and also I'm waiting to eat XD
> 
> Hope you enjoy.

**Adora's POV:**

  
I pace back and forth relentlessly as the nerves start to eat away at me while I wait. _'I can't believe that after all this time I'm finally going to see her. Seeing Bow was shocking enough. I mean he's grown so much.'_ I think sadly as a pang of regret runs through me at being absent for that growth. And I can't help but recall our first meeting in years just hours ago...

**A Few Hours Earlier:**

  
I jump from tree to tree until I reach my destination and perch carefully as the bandits gather below the stump of the tree I'm crouching on.

  
"Did you get the goods?" One of them states in a hushed whisper.

  
"Right here." Another mutters as he pats his bag.

  
"All we need now is the kids. Did you spot any?" The one in the centre voices, presumably the ring leader.

  
"Plenty playing by the creek. Let's just nab some before the dumb police arrive." Another grouchy bandit grumbles in distaste. I wrinkle my nose in disgust at their plan. _'How dare they take innocent children?!'_ I think angrily.

  
"Good. Circle round and lure them to one spot so we can spray 'em." The leader orders and I watch as they disappear through the bushes. I jump ahead to a branch that hangs directly above the small pool to see at least 6 kids playing by the water. I bring my wrist telecom to my mouth.

  
"Huntara, I have a visual on the crooks... I'm going in." I whisper. My com crackles to life a beat later.

  
"No way. Those are more hardcore than usual. Wait for back-up. I repeat, wait for back-up." Huntara demands, but I catch sight of one of the bandits creeping towards an unsuspecting boy making a mud castle.

  
"No can do H." I mutter back and I stand from my crouched position on the branch and jump down with one leg outstretched to land roughly on top of the bandit and knocking him unconscious. The boy twirls around at the thud and stares at me with alarmed eyes. "Grab your friends and go home before the rest of these guys show up." I command urgently. The child looks at me for a few moments longer before grabbing hold of a girl as he runs to the other side of the pool to warn the others. I hear a cocking sound and turn around to find a metal barrel in my face.

  
"If you leave quietly, I might not kill you." The ringleader snarls. I narrow my eyes at him.

  
"You should be ashamed of what you're doing." I spit out, which earns me a hard slap across the face with the metal device. A gasp of air escapes me at the flare of pain. But I take the opportunity of the weapon no longer being directed at me to kick at his knees. The man stumbles, which is just the breather I need as I summon She-ra.

A second later his weapon is trained on me and his finger twitches at the trigger. I widen my eyes and pull up my shield in the nick of time. But whatever weapon that is, it's far more powerful than I anticipated and I end up hitting the tree behind me with a thud. My shield dissipates just as the man bares over me.

  
"I thought you looked familiar. The legendary She-ra if I'm correct? Not so impressive now." The bandit spits out just as three of his buddies emerge from the shadows with similar looking weapons in their hands. _'Shoot, I hate it when Huntara is right.'_ I think, but before the man cocks his weapon again one of his friends releases a yelp and drops to the ground. The leader snaps his head up and a swarm of uniformed personal charge our way.

The leader growls at me briefly. "You'll pay for interrupting us!" He shouts and gets ready to fire his weapon, but I sweep his feet from underneath him and he lands with a grunt on his back. I get to my feet and point my sword at his neck.

  
"Looks like you're the only one who's going to be paying the price." I voice smugly.

  
" _ **Adora?!**_ " A masculine shout sounds behind me. I frown and turn my head to find a tall chocolate-skinned man running towards me. I furrow my eyebrows until my eyes drop to the heart embroidered on his chest. _'It can't be...can it?'_ I think in shock, but I'm pulled out of my musings when something strikes my robotic shin.

I grit my teeth at the surge of pain and fall to my rear as I watch the ringleader and his buddies sprint off and disappear from sight. _'Shoot! I can't believe I just let them escape and it took months of tracking to find them.'_ I grumble silently. I look up when a pair of sneakers fill my line of vision to find myself staring at the face of my old best friend.

  
"Bow?" I voice unsurely and when the man's eyes widen in disbelief and drops to his knees in front of me, I'm 99% sure that this is the archer.

  
"I-I can't believe it's you! It's been years." He exclaims as his eyes run over me before stopping at my lower limb that's partially covered with metal. My throat goes dry for a moment, before I realise that my leg is on the fritz and I quickly reach a hand into my waist satchel to pull out a screwdriver. I lean forward and begin screwing back the loose nail and soon my leg returns back to normal.

  
"Yeah it's been a while. I can't believe you're here. Wait, what _**are** _you doing here?" I ask in sudden thought, prompting the man to remove his gaze away from my leg and to my face.

  
"A while? It's been 6 years!" He points out with a deep frown. I raise an eyebrow at his slightly hostile tone, but I don't comment. "And to answer your question I was trying to catch those bandits as part of my job." Bow explains. I blink twice and cock my head to one side.

  
"Your job?" I echo, only to receive a strange look from the techmaster.

  
"You know, the Etherian Police force? I'm the Captain." Bow voices as my eyebrows shoot up.

  
"I've heard snippets of the new police force. Haven't really run into many though, but wow great job on getting that position." I congratulate as I get to my feet, with the man following suit.

  
"You haven't? What have you been doing all this time, living under a rock?" The archer asks sceptically. I flinch at the brash comment, _'jeez, Bow has changed a lot.'_ I shrug.

  
"Been around. Doing odd jobs. If you're the boss then you must have information on this group of rebels. They want to kidnap children to recruit them to their cause." I state and watch as the man's jaws drop.

  
"What?! How do you know that?" He queries seriously.

  
"I've been tracking them for months now and overheard them. Still, haven't managed to find their base though. Maybe it might help if we collaborate?" I suggest, not really wanting to track them from scratch again. I wait for the man's answer, but when he stares at me for longer than I feel comfortable with I cough, breaking him out of his stupor. But before he has the chance to respond, another uniformed man appears beside Bow.

  
"Captain, we've scoured the area but no luck. One of them did drop their rifle though. Might help us to find them." The stranger supplies. Bow clears his throat and turn to face his colleague.

  
"Right. Good work. Let's go to Brightmoon and get that investigated." The Captain orders as more of his men surrounds us. My ears perk up upon hearing the name of my former home. Bow glances at me.

  
"I think a collaboration would be a good idea." He finally says and starts trudging ahead of me. I hesitate before catching up with the man, but not before noticing one of the uniformed strangers staring at me. Before I can ask what his deal is, he speaks up, his face directed to the archer.

"Captain, is there a reason why this woman is following us?" The officer asks snobbishly. I scowl at the disrespect in his voice. Bow looks at me briefly, as if unsure on what to refer to me as.

  
"Yes there is. She's...an old acquaintance. The reason for her presence is classified." Bow states sternly, causing the officer to clamp his jaws shut and turn to stare ahead of him. I shoot a wounded gaze at the techmaster. _'Acquaintance? Ouch. Bow is definitely mad. I'm not sure why. I never said how long I'd be away.'_ I think despondently. A few minutes later I find a tissue being pressed into my hand, I look up in confusion to find Bow gazing at me with a stoic face.

  
"You've got a gash on your right cheek." He mumbles in a half explanation. My hand shoots up to said place as I remember the hit I took from that weapon. I pull my fingers away to find it coated with blood. I grimace and dab at the area, wincing at the sting.

  
"Thanks." I mutter.

  
"You should really be careful around those guns, especially rifles. Bullets can be fatal." My former best friend says offhandedly. I frown at the strange word.

  
"Guns?" I repeat back, prompting the man to stare at me in surprise.

  
"Yeah, you know. Those metal weapons?" Bow tries to explain and I part my lips slightly in understanding.

  
"Oh right. Yeah the Horde mainly stuck with tazors, tanks or bots, but these guns are something else." I voice with furrowed eyebrows, slotting the new word into my vocab. But the man continues to stare at me strangely.

  
"Have you seriously not been living under a rock?" The archer expresses. I frown at him before turning my head to one side.

  
"No. And I'd appreciate it if you didn't keep saying that." I mutter lowly. Bow opens his mouth, but no words come out. He shakes his head.

  
"Sorry. It's just been a long time. We thought you'd be back after a couple of weeks, but that never happened..." The techmaster trails off. I chew my lip, not wanting to confront that ugly truth. I jump when I feel a hand brushing my own and snap my eyes back to the man. "I'm not sure how Glimmer will handle this, to be honest." He continues. My heart stops upon hearing the queen's name. _'Oh stars I haven't actively thought about the purple head in years.'_ A wave of buried emotions and feelings rise up so intensively within me that it leaves me feeling sick. My feet comes to an abrupt halt.

  
"I-I'm not sure if I should see her. Can't the two of us collaborate alone? Heck, you can even bring that ray of sunshine with you if you want." I say while jabbing my thumb at the snobbish officer who referred to me earlier. Bow's lips twitch as if he was going to smile, but he holds back.

  
"I'm sorry Adora, but all important cases have to be dealt with via the Princess Alliance which requires the presence of the Queen. Glimmer made it so we'd ensure everything is safe and peaceful." Bow explains apologetically. I massage my forehead, _'great, I've gone ages without hearing her name and now I've heard it twice in the span of a minute.'_ I bite the inside of my cheek hard.

  
"S-She's mad at me, isn't she?" I breathe out anxiously. Bow looks at me for the longest time before sighing.

  
"Yes and...she's not the only one." Bow mutters as he picks up the pace, leaving me to walk alone. His words are like a punch to the gut, leaving me feeling winded and awful as a tear drops from my eye. I hear a beep from my wrist watch to find two green bars on the screen. I tap it and immediately the metal cuff around my ankle tightens, helping me to walk. _'Thank you Entrapta. You are a genius.'_ I thank silently as I continue trailing behind my former best friend with my head down and we don't exchange any more words for the rest of the walk.

When I finally lay my eyes on Birghtmoon, a rush of nostalgia washes over me and I have to pause for several minutes as I stare at it in a mixture of anguish and regret. Bow must've noticed I've stopped as he back tracks after a little bit to watch me carefully. Eventually, he nudges me.

  
"Hey, you alright?" He asks softly. I glimpse up at him to find concern contouring his features. I swallow back the whimper on the tip of my tongue at seeing the Bow that I remember; _'caring and always looking out for me. I didn't think my absence would affect him.'_ I give him a small nod.

  
"Yeah, it's just weird being back here." I reply honestly. I can see that the archer is conflicted on what to say, in the end he simply offers me a hand and urges me on.

  
"Come on. It's about time you came home." The techmaster voices lowly as he guides me to the common room and leaves to fetch Glimmer.

~=~

And I've been pacing back and forth since. Several times my wrist watch beeps and several times I've had to tap it unless I'll buckle to my knees. Bow returns after 30 minutes, alone. And I can't decide whether to be happy or disappointed, but a relieved sigh escapes my lips anyway. _'Glimmer and I were constantly at odds before I left and if Bow, who's usually so forgiving, is mad. Then Glimmer is going to be furious.'_ I watch as the man crosses the room to reach me, his face pinched with some emotion that I can't quite read. _'Before, I could read him like the back of my hand._ ' I realise glumly.

  
"Glimmer's getting the rest of the alliance and is informing them of your presence. Oh and meetings have become more formal since you've left, so don't be surprised if no one greets you untill the end of the meeting." Bow informs as we stroll to the meeting hall. I halt before the door as I start sweating from how scared I am. _'Jeez Adora you faced bandits, murderers, thieves, kidnappers and worse over the years. Now you're petrified to face your old friends? Pathetic.'_ I hear two beeps from my watch and automatically tap it off. Bow's eyes drop to the device at my wrist before shooting me a quizzical look. I shrug.

  
"I'll tell you later." I mutter, but still I don't budge as my eyes trace the pattern of the door.

  
"Adora?" Bow probes as he takes a step towards me. I swallow.

  
"H-How...how did she take it when you told her?" I force out between quivering teeth. The archer purses his lips before rubbing the back of his neck.

  
"Well, shocked. Then..." He breaks off in a sigh before setting a hand on my shoulder. "It's complicated. It's been hard without you and she's mad, but she promised she wouldn't blow up if that makes you feel any better?" Bow states in an attempt to be encouraging, but it just makes me feel worse. I spin on my heels and give the door my back.

  
"Maybe I should just leave." I mumble, but the archer swiftly appears in front of me with a disapproving look.

  
"Adora that's not fair on anyone." The techmaster voices, but I'm already shaking my head.

  
"You don't need me Bow. Neither of you do. Let me go before my presence creates unrest." I argue, but the man's eyes harden.

  
"No I'm not letting you go. Heck, I'm _**never** _letting you go again! You have no idea what's it been like without you here. Glimmer and I had to run a Kingdom _**alone**_. You don't get to disappear again!" The man forces out harshly. I jerk my head back at the fire in his chocolate eyes and gulp.

  
"You...you're really mad." I express, disheartened. My words seem to have a calming effect on the archer as he slumps his shoulders.

  
"Look, I don't want to be, but it's been so hard." He sighs heavily. "Just, let's get this meeting out of the way ok?" He asks with pleading eyes. I exhale and nod slowly.

  
"Ok." I agree and after a moment's thought I continue. "I'm sorry for being gone for so long." I add, but the man shakes his head.

  
"Come on." He mumbles and opens the door. I hang my head. _'I...I guess I'm more selfish then I thought I was.'_ I think with sinking realisation. I step into the room after Bow, just as everyone's heads swivel round to gaze at me. Several piercing gazes. Some accusatory, some joyful, some neutral. I swallow. My eyes flicker to the head of the table to find the Queen already seated. Her eyes bore into mine. I clasp my hands together to stop their trembling and muffle the beep that re-sounds a moment later.

Bow takes me by the elbow and guides me to my old chair. The dust lining the seat is painfully obvious. _'Did no one sit here since I left?'_ I wonder incredulously. I gingerly take a seat and observe the Queen from the corner of my eyes. Other than her face maturing and slimming out, she pretty much looks the same since I last saw her.

  
"Well, this is certainly unprecedented to have the full alliance present for a discussion on policing matters." The Queens melodic voice rings out, but her words cause me to sink into my seat. _'I just had to bump into Bow, didn't I?'_ I think grimly. "Bow, status report." She requests. I force myself not to gape at the young woman from how confident and self-assured she's become since I last saw her.

  
"Not too much to report I'm afraid. We know that this new band of bandits carry guns with them which has already put them on threat level 4 at least, but I've been told some disturbing news. I'll pass on to Adora." The archer finishes as he turns to look at me. Suddenly I'm the centre of attention as several sets of eyes land on me. I try not to sink further into my seat. _'Is it me or has talking to large groups of people become more daunting in the last few years or is it just because I haven't seen these people who I used to call friends in so long?'_ I clear my throat.

  
"I've been tracking these bandits for months now. They have similar goals to what the original Horde empire tried to achieve with kidnapping children to recruit them to their cause. I know they have a base, but haven't had much luck in finding it. They always seem to disappear before I can get hold of them. Today was the first time I've come close but..." I glance at the archer who has the decency to look embarrassed. I quickly continue. "...they got away again. I feel like if we can mark each place they hit, it would be easier to pinpoint their potential hideout." I suggest, especially since I don't have enough information on everywhere they've attacked.

  
"Well, each town does have an emergency button installed now. Maybe if we look at the ones that have been flagged up?" Perfuma wonders aloud.

  
"That sounds..." I stop, my blue eyes eyes flicker briefly to the queen. _'The last thing I want is for Glimmer to think that I'm taking control again.'_ The purple head must've felt my eyes on her as she glances at me with a raised eyebrow. I flush in embarrassment and promptly look away. "It's a good idea, but what does everyone else think?" I say finally. I hear Bow hum in thought.

  
"I agree. And I think it will also help if we visit the towns to enforce that notion and add in some details. So instead of just pressing the button when there's an attack, but also when there's a missing child report?" The techmaster adds and I nod at the brilliant suggestion.

  
"Aurgh, but going to every city would take weeks!" Mermista moans and I have to bite back a grin at seeing at least she hasn't changed.

  
"At the moment, it doesn't seem we have any better ideas. We should set a quota of the number of towns to visit each week and we'll distribute it between us to get the work done quicker. I'll send you all a letter of the details. Does anyone else have anything they'd like to say?" Glimmer proposes before gazing at each and everyone in the room. When we all shake our heads, she nods to herself. "Alright, then I declare this meeting closed." The queen announces and no sooner does she say that I find myself being flanked by all the princesses and tackled into a hug by Perfuma.

  
"Adora!! It's been too long!" She squeals and with a laugh I wrap my arms around her.

  
"Its good to see you too Perfuma." I murmur with a grin.

  
"Yeah, you never said anything about being gone for half a decade." Mermista drones out sharply. I wince and peer over Perfuma's shoulder to see the displeased expression on the water princess' face. _'When she puts it like that...stars I didn't realise how long it's been.'_ I give her an unsure smile.

  
"Sorry, time just got away from me. It's nice to see you." I apologise softly. The princess looks on in conflict, but I reach out to grab her forearm and pull her in for a hug. Moments later I find Frosta joining the group hug. I nearly gawk at how much she's grown. _'When I left she was a child and now she's a young woman!'_ I exclaim silently.

  
"Just so you know, I'm still mad." She mumbles in my shoulder as she tightens her hold around me.

  
"I'm sorry, I missed you guys a lot." I whisper as I catch sight of Netossa and Spinerella standing a little far off with smiles.

After a good five minutes, they detach from me in unison and it hits me with how long I've gone without a hug. _'I've been so busy over the years that I couldn't figure out why a piece of me was so empty, but now I realise it was because of my need for companionship.'_ So when they pull away a pang of loneliness runs through me. I shake my head slightly and force a smile to my face. _'This is ridiculous, I've not had a hug since I left. I shouldn't feel this way.'_ I try to convince myself as Mermista points behind her with her thumb.

  
"We're going to the common room to chill and eat, you want to join and make up for lost time?" The water princess asks. I bite the inside of my cheek. _'Why does this feel so strange?!'_ I think to myself, but I'm saved from answering when Bow appears beside me.

  
"I'm sorry Mermista, but Adora and I should really start work on those bandits before they strike again. What about later on in the evening?" The archer cuts in regretfully, eliciting a sigh from the woman.

  
"Fiiine. Don't keep her all to yourself, the rest of us missed her too." Mermista grumbles out before waving everyone out of the meeting hall.

  
"Don't worry I won't!" The techmaster promises as Mermista waves a hand before closing the door behind her, leaving the best friend squad alone together for the first time in over half a decade. I chew my lip and turn to find Glimmer tapping a stack of papers against the desk before rising from her seat. She scans me briefly and fixes her lavender orbs onto my robotic leg before looking away.

  
"Well, I should get back to filing those reports." The queen utters as she walks past me.

In another life I would've just grabbed hold of her wrist, but I'm not quite that person any more. I've been broken, shattered moulded and put back together into something new. Someone who tries to back away from resistance. And I know that trying to talk to my former best friend when she doesn't want to is the recipe for resistance. So I let her go, despite the ache in my heart telling me to do otherwise. My watch beeps just as she gets to the door.

For a moment she stills and half turns to face us. "What was that?" She asks, her tone all business-like. I gulp.

  
"Oh sorry that was my watch." I fumble out an answer and with a nod she disappears through the door. I slap my forehead and without realising sink to the ground. _'6 years without any communication and that's the **first** thing I say to her? Pathetic.'_ I'm broken out of my thoughts when a hand lands on my shoulder.

  
"Adora?" Bow's gentle voice flows around me and breaks me out of my self-pity.

  
"Sorry. Let's...let's just go." I mumble and get to my feet. I watch as the man chews his lip.

  
"Sorry about that. I, er... I can't promise that Glimmer will ease on the cold shoulder treatment." The archer states apologetically. I shrug with the pretense that it doesn't bother me.

  
"It's ok, let's just find those bandits..." I trail off when I feel my wrist vibrating. I click a button and bring the device close to my face.

  
"What the heck princess?! I told you _**not** _to engage! And now I heard you got swarmed by the police!" I cringe at the leader of the Crimson waste's frustrated tone.

  
"Sorry H, but you know I couldn't stand by. I'm on a mission to find them so don't worry." I reassure, ignoring Bow's bewildered expression.

  
"Where are you now?" Huntara questions. I bite my lip, flickering my gaze to the man across me before exhaling heavily.

  
"Brightmoon." I mutter reluctantly, promoting the woman to inhale sharply.

  
"You're _**where?!**_ Actually, don't repeat that. You alright there or do I need to come down?" Huntara queries, a tone of protectiveness entering her voice. The archer frowns.

  
"No, no! I'm good. Why don't you pick up the next mission while I deal with this one?" I force out in a rush.

  
"If you're sure?" I can sense the reluctance in her voice, but the sooner I can end this conversation, the less questions that will be asked.

  
"I'm sure. I'll check in soon. You keep me posted." I confirm and with a bout of incoherent grumblings the woman diconnects the call. I raise my eyes up to my former best friend to find his arms crossed.

  
"You were at the Crimson Waste?" Bow queries distastefully. I shoot him a sheepish glance.

  
"Yeah. It's become a sort of home base over the years." I explain vaguely.

  
"A home base for what? And why did she sound so...defensive that you were here? It's like...you were telling her negative stuff about us." The archer analyses solemnly. I feel my palms sweating at the constant interrogation and just then my watch beeps again, annoying the man further as he throws his arms up in the air. "And what the heck is that constant beeping?!" I turn my head away from him as I clench my teeth.

  
"Listen, we're here for a mission. Let's get that done first." I voice firmly. The man must've not been expecting that response as his eyebrows shoot up. He watches me for a long moment before leaning back.

  
"You know, I'm starting to understand why you and Glimmer had so many arguments in the past." Bow mutters as he starts walking towards the door, missing the flash of hurt that crosses my blue eyes at the jab. _'That's...that's not fair.'_ Another beep. An automatic tap.

I wince from the pain elicited by the tightening metal, but push my foot forward despite it. We walk in tense silence until we reach what looks like a new communication hub. Bow gestures to one of the many monitors before going over to a stack of cabinets and pulls out a thick file.

  
"This is the information we have on the North side bandits. Over the years different groups have taken over, so not sure how useful this will be. And over here are the computers that stores the history of every single use of the emergency button." I nod along while the man rattles away.

  
"Do you have a map I can use so I can mark them all?" I ask and after a couple of minutes of rummaging, the archer produces a map of the major regions. We get to work after that. Spending hours on looking into each usage of the emergency button to deem whether it's a useful lead or not. A while after the sun has set, I notice Bow standing up from his seat and stretching.

  
"Alright, I think that's enough for today. Best we head to bed." Bow suggests, but I shake my head.

  
"You go and sleep, I'll just continue." I mumble as I pen in another cross on the map in front of me. I stare at it hard, but all the dots look so random.

  
"No way! Knowing you, you'll probably be up all night going through this." Bow exclaims in protest. _'Gosh, he...he hasn't forgotten.'_ I think as a flicker of hope ignites within me. _'If he hated me that much he would've forced all memory of my traits out of his mind, right?'_ But outside I reveal nothing and shake my head stubbornly.

  
"Bow. I've been after these guys for a while. I'm not going to stop now when I'm so close!" I argue, as the man pinches the bridge of his nose.

  
"Trust me Adora, I get it. It's important we catch them, but it can't be at the cost of our health. We need to be sharp and we can't do that if we're half asleep." The archer retorts and I have to bite my tongue. _'No Bow you don't get it! I know what's it like to be kidnapped as a child and after all the masses of research I've done I still can't quite find the truth about my real family!'_ I scream internally, but I keep my jaws clamped and stare rigidly at the map in front of me.

A heavy sigh follows a moment later and I almost smirk in victory. That is, until I hear what the man has to say next.

  
"If you don't budge from that seat I'm getting Glimmer." Bow warns. I snap my head up and gawk at the man.

  
"You wouldn't." I dare as I narrow my eyes, to which the archer meets it in kind.

  
"I will. Now get up." The techmaster affirms sternly. I turn my head away from him.

  
"It won't make a difference." I express before dropping my voice to a mutter. "She doesn't care anyway." I hear the man slap his forehead.

  
"For the love of!" He groans out before shaking his head. "Ok, fine. You asked for it." The Captain discloses as he spins on his heels and walks briskly out of the room without a backward glance. I widen my eyes. _'Oh shoot, he wasn't joking!'_ I look down at the papers before me and with a heavy sigh push myself off the chair. _'I so do not want to deal with all the drama that's associated with Glimmer.'_ I think despondently as I exit the room.

I look to my right and left, but the archer is no where in sight. _'Oh great now what do I do? I don't even know if my old room is still available! Probably not.'_ I run my hands through my hair anxiously and walk aimlessly through the corridors. My feet wind up in front of Glimmer's bedroom. I slap my forehead. _'I'm trying to avoid her, not find her! Dumb nostalgia.'_ I grumble and start backtracking until I hit into something. Looking up I find a stoic queen and a smirking Bow. I scowl at him as I straighten up and turn round.

  
"Bow said you won't go to sleep." Glimmer states as she crosses her arms over her chest. I gulp.

  
"Fine, I'm going." I mumble in surrender. I look back down the corridor I just left. "Erm...where am I staying?" I finally ask. Bow and Glimmer share a look before penetrating me with their gaze.

  
"Your room is still where we left it." The purple head opts to say. I balk at this, _'did they change nothing of mine?!'_

  
"O-oh right. I guess I assumed..." I break off when the two harden their faces. _'Why did I come here?!'_ I spin on my heels. "I'll just go..." I mutter and sprint away from them.

When I enter my old room, I'm hit with so many memories that my knees almost buckle underneath me. Even the _**air** _smells the same. With lead like feet I make my way over to the bed, but when I take a seat I find the bed collapsing under my weight.

"Ow." I voice quietly and scramble out of the wreckage. I eye two of the bed legs to find that they've been snapped in two and hastily glued back together, but it obviously couldn't handle an actual weight. I sigh and settle on the ground. Reaching into my waist satchel I pull out a screwdriver and unloose some of the screws around my ankle to give it some much needed air and return blood circulation to the site, even if half of it is made out of metal.

When I put it away I sense a presence at the door and turn to find the queen standing at the doorway. I'm about to scramble to my feet when I remember that I need to tighten the screws again, so I remain seated and watch the woman wearily. She seems to be doing the same with me, scrutinising my actions.

  
"I just realised that your bed is...out of action." The purple head expresses neutrally. I glance at the broken heap before looking back at the queen.

  
"That's ok, I'll just sleep on the floor." I try to reassure and either Glimmer does still care about me or her heart is just that big because she shakes her head a moment later.

  
"I've slept on the ground, it's not comfortable. I would've ordered another bed if I knew you planned to show up." I drop my eyes down at the jab, but the queen just continues. "And I'd take you to another room, but they're all full at the moment." I furrow my eyebrows at this, _'full? This place always had so many spare rooms!'_ But I decide not to comment. "I suppose you can have my room tonight." At this I jerk my head up in shock.

  
"What about you?" I fire out immediately. The queen just shrugs.

  
"I've got lots of work to do still." She answers simply, but a frown makes its way to my face.

  
"Work? You and Bow just told me off for wanting to work till late." I point out mildly. The woman opens her mouth, before promptly shutting it. I watch as she massages her temples.

  
"Jeez, Bow is right; you haven't changed." The quiet mutter makes its way to my ears and my heart constricts painfully. I press my lips tightly together as I avert my stinging eyes so she wouldn't see how much that comment had hurt me. Instead I busy myself with retrieving my screwdriver and re-tightening the screws. Once I'm sure I won't be stumbling like a two year old, I get to my feet and cross the room.

  
"Fine. Take me wherever." I state hollowly, prompting the purple head to look up in surprise. But its only brief and a second later she puts her hand on my shoulder and teleports us. It's so unexpected that I have to rub the glittering lights out of my eyes, forgetting what that felt like. And that alone sends a pang of sadness. _'Has it really been that long?'_ I ask myself.

  
"Goodnight." A voice sounds behind me and I turn to see the queen walking to the door and despite wanting to remain silent to avoid any problems, I can't help but speak up.

  
"Are...are you going to get some sleep tonight?" I ask quietly, halting the woman in her steps.

  
"You don't need to know." She responds, her tone taking on an edge. I swallow back the hurt bubbling through me and push on.

  
"I know, I just...please _**try** _to get some sleep." I plead as I clutch my elbow tightly. Lavender irises flicker to me and there must've been something in my expression that causes her to wilt slightly.

  
"I'll...try." She forces out and exits the room without another word. I bite my lip, not sure whether to feel assured that she actually listened or worry knowing that like me she won't go to sleep till the wee hours of the morning.

I glance up to her hanging bed, then to the ground. _'Maybe if I sleep on the floor she won't be so scared to get some sleep because I won't be in her bed?'_ I think to myself and with a determined nod I grab a nearby pillow and settle myself on the floor. I loosen my metal cast once more and lay down. I grimace in discomfort, _'yeah it's been a long time since I've slept on the ground, but...this is her room and she needs the sleep more than I do. That's if she even shows up.'_ With a deep sigh, I allow my eyelids to flutter to a close and let sleep take me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we have it, an awkward and tense greeting...I love my angst XD  
> So technically we never saw proper guns being used from the Horde, just tasers, bots, tanks and stun guns etc at least to my memory (I'm sorry if that's wrong!) prob because it's a kid show, but thought it would be interesting to touch on it (at least a more serious version of guns anyway).
> 
> Next Chapter switches back to Glimmer (I think I alternate between POVs more from now on) on her thoughts about Adora's return. I'm busy tomorrow so unlikely to post, so see you when I see you XD And as weird as it sounds, Merry Christmas :)
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	37. Just A Guest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glimmer tries to keep Adora at a distance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I was bored, so here you go guys. It's a short chapter, but think it's back to longer ones after this. Also, there's a bit of POV switching in this one, but after that I think that's the last.
> 
> And, over 3000 hits?! That's actually mental and it's not even been 2 months since I first posted this story! Thank you so much guys, as I said before I didn't think anyone would pay any attention to this, so thank you a million for the support :) <3  
> Well, hope you enjoy even if not much happens here.

**Glimmer's POV:**

  
My knee bounces up and down under my desk, but for the life of me it isn't helping me concentrate on finishing these dumb reports. All I can think about is the blonde who has literally just dropped down from the sky. _'I can't believe she's spent all that time in the Crimson Waste. That's like the **last** place I expected her to be in.'_ I tap the end of my pen against the desk as a mental image of the girl appears in my mind's eye. _'Her pony-tail is shorter and she's lost her hair poof, instead opting for a messy side fringe. Other than that, no dramatic changes except...her leg. It's like part robotic now?'_ I cringe at that thought, wondering what happened for it to be like that and I can't help but feel a twinge of buried guilt rise up as I recall why she's like that in the first place.

I lean back into the backrest as I massage my forehead. _'She's also less transparent than she used to be. It didn't take much from me to read her emotions, but now it's like she's a stranger. And...I suppose she is. She's been absent for longer than we've been friends. So I guess she **is** a stranger now. And when she didn't argue as much as usual? Definitely shocking.'_ I blow a breath out when I recall my less than kind tone with the woman. _'Great, it looks like **I'm** the one who hasn't changed.'_ I admit begrudgingly.

 _'It doesn't matter anyway. As soon as this mission is done she'll disappear again and that will be the end of that. I just need to make sure I interact with her as little as possible.'_ I decide and yet this niggling sensation won't leave me alone, but I shake my head roughly. _'No. It doesn't matter how much I want to know about what she's been up to and why she never came back, I will not ask. She's leaving again anyway. Why open up old wounds?'_ And with a decisive nod I finally begin to write.

  
It's a little after 4am when I make my way to my chambers, only to remember that Adora is there. _'Shoot, I need to get round to order a new bed for her. I really wish I didn't break her bed a couple of years ago in a fit of a rage.'_ I sigh, _'I guess I'll just grab some blankets and sleep on the couch instead.'_ When I enter my room, I do a double-take at seeing the blonde sleeping on the ground, with only a pillow under a head. _'What the?! I took her away from her room so she **wouldn't** have to sleep on the floor!'_ I think in annoyance.

And I'm so close to slapping my forehead at her behaviour until it hits me. _'Wait. She probably figured it would be awkward with us both here and so decided to give me...space?'_ And just like that, the annoyance leaks down a drain, leaving me feeling confused and warm. I shake my head at the last one. _'No! I'm not letting her break me like before. Never again. I'm not letting her back in. Not in a million years.'_ I convince stubbornly before treading quietly towards the sleeping warrior. I chew my lip, unsure on whether to move her up to my bed or leave her there.

In the end, despite how angry I am with her, my conscious wouldn't leave me in peace if I left her sleeping on the hard ground. I rest a light hand on her shoulder and teleport us up to my hanging bed, but no sooner do I do that the blonde stirs from her sleep. I hold my breath, hoping she'll fall back to sleep, but to my dismay her eyes snap open as she shoots up. She squints in the darkness.

  
"Glimmer?" She voices lowly. I grit my teeth briefly before releasing a soft sigh.

  
"Go to sleep." I command, but it falls on deaf ears.

  
"Where are you going to sleep?" The blonde asks and I contemplate on whether to tell her it doesn't matter, but I decide against it.

  
"The couch." I answer shortly. The woman scrunches up her nose.

  
"I'll take the couch." Adora offers instead, but I'm already shaking my head.

  
"You're the guest. Have the bed." I insist sternly and I can't tell from the darkness, but I could've sworn I saw her face falling at the word 'guest', but that's what she is, isn't she? I think to myself in an attempt to combat against the guilt at her expression.

  
"I've already had a few hours of sleep. You need it more than I do." The blonde argues, testing my already thinning patience and sleep-deprived state.

  
"Oh for the love of! Adora take the dumb bed!" I snap and watch as the woman curls in on herself, but not before her eyes widen briefly.

  
"You said my name." She whispers and I feel like cursing myself for the slip-up. _'I was trying to avoid saying her name on purpose to help with the whole distance thing.'_ I scowl at her and she must've noticed my expression as she shrinks back. A second later I hear that same beep from earlier and watch as the blonde taps at something on her wrist.

  
"Why the heck does your watch keep doing that?!" The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. _'Aurgh! I'm not supposed to ask. It will look like I still care, which I **don't!** '_ Adora parts her lips slightly before clamping them shut.

  
"I'll just take the couch." She mumbles and starts moving towards the steps, but she must've forgotten about whatever I saw her doing to her leg because she stumbles and would've fallen off the bed if I hadn't snapped my arm out to grab her shoulder. I pull her back to the centre of the bed and give her a very displeased face.

  
"You're staying here. That's final." I declare and teleport over to the couch before she can say another word. I ignore the slight hurt that courses through me at the fact that she _**still** _prefers to hide things from me. _'Whatever. It doesn't matter anyway.'_ I think silently as I plump some pillows before pulling some blankets over me.

The room falls deathly silent and I know the warrior is still awake by the lack of her rhythmic breathing. _'Great, she's thinking about something.'_ I grumble silently and shift to my side. The stillness is interrupted once by another beep from her watch and I'm just able to bite my tongue in time before my burning curiosity gets the better of me. _'Why does it do that?'_ I wonder. But not long after I hear her breathing even and I release a breath of relief, glad she didn't try to make conversation. Not long after I find myself entering an uneasy sleep.

~=~

**Adora's POV:**

  
To my surprise when I wake up, I find that the Queen has already left. _'She couldn't have gotten more than 3 hours of sleep.'_ I think worriedly. _'I hope that's only because I'm here and not something she's been doing for a while.'_ I wonder anxiously as I re-tighten the screws on the metal plate and hop down the steps. _'Now if memory serves me right, Bow would usually be having breakfast in the dinning hall.'_ I look down the corridor on my left and then my right, before biting my lip. _'I can't believe I've forgotten where it is!'_

After a minute of deliberation I go right and it seems like my feet subconsciously remembers as I soon find myself in front of the dining hall, but to my disappointment the man is absent. Instead, the queen sits at the table with a stack of papers beside her as she chews mindlessly on a piece of toast. _'Is it me or has she become more busy since the war's end?'_ I think with furrowed eyebrows. I hesitate, not sure whether to turn back, but the purple head notices me before I have the chance to make a decision.

  
"Bow doesn't live in the castle anymore." She explains as if she could read my mind. I widen my eyes in surprise.

  
"He doesn't?" I echo.

  
"He hasn't since he got married." She affirms and if I was surprised before then I'm gobsmacked now.

  
"He... _ **what?!**_ " I exclaim with slack jaws. At this the queen looks up and eyes me carefully.

  
"You didn't know? He's been married to Entrapta for a few years now." My eyes bulge at the news.

  
" _ **Entrapta?**_ What?! How on earth did she not mention that when I last bumped into her?!" I say aloud to myself as I rest a hand on the top of my head to digest all of this.

  
"You know Entrapta. You can never get any straight answers from her." Glimmer notes with a touch of resentment, as if she's talking from prior experiences. "He's got a kid too." She continues and I find myself collapsing into the nearest seat while putting my head into my hands. _'So one of my former best friends isn't only married, but has a child and I never knew any of this. Who was his best man? Bride maids?'_ But one question sticks out more prominently than the others. _'How did I miss this?'_ I think mournfully.

A beep sounds a second later and with a frustrated growl, I slap the watch. Looking up, I catch the girl's curious eyes before she promptly looks away. I clear my throat in a weak attempt to compose myself.

  
"When will he be back?" I croak out.

  
"Probably in an hour or two." The queen informs with a shrug. _'Right. What do I do till then? Before I could just use the excuse of going to see Swiftwind, but he's back in the Crimson Waste and I have nothing here...'_ Suddenly a thought occurs to me and I rise from the chair, ready to exit the room. "Where are you going?" I blink in surprise at the question, not expecting the royal to continue conversing with me.

  
"I thought I'd go to the gardens. It's been a while." I reply and watch as she nods her head absently.

  
"Alright. I'll inform Bow of your whereabouts when he arrives." The purple head murmurs and turns her attention back to the papers in front of her. I bite my lip, _'I just realised, I haven't really voiced Glimmer's name since I've arrived.'_ I deliberate on what to say and the foolish nostalgic part of me can't help but utter my next words.

  
"Thanks Glimmer." I whisper softly. It has the intended effect as the queen's head snaps up to meet my gaze with a tight expression of her own. Her eyes narrow a beat later.

  
"I know you've been absent for a while, but there are new rules now. I'm referred to as Your Majesty or Queen Glimmer unless stated otherwise." The purple head voices, her face stony. I suck in a breath, realising that my attempt to bridge the gap between us has backfired terribly. I turn my head to the side, finding it hard to refer to my former best friend with any such formality and my jaw throbs at the hostile treatment.

  
"Right. Sorry for the show of _**disrespect**_." I utter coldly and spinning on my heels I exit the room.

~=~

**Glimmer's POV:**

  
I watch the blonde's retreating back and the instant she's out of sight, my tough mask crumbles as I place a hand on my forehead. _'This...this is going to be harder than I thought it would be. Gah! Why did she have to look all hurt like that? She's the one that ran away and left me!'_ I think with a scowl as I glare at the sheets of paper in front of me. _'The sooner she leaves, the better.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah this is more of a filler, but I thought it was important to dig into Glimmer's thoughts a bit more and to show the slight shift in their dynamic.
> 
> Next chapter is pretty good imo. It's back to Adora's POV where we have a bit more of an explanation for Adora's partially metal leg, a few splashes of angst (my fav part XD) and a surprise which I think you guys might like ;) I've got a monstrosity of a lecture to do tomorrow so either I won't post because it will take a while to get through or I'll post out of sheer boredom, who knows XD Till next time!
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	38. Metal Leg

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora tries to get her emotions under control, but it's hard when your two former best friends seemingly hate you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a direct follow up from the last chapter, so might help to re-read that one first to refresh your minds.  
> As you can see I wasn't quite bored enough to post yesterday XD don't get me wrong, HPA axis is defo not the most interesting of topics, but miraculously I trudged through. 
> 
> Thank you a million for all the comments & kudos, you guys are awesome <3 Hope you enjoy this chapter :)

**2 hours Later:**

  
**Adora's POV:**

  
I glare at the pink blossom tree. _'She can't treat me like that.'_ I finally decide. _'I understand that she's mad, but she has no right to hold a grudge. I never promised I'll come back! Heck, **I** should be the one mad because she used that dumb Heart of Etheria weapon. If it wasn't for that I wouldn't have lost my original sword, or...'_ I shiver at the buried memory, so haunting that I can't even voice it in my head.

  
"Adora, are you out here?" I turn at the masculine voice to find Bow several metres away from me. I wave him over when he looks in my direction and wait for him to reach me. "There you are. Glimmer said you might be here." The mention of the woman's name leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. The archer raises an eyebrow at me. "Woah, what's got you twisted?" He asks as he looks me up and down.

  
"Nothing. Let's just get this dumb mission out of the way." I voice harshly and in another lifetime the boy would've appeared hurt by my tone, but now his face just hardens as he grabs me by the shoulders.

  
"It's obviously not nothing." He voices firmly. I shrug him off.

  
"We've got a job to do." I repeat seriously, eliciting a scowl from the archer.

  
"Is that all this is to you? A job? What about us? You left us for 6 whole years without one word from you! If it wasn't for Entrapta saying she saw you we probably would've thought you were dead! Heck, at least being dead would've been a plausible excuse for ditching us like that." Bow snaps and I recoil as if I'd been slapped. "You know what? I'm continuing this mission without you. That means you're free to disappear again." The Captain expresses with a sharp edge. My jaw drops as I take a step towards the man, stretching my hand out.

  
"Bow..." I start, but he rips my hand away.

  
"You don't have the right to call me that anymore. If you're still here by the time I get back, then it's _**Captain** _to you." He shoots out harshly before marching away from me. My lips tremble as I watch him go, tears blur my vision as I sink to the ground in anguish.

Three beeps sound from my device, but I'm so numb that I can't move. _'How...how do they hate me that much? I half expected this from Glimmer, but never from Bow. Why did me leaving hurt them that bad? I don't matter! I thought they'd just resume life to before I showed up, but it seems like they kept...waiting.'_ I swallow thickly when the build up of mucus makes it hard for me to breathe. Another beep. Then an itching pain. I grit my teeth. _'Great, I haven't felt that in a long while.'_ Statically, I look down to tap the device to see three orange bars. _'Shoot! Not what I need right now.'_

I rummage through my satchel, hoping to find a particular part to add to my metal leg, but already knowing that I had used my last one a few months ago and haven't found a replacement since. I exhale heavily. _'I need to find Entrapta. But to do that would mean I need to ask Bow where she is and I can't talk to him again.'_ My mind flashes to the rage on his face causing my heart to constrict and for another beep to sound. Four orange bars. _'Shoot. I need that part now before I go into full seizure mode and if that happens there won't be any drugs to help me.'_

I struggle to my feet and with utter distaste I turn my sword into a stick and hobble across the gardens to go back inside. _'Where the heck is that communication room again? Or maybe I should find Glimmer and ask her. A cold shoulder is better than an angry face. But then...she'll see me like this and realise I'm still a cripple.'_ I realise sourly. _'Yeah its not like she didn't notice your robotic leg.'_ A voice taunts. I shake my head. _'Whatever. She's giving me the cold, I-don't-know you treatment anyway. She probably won't even want to know.'_

And with that I limp back to the dining hall, praying that she's still there. _'Can't believe I actually **want** to bump into her.'_ I think humourlessly, especially after our last conversation. To my relief I find her still in the same place, her head tilting forward as she reads whatever document is in her hand. A soft yawn escapes from her as she gives her eye a rub. That is, until she hears the tap of my dumb stick against the floor and snaps those lavender orbs up. Her expression thins in displeasure.

  
"Where's Entrapta?" I rush out before she has the time to say another snide comment that will push me in the red. She blinks twice at the question before finally taking notice of the stick in my hands and the way that I lean most of my weight on it. She half rises from her seat in what looks like worry.

  
"What happened to you?" The purple head queries. I shake my head.

  
"I need Entrapta." I repeat. "Or at least a metal part from her." I clarify. The queen's eyebrows furrow before she rounds the table to stand before me.

  
"She has a lab in the castle. I can take you there to look for...whatever it is you need?" Glimmer offers, her eyes flickering constantly to my leg, probably wondering why it isn't spasming yet. I breathe out of my nostrils, not really wanting her to tag along, but I guess it's better than asking the tech obsessed princess.

  
"Alright." I mumble reluctantly just as the purple head grazes my crutch. I'm zapped into a messy lab a second later. My jaw drops. _'This is going to take forever!'_ I groan internally and start hobbling to the first table. I brush aside various bits and bobs, but come up empty.

  
"It's never the first one." I grumble and limp over to the next table.

  
"Since when is life ever that simple?" I stiffen at the girl's voice, giving her a backward glance to find that she's still here, lifting a metal board off a table to peer underneath it.

  
"True." I mumble as my eyes sweep over the masses of tech on the desk.

  
"What triggered it this time?" The queen asks in a bland tone, as if I were some burden. I clench my fist. Another beep. I look down. One red bar. _'I need to stop letting them get to me.'_ I think with grit teeth.

  
"It's not quite like that anymore." I mutter. I hear the shifting behind me stop.

  
"Oh?" She queries, but I ignore her and keep searching while biting the inside of my cheek at the blistering pain coming from below. When I don't answer, she continues. "What is it that you're even looking for? I can't help if I don't know what it is." Glimmer questions.

  
"I don't need help. I'll find it." I fire back, fed up of her condescending tone, like I was some nuance. I close my eyes as a wave of hurt runs through me. _'Why did I agree to come back?'_ Another beep. Another red bar. My stick isn't enough to support me anymore and I have to rest my hip against the edge of the table as my vision blurs. _'This was a ridiculous idea. I can't believe I thought that 6 years would change anything between us. Heck, it even made things terrible between Bow and I, when we used to be fine!'_ Another red bar. _'Ah! I need that part before I hit the last bar.'_ But I can't even see in front of me anymore.

  
"Adora, focus!" Hearing my name breaks me out of the haziness I found myself in and I open my eyes to find the purple head wearing a disturbed expression.

  
"It's got a large hole in the centre with three black knobs coming out of it." I breathe out. The queen nods and goes over to the other side of the room, rummaging through masses of stuff while I remain leaning against the table.

After three minutes she returns to my side with said item in hand. I breathe a huge sigh of relief and with trembling hands I take the part from her and hop onto the table. Using my good leg I create enough leverage to get my robotic limb close enough to screw the piece in. After a lot of fumbling I eventually click it into place and the red bars disappear from my wrist screen just as the pain eases. I exhale softly. _'That was too close for comfort.'_

Then I suddenly take notice my former friend's presence who stands close enough for me to feel the body heat radiating from her. Lavender orbs keep flickering from my watch to my leg in thought before furrowing her eyebrows. The discomfort of being analysed so intensely forces me to deviate her attention.

"Thanks." I mumble with averted eyes, causing the royal to snap her attention back to my face. She shrugs a moment later before re-focusing on my device.

  
"So, those beeps...they're like some sort of countdown?" The purple head asks slowly. I sigh.

  
"Something like that." I mumble. Something flashes across her face, but I've lost the ability to read her long ago.

  
"That's...new." She states with a touch of difficulty. I flex my toes. It's stiffer than I would've liked.

  
"The beeps or the partially robotic leg?" I voice dryly. Glimmer eyes me carefully.

  
"Both. What's..." She stops, as if catching herself before shaking her head. "...and the red bars?" She queries, but I get the sense that this wasn't what she wanted to ask. I lift up my watch to show her the blank screen.

  
"If I get...strained. Then I go through four phases. Each phase has four stages. After four green bars I move to yellow, then orange and finally red." I explain, part of me surprised I'm even telling her this considering she's been nothing but distant since I've seen her.

  
"And you get a spasm at four red bars?" I open my mouth to respond to the question, but shiver in memory at the last time I went that far.

  
"Yeah." I force out causing the queen's frown to deepen.

  
"But you can just inject yourself, what was the big fuss?" The purple head voices in confusion as I stare at her. _'Shoot. I knew there was something I forgot to write in that dumb letter.'_ I turn my head away from her.

  
"I...that doesn't work anymore." I utter, eliciting a sharp inhale from the royal.

  
"It what?! What do you do then?" I flinch at the barrage of questions and hop off the table, making sure my good leg takes the brunt of my weight until the other has had some time to recover.

  
"Can we cut all the questions?" I request in a low voice which automatically causes the purple head to snap her jaws closed. I wilt in relief and stumble out of the lab with the queen right behind me. "You can go back to your work." I remind after several minutes of her following me. She hesitates.

  
"Will you be...?" Glimmer cuts herself off before she can finish. "Right." She amends and shimmers out of existence, leaving me to stare at where she once stood. _'Was she...about to ask if I'll be alright?'_ I wonder in disbelief. _'Does that mean...she still cares? Even a little bit?'_ But I squash the thought as soon as it takes form. _'It doesn't matter. I'm leaving anyway. Bow doesn't even want my help which means I don't need to stay here any longer.'_ But I can't help but feel sad at leaving so soon, without at least repairing what we broke. _'That will only lead to more hurt.'_ My subconscious whispers.

I bite my lip. _'Fine. I'll grab that map we marked. Do the mission alone and disappear. It's not like either of them have been even the least bit thrilled to see me. Heck, they act like me being here is the worst possible thing.'_ My eyes sting at the exact same time my watch beeps with a green bar. _'Perfect. Just perfect.'_ I think sourly before hunting for that communication room. I'm relieved to find it empty when I eventually find the room.

My eyes dart around for the map to find it exactly where I left it last night. I press a few buttons on my watch before hovering it over the map to take a picture. I check it's clear and exit the room quickly, ready to leave Brightmoon forever. I get past the gates when my eyes fall on a huge monument of Queen Angella which I somehow missed when I arrived yesterday. My throat clogs up with bitter emotion at the sight and slowly I make my way over to the statue. _'If there's one thing that did haunt me constantly, it was that wretched guilt of breaking the promise that I made to her. She saved my life. And all I did in return was abandon her daughter.'_

My self-loathing hammers me hard. _'They do have a right to be mad. We said we'd always be there for each other and I-I bailed on them. I failed them. The two closest people to my heart and I turned my back on them in the middle of a war. What kind of person does that make me?'_ With a shaking hand I rest my palm against the Queen's feet and before I know it I'm leaning my head forward to touch the maternal figure's leg with my forehead.

  
"I-I'm sorry Angella. I was meant to be a person you and everyone could depend on, but I fell short, again. First with Catra, then with the rebellion, you and finally my friends. I'm just...useless." I breathe out bitterly and two beeps ring out. Whatever resolve I had to leave has evaporated upon seeing the late queen's statue, not wanting to disappoint her again, but also too filled with fear to return back to the castle, so I stay put. I must've fallen asleep because I'm awoken by a crunching sound and after rubbing my eyes I find a surprised queen staring at me with a pink glow encasing her hand.

  
"What are you doing here?" She asks with a frown before something dawns on her and for the first time since I got here, her face contours into an expression other than blank as she scowls at me.

  
"You were going to leave again, weren't you?" The purple head accuses as she crosses her arms. I purse my lips, trying to think of something that won't aggravate her further.

  
"Bow took me off the mission." I voice quietly. The scowl doesn't quite leave her face, but it certainly eases.

  
"Oh, so that's what triggered it." She mutters to herself, as if I were some puzzle that needed solving. I massage my temples. "So that's why you showed up here, to complete some mission?" The bitterness leaking into her tone is becoming increasingly evident and my nostrils flare.

  
"It isn't just some mission. It's important! Lives could be destroyed." I state with flashing eyes. The queen's lips thin into a straight line.

  
"You don't think I know that? Newsflash Princess, we've been dealing with these types of people since the end of the war without you and we've been handling it just fine." Glimmer spits out. I scrunch my nose up slightly before turning my head away from her.

  
"Well, this one is personal." I mutter. The queen releases a bark of laughter, catching my attention as I glare at her in annoyance.

  
"Personal? Why? Because you suddenly feel like being the hero again?" The purple head shoots out acidly. I gape at her before clenching my fists tightly. _'Is that what she thinks I'm doing? Is that what she's always thought? That my desire to help is out of self-pride?!'_ I'm so livid and choked up that I can't even answer her other than spinning round completely so that she can only see my back. I press a shaky hand to my wrist to muffle the two beeps, but in the silence they ring out like bells. The silence stretches for the longest time before either of us speaks. I hear her shifting behind me.

  
"Sorry. Sorry. That was harsh." She apologises in a mumble.

  
"Yeah no kidding." I retort. I glance down at my device to find one yellow bar. I tap the screen and feel the familiar tightening around my ankle. I ignore the queen when she perches on the pedestal, half a metre away me.

  
"Look, I can get Bow to put you back on the mission if it's really that important to you." She offers as some sort of peace offering, but that won't erase the slap of what she said.

  
"He doesn't want me on it. I'll just do it on my own." I utter while fiddling with the wrist strap, something I do when I'm nervous. _'Huntara is already on the new mission, so I won't have back-up on this one.'_ I think anxiously.

  
"Bow's just being stubborn. I'll talk to him, ok?" Glimmer insists, like she knows that he would listen to her despite his reservations. My breathing catches at that and I have to dip my head forward to hide my face with strands of my hair. _'The three of us used to be like that. Now I'm just this outsider.'_

  
"Ok." I murmur and I can't tell if I've imagined the loosening in the queen's shoulders or not. I watch as the girl hops off the pedestal, her eyes straying to her mum's chiselled face. I catch a touch of sadness in those lilac irises and my old demons re-surface at her expression. I look away promptly and run a hand along the marble stone. "When was this done?" I question lowly, pulling the queen out of her thoughts.

  
"After the war." She breathes out. I nod, _'suitable.'_ I jump off the pedestal to admire the statue in the limelight along with the girl.

  
"She'd be proud of you." I state, earning a twitch from the woman beside me.

  
"I hope so." She replies quietly before pulling herself out of her daze. "You should go to sleep. Bow's meant to be going on a few scouting missions tomorrow at the break of dawn and you've only got a couple of sleeping hours left." I raise my hopeful eyes to her.

  
"You really think you can persuade him? He was...really mad." I mumble with downcast eyes. I catch movement from the corner of my eyes and when I look up I find the girl retracting her elbow.

  
"I'm the queen remember? He'll listen even if he doesn't want to." Glimmer answers with a ghost of a smile. My heart melts at the sight, even if it's the barest glimmer of one. I give her a tentative one of my own and for the briefest of moments it feels like old times. A similar thought must've been running through the girl's head as her eyes soften a fraction.

We gaze at each other, just taking in all the added features that time has generously bestowed onto us. The cut on my eyebrow from that night left a scar and I gained a new one along my jaw line in the last 6 years. Glimmer, on the other-hand is flawless as always, but the stress marks I used to occasionally see have now become a fixed presence and a single grey strand shimmers proudly at her side parting. But the moment is broken when the purple head remembers why she's studying me in the first place and finally looks away.

"Come on, I'll drop you off in my room." The queen mutters and before I can say another word, she lightly rests a hand on my shoulder and we're poofed into her familiar chambers. She swiftly releases her hold on me, but doesn't budge, her eyes flickering over my face. She stretches a hand out, but stops short of my cheek, shaking herself out of whatever daze she's found herself in. "How'd you get that cut?" Glimmer asks instead. I blink, hand flying to my face to feel a rough scab under my fingertips. _'Oh right. I forgot about that.'_

  
"Oh this was from one of those bandits. Slapped me with the barrel of his gun." I explain with a shrug, but widen my eyes when I watch the royal forming a purple circle with her hands. She catches my worried expression before shaking her head in reassurance.

  
"Don't worry, this is just a healing spell." Glimmer explains before passing the rune over me. I shiver at the cold sensation, but otherwise feel nothing. I reach my hand up to feel for the scab, but to my surprise I find the skin is smooth and almost unblemished. I gape at her.

  
"Wow. T-That's amazing." I voice in awe as a sensation of pride runs through me at how skilled she's become as a sorcerer, ignoring my distaste of where she probably learnt it from. I can tell the girl wants to smile by the slight twitch in her lips, but she continues to hold back.

  
"Thanks. My dad taught me it. Goes to show that there are spells that can be used to help not only yourself." The queen explains nonchalantly, but my mind freezes on one word.

  
"Your... _ **dad**_?" I repeat, wondering if I heard correctly. Glimmer jerks her head up.

  
"Oh that's right you don't know..." She trails off with a frown. I continue gawking at her, prompting her to sigh a moment later.

  
"Bow and I found him on Beast island when we were looking for Entrapta. Turns out the Horde sent him there to die but...well, Mum always did say I got my stubbornness from him." Glimmer utters ruefully, but I continue to stare at her as if she had grown two heads.

  
"You went to _**Beast island?!**_ Don't you know how dangerous that place is?" I voice, visibly shuddering at all the stories we were told and the one time I visited in search for answers a couple of years ago. I rub my biceps in comfort. The purple head shoots me a strange look before answering.

  
"I've been told, but as you can see we made it out alright. Besides, finding my dad was well worth the surreal things we saw there." I clamp my jaws at this, knowing how sensitive her family is to her. _'I can't believe I wasn't there for her.'_ I think guiltily.

  
"So, your dad...wow. Where is he?" I finally ask, wanting to see the man I've heard so much about.

  
"He's at Mystacor at the moment. Helping my aunt with something, but he should be back in two days." She answers casually and I can't get out of my head at how normal she's making this sound.

  
"Must've been a shock to see him." I voice, but the queen stiffens at my remark.

  
"That's enough talking. Goodnight." Glimmer orders abruptly, leaving me feeling confused. _'What did I say?'_

  
"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to overstep..." I start, trailing off at the look on the girl's face.

  
"It's fine." She voices rigidly. I take a hesitant step towards her.

  
"And...I'm sorry for leav..." I begin, but I'm quickly cut off by the way the queen snaps her head up and narrows her eyes dangerously.

  
"Forget it. Goodnight." Her tone is like a double edged sword, ready to cut through anything and in this case it's my self-confidence as I wilt back. She penetrates me with that steely look of hers before disappearing. I swallow, tapping my wrist watch as it beeps. Without thinking, I curl up into a foetal position on the ground, wishing the hurt would just go away.

I spend the night awake, hoping the purple head would slip into the room during the wee hours of the morning, but she never shows. I push myself off the hard ground and hold back a yelp when I place my metal foot on the ground. _'Oh no, I forgot to loosen the screws.'_ Haphazardly I sit back on the floor and reach forward to untighten them, allowing me to catch sight of the dark red and blue veins wrapping around my shin under the metal plate.

I grimace and pull the piece away, giving the limb some much needed oxygen and circulation. _'Great, I can't do anything today even if I wanted to.'_ I think sourly. I release a heavy sigh, deliberating on staying here or limping to the dining hall for some food. I test the strength in my leg, but almost scream at the unbearable agony. _'Skipping breakfast it is then.'_

I shuffle across the floor to lean my back against the wall and pull up my good leg to rest my arm on my knee as I stare into space. I catch sight of a mythological book about dragons discarded on the ground and I suddenly recall a conversation I had with the teen so long. The teen had always preferred fiction books while I was more for facts. Reluctantly I pick the book up, dust the cover and begin reading.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So ta-da! If you haven't guessed already, the surprise is that King Micah is around in this fic...not sure if that was much of a surprise or not, sorry if it was a bit disappointing heh. But Micah does feature quite a bit in this story. I felt after the first couple of eps in s5 we didn't get much of him, so I thought it would be cool to delve a bit more into his character. With my own little twist XD  
> And I feel like it's kind of Bow's turn to be mad XD  
> Ok so I was thinking, Angella is immortal & Micah got grey hair at a pretty young age, so genetically it would make sense if Glimmer got one grey hair strand a bit younger, right? I mean, my dad had a patch of grey hair when he was 12, but my mum didn't get any until much later which left me getting my first grey hair strand at 19, so that works. Sorry ha you prob aren't interested in that. 
> 
> Right, now a proper explanation of Adora's metal leg since I suck with descriptions XD So firstly it's appearance? Imagine a metal sock that starts from the bottom half of your foot, with a metal plate that covers just the front of the lower leg i.e. the shin (ending below the knee), with metal wires digging into the flesh at the back. Secondly, how it works? Well, remember how I said Adora's leg was deteriorating? So she would've needed some sort of support anyway, this is just a fancier support. Emotional and physical strain still affects her, but not as bad as it used to be because of this device. The watch beeps when her leg feels strain (emotional/physical), Adora taps the watch (which is connected to the metal leg) because it causes the metal cuff to constrict and since the metal wires interact with the leg nerves, a tap of the watch will send impulses from the wires to the nerves to delay a spasm. If Adora stops any strain she's under for a prolonged period of time the bars will slowly go back down to blank. 
> 
> The piece that Adora was looking for acts as a way to interrupt the spasm signal, essentially by stopping nervous transmission completely. Of course you don't want to completely stop nerve transmission to your leg so she had to remove it later, but she can build a tolerance if she uses the same piece, so she needs a new one every now and again. 
> 
> Also, since her condition has deteriorated, if she is pushed too far, she doesn't have just a leg spasm, but rather a full body seizure that can't be stopped by drugs. And only Entrapta can do her crazy tech stuff to stop it. Adora needs to unscrew the metal cuff at the end of the day to return blood circulation that was previously reduced with the constant tightening during the day since she still has most of her leg and of course still needs blood supply to the area.
> 
> Phew! I think that's everything? I'm sorry I went on a right rant here, but I hope that clears things up? This isn't really based on real science, I mean I got some ideas from the science I do know, like GABA (inhibitory signal) will reduce muscle contractions which is what the metal device releases. Anyway I'll stop with the science! It's mainly fiction ideas. 
> 
> Next chapter we have a more in-depth talk between Adora & Glimmer, still in Adora's POV, so expect some angst! I've got a placement most of this coming week, so either I'll post because I'm exhausted and need a break or I won't post...because I'll be too exhausted XD either way, see you when I see you.
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	39. You're Lying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora and Glimmer finally confront some of the issues between them briefly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Went to a paeds neurodisability clinic today, was a very exciting and humbling experience. Only downside was the time I had to leave the house! I'm not sure about you guys, but I've certainly never been out of the house at 6:30am! Felt like a creepy ghost town heh. Anyway, so this chapter is a little dark and definitely angsty so heads up! But there's a splash of fluffy friendship towards the end. 
> 
> I feel like I have to stress how epic you guys are, THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! Lots of gratitude to you all <3

**9 Hours Later...**

**Adora's POV:**

  
"I told you Bow, I don't know where she is! I left her in my room last night and haven't seen her since." I perk up from my book at the queen's annoyed tone from outside the room.

  
"Well you were the last one with her! You must've done something to upset her." Bow accuses.

  
"Oh that's rich coming from you! You're the reason she had to search for some part for her leg yesterday." Glimmer retorts acidly. I balk at the argument. _'What the heck?! I've rarely ever seen them not get along.'_

  
"At least what I said to her didn't cause her to disappear!" He growls back. My heart starts battering against my ribcage as their voices escalate.

  
"I'm in here!" I holler out, hoping to put a stop to their argument. Silence sounds for several moments before the handle moves and Bow's head peeks through the door. The relief on his face is immediate as he opens the door completely to reveal a displeased queen beside him. She takes several steps into the room.

  
"You've been here all day?" She questions with distrust. Lavender eyes scanning me from head to toe, until it lands on the book in my hands. Her eyes narrow and I can only guess what's on her mind. With a scowl I slam the book shut and toss it to her. It's unexpected, but her reflexes have improved since I was last here and she catches it with ease. Her eyes automatically drop to the cover before raising an eyebrow at me in confusion. Bow takes several paces into the room.

  
"What have you been doing here?" The archer queries in bewilderment. I press my lips tightly together, not keen on revealing to them my vulnerabilities, but at the weary eyes of the queen I realise I have no choice, especially as it seems that they don't trust me anymore. I gulp back the lump in my throat that comes with that new line of thought.

  
"I forgot to loosen my screws so thought to give my leg a break today." I mumble honestly. Bow and Glimmer share a look. The archer tilts his head slightly before turning back to me with a nod.

  
"Oh. Well, erm. I'm sorry if I was a bit...rash yesterday. Tomorrow you and I will go on a scouting mission." He half apologises and quickly backs out of the room before I can say anything. _'Yeah a bit, is a an understatement.'_ I think sarcastically. I exhale deeply before returning my focus on the purple head.

  
"After all this time you still don't trust me." I mutter sourly and the queen has the decency to look ashamed.

  
"I...I'm sorry." Is all she says as she looks away. But I'm more hurt than angry, so I dip my head forward. The queen hesitates before taking a seat beside me, but not before catching the sight of raw skin on my shin. "Ouch that looks...painful." She notes as she sits on the floor At the reminder, my leg throbs painfully.

  
"It looks worse than it really is." I try to reassure, but the girl shifts onto her knees and shuffles over. Cautiously she lightly touches the swollen area and I gasp at the sharp sting.

"Liar." She murmurs as she pulls her featherlike touch away. Swiftly she forms the healing rune and passes it over the limb, but only the red edges fade away. The queen furrows her eyebrows.

  
"It's kind of fixed like that because of all the wires to my nerves and stuff." I half explain, causing the royal to lean back onto her heels in disappointment. Instead, she swirls her fingers around and an ice pack appears from the circle. Reaching forward she plops it carefully on the limb and I shiver slightly at the icy sensation. "Thanks." I whisper when the purple head pulls away and resumes her seat beside me.

  
"Entrapta made that for you right?" She asks. I nod.

  
"Yeah. I did a couple of tweaks to it, but it was mainly hers and another doctor's invention. Pretty genius." I affirm with a tone of praise. Glimmer half smiles at the glee in my voice.

  
"I'm glad you were able to find a solution for it." The queen murmurs, her voice dropping to a melancholy hush. I flicker my eyes away from her.

  
"Yeah. It's not perfect, but it does the job." I say with a shrug. And then silence falls between us. I glance sideways at the woman to find her lost in thought. I take in a deep breath to prepare for the inevitable backlash that will follow my coming words.

  
"You're mad at me." I state and feel the girl stiffening beside me. Her face adopts a neutral expression.

  
"It doesn't matter." She mutters. I turn half way to look at the girl without straining my leg.

  
"Of course it matters. You've been extremely short with me since I've arrived. And other than a couple of nights ago, you refuse to say my name." I retort. I watch the vein along Glimmer's jaw throb angrily.

  
"Ok fine, I'm angry with you! Is that what you wanted to hear?" The purple head bites out. My mouth moves wordlessly for a few moments before settling on saying something.

  
"Because I left." I clarify, eliciting a snort from the former Rebellion leader.

  
"Isn't that obvious?" She snipes before sighing heavily as she turns her head away. "It's more because you didn't come back. I didn't think we meant that little to you." Glimmer mutters lowly. My heart falls at her words.

  
"That isn't true! You guys mean the world to me and I-I'm sorry, but I thought you both would be better off without me. We argued constantly." I remind in protest, but the purple head snaps back her head to pierce me with a heated glare.

  
"You didn't even write! Or tell us you were ok! You just left us hanging like that, in the _**middle** _of a war!" Glimmer accuses. I clench my teeth.

  
"I was useless anyway! I couldn't help you during the war. You didn't need me." I argue hotly. The queen punches the floor beside her, her eyes burning brightly with rage, hurt and unshed tears.

  
"Don't use that ridiculous excuse! You ran and hid to escape it all. We needed you. _**I**_ needed you! I crumbled when you left, but you just didn't care. Maybe you never did." The queen fires back, rising to her feet with clenched fists. I stare at her through wounded eyes.

  
"That's not fair and you know it. I never hid and tried to help when I could. And you _**know** _I care. I never stopped caring." I choke out, but the purple head shakes her head vigorously.

  
"Then why didn't you come back, especially after the war ended?!" She shoots out.

  
"Well, why did you you use the Heart of Etheria?! That could've killed everyone!" I shout, silencing the woman as she stares at me through wide eyes.

  
"Y-You know about that?" Her voice drops to a faltering whisper.

  
"Of course I knew about that. I was the vessel for all that magic." I retort with hard eyes. "It was a foolish way to end the war." I follow up with, remembering the blistering pain I went through for absorbing all that magic and breaking the sword. I slipped into a coma from the overwhelming power of it all and was stuck in bed for weeks. And on top of that I was without She-ra for months.

  
"Oh you don't get to give me grief over that! It's enough I had it from Bow. Besides, it worked didn't it?" I scowl at her haughty tone.

  
"You have no idea what I went through because of that!" I snipe which causes the woman to pause. She scrutinises me closely before putting a hand on her hip.

  
"You look fine to me." She voices blandly. I glare at her.

  
"And you accuse me of not caring." I grumble, earning me a harsh glower.

  
"I _**did** _care. But I'm past that point." The queen states harshly. I drop my jaw at the unexpected words, hurt by it and hoping that she's lying.

  
"You don't mean that." I whisper forcefully. It takes her an age to respond, and when she does it ends up shattering my already battered heart.

  
"I do." She confirms, looking me straight in the eye as she says it. The lump in my throat bobs up and down.

  
"I don't believe you." I say weakly, but her eyes just harden. I swallow, continuing. "So when I leave again, that won't bother you at all? Not even the slightest? Wouldn't you want me to stay?" I urge earnestly, hoping to get some positive answer from her, but she just shakes her head.

  
"Nope. I've had my fair share of pain thank you very much. I've got along fine without your presence in the last 6 years and I'll continue to manage without you." The queen responds rigidly, but I shake my head. _'No. She can't be saying the truth. She wants me around just as I want her around. Even when things were sketchy between us, we always loved having the other around. Craved for the other's attention and comforting affection. The hugs and gentle reassurances. I still haven't had a hug from her. Or Bow for that matter. Was that hug 6 years ago the last time I'll ever be in the warm embrace of the queen?'_ My breathing catches at the possibility.

  
"You said you crumbled when I left." I point out in a last ditch attempt to get her to change her mind, to tell me she's lying.

  
"I did, but like with all crumbling buildings, you rebuild." Glimmer states a matter-of-factly. My lips start to tremble so much that I have to press them together tightly.

My eyes start to burn, but I blink the mounting tears back. _'All this time, I thought I still had two people who cared so deeply about me, but not anymore. I might have not thought about them as much as I should've, but I was so pre-occupied that I didn't have much time to myself anyway. But during my sleepless nights they would be all that would plague my mind. They were my motivation to make the world a better place. To get me up in the mornings when I was tired. My comfort when I was lonely._ _And now? They don't care anymore. I might as well be a total stranger. Heck, I might as well be dead and it wouldn't matter.'_

I turn my head away from her so she wouldn't see the large bitter tears running down my cheeks. _'Maybe I wish I was dead.'_ A small whine escapes me, but I keep my shuddering breaths within me, not wanting to alert the woman who's eyes I can feel boring into me. I want to choke out that I'll leave first thing tomorrow morning, but I'm so wrecked with grief and hurt that I'm paralysed in my pain. I hear her drop to her knees in front of me and feel my face taken into those delicate hands.

  
"Gosh no. Adora don't. Don't cry. _**Please**_." But her heartfelt pleas just make me cry harder at the fact that she's finally saying my name. She hesitates for a moment before wrapping her arms around me. I whimper. A hug. From Glimmer. And I breakdown more. "I didn't mean it. Stars know I didn't mean it. I just didn't want to hurt anymore." She mumbles as she rests her chin on my head, but I don't listen. Too absorbed in my pain. It takes me a while to register that the pain isn't just coming from the beating organ in my chest, but also downwards. My eyelids fly open. _'My leg!'_

I'm reluctant to pull away from the purple head's embrace, not knowing if I'll ever get the chance again, but I eventually work up the nerve to do so. Reaching forward I snap the metal plate back into position. My watch comes online a moment later, a flurry of red bars appear on it, but I screw in another piece and it goes lax. I release a shaky breath and notice that the royal is still incredibly close, her eyes moist with tears.

"I'm so so sorry. That wasn't fair to say, especially since it's a lie. I just...I know that you're going to leave again and it's just easier to pretend that it won't hurt as much this time round." Glimmer explains lowly, her voice taking on a scratchy quality with how much emotion is bubbling through her. I wipe away the snort with my arm before pinning her with a regretful expression.

  
"I'm sorry I left. To start with I just wanted to find a purpose and working with Huntara to clear the Crimson Waste of criminals helped with that. And you know her, she isn't someone to feel sorry for you. It made me think of ways to use my disability to my advantage. As time wore on and the war ended I thought you guys wouldn't need me anymore. And then I got busy with research, missions etc. I...I really didn't think about anything else." I admit quietly, waiting for the blow-up that I can imagine happening. The queen doesn't say anything for several seconds, only observing me carefully before releasing a quiet breath.

  
"Adora." My breathing hitches at the sound of my name on her tongue. She must've noticed as she bites her lip hard. "Do you remember what I told you years ago when we first met Perfuma?" Glimmer asks, waiting patiently for my answer. I furrow my eyebrows. _'It was so long ago, I'm not sure I remember any words of importance that were exchanged that day.'_ So instead I just opt to shake my head.

The purple head leans forward and takes one of my hands into hers. My eyebrows almost shoot up at the action, but I school my face, not wanting the girl to feel uncomfortable and withdraw.

"I said that we like you, not because you're She-ra, but because you're our friend. And the same holds true now. I never needed a warrior or a fighter. I needed a friend. My best friend. But you left me." Glimmer murmurs sadly and releases her hold on my hand. I nearly whine out from the loss of contact, forgetting how nice it was to have her warm, steady hand in mine. My gaze flickers to the ground.

  
"Sometimes...sometimes I find it hard to believe that you didn't need something from me. For most of my life I had a role and when I failed to fulfil that role I felt I was...expendable, like I was no use to anyone." I confess as years of feelings and emotions suddenly click into place and tumble out of my month. Light fingertips brush the back of my hand. I look up.

  
"You never had to be 'of use'. You just had to be you. Just Adora. The girl who made me laugh when I was annoyed. The one who joked relentlessly and was so cocky, but always looked out for the interest of others. The friend who never left my side in the darkest of times. The...family I always knew I could depend on. That's the Adora you needed to be, not some 8 foot super woman." My throat dries as each trait of mine is highlighted. I duck my head back down, eyes shimmering from side to side in thought.

  
"Then I failed you." I mutter as a touch of self-loathing leaks into my voice. For the longest time, the purple head doesn't say anything.

  
"You did. That's why I'm mad. You once told me that you never wanted to see me break the way I did after I lost my mother. And I guess in a way that's true, you never did see me break that way again. But in your absence I did break. Actually, I was shattered. I didn't feel like I could handle anything. It's taken so long to try and put those damaged pieces together again that I'm scared to be anything other than angry with you." Glimmer utters in discomfort and I can tell that talking about emotions so openly like this still bothers her. I bite the inside of my cheek.

  
"I...understand. It wouldn't be fair of me to ask you to give me another chance." I mumble, disheartened, hating how much worse I've screwed things up.

  
"Would a second chance even matter? You'll just disappear again after this mission." The queen points out distastefully. I purse my lips.

  
"You want me to stay." I conclude and meeting her eyes I can see in the depth of them a hidden confirmation, but her head says otherwise as she shakes it.

  
"No. I made the mistake of forcing you to stay before and I'm not doing that again. I've accepted that you aren't happy here." The purple head utters. I close my eyes, trying to scour the very depth of my soul. _'What do I want? Before it was clear. Leaving was such an easy option that made sense. But now the war is over, do I really need to return to my life in the Crimson Waste? A life without Bow and Glimmer? Without their warm smiles and comforting hugs. A life of loneliness, surrounded only by women who are rough around the edges. Back then I knew what I wanted, but now I'm not so sure. What I do know is that I don't ever want to go that long without my best friends again.'_ I re-open my eyes to meet the queen's frowning face.

  
"I...can I think about it? 6 years is a long time. A lot can change." I settle on saying, but I can tell the royal is displeased with my answer.

  
"I don't want you pretending to be happy here for us and I also don't want you giving us false hope. It's easier if you just say you want to leave from now." Glimmer says, her voice hardening, but I'm not backing down.

  
"I don't know what I want ok? Just give me some time to figure it out." I voice stubbornly. The queen presses her lips tightly together.

  
"Until your mission ends?" She finally says. I nod. The royal releases a heavy sigh. "Alright." She mutters reluctantly. Her eyes stray to a nearby clock before focusing on me. "You should head to bed; it's getting late."

  
"What about you?" I ask.

  
"I still have letters to write. I'll teleport you to your room now that your bed has arrived." She states, her knee touches my own and before I know it we're teleported back to my old room. I swallow. _'Sleeping in here again will definitely be weird.'_ I gingerly take a seat on the new bed, but not before noticing the absence of a certain array of knobs. _'Oh, it's a single bed.'_ I realise with a sad pang.

  
"So, what happened to my old one?" I ask nonchalantly, but from the woman's violent reaction I can tell nothing good as she snaps her head to one side.

  
"It was old. It broke." She replies vaguely. I raise an eyebrow.

  
"Your bed's still the same and it's actually been in use." I remind to the dismay of the queen who visibly kicks herself. 

  
"It doesn't matter how it broke. It just broke, ok?" Glimmer insists with an edge and I put my hands up in surrender.

  
"Ok, Ok." I mumble to douse the fire. But it only elicits a deep exhale from the woman.

  
"Well, I've got to go." The purple head mutters. I bite my lip and decide to say the dumb thing niggling in my mind.

  
"Wait! Can...can..." I pause. _'This is ridiculous. I've gone 6 years without a hug from her, I think I can manage without for the next few days._ ' I rebuke myself, but the royal isn't leaving as she crosses her arms.

  
"What?" She voices blandly and watches me expectantly.

  
"Don't worry, it's not important." I opt to say instead, but the queen doesn't waver.

  
"It's obviously something." She points out. I blow a breath. _'Still stubborn? Check.'_ I grumble silently.

  
"I just wanted a hug." I whisper and I cringe at how needy that sounded. Even the purple head takes a step back in surprise.

  
"Oh. I, er...I don't think that's a good idea. At least not until you've made a decision." Glimmer mumbles with averted eyes. _'Right. She's protecting herself. That sounds...fair.'_ I think with a shallow gulp.

  
"O-oh of course. I told you it wasn't important." I mutter, eyes flickering to the ground, until a pair of sneakers appear in my line of sight.

  
"But...I never did give you a proper welcome I guess..." Glimmer murmurs and before I know it she sinks down in front of me and enfolds me into a hug. I hold my breath, not believing this is real, but when I feel her steady arms still around me I sink into the embrace, burying my face into her shoulder to smell her sweet flowery aroma. I nearly whimper at how long it's been. I pull her closer, closing my eyes at how safe and at home I feel. _'How did I keep away from this for that long?'_ After a minute I feel the queen shifting her head.

  
"T-That's probably enough." She whispers by my ear as she starts pulling away, but I just clutch her tighter.

  
"Just, one more minute. Please." I plead. She doesn't respond, but she doesn't pull away either, making me believe that it's a silent yes. I savour every last second and when I feel her shifting again I pull back with a heavy heart. "Sorry." I mutter, glimpsing away, but the queen leans forward, trying to catch my eyes.

  
"Hey, it's...ok." She reassures with a small smile and looking up I return the expression, encouraging her to continue. "Gosh if I didn't know better, I'd think you haven't had a hug in 6 years." She tries to joke, but my face falls at the accuracy of that statement. She must've noticed as her face also falls. "Wait, you haven't?" She asks with wide eyes, staring at me in disbelief. Embarrassed, I look away.

  
"Not since our last Best friend Squad hug." I mumble with a forced smile, but the purple head's jaw drops at this.

  
" _ **What?!**_ " Glimmer screeches. I shift in discomfort.

  
"Well, it's not like Huntara is big on hugs and neither is C..." I cut myself off abruptly, realising that bringing up Catra is probably not the smartest idea from what I recall from before. "...and neither is the camp of people I deal with." I amend smoothly. The queen furrows her eyebrows, as if noticing my slip up, but doesn't comment. I think she's too busy trying to figure out something to say.

  
"Well, erm...I hope that helps then?" Glimmer provides awkwardly and I can't help but release a bark of laughter at that, prompting the queen's face to contour in irritation.

  
"It does, thank you so much Glim..." I trail off as I bring to mind her earlier demand. I swallow and quickly rectify my words. "...Queen Glimmer." I utter despondently, robbing me of my previous joy of seeing the queen act her age for the first time since I got here. At my words, her face becomes pained before shaking her head.

  
"Right, I-I'm glad. Anyway, I'll be off. Goodnight." The royal stutters before pushing herself back to her feet. I shoot her a confused look, _'I'm only doing what she asked me to.'_ I think as I eye her wearily.

  
"Goodnight." I bid instead and just as she reaches the door I call out: "Make sure you get some sleep." I command, she stills for a moment before shooting me another half smile and disappearing. I release a breath that I didn't know I was holding and fall backwards onto the mattress. _'Well, that could've went...worse...'_ I think until a sigh rips through my throat. _'Then again, it could've went better.'_

I roll onto my side, the bed covered in that new scent, but it beats the floor any day. I unscrew the nails from my metal leg and get ready to sleep until a disturbing thought occurs to me. _'I wonder if Glimmer has been getting enough sleep? She only had a couple of hours the other day and last night didn't have any. Is that because I'm here?'_ I blow out a breath and roll onto my stomach. _'I'm sure it's fine.'_ I try to convince myself and eventually fall into an uneasy sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I may or may not have teased something about Catra XD And hey at least the starring duo got some form of a conversation, right? I mean, a hug is a good start, right? Wrong XD
> 
> Next chapter is Glimmer's POV again and she has another conversation with Bow, but not much happens tbh. Tho we're eventually building to something so don't worry ;) Not sure if I'll have time for an update tomorrow, we'll see.


	40. Sleeping Difficulties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glimmer has a conversation with Bow about Adora.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't have placement today so thought to update. Not much to say about this chapter tbh, other than it's pretty short and kind of a filler? Sorry there's been a couple of those, but the following ones have more substance. Hope you enjoy anyway.

**Glimmer's POV:**

  
I doze off for the seventh time in the last hour and this time I manage to smack my head against the desk, a millisecond too slow to jerk my head back up in time.

  
"Ouch." I grumble and rub the sore area before looking at the masses of papers in front of me. _'There's no way I'm going to get this done before morning.'_ I think with a sigh.

  
"You know if you liked coffee, this would make your work so much easier." I snap my head behind me at the teasing tone and wrinkle my nose in disgust at the man who holds a mug in his hand.

  
"That stuff is disgusting and I'll never understand how you could drink it, let alone like it." I retort as the man sticks his tongue out. He makes his way to my desk and leans against the edge to face me.

  
"All joking aside, you should really get some sleep. You've been running yourself ragged for so long. When was the last time you got a full nights sleep?" Bow queries in concern. I frown in thought, realising that I can't remember.

  
"I don't know." I admit honestly, prompting the man to shake his head.

  
"Your body is going to shut down on you if you don't get some rest. The world isn't going to end if you take a nap." The archer insists, but I shake my head in refusal.

  
"I have to keep on top of this. Otherwise it will just pile up." I argue, but my childhood friend stares me down, sceptical.

  
"Is that really the reason?" He asks, forcing me to look away. _'Gah, there's no hiding from him.'_ I stare at the wooden mahogany surface for a full minute before sighing.

  
"It is an important reason, but..." I pause, fiddling with a pen. "...you're right. It's not the only reason. I...when I was hurting, burying myself in all this work made me forget my feelings and it's just easier." I confess quietly. Bow's eyebrows furrow.

  
"Because of what Adora did?" The Captain questions. I give him a half-hearted shrug.

  
"That and everything else. Grief, dealing with my dad coming back, the war, the after clean-up. It just helps to take my mind off of everything. My mum was always the most perfect queen and I just want to fill those shoes." I murmur with a pang.

  
"No queen is perfect. Your mum even testified to that, you just need to be you and try your best, but that doesn't mean you should enslave yourself. Get some rest, please?" I'm about to refuse the man's request when he adds; "For me?" I kick myself at those puppy eyes and sigh heavily.

  
"I suppose I could just finish this letter and leave the rest for later." I resign, earning a whoop from the techmaster. I roll my eyes, readying myself to return to the letter that I was dozing off in.

  
"So, Adora?" I stiffen up at the mention of the girl's name, still filled with so many complicated and mixed emotions regarding the blonde. I turn slightly to look at the man in the eyes.

  
"What about her?" I inquire cautiously. The man shifts slightly in discomfort before crossing his arms.

  
"Well, what happened after I left?" He asks. I tap my fingers against the desk in thought.

  
"We kind of talked?" I murmur unsurely, an image of Adora's baby blue eyes filled with tears makes me cringe. _'Darn it. I thought her crying wouldn't get to me anymore.'_ Bow tilts his head to one side.

  
"Kind of?" He echoes back.

  
"I told her why I was mad and she briefly told me why she didn't come back." I state neutrally. At this, the boy's eyes widen in surprise.

  
"She did?! Well, what was the reason? I can't imagine it being a good one." He asks, before grumbling under his breath. My eyebrows furrow slightly, _'I still can't get over Bow being mad at her. I kind of thought he'd welcome her back with open arms.'_ I blow a breath out.

  
"Remember how Adora always struggled with her self-worth?" I ask, prompting the man to frown as he nods slowly.

  
"Hard to forget. It was pretty prominent." Bow grumbles. I briefly flicker my eyes away from him in memory. I lick my suddenly dry lips.

  
"Yeah. Well, she thought we didn't need her anymore since the war was over." I repeat back the blonde's words, but the archer scrunches his nose up un distaste.

  
"First of all, that's ridiculous. Second of all, the war didn't end until 3 years after she left. Did she care to explain that?" The man points out with crossed arms. I shrug.

  
"I told you, we didn't talk in depth about it. But it seems she didn't want us to continue arguing or something." My mind once again flashes to Adora's crushed expression and I have to close my eyes to will the image away. A moment later I feel a gentle hand resting on my shoulder.

  
"Glimmer?" At Bow's prompt I re-open my eyes.

  
"I...I really hurt her." I choke out, clenching the hand resting on my knee into a fist.

  
"What, you mean now?" The man questions as he leans forward. I dip my head down.

  
"I was, still am, so angry at her and I just said a bunch of things to her. Saying stuff like I wouldn't care if she stays, that I didn't care full stop. She was...she was really crushed, as if I took away her reason for going on." I say, my voice becoming strained. I clench my hand tighter. _'I'm not meant to care. This is what broke me last time.'_ I rebuke myself. I feel the man resting his hand on my other shoulder, forcing me to look up.

  
"Glimmer you're being too hard on yourself. Adora was the one who left us, not the other way around." He reminds, but I shrug him off.

  
"You didn't see her Bow. She looked so tortured, so...so hurt. Aurgh I can't explain it. In that moment it was like all my anger at her evaporated and that terrifies me. The fact that she's been here for barely a few days and I'm already getting attached again. I can't handle another breakdown, you know that." I cry out while fisting a tuff of hair, feeling entirely torn up on how to deal with the blonde. "She even said she doesn't know what she wants anymore. The very idea that she may end up staying here? I-I don't know how I'll deal with that." I force out.

  
"Then don't." I blink twice at the man's simple instruction and peer at him through confused eyes.

  
"What?" I echo.

  
"Ignore her or avoid her. See how well she copes with that. Make her see what _**you** _went through. And if she really cared and wanted to stay then she'll remain despite that." I gape at him, shocked at the uncharacteristic proposal.

  
"Are you feeling alright? You don't sound like the Bow I know." I ask dubiously with a raised eyebrow. The man turns his head to the side for me to see his jawline throbbing.

  
"I've just had it with my best friends ditching me ok? If she really cared about us then nothing would've stood in her way to return to Brightmoon. This is the most practical way to test whether she's willing to deal with the obstacles that friendships brings. Because from what I've seen, she ran the last time when things got heavy." He states, a tone of bitterness leaks into his voice. I mull over his words in my head, _'They make sense, but he's forgetting one thing.'_

  
"Have you forgotten about her leg?" I remind bluntly, prompting the man to inhale sharply before eliciting a deflated sigh.

  
"Oh yeah. As mad as I am with her, I would never want to see her in pain. Forget what I said." The techmaster mumbles, but I shake my head.

  
"You do have a point though. Maybe I'll just stick to avoiding her. That way if she decides to stick around or not, then it wouldn't matter because I won't be seeing her around anyway." I suggest, but the man looks hesitant.

  
"I don't know, wouldn't she pick up on that?" Bow points out.

  
"I'm so busy anyway, it's not like I'll have to try that hard to avoid her." I remind smoothly. The archer hums in thought while tapping the side of his thigh.

  
"Do you want her to stay?" He asks finally. My mouth moves several times to answer, but no words come out. _'Do I want her to stay? Heck I don't know! As hurt and insecure as I felt after her leaving, at least I didn't have to butt heads quite so frequently, but...the war is over now, what do we have left to argue over?'_ I think silently and grimace when I realise there's probably a lot. _'Her disappearing for one.'_ Biting my lip, I finally fix the man with an unsure gaze.

  
"I don't know. Do you?" I ask, my voice small. He must've not expected the question to be thrown back at him as he mirrors my exact same movements.

  
"I...I missed her." He utters in a quiet breath and I almost whine at the pure vulnerability in his tone. "I don't want her to leave again. She's part of the best friend squad." He continues in a low murmur, making my eyes fill up with tears. I rise from my chair and wrap my arms around him.

  
"Oh Bow. Why didn't you say?" I voice quietly. He returns the embrace.

  
"You took it so hard that I felt I had to be your rock otherwise that would've left both of the main players in the rebellion crumbling which wouldn't have looked good." I press my forehead into his shoulder at his explanation.

  
"I'm sorry, I should've seen you were taking this just as hard as me, but I was so selfish..." I start but I'm cut off by a shake of his head.

  
"No. As much as I hate to admit it...you and Adora have a unique bond. Something beyond what I shared with her. I understood why you felt the way you did, but...I still found it hard to cope. I want her back, for good this time." I'm not sure what to say to the man's observation. I briefly deliberate on denying any such bond, but realise I'd be lying to him and to myself. Instead, I release a heavy sigh.

  
"Still, I should've known you were having a hard time because of it. And..." I pause, scared to say the next bit and its only a small amount of courage that pushes me to speak. "...I want her back too." I whisper so quietly that it could've been missed if we weren't in each others' arms.

  
"Then let's get her back." Bow expresses determinedly as he leans back. I give him a sad smile.

  
"I don't think it will be that easy." I say wryly, prompting the man to give me a wide smile.

  
"Nothing is ever easy with the Best Friend Squad, but that has never stopped us before." He answers with an upbeat tone and I can't help but admire his enthusiasm for wanting to do the impossible.

  
"Alright." I concede.

  
"Now, you should head to bed." The archer states, changing the subject. The corner of my lips twitches.

  
"After this letter, remember?" I remind mildly, causing the man to shake his head.

  
"Darn it, was hoping you forgot." Bow mutters as I watch him in amusement.

  
"I never forget. You go to bed. I'll follow soon." I urge. The man looks at me unsurely.

  
"Fine. You better not be nodding off in tomorrow's meetings." He voices and with a final squeeze of my shoulder he exits the room, leaving me with my paperwork. I stare at it tiredly and sit back down.

With my pen in hand I start writing. I write and I write and I write. It's a little after 7am when I finish and I curse myself at breaking my word to the man. _'But at least I've got a little less to do today?'_ I try to sound positive as I drag myself to bed before my first meeting at 8am. Only to find myself bumping into a certain blonde. Literally. The exhaustion weighs me down so much that I'm unsteady on my feet and land to on my rear with a thump. Wide blue eyes stare at me before swiftly bending down with an outstretched arm.

  
"Gosh I'm so sorry Gl...erm, I'm really sorry." The girl apologises profusely and pulls me up to my feet with surprising ease, considering her poor leg. My heart constricts slightly at her avoidance of saying my name, _'I knew I shouldn't have said anything that day. I was so livid and wanted her to know that and now I can't very well take it back, can I?'_ I think as Adora keeps her hand firmly enclosed in mine. I give her a small smile.

  
"It's ok. I wasn't looking where I was going anyway." I reassure before adding; "What are you doing up?" The girl shrugs.

  
"Oh you know, I like being up early." She responds with an unsure look. _'Oh yeah. Early bird Adora is what Bow and I nicknamed her.'_ A pang of nostalgia runs through me at the memory.

  
"Of course." I voice.

  
"What about you? You look like you haven't even slept." The blonde asks while peering into my eyes and its then that I realise my hand is still in hers. I pull it out of her grasp.

  
"I haven't. But I'm going to get some now." I reassure, but her eyebrows shoot up to her hairline.

  
"You haven't?! Why not? And don't you have meetings soon?" Adora asks in concern.

  
"I had to finish some letters and yes, but it's alright." I insist with a shrug, but she's shaking her head.

  
"You should move your meetings till later on in the day." She suggests earnestly. I raise an eyebrow at her persistence.

  
"I've been doing this for a while and I'm perfectly fine." I urge. The woman's brows furrow slightly.

  
"A while?" She echoes back, watching me through worried eyes. I nod. "How long is a while?" She asks. I breathe through my nostrils, forgetting how inquisitive the girl is.

  
"I don't know, a few years maybe?" I mumble, earning a wide-eyed look from the blonde.

  
"You haven't been sleeping properly for a few years?!" She repeats in disbelief. I bite my lip.

  
"Seriously, its fine." I try again to reassure her, but her eyebrows draw together into a frown.

  
"You once told me that the words: I'm fine, means anything but." She reminds, her tone light, but I can see the amount of depth she's trying to convey. I kick myself at having given that piece of information to her.

  
"A..." I bite my tongue at the last minute, still not wanting to say her name with such ease in the attempt to protect myself from further hurt. "...look, as you can see I'm well. So let's not push this, ok?" I request, hoping she'll listen. I watch as confliction arises in those sky blue irises of hers. She seems ready to argue, but stands down in the last moment.

  
"Fine." She mutters, her nose scrunching up briefly before turning her head to the side. "You better go and catch some sleep before your first meeting though." She voices, staring at the wall beside her.

  
"Right." I'm about to teleport, but the side glance she spares me stops me short. I bite my tongue hard, knowing that I'll regret my following action, but I go to do it anyway.

Reaching forward, I lightly touch the back of her hand, prompting the blonde to jerk her head back towards me. "I'm fine, really." I insist, but as much as I wanted to reassure her, I know the lie embedded in my lavender orbs is obvious to those who know me. And it might've been 6 years, but on some small level she still knows me, especially when she gazes at me through doubtful eyes. And like a coward, I materialise away before she can call me out on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Glimmer not liking coffee? Yep, that's the manifestation of me XD
> 
> Next chapter I was going to split it, but I feel you guys deserve a bit more than that, so gonna keep it as it is. There are two surprise meetings that I think you'll enjoy...one of them with a child XD There's also a healthy dose of angst too because, well you know, this is me XD I've got placement tomorrow so I may or may not update, but good news is that I've nearly finished my lectures from last week, so it's a possibility?


	41. First Impressions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora meets a couple of new people. One reception is warm, the other is bitterly cold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, this chapter continues directly from the previous one, just a heads up.  
> This one is sweet, endearing, sad and pretty angsty. I personally don't have any or much experience with kids, but I've always had a soft spot for children and in God's will aim to be a paediatrician (a children doctor), potentially in the emergency sector, but I'm keeping my doors open. So this chapter has a bit of interactions with a child, it's kind of how I imagine kids to behave, I guess? So I hope it's accurate enough. 
> 
> I feel like I should just keep thanking you guys for all your sweet and encouraging words; thank you so much <3 It's a real pleasure to hear from you all <3 
> 
> Well, there's quite a LOT to dissect in this one, so enjoy XD

**Adora's POV:**

  
I watch as the purple head disappears before I can say anything else and with a low sigh, I make my way to the gardens. _'I knew she wasn't sleeping! But for a few years?! Jeez, why is she doing that to herself? What's keeping her up at night?'_ I chew my lip vigorously, hoping that I'm not the cause of her unrest. I wander around until I find the archer and almost do a double-take when I see him on one knee murmuring to a little boy. _'Is that...?'_ I wonder, but I don't get far when the little boy catches sight of me and tugs on his dad's sleeve, pointing at me. Bow turns and pins me with an uneasy smile, before rising to his feet. I take awkward steps towards the duo.

  
"Hey." He greets with a tight smile. I try to reply, but my eyes are pinned on the near duplicate of the man. Chocolate coloured skin with a mixture of purple and brown short hair flicked to one side. He gives me a small wave before inching closer to his father. I look up to gaze at my old best friend.

  
"Is that...?" I start, leaving my question hanging. He hesitates for a moment before nodding.

  
"Yeah, this is Kai. Kai, this is..." He trails off, unsure on how to refer to me as and if I wasn't so intrigued by the boy, I'm sure I would've been hurt at his reluctance to bring up our history for the second time. The boy seems to pick up on the tension in the air as his head snaps back and forth, looking between his dad and me. He takes a cautious step towards me.

  
"What's your name?" He demands with penetrating violet eyes, appearing older than his mere 3 years.

  
"Adora." I force out, watching as his face scrunches up in thought.

  
"Think I hear that before." He mumbles as he tilts his head to one side.

  
"Kai, it's heard." Bow corrects gently. The boy nods and takes another step towards me.

  
"How do you know my dad?" He asks, making me nearly choke on my saliva. _'Are kids always this direct?'_ I shoot a look at the archer, but he shrugs, leaving me to answer the question. I gulp.

  
"I, er...we've known each other for years. We...worked together during the war." I answer haltingly and then wince when I realise talking about the war is probably the last thing you'd tell a child. Bow must've thought the exact same thing as he shoots me a withering glower. I bite my lip.

  
"So are you like Auntie Glimmer?" The boy questions further, his eyes brightening at the prospect. My jaw slackens before he continues. "Auntie is my dad's best friend! They've known each other forever." He explains a matter-of-factly with a large grin until a sudden thought occurs to him and he starts frowning. "But I've never seen you before." He adds, his expression so similar to his father's that I almost choke in disbelief. A pang hits me when I realise I've missed out on forming a bond with this inquisitive boy.

  
"I...we...I've been away for a while and erm, Bow and the queen have known each other far longer than your dad and I." I try to explain, but the child refuses to stop his questions.

  
"So you're a new best friend? Why have you been away?" I bite the inside of my cheek, not sure if Bow even considers me as his best friend anymore.

  
"I guess? And something happened for me to leave." I say vaguely.

  
"What happened?" He inquires, but this time the techmaster steps in.

  
"Kai, I think that's enough. Why don't you go and join your mum?" Bow suggests firmly, eliciting a groan from the boy.

  
"But she wants to work on robots today and I wanted to build a dinosaur!" He moans and I have to bite back the smile that threatens to consume my face.

  
" _ **Kai**_." He warns.

  
"Can't I go see Auntie Glimmer? Or I could hang out with you and Auntie Adora!" He suggests excitedly while jumping up and down on his feet. I almost choke at being referred to as an auntie, _'he likes me already?'_ I think with boggled eyes.

  
"Kai I told you my job is dangerous and you know that Auntie Glimmer is the queen, she has lots to do." Bow reminds softly, leaving the boy pouting.

  
"But I want to goooooo!" He whines, jutting his lip out stubbornly.

  
" _ **Kai!**_ " Bow snaps, surprising me and causing the boy to jump, his lip trembles as his eyes fill with tears. I stare, my heart wrenching at seeing a mini Bow close to crying and I take a step forward.

  
"Hey, why don't I watch him while you go and inform the surrounding regions about those bandits and the emergency button?" I suggest quietly, prompting the man to jerk his head up in surprise. He shoots me an unsure look.

  
"Are you sure? Didn't you want to go on this mission?" He asks, his voice low.

  
"We still don't know where their base is anyway, so I'm not missing much. I'll join you tomorrow and analyse that map a bit more." I urge, but he shoots me a sceptical gaze.

  
"Do you even know how to look after kids?" He asks dubiously and I colour at realising I don't know the first thing about children.

  
"No." I admit. "But if Entrapta can do it, it can't be that hard right?" I joke. The man purses his lips before sighing.

  
"Alright. If you need a hand, Entrapta is in her lab and Glimmer should be in the meeting hall or her study. His babysitter had to call in sick so I haven't found anyone else to watch him, so make sure you keep an eye on him. He's taken after Entrapta's curious nature so be careful." Bow warns, but I wave away his worries with my hand.

  
"He'll be fine. I promise." I reassure. He spares me one more dubious glance before bending down to peck the boy on the cheek and wrapping him in a fierce hug.

  
"Be good for Adora ok?" He whispers. The boy nods enthusiastically and goes to grab my hand, clutching it tightly.

  
"Don't worry dad! I'll hold Auntie's hand at all times. I promise!" The boy swears seriously, before swinging my hand back and forth with a cheeky grin plastered on his face. Bow looks at me worriedly.

  
"Don't worry, I'll look after him." I insist and with a sigh he waves us goodbye and disappears round the corner. I feel a tug on my hand.

  
"Hey Auntie Adora? Can you tell me why you've been gone so long?" Kai asks with big inquisitive eyes. I swallow. _'What did I just get myself into?'_ Clearing my throat, I pin him with a small smile.

  
"I'll tell you later. What about we go and find something for you to do. Do you like playing with toys?" I ask in an attempt to change the subject. He scrunches his nose up in disgust.

  
"Toys are for babies!" He argues, I stare at him in surprise.

  
"Right, and how old are you?" I ask with a raised eyebrow.

  
"I'm 3 and 2 months! So I'm a toddler." He voices proudly. I nod and scramble my mind for something to say.

  
"So if you don't like playing with toys, what do you like?" I question as we start walking around the garden. The boy skips happily.

  
"I like building stuff and reading! But dad says I shouldn't build anything without mum around which is unfair. What about you? What do you like doing?" He asks, looking up at me curiously. I purse my lips in thought.

  
"Well, I like punching things? Fixing problems." I voice without thought and then cringe when I realise I should be a bit more careful with my words. Kai stares at me in awe.

  
"That's cool! I've seen Auntie Glimmer fight and she's amazing! Are you as good as her? I want to learn, but dad says I'm too young." Kai states as his eyes shine with disappointment. I furrow my eyebrows. _'Glimmer...fighting? Why? The war has been over for 3 years now.'_ I think worriedly before remembering that I haven't answered the boy's question.

  
"Well, I don't think so." I confess. He tilts his head in thought.

  
"Really? Oh! I know! You can fight our robot and I'll see who's the best!" He squeals out, but I'm already shaking my head.

  
"I don't think that's a good idea. Plus I'm sure the queen is way better than me in fighting, so problem solved." I answer, but the boy is strangely insistent.

  
"Please?" He pleads, his lower lip wobbling. I kick myself, _'why does he have to look so adorable?'_ I squat in front of him.

  
"I've got a small drone on me, what about I just fight that?" I ask. He seems to think it over before nodding. I dig into my pocket and pull out a small black disc. I click the top to activate it and the pair of us watch as it floats up a couple of metres in the day. "Take a seat by that tree." I command and without hesitation the boy takes a seat and watches me excitedly.

I click a button on my wrist watch and the drone stars firing a laser beam. I skip out of the way and summon my sword, I throw a few jabs at the drone but it dodges each and every time. It shoots another beam and I duck before swinging my leg up, hitting the bot. It shudders ,but zaps another beam and I have to jerk my head back to miss it. Without thinking I shimmer into She-ra and only notice the transformation at the sound of an exaggerated gasp.

Briefly, I glance at the boy to find his mouth hanging wide open. My face becomes smug at the obvious wonder on his face, _'its been a long time since I last saw that.'_ I think as my heart leaps in joy. I hear a beep and promptly spin round and slice the disc in half. It falls to the ground just as the red light on its front fades out. No sooner does it hit the ground, I find myself tackled from behind. The action is so surprising that I lose my hold on the warrior form and revert back to my usual self. The two of us stumble to the ground and I am just able to act as the boy's cushion by twisting round and wrapping my arms around him. He giggles and props himself up on my thorax.

  
"That was amazing! How did you do that? You turned into like a giant glowy woman! And the sword is so so awesome! I want one!" He babbles excitedly and with a chuckle I pull myself up and prop him up so that he sits on my lap.

  
"Well, I'm able to turn into this warrior called She-ra because I'm..." I trail off, my face falling when I remember how alien I am and how I don't really belong here. The child notices my change in mood and reaches his small hand forward to place it on top of one of mine.

  
"Why are you sad?" He asks quietly with furrowed eyebrows. I look up at his expression.

  
"Oh it's nothing. Just, I'm from a different place. In space." I explain with a half smile, causing him to widen his eyes.

  
"Wow! I want to go to space! Mum is always talking about it. But...if you're from far away then you're family isn't here?" Kai asks with confused eyes. I swallow, not wanting to tell him the dark history of how I came here as a baby.

  
"I...don't have a family." I mumble with averted eyes. The boy's mouth moves wordlessly several times in shock before his lips start trembling.

  
"That's awful!" He cries out before continuing. "I would be so sad without mummy and daddy" A thoughtful expression takes hold as he looks up at me. "Is that why you're so sad? Because you don't have a family?" He whispers, as if it were some big secret. I bite my lip.

  
"I'm fine." I try to reassure, but the boy shakes his head.

  
"You're not! I saw the way you and dad looked at each other. He only looks like that if he's mad. Is he mad at you?" Kai asks, as if trying to figure out a puzzle. I inhale sharply at his deduction and turn my head to the side.

  
"Yeah..." I mutter, half-worried the boy will hate me because his dad does.

  
"Why?" He queries simply. I chew my lip.

  
"Its complicated. I...left and didn't come back for a long time." I mumble, half-wondering why I'm even telling him this. He stays silent for a good minute before wrapping his chubby arms around my neck.

  
"Well, you're back now! He shouldn't be mad anymore." He voices determinedly. I swallow, wishing it was that straight forward.

  
"It's not that easy buddy. I really hurt him...and the queen." I add quietly. The boy pulls back slightly, a frown on his face.

  
"Is that why you keep calling Auntie Glimmer the queen? She's mad too?" I dip my head forward at the question.

  
"Yes." I force out. The boy hugs me again, more tightly than the first and with trembling hands I return the sweet gesture.

  
"I'm not mad! And you can be my family! I love having aunties and you're super cool." I nearly whimper at the praise and comforting words and give the child a squeeze.

  
"You're sweet you know that?" I tease, eliciting a giggle from the boy.

  
"Auntie Glimmer says the same thing! But dad calls me his little menace. Don't know what that means." He expresses with bright eyes, a smile tugs at my lips.

  
"Sounds like his endearment title for you." I murmur before pushing myself back to my feet while holding the boy in my arms.

  
"Can I ask you something else?" Kai states suddenly.

  
"You already did." I point out ruefully, prompting the child to stick his tongue out at me.

  
"Why is your leg metal?" I freeze at the query. My throat becoming dry.

  
"I hurt it a long time ago." I mumble after I manage to unfreeze myself.

  
"How?" If I was struggling before then I'm definitely struggling now.

  
"Kai, what did your dad and I tell you about asking people personal questions?" The disapproving tone behind us forces me to spin round with the boy in my arms to face the queen who stands rigidly. The boy's gaze drops to the ground.

  
"Not to ask them." He mumbles. The purple head nods before flickering her gaze to me.

  
"Where's Bow?" She asks stiffly.

  
"He didn't have anyone to watch Kai, so I volunteered and let him go on the scouting mission instead." I say as byway of explanation. The woman breathes deeply and sensing something's off I bend down and release the boy. His eyes glance between the two of us.

  
"I'm going to find mum." He suddenly announces and starts walking past me before stopping in front of Glimmer. "Please don't be mad at Auntie Adora. She's back now." He pleads before running off, shooting me with one last smile and wave before disappearing back into the castle. The Queen pins me with a steely stare. I gulp and rub the back of my neck.

  
"He asks a lot of questions. Could make a great interrogator one day." I supply as she crosses her arms.

  
"You don't have to answer everything he asks. There are some things he's better off not knowing." Glimmer states bluntly.

  
"Oh right. I don't have much experience with kids." I say with an embarrassed smile, but she doesn't return it.

  
"I've got work to do. Be more careful what you say to him." The queen orders and disappears before I can speak. I heave a loud sigh before leaving the gardens, wondering what should I do now.

Aimlessly, I walk down the corridors before settling back in my room in the hopes that I'll be able to make sense of the map. But first, I go over to my old cupboard in search for a blanket or something that I can wrap around myself as I think, but upon opening it all I find is a stack of hardbacks. Frowning, I go to pick up one and open it. My eyes automatically widening at the familiar swirly handwriting that stares back at me. I feel my stomach churning as one sentence stands out boldly:

_Yet still I wonder, what would it have been like to have never met Adora?_

The book falls from my hands and lands with a thud on the ground. I step away from the journal, as if it were poisonous and in a sense I suppose it is. Words can be poison. I stare in disbelief, wondering if I read that right. _'So all this time was a lie? She regrets having met me. She still hates me for what happened all those years ago. She...doesn't want me around. No wonder why she was annoyed when I said I might want to stay, because she doesn't want me here. She. Doesn't. Want. Me. Here.'_

The realisation is so brutal that my knees buckle underneath me and my watch beeps just as I feel my heart smash against my ribcage. I curl myself into a foetal position, rocking back and forth, feeling so alone. _'If Glimmer doesn't want me. The one person who showered me with love and affection. The only one who has ever said that they loved me. Then there's no one. And if no one wants me, what's the point in living?'_ I hug my knees to my chest and remain in that sad pathetic state for hours. Only getting up to stare at that map in an attempt to numb my mind.

It takes ages and well into the hours of the morning before I finally make some sense of it. _'They all disappear into the forest. Attacks are generally on the outskirts, not always but mostly. Maybe there's a secret base in the whispering woods?'_ I think to myself as I follow the lines. I rub my drooping eyes, staring again at the page, but my thoughts are jumbled from the amount of painful emotions that course through me so I nearly snap when a guard informs me that Bow is waiting for me in the dining room. I drag my feet to the hall and almost vomit at seeing the purple head seated beside the archer. I hunch my shoulders and take a seat beside the techmaster who shoots me a genuine smile, the first in a long time.

  
"Kai wouldn't stop talking about you last night. Looks like he's completely enthralled with you." Bow jokes, his eyes bright. I force a small smile to my lips.

  
"He's a sweet kid. You've done a great job in raising him." I praise quietly and it's only then does the man notice my dishevelled appearance and red rimmed eyes as he furrows his eyebrows in concern.

  
"Hey, are you alright?" He asks, eliciting the attention of the queen as she peers past the man towards me. I drop my eyes to the plate in front of me.

  
"Yeah." I echo out. I can sense the two sparing each other a glance, so before they could say another word, I push my chair back and stand up. "I need the loo." I mumble and walk out of the room. I hear footsteps following me, but I don't slow down. A second later Glimmer appears in front of me, cutting my exit and watching me with a frown.

  
"Hey what's up?" She asks. I turn my head away from her. _'Great, she's **pretending** to care.'_

  
"Nothing's up." I mutter sourly promoting the royal's eyebrows to shoot up.

  
"Obviously there is with that attitude. You look like you haven't slept either." The queen points out, her tone slightly miffed. I scowl at her.

  
"What do you care?" I spit out causing the girl to reel back in shock.

  
"What's that supposed to mean?" The royal's voice hardens. I cluck my tongue.

"Exactly that. You don't want me around so stop pretending that you care." I retort acidly. The purple head stares at my through wide eyes.

  
"What on earth are you talking about?!" She exclaims. I scrunch my nose up at her behaviour, acting as if she doesn't know. I'm almost tempted to tell her, but I'm not in the mood to hear another lie from the woman. So I cross my arms.

  
"It doesn't matter." I utter rigidly.

  
"You can't accuse me of something like that and not tell me why you think that!" Glimmer argues while throwing her arms up in the air. I give her the stink eye.

  
"Oh don't pretend you don't know." I express, my voice coated with venom. The queen furrows her eyebrows and gazes at me in confusion.

  
"I honestly don't know what you're talking about!" She cries out, her eyes becoming watery. I scan her closely, but either she's a brilliant actor or she genuinely doesn't know what I'm referring to. I bite my lip.

  
"You don't want me around." I choke out quietly, my voice laced with hurt. The girl takes a step towards me, bridging the gap between us.

  
"I never said that." The purple head insists strongly. "I said I don't want to be hurt anymore, but I never said I don't want you around." She continues, her hands clasped together in front of her, as if she's refraining from taking my appendages. I feel my eyes stinging at the lie.

  
"Don't lie to me; you wish you never met me." I voice numbly. The royal shoots me a strange look as she unclasps her hands.

  
"Where is this coming from?" Glimmer asks as she peers up into my eyes, as if trying to look for the answer hidden within, but I'm not as transparent as I used to be.

I don't answer and turn my head to the side, revealing the long scar that stands out prominently along my jawline. I hear her exhale heavily before taking another small step towards me until I can now feel the heat radiating off the shorter woman. Slowly her hand cups my jaw, her thumb brushes along the raised skin before gently tilting the mandible back to her. I close my eyes at the warm touch, not wanting to fall for her act.

"Adora." My name is uttered so softly that I can't help but re-open my eyes. "Talk to me." Glimmer requests as her lavender irises gaze at me in concern. I swallow.

  
"Its what you wrote." I finally mumble and watch as she frowns in thought before paling suddenly. The queen inhales sharply.

  
"Shoot, I forgot I left all my old journals in your cupboard." She curses before pinning me with a conflicted stare. Before I can do anything she places her hands on my shoulders and teleports us back to my room. Her hands linger for a few seconds before withdrawing and going over to the cupboard. She opens it and grabs the stack of journals before returning back to my side. I gaze at her in bewilderment. "I told you, you shouldn't read these. They're private." Glimmer rebukes quietly as she opens one of the books and flickers through it.

I cringe at the memory of the last time I was told off for doing something similar and watch the purple head wearily, expecting her to be mad, but instead she continues flickering through the pages. "I wrote that before you left, when we were arguing all the time. It was an outlet for my frustration at the time. I never said I wish I never met you. I just wondered what life would've been like. Surely you wondered what would've happened if you never left the Horde?" The queen asks, looking up briefly to see my reaction. My lips part slightly to release an 'oh'.

  
"Yeah...I've thought about it." I admit. Finally, the queen stops at a page and shoves the book into my hands.

  
"This is an entry I wrote exactly a year after you left. Have a read." Glimmer commands. I stare at her through shocked eyes.

  
"Are you sure?" I ask in disbelief. She shrugs before crossing her arms insecurely.

  
"You read the other one. Might as well read this too." She mumbles with averted eyes. I look back down at the page and start reading:

  
_Dear Diary,_

  
_Today marks exactly a year since Adora left. A year worth of depression, loneliness, anxiety and pain. I'm starting to give up that she'll ever show. And that hurts more than anything. My life without her feels so dull and empty and makes me wonder how I managed to survive without her presence before we met._

_Bow's starting to get fed up of my constant mopping and I guess I can't blame him. But its not like I want to feel this way. Who on earth wants to feel incomplete? It's like a half of me is missing, the half that makes me strive to do better. I wish I knew what she was up to, if she's well. I thought she'd at least send letters, but...I guess we're not important enough for that._

_Not for the first time do I wish I could re-wind the clock and take back all my biting words. Every shout and slap. But I can't. It's there forever and it's not going away. It still haunts me. Why did I let her leave? Why doesn't she come back? Why doesn't she write? I just...I can't do this anymore. I can't keep going. I need her so badly that's it's physically ripping me up inside._

_But...it seems she doesn't need me as much as I need her, otherwise she'd be back by now. She's probably fine while I struggle to surface from the battering waves of responsibilities and pressure. Pressure to end the war. Pressure to run a Kingdom. Pressure to keep everyone safe. But who's keeping me safe? Who's stopping me from falling apart? No one._

_Bow's spent so much time away recently. Getting away from my mood swings I imagine. Makes me sick that I might lose someone else. Everything has just become so suffocating and it's so hard to breathe and I just can't do this anymore. I don't want to do this. I want my mum. I want my dad. I want Bow and I want Adora. Please. Come back._

A drop of water lands on the page and it's then that I notice I'm crying. Big welted tears running down my cheeks as I read what the purple head wrote. _'What did I do? What did I put her through?'_ I think in horror as guilt spreads like a wildfire across my body. My watch beeps but I ignore it, so shook up by reading the intense emotions of my old best friend.

  
"Oh Glimmer." I breathe out as the tears continue to swim, ignoring the girl's rule of referring to her as queen. Finally I look up to find the woman chewing her lip and clutching her elbow tightly. I drop the book to the ground for a second time and go over to pull the girl into a hug before the urge leaves me. She stiffens at the contact and it takes a while before she eases into the embrace and lifts her arms to settle her hands on my back. "Sorry isn't enough for what I put you through. Here I was thinking you didn't need me, but you did." I choke out, resting my forehead on top of her head as tears continue to drip from my eyelashes.

  
"I didn't want you to read that, but...I don't think you'd believe me otherwise. I did need you. I...still do." Glimmer whispers.

  
"I'm sorry I left you. Both of you." I apologise sincerely while burying my head into her soft pink tuffs.

  
"You once asked me in your letter to forgive you..." I swallow at her words, worrying about where is this going. "I'm...not sure if I can." My heart drops at her confession. _'Last time I thought I screwed things up between us, but this is so much worse.'_ I lick my cracked lips.

  
"I...understand." I force out, just as my watch beeps. The queen stills at the sound.

  
"A..." She starts, but is interrupted by another voice.

  
"Hey Moonlight, are you still...oh." A strange yet oddly familiar masculine voice sounds a few paces away from me. I lift my face away from the pink hair to find a man I've only ever seen in an alternate reality. My jaw drops. Glimmer retracts her arms from around me and I automatically miss the contact as she spins round to face her father with a sheepish wave.

  
"Hey dad." She greets as the man's eyes flicker between his daughter and me. When he looks me up and down his face sets into a stony expression.

  
"Hey. Is this who I think it is?" The king asks, directing the question at the queen.

  
"Yeah, this is...She-ra." Glimmer mumbles, avoiding my eyes completely. I won't pretend that it doesn't sting that the girl still avoids to say my name, but I opt to take a step forward with my hand outstretched.

  
"It's amazing to finally meet you King Mi..." I begin, but the man narrows his eyes at me, prompting me to drop my hanging arm to my side.

  
"If you're She-ra then you're the one who gave my baby girl a lot of grief." He booms harshly. I shrink back at the rebuke.

  
"I-I'm sorry." I stutter out, but if anything his face hardens even more.

  
"I don't want your apologies. I want you to leave." He orders sternly. My jaws slacken, speechless on how to respond, but Glimmer steps in and takes her dad's hand.

  
"Dad, she's here for a mission about those bandits." The girl murmurs softly, but the king shakes his head.

  
"That's what the Police Force is for. I can't believe you even let her back in after the state I've seen you in. Did you forget..." The queen cuts him off with a sharp look. He gazes at her before wilting slightly. "I don't want to see you hurt." He murmurs. I watch as Glimmer gives his hand a reassuring squeeze and it makes me wonder what on earth did I put my former best friend through.

  
"She-ra has been following this group for a while so she's the best one suited to find them." The purple head urges. The man looks conflicted before pinning me with a heated glare.

  
"Fine. You may stay till your mission is completed, but if you hurt my girl then so help me my spells is the _**last** _thing you should be worried about." Micah threatens as a wisp of red coats his free hand. I wilt back, the action looking so similar to what Shadow Weaver used to torment me with. My watch beeps twice at one of the few flashbacks where the woman did physically hurt me with her powers.

  
"I understand." I stammer out. The man seems ready to question the strange sound, but holds back due to the warning glance Glimmer shoots him with.

  
"Good. Be sure to attend dinner this evening." He orders before leaving the room. With a shaking hand I tap my wristwatch just as the queen takes a step towards me.

  
"Sorry about that. Dad's very protective." The purple head mutters with averted eyes. I lick my dry lips.

  
"I really put you through a lot huh?" I utter, my eyes still fixed at where the king once stood. The queen doesn't answer straight away.

  
"It was hard. Best you stay out of his way. He holds grudges." The girl advises and I nod numbly until a thought occurs to me.

  
"What did he mean by did you forget?" I question, finally peeling my gaze away from the door to stare at the woman who hugs her arms to herself.

  
"It's not important. I have to go now. Bow should be waiting for you in the common room now." The queen switches topics swiftly, prompting me to furrow my eyebrows deeply, but realising that I've long lost my place to ask her things.

  
"Ok." I reply and she quickly disappears, leaving me standing alone. I sigh heavily and decide to trudge back to the dining hall to find the archer so that we can get a head start on today's mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *cough cough* so I maaaay have changed Micah's personality a bit...or not really. He's still his same lovable self, but of course when you hurt a father's daughter it usually results in a cold treatment. Completely normal. But you'll definitely see more of him and the different aspects of his personality which I'm excited for you guys to see.
> 
> So I was going to end it just after Adora finished meeting Kai, but felt it would be too boring to leave it there, so tacked on the next bit to keep it interesting XD  
> Don't ask me why I chose Kai as the name for Bow's son because I have no idea. I was going to go with Archie or something archer related, but felt it didn't match his personality. Anyway, I figured with Entrapta's heightened intelligence, I felt it would be passed onto her kid, so Kai is smarter than the average kid his age as demonstrated here. He prob only makes one or two other appearances but yeah not much since he doesn't play much of a role in the story.
> 
> I felt Glimmer's diary entry was an excellent way of providing a deeper insight on what she felt and was going through. I'm personally more of an introvert and while I have quite a lot of friends, I didn't really have that one best friend as a kid. I do have several close friends tho and it sucks when one of them starts ghosting you, esp if they meant quite a lot to you, so I can imagine how much worse that pain must feel if they're a best friend and I guess that's what I was trying to portray, but gosh reading it back it just sounded so...sad...hope you liked it XD
> 
> Andddd we're over 200K!!! Legit never written this much for a story before :D Jeez, why is writing a 1500 word essay so much harder than writing a 200K fic? XD
> 
> Next chapter things get heated and pretty angsty - just the way I like it XD We spend some time with Adora & Bow on their mission and then dinner with the king. My placement finishes early tomorrow so should have enough time to update.
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	42. This Was A Mistake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora & Bow go on a mission  
> AND  
> Adora has an unpleasant conversation with the King  
> AND  
> Adora gets too caught up in her emotions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is angsty! Not much else to say, so hope you enjoy XD

**Adora's POV:**

When I return to the dining hall, I find the archer tapping on a pad in that strikingly familiar fashion that I recognise all too well. He looks up at the sound of my footsteps and promptly rises to his feet to meet me half way.

  
"Are you doing alright now?" He asks with concern. I shoot him a wobbly smile.

  
"Not really, but I don't think I want to talk about it right now." I admit. He purses his lips before nodding and leads me outside to a high-tech vehicle. I stare at him to which he just shrugs.

  
"Thought it was about time we advanced our transport. Hop in, we're going to pay a visit to a few of those towns with missing children reports. See if we can gather any intel." I nod at the plan and jump in and try not to gawk at how impressive the white and turquoise design looks.

  
"You built this?" I ask in awe, but he shakes his head.

  
"Not really. It was mainly Entrapta's work and a bit of Kai's." My jaw drops at the mention of the little boy and I turn to stare at the man. He catches my look and grins. "He's a super bright boy. Takes after his mum." He states with a tone of pride as we begin driving. My lips twitch at how much adoration leaks into his eyes for his family and it makes me wonder if this is what I'm missing. To settle down and have a family. But I almost disregard the thought as soon as it enters. _'I can't settle down. Not when I don't have a place to call home and not when I don't know much about my own origins.'_ I think sadly. "So, Micah's back." Bow starts in an attempt to make conversation, but I freeze at the mention of the angry father.

  
"Yeah." I say with a gulp. The archer spares me a strange glance.

  
"Did you see him?" He asks. I turn my head to stare out of the window.

  
"Yeah. He hates me." I mutter. The car becomes silent for several moments before the man heaves a sigh.

  
"Yeah he's very protective of Glimmer. Apparently something happened, but neither of them will tell me what despite how much I ask." Bow voices lowly, prompting me turn my head back to gaze at the man.

  
"Like what?" I echo, but he shakes his head.

  
"Not sure. It wasn't long after Kai was born so I was already knackered with all the late nights and didn't see much of her. But when I finally visited she seemed off. Still can't figure out what happened." He admits with a heavy sigh and I can't help but feel that this may have been my fault. _'After all, Bow was busy and I wasn't around, who did Glimmer depend on? Her dad?'_ I wonder anxiously, but we don't have time to say anything else as we arrive to our destination. We get out of the car and enter the town-hall to be greeted by the mayor of the city.

  
"Captain Bow! What an honour!" The guy greets enthusiastically before pinning his eyes on me. "And who do we have here?" He asks and I glance to the man beside me, waiting for him to introduce me.

  
"This is my co-worker. She's giving me a hand today. In fact, we were interested in looking into a missing child report from last week?" Bow requests and I have to force down the disappointment about being downplayed again. _'Will they never forgive me?'_ I wonder mournfully and trail after the two until we enter an old office.

  
"The file on missing children is in here. Used to be such a rare thing here and now they're disappearing without a trace! We've had to tell parents to take extra care with them." The mayor explains sadly and leaves us to leaf through the papers. My stomach twists into a knot at the frequency of such heinous acts. _'I refuse to let any more kids go through what I went through.'_ I think firmly as I pick up the file and look through. An hour later with no details on any eyewitnesses. I look up and shake my head sadly at the archer.

  
"No leads here." I voice with a sigh, putting the wodge of papers back in the cabinet.

  
"That stinks. Let's give the next town a try." He suggests and half an hour later we find ourselves in another tacky room with another useless file.

That cycle repeats for most of the day and we're forced to return home empty-handed and frustrated. When I bid the archer goodnight, my thoughts are so clouded with annoyance that I almost forgot about having dinner with the king. That is until I bump into him, staring up at the mural of Queen Angella. I gulp. _'Oh boy.'_ I'm just about to back-track in the hopes that he didn't see me, but he lifts his head to pierce me with that burning gaze of his.

  
"Oh good you showed up." The snipe is so obvious that I half wonder if I should make up some excuse to leave, but I remain stationary.

  
"Sorry. It's been a long day." I mumble. The man gives me a once over, his eyes briefly settling on my metallic leg before returning to my face.

  
"Come on. My daughter still has some papers to file which gives me some time to ask you a few questions." I swallow at his words and cautiously follow behind him. He halts and waits for me to reach his side. "I'd prefer if you walked beside me and not behind." He commands and my tongue almost becomes lax at his attitude. _'How on earth is this Glimmer's dad?! He's so...abrasive.'_ I wonder in shock, but I hide my feelings of disbelief and nod.

  
"Sorry." I mutter, prompting the man to raise his eyebrow at me. I scramble my mind for something else to say. "Sorry your majesty." I amend, hoping that would satiate the man, but instead his eyebrow just rises higher.

  
"So, She-ra..." I cringe at the continued usage of that name and he must've noticed as he looks at me in surprise. "Do you not like that name?" The king asks in amusement. I flush in embarrassment.

  
"No! It's just...my real name is Adora. She-ra is just my title." I explain as the man furrows his eyebrows.

  
"Don't think I've heard you being referred to as such." He states mildly as we continue walking. I falter. _'Glimmer and Bow hasn't mentioned my name at all?'_ The knowledge hammers at my already battered heart.

  
"Oh." I release quietly. The man glimpses at me, a flash of...something crosses his eyes before disappearing.

  
"I'm guessing no luck with your mission?" Micah deduces. I look at him in slight surprise.

  
"How did you know?" I ask.

  
"You seemed a little disheartened. Actually, I wanted to ask what was so important about this mission that has led you to reappear after all these years? It certainly wasn't because you missed your friends." The King queries, his face looking straight ahead. The lump in my throat bobs up and down at his unfair accusations.

  
"I _**did** _miss them." I utter strongly, eliciting a cruel bark of laughter from the father.

  
"I'd beg to differ." He expresses, his features becoming sour.

  
"What do you actually know about me?" I shoot out, annoyed at his pre-conceived conceptions of me.

  
"I know that you left your friends in a middle of a war. I know that there was a lot of arguments between my daughter and you. And I know first-hand of the agony my girl went through because of you. I know Angella sacrificed her life for you, but I can't seem to imagine why." He lists off, making me deflate with each sentence as he highlights all my failings.

My feet slow to a stop and I have to close my eyes to compose myself. Trying to force out all the images of when my failings led to other people getting hurt. My watch beeps and I fumble to tap the device. The metal tightens around my leg a second later and when I re-open my eyes the man observes me curiously. He nods his head to my wrist.

"What is that?" He asks. I cover my hand over the watch.

  
"Just a watch." I mumble, but the king doesn't back down.

  
"I can see it's a watch, but what's the beeping for?" He presses and I scramble for an answer that isn't quite a lie.

  
"It reminds me to do something." I reply vaguely and when the man opens his mouth, I add: "I'd prefer not to talk about it." He ponders this before nodding and we continue walking.

  
"You didn't answer my question." Micah reminds. I blink, trying to recall his query and grimace in remembrance. _'I haven't even told Bow and Glimmer why this is so important to me. Am I really going to tell a man that hates me?'_ I find myself playing with the strap of my watch.

  
"I understand what's it like to be kidnapped as a child and I don't want that to happen to anyone else." I utter carefully, refusing to meet the king's penetrative eyes.

  
"You were from the Horde, right?" My heard jerks up at the correct guess.

  
"How did you..." I start, but the man shakes his head.

  
"Light Spinner currently resides in Mystacor doing community service for her acts during the war. She mentioned that you were under her tutelage." He explains, keeping one eye on me, while the other continues to stare ahead of him. I cringe, having forgotten to ask about the woman who raised me.

  
"Yeah, something like that." I mutter sourly. His eyebrows shoot up at my tone, but he doesn't comment.

  
"You really hurt my daughter you know. I've tried so hard to get information about you from her, but she's very tight-lipped and I've only been able to dig up snippets." A storm of pain erupts within my chest at having hurt my former best friend and I have to press my lips so tightly together to stop a whimper from escaping out.

  
"I...that was never my intention." I voice quietly. The King stops and turns to face me with crossed arms.

  
"Then what _**is** _your intention? What's your plan after this job?" I nearly cluck my tongue at his tone, but refrain out of respect for his position and for being the dad of someone that I deeply care about.

  
"It's _**not** _a job." I grit out. Micah squints at me.

  
"An obligation then." He amends, but I shake my head.

  
"Why is it so hard for you to think that I actually have some good in me?" I fire back. The man takes an intimidating step towards me.

  
"Do you want me to repeat your list of faults again? I figured you were selfish, but I didn't realise you were ignorant too." The king bites out.

The backs of my eyes start to sting at his hostile words. I open my mouth to retort or say something to defend myself, but darn it that really hurt. I spin on my heels to give the father my back just as my watch beeps again. My vision swims from the tears, but I catch the 2 yellow bars. I try to take in a deep breathe to ease my frazzled nerves, but this whole conversation has just cut through me like a knife, bringing up so many nasty memories of my past and I almost cry out from being constantly reminded of how I've come up short so many times.

My chest squeezes tightly and I know I'm on a one way track to a panic attack. I hear an animalistic whine and eventually realise that the sound is coming from me. A moment later I feel a heavy hand landing on my shoulder and twirling me back around to come face to face with the man. But instead of the bitterness I expect to see, his face is pinched with worry as he bends slightly to catch my attention.

"Take it easy. Count backwards from ten." He orders and I find myself following through with the command and by the time I reach one my breathing has returned to a somewhat normal pattern. He watches me for several seconds before releasing his hands. "I apologise. I didn't realise you suffered from panic attacks." He states with a touch of regret and in that moment he looks so like Glimmer that I almost bend over in shock.

  
"It's ok. I guess you aren't wrong." I mumble when my voice finally returns. He scans me closely before sighing.

  
"We should head to the dining hall before Glimmer starts to wonder where we are." He suggests and we continue walking the last stretch. After several moments of silence, he opens his mouth again. "Perhaps, there's more to you than I realised." Micah murmurs thoughtfully. I look at him sceptically.

  
"What, because I had a panic attack?" I answer ruefully and to my surprise the corner of his lips twitches upwards into a half smile.

  
"Not exactly. Your reactions and emotions seem genuine. Even when I met you earlier, you were hugging my daughter and that makes me wonder why you would leave when it appears that you care about her." He voices analytically, as if trying to figure out my motives.

  
"I **_do_ **care about her. She was my best friend." I insist, just as he frowns.

  
"Was?" He repeats back, forcing me to look away.

  
"I...don't think she considers me as her best friend anymore." I confess, my voice raw. The king hums in acknowledgement and when we finally reach the doors leading to the dining room he spares me another glance.

  
"As much as I'd like for that to be true, considering what you put her through, I don't think she ever stopped thinking you of such." He admits before opening the door. My eyes widen at the news, _'could...could that mean I still have a chance to fix things?'_ I wonder as I enter the room to find Glimmer half rising from her chair at our arrival. Lavender irises dart between me and her father as a frown makes its way to her face.

  
"You two were... _ **together?**_ " She asks anxiously. My tongue becomes paralysed, but the king jumps in.

  
"Adora was informing me of her day. Apparently no luck in tracing the bandits. It's horrific that children have to suffer from the acts of evil people." Micah states as he goes to take a seat opposite his daughter. But Glimmer doesn't seem convinced as her eyes penetrate mine.

  
"That's _**all** _you talked about?" The queen questions cautiously.

  
"Oh and you know the usual talk of don't hurt my daughter." The father adds casually as he picks up his fork. I stare at him, bewildered at how calm he can be after all he said to me a few minutes prior. Glimmer looks to me, as if waiting for my confirmation. I force my lead-like tongue to move.

  
"Yeah, what he said." I mumble and go over to the table, but hesitate on where to sit. After Micah's conversation I can't imagine he'd be happy for me to sit next to his daughter, but on the other hand I _**really** _don't want to sit next to the daunting king. The purple head notices my indecision and beckons me to her side. I nearly sigh in relief, but refrain when I catch the king's hardened gaze. Gulping, I make my way over to the chair and stare a hole into my plate. The woman takes notice of my despondent behaviour and raises sharp eyes towards her dad.

  
"You better not have upset her Dad." Glimmer warns. I briefly look up to find the man shooting me a knowing look.

  
"Well..." He starts and immediately I feel hands clutching at mine and spinning me round to come face to face with the queen's worried expression.

  
"Did he upset you?" She demands, but my dumb throat is so dry to respond.

  
"I...he...he didn't say anything that wasn't true." I force out. I feel her eyes scanning me critically and I almost choke when she leans forward. A sharp inhale escapes her and she snaps her head up to her father.

  
"You made her cry!" The purple head accuses, promoting the dad to raise his hands in surrender.

  
"Ok, I may have come across too strong..." He starts, but Glimmer cuts in.

  
"I told you, I can handle this myself!" The Queen shoots out.

"I know you can sweetheart, but I thought..." The queen interrupts him.

  
"You thought to try and get involved? You don't even know her!" Glimmer points out sharply. I shrink back into my seat as I watch the exchange between father and daughter with sickeningly familiarity of another time.

  
"Please, don't argue." I cut through quietly, earning the stares of both King and Queen. They share abashed glances before mumbling apologies to one another, perhaps my memories are just as fresh as theirs.

  
"Sorry Dad, I didn't mean to..." The purple head starts, but Micah is already shaking his head.

  
"No, you're right honey. I don't know She-ra, so it's not my place to interfere." The king apologises. Glimmer teleports so that she bends beside her dad, taking his hand in hers.

  
"You're my dad, of course I expect you to intervene. I'm sorry I was being so uptight." The queen insists, eliciting a wide smile from the man who squeezes her hand reassuringly.

  
"It's alright Moonlight. I promise I'll be on better behaviour." He vows, a smirk painted across his lips, promoting a chuckle from the woman who tackles her dad in a hug, wrapping her arms around his shoulders as he reaches up to grip her forearms warmly.

I swallow at the display, part of me is thrilled for Glimmer to have found her family, but the darker part can't help but feel like a stranger in their presence and it suddenly hits me that I'm the only one left without a family. Bow now has a wife and child. Before he had his parents, but he spent so little time with them that I forgot they were around. Glimmer has her aunt and dad. And me? No one. I turn my head abruptly to one side as the stinging sensation in my eyes arise.

After a minute, Glimmer returns back to her seat, a relaxed expression coats her face and I half wonder does she really need me now that she has her dad? _'The diary entry she showed me was before she found him, so are those feelings still true now?'_ The woman half-turns to me, her eyes apologetic.

  
"I'm sorry if he was a bit overbearing." She murmurs quietly, the man chortles embarrassingly.

  
"Yeah I suppose I should apologise for being more than...forward with you." Micah says with a sigh, although his eyes don't hold quite the amount of regret you'd expect from someone who just gave you a panic attack. A small miniscule part of me wants to say it's _**not** _ok. It's not ok to dredge up all my doubts and mistakes, because they already hang around my neck like a chain and it's not ok to make me feel this way. But I bite my tongue. _'This is Glimmer's **Dad**. Angella's husband. The least I owe them is to be cordial with the man, especially after breaking countless promises.'_ I wet my cracked lips and nod.

  
"Its ok." I mumble, my heart isn't in it and I can tell that shows with the way that the two share identical glances. _'Jeez, Angella must've been tortured to see a mini Micah day in and day out.'_ I realise, making me pity the kind woman even more, until something strikes me. Taking a quick glimpse of the queen sitting beside me, I forget how much Glimmer also takes after her mother. My eyes subconsciously slide over to the King. _'Micah must be feeling exactly the same.'_ I think as a wodge of guilt inserts itself into my throat.

The man must've felt my eyes on him as he looks up from his cutting to pin me me with a questioning eyebrow. Face burning, I drop my head down to my plate and start eating. Silence radiates throughout the room for a good 15 minutes as we eat, but the King seems like he hasn't gleaned enough information from me.

  
"I've been meaning to ask Sh...Adora, what happened to your leg? I'm sure that has quite the story behind it." At the King's unexpected question, I find myself choking on a piece of meat. Quickly, I grab a nearby glass of water and chuck it down as the Queen pats my back in an attempt to dislodge the food morsel. My eyes flicker to the queen who's expression is tight as she looks everywhere but at me. I return my gaze to the man who watches the two of us with curious eyes.

  
"I, er...it's...it's nothing." I fumble at which I feel the woman swiftly retracting her hand from my spine. I look at her, wondering what did I say wrong, but she refuses to meet my eyes.

  
"Well obviously that can't be true. You're walking around with a half metal leg." Micah insists. I twitch at the brash assessment, hating how obviously different I look. _'At least being a First One wasn't tattooed to my head or something.'_ I clutch the handle of my spoon tightly as I struggle to say something.

  
"It was...during the war. I wasn't thinking straight and got hit." I mutter vaguely, I feel the purple head stiffening beside me and turn to give her a confused look. _'She didn't tell her dad about this, so I'm presuming, for whatever reason, she didn't want him to know. So why is she acting like I'm trying to hide a dirty secret?'_ I wonder in slight annoyance. I feel the man's piercing eyes on us and turn my attention away from my former best friend so as to not arouse suspicion.

  
"Well that's a grave mistake. In war you have to always be thinking straight. Could get yourself killed like that." Micah utters as he scrapes the last crumbs of food off his plate. I scrunch my nose up in frustration.

  
"Well, were you thinking straight when the Horde captured you and sent you to Beast Island?" I retort, eliciting sharp intakes of breath from the two.

  
" _ **Adora!**_ " Glimmer rebukes sharply and I wilt at the fact that she'll only ever use my name to tell me off. But the King waves it off.

"That's alright Moonlight. She does make an excellent, although harsh point. No wonder you decided to keep an ex-Horde solider with you. A lot of useful intel there." I gape at him, stung by his implication that I was only kept around as a source of useful information. I clench my hands into fists, feeling quite frankly done with this conversation.

  
"If that is all, I think I'll retire to my chambers." I bite out as I roughly push my chair back. The King raises an eyebrow at me.

  
"Hm, I'm not sure if that is all." He voices and I clench my fists more tightly, the urge to punch him becoming harder to ignore.

  
"Dad, let her go." The queen steps in.

  
"Fine." He mutters and I quickly round the table to reach the door, only hearing a flutter of mumbled words. "I don't understand why you still defend her, after everything." I look back briefly, but the woman has already turned her head away from her father and doesn't reply.

I exit the hall and make a beeline for my room. Closing the door, I go over to the bed and shift back until my back rests against the headboard and cross my legs. I settle my trembling hands on my knees and try to block out the King's words. _'Jeez, why did he have to be so mean? I get I upset his daughter, but he doesn't know me. He has no right to judge me and make me feel this bad. At least don't put such thoughts in my head. It's bad enough I struggle with my own self-worth, I don't need to be reminded that my only role was to be useful.'_ I release a scratchy breath and put a hand to my face just as I hear a creak from the door. I pull my hand away to find the queen standing self-consciously.

  
"Is it alright if I come in?" Glimmer asks and I almost retort that it's her castle, but I bite my tongue and nod wordlessly. She crosses the room and seems ready to perch on the edge of the bed, but refrains on the last minute and remains standing. "I'm sorry about my dad, he's..." She starts, but I interrupt her before she can continue.

  
"Overbearing. Protective. Harsh." I list off, but the last word elicits a frown from the girl.

  
"Hey now, he's not usually like that." The queen defends. I drop my eyes to my lap, _'of course she'll defend her **real** family.'_ I think thickly. I hear her sigh when I don't respond. "Really. He just needs to get to know you." The purple head insists.

  
"He wants me gone." I state bluntly.

  
"Well, you just need to charm him, like you did with Bow and I." Glimmer encourages gently. I close my eyes.

  
"You didn't even tell him my name." I express, my tone wounded.

  
"I..." She trails off, giving me the opportunity to continue.

  
"Or how we met. Or anything good about me. You made it sound like I was evil." I choke out, the hurt evident in my voice.

  
"I-I'm sorry. I didn't want to linger on the past. It was just easier that way." The girl tries to explain, but I'm shaking my head.

  
"You told him about Angella's sacrifice." I point out, surprised at myself for being able to say it without faltering. _'It really has been that long, hasn't it?'_ I think mournfully. The purple head's jaw slackens.

  
"Of course I'd tell him that. It's about mum!" She retorts. I open my mouth, then close it a second later, speechless. _'Oh.'_ I turn my head away from her.

  
"You still didn't tell him anything about me." I utter in petulance, prompting the woman to cross her arms in annoyance.

  
"And I just told you, I wanted to forget!" Glimmer repeats fiercely.

  
"You wanted to forget me?" I whisper, pained. The queen pinches the bridge of her nose.

  
"Now you're just twisting my words. Besides, it's not like you thought about me much if your long absence is any indication." The purple head bites back. I return my gaze downwards. _'I...might not have thought about them as much as I should've, but they were never far from my mind. In fact, before I'd go to sleep they were the last thing I'd think about. I just...never worked the courage to go back.'_ At my silence, the queen mutters: "Thought so." And I don't have the energy to correct her.

  
"I wish you told him something, maybe he wouldn't hate me so much." I mutter.

  
"What did you want me to tell him? That you're an angel?" Glimmer asks with a raised eyebrow.

  
"Well I'm certainly not the devil! You could've mentioned something, like the story of this embarrassing metal leg for instance." I suggest bitterly, causing the woman's eyebrows to shoot up to her hairline.

  
"O-oh so saving my life is now an embarrassment, is it?" The queen fires back acidly. I grit my teeth and glower at her.

  
"You know that's not what I meant!" I shoot back.

  
"Is it? Because back there it sounded like you regretted that decision." The purple head argues hotly.

  
"That's not true!" I screech.

  
"Then why did you say that you weren't thinking straight?! As if you made a mistake that day." Glimmer highlights, her tone a mixture of hurt and bitterness. My eyelid twitches.

  
"Well maybe I did!" I fire back before I can stop myself. My eyes widen immediately after the words leave my mouth. "Wait, no..." I try to rectify, but the purple head has already taken a step back in shock. She stares at me for the longest time before spinning on her heels and marching towards the door.

  
"Well I'm sorry I was such a big mistake to you." Glimmer lashes back, but I can hear the wounded undertone and I quickly scramble off the mattress.

  
"No! T-That isn't true!" I cry out, moving towards the queen, but she dances out of reach and slams the door just before I get to her. I stare at the closed door with an open mouth before my lips curl in rage and I slam my fist against a wall, ignoring the shooting pain that runs up my arm. _'This was a mistake. I shouldn't have come back. The two of us are just too incompatible.'_

I turn my back to the door. _'Then why does my heart leap in her presence and my being ache when she's hurt?'_ I shake my head viciously. _'A fool. That's what I am.'_ I decide and head to bed. Ignoring how my chest tightens at going to sleep while things between us are so wrong and twisted. _'It's not fair. Why couldn't the years have been kind to us?'_ I whine internally and roll over onto my stomach to press my face into my pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ouch...never talk when you're emotional, you tend to say things that you don't mean.  
> Welp, this was a great place to end the chapter on, wasn't it? XD  
> So, I'm starting to add some layers to Micah, I hope he didn't come across as totally mean but then again I feel his actions will make more sense later, maybe. And hey he acknowledged he should say sorry, that's pretty good right?
> 
> Next chapter is Adora & Bow going on another mission and they kind of have an argument...fingers crossed I'll update tomorrow, I've got my last placement tomorrow and then lectures re-start on Monday which is always a joy XD


	43. Seizure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora and Bow goes on a mission, but a heated argument cuts it short.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit gory I guess? Or at least it's quite detailed in the pain factor, so just a heads up.   
> Hope you enjoy :)

**Adora's POV:**

The next morning, I make my way cautiously to the dining hall, but to my relief and disappointment the girl is surprisingly absent, so I make my way to the communication hub to find the archer reading over a report. He looks up at my entry.

  
"Hey. Thought we could change our approach slightly. Instead of going to towns that have already reported missing children, we visit a new one with a high young population that hasn't been targeted yet." I tilt my head slightly at the suggestion.

  
"You think they won't target the same place twice?" I ask with furrowed eyebrows as the man runs a hand over his head.

  
"Yeah. Every city we went to only reported a single incident. They're probably being extra cautious." Bow voices out his thinking and I nod in response.

  
"Alright, sounds like a plan." I agree and we find ourselves driving in silence. The only movement in the car is my shifting fingers as I tap them mindlessly. Too preoccupied with both Micah's and Glimmer's words from the night before.

  
"Something on your mind?" The archer finally asks. I spare him a glance before looking ahead again.

  
"There's always something on my mind." I answer ruefully.

  
"True, but it seems to be weighing on you a little more heavily with how frantic your hand is there." Bow points out dryly and I still my hands immediately as I throw him an abashed look. I take in a deep breath.

  
"Will you ever forgive me?" The words fire out before I can censor them. The man must've not been expecting that as he slams hard on the brake. We both jolt forward and after a series or mumbled apologies he re-starts the car, keeping his eyes on the road.

  
"That's...quite a tall order." He finally says. I bite the inside of my cheek hard. _'If he can't forgive me then goodbye to any hope of Glimmer forgiving me.'_ I think, disheartened.

  
"O-of course." I mutter, turning my head away to stare out of the window.

  
"I never said it was impossible." My head jerks back in hope at the neutral tone, but the man refuses to meet my eye.

  
"What do I have to do? I'll do anything!" I beg with round eyes, but he shakes his head.

  
"I don't want you to 'have to do' anything. I just want to know...why did you leave us like that? For that long, without a word. I thought we were best friends." The man voices, wounded.

  
"You _**are** _my best friend!" I insist, but he snorts.

  
"You sure didn't act like it." He bites back causing me to wilt back.

"I was occupied with other stuff." I mumble.

"Like what?" He shoots back. I rest my clenched fists on my knees.

  
"Just stuff." I voice vaguely and I catch the sneer on the man's face.

  
"Well stuff sure seems more important than us." He mutters bitterly as I tighten my fists more and I twist my head to stare at him through hardened eyes.

  
"Nothing is more important than you and Glimmer!" I express vehemently.

  
" _ **Then why?!**_ " Bow shouts, hitting his palms harshly against the steering wheel.

Our attention is so focused on our heated conversation that we fail to notice the vehicle veering off the road and straight into a tree trunk. That is, until my gaze strays briefly ahead of me. My eyes widen and I snap out my arm and tug the wheel to the right, narrowly missing the tree and instead we hit several bushes. We jerk off the bumpy pavement until the bushes clear. Only to find the car heading straight over the cliffside. Our mouths open simultaneously while the archer tries braking hard, but we're too close.

I grab the man by the shoulder and kick open the roof hatch, shoving him through as I scramble up behind him. We jump off the roof just as the car takes a nosedive over the cliff and we tumble roughly onto the hard ground. A shooting pain runs up my left side and I black out before I can fully comprehend the feeling. When I next awaken, the sky is a little darker, highlighting the passage of time, how much I'm not sure as a groan ripples through my throat. A second later, Bow's worried face appears in my line of sight.

  
"Thank the stars you're awake. How do you feel? You blacked out and I started panicking." The man rambles as he offers his hand. I take it, but just as I push myself up into a sitting position, a surge of pain encompasses my body and I gasp at the intensity. "Oh gosh, oh gosh." The archer mumbles as he gazes at me through wide frantic eyes. I take in a deep breath through my nostrils, in an attempt to grasp some control of the pain, more for the boy than for me.

  
"How long was I out for?" I breathe out, tightening my hold on the man's hand as I push myself up the rest of the way.

  
"An hour or so? This is all my fault. If I wasn't so focused on being angry with you, this wouldn't have happened." Bow mutters guiltily, but I shake my head.

  
"Hey, that's not true. I was the one who turned the car down a cliff." I remind, hoping to plaster a smile to his face. His lips twitch upwards slightly, but a second later his shoulders slump.

  
"It was either that or a direct collision with the tree." He utters with a shake of his head.

  
"Let's just agree that both options weren't great." I joke, finally earning a small smile from the techmaster.

  
"I guess we've been through worse." He reminds absentmindedly. My lips curl into a smile.

  
"True." I murmur and finally risk a look at the site of pain. I cringe at the crushed metal plate which digs into the flesh of my leg to release a steady flow of blood and presumably trapping some of the leg nerves underneath. "Jeez that looks bad." I mutter to myself. In my focus, I fail to notice the man's face twisting in regret.

  
"Adora, I'm so..." He starts, but I cut him off before he continues.

  
"Really Bow, it's ok. This wouldn't have happened if I didn't leave eh?" I try to reassure, but if anything the man wilts even more and for the first time in years I see the archer's eyes fill with tears.

  
"We've been treating you terribly since you got here and you're trying to make _**me** _feel better?" Bow utters, his throat catching. A wave of compassion washes over me and I go to elbow him lightly.

  
"Of course I'm trying to make you feel better. You're important to me." I murmur warmly which causes his building tears to fall as he reaches over to engulf me in a hug. My breathing catches at being surrounded by his comfortable warmth for the first time in years and I sink into the embrace immediately.

  
"You have no idea how much I missed you. And when you came back so flamboyant like nothing happened, it hurt." Bow confesses in a whisper. I bite my lip hard.

  
"I know. I just...so much has happened and it didn't register that you were actually there, in front of me. It was so surreal. I...wish I was there for you when you needed me and I'll do everything in my power to make it up to you." I vow earnestly. I feel the man's arms tightening around me.

"Stay. Please." The plea in his voice is so raw that my heart nearly breaks in two at the sound.

  
"I want to, but..." I pause, several things run through my head for reasons why I can't stay, but I settle for the most recent one. "...King Micah hates me and wants me gone." I admit with a forlorn expression, prompting the techmaster to withdraw as he looks at me with raised eyebrows.

  
"Hates you? King Micah doesn't seem capable of hating anyone. He even treats Shadow Weaver cordially." Bow states in surprise. I dip my head forward, _'Great, I'm **that** bad.'_

  
"Well, seems like I'm the exception to the rule." I utter ruefully as the man furrows his eyebrows.

  
"So that's what you were so preoccupied with earlier. He paid you a visit?" The Captain asks. I exhale heavily.

  
"Yeah. That man is harsh when he wants to be." I voice distastefully, causing my former best friend to really stare at me.

  
"Wow, I don't think I've ever seen him be harsh. He's always so fun loving and..." Bow trails off at my sour expression. "Sorry." He apologises with a sheepish smile. I sigh and shake my head.

  
"It's alright. I just need to prove to him that I'm not as bad as he thinks I am." I say as the archer tilts his head to one side in thought.

  
"Why not tell him how you got this metal leg? That will give you some bonus points." The techmaster suggests, but I slump my shoulders in disagreement.

  
"I don't want him to like me for any actions I did in the past. I want him to like me for who I am _**now**_. Besides, Glimmer doesn't seem keen on me telling him." I reply bitterly as the man blinks.

  
"What, why?" He queries in confusion. I shrug.

  
"She got all tense and anxious. I feel like...she's trying to erase all memory of me." I confess, this being one of my deepest worries. Bow frowns before nodding his head to himself.

  
"I think she's just trying to protect herself." The archer explains.

  
"But her protecting herself is hurting me." I voice lowly. The man hesitates, unsure on what to say.

  
"We're all hurting." He mumbles at last and I don't know what to say to that. "Let's try to get back and leave this mission for when we're a bit more emotionally stable." Bow utters as his eyes stray to my leg. "Do you think you'll be able to walk?" He asks with knit eyebrows. I try to wiggle my toes, but black dots dance across my vision and I have to bite my tongue to silence my scream.

  
"I...I'll try." I mumble as years of hiding my weaknesses comes to the forefront of my mind, but the man stares at me in disapproval.

  
"You look like you could barely move it and we don't even have transport!" Bow cries out as he massages his forehead. I bump my hand with his.

  
"Hey it's alright. If you hoist me up I can just lean on you. Problem solved." I reassure smoothly. His lips press together firmly.

  
"I don't think we should..." He starts before widening his eyes suddenly. "My com!" He shouts as his hand snaps towards his collar, but it comes away in small broken fragments and the man's face becomes crushed. "Oh no. It must've got destroyed when we landed." Bow voices, his face crestfallen. I raise my eyebrow at him.

  
"What, were you going to use it to send help? This isn't really an emergency." I point out mildly, earning me a glower from the techmaster.

  
"I know that! I was going to call Glimmer. She could've zapped here in no time." The man answers irritably. The beginnings of a smirk is wiped off my face at the mention of the purple head.

  
"Probably for the best." I mumble to myself, prompting the man to jerk his head up in surprise.

  
"Huh?" He voices in confusion.

  
"We...kind of had a disagreement last night." I admit which causes the archer to snort.

  
"When do the two of you not have a disagreement." Bow utters dryly. I shoot him an annoyed glare.

  
"We didn't always used to argue." I retort sharply, but my former best friend just raises his eyebrow.

  
"If you're talking about before the whole portal fiasco then that's ancient history. You've been arguing for nearly as long as the period when you weren't. I've come to accept that your relationship with her will never be what it was before. It's about time you start doing the same." Bow states seriously as he goes to wrap an arm around my shoulders and another around my waist. But I'm still fixated on his words.

  
"No way. We can fix it." I insist stubbornly. The archer sighs to himself as he shifts his hands slightly to get a better leverage.

  
"Ready?" He asks instead. On the count of three I'm pulled upright, but the pain is so intense that I nearly fall back, but Bow remains sturdy, his face a mixture of sorrow and anguish at seeing the agony on my face. "Gosh maybe we should make you a sledge or something." He murmurs thoughtfully, but I shake my head.

  
"No. I just need to get that metal plate out, it's digging into my skin." I grit out, but the archer gawks at me.

  
"Are you crazy?! You're not supposed to take anything out otherwise you'll bleed out. My bandaging was shoddy enough, I don't need you pulling anything out. Stars, I would've thought you knew that." Bow rants angrily.

  
"But...!" I start before being quickly closed down.

  
"No buts! I'm not dragging your bloodless carcass back to Brightmoon thank you very much." The techmaster interrupts fiercely. My jaw drops.

  
"That was a tad bit dark there Bow." I mumble, but he doesn't take it back.

  
"Well at least it got the message across." The archer shoots back which effectively clamps my jaws shut. _'Bow has changed so much that I'm finding it hard to believe its him. How can this be the same guy who thought Huntara was terrifying?'_ I think worriedly.

However, my thoughts come to a halt when we start moving and the jostling to my lower leg is so intense that I force the captain of the police to stop a few metres later. My body's slumped heavily against the boy as I dig my fingernails into my thigh to distract me from the pain, but with little success. I feel the man's arms tightening around me as he takes more and more of my weight.

  
"We should stop." He expresses as a tone of fear enters his voice.

  
"No! We can't be stuck in this forest. Let's just keep moving." I voice firmly as a cloud of dizziness passes over me.

  
"Adora, you're bleeding. Badly. We can't keep walking who knows how long to reach the next town." Bow argues. I press my lips tightly together.

  
"How far away were we before the car crashed?" I ask finally. The archer shoots me a confused glance, but goes to answer anyway.

  
"15 minutes or so?" He replies.

  
"Then leave me here and get to the next town to send some help. You'll be able to get there quicker without me slowing you down." I suggest, but Bow shakes his head violently.

  
"I'm not leaving you here alone! This is the Whispering Woods remember? Anything could come out and attack you." The techmaster bats away stubbornly. I sigh in agitation.

  
"Bow, as much as I hate to admit it, my leg really hurts. So it's either that plan or I slowly bleed to death." I utter sternly, hating the fact that I actually admitted how painful this is. The man's face pales at my confession and it dawns on him how serious this is if I'm actually saying it hurts. He takes a shuddering breath.

  
"Alright. Ok. I'll...I'll be quick." Bow mumbles as he sets me down at the base of a tree, obscured by some leaves and branches. He digs into his pocket and hands me a flashlight and a small circled button. I throw him a perplexed expression.

  
"What's this for?" I ask.

  
"The button is a beacon. I've got an arrow to detect it and find you. The flashlight is to scare away anything that comes near. Hopefully you won't need it." He says before muttering the last sentence.

  
"You do remember that I can turn into She-ra, right?" I question dubiously, earning me a glower.

  
"Yes I know! But you shouldn't be moving, even She-ra has her limits. Stay put. Keep your foot elevated and I'll be back before you know it." Bow orders. I nod and shoot him a feeble smile. He hesitates for a moment before launching himself at me for another hug. "Please don't do anything dumb ok?" The archer requests softly.

  
"Ok." I promise and he gets to his feet. His chocolate orbs gazes at me one time before he shoots off into the dense greenery. I wilt back against the tree stump when he's out of sight. _'Well this mission couldn't be anymore of a disaster. What was I thinking? Walking back into their lives is the last thing they needed. I mean, Bow being angry? It's surreal and it's all because of me. I should just finish the mission on my own and disappear...from their lives...forever.'_ That thought sends a pang of sadness through me. _'Is it so selfish that I want to stay with them? Just for once, couldn't I have things go my way?'_ I ask myself as I jut my lip out.

I'm pulled out of my thoughts when my leg throbs suddenly, glancing down I find the metal plate sinking slightly into the flesh as more blood drizzles to the ground. I bite my bottom lip hard until the taste of metal mixes with my saliva. I bend forward to get a better look of the cut and usually I'm pretty blasé around wounds, but the sight of the gaping gash cut clean through the muscle makes even me queasy and I quickly hide it with Bow's makeshift bandage.

I rest back against the trunk, ignoring the beginnings of a headache as I massage my temple, but the ache becomes more insistent and the urge to close my eyes becomes stronger. My eyelids flicker to a close, but they snap open when I hear a beep. Frowning, I chance a glance at my watch and find a yellow alert symbol on the screen, prompting me to chew my lip worriedly. _'Oh gosh, the nervous synaptic connections are failing because of the damage to the wires. If Bow doesn't get here soon then I'm going to be in a world of hurt.'_

  
"Come on Bow." I urge quietly, but I'm met with just silence. _'I was fortunate that the last time I went into a full body irreversible seizure, Entrapta was around to make this tech for me. Not sure how lucky I'll be this ti...'_ I stop, eyes widening as I stare down at my watch before slapping my forehead. I regret the action immediately when my headache flares and grimace. I squint my eyes through the pain at the watch as I recall it's telecom abilities. _'Dumb-brain. I could've got Bow to call someone on it.'_ I rebuke myself as I click the button at the side. I chew my lip, _'I've only got two contacts on here: Huntara and...Catra.' The latter one is still a surprise even after all this time. I found her about a year or two after I left. Never saw her so low before. It took a while, but we slowly rebuilt what we had...after the first few initial fights of course.'_

I hesitate. _'I so do not want grief from her and neither from Huntara for that matter.'_ I rub my drooping eyes, it's becoming harder to stay awake. I furrow my eyebrows in indecision. _'To call or not to call...wait. Huntara must have the contact number for Brightmoon! She could contact Glimmer for me. Although...do I really want to face the queen after yesterday?'_ A heavy sigh escapes me when I realise it's a no. In my annoyance, I dig the base of my palms into my eye sockets, but immediately regret it when the world spins around me.

A chill runs through my body, but my hair is strangely matted to my forehead from the sweat. Waves of nausea crash into me and I start shivering violently. In one fell swoop I turn to my side and empty out my stomach. The gag reflex isn't doing my leg any favours as my body shudders while I vomit. The temptation to curl into myself is enticing, but the slightest movement causes black spots to dance across my vision. My headache becomes so intense that it feels like I'm pounding my skull against thick concrete and without meaning to, I slide down the trunk until my whole body lies in the cold ground.

Another shudder encompasses me and the sick sensation increases to the point that I have to wrap my arms around my abdomen and roll over to my side, but a scream rips through my throat as the metal plate digs deeper into my flesh, leaving my eyes moist with tears. I grind my teeth to distract myself. _'Aurgh, I should...call...'_ With tightly screwed eyes, I call Huntara. Her voice clicks on a few seconds later.

  
"About time you called. Was starting to think you were ditching me this time round." I ignore the woman's taunt and go straight in with my question.

  
"Do you have Brightmoon's telecom number?" I croak out. The radio crackles for several moments in eerie silence.

  
"I do. Why?" The tone is hesitant and my mind is too foggy with pain to comprehend why.

  
"Can you call them? Get in touch with the queen if you can. Say that...Bow needs help." I lie. I'm not sure if I slipped out of consciousness for a second there because the next thing I hear is Huntara repeating my name. "Huh?" I moan out as my forehead wrinkles in concentration.

  
"What's going on? You weren't answering me for a good minute there." The Crimson Waste's leader demands.

  
"I'm fine. Have you made contact?" I ask between grit teeth, as pain slams into my skull.

  
"I have. Should I put you through?" My eyelids fly open at the question.

  
"No! Wait..." I start, but too late she's clicked off, leaving me with the queen on the line.

  
"Who is this? Unregulated numbers aren't allowed access to this channel." The queen states seriously. I gulp and click off. I close my eyes and ride out each and every single wave of pain from my leg as it becomes more intense. My wrist vibrates and without thinking I tap it on. "You didn't tell me who you are." The queen's voice leaks into my ears and I struggle to open my eyes to switch the darn thing off. I swallow back the bile in my throat in the hopes I'll be clear.

  
"Bow needs help." I mutter and fumbling with the device I turn it back off. When it vibrates a second time, I ignore it. Praying that Bow will come soon with help. After that I seem to drift in and out of consciousness, my body begs to go under but it's only due to my stubborn nature that I walk along the thin line of living. In my daze I think I hear running feet getting closer and I flinch, hoping that it isn't a wild animal or rebels.

  
"Adora!" I hear a masculine shout and skidding feet. I try to respond, but my tongue is stuck to the roof of my mouth and pain slams into me. I curl into myself as much as I can. Or at least I try to. I'm so unaware of the world around me that I'm not sure if the hands that grasp at me are real or not. And then the seizure happens. I gasp as my body thumps uncontrollably against the ground, slamming my injured leg again and again on the dirt. Something pulls at my flailing arms and legs. I cry out at the sudden jerk.

"Adora!" The voice is feminine this time. I'm so confused. My eyes open briefly to catch a shot of purple but they clamp back shut as my whole body continues its spasming. In the agony, I bite my tongue. A rush of metallic liquid lines my taste buds, but the pain doesn't go away. If anything, it's getting more and more unbearable as time passes. _'Let it end.'_ Is the only coherent thought that makes its way into my mind, but otherwise all I can comprehend is white hot blinding pain.

More touches here and there. A squeeze at the shoulder. A brush of the hand. A stiff tug on the leg. Until all feeling just blurs into one big fuzzy mess. Then, it stops. Everything: the pain, feelings, thoughts - they all cease. And I'm granted sweet relief.

~=~

When my awareness starts to return, I groggily flutter my eyelids open. The light is so blinding that I promptly close them. That is, until I hear a voice.

  
"You're awake." It takes a moment for me to place the voice, but when I do my eyes fling back open to find King Micah standing a few paces back.

When he sees me looking at him, he takes a few steps towards my bed and takes a seat by the chair located adjacently. I groan internally. _'I so do not want a scolding now of all times.'_ I try to swallow, but my throat is so dry and scratchy that I end up coughing. The man promptly casts a small circle and a second later a glass of water appears by my lips. I throw the man a cautious glance but he motions for me to drink. I take a few sips of the ice cold water and nod in thanks.

"How are you feeling?" I nearly balk at the uncharacteristically concerned question. But he waits so expectantly, as if used to be obeyed, that I find myself answering.

  
"Raw." I croak out. The king nods in response, before sighing.

  
"Bow and you had a little tiff." He states as a matter-of-factly. My mouth moves wordlessly before I drop my gaze.

  
"He told you." I utter quietly, disappointed that the king is just going to have more of a reason to hate me, especially judging by Bow's reaction on how well the two of them get along.

  
"Well he couldn't very well not tell us what happened, could he?" I sink further into my bed at the admonishing tone. Closing my eyes, I breathe through my nostrils, ready for the backlash.

  
"Alright, get on with it." I voice, detached. The man scrunches his eyebrows together in confusion.

  
"Get on with what?" He echoes. I open one eye to look at him expectantly.

  
"The whole kicking me out of here. I know you don't like me." I say and watch as Micah's eyebrows rise up.

  
"You're right, I don't like you, but I'm not kicking you out. Firstly because of Glimmer. She's been pretty adamant that we let you decide that and despite my reservations I plan to stick to my word. Secondly, there's something about you. I can't quite put my finger on it, but you intrigue me." The King lists off as I stare at him.

  
"Thank you?" I utter unsurely, unable to decide whether I should be relieved or not.

  
"It wasn't a compliment." He states blandly. I bite my tongue.

  
"Sorry." I mumble, but if anything the man just gazes at me critically.

  
"You apologise a lot." He observes and I squirm under his analytical eyes.

  
"Sor-" I cut myself off when I realise I'm just proving his statement correct. The corner of his lips twitch slightly.

  
"I can see why Glimmer and Bow were so attached to you. The three of you are very similar which makes it hard to understand why you'd leave them." Micah murmurs in thought. I swallow and flicker my blue orbs away.

  
"You weren't there Your Majesty." I utter, prompting the man to hum thoughtfully before he straightens up.

  
"That's true. Perhaps one day you'll tell me your version of events. But for now, I want to know the story of your leg." The father queries. I choke on my saliva at the question.

  
"I, er...why?" I ask, befuddled.

  
"Other than the fact you arrived here having a full blown seizure? You and my daughter were behaving very strangely last night. There's obviously a story to tell that involves the two of you and I want to hear it." Micah replies smoothly and I cringe at knowing that the King saw me in such a state. My lips move up and down, but no words come out. I turn my head to the side, clenching my hand as I recall my conversation with the Queen last night.

  
"With all due respect Your Majesty, I get the feeling that the Queen doesn't want me to talk about it. If you want to know, you'll have to ask her." I say finally, turning my head back to the King. He observes me carefully before nodding.

  
"A noble gesture. You are a confusing person She-ra." He responds and I'm about to open my mouth to correct him with regards to my name until a set of clicking heels sound nearby. "I suppose that's my cue." Micah voices as he rises to his feet just as Glimmer appears at the doorway. She looks between us before setting her lavender irises on her father.

"Dad, I hope you haven't been giving her anymore grief." The Queen utters firmly. The man in question opens his mouth to respond, but I cut in before he can speak.

  
"Actually King Micah has been very accommodating, even gave me some water." I defend. The queen seems taken-back by my words and raises her eyebrow sceptically. Even the King appears surprised as he glimpses back at me in disbelief.

  
"Hm if you're sure." The purple head murmurs before directing her gaze back to her father. "Dad is it ok...?" She trails off, but the man seems to understand as he steps away from me and goes to exit the room. On the last second, he twists his head halfway to shoot me a side-glance.

  
"Hope you get better soon Adora." He bids and disappears before I can reply. I gawk at the place where he once stood. _'I do not understand that man.'_ I think finally until I realise I'm not alone and I lift my eyes to meet the Queen's gaze.

From this distance she seems well put together, regal even, but when she crosses the room and takes residence on her father's chair, her natural beauty becomes distorted this close up. Her hair is slightly unkempt with strands of pink sticking out in opposite directions. Her eyelids are lined with black bags and circles of red which I realise a beat later must've been as a result of crying. Guilt settles heavily on my chest, making me wonder how much of her state is down to me and my presence.

"How are you feeling?" The girl asks and I'm hit with a bout of deja-vu from when her father asked the same thing.

"Sore, but mainly numb. Did Entrapta...?" I leave the question hanging and the purple head nods in confirmation.

  
"Yes. She worked on you as soon as we brought you back here. Why on earth did you tell me that Bow needs help?" She asks in confused frustration. I shrug helplessly, but regret the motion when my body twinges in discomfort.

  
"I don't know. I didn't..." I stop, struggling to say the words. Glimmer watches me through squinted eyes before something dawns on her.

  
"You still find it hard to ask for help." She mutters with a head shake. A slight sigh escapes her as she runs a hand through her hair.

  
"I'm sorry. I thought it would still get the message across." I apologise, biting my lip.

  
"Adora." I flinch at hearing my name, having realised that she only uses my name when she's about to tell me off. The purple head stops, frowning. "What's wrong?" She asks.

  
"Sorry, I just...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you." I mumble, but the girl is shaking her head.

  
"No, why did you flinch?" Glimmer clarifies, her lilac irises penetrating into me. My throat dries and I chew my lip anxiously.

  
"It's just...you tend to use my name when you're going to tell me off." I mumble with averted eyes. The queen doesn't say anything for several moments and when I risk a glance at her at the continued silence I find her mimicking my movements with biting her lip.

  
"I...I didn't mean to. It just came out like that. I told you I don't want to get attached so I'm...." I interrupt her.

  
"So you're avoiding to say my name." I finish for her, having pieced that together myself but it doesn't hurt any less. Glimmer shoots me an apologetic look.

  
"I'm sorry." She murmurs.

  
"It doesn't matter. It's up to you." I mutter, my throat constricting and I'm taken back to a time when all I was, was a number. I have to close my eyes at the resurfacing feelings. I feel air brushing against my hand and I open my eyes to find the woman's head turned to the side.

  
"When you told me that Bow needed help, and I didn't know it was you on the other end, I panicked. I thought the worst and was so confused when he was fine and said _**you** _needed help. Aurgh you make me feel things I don't want to feel." My heart constricts at her whispered confession. "You make me care." Glimmer breathes out quietly.

  
"I-I'm sorry. I can go?" I suggest, but no sooner do those words leave my mouth I find my hand being grasped tightly.

  
"No. T-That's not what I meant. I just...I need to sort it out on my own." She mumbles with a tired sigh. "It really scared me. Seeing you like that. Before, it was just a leg spasm but yesterday it was a full body seizure. What...how?" Glimmer stutters, struggling to get the words out. I look away, unable to handle the intensity of her emotions.

  
"Remember that I told you my condition was getting worse? Well, that's it. Entrapta's tech not only helps me to walk, but stops me from going into a seizure. Something about the nerve connections or whatnot. When I damaged it, well..." I trail off with a shrug. Not wanting to tell her the full truth of why the seizures started. _'The Heart of Etheria project seems like a touchy subject for her anyway.'_ I watch as the purple head dips her head low, but not before I catch a spot of water in her eyes.

  
"I'm sorry for last night. You have every right to regret your decision, especially when it causes this." Glimmer utters quietly as she motions to my bandaged limb. I widen my eyes before snapping my arm out towards her to clutch her forearm tightly, ignoring the way my body protests at the rough movement.

  
"I told you, I just made that up on the spot because I felt you didn't want me to tell your dad. I never regretted that decision. Heck that's the only decision in my life that I know with 100% certainty that I'd do again, even with the knowledge of what it would lead to."' I state firmly, staring at the girl resolutely as I try to get my point across.

  
"But why?" She asks, her voice small.

  
"I told you years ago and my answer hasn't changed. You're my best friend. I'd rather take anything instead of seeing you in pain. You might not believe me, but I still care about you as much as I've always done." I answer resolutely, shocking the purple head. Her face softens as she gazes at me.

  
"You really haven't changed much, have you?" She murmurs as her hand settles on top of mine. My body warms at her gentle touch.

  
"I really missed you." I express quietly. She raises her lilac irises to my sky ones, gazing at me with a tired smile.

  
"Same." Glimmer voices as she gives my hand a squeeze. "I'm sorry for accusing you otherwise." She apologises while her thumb brushes over my knuckles. My eyes flicker to a close at the soft gesture.

  
"It's alright. I guess it appeared differently from my side." I say with a sigh.

  
"I'll leave you to sleep." At the queen's words I feel her grip loosening. My fingers tighten around hers.

  
"Don't go." I mumble, but the corners of sleep start weighing heavily on my being.

  
"I'll come back." Glimmer promises, but I keep my hold on her.

  
"Please." I utter with a yawn, tiredness looming closer. I can sense the woman's confliction. She releases a resigned sigh.

  
"Alright. Just for a little while." The purple head murmurs quietly which is good enough for me as I drift into a deep sleep with her hand still in mine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yep because Adora's condition deteriorated so much, she now relies on the tech on her leg to stop her from going into seizures, without it or if it's badly damaged it means she'll be going into a seizure. And I think that's pretty much everything about her metal leg and what it does.
> 
> Sooo a bit more of Micah, I mean he's not entirely cold-hearted XD Anddd so now you know that Catra is in the Crimson Waste and spent the last few years with Adora there. In my mind, Catra was slowly going down a downward spiral and she just kept feeling worse and worse, emotionally & mentally. I suppose when she hadn't seen Adora for the better part of two or more years she started losing some of her drive for fighting so hard because there wasn't anyone to prove herself to. No Shadow Weaver, no Adora and by mid-way through s4 she had already proved herself to Hordak, so what was left? She was at the Crimson Waste to get away from the Horde for a short break where she bumped into Adora. They fought and talked it out. A quote I've heard before: when you're at your lowest point (like Catra was), you're open to the greatest change. I'm starting to realise that it would've been a good idea if I wrote a flashback scene for it, but unfortunately I didn't. I might see if I can incorporate one later, we'll see. But that's the main gist for you guys to be informed.
> 
> I quite like the next chapter, it's back to Glimmer's POV where we spend some time with both Bow and her dad.
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	44. I'm A Coward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glimmer bumps into Bow in the kitchen and as they talk Micah joins the conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't why but I quite like this chapter, think it provides more insight on what's going on in Glimmer's head.
> 
> There are definite triggers of harm in this chapter, so prepare yourselves. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy & Thank you all for the support :) <3

**Glimmer's POV:**

  
I watch as the blonde slips into a deep slumber and I can't help the fond smile that tugs at my lips at watching the girl sleeping so peacefully. With my free hand I reach over and brush a few stray strands off her forehead. The warrior smiles contentedly and sinks deeper into the mattress. I bite back my smile at the action. _'Just being here reminds me of all the reasons why I love the girl. Her sweetness, her strength, her vulnerabilities. It makes me want to protect her with all I have.'_

My eyes flicker down to her bandaged leg, a patch of red already staining through and my heart constricts painfully at seeing her hurt again. _'I forget that she's just as breakable as we are.'_ My eyes move up her leg to settle on her covered thighs, but the image of her scars are firmly etched into my brain and I can't help but wonder if she's kept her promise and stopped self-inflicting wounds on herself. My free hand goes to my gloved wrist that still holds the woman's hand. I shiver and drop my hand away.

With a sigh, I watch the blonde for several more minutes, observing the way her chest rises up and down with each quiet breath and I wish I could spend the rest of my day here with her. With a regrettable exhale I slide my hand out of her loose one as my eyes flicker over her form once more, taking in all the small changes that I was too stubborn to examine before. My eyes linger on the scar along her jawline, frowning at it's presence. I go to brush it lightly and find it just as deep as it looks.

The blonde scrunches her nose up briefly before returning back to her peaceful slumber. _'I wonder what happened here? Who hurt you and marred your perfect skin?'_ I think as a flash of rage runs through me. Blinking, I snatch my hand away at the unbidden anger. Slowly, I step back as I take a final glance at the warrior. The scar on her eyebrow from that night sits proudly in its faded glory, hammering home the reminder that this scar is my fault.

Abruptly I turn my head away, having had enough of all the stories that lines the woman's face, including the barely visible scab that was almost healed with the healing rune. I swiftly exit the room to head to the kitchen for a bite to eat before continuing my mountains of paperwork. As soon as I step foot into the kitchen, I spot Bow rummaging through the fridge. A smirk graces my face as I walk towards the man.

  
"Hungry?" I state, causing the boy to jump as he turns round to face me with a sheepish grin.

  
"It's called stress eating. And yeah." He mumbles as he picks up a chocolate éclair to munch on. I raise an eyebrow.

  
"Stress eating?" I repeat back. He puts down the desert and averts his eyes.

  
"Yeah. I feel so bad for what I did to Adora. If only I wasn't so mad at her, I wouldn't have crashed the car and she wouldn't have went into a full blown seizure." Bow mutters bitterly. I furrow my eyebrows and reach a hand out to settle on his shoulder.

  
"Bow, you didn't mean for that to happen. You can't blame yourself for accidents." I urge sincerely, but he shakes his head.

  
"That doesn't make it any less my fault." He grumbles. A sigh escapes my lips.

  
"I get it. The guilt kind of eats away at you." I mumble while dropping my eyes to the ground. The archer releases a humourless bark of laughter.

  
"Look at us, we're still such a mess. 6 years later and we're still behaving like children." Bow complains while rubbing his forehead. A rueful smile appears on my face at the comment and I look up, ready to agree with that statement until a voice sounds behind us.

  
"I'm not sure what glasses you two are wearing, but all I see are a pair of responsible adults." My dad comments as he joins us by the fridge. I smile up at him, touched by his words. Words I wish I believed.

  
"Thanks Dad, but Bow's right. We are a mess." I say with a sigh. The King wraps an arm around Bow and I, his face serious.

  
"You both aren't a mess. You were children forced to grow up too soon. But look at all you've accomplished on your own. Together the two of you ended a war that your mother and I struggled to fight in for decades. You re-established the Princess Alliance all by yourselves. And you've been essentially running the kingdom single-handedly for 7 years now. You should be so proud of yourselves." My eyes start to water as my dad continues listing off all the things we've accomplished and I didn't realise how far we've come until it was put into perspective like that.

My features start to contour into a grateful expression until I hear the word Princess Alliance. _'I couldn't have done that without Adora. And my first year of ruling? Also wouldn't have went as smoothly without the blonde's direction.'_ I bite my lip when I recall the warrior's prior words. _'Have I really never mentioned one good thing about Adora to my dad?'_ The realisation is sickening, especially considering how much she's done for me in those few years I knew her. I open my mouth, ready to rectify that, even if its just a little bit.

  
"Actually, Bow and I wouldn't have got the Princess Alliance together in the first place if it wasn't for..." I trail off, still struggling to say the blonde's name aloud and then I recall what the woman said just mere moments ago. How I only ever say her name when I'm mad. But the truth is I make a conscious effort to refrain from uttering her name, in fear of getting attached again, but the few times I have slipped up was because I was emotionally tested. "...Adora." I finish quietly. My dad watches me carefully, probably surprised that I've actually voiced her name after all this time of referring to her as 'She-ra' or the 'Princess of Power.' He rubs his chin, an action I've come to associate with when he's thinking deeply about something. He turns his head to my childhood friend.

  
"Bow, would it be possible if I talk to my daughter alone?" Micah requests. Bow frowns and flickers his gaze to me. I shrug, equally as confused as he is. The archer purses his lips before nodding and swiftly leaves the room with a backward glance. I shoot him a reassuring smile before turning my attention to my dad.

  
"Dad?" I voice in confusion and watch as he takes a deep breath.

  
"Can you tell me the story behind you and this girl? I feel like there's a lot more that I've missed out on." He requests, a touch of sadness leaks into his eyes. I open my mouth, but no words come out.

  
"There's not much more to tell really." I mutter, flickering my eyes away from the man.

  
"I know that's not true. I've seen the way you look at her." He highlights gently. I frown and return my lilac irises to the King.

  
"What do you mean?" I ask cautiously just as Micah takes a step towards me.

  
"I mean, when you don't think she's looking you watch her with that look in your eye, like she's very special. Excuse the pun, but if I didn't know better it seems you adore her. And I've only ever seen you gaze like that at me when I first arrived." I stare at him with slack jaws, shocked that he's able to read me that well. _'I know he's my father, but it's only been a few years since we've re-connected.'_ Embarrassed, I turn my head to the side. My cheeks redden at having my emotions so exposed like this. A second later, I feel fatherly hands turning my head back. My dad watches me in concern and I take in a deep breath.

  
"Bow and I met her in the Whispering Woods. We were following a First One signal which turned out to be the Sword of Power and apparently she was looking for the same thing. We didn't exactly...click." I recall with a faint smile, remembering how I pulled at her hair that day. "We grabbed the sword from her and decided to take her back to Brightmoon as a prisoner." I continue, earning a smile from my father.

  
"Aw my baby girl was already taking prisoners." He weeps and goes to wipe a tear. I flush.

  
"Daaaaad." I moan, but he just laughs and motions for me to continue.

  
"Long story short, Bow and I were terrible prison keepers, especially since I forgot to recharge before looking for that sword. But despite being a Horde soldier, she never tried to escape or hurt us. She really thought that the Horde were the good guys. And when we ran into a village hosting a party, we found that she had never been to one before. And typical Bow he wasn't going to let her go without giving her the full experience." I explain with a rueful expression. Micah snorts at this.

  
"That boy has so much energy to spare." He murmurs fondly with a head shake. My throat constricts when I realise that I've denied Adora the opportunity to be seen by my dad in the same positive light. And now it will take a lot for my dad to change his negative perspective on her. I bite the inside of my cheek, wishing I hadn't spoken so bitterly about the blonde around him. I force a smile to my face to hide my thoughts on the matter.

  
"That's what's so great about him." I comment, reminiscing on all the times that his upbeat attitude made me laugh.

  
"So what happened next?" My dad asks, his face intrigued and eyes wide with interest. I swallow.

  
"When I saw how excited she was for things I took for granted, I started feeling sorry for her and even started to warm up to the girl. Then the Horde attacked. Apparently she was briefed about it before she left, but was told that it was a heavily fortified base and not a civilian town. She got that determined look in her eyes and ran off to try to stop it. And...she did. Completely stopped the attack when she turned into She-ra and after that she came home with us. Bow and I tried to break down her Horde ideals, which we did, but not completely, even now she's still holding onto some of their behaviours." I pause, scrunching up my nose in distaste at her earlier words. "Like not asking for help when she needs it." I grumble in frustration.

I shake my head, pushing my feelings of the matter to one side. "Mum was...weary of her at first, but grew to love her. And we went on a bunch of missions, re-building the Alliance, fighting the Horde and so forth." I state vaguely before dropped my eyes to the floor. "Bow called us the Best Friend Squad." I mumble with a pang.

  
"Then she left." King Micah finishes, but I shake my head, not feeling right with the way he worded it.

  
"No. I pushed her away. After Mum...we started arguing. A lot. Our easy friendship vanished. It became stifling and was like pulling teeth out when we spoke to each other. We were never able to agree on anything." The admittance stings me.

I bite my lip, closing my eyes briefly as I say my next words. "But, even though we were constantly at each other's throats, the love and care we had for each other was always at the forefront of our minds, even in the middle of our arguments. And...that's why it had hurt so much when she decided to leave. It was like...like she just gave up on it. On us. On our friendship and I never imagined that the most stubborn person I know would ever give up." I confess quietly. My dad's face crumples and its then that I realise I'm crying as he takes me in his arms.

  
"Oh my sweet Glimmer. I didn't realise what a long history you had with the Horde soldier." He murmurs into my hair. I shake my head.

  
"Not a Horde soldier. She hasn't been one for such a long time." I point out in a low voice.

  
"Alright. Adora it is then." I shudder at hearing her name said so easily and causally. It makes me envious that I can't bring myself to say the name with such ease. The king must've noticed my reaction as he adds: "Unless you prefer me to call her something else?" I flick my head to either side.

  
"No, no. That's fine." I insist, hoping to get over my personal blockade. The room enters an eerie silence before it's broken by my father.

  
"You know, if I wasn't so mad at her for hurting you so deeply, I would really admire her. She's got a lot of drive and a good set of morals. I can see why you care about her so much." Micah utters in observation.

  
"You shouldn't be mad at her." I argue weakly, but we both know that's a lie.

  
"How can I not be mad at the person who's the reason that my little girl nearly took her life?" I cringe at hearing my terrible mistake spoken so bluntly like that in the open. And I know it's in my head, but I'm so sure that I feel the scar on my wrist burning with a raging fire.

  
"Dad..." I start, but I feel him shake his head.

  
"I've already lost your Mum sweetheart and I was this close from losing you too. And all as a result of the same person? It's impossible not to be mad at her. All the good she's done, it pales in comparison to those two acts." I wince when I hear the edge in his tone.

  
"I told you Dad, Mum _**chose** _to make that decision." I protest, but he doesn't listen.

  
"She wouldn't have to, if that portal was never opened by that girl." He argues and I purse my lips.

  
"It's not like she willingly opened it. She was captured." I remind him.

  
"Then it's her fault for getting captured or for going to the Crimson Waste. That place is dangerous, but she took you two there anyway." I pull away at the abrasiveness in his voice.

  
"She wanted to find out more about her past. That's only fair." I defend, but he crosses his arms.

  
"And did she? Even now, do you think she's any closer to finding her family?" I open my mouth at his question, but promptly close it and look away. "Exactly. Your mother gave her life for that girl and in return she didn't even have the guts to stay here. Angie made a mistake." I snap my head up at my dad's words and glare at him with fierce eyes.

  
"You weren't there! Things between us became impossible." I growl out, annoyed at his I-know-better tone. He raises an eyebrow at me.

  
"I don't understand why are you defending her when you told me just last month that you hated her." I clench my teeth so hard that I feel a throb at my jawline before finally throwing my arms up in the air.

  
"Do you think I'm not asking myself that same question?!" I holler, before dropping to a hushed whisper. "I _**want** _to be mad at her. I want to hate her. Because that's so much easier. Because that hurts less. But...I can't. You said it. She's special to me. She always has been and...she always will be. No matter what mistakes or faults she has. She's...Adora." I choke out and give the man my back.

"When I look at her, I see all the tortures that the Horde put her through, I see how hard she pushes herself, I see how much she beats herself up for things that aren't even in her control. And when I see those things, I just want to gather her up in my arms and protect her from it all. Even...even to protect her from myself." My voice is barely louder than a breath as I turn back to face my father with hard eyes. "That's why I still defend her. She's family and until recently I forgot that. You might be mad at her for being the reason Mum's gone. Trust me, I certainly was, but it _**wasn't** _her fault." I utter firmly and watch as a variety of emotions flicker through his face before he releases a resigned sigh and takes a step towards me.

  
"I do trust you. And maybe I can forgive her for the part she played in your Mum's sacrifice, especially when I know Angella must've seen something amazing in Adora to have saved her life. But, for the meantime, what I've seen her do to you is unforgivable." My face falls at hearing those words. He shoots me a sad gaze at seeing my expression and rests his hands on my shoulders. "I promise you though, that I won't stop trying to see the things that you see in her. You know I love Bow, hopefully one day I'll be able to feel the same towards her." I release a sigh and reach forward to enwrap him in a hug.

  
"Thanks dad, for wanting to try. I know how it must look from your perspective, but trust me when I say that this girl, she's worth trying for." I murmur as the end of my Dad's beard tickles my cheek. He remains silent for a while.

  
"Can I ask you one more thing?" I blink at the random request and pull away to catch his eyes.

  
"Of course." I answer smoothly.

  
"Adora's leg...?" I stiffen up at the mention and chew my lip.

  
"What about it?" I query statically. He raises an eyebrow.

  
"What's the big secret about it?" He asks outright. My throat becomes dry and I struggle to answer his question. _'The guilt never quite went away.'_ And I want to tell him so badly because maybe this will be the thing that shows him how loyal and precious Adora is, but I can't bring myself to do it. Too much of a coward to reveal to him that I'm the reason she's disabled. I might've tried to commit suicide in a brief second of weakness, but I'm perfectly fine now. What I did to the blonde is far more permanent and debilitating.

And I'm scared that once he knows that I'm the one who's in the wrong, he'll look at me in disgust. I know. It's irrational, but I only just got him back four years ago, I can't stand the thought of losing him, even if it is emotionally. He was the one who found me after...my attempt. _'Does he really need to know that I'm an even bigger screw up than what he already knows?'_ Bile rises up my throat and I feel sick at just imagining his reaction when he realises that he should be on Adora's side and not mine. And I _**know** _it's selfish and I'm doing Adora a great disservice by not telling him, but I pathetically keep my jaws clamped.

  
"No secret. She got hurt on a mission. End of." I mutter firmly, hoping my face is straight, but I see the flash of disappointment in his eyes.

  
"Jeez, the two of you and your secrets. What does an old man have to do around here to be included?" The king complains jokingly, but I know its to play off the hurt he feels. I bite my tongue, wishing I was brave enough to tell him and hating that I'm disappointing him. _'It's enough I got that from my mother.'_ I think anxiously.

  
"You're not old." I say instead, trying to veer the conversation off to another topic. He watches me in amusement, as if picking up on the intention behind my words, but he plays along as he points at the grey streaks on either side of his head.

  
"Don't know about your sweetheart, but the grey here is definitely not a fashion statement." I crack a grin at that, loving how easily he makes me smile and not for the first time do I wish Mum was here to share these sweet moments with us. I reach forward and comb back his hair.

  
"I think it suits you. Makes you look wise." I say with a sweet smile, my Dad starts to smile before he goes over the words in his head and he looks at me sceptically.

  
"Are you implying I'm not wise?" He teases in mock hurt. I snort and link my arm with his while steering us out of the kitchen.

  
"Nah, you're my sweet goofy Dad who's going to help me understand some laws." I tease back. His jaw drops before releasing a bark of laughter.

  
"I'm hurt that I'm only needed for my experience on royal affairs." The man jokes with wounded eyes. I elbow him, his words hitting a little too close to home and I find myself tightening my hold around his arm.

  
"No Dad, I always need you." I voice quietly. Micah senses the melancholy in my tone as he reaches forward to settle his hand on mine.

  
"And you've always got me. I'm never going anywhere again. You can count on that. And as for your Mum? I can say without a doubt that she'd be incredibly proud of the young woman you've become. Just as I am." My dad utters softly, giving my hand a squeeze. A lump lodges itself at the back of my throat and I quickly swipe at the tears that line my eyelids.

  
"Thanks Dad." I murmur and we continue the rest of the walk to the study in banter and jokes, bonding over lost time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right. So quite a big revelation there huh? A dark one at that. Again, I have no experience about suicide so I apologise if I don't write it accurately. Most experience I've had is a friend of mine lost her best friend (who I didn't know) through suicide and seeing how distraught my friend was really moved me. I'll add more to this in the coming chapters for sure, but I hope that this sheds some light on Micah's seemingly out of character brash behaviour towards Adora. 
> 
> I thought it was really important to see more of interactions between Glimmer and her dad. An issue I had with s5 is that we got only 5 seconds or so between the two and I wanted to build more on their relationship. Of course, I'd imagine in my story Micah is a lot more overprotective over Glimmer than he prob would've been in canon, but then again, outside his sister, Glimmer is all he has of his family and so he may be more cautious than he would've been otherwise. I don't know, just my thoughts. Maybe it's because I have an overprotective dad that I'm writing him like this.
> 
> Next chapter doesn't have much substance tbh, but it's still an enjoyable read I'd say. We're back to Adora's POV and we have her and Glimmer talking a bit...that usually goes well, right? XD See you tomorrow!


	45. Choosing Sides

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora attempts to get out of bed to get some food and she ends up getting some help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Completely off topic, but I just finished watching S4 of Carmen Sandiego and it was brilliant! I don't understand why some people are disappointed with it, personally if we found out Carmen's real name, it would've just felt weird, like she owned the name Carmen Sandiego, we didn't need to know her real name or Player's for that matter, those names suit them and are linked to their identity that we've come to love, a new name would fragment that slightly. I thought it was a great ending and I'm frankly impressed at how they've managed to tie all the loose ends in just 8eps, I was worried there'd be lots of unanswered questions but nope, they covered all the things I wanted to see and more and I give them kudos for that. Not many shows have a satisfying end, but this one did.  
> They get extra bonus points for FINALLY being the first animated show that has NO romance!!! I was so stoked and over the moon. Hopefully this will set a valuable precedent to others that you can still have an EXCELLENT show without having romance; family and friendship comes with its own dramas and fluff and are just as exciting, if not more so. Anyway, sorry I went on a tantrum, if any of you haven't watched it, I highly recommend! And if you have watched it then I'm always happy to discuss it in the comments XD
> 
> Nothing much happens in this chapter and it's pretty short, but here ya go anyway.

**Several hours later:**

  
**Adora's POV:**

  
I wake up with a start and when my stomach grumbles, I realise it's because I'm hungry. With difficulty I push myself up onto my elbows and find the room shrouded in darkness. _'Wow, I slept a while.'_ I think in surprise. I glimpse at my bandaged limb and attempt to wiggle my toes, but grimace when a sharp pain rushes all the way up my calf. Sighing, I convert my sword into a staff and after several pained grunts and gasps, I get to my feet, or rather one foot, and start hopping out of the room.

The only reason why I haven't face planted onto the ground yet is because I've had to get use to having a busted leg, long before Entrapta intervened with her tinkering. But I've become so reliant on the metal tech that I'm now a bit rusty and find myself having to stop for breath multiple times after each shuffle strains my leg painfully.

  
"You shouldn't be walking." I look up at the blunt tone to find Glimmer standing in front of me with a blank face. I throw her a sheepish smile.

  
"Sorry, I was hungry." I apologise. The queen closes the distance between us as her face flickers with...guilt?

  
"Ah I should've got something sent up to you. I'll take you back and..." I cut her off with a head shake.

  
"No, it's alright. I need to get up and about anyway." I say. The purple head opens her mouth, ready to argue, but thinks better of it and offers me an elbow.

  
"You're crazy, you know that?" She mumbles as I cautiously take hold of her joint and we slowly make our way to the dining hall. I give her a half smile.

  
"Well you knew that when you met me." I remind mildly and watch as the girl's lips twitch into an amused smile, warming my own heart at seeing her smile more casually now.

  
"I suppose I should've known what I was getting myself into then." She teases, but I can't help but detect a darker undertone embedded in those words. I watch her for a moment longer, but when the easy expression on her face remains I decide I'm being paranoid and my face contours in embarrassment.

  
"Eh I'm too lovable to resist." I joke back until I realise that was probably going to far and my face falls. "I-I mean..." I try to amend but I'm cut off by the hand that rests on top of mine that clutches her elbow.

  
"You are pretty loveable." Glimmer replies softly, keeping up the easy-going air. I smile gratefully at her and we finally reach the dining hall. I close my eyes when I take a seat at a chair, biting my tongue at the burning furnace that is my leg. When I re-open them I find several dishes before me as the queen takes a seat beside me, her concerned lavender orbs on me. "I wish you weren't so stubborn." I hear her mutter. I turn my head away from her so that she wouldn't see the slight smile that appears on my lips.

  
"I could say the same about someone I know." I mumble and start forking as much food as I can onto my plate. She snorts.

  
"Alright, I walked right into that one." The purple head admits and I start scoffing down as much food as I can to satiate my hunger. It's only when I'm going for my third refill do I realise that the queen's eyes are on me as she rests her chin on the palm of her hand. I swallow self-consciously.

  
"What?" I echo, but she just shakes her head with a far-away expression on her face.

  
"Sorry, you just reminded me of when you ate like that the first time we met." Glimmer utters with a half smile. I throw her a sheepish look.

  
"Oh. Heh I suppose that hasn't changed much then." I say, abashed. For the rest of the meal I try harder to refrain from my unrefined eating habits, having forgotten about most of the manners that I learnt during my time at Brightmoon. But eating slowly gives me the chance to think carefully about my butchered mission and I can't help but feel annoyed at myself for failing. _'I mean, how many children have been kidnapped while I take it easy in the castle? How many lives have I failed? How many people will end up being like me? Alone. Scared. Family-less.'_ I bite the inside of my cheek at realising how badly I've mucked up.

  
"What's on your mind?" I blink at the soft voice that rings out and turn to my right to find the Queen observing me carefully.

  
"Oh I just...I was thinking about those bandits and how we're not any closer to finding them." I express with unbidden guilt. The purple head watches me closer and her eyebrows scrunch up in thought.

  
"It really bothers you." She states a matter-of-factly. I purse my lips slightly, hating to feel exposed on something so personal, but I give her a hesitant nod.

  
"Yeah. It does." I admit, but her questioning eyes remain.

  
"Why? I know the havoc their creating is annoying, especially when we should be at a time of peace, but we've always managed to stop them before." The Queen points out. I chew my lip, knowing that I haven't really mentioned why this mission is so important to me, but I suppose I half-expected them to figure it out considering all they know about me.

  
"The havoc is bad, but it's not just that. It's the fact that they've started ripping kids away from their family and poisoning their minds with wrong ideals." I explain. Glimmer frowns briefly at my answer before her eyebrows shoot up in understanding and gazes at me in a mixture of sympathy and discomfort.

  
"And you can relate to that." She finishes my silent implication and I nod. I watch as she combs her fingers through her hair. "I should've worked that out. Its so obvious and I accused you of..." She trails off as her features fill with shame and self-directed annoyance. And I'm not sure what to say. _'It would be a lie if I didn't say that her accusation of me wanting to be a hero didn't hurt. But it's not like I haven't heard it before and from more than one person. It makes me wonder if I really appear to have an ego that large.'_ I reach out a hand and bump my knuckles with hers.

"Hey hey, it's alright. I guess I must've come across like that." I try to reassure, but she stares at me with slack jaws and shakes her head vigorously.

  
"No! You're the most selfless person I know. I know that. I was just being a fool." The purple head argues. I bite my lip and turn away from her slightly.

  
"If I was so selfless, I wouldn't have left you for 6 years." My acidic retort stuns the girl into silence and anxiously I rush to change the direction of this conversation. "Besides, it's not the first time I've heard that." I mutter sadly. At her continued silence, I chance a glance at the Queen to find her eyes flickering in search of previous times she's said something similar.

  
"Oh." Is all she says and I kick myself for making her feel worse.

  
"No, I mean...you're not the only one who's told me that. Catra used to as well...maybe I'm just doing something wrong." I admit with a strangled voice. The purple head's arms snap out towards me to clutch my hands.

  
"You're not doing anything wrong. It's us. We're the wrong ones. We're so full of hurt that we lash out at the closest kind-hearted person next to us and that just happened to be you." Glimmer insists with earnest eyes, but for some reason I can't seem to believe it.

  
"Why do you defend me when I caused you so much pain?" I ask, the words shooting out of my mouth before I can censor them. The queen pulls back in shock, visibly shaken up, but I'm not sure why. I watch as she folds her hands into her lap and stares straight ahead of her.

  
"I don't know." Is what she eventually settles on saying and I can't help but think I've kickstarted a storm within the woman, so instead of pressing her further I clamp my jaws shut and continue finishing my food quietly.

Part of me keeps flickering my eyes to the royal, scared that she's going to bolt at any moment, but she remains by my side, her back straight and tense, but still present. _'Probably to escort me back to my room.'_ And I don't know how to feel about that. Happy that parts of her still cares. Angry at myself for being a burden or annoyed that she doesn't believe that I can get to my room on my own. It doesn't matter because all those feelings swirl around my stomach until it merges into one big lump that settles at the bottom of my abdomen and I finish eating soon after. When she notices I'm done, she turns her head to me.

  
"Is it ok if I teleport you back because I've got some work I really want to get done today?" She asks quietly and I can't bring it in myself to tell her no, so I nod. I land on my bed with a grimace and decide that it's probably best that I do give my limb some time to heal. I watch as the purple head goes to leave.

  
"I'm sorry if I said something wrong." I mumble without thinking. The woman stops and turns to face me, an indescribable expression on her face before she releases a soft sigh.

  
"You didn't say anything wrong. It just sounded familiar." I scrunch up my eyebrows at her response, wanting to question her further, but knowing that our friendship is no where near close enough for that yet. Heck, even when it was, it was difficult bridging any topics between us.

  
"Alright." I murmur. She watches me for a few seconds longer before throwing me a half smile.

  
"Should I send Bow along?" The queen asks, distracting me from my prior thoughts. A raise a confused eyebrow, promoting the girl to laugh. "He was stress eating earlier." She clarifies and understanding dawns on me. Stress eating was something we did collectively when we were either worried or guilty about something. _'Aw poor Bow.'_

  
"Darn it, I told him it wasn't his fault." I grumble while massaging my forehead. Looking up I pin my steely blue orbs on the sympathetic queen. "If that's ok?" I request meekly.

  
"Of course, maybe he just needs to hear it again." She suggests, before pausing. "He must've been really mad to have crashed the car." She comments offhandedly. I watch her wearily at hearing those words, wondering where she's going with this.

  
"He didn't tell you?" I ask, surprised. She shrugs.

  
"Just that the two of you had an argument that he initiated and he lost focus on the road." The royal retells, her eyes on me, waiting to see what I say. I bite the inside of my cheek. _'Did the two of them have a rift or something?'_ I wonder worriedly. Again, my desire to ask runs deep, but I keep my jaws clamped, knowing that it's not my place to ask and that knowledge leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

  
"Well that's pretty much it." I agree, but the purple head waits, as if wanting more. I blow a stray strand off my face. "He's mad at me for leaving too." I mumble begrudgingly. The Queen releases a soft 'oh' and chews on her lip.

  
"I-I'll send him up." She voices with averted eyes. I find myself mimicking her action, biting my lip at her avoidance.

  
"It's...it's fine that he's mad. He deserves to be." I confess quietly and a beat later I add: "It's fine that you're mad too." I whisper. Glimmer looks pained as she drags her gaze back to me.

  
"But...I don't want to be." She whispers back and I nearly whimper in relief upon hearing that, what with my inner voice trying to convince me that there may be no turning back and fixing what I broke. I lick my suddenly parched lips.

  
"I'm sorry I made things so much worse." I apologise, my voice becoming a mere hair breadth. It's hard to tell from the distance, but I wonder if the glint I see in her eyes is from the build up of tears or from her normal sparkly irises.

  
"I'm sorry for pushing you away. Maybe if I hadn't done all that stuff, things wouldn't be so complicated." Glimmer admits, her eyes becoming so sad that it physically aches to see her like this.

  
"Do...do you ever think it will ever be uncomplicated?" I ask fearfully, already feeling like I know the answer. Her lips move several times before she actually speaks.

  
"I think that's down to you." The queen utters. And I know what she means by that. _'If I want to fix things, I have to stay. And I'm having less and less reason to go back to the Crimson Waste. Here, I feel like I'm home. Over there I always felt it was temporary. Maybe I'll never have quite the family I was looking for, but this is probably the closest I'll get...if they'll have me. But, still one thing niggles at the back of my mind. The people I'd leave. Huntara will probably be alright. Annoyed at first but she'll accept it. But Catra on the other hand? She'll never let me live it down. And we only just started getting along like we used to. Am I going to throw that away again?'_

My silence must've stretched out for longer than I realised as I hear the woman's sharp intake of breath and when I look up I catch the hurt that flickers through her eyes at my obvious hesitation to stay. "I should go." She announces abruptly and I just know that I've ruined things again.

  
"Glimmer..." I start, but she doesn't want to hear it and can I really blame her?

  
"I told you, its up to you. And we both knew this was just temporary until this job is out of the way." The purple head mutters bitterly. I frown slightly at the use of the word 'job', but don't comment on it.

  
"I haven't decided yet." I voice firmly, but I can see that the girl doesn't want to hope again when she shakes her head, strands of pink hair sway from side to side at the action.

  
"Your mind might not have decided, but I can see that you're heart has." Glimmer highlights and my frown deepens at that.

  
"What does that mean?" I ask, befuddled. The Queen crosses her arms impatiently, but I know from previous experience that she's just doing it to squash down her insecurities.

  
"It means that there's something more important to you back in the Crimson Waste." The purple head explains with a tight expression. My jaws slacken. _'How did she know?!'_ My silence is confirmation and with that the royal strolls out of the room without another word and I'm too stunned to call out to her. I sag against my pillows and in a stroke of cruel irony my mind digs up an old conversation that I had with the teen many years ago. About who'd I choose if I have to.

I shake my head. _'But this is different. No one's in danger!'_ I protest, but the other part of me whispers: _'Is it so different?'_ I gulp and bring my forearm up to sling it across my eyes. _'No, no, **NO**. Don't make me choose. I don't want to have to choose between my childhood best friend and the one dearer to me than my own heart. Why must I choose?! Why does it always have to be about picking sides! Why...why won't the universe just give me a break, just for once?'_ I plead and weep silently at the rough situation that I've been wedged into. _'Not like it's the first time.'_ I think ruefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok first of all, the phrase: 'the one dearer to me than my own heart' is actually an Egyptian expression and just refers to someone you really care about which could be anyone, usually in relation to family. Just thought to clarify that in case it went over anyone's heads.
> 
> So basically Adora is left with a choice as it were. The next chapter is so short that I may just post it before going to bed, I was going to tack it on here, but I thought this ending was better and felt that those two chapters should be separate. The next chapter is a talk between Adora & Bow. See you either late this evening or tomorrow. Lectures re-start tomorrow, so my updating will go back to sporadic. Was nice to have a break while it lasted XD
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	46. Think About It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora has a conversation with Bow and starts to question who she wants to stay with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boring & short chapter tbh, but necessary all the same. I've never posted this early before...feels kinda weird heh.  
> Hope you enjoy anyway.

**Adora's POV:**

It's a couple of hours later when my door creaks open and a head of purple and brown hair peaks guiltily through. I wave the man over and he cautiously opens the door fully to enter before closing it behind him.

  
"Hey." He voices uneasily.

  
"Hey." I greet back, not sure what to expect from the archer. He fiddles with his thumbs for a moment before crossing the room and taking a seat on the available chair.

  
"How's your leg?" He finally asks. I glance down at the sore limb, knowing it will take a little while before I can move around without flinching in pain. My eyes return to his waiting chocolate orbs.

  
"Painful, but that's nothing new with this leg." I answer, hoping to take away some of the obvious guilt on his face. His shoulder slump at my response.

  
"Adora I'm so sorry. I really hurt you and...and I understand why didn't come back. All we ever did was hurt you." The man chokes out and my eyebrows shoot up at his words. I reach forward and grasp his hand firmly in mine.

  
"That's not true! I told you, some stuff came up that stopped me from returning sooner. You and Glimmer were nothing but supportive since I came here for 3 years. You gave me a home when I had none." I argue. He looks down at our joined hands and after the longest minute, he places his other large warm hand on top of mine.

  
"3 years." He echoes back. I look away.

  
"The fourth year was...difficult for all of us." I admit uncomfortably and it's then that Bow really analyses me.

  
"You were crying." He utters in concern. I look back at him, my red puffy eyes are embarrassingly on display.

  
"I..." My eyes flicker away from him, knowing that I can't lie to the boy. "Glimmer's mad at me." I settle on saying, but the man tilts his head to the side in confusion.

  
"I thought that was already established?" He voices, posing the statement as a question . I bite my lip.

  
"Its...about something else." I mutter, prompting the archer to quirk his eyebrow.

  
"Oh?" He expresses.

  
"I..." I trail off, knowing that Bow will be equally as aggravated as the purple head and that thought just sends a fresh round of tears to my eyes. "Glimmer wants me to stay and I really want to, but there's stuff in the Crimson Waste that I don't know whether I can leave and I know that makes me a terrible person because I've already left you both for so long and-and I don't know what to do." I choke out in a rush. My throat constricts painfully as the tears flow down my cheeks and I feel my breathing become more laboured. Bow stares at me in shock and uncertainty, but it only lasts for a second as he scoots to the edge of his seat and brings me in for a hug.

  
"Hey hey, take deep breaths. I've got you." Bow soothes as he runs his hand up and down my hair in a comforting manner until I'm just hiccupping. I curl my fingers around the back of his shirt.

  
"I've really really missed you both and I don't want to lose either of you." I whisper in anguish. It takes a while for the man to respond and when he does I feel him heaving a soft sigh as his gentle ministrations continue.

  
"You're not going to lose us. At least not me. I'll...I'll always have your back. A-And if you decide to leave again, I'll...I'll support you." His voice wavers and I can tell how much that pains him to say. I bite the inside of my cheek hard.

  
"I don't want to leave." I finally admit. His hand stills and it takes a moment for him to reply.

  
"Then what's stopping you?" He asks quietly. The question makes my heart rate pick up in speed and I feel the base of my palms beginning to sweat. As much as I hate to, I pull away from the man, knowing that I don't deserve his comfort.

  
"You'll hate me." I mutter with averted eyes. No sooner do I say this, I find my hand enveloped by his large warm ones.

  
"Adora, I don't hate you. I could _**never** _hate you. I'm mad at you because I missed you and I missed you because I love you. My anger comes out of a place of hurt and love." Bow expresses resolutely and I feel my lips trembling at his admission.

  
"You still love me? After all this?" I ask, my voice shaking in disbelief, wanting it so badly to be true - to be truly loved by someone. Despite how much Catra and I care about each other, everything we put each other through has made it impossible to fully love one another.

  
"Of course I do. I never stopped." The archer replies truthfully. A tear slides down my face upon hearing this. I quickly wipe it away, ignoring the way my body protests at the quick movement.

  
"I don't deserve your love." I mumble, but the techmaster is already shaking his head in refusal.

  
"Don't say that." He orders firmly and when I don't reply, his hand holding mine shifts slightly. "Tell me what's so important in the Crimson Waste that's making it hard for you to decide to stay here." The man asks instead. I shrink away from him, plucking my hand out of his.

  
"Please don't make me say it." I plead, my voice becoming strangled. Bow's face becomes pained.

  
"I won't be mad, I promise." He vows. I find it impossible to believe him, but I know I'll need to spill it at some point.

  
"Don't tell Glimmer." I command. His face is reluctant, but he nods in agreement. I take in a deep breath. "I..." I pause before continuing, struggling to force the words out. "Catra. It's Catra." I finally say. Bow's eyes widen comically as he stares at me with slack jaws.

  
"Catra? She's living with you in the Crimson Waste?" He asks for clarification.

  
"Not really living, but she spends a lot of time there." I try to explain, but he shakes his head inaudibly.

  
"But how? I thought you guys were...?" He leaves the statement hanging and I know full well what he means. I sigh.

"It was a year or two after I left. I found her moping on the outskirts of the desert. I somehow managed to get her to join me at my base. It took a while for us to be able to even talk without launching into a fight, but our past helped and now we're starting to get back to being how we were before." I explain, too scared to look the man directly in the eye as he presses his lips tightly together.

  
"I'll admit that was not what I expected and I'll be honest when I say that I'm slightly hurt that it feels like you're choosing her over us." I open my mouth to protest this, but he lifts up his hand, motioning that he hasn't finished. "But, I do understand what's it like to be attached to a childhood friend and while I might not understand why you're giving Catra a second chance, I do accept that she'll probably always play an important role in your life." Bow finishes. I shake my head slightly.

  
"It's not that I wanted to give her a second chance. I actually couldn't get past a lot of what she's done. I still can't. But you didn't see how close to the brink she was. It wasn't that she deserved another chance, it was that she _**needed** _one. She needed someone to believe in her again. And I couldn't turn her away." I confess.

  
"And in a typical Adora fashion, you had to help her get back on her feet." Bow concludes. I flinch and drop my head down.

  
"I know you and Glimmer hate it when I try to help, but I couldn't stand to watch her hurt like that." I mumble, but the archer shakes his head in disagreement.

  
"Its not that we hate it when you help. It's actually one of your most admirable traits. It's just that you tend to help people before yourself. Too often we see you push your needs to the wayside. So now I'm asking you, what do _**you** _want?" The man questions and I look up, unsure.

  
"I...don't know." I voice, scared that he'll be mad at my response, but when he exhales heavily, I realise he's more disappointed than angry and somehow that feels worse.

  
"Ok, let me put it this way. Were you happy in the Crimson Waste with Catra? Can you see yourself going back there after we catch the bandits?" Bow queries. My mind stops because this I can answer. _'Was I happy in the Crimson Waste? Yes. Or at least I was content, arguments between Catra and I are so far and few in between now. Can I see myself going back? No. Not when I had a sip of my old life. Suddenly I'm finding myself so parched that I need to stay to quench my longing for the Queen and the archer. I can't imagine being ripped away from them again. It will hurt too much.'_ I inhale deeply.

  
"Yes to the first question and no to the second." I eventually say and Bow looks as conflicted as I feel.

  
"You really aren't making this easy on yourself." He whines as he sits back. My lips twitch into a half smile.

  
"Tell me about it." I voice tiredly. The man purses his lips in thought.

  
"I think we should just focus on finding those bandits first and sort everything else after." He decides. I nod in agreement, knowing that we aren't going to get any further with my decision today. At my nod, the man rests his hands on his knees, ready to get up.

  
"Can I ask you one thing?" I quickly ask. The man stops halfway from rising out of his chair and looks at me.

  
"Go ahead." He prompts, returning his backside to the seat. I take in a deep breath before speaking.

  
"Did something happen between you and Glimmer?" I ask cautiously and the reaction is immediate as the man's face becomes stoic and his shoulders tense. He doesn't answer for several seconds and when he does his face is so tight and pained.

  
"Let's just say that when you left, you took something with you." The archer mutters, but I look at him confusedly. He catches my expression and sighs. "You leaving left a hole in both of us, but Glimmer took it worse and we got into a lot of arguments over you and moving on. The worst one was with the whole Heart of Etheria Project. I didn't want her to use it, but of course she didn't listen to me. I had Kai not long after and we didn't have time to talk it over, so things between us are still a little...weird." Bow confesses and my heart drops at knowing that my departure created cracks in what I thought was their unbreakable friendship. _'Just another reason for the two of them to be mad at me.'_

  
"I-I'm sorry." I stutter out and I can see in his face that this is the one thing that he'll find it hard to forgive me over.' I gulp, wishing I hadn't seen that expression.

  
"I-I should go. Kai and Entrapta are waiting for me back at home. I'm going to continue going around the towns tomorrow and as soon as you're able to, you can join me. I'm...I'm really sorry again for..." He trails off, unable to meet my eyes.

  
"Forget about it Bow. I'll be fine." I wave off, but we both pause when I utter his name so casually like that and I instantly bite my lip, worried he'll be angry that I crossed a line. Instead, he shoots me a feeble smile.

  
"And I'm sorry about what I said before. About calling me Captain. It was a dumb thing to say. It just hurt hearing you say it again after so long, but...but I missed it. I missed _**you**_. And I hope we can finally sort out everything between the three of us." Bow murmurs weakly and I return his half smile.

  
"Yeah, I hope so too." I voice in agreement as the man rises to his feet. Just as he reaches the door though, he turns back to face me.

  
"I think you should tell Glimmer about Catra though. Better she hears it from you than someone else." The man suggests, but just the prospect makes my blood run ice cold.

  
"I don't think I can. We got into so many arguments over her. The last thing I want to do is open that can of worms again." I utter fearfully. Bow watches me carefully for several beats. "I think the longer you don't tell her, the worse things will become. Think about it." He requests and after I give the most hesitant nod in my life he leaves.

That night I have one of the most unrestful of sleeps. My body plagued with irrevocable guilt over ruining the relationship between the two childhood friends and I can't help but wish that I knew what impact my departure would have on the two of them, but alas there's no turning back the clock now.

My mind goes over Bow's request several times but no matter how I see it, it always ends with a huge blow-up between the queen and I; something I very much want to avoid. _'I need to somehow get back into her good graces, but for the life of me I can't think how I'd do it. I know staying here might help, but that won't undo years of hurt. I need to show her I still care, but how?'_

I groan and think back to the archer's words. _'Despite being mad, Bow seems to be slowly lowering his walls again and I don't doubt I'll be able to crack them open by the time we catch those bandits. It's just Glimmer that's the tough one to get through to and it would be so much easier if I just left things alone. If she wants to forgive or forget me then it should be fine either way. But the thing is I **want** to win her over again. I want us to share that easy comradeship we used to have abundantly. I want her comforting hugs and affectionate gestures. I want to be part of their family again. I want her back. She's my best friend, in a healthier way than Catra ever was. She's the closest thing I have to a sister and I don't want that to be just a figment of the past. I want it to be the present and future. Forever.'_

And with that thought, I feel that I've finally come to a decision to stay. _'Catra will always be important to me, but I can't hurt Glimmer in that way again. I have to fix things this time and I'm not leaving until I do. I'll inform the queen of my decision after this mission is done, to show her it wasn't some rash choice. To show her I do want to stay. I just...I hope Catra won't take it too badly. Maybe I could visit frequently or something. She said she's trying to be a better friend, so that means she has to be supportive, right?'_ I ask myself, but only an eerie quiet greets me. I gulp and finally fall into a fitful slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right there we have it. Adora has made her decision, now we just need to see if it backfires or not XD
> 
> From here on out chapters becomes more interesting I believe. I actually like the next chapter and hope you do too. We do have some moments between Adora & Entrapta, some between Adora & Bow, Adora & Glimmer and Adora & Micah - so quite a lot going on and it's a longer chapter too! See you tomorrow or in a couple of days. 
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	47. Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora spends the day with Entrapta  
> AND  
> Bow updates Adora on the bandit situation  
> AND  
> Adora bumps into the King & Queen in the First Aid Supply Room

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys you really are awesome, thank you so much for your comments - I love all your suggestions and theories, it's really fun to read <3  
> I think this chapter is pretty entertaining. We have a little bit of Entrapta for the first time, hopefully I write her accurately enough and we also have some friendship fluff which is always an awesome deviation from the constant angst.

**Adora's POV:**

I wake up a couple of hours later to the light streaming in through my window. I groan and cover my face with the pillow, regretting my overactive brain for keeping me awake the whole night. Trying to fall back asleep proves futile and with a sigh I pluck the pillow off my face and stare up at the ceiling for several moments, deciding on what I should do for the day. Part of me is scared to run into the queen, but the bigger part of me has had enough of being stuck in bed for another day. I give my toes a wriggle, still painful, but somewhat more manageable. I slowly shift off the mattress, but I don't get further than that when my door slams open to reveal the tech princess. I jump at her sudden appearance and watch as she bounds into the room.

  
"Adora! I've been working on making your prosthetic limb more durable and I think I've got the kinks worked out. You've got to try it!" Entrapta squeals with excitement. I squint at her through tired eyes.

  
"Erm thanks? But does it have to be now?" I ask with a yawn. The energetic princess blinks twice at my subdued tone.

  
"Well of course!" She replies obliviously. I sigh and with difficulty I get to my feet, wincing at the brief pressure on my injury and slowly hobble over to the long-haired woman. She tsks when I arrive in front of her. "This will take forever." She complains and without warning, strands of her hair reach out towards me and lifts me up. I inhale sharply at the sudden movement and she starts carrying me out of the room. I gape at her.

  
"Entrapta I can walk myself." I argue, but either she didn't hear or chooses to ignore me as she rattles on about 20% extra durability or something. We pass by Bow on the way who does a double-take and rubs his eyes at the sight. I shrug helplessly and he releases a chuckle as he waves. _'Great, I was hoping he'd save me from his wife...man that still feels weird to say. I kind of thought he'd be with Perfuma or something.'_ I think to myself with a head shake.

We enter her lab and that's where I spend the entire day. Every time I doze off from lack of sleep her hair snaps me awake, so I get crankier as the hours slip by. And maybe it wouldn't be so bad if she didn't constantly try to snap on different metal plates over my stitches. I've been biting the inside of my cheek so hard that I wouldn't be surprised if there's a gaping hole there.

When Bow finally drops by in the late evening, he must've caught the tight expression on my face as he hastily pulls his wife to one side and discreetly suggests that maybe she should continue tomorrow. The Princess sighs in disappointment and lets me go. I stumble out of the room, barely able to stand from how sore my limb is and Bow follows me out. "Are you alright? You had that please-save-me look on your face." He jokes, but I can see the real concern in his chocolate orbs. I release a shaky breath.

  
"Just sore. Entrapta certainly hasn't changed in how rigorous she is with her work." I comment dryly, eliciting an abashed glance from the man.

  
"That's true, but it comes out of a place of love. Are you tired? I wanted to give you a debrief of what I did today." The archer asks, and I really want to say yes, but the workaholic part of me refuses to budge.

  
"What is it?" I ask instead, dodging his question and he doesn't seem to notice as he gently takes me by the elbow and guides me back to the communication hub which is fortunately not far from the lab. I take a seat on the closest chair, holding back a sigh of relief and giving the man my full attention as he leans against the edge of a desk opposite me and crosses his arms.

  
"I visited a few more cities today and finally found a town that had a witness for the kidnapping. The description of the criminal matched the one of the lead bandit on the north side. He was alone apparently and sprayed the kid with something while he was distracted before carrying him into the forest. The witness tried to follow from a distance but lost sight of him in the trees. I'm starting to think that there must be some secret bunker in the forest, similar to what the Horde had years ago. If that's the case then that's a worrying sign because they could get to any of the surrounding towns, take the child and not get caught." Bow retells me and I feel sick at the knowledge.

  
"So basically we have to search the forest?" I clarify, but Bow raises an eyebrow at me.

  
"I know it's been a while, but you do remember how big that forest is right? It will be like looking for a needle in a haystack." The techmaster reminds.

  
"Couldn't Glimmer find it like she found that Horde one?" I point out but he shakes his head, no.

  
"Apparently not. The spell only works if she's looking for a person she knows. She has never seen these bandits so that's a dead-end." He explains, looking just as annoyed as I feel.

  
"So we're still no closer to finding them." I sum up in frustration.

  
"Unfortunately not. I tried posting some officers in cities they haven't targeted yet, but not a single sighting. It's like they know where we are and are avoiding those areas." Bow mutters with a disheartened head shake.

  
"I'm guessing you don't have enough officers to post in every city?" I ask, already anticipating his answer as he shakes his head again.

  
"No. I'm not sure what to do." He admits with a heavy sigh and I try to think of something, running over every possible scenario. The man speaks up. "You said you were tracking them. Can't you just find them again?" But I'm already moving my head to either side.

  
"I only managed to track them out of sheer luck. They'd slip out of my sight multiple times but they always left some clue for me to find them again, like a broken twig or a stray leaf. Silly stuff like that." I answer with a shrug, but the man stares at me in awe.

  
"That's amazing Adora! You should teach some of that stuff to the new recruits." He praises and I colour at the compliment.

  
"Thanks." I beam until a thought strikes me and I feel foolish for not thinking about it before. "I could go back to where we last spotted them and see if I can track them still." I suggest suddenly, but the man throws me a dubious look.

  
"As impressive as your tracking skills are, I don't quite think that it can pick up a week old trail." He points out as I purse my lips.

  
"Maybe not, but surely there's a spell that can highlight footprints or something?" I suggest in a last ditch attempt to come up with some semblance of a plan. The archer stares at me unsurely.

"I guess? You'll have to ask Micah or Glimmer if they know a spell like that." He voices and my heart stops briefly.

  
"Can't you ask?" I query, trying not to let my desperation enter my voice, but Bow looks at me in displeasure.

  
"You're going to have to talk to them sometime. This is a good excuse to do so." The man encourages, but I turn green at the thought.

  
"Have you not seen how Micah treats me? He treats me like I'm a bad smell. And Glimmer? I...I don't want to go through that tension again." I beg, but Bow is resolute.

  
"I _**refuse** _to act as the go-between again. The two of you must sort out your problems without my interference this time and once you do that Micah will follow shortly." The techmaster expresses firmly. I slouch against the backrest.

  
"Fine." I mutter. I must've appeared more upset than I thought I did as the man releases a heavy sigh a second later.

  
"I'm not trying to push you Adora, but I know that skirting around the issue isn't solving anything. You should know that after what happened the last time you did that." I chew my lip at his wise words and slump my shoulders.

  
"You're right. I know you're right, but that doesn't make it any easier." I mumble, prompting the man to stretch out a hand and give my shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

  
"You're Adora, you never take the easy route." He reminds with a tone of pride and I can't help but wonder if he's starting to forgive me. I raise my hopeful eyes up at him and he hesitates at my expression before nodding. "Soon." He whispers so quietly that I wonder if I imagined it. I stretch out a hand to rest it on top of his that lies on my shoulder.

  
"Thank you." I whisper back as he straightens up.

  
"Well we should really turn in. Do you need a hand getting back to your room?" Bow offers, but I shake my head.

  
"Nah." I say. He seems unsure, but I wave him away. "Really." I insist and he leaves the room, but not before throwing me a final glance. I shoot him a smile, hoping to reassure him. His eyes are conflicted but he disappears out of the room, leaving me alone. I lean back in relief, happy to finally have some time alone. _'Entrapta really takes up a person's mental energy.'_

But now that I'm by myself with my thoughts I can feel my leg throbbing painfully and know that I won't be able to get any sleep without some painkillers. A sleepless night wouldn't usually bother me, but in the face of having two sleepless nights, especially if I'm going to be spending more time with the energetic princess tomorrow, I know I'll need the rest. So with extreme difficulty I get to my feet, inhaling sharply at the pulsing pain.

I glimpse down. Entrapta had to remove the bandaging to get the right fittings so now all I see is an angry red rash surrounding the stitches. I wince, finally knowing why it hurts so much and I hobble to the First Aid Supply room, thankfully remembering where that is considering the amount of times I got hurt. It's just my luck that I find both the King and Queen there.

Glimmer is seated on the medical bed, but she jumps off at the sight of me, pinning me with wide eyes as she quickly puts on her purple glove. Her dad turns round to see what has his daughter so spooked, and his expression is grim at the sight of me.

  
"What are you doing here?" He questions gruffly, giving the Queen time to compose herself. My eyes flicker between them, confused on what's going on, but when the man pins me with a steely glare I remember that it's not my place to ask.

  
"I, er...I'll just come back later." I say haltingly and start to back away from the pair. The duo share a look before the King takes a step towards me.

  
"I apologise; that came out quite harsh. Did you need something?" The man asks, dropping his previous hostility and I can't help but wonder if Glimmer had something to do with that. But I dismiss that thought; _'She's upset with me. Why would she go out of her way to make things easier for me?'_

  
"N-No I'm ok." I quickly voice, not wanting to be in the intimidating man's presence any longer.

  
"Adora wait." I don't know why, but I flinch at the Queen's voice, probably because I'm still associating the call of my name with negative consequences. The purple head's face falls slightly at my response, but she doesn't let that deter her as she takes several steps towards me until we're less than half a metre apart. "What's wrong?" She asks. I bite my tongue. _'I just had to let Entrapta experiment on me, didn't I?'_ I think bitterly.

  
"N-Nothing!" I squeak out, but it's obvious that she doesn't believe me as she crosses her arms over her chest.

  
"You wouldn't be in the First Aid Supply room if nothing was wrong." Glimmer voices dryly.

  
"I think it's her leg sweetheart." Micah points out softly and I almost do a double-take at hearing the man speaking so gently. Instantly, lavender irises snap down to my limb and she winces at what she sees.

  
"What happened?" She demands, raising her sparkling orbs back to my face.

  
"Entrapta wanted to try fitting me a new metal plate or something. She got a tad bit carried away." I answer ruefully. The man releases a low whistle as he comes to inspect it, crouching down to get a closer look, before rising back to his feet.

  
"I'd say that's a little bit more than a tad." He comments and to my surprise he hoists me up by the armpits and settles me on the bed that Glimmer was seated on just moments ago. I watch as he goes to a closet, opens a drawer and comes back with a thick white bandage. "I'm assuming you stopped by for some painkillers?" He asks as he takes my foot and starts wrapping the material around.

I gape at him, wondering if the pain is so intense that I'm hallucinating. He looks up when I don't respond and quirks an eyebrow at me before turning his head towards his daughter. "Glimmer, I think the girl needs you." He teases lightly, breaking the purple head out of her stupor as she comes to stand next to me.

  
"Ignore him. He's just being silly." The queen mutters and Micah shoots her a wounded glance.

  
"Well in that case, would you prefer to do the hard work of bandaging?" He fires back. I raise an eyebrow just as Glimmer snorts.

  
"You don't know Adora. She's accident prone. Bandaging her up would just be like old times." The purple head answers smoothly, giving me a sidelong glance before promptly returning her gaze to her dad who furrows his eyebrows.

  
"So you're a reckless type of person then?" He asks, directing the question at me. I shrink back, not wanting to give him another reason to hate me. But when he catches my expression he laughs. "It's not necessarily a bad thing. I've been told I'm quite reckless. Poor Angella had to always set me straight." He comments, his face going dark.

He sighs and finishes wrapping my leg up, but my heart lurches in guilt at the knowledge that he never got the chance to see his wife one last time after his exile. I drop my gaze to the ground as the air grows tense and I'm suddenly reminded that even though things appear to be alright on the surface, deep down the issues still remain.

  
"I-I'm sorry." I finally say, breaking the silence. "I wish it was me." I whisper softly, not daring to face either person. "I wished so badly that it was me. I still do. It was my destiny, not hers." I choke out. I feel a hand draped on top of mine on the mattress.

  
"I told you that's not true." Glimmer murmurs softly, her thumb drawing circles over my knuckles in reassurance. "You didn't know what would happen. None of us did." She continues. It's a few beats later when I hear someone clearing their throat and anxiously I lift my blue eyes up to find the King watching me with an indescribable expression.

  
"Glimmer's right. It wouldn't be fair to hold that against you. And...it's obvious to me that Angella must've really cared about you from what I've read in her journals." My eyes balk at his last statement and he smiles ruefully at my expression. "Glimmer gave me them to read a while ago, but I couldn't bring myself to read them until you showed up. She gave me some insight on how she felt about you and it doesn't feel right to sour what she did for you." He admits and I become filled with emotion at him finally deciding that I'm not to blame for Angella's sacrifice. "I still don't like you, but I'm learning not to hate you." He adds, causing the Queen to elbow him in the ribs.

  
"Dad!" She admonishes and he shoots her a cheeky grin.

  
"I'm just being honest honey." He protests lightly. I watch them continuing their playful banter and I can't help but long for the same loving relationship with someone. The desire runs so deep that I have to look away. Tears prick at my eyes, but I promptly blink them away. "Adora?" I look back to see Glimmer's concerned face. "Are you alright?" She asks. My mind races with something to say.

  
"Just my leg hurts is all. I should head back." I say, giving a lame excuse to leave before my watch beeps and gives away my inner turmoil. Micah takes a step towards me and presses a small bottle of pills into my hands.

  
"These should hopefully help with the pain." He expresses with a small smile. And I can't help but think that maybe, just maybe he won't hate me forever.

  
"Thank you, I appreciate it and the whole bandaging my leg up." I utter gratefully but he just waves it away.

  
"I'm not a total monster." He jokes and I give him an unsure smile. He notices my hesitation, but doesn't comment, leaving Glimmer to shift closer to me.

  
"I'll take you back." She offers, but I shake my head.

  
"No I'm good thanks. I need the air after being stuck in a lab all day." I express, but the King isn't having it.

  
"Either you let my daughter teleport you or accompany you back. Walking on that foot will only make it worse." Micah orders firmly. My jaws slacken, but I have no choice but to begrudgingly agree.

  
"Alright." I concede and hop off precariously to the ground. I wobble slightly and snap my hand back to balance myself on the bed's frame. The pair share a glance before Glimmer stretches out a hand.

  
"Are you sure you don't want a teleport?" She asks again, but I stubbornly shake my head.

  
"Stubborn as a bull you are." The King comments offhandedly, but I can tell he's storing each and every detail about me in his head. The thought makes me queasy and scared that I've just further mucked up. But I don't get to think about it much more as the Queen guides me out of the room and leads me back to my chamber. We don't talk for a while and the silence slowly begins to grate on my nerves.

  
"I don't get your dad." I say suddenly. Glimmer turns to me, a perplexed expression on her face.

  
"What do you mean?" She asks, her arm around my shoulder twitches slightly.

  
"How can he be so harsh and kind at the same time? Its confusing." I complain and watch as the purple head mulls over my words in her mind.

  
"Generally, he is a kind person. It's just..." She hesitates and I can already see where this is going. I release an inaudible sigh.

  
"He doesn't forgive me either." I finish off for her, my tone turning sulky. _'Will no one ever forgive me?'_ I think, disheartened. The queen shoots me an apologetic glimpse.

  
"He's accepting that you didn't have a role in Mum's sacrifice. So that's a start, right?" Glimmer points out in an attempt to comfort me.

  
"I guess." I grumble. We fall back to a steady silence. I flicker my gaze to her, surprised that she isn't still mad after last night. I hesitate, biting my tongue before deciding to ask her outright.

  
"You aren't still mad about last night?" I query quietly. I feel the purple head stiffening around me but her face is perfectly neutral.

  
"I thought it over and decided that it has nothing to do with me. What you decide is important is your choice and it wouldn't be fair if I asked of you anything different." Glimmer murmurs with the barest hint of strain in her voice.

I analyse her closely, hoping that she doesn't mean that. Hoping that she wants to fight for me like she always did in the past, as selfish as that sounds. But her expression is resolute and it seemingly appears that she believes that. My heart drops to the pit of my stomach when it dawns on me that no one is going to fight for me anymore. I've been gone too long for anyone to still want me around that badly and that realisation hits me really hard.

My dumb watch, that Entrapta thought it would be so great to re-connect again today, chooses that precise moment to beep and now that Glimmer knows what the beep means she turns her lavender orbs to gaze into my sky blue irises as a flicker of concern crosses her eyes.

  
"Are you alright?" She asks worriedly, eyes glimpsing down to my leg, now that she's seen what happens when I'm pushed too far over the edge. I swallow thickly and turn my head to the side.

  
"I'm fine." I utter. I hear her breathing pick-up, but she doesn't say anything more. The silence becomes stifling and I decide to switch topics. "What were you doing in the First Aid room anyway?" I ask, but if anything that just turns the air more stale as her face becomes stoic.

  
"Just a routine check-up. It's a new thing." The queen answers vaguely and I can't help but get the feeling that she's lying.

  
"And your dad knows medicine?" I ask sceptically.

  
"He bandaged you up, didn't he?" The purple head points out, her tone taking a slight edge. I raise my eyebrow.

  
"You bandaged me up tons of times. Doesn't mean you're a doctor." I point out, but the royal refuses to meet my eyes.

  
"My dad is knowledgeable in many areas." She utters seriously and I drop it after that.

We enter my room a few minutes later and the air is so thick that I pull away from the purple head as soon as my bed is in limping distance. In my rush to move away from the Queen I find myself slipping on a discarded shirt. If it weren't for Glimmer's quick reflexes I would've been in a bigger world of hurt. I wince at the awkward positioning that my injured leg has taken and move back to release the pressure, only to lean into the Queen's chest. I grimace and start to move away.

  
"Sorry." I mutter, but the Queen keeps me in place while she shifts her other hand to my forearm, making sure I'm steady before she allows me to pull away.

  
"You need to be careful." The woman tsks as I shakily straighten up. A gasp escapes me at a surging pulse and I find myself stumbling back into the purple head. Without another word, she teleports us to the bed. Her hands hover around me as I take several deep breaths to ease the pain that courses through me. When it eventually fades I wilt back, only to find a sturdy hand at my lower spine, supporting me. 

"I'm okay now." I reassure, but she keeps her hand in place. 

"When will you learn to stop getting yourself hurt all the time?" She queries quietly, more to herself than to me. She shakes her head slightly, as if pulling herself out of whatever is on her mind and directs her steely gaze to me. "Now what was that look earlier?" I blink at the sudden change in conversation and tilt my head to one side.

"What look?" I ask in confusion. She rolls her eyes, as if thinking I'm dodging her question on purpose.

"That look you had when my dad and I were talking. You had the same expression a few days ago when he and I were speaking." The Queen clarifies and my face pales when I understand what she's talking about. _'Oh **that** look.'_ I gulp. "So you do know what I'm talking about." Glimmer comments mildly, leaning closer into my personal bubble as she eyes me carefully. 

"There was no look." I lie, prompting the Queen to raise her eyebrow. "Honestly, that's just my face." I insist, but if anything her eyebrow rises even higher. 

"Adora, I think I know how your face looks like probably better than you know your own face." The purple head replies dryly and I can't help but feel my eyes brightening at how causally she's using my name now. She must've caught the look in my eyes as she scrunches her eyebrows in confusion. "What?" She demands. I shrug.

"It's just nice to hear you say my name without difficulty now." I admit, surprising the Queen as she chews her lip and mimics my shrug a beat later.

"It's not like I can keep calling you She-ra or Princess now, can I?" I deflate at how easily she waves my statement to the side. _'And here I was hoping that she was starting to forgive me too.'_

"Oh." I mutter, feeling hurt. She hesitates before promptly shaking her head.

"Stop trying to change the subject." The Queen orders and I hunch my shoulders up at her attitude, not wanting to tell her what had me so bothered.

"I told you, this is just my face." I repeat sternly and then she does the last thing I expect and reaches out a hand towards my cheek.

"And _**I**_ told you, I know your face better than anyone. This scar..." Her finger hooks underneath my jaw, outlining the deep mark there. "...wasn't here 6 years ago. And this scab wasn't either." This time her thumb brushes against the almost healed cut from that gun barrel. Her finger strays up to my face to land on my left eyebrow. Her pinkie grazes the area which once had hair. "And this happened that night..." She trails off, her voice becoming quiet when she says her next words. "...the night you made the decision to leave. This tuff of white hair wasn't here before." She gives my side fringe a slight flick before dropping her hand to my forehead. "You used to have two stress lines on your face when you frowned, now you have four."

Her hand drops further down my face and each time she traces the outlines of my features I can't help the hitch in my breathing. _'Has she really studied me that well?'_ I think in half awe and half disbelief. Her fingers settle on my lips, her thumb brushing lightly against them until she stops at its corner. A miniscule mark lies there. So small that you wouldn't notice it unless you really stared or knew me very well.

"And this was at Salineas, when Catra scratched you." Glimmer finishes, finally pulling her hand away and it's only then do I breathe easy, shaken by the effect her gestures and knowledge had on me. "So don't tell me that's just your face because I know very well what your face looks like." The Queen utters, but I can't reply. My tongue is twisted in shock, not realising that she's catalogued all my expressions like that.

She watches me for several seconds, but when I don't reply she sighs. "I don't know why I expected you to tell me." She mutters, clicking her tongue against the roof of her mouth as she finally pulls away her hand from the base of my spine, leaving me feeling unsteady and cold. The purple head moves off the mattress and I feel chilly at her sudden absence. 

"Glimmer wait." I call out when my tongue finally loosens. Saying her name out loud like that causes us both to pause and I shrink back, half expecting her to tell me off for not referring to her by her title, but she doesn't. Only waits for me to continue. _'And that's just it, what do I even say? How pathetic would I sound if I say I'm jealous that she and Bow have an actual family, **especially** after what Glimmer's been through with her Mum. How can I tell her about the intense longing I feel to have someone that close to me?' _My fear of how she'll see me holds me back and when she sees I won't be speaking up any time soon she shakes her head.

"Well if you don't need to say anything, I'll be off." The Queen voices roughly. The thought of her leaving, makes my stomach churn and I spit out the first thing that comes to my mind.

"I wanted to ask if you knew some tracking spell." I blurt out and cringe at how ridiculous and out of place my question is. The purple head blinks twice and gazes at me strangely, probably because she knows how I feel about that type of magic. 

"Why are you asking?" She questions suspiciously.

"Bow and I have kind of ran into a dead end with our search for the bandits. We were hoping that we could track them down like I was doing before, but it's been a week and the trail has probably gone cold now. So I was wondering if you knew some spell that could find some footsteps or something." I explain and watch as she folds her arms over her chest in thought. 

"I do know one spell that highlights trodden-on areas, but it's not specific. You could just be following a stray traveller for all we know." Glimmer voices. 

"It's better than nothing. Do you think you could join us on a mission?" I request, but the woman still watches me wearily.

"I thought you didn't like spellcaster magic." She questions and I cringe at the reminder. Shadow Weaver's dumb threats won't stop leaving me alone ever since I saw Micah's hands firing up in that similar red to the former Horde commander.

"I didn't like the person who was teaching you. The actual magic is ok, I guess." I remind her. She shrugs, appearing unbothered by my statement.

"It's not like I had a choice. Besides, I only learn from my Dad and Aunt now. Although they say I don't have much more to learn now." The Queen mutters and since we're on the topic of magic and so-called teachers I can't help but wonder about my former mother figure.

"When was she sent to Mystacor?" I ask hesitantly and she looks at me surprised, unaware that I knew. "Your dad told me." I tell her before she can ask. 

"Straight after the war. My Dad barely tolerated her presence before then, but knew that she could be helpful. When the war ended he shipped her there to make up for all the stuff she's done. She's surprisingly enjoying being back at home." My lips curl up ruefully. _'Of course the person who made other people's lives a nightmare would be the one that's happy.'_ I think bitterly. 

"Good for her." I say instead and the purple head appears like she wants to say something else, but she stops.

"Anyway, I'll join the two of you when your leg is better." She says, returning back to our original topic of discussion. I nod absentmindedly, too absorbed in my thoughts of the cruel caster. _'I haven't thought about her in years and I wish it stayed that way. She's left way too many mental scars on Catra and I. And I'm not sure I'll ever get past them.'_

Subconsciously, I find myself rubbing a set of claw marks that she left imprinted on my bicep. Amazing how most of my wounds from that Horde lizard lady faded into nothing, but those marks remained. _'I suppose that's down to Brightmoon having better healthcare than the Horde.'_ I'm brought out of my thoughts when I hear someone clearing their throat and looking up I find the Queen watching me carefully.

"Are you alright?" She asks finally and I nod again, this time more present. 

"Yeah." I mumble. She doesn't seem convinced, but she's itching to leave and with a half wave she disappears. I fall onto my bed, staring hard at the ceiling, the swirling patterns morph into my caretaker and I jump up into a sitting position. Ignoring the pulsing in my leg. Anxiously I return my gaze up to find the patterns just that; patterns. I shake my head. _'I must be more tired than I thought.'_ I decide and rest back onto the mattress. My eyes eventually flutter to a close and slumber takes me.

~=~

_**Dream-state:** _

"Adora." I scrunch my eyes tightly, wanting to ignore the chilling voice.

"Adora." The voice repeats, but I stubbornly refuse to answer.

" _ **ADORA!**_ " I snap my eyes open to find the spellcaster in front of me. Wisps of black and red surround her. "Did you think that this would be the end? That you could just forget about me? I'll always be around." She murmurs, her tone sickeningly sweet. I clench my hands into fists.

"You don't bother me anymore." I voice firmly. 

"Is that so? Then why are you dreaming about me?" Shadow Weaver asks and I can't answer. "You know what I think?" She continues.

"I don't want to know what you think." I spit out, but she carries on as if she didn't hear me.

"I think that you're so lonely and craving familial attention that you're remembering me because I'm the closest thing you'll ever have to a family. I was the one who raised you after all." The woman murmurs in that fake maternal voice of hers. Shocked, I take a step back. 

"N-No!" I stutter. "I'll never think of you as family." I shout vehemently, but the lady releases a chortle.

"I don't need your thoughts. It doesn't change the fact of the matter that I raised you. I _**named** _you. All you ever knew came from me. I'm the only family you have. And I suppose that pest of a cat too." She throws in lazily. My eyes flash at the insult.

"Catra _**isn't** _a pest." I express angrily, but the magic wielder just waves off my concerns.

"Whatever you see her as, she'll never be what you want. Neither will I, but that's all you have. Those friends you have? They'll never accept you as family. Not after how you left them. Correct me if I'm wrong, but you've been apart from them longer than you've known them. How is that family? Family is those you've known your entire lives." I plug my fingers into my ears, trying to block the woman's words, wanting so desperately for them to be wrong, but still her words rush through me as clear as day. "Face it Adora, you'll always be alone." Unable to take her cruel taunts I run. But her shadows reach out and wrap themselves around my leg, sending me tumbling to the ground. 

"Get away from me!" I shout, but she looms over me and grips both of my biceps roughly, digging her claws into the flesh and leaving dots of blood in their place. 

"You'll never get what you want. Their love. Their acceptance. Their care. It's not yours. You don't deserve it. You never have." Shadow Weaver expresses with that smug look that she only wears when she knows she's right. I choke out a sob, tears lining my eyelids. 

"N-o. You're wrong." I try to say strongly, but it comes as a weak breath, as if she's voicing the very fears that I've been burying deep inside.

"Darling girl, you know I only speak the truth." She answers and pulls away, leaving me to breakdown alone as I huddle into myself. The light around me dims until I'm left in the dark on the floor.

~=~

**Reality:**

I shoot up from my bed, only to realise that I'm in fact on the ground, twisted in my covers and my upper arms are sore from...me? I look down to find my nails digging so deeply into the skin and when I draw them away I find droplets of blood sliding down my arm. I shudder, my breathing raspy as I try to collect myself, but with the nightmare and fears still fresh in my mind I find myself choking back the tears.

I try to push myself off the ground, but my blankets are so tightly entangled around my leg that I whine in pain. I reach up and snatch the bottle of painkillers and swallow a couple dry, but I know it will be a while before they start kicking in. With shaky hands, I lean forward and untangle myself from the duvet and when I'm free, I sit up and lean my back against the bed frame, too scared to move back onto the bed in fear that the nightmare will continue. Exhaustion presses hard on my body, but I refuse to sleep and force my tired eyes open throughout the night until day breaks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so mean to Adora it's unreal heh. I always find it fun to write nightmares because you can do whatever you like in them and couldn't help but to incorporate one here.  
> So got a bit of fluff, for it to be ever so slightly dashed? Glimmer is so someone that I can imagine who'd memorise everything about someone she cares about. Lol it can be annoying at the best of times...heh now I'm just thinking of my parents...who I very much love don't get me wrong, but sometimes it's nice not to be so see through XD Oh and Micah is slowly getting better too! I have one chapter in his POV which I think is a pretty cool opportunity for more of his insight. 
> 
> So, I usually write on this note app on my phone and that actually got full for how much I had written for this story, so I had to download another note app to continue writing this story. So just wanted to say that I've finally uploaded everything that I've written from that first app! This is probably suggesting we're entering the last section of the story, but don't worry I still have so many chapters left to post before this story is done. I'm just not entirely sure how much? Maybe another 15-20chtps worth? I'll let you know when I get a better idea, but for now you'll be happy (or unhappy?) to know that there's still a lot of stuff to get through before the end.
> 
> Next chapter is just pure friendship fluff which I hope you find as tooth-achingly sweet as I found it while I was writing it up. It's mainly between Adora & Glimmer, but Bow tags along towards the end. I'd like to update tomorrow but I'm not making any promises, more likely in 2-3 days, we'll see. See you all later.
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	48. Just Like Old Times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL YOU LOVELY WORDS <3 <3 <3 You really know how to make a person happy XD
> 
> Completely unrelated note, but it's my fav saint's martyrdom today (St Demiana), her story is great if any of you are mildly interested. Also, I practiced doing the lower PNS examination today and got to use that knee jerk hammer thing you always see on TV, let me say that the jerk thing is so NOT that dramatic in real life, but it was still pretty satisfying XD
> 
> This chapter is mainly full of fluff and banter, and a bit of angst. Plus it's long ;) Hope you enjoy.  
> Mild triggers of childhood trauma/abuse

**Adora's POV:**

I'm so knackered that I visibly slump in relief when the tech princess doesn't show up the next morning. _'Probably got distracted with some other project.'_ I guess as I force my aching bones to stand. I hiss at the pain in my leg and if anything it's worse than it was last night. My stomach rumbles in hunger, but I'm in no state to face anyone, least of all the King and Queen, so I gingerly take a seat on the edge of the bed. I rub my sore eyes, but it just leaves me feeling even more tired.

Shaking my head I stumble to my feet and decide to head to the gardens for some fresh air in the hopes that it will wake me up. I transform my sword into a staff and limp out of the room. But I'm so tired that I don't notice what's in front of me and bump right into a strong solid body. The staff drops from my hands, clattering to the ground as it reverts back to its sword form and I go skidding along the floor, gasping at the added pain. 

"Adora?" I look up at the sound of my name to find that I bumped into the King himself. Groaning, I return my forehead to the cool ground. _'Why does fate hate me?'_ I complain silently. The man squats beside me and takes me by the biceps to help pull me up. I wince at the pressure on my new cuts and he withdraws immediately. "Sorry, did I hurt you?" He asks, scanning me for injuries. I shake my head and he continues helping me up. When he catches my expression he keeps a steady arm around my shoulders. "You look like you had a rough night too." He points out lightly and I furrow my eyebrows at his wording.

"Too?" I echo back but he shakes his head.

"Doesn't matter. What's wrong? You look like you haven't slept." The man observes, but I shake my head.

"I don't want to talk about it." I mutter. Micah rubs his chin thoughtfully.

"Did Glimmer and you have an argument or something?" He asks finally. I blink and stare up at him.

"What makes you say that?" I query curiously, prompting him to shrug.

"She was very subdued this morning and here you are looking like you've been dragged through hell and back." I cringe at his assessment and wonder how badly I look for him to say that. 

"I suppose we may have left things a little tense last night, but that's not the reason I'm...tired." I say cautiously, worried that I may have given him another excuse to kick me out. He doesn't call me out on it and instead tilts his head.

"So why are you tired then?" Micah questions. I avert my eyes.

"I...something was bothering me. But it's okay now." I lie and to prove it I move away from the man, only to find myself swaying and getting increasing closer to the ground. The man must've anticipated this and forms a small circle around me so that I fall onto a large cushion. 

"You are definitely not ok. Did you even sleep?" The King queries as he crouches beside me once more. My following words are muffled. "I can't hear you." The man voices patiently and I lift my head slightly so that my mouth is no longer pressed against the plush. 

"No." I mutter, earning a head shake from the royal.

"Kids these days! It's a wonder Angella didn't go mad with worry from all the things you put yourselves through." The King tsks.

And it must've been my sleep-deprived brain mixed with the after-thoughts of my nightmare, but my face falls at the mention of the late Queen. A woman who treated me in a way that every mother figure should. Micah catches my expression and his face softens.

"You really miss her, don't you?" He murmurs, as if slowly piecing together what the lady meant to me. Choked up, I just nod slowly. Indecision plays on his face before he releases a quiet sigh and reaches down to pull me up again. "Come on. I think you and Glimmer need a day off to talk properly or at least spend some time in each other's company." The King decides. My eyes widen and I start shaking my head vigorously.

"N-No! I'm alright, really!" I insist, but the man just watches me sceptically. 

"I might've been stuck on a cursed island for the better part of a decade, but I'm not blind. My daughter has been overworking herself for far too long and refuses to listen to anyone. And you obviously have your own demons that you're battling against. I'm willing to hunch that the two of you need a nice relaxing day out. Maybe to Mystacor or something like that." I stiffen up at the mention of the place where my former caretaker resides. 

" _ **NO!**_ " I shout, surprising the man as his head whips round to eye me wearily. I gulp. "I'm s-sorry. I didn't mean to shout. I just...I'm sure sure the Queen is too busy with her duties to take time off." I amend, but the man simply raises his eyebrows at me.

"Cut it out with the whole 'Queen' nonsense. I'm sure you didn't used to call her that in the past did you?" Micah orders. My jaws drop, _'I thought he didn't want me to get close to the Queen again?'_ I lick my lips as I try to figure out what to say.

"No I didn't, but...I think Glimmer prefers it if I call her that. To keep things professional." I try to explain, but the man snorts. 

"If she told you that then she's just lying to herself. Call her what you've always called her." He persuades as he starts moving us along, or more like half carry me along as I still feel dead on my feet. We stop outside a door I don't recognise and I peer up at the man.

"What's this?" I ask. The royal looks down at me in half surprise.

"It's Glimmer's study. She didn't always have one?" He voices with a frown. I shake my head.

"Not as far as I knew." I murmur back. He shrugs and pushes open the door to reveal the purple head sitting in front of two large stacks of paper on either side of her as she scribbles something down. She looks up briefly when the door opens and returns to her writing before doing a double- take when she notices me hovering slightly behind her father. Her eyes slide between the two of us before settling on her Dad. 

"What's going on?" She asks unsurely. Micah looks ready to walk towards his daughter, but as if remembering that I can't stand on my own he remains rooted.

"You my daughter are having a day off." The King announces causing the Queen's eyes to bulge.

"Dad you know I can't..." She starts, but Micah quickly interrupts her.

"Ah bup bup. You haven't taken a day off for years and I think you're long overdue one." I blink at that revelation and turn my worried eyes to the Queen. _'She hasn't taken a break in years?!'_ I think in shock. 

"But I have papers to sign!" She protests and the King quirks an eyebrow.

"As King I can easily take over all of your duties today." He reminds, but the other royal shakes her head. 

"That won't be fair on you." Glimmer argues.

"Darling, I've been doing this job before you were born. I think I can handle one full day of duty. I want you and Adora to have a relaxing day together." He answers easily. At the mention of my name the Queen's eyes fall on me, a frown makes its way on her face. Her lavender orbs flicker back to her father, the question on her face is obvious. 'why with her?' And I can't help the way my heart falls at her reluctance to spend time with me. I step in before Micah can say anything.

"It's ok! It doesn't have to be with me. You can have the day to yourself to do whatever you want." I offer in a fake upbeat tone. It must've been too fake as the two royals share a glance. 

"I was thinking Adora appeared a little tired this morning, so thought she might as well join you. But if you prefer having your day off separately then that's fine by me too." The King explains with a shrug. The purple head bites her lip before releasing a soft sigh.

"Alright. A day off doesn't sound too bad I guess." She voices and then raises her eyes to me. "I don't mind spending it together, if you want?" She adds and the knot in my stomach eases slightly at this. 

"I mean, only if you want? I don't mind if you want to be alone or anything." I say, trying to be chivalrous. The King groans and with a wave of his hand the Queen goes flying in the air until she lands softly in front of us.

"You two are impossible. How did Bow put up with either of you I'll never know." Micah mutters before literally shoving the pair of us out of the door and slamming it shut behind us. We gape at the closed door. 

"Your Dad is one unique guy." I voice dryly, prompting the girl to snort. 

"I can agree with you there. Well, we have the day off. Any requests?" Glimmer asks, turning round to face me. I purse my lips in thought.

"Breakfast in the gardens?" I suggest and the Queen's lips twitch up. 

"Not a bad idea. Hold on!" Before I can ask what she's doing she blinks out of existence. _'Well she hasn't changed in that regard.'_ I think in amusement before leaning heavily against a wall now that no one's supporting me up. _'I could turn my sword into a staff again, but I don't want to make a big fuss about it in front of the girl.'_ The purple head appears moments later with a basket in her hands and grabs me by the hand and teleports us to the gardens where a checkered red and white blanket is already laid on the ground. I blink twice and turn my head to the Queen.

"Wow you sure work fast." I comment in surprise. Glimmer shoots me a half smile in response.

"The perks of being able to teleport." She murmurs settling the basket on the blanket before helping me to take a seat. I bite back a groan at a random throb and sit with one leg beneath me and the injured one outstretched in front. The royal takes a seat diagonally from me and reaches a hand into the basket, taking out various sandwiches, crisp packets and drinks. She passes a few to me and upon reading the labels a smile slowly forms on my face.

"These are all stuff we used to make in the kitchen." I recall with a touch of nostalgia. She looks up briefly from unwrapping her sandwich with a small smile.

"Yeah. We put it on the basic menu for when we need something quick to eat." The purple head explains before taking a bite into her bread. I unwrap mine and chew slowly, the taste takes me back to much simpler times. "So any particular reason my Dad lodged us both together?" The Queen asks, one eye on me as she chews. I swallow and lower my sandwich slightly.

"I bumped into him by accident this morning. He got this notion that I was tired and suggested you needed a rest too so why not spend it together or something." I answer vaguely, taking another bite as the royal mulls over what I said in her head. 

"You do look tired. Didn't you sleep?" Glimmer asks with knit eyebrows. I shrug. 

"I feel alright." I say, dodging the query. The woman raises an eyebrow and lowers the sandwich to her lap.

"That wasn't my question." She utters, her full attention on me now. I release a small breath and lower my food down as well. 

"I didn't." I admit, prompting the purple head to frown. 

"Why not?" She queries. I lift my shoulder up and down. 

"Just preoccupied by stuff I guess." I lie, but the Queen sees right through me.

"Right. Like what?" The girl asks dryly. I tap my forefinger against my knee and sigh. 

"Ok, I had a nightmare." I mutter truthfully, but that doesn't seem to satiate the royal as her frown deepens. 

"Oh. You...still get those?" Glimmer asks cautiously. I drop my gaze to my lap. 

"Sometimes." I mumble. The woman doesn't say anything for a while and when she does, her voice is low.

"It...wasn't something I did, was it?" She questions quietly. I shake my head.

"No, you're good. It's just...stuff." I say and I can sense that she wants to question me further, but she drops it. 

"If you're tired, you should really get some sleep." Glimmer murmurs softly, but I tense up at the prospect of going back to sleep.

"N-No. I'm fine." I lie, despite exhaustion pushing hard on my joints. The Queen opens her mouth, but closes it a second later. 

"Alright." She concedes and we finish off our sandwiches in silence. I watch as she dusts the crumbs off her lap before looking up at me. "What do you want to do now?" The purple head asks. I shrug. 

"Guess it's your turn to choose." I comment offhandedly and observe as the royal purses her lips in thought. But to my surprise she flops back onto the blanket. I blink twice before hovering over the Queen. "Are you alright?" I ask hesitantly. She blows a strand off her face, but remains lying down with an annoyed expression on her face.

"I would be if my Dad didn't try to force me to do things that I didn't want to do." The purple head complains. I furrow my eyebrows upon hearing this.

"He said you haven't had a day off for such a long time though. Don't you want the break?" I point out, feeling confused. The woman brings her hands up and rests them across her abdomen.

"I like the work." She says simply and I can't help but gape at her. _'In another lifetime, Glimmer **hated** work. She loved doing things. Being out and about. But staying indoors to do paperwork? That's a 180 degree flip.'_ The Queen glances at me when I don't respond and snorts at my expression. "You don't believe me." She voices, amused. My cheeks redden at her observation.

"It's just, you've always loved doing things. This is...different." I state and watch as various emotions flicker through her face. 

"It's easy and safe." Glimmer voices softly. My eyebrows knit at that statement and it makes me wonder how much has the war tortured her. I choose not to say anything and opt to lay down beside her. Together we just watch the blue skies and the few clouds that float by. The atmosphere is so serene that I find my weary eyes fluttering to a close and I drift asleep. 

~=~

**Nightmare:**

"So you're just going to ditch me again?" I whirl around at the voice to find Catra standing with her arms crossed and a scowl on her face. I take a step towards her.

"What? No! I'm just..." I start, but she cuts me off.

"You're just going to stay with **_them_** again. It's always them isn't it?" She interrupts sharply. I stretch out my hands in front of me in an attempt to placate her.

"That isn't true. It's just..." Again, she doesn't give me that chance to finish.

"It's just you think that they can give you what you want? Newsflash Adora, they aren't us! They've led different lives from the ones we know. We've spent our whole lives together and now you just want to throw it all away?" The bitterness in her voice is so evident that I cringe.

"I'm not throwing it away! They mean a lot to me..."

"And I don't?!" I inhale sharply at her constant interruption. 

"Of course you do! But they can give me what you can't." I retort. The cat takes an intimidating step towards me, her finger pointed.

"And what's that?" 

"Love and a family." I voice firmly, but she releases a howl of laughter.

"Have you looked at what you've done to them? Why on earth would they love you?" I grit my teeth and she smirks. "Oh did I hit a sore spot?" She taunts.

"Stop it! You don't know them." I express vehemently. The feline shakes her head, looking sorry for me.

"Maybe _**you** _don't know them. They've changed haven't they? But I'm still the same. I'm the only person who will ever really know you and vice versa." Catra soothes softly as she reaches forward to cup my cheek. I slap her hand away, feeling repulsed at both her words and touch. 

"Be quiet!" I screech, but she just laughs and laughs. 

"I'm your family Adora, whether you want it or not. Don't try to run after people who don't care. Even that witch Shadow Weaver valued you. But your so called friends have done nothing but hurt you." The cat voices, her tone sickly sweet.

"They've been kind to me." I shout, but she simply flicks her tail to one side.

"Maybe in the beginning. But look at them now. Who crashed a car that made you hurt your leg? Heck, who's the reason your leg is that way to start with? Who keeps pushing you away and shoving you to one side? Who tries avoiding your name? This very nightmare is because of them." The feline lists off while I stuff my hands into my ears, shaking my head hard. 

"Stop it. Stop it! _**STOP IT!**_ " I repeat, my voice getting louder with each word. Until I feel something shaking me violently. 

"Adora!" I frown, the voice sounding vastly different from Catra's and the background around me shifts.

~=~

**Reality:**

Gasping, I shoot up and clutch my chest tightly. My heart batters violently against my ribcage and my body shudders in fear of Catra's words being true. I screw my eyes tightly, trying to block out her taunting words that play on a loop in my mind. Hands rub up and down my biceps, but I'm too stuck in the remnants of my nightmare to really notice.

"Shh. It's alright. It's alright." A gentle voice soothes. That, accompanied with the soft ministrations bring the beating organ in my chest to a steady lull.

It's then that I take notice of the way my body keeps shuddering and the sheen of sweat on my forehead and under my armpits. I shiver when a light breeze passes through my sweaty body and I force myself to stop shuddering. When I do, I re-open my eyes to find the Queen gazing at me in a mixture of concern and relief. Her hands stop rubbing up and down my arm and settles on my biceps. I hold back a wince as she presses slightly on the cuts I gave myself last night. 

"I haven't seen you have a nightmare that bad in a long time." Glimmer comments worriedly. I open my dry mouth.

"It's not usually that bad." I croak out and the Queen reaches behind her to pass me a bottle of water which I gulp down greedily. When I pull the bottle away, I feel her eyes still on me. 

"You should really talk to someone about it." The purple head utters. _'Someone. As in, not her.'_ I turn my head to one side.

"I'm fine." I mumble, but Glimmer raises one hand and swipes her thumb across my forehead and brings it down for me to see. Her finger is lined with water. And I stare at her in bewilderment, shocked that she isn't disgusted by it.

"You can't be fine if you're sweating this much. And before I woke you, you were jamming your fingers into your ears. You could've really hurt yourself." The Queen voices anxiously as her eyebrows knit together tightly. I wipe the rest of the sweat at my forehead with the back of my wrist, delaying my reply. "Adora, this isn't healthy." Glimmer murmurs, her face a picture of concern. I turn away, not wanting to fool myself into thinking she cares. 

"It's ok. I'm ok. I'm ok." And once I've said it I can't stop and find myself keep repeating 'I'm ok' over and over like a broken record as if I need to reassure myself that I am and without realising I start rocking back and forth like I used to in the Horde; usually after some punishment from Shadow Weaver. Arms go around me and I'm pulled against a warm soft body. Together we rock back and forth, except Glimmer sets the pace and its far less intense than mine. Soon the rocking halts, but she continues rubbing my back up and down until my breathing evens and my mutterings halt. 

"I think you need to tell me what's going on." The purple head whispers by my ear. I close my eyes. 

"I want a family again." I choke out. This was definitely the last thing the girl expected as she pulls back a little to catch my eye. Hesitantly I open them to see the confusion on her face.

"What do you mean?" She asks quietly.

"That look you asked me about? It was longing. Seeing you and your Dad together or seeing Bow with his wife and son, it just hit home how alone I am. How...I don't have that." I confess. Glimmer's mouth turns into an oval as she stares at me.

"You...want to find your family?" She asks carefully. I cringe when I recall the lack of information I dug up.

"The small shred of information I dug up, suggests they're gone. Probably wiped out by the Horde not long after I was taken." I relay dully. The Queen's face falls and contorts into something similar to pain.

"I'm so sorry Adora." The purple head murmurs, but I shake my head.

"Don't be. I didn't know them anyway and I guess it shouldn't have surprised me." I voice with a shrug. Her hand goes out to rest on top of mine.

"That doesn't make it less painful." Glimmer murmurs. 

"I suppose, but it doesn't bother me much anymore." I try to convince, whether it's her or me I'm not sure.

"It obviously does if you're having nightmares like that." I hunch my shoulders up, not wanting to correct her. She sighs at my lack of response. "I know it isn't the same thing. but you've still got Bow and I." Glimmer voices quietly and I can't help the words that shoot past my lips.

" _ **Do I?**_ " I challenge. The Queen straightens up at my tone and watches me wearily. 

"Perhaps not in the way you used to, but we're still here." The purple head amends and I visibly deflate at her confirmation that things won't be the same again between us. My watch beeps. Lavender orbs fall to the device and she reaches to pick up my wrist, staring intently at the watch before flickering her gaze back up to me. "Adora what do you want me to do?" The Queen says tiredly.

"Tell me how I can make it up to you." I answer immediately. Her lips move, but no words leave them. 

"I...don't know. It's been too long." The royal finally says. Tears burn at the backs of my eyes. _'Catra's right. They don't care anymore. Why should they? They have their own lives now.'_ I turn my head to the side just as my watch beeps again. "Adora I can't help if you don't tell me what you're thinking." The Queen cuts in, her tone becoming desperate. I clench my hands so tightly that my knuckles go white. 

"I should just go. I've intruded for long enough." I mutter. Glimmer's eyes widen in alarm and her hand snaps out to encircle my wrist.

"You're not intruding at all!" She cries, her tone going up an octave. 

"But you've all got separate lives now! You don't need me anymore! I'm just a waste of space." I shout. Then realising what I said I clamp a hand over my mouth as the Queen's jaw drops. She shakes herself out of it a few beats later. Her hand tightens around my wrist. 

"Firstly, you are **_not_** a waste of space. Secondly, we might not need you like we did before with all the fighting and war stuff, but that doesn't mean we don't need you in a different way. I've been trying to ignore how elated I feel at knowing that you're here. But I would be lying to myself if I I didn't say that I'm happy you're here. Maybe we still don't get along as well as we once did, but how I feel about you hasn't changed. I still care about you and I still want you in my life. If you want to be that is. I..." She trails off, looking away as she voices her next words. "I still need you just as much." Glimmer whispers and my heart leaps at the confession. "And I understand that you don't need me to that same degree." My heart clenches at her mumble and I wrap my hands around hers. 

"Of course I still need you. I-I was worried that you didn't need me anymore. T-That I had no place here." I utter, my voice wobbling with barely constrained emotion. The purple head squeezes my hands.

"You always have a place here." Glimmer murmurs firmly. "And a family." She adds as an afterthought. I bite my lip.

"Are you sure? I don't think..." I start, but she doesn't give me the chance to finish.

"Without a doubt. I told you before you left that you're a part of my family and I haven't changed my mind since then. Maybe we're not related by blood, but we're related in all the other ways that count." The Queen confirms resolutely.

My eyes water, relieved that my fears are unfounded. And without thinking I throw my arms around her. She tenses up at the unexpected show of affection, but eases into the embrace and lifts her arms up to enclose the hug. Our second proper hug in 6 years. _'Is it sad that I've started counting?'_ I half wonder, but I push the thought to one side, enjoying her warmth and lavender scent. I want to ask her if she forgives me then, but I feel it's too early to expect such a big ask and choose to bask in her embrace. After a while she gives my back a couple of pats and pulls back. I mourn at the loss, but force down the feeling.

"Well this day off has certainly turned into one heck of an emotional waterworks fest." Glimmer jokes and I give her a half smile. 

"Sorry, that was my fault." I apologise, but the girl elbows me playfully. 

"Don't apologise. I'm glad we got that out of the way. It was kind of weighing down our conversations." The purple head confesses.

"What, the fact that we're both super insecure and needed reassurance that we still need one another?" I comments dryly, earning me a rough elbow in the ribs. "Ow." I moan, rubbing the sore area as the Queen crosses her arms.

"When you put it like that we sound like a bunch of angsty teenagers." She says, miffed. I raise an eyebrow.

"Aren't we?" I tease and the purple head just sticks out her tongue.

"We're in our twenties! Teenage years are far behind us now." The royal states with an eye roll. I sigh.

"What a shame. Soon it's all marriage and children." I complain and this time the girl laughs joyfully and I can't help but watch her in awe at how beautiful she looks when the weight of the world isn't on her shoulders anymore. 

"I don't think I'm ready for any of that stuff. Not by a long shot anyway. What about you? Someone secret I should know about?" She jokes, breaking me out of my daze. I smile at her wryly and shake my head.

"Nah. Just me." I answer honestly and if anything her smile just brightens.

"Good. I've got you all to myself for a little longer then." I blink twice at her comment and as if realising what she said she's flushes immediately. "I-I mean because if you had someone around then you'll be busy with them and not me...gah that doesn't sound any better! Forget I said anything." Glimmer begs as her face continues to redden, clashing with her pink hair. I laugh, amused to see the woman so flustered.

"Hey, I share the same sentiments." I say while bumping my shoulder with hers in reassurance. She peers up at me through her eyelashes and gives me an bashful grin.

"Really?" She asks and I nod in confirmation. 

"Bow always seems so busy with work and family life that it feels like he doesn't do much outside those two things. So I'm glad we've still got each other." I explain and Glimmer's face softens. 

"Yeah, so am I." She agrees and we sit in companionable silence, just enjoying the wonderful weather and the peaceful air. 

"Hey, you know what I haven't seen in ages? The Moonstone." I say randomly, earning me a surprised glance from the Queen. 

"Well it's still the same old runestone." The purple head comments with a shrug. I turn to face her.

"Mind if we go up there?" I request and the Queen looks at me even more perplexed, but reaches for my hand nonetheless and a second later I find myself in front of the shimmering stone.

I gaze at it, not realising how much I missed seeing it on a day to day basis. I go to touch it, but jerk my hand back on the last minute when I remember what happens if I do make contact with its silver surface. I shoot a sheepish glance at the royal.

"Sorry. I forgot what happens if I touch it." I say, embarrassed. The Queen blinks twice, as if remembering too and she goes to pat it. I open my mouth in protest. 

"What are you-" I stop when her hand makes contact with the surface of her stone, but nothing strange happens. Everything is just...normal? I throw her a confused glance and she shrugs.

"It doesn't work with me. Only you." Glimmer explains, a note of disappointment entering her voice. I frown at this new knowledge, but she would only know that if...

"You tried this before?" I question. She seems hesitant to answer, but nods anyway.

"A few months after you left. I was worried that maybe something had happened to you so I thought to give it a try, but...nothing happened." The Queen utters with averted eyes. _'A few months? That's about the same time I woke up anxious one night, having the sense that Glimmer needed me. Was that connected?'_ I wonder, but I shake my head. _'That's not possible, right?'_

Without thinking I go to touch the stone and when my palm makes contact with the surface I'm flooded with all these intense emotions: fear (from what?), confusion, love, guilt (why?) and joy. I pull away and turn to find Glimmer staring at me strangely and I wonder what emotions she felt from me for her to look at me that way. I shake my hand, trying to get rid of that tingling sensation.

"Well I guess that still works." I voice ruefully. 

"Only for you." The Queen corrects and I nod slowly. 

"Yeah, only for me." I repeat thoughtfully. "Did you ever find out about the First Queen?" I ask randomly, taking the woman by surprise as she furrows her eyebrows.

"I had a look through the archives a while back. Apparently her sister married an advisor to the First One Emperor. So the chance of us being blood related is very low." The purple head states while watching me carefully. I turn away from her slightly, not wanting her to see the disappointment in my face. _'So that's it then. I really am alone. The last First One. The last of my people.'_ I shake myself out of that depressing thought and return my attention to the royal who's taken a step closer to me.

"Well that's what we expected anyway." I say, trying to sound upbeat, but I know I've failed when the Queen knits her eyebrows together and reaches for my hand. 

"It bothers you." Glimmer notes.

"No!" I protest, but she quirks an eyebrow and I slump. "Maybe a little." I amend. "It's just that, I was hoping I wouldn't be alone. That I might have some connection somewhere, no matter how trivial. But it doesn't matter. So what if I'm the last of my kind?" I voice monotonously with a half hearted shrug. 

"But you aren't alone. Maybe you're the last First One, but that doesn't mean you don't have other people who are looking out for you." The Queen persuades, squeezing my hand to support her statement. My eyes drop to our joined appendages. I squeeze hers back and shoot her a grateful smile. 

"Thanks Glimmer..." I trail off, realising I spoke her name again without using her formal title first. I bite my lip as the Queen tilts her head to one side. "I-Is it ok if I just call you Glimmer now? Or do you still want me to say Queen?" I ask quietly. Glimmer's jaw slackens and she throws me an apologetic look. 

"I'm afraid in front of officials it still has to be Queen." The purple head utters regretfully and I slump my shoulders upon hearing this. "But, between us you can call me whatever you want." The woman adds and I perk up. A smirk making its way across my face.

"So I can call you glitter lady or light bomb?" I tease, earning me a hard slap across my bicep. I wince at the pain from my cuts, but the mortified look on the Queen's face is totally worth it. 

"You wouldn't dare." She threatens and my smirk broadens.

"Or what?" I taunt and before I know it the girl's fingers reach out to tickle me, leaving me howling in laughter as I try to bat her hands away, but she persists.

I lean so far back that I end up stumbling backwards, but as always the purple head catches me, only to resume her tickle war on the ground as she kneels over me. I'm laughing so hard that it's becoming hard to breathe.

"I yield. I yield!" I cry out, but she doesn't stop, her face a picture of mirth as she joins in with my laughter. Finally, I manage to catch both her wrists in each hand as I gasp out, trying to get the air back into my lungs. "You're cruel." I complain, eliciting a chuckle from the girl as she leans back. A second later she pulls me up until I'm sitting across her. 

"You fully deserved that." Glimmer announces, her face smug. I release my hold on her wrists and stick out my tongue which she promptly returns. Seeing her act this relaxed and care free sends a jolt through me. Her features are lined so smooth and perfectly that I can't help but think that anyone who marries her will be a lucky guy. 

"Hey, can you promise me something?" I say suddenly, causing the girl to drop her grin at my subdued tone.

"Depends on what it is. For all I know you could be making me promise to eat mud for the next year." Glimmer jokes and I snort at the image. 

"As funny as that would be, it's a lot more mundane than that. When...when you do get married, promise me that you'll allow me to pummel them if they ever think to hurt you." I request seriously. The Queen's mouth hangs open as she stares at me with wide eyes.

"What on earth brought that on?" She asks in bewilderment while tucking an invisible strand of hair behind her ear. I shrug.

"You looked so relaxed and perfect that I'd hate for anyone to ruin that." I answer truthfully and Glimmer's face softens as she gazes at my through affectionate eyes. 

"I'm not perfect." She voices quietly. I swallow, wondering if my following words will sound weird, but I decide to say them anyway.

"You're perfect to me." I whisper and the Queen's eyes widen a fraction before settling on a gentle expression.

"Thank you Adora. I've been saying that about you since that day we brought you back to Brightmoon. Our past and our history will never change that because you're the missing piece to my family puzzle." Glimmer murmurs and my heart swells at the sweet sentiment. Then I redden when the Queen leans forward and pecks me on the cheek. I stare at her in awe while raising my hand to said cheek.

"What was that?" I ask in bewilderment as warmth starts to spread throughout my body. Glimmer flushes, as if just realising how bold her action was. 

"It's a kiss. In Brightmoon we do it to show how much we care or love someone." The purple head explains with averted eyes. I knit my eyebrows, recalling seeing the behaviour between Mermista and Sea Hawk before. I open mouth to question her further, but she beats me to it. "A peck on the cheek or forehead is common between friends and family." The royal utters with a small smile. _'It sounds strange to me. Almost like a foreign action that I've only ever witnessed with a few people. And I've only ever had it done to me once before from Angella. At the time I was confused what it meant exactly and the moment wasn't right to ask afterwards. But I gathered that it must be some form of affection like a hug.'_ So I don't think much of it when I lean forward and return the gesture to the Queen's cheek. When I pull back, the girl is stunned.

"Thought to show you how much I care too." I mumble, embarrassed that I may overstepped some boundary or something, but the purple head chuckles a moment later, shaking her head.

"You're adorable you know that?" Glimmer voices affectionately. 

"Well my name is Adora." I express cheekily, earning me another slap. 

"Ok that's enough of giving you an ego boost. Let's find something else to do." The girl decides with a jut lip. I grin, but nod regardless and we get back to our feet.

We decide to spend the rest of the day back in the gardens, retelling each other funny or embarrassing stories that have occurred over the last 6 years and the two of us are in stitches at the latest one which is how Bow finds us in the late evening. He stops a couple of feet away from us and keeps rubbing his eyes, believing it to be some surreal dream. Glimmer and I share a smirk with each other as Bow takes several steps towards us.

"Did I just enter one of those alternate dimensions that Entrapta is always talking about?" The archer asks as he takes a seat across us. I snort.

"I think if we were in an alternate dimension, we'd probably be opposites." I comment.

"So what, I'd have black hair?" Glimmer asks in amusement. Bow and I share a look before laughing.

"I could not imagine you with black hair." I admit, but Bow's flapping his hand up and down.

"Oh! She actually tried dying her hair once when we were little!" The techmaster retells excitedly.

"Bow!" The Queen shrieks, her face reddening. I raise a hand to my mouth to hide my chortle.

"What, to black?" I ask, intrigued, earning a vigorous nod from the man just as Glimmer pinches his thigh.

"Ow!" He squeals, shooting her a glare. The purple head crosses her arms.

"Serves you right. You can't tell her that without my permission." Glimmer orders. I quirk an eyebrow in amusement.

"Now I really want to know what happened." I say and the boy launches into a full story of how Glimmer wanted to dye her hair black like her father's and how she got it all over her clothes and face before her official birthday celebration and Angella's high pitched scream at finding her. All the while the man dodges countless pinches and elbows from the former princess and I can't help but laugh as I picture the image. 

"Aww but that's so sweet." I gush when the man finishes, leaving the girl blushing so hard that her face is the same colour of her hair.

"Bow we are no longer friends." Glimmer mutters, but the archer laughs good-naturedly and slings an arm around her shoulders.

"As your best friend, it's my duty to embarrass you." Bow recites with a wide grin. The Queen tries pushing him away, but in the end remains settled in his arms and leans against him. 

"Sometimes I wonder why I love you, you dork." She mumbles and the man tilts his head to rest it against the top of hers. 

"Love you too Glimmer." He returns joyfully and the sight makes my heart swell, to see them getting along just as well as I remembered. To my surprise, the archer turns to me and opens his free arm. "Get in here. I think we're long over due for a Best Friend Squad hug." I gape at him, half wondering if he's joking.

But when his arm remains outstretched I feel my eyes watering and shuffle forward until the man closes his arm around me. And I find myself nice and snug between the two most dearest people to my heart. This hug? Means a lot more than I ever imagined. I sense as Glimmer's arm moves to rest on my back and I feel that I'm finally home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awwwww, I really should just end the story here huh? Nice, happy and no more pain. Watcha think? XD Nah dw, I'm still gonna post the rest. So, I realised that this had a bit more angst than I initially realised...but at least we ended on a fluffy note right?  
> Thought dump about the chapter: I LOVE writing friendship banter and teasing, it's downright amusing in my eyes XD
> 
> Psychologically if you find a kid rocking repeatedly you should be pretty concerned, it usually hints at some form of past abuse or trauma. Don't ask me why I know that.
> 
> Also, I am ridiculously ticklish, if my dad or mum even attempts to try I will be doing some form of a karate slap...well not literally because I don't know karate but you get the gist XD  
> So I legit can go from the super charged angst to ridiculously sweet aching fluffiness...not sure how, but it was defo fun to write some fluff for once.
> 
> And I'm pretty sure that Adora prob does know about kisses, but thought it was a fluffy thing to write and hence I bent that slightly. Customarily in Egypt kissing someone on the cheek is common practice between friends, lol if you didn't they'd prob be offended XD so I wanted to slip that in as a slight homage to that I guess. I mean, in the UK you wouldn't do that of course, but eh. Oh and my friends call me adorable all the time, not sure what I do for them to keep saying that XD but yeah again I'm writing too many of my experiences into this story...hope you guys don't mind heh.
> 
> Gosh I really do ramble don't I? If you get tired of it let me know, I'll try to tone it down XD
> 
> Next chapter we have Micah's POV! Which is a definitely interesting change. And he even has a talk with Bow. This is probably the first chapter in the whole story where both Adora & Glimmer are absent! Next post maybe tomorrow?
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	49. Micah

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Micah catches sight of the sweet moment between the Best Friend Squad and starts to contemplate what happened for it to all go wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all are amazing, thanks for being the best readers that a writer could ask for <3 <3 <3
> 
> This is the first and only Micah POV chapter in the story, honestly I was surprised that I wrote it to start with, but it does help in tying gaps in the plot. As a result it's shorter, but last chapter was pretty long so I don't feel guilty XD
> 
> There's a slight trigger of a suicide attempt, but it's really slight and only a passing mention. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy :)

**Micah's POV:**

I watch the trio from a window out of their line of sight and I can't help but soften at the display of clear love and affection between the three of them. And I'm starting to understand the clear role that the warrior had in this friendship. She's their completed part. The anchor that melded my daughter's fiery spirit and Bow's kindness. Seeing their interactions makes me realise just how close they all were.

It's tempting just to let go of all my frustration and anger at the woman and forgive her. To accept her with open arms just as I did with Bow. But...something holds me back. With a sigh I move my hand away from the window sill and walk back to my office. The sight of finding my precious girl with her wrist slit with some knife in her other hand and the horror on her face as if she realised what a huge mistake she made. I shiver. The memory still makes me sick.

If I hadn't known that rare spell, I don't even want to think what would've happened. She never told me fully why she did it other than repeating the words:

_'I've had enough. Everything just became too much. I miss the way things used to be.'_

It's all too vague to me, since I don't know _**how** _things used to be. Although watching them now, I'm starting to get some inking on how things were before. And if it was that beautiful then I can see how that might break even the toughest of souls; to lose something so sweet and tender. That hurts. I know, because I still feel it with my dear Angella. But having Glimmer here keeps me sane. However, my poor girl lost her mother and then her best friend. Then she found me, only to lose her emotional connection with her only other best friend. Certainly overwhelming.

I enter the study, flicking through my daughter's concise notes and I smile softly. _'So like her mother.'_ I pick up a pen and start scribbling, but I find my mind drifting. _'I can't forgive her for leaving my Moonlight in such pain. I get the feeling that her abrupt departure is what sparked the beginning of a terrible downward spiral. If she hadn't left, Bow and her would've still been close and thus she would've still had two emotional anchors instead of losing both in different ways.'_

I release a quiet sigh. _'I can forgive her for what happened with Angella and I suppose I was being immature for blaming that on her in the first place since she really had no say in it and it's obvious to me that she genuinely cared about her. About both of them. Which leaves me with the burning question on why she left. I heard there was a lot of tension between the two after the incident, but if she really cared she would've stuck around.'_

My grip on the pen tightens as my thoughts swarm to those dark days. _'She would've saved my baby girl from sinking into that bottomless pit of depression where there were days she wouldn't leave her room. Other days I had to make her eat or comfort her until her eyes would dry. As a father it breaks my heart to know she went through all that because of a single person and therefore livid at said person for causing it.'_

The pen subconsciously starts to slip from between my fingers, until I tighten my hold on the last minute. _'I won't lie, I wanted to hurt her when I found out that she returned, but for my daughter's sake I refrained. And slowly I see with my own eyes that she isn't all bad. Stubborn, unwilling to accept help, humorous, sharp and...loyal? So again I ask, how on earth could she bring herself to leave?'_

I tap the end of my pen against the desk. _'I bet it has something to do with Adora's injury. It seems to make both woman tongue tied and tense whenever I bring it up. And if they both won't tell me, then there's just one person who will.'_ I exhale slowly. _'I need to pay Bow a visit.'_ I decide, slightly guilty that I'm going behind my daughter's back, _'but I need to know what happened.'_

I finish the pile of papers assigned for the day and glance up at the clock to find it just before midnight. With a groan I rise from my chair and make a beeline for the kitchen, expecting the boy to grab a midnight snack before heading home. _'I just hope he's alone.'_ I peek my head through the door and to my luck he's by himself, preparing himself a ham and cheese sandwich. He jumps when he sees me and throws me a guilty look. 

"Sorry King Micah I was..." He starts but I just laugh and wave his apologies away.

"How many times do I need to tell you, between us its just Micah. And you should let the kitchen staff know so that they can prepare you something instead of you rummaging around like that." I say and the man looks sheepish as he rubs the back of his neck.

"I know, but I didn't want to bother anyone, especially not to make me a late night snack." Bow explains in a murmur. I shake my head. _'Sometimes this boy is too kind-hearted.'_

"Did you want something?" He continues. I hesitate. _'Should I really ask?'_ After a moment of deliberation I open my mouth.

"Actually, I wanted to ask you something." I start and once I have the boy's undivided attention, I pose my question. "May I know how did Adora hurt her leg?" I ask cautiously and the archer's eyes widen a fraction at my query. 

"Oh." He breathes out and focuses on something behind me. "It's a bit sensitive." He utters quietly. I frown, even more intrigued than before, but good courtesy calls for me to not push.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. It's just that my daughter and She-ra become very awkward when it's mentioned." I voice and watch as the man bites his lip. 

"Alright. It was about 6 months after Glimmer became queen. The Horde had developed a powerful cannon based on First One tech. Adora was fighting the Horde's Second in Command, Catra, when she spotted it. Catra took aim and fired at Glimmer and...well, Adora ran ahead of the beam and took it for Glimmer. She was in a lot of pain afterwards. It was...scary." The man admits.

My eyes bulge at the new information. _'Adora...saved my baby?'_ I wonder in shock as the archer continues.

"Apparently if it had hit anyone else they would've died, but because Adora is a First One she survived. However, not without consequences. She had really bad leg spasms for a while and then they only appeared when she was under any physical or emotional strain. Things between Glimmer and Adora were already tense, but this just made things worse. Glimmer was guilty for what happened and Adora wanted to move on. Or...she tried to. We all thought she'd get better eventually, but later found out that it was permanent. And Adora is a fighter, always has been. So this broke her, to be forced to stay behind while we all went on missions to try to end the war. She took it really hard and..." The man sighs and I can't help but feel my heart twinge at the warrior's blight. _'Suddenly things are starting to make a lot more sense.'_ I think to myself. "...Adora has always been really hard on herself." I raise my eyebrows in surprise at this.

"What do you mean?" I ask in confusion. Bow shifts from one foot to the other. 

"I mean, she always tried to shoulder every burden and believed that she was useless if she couldn't handle it all. Something the Horde instilled into her." Bow mutters bitterly and a wave of rage at the terrorist empire washes over me upon hearing what they did to the girl.

"So what happened?" I question, urging him on. He sighs and runs a hand through his hair.

"Because she's always been so hard on herself she started believing that she was useless and no longer had any purpose. I once heard that she believed that didn't deserve to live in a palace while other people were being forced out of their homes by the Horde. And then she started falling into a pit of despair. Things between Glimmer and her continued to escalate and they got into so many fights. I just hated it. Sometimes you saw glimpses of their unbreakable bond and you remembered that they still cared about each other, but they were so often mixed with arguments and conflicts." I shake my head in disbelief, finding it so hard to believe that they could jump between such two extremes.

"What were they even arguing about? I presumed before the incident it was about battle strategies, but if Adora was out of action, why were they fighting?" I inquire with furrowed eyebrows. 

"Everything? Adora would be angry when Glimmer brought up her injury because she didn't want to be treated like a cripple. Glimmer got annoyed that she didn't want to talk about it. Adora wanted to be out on the field despite having a bad leg, but Glimmer was adamant against it. One time she caved and allowed her to tag along, but she just put herself in danger and finally agreed to stay back, but it seemed like she just...gave up after that. And the crevice between us just widened especially when they both kept hiding things from each other. We found out later that each spasm worsened Adora's leg and soon she'd need a crutch, but she never told us that. And Glimmer hide her grief from Adora, so they were just hurting each other. Add that to Adora's lack of direction and I think that's what pushed her to leave. She said she wanted to find her place in the world." Bow explains sadly.

I watch as his eyes start to water and I hastily throw a comforting arm around his shoulders as he sniffs. "I think the worst thing was that we both thought she'd be back after a couple of weeks. But when a year passed without any word from her, we got really hurt and that hurt turned into anger and it ended up interfering with my relationship with Glimmer. And despite everything, I'm just glad to have Adora back. The more time I spend with her, the less I feel inclined to continue being mad with her. And...I think I'm ready to finally forgive her." Bow admits. I try to say something, but with all this information I feel overloaded. I take a few moments to digest all of this before opening my mouth.

"I think you should forgive her. I just wish I could do the same." I mumble, prompting the man to snap his eyes up to me.

"Is that because you're angry at what she did to Glimmer?" He queries and I sigh.

"Yeah. It's hard to forgive someone who pushed your loved one to do something unspeakable." I mutter subconsciously as the archer widens his eyes.

"What are you talking about?" He asks worriedly, slipping out from underneath my arm to face me directly. I bite my tongue, cursing myself for my poor choice of words.

"It doesn't matter." I say, waving off his concerns, but he's more stubborn than I gave him credit for.

" _ **No**_. What are you talking about? What did Glimmer do?" He asks, his eyes frantic as they slide from one side to the other in thought.

"It's in the past." I insist, but he shakes his head.

" _ **Tell me**_." His voice is so stern that I almost do. _**Almost**_. 

"I'm sorry Bow, but I can't. Glimmer is the only one who can tell you." I utter stubbornly and the boy deflates.

"She'll never tell me. Things between us aren't like they used to be and I'm not sure they'll ever be again." Bow confesses, the anguish in his expression is clear and my heart aches to see such a kind boy so hurt like this. 

"I wouldn't give up hope yet. Maybe with Adora here things could change." I try to reassure, but Bow just slumps his shoulders.

"But that's just it. Today I saw Glimmer the happiest she's ever been since the portal fiasco, excluding the time when we found you. And it was so heart-warming to see, but we don't know if Adora will stay after catching the bandits." Bow mutters, disheartened.

"Maybe she will. You said all she needed was to find her purpose. Now that it seems like she has, what's holding her back?" I remind, but Bow turns his head to one side, a faraway expression on his face. 

"There's someone else she cares about. Someone that doesn't live around here. That's what I'm worried will hold her back." The archer voices quietly and I frown, wondering who on earth does the warrior care more than these two. 

"Who?" I ask. The boy seems hesitant to answer me.

"Remember Adora grew up in the Horde." He starts and I nod.

"From what you've told me so far, they appear to be as terrible to their recruits as they are to their enemies." I utter distastefully. Bow nods and opens his mouth to continue.

"Well, the squad she grew up with are the closest thing she had to a family, but there was one person who was her best friend..." He trails off and I already can piece together where he's going with this.

"She doesn't want to leave her behind." I finish for him and he nods in confirmation. I purse my lips. "Why can't she bring her here then?" I suggest, but Bow immediately pales.

"You know Catra?" The archer asks suddenly and a scowl instantly makes its way to my face.

"The one who aimed a lethal cannon at my daughter and is part of the reason why my wife is trapped in a portal? Don't think I'll forget her anytime soon." I express venomously. The boy cringes.

"That's her." The world around me halts and a flare of rage surges through me.

"Adora is friends with _**that** _monster?!" I shout. "And she doesn't want to stay because of her?" I continue, my tone bordering on disgust. But Bow is quick to placate me.

"Remember she grew up with her. They're practically sisters. It's hard to let that sort of attachment go, even if that person did bad things. And...I feel sorry for Adora. She already made the decision to leave Catra once when she joined the rebellion and that just made Catra bitter. I can understand why she's hesitant to leave her again." The archer explains and while I'm still angry, he does have a point and I unclench my fists. I exhale heavily.

"Seems like Adora has always had a lot on her plate." I begrudgingly admit. 

"She has, but she's never let that pull her down. I've never seen her give up. In fact her catchphrase used to be: 'we can fix this.' And that's one of the things I love about her." Bow utters, genuine admiration leaking into his voice and it seems infectious as my lips twitch upwards. "I don't know what happened with Glimmer or why it's so secretive, but I do want you to know that Adora is a person worth giving another chance to and worth forgiving, because she always fights for those around her and...and we let her down by not fighting for her when she needed us." The boy's voice cracks towards the end and seeing just how highly he praises her and how much he cares about her is enough to make me re-consider. 

"I think, maybe you're right. If you speak about her that well and if my daughter visibly brightens at having her around, then maybe I should give her a chance." I concede and the wide smile on the man's face makes me pleased that I said the right thing.

"Thank you K...Micah. I promise that you won't be disappointed." He vows seriously and I chuckle, clapping his back. 

"I trust who you trust and if you say she's all that, then I'm willing to believe it." I utter with a smile and the boy beams up at me.

"Well, I should head back before Entrapta goes insane with Kai's crazy suggestions." Bow excuses as he picks up his sandwich and I watch as he walks towards the door, but before he goes through, his steps falter and he half turns to face me.

"Whatever's going on with Glimmer, I know you're the best one to take care of her, but if she's ever in danger I want you to tell me about it. I-I don't know what I'd do if something happened to her." Bow confesses, his voice strained and I'm touched by the ferocity of his care. I nod.

"If something happens, I'll let you know." I promise and then bid him goodnight, watching as he disappears through the door. I release a heavy breath and make my way to one of the spare bed chambers, still unable to work up the courage to return to mine and Angie's room. _'I've got a lot of thinking to do, but if I've learnt anything from Bow then it's the fact that things are definitely not as black and white as I initially painted them to be.'_ I silently admit to myself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There we go. Bow's ready to finally forgive Adora and Micah is understandably taking a little longer, but he is on his way to as he slowly pieces everything together.
> 
> Next chapter is back to Adora's POV. It includes a sad flashback in the form of a nightmare. Poor Adora, she's getting a lot of those huh? But I feel it will be cool to finally get some more insight on how things were like back in the Horde. The show depicted it as harsh, but of course they had their limits with it being a kid's show, so I'm making it realistically a bit more darker. See you tomorrow hopefully.
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	50. Prove Yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora is plagued with thoughts of wanting to prove herself, little does she know that will manifest in her subconscious and jerk some unwanted memories to the forefront of her mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember back in s1 when Angella had that pretty intimidating talk with Adora? I thought it was an interesting concept, we never saw much of Adora & Angella's interactions after that until Adora goes off to rescue Glimmer, so I thought it would be interesting to hint at it a bit more, while also spinning the ball back onto Micah. 
> 
> Andddd we've finally reached 50 chapters!!! The last fic I finished was 50 chapters, so from tomorrow this is gonna be the most chapters I've written for a story which is pretty cool. Anyway, this chapter has both angst & fluff, so a nice healthy balance I'd say. And I switch to Glimmer's POV at the very end briefly.
> 
> Definite triggers of child abuse/trauma and mild mentions of cutting.

**Adora's POV:**

Glimmer teleports me back to my room after Bow decides to head out. I perch on my new mattress, still getting used to its slightly fluffier than usual firmness. The Queen stands before me, seemingly not quite willing to leave just yet. 

"Can I ask you what really happened to my old bed?" I ask out of the blue, more to make conversation rather than actual curiosity. The purple head appears slightly ashamed at the question, but sighs heavily.

"I think it was a couple of years after you had left and I was just so mad that you still hadn't told us anything, so I kind of...may have broken your bed in a fit of rage?" Glimmer admits sheepishly. I blink twice. _'Out of all the things I expected, it certainly wasn't that.'_ I release a low whistle.

"Remind me not to get you mad again." I joke and fortunately that eases the tension from the Queen's face as she lowers her rigid shoulders.

"Heh sorry. That...that was very immature of me." Glimmer murmurs, regret leaking into her tone. I frown, hating the sound of self-reproach in her tone.

"Not at all. You had every right to be mad. I'm only sorry that I was the cause of that anger." I apologise with downcast eyes. 

"What's done is done. We can't change the past." The Queen utters and we fall into a steady silence. "Well, I should be off. Goodnight." The purple head bids after several moments. I stare at the bed and that familiar creeping sensation of suffocation arises. 

"Glimmer, wait." I call out, so similar to last night, but I push forward with what I want to say this time. The girl halts watching me carefully. "Could we...could we have one of those sleepovers we used to have?" I request, embarrassed. The royal blinks twice as an unsure expression settles on her face. 

"I'm not sure Adora..." She starts and while I had half expected this I still sigh in disappointment.

"I understand. Things between us are still...complicated." I mutter. Hesitantly the purple head walks towards me and kneels down to meet my eye. 

"It's not just that. I've not really been sleeping well so I'm not sure if I can go to sleep right now." Glimmer confesses. I knit my eyebrows at this revelation, hating that my theory was correct.

"Why?" I ask, eliciting a shrug from the woman.

"There's always lots of work to do." She answers simply and while I know that this is partially true, I get the feeling it's not the whole truth. 

"Ok, but you still have tonight off." I point out and a flash of guilt crosses those lavender orbs of hers while mine widen in disbelief. "You were going to go back to your study to do more work?!" I accuse as the Queen averts her eyes. 

"Knowing Dad, he probably got distracted with something and didn't finish today's work..." She starts, but I promptly interrupt her.

"Glimmer, you're not just a Queen. You are your own person who needs time for themselves. Etheria isn't going to fall apart if some letters are delayed a day." I voice firmly.

"But...!" She protests and I grab hold of her hands.

" _ **No**_. You need to look after yourself." I utter sternly with hard eyes. The purple head gazes at me for several moments before sighing.

"Fine. I'll head to bed." She agrees begrudgingly as she waits for me to release her hands, but I don't. 

"Stay." I say, dropping my voice. Glimmer looks conflicted.

"Adora, I..." 

"Please." I plead, clamping the woman's jaws shut. She looks away briefly before looking back.

"Alright. Let me just grab my sleeping bag." The Queen states, but still I don't let go of her and she shoots me a confused look.

"Promise you'll come back?" I ask, knowing that I must sound like a child, but I really don't want to be alone tonight after last night's drama. Her face softens and she gives my hands a squeeze.

"I promise." She vows and finally I release her hands. She shoots me an encouraging smile and fades out. Five minutes later she returns with a sleeping bag in hand. Although her face twists in disgust. "Jeez this thing really collected dust over the years." This gets my attention as I stare at the purple head.

"Wait, you haven't had a sleepover in years?!" I balk when the Queen shakes her head. 

"Bow got married 4 years ago, who was I going to have a sleepover with? Myself?" The Queen states ruefully and I snap my jaws shut, feeling guilty.

"So you haven't had a sleepover in 4 years?" I ask, the thought sounding so weird considering how often we had them before I left.

"Probably longer." The girl says with a shrug as she starts patting the thing down in an attempt to get rid of the dust. I'm about to go to help her, but she lifts a hand up, stopping me. "You're still injured, remember?" Glimmer points out while rolling the bed mat along the floor. I pout. 

"I can still help." I grumble. The Queen quirks an amused eyebrow.

"I think I can handle it." She jokes lightly. I roll my eyes.

"I know you can handle it. Doesn't mean I still don't want to help." I murmur and the girl's face warms as a soft smile graces her face. 

"You really haven't changed that much." Glimmer voices subconsciously. I tilt my head to one side.

"Did you expect me to?" I ask, prompting the girl to look up from her patting. She purses her lips.

"I guess so?" The purple head admits, turning back to the mat. "I mean you're a lot more...mellow now. More sure of yourself. But other than that, you're pretty much the same." The Queen utters while rolling the blanket back. "Have I changed?" She queries quietly and I furrow my eyebrows in thought. _'Has she changed? Well, she's more of a work addict than before, but other than that? Not too dramatically, moving past the whole cold attitude she's still essentially the same old Glimmer, except...'_

"You're more confident now, like you've got the whole Queen thing down now." I say and the woman visibly brightens at this.

"Really? I always wonder if people notice how nervous I am, but after a while you get into a routine and it becomes second nature." The Queen explains as she settles into her sleeping bag, pulling the cover over her. 

"Well you pull it off like a pro." I praise and shuffle under my own blankets. The girl reaches up to switch off the lights and the room is plunged into darkness. I shiver slightly, but just opt to sink myself deeper into the mattress. 

"Thanks." She murmurs back and the room becomes silent. Despite how exhausted I am, I'm too elated that the purple head is actually here. Last time when I slept in her room, things were very tense, but now... _'dare I hope things are getting better?'_ I wonder just as a soft knock sounds against the door. I glance over to the purple head, wondering if she knows who it is. The girl shrugs and sits up. 

"Come in." She hollers and Micah's head peaks through the door. He seems surprised that his daughter is here and when his eyes land on me, I instantly rise to a sitting position also. 

"So a sleepover is it?" The man asks lightly, but something in his words makes me tense up. Glimmer half smiles.

"Looks like it." She affirms. "Did you need anything?" The Queen asks with a tilted head, but the man shakes his head.

"'No, no. I was wondering if you were asleep yet, but found your room empty and had a hunch you might be here. Well, sorry for interrupting. Have a peaceful sleep girls." The King bids. His eyes flickering back to me with a slight frown on his face, but it eases almost immediately. 

"Goodnight Dad." Glimmer calls out.

"Goodnight King Micah." I mumble and he shuts the door quietly behind him. The purple head leans back onto her mattress. However, I can't help but clench my fists, still tense. _'It doesn't matter if Glimmer accepts me back. Her dad won't. At least not for a while.'_ And it just feels like Angella all over again, how I have to prove to myself all over again. And the thought makes me sick. _'Before, I fought countless battles and rescued Glimmer from the Fright Zone to get Angella to like me. But now there aren't any battles to fight. No one to rescue. How on earth will I prove myself now?'_ I think anxiously. 

"Aren't you tired?" The Queen's voice penetrates through my thoughts and I realise how tightly I've bundled the edge of the cover in my hands. I glance at the girl who's watching me curiously.

"Exhausted." I admit and slowly rest my head against the pillow. I hear her shift and peering over my bed, I find the girl leaning on her elbow and perching her head onto her palm.

"What's wrong?" She asks and I almost retort 'nothing,' but hold back on the last second.

"Your Dad doesn't like me." I answer honestly. The woman sighs, as if expecting my response.

"He's just being over-protective. Give him some time." Glimmer reassures, but I'm still in doubt. 

"But how can I prove myself to him?" I prompt, but she shakes her head.

"You don't need to prove yourself to him. It's enough Bow and I know you." Glimmer insists, piercing me with those lavender irises of hers. I turn my head away from her. _'She doesn't realise how tense I was during that period when Angella didn't trust me.'_

"Ok." I mumble, not sounding at all convinced. 

"You don't believe me." The Queen states bluntly. I cringe. 

"It's just I like to make people happy with me and I feel uncomfortable when someone isn't." I say, twisting the truth slightly and I can already hear Catra's voice in my head: **_'Adora the people pleaser.'_ **I scowl at the thought and push it promptly to one side.

"Honestly Adora. Just ignore him, he'll cool down eventually." The purple head repeats, muttering something under her breath that sounds very much like 'I hope.' I gulp. 

"Well, if you say so." I say dubiously, but inside I'm stewing.

"I do." The Queen utters firmly and that's it. We both drift off to sleep, or at least I do. Having my mind filled with thoughts about needing to prove myself, unearths some very unpleasant memories which manifests into my dreams...

~=~

**Dream:**

"I said stop please!" 13 year old me pleads, but Shadow Weaver isn't having any of it as she raises her whip to strike Catra again as I stand immobilised with fear.

"I told you Adora, you can't keep continuing like this. I know and you know that you can do better than this." The spellcaster voices, her voice unbelievable soft while my best friend is writhing on the ground with her arms up to protect her face. And from here I can see how violently they shake from how downright scared she is. Finally, seeing that picture of terror on her face, pushes my feet to move and I stand in front of the trembling girl with my hands outstretched, hoping to protect her. 

"I'll do better! I promise!" I vow, hoping she'll stop her torrent of abuse, but she simply shakes her head.

"You told me that last time Adora and look at where we are now." The Second in Command reminds, raising her whip again. I can't help it, I flinch and the smile that appears on her face makes me wish I was stronger. "Step aside Adora and let me finish." Somehow, I find it in myself to shake my head stubbornly. 

"I'll prove to you that I can do better!" I insist, but the woman laughs cruelly.

"You think you can prove yourself? Then show me. To be Force Captain you need to be ruthless. Take my whip and strike me." The woman says and offers me the end of her whip. I gawk at her and despite hating everything the woman has put me through, she's still the closest person I have to a maternal figure. 

"I-I can't." I confess and start trembling when the woman scowls. 

"You've _**failed** _in proving yourself Adora." The spellcaster drawls out in disappointment and raises her hand higher. "This will remind you what you put your peers through, the next time you fail." At these words the whip comes down and a scream rips out of my throat at the pain. Blind-agonising pain. Shadow Weaver never struck me before so the action makes me buckle to the ground. I watch helplessly as she repeats the motion, again and again on Catra and her scream rattles my entire core as I watch uselessly. The final scream is the loudest.

~=~ 

**Reality:**

I wake up screaming, startling the purple head as she immediately jumps up from her sleeping bag to perch on the edge of my bed. I'm clutching my biceps just as tightly as the night before, but I'm still lost in my nightmare. I shake my head vigorously trying to forget the long buried memory, but it plays on a loop like a cruel record. 

"Adora." The voice is so gentle, but a wave of nausea washes over me and without warning I puke up my lunch on the floor.

I keep hurling until there's nothing left and collapse back on my mattress. Glimmer's terrified face hovers over mine a second later and her hand reaches towards me, only to push away the matted strands of hair stuck to my forehead. Her hand shifts further down to settle on my cheek.

"Hey its ok. Just a nightmare." She soothes, but I close my eyes. _'Not a nightmare. That actually happened.'_ And I feel sick again, but fortunately my stomach is so empty that I couldn't vomit again even if I wanted to. Her thumb keeps brushing against my cheek, long after my trembling comes to a halt. The gesture helps and I'm tempted to keep my eyes closed, but I know that I have to say something to reassure the girl otherwise we'll be up all night. _'Wait. Was Glimmer already awake? She reacted way too quickly to have been asleep.'_ That knowledge makes me feel worse, especially when I know that the girl is already having sleeping difficulties and now I'm keeping her up.

I re-open my eyes to find the queen frowning deeply, her gaze unfocused. But when she notices my eyes are open, her gentle strokes pause. "How are you doing now?" She asks, face filled with concern. I swallow, trying to get rid of the bile in my throat.

"I'm alright. Sorry for waking you." I apologise, waiting to test my theory.

"You didn't. I was still awake." Glimmer reassures. _'Assumption proven correct.'_ I think guiltily.

"Still, I disturbed you." I say.

"Don't apologise." The Queen utters firmly and it's then that I catch a whiff of something unpleasant and I suddenly remember vomiting. I cringe.

"Oh jeez, I vomited didn't I? I'm so sor-" I start, but I'm quickly cut off.

"I told you not to apologise. What I want to know is, are you ok? I thought the nightmare this morning was bad, but this was even worse." The purple head voices in concern. I take in a deep breath, suddenly needing air and I push myself up onto my elbows, finally prompting the girl to pull her hand away. The royal shifts ever so slightly back to give me space, but the distance between us is still fairly non-existent and it's then I realise she's kneeling on the mattress. 

"It was just a dumb nightmare." I mutter, rubbing at the black circles that I know must be under my eyes. 

"It's not dumb if it caused you to wake up screaming! And you were clutching your arms so tightly like you were trying to dig holes into them." The girl protests. I pull my hands away and squint up at the Queen through the darkness. 

"It was a really bad nightmare." I concede. I see a flash of hesitation cross her eyes.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Glimmer asks quietly, her hand landing on top of one of mine. I shake my head.

"I'd prefer not to." I mumble as the purple head bites her lip, curiosity burning in her lavender irises but she holds back. 

"Alright. I'm here if you change your mind." The woman expresses gently and I'm taken back by how much the girl has changed. _'Before she would've been offended and hurt if I didn't want to tell her, but now she's just accepting it?'_ I avert my eyes, wanting to say something, but no way strong enough to repeat...that. 

"It was a memory." I mumble. Glimmer knits her eyebrows.

"A memory?" She echoes back and I nod slowly. "It must've been really bad." She adds after several beats of silence. I close my eyes briefly. _'That was when I started cutting.'_ I recall shamefully. 

"Yeah. It was." I agree. 

"Something must've triggered it." She notes thoughtfully and I swallow. _'Glimmer has always been bright, but has she become more so?'_ I wonder in awe. I tap my finger against the mattress.

"I...I don't want to talk about it." I say, faltering at the mention of the words: _prove myself_ and immediately the Queen snaps her jaws shut. A sorrowful expression on her face.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..." But I cut her off.

"Don't worry about it. It's just a sore topic." I bat away and she squeezes my hand. 

"Do you want to try to get some sleep? You still look exhausted. Although...I'm not sure how well you'll sleep with the stench." Glimmer expresses with a wrinkle of her nose and a half smile graces my lips at her expression.

"I'll live." I utter, but the girl is already shaking her head.

"Let's head to my room." She decides and before I can protest I find myself landing on her bed with a light oof. I shake my head at her, cautious.

"Are you sure?" I ask and she waves my concerns away. 

"I am. Now, try to sleep." Glimmer whispers softly. I lean back down, sinking into the plush bed and moments later I feel the girl lying down beside me and my heart spikes nervously. _'We haven't shared a bed since...'_ I swallow, hating the reminder of how distant we became.

If I could, I would curl into a foetal position, but my injury prevents me from doing so. Sighing, I roll onto my favoured side, away from the Queen. After that, everything falls silent for several minutes, until the royal speaks up.

"Adora?" She whispers.

"Hmm?" I hum back in acknowledgement. Glimmer doesn't say anything for several moments and I start to wonder if she drifted off to sleep until I feel a hand on my shoulder. I twist my head back slightly to glance at the purple head who's pursing her lips.

"Would...would a cuddle help for the nightmares?" The Queen asks in discomfort and my throat dries at the suggestion. 

"I, er..." I falter, not wanting to make the girl uncomfortable. When no further words leave my mouth, I feel a pair of chubby arms entrap my middle, taking me by surprise and leaving me breathless. 

"Is this ok?" She whispers and having lost the ability to speak, I lift one of my hands to rest it on top of her interlocked ones around me.

"Y-Yeah this is ok." I whisper back. A second later I sense the royal shifting closer until her forehead rests on the upper thoracic region of my spine.

Silence ticks by as I try to get past the fact that Glimmer is willingly hugging me for an extended period, wanting to shield me from the nightmares and I can't help but feel so safe and warm in her gentle embrace. _'How have I missed this for so many years?'_ I wonder incredulously. Finally, the exhaustion wears me down and I slip into one of the most peaceful slumbers I've had in a long time. 

~=~

**Glimmer's POV:**

When Adora's breathing eases into a steady rhythm I know she's fallen asleep. _'Hopefully this time without nightmares.'_ I think ruefully, tightening my arms around the blonde slightly in the hopes it will keep the bad thoughts at bay. I sigh, wondering what had the warrior that shaken up. _'She said it was a memory, but what memory is that traumatic? W-Was it after she left or before? Was it the... cannon?'_ My breathing becomes shallow at the very thought, praying that the girl isn't still traumatised by it.

I dig my face deeper into her spine, between her shoulder blades. It elicits a soft sigh from the warrior, but other than that she remains asleep thankfully. _'I'm sorry Adora if that's the memory you're referring to.'_ I apologise silently as guilt settles on my heart, but as if the woman heard me she shuffles backwards slightly, closer to me. I swallow thickly. _'I hate how safe and comfortable I feel like this. She could very well be leaving soon and where will that leave me? In that same dark scary hole I fought so hard to climb out of.'_

I shiver at the thought, still scared by the end result. _'I used to tell Adora off for her cutting, wondering how on earth she could do something like that to herself and then I just went and attempted to do something far worse.'_ I still shudder at the fact that it was my father who found me. _'And he's been overprotective of me ever since. But it could've been worse. Bow could've been the one to find me.'_ I think dully, knowing that if that had happened the boy would've never let it go. _'At least my Dad understands, even if he does make me to do those dumb check-ups every now and again. I don't need a check-up or to stare at that hideous scar on my wrist. I need to forget the worst mistake of my life. But I suppose he wants to keep checking in, making sure that I'm still coping.'_

I blink rapidly, trying to keep the waterworks at bay, especially when the poor girl next to me is knackered and vomited up the entire contents of her stomach. Subconsciously I find myself tightening my hold on the warrior, craving for her warmth to satiate the fear I have deep within. _'I don't know how or why, but just having Adora here makes everything seem so much lighter and easier to handle. How did I not see that before?'_ I realise.

"Glimmer?" A tired voice calls out and I curse myself for waking her.

"Shh, go to sleep." I whisper softly, but she rolls over, her tired eyes running down my form. I don't know what she sees in my face, but it must've been something negative as she opens up her arms and pulls me forward until I'm resting against her chest. 

"Please sleep." She mumbles and before I can say anything more she drifts off again. I swallow, having missed her intense caring nature.

I scan the blonde's face, my eyes always returning to that scar along her jawline. The one I haven't had the courage to ask where she got it from, believing it's not my place to. However, I can't help but reach out a hand to trace it softly in a feather-like touch as to not wake her. _'Oh Adora, how was I not there to protect you?'_ I berate silently just as the girl releases a light snore. I smile affectionately and decide to try and get some sleep, not sure if I'll succeed in doing so, but between the warrior's gentle snores and her strong arms around me, I find my eyes fluttering to a close and I drift away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I've ended TWO chapters in a row on a fluffy note, what's happening to me?! XD don't worry I'm just luring you all into a false sense of security...jeez now that sounds terrible XD  
> I was tempted to write superior instead of upper, thoracic region of the spine, but felt that was a bit too medical sounding, but superior is technically the correct term for any sciencey people among you. But gosh I'm really making this story dark aren't I? Child abuse really breaks my heart and I feel really passionate about it. We do an online child safeguarding course every year for med and it never fails to tear me up.
> 
> Next chapter is pretty heavy, so warning you from now. We have Adora talking to Micah & then later with Bow. See you tomorrow.
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	51. Creeping Fears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora finds herself caught in another conversation with the King, but this time something dark is being hinted at, can she guess what?  
> AND  
> Adora discovers that Bow knows her carefully kept secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jeez I really didn't think the story was this long, lol. Might end up being a book length at this rate XD Makes me wish I was half good at drawing, would be cool to draw and post some of the scenes like some other fanfic writers do on this site. Alas, my art skills would burn anyone's eyes XD
> 
> This chapter is a bit heavy, but necessary all the same. There are self-harm triggers, but they're mainly just mentions. Hope that's alright, I know this story is dark enough without adding more drama :/

**Adora's POV:**

I wake up to the sound of someone aww-ing and begrudgingly open one eye to find Bow standing on the top step and leaning on the edge of the bed nest as he watches us with a grin. 

"Boooow. I was sleeping." I grumble before glancing to the slumbering purple head beside me. 

"I know, but I couldn't help it. You both look adorable and congratulations on getting Glimmer to sleep. This is the first time she's slept in for ages." The Bow praises. I sit up slightly so as to not wake the girl whose arms are still wrapped loosely around my waist. 

"It took her ages. And in the end I wasn't sure if she did because I fell asleep after that." I whisper, half worried. "She wasn't always like that." I add and the boy bites his lip. 

"I think it was her coping strategy; to do work instead of rest." He says, his voice dropping to a hush. I drop my gaze to the sleeping girl, feeling tormented that I'm the reason she tortured herself like this. When the archer spots my guilty expression, he quickly changes the subject. "Micah said you guys were in your room, but I went and found it empty. Well, except for a pile of erm...something unpleasant." Bow stumbles awkwardly. I redden. 

"S-Sorry. That was mine." I confess and the boy's face twists into concern.

"Are you sick?" He asks with furrowed eyebrows, already reaching out a hand to touch my forehead before I can say otherwise.

"No." I utter and the man looks confused when he sees I don't have a temperature. Pulling away he has a question in his eyes.

"Then why...?" He leaves the question hanging, but I know what he means. I bite my lip, hard.

"I had a bad nightmare." I admit and the man's face softens. 

"It must've been really bad." He observes and I shrug. He eyes me for a moment before nodding to himself. "Maybe I should let you get some more rest." He decides, but I'm already reaching out towards him.

"Did you come for something or..." I trail off and he looks uncomfortable.

"I think Micah wanted to talk to you, without..." He pauses and gives a pointed look at the purple head. My stomach churns. 

"I-I should go then." I start, but he puts a hand up, stopping me in my tracks. 

"It's not urgent. Sleep. I'll see you later." Bow insists, but Glimmer chooses that moment to stir. We glance at each other and wait for the Queen to fully arouse herself. Her eyes flutter open and immediately they fall on her childhood friend. She quirks an eyebrow and sits up, releasing her hold around me and a rush of cool air fills my body. 

"Bow?" Glimmer murmurs, hiding her yawn behind a hand. The man grins.

"Hey sleepyhead. Looks like you two had a sleepover without me." He complains, jutting out his lip in disappointment and eliciting a laugh from the royal. 

"It was pretty unintentional." The purple head defends, rubbing her eyes.

"Yeah I swung by Adora's room earlier, but it was empty. Oh and you might want to get someone to clean up the sick." Bow reminds, but I feel bad that someone has to do such a horrible job.

"I'll do it." I volunteer, causing both friends to quirk an eyebrow.

"I meant, a cleaner." The archer clarifies, but I shake my head.

"That's not fair. It's my vomit, I should clean it up." I persuade, but Glimmer is shaking her head.

"It's because it's your vomit you shouldn't do it." The Queen voices firmly. 

"But it's not like I'm sick. I'm fine!" I insist and at this the girl and boy share a glance before gazing back at me. I squirm under their dual attention. 

"Even if you aren't sick you shouldn't do it." Bow states while crossing his arms. 

"But why not?" I demand. The man purses his lips. 

"Well your leg..." He starts, but I shake my head.

"Its nearly better. Besides, I think your wife has already made me a new prosthetic to try today." I point out, killing that excuse with one stone. He deflates. 

"Well, if you really want to..." He starts, but Glimmer shoots him a glare.

"Bow! She doesn't need to do that, that's what the cleaners are for." The purple head expresses stubbornly. I gawk at her.

"Well at least let me make their jobs a little easier. It's enough they always keep the whole palace in tip top shape." This effectively silences the two of them as they stare at me with wide eyes. 

"Sometimes I forget how selfless you are." The Queen mutters before sighing. "Alright, if you really want to. But we're having some breakfast first! You must be starving." The royal compromises and I nod my head in agreement. We make our way to the dining hall and to my relief the King is absent which gives me enough courage to eat without the worry of table manners. After I finish 3 plates, I look up to find Bow and Glimmer gaping at me. I cringe and slowly return my tenth pancake. "No, no eat." Glimmer encourages and I cautiously take back the pancake.

"Heh sorry. I didn't realise how hungry I was." I voice sheepishly with an embarrassed laugh. The royal shakes her head.

"You emptied your entire stomach contents last night. I really shouldn't be surprised." The purple head excuses and I wince at the reminder. 

"What was your nightmare even about? I didn't realise a person could be so scared to the point of vomiting." Bow asks and I lower my spoon, losing my appetite. The Queen elbows him roughly. "Ow!" He shouts, shooting the girl beside him with a glower, but when she jerks her head in my direction and the boy sees the anguished look on my face, his features become remorseful. "Oh, I-I'm sorry. That wasn't very sensitive of me." The archer murmurs regretfully. I shake my head.

"No! You're ok. I just...don't want to talk about it." I mumble and I see the two sharing a glance once again, reminding me that despite any fall outs they may have had they are still childhood best friends. 

"If something's bothering you, we want to help." The man voices gently and I clutch the handle of my spoon more tightly before exhaling softly. 

"It's nothing. It's just a really old memory." I say nonchalantly. The purple head doesn't seem surprised, since I told her last night, although her eyes turn inward in thought. But the archer widens his eyes. 

"A memory? What, like from back in the Horde?" He asks, earning another thump from the girl beside him. "Ow Glimmer! I'm just asking." He complains while bending down to rub his shin. I chuckle at the display before sobering up. 

"Yeah." I reply and this time they both watch me anxiously. "I'm fine, honestly." I try to placate them, but they don't look the slightest bit convinced. 

"What triggered that?" Bow questions with furrowed eyebrows.

"Wow you two won't leave the poor girl alone, will you?" I jump at the new masculine voice and turn my head to the entrance to find the King standing tall before he steps into the room. Bow looks embarrassed as he half smiles.

"It's alright. He asks because he cares." I say to defend the boy, not quite knowing what is his relationship with the archer. Micah looks surprised at my intervention and gives a pointed look to my hand.

"I think the poor spoon could do with a break." He jokes lightly and it's only then do I realise that the handle's edge is digging into my palm. I loosen my hold immediately and it clatters loudly to my plate. 

"Dad, be nice." Glimmer reprimands and the man smiles warmly at his daughter. 

"Always Moonlight. Actually I wanted to know if I could steal Adora from you both." Micah requests and the Queen is automatically sceptical.

"Why?" She asks cautiously. 

"Last night I was cataloguing some old Horde documents regarding some higher ranking individuals and I wanted Adora's knowledge to match them with some of the bandits we know about. Logistics stuff really." The King answers smoothly. Glimmer appears hesitant but nods. 

"Alright. Just bring her back when you finish. Entrapta wants to fit a new metal plate or something on Adora and the sooner we get that right the sooner we can go out and find those bandits." The Queen requests and with a vow I'm escorted out of the room, trailing behind the King as I glance sadly behind me, wishing I didn't have to leave my two...friends? Once we're out of ear shot the man speaks up.

"You look much better rested today." He observes and I give him a weary smile.

"Yeah thanks to you. Sometimes I need someone to remind me to stop and take a breather." I begrudgingly admit, eliciting a chuckle from the short man. 

"Glimmer's the same. That girl works herself to the bone." He says with a sigh, but shakes his head a moment later. "I actually stopped by your room just now and..." He starts and I widen my eyes.

"Oh! I need to go and clean that up first!" I say in a rush. The man blinks twice, as if trying to process what I said.

"I've already got the porter to work on that. Should be clean soon enough." The man waves away in a tone of dismissal, but I shake my head and instead of walking down the left corridor, I go down the right one, leading to my room.

"I vomited not them, so I should clean it up." I voice firmly and reach my room, opening the door to find a short woman pulling her cleaning trolley forward. I limp forward and put a hand on the woman's shoulder. "It's ok. I'll do it." I say, earning a look of disbelief from the lady. She glances between me and the King at the door before quickly exiting.

I pick up a cloth from the trolley she left behind and drop carefully to my knees and start brushing up the sick. I grimace when the smell reaches my nostrils, but I stubbornly continue. Afterwards, I reach for the mop to wipe away at the remnants. All the while the man stares at me in shock. I return the cleaning supplies to its correct place and rise to my feet, shifting uncomfortably. At last he moves, shaking his head.

"You are one heck of a girl, you know that?" He voices with a tone of...pride? I blink, _'I must've imagined it.'_

"I just thought it wasn't fair." I mumble, but the man enters the room until he's standing before me, an indescribable expression on his face. 

"You're making it harder and harder not to like you here." He finally says and I smile ruefully. 

"Guess I'll have to keep trying until I succeed then." I answer, eliciting a bark of laughter from the man. He claps me gently on the shoulder and steers me out of the room. 

"We'll see." He breathes out and I feel anxiety clawing at my insides. "So, a nightmare huh?" He says when the silence becomes awkward. I glimpse at him wearily.

"Yeah." I mumble. 

"Is that something you get often?" I cringe at the question, ashamed to say yes.

"Yeah." I mutter. 

"Must've been hard growing up in the Horde." The man comments and this time my glance is longer as I watch him cautiously. 

"That's just how my life started out." I answer. The man hums in response, scratching his chin.

"Amazing how casual you sound about it when it obviously still haunts you." I flinch at his correct deduction and avert my eyes. The King stops and my feet come to an automatic halt also. "There's nothing to be ashamed of." He utters, resting a hand on my shoulder but I shrug it off, knowing deep down I shouldn't be behaving so hostile to the man who can kick me out with just one word.

"I'm not ashamed of anything." I voice fiercely. Micah squints at me. 

"Yet you keep dodging everyone's questions." He points out. I turn away from him until my back is all he can see. 

"Have you ever considered the possibility that some things are private?" I retort, but I see his reflection on the window in front of me as he shakes his head. 

"It's obvious that something is bothering you." He states as if he knows me. I clench my hands and spin round to face him.

" _ **You're**_ the one who's bothering me! Do you have any idea what's it like having to try to prove myself to yet _**another** _person?! I've had to do it my whole life and the consequences of failing were nerve wrecking!" I shout angrily until I realise what I've just said and with wide eyes I clamp a hand over my mouth. The man's jaws slacken and then his features become remorseful. He takes a step towards me but I subconsciously take a step back, hating that I told him, of all people, what's bothering me. 

"I'm really sorry Adora. I overstepped my boundaries. I haven't been fair to you since you arrived and I am truly sorry for that." Micah apologises, his downtrodden face looks so painfully similar to Glimmer's. It's an expression that I hate seeing on her face, so with a deep intake of breath, I take a step towards him.

"Well, I-I shouldn't have shouted. That was wrong and I'm sorry." I say and the edges of sorrow fade from his features. 

"You shouldn't apologise. I deserved that. It's just..." He sighs and turns his head to one side. "I can see what my daughter sees in you and if circumstances were different I know I would love you. You have so many wonderful characteristics. You're kind, selfless, fair, bold and I could go on. But, as a father, how can I accept someone who caused my baby girl so much pain and anguish?" The King murmurs and my lips try to move, but I'm paralysed by his words, unable to decide whether to be happy at the praise or crushed at hearing how badly my disappearance affected the purple head. I lower my head, staring hard at the ground.

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't want to leave." I choke out. The man sighs heavily and a moment later I feel his large hands settling on my shoulders.

"Bow explained to me that the circumstances were...tense to say the least. I can't pretend that I know what you were going through at the time, but listen to me when I say this: you _**don't** _need to prove yourself to me. Not in the slightest and I will never ask you to. I've seen the type of gold hearted person you are and if I had to choose someone to protect my baby's life then I'd choose you or Bow. I see now how tight you all were and I'm glad that my daughter had you while I was absent. I might disagree with your choice to leave, but I understand. And..." He pauses, thinking carefully over his words. "...I want to thank you for something." I blink in surprise at this and look up, confusion etched into my features. "I know you and Glimmer were very awkward about it and I hope you can forgive an old man for his curiosity, but I found out about your leg." I stiffen at his words and simultaneously both his and my gaze falls onto my half metal leg. I gulp and return my gaze to his face. 

"Oh." I utter. 

"Thank you for saving her life that day." Micah voices gratefully, but something flickers through his eyes. A silent accusation. As if there was another day I could've saved her life, _'but that's preposterous. Glimmer's perfectly well...right?'_ I force my lead-like tongue to move.

"You don't need to thank me for that. I did what anyone would do." I say, trying to belittle my action, but the man shakes his head.

"No. Not everyone would take a potentially fatal shot for a friend. Hardly anyone, but you did and you live with the restraint of having to control your emotions and spasms." I shoot him a look, silencing his ramblings. "Sorry, I get carried away sometimes, but you know what I mean. It was a heroic act." He praises, but I shake my head. 

"I...don't think it was." I mumble with averted eyes. The King tilts his head to one side in confusion.

"What do you mean?" He asks, perplexed. 

"You said it was heroic or selfless, but really I was just being selfish." I mutter bitterly and if the man was confused before, he's completely out of his depth now.

"I'm sorry, but you're going to have to clarify how putting your life on the line for someone else is selfish." Micah expresses. I bite the inside of my cheek so hard until I taste the familiar metallic. _'This isn't something I've ever told anyone. Heck, I haven't even admitted it to myself, always shying away from the thought. And now I'm just going to tell someone who confuses me to no end? One moment he's harsh and the next he's caring. It's making my head spin and I don't know which one is real.'_ I chew my lip.

"If you asked me whether I'd take the shot again, knowing what I know now, I'd still say yes because...well, because I'd rather be a cripple than live in a world without Glimmer." I confess softly. The silence that follows is deafening, but I refuse to raise my eyes to meet his. 

"Wow. That's just wow. You really care about her, don't you?" Micah voices, following his statement with a low whistle. I raise my eyes up as a weak smile graces my lips. 

"I do. She means a lot to me. Being apart from her and Bow was painful, but I had to do it. If I didn't, we'd only end up hurting each other more." I try to explain, but a troubled expression crosses his face. I frown. "What is it?" I ask. He blinks.

"What's what?" He asks back.

"That's the second time you've had that strange expression on your face." I point out, but he shrugs. 

"I think you leaving hurt her a lot more than you realise." He voices seriously as a sense of foreboding slithers down my spine. 

"What are you getting at?" I question, the implications are staring at me right in the face, but for some reason my mind can't quite grasp it. 

"Nothing." He answers simply before glancing at his watch. "I think I've kept you long enough. Go and head over to Entrapta's lab." And with that he releases his hold on my shoulders, but his words were laced with such mystery and secrecy that I can't back down now.

"No way! Not until you tell me what you meant by that." I demand, but the man just raises an eyebrow. 

"I'm just saying that both you and Bow don't realise how hurt my daughter was." He repeats, but I shake my head, still not understanding. 

"I don't get it. I know I hurt her when I left, that's why she was so mad at me when I returned." I answer, feeling downright confused. The King looks at me sharply.

"You think that was it? Didn't you wonder what she meant by being hurt?" Micah mutters, his tone leaning onto a more hostile edge, but I still can't quite grasp his meaning, so I shake my head.

"I still don't get it." I repeat, eliciting a heavy sigh from the man.

"Perhaps for the better. Move along before Glimmer starts wondering where you are. But let's keep this conversation between us." The King requests and I'm so numb that I nod without realising.

Somehow I end up at the tech princess' lab, fortunately neither Bow or Glimmer are in sight and as the Princess fiddles around with the metal pieces my mind is in a whirlwind. _'What on earth was Micah trying to get at? Hurt? Of course she was hurt. Her feelings were hurt. Heck my feelings would've been hurt if Glimmer decided to leave me behind one day. He makes it out to seem that she was hurt in more ways than one. Like....like it wasn't just emotionally hurt, but another type of hurt. **Like what?!** Mentally hurt?? She seems fine to me, save for the lack of sleep. Is that what he meant? And he obviously doesn't mean physically hurt because what could physically hurt her?'_ I ask myself.

A dark thought flashes across my mind, but I push it out immediately, scoffing to myself at the very prospect. _'Glimmer hurting herself? That's the biggest joke. She's too strong to even contemplate it. And yet...'_ I shake my head stubbornly. _'No way. She'd **never**.'_ I think and with that final thought, I start to tune into Entrapta's ramblings.

"So I've hard-wired all the nervous connections with this state of the art titanium metal plating which should be far more robust and I've fiddled a little bit with your watch so Bow can pinpoint your location with his pad." I jerk my head up at this. _'Despite being nearly convinced about my decision to stay, I don't like the fact that I could just be found like that. Just in case I do need to disappear for whatever reason again.'_ I clear my throat.

"I'm not sure if I want Bow to always know my location." I start, but the excited girl just waves her hand away.

"Oh no its only if you press this shiny red button on the side! It's like a beacon that he could track you with if something happens again." Entrapta clarifies and I turn my wrist to the side to find a new button installed into the strap. I look at it uneasily, but I guess it's better to be on the safe side. 

"Ok. Thank you so much Entrapta, I don't know what I would've done without you." I voice gratefully but the girl just bounds off to another table.

"Oh think nothing of it. It was fascinating to combine my tech and the beauty of science together! I'll admit human science is still a bit of a mystery to me, but the challenge was thrilling." The girl drawls out with enthusiasm. I smile, glad that at least she hasn't changed and is as much of an open book as she has always been. Before I can thank her again, Bow steps foot into the lab, relieved to find me.

"There you are! I stopped by Micah's office but neither of you were th..." He starts until his eyes zone in on my new metal leg and his face breaks out into a grin. "Is that the new one? It looks so cool!" He gushes, bending down to have a closer look and a dry chuckle escapes me. 

"Of course you would be excited about a prosthetic." I remark dryly and immediately the boy caves, jumping back to his feet as he rubs the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Sorry that was..." I elbow him playfully.

"I'm only joking." I tease and some of the tension that settled on his shoulders eases. He juts out his lower lip.

"That was mean." He complains and this time I do laugh at his childish expression. 

"Careful Bow you're starting to look like Kai when he wants to stay up past his bedtime." Entrapta tosses out carelessly from her work station and I have to hide my chortle behind a hand. The archer silences me with a glare before turning to his wife.

"Well 50% of him is made out of me, so I'll take that as a compliment." The man says, his voice clearly miffed. I laugh again.

"Maybe being compared to a child isn't the best compliment?" I point out lightly, earning me another glower. I cough, deciding to change the subject.

"Actually there's something I wanted to talk to you about." I utter seriously and the man automatically detects the tension in my words as he straightens up. I jerk my head to the side, silently indicating for us to go somewhere a little more private as the Princess starts humming to herself while she tinkers with some orb floating on her desk. 

"See you later 'Trapta." Bow bids with a warm smile. The girl waves back.

"Will do and it's your turn to help Kai with his project tonight." The tech princess reminds, earning an eye roll from the man as we close the door behind us. I smirk at him. He catches the look and frowns.

"What?" He asks self-consciously. 

"Trapta?" I tease and the man instantly reddens.

"People can give each other nicknames!" He defends hotly, making me laugh. 

"Well, what's yours?" I ask with a grin. The archer ignores me. "Oh come on, I want to know." I plead with puppy eyes. 

"Bow-Bow." He mutters and my laugh increases in volume. 

"I never pictured it, but you two are actually really sweet together." I admit as I wipe a tear from my eye. The man grumbles incoherently before pinning me with his chocolate irises. 

"All joking aside, what did you want to speak to me about?" The techmaster queries. I bite my lip, wondering if I really should bring this up.

"You know you told me that Glimmer was mad at me for leaving? What...how did she behave?" I stutter out. Bow knits his eyebrows at the question.

"Why do you want to know?" He asks suspiciously. I shift uncomfortably.

"King Micah was saying stuff and I don't know. I feel like he was implying something, but maybe I'm being paranoid." I confess and the man stills. "I talked to him last night and he made it out to seem that something bad happened too." Bow whispers in shock. I blink twice and stare at him. I reach for my elbow, clutching it anxiously.

"Well, what do you think happened?" I ask as worry leaks into my voice. I watch as the man chews his lip before shaking his head.

"I have no clue. There was nothing really out of the ordinary. I mean, Glimmer was in a bad state after you left. Crying most nights, not wanting to see anyone, not leaving her room, sometimes not eating. Stuff like that, but after we found her dad she brightened up a bit. And then well, we didn't really see each other much after I got married and had Kai. I feel terrible that something may have happened and I never knew about it." The man utters worriedly and while he has every right to be, my guilt far surpasses his.

He had a reason to be annoyed with Glimmer and so not knowing what happened to her makes sense. _'But...I'm the reason she was like this to start with. Crying? Not seeing anyone? Not eating?'_ A wave of nausea washes over me and I try hard not to puke again, but I'm not sure how long I can hold it in. _'What did I do to you Glimmer?'_ I think anxiously just as my watch beeps. Bow immediately breaks out of his own internal guilty tirade to glance at me in concern. 

"Hey are you alright?" The archer asks, shifting closer to me. I shake my head.

"What if something really bad happened? Something we don't know about. It would all be my fault." I utter, my voice trembling while my body becomes wrecked with guilt. Bow stretches out his hands to hold me gently by the biceps.

"Hey hey. It's probably nothing. I mean, if something had happened we'd be able to see it in Glimmer right?" The archer reassures, but for some reason I still feel uneasy. His words run through my head in a loop until I suddenly remember Glimmer's panicked face a couple of days ago and how she hazardously tugged on her purple glove. I frown, trying to recall what she said, something about a routine check-up? But I hadn't believed her then and I'm not sure I believe her now either.

"Bow, is there a routine check up that people in the palace have to have?" I ask suddenly and the boy blinks twice at the randomness of the question. He releases his hold on me as he gives his stubble a scratch. 

"I haven't heard of such a thing. Who told you that?" He queries and my stomach drops at the realisation that Glimmer lied to me. _'Ouch. I guess that hasn't changed in the last half decade.'_ I think sourly.

"Glimmer told me. I saw her a couple of days ago sitting on the bed in the First Aid Supply room. Her dad was there too. And when I asked her what she was doing there she said it was some new routine check-up thing that was implemented." I explain and if anything the man appears more worried as he shakes his head.

"That's not true. If it was the Police Force would be the first to have such a thing. Oh my gosh what if she has some terminal illness or something?!" The boy frets, clutching the sides of his hair. My jaw drops. _'Gosh I sure hope not!'_ I think frantically until something suddenly occurs to me.

"Wait, didn't Glimmer once say her mum was immortal? Surely she can't die from a terminal illness." I point out wisely and some of the fear from the man's face settles as he drops his hands to his sides.

"Ok true. So no terminal illness. But why else would she be there?" Bow questions, confused. I shrug helplessly, equally as confused as him.

"Micah said she was hurt. Like really hurt after I left. It seemed he was implying something more than emotional hurt." I say, running through my earlier thought process. Bow pales.

"I'm meant to be her best friend, but I'm such a fool. She was depressed, what if...what if..." He stops, unable to finish his sentence and I don't know what scares me more, the fact that his line of thought is similar to mine or the fact that there could the tiniest ounce of truth. I shake my head vigorously.

"No way. Glimmer would **_never_** hurt herself." I say with utmost conviction, wincing at just voicing the phrase. Bow stares at me sceptically.

"I thought the same thing with you." He retorts gravely and I tense up, moving my shocked eyes to meet his serious ones. 

"How did you...?" I whisper roughly. The man shifts from one foot to the other in discomfort and then crosses his arms, looking everywhere but at me. 

"It was probably a year or so after you left. We had a really bad shouting match. I kept insisting you were fine and she kept insisting otherwise. We said some really awful things to each other and it just slipped out. I can't believe you never told me." Bow accuses.

I hunch up my shoulders and spin around on my heels to give the man my back, not wanting to see that look of raw disappointment in his eyes. My breathing becomes shallow. _'She promised me she wouldn't tell him or anyone!'_ My watch beeps. 

"Adora..." He starts, but I shake my head violently.

"You weren't supposed to know! Heck, _**she** _wasn't supposed to know either. But that's Catra for you." I spit out venomously. Not really angry at the girl, just angry and scared that so many people know. _'They know how weak and pathetic I am.'_ I shudder. My watch beeps again. 

"Hey I don't think any less of you." Bow utters, his voice low as I feel a hand on my shoulder, spinning me back around. But I shake my head. "You're still the same brilliantly brave and headstrong Adora I know." The man continues, but I'm not listening.

I just feel as exposed as the days Catra and Glimmer found out. _'Everyone knows what an insecure freak I am now. What will they say when Glimmer and Bow know that I relapsed?'_ My trembling transforms into full-blown shaking. _'Failure. Weak. Pathetic. Can't prove yourself to anyone.'_ I hear the man cursing under his breath when another beep sounds.

"Adora please." Bow pleads, but I shake my head. _'I should be over this.'_ I berate myself. Another beep. My knees buckle. 

"What's going on here?" A high pitched voice pierces through the air.

"Thank God. I said something dumb. I don't know what to do." The desperation in Bow's voice is obvious even to me and I close my eyes, feeling worse for worrying the man.

I catch a scent of lavender and when small hands land on my shoulders I already know who it is. I find my face being smooched against the Queen's neck. Her hands go to rest on my back as she rubs circles along my spine while murmuring a load of nothing, but her voice is enough to calm me down. Eventually my shakes slow down when the air around me doesn't feel so tight. I release a breath and open my eyes to be flooded with purple and tanned skin. I swallow.

"I-I'm ok." I say, my voice hoarse. I catch sight of the man hovering worriedly beside us and shoot him a reassuring smile, but his face is still pained as Glimmer pulls back for me to catch her worried face. 

"I'm so so sorry. I shouldn't have..." He starts, but I quickly shake my head, _'not in front of Glimmer'_ my eyes scream and he gets the message as he clamps his jaws shut. 

"It's alright. I was being dumb." I say, my voice trembling slightly. 

"If anyone was being dumb, it was me." Bow argues. Glimmer looks between us, confusion and annoyance etched into her features. 

"You're _**both** _being dumb." She cuts across, silencing the pair of us. She gazes sternly at each of us before continuing. "What happened? What did you say for Adora to have a panic attack?" The purple head asks. I look away ashamed and the man isn't having it any easier as he places a hand at the back of his head.

"I, er..." He trails off, staring uselessly at the Queen and I feel sorry for the man. Glimmer scowls.

" _ **Bow**_." Her tone takes a sharp edge and he flinches. I swallow and turn my head back.

"I didn't know that he knew about..." I bite my tongue, still finding it difficult to voice the words aloud. Fortunately Bow saves me and jumps in.

"The whole cutting thing." He whispers quietly. Immediately the girl pales and her eyes snap back to me, complete regret in her features.

"I'm so sorry. You told me not to say and it just slipped out." The purple head states, her tone pleading. I swallow thickly.

"I-It's ok." I mumble and the air becomes tense before the Queen decides to speak up.

"What on earth were you guys talking about for _**that** _to become the focus of the conversation?" Glimmer asks in bewilderment. Bow and I share a glance before snapping our attention back to the Queen who frowns slightly at the display. 

"I can't remember." I lie and Bow nods his head in agreement. The purple head watches us sceptically, but for some reason she doesn't push it. 

"Right. Well I think it's best if we all have a bit of alone time. Tomorrow we're going back to the forest to see if we can track those bandits." Glimmer states as she helps me back to my feet. I shoot Bow a look and mouth: _I'm sorry_. He shakes his head slightly, a small smile appearing on his lips. I walk haltingly back to my room. The Queen wanting to come with, only to be whisked away by some urgent meeting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh there's our angst again. Much better XD Tho still a bit milder than usual. I'm defo teasing an emotional truckload aren't I? I can't heeeeelp it, it's just so tempting and it's just so easy to take it down that direction. And Adora is so the person who'd never allow anyone to clean up her own mess...wish I was that duty-bound XD  
> Also, I told you I'm bad at writing romance XD that's legit the only scene between Bow & Entrapta I think, so you don't have to worry about any future cringing XD I'm sticking to easy...or not so easy? friendship ;)
> 
> Not too much happens next chapter. We have a bit more talking between Adora & Bow and then a bit of fluff too, just so I'm not entirely mean. But I think the plot starts moving after the next chapter. Might not post tomorrow, we'll see.
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	52. Brainstorming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora & Bow try to figure out a plan of action in regards with Glimmer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I wasn't going to post, but jeez I just read a book that my tutor told us to read as part of my student selected component I chose (Medical Book club...how could I not choose that one?) Jeez, I'm not joking when I say that it would put 90% of people off from pursing medicine as a career, it was funny but gosh so depressing too. Welp I must be crazy, but I'm still excited to be a doctor - don't ask what's wrong with me because I don't know XD Anyway, I needed a breather from the heavy dreariness of that read and hence here I am. 
> 
> Not too much happens here, but hope you enjoy anyway.  
> Mild triggers of cutting.

**Adora's POV:**

A few hours later Bow peeks his head through the door and I wave him in.

"Are you alright?" He asks outright and I nod.

"I'm sorry I freaked out like that. It's still a sore subject." I apologise, but he shakes his head.

"Don't apologise. I shouldn't have thrown it out so carelessly like that. But I meant what I said. I was surprised when I found out, but with everything you dealt with in the Horde it's not really surprising. You're still one of the most amazing people I know." Bow utters sincerely and I'm warmed by the kind words.

"Thank you. I'm fine now though." I try to reassure and the man wilts in relief.

"I'm glad. I promise I'll be more careful in future. But I guess we might be right about Glimmer." I frown at his words and tilt my head to encourage him to continue. "Did you see her reaction when we told her about the...you know?" He asks, avoiding the word. I furrow my eyebrows in thought and recall how she paled which in turn prompts the colour to leave my own face.

"You don't think..." I trail off, unable to finish the sentence.

"I don't want to think, but it was pretty suggestive." Bow admits and I clench my hands.

"Do you think she's still doing it?" I question, fear crawling around in my insides. The man shrugs helplessly.

"I don't know, but why else would she be in the First Aid Supply room?" Bow points out and the urge to vomit reappears. 

"Well, how are we going to find out?" I query and he purses his lips in thought.

"Did you notice anything suspicious when you were there?" He questions.

"She quickly pulled her glove on." I recall and the boy looks even more uneasy.

"Don't people usually do that stuff on their wrists?" He queries gently. My throat becomes dry and I tilt my head to the side.

"Usually, but I erm didn't." I confess and he thankfully doesn't push.

"So we need to get a look at her wrists." He decides, but I raise an eyebrow.

"And how are we going to do that without making it obvious? If you haven't noticed she always wears her gloves, even to _**sleep**_. Heck I've never seen her without them!" I point out and before the man can reply, there's a gentle knock on my door. Panic contours both our features and we don't have enough time to do anything when it opens, revealing the Queen in question. She does a double take at seeing the archer present.

"What on earth are you guys doing?" She asks before she can stop herself. Bow visibly sweats and I remember what a bad liar he is, not that I'm any better, but...

"We were just catching up. You know, like we did yesterday." I say casually, hoping she doesn't notice my shaking hand. The purple frowns, not believing us for a second.

"You're still a terrible liar." Glimmer voice bluntly. I lick my suddenly dry lips.

"I came to apologise for earlier. It was still eating me up." Bow interferes truthfully and I sigh at having at least that part be true. Glimmer runs it over in her head and nods.

"Alright. Its getting late. I was wondering if you guys wanted a sleepover?" Glimmer asks and after Bow and I's theory I'm not sure how comfortable I'd feel with being with the Queen. 

"Oh shoot I'd love to Glimmer, but I promised Entrapta that it's my turn to look after Kai." Bow mumbles sadly. My mind races. _'No way I can spend the night with Glimmer without accidently saying something I shouldn't, despite how much I would love to have another sleepover with her again.'_ I blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.

"Kai asked me to tag along!" I say and both Bow and Glimmer's heads snap towards me.

"He did?" They both echo. I gulp.

"Yep. While I was in her lab, he popped by and I promised him I would." I express, hating how bitter the lie is. Bow frowns, as if he knows something is up. While disappointment flashes across the Queen's lavender irises as she slumps her shoulders.

"Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow then. Goodnight." She bids and swiftly teleports away, leaving me with a pit in my stomach. I groan, wiping a hand down my face. _'Aurgh, why did I say that?'_ I rebuke myself.

"Kai didn't ask you to tag along, did he?" Bow correctly deduces. I sigh.

"No he didn't, but I felt uncomfortable spending the night with her if what we think is right." I confess and the man scrunches up his eyebrows together.

"But you've probably just upset her now. And if she is still doing that then she might..." I pale at his implications, rushing to stand on my legs only to trip over the blanket and if it wasn't for Bow's quick reflexes I definitely would've fallen flat on my face. 

"I-I should go!" I say quickly, but the man's hand remains around my wrist.

"What are you going to tell her? That you bailed on little Kai?" Bow reminds with a quirked eyebrow. I bite my lip. 

"I'll just tell her that he already fell asleep or something." I say easily and the man raises his eyebrow higher.

"You've surprisingly got a bit better at lying." My lips twitch slightly at that assessment.

"I don't know if you realised, but my hands were shaking earlier when I lied to Glimmer." I point out and the man laughs.

"I did notice, hence why I said a _**bit**_." Bow states with a chuckle. His face then grows serious.

"We still haven't figured out how we're going to find out if our theory is correct." He reminds and that sick feeling returns. I rub my eyes not wanting him to see the water that's collecting there. "Adora?" The archer probes softly. I swallow thickly.

"I really hope our theory is wrong. I-If it's right then she got that dumb idea from me. She'd never even consider it if she hadn't met me." I choke out, my voice strangled at the fact that this could doubly be my fault. One for leaving. And one for opening her mind to that possibility in the first place. My breathing becomes wheezy again, but to my shock the man slaps me. I blink twice and cup the slightly redden cheek as I stare at the man in disbelief. The guilt on his face his obvious. "You just slapped me." I echo, _'Bow has never slapped me.'_

"I'm sorry! You looked like you were going into another panic attack and we couldn't risk Glimmer finding that out again otherwise she'll know something is up. Oh my gosh I'm so sorry. I'm such a fool. Are you alright? Does it hurt? Should I get an ice pack?" The man frets, reaching out to brush the assaulted area with his fingertips. I bat his hand away, feeling uncomfortable. 

"Bow it's fine! I forgive you. Just don't do it again." I order and Bow nods his head vigorously in agreement. 

"How does Glimmer get you out of it? I tried hugging you like she did, but you didn't respond." The archer asks, his tone laced with confusion and sadness. I gulp, not wanting to offend the man and so I shrug.

"I don't know. She used to bring me out of it all the time. She's the only that can." I admit as flashes of my previous panic attacks race through my mind. _'Even Catra couldn't bring me out of it no matter how hard she tried. Huntara always had to inject me with some sleeping serum to knock me out of it.'_ I give myself a mental shake.

Preferring _**not** _to remember the times when I was gasping for air as my lungs burned with oxygen deprivation while I clutched desperately at my throat. I shudder. _'Definitely don't want to remember that.'_ I decide. The man's shoulders slump as hurt flickers through his eyes. I bite my lip hard, hating to see him like this.

"It's not just you. Catra could never bring me out of it either in the Crimson Waste. I don't know why Glimmer can." I try to reassure as the man sighs.

"It's because you two are so close..." He starts.

"But we're close!" I interrupt. He raises a hand while indicating for me to let him continue.

"Yes we're close, but you two have a unique bond. Something more than what we have. You feel safe with her, like nothing can hurt you when she's around and I think that's why she can get through to you when you're like that." Bow explains and my jaw slackens, having never considered that and being shocked that Bow deduced it. I shift, feeling slightly uncomfortable with how deep we're digging into the whole bond thing.

"I guess?" I utter unsurely. The man runs a hand through his short hair before rising to his feet.

"Go and check on Glimmer. We'll figure out a way to get a peek under her gloves another day." The man decides and I sigh knowing he's right. Until something hits me and I shoot up from my bed.

"Wait!" I shout. The man turns to face me in surprise. "Mystacor! Mystacor is the one place I ever remember seeing Glimmer without her gloves. In those bath tubs." I recall joyfully and the man's eyes brighten in remembrance.

"Oh yeah! If we could take her there then..." He trails off and flickers his worried eyes over me. I blink at his sudden change in demeanour. 

"What?" I ask and watch as he bites his lip.

"But...Shadow Weaver. She's in Mystacor." Bow points out quietly and the world comes crashing down. I falter.

"Oh. Right. Her." I stutter. I turn my head to one side, my burning gaze directed at a wall. I swallow past the lump in my throat and turn back to face the man. "Glimmer is more important." I voice resolutely but the archer takes a step towards me and reaches for my hand. 

"Adora you're just as important. I'm not letting you put your health on the line." Bow expresses firmly.

"Well we can't leave Glimmer's health on the line either. I-I'll be fine. I mean, I spent an entire year with her when she came to Brightmoon, remember?" I remind weakly but he's shaking his head.

"And you spent the better part of the year avoiding that part of the garden completely. Adora, I _**know** _you. Her presence bothers you." The boy points out and I deflate, knowing he's right. _'Seeing Shadow Weaver again, especially after all my nightmares won't do me any good. But what about Glimmer?'_ I take in a deep breath.

"Let me think about it. It's still the only plan we have. No way Glimmer will insist to wear her gloves and if she does then we know something's up." I finally say and Bow looks so painfully hesitant, caught between looking after both his friends and it makes me feel bad for him to be put in such a situation. At the end he sighs heavily.

"Ok. I'll let you think about it, but you have to promise me you'll be honest with yourself and me. If you can't do it we can find another way." He requests seriously and I find myself nodding in agreement. No sooner do I finish my nod I find myself being pulled into a hug. "I love you Adora and I want you always to be safe and happy." Bow murmurs, making my eyes water as I return the hug tightly.

"I love you too Bow. Thank you for being so patient with me, even after everything I've done." I voice thickly. There's a brief pause and then a hushed whisper:

"I forgive you." Three words I've longed to hear for so long. Three words that make the tears fall as I clutch the man closer. 

"Thank you, thank you, _**thank you**_." I repeat back, overwhelmed at how good it feels to know that at least one of my friends doesn't hate me for disappearing. Not anymore at least. 

"Come on. We can't both be a watery mess otherwise people will think there's something going on." Bow jokes and at last I release him, wiping at my eyes. 

"Do I look like I've been crying?" I ask subconsciously. The man reaches out to brush something under my eyelid before pulling back.

"Nah you just look like the awesomely brave Adora that I remember." The archer says, making me smile. 

"Thanks Bow." I murmur warmly and with a gentle nudge we exit the room.

"Check on Glimmer and let me know if there's anything. But we have to be careful with our words tomorrow during that mission." Bow reminds and I nod as we part ways.

I walk down the corridor, the Queen's chambers being just a few doors down from mine. _'Oh gosh what if Glimmer becomes suspicious and knows I'm lying? It would be so much easier to just lay low for the night. But...if she is cutting...I can't bear it. I can't even entertain the thought. No. I have to make sure she's ok. Even if I look like a phoney.'_

With a deep breath, I knock softly on the girl's door. It's silent for several moments and I almost wonder if the purple head is in her room at all. I hear a shuffle of what sounds like papers and without further ado I open the door. The Queen is working at a desk in the far corner (is that new?) and looks up at the creaking of the door. Her face contours into surprise as she puts down the sheet of paper she was reading through. 

"Adora?" Glimmer probes. I step further into the room, closing the door shut behind me. 

"Hey Glimmer, Kai apparently fell asleep so thought to take you up on your offer?" I lie and the Queen's eyes flicker briefly to the papers sprawled on her desk. My throat constricts, forgetting that Glimmer is a Queen with _**actual** _work to do. "I mean, if you're busy then I'll come back another day." I say, already shuffling backwards, but the Queen teleports behind me, blocking the exit. She reaches a hand to my shoulder and teleports me over to where her desk stands. Her arms crossed. 

"You already went to Bow's house and back?" She queries, obvious suspicion coating her voice.

"He got a call from Entrapta before we left. Something about this new tech she was working on." I dodge swiftly. _'Jeez Bow is right. It's getting easier to lie. Definitely not a good thing.'_ We stare at each other for several seconds before the Queen nods her head. 

"Alright. I've just started working on this new reform law, so you're welcome to take my bed while I finish." Glimmer expresses tiredly. I frown and crane my head to look at one of the stack of papers before picking a sheet up and studying it's contents. But all the complex and comprehensive words leaves me scrunching my nose up in distaste. Glimmer laughs at my expression while plucking the paper out of my hands to put it back on the desk.

"How do you read that stuff? It sounds so complicated." I ask and the girl shrugs.

"My Mum made me have tons of classes on nearly everything growing up, so I'm used to it." She answers smoothly. I rub my upper arm, despite being thrilled that Glimmer is now able to talk about her mum so easily without her face crumpling, it still makes me self-conscious, even when I know it really wasn't my fault.

"That was really wise of her." I murmur and a slight awkward air settles between us. _'In the past, Angella's sacrifice is what forced a wedge in our friendship and I worry that the after-effects are still there. Even when Glimmer said she didn't blame me for it, I don't think I ever quite believed her.'_ The Queen coughs. 

"Yeah Mum was always like that. Overly prepared for everything." Glimmer reminisces with a sad smile. Her eyes turn inward, as if remembering something of another time. A happier time. I turn my head to the side. _'I think the happiest I have ever been was when I was with them.'_ I realise suddenly and the foresight makes everything feel so much more sour. The purple head shakes herself out of her self-imposed daze and gives me a small smile. 

"Well you should head to sleep. I'll catch up when I finish." She encourages, already returning to her chair. 

"Can I help? Maybe it will speed things along." I offer, but the girl is already shaking her head, an amused expression on her face.

"No offence Adora, but literacy isn't quite your strong suit. Don't worry I'll manage." Glimmer reminds and my cheeks redden at the memory of the time I pretended to be a scholar. _'Still can't say that word right.'_ I give her an embarrassed smile and place one foot on the first floating step. But upon casting my gaze behind me at the working Queen, I can't help but have the urge to do something and before I change my mind I take a step towards the purple head. Glimmer looks up, a question on her lips but I silence her with a quick hug, enjoying her closeness. Even if she's too surprised to reciprocate.

"Goodnight Glimmer." I whisper softly and release my hold on her before she has to chance to respond. The royal is stunned, not expecting my action. 

"I..." She clears her throat, sending me a wobbly smile. "Goodnight Adora." She bids just as softly and I quickly glide up the stairs before she asks me what that was for. _'And the truth is? I missed it. Missed having these close moments. Missed having goodnight hugs. (Catra has never been a hugger). Missed having hugs full stop. Missed her. Something about Glimmer has always made me feel safe and warm inside, like nothing can hurt me. Not my past, not my trauma and not my mistakes. Maybe I'm putting her too high on a pedestal, but to me Glimmer is special. And while my routine life took me away from actively thinking about her and Bow, it never buried the stifling loneliness.'_

The feeling that something important is missing in my life. I thought the feeling would fade with time, like it did with Catra, but it never did. I still clung and ached for their presence, but I held back. Scared that the wounds and cracks of our past hadn't healed over. Scared it never will. Scared that she had realised while I was away what a huge failure I am; that I'm not a person that's worth being friends with. Scared that she noticed with the years that she didn't need me anymore.

The last one is what held me back the most, because I don't think I could've taken a rejection of that magnitude from someone who means so much to me. _'That's why I never came back.'_ To start with, I was looking for my purpose but when the months dragged into years the fears and anxieties crept in. They led to frequent panic attacks that no one could bring me out of. Not in the way that Glimmer always could. It's a surprise that I didn't come running back with how badly I wanted to return.

But my fears have always been bigger than my wishes. They drove me further. _'In this case? They drove me far away from the two people that I care very much about. Bow has finally forgiven me and it's a huge weight off my shoulders. I'm not so sure about Glimmer. She has completely dropped her hostile attitude which makes me hopeful and yet I feel like we're just skirting around the issue as we always do.'_ I exhale lightly and shift to one side on the overly fluffy bed.

My mind is still overly active, but I close my eyes and try to ignore the quiet shuffling of papers below. I don't know how long it is before I finally feel the bed shifting behind me and the slip of hands around my abdomen. My eyes crack open in surprise, the girl having refrained from initiating physical contact unless necessary and yet here she is doing it like it was normal. I swallow and force my rapid heart beat to slow, not wanting to alert the purple head.

Moments later I feel her forehead resting on the area between my shoulder blades, so strikingly similar to the night before. It's a long while before I hear her breathing even. It makes me wonder what thoughts are plague her mind to keep her up most of the night. I glance down at the hands around my waist, violet gloves still on as usual and the temptation to peel them back is overwhelming. But I hold back, not wanting to wake the girl and yet a deeper part of me doesn't want to find out, in case it _**is** _true. _'But I have to. I need to know she's ok.'_ And I finally allow myself to drift off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There, we finally have the full reason why Adora never came back. I know I keep teasing you all at this point, sorry XD But it was nice to fit in some fluff between Adora & Bow and Adora & Glimmer, esp considering how things will play out in the coming chapters.
> 
> Having said that, next chapter is when things take a downwards spiral right into disaster! I crank up the angst by a whole lot in the next few chapters, so enter the next chapter with your walls built up! But the chapter starts with Adora, Glimmer & Bow on a mission to look for the bandits.


	53. The Glass Shatters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora, Bow & Glimmer go on a mission to look for the bandits, they end up finding someone else instead. Needless to say not everyone is happy to see a familiar face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok CrazyButterSock has been super kind, amazing and awesome to provide some fantastic art for a scene I wrote back in Chp 4 just after Glimmer slapped Adora. It's ridiculously fitting to put it here too, since things shatter between them again in this chapter. THANK YOU an absolute BILLION CrazyButterSock for drawing this beautiful piece, it captures the emotions and feelings perfectly. I hope everyone else enjoys it as much as I did and please give a big shout out and thank you to CrazyButterSock for bringing it to life. She's kindly offered to do more future scenes so keep your eyes peeled for more amazing art.  
> P.S it took us a bit of fiddling to figure out how to embed a pic into the story lol, but I found out she's not only an art genius, but an IT genius too, so defo ask her if you need IT help XD
> 
> Needless to say, this chapter is the start of the ouchies, it's short to spare you too much pain, but that doesn't make it any less painful. I've got a surprise appearance in this one, which I think some of you will like ;) Enjoy.

**The Next Day:**

**Adora's POV:**

We're trudging through the forest to find the exact location where Bow had first stumbled upon me just over a week ago. With me leading the pair. Bow managed to pull me aside this morning to ask about any updates regarding Glimmer, but I simply shake my head, telling him I just found her working last night, to which the man sighed in relief. As we trail through the thick trees, I hear a rustling to my right and pause, causing the duo to walk right into me.

"Adora?" They both echo simultaneously. I press a finger to my lip.

"I think I heard something." I say, dropping my voice to a whisper. I watch as the two friends glance at each other before looking back at me with ready faces. "I'll go ahead, you two circle round." I order, earning a determined nod from the two. I wait until they're out of sight. Then with one hand hovering over my sword at my waist and the other reaching to pull the green vines out of the way I cautiously take a step closer. But my jaws drop at what I see and my hands fall limply to my sides.

"Catra?" I voice in shock. The feline snaps her neck up, eyes sharp before softening at my appearance. The two lizards she's with who I vaguely recognise from our camp nod their heads at me. My childhood friend bridges the gap between us, her tail swishing behind her.

"Where on earth have you been?! Huntara said she lost contact with you after you called her a few days ago. Then she told me you were at _**Brightmoon**_. Why on earth did you go back there?" Catra retells angrily and I raise my hands in a placating manner.

"Catra I can explain..." I start, but leaves crinkle behind us and a second later Bow and Glimmer appear from between the branches. They recoil at the sight of the former Horde commander. 

"Catra?!" They both gasp in disbelief. The cat scowls, turning to face them, but not before shooting me a look of betrayal.

"You've hooked up with three two doofuses again?" She spits out. I flinch, knowing how deeply her dislike for them run. I take a step towards her and place my hand on her shoulder.

"They're helping me with the mission." I say calmly just as the Queen flickers her eyes between me and the cat, a deep frown making its way across her face. She takes a step towards us.

"Wait, what's going on? How does _**she** _know about your mission?" The purple head asks in confusion, behind her I see Bow gulping. Catra's scowl deepens.

"I have a _**name** _you know." She bites out. I give Catra's shoulder a reassuring squeeze, silently telling her to tone it down. Grumbling, she crosses her arms across her chest. The Queen watches the interaction with knit eyebrows before it suddenly dawns on her. Colour fades from her cheeks.

"Catra is the one." She mutters with downcast eyes, prompting the former Force Captain and I to share a confused glance. But before I can question her she lifts her head back up, pinning me with that heated glare of hers. "Catra's the one who you can't leave behind, isn't it? She's the one you've been living with in the Crimson Waste for the past few years. All this time I thought you were on your own, but you had _**her**_. You left us, for her!" Glimmer accuses, her lavender eyes flash in rage. I step away from Catra and try to go towards the purple head, but she steps back and I try to ignore how much that hurts.

"Glimmer wait! It's not what you think." I start, but she's shaking her head roughly.

"I knew it! I knew she'll always take precedence over us. She's _**more** _important, right?" The Queen sneers. My throat constricts at the false accusation and I try stumbling towards her, my arm outstretched, but she keeps stepping back.

"That's not true!" I protest, but the girl isn't listening.

"Do you have any idea what I've been through while you frolicked around with that murderer?! I can't believe you'd even associate yourself with her again, after everything she's done. It's like you don't care about what she did to my Mum!" That accusation cuts deeper than the others and this time it's my turn to step back as the Queen advances, her finger poking roughly into my chest. On the third poke, Catra steps in and slaps the girl's hand away, prompting the Queen's wrath to fall on her.

"Leave Adora alone! She's been through enough from you. She doesn't need anymore." The feline warns threateningly, but that just elicits a cruel bark of laughter from the purple head.

"What _**I've** _put her through?! Have you looked at all the scars you've given her? You made her life miserable for 4 years and you have the gall to blame me?" The royal retorts sharply. I watch as the muscles along Catra's back stiffen, but she doesn't back down as she takes a step towards the Queen, pushing her face right into hers.

"At least _**I**_ wasn't the one who put her in a coma for a few weeks! And I wasn't the reason she lost She-ra for a year!" Catra shouts. Glimmer's mouth hangs open as her eyes snap back to me. The attention breaks me out my frozen state and I roughly tug Catra back by the bicep.

"I told you to keep that between us." I hiss into her ear.

"What is she talking about?" The Queen interrupts. I shoot a sideway glare at the cat before returning my attention back to the Queen.

"It's nothing." I start, but her eyes narrow, stopping me in my tracks.

"Don't lie to me! What did she mean you were in a coma? And what's this about losing She-ra?!" Glimmer demands. My throat dries and I slide my pleading eyes towards the silent archer. He looks conflicted, unsure on who to side with. Finally, he takes a step between me and the purple head. 

"I think we all need to calm down." He expresses peacefully, but the purple head rounds on him.

"Why are you acting like this is all ok?! She's been staying all this time with her." Glimmer demands, again hesitation crosses his face, prompting the Queen's eyes to widen. "You knew." She utters carefully. Bow shoots her a regretful glance before staring at the ground. She backs away from him, hurt and betrayal painted across her features. 

"I..." He starts, but trails off at the look on his friend's face. I step in.

"Don't blame Bow. I only told him a few days ago." I beg, but hurt eyes just flicker back to me.

"But you didn't tell me." Her broken whisper shreds into my soul.

"She doesn't have to tell you everything." The feline interrupts with a snort. I glower at her.

"Catra!" I growl, silencing the woman. "I knew you wouldn't react well, but I didn't leave you for her, I _**promise**_." I try to explain, but after a brief moment of indecision I see her hands clenching tightly and she turns on her heels away from me. The royal starts barging out of the clearing. I try to follow her. "Glimmer!" I call after her and she spins round so suddenly that I have to step back slightly.

"Forget about trying to make a decision. I'll make it easy for you. You're _**banned** _from Brightmoon. That way you can spend all your time with Catra without feeling guilty." Glimmer spits out. I freeze, wondering if I heard her right.

"W-what?" I stutter. The Queen's eyes harden.

"You're banned from Brightmoon. If you're sighted, there will be severe consequences. I never want to see you again." And just like that my heart shatters into a billion pieces. My knees buckle underneath me and I watch as the girl disappears behind a set of trees. Possibly forever. Three succinct beeps pierce the silence and I'm sure the Queen is still within ear shot, but she doesn't backtrack. No. She just leaves me on the cold hard ground. Minutes later, I hear cautious treads behind me until Bow appears beside me. His expression unreadable as he crouches in front of me.

"I-I'm sorry." My voice is strangled. He bites his lip.

"It's ok. I'm sorry things went this far. I'll talk to her. Give her some time to cool down and then I'll talk to her." I shake my head silently, my eyes watering as I wrap my arms around my body.

"She won't listen. She never wants to see me again." I force out through my lead filled tongue. Bow reaches forward and wraps me in a hug.

"She's just mad. She'll change her mind. I promise." Bow reassures earnestly, but my vision continues to blur with tears as I dig my face into the crook of his neck.

"After everything, she just decides to drop me that easily? L-Like I'm nothing." I choke out as a weight settles on my chest in that all too familiar fashion. I feel a different hand settling on my shoulder.

"Forget about her. She's not worth your time." Catra mutters, trying to be comforting in her own way, but it's not working, because _**no one**_ understands what Glimmer means to me and now she's gone. My watch beeps several more times and my body starts shuddering. "Shoot!" I hear her mutter and she steps away, rummaging in her pockets. 

"Adora it's going to be ok. Please stop worrying." Bow pleads anxiously as he rubs soothing circles into my back, but I don't believe him. _'Nothing will ever be ok again.'_ I think dully and my chest just squeezes more tightly to the point I'm gasping for air.

Bow pulls me away from him, clutching me tightly by the shoulders and shaking me slightly, trying to break me out of this haziness. But it hurts too much to be awake. To know that things will always be dark and bleak without a certain purple light shining the way. I continue gasping, my head becoming lighter and then I feel a sharp prick. And I know Catra must've found the sedative as I slip into unconsciousness. 

~=~

The next time I wake up, I'm back in our base at the Crimson Waste. Miles away from Brightmoon. The reminder is like a kick in the gut as I dangle my feet over the bed's edge. I stare despondently at the ground and that's how Catra finds me 20 minutes later. Biting her lip, she goes to sit beside me.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make things worse." She apologises gruffly, but it doesn't matter. Everything is completely screwed over and it's all my fault. I lean against the woman's shoulder and she wraps a hesitant arm around me. 

"This is all my fault. I should've told her." I berate myself as tears leak out from the corners of my eyes.

"Stop blaming yourself for things that are out of your control. You telling her earlier would've just resulted in an earlier shouting match. She doesn't deserve you." The feline voices, her tone softening towards the end. But I shake my head.

"You don't understand. Glimmer is..." She cuts me off.

"...special. She's close to your heart. She's irreplaceable. I get it. I _**know**_." Catra supplies as her lips curl up ruefully. She turns her head away from me. "Sometimes I wish you fought for me as hard as you fight for her." The former Horde loyalist murmurs, her voice dropping to a pained whisper. I swallow and straighten up.

"I-I'm sorry. You know that you're still important to me." I try to reassure, but her ears flap down.

"Not the way that she is. A-and I understand. She's been a better friend than I've ever been. But...I'm worried that she's going to end up hurting you like I did." Catra confesses. I bite the inside of my cheek, having no words to say that. And we fall into an unsteady silence. 

"I think she already has." I whisper, her words playing on a loop in my mind. My breathing catches at Catra's sad gaze and I look away, not wanting to decipher the magnitude of feelings associated with that look. Everything feels a lot smaller and darker now. I curl up into a foetal position as Catra just washes me helplessly while I cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know what you're thinking, how could I destroy their perfectly delicate re-building and fluffy moments? One word? Sorry XD But hey Catra is back XD I'm sure a bunch of you are happy about that, I feel like she'd still be sassy no matter how much time has passed, but she's mellowing down I believe.  
> Another huge thank you CrazyButterSock for the brilliant art, I love it.
> 
> Next chapter is going to Glimmer's POV. It's another short chapter, but necessary all the same. See you when I see you.
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	54. I Screwed Up Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glimmer ends up getting into an argument with Bow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol I'm just ruining everything at this point XD  
> Thank you all for your words, gave me a good laugh. I promise things will get better eventually, just not now because I'm still enjoying the angst train.  
> This chapter is probably the shortest chapter of the story, but I think next chapter is long enough to make up for it.

**Glimmer's POV:**

I'm running through the forest to try and get as far as humanely possible away from Adora. Rage and pain extrudes out of my every pore. _'I can't believe all this time she was with her instead of me. The person who's the reason my Mum is gone. Doesn't she care? Doesn't she remember how often I broke down? I'm still grieving for her and she just doesn't care!'_ I keep running and running. It's a while later when I hear heavy thuds behind me. _'Probably Bow.'_ I think in annoyance. _'Can't believe he was also hiding things from me. Does **no one** have my back?'_ I think as I swipe at my angry tears. 

"Glimmer!" I hear the man's shout, but I don't slow down, not until I've pushed my legs to the maximum and they're completely drained of energy.

It's a little while before Bow catches up to me, his breathing laboured as he hunches over to catch his breath. When he does, he straightens up, a scowl on his face.

"That was really har..." He stops when he sees the tears rolling down my cheeks. I turn away from him, not wanting him to see me like this. "Glimmer." He voices softly, wrapping an arm around me. 

"She left us for her. It's always been her." I express, my voice coming out more strangled than I would've liked.

"That's not true." The archer protests gently, rubbing my back as I hiccup. "She found Catra a year or so after she left." Bow explains, but I shake my head.

"It doesn't matter whether it was from the start or later on. She never came back because of her." I voice bitterly. 

"We don't know that." The techmaster argues. 

"It's obvious!" I cry out, silencing the man for several beats.

"Did you really mean what you said? About banning Adora from Brightmoon?" Bow queries, his eyes wide with fear. I swallow. It was a rash decision, but it was the right one. This way I won't have to wait hopelessly for her return, wondering if she ever will. No. This way I _**know** _she won't. And knowing means she can't hurt me anymore. No more toying with my emotions.

"Yes." I reply with hard eyes. 

"Glimmer you can't!" He argues. I round on him.

"Yes I can! I'm the _**Queen!**_ " I retort sharply.

"Just because you're the Queen it doesn't mean that you can do whatever suits you! You left Adora having a panic attack." Bow accuses harshly and my heart falters, knowing first-hand how severe her panic attacks can be. I heard her watch beeping, but in that moment I didn't want to know. I just wanted to escape from all the pain that she put me through.

"She'll be _**fine** _without me." I say between grit teeth and the man scowls while crossing his arms.

"You're the only one who can bring her out of it! Apparently Catra has to use some medication to put her to sleep to snap her out of it." The man explains, my clenched fists loosen ever so slightly upon hearing that. 

"She will still be fine without me." I repeat, some of the heat from my voice ebbs away.

"You're just being selfish!" Bow snaps. I stare at him in surprise. My hands clench.

"Well maybe I am!" I shout. The man was definitely not expecting that as he gazes at me with a half open mouth.

"Well, if you don't change your mind then I'm banned from Brighmoon too!" Bow retorts without thinking. 

"Fine!" I bite back and without further ado the man spins on his heels and starts walking angrily away from me. I keep watching until he disappears. When I'm alone my shoulders slump forward. _'What am I doing? Of course I'm not going to ban Bow.'_ A sigh escapes me and I start following Bow's trail, expecting to find him straight away, but he's no where to be seen.

Frowning, I teleport further ahead, thinking the man must've sprinted off but again, there's no sight of him. Chewing my lip, I retrace my steps and start calling for him.

"Bow. Bow! _**Bow!**_ Look, I'm sorry ok? Let's just talk about this." I holler, but I get no response. "Bow!" I shout again as I keep trudging, spending a good 30 minutes looking for the man before I stumble upon a note pinned to a tree by an arrow. My stomach churns at the sight. _'Gosh Bow must be really mad if he just left me a note like this.'_ I reach out and pluck the note out of the arrow and start to read:

_Your Majesty,_

_If you ever want to see your friend again, you'll give up this futile search for our base._

_Leave us alone and we'll leave you alone. Your friend might be released if you comply._

_If not, the new recruits have been itching to have target practice._

_Horde Resurgence_

A sharp intake of breath escapes me as the note drops to the ground. "No." I whisper and teleport up to the highest tree, scouring below for any sight of the man.

When I see nothing but trees, I teleport in a frenzy, searching every inch of the surrounding region for my best friend. "No, no, _**NO!**_ " I shout, gripping the sides of my hair in a panic as the situation seems sickeningly similar to the portal one. And even worse, my mind won't stop torturing me, reminding me of the last words I just spoke to my childhood friend. _'Not again. Please, not again!'_ Without thought I teleport back home and I run in such haste that I smack right into the King who reaches out to steady me by the shoulders.

"Woah there Moonlight, what's the hurry? Thought you were on a mission today? My Dad asks until he catches sight of my terrified face. "Hey what's wrong?" He queries in concern and his gentle voice triggers the tears to fall. 

"We had an argument. Bow and I. And then he marched off, but he got kidnapped by the bandits. They left me a note and I can't find him and I don't know what to do and I'm such a _**horrible** _friend. I banned Adora from Brightmoon and everything just feels like that time. And-and..." I trail off when my Dad pulls me into a hug. 

"Slow down sweetheart. It's going to be aright. We're going to find him. It's obvious their base is nearby, we just need to find it. Did you locate the place where Bow and Adora last saw them?" My heart falls at the question.

"No...I got into a fight with Adora before we reached the site." I whisper as self-loathing runs through me like a wildfire.

"Alright, so we need Adora so you can do that tracking spell. Any idea where she is?" My stomach twists at my Dad's question. 

"I do, but..." I start, but my Dad shakes his head.

"Whatever is going on between you two, it isn't more important than finding Bow. Go and get her. Call me if you need me. I'll send a report to the surrounding officers to be on alert. I nod numbly and blink away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anddd yep I just made things worse, you're welcome ;) At least we have one semi-responsible adult around huh?
> 
> Next chapter is prob my most fav chapter of the story. You guys should prob worry because that means there's a truckload of angst that's gonna hit you square in the face XD It legit still makes my heart hurt when I read it back. Well, see you all later?
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	55. Gunfire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora has an unwelcomed visitor and finds out that Bow has been captured. Now she must work with Glimmer to get him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh I really need to take a break from this story, low-key getting too attached XD  
> So as I said this is one of my fav chapters because of all the angst. If you thought Adora & Glimmer were at each other's throats before then let me try and top that XD  
> Hope you enjoy.

**Adora's POV:**

I kick and punch the hung up bag in my tent with everything I have. Punching again and again and again. Ignoring the stinging in my knuckles and the way my leg cramps when I snap it up for the twentieth time. Everything burns. My heart. My body. My soul. They're all on fire. A deep consuming fire that will destroy me if I'm not distracting myself in some way. So I don't pay any attention when I see Catra standing stiffly at the entrance of my tent.

"Adora, there's someone here to see you." The feline drawls out, a slight edge in her tone that only I would notice.

"I...don't...want...to see...anyone." I huff out between heavy breaths and harsh punches. I feel one of my knuckles splitting open, but the sight of red just pushes me to hit the punching bag harder.

"I'm sending her in anyway. Just holler if you need me." Catra mutters, exiting the room before I can argue. I growl, so not in the mood to talk to Huntara. I sense someone standing at the entrance, but I don't bother to lift my eyes up from my punching bag.

"I'm not in the mood H." I mutter, snapping my normal leg up for a side kick. A throat clears and begrudgingly I look up, only to widen my eyes at the sight of the person who stands before me. Hastily, I pull my leg down and drop my raised fists to my sides. "What are you doing here?" I ask, my tone a little more heated than I intended. The Queen glances around my tent, as if cataloguing everything in her mind, before returning her gaze to me. 

"Bow's been kidnapped by those bandits. I need your help to find him." All my anger vanishes for a moment, leaving me feel empty and raw.

"He _**what?** _How?!" I demand. The girl shifts uncomfortably.

"We split up and when I tried to find him I found this note." The royal offers me the paper in her hand. Hesitantly, I take it from her hands and read, my heart clenching at its words. "We must've been closer to their base than we realised." Glimmer explains, her face stoic. "I need you to point out where you last saw the bandits so I could do the spell." She continues. I nod and without another word she touches the edge of the note I'm holding.

With a blink, I find myself back in the same forest that I was present in just mere hours ago. I glance at both sides before going left. The Queen trails quietly behind me. The silence is stifling and my fingers start fidgeting at the clear tension between us. 

"I never left you for her." I find myself saying, though I don't dare to look behind me.

"Let's just focus on finding Bow." Glimmer mutters, shutting down my attempt to explain. I clench my jaws tightly, wounded that she won't even give me the chance to explain.

My watch beeps, but I ignore it, not bothering to tap it's surface like I should. Too filled with anger and hurt to do something about it. The silence that continues after is interrupted now and again by my beeping watch and I begrudgingly go to tap it after nearly tripping up a tree root.

"Stop." The queen's voice suddenly calls out and my feet come to an abrupt halt. I turn slightly to watch her wearily as she massages her forehead. "We can't continue if your leg is going to act up." I scowl at her thoughtless wording.

"My dumb leg is fine!" I spit out and twirling on my feet I pick up the pace. Only to be stopped when a hand grasps my wrist. 

"I apologise, that was insensitive." She voices quietly, but I rip my hand out of hers. 

"It's not like it's the first insensitive thing that you've ever said to me." I mutter causing the girl to flinch. I scrunch up my nose and continue walking. My watch beeps again and I tap it almost aggressively. We trudge on in eerie quiet until the sound of my watch vibrating pierces the air. I grumble, before clicking accept and Catra's high pitched growl sounds from the mic. 

"Where on earth are you?! Sparkles better not have..." I intervene before she can finish her sentence.

"I'm rescuing Bow." I cut across. The other end goes silent for several moments.

"Fine. Do you need help?" The feline offers and I soften at the display. _'She's really come a long way.'_ I think with a touch of pride.

"No, but I'll keep you posted if the situation changes." I answer smoothly, ignoring the sensation of the Queen's eyes boring into my back. 

"Fine. Just be careful 'dora." Catra's old nickname for me flows through the mic and my cheeks warm at the rare bout of affection from the girl.

"I will Cat. See you later." I promise and sign off. The air suddenly feels much more heavy and awkward, especially now that Glimmer has just seen snippets of my old relationship with the cat. I avoid eye contact with the girl for the rest of the walk.

My feet slow when the area becomes more familiar. I look up, gazing at the tree I perched on to spy on those bandits. I go a few turns and just as expected, find the stream of water that the children were playing in that day. Although it's devoid of life now. I take a few more paces, visualising the fighting scene in my head, meeting Bow for the first time in half a decade and my feet come to an abrupt stop at the last place I caught sight of them. _'If only I wasn't so easily distracted.'_ I mourn. I turn around and point at the place where the ringleader ran off to.

"We lost sight of them in the bushes. Hopefully that spell will work." I say and watch as the Queen steps forward while using both arms to create a huge dark purple circle. The sight reminds me of that one time when she almost used a rune to hurt a soldier and I have to jerk my head away. A few seconds later I flick my gaze back when I hear nothing to find the royal staring at me, her lips curled up ruefully.

"You still don't like the spells." She notes. I cross my arms, trying to appear more confident than I feel.

"I told you, what bothered me about them was _**who** _taught you." I state stubbornly. She watches me for a moment longer before passing the rune around me. I stiffen, closing my eyes tightly until cracks of light peer through my closed eyelids. Cautiously I open them and find the forest lit with all kinds of footsteps, each coloured differently.

Glimmer watches me with tight lips before shifting her gaze elsewhere. I stare hard at the ground, walking over to the many footprints and realise what a waste of time this is. _'There's too many to be able to pinpoint it to those rebels.'_ Disappointment hits me hard and I have to take several paces away from both the woman and the lights. 

"I knew this wouldn't work." The purple head mutters. I clench my hands and round on her.

"At least I'm _**trying** _to come up with solutions!" I snap. The girl's eyes flash red.

"We wouldn't need to come up with solutions if you never re-appeared into our lives!" I recoil at the harsh rebuke and blink rapidly to keep the tears at bay. 

"Well I'm sorry my presence is such a mistake!" I retort, my words coming out more strangled than I desired. Glimmer's eyes widen a fraction as she takes a step towards me.

"Wait no. No that's not what I meant." Glimmer pleas, but I scowl.

"Its always the same with you! That's not what I meant. I didn't mean that. I'm sorry for this. After the last few days I thought you had changed, but you're still the same spoilt high and mighty Queen." I shout, rendering the royal speechless as angry tears make its way to her eyes.

"That's not true and you know it!" She hisses. I throw my arms up in the air in frustration.

"I don't know anything! Sometimes I wonder if the kind Princess Glimmer I first met was just a lie to conceal who you really are!" The words slip past my lips before I can stop them and stars do I wish I could take them back when I see the Queen's face crumpling. Her hands shake with fury and she only manages to control it by clenching them into tight fists.

"If that's what you want to believe, then _**fine!**_ " Glimmer's voice trembles. I drop my head down, my eyes glued to the ground.

While I stare at the ground one of the tree shadows shifts slightly. Blinking, I look up and catch sight of a hooded figure in the tree, holding a... rifle? And pointing it at the Queen. I balk at the sight. My feet move quicker than my brain as I jump and tackle the purple head to the ground. She stares up at me in shock.

"What on earth are you..." She starts, but I push her further down into the ground, shielding her from the shot that rings out a second later. I grunt, something sharp embeds itself into my shoulder. I glance up at the trees to find the person with a rifle hopping from one treetop to the next. I keep following him with my eyes until he disappears and it's only then do I roll off the Queen, allowing her to sit up as she gazes at me with wide eyes. 

"I think we should go back. You're not safe here." I decide as I lean back to give the girl some space, wincing when a sharp pain makes itself known. Frowning, I lift a hand towards the pained area, but Glimmer beats me to the punch as she rests her trembling hand on my left shoulder. I groan at the flash of rippling agony and bite my tongue to stifle my shout. 

"Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. You just got shot. For me." The purple head's voice falters as she reaches out to rest her other hand on top of the first. But not before I catch sight of bright red. I grimace. _'Perfect. Just perfect.'_ I grumble internally. A few beats later, my vision is filled with purple as the Queen casts one of her healing spells. The pain lessens, but doesn't quite disappear and I chance a look at the injury to find it still raw and red, but at least it's closed.

"Thanks." I breathe out, but the Queen is still shaking. I knit my eyebrows at her behaviour. "It's ok. You're ok." I try to comfort, but a small whine escapes past her lips as she shakes her head. 

"That could've been so much worse." Glimmer whisper fearfully. "You could've been really hurt." She continues, her voice small. My lips part in surprise, _'she's worried about me?!'_ I blink at her.

" _ **Me?**_ You were the one they were trying to shoot at!" I point out, baffled, but if anything the woman's healthy complexion whitens.

"And _**you** _were the one diving in like some hero! Don't you care about yourself?!" Glimmer snaps back, her trembling coming to a stop. I move back in bewilderment at her hot and cold treatment.

"You're the Queen!" I retort sharply, as if that's enough of a reason for my actions. That shuts the girl up. She turns her to one side, but not before I see a single tear sliding down her cheek.

"Don't do that again. I don't want to see you getting hurt." Glimmer orders. I gape at her, unable to refrain from taking a jab at her.

"I thought you didn't want to see me at all." I remind sourly. The royal snaps her head back to me, her face hard.

"That doesn't mean I want you to get hurt." She says finally. I scrunch my nose up at this, pushing myself back to my feet.

"You wouldn't know if I'm hurt if you don't want to see me anymore." I mutter under my breath as I offer my hand to the sitting girl. She takes it and I hoist her up. 

"Can we talk about this after we've rescued Bow?" Glimmer asks impatiently. I shrug, releasing my hand from hers. 

"Fine. It's your kingdom after all." I mumble, earning me a sour look from the royal. 

"I'm not going to even try to argue with you anymore. Now, what do we do? That spell was a failure." The purple head questions with crossed arms. I look up at those trees that the rebel was hopping from. _'The base is obviously nearby. If we we're quick enough we could've...'_ My eyes widen and I turn back to the Queen.

"That spell! We could do it again, but on the trees! I doubt there's many people who use tree top jumping as a method of travel." I exclaim excitedly. The purple head blinks as the corner of her lip twitches.

"That's actually a really good idea. Come on." She praises and teleports us up to a high tree branch. I watch as she casts the spell once more and bingo, only one set of footsteps to follow. Forgetting our argument for a moment, we grin at each other in relief. That is, until I catch a fleeting movement in my periphery. Without thinking, I pin the Queen to the tree trunk just as something shoots past, nicking my back. 

"Ow." I hiss, but I keep my position in case something else is fired. Glimmer's eyes are wide as they dart from side to side in search of the assailant, only to find him hopping away like the previous one. Her gaze flickers back to me and it's then that I realise how uncomfortably close we are. 

"Stop doing that!" The Queen demands. I blink in confusion.

"What?" I echo back as she reaches around me to place a gentle hand on the wound at my back, healing the cut. 

"Stop jumping in to save me!" Glimmer's grated tone leaves me gaping at her. I quirk an eyebrow.

"You _**don't** _want me to save you?" I ask in that tone you use if someone is going crazy. The purple head glares at me, fully understanding that tone.

"I don't want you getting hurt on my behalf." She amends, her lavender orbs serious. Finally, I lean back.

"Tough. I'm going to continue despite what you say." I say, my voice snobbish. 

"You are insufferable." Glimmer murmurs with glinting eyes. "You're going to get all your clothes torn in the process." She adds, picking at the threads at my shoulder from the gaping hole in my padded sweatshirt. I shrug. 

"You know me, perfect clothes has never been high on the agenda." I reply offhandedly. Her eyes snap back to mine and I know she's remembering that night. A night we behaved as both the best of friends and the worst of enemies. I swallow thickly and turn away, hating how nothing has changed since that night. 

"Adora..." She starts, but I'm not in the right headspace to talk about this, not when another gunner could be firing at any moment. I turn back to her.

"You should head back to Brightmoon. They're just going to keep shooting at you because you're the Queen. I won't be able to protect you every time." I suggest strongly, but as always she doesn't listen.

"I can protect myself you know." The purple head replies bitterly. 

"Have you defended yourself against gun shots before? Because bullets move just as quick as one of your teleports. It would be too close. And these guys look like professionals in using them. We shouldn't risk it." I insist stubbornly.

"It's my fault Bow was taken. I need to be there to rescue him. To tell him sorry." The woman mumbles. My jaw tightens.

"Oh so _**now** _it's your fault? What happened to it being my fault a few minutes ago?" I retort sharply. Glimmer's eyes narrows.

"Zip it. We still wouldn't be here if you hadn't come knocking on our door." She bites back. My lips tremble, but I'm not letting her push me around anymore.

"I didn't come knocking on your door! Bow invited me along. Blame him for my re-appearance! I would've happily stayed away forever." I lie as the girl clenches her hands so tightly that her knuckles go white.

"Stop telling me how much happier you are with Catra! _**I get it!**_ You like her more. She's more important. She's the one who you want to spend your time with. I don't need you to keep saying it! I don't need to be reminded that me waiting for you was just a foolish wish." Glimmer screams out while I stare at her through wide eyes. My lips move up and down several times, but no words seems to come out. 

"T-That's not true! You keep assuming things that aren't true!" I shout back. 

"You just told me that you'd happy stay away forever!" The Queen retorts as the corner of her eyes become moist. I throw my arms up, ignoring the painful throb at my shoulder.

"I was lying! There wasn't a day that didn't go by that I was wrecked with guilt over leaving. I just said that because I wanted you to know what's it like to be hurt just as badly as you're hurting me!" I cry out, tears making its way to my own eyes. 

"How can I believe you?! How can I ever believe you again?" The purple head chokes out just as I hear a rustle in the leaves. Eyes snap frantically around until I spot it and once more I dive for the Queen, taking the shot that scratches my thigh. I grit my teeth, holding in my gasp of pain and watch as the rebel hops away in the opposite direction. _'Shoot! They worked out our plan. We need to stop arguing and find Bow before they confuse the trail.'_ I pull away from the former princess to find her face matted with tears and snot as she reaches a shaking hand to heal my wound.

"Why do you keep doing that?" She cries. Before she retracts her hand, I rest mine on top of it.

"Because you're still Glimmer. You're still my best friend even if you don't consider me as one anymore. And I'm not going to let anything happen to you." I utter with conviction. Glimmer's lips tremble and she has to press them tightly together to stop their shakes. 

"You're still my best friend. T-this...all this hasn't changed that. So please, _**please** _stop jumping in front of bullets." Her voice cracks as she pleads, but I know I can't stop doing that. I help her up to her feet, ignoring the array of aches and the feel of cold air against my exposed skin. 

"Come on. We need to stop arguing. They're trying to mess up the footprint trail to confuse us." I opt to say instead and while Glimmer wants to protest she knows I'm right and just nods.

She teleports us ahead, our eyes glued to the first trail as we continue moving from one tree-top to another. There are a few close misses, but we teleport away in the nick of time. We stop on a huge sycamore tree, the spot where the trail ends. Frowning, we glance around us. My eyes widen when I spot a guy crouching on the tree adjacent to ours. I'm not quite as quick as before, but I do manage to shield the Queen as my forearm takes the bullet. I bite my tongue to stop my shout of pain.

"Adora!" Glimmer calls out, her tone laced with fear and frustration. 

"I'm fine." I grit out, just about to pull away when another bullet ripples through the air. I gasp as it embeds itself into my waist.

The anger that rushes through me overcomes the feeling of pain and forming my sword, I transform into She-ra. Spinning around, I shoot a beam of light, knocking the man off his branch and he goes tumbling to the ground. My heart lurches, but he fortunately catches himself on a branch before he reaches the ground. I shoot several more beams around us and a few more rebels go tumbling down. My chest heaves angrily, hoping that this is the last time we'll be shot at and when I finally turn to face the Queen, she gapes at me. I quirk an eyebrow at her expression.

"What?" I ask self-consciously.

"Your She-ra form...it's different." The royal points out, her eyes glazed over in shock as she takes in my appearance. I shoot her a half smile.

"Yeah, I had a bit of an upgrade." I mention nonchalantly while returning back to my usual self, only to groan at the added pain now that rage isn't fueling my emotions. My hand flies down to my waist and I grimace at the pool of blood that's accumulating there. Without warning I sink to my knees, clutching the area tightly. Glimmer is on her knees in seconds as she tries to pry my hands off.

"Let me heal you." She murmurs. I shift my hands slightly and she passes her rune over me, closing the wound, but the pain is still very much present. "You've probably got a total of two bullets inside you. We need to take you to a proper doctor." The purple head mutters as her hand remains at my waist, despite having already closed it.

"What I need is to find Bow." I voice stubbornly. 

"Not like this! Not when you keep taking all these bullets. This spell can only do so much. Your body needs proper treatment and recovery before it gives." Glimmer argues, but I shake my head.

" _ **After** _we find Bow." I insist, refusing to back down. The girl throws her hands up.

"You're impossible!" The royal complains and I give her a feeble smile.

"Sorry." Is all I have to say as I struggle to my feet. The shots leave me weak and exhausted while my clothes are slowly being shredded apart.

I frown, trying to figure out where on earth their base is until my eyes drop beneath me, something about this tree, makes me feel uneasy. I drop to one knee and inspect the wood. A carving catches my attention and I brush my fingertips across it. I shiver when I notice what it is: the Horde emblem. And then it hits me.

My eyes turn into saucers as I finally understand why their base was so hard to find. _'It's the tree! The tree is their base!'_ Glimmer watches me wearily, confused at what I'm doing. Using my sword, I pierce into the trunk, creating a big enough hole for us to fit through just as lights stream through. The Queen's jaw drops.

"The _**tree** _is their base?! No wonder why we couldn't find it." The royal exclaims, before teleporting us in. Miraculously, right in front of Bow's cell. The man looks up at the flash of bright light and scrambles to his feet at the sight of us.

"Glimmer! Adora!" He voices in relief as we rush over to his cell. Before we can utter another word, the sound of a gun being cocked echoes behind us. Slowly Glimmer and I turn to face the masked leader of the bandits, his gun trained on the Queen. 

"I told you to leave us alone. Maybe then you'd have a better chance of survival. I thought you were smarter than this." The man tsks. I step in front of the Queen, the only thing between her and a bullet to her chest. The rebel raises an eyebrow at my action. "So we meet again She-ra. I must say I was surprised to hear from my followers that you kept taking all those bullets. Don't think I've ever met someone who cares so little for their life, especially to protect someone who keeps hurting you." I narrow my eyes at him suspiciously.

"How do you..." I start, but with his free hand he just waves the question away.

"Everyone knows of the huge fallout between the Queen and the mighty She-ra. It's common knowledge really. A Queen who pushed away her trusty soldier when she was no longer of use to her." He answers offhandedly. My heart drops just as I feel the Queen tense up behind me. A hand rests on my shoulder.

"That's not true!" The royal protests, but I keep my eyes firmly on the bandit in front of me. 

"Say what you like Your Majesty, but you're corrupt. If you can hurt those closest to you, then what does that mean for the rest of the world?" The short man sneers.

"You're the one who's corrupt!" Bow retorts and the man's eyes slide over to the techmaster.

"Believe what you must, but remember I wouldn't have captured you if you hadn't been upset with the Queen." The leader points out, silencing the boy in his tracks as he wilts slightly. The man nods and turns his attention back to me.

"I don't want to shoot a fellow Horde soldier, even if you defected years ago. So kindly step out of the way so I can end this rule of royalty." I scowl at him.

"What you're doing is wrong. Kidnapping children, trying to assassinate the Queen. What do you expect this will result into?" I growl out but the short man just quirks an eyebrow.

"Hordak had the right idea. Fighting against the so called Princess Alliance. We need to show the world that magic and sorcery are evil. That people don't need to feel weaker because of the existence of supernatural powers. It's a shame he was executed after the war." The masked man tuts while my eyes widen. I snap my neck behind me.

"Hordak...was executed?" I ask, appalled. The Queen looks at me in surprise.

"Yes, you didn't know?" She replies quietly and I feel sick at the knowledge. ' _The one person who knew where I came from is...gone? Now I'll never know anything about my past.'_ I swallow past the lump in my throat and turn back to face the rebel who scans me closely.

"See, the Queen obviously has a habit of making poor choices. Step aside so we can put an end to it." The leader tries to convince.

"Hey!" Glimmer shouts behind me, but I'm still dumbfounded that Hordak is _**gone**_. Dead. Finito. Never coming back. 

"She-ra." I blink, breaking out of my daze at the sound of my title. I frown at the masked man, something about him feels...familiar?

"How do you know so much about me?" I demand and watch as the man chuckles. With his free hand, he reaches up behind him to unknot the scarf around his face. Seconds later the material falls away and hits the ground just as I gasp in shock.

"Imp?!" I whisper in disbelief.

"So you _**do** _remember me. Good." Hordak's former pet voices in a pleased tone as a smirk makes its way across his face. I shake my head in confusion.

"I don't get it. How are you...grown up?" I question haltingly, trying to wrap my head around the fact that this is the same creature that used to perch on Hordak's shoulder. Imp's lips curl into a snarl, as if I somehow offended him.

"I wasn't just Hordak's pet, I was his _**clone**_. A failed experiment, but his clone nonetheless. Once he was out of the picture I was left all alone to fend for myself. But at least it gave me the chance to think for myself for once. I went back to Hordak's rubble of a lab and tried to fix what he failed to do. Make a better body." Imp pauses for a moment to scrunch up his nose. "I had an accident with the growth hormone chemicals, which made me grow and for the first time my voice box was mature enough to make my own words. It just didn't make me grow enough, but this was better than nothing. And then I thought, who better to continue Hordak's legacy than his most successful creation?" The clone explains with a sneer. I stare at him for several moments, still trying to compute all of this. Finally, I furrow my eyebrows in disappointment.

"But you don't have to be like Hordak! You can finally be yourself." I argue, hoping that I can persuade him. But when the short man snorts, I realise that this is a losing battle. 

"I've been in his shadow for so long. It's time that I finally do the one thing that he failed to do. Now, move." Imp orders while standing a little taller, traying to add inches to his height that don't exist. I press my lips tightly together.

"I'm not letting you hurt her." I voice firmly. The man sighs.

"Then you leave me no choice." He murmurs, raising the gun to my chest level.

Things happen quickly after that. He pulls the trigger. My sword transforms into a shield. A swarm of rebels enter the small room, surrounding us. All of whom carry similar-looking pistols. I back up until my spine makes contact with the steel bars behind me.

"Don't move or I'll shoot and then you'll all be dead." The leader threatens. Of course, Glimmer moves, snapping her hand forward between the bars to grip Bow's. Shots are fired and I move.

Time slows down and I don't know what happens until a flash of sparkles blind me. Everything feels numb and when I try to squint through my blurred vision, I find Glimmer bending over me. Her lips are moving, but nothing computes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok guys, you can thank Ddr for the most recent development with Imp. Confession? I was actually going to have a no-faced nobody to be the leader of the bandit, I just hadn't thought of it being anyone significant. But Ddr made a guess and so did CrazyButterSock as well, so I started thinking that I prob should have someone of significance being the leader (even if they don't play much of a role in the overarching plot of the story). 
> 
> The question came down to who. Catra? Nope, I had other plans for her. Lonnie, Kyle, Rogellio? Nope, they looked done with the Horde by s4. Then I remembered the Imp! I'm not sure if this is right, but it was highly suggested that the imp was a failed clone of Hordak (I'm sorry if that's wrong?) And I'm currently learning about hormones (endocrinology) like the growth hormone! If you have too much growth hormone you get a condition called acromegaly (excessive growth), so I thought, hey what if imp got a small dose of that to make him grow. Surely in Hordak's lab he's got a bunch of chemicals to try to make a living body, so why not that too? Now here's where the fiction comes in, growth hormone doesn't mature the voicebox (at least I don't think so) but thought that would be a cool thing to write and ta da. My crazy idea, thanks to your prompts. Hope it's not too far-fetched.
> 
> Anyway, the steam-roll of angst continues on for the next few chapters as you prob can imagine. Next chapter we finally have a longer proper Glimmer pov chapter, which we haven't had in a while. And bonus, there's also awesome artwork by CrazyButterSock. See you all later.
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	56. Too Much Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glimmer has a tiny weeny meltdown after seeing Adora get shot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I think I may have slightly broke most of you last chapter? Not sure if I should apologise or not? XD You just might want to watch out when I say 'fav chapter' in future XD I'd like to say that this is the worst it will get, but that's not really true. Still got one main hurdle to cross first. But I wanted to say thank you guys a lot for all your words, they're legit the highlight of my day, so thank you <3 
> 
> Right, so do you remember a while ago I said that some chapters will be more on the therapeutic side for me in terms of getting used to being exposed to the human body as part of the whole becoming a doctor thing? Yeah well, this is another one of those chapters. I mean we start off pretty dark, but then it will return to that seriously awkward air that I hope you guys will find at least mildly amusing. It's essentially my awkward feelings put into words, but hopefully you guys will find it funny. Next yr in God's will, I'll be on the wards in the hospital, so I'm defo gonna have to get used to it which I'm sure I will, just not quite yet XD But yeah, enjoy this awkward, bantering, fluffy, dark mess.
> 
> Also, I mentioned in the past about the whole ranking between a Queen and the status of 'soldier', I start delving into that a lot more over the rest of the story, because I find it quite an interesting trope and feel like it could totally apply to Adora & Glimmer, esp with how many years they've been apart.
> 
> And most importantly, CrazyButterSock very kindly drew a scene for this chapter and it looks really awesome and captures the moment perfectly while giving a small snapshot of how the characters are now. Thank you so much CrazyButterSock! <3 
> 
> Warning triggers of blood and attempted suicide.

**Glimmer's POV:**

I'm grasping at the warrior, holding her head close with one hand as I form the healing rune with my shaky other. 

"You dumb selfless jerk! I told you not to jump in front of them. I _**told** _you." I berate in a strangled tone, my lungs squeezing so tightly at the masses of red. Red everywhere. _'I think I'm going to be sick.'_

I pass the rune over her and watch as the wounds close into scabs, but some still bleed. The spell not strong enough to combat the onslaught of injuries. Adora squints up at me, dazed.

"You dumb, dumb dork." I repeat on a loop with trembling lips as I pass the rune over her again, clutching her tightly when it does little to stop the flow of blood. Her body shudders underneath my hands. "Please. Please be ok. I take it all back. Everything. I just...I need you. I've always needed you. Not one day went by when I didn't want to curl up and disappear because you weren't here." I confess in a sob, hugging the limp girl to my chest.

In my periphery I catch Bow tearing up parts of his shirt and wrapping the strips around various areas of the girl to slow the bleeding. _'At least he's trying to be useful. What am I, useless?'_ I think bitterly. 

"Glimmer, we have to get her to Brightmoon. They'll be able to save her." Bow urges, breaking me out of my frozen state of grief and guilt. Wordlessly I teleport us to the infirmary, carrying the girl in my arms as I intercept the first doctor I see. 

"Please! You have to save her." I beg, prompting the doctor to widen his eyes briefly before he rushes to get his colleagues. It's not long until we're swarmed with doctors and nurses. Some are setting her up on an IV bag. Others are pulling off her blood soaked clothes, leaving her only in a pair of pants. I flush, turning my head away to give her some privacy. That is, until I notice the warrior's hand clenching into a fist. My eyes snap to her face to see it screwed up in pain and I go and hold her hand. Her eyes snap to me.

"Gl-imm-er..." She gasps out, the word penetrated with obvious agony.

"I'm so s-sorry. You're going to be ok. I promise." I vow, stroking her hair in the hopes it will soothe her somehow. 

"B-ow?" She chokes out, and I have to bite back my sob at how unbelievably selfless she is. 

"He's alright. You saved him." I reassure and with that she wilts in relief, falling unconscious. I bite my lip, so hard that I can feel a rush of blood flowing past my teeth. 

"Your Majesty, we need to take her into surgery. Please let go of her." Numbly, I release my hold on the blonde's hand at the doctor's request and watch as they wheel her away. Bow comes to stand next to me, an arm going around my shoulders as he pulls me into a side hug.

"She's going to be alright." He comforts. I bite back another sob and flicker my lilac irises to him.

"Bow, I'm so sorry. I was being terrible and acted so unfairly. You were right, I was being selfish and I'm so sorry that it led to you being caught and now this..." I choke out, my throat constricting with fiery guilt. The archer watches me for a moment before knitting his eyebrows together.

"You were being selfish, but...I can't blame you. You've been through a lot and I can't say that I wasn't disappointed when I found out about Catra too. The reason why I didn't get mad was because of you." The man confesses and I raise my watery confused eyes to his.

"What?" I echo, perplexed.

"I put myself in her position and knew I'd do the same with you because we've known each other for so long. That bond is hard to break. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I just...I knew how much you despised Catra after what she did and knew how'd you react." I drop my eyes in shame at his words, knowing that I can't really fault him. 

"It just...it hurt so much, knowing that she was with that murderer all of this time. Instead of with us. It just...hurt." I whisper, my voice quivering. Bow pulls me in closer. 

"I know. I get it. But we can't change the past." He murmurs quietly. I bite my lip, _'No. He doesn't get it. He doesn't know how dark of a pit I fell into after Adora's departure.'_ I silently shake myself. _'No, not going down that spiral again.'_ And raise my eyes to his. He holds eye contact for a several beats before pushing me back gently, a small smile on his lips.

"Now go and get changed, you're clothes are stained with..." His smile drops as he trails off, his expression despondent. I glance down at my royal attire to find it stained with blood. Adora's blood. So much blood. I shudder, the sight of red sending a wave of nausea over me. I give him a feeble smile.

"Y-Yeah that's a good idea." I force out and teleport to my room, chucking off all my clothes and shooting a spark of fire to burn them to ash to get the image out of my brain. But the sight still haunts me and reminds me of one of the worst mistakes of my life. I shiver and head to the bathroom. The urge to wash everything away is haunting.

Turning on the hot water, I step in and peel off my lilac gloves. Instantly my eyes drop to the jagged scar across my left wrist. Sharply, I move my gaze elsewhere, but the event plays back in my mind, as if on replay. I remember feeling so dark and empty that in a single moment I grabbed the knife Adora forgot behind and ran the blade violently across my wrist in a fit of rage. Wanting the pain to end and recalling how Adora had often used to cut herself when she was distressed.

But the second the cut was made, I knew I went too far when blood spluttered out of the wound, so much blood. More than I've ever seen in my life. And to top it off, my dad popping in to catch me in the deed. I had never felt more mortified in my whole life. I didn't get long to dwell on it though, because I started feeling lightheaded and passed out. Only to wake up to my father's grim and scared face. One I'll never forget and one that put us on a twisted road of delicate and protective behaviour.

I sink into the warm water, hugging my knees close as anxiety bites at me. I sit like that for close to an hour, before shaking myself out of it. Remembering that Adora is in surgery, and could very well be fighting for her life. I clamber out of the tub and pull on another set of purple tights and top before snapping another pair of gloves over my hands, hiding my most shameful secret. I take in a deep breath, willing the dark thoughts and fears away. And I blink away the awful red that my mind is so frustratingly fixated on. _'Pull yourself together Glimmer. Adora needs you.'_ I rebuke silently and teleport back to the infirmary.

The wait is agony. Every time a doctor hurries past, I'm jumping to my fret, ready to open my mouth, only to be shut down and told there's no news yet. So I sit poised on one of the plastic chairs, tapping my foot nervously while Bow paces in front of me, which just serves to make me feel more anxious.

"Bow could you please stop pacing." I demand, only for the man to stop and shoot a pointed look at my tapping foot. 

"I'll stop when you stop." He states in petulance. I groan and still my tapping foot. But the lack of outlet is stifling and I start tapping my fingertips against my upper arm, ignoring the man's constant pacing up and down. When another doctor appears around a corner, his eyes are set on us and I know there's some news, whether good or bad I can't tell as I hop to my feet and meet the physician half way.

"Well?" I ask anxiously. He hesitates for a moment unsure on what to say until Dr Crest appears behind him.

"I'll take it from here." He tells his colleague, relieving the man who scampers away. Dr Crest gazes at me, pulling me to one side while checking his note-board.

"Is she ok?" I ask thickly as I gaze into the eyes of a man I've known my whole life. 

"She will be. She lost a lot of blood and some of the bullets did quite a bit of damage, but fortunately nothing permanent." The man lists off and I wilt in relief. "However, she'll need a lot of bed rest. The amount of shots she took would've killed anyone, and while your spell did help ease the worse of it, she's still going to be left with a lot of scars. I mean, she already has numerous scars, so I suppose it could be worse. Just, she needs to keep activities to a minimum so as to not rip out any of the stitches." He continues and I nod in understanding.

"C-can we see her?" I request. His gaze flickers to Bow behind me before returning to my face. He clears his throat.

"You can see her, but she's not quite decent. We had to remove her clothes because of all the blood and we didn't get the chance to clothe her in the traditional patient gown before she woke up briefly. And she was adamant against wearing something so uncomfortable. I've arranged for the tailor to fit some very loose tracksuits, but that will take a couple of days. So in answer to your question, you can see her but Bow's going to have to wait I'm afraid." My cheeks become rosy as Bow steps forward, his hand landing on my shoulder. 

"It's alright. Go and make sure she's alright and let me know." The archer reassures and I swallow, nodding in understanding. I trail behind the good doctor, uncomfortable at seeing the woman so exposed. As soon as I step foot into the side room, the smell of antiseptic hits my nostrils. My eyed automatically drop to the occupied bed and to my relief the warrior is mostly covered with a blanket. Wades of bandages peek out as they wrap around the girls arms, stopping just under her armpits and leaving her shoulders bare. Gulping, I go over and take a seat at the only available chair.

The blonde's hand rests on her chest over the cover. I'm itching to hold it, but at where it's positioned I decide it's probably not appropriate. So I wait again. Watching as the girl's chest rises up and down with each breath she takes. Her face is mercifully blank with just wisps of hair stuck to her forehead. I reach over, brushing them out of the way just as the girl starts to stir. I snap my hand away, feeling like I've been caught doing something I shouldn't and watch as her eyelids flutter open.

Her eyes seem unfocused until she frowns, pressing her lips tightly together until they pinch white. I clench my jaws at seeing her in pain and reach over to the morphine trolley. Keying in buttons I wish I didn't know so well and moments later the woman's face eases in relief. Her eyes flicker over to me, her lips twitching slightly at the sight of me. I scowl at her.

"You are a real doofus." I say before I can censor my words and her lips just curve up higher.

"We're all ok, aren't we?" She rasps back, wincing at the effort of talking. My shoulders slump and I edge the chair closer to her side. 

"I wouldn't call you having several gunshots ok. But, I'm not going to argue about this now. You need rest. You've been in surgery for hours." I voice quietly, eliciting a grimace from the girl. 

"Alright. Think you could stay?" Adora requests meekly and I nod resolutely.

"Of course." I answer and watch as she tries to lift the hand at her chest. I frown. "What are you doing?" I ask worriedly and she shoots me a sheepish glance. 

"I...mind if I borrow your hand to squeeze? The pain is intense." Adora admits in embarrassment and without a word I reach over to clutch her hand, ignoring the way the blanket slips down to reveal the woman's collarbones. She shivers.

"Jeez they really took everything off, didn't they?" The blonde mutters dryly and I flush at how candid she's being.

"Yeah, y-you were bleeding a lot." I whisper quietly. Adora squeezes my hands, no where near as tightly as I anticipated. 

"Are you alright? You look nervous." Adora notes, I shrug. 

"Blood makes me nervous." I say without thinking and wish I could take it back when I see her eyebrows furrow.

"Really? It never bothered you before." The blonde points out. I purse my lips.

"We were fighting a war. I don't think I had the time to worry about blood, but now that's all over I'd happily never see blood again." I lie. The blonde watches me bemused.

"What about your periods?" I turn crimson at the girl's cocky question and try to pull my hand away, but for someone so injured she sure does have a tight grip.

"I'd hit you now if you weren't so injured." I grumble, eliciting a light chuckle from the blonde. The sound is so contagious that I find myself laughing with her, until she grimaces, prompting me to quiet down immediately. "You should really get some rest." I voice softly and watch as she blows at an invisible hair strand. 

"Ok." She concedes begrudgingly. I watch her eyes flutter to a close, but her breathing remains raspy. I bite my lip, wondering if I should fetch a doctor to check on her or at least mention she woke up again. Minutes tick by while I watch her carefully, but I jump when I feel her hand squeezing mine. 

"Adora?" I probe quietly and she re-opens her eyes.

"Sorry. Aurgh, everything really hurts." She admits while my heart constricts, wishing she didn't have to go through this. Wishing she wasn't so selfless. 

"I'll go grab a doctor. Maybe they can do something more with the morphine." I suggest, but her hand tightens around mine. 

"No. I don't want you to go." The blonde murmurs and my heart leaps at how clingy she's being. 

"I won't be long." I try to reassure, but she gives the barest of head shakes.

"Stay. C-could you sit me up though?" I blink twice, wondering if I heard her correctly.

"You should be resting." I protest as the blonde gives me a half smile. 

"Don't worry, I am. It's just I find it hard to breathe lying down." Adora mutters. I frown.

"I definitely need to get the doctor." I decide, slipping my hand out of hers.

"Glimmer please. I just need to be sat up is all." I'm torn by her plea and against my better judgement I agree.

"Alright, but if there's no change then I'm getting the doctor." I decide firmly, earning a small nod from the girl. I go to sit her up, only to remember that she isn't wearing anything underneath the duvet. I cough awkwardly. "A-Are you sure you want to be sat up?" I stall and watch as she furrows her eyebrows in confusion until it dawns on her.

"You're embarrassed." She states bluntly. I bite my lip and avert my eyes. 

"N-no! I just...wanted to check that you were ok with me...erm seeing anything?" I excuse weakly. I feel her piercing sky blue eyes on me. 

"I'm alright with it. It's not like the Crimson Waste had a plentiful supply of good clothes shops, so I had to get used to being a little bit more exposed then I normally would've liked." Adora jokes and I return my lilac irises to hers just as she sobers up. "But if you're uncomfortable, then get a doctor." She continues, her eyes sincere and soft. I swallow.

"N-no. I'm alright." I voice, sounding just as confident as I feel. A hand brushes against mine.

"Glimmer please don't do something you don't want to do." The blonde utters seriously, but I shake my head wordlessly, giving her hand a gentle squeeze.

"Honestly Adora, I want to do this for you." I express stubbornly. She presses her lips tightly together before sighing and gives me a small nod. I grab a couple of pillows from the end of the bed and place them on my chair. I slip a hand underneath the woman's back to meet a combination of skin and bandages. Gently, I ease the girl up and slip a pillow behind her, before slipping the other. I bite the inside of my cheek at the tight expression on her face, knowing how much the movement must be hurting her. _'Aurgh I should've got a doctor! What if I just made things worse?!'_ I think in a panic.

The cover falls to the blonde's waist, leaving her entire torso exposed. I try to control the heat that makes its way to my cheeks. Bandages, black stitches and old scars stare back at me. I promptly avert my eyes. _'Why am I so flustered?! It's just the normal human body. Nothing awkward about it.'_ I try to convince myself as I force my eyes back to the girl who's eyebrow is quirked. Failing, I cast my gaze to a wall nearby. 

"Pass me a cloth or something if you're going to be staring at the wall all day." Adora mumbles, a slight red hue dusting her cheeks. Gulping, I return my eyes to her.

"I-I'm fine!" I squeak. The blonde rolls her eyes, but doesn't comment. "Is it easier to breathe now?" I quickly ask in an attempt to change the subject, but my tactic must've been painfully obvious as Adora's lips twitch upwards. Fortunately, she decides to spare me further embarrassment.

"Yes. Thank you." The blonde answers gratefully and finally a small smile slips past my lips.

"Good." I say, my hands twitching in my lap. 

"Oh for goodness sake just pass me that towel over there." Adora orders, making me jump at the sudden demand. I rest my hands over my knees. _'No, this is fine. This is completely fine. I just...aurgh why does this have to be so awkward?! Why do **I** have to be this awkward?'_ I shake my head.

"I told you I'm fine." I insist, eliciting a snort from the woman.

"You can barely look at me." She points out, a touch of hurt leaking into her tone. 

"Well this is different for me, ok? I've been pretty sheltered my whole life. It's not everyday you're exposed to..." I motion vaguely to the woman's state of undress. "Actually the only time I've ever been exposed to this is that time when I bandaged you up all those years ago." I mumble, ignoring the way her eyes scan me closely.

"But back then I was the one who was embarrassed. You were completely fine!" She protests. I lick my suddenly dry lips.

"I was pretending." I admit quietly, silencing the woman.

"Oh." Is all she says as she dips her head slightly. A sad expression fills her features. I bite my lip.

"I'm sorry. I know I'm being dumb." I apologise with regret shining in my irises, but the girl shakes her head.

"No, you're not. In the Horde we took communal showers anyway, so it doesn't bother me that much. I...I was only shy before because..." Adora trails off, complete embarrassment radiates off her. "...well because you've never seen me like this. At least with my squadron we've grown up doing it, but with you its different. I feel like there are boundaries and that this is one of the things that would cross the line." I frown at the blonde's explanation.

"Boundaries? What boundaries?" I echo in confusion. A look of discomfort crosses her face. 

"Well, you're the Queen and I'm just a former Horde soldier. I thought that stuff wasn't appropriate." I gape at her, finding it hard to believe that I heard correctly. I grasp her hand tightly.

"I'm an ordinary person!" I refute as the woman shoots me a sceptical look.

"Who can teleport and shoot beams out of her hands." She reminds dryly. I scowl.

"You know what I meant. I'm no more important than anyone else and you're my friend. You don't need to consider us as Queen and soldier or whatever you've been thinking of us as." I state firmly, but still she appears unsure.

"But you've brought it up before." The blonde whispers. "And I can't ignore that there are ranks. You're still the most important." Adora points out and this sickeningly reminds me of some of our old arguments. Adora's desire to protect me because I was too valuable to lose. I pinch the bridge of my nose to keep the frustration at bay.

"I brought it up in a fit of rage! You know that people say things they don't mean when they're angry. And I can't believe you still think that. Just because I'm the Queen, it doesn't mean I'm that valuable. It would a loss but Etheria will deal, especially now that my Dad is back." I utter seriously, but the blonde stares at me through wide eyes. Her gaze flickers away from me after a few moments.

"I...that day I said that? I wasn't just referring to your position." Adora mutters. I knit my eyebrows together, not quite understanding.

"Then what else were you referring to?" I query and watch as the warrior tenses. Her gaze still fixed below. 

"I was also referring to me. What you meant to me. You're...you're too valuable for me to lose." Adora confesses and my heart stops in its tracks. _'W-what?'_ I stare at her in disbelief, never realising the full meaning of her words back then and even worse, I had shouted at her after she said that. I gulp and look away guiltily. I repeat her words back to me until my mind focuses on one word: _**meant**_. Past tense. As in, not anymore. I swallow past the lump in my throat, hating myself for not understanding her meaning back then. I feel her hand nudge mine.

"Glimmer?" The blonde probes cautiously and after an age I return my lilac orbs to her. 

"I'm sorry. I-I didn't realise. I didn't know. I just got mad at you because I thought you thought I was helpless and weak." I strain out regretfully as the woman shakes her head slightly.

"I never thought you were weak and helpless. You're the strongest person I know. I was just being selfish, I didn't want to see you get hurt because of what you meant to me." I blink away the mounting tears at the repeated word - _**meant**_. 

"I'm so sorry. I mucked everything up." I choke out.

"No you didn't. I should've told you. I was just embarrassed and thought the whole Queen thing was a valid cover. You always listened to me anyway so I never suspected that things had slowly changed between us and that it would impact that conversation." Adora voices quietly. I shake my head, not realising it before, but that argument was the one to widen the rift between us. 

"So, it wasn't because I was the Queen you said that?" I re-illiterate. The girl hesitates.

"I mean partly, since you were the only royal lineage left. But it wasn't the only thing." Adora replies honestly. I chew my lip, conflicted over my next action, but knowing that I need to get my point across. I stretch out my free hand and rest it on the girl's bare chest, just above her left breast where her heart resides. As soon as I make contact the blonde inhales sharply and I feel her heart rate picking up beneath my palm. I swallow just as Adora glances between my hand and my face, her face heating up but I can see the obvious question in her eyes.

"I'm just the same as you Adora. _**Human**_. Maybe I've got some magical powers, but that doesn't change the core of who I am. At the end of the day I have one thing keeping me alive. My heart. And that's the same for every single person on Etheria, _**including** _you. I can feel the way your heart beats, the way it's speeding up...probably because of how awkward this is." I laugh self-consciously and start to withdraw the appendage, but to my surprise Adora holds it in place. 

"Can you lean forward please?" The blonde randomly requests, rendering my mouth dry. Wordlessly I comply, leaning forward while trying to keep my eyes on her face, but with the warrior being taller than me, my eyes are automatically in line with her breasts. Dressings wrap around just underneath them while another bandage stretches up between the two bosoms towards her neck and going across to tuck somewhere behind her back. I'm so tense that when I feel a hand touching my own thorax, I flinch. Adora appears unsure but doesn't remove her hand and it's then I notice that she's doing exactly what I'm doing, feeling my heart beat beneath her fingers, probably noting how it speeds up. I swallow, trying to get my lips to work. 

"See? Both with hearts. The one thing keeping us alive. Maybe if everyone had several hearts and I only had one then I can see how important I am, but we all have only one heart. One life and one chance at life. There's no do-overs or take backs, so please don't ever put your life on the line like that. I'm not more important than you or any other Etherian civilian." I murmur, feeling more confident with every word, despite how weird this situation is.

"Your heart beat is starting to ease back to a steady lull." Adora notes, a faint smirk on her lips. My eyebrows shoot up to my hairline before I scowl at her.

"Were you even listening?!" I demand to distract her from our position as I feel the tips of my ears redden. This time a genuine smile graces her lips, accompanied with that soft look in her eyes.

"Definitely. And that has to be one of the most insightful things I've ever heard you say." The blonde teases. I stick my tongue out at her.

"I'm trying to be serious." I whine and finally the warrior sobers up.

"I know. Thanks Glimmer. T-that makes sense. I didn't think about it like that before and I'll try to be more careful, but I can't promise I won't jump in when it involves someone I care about." Adora murmurs and despite not wanting this to be the outcome of our discussion, I can't help the warmth that spreads through me. 

"I suppose that will have to do." I concede with a sigh as the girl brightens up. And it's then that I realise my hand still hasn't moved from her chest and we're still ridiculously close to one another. I cough and pull away. But Adora doesn't remove her hand. 

"Can I have a hug?" She requests quietly. I throw her a stick eye.

"I swear you're trying to make me uncomfortable on purpose." I grumble, eliciting a laugh from the blonde. 

"Yep, that was the plan." She jokes with a twinkle in her eyes and finally withdraws her own hand, leaving my thorax feeling lighter. 

"You're terrible." I mutter with averted eyes, earning me another laugh, but she stops half way, another grimace on her face. "Ok enough joking. Go to sleep." I order and with a tired nod the girl finally closes her eyes and after several minutes her breathing evens. I wilt back on my chair. _'That was too much of an emotion overdose.'_

My eyes rack up at the girl's form, her breasts still uncovered. I shudder and pick up that towel she mentioned earlier and am just about to drape it across them until something catches my attention. Some weird black mark. Frowning, I peer closer at the side of her right breast. It looks like an engravement of some kind. I'm just about to reach out to touch it until my senses comes back to me. _'What am I doing?! You don't touch someone's private areas, especially not that of your best friend's.'_ I berate myself.

But there's something so weird about the mark, the way it's curled up and tucked away under the fold of her bosom. I shake my head and drape the towel over her. _'Ok that's enough of staring at my undressed friend while she's sleeping.'_ I decide and with my nerves fraying as much as they are, I decide to have a quick break and teleport to the gardens for some much needed fresh air.

I exhale heavily and go to sit under one of the trees, running a hazardous hand through my hair. _'I thought things before were a mess, but this just feels way more complicated. I don't even know where to start.'_ I rub my eyes, exhaustion tugging at my joints and when I pull my hand away I notice a shadow looming over me. Squinting through the sunlight I spot my dad standing before me, a worried expression on his face. 

"I heard what happened. Are you alright? Did they hurt you?" Micah fires out as he goes to sit beside me.

"I'm fine Dad, thanks to Adora." I mumble while picking at my cape. The King reaches out a hand to settle it on my hand, halting my fiddling.

"Bow told me she got hurt really badly. Is she going to be ok?" He asks and I shoot him a side glance, surprised that he's even asking considering how much he dislikes her.

"The doctors said she will be. Just needs a lot of bed rest and no extraneous activities for a while." I answer robotically.

"That's good. Now, are _**you** _alright? I know how much you care about her." He queries softly. I sigh and stare at the ground hard, recalling the promise I made that fateful day to him: always be honest. 

"I'd be alright if she wasn't such a doofus. Who jumps in front of several bullets multiple times?!" I reply sourly. My Dad's eyes widen slightly, but he wears his neutral face like a pro. 

"Someone who obviously has a lot more to lose than a life." He murmurs softly, his eyes turned inwards as if thinking of another time. I frown and turn my head completely towards him.

"Dad?" I echo unsurely, breaking him out of his daze as he blinks. 

"Darling it's alright to be scared and angry. We talked about this." Micah reminds lightly. I turn my head away, wishing he wouldn't bring up our weekly 'discussions'. 

"I know, but she's got all my emotions twisted up into a knot and I don't know what to think anymore! I don't know what's right and wrong now." I mutter in frustration as I move my hand away from his. 

"That's ok though. Generally there's no wrong or right emotions. They simply exist as an outlet. It's just important you release them in the correct way." I wince at his implication. 

"I told you Dad, I'm not doing that again." I whisper. His eyes soften.

"I know, but a dad can't help but worry. It's my job." He points out lightly, reminding me of all the times my Mum use to fuss over me. I swallow thickly at the sudden rise of grief that washes over me. I drop my eyes to the ground, not wanting to continue this line of conversation. Micah must've sensed that as he asks: "What's Adora doing now?" He questions and I release a small breath.

"She's sleeping." I answer and he nods, as if expecting that response.

"Good. Maybe I'll pop by later when she's awake." The King mentions offhandedly. My jaw slackens and I scramble to say something.

"Erm you should probably give her some space for a couple of days." I suggest in discomfort. The man blinks twice and tilts his head to one side.

"Why's that?" He queries, obviously confused. I gulp, feeling more uncomfortable. _'I escaped that room to avoid this.'_ I lick my dry lips to bid my time.

"They had to remove her clothes because she was bleeding a lot, so she's not decent at the moment." I squeak out and watch as my Dad's cheeks pinken slightly.

"O-oh right. In that case, I'll make sure to get updates from you then. Tell her I say thank you and that I wish her a speedy recovery." The man answers awkwardly. I nod vigorously from how eager I am to change this conversation. 

"Will do." I mumble. The King gazes at me thoughtfully for a moment before nodding his head and goes to tap me on my shoulder.

"Come on, I know what will cheer you up." My father prompts. I raise a sceptical eyebrow, not sure if there is anything that can cheer me up at this point.

"What?" I ask dully as he rises to his feet.

"Some sparring. Only using spells that time." He suggests and my eyes immediately brighten. I jump to my feet and teleport us to the sparring rink we had installed a couple of years ago. We stand opposite one another, feet out. "Ready?" He calls. I nod with determined eyes.

"I was born ready." I answer and launch into an attack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the awkwardness wasn't too cringe worthy, I certainly was cringing SO much as I read it back XD  
> And yes that black mark is definitely relevant and not just a weird/random addition, but it will be a while before I go into that in any depth.
> 
> You know I'll admit that while I wrote this chapter I very much had my bro in mind, he had surgery for his scoliosis and jeez despite being on morphine it looked like he was in SO much pain, it's an expression that I still can't forget, so semi-reflected that into Adora. Oh and the whole hand squeezing is basically me being a wimp when I had my first blood test for something XD My mum took the deathly tight hand grip like a boss XD  
> Also, while talking about periods is completely normal in the west (or at least the UK), it's kind of a taboo topic in the middle east, don't ask me why, I still don't know why XD And if I'm being too candid about the whole human body I apologise, lol you sort of adopt it after what all the lecturers teach you about it.
> 
> Oh and if you ever hear people saying that your heart is supposedly the size of your fist, that is the BIGGEST lie. I've seen several real human hearts and they're way bigger! More like two fists size.
> 
> Next chapter is a super short Adora POV but I can't tack on anymore without messing up with the flow, so short chapter it is. I think we have a total of one/two more awkward therapeutic chapters? But this one was the major one I think, so be reassured that the cringe levels will go back down XD
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	57. Breathing Hurts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora's dealing with her injuries of being shot at multiple times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember a few chapters back I said that I think this is the shortest chapter of the story? I change my mind, this is WAY shorter. Tbh I wasn't even gonna post today, it's after 2am here and I'm spent. But gah this is so short that I said why not. If it's more patchy than usual, its prob because I'm half asleep.
> 
> Thank you so much for all your words, makes a boring day less dull tbh XD
> 
> This chapter is more awkwardness with a small splash of angst and a sprinkle of snarky Adora. Don't know about you guys, but I know some people that become a bit frustrated when in pain XD Anyway, this doesn't do much for the plot, but here ya go.

**Next day:**

**Adora's POV:**

When I awaken, I immediately know I've slept the day away, judging by where the sun is in the sky compared to the last time I was awake. I mean it's not like they left the windows open, but the cracks from the blinders are a big enough for me to catch the light streaming through. I stretch a hand up to my forehead, closing my eyes briefly at the tugging pain, and massage the ache there. _'Catra's so going to kill me for being this careless.'_ I realise humourlessly.

Fortunately, I'm still propped up, so it's not quite as hard to breathe as before when I was lying down. But still I find it difficult, like something is blocking my airways. My eyes drop down to find a towel covering my chest and I can only guess who's behind it. _'Glimmer.'_ I think in amusement. _'Who'd have thought she was so shy around these things. Not that I can blame her. I was definitely embarrassed yesterday, but I hid it under my face of gusto and years of experience of being in awkward situations with my squadron.'_ I slide a hand underneath the towel to give my chest a rub, but it does nothing to ease the heaviness in my thorax .

Sighing, I lean back, wincing as I jostle my throbbing body. _'At least they kept my pants.'_ I say to myself, trying to think on the bright side. _'Jeez I hope Bow isn't going to walk in. I might've showered with other people, but it was always with Catra and Lonnie, never any boys.'_ I bite my lip, and fix the towel, but if anything my chest just feels tighter and I begrudgingly have to slide the cloth down to give my thorax some air. I clench the towel in my hand. _'Whoever comes in will have to knock first, right?'_ I try to reassure myself.

I try closing my eyes again, but everything just hurts too much and the itchy stitches aren't making it any better. My eyes trail down my top half, seeing as I haven't had much chance to assess the damage before and I cringe at the wades of dressings that snakes around my forearms. My shoulders are surprisingly bare, save for a small plaster on where Glimmer had healed me up. My thorax is a different story, thick bandages are wrapped tightly around my abdomen, going all the way up, only to stop just beneath my breasts and even then another vertical strip of fabric travels up between my cleavage. I can feel another around my waist and a couple of others that wind around my thigh and calf. _'Jeez those bandits are merciless.'_

Hesitantly I lift the cover up, holding back a hiss, to see how bad my bottom half is, only to be met with my scars of self-infliction. A few of which look much more recent than the others. I gulp and avert my eyes elsewhere. My metal limb is pretty much unscathed save for a a few scratches on the metal plate. A knock breaks me out of my investigation and I jump at the sound before groaning at jerking my pained body. A purple head peeks through and I instantly drop the cover back down, not wanting the girl to notice the new marks. However, I'm not fast enough and the girl's eyes narrows. I watch as she steps into the room and closes the door behind her. 

"What were you doing?" She asks outright.

"Just checking the damage." I answer easily as she takes a seat on the chair. Her eyes flicker over me, as if to make sure I'm not hiding anything, but when her lavender irises catch my exposed thorax, I see her cheeks pinken slightly and she promptly returns her gaze to my face. 

"You shouldn't be moving." The Queen murmurs, but the strain in her voice is obvious. I'm tempted to pull the towel back up, especially when her eyes keep straying to a nearby wall, but the tightness in my chest stops me. 

"I'm sorry." I say, hoping to satiate her, but her shoulders slump slightly.

"Please don't apologise. I just don't want you to slow your recovery." She voices quietly and for some reason that reminds me of the argument we had in the forest. I scrunch my nose up.

"Because I'm meant to be banished." I state dully, too tired and in pain to be angry, leaving me just hollow inside. But to my surprise a hand snaps out towards my clenched hand that has the towel grasped in it.

"No! I definitely didn't mean that! I...forget that dumb banishment thing. I was being childish." Glimmer protests strongly. I knit my eyebrows together.

"Are you sure? Because I can just go n..." I start, but stop when I feel her hand squeezing mine.

"Absolutely not! You're waiting until you're 100% better before you move from here." She reiterates firmly before casting her eyes to the ground. "I'm sorry about what I said. I acted out and my mouth is so big that it just runs with my emotions. I don't want you banished. Of course I don't; I've been waiting **_years_ **for you to come back. I'm not just going to send you away like that." Glimmer murmurs softly. I bite my lip, deciding to take a chance with my next words.

"Even if Catra is involved?" I ask quietly and the tension that appears on her face is apparent. She struggles to say anything for a long time before exhaling heavily.

"Let's not talk about her until you feel better." The purple head decides statically. I frown.

"Why? So you won't have to feel guilty about shouting to an injured person?" I snark and watch as her face becomes pinched with hurt. I bite my tongue, rebuking myself for being the cause of that.

"No of course not. This is a touchy topic, I don't want you to strain yourself while you're in this condition." Glimmer mumbles, her irises flickering away from me. I exhale through my nostrils. 

"Sorry. That was harsh." I apologise. "And you're right. Maybe we should leave all the talking for later." I add in a mumble. When the silence begins to stretch out the purple head clears her throat.

"Well I should go. Just came to check on you. Erm, you'll be happy to know that the seamstress is nearly done with some loose tracksuits. I think she said she'll drop them off this evening." Glimmer informs with a half smile. I force my lips to curve upwards.

"Thanks." I say before muttering under my breath, "Maybe things will be less awkward then." The Queen stiffens slightly, shooting me a wounded look. 

"I-I'm sorry." She stutters out while rising to her feet. I curse myself for being so blatantly rude.

"Wait. I'm sorry for being so snarky. I just feel terrible." I admit with pleading eyes. Her gaze is torn between the door and me before she sighs.

"I know, but I guess I'm not helping things." Glimmer voices dryly. I shoot her a rueful smile. 

"Not really. But...can't you stay?" I request quietly, not really wanting to be in this hospital room all day, even if I'm still under dressed. The Queen raises an eyebrow and crosses her arms over her chest.

"I thought I wasn't helping things?" She points out. I fiddle with the edge of the towel before answering.

"I still prefer your company than being here alone all day." I answer truthfully. The purple head purses her lips in thought. 

"I suppose I could bring my documents here and pull up that side table over there." The woman murmurs to herself in thought and my heart leaps, not expecting her to agree. 

"So is that a yes?" I ask meekly and the Queen gives me a half smile.

"Alright. I'll be back in a few moments." She voices and blinks out of existence.

15 minutes later, the girl is seated at a hospital side table, scribbling away on some parchment as I watch her. I observe the way her forehead crinkles in concentration and the way her eyes flicker from side to side as she reads whatever paper she holds in her hands. I glance at the stack of papers beside her and not for the first time do I wish I could be more useful. After 30 minutes of me watching her, the girl glances up at me, catching me in the midst of my staring.

"I can't work if you keep watching me." Glimmer mumbles while shifting uncomfortably on her seat. I throw her a sheepish expression. 

"S-sorry. I was just wondering if I could help?" I request, eliciting a sigh from the woman. 

"I'm fine. You need to be resting, remember? Maybe try having a nap or something." The Queen suggests and I refrain from telling her that I just woke up from a long slumber and opt to flutter my eyes to a close, at least to give the girl her space. However, the steady scratching of pen on paper lulls me into a deep sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I am so that person who can't concentrate when any of my siblings or parents come in my room, like I legit feel so under pressure if they're watching me write my lecture notes lol. But yeah as I said, not too much happening here, prob because its ridiculously short.   
> Also, I reallyyyy wanted to title this chapter Dyspnoea which is the fancy med terminology for difficulty breathing, because y'know no point knowing all these smart looking words and not using them XD Maybe for the next chapter?
> 
> Next chapter we're back to Glimmer's POV and it's pretty angsty, y'know same old XD I think I may take a little break from posting. I say that now, but I'll prob be back to posting tomorrow XD but if not, then yeah - break time. Jeez I now have that scene in my mind where Sokka says 'shh sleepy time' in s2...I defo think I need to head to bed before I start making more atla references XD
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	58. It's Fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glimmer has a bit of a fright, followed by a small fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that break ended sooner than I anticipated XD If anyone is looking for a depressing but realistic read, then 'War Doctor' by David Knott is a moving one. 
> 
> This chapter is still on the short side, lol not sure what's happening. I think it's because I'm switching between POVs a lot for the next few chapters, but I hope they're still as satisfying.

**Glimmer's POV:**

When Adora's breathing evens, I ease my grip on the pen and sit back in relief. _'Having her watch me was making me more stressed than I anticipated, not because I hated it, but I suppose the attention was getting to me. That, coupled with her undressed state was really fraying my already delicate nerves.'_ I glance at the blonde to find her chest rising up and down with each breathe. Flushing, I promptly shift my eyes back to my papers, but something odd about the way she was breathing forces me to look back.

While her thorax continues to rise, the action seems almost exaggerated, as if she's having trouble breathing. Frowning, I rise from my chair and go round the bed to get a closer look while pushing down my raging discomfort at being this close to her bare skin. Something glistens in the light and upon squinting I find a coat of sweat lining her torso. Hesitantly, I stretch out a hand and brush the area of her sternum to find it unnaturally warm.

I bite the inside of my cheek. _'Is she coming down with a fever?'_ I wonder worriedly and promptly raise a hand to feel her forehead, but the temperature feels normal. I drop my hand back to her sternum and the girl subconsciously shivers. _'No, it's definitely too warm and sweaty.'_ I chew my lip and give her shoulder a shake.

"Adora?" I call out softly. The girl stirs, her tired eyes fluttering open. She squints up at me through confused eyes. 

"Whaa?" She murmurs, raising a hand to rub at her eyes. 

"Are you feeling alright?" I ask without thinking, earning me a strange look from the blonde who now notices how close I am. 

"Yes? Are you?" She asks with a pointed look at my hand on her sternum. Blushing, I snatch my hand away. 

"S-sorry!" I stutter while taking a step back from the bed. "I just...you were warm and sweaty and I wanted to make sure you were alright." I explain, knowing that my face has probably turned into a beetroot with how mortified I feel. Adora stares at me for the longest time, _'probably thinking how best to tease me.'_ I think ruefully. But the blonde bites her lip and struggles to sit up slightly. Her raspy breathing becomes more pronounced. _'Shoot. How did I not notice that?'_

"I can't decide whether to be concerned that you were watching me while I sleep or..." I interrupt her as my cheeks burn with shame.

"Adora!" I breathe out, getting the girl's attention back on track. She shifts ever so slightly, but I can see that the movement pains her as she squints at me. _'Why is she squinting?'_

"My chest feels a bit tight." She confesses and instantly I step forward, my eyes drop down to see anything out of the ordinary, but other than her chest rising a little more than usual everything looks fine. But then again I'm not a doctor. The girl shifts again. "C-could you please stop looking at me like that?' Adora expresses, her voice wavers. I blink and return my eyes to hers.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I ask with a frown, deciding to ignore the later part of that statement to avoid myself further humiliation.

"I didn't think it would be a big deal. I mean, it's expected after being shot, right?" The warrior points out, but her breathing starts to become more shallow and her eyes seem to glaze over. I bend down and click my fingers in front of her face, but the glazed look remains. "W-what are you doing?" She forces out, her lips trembling. I swallow.

"I'm getting a doctor." I announce and straighten up, but a hand grasps my wrist.

"I-I'm fine!" Adora insists, but when I look at her I see she's anything but fine. 

"Adora, let go right this instant." I command, but she doesn't give. 

"Really, Glimmer. You don't need to..." She trails off and when I glance back at her I see her face screwed up in pain. Her breathing becomes so shallow that it starts to scare me, especially when her hold on me slackens. I bend back down, trying to catch her eye, but it seems she can't focus on anything. 

"Adora? Adora!" I call out, shaking her by the shoulders. When she doesn't respond outside a groan, I slam the emergency button beside her bed. I start panicking when her eyes roll back into her head and she wilts back against the mattress. A swarm of healthcare professionals flood the small room, pushing me to one side as they investigate the blonde. Hooking her up to all sorts of things while throwing around big long complicated words. I stand to one side, holding my elbow to one side as I watch uselessly while they whisk her out of the room. I remain frozen in my spot for who knows how long. Only breaking out of it when Dr Crest re-appears an hour later. 

"Your Majesty..." He starts, but I don't let him finish as I rush over.

"Is she ok? What happened?" I fire out. He gives me a reassuring nod which is all I needed to know as I slump against a nearby pillar. 

"She had a pulmonary embolism. A normal occurrence after extensive surgery, although deadly if not treated immediately." I stare at him blankly.

"A pulmonary what?" I repeat, dumbfounded, as the man lifts up his glasses.

"A pulmonary embolism. It's a blood clot that had lodged itself in the lungs, making it difficult for the person to breathe and could potentially stop their breathing completely. It's a good thing you noticed when you did. She'll be fine. The team is just wheeling her back now." I nod and instead of working on the masses of paperwork that I should be doing, I opt to stay by the blonde's side for the rest of the day, hands clutching the bed railing tightly as I diligently watch the warrior's breathing in case another one of those emboli crops up.

The doctor said that it's highly unlikely to happen, but they never mentioned that it could occur in the first place, did they? So I remain seated with fixed eyes, ignoring my discomfort at staring at the girl so intensely while she's still so exposed. I barely even notice the seamstress when she drops off the black tracksuit bottoms and red tracksuit jacket, too engrossed with watching every fall and rise of the girl's chest. Each time it delays by half a second, I'm almost jumping out of my seat to call a doctor, only to relax when it resumes its normal pace. I'm so focused on watching the warrior's breathing that I nearly have a heart attack when something bumps against my hand. 

"Is the whole staring at my chest going to be a normal thing now?" Adora questions as I snap my eyes to her face, reassured to see a small smirk there. I'm so relieved that I forget to be embarrassed.

" _ **Never** _do that again. You really scared me." I rebuke in a hiss as the girl frowns.

"What happened?" She echoes in confusion while raising her hand to rub at her sore chest. My eyes following her movements until I remember I should really be giving her some privacy at least and opt to massage my forehead.

"You had a clot in your lungs from the surgery. You should've told me that your chest was feeling tight. The doctors said you could've died." I berate sternly as the blonde looks at me in surprise. 

"Oh. I'm sorry, I didn't realise it was anything serious." She apologises, but I shake my head, still mad.

"Next time, _**tell** **me**_ if something is bothering you. No matter how trivial." I order, earning me a small nod from the warrior. I deflate at her reaction, knowing that I shouldn't be mad and I pinch the bridge of my nose, trying to slow the anxious beating of my heart. "Sorry. I just - you completely zoned out on me earlier. It wasn't the best experience." I comment ruefully and the corner of her lips twitch upwards.

"I can imagine. I promise to be more upfront with everything, starting now. Are those the tracksuits?" I blink twice at the random question and glimpse at the clothing draped on the armchair before giving the woman a half smile.

"Yeah they are. You want to put them on?" I confirm as a smirk appears on her face.

"Yes please. For someone who's so embarrassed around the human body you sure are curious." Adora comments offhandedly. I gape at her, heat returning to my face as I try to stammer out an excuse.

"T-that's not what I was doing! I was making sure you were still breathing alright in case another clot appeared." I defend hotly as the tips of my ears redden. Adora laughs at my reaction, pausing only to clutch her abdomen.

"I'm just messing with you. But, erm I still want them." The blonde voices meekly. Grumbling, I pick up the jacket and unzip the front.

I stand up and with great care slip her arms through the arm holes before pulling either side of the jacket together and I go to reach the zipper. Her hands rest on mine before I can hook the zipper in the little slit and I raise my perplexed eyes to her face.

"I can do it." She murmurs, but I shake my head and perch on the edge of the bed, being careful not to jostle her. 

"I want to do it." I voice stubbornly. The blonde releases a quiet sigh and drops her hands, allowing me to hook the zipper and pull it up past her abdomen and chest to stop just below her collarbones. "Better?" I say with a small smile and the blonde chuckles.

"Definitely." I glance back at the tracksuit bottoms, knowing those will be much harder to put on.

"Tracksuit bottoms?" I ask and a flicker of something crosses her eyes before she shakes her head.

"I've got the duvet to cover me." She waves off, surprising me.

"Are you sure? You'll feel more comfortable with them on." I remind, but her eyes are resolute.

"I'm sure." She states firmly, leaving me frowning. 

"Bow and my Dad are hoping to pop in tomorrow, so might be better if you wear them in case you roll off the bed or something." I joke, but the blonde presses her lips tightly together.

"I said, I _**don't** _want to wear them!" She snaps, making me reel back in shock. I slowly move off the bed.

"Alright. Don't wear them." I mutter in surrender, confused on how insistent and hostile she's being about it. I must've appeared more hurt than I realised as the snarl drops off her face immediately. She massages her forehead before pinning me with an apologetic gaze.

"I didn't mean to snap. I just...I'm fine like this. Too much jostling isn't good for the wounds, right?" Adora says weakly, but I see straight through the lie which just makes me wonder why she's lying in the first place? _'It's just tracksuit bottoms. If anything it should be less painful to put on compared to the jacket because there's less injuries there.'_ I turn my head to the side.

"It's up to you." I mumble. 

"Glimmer..." Adora starts, but I cut her off.

"I should get some work done. I'm really behind." I say quickly as the blonde frowns.

"Work? But it's dark out. Surely you should head to bed." She points out.

"It's fine." I say with a shrug, but the warrior doesn't look convinced.

"Glimmer, I don't think that's healthy." Adora voices quietly.

"Don't tell me what's healthy and what's not! I know what I'm doing." I retort in annoyance. We stare at each other for several beats, the silence oozing with underlying tension. 

"Fine. You obviously have been handling everything well enough before I showed up." The blonde mutters. I clench my jaws tightly, wanting to lash out at her, but hold back because I know better. _'And I know now is definitely not the time to get into a confrontation. Not when she's all bandaged up and is all frail-looking. Not when she saved my life.'_ I ease back my tense shoulders and release a heavy sigh. 

"I'm not getting into an argument with you over this." I finally say as a sour expression contours her features.

"Wow that's new. I thought you **_enjoyed_ **our arguments." Adora bites back. I clench my hands into fists and give her my back.

"You're being childish." I shoot back. 

"You're the one who's dodging all of our issues!" The blonde retorts. I spin on my heels to face her down with a glower.

"Because now isn't the right time!" I fire back. 

"It's _**never** _the right time with you! It always gets pushed under the rug where it never gets talked about again!" Adora cries out.

"You're injured!" I shout.

"And who's fault is that?!" She shouts back, effectively silencing me. I look at her through wounded eyes. 

"I didn't ask for you to do that. You could've just let me die." I answer, my voice dropping down a pitch.

"Of course I couldn't let you die!" Adora retorts acidly. I clutch the sides of my head.

"We're just going around in pointless circles!" I snap.

"It wouldn't be pointless if you just talked to me! You don't want to deal with anything." My eyelid twitches at how hard she's pushing me.

"Well maybe it's better that way!" I spit and watch as the girl gazes at me with wide eyes.

"If we don't deal with it, than this - us - will never work. Our _**friendship** _will never work." Adora murmurs, her face pinched with anxiety. I take a deep breath through my nostrils to settle my fraying nerves.

"This conversation is over." I decide with a tone of finality as the warrior opens her mouth in protest.

"But...!" She starts. 

"It's _**over** **!**_ " I repeat, raising my voice. She squints at me with those sky blue eyes of hers.

"Yes Your Majesty." She voices coldly. I scrunch my nose up at her attitude. 

"If that's how you want to play it, then _**fine**_. It doesn't bother me." I lie, ignoring the way my heart trips over itself in hurt. Adora glares me for a good hard minute, before slumping her shoulders as a quivering breath escapes past her lips.

"No. No that's not how I want to play it. Stars know I don't want to play it like that." She whispers and I subconsciously release a small sigh of relief. 

"Neither do I." I admit quietly. My eyes rake over her form, her bandaged, hurt, small, fragile form. I force my feet forward and take her hand in mine. "Please can we talk about this when you're better? _**Please?**_ " I plead, hating to see her body shudder with so much emotional turmoil. She flickers those baby blue orbs to me, scanning my face for something I'm not sure she'll find before sighing.

"Alright. When I'm better." Adora agrees reluctantly. I give her hand a squeeze, but still the sombre expression remains on her face. I bite my lip, deliberating over my next movement, but seeing her face so sad and downtrodden makes the decision for me. Gently I lift up our joined hands and plant a soft kiss on her second knuckle. The action is completely unexpected as the blonde's eyes widen and her jaws slacken. 

"I still love you." I say before I falter and the softest of expressions settles on her face as she gazes up at me, making my heart feel warm.

"So do I. I always have. I'm sorry for what I said, I-" I interrupt her before we go back on a downward spiral.

"It's ok. You're frustrated, I get it. Just be a little patient with me." I request quietly and to my relief I find her nodding, squeezing my hand back. 

"Ok. I will. It's been 6 years, I think I can wait a couple more weeks." The warrior voices, a small smile on her face. 

"Thank you." I breathe out and finally release her hand. "I'll see you tomorrow. If you feel unwell or anything, just press the buzzer here and the doctors will come." I say and wait till she nods in understanding before teleporting myself and my papers back to my room.

I crawl into bed and stare absently at the ceiling, our conversation runs through my mind. With a groan I slide a hand down my face in aggravation. _'That was so **not** how I was planning for my evening to go.'_ I grumble silently while recalling both of our biting words. I bring a pillow to cover my face, but my thoughts won't leave me alone. They twist and turn and make my stomach clench in that sickening way.

Grumbling to myself, I crawl out of bed and make my way to my desk. I eye the stacks of papers and with a sigh I seat down and begin going through one by one long past dawn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can I just say how satisfying it was to slip in that little pulmonary embolism knowledge? XD I learnt about it last year, it's abbreviated to PE and it usually happens either if you've had a major op or if you've been stationary for a long time (i.e. long flights) a deep vein thrombi (DVT) forms in the leg, if a DVT forms above the knee, it's very likely to move up in the body and could get lodged in the lung (making it a PE) which is very dangerous. And people need to be treated asap. DVT is a clot - thrombi is another word for clot. An emboli is a moving clot. Y'know at this point I'm prob writing this as more for revision for myself than anything XD but hey if any of you are interested, here ya go ;)
> 
> Lol this was a bit of an up and down emotion whirlwind XD Next chapter we're back in Adora's POV and she has a talk with Bow & Micah. See you all when I see you.
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	59. I'll Try

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora has a visit from both Bow & Micah. Both conversations are slightly sombre.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a dissection session today at uni and seeing how the pelvis fits in with the femur is SO cool, pictures don't do it justice.
> 
> Not much to say about this chapter except enjoy? XD
> 
> Trigger warnings of cutting

**Next day:**

**Adora's POV:**

The next day my body doesn't scream at me quite as badly as the day before. The only thing that's screaming is my mind. All those things we said just ate away at me, especially since I was the one who started it. I release a loud sigh and eye the tracksuit bottoms draped over the chair. _'I really should change into them. It's too chilly to just hide under these covers. The question is how? My body might not scream as much as before, but I certainly can't move yet. Maybe if I just wiggle them on somehow?'_

I reach out for them, but they're just out of range and when a flash of pain arises from my forearm after my fifth attempt, I give up. Rolling up my jacket reveals dots of red on the bandage. _'They really need to come up with something that's stronger than stitches.'_ I complain to myself. I return my back onto the mattress, staring at the white-washed walls which happens to be how Bow finds me an hour later.

"Hey Adora? Is it alright if come in?" The man queries behind the door crack. 

"Of course." I encourage and the archer pushes the door open completely, a smile on his face as he walks over to the bed. 

"How are you feeling? I wanted to come in days ago, but you apparently weren't erm...decent." Bow voices, a light blush brushes his cheeks. I chuckle at the twin reaction of a certain purple head.

"Been worse and don't worry about it. Glimmer was flustered enough." I say with a light laugh as Bow blinks.

"She was? Wish I saw that, she's usually quite put together." Bow comments with a half smile.

"Apparently not when it comes to the human body." I express ruefully, eliciting a snort from the man. 

"I suppose not." He murmurs as he takes a seat on a chair.

"Where is she anyway?" I ask casually, praying that she's not avoiding me because of last night.

"A meeting. She's got quite a few today, so she probably won't pop by till late which gives us some time to talk." I raise my eyebrows at his sombre tone. 

"Talk about what?" I voice, perplexed. The man takes in a deep breath.

"I think we should just ask Micah or Glimmer herself outright about the cutting thing. We don't need to go to Mystacor and act all sneaky like." Bow suggests. I purse my lips.

"Aren't you a cop? Cops are meant to be sneaky like." I comment dryly while the man rolls back his shoulders.

"For a case, sure. But Glimmer isn't a case, she's our best friend and we should just be honest with each other." The archer voices softly. 

"If we were being honest with each other then she would've told us. Told _**you**_." I amend and watch as the man's face falls.

"I told you, things between us haven't been right since you left. We don't tell each other much these days. So we should just be direct with her." Bow murmurs sadly, reminding me of the wodge of guilt that I still harbour.

"Bow, why do you think her and I argue half the time?" I ask bluntly, eliciting a clueless shrug from the man. "It's because I try to be direct with her, but she just dodges and deflects every time. Heck, yesterday she didn't want to talk about the whole Catra thing. She won't open up unless we have solid proof." I finish and watch as the man chews his bottom lip. 

"But don't you do the same? Dodge and deflect any questions we ask." The man retorts. I bite the inside of my cheek hard, _'walked right into that one.'_ I take in a deep breath.

"I'm trying to be better." I whisper, but the man shoots me a look like he doesn't believe me.

"Well, what was all that about being unconscious and losing She-ra?" He fires back, making my jaw drop. My lips move several times, but I really don't want to go into that. Not because I want to dodge and deflect, but because the memory is unpleasant to say the least. I throw him a regretful gaze.

"This is different. That memory is..." I shudder. "...I don't like remembering it." I mutter. The man watches me for the longest time before sighing. 

"I understand that sometimes things are too painful to talk about, but that will just push us further apart." The techmaster points out, but I shake my head. My recent nightmares are evidence of how severe of an impact they can have on an individual.

"Bow you don't get it." I start, staring hard at my hands. "Sometimes memories..." I falter and close my eyes, trying to push out Shadow Weaver's taunting face. "...sometimes they scar. And they don't go away. Like...like Shadow Weaver. She really hurt Catra and I. Punishments that still leave me quaking with nightmares." I admit, my voice small. Silence ticks by until a chocolate skinned hand lands on mine.

"I'm sorry. I suppose I don't get it. My parents might have never listened to me, but they would never intentionally hurt me. And I shouldn't try to pretend that the road is easy. Because it isn't. It's bumpy, twisted and difficult. But...it's still a road worth going on. I'm sorry that Shadow Weaver still haunts you. I would do everything in my power to change the past, to have taken you away before the Horde got to you. Honestly, it's why I suggested that we talk to Glimmer or the King instead; to avoid you seeing that woman." Bow confesses and my heart warms at the thoughtful gesture. I give his hand a squeeze. 

"Thank you Bow. I appreciate that. I just know that she won't want to listen. Besides, she'll want to know how we found out and if she figures we picked up some hints from her dad then there could well be a falling out between them and that's the absolute _**last** _thing I want to see." I explain. The man's face pales and he drops his head.

"I didn't think of that. Still, there has to be another option than Mystacor." The man's voice almost sounds desperate, so intent to save me from further trauma. I chew my lip in thought.

"Unless you know another place with springs. There isn't another option " I say in defeat. 

"What about we arrange a spa day here in the castle? There are plenty of springs here." The man squeals. I blink twice before my lips curve upwards.

"That's a brilliant idea! I could always say I need it to soothe my injuries. Bow you're a genius!" I praise with glee. The man laughs.

"Well, I try." He expresses with a wide grin, but his face becomes serious moments later. "But I need you to focus on actually healing. No spa day till you can move around on your own." The man utters sternly. I jut my bottom lip out.

"But that could be weeks!" I complain as the man folds his arms across his chest.

"We'll just have to wait and be vigilant until then." Bow bats away. I slump my shoulders.

"Fine." I mutter and the man laughs at my petulant expression.

"Cheer up pouty otherwise I won't drop off some cake later today." The man jokes and my face falls.

"I can't eat anything. I have to have a fasting blood test or something." I mumble sadly while the archer's face contours with disappointment.

"Well that stinks." He utters and chews his lip. 

"Well, as soon as you can eat something, I'll be here knocking with a whole chocolate gateau." Bow says in an attempt to be upbeat and I give him a half smile.

"Thanks Bow." He gives my shoulder a final squeeze and exits the room.

~=~

It's several hours later when Micah pops by. I swallow and watch him walk across the room wearily, still unsure on what to make of the man. He laughs at my expression.

"I suppose first impressions really are important, aren't they?" He muses as he takes a seat. I shrug and opt to just watch him. He sighs at my silence. "I wanted to thank you for saving my daughter's life. She can be so reckless and it's starting to make my hair go grey." He voices gratefully and I finally ease the tension from my shoulders. I give him a small smile.

"Don't mention it. She's always been like that, honestly it's a surprise that she hasn't got herself hurt with it all." I say trying to joke, but the man's face stretches into a frown.

"I suppose it's because she had friends like you and Bow to look out for her." He comments and although it sounds like a compliment, I can't help but wonder if it's another dig at me for leaving. I shift slightly, Bow's words echoing in the back of my mind. I take in a deep breath and decide to take the plunge.

"I-Is Glimmer cutting?" I blurt out and the King's expression would've been humorous if we were talking about something more light-hearted by the way his eyes widen and his mouth hangs open. He shakes himself out of it a moment later.

"What on earth makes you think that?" He asks sharply and I shrink back, realising that telling a widow that his only daughter is hurting herself is probably not the best move. 

"I-I don't know. You keep saying that I hurt her more than I realised when I left and that just popped in my mind." I mumble with averted eyes.

"Yes, but why _**that** _especially? There are millions of ways to hurt someone. Why that one in particular?" He queries with tightly knit eyebrows. I shift uncomfortably.

"I, erm...from experience." I mumble with averted eyes and I can feel the heated stare of the King. 

"Experience, as in...you've cut yourself? And my baby girl _**knew** _this?!" The man's voice takes on a harsh edge and I flinch. 

"I didn't want her to find out!" I protest defensively. 

"So you do cut yourself?" He repeats sternly. I shrink back, _'at this rate, everyone will know.'_ I lick my suddenly dry lips.

"I do." I whisper and the silence that follows is deafening. 

"Do...as in, you _**still** _do it?" He finally says. I swallow past the lump in my throat.

"Sometimes." I say, my voice dropping to a mere breath. He doesn't reply for the longest time and eventually I chance a glance at the man to find him really struggling. When he catches me looking, his eyes soften.

"Why?" The most simplest of questions, but with the hardest of answers. Subconsciously, I squeeze my forearm tight, nearly yelping at the pain it elicits, but my memories have a stronger hold on me than the pain.

"Because it's my terrible way of coping with things when it gets too much. It's the way I punish myself when I fail miserably. Especially when I fail other people. It's my weakness." I say, my voice becoming strangled. I don't know the man well enough to read the expression on his face so when he rises to his feet I really don't know what to expect, but it certainly wasn't a hug. I inhale sharply when his arms wrap around me and swallow thickly with the reminder of how similar it is to his daughter's embrace. I don't realise I'm crying until he starts rocking me back and forth, murmuring a load of nothing, but it's soothing all the same.

"You've been doing this for a long time, haven't you?" He asks quietly. I release a shaky breath.

"From back in the Horde." I confess as he continues rocking me back and forth. The action has a way in making me want to spill stuff that I never even told Glimmer. "I started when I was 13, right after I saw Catra getting beaten up in front of me and I couldn't do anything to help her. I felt so useless." I choke out as the man starts rubbing my back. 

"You've been through a lot. I really failed you. If Angie and I had stopped this war sooner than you wouldn't have been subjected to this cruelty. I'm so sorry." I sniff and look up at the man.

"You can't blame yourself for something you never caused. It's just how things happened. Just...please tell me Glimmer isn't cutting. I'll never forgive myself if she is. It would be all my fault because I gave her the idea in the first place." I plead and Micah hesitates, making my heart drop to my stomach. _'Oh gosh, she is!'_ I think in horror, but the man shakes his head slowly a moment later.

"She isn't cutting. She did something, but it's not a repeated occurrence, just a once off thing." He utters cryptically "Or it better be a one off thing." He mutters under his breath, but it doesn't alleviate my fears.

"So she cut herself once?" I probe and watch as he chews his lip.

"I can't say. You'll have to ask her yourself." Micah voices unsurely. 

"She'll never tell me." I grumble bitterly. The man steps back and runs a hand through his greying hair. 

"Maybe she just needs the right person to broach the subject with." He points out lightly, but I release a humourless chuckle at that.

"Well that's definitely not me. We managed to get into another fight yesterday. That's all it is between us, one argument after the other. Six years didn't change that." I mutter sourly while the King strokes his beard in thought.

"It's amazing. I've never seen any two people argue as much as you two while also being filled with so much love and concern for one another. It's so unique and special that you care about each other so fiercely to the point that you're willing to hurt each other just to protect the other. I feel the two of you would get over this block if you just talked to each other." Micah muses, but I'm already shaking my head.

"Glimmer and I tried talking to each other multiple times, it just never worked. One of us is always closing up." I mumble defeatedly. 

"Let me amend that; I meant to say _**open up**_ to each other. You obviously have a lot of demons that you hide. Hiding things just leads to more hurt. Angie and I figured that out early on in our relationship and managed to create a completely open and trusting bond. That's what you and Glimmer need to do." The King explains, but I shoot him a pained look.

"It's not easy exposing your demons to someone else. Heck it's hard battling with your own demons, how on earth are you going to let someone else in?" I utter, but the man just gazes at me with a twinkle in his eye.

"Well, that's the beauty of love. Nothing is too much for love to conquer. If you both really love each other, and I've seen that love on a number of occasions now, there's nothing you can't handle." Micah expresses strongly and I almost want to believe him, but after what we've been through I'm not sure.

"I'll...try." I force out. The King observes me carefully, looking for something and he must've found it as he gives me a decisive nod. 

"Good. If you need help, I'll be here." He murmurs and goes over to the door, but just before he leaves, he turns to face me.

"You're alright Adora. Forgive me for misjudging you." Micah voices and my eyes soften.

"Only if you can forgive me for giving you a reason to misjudge me." I whisper softly, eliciting a half smile from the man.

"I think I can do that. Get better soon. It doesn't feel right to see you in all those bandages." The King murmurs. I swallow, trying to get my head around how warm his tone is.

"Thank you King Micah for giving me a chance." I voice quietly. The man's face becomes sad as he gazes at me.

"I think I owe it to my wife to give you that chance. I only apologise that I was too stiff to give it to you in the first place. Regarding Glimmer? I think the two of you will work it out. My girl cares about you too much to let you go without a fight." Micah utters and I give him a half smile.

"Thank you King Micah." I state gratefully. He purses his lips.

"Call me Micah." He voices, a small smile on his face as he walks out of the room before I can refuse.

When he's gone I glance down at my covered watch, realising that it hasn't beeped once during that conversation and considering how emotionally charged it was, I'm surprised. I roll up my other sleeve and find the same thick bandage over it. _'Maybe it muffled the sound?'_ I wonder. I try to push the bandages out of the way and as I do so, the device starts vibrating, making me jump in surprise. When I catch the name on the device, my face falls. _'Great. Just great.'_ My fingers hover over the screen for a moment and with a sigh I press pick up.

"Hey Catra." I greet sheepishly. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good news? Micah has pretty much forgiven Adora - yay! Bad news? Adora is even more worried about Glimmer than before XD
> 
> Next chapter Adora has a convo with Catra and then later with Glimmer. We're back to Glimmer's POV too and heads up, next chapter is VERY angsty. I don't think I'll be able to post tomorrow, got quite a lot going on with uni, so maybe in a couple of days?
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	60. It's Not Fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glimmer finds herself eavesdropping on Adora's conversation with Catra

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry I've taken longer than usual, uni kind of hit me in the face with a workload and I had to get up early most of this week so couldn't stay up late to update, I mean, I stayed up late - but for studying :P Hope you're all well?  
> Anyway, this is definitely an angsty chapter and pretty depressing...lol you prob enjoyed the break from updates, gives your hearts a break XD
> 
> Triggers involve mentions of cuttings.

**Glimmer's POV:**

I walk out of my last meeting drained and exhausted while wondering what intelligent person thought having an irrigation meeting at 11pm was a good idea. I grumble at how late we finished as well, _'1am?! How did we spend all that time talking about the most boring subject in existence?! It's bad enough I hadn't slept last night either.'_ I almost head to my room to flop on my bed, but recall how frigid the conversation I had with Adora was last night.

I sigh, not wanting her to think that I'm avoiding her on purpose and so I make my way to the infirmary. But just as I reach the ajar door, I hear a low voice streaming through the crack. Curious, I huddle closer to the door and listen in.

"It's not like I planned for this to happen!" Adora argues. I furrow my eyebrows, _'who is she talking to?'_ I try to listen for any shifting or rustling from the other person, but hear nothing.

"I told you to be careful! You're always getting yourself hurt needlessly." A feminine voice answers back. My frown deepens, _'that almost sounds like...'_ I gulp.

"This _**wasn't** _needlessly." The blonde stresses.

"Oh yeah of course. It's always about Sparkles, isn't it? When are you going to put yourself first for once? That Queen has given you enough grief over the years." An icy cold sensation runs through my veins. _'Definitely Catra.'_ I realise with a flash of rage. 

"You don't understand Catra..." Adora starts, but is quickly cut off.

"You always say that Adora! I don't understand this or I don't understand that. You're doing it _**again**_. Making yourself appear like you know best. Well, for once could you just listen to me?" I wince at how brash the cat is being and wait for the blonde's response.

"I-I'm sorry Catra. But this is different. You don't know her like I do." The girl's voice drops to a soft whisper.

"Thank the stars for that! She's one difficult person to get along with." I clench my hands at the feline's quip, ready to give her a piece of my mind. But I hold back, wanting to hear the rest of the conversation. To my surprise I hear Adora chuckle that familiar laugh of hers.

"She's not that bad. Just stubborn. Kind of like someone I know." The blonde jokes, making my heart twist in jealousy at seeing her banter so easily with the cat.

"Adora, never compare me to that glittery fighting bomb again." Catra states seriously, eliciting another laugh from the warrior. 

"Honestly, I'm fine. You don't need to worry about me." Adora murmurs.

"I still don't think getting shot _**multiple** _times is fine. Maybe I should head down to see you for myself." The feline suggests, making my blood boil at how easy she thinks it will be to get in here. Fortunately, Adora vouches against the idea.

"I don't think that's a good idea. Glimmer still hasn't forgiven you over...well, you know. And her dad is back now too. You definitely don't want to run into him. Believe me when I say I'm fine. I mean, I'm still talking aren't I? I wouldn't be able to talk if I wasn't alright." The blonde points out, eliciting a string of incoherent grumblings from the former second in command. 

"I know you Adora. You pretend things are alright when they aren't. Something else is bothering you, isn't there?" I almost want to vomit at how familiar the two are, as if the whole trying to kill each other phase never happened between them. It makes me feel empty to see how close they are. And what's worse is acknowledging that Catra knows Adora better than me. 

"There's always something bothering me." Adora answers dryly, making my ears perk up.

"You know what I mean. Not the whole Shadow Weaver nightmare thing." Catra answers, her tone tight.

"I still don't understand how you don't get nightmares." The blonde mutters. A beat of silence passes. 

"I try to block it out. You dwell on it." Comes the clipped response. I chew my lip, _'I know tidbits of the torture Adora went through in the Horde, but hearing her speak about it so candidly and openly like this is surprising.'_ It just serves to remind me that I know no where near as much as I should about the girl.

"How can I not dwell on it? I just...I always see you getting hurt while I stood back and did nothing." I hear the tremble in my best friend's voice and I clench my hands more tightly, wanting to take her pain away. Wishing she wasn't so hung up on Catra. The cat doesn't answer for several moments and when she does she sounds annoyed.

"Gah! You're changing the subject! What's bothering you now? Tell me." I'm surprised at how soft Catra's voice becomes and seeing another side of her just serves to shove a stone into my gut. Adora doesn't answer for several moments, almost making me think that she cut the line until I hear her sigh.

"T-There's something with Glimmer that I'm worried about. Something I'll never forgive myself for if I find out its true." Adora whispers, her tone pained. I freeze, definitely not expecting her to say that and wondering what on earth she's referring to. 

"Aurgh, Sparkles again? You need to stop worrying about her. She's a big girl and can take care of herself now. And not to be harsh here, but she's been managing fine without you for 6 years. I'm sure she can again." If glares could kill, Catra would've definitely lost one of her nine lives right now.

"I-I don't think she has been managing fine since I left. I think...I think I made a terrible mistake. I really hurt her." My eyes widen at her strangled confession and I have to clutch my elbow tightly. _'What does she know? How much has Bow and my Dad been telling her?'_ I think with a growing pit in my stomach. _'I don't want her to know what I've been through in her absence. I don't want her to think I still depend on her like that. Definitely not.'_ I hear a low hiss.

"Welcome her to the club of Adora hurting people when she leaves." Catra grumbles and I hear a sharp intake of breath.

"Catra we talked about this." The blonde reminds firmly, but I can hear the waver in her voice. I hear a crackle then a sigh.

"I know, I know. But it doesn't make it hurt less." The former second in command mutters and for once I realise that Catra probably understands my feelings over Adora's departure. The realisation makes me shudder, hating to have anything in common with that woman.

"I-I'm sorry." The blonde breathes out, eliciting a sigh from the cat.

"Alright, what's this about Sparkles that you're so worried about?" Catra asks with a tone of boredom. I lean forward, anxious on what the warrior will say. Unfortunately, I don't notice my hand sliding against the door frame, forcing the door to creak open just as Adora says:

"I think she's..." She stops abruptly, her eyes wide at the sight of me. Her eyes flicker back to her watch. "I'm going to have to call you back later." The blonde mutters.

"Wait, what? Why?" Catra shoots out.

"I've got...company." Adora mumbles, her eyes returning back to me and I wince at the barely concealed fury in those usually calm blue eyes. She clicks her watch off and continues staring at me. "You were eavesdropping." She states a matter-of-factly. I cringe and rub the back of my neck.

"I'm sorry." I mumble, dropping my eyes to the ground.

"Glimmer, that was a private conversation!" Adora accuses in frustration. I flinch, knowing that I was entirely in the wrong here. 

"I know. I just...I'm really really sorry." I apologise as I bite my lip. I hear her sigh heavily.

"Next time you want to know something, ask me instead of lurking in the shadows like that." The blonde commands hotly and I find myself nodding vigorously. Silence ensues for several minutes before she speaks up again. "How much did you hear?" She asks quietly and I hold my elbow, not wanting her to get more angry with me. 

"Enough." I end up saying and watch as she slumps against her pillows.

"Shoot." She mutters under her breath before lifting her eyes back to me. "That's not fair. You just listen in like that while you refuse to tell me anything about you." Adora complains. My lips try to move, but I don't know how to answer that. I chew my bottom lip while my mind races with something to say.

"What about me are you worried about?" The words shoot out before I can stop them and the girl scowls. 

"I think I have the right not to answer since you _**weren't** _meant to have heard that." Adora decides harshly.

"I said I'm sorry! It's not like I can unhear what I've heard." I defend hotly.

"Well, we're not talking about it." The blonde expresses stubbornly. I go over to the bed, ready to protest until my eyes fall on the dots of red on the bandage at her forearm. I frown and stretch out an arm to pick up hers.

"Did you undo a stitch?" I ask with furrowed eyebrows. The question is so random that the girl's anger fades as she glances at said bandage. 

"I don't know?" She answers, unsure. I carefully put down her arm and go to the opposite end of the room and rummage through the medical cabinet to pull out a thread and needle before returning to the warrior and perching on the edge of her bed. Slowly, I unwrap the bandage. The more layers I unravel the more red that appears. I hold the rebuke that's on the tip of my tongue as the dressing falls away. I stare at the bullet size hole, swallowing I run a thumb along the edges of the wound, feeling sick at the sight of it. Adora's eyes remain fixed on me, but I refuse to meet them. 

"I'm going to stitch you back up. Hopefully the morphine you're on is enough so you won't feel anything." I murmur and pick up the threaded needle and start sewing the hole back up. A small gasp escapes the woman, but she doesn't say anything after that. I work quickly so it will be over as soon as possible and bite off the end, tying it so it won't undo. I unfold a new dressing and wrap it round the appendage, leaving it looking just as before, minus the blood. "How did you do it?" I ask as I lay her arm across my lap. Silence. I lift my eyes to hers to find her looking away from me. 

"Must've been when I was asleep." She mutters unconvincingly.

"You're lying." I state bluntly.

"It doesn't matter. You've fixed it." Adora mumbles and I look at her as if she grew two heads.

"I can't keep fixing things. You need to be careful." I urge seriously, earning me a small shrug from the woman.

I bite my tongue to stop the sharp retort and gaze down at her hand hanging off my thigh. I hold it silently, wishing things weren't so darn complicated and twisted, wishing for the millionth time that we could go back to those simple times when we just goofed around. When all we had was each other and that was more than enough. No secrets, no dark background, no anger and no jealousy. I press my lips tightly to stop their trembling as something wet drops onto the back of her hand. It's a second later that I realise it came from me. 

"Glimmer?" Adora probes, confused and concerned. I swallow.

"I'm sorry, ok? I'm really sorry. I don't want you to be mad at me." I voice thickly. A beat of silence passes before I feel her hand clenching around mine.

"I'm not mad. Just don't cry. Please." She pleads softly and I swipe at my watery eyes. And we sit quietly for a while before I decide to speak up.

"I don't know what Bow and my Dad have been telling you, but you don't have to worry about me. I'm fine." I voice lowly. The blonde hesitates, her hand loosens slightly.

"Can I make sure?" She asks. I blink and twist round to eye her in bewilderment.

"How on earth are you going to do that? Is this some new She-ra power?" I ask in confusion. The warrior bites her lip as I feel her fingers digging into the hole in my glove, until they're underneath the fabric. My breathing catches. 

"Can I take off your gloves?" I can't help but stiffen at the question and I snatch my hand from hers. 

"W-why?" I demand with fearful eyes. The blonde gazes at me carefully before swallowing. She struggles to sit up and I'm too shocked to tell her to stay put. 

"I want to see something." She answers quietly. I feel my face paling as I stare at her.

"What on earth has my Dad told you?!" I demand as rage sweeps in. 

"He just said I hurt you when I left. I want to see how badly I hurt you." Adora whispers, her hand straying towards mine. I jump off the bed and take several steps back, holding my hands to my chest.

"I don't like what you're implying." I hiss as fear creeps in, but the woman doesn't take notice.

"Glimmer, be honest with me. Are you cutting yourself?" The world crashes down around me when she utters that word, but a small lapse of relief fills me. _'So she doesn't know about my attempted...'_

"No of course not! Just because you have a history of it, doesn't mean you can assume everyone else does it." I bite out, but regret it when hurt fills her features. Her lips wobble as tears fill her eyes. I step forward. "I-I'm sorry, that was uncalled for. You just surprised me." I voice remorsefully. 

"Well, if you're not then you won't mind me looking at your hands." Adora utters, pushing past my harsh comment. I clench my gloved hands.

"What? You don't believe me?" I bite out. Her blue eyes flash red.

"With the way you're behaving? No, I don't!" She voices hotly. 

"Thanks Adora, I really appreciate that." I express sarcastically. She sits up more, hands resting on the bed frame to hoist her completely up. Something like a grimace crosses her eyes, but her jaws are tensed in that familiar stubborn way of hers. "Stop moving!" I snap. 

"Not until you stop being stubborn! Either tell me the truth or give me your hands!" She demands. I narrow my eyes.

"No. I'm done with this conversation." I state with a hard edge. I watch the girl slam her fist against the mattress. Her face contours with pain, from her injuries or from our argument I do not know.

"No you're not! You can't keep dodging everything." Adora cries out. I scrunch my nose up and twist on my heels.

"I'm out." I voice harshly and make my way to the door. Sounds of shifting and shuffling echoes behind me, but I refuse to look back. _'She wouldn't be crazy enough to actually try to get out of bed...would she?'_

I'm already reaching for the door handle when I hear her groan and against my desire to flee, I glance behind me to find the girl having pushed the cover back and swung her legs over the bed's edge. But she doesn't come after me, her arm wrapped around her abdomen as she breathes heavily with exertion. Her eyes fixed on the ground. I feel like screaming at her foolish behaviour.

"Lay back down!" I snap at her, prompting those blue eyes to stare me down.

"No." She answers and to my disbelief she puts her feet on the ground and stands. Her face pinches white with pain. I dash over to her side before I can even think. I get to her just as she falls forward. My arms are already out as I catch her. 

"You are an absolute fool." I grit out and ease her back on the bed. My eyes flicker to the sheen of sweat on her forehead and then down to the shaking hand that holds her abdomen. I bite my lip and move her hand to the side so I can push up her jacket. A pool of red greets me. "Shoot!" I curse. "There's no doctors awake now." I mutter. "Why don't you ever listen!" I shout, more to myself than the girl, but she flinches anyway.

I cast the healing spell and pass it over her. The red subsides a bit, but I have no way to tell if it's enough. I feel like pulling my hair out, but opt to wipe the sweat off the blonde's forehead with the back of my hand. My eyes drop to her face and it's only then that I realise how close we are. I pull back, balancing precariously at the end of the bed, but I keep a firm hand on her shoulder, just in case she has the brilliant idea of moving again. 

"How do you do it? How can you both care and hurt me at the same time?" The blonde queries softly. I scrunch my nose up at the question.

"I could ask you the same thing." I reply dryly. I feel the warrior's gaze on me, as if analysing me deeply and I squirm at the attention.

"Don't you trust me to know about whatever is going on with you?" Adora asks quietly. I throw my arms up in frustration.

"Nothing's going on! So can you just drop it?!" I snarl. The warrior's eyes fill up as she stares at me sadly. She drops her head forward to clutches it in her hands. 

"Stars, this is all my fault. This is all my dumb fault." She mutters in a self-loathing tone. I growl at her.

"You're jumping to conclusions!" I shout, earning her attention once more.

"Then take off your gloves!" Adora orders, her hands reaching out towards me. I slap them away.

" _ **Stop it!**_ " I screech so loudly that it silences the woman. The gathering tears finally fall down her face. 

"There's no other explanation. You _**are** _cutting." She whispers, making me feel angrier and more vulnerable. I clench my hands into fists. 

" _ **SHUT UP!**_ " I holler, my voice cracking. The woman's eyes widen while I slap a hand to my mouth. _'I've never said that before.'_ I step off the bed to land on my shaking legs. 

"Glimmer, please tell me something." Adora begs, her tone is so full of agony that I pause in my backwards retreat. 

"You've been gone for years. I don't owe you anything." I mutter coldly and the blonde releases an anguished cry.

I close my eyes, not wanting to see her unravel and breakdown in front of me. But as her sobs continue, I know I can't just stand back and listen. On my jelly legs I go back to the bed and gather her up in my arms. Holding her as she cries while I wait numbly for her to finish. When she does, neither of us moves or speaks, we just remain frozen in place.

I'm not sure how long it takes, but after a while I hear her gentle snores and glancing down I find that she has dozed off, using my chest as a pillow. I wilt at the sight as the guilt drowns me. _'Even after all I've said and done, she still feels comfortable enough to fall asleep on me.'_ Carefully, I settle her back down on the mattress and grab the discarded cover to drape it over her, but just as I pull it up I stop cold at what I see. I stare at the new pink lines on her thighs, standing shamefully beside the faded white ones.

"No." I whisper. _'No. She can't have gone back to it. She can't have.'_ I repeat as I stare in disbelief at the scars. _'That's why she didn't want me to help her with the tracksuit bottoms, because she didn't want me to see them.'_ The cover drops from my hands as nausea washes over me. With shaking hands I pick it back up and cover the woman with it before teleporting to the furthest room in the castle which so happens to be my parent's old bedroom.

I sink to the ground and wrap my arms around my knees, trying to push everything out of my head, too scared that I'll find myself drowning again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Erm, sorry? XD Please be kind on Glimmer heh, I kind of imagine that people would become super defensive over this topic, but that's more me guessing so I'm sorry if that's not correct.  
> I have never said 'shut up' in my life and gosh I found it so hard to have it there, but I knew 'zip it' or 'be quiet' wouldn't have quite the same impact so begrudgingly left it in. Anddd yeah, things are going downhill quickly aren't they? 
> 
> You know how I said this story should be finished in roughly 60 something chapters? Welp we're now on chpt 60 and I don't think that's quite true, prob 70 something chapters? But I don't think it will be more than that.
> 
> Next chapter is back to Adora's pov and the after-effects of what happened. It's angsty, but there's less arguments if that makes you feel better, but there's a nightmare instead. I think my updating is going to take a bit of a backseat, I'll try to keep up with daily updates, esp in the weekends, but the coming weeks are kinda busy. Again, I usually say that and then end up posting the next day, but just thought to give you all a heads up just in case. See you next time ;)
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	61. You're Mad At Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora hasn't seen Glimmer since their argument so she sets off to find her, despite still being injured.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just read this chapter through and I completely take that back, this is definitely NOT less angsty. Jeez I'm gonna give the poor beating organ in my chest long lasting trauma with all these emotions. Hopefully you guys are stronger than me. This is another one of my fav chapters...you know what that means - nothing good XD On the bright side the ending isn't as dark as the last one.
> 
> Thank you guys for your kind words, if there's anything I miss by not posting daily, it's your lovely comments <3
> 
> Definite triggers of cutting in this one - there's a flashback of it, so tread cautiously. And there's more mild embarrassment. Think that's it? 
> 
> Well, enjoy!

**Adora's POV:**

When I come to my senses the next day, I start cursing myself for falling asleep and giving the Queen a perfect opportunity to disappear. She was just so warm and I was feeling so cold and hurt that I couldn't help but doze off. I groan when I try to sit up, the pain from my abdomen screaming at me like a loud siren.

Dr Crest pops by later in the day, I definitely have mixed feelings on seeing him again. He suggests another surgery which I promptly refuse. In the end we settle on re-doing the stitch under local anaesthetic. It hurts. _**A lot**_. I'm still grinding my teeth from the after pain. I don't catch sight nor hair of the purple head for days.

Bow pops by several times and I spill to him how likely it is that Glimmer is hurting herself. Poor guy's face looks exactly how mine did when I came to the same conclusion. He tells me that he's tried talking to Glimmer, but she's being distant and he doesn't want to push his luck with how fragile their tentative friendship is and I don't force him. Despite how badly I want to see the Queen.

Even Micah drops by a few times and we're slowly building some form of a relationship. However, he declines to tell me anymore about his daughter other than how consumed she is with work. So we end up talking about other things, my time at the Horde ends up being a hot topic, as does his time at Mystacor and through him I learn more about Queen Angella than I ever hoped to know, which I'm grateful for.

When a full week passes by without any peep from the woman. I force myself to leave the infirmary in search for her, ignoring the fact that I really shouldn't be moving with all these injuries. I managed to put on my tracksuit bottoms. Embarrassingly, with the help of the King. He insisted that being a father meant that he changed plenty of diapers in the past and helping me in these trousers were no different. Fortunately, the man was very patient and his eyes barely skimmed over my self-inflicted scars.

Unfortunately, the seamstress made them a little bit too big, so they hang low on my hips. That, coupled with my huge jacket which is rolled up at the sleeves makes me look like a hobo, but my appearance is the last thing on my mind as I shuffle stiffly towards the Queen's chambers. I take pause every once in a while, clutching my stomach tight while the wise part of my brain tells me to turn back.

But I push past the throbbing pain, knowing that I can't spend another minute apart from the girl. Not when I know that she's been avoiding me. Not when I feel like she hates me for pushing her so far. I swallow, having come to the sickening conclusion that I should've just respected the woman's privacy and not insisted on her telling me. Even if it eats me up inside.

When I finally stand before the purple head's door, I falter and clutch my abdomen tighter as it screams in protest. I bite my lip so hard until I feel it splitting between my teeth, too scared of the shouting match that will ensue. Too terrified that she'll never want to talk to me again. I turn away from the door and slide along the wall beside it until I'm seated on the ground, wincing at the uncomfortable position. _'What am I thinking? I've already blown it.'_ I think grimly while massaging my forehead.

The longer I remain seated, the more my stomach protests at the awkward position. I close my eyes at the second wave of pain, grimacing as it throbs more fiercely. I start panting from the exertion of using my abdominal muscles to keep me upright. _'This really wasn't a good idea.'_ I think sickly as I rest the back of my head against the wall. A set of footsteps echo down the corridor before coming to an abrupt stop.

"Adora?" The familiar voice prompts me to re-open my eyes to find the haggard Queen standing before me. Her back is stiff, as if ready to bolt at any moment. "What are you doing here? You should still be in the infirmary." She questions with half surprise and half distrust. I swallow back the hurt I feel at her tone and open my mouth.

"I haven't seen you since...well, it's been a week." I answer lamely and tense silence stretches on between us. Biting my lip, I decide to get to my feet. The girl watches me struggle for a moment before coming to my side and helping me up. 

"You shouldn't have moved from there until you were better." She says with a scowl. I duck my head down.

"I know, but I needed to know that you were alright." I voice, although what I really wanted to say was: ' _I wanted to make sure you don't hate me'_. The royal presses her lips tightly together.

"I'm _**fine**_." She answers sharply. I wilt at her attitude and turn my head to the side. 

"Right. I...I'm sorry for pushing you that day. It wasn't my place to ask that and I should know that better than anyone. If you don't want to tell me then that's fine." I express quietly. The purple head doesn't reply for several beats and when she does its not with what I had hoped.

"Good to hear. Now it's late, you should head back." My heart drops at her detached response. I feel my dumb eyes watering and flicker them away so she wouldn't see.

"Right of course." I force out and step back just as my heart thuds painfully against my ribcage. I'm just about to walk away when I hear her sigh.

"Listen, I'm sorry too. I was really rash that day. I shouldn't have behaved like that." Glimmer admits quietly. I turn back to face her. 

"So, you don't hate me?" I whisper with a tone of hope. The Queen furrows her eyebrows.

"Hate you? Of course I don't hate you. Just annoyed, angry, confused and..." She trails off. I look at her, waiting for her to continue, but she doesn't. 

"So, we're ok?" I prompt. The woman hesitates before nodding.

"We're ok." She confirms. I bite my lip, knowing this isn't what I had set out for, but I suppose it's better than nothing. However, I can't help but feel how on edge she is. As if she's mad at me for other reasons that I can't comprehend. I rub my eyes, not having had a decent night sleep since our fight. The Queen takes a step towards me. "You don't look good." She murmurs in concern just as I lean back onto the wall. 

"Can I sleep here tonight?" I request weakly as the purple head stiffens.

"Adora, no. You need to go back to the infirmary." I slump my shoulders, having expected that response and I'm too tired to argue.

"Ok." I mumble, surprising the royal. 

"Ok?" She echoes back, as if waiting for me to change my mind. I nod slowly, feeling more and more ill as we stand. Glimmer must've seen something in my expression as she reaches out and teleports us to her bed. I land on the mattress with a soft thump, but the Queen pushes me back until my posterior rests against the overly soft bed while she bares over me, her hands hovering over my waist. "You really don't look good." Glimmer repeats worriedly. I close my eyes, too tired to tell her that everything hurts and soon I drift off.

When I next wake up I find myself still on the girl's bed, but my jacket has been stripped off and my abdomen is covered with an even thicker set of bandages. The pain radiates sharply and I have to hold in a whimper when I try to move. The Queen's face hovers over me a second later, her face pinched with fear. 

"How are you feeling?" She asks. I close my eyes briefly before reopening them.

"In pain." I rasp out as the girl shakes her head. I move a hand with the intention to encircle it around my stomach, but the purple head catches my hand before I make contact. 

"Don't touch. I had to drag poor Thomas out of bed to come here and re-do the stitch. He insists that tomorrow you'll have to have surgery so he can implement something that holds a bit better. Only reason he didn't do it now was because he was half asleep and didn't want to make any mistakes." Glimmer explains while her hand still holds my wrist. I jut my lip out, really not wanting to go through another surgery, but not having the energy to argue. 

"Fine." I breathe out as the woman tuts. 

"What were you thinking coming here? In your condition." The Queen rebukes. I scrunch my nose up at the edge in her voice.

"I was thinking that I had to apologise." I shoot back, but grimace when my abdominal muscles tense up in anger. Glimmer's face falls and finally releases her hold on my wrist. I watch as she rubs her eyes before penetrating me with those conflicted lavender orbs of hers.

"Get some rest." She utters with a sigh and starts moving away, but I snap my hand out and grasp her chubby forearm, while wincing at the rise of pain.

"Don't go." I whisper. The purple head looks down at me, her knees touching my side lightly while her lips press together tightly.

"I've got things to do." She mutters, her eyes skirting away from mine. 

"Please." I plead and her eyes flash red.

"I said no Adora!" The Queen shouts and I shrink back. At my reaction she turns her head to the side and in the mellow lighting I can see her jaw throbbing. 

"You're still mad at me." I comment slowly but she doesn't turn her head back to face me.

"We're not talking about this." She voices firmly, her head still turned. I swallow.

"Glimmer look at me." I order, but she doesn't comply. "Ple-ase?" My voice cracks and slowly she twists her head back. Her face is stoic. "I thought we were ok?" I say desperately while my stomach churns. She eyes me for several moments, something hidden deep in those irises of hers. Her shoulder slumps.

"Yes we're ok. We're always ok." She mumbles, but I shake my head and decide to prop myself up on one elbow. A world of pain hits me, but my stubbornness outweighs my pain. Glimmer instantly stretches her hands out to rest on my bare chest, in an attempt to push me back down on the mattress. I shiver under her warm gloved hands, but refuse to back down. 

"No we're not. I can see it in your eyes. I told you I'm sorry for pushing you, why won't you forgive me for it?" I ask with a strained voice and rest my hand on top of one of hers, trapping it in place on my thorax. 

"I have!" The purple head insists, but I shake my head.

"Then why don't you want to look at me?" I ask, wounded. I feel her trying to slip her hands away, but I press them against my skin more tightly. 

"Adora let me go." The Queen commands, but I don't listen. 

"Are you angry about something else?" I question further. I feel her hands bunching up into fists under mine. I try to sit up more but a wave of vertigo hits me, making me slump back. My hold on her loosens, but to my surprise she doesn't pull away as I expected. Instead she shifts closer, her eyebrows knit together tightly as she hovers over me. Her lavender irises flicker down to my navel, scanning for something but she finds nothing out of the ordinary. 

"Just rest." Glimmer urges, her fingers subconsciously brush against my skin, in an attempt to ease me into sleep, but I'm not falling for that. I tighten my hold on her, stilling her ministrations. 

"Why won't you tell me?" I whisper. She shakes her head, her pink hair flicking from one side to the other. 

"There's nothing to say." Glimmer mutters, but when I see her biting her lip, I know something's up. My eyes crumple at her continual refusal to talk to me. Silence penetrates the air and if things weren't so tense then this situation of her hovering over my half naked body with her hand on my sternum would've been ridiculously awkward. Both are equally terrible. This time when she slips her hand out from underneath mine I don't stop her. And when she averts her gaze from mine, I know that I won't be getting anywhere with her tonight.

"I'll just get some rest." I mumble uncomfortably. The Queen licks her dry lips and nods in agreement. But neither of us moves and it's then that I realise I'm still on her bed. I prop myself back up on my elbow. "I-I should go back to the infirmary." I mutter, but the purple head stretches out an arm and pushes my shoulder back until my spine is back on the mattress. 

"You're here now. Might as well stay." Glimmer voices quietly. I bite my lip and nod. As soon as she sees me settled back she teleports away. A few seconds later I hear the scrapping of the chair against the floor, followed by the shuffling of papers.

I swallow, hating how everything just became worse. _'Things were just starting to look up before we bumped into Catra and like always, things go downhill again.'_ I stare up at the ceiling, unable to get to sleep in the cool room. Shivering, I stretch my arm out, hunting for a blanket, but come up empty handed. Groaning, I return to my mindless staring.

Eventually my eyes flicker down to my watch, wondering if Catra will call me with her nightly check-in. I sigh when I bring to mind our last conversation a couple of days ago. _'She isn't happy that I keep pinning after Glimmer. But she should understand, especially when it was so hard for me to let go of her when I joined the rebellion, this is no different.'_ I rub my tired eyes, so fed up with everything and soon enough I fall into an uneasy sleep.

~=~

**Nightmare:**

16 year old me stares at the line of red that oozes fresh blood. I grit my teeth, pulling the knife away from my marred skin. _'If I had just hit that goal then Lonnie wouldn't have to do those laps for the rest of the day without dinner.'_ I think angrily to myself. I slump against the door of the toilet stall, but to my surprise I find myself falling backwards onto the ground, right at Catra's feet. We stare at each with wide eyes and I quickly scramble to my feet, trying to hide the knife behind my back, but it's too late. She saw. Her eyes flicker to the slow stream of red at my thigh before they return back to my horrified face.

"What on earth are you doing?!" She hisses. 

"N-Nothing!" I stutter as her shocked eyes suddenly widen in realisation.

"Oh my gosh are you cutting yourself?!" Catra accuses, taking an intimidating step towards me.

"N-No!" I shout and before I can react, she closes in on me, her hand snaps out to pin me against another stall as she strangles my arm painfully behind my back, forcing me to drop the knife which clatters to the ground. My blood still coating its edge. My fighting instincts kick in and I flip the girl onto the ground, but her cat-like prowess makes her quicker than me and she brings me down to the ground with her, rolling us over until she's on top as she grabs me by the wrists.

"Have you lost your marbles?! You can't do that! Why the heck are you? You're the _**perfect** _Adora!" The girl growls out. I force my feet underneath her stomach and kick her off.

"Can't I not be perfect for once in my life?!" I shout while rising back to my feet. We circle around each other and when I least expect it, she pounces on me and traps my leg to get a closer look. Her nose scrunches up at what she sees. 

"You've got multiple scars here! How long have you been doing this for?!" Catra demands, but I turn my head away from her and remain silent. " _ **Answer me!**_ " She shouts. 

" _ **I don't have to!**_ " I shout back with clenched hands. The feline leans back at this, her eyes flashing with hurt.

"You never kept things from me before." She whispers. The lump in my throat moves up and down at seeing that wounded expression on her face. I dip my head down. 

"I...3 years." I whisper back. The room enters a stony silence as she stares at me in disbelief, shaking her head in confusion.

"But why? I know things are hard here, but we've still got each other." Catra questions gruffly. I keep my gaze fixed on the ground. _'She doesn't get it. She never will.'_

"Because I hate seeing you or the others suffering for my mistakes. At least this way I can share your pain." I try to explain, but the cat snorts.

"Grow up Adora. Your Shadow Weaver's favourite. She won't touch you, so make the most of it instead of pitying the rest of us." Catra mutters bitterly. I snap my head up and pin her with a glare. 

"This is why I didn't tell you! You don't understand." I retort sharply. The feline flaps her ears in irritation. 

"No I understand perfectly! You're just trying to appear as self-righteous as always. Well not this time. I don't want you ever doing that again. Never." The cat orders. I open my mouth to protest.

"But...!" I start, but she shoves a hand in my face.

" _ **Never** _again! Clean yourself up. We've got practice now." Catra commands and exits the room without a second glance. I stare after her, my emotions twisted in a muddled mess. I'm hurt that she thinks I'm only doing this for myself. I'm frustrated that I wasn't more careful in hiding it and I'm angry that she doesn't understand me better.

In a flash of rage I punch a nearby sink. The force is so hard that my fingers swell up immediately. Tears blind my vision. _'This isn't fair. She always brings up the same argument. She never even tries to see things from my perspective. She always thinks that I have it so easy and that I'm treated so specially but that's wrong. Seeing others get hurt because of me is torture enough. And when I fall short badly enough which thankfully is rare, I'm taken away and punished personally by Shadow Weaver in that dark dingy room where she hits me until I'm curled up into a ball. She never leaves any marks though and never keeps me long. Sometimes I wonder if she does it on purpose, to make Catra and the others think I have it easy so that they hate me more.'_

I shake my head and hastily pull up my trouser, disgusted with myself when I catch sight of those scars in the mirror. I pick up my knife, go over to the sink and wash off the slowly drying blood on the blade. I clutch the handle tight. _'Catra just doesn't get it. She doesn't want to get it._ ' I voice silently and return the knife back into my pouch. With a deep breath I exit the changing rooms and join the rest of my squadron. Catra doesn't talk to me for a week after that. 

~=~

I lurch awake, but wince at the sudden pull on my abdomen. The room is still plunged in darkness and papers continue to shuffle below me, so I can't have been asleep for that long. I try to pull myself further up, the memory wiping all desire for me to go back to sleep, but the pain keeps me fixed in place and all I manage is to lean against the bed's edge, slightly propped up. I rest a hand over my left breast, feeling my heart thudding rapidly against my ribcage.

When it finally starts to slow, I pull my hand away to wipe at my moist eyes. _'Great, what was that memory for?'_ I wonder in frustration. Papers continue to shuffle beneath me and I wonder how on earth Glimmer has the patience to keep doing them. I'm broken out of my thoughts by another shiver and start wishing I had a blanket or at least that overly huge jacket. I chew my lip, wondering if I should speak up and request one, but my tongue refuses to move.

Instead, I drop my gaze down to my calloused hands. The feel of the blade in them seem all too real and recent. I clench them, trying to get the sensation out of my mind, but it follows me even in my tightly enclosed fists. I sigh. _'Dumb brain and dumb memories.'_ The shuffling sound ceases. I bite my tongue, realising that I've probably just distracted the girl. I hold my breath in the silence, praying that she'll just return to her papers, but she doesn't. 

"Are you still awake?" A quiet voice penetrates the silence. I bite the inside of my cheek hard, hoping that if I don't reply she'll think I'm still asleep. But the purple head has always been a bit too inquisitive and moments later she appears on the first step, head peering into the bed nest. Her jaws slacken upon seeing me awake. I give her a sheepish smile, but she shakes her head and climbs into the bed. "What are you still doing up? I swear I heard you snoring an hour ago." Glimmer queries with furrowed eyebrows. I shrug.

"Can't sleep." I mumble. The Queen peers at me. Her lips pursed. She stretches out a hand a second later and brushes the tips of her fingers against my cheek before pulling away. Her thumb rubs against her forefinger.

"Have you been crying?" She asks quietly. I stiffen, not wanting her to think that I was crying over our earlier conversation.

"Just another nightmare." I answer shortly. Glimmer's mouth moves to form an oval before she looks away briefly. I watch as she chews her lips. 

"Ok. I'll...I'll keep you company then." She murmurs quietly, surprising me.

"But you said..." I start, but her decision must've been a lot more frail than I thought it was as she quickly interrupts me.

"Forget what I said. Lay back down." She mutters strongly and without argument I comply. I stare so hard at the ceiling that I don't notice the hand reaching out towards me until it lands on my shoulder, making me jump. "Would it help if you talked about it?" The Queen murmurs. I shake my head more violently than I intended as a flash of pain emanates from my stomach and I go to hold the pained area. 

"No. I'm...I don't want to." I answer roughly. I feel Glimmer's gaze on me, but she doesn't push and just opts to lay beside me with her hands interlocked and resting on her abdomen. We remain in silence, but my thoughts won't leave me alone, just dreading Glimmer's reaction if she found out I continued with my terrible flaw. I shiver. A hand touches my hip and I turn to find the purple head propped up on her side, watching me.

"Do you want me to get a blanket or something?" She asks softly. I purse my lips, not wanting her to go through the effort of finding one.

"Is that jacket..." I start, but stop when I see the girl shaking her head regretfully.

"It had blood on it. I've sent it to the wash so it should be ready by tomorrow morning." The Queen answers. A sigh escape past my lips. _'Great, I'm spending more time bare than I would've liked.'_

"Yeah, a blanket would be good." I request meekly. The girl disappears in a puff of sparkles. I hear her rummaging through her closet before reappearing beside me to drape the cover over me. The quiet rings out once more after the Queen returns her back to the mattress, but I can feel her eyes on me, scanning and gauging my behaviour.

At her persistent gazing, I find myself closing my eyes to rid the feeling of vulnerability and exposure. Despite the presence of a blanket another shiver escapes me, the cold still embedded into my skin. I hear her shift closer until she makes contact with my side, but I refuse to open my eyes. However, when I feel an arm wrap just above my abdomen my eyes snaps open. 

"W-what are you doing?" I stumble out and start to feel her arm withdrawing. Her face flushes slightly.

"I thought you were cold. Sorry, I should've asked." She voices with averted eyes. I swallow.

"No its ok." I bite my lip. "I don't mind." I whisper, prompting the woman to return her lavender orbs to me. She hesitates, but returns her arm around me, albeit her hold is a little looser than before. Despite how painfully awkward this is, I can't deny that I feel warmer and safer. After a tense minute, my body sags into the mattress and finally my eyes flutter to a close from exhaustion. 

~=~

When I wake up, I feel a wave of embarrassment wash over me at the sight I'm greeted to. Sometime during the night the blanket must've fell off, allowing the royal's head to rest against my right shoulder. Light snores escape her lips and I can't help but smile at seeing her so relaxed. All the tension and secrets ebbed away from her features. I reach a hand up to brush away some stray hair strands from my face, but the woman awakens and when she catches the position we're in she shoots up automatically. Her face becoming beetroot red as she scrambles to the furthest end of the bed. 

"Oh my gosh I'm so sorry!" Glimmer babbles, her eyes unable to meet mine. I shoot her a half smile.

"It's alright. I mean, it was snuggly." I joke, but that doesn't help the already flustered girl as she clasps her hands tightly together. 

"I-I should find something for you to wear. The wash should be done and..." I stop the purple head's ramblings by gripping her arm. 

"Glimmer. It's fine." I reassure firmly. Finally her lavender orbs flicker to me, dropping briefly elsewhere before rising back to my face. Her features unsure. 

"But that's so..." She trails off, not finding the right word to explain this weird situation. 

"Awkward? Weird? Embarrassing?" I supply, earning me a glower from the woman.

"Yeah one of those." She mumbles. I chuckle and pull her back to my side. 

"Honestly I don't mind. It helped to keep the nightmares away." I reassure easily and finally some of the red fades from her cheeks as her eyes brighten up slightly.

"O-ok, I'm glad." Glimmer voices with a beam. I smile and try to sit up, but wince at the still present pain. Glimmer returns to her same hovering from the night before. Her face worried. "I think we should get you to that surgery." The Queen suggests, but now that I've had more rest, I tense up, still against the idea.

"Do I have to?" I question causing the purple head's eyebrows to furrow. 

"Yes, those stitches are only temporary. I think they're planning to use a stronger type this time." The Queen answers but when she catches my expression, her frown deepens. "Do you have something against surgeries?" She queries. I give her a half shrug. 

"I don't like being put under." I confess. The royal blinks, having not expected that answer. 

"Why?" She asks. My fingers twitch, flashing back to the times when my squadron would be punished when I was asleep so I wouldn't get in the way.

"I just like being aware of things at all time." I mumble. I get the feeling the Queen knows there's more to it than that by the way she purses her lips, but she doesn't press and instead gives my hand a squeeze.

"There's a window for certain people to look through. I can stand by and watch if you want?" Glimmer suggests. I look up at her in surprise.

"You wouldn't mind?" I echo. She shrugs, slightly uncomfortable.

"Well, if you want me to." She expresses gently.

"But don't you have work or meetings?" I query as she rolls her lips between her teeth.

"They can wait." She utters simply and my eyes drop to our joined hands. 

"Aren't you still mad?" I whisper. The Queen closes her eyes briefly before pinning me with that steady gaze of hers.

"My anger will never surpass how much I care about you." The purple head voices quietly, making my heart leap at the knowledge that she still cares about me. I give her a shaky smile. 

"I care about you too Glimmer." I voice, eliciting a warm smile from the girl. She gives my hand a final squeeze.

"I'll go grab your jacket from the wash and then we can go back to the infirmary." She decides and poofs away.

~=~

3 hours later and I wake up feeling groggy. My stomach feeling even more sore than this morning. _'I hate surgeries.'_ I decide. But true to her word, I find the Queen standing by my bedside when I turn my head. She gives me a small smile.

"You alright?" She asks, her hand moving to rest on the bed railing. I pull a face.

"I hate surgeries." I mumble, eliciting a chuckle from the royal.

"I don't think there's anyone who particularly enjoys them." She jokes before her face becomes more sombre. "Listen, I want you to actually rest this time. No wandering around the castle like that again." The Queen orders quietly. 

"On one condition." The words shoot out before I can stop them. The royal blinks in surprise before tilting her head to one side.

"And what's that?" She asks.

"You visit everyday. I know being the Queen means you're busy, but if you just pop by to say hi then that's enough." I request and watch as a range of emotions flicker through her face before she ends up nodding.

"Ok. Deal." Glimmer agrees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who needs CPR? I practiced it on Thurs so I know what I'm doing...I'm just not good at it XD So there was a truckload of painful emotions here, as you prob know from your poor heart beats. But I really wanted to have that flashback of Catra finding Adora cutting for the first time, just to give that added layer and understanding. If you remember, Catra catches Adora for a second time and threatens to tell SW - I've also written that flashback and it will come at a later date in the form of a nightmare. 
> 
> So things between Adora and Glimmer were really bad and then softened up slightly, I think embarrassment tends to be a good icebreaker. But we're still running high on pain guys, so don't get too optimistic. 
> 
> Next chapter is one of my favourites as well...I'm sorry XD Still in Adora's POV and it's when she's been discharged from the infirmary and goes to confront Glimmer about everything, we all know how that's going to end, right? And even better, CrazyButterSock drew a scene for it. I want to update tomorrow, but aurgh I'm not sure. So I'll see you when I see you.
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	62. Ugly Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora is finally discharged from the infirmary and goes to find Glimmer so that they could finally talk. It doesn't pan out quite the way she had hoped it would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo here we are. I read this back and I didn't find it that angsty tbh, but maybe that's just me? It's definitely sad tho. This is the worst it gets between the two, after that we're on a one-way road to recovery. I mean, this is still me we're talking about, so there's still angst, but not so much between Adora & Glimmer and definitely not as hard hitting as the last few chapters (the whole story?!) have been. Or at least imo, maybe you guys think otherwise.
> 
> CrazyButterSock drew some fantastic art for this intense chapter, honestly at this point I'm more excited by the art than the story XD I just love it <3
> 
> Triggers: mentions of cutting & suicide.

**Adora's POV:**

After that, the days slip by a lot more easily. Even if the purple head never stays long, it's better than complete silence. But I won't lie to myself that it doesn't begin to annoy me after the fifth consecutive day of her excusing herself. I see it in her eyes, the reason why she never sticks around for long. She's terrified that I'll push her about the whole cutting thing. And I can't deny that the curiosity burns my very core, but I know I'll need to find some other way.

Either talk to her again or...rip that glove off myself. Both options will lead to disastrous results, but it's not like I have any other choice. The trick with the springs are out because she now knows I'll be looking for something. And I can't just remain silent and let her continue - if she is doing it.

When a week passes, they finally discharge me with strict orders that I should keep movement to a minimum. I find myself wandering to the Queen's chambers with the hope that we'll finally talk. Even if it's not about everything, I feel that clearing some of the air with do us both some good. And that's where I stand and tell myself for 20 minutes as I stare at the white door, trying to work up the courage to actually knock. My fingers twitch by my sides. _'Glimmer said we'd talk after I got better.'_

I rest a light hand on my abdomen. _'I mean, I'm not technically healed. Far from it, but I am better or at least I'm not tied down to the infirmary now, so that counts as better right?'_ I sigh, realising that I'm only trying to push things. _'Maybe...maybe I should just leave her to decide when to come and talk to me. But...maybe she never will.'_ Especially now that the bandits have mostly been captured.

Knowing the location of their base made things super easy for the Alliance and Police Force to go and arrest them. I heard a couple escaped, but Imp was captured which was the main thing. _'But now that's out of the way there's no reason for me to be here anymore. Unless of course, they **want** me back. Which so far I'm not too sure of. I know Bow would love me to stay, but I see so little of him anyway, what with his time being split between work and his family. Even Glimmer is frequently occupied which makes me wonder if I should really stay. At least Catra and I were frequently on missions together.'_ I chew my lip vigorously.

"So are you going to stare at that door all day or are you going to go in?" I jump at the masculine voice behind me and turn to find Micah sporting a quirked eyebrow. I shoot him a half smile.

"I don't know. I get the feeling Glimmer doesn't really want to talk to me." I mumble, kicking at some invisible dust on the ground. The man bridges the gap between us. 

"Oh I doubt that. My daughter doesn't seem capable of talking about anyone, but you for the last couple of weeks." The man admits, making my cheeks colour. My eyes flicker back to the door before I return my gaze to the man. 

"D-Do you think I can ask you for some advice?" I ask quietly. The King widens his eyes in surprise before tilting his head to one side.

"I'm not sure if I'm the right person to ask, but I can try my best." Micah admits. I purse my lips and go to tell him anyway.

"Do you think I should stay?" I ask outright, surprising the man even further. He scratches the back of his head in thought.

"Is this because you're worried I'll kick you out?" He queries with an embarrassed smile. I shoot him a rueful smile.

"Strangely no. I...well the bandits have been largely dispersed which is why I came here in the first place. And I don't know if anyone really needs me here." I mumble with averted eyes. Silence reigns for several beats before he replies.

"What makes you think you aren't needed?" He finally says. I rub my elbow self-consciously.

"Bow's always busy with his job and family. Glimmer is the Queen, she always has work and meetings. It's not like how it used to be when we had spare time. I...I don't see my use here." I explain, trying not to fidget under the man's steadfast gaze.

"I see." The man breathes out while stroking his beard. "You think they won't have time for you." He observes. I stare at him with wide eyes.

"No! It's just...I'm not needed anymore. They've got their own things now." I protest, but he shakes his head.

"They _**do** _need you. You might not have noticed, but I've seen a massive improvement in their mood since you arrived." Micah points out. I turn my head away from him.

"So what? My role is to be the good mood keeper?" I ask sarcastically, but cringe at how harsh that sounds, especially when the man's eyebrows shoot up to his hairline.

"That isn't what I meant. You can do anything you want to, even join the Police Force. What I'm trying to say that your presence means more to them than they let on." The King elaborates as I chew my lip.

"But there's still so much tension between Glimmer and I. I-I don't know if I can fix it." I confess, my voice strained at the admission. Micah rests his hands on my shoulders.

"You _**will** _and if the two of you don't then I will personally chain you up together until you do." The King expresses seriously and I can't help but crack a smile at that. 

"Ok. I'll try my best." I voice determinedly. The man gives my shoulders a light squeeze in reassurance and releases me. He nods his head and leaves me alone again with the door. With a deep breath I spin round and knock. Several moments later that melodic voice floats through from the other side. 

"Come in!" Taking another deep breath. I push open the door to reveal the Queen seated at her desk, massaging her temples as she stares in annoyance at the paper in front of her. My face warms at seeing such concentration on her face.

"Is this a bad time?" I ask unsurely, finally pulling the girl's attention away from her paper. She blinks twice at my presence before frowning.

"Shouldn't you still be in the infirmary?" The purple head asks. 

"I got discharged today." I answer as the royal releases a soft 'oh.' She shifts uncomfortably in her chair before setting her paper down.

"That's...good. Do you need something?" Glimmer queries while clasping her hands together. My eyes flicker down to them, wishing I had the ability to see through those gloves. When the woman catches me looking, she drops her appendages below the desk and out of sight. 

"I...wanted to see if we could finally talk." I say uneasily. The Queen immediately tenses up as she eyes me wearily.

"I don't think I have time for..." She starts, but I quickly cut her off.

"It doesn't have to be long. I just...I want us to clear up some things." I urge, but the purple head squirms. 

"I'm sorry, but I should really get this done." Glimmer dodges. I bite the inside of my cheek hard, hating how she's still trying to run from this. I take a step into her room and close the door behind me. If anything this serves to make the royal more alarmed as she sits up taller, her posture rigid. "Adora..." She starts again, but I shake my head, silencing her.

"If you don't want to talk that's fine. But could you at least listen?" I request softly and after a moment of confliction she begrudgingly nods her head. 

"Alright." The Queen breathes out while I cross the room to stand in front of her, the only thing separating us is that small mahogany desk. 

"I want to talk about Catra." I start off and if anything that just causes the purple head to stiffen up more. 

"What about her?" The Queen spits out. 

"I didn't remain in the Crimson Waste because of her. I had already been gone a year before I bumped into her. And I was still learning to cope with a crutch. I accepted her back because of how shattered she was, but not because I forgave her. I'm still not sure if I have. We got into so many fights in the beginning and we barely saw each other unless we were doing odd jobs together. Those jobs only increased after the war ended." I explain while keeping a keen eye on the Queen's expressions. Her lips are pressed so tightly together that they start to pinch white.

"If she's not the reason that you never came back, then what is?" Glimmer asks, her tone tight. I wet my lips, dropping my gaze to the ground.

"I...I was scared." I say in a hushed whisper. The silence that follows is stifling. 

"Of what?" The purple head finally asks, her tone strained. I swallow.

"I was scared that if I came back things would still be the same. That we'd argue constantly and be at each other's throats again. I didn't want that. I wanted to preserve as much of our friendship as I could." I sigh. "When the war ended, I started getting scared that I had been gone too long - it was 3 years. Maybe...maybe you didn't need me. Maybe I was just that person you're friends with for a while and then it's over. I thought if I showed up you'd be angry to see me because...well, because I didn't belong here anymore. Because you've had time to move on and didn't need me to bring up bad memories. So like a coward I didn't go and investigate myself because..." I stop, struggling to say the next bit while my eyes burn. "...because I don't think I could've taken such a rejection from someone who means so much to me." I finish.

An eerie silence oozes into the room and I don't dare to lift my head up to see the purple head's reaction. After several minutes of tense silence, I hear a chair scrapping backwards as the Queen rounds the desk and appears in front of me, my eyes fixed on her purple covered calves as I refrain from looking up. 

"You always have a place here. I told you that before you left. But I suppose you weren't wrong about the whole argument thing. Even now we're still arguing." Glimmer admits slowly. My shoulders slump at her acknowledgment of that. 

"I...I'm sorry. I can go now that the bandits are..." I stop when two firm hands snap out to grip my shoulders. 

"No! That's not what I meant." The purple head voices firmly, but I open my mouth to continue.

"But the bandits are gone now. There's no reason for me to be here." I protest stiffly. The Queen's eyes crumple while her grip on me tightens. She shifts even closer, forcing me to look up. 

"You can't tell me that's the only reason why you came here." Glimmer whispers, her tone wounded. A rise of emotion flows through me and lodges itself into my throat.

"I...no. I wanted to see you again. Bow gave me the perfect opportunity to do that." I confess in a strangled whisper. My breathing catches when she shifts even closer, barely any space separates us as I get a whiff of her lavender perfume and I subconsciously lean forward.

"Then stay." Her voice is low, not wanting to ruin the quiet air. I take in a deep breath.

"But there's nothing for me to do here." I point out. Her eyebrows knit together.

"You don't have to do anything." The Queen murmurs but I close my eyes, knowing that's not true.

"You know I can't do that." I say as I re-open my eyes to gaze at her steadily, observing the way her shoulders fall. 

"So you want to leave?" The question is barely a breath, but I shake my head vigorously.

"No, of course not. I want to stay, but...I need to be of some use." I explain and watch as the Queen rolls over my words in her mind.

"What do you do in the Crimson Waste?" She asks suddenly and I purse my lips, not sure if I'm allowed to say, so I try to keep it as brief as possible.

"There's a lot of dodgy types over there, so we follow up any wrong doings, thieves and murderers usually. Sometimes we go out and handle things that we think the Police don't know about." I list off as the purple head nods in understanding. 

"So why not join the Police Force here?" Glimmer suggests, but I'm already shaking my head.

"What we do is different from that. The Police Force here are mainly a regulating body, an icon to hinder people from doing crimes, but there aren't enough of them to catch everyone. What Huntara and I do is more specific; we help individuals instead of the general public." I say, but purse my lips when I realise that probably doesn't make sense. "Sorry, that's probably not clear." I apologise with a a half smile, but the royal shakes her head.

"No, I think I get it. Can I think it over? I'm sure I'll figure out the perfect role for you." The Queen pleads. I hesitate, not sure if she can but the lonely part of me finds myself nodding.

"Ok." I agree quietly.

We remain in that same position, neither of is daring to move or break the fragile air between us. Until I remember why the air is so fragile and that pit in my stomach returns. Slowly, as to not break the mood, I lift up my arms to rest my hands on Glimmer's. She looks at me in surprise, but doesn't pull away. A question is on the tip of my tongue: _'Will you ever tell me?'_ But when I gaze deeply into those lavender irises, I know she never will.

I inhale deeply, knowing that the royal will never forgive me for what I'm about to do next, but I _**need** _to know. Slowly, I lace my fingers with hers, making sure that they clip against the fabric of her glove. The purple head starts to frown and I decide to act before she figures out what I'm doing. So in one swift motion I pull the gloves off, leaving her hands bare in a moment of rarity.

The Queen's eyes widen and she automatically steps back, pulling her hands back. But the difference between me and her is I spent _**years** _training in the Horde and quick reflexes is one of the many skills they taught us. Even in my wounded state, I jump forward and twist her arms behind her back and pull her flush against my chest while she tries to squirm out of my grip. I look down at her hands and see the dreaded thing I was praying I wouldn't find. But something about it makes me feel nauseous.

I pull her hand up, but the Queen's struggling increases in magnitude and on instinct, her leg jerks back, kicking me in my wounded shin and finally I release my hold on her as I sink to the ground on my knees in pain. Glimmer spins round, livid, but when she sees me clutching my leg, all traces of anger fade away as she crouches beside me. Bare hands pulling mine away to assess the damage. I hiss when she touches the pained area. Biting my lip when she rolls the tracksuit up. 

"Jeez, did you get stronger?" I rasp out as a blood stain on the white dressing greets me. Glimmer shoots me a heated glare and I promptly snap my jaws together.

"I can't believe you did that! After you said you'd respect my privacy." The Queen yells. I cringe.

"I can respect your privacy when you aren't a danger to yourself!" I retort, her hands press a little too firmly as she unravels the bandage and I yelp. Her expression is tight.

"If I'm a danger to myself then so are you!" The purple head retorts sharply. I stare at her in confusion.

"What are you talking about?" I question in annoyance. Her hands bunch up into fists.

"You went back to it! Back to the cutting." She voices harshly. I freeze. _'How does she know that?!'_ I think frantically as I try to recall a time when she could've seen them. And then it hits me. _'Oh. **That** day.'_ I swallow past the lump in my throat. 

"W-we're talking about you!" I force out, earning a snort from the woman. 

"Don't you try that on me." She growls out. I press my lips tightly together, before grasping at her hands, turning them over to see the large gruesome scar that stretches from one side of her wrist to the other. I stare at it numbly, knowing that there's only one explanation for this. "Don't touch me!" The Queen shouts, shoving me backwards so I land on my rear while the last of my bandage comes undone.

Blood trickles out of the half open wound, but my horrified eyes are fixed on the purple head.

"You...you tried to end things?" I query, suddenly feeling choked up. I watch as she clenches her hands into fists. 

"Stop assuming things!" She snaps.

"What's there to assume?! Everyone knows that's the way you..." I trail off, too appalled to even say the word. Those lavender orbs flash red.

"Don't try to act all high and mighty when you do something similar." The Queen growls out, but I shake my head, too horrified at this revelation.

"Cutting is completely different from suicide!" I shout, throwing my arms up in the air as the royal flinches. I clench my teeth together, angry she'd attempted to do something so ridiculous. "I can't believe you! What reason would you ever have to do something like this?! I know things were hard, but there's _**never** _a reason to give up!" I holler, my voice increasing in volume at how mad I am. Glimmer scowls and takes a threatening step towards me, her finger pointed.

"Don't you _**dare** _try to judge me! You don't understand everything I had to go through." She hisses. I glare at her.

"Maybe because you never told me!" I screech. The Queen stares at me, rage evident on her features, but to my shock she doesn't shout back. Instead, she stoops down to pick up her gloves and snaps them back on.

Her angry orbs flicker down to my leg before returning back to my face. Without a word her foot touches my ankle and teleports us back to the cursed infirmary. I watch as she goes over to the nearest doctor, talks to him and points at me before blinking away. Said physician comes over to me and gets me on a wheelchair. He leaves me in an empty room to await another surgery to stitch the wound back up. I'm so hurt and angry that I don't even protest.

I don't see the Queen for several days after that. Multiple times Bow and Micah try to get me to speak up about what happened, but I refuse to answer as the walls around me creep ever closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are prob thinking how I'm gonna start making things better after all that?! Well, I have my ways ;) I love having Micah trying to be that fatherly figure, it's a nice stand in for where Angella used to be. Basically Adora now knows, the whys and hows are not clear, but we delve into that in the next chapter.
> 
> Next chapter is still in Adora's POV. It starts off pretty heavy, but it eases into something better and more positive. Oh and we get a whole load of explanations. *Sigh* the angst had to tone down at some point huh? XD Might or might not update tomorrow, who knows! XD
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	63. Broken Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora's torturing herself over being the cause of what happened to Glimmer. Needless to say, she's REALLY not handling it very well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should be studying, but it's one of those days. Having said that, I think daily updates is starting to become a thing of the past heh, time is scarce. Had a dissection session today at uni for the reproductive system. Needless to say, my embarrassment is slowly being cured XD But haha that doesn't mean I'll re-write what I've already written, so here's a pinch of more embarrassment/awkwardness.
> 
> This chapter is pretty heavy, but we finally have a dose of a healthy conversation! It's just slightly heart-breaking and deep. I don't think you'll need any tissues? Maybe? 
> 
> For the Heart of Ethiera, did anyone think what having that amount of raw magic being sucked into you would happen to a person? I mean, Adora was able to break the sword of power with all that magic! Surely, there's some potential for it having a negative impact on herself, She-ra or not. At least, this is my own take on it.
> 
> Triggers: panic attacks, mentions of cutting & suicide.

**Adora's POV:**

When I'm finally discharged for the second time, I go straight to my old chambers and lock the door. I cross the room to get to the bathroom and close the door behind me. I run the bath with hot water and as it fills I strip down completely, including all those bandages. My eyes stray to the mirror and my face twists at what I see. Multiple ugly black stitches and large red lines that will sure to scar. I turn my back on my reflection and enter the boiling hot water.

The hot liquid burns at my skin, but the burning is so much better than the numbness that I've been feeling for the last few days. The guilt at having been the reason for Glimmer's attempted suicide ate so much at me that I started going numb. But this is the first time that I've had the chance to be completely alone without worrying about a nurse passing by or one of the princesses popping in. I sink deeper into the boiling furnace as I pull my knees to my chest. A choked sob escapes me and I bury my face into my kneecaps, not wanting anyone to hear me as I break down.

Another sob flows past my lips and I find myself crying at how terrible I am for putting the Queen through that. For making her feel so rotten and alone that she had no choice, but to turn to such extreme measures. Every shudder presses on my injured body, but I can't stop. My heart aches so badly that it feels like it will stop from all the strain and my lungs burn with the need for air. But I don't give it to them, because everything hurts and is so messed up. I messed up. Something like a knock echoes from my bedroom door but I ignore it, wanting to be left alone. I put the shower on, hoping to drown out my crying, but the knocking becomes more insistent. 

"I'm having a bath!" I holler, my voice cracking. The knocking stops, but I get the sense that whoever is on the other side hasn't left. I ease myself further into the water, scalding my skin more and aggravating my injuries further. The tears don't stop as the walls around me keep pushing and pushing, suffocating me. It's then that I realise I'm having a panic attack. I try to get out of the tub, but the unnerving fear grips at my heart, immobilising me. I start gasping for air just as I notice my watch beeping. It rings and rings, but my hands are firmly locked around my knees and I can't bring myself to tap the darn thing. Pain radiates from my metal calf, making me panic all the more.

I try once more to get up, but I slip backwards, water covers my face and my vision begins to swim. Something bright flashes in the room, but I can't focus on what it is until two gloved hands reach into the bath tub, grasping at me and pulling me out of the water. I splutter, trying to remove the water from my lungs as a hand thumps my back in an attempt to help.

Once my lungs aren't squeezing so tightly in protest to the lack of air I slump backwards, but firm arms grip at me, pulling me forward against a solid warm presence. Slowly the last of my panic attack ebbs away, leaving me shivering as the cool air sticks to my wet body.

After a while Glimmer pulls back, her eyes scanning mine deeply and it's then that I remember I have no clothes on. I gulp and it's as if the royal notices the same thing as she immediately gets to her feet and grabs a huge fluffy towel from the rack before wrapping it around my soaking body. But despite its size it barely reaches to my mid thighs.

The purple head goes to unplug the bath, but from the way she recoils I can tell the water is still scorching hot. However, she doesn't comment, only simply tries again and puts the plug to one side before turning to face me. Her eyes run over my form and despite having the towel I still squirm. She returns her lavender orbs to my sky blue ones and releases a sigh.

The Queen returns to my side and lifts me up to my feet, guiding me back to my bedroom and perching me on the bed before digging in my wardrobe for some spare clothes. When she returns with a faded pair of leggings and white t-shirt I decide to speak. 

"Glimmer?" She looks up from the clothes in her hands.

"Hm?" She voices while placing the attire beside me. 

"I'm sorry." I whisper. The purple head gazes at me, her face pained. 

"It's ok." Glimmer whispers back before bending down to meet my eye level. "Let's get you into some dry clothes." She continues. I pale and shake my head, dropping the towel around my shoulders slightly.

"I-I can do it." I voice, my teeth beginning to chatter from the cold, but the Queen is stubborn, shaking her head as she watches me steadily. 

"I'm helping you. The last thing I want to hear is that you ducked yourself again into boiling hot water." Glimmer mutters while stretching out a hand towards the towel. I gape at her, pieces of the puzzle slowly falling into place.

"Wait. You think I did this on _**purpose**_?" I utter in disbelief. The Queen stops her movements to watch me wearily.

"Didn't you?" She accuses. I shake my head vigorously.

"No!" I express, louder than I intended. The purple head looks at me dubiously.

"Are you saying you usually have boiling hot baths that scald your skin?" Glimmer queries sarcastically. I avert my eyes. "I didn't think so." She adds when I don't reply. 

"I just do it when I'm upset. I didn't dunk myself under on purpose." I try to explain. But I can tell the purple head doesn't believe me.

"Then why did I find you under, like you were drowning?" She retorts sharply. I wince. _'When she puts it like that, it does sound I was trying to...'_ I wet my dry lips.

"I had a panic attack and slipped backwards." I mumble. The second time I've ever spoken the phrase aloud. The Queen scans me closely, probably assessing if I'm telling the truth. I watch as she swallows and drops her gaze to the ground.

"Oh." Is all she says. After several beats she shakes herself out of her thoughts and again reaches for my towel. 

"I can do it." I insist, but she doesn't back down. 

"Just let me do this, ok?" Her voice is so small that I let her pull the yellow towel down where it bunches at my nether regions. I flush, feeling more exposed than I've ever felt in my whole life. The Queen is strangely unaffected, either she's too angry to notice or she's got better at hiding her feelings. She pulls the edge of the towel and starts drying me down, beginning at my neck, then my arms, going under my armpits and then my chest. I stop her hand when she strays too close to my breasts and dry them myself, feeling uncomfortable if she were to do those.

Once I dry them, she takes the towel back and begins rubbing gently at my abdomen, skirting around the closed wound. As I watch her, I note how raw and red my skin looks from soaking it under the hot water for so long. It makes me wonder what on earth the royal must be thinking. The girl stops when she reaches my umbilicus and looks up. "Do you need a bra?" She asks, her is voice neutral but I can see the light pink that dusts her cheeks. I flush and shake my head.

"No, I'm good." I mumble and she reaches for the white t-shirt. Her lavender orbs flicker over me once more as she shakes her head slightly. 

"That looks really painful. One second." I blink as she disappears back into the bathroom before coming out with a few ice packs and goes to dab them at my red skin.

I shiver at the cold sensation, but don't draw back. She wipes away any residual water with her hand as I chew my lip at how touchy she's being. Several times her hands near my sensitive area, but they retreat at the last possible second. Until she offers the ice pack to me.

"Do you want to do your erm..." Glimmer nods at my bosom, the tips of her ears beginning to redden. I give her a half smile and take the pack from her hands, dabbing lightly at my chest, shuddering at how cold it is and quickly withdraw the pack away. Without another word she helps me into the white top before settling her hands on the towel on my lap. I watch as she chews her lips. 

"I can do it." I repeat again, but by this time it's more as a reassurance for her than for me. She sighs, before glimpsing up at me. 

"Can you get up or are you still sore?" She asks instead. 

"I can get up." I voice lowly and rise awkwardly to my feet, resisting the urge to grab at the towel that pools at my feet, leaving my bottom half entirely exposed. However, Glimmer barely looks as she bends down and towels me dry, working her way up. But by the time she reaches my pubic hair I can see how red her face is and I gently pry the towel from her hands, finishing off the rest before the poor girl gets a heart attack.

The Queen gives me her back to give me some privacy while I snap on a pair of pants. However, she turns back to help me into my leggings and when I'm seated once more on the bed, I finally speak.

"How did you know to come?" I ask quietly, but she shakes her head, her hair flicking from one side to the other.

"I didn't. Bow said he was passing by your room and heard your watch beeping continuously. He said he knocked and you answered, but apparently you sounded in distress so he came and fetched me." Glimmer answers, the red still very much present on her face. I see as she deliberates with herself for a moment before speaking up. "Are you sure you weren't..." She trails off, leaving the question hanging as I shake my head vigorously.

"I'm sure. I promise." I insist strongly. Her shoulders sag in relief.

"Ok. Good. I don't know what I would've done if you were..." Again she trails off, her face twists at the very thought. I go to hold her hands.

"Now can you see how I feel?" I point out. She stares at me, her lips move but no words come out. The purple head takes back one of her hands to run it through her hair.

"Oh. Oh gosh. I...wow, I didn't think about it like that." Glimmer utters as she bites her lip. Her eyes drop to her gloved hand, staring at it hard before clenching said hand. She doesn't say anything more and so with some difficulty I move off the bed and join her on the floor, kneeling so I wouldn't put too much strain on my leg muscles.

"Glimmer I want to help. But I can't do that if you keep dodging everything. Tell me why you did it." I express, my voice coated in desperation. Her features contours into anguish. 

"I...don't want to." She murmurs lowly. I roll my bottom lip between my teeth and look away. 

"You were right. I did go back to cutting." I utter, my tone husky with pent-up emotions. From the corner of my eyes I see the girl snap her sharp orbs back to me. "I was so furious with myself that I wasn't progressing, that my leg was always slowing me down. I just felt so useless." I voice thickly.

"Adora stop. You don't have to tell me." Glimmer interrupts, prompting me to return my baby blue eyes to her.

"But I want to explain why I broke my promise. I want you to know that...that I'm not as strong and unbreakable as you make me out to be." I force out. I feel her hand slipping in between mine and it's then that I realise how tightly I've clenched them. She eases my fingers away from the base of my palm to allow her hand to sit comfortably in mine.

"I never said you were unbreakable. I...I know you can break. Sometimes I choose to ignore that or forget it because it's easier. And that's my fault. But I still stick by what I said, you are strong, even when you don't notice it." The Queen confesses. I release a small breath. 

"I know. Sometimes it's simpler to go down the easy road. It's easier to dodge things. It's easier to close up and it's easier to pretend things are fine when they're not. Emotional turmoil and dealing with it is a lot of work, but I _**want** _you to know it. I want you to know every part of me because I want to fix what we had. I just can't promise it will be easy." I say and watch as those lavender orbs fill up with water. She squeezes my hand tight.

"I want that too. I'm just scared to reveal to someone else my demons because they already terrify me. How about anyone else?" Glimmer admits, her tone heavy and my heart twists in sympathy.

"You could never terrify me Glimmer." I murmur softly and finally her tears fall.

I reach over with my free hand and wipe them with the back of my hand before continuing my tale.

"When I still wasn't better by the war's end I thought there was no point in returning. Didn't feel I had the right to return because I played no part in the victory and I was still adjusting to how different things were. Those were some of my darker days. Wanting so badly to go home, but feeling I didn't deserve to. When I bumped into Entrapta and she fixed me up, I felt freer and lighter than I've been in a long time. I threw myself in working harder, being better, making the world a brighter place." I pause, thinking over my next words.

A quiet sigh escapes me.

"I threw myself so hard that I started forgetting the reason that I was working hard in the first place. It was for you guys and I didn't notice that until Catra made an off comment about you two. It came crashing down that I've been gone so long, that you guys have most likely moved on without me. I went back to cutting to deal with that. It hurt knowing that the closest thing I had to a real family didn't need me anymore. It was weak and pathetic of me, but I couldn't help thinking it." I confess, my voice dropping lower and lower until it's down to just a whisper. The purple head stares at me, before her eyes crumple and she stretches out a hand to cup my cheek.

"Adora, no. That's not pathetic or weak. That's _**human**_. It's human to crave the attention and affection from those you love and it's devastating when you don't find it." Glimmer rebukes gently before sighing.

She drops her hand from my cheek as she turns her head to one side.

"After you left, I felt so alone. Bow tried to help me through it, but I became more and more impossible and soon we weren't even going on missions together. Beast Island was a rare exception. Finding my Dad was everything I wanted it to be, but in the same time it wasn't. I couldn't be more grateful to have at least one of my parents again, but it served as a bitter reminder that I lost my Mum. There was an adjustment period where he had to learn all my habits and favourite things and it just made me think of my Mum more. How she knew all this already. How she knew me. I love my Dad but to start with it was trying to get to know a stranger." The purple stops to close here eyes briefly.

As I observe her, I become increasingly aware of how much she's struggling to say this. A few seconds later, she re-opens them and continues.

"And of course Bow ended up spending more and more time with Entrapta while my Dad tried to take more of the royal duties for himself. He thought I needed the breather." The purple head chuckles bitterly as I watch the woman through sad eyes. "He didn't realise that those papers were the only thing keeping me sane. The only thing getting me up in the morning. I got more prone to angry bursts. Hence your broken bed. It wasn't until one time when I was in your room did I stumble upon your old knife under the bed. You must've forgotten it." The Queen murmurs while cold dread sinks it's teeth into me. _' **No**. Please don't tell me that she did that with my knife.' _

I'm too frozen to speak and Glimmer, as if stuck in the world of her memories, she doesn't notice me paling as she drones on. Her mouth is stuck on play now that she finally has the chance to speak.

"I started remembering the whole cutting thing and I can't lie, I did consider trying it but I always chickened out. However, as time wore on with Bow spending close to no time with me and my Dad taking on most of the duties, I became so lonely. I felt so alone and felt that _**no one**_ understood what I was going through. They didn't understand why I looked at the world so bleakly and they didn't try to understand. It's like they didn't know or want to know. They just...didn't care." Glimmer chokes out before turning her head away from me.

My heart plummets at that knowledge as memories of Princess Prom washes over me. Glimmer's desperation at being noticed, to be seen by those she cares about. To not be left out again. My stomach twists as understanding lodges itself into my throat.

"And I kept thinking about you. You were the only person that I felt would understand and would do anything in your power to save me from this sinking hole. Everything just piled up; every let down and disappointment. They just kept stacking higher and higher until I snapped. Bow and I had another fight, something about Kai and spending more time with him I think. I don't know. I just didn't think about it. I went to my room, grabbed the knife and sliced it across my wrist, because I was just _**so** _fed up with how things were."

I catch the quiver in the Queen's lips as she drops her head in shame.

"But I never regretted something so much. As soon as I saw the blood spurting out I knew I made a mistake. I'm lucky my Dad walked in on me then and there otherwise...well, I wouldn't be here. At the time I was horrified, I still am. But I'm thankful he was there. After that, he did his best to make things easier for me, gave me more work to do to keep myself busier and tried to get Bow to come round more often. But the sadness never left. The emptiness was never quite filled. I didn't realise how much you completed me or how much I came to depend on you in those few years." Glimmer utters ruefully, before finally returning her gaze to me.

I try to swallow past the lump in my throat, but I can't because I can't get out of my head how much of this is _**my** _fault. _'Stop thinking about yourself. Glimmer needs you.'_ I silently rebuke and without thinking I throw my arms around her and pull her close.

"I am so _**so** _sorry. I should never have left. I-I really hurt you." I choke out as I tighten my hold around her. Moments later she brings her arms around me, hugging me just as fiercely.

"Well, you leaving taught me one thing." The Queen mutter into my neck. I scrunch my nose up.

"I can't imagine it was anything good." I utter bitterly just as the purple head gives me a squeeze.

"I learnt that I need you and I was a fool for pushing you away." Glimmer murmurs. I freeze at the pure honesty coating her words and I bury my face into her soft pink hair.

"And I'm the bigger fool for staying away." I mutter. We remain in that tight embrace, neither of us willing to break away first. "I missed you so badly and nothing I do will ever make up for everything I put you through. I'm just so sorry." I express emotionally, my tone laced with guilt. I hear the girl sigh.

"Don't apologise. I get the feeling I hurt you just as badly if not worse if what Catra said was any indication." The Queen utters ruefully. I swallow, having forgotten about the slipped information. Reluctantly I pull away as the purple head penetrates me with that steady gaze of hers. "I did hurt you, didn't I?" She repeats, watching me carefully. I hunch my shoulders up.

"Not on purpose." I mumble, but Glimmer shakes her head.

"Well you didn't intend to hurt me either, but it happened. It...it has to do with the Heart of Etheria doesn't it?" Glimmer queries quietly. I sigh and nod.

"It was a lot of raw energy and magic being directed into me. I didn't handle it very well. All I could do was break the sword before Lighthope completed her mission and sucked us out of Despondos. All that magic mucked up with my leg and body. I ended up going into coma for a few weeks and couldn't walk for a while after that either, not until I bumped into Entrapta. I was without She-ra for even longer until I found out that She-ra isn't just a sword, it's me. Hence the upgrade." I explain ruefully as Glimmer's eyes fill up. She raises a hand to cover her mouth in shock.

"I put you through so much." She chokes out and I take her hand.

"So did I." I remind calmly, but she shakes her head.

"But this is so much worse. My actions led to a direct impact on you. Yours was indirect at best." The Queen protests with a tormented face.

"It doesn't matter. We _**both** _hurt each other. And we're both sorry." I say and after a moment's thought add: "I forgive you. Will you?" Glimmer's face crumples as she launches herself at me.

"Of course I forgive you. I've been waiting for the moment to forgive you." The purple head chokes out and I wrap my arms around her, enjoying her warm presence.

"So we're good?" I ask delicately. 

"We're good." She answers with a sniff. Moments later I find us up on her bed. I raise an eyebrow at her.

"No more work?" I query with a half smile, eliciting a tearful chuckle from the woman.

"No. I think I'm overdue for a break." Glimmer confesses. I smile, genuinely relieved that the Queen is finally thinking about herself for once.

"Thank the stars for that." I breathe out as the purple head raises an amused eyebrow.

"What? You don't like me working?" Glimmer queries. 

"Not the amount you've been doing. Besides, I was getting lonely with both you and Bow working all the time." I admit. The Queen purses her lips at this.

"Well in that case, I suppose I should cut down if you're planning to stay here again. Can't have you feeling lonely." The purple head murmurs just as my heart leaps up into my throat. 

"That would be great." I whisper and the Queen shoots me a warm smile, until a flash of hesitation crosses her eyes.

"So are you planning to stay?" She asks quietly, and my mind flashes to the last time we discussed this. _'If I knew what it would lead to back then, I never would've left.'_

"I want to, if you and Micah will have me." I voice lowly. The purple head grips my hand.

"Of course we'll have you. My Dad has thankfully warmed up to you. Told you, you could charm him." Glimmer reminds playfully. I return the smile, but something stops me from broadening it.

"But, I do have to talk to Catra." I utter uneasily, expecting the fall in the royal's face.

"Oh right. Of course." The Queen mutters with averted eyes. I watch as she chews her lip before bumping my knuckles with hers.

"What are you thinking about?" I query. The purple head hesitates before pinning me with those lavender orbs.

"D-Do you think she'll change your mind about staying?" Glimmer asks quietly. I purse my lips before shaking my head.

"No way. She knows how stubborn I am. When I've put my mind to something I don't change it." I state resolutely, but the royal still doesn't look convinced.

"Alright." She voices reluctantly. I squeeze her hands.

"I'll call her tomorrow." I add, hoping to reassure the woman. It partially works as her lips curl into a half smile. 

"Ok. Now, we really should get some sleep." The Queen decides and in unison we lay on our backs beside each other, staring up at the ceiling. My mind wonders to a certain feline. _'Despite downplaying Catra's reaction, I would be lying to myself if I said it will be easy to talk to her. It won't. And part of me is scared that she'll spiral downwards again.'_

I bite my lip. _'No. I won't let that happen. I'll still be there for her. For **both** of them.'_ I decide determinedly until a small voice whispers into my ear. _'But who will be there for you?'_ I push the thought out. _'If I'm with my friends then I'm fine. I don't need to worry about Shadow Weaver or my nightmares or my panic attacks or cutting sessions or my traumatic past. I'll be fine.'_ I think, but doubt crawls through the cracks, leaving me anxious. _'I'll be **fine**.'_ I repeat to myself before allowing sleep take me.

~=~

**Nightmare:**

_"Why are you doing this?!" I plead._

_"Because you left me!" She accuses._

_"So you told her, but not me?" I ask, voice coated in hurt._

_"Because she was there when you and Bow kept leaving me!" She shouts._

_"Admit it, you love being her **favourite** **!** " Another shout._

_"Oh what? Are you jealous that you're not Shadow Weaver's **favourite** anymore?" A jabbing taunt._

_"You just run around playing the perfect **hero**." An accusation._

_"You always need to play the **hero** don't you?" An assumption._

_" **Stay** with me, ok?" A plea._

_"Ok." A heartfelt answer._

_" **Stay**. Please. I know we can fix this together if we try." A beg._

_"Why is that your answer to everything?!" Frustration._

_"This isn't real! None of it is."_

_"I'd rather see the whole world burn before I let that happen."_

_"You always ruin it."_

_"The rebellion's in a worse place than ever since you showed up!"_

_"You think you can just turn into **She-ra** and smash things with your sword and it will just fix everything!" _

_"How does it feel to know that you're the world's worst **She-ra?** That if you hadn't picked up the sword then this wouldn't have happened. It's all your fault." _

_It's all your fault._

~=~

I shoot up from my bed, holding in the bouts of gasping as some of my worst memories hit me relentlessly. Frantic eyes flicker to the purple head beside me to find that she's still sleeping, one arm tucked under her head like a pillow. I release a breath, relieved to see she's still slumbering. I clutch my chest, waiting for the rapid beating of my heart to slow.

A shuddering breath escapes me at the extreme emotions. I don't know why they came to the forefront of my mind. This was years ago. Maybe it's because I'm slowly realising how painfully similar the two are. Or maybe it's because I feel like I'm being forced to choose between two of my best friends. I push down the wave of nausea that threatens to overwhelm me and decide to lie back down.

My eyes glimpse once more at the sleeping Queen. Her face is so peaceful and content. I just wish I could feel the same. _'Talking definitely cleared things up, but has it solved our problems? Or am I just being ridiculous for holding onto the past? It's over, so why am I still dwelling on it?'_ A small sigh escapes my lips as the Queen continues to snore lightly. I shuffle closer to the woman and prop myself up on one elbow, watching the girl carefully as a desire to protect her from the darkness washes over me. Reaching a hand out, I gently brush the strands of hair from her face, hoping it will distract me from my mounting anxieties. 

"Don't leave..." I freeze at her mumble, scared that I've woken her, but when I peer closer I find her face is screwed up, as if stuck in a nightmare. I balk. _'Glimmer has nightmares?'_ I chew my lip and wait to see if she'll say anything else. A few seconds later she does. "I'm sorry. I...need you. Always have." The Queen mutters as I stare at her through impossibly wide eyes. _'Looks like I'm not the only one still battling demons.'_ I think ruefully and shift so that my side is pressed against the purple head.

Her frown eases slightly, but it doesn't fade. Biting my lip I decide to wrap the girl in a hug and pull her towards me until her head is nestled against my chest and my chin rests on the top of her skull. When I glance down at her face again, I'm relieved to find her face has smoothed out into that relaxed expression once more. Seeing her like this seems to put my own churning worries on hold and I find myself drifting off as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Glimmer's situation, I suppose it's not so much that her Dad and Bow didn't care, but it's more that they didn't notice and I guess it could be argued that your care for someone is flawed if you don't notice them or their feelings. I don't know. Maybe not. But being forced to fade into the background while everyone else has important roles does hurt. You begin to question if you matter. If you're needed. Or maybe it hurts that they don't understand why you're feeling that way. Even worse? They think you've got it wrong. True everyone has their own perspective of things, but does their different perspective invalidate yours? I'd like to think not. Lol that got deep XD
> 
> While I personally disagree with Glimmer & Catra being labelled as similar, I can't deny that they both had the same issues with Adora's personality to the point that they often used similar arguments and I thought it would be cool to highlight some of the major ones we saw over the course of the show, with a slight spin of my own. 
> 
> So basically they've talked over the worst of what happened. And from here on out we start the slow upward trek to recovery. Goodbye angst, you played an invaluable role and we will miss you. There'll be a few trip-ups (when isn't there?) But for the most part, we're finally moving in the right direction.
> 
> Next chapter is back to Glimmer's POV. There's a brief conversation with Catra over the phone and a couple of other conversation topics that I thought would be interesting to touch on. See you next time, whenever that is XD
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	64. Don't Disappear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glimmer's trying to tone down her obvious dislike for Catra, but it's hard when they're the reason your mum is gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let the fluff and friendship jealousy commence! While the angst does dial down, hopefully the tooth-aching sweetness and friendship dynamic shenanigans will be a welcomed replacement. I mean - I love my angst and prob could keep going, but you guys have totally earned some positivity and thus it starts from here on out. 
> 
> You know what that means right? Not too many chapters left to go. I did a rough estimate and I think (emphasis on think) that we have about 12 chapters left, give or take a couple. Which in hindsight still sounds like a lot but since this chapter is currently 64 chpts, 12 chapters isn't that much in comparison. I have yet to write the last 2/3 chapters which I should try to get on with since it would suck just to leave you guys hanging for a couple months on the last couple of chapters. But I did write a lot of this during my uni bus rides or summer holidays so I don't know. I might try to pace my updating a bit (as in a little less frequent) so you wouldn't have to wait too long for the last couple, what do you think? 
> 
> And I wanted to add more to the chapter title, but felt it would be too long, so here ya go:   
> 'Don't disappear like Mum & Dad did' Now that sounds angsty XD
> 
> Triggers: mild mentions of cutting & attempted suicide

**Morning:**

**Glimmer's POV:**

When I come to, I instantly notice the warm comforting sensation around me. A stark contrast from the ebbs of the nightmare that I vaguely recall from last night. I'm about to shudder in memory, until I realise I'm locked in place. Frowning, I open my eyes, but all I'm greeted to is white. I try to flicker my eyes up, only to be met with light skin. _'Adora?'_ I wonder in surprise as I notice the way her body is pressed up against mine. Her head resting lightly against the crook of my neck while mine is nestled by her sternum. Warmth spreads to my cheeks and I'm just about to withdraw when I hear the girl's even breathing.

Conflicted, I remain in place to not wake the blonde. That is, until I realise my leg has gone numb from where the blonde has semi-sat on it. I try to ease it out, but I'm too locked in place and have no choice but to resign myself to staying like this. I release a quiet sigh and count the seconds till the warrior awakens. While I wait, I listen to the steady thrumming of her heart and subconsciously bury myself closer, craving the warmth and closeness.

As I wait, I think back to last night and I can't help the shiver that runs through me at seeing her ducked in the bathtub and gasping for air. _'Part of me is still anxious that she was lying and did it on purpose. But she didn't look guilty, so I'm willing to believe that she's telling the truth about the panic attack.'_ The scar under my glove burns at the reminder.

I flex my fingers. _'I can't believe I actually told her. Maybe it's because I'm sick of lying. I'm sick of letting my bad actions lead to terrible consequences. I'm sick of hiding. And I'm sick of pushing people away. I just wanted someone to finally understand and know. And who better person than Adora? I might've vowed to never do such a thing again, but at least she understands what it means to be hurting so deeply and painfully that you want it to end.'_

I frown in thought, recalling Adora's confession. _'Wait. If she went back to cutting...is she going to stop now?'_ A wave of worry washes over me and I grip the warrior closer, wanting to protect her from the world. _'I need to ask her.'_ I decide resolutely as my mind focuses on the latter part of our conversation. Catra. _'From what I know, Catra turned more evil after Adora left. What's stopping her from doing that again? And, what's stopping her from changing Adora's mind? I know she said she wouldn't, but they seemed so fond of each other. It feels impossible that Adora will just leave that behind.'_

I chew my lip anxiously as my nightmare plays on a loop in my mind. The warrior leaving me again, but it's not just her. It's _**ev** **eryone**_. Mum, Dad, Bow, the princesses. And I'm all alone. Empty. Cold. Invisible. I shiver. _'No way. I can't let that happen. Never again.'_

"Are you cold?" I jump at the sudden voice and look up to find Adora staring down at me with furrowed eyebrows. I shake my head. "You looked really deep in thought there. You alright?" She queries softly and I smile up at her.

"I was just thinking about what we talked about last night. I'm glad we got it out of the way." I admit and feel the girl's strong arms pull me even closer into her bosom. My eyes soften at the surge of protectiveness. 

"Same. If it makes you feel better, you look cute when you're thinking." Adora whispers and my heart clenches in embarrassment. I duck my head shyly and slap her bicep.

"It's too early in the morning for teasing." I grumble, eliciting a chuckle from the woman. 

"Alright." She concedes with a lazy smile and releases her hold on me. I immediately mourn the loss and without thinking I latch back onto her, earning a surprised yelp from the blonde. "Well someone is clingy today." Adora jokes, but her tone is soft. 

"I just really missed you." I mumble into her collarbone as her arms return around me.

"I've been here for a few weeks now." The blonde reminds and making it increasingly hard to ignore the temptation of hitting her. 

"I know that. I meant, I miss just being in your embrace again." I utter. The warrior gives me a squeeze.

"Me too Glimmer. Me too." Adora murmurs. I sigh in contentment. We remain snug like that for several minutes, until the numbness in my leg makes itself known once more. With red ear tips I try again to shift my leg. This time the blonde notices and with a sheepish expression she rolls over onto her back, freeing my limb. I bend it, returning some much needed blood circulation.

"Sorry." The warrior expresses in embarrassment. I nudge her. 

"Looks like I'm not the only clingy one." I tease as I shift into a sitting position. My lavender orbs flickers over the blonde to spot her reddening cheeks.

"That was hardly on purpose! You can't control what you do when you're asleep." She protests while stretching her arms over her head. Her white top inches upwards to expose her abdomen and I catch sight of the closed wound, still looking raw and painful. I wince and stretch out a hand to brush my fingertips against it lightly. I feel the girl tensing underneath me.

"Glimmer?" She probes, her voice tight. I blink and withdraw my hand immediately.

"Sorry. It just looks really sore. You don't need a bandage or some painkillers?" I ask with knit eyebrows as the girl's eyes drop to said wound.

"N-No." She stutters and I can't help the grin that graces my lips at seeing her so flustered by my actions.

"Someone's embarrassed." I smirk as her her face becomes a rosy tinge. 

"I-I'm not! I just...I didn't realise how much I'd miss all those times you were so affectionate with me." Adora mumbles, her face flushing deeper. I feel my own cheeks heating up at the confession. 

"So did I." I murmur and wanting to get control of the rollercoaster of emotions, I stretch out a teasing hand while keeping one eye in the blonde who watches my approaching hand wearily. I divert on the last second and tug the bottom of her top back down, hiding the wound. She wilts back against the mattress. 

"You're going to give me a heart attack. You know I hate tickling." She mumbles before finally pushing herself up into a sitting position. I shoot her a devious smile and ruffle her hair. 

"You're being dramatic." I utter, waiting for the blonde to slap my hand away, but instead she slings an arm around my shoulders and I feel so warm and safe leaning against her. 

"I like being dramatic." The warrior jokes and I roll my eyes, fully remembering her past antics. I open my mouth, ready to retort until a vibrating sound cuts me off. Adora pulls away to stare at her watch, chewing her lip as she gazes at the small screen. I furrow my eyebrows at her expression.

"What is it?" I query, trying to peer over her shoulder as she sighs.

"It's Catra. I should really answer it." And just like that the warmth departs, leaving me feeling cold and detached.

"Oh." I voice as the blonde shoots me an apologetic look before tapping the screen. 

"Adora?" The cat's voice leaks through the device and into the room. I cringe at hearing her, but remain seated.

"Hey Catra." Adora greets, glancing at me as she says it. I try to give her a reassuring smile, but it only comes out as a half twitch.

"You didn't check in yesterday." The feline mutters bluntly. I bite my tongue. _'Adora's been calling her everyday?'_ I think with a twinge of jealousy. 

"Yeah, I got...occupied last night. Listen, I actually want to talk to you." The blonde voices.

"We _**are** _talking." Catra points out, her tone brash. I clench my hands at how dismissive she is.

"No, I mean in person." The warrior clarifies, prompting me to jerk my head up in surprise. There's silence on the other end for several moments. 

"Is Sparkles next to you right now?" I freeze at the cat's correct deduction and share a look with the blonde before she turns her head back to her device. 

"Why?" Adora opts to ask instead. I hear something like swishing in the background, followed by:

"Because if she is, I have a pretty good feeling about what you want to talk about. Actually, forget I asked. Where are we meeting?" Catra snipes. I watch Adora chew her lip for a moment before answering.

"You remember that ruin we found last year? What about there?" She suggests. A pause.

"Fine. I'm on my way." Is all she says and cuts the line, plunging the room into a melancholy silence. I fiddle with my fingers before chancing a look at the blonde who's still chewing her lip anxiously. I nudge her with my foot.

"Are you alright?" I ask quietly, but the blonde slumps her shoulders.

"She knows what I'm going to say. I don't want to hurt her again." Adora whispers while running a hand through her hair. I bite my lip, not knowing what to say and feeling conflicted on how strong her emotions run for the cat.

"Let's just see what she says. Maybe she won't take it that badly." I suggest, despite thinking otherwise. Adora shoots me a rueful smile. 

"I think we both know that's not true." The blonde mutters, before shifting towards the steps. "I should get ready." She adds, but I frown at her wording and pull her back by the shoulder.

"What do you mean you should get ready? I'm coming with." I express as the blonde stares at me in bewilderment.

"I don't think that's a good idea. It should just be the two of us." The warrior refuses, but I shake my head.

"And wait naively in the hope that you'll return? No way." I voice firmly. A flash of hurt crosses those baby blue eyes, forcing a lump of lead to settle in the pit of my stomach.

"Don't you trust me?" She whispers, making my heart clench.

"It's not you that I don't trust, it's _**her**_." I clarify bitterly while the blonde bunches her eyebrows together.

"She's not going to hurt me. She's a different person now." Adora argues, but I cross my arms in disbelief.

"If someone hurts you once then they have the potential to hurt you again. I'm not risking it." I express firmly, but the blonde just stares at me.

"Are you saying people don't deserve second chances?" The warrior asks seriously. My lips curl downwards.

"Catra had plenty of chances to change." I voice acidly as the blonde frowns.

"People make mistakes. You shouldn't hold that to them. I didn't with you." Adora reminds sharply. I flinch at the jab and drop my hands to my lap. 

"I refuse to forgive her for what she did to my Mum. But...if _**you** _want to forgive her then that's got nothing to do with me." I mumble as my eyes fixate on the plush violet mattress underneath me.

"I get that, but this isn't about forgiving. It's about moving on. If you don't trust her then that's fair, but at least trust me when I say she's not going to hurt me." The warrior utters, her expression tight. I exhale heavily, knowing when I've been backed in a corner, so I reach out and take hold of one of her hands.

"Of course I trust you Adora. I always have. But please let me tag along, if not for my sake then yours. You're still injured and while the biggest threat of the bandits have been removed, there are still rebels out there. I'll be at a distance if it makes you feel better." I murmur softly. The woman's features become conflicted as she purses her lips before releasing a quiet sigh.

"Alright. But you have to promise me that you won't get involved, no matter what happens." Adora warns and I bite my tongue, feeling that would be too difficult of a promise to keep, but when those sky blue eyes gaze at me with such a heartfelt plea I find it impossible to deny her. I sigh.

"Ok. I won't. Unless you're in danger." I add as an afterthought. The woman looks as if she's about to protest, but thinks better of it as she nods.

"Ok good. Let's go." The blonde decides. 

"Erm you're going to have to tell me where we're going." I point out mildly, earning an abashed glance from the warrior. 

"Oh right. Let me fetch a map and pinpoint it. It's a bit of a trek from here." Adora voices sheepishly. I roll my eyes. _'Typical Adora.'_ But I give her hand a reassuring squeeze and teleport us to the communication room.

**4 hours later:**

I grumble under my breath, trying not to pin the blonde with a glare as she keeps shooting me fervent glances of apology.

"That was way more than a trek." I complain. 

"Sorry! I didn't realise you had to know where you're going for your teleportation to work." Adora apologises. I shake my head.

"I don't necessarily need to know it, but the general vicinity would've been helpful. This place is a forsaken maze!" I retort as the warrior rubs the back of her neck in embarrassment.

"Yeah, kind of reminds me of Entrapta's place huh?" The blonde mumbles, prompting a small smile to my lips.

"Ok, when you mention _**that** _place, then this is like a walk in the park." I concede, eliciting a chuckle from the woman.

"Yeah Druid was bad." She agrees with a laugh and soon I'm joining in with her as memories flash before my mind's eye. When our laughter dwindles to the odd chuckle, I shake my head fondly.

"You were out of it for most of the trip. Trying to deal with Entrapta and loopy Adora was a nightmare. It gave me an insight on what being a parent would be like." I joke, but instead of laughing the girl blinks twice and cocks her head to one side.

"Wow. I can't imagine you as a parent." The blonde comments. I raise an eyebrow and lightly elbow her in the bicep. 

"What? You think I'll be terrible at it?" I ask dryly, but the woman shakes her head and splays her hands out in front of her.

"Of course not! I think you will be the best mum. I just...you'll have to be so mature and everything." The warrior tries to explain and fails. I cross my arms.

"So I'm not mature?" I query and watch in amusement as the blonde squirms.

"You know what I mean. Actually, it's strange seeing Bow act so fatherly, but his kind soul makes him a great dad." Adora voices thoughtfully. My lips curve up in a half smile, as I wonder if Adora will uncover Bow's...less than admirable parenting. I give myself a mental shake. _'I'll tell her later.'_ And instead I decide to shower my oldest friend with praise, while also trying to be truthful as I can. 

"Bow is a fantastic dad. He's understandably protective, but he showers that boy with so much love. I'm not sure how good I'll be with kids, but someone has to take the throne after me." I say with a shrug, prompting the Princess of Power to frown.

"Wait, do you not want kids?" She asks. I hesitate before answering.

"I do, but...sometimes I'm scared that I'll end up being a copy of my Mum - stifling and overbearing. I love her a lot, but that's not the type of parent I want to be." I confess while rubbing my elbow self-consciously. Moments later I feel a hand resting on my shoulder. I look up to find a sincere expression on the blonde's face.

"I know you will be an excellent Mum. You're so caring and loving that I can't imagine you not being anything less than perfect. There will always be arguments with the ones you love, that's part of life, but that doesn't mean you love them any less. There might've been a lot of friction between you and your Mum, but it was so obvious how much she cared about you. She wanted the best for you and sometimes love makes people do dumb things because they're worried about you." Adora explains wisely. I sniff, trying to force the burning in my eyes to halt. I rub at my teary eyes and pin the warrior a grateful look.

"Thanks Adora." I voice gratefully, eliciting a grin from the woman.

"Anytime Glimmer." She murmurs and let's her hand drop from my shoulder.

We continue walking in silence for several minutes until the blonde suddenly snaps her arm out in front of me, stopping me in my tracks. I throw her a questioning look, but she puts a finger to her lips.

"Catra's already here. Stay here while I go and talk to her." Adora whispers. I turn to squint ahead of me and true enough I can make out the shadowy outline of the cat. I clench my fists, but nod statically anyway.

"Ok." I breathe out and watch as the blonde makes her way over to the feline.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean, I can't help but not think of Glimmer as a mum - I feel it would be such an interesting concept, especially with the memories of her strained relationship with her own mum. I don't explore too much of it in this story, but it will crop up a few times as mentions in the coming chapters. And ta da! A chapter that doesn't have too much angst, see I can write healthy moments too XD
> 
> And my friends are forever calling me cute or adorable and I still don't know what I do for them to say that. Lol how do you even respond to that? XD Anyway that's why I plugged in the cute comment, because of how frequently I hear it ha. Also, anyone ever get that feeling where you really want a hug? You're not sad or anything, you just need one...just me? Luckily, my mum gives the warmest of hugs, jeez now I feel like having one lol XD I'm being sappy I know; I blame the bunch of moral and ethics lectures I've been having today XD   
> Wow this note became very mum focussed heh, sorry? Everyone always asks are you a 'Daddy's girl' or a 'Mummy's girl' and I can say without a doubt I'm the latter. I guess that's what made watching all of Glimmer's and Angella's interactions both sweet and painful.
> 
> For next chapter I think you all can guess what's going to happen. It's a bit sad, but not that much and I think it provides maybe a small sense of closure? Might update tomorrow, tho I've got this online course and book I have to read before my immersion week at the end of the month so I should really give some time to that...I'll leave it at: we'll see. 
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	65. Why Not Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora goes to break the news to Catra, but she didn't realise how hard it would be. Once again, she's forced to choose between those she cares about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are so sweet, thank you so much for all your thoughts, it's a real joy reading them.  
> So a whole load of fluff with a nice serving of angst. While Catra isn't one of my fav characters, even I felt my heart tearing up for her here, but she'll be ok because she's a strong character. 
> 
> CrazyButterSock drew an epic scene for this chapter and it's the first one with Catra in it which I think a lot of you will enjoy. It really is a brilliant drawing to compliment this chapter. Every time I think I know which one is my fav, you end up topping it. So thank you so much!! <3 
> 
> Ddr_Naomi also drew amazing fan art for the story as a whole and has kindly allowed me to share it: https://mobile.twitter.com/thunder32_dor/status/1359627367203880961
> 
> Thank you guys for all your support and interest in this story, I'm so touched.
> 
> Mild Triggers of cutting.

**Adora's POV:**

I walk at a steady pace, not wanting to startle the cat. But it seems I needn't bother as the feline jumps down from the ledge that she was lounging on several metres before I reach her. When I'm finally close enough, I can feel Catra's eyes on me, scanning me up and down while taking in the way I lift one heel slightly off the ground and my hand that twitches close to my abdomen. But I refrain from clutching the wounded area, not wanting her to be more worried than she already is. Finally her mismatched irises flicker to my face.

"How are you feeling? You look pretty beat-up." Catra drawls. I shrug.

"Having a bunch of bullets in your body tends to do that." I answer ruefully, eliciting a snort from the cat.

"That's putting it mildly." She utters, before flattening her ears down and crossing her arms. "Well get on with it." She adds in a mutter. I frown at her attitude and take a step towards her.

"Get on with what?" I ask in surprise, wondering if she really has figured out the reason of why I asked to meet with her.

"Get on with what you want to say. I know you're leaving." She mumbles while turning her head to the side. I'm shocked into silence and rub my elbow. 

"Was it that obvious?" I ask sheepishly and watch as the woman shrugs.

"Yeah it was. You've done it before, it wasn't that hard to guess that you'll do it again." Catra utters dryly. I bite my lip, hating to hear the melancholy in her voice.

"Are you okay with that?" I query cautiously as the cat snaps her head back to me.

"Of course not! But it doesn't matter what I want." She shouts, before dropping to a hushed whisper. "You never listen anyway." Her eyes start to fill up with tears. I swallow thickly, cursing the world for forcing me to see my best friend this downtrodden. 

"That's not true. You should get a say too." I argue softly but she shakes her head and digs her fingernails into the flesh of her arms. 

"It's not like it will count. Sparkles always gets her way, doesn't she?" Catra voices bitterly. I stretch out my hands to pull hers away from her chest.

"Come on Catra, that's not fair. You're both important to me." I deny. Her orbs drop to our joined appendages.

"But you've left me _**twice** _for her. If I was so important you'd actually consider me for once." The feline retorts. I squeeze her hands.

"I do consider you, its just...I'm happier at Brightmoon." I confess, as the former Horde loyalist snaps her eyes back to mine.

"Are you _**really** **?**_ " She challenges and I frown at her tone.

"What do you mean by that?" I ask, feeling on edge.

"How many arguments have you gotten into with that pink head? I'm sure it's way more than anything we went through." I flinch at her taunting question, hating that there's some truth embedded into it. 

"It doesn't matter. Glimmer and Bow make me happy." I state stubbornly just as the feline snatches her hands from mine.

"Wake up Adora! Someone who argues with you all the time doesn't make you happy! When will you get it through that thick skull of yours that she isn't good for you?!" Catra yells. I clench my hands into fists.

"And you think that _**you're** _good for me? Newsflash Catra, you've done way worse to me than Glimmer ever has." I bite back, causing the woman to shrink back into herself as she chews her lips.

"I'm not saying I'm good for you. I know what I've done can't just be swept aside, but as someone who's known you your whole life I don't want to see anyone else hurting you. And that girl? She will hurt you. She's got you so tightly wrapped around her little finger that I'm scared you'll follow her blindly and do things you don't want to do just to please her." Catra murmurs softly as my breathing catches. _'That's ridiculous, right?'_ But before I can answer, I hear branches rustling behind us. _'Shoot! I forgot Glimmer is here.'_ I watch as Catra's ears perk up before she shoots me a steely gaze. "She's here isn't she?" The former Horde commander growls. I shrug helplessly. 

"I'm still injured remember? Couldn't have come all this way by myself." I remind as the girl's tail swishes from side to side in frustration. 

"Well show yourself Sparkles." The cat calls out and after several tense seconds, Glimmer appears from the bushes, her expression taunt as she goes to stand beside me. "I never pegged you as an eavesdropper." Catra draws out, making the purple head clench her hand into fists.

"At least it's better than being a world destroyer." She fires back, causing the cat to cringe. However, it's so brief that you could've missed it. Instead, Catra waves her hand to one side. Although I know better and that comment definitely pained her.

"That's in the past." Catra opts to say, but it turns out to be the wrong thing to say as the Queen takes a threatening step towards the cat.

"Oh so my mother is a thing of the past?!" She retorts sharply, prompting the feline to clamp her jaws shut.

"It wasn't like I forced her to close the portal." Catra mutters under her breath. My ears pick it up and I throw an anxious glance at the royal who looks on the edge of either bursting into tears or throwing herself into a fully fledged punching match. I grasp her wrist before she does anything, pleading with my eyes for her not to take Catra's words seriously. In a stroke of luck she slumps her shoulders and exhales heavily.

" _ **You** _opened it. She was trying to fix your actions, but I don't expect you to appreciate that. You were the bad guy after all." Glimmer mutters and despite how harsh her words are I can't help but focus on one word: were. Past tense. _'Has she finally accepted that Catra is no longer the bad guy?'_ However Catra doesn't seem to take notice and just scowls. 

"I don't need a sparkle princess to tell me my mistakes." The feline growls out. I gulp, _'This isn't going to go well.'_ I think just as the Queen takes another step towards the cat, dragging me behind her as I keep my grip on her wrist.

"This wasn't just a mistake! A mistake is when you accidently tread on someone's toes. This was a crime!" Glimmer bites out and soon the feline is clenching her hands into fists as well.

"So what? You want to lock me up in prison then?" Catra goads, prompting the purple head's eyes to flash red.

"Maybe I do!" The Queen retorts sharply. "Every other Horde soldier paid for their crimes, why should you be any different?" She adds as the cat narrow her eyes.

"Well you'd have to catch me first." The former Horde commander snipes. I glance anxiously between the two woman, getting the sense that a fight is going to ensue. I quickly step in between the two emotionally-charged women and stretch out an arm on either side, keeping my palms facing outwards to stop them clashing.

"Woah guys. Let's just take a breather here." I interrupt. Glimmer looks ready to argue, but bites her tongue and leans back slightly. However Catra on the other hand thinks otherwise. 

"Why? So I can let you leave me for Glitter again?" My childhood friend spits out. I twist round, pinning the girl with pleading eyes.

"I'm not leaving you. I just want to live somewhere else and I'll visit all the time." I urge earnestly, but my heart drops when I see water building up her eyes.

"Why is it always her?" Catra whispers, her posture broken. My face crumples.

"That's not true. You're just as important." I voice softly. 

"Then don't leave." The feline murmurs, reaching forward to cup my cheek. I tense up at the unexpected action just as I hear a sharp intake of breath behind me. "Don't choose her over me again." She adds lowly. I shake my head, detaching her hand from my face.

"I'm not choosing anyone!" I protest, but to my dismay Glimmer nudges me from behind.

"Adora you don't have to persuade her to accept your decision." The Queen utters, eliciting a growl from the cat.

"Stay out of it Sparkles! Adora you have to make a choice. Her or me." Catra demands, forcing a metaphorical rock onto my chest. Glimmer steps into my line of sight.

"That's so unfair of you. Why can't you accept that Adora wants to go back to Brightmoon?" The purple head argues, but the feline ignores her and pins me with that hard gaze of hers.

"Adora _**choose**_." She voices firmly.

"She has already chosen!" Glimmer interferes, finally grabbing the cat's attention.

"You're just scared that she might change her mind." Catra taunts, riling up the girl.

"I'm not scared of anything!" She shouts before turning to face me. "Tell her Adora so we can go back home." Glimmer adds.

"Let her make her own decision for once." Catra hisses before returning her attention to me. I gulp, the attention of two sets of eyes makes me squirm. I step back from the pair of them.

"Why do you both always make me choose?" I whisper, hurt. I turn my blue eyes to Catra. "You need to accept that Glimmer has been a big part of my life for a while now, whether you like it or not." I state firmly before shifting my gaze to the purple head. "And you need to accept that Catra has been a part of my life before we even met. That's not going to change." I utter, rendering the two women silent. They glance at one another before the Queen releases a sigh and steps towards me, taking my hands into hers.

"You're right and I'm sorry. Sometimes I forget you led this whole other life before you met us. I can't keep ignoring that there are other people that you care about. I...I guess I was - _**am** _jealous. I wanted so badly to be everything to you - your past, present and future, but that's ridiculous, because I wasn't there in your past. And it scares me that I wasn't. That I'm not enough for you. I love you so much and I don't want to lose you again." Glimmer confesses while squeezing my hands. The lump in my throat bobs up and down with emotion, touched by her heartfelt words. I squeeze her hands back before withdrawing one of my appendages to rest it on her cheek. Subconsciously she leans into it as I give her an encouraging smile.

"I-I'm glad you told me that Glimmer, but you don't need to be jealous. What we have already is perfect and it doesn't need adding to it. We might not have known each other for as long, but to me it feels like I've known you my whole life. It doesn't matter if in reality it was less. You're just as special." I murmur comfortingly as the girl's lips curl up into a warm smile. 

"You're one of a kind, you know that?" She breathes out, making me grin. A cough breaks us out of our moment and we simultaneously turn our heads towards the cat who kicks at a nearby rock.

"Alright. You...you can go. I'm sorry I was being such a baby about it. Just, visit often ok?" Catra mumbles. My jaws drop and when I spare Glimmer a glance she has the same expression. I take a step towards her, breaking contact with the Queen.

"Are you sure?" I ask hesitantly. The feline bites her lip, but nods.

"Yeah. I'm sure." I furrow my eyebrows, confused on the sudden change and when I try to convey my question silently she refuses to meet my eyes. Pursing my lips, I turn to face the royal who's mouth is still agape and I jerk my head towards the trees, motioning for her to give me some time alone with the cat. She hesitates for a moment before nodding and teleports out of sight, leaving me alone with my childhood friend. 

"Why the sudden change?" I ask in confusion. Catra squirms and rubs her elbows before finally looking at me again.

"I saw you give her that look." She answers haltingly. I blink twice, still perplexed.

"You're going to have to be a bit more clearer than that." I say gently while watching the feline kick some more at the dust.

"It's the same look you used to give me, before you left the Horde." I knit my eyebrows and cross my arms over my chest.

"Ok, let me amend that. You're going to have to be a _**lot** _more clearer." I say dryly. The cat seems very reluctant to explain further, but after a while she sighs.

"It's the look you gave me that made me feel like I'm the most important person in the world, that I can't be replaced by anyone. That look conveys so much love, care and adoration. It...well, I know I can't compete." Catra mutters as my eyes widen and I go to clutch her upper arms.

"It's not a competition!" I argue just as the woman shakes her head.

"I know it's not, but...I saw the way you are with her. And the way she is with you. The two of you have something special there. And as much as I hate to admit it, it's something that we lacked in our friendship. You'll always be important to me Adora, but I _**know** _I screwed things up to the point that it can't be fully fixed. There will always be a scar there. But with her..." Catra stops and jerks her head towards the bushes. "...things are just bruised and bruises fade. Scars do not. I'm sorry I gave you a hard time, I just...didn't want to admit it to myself. Or to you." The feline voices stiffly. My lips tremble at her confession and without warning I throw my arms around her, startling the cat as I hug her fiercely.

"I'm sorry too. If only I noticed that you were hurting back then, maybe things wouldn't have gone this far." I choke out and I nearly whimper when I feel a pair of hesitant hands enclosing around me. 

"I didn't know you were hurting either. I spent so much time focusing on everything I went through, I...I never paid any attention to what you must've felt or what you were going through. All that pressure and guilt and then the cuttings. I never tried to understand and that's all on me." Catra whispers thickly. I swallow and we remain in that embrace for a while, neither of us brave enough to detach. But after a bit, Catra finally grumbles and pushes me back. "Ok enough of all this touchy feely stuff. Go and find Sparkles before she starts worrying that you abandoned her." Catra jokes, but I can see the sadness in her eyes. I clutch her hands tight.

"I'll visit often. I **_promise_**. And you have to keep me posted with everything, including all of Huntara's rants." I insist firmly, which finally prompts a half smile from the woman.

"Now that's something I'm glad you'll be absent for." She teases before pulling away from me. "See you around 'dora." Catra bids, a small smile on her face.

"See you soon Cat." I return and watch as she leaps onto the buildings of the ruin until she's out of sight. I sigh and run a hand through my hair. _'That was a lot harder than I anticipated, but...I'm glad we sorted things out. At least partially. And this time it will be different. I will keep visiting and I will prove to her that she's not any less important.'_ A flash of purple light shimmers beside me and turning to my right I find Glimmer gazing at me with a frown.

"Are you alright?" She asks quietly. I sigh, glimpsing at where the feline once stood.

"Not quite, but I will be." I answer honestly. Glimmer chews her lip before brushing her hand against mine.

"Anything I can do to help?" She queries lightly and I give her a rueful smile.

"I could use a long relaxing day at the spa." I joke, prompting the woman's jaws to drop.

"Who are you and what have you done to Adora?" The Queen demands, but I laugh and give her a light shove.

"Well for your information, I've been spending the last 6 years in a desert. I think I've come to appreciate a good spring." I defend jokingly, eliciting a laugh from the Queen. 

"Hmm if you insist, a Spa day it is." Glimmer decides and takes my hand in hers to teleport us back home. I blink twice at the sight before me before gawking. Glimpsing to my side I find Glimmer smirking.

"So when was springs installed in Brightmoon?" I echo in shock.

"Got it done last year when Kai got obsessed with swimming. We couldn't keep going to Mystacor all the time so we had a smaller version installed here." The Queen explains with a shrug while going over to a nearby rack and pulling out two rolls of towels. I release an impressed whistle.

"That's really cool." I say in awe as the purple head passes me a towel. 

"It's off limits for anyone today, so we've got the place to ourselves and can change here." The royal states nonchalantly. I gulp. _'Change?'_

"O-oh right, that's good." I stutter out while the Queen flushes.

"I mean, you can go and change in the changing rooms if you want?" Glimmer adds, her rosy cheeks are proudly on display. I shake my head.

"N-no! That's fine." I quickly reassure and turn around to unravel the towel. Inside is a pair of waterproof shorts and chest binding. I hear rustling behind me and realise Glimmer has already started changing. Swallowing, I shimmy out of my leggings and white top and try to put on the shorts which proves to be difficult without having something to lean on.

I glance around me, looking for a pillar or something but my eyes accidently land on the changing Queen. Flushing in embarrassment, I spin on my heels to give the girl my back and her privacy. I decide to unravel the chest binding first before removing my bra and quickly wrap it round, wincing as I pull at my abdominal muscles. But when a pair of soft hands land on my sides I jump and half swivel round to find Glimmer already changed. 

"Let me help." She voices softly. I nod, having lost my ability to speak as warm hands take the ends of the fabric and finishes wrapping it around my chest. I shoot her a half smile.

"Thanks." I breathe out, still embarrassed that I saw her partially exposed like that. _'Aurgh I've changed tons of times with girls, this shouldn't be any different. It doesn't matter if she's the Queen. She's still my best friend.'_ I silently berate. Glimmer beams up at me and withdraws her arms.

"Do you need help with the shorts?" The purple head asks, while nodding at my discarded pair lying on the ground. I shoot her a sheepish look.

"Mind if I just lean on you, while I put them on?" I ask meekly, prompting the Queen to look at me in amusement before she shakes her head.

"Don't worry, I've got it." The girl answers smoothly and stoops down to one knee. She picks up the short and taps my right foot, motioning for me to lift it off the ground. I do so and she slips my raised foot into one of the holes. I put it down and before she taps my metal limb I raise it up also, allowing her to slip it through.

Clutching both sides she pulls the shorts up until my mid thighs at which point I try to take over but the Queen just bats my hands away. She stops when she reaches my scars, some still looking fresh. I watch as her lips tremble and I go to rest a hand on top of one of hers.

"Glimmer?" I voice lowly, breaking the purple head out of her daze. She snaps her lavenders eyes to my face, a range of emotions buried within those irises.

"Are you...are you going to continue with the..." She trails off, but I know what she's trying to say. I shake my head.

"'No. There's no need to." I reassure comfortingly, but it's not enough as the purple head chews her lip.

"There should never be a need to." She mutters. I bite the inside of my cheek and look away.

"You're right. I-I'm sorry." I mumble, but I feel hands resting on my cheeks. 

"You shouldn't apologise. I don't _**want** _you to apologise. I just...I want you to promise me something." The girl requests. Subconsciously, my eyes drop to the large scar on her wrist. I swallow and quickly return my gaze to her earnest eyes, ignoring the wodge of guilt that settles on my chest.

"Of course. Anything Glimmer." I murmur. Her thumbs brush against my cheeks briefly before stilling.

"I want you to promise that you'll always come to me when you're hurting. It doesn't matter if it's late or if we're busy, I just want you to come to me when things get too much." My lips part at the request and I find myself nodding.

"Ok. I will. I promise." I vow and I can see the way that those simple words remove a load off of the royal as she sags her shoulders in relief and the furrowed eyebrows ease. 

"Good." She says and bends down to pull the shorts up the rest of the way. As she straightens up, I open my mouth to speak. 

"You know you didn't have to do that." I say quietly, but the woman just shrugs.

"I wanted to." Glimmer comments smoothly and starts leading me towards one of the tubs. And in a bout of deja vu, I find my hands in the Queen's as we lower ourselves into the warm water. I sigh at the relaxing sensation, surprised that I've actually missed this. I lean back until my spine rests against the edge of the tub and just let the water soothe all my worries.

But there's something that my mind keeps coming back to and hearing the Horde spoken about so candidly like that today I can't help but wonder. My eyes shift to the royal who's resting against the edge opposite me, her face content. I purse my lips, wondering if I should bring it up at all, but if there's any place that will cool down the heat of my words, then this is it.

"So, Hordak was executed." I start randomly, plucking the woman out of her dream-like state as she floats in the water uneasily.

"Yes. Is...you didn't want him to be?" She asks cautiously, pulling herself away from edge to sit up properly. I bite my lip.

"No its not that. It's just...he was the only one who knew anything about my past. He was the one who took me away to begin with. I just...wanted to know if he saw anyone." I mumble, fiddling with my fingers under the water. Silence falls as the Queen rolls her bottom lip between her teeth. 

"I...he actually left something for you. A letter. I forgot all about it." Glimmer voices uncomfortably. I gape at her.

"He _**what?!**_ Why?" I fire out in disbelief.

"I don't know. I never opened it. Didn't want anything to do with him, but because it was for you I didn't throw it out." The Queen voices quietly as if afraid of my reaction. I chew my lip before rising to my feet. 

"Can I see it?" I ask, watching as the royal also gets to her feet. She wads over to me and takes hold of my forearms.

"Of course you can see it. It's for you. But...can it be after we've finished from here?" The purple head requests softly. I open my mouth to protest, my curiosity burning too deeply, but when my eyes drop back to her bare wrist to see that scar I know that I can't deny her.

"Ok." I voice reluctantly and the royal senses that. 

"I just think you need to relax. You've been wound up so tightly that you need to take a breather before launching yourself into something else." Glimmer adds as byway of explanation. My shoulders slump, knowing that she's right.

"Alright." I utter and allow the purple head to guide me back into the water, but the warm sensation is gone, my mind too caught up with what Hordak could've written. So when hands land on my shoulders, I flinch, but they tighten their grasp. I look to my side to find Glimmer furrowing her eyebrows. 

"I'm going to give you a message." She expresses and I balk, turning around to face her fully.

"What?" I echo, but she just spins me round so that she has my back.

"A massage. You're so tense and this is your chance to chill. Just let me know if I press too firmly." The purple head murmurs soothingly and begins work on my shoulders, squeezing the joints and digging her fingers expertly into them. I blink, having forgotten how good of a masseur the royal is and I find myself tilting forward until my arms lay on the tub's ledge and my head rests on top of them.

My eyes flicker to a close as she continues her soothing ministrations. I must've dozed off because the next moment, I find gentle hands shaking my awake. I yawn and re-open my eyes to find the Queen gazing down at me affectionately and it's then I realise that I'm leaning against her. I pull away, feeling embarrassed.

"S-sorry. I must've dozed off." I apologise in a stutter but the royal simply shakes her head.

"No need to apologise. I would've left you to sleep longer but I think we're starting to get wrinkles." Glimmer jokes and looking down at my hands I find that she's right. When I look up I find the Queen stretching her hands above her head before rising to her feet and offering me a hand. I take it and we step out of the warm tub. "Come on, let's dry off and then I'll give you that letter." Glimmer decides and I nod my head, having almost forgotten about Hordak's letter after such a blissful time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awww that conversation was a bit...very hard. But necessary all the same, I really do feel that while Adora & Catra could definitely re-build their friendship, it would never be the same after everything that happened in the first 4 seasons. There's just too much hurt and things that happened for them to fully get over it. 
> 
> I once read a quote that stuck with me: "If you scrunch up a piece of paper, no matter how much you try to straighten it out the crinkles will always remain, such is the same with betrayal." Sometimes there are lines that have been crossed and you can't quite come back from it. You can certainly make it better, but it will never quite disappear. The past has a way in affecting the future, hence the importance of being careful with your words and actions. And I talk from previous experiences. You can forgive and you can certainly try your hardest to forget, but it will always lurk in the background.
> 
> Sooo Hordak's letter huh? Thought it was about time to add some plot-related elements to the story and this was a brilliant way to ignite that. Next chapter we'll see what he wrote to Adora. See you next time!
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	66. Hordak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora reads Hordak's letter and is filled with all sorts of confliction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know we were never shown the specifics of Hordak taking Adora. All we see is him in a big field and that's it. This is my take on the details.  
> Also, I really love the whole Royalty -Peasant trope. I find the differences between higher and lower ranking individuals and their interactions with one another fascinating. It was never something that the show really delved into deeply, they briefly did it in S4 with Glimmer thinking that being the Queen gives her 'added' status. But I always thought it would be cool to see Adora finding herself not 'worthy' to have such a personal connection with Glimmer because of her higher status. I start touching on that from now and then a whole lot in the upcoming chapters.

**1 hour later:**

**Adora's POV:**

I stand anxiously in the purple head's room as she rummages in her wardrobe. After several agonising minutes, she re-appears with a dark green envelope in her hands and silently passes it over to me. I stare at the front to find my name written in small scratchy writing. It makes me wonder if all Horde soldiers have the same harsh movements with the pen. Taking a deep breath, I open the envelope and take out the folded paper inside. I smooth it out and start to read:

_Candidate 3057 (Adora),_

_The Queen told me she'd give you this, not sure whether I believe her since she is the one having me executed. But thought I'd do one decent act before my pitiful life ends._

_To start with, I want you to know why I created the Horde in the first place, or really I didn't create it. Just built on what my older brother had started. Yes, I have an older brother, or a clone to be precise. His name is Horde Prime and I was a General in his army and helped in his quest to invade and destroy numerous worlds across the galaxy._

_Alas, I had a defect and so was tossed aside like I meant nothing. I landed here on Etheria and built what you know as the Horde. All this was my doing and if you ever cross paths with Prime, you tell him that I wasn't as worthless as he deemed me to be._

_Anyway to be short, Horde Prime was in a constant war with a strong civilisation. The First Ones. From what I gathered he eventually succeeded in destroying the civilisation, except for a small pocket of people who managed to escape his terror to hide on another world. A world I accidently stumbled upon when I tried to make my own portal._

_It was bright and beautiful, so very like the parts of Etheria I hadn't conquered. I hid behind a tree while I caught sight of a father playing with a little boy and the mother stood nearby watching them before glancing down to a cradle beside her. The boy wasn't looking and tripped into a pit. Both mother and father leapt to their feet to help him out, but while doing so they left the cradle unattended to. I peeked inside and saw a baby and picked it up just as I felt the world shifting around me and was spat back onto Etheria._

_That's how I found you. Whether that small pocket of First Ones still exists I do not know. Horde Prime is relentless and I do not doubt that he found them eventually...or not. There's a place I stumbled upon that has a beacon and communication hub to connect with the First Ones. It only works on the day that all the moons are in alignment which is once every 3 years. If they are still around they'll answer as they did all those years ago before I took you._

_Now hate me if you must for taking me away from your family. But I do not regret the decision and whether you agree or not you've made a fine soldier. So long Candidate 3057...Adora. Perhaps in another life we could've worked alongside each other. Or not. We're both driven people so who knows._

_From Hordak._

_I'll give you one thing more. The boy's name that your parents shouted that day: Adam._

My eyes drop to the bottom of the page where a rough sketch detailing the location of the ruin resides. A wave of emotions hit me, shock that I had a brother, anger at being taken away from my family and confusion on Hordak's strangely paternal tone. I clench my hands, crinkling the edges of the note in the process. Glimmer flickers her eyes to my hands before returning them back to my face. Concern is etched on her features as she takes a step towards me and rests her hand on one of my fists. 

"Adora?" She probes gently. I swallow and shake my head, still trying to get my head around the fact that I had a brother. A _**brother**_. A mum and dad. _'How did they feel when they came back to that cradle to find that I had vanished? They never knew if I was alright and...a-and they never will.'_ I glance back down at the map, trying to see if I can place it, but come up blank. _'I have to see for myself. This might be my only opportunity to see if they're still around.'_ I think to myself and finally lower the paper down to my side.

"When do the moons align?" I ask suddenly, causing the woman to jerk her head up in surprise.

"W-what? Why do you want to know that?" The Queen asks, suspicion lining her tone. 

"Glimmer _**please**_." I plead. The girl looks ready to question me further, but thinks better of it and goes to answer.

"Next month I believe. But why the sudden interest? What did Hordak say?" The purple head queries with furrowed eyebrows. 

"Apparently there's a ruin where I can try and connect with any surviving First Ones and....maybe my family." I whisper, but instead of the happiness I expect to see on her face she stiffens and narrows her eyes.

"And you're just going to go? Are you crazy?! This could all be a part of some elaborate trap!" Glimmer points our brashly. I gape at her and tighten my hold on the paper.

"Hordak has been dead for years! I highly doubt any plan he had in place is still up and running." I remind acidly, not wanting her to see how hurt I am that she isn't on board with me in this.

"Earth to Adora, there are still rebels out there! For all we know it could just be an ambush." The Queen grits out and deep down I know she's right, but gah! _'Does she have to turn **everything** into an argument?!' _

"I don't care! If there's a chance that they're out there then I want to know." I argue, raising my voice slightly as the girl looks about ready to pull her hair out. 

"The First Ones have been gone for a long time. Whatever Hordak said in there is just a lie to wind you up." Glimmer states, trying to sound reasonable but I just scowl at her.

" _ **I'm** _here, aren't I?" I remind in a snipe. The Queen massages her forehead before taking a step towards me with her hand outstretched.

"That's different. Maybe they were around, but from what Hordak told me his brother must've got to them by now." The royal amends, but I step away from her.

"We don't know that!" I protest just as the Queen clenches her hands.

"Why are you being so stubborn on this?! You're going to get yourself killed." Glimmer spits out. I scrunch up my nose at her.

"Of course you wouldn't get it. You know what it's like to have a real family and grow up with people who love you instead of using you." I bite, causing the woman to recoil in shock.

"Bow and I are your family!" She protests feebly. I bite back the words that are threatening to be released: _'That's not the same.'_ And choose to remain silent. "So what? We're not good enough for you?" Glimmer asks, her voice cracking and my fists clench even more, crinkling the paper in my hands. 

"You know that's not true. I just need to find out, ok?" I rasp out. I pin my pleading eyes at the Queen who gazes at me steadfastly before turning her head to one side. When she returns her attention back to me her eyes fall to the crinkled paper in my hands and she offers her palm.

"Can I at least read this?" She asks, her voice quiet. After a moment of indecision I pass it over, not quite sure how comfortable I feel with having the purple head know more about me, but I suppose she's already seen a lot, why stop her on this? I watch as her eyes skirt along the page and the way her jaw tenses before she finally raises her eyes back up to mine.

"Ok, but I'm coming with you." She finally decides and I wilt in relief. _'Even if she said no I would've went, but it's nice to know that she has my back.'_

"Thank you." I breathe out as Glimmer crosses her arms over her chest. She shifts in discomfort and averts her eyes from mine.

"Don't mention it. I should go and see if my Dad needs a hand." She mumbles and starts to walk past me. I grab her wrist and pull her towards me. 

"What's wrong?" I question with a frown, but she refuses to meet my eye. "Nothing." The purple head mutters which causes my frown to deepen.

"We promised we'll be more honest with each other remember?" I remind as the girl chews her lips. 

"I'm just worried." She utters while I tilt my head to the side.

"But why? An ambush isn't the worst thing we've come across." I point out, but the girl just shrugs. 

"I really should go." Glimmer dodges instead. I purse my lips.

"When will I see you again?" I say without thinking which finally earns me the Queen's attention as she raises an eyebrow at me.

"You make it sound like you haven't just been with me all day." Glimmer notes with a touch of amusement and I flush at how clingy I must've came across. I release her hand and rub the back of my head. 

"I didn't mean..." I start, but stop when the royal nudges me playfully.

"I'm just teasing. I'll try to wrap everything up by midnight." The Queen answers nonchalantly as I stare at her in disappointment.

"Oh. Ok." I answer in despondency. The woman must've caught the undercurrents of my tone as she purses her lips.

"I've got a couple of meetings today. You could always join if you want?" The Queen suggests. My mind flashes to the amount of arguments we've had in those war rooms and I subconsciously shiver.

"I...don't have to say anything, do I?" I ask meekly which causes the woman to frown before paling. Her mind must've wandered to the same place as mine did. 

"No you don't have to. But if you want to, we're... _ **I'm** _happy to listen." Glimmer murmurs softly and suddenly I become aware of the repeated beating of my heart. I swallow and shoot her a half smile. 

"Ok. I mean I probably don't know anything so best if I keep quiet, but thanks for...you know." I say in a low voice. Glimmer smiles warmly at me and gives my hand a squeeze.

"I should've done that from the beginning." The girl mumbles with downcast eyes before looking back in at me. "The first meeting starts at 8pm. I'll see you there?" She queries and I nod in confirmation. 

"See you then." I agree and watch as she disappears.

~=~

When 8pm crawls by I find myself standing anxiously in front of the meeting door. I raise a hand to open it, but end up pulling it back. Despite the memories being years ago, the arguments we had in this Hall leave me flinching. I run a hand through my hair. 

"Stop being ridiculous Adora. Are you _**seriously** _afraid of a door?" I berate myself. 

"If you're afraid of a door I'm going to start to get a little concerned." A female voice floats from behind me which makes me jump. I spin round to find the Queen standing with a hand on her hip as she smirks at me. I shoot her a sheepish smile.

"I, er...talking to myself is probably concerning as well, huh?" I utter dryly as the purple head raises an eyebrow.

"That as well." Glimmer concedes as she continues to walk towards me until she's only a breath away. She goes to take my hands in hers as she looks up at me, the years having made no changes to our height difference. "Adora, are you..." She pauses to bite her lip and casts her gaze away. "...does it still bother you?" I swallow at her whispered question and decide to play dumb.

"Does what still bother me?" I query causing the girl to snap her lavender orbs back at me as she gazes at me carefully. 

"Our arguments. All the stuff I said to you." Glimmer clarifies heavily, even though I know what she's referring to. My mind flashes to the nightmare I had last night, all those biting words. _'They can't still bother me...right?'_ I bite the inside of my cheek and decide to deflect.

"Does it bother you?" I ask instead which results in me being on the end of her stink eye. 

"Stop dodging." She rebukes lightly as she squeezes my hands. I look away from her steady gaze. 

"I...I don't know." I mutter.

"Adora, I..."The Queen starts, but the door behind us clicks open making us jump apart as a guard peeks his head around the door.

"Your Majesty the meeting is about to start." He announces. Glimmer shoots me a regretful look before returning to stare at the guard.

"Thank you. I'll be right there." She says and waits until he's closed the door behind him before looking back at me.

"We'll talk about this later, ok?" She murmurs while taking my hand in mine to give it a final squeeze before opening the door. She holds the door open for me and I quickly slide in behind her to see all the chairs full except the two at the head of the table. I gulp, unsure if I should just back away slowly to avoid myself being embarrassed until I realise that the Queen is already seated at one of the two head chairs, leaving the room gawking at me for still standing. 

"I er..." I stutter, but I'm saved by the purple head when she motions for me to sit beside her. I nearly gape at her until I realise that's the last thing I should be doing in front of an assembly of people and the Queen herself. Quickly I head to the empty chair, nearly stumbling on the way as everyone's gazes penetrate into me.

Once I take a seat, the meeting begins which thankfully draws away the unwanted attention from me. I drift off as the speaker starts talking about some repairs needed in certain towns and then he moves onto another topic about tax margins.

I place an elbow on the desk and rest my cheek against my palm as I try to concentrate, but the subject is so dry that I can't help but daze out and I only notice that I'm not paying attention when I feel the Queen's eyes flickering constantly to me. I glimpse at her with a question in my eyes, but she just shakes her head slightly and returns her gaze to the speaker, leaving me confused and befuddled. I try again to zone in, but nearly groan at how boring this is.

It's only an hour later do I jerk my head up at the mention of a festival to celebrate the anniversary of the war's end. I blink twice and glance at the Queen beside me and when she feels my blur orbs on her she turns slightly to give me a small shrug. I return my attention to the speaker.

"As this is the third year since the war's end, I propose a simpler theme from last year's and perhaps a procession around Queen Angella's monument. Then we end with a speech from Queen Glimmer. What do you think Your Majesty?" The steward suggests, penetrating his beady eyes on the Queen. Glimmer taps her fingers against the table for a moment before stilling them.

"Is the speech really necessary Arthur? I think the people know by now what I'll say." The purple head questions in a tone of authority.

"But of course Your Majesty. If anything, it's important for the people to see you. You don't make enough appearances to the public and this is a rare opportunity to do so." The speaker, Arthur, points out. I frown at the man, not liking his tone. Beside me, Glimmer sighs.

"Well, what theme did you have in mind this year?" She goes to ask instead of arguing, surprising me.

"I was thinking of a Winter Ball. We haven't had one of those in a long time." The steward suggests as the girl purses her lips. 

"I'm not sure. We haven't had one since..." She trails off, her eyes dropping to the table. I frown, wondering what's the reason for the sudden melancholy in the room.

"Which is why I think it would be a perfect chance to re-instate the tradition, it's been years since..." Arthur is quickly cut off when the Queen snaps her steely eyes to the man.

"Time is irrelevant and I do not wish to re-instate it." The royal utters firmly. The steward clenches his hands as I glance anxiously between the two. My mind races with a possible solution to ease the sudden tension.

"We could always have a Winter Market with a small activity outside like er..." I glance at Frosta and an idea suddenly hits me. "Ice-skating!" I blurt out, pulling the duo away from their glaring match to stare at me. Glimmer sits back in her chair and crosses her arms over her chest.

"I suppose that would be alright." She mumbles.

"That seems like a fair proposition. We used to have ice skating traditions before the war got so bad. Everyone will need a partner, including the Queen herself." The man muses aloud, eliciting a glower from the purple head.

"We don't always need to stick to tradition." Glimmer express icily. The steward's face reddens, as if ready to self-combust.

"Traditions are _**important**_. The war has uprooted many of them and now that it's over we should be trying to return them." Arthur argues tightly. As the purple head opens her mouth I decide to step in.

"I'll be Glimmer's partner!" I blurt out, earning the looks of everyone in the room.

"It's _**Queen** _Glimmer." Arthur points out rudely. I flush in embarrassment, but when I catch Glimmer rising from her chair, I quickly put an arm out to stop her from launching at the man.

"My apologies. _**Queen** _Glimmer. I'll be Queen Glimmer's partner. Problem solved, right?" I voice earnestly. I wait for the royal to lean back while the man purses his lips.

"Fine, that will work. If Your Majesty has nothing else to add, then I have finished my itinerary for the day." The steward echoes bluntly. Glimmer stares long and hard at the man until he starts shifting in discomfort. And I can see in her eyes what she wants to say. I'm almost tempted to stretch out a hand to squeeze hers in an attempt to persuade her not to. But despite the improvement in our friendship, I don't think we're quite there yet. And not wanting to risk any more arguments, I keep my mouth clamped.

"Arthur, as my advisor I respect you. But as your Queen I want you to speak to me as such." The purple head voices tightly. The man stiffens slightly before nodding his head statically.

"Of course Your Majesty. Forgive me for my tone." Arthur mutters. Glimmer sighs and dismisses everyone with a wave of her hand. I wait until the last person has left before turning my attention to the slumped Queen. 

"Hey, are you alright?" I query in concern. The purple head releases a quiet breath.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. It's just my counsellor is always trying to put me down. I know he means well, but I've been Queen for 7 years now. I'm not a newbie who needs guiding any more." Glimmer mutters. I shift my chair closer to hers and rest my hand on top of her clenched fist. 

"I'm sure he just wants to put the war behind him and his fixation on traditions is his way of doing that." I reassure, prompting the purple head to glance at me with a wiry smile. 

"You don't even know him and you've already got him figured out." Glimmer murmurs ruefully. I shoot her a half smile.

"Well, he did say the word traditions three times." I joke, earning me a slight nudge of her elbow. 

"Alright Miss genius." The purple head voices with an eye roll before staring at the table's surface. "Erm, thank you for helping there. Sometimes we get into an intense argument, so you've averted that." The Queen mumbles. I squeeze her hand which finally loosens her fist just enough to allow me to slip my fingers through. I feel her gaze on our joined appendages, but I don't let go.

"I think I've seen enough fights to last me a lifetime." I answer ruefully, prompting the woman to shift her gaze to me, her lavender orbs scan me cautiously. I bite my lip, not wanting us to continue our talk prior to the start of the meeting. "So, what's with the resistance against a Winter Ball? Sounds kind of fun." I say to divert the Queen's attention. Her shoulders slump and her eyes stray to the side.

"The Winter Ball usually coincided with my parents' wedding anniversary. My Mum stopped holding it when my Dad was taken and of course with her gone it doesn't feel right to hold it again." The girl explains in a low voice. My eyebrows knit at the obvious grief displayed on the royal's face. Without a word, I wrap my arm around her shoulders and pull her close, ignoring the way her elbow digs into my sore side. However, either the Queen sensed my discomfort or she has my injuries catalogued in her mind, because moments later she retracts her arm back so that it rests lightly on my spine. 

"That's fair enough. Arthur should respect that." I murmur, but the Queen shakes her head.

"Is it really? Should I continue to withhold a tradition just because I don't want there to be a ball without her?" Glimmer asks, her voice small and I swallow, unsure of the importance of all these traditions.

"I think you should feel comfortable with what's going on. Maybe...maybe one day you could give it a try again, but only when you're ready." I suggest quietly just as a pained expression takes hold of the Queen. 

"I...I'm not sure I'll ever be ready." She whispers and my eyes shine with tears at the pain in her voice.

"That's ok. Take things at your own pace." I murmur comfortingly and finally the purple head's lips twitch upwards into a small smile. 

"I missed this." Glimmer slips out subconsciously. I blink in surprise and tilt my head to one side.

"Missed what?" I query as the Queen finally pulls away from me.

"Just having you around. You make things feel ok again." She clarifies uncomfortably as my cheeks warm at the sentiment. 

"Thanks Glimmer. It's good to be back." I answer truthfully, prompting a larger smile from the girl.

"So, we're ice-skating partners, huh?" Glimmer notes with a smirk, making my heart skip a beat as I recall what my dumb big mouth said.

"O-oh yeah." I utter as a bout of anxiety runs through me when I remind myself that I don't know how to ice skate. _'Heck I've never even seen anyone do it before. The only reason why I know about it is because I read about it in some book a few years back.'_ The Queen raises an eyebrow.

"Having second thoughts?" The purple head mutters ruefully and a little...hurt? I shake my head vigorously while putting my palms out in defence.

"No definitely not! I'm honoured to be your partner. I, er...I just realised I never asked you if that would be ok?" I lie and sigh in relief when the Queen buys the lie as her eyes soften.

"I can't think of being partners with anyone else." Glimmer voices warmly, making me grin. 

"What, not even Bow?" I tease, earning me a light shove. 

"Bow actually hates ice-skating. He usually cheers me on from the side-lines while I skate with some noble that my mum used to set me up with." The purple head retorts with an eye roll. 

"Well I'm not much of a noble." I mumble, suddenly feeling self-conscious and wondering if I crossed one of those etiquette rules that Bow always used to tell me about. "I-Is that ok? I can always step back and let someone-" I stop when a hand cups my cheek. 

"No, I want you. As I said before I don't care about the rules and Arthur has accepted it so there's nothing to worry about." Glimmer expresses firmly while my throat goes dry. My mind races with something to say to ignore the warmth that envelops me. 

"I thought Queens could do whatever they wanted." I say jokingly, hoping that the purple head doesn't notice how much I appreciate that comment. Glimmer snorts and pulls away her hand.

"I wish. Ever since Dad came back he said that I needed a steward to guide me. Apparently all those who sit on the throne need an advisor and he ended up choosing me his old one." The royal complains ruefully while rising from her seat. I chuckle at her expression and follow suit.

"I mean, he could be worse." I point put while the purple head raises an eyebrow.

"You do remember that he just embarrassed you in front of the entire alliance and royal court, right?" Glimmer reminds lightly, although I see the disapproval hidden in those eyes of hers. I flush at the reminder and turn my head away from her.

"Still could be worse." I mumble before looking back at her. "I'm so sorry about that by the way. You already told me and I just...aurgh...I forgot and disrespected you in front of everyone." I utter bitterly, clenching my hand in self-annoyance. But the Queen simply takes my fist in her hand, prying it open until she can slip her fingers through before letting our hands fall by our sides. I blink down at her as her features become serious.

"You don't need to apologise for that. It's just a dumb rule that Arthur brought to light. You didn't disrespect me." Glimmer reassures, but I shake my head.

"But it's still not right. You're...you're the Queen. I shouldn't forget that." I mutter as I feel a pang in my heart at the reminder of my lowly status - an orphan or ex-soldier.

"I'm your best friend before being the Queen. If my Dad didn't respect him so much I would just ignore him." The purple head utters strongly. I avert my eyes from hers, still not convinced. But she squeezes my hand, forcing me to flicker my blue orbs back to her. Her posture shy as she shifts from one foot to the other. "Besides, I...I like you calling me by just my name and not my title. It's familiar and comforting." Glimmer confesses, the tips of her ears reddening slightly as her eyes skirt away from mine. My body warms at the sweet behaviour and I squeeze her hand back. 

"Thanks Glimmer." I murmur, prompting meek eyes to flicker to mine. 

"It's true." She voices quietly as we gaze at one another. My heart rate lulls in that familiar way that it does when I feel content and at peace.

"I know, but to keep tradition alive I'll have to remember to refer to you by your title in the presence of anyone important." I say and watch as the Queen blows at a stray strand of hair in annoyance. 

"Alright. But if you forget and Arthur pulls that stunt again I will have a stern word with him." The purple head utters sternly. My eyes soften at her protective behaviour.

"You don't have to do that." I protest quietly, prompting the royal to lock eyes with me once more.

"But I want to." Glimmer breathes out, making my breathing catch as I gaze at her, a rush of love washes over me for my best friend. I break eye contact first, not wanting to become awkward.

"Thank..." I start, but I'm cut off by my watch vibrating. Glimmer looks down at the watch in disappointment before slipping her hand out of mine.

"You should probably answer that. There's another meeting in half an hour so I guess I'll see you after that?" The purple head voices sadly. I furrow my eyebrows.

"I could always stay." I suggest, but the woman is already shaking her head.

"Don't think I didn't catch you zoning out earlier. I wouldn't want to subject you to another boring meeting." The royal expresses resolutely. But the words of: _'I'd subject myself to a hundred boring meetings if it meant I'm by your side again.'_ Are on the tip of my tongue, but I hold back, thinking they probably sound a bit too intense.

Anyhow I've lost my chance when she flickers her eyes to my watch. With a sigh I nod my head and answer the call, exiting the room as Huntara's voice leaks through the small speakers. I glance behind me to see Glimmer giving me a small wave before teleporting away. I release a small breath through my nostrils and pull my attention back at the ranting purple woman.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have never watched the original She-ra series, nor do I ever plan to (looks really dull), but being in the fandom, it's hard not to hear the name of Adora's brother being thrown around. I've heard the name Adam being tossed around so frequently it's unreal. Perhaps from fans of the original story. That being said, I thought it would be a nice homage to a piece of canon. And no I have no idea what role he played in the original and not too interested tbh, but just for the sake of interest and plot I added it here. I hope you liked it?
> 
> So the whole first one beacon is a stretch I know, but I just think that there must be some form of connection with the outside universe, despondos or not. If Shadow Weaver was able to teleport half way across Etheria with a bit of magic powder on the day that the moons align, maybe that means there's extra magic/power in the world? Maybe some things that were previously impossible, becomes a little more possible? Maybe it's possible to receive transmissions? Maybe. Hope you all don't think it sounds too ridiculous. I won't blame you if you do.
> 
> So started with a mini disagreement and then puddles of sweet fluff. After hurting my heart (and prob all of yours), we're starting to heal it with softness. As you can see there are still some issues lying just underneath the surface, but we're heading in the right direction.
> 
> Andddddddd we've reached over 300k words!!! That's actually so insane, I've never written so much for a story no less, heck I don't know that many fanfics that even have this many words so this is such an unbelievable moment. Wanted to thank you all for sticking throughout it all. I know it's long which can be off-putting sometimes, but you guys remained and I appreciate that, so THANK YOU!!! <3 
> 
> Next chapter focusses some more on the Queen/Orphan status and there's another nightmare/flashback. See you all tomorrow I think.
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	67. Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora has a nightmare of a memory she experienced in the Horde and it shakes her up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprisingly I haven't yet titled any chapters with the title: Nightmares, you would've thought I'd used it up by now considering how many nightmares Adora has had over the course of this story. Oh well, made this chapter easy to name XD
> 
> Over here in the UK we have a royal family and we constantly here all sorts of crazy/strange rules that they have to abide by in the news, things they can and can't do. I've always found it fascinating and interesting which may semi-explain my interest in the Royal-Orphan/peasant trope. To be honest I couldn't come up with a plausible enough rule, so the one I did come up with prob sounds weird, but I just wanted to get the message across, that a lot of the times there are differences between how a royal should behave compared to any average person. Anyway, it's a bit of a awkward reason lol, but hope you enjoy nonetheless. 
> 
> Also, you'll all be happy to know that I went on a writing frenzy today and managed to finish the final chapters of this story! This is great news because it means you hopefully won't have to wait ages for them to be posted. And I did a rough head count and I can confirm that there seems to be 12/13 chapters left!
> 
> There's a really intense nightmare here. So triggers of cutting & child abuse.

**Adora's POV:**

I spend the next couple of hours trying to explain to Huntara my reasons for leaving, but that fails miserably as she continues to cut across my words. In the end she begrudgingly accepts my reasonings with a single sentence:

"If they give you grief just come back here."

I sigh, massaging my temples as I flop onto my mattress in exhaustion. _'Hopefully that's the last time I need to explain myself to anyone.'_ I grumble while pulling the cover over me and settling my head on the pillow. But as soon as my head touches the plush a knock sounds at my door. I glance at the time to find it's already past 1am and frown. I force my sore body up into a sitting position before hollering.

"Door's open." I call out and the Queen pops her head through, but when she spots me on the bed she smiles sheepishly. 

"Sorry, I'll come back tomorrow." She murmurs, but I shake my head and beckon her closer. I wait until she's standing by the bed side to speak up.

"What's up?" I query, dropping my hold on the edges of the cover so that it lies limply over my lap as I gaze up at the Queen. 

"I wanted to continue our conversation from earlier, but I didn't realise the time. I'll just go." The purple head answers vaguely as I frown. 

"Oh. Yeah it's kind of late." I mumble with averted eyes. The royal bites her lip.

"Yeah. Sorry. That was dumb of me." Glimmer mutters. I shake my head. 

"No, no. I just...probably tomorrow?" I suggest meekly and the girl nods her head vigorously as she takes a step back from the bed.

"Of course. Goodnight Adora." Glimmer murmurs. I watch as she starts walking backwards before deciding to open my mouth.

"D-Do you want to stay the night?" I ask without thinking. The Queen parts her lips in surprise before going to clutch her elbow. 

"I-I don't know. Your bed's a single now, remember?" The purple head points out. I shift slightly and pull the cover back.

"You can have the bed." I say, already swinging one leg off the mattress. But the Queen is at my side in no time.

"No way! You're still injured." Glimmer protests, pushing me back onto the bed. The action is so sudden that my metal leg flies out, knocking the Queen in the knee and causing her to lose her balance as she topples forward. I hold my breath when she lands on top of me, trying to hold in my groan at the pressure on my abdomen. 

"Glimmer?" I breathe out as the Queen props herself up on one hand while using the other to massage her head from where she collided it with the bed pole. 

"Jeez your leg packs a punch." The purple head grumbles before pulling her hand away. Her eyes drop down and it's then that she realises the awkward position we're in as she bares over me. Coughing, she immediately sits back onto her heels, giving me room to sit up. 

"Heh yeah it's quite an upgrade." I joke breathlessly as I rest a light hand on my throbbing stomach. It's only when the words are out of my mouth do I realise what I've said and I cringe as the royal pales. Her eyes flicker away from me.

"Yeah." She mumbles. I bite the inside of my cheek, trying to think of something to say.

"We could always share the bed?" I suggest, gaining the Queen's attention once more.

"I don't think there's enough space for that." Glimmer expresses, sounding unsure.

"Nah its fine." I insist, promoting the Queen to raise her eyebrow.

"You like my company that much?" She teases. My cheeks heat up as I drop my gaze to the bedsheets. 

"Of course I like your company." I mumble. An awkward silence fills the room before the purple head nudges me with her elbow. 

"Alright, but if I push you off the bed in my sleep then that's on you." Glimmer jokes. I raise my eyes to meet hers, a challenge in my sky blue irises.

"Not if I pull you down with me." I retort jokingly, eliciting a gasp from the woman as she narrows her eyes.

"You wouldn't." She dares while I smirk.

"Guess we'll have to wait and see." I say offhandedly just as the girl snorts. She shoves me in the shoulder before scooping the duvet up. 

"Ok move aside so I can squeeze in there." Glimmer orders. I comply and watch as she crawls to my side while pulling the cover over us. I gulp when I realise how tightly my side presses to hers to stop myself from hurtling over the edge. The Queen shoots me a sly smile. "Are you still sure that we can both fit?" She breathes out. I shoot her a glower and lie down on my back, ignoring her. The purple head chuckles before lying down herself. "So stubborn." She mutters quietly. I roll my eyes at her, but I can't help the growing smile on my face.

"I won didn't I?" I voice lowly, prompting the Queen to stick her tongue out. 

"I'm still waiting for the collateral damage." She whispers. I snort.

"In your dreams." I retort, earning me an elbow to the side. 

"Speaking of dreams you should fall asleep so you can catch some." The royal expresses.

"I'm already living the dream now that I'm with you." I shoot back until I realise what I've said and I swiftly clamp my mouth with a hand. Glimmer's mouth moves wordlessly as she gawks at me. I bury my face in my hands. "No wait that sounds _**so** _dumb..." I start, but trail off when I feel gentle fingers prying my hands away from my eyes to find the Queen sitting up as a look of affection fills her features.

"No it doesn't. It's really sweet." Glimmer murmurs while stretching out an arm to brush away some invisible hair strands. I lean into the touch, feeling more safe than I've ever felt. The girl's hand lingers, lining my eyebrows before finally pulling away. I watch as she lies back down and rolls onto her side to face me. "Come on, we really should get to sleep." The purple head voices quietly. On instinct I find myself rolling onto my side as well. The two of us gaze at each other with neither of us willing to look away first. 

"Glimmer I...I know I haven't said it enough, but I really did miss you. Being away for that long wasn't easy." I confess in a pleading tone. The Queen furrows her eyebrows slightly before going to ruffle my hair.

"You don't need to explain yourself anymore Adora. I get it and I forgive you for it." Glimmer whispers as a lump lodges itself in my throat and for some inconceivable reason the urge to be closer tugs at me hard. I stretch out my arms to pull her towards me and bury my face into her chest, eliciting a squeak from the purple head. "Adora?" Glimmer probes in confusion and I can feel the sudden heat radiating from her neck, but I don't let go.

"I'm sorry. I'm really _**really** _sorry." I choke out as my mind won't stop flashing to the scar on her wrist and to her expression earlier today about what I said about her not being enough. Arms go to wrap around me and her hand rubs my back in soothing circles.

"What are you apologising for? Actually scratch that. You don't need to be sorry for anything. It's ok. We're ok." Glimmer comforts, but the guilt twists my insides into a knot.

"I really mucked up." I mumble into her shirt. I feel her arms tightening around me.

"What?! Where is this coming from?" The Queen asks, her tone strained. I don't answer and opt to bury my head deeper into her clothing. Fortunately the purple head doesn't question me further and just rocks me and forth until my shuddering comes to a halt, but still I don't pull away. Instead, I take in the girl's lavender scent to calm me. "Adora?" I release a quiet breath at the royal's quiet voice. 

"I'm sorry about this morning. I implied that you weren't family and that's not true. You're the closest thing I have to a family." I apologise regretfully. The purple head stills before pulling me closer.

"No. No, you're right. I...Bow and I are _**like** _family but...but that's not the same and we can't replace your real one. I'm sorry I was offended. I...sometimes I forget that there's more outside of us. I'm sorry. But please don't be upset over it. That's my feelings, as wrong as they are. A-And I'd be happy for you if you did make contact with your family. I just don't want you to get hurt in the process." Glimmer mumbles. Finally, I take a peek at the woman to find her looking down at me. Concern shining from her lavender irises.

"But I shouldn't have been so inconsider-" I stop when Glimmer pulls back her hand from my spine to tilt my chin up. Her thumb brushing against my cheeks and it's then that I notice I've been crying. The purple head leans forward until she taps her forehead with mine.

"Really Adora. You have nothing to apologise for." Glimmer murmurs, her breath tickling my nose slightly. I exhale.

"Alright, ok. Still, I'm sor-" I stop when the girl bops me on the nose. 

"Nope, I don't want to hear anymore apologies coming from your mouth." The Queen decides stubbornly. I give her a wiry smile. 

"Ok." I voice and pull away slightly from the royal to give her some space, but her arms return around me and she tugs me back until my face is back on her chest. I blink twice and shoot the purple head a questioning look.

"You were about to shimmy off the edge. We can stay like this if you want." Glimmer mumbles, her face heating up slightly and warming my heart. 

"I'd like that." I whisper and between my friend's warm body and the way she tucks her chin on top of my head I find myself drifting off.

~=~

**Nightmare:**

"You're doing it again?!" Catra's screech is so unexpected that I jerk my head up only to smack it right under the sink and gracing me with the mother of all headaches. I scowl at her and get to my feet, clenching my hands into fists as I glare at the girl who has somehow managed to climb to the top of the adjacent toilet stall where are arms hang over into my stall.

"W-Were you just spying on me?! While I'm in the loo no less!" I splutter in barely concealed rage, but the feline just glowers at me. 

"It's a good thing I was!" She retorts before jumping off her hanging position on the wall and into my still closed stall. I step back, only for me to collide into the wall. While my trousers and shorts remain pooled at my ankles. Blood trickles down from my freshly made cut, but I barely notice when I'm in the close proximity of my furious best friend.

"You said you wouldn't do that again!" She snarls, hands snapping out to pin my wrists over my head. 

"No _**you** _were the one who said I shouldn't do it. It doesn't mean I have to listen." I spit, yanking my hands from her hold and stooping down to pull my shorts up, but I don't get far when I find myself being body slammed into the stall's wall. I gaze down only to meet the flashing eyes of the cat. 

"So what, my words don't matter?" Catra voices tightly. I roll my eyes.

"Of course you would spin this around so it's all about you." I mutter. The teenager pushes her face into mine, rage clear on her face. I gulp, the sudden proximity leaves me uncomfortable and I try to push her back, but with the stall being as small as it is, it makes it impossible to put any real distance between her and me. 

"This isn't about me! This is about you being a fool. If you don't quit it, I'll..." She trails off just as I shove her in the chest. 

"You'll _**what** _Catra? There's nothing you can do to me that will be worse than what the Horde puts us through." I taunt sourly. The feline clenches her hands. In the brief moment of silence I stoop down to pull my shorts up and I'm just about to do the same with my trousers until I hear her next words.

"I'll tell Shadow Weaver!" She shouts. I freeze. The sensation of ice cold blood circulates through my veins as I gawk. After several beats I stiffly straighten up and stare at her.

"You wouldn't." I dare, hoping that Catra's feelings of despise towards the woman would veer her away from making any voluntary contact with the second in command. The feline crosses her arms over her chest and leans against the door of the stall.

"I will. I might not want to, but I will." Catra answers bluntly and I feel my entire being shake with undying fury. Furious that she's stopping me from doing the one that I have a choice over. The one thing that helps me cope.

Before I get the chance to respond, a sudden click rings out in the room and before I know it I find Catra tipping backwards as the door suddenly opens. I rush to try and catch her, but end up falling with her and land on top of the girl with an oof. I blink and gaze up to find Shadow Weaver bearing over us threateningly. I scramble off the cat, but it only leads to the spellcaster focusing her attention on my still exposed legs. At her scowl, I gulp and rush to pull my leggings up before scrambling to my feet with the cat following suit. 

"What on earth were the two of you doing in there?" She booms. I flinch while Catra flickers her eyes from me to her, a determined expression on her face. I feel the blood draining from my cheeks when I recognise that looks of hers. It's the look which says 'I always win.' Her mismatched eyes flicker once more to mine and I shake my head ever so slightly, communicating with my eyes that I'll do what she wants. I'll stop. Fortunately she gets it and returns her gaze to the shadow woman.

"We weren't doing anything." Catra mutters in disinterest. Shadow Weaver stares at us for a long minute before snarling.

"And you think I believe that? There are regulations and rules against misbehaviour. I'm separating the two of you until you learn how to behave appropriately." The Horde loyalist decides. I balk at her before flushing red at being treated like a child. 

"T-That's n-" I start in protest, but Catra quickly slings an arm around my shoulders, hissing at me to be quiet before fixing her steely gaze at the woman who raised us.

"We were just comparing who has more muscles, sheesh." Catra states, albeit the words are forced and from the flapping of her ear I can tell how uncomfortable she is. Shadow Weaver rips the cat away from me and my hands snap out upon instinct, wanting to grab her back, but at Catra's glare I drop my arms uselessly back by my sides. 

"One month separation." The woman orders, dragging the girl away from me. She stops when she reaches the door and turns her head 90 degrees to look back at me. "It will be longer if you don't exceed your highest test score Adora." Shadow Weaver hisses before yanking the girl through the door.

I wait until it slams shut before sinking to the ground with a howl, knowing what the horrors of 'separation' entails. I press my forehead against the cold rocky ground while slamming my fists against the floor repeatedly, not stopping until my hands go numb with pain, cuts and bruises. 

"This isn't fair! She shouldn't be punished for my mistakes. This is my fault. All my fault!" I scream and my shoulders shudder with huge sobs, dreading to see the new scars adorned on my best friend's body. That was the day I swore to myself that I wouldn't cut again, even if it meant I lost my only coping strategy.

~=~

I wake up with a gasp. The memory fresh in my mind as I shoot off the mattress, but I forgot what little space there was and end up toppling over the edge to land roughly on the ground. I groan at having my face planted onto the floor. A few moments later I hear the bed creaking. 

"I told you there wasn't enough space." Glimmer mumbles sleepily, one hand rubbing at her tired eyes. I push myself up using my shaky arms and shoot her a half smile, hoping to conceal my anxiety from the nightmare. However, the Queen's face falls when she catches my expression. She pushes back the covers and goes to crouch beside me. "Wait, are you alright? You look spooked out." The purple head queries in concern while helping me back onto the bed.

The girl returns to her kneeling position on the mattress while I take a seat on the edge of the bed, giving the woman my back. I close my eyes, wishing I could erase the memory of what happened next. The part that my nightmare didn't continue onto. The haunted expression on the feline's face after she came back 5 weeks later. The way she flinched each time I got too close.

And when I finally found out why? Patches of raw skin where her fur had been cruelly torn out. It took us weeks to patch things up between us and even then I hadn't forgiven myself and with the resurfacing of the memory I realise I still haven't forgiven myself over it. I just buried it. Forgot about it.

Because forgetting means it can't hurt you anymore, right? _**Wrong**_. It chooses the moment when you least expect it, to come crawling back and shoving itself in your unprepared face, leaving you trembling and making your knees buckle. I clench my hands around my kneecaps, squeezing them tightly as my knuckles turn white, highlighting the faded pale scars that I gave myself that day from smashing my fists repeatedly into the unforgiving ground. 

"Adora?" Glimmer's worried tone is accompanied with a gentle hand on my upper arm. I sigh and hunch my shoulders up as I let my head drop.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." I apologise quietly, my eyes fixed on the floor. 

"I don't care about my sleep; I care about you! What happened? Did you have a nightmare?" The Queen fires rapidly. I curl deeper into myself.

"Something like that." I mumble. The room falls into an uneasy silence until I feel hands twirling me around until I face the royal. My legs tuck underneath me as her eyes scan over my form, stopping briefly at my abdomen before flickering her lavender orbs to my face.

"Did you hurt yourself when you fell off? Is your stomach ok?" Glimmer asks while stretching a hand towards said body part. I squirm and bat her prying fingers away. 

"I'm fine." I mutter just as my abdomen twinges in discomfort. The Queen jerks her head back in surprise and drops her hand to her lap. 

"O-ok." She utters before biting her lip. I clench my teeth together at my brash behaviour and turn my head away.

"Sorry. I just..." An exhale escapes me as I eye the discarded pillow hanging precariously over the edge. "I'm sorry." I repeat again, not knowing what else to say. Glimmer watches me for several moments before shifting closer until our knees touch. 

"It's alright, but I can't help if you don't tell me what's bothering you." The purple head reasons. I refuse to meet her eyes when the image of Catra flashes before my mind's eye. And I know that she's the last person that Glimmer wants to hear about. 

"It's...fine. It's just a dumb nightmare. It didn't mean anything." I say, but deep inside I wonder how true that is. _'If it didn't mean anything then why am I getting it in the first place? Am I feeling guilty for leaving Catra behind and this was my inner voice's sick way of telling me that? Or am I scared that I'll go back to cutting? Or maybe I'm afraid of bumping into Shadow Weaver? Or...'_ I stop, refusing for my mind to even go down the possibility of that road.

"It's obviously not fine if you're this shaken up over it." The Queen points out. I bite my lip. 

"It was just a memory from back in the Horde. That's all." I mutter. The purple head doesn't answer for a while and when she does I can see the discomfort on her face.

"Is this about one of those times that Shadow Weaver punished you?" Glimmer queries softly. I take in a deep breath.

"Not exactly. It's more that I got someone in trouble about something after they...they tried to protect me." I explain vaguely. The girl's face twists.

"You're...you're talking about Catra, aren't you?" Glimmer states bluntly. I snap my head up to stare at her.

"How...?" I voice in disbelief just as the royal crosses her arms.

"It' wasn't hard, she's the only one who could drive a reaction like that out of you." The purple head expresses dryly. I cringe, hating how right she is. The atmosphere becomes stale and I fist my pyjama bottoms in dreaded anticipation of the Queen's reaction. Instead, Glimmer releases a huge sigh and seems to deflate. "You're guilty about leaving her." She gathers.

"No! I told you I don't know why I had that dumb memory." I protest strongly. The girl raises a sceptical eyebrow.

"Well, what was it about?" She queries. I hunch my shoulders up again, not really wanting to share that memory with her. Not really wanting to share any memories of the Horde with her. I hear her releasing a quiet breath before fiddling with her hands on her lap. "Weren't you the one telling me that we have to be more honest and open with each other?" Glimmer reminds lightly. I shoot her wiry smile.

"Throwing my own words back at me. Is that really fair?" I joke weakly. The purple head snorts.

"No, but what the heck." She replies smoothly, nudging my elbow with a warm smile. I chuckle before dropping my head back down. I take in a deep breath and open my mouth.

"I...remember when I told you about my...erm...cutting? I said that Catra caught me doing it and on the second time she threatened to tell Shadow Weaver if I didn't stop." I draw my knees into my chest, hugging my legs tight. "We got into a heated argument and then Shadow Weaver found us. She thought..." I stop, rage sweeping through me at her dumb rules, while Glimmer stares at me in confusion. I cough and quickly continue. "She thought we were up to no good and ended up punishing Catra, despite me being the reason we were arguing in the first place. And she didn't tell Shadow Weaver about me either. She just took it all on the chin." I retell quietly and rest my cheek on my kneecaps. Glimmer doesn't say anything straight away, instead opting to release a slow breath.

"How did your nightmare end?" I blink twice at the bizarre question and raise my head slightly to pin the purple head with a perplexed expression.

"Beg your pardon?" I echo and watch as the royal rubs her arm. 

"I've gathered that usually the most significant part of a dream or nightmare is what happens in the end just before you wake up. It gives a sort of message." I stare at the woman like she's grown two heads and she scowls at my reaction. "Hey I'm not crazy!" She snaps. I shake my head.

"Where on earth did you learn that?" I query. The purple head juts her bottom lip out. 

"I didn't. It's just from previous experiences." Glimmer answers in discomfort and if anything I just stare at her more.

"Wait, how often do you have nightmares?" I ask in worry. The Queen blows a strand of hair from her face before fixing me with a steady gaze.

"Occasionally, but it's a mix of nightmares and dreams. Just the standard stuff. Although it seems you get nothing but nightmares." The royal points out and I can't help but fixate on her prior words. 

"What are they about?" I ask and observe the way that Glimmer's face pales. 

"Not important!" She answers quickly, _**too** _quickly. Making me think that it's anything but unimportant. I raise an eyebrow at her and cross my arms.

"Really?" I drawl out, eliciting a stink eye from woman. 

"Really." She grits out. "Besides, I'm the not the one who's crashing into the floor." She adds. I stick my tongue out.

"Hey there's not much space with the two of us!" I argue, but stop when I catch the smug look on her face.

"And now you admit it." Glimmer teases. My nose twitches in disbelief as I start grumbling incoherently. 

"Fine. There wasn't enough space for the two of us. Happy now?" I grumble which causes the girl to laugh. 

"It took you long enough to admit it." The Queen states with a twinkle in her eye. I jut my lower lip out.

"If I said it then you would've left." I mutter. The royal's playful expression drops as her eyes soften. 

"Hey, I'm only teasing. It was a good excuse to cuddle. But maybe in future we move to my bed so you don't roll off, eh?" I blink twice at the gentle tone while my cheeks become warm. 

"So you wanted a cuddle too?" I force out in a teasing manner to distract me from the wave of emotions. Glimmer flushes bright red and shoves me backwards. The action was so unexpected that I end up falling back on my pillow. A second later the purple head appears in my line of vision with a very displeased expression. 

"That wasn't funny." The Queen mutters, but I look at her slyly.

"Oh I thought it was pretty funny. Well, unless it's true?" I joke, earning me a slap to my calf. "Ow, what's with the physical abuse today?" I complain. 

"Well, what's with all the teasing?" Glimmer fires back. I blink twice and without warning pull the Queen down with me, trapping her against my thorax.

"What, I can't banter with my best friend?" I joke while the purple head squirms against me, trying to free herself from my hold. 

"Adora let go." The Queen mutters, but if anything I tighten my arms around her.

"Nope. You're nice and comfy." I voice with a grin. The purple head stills for a moment before renewing her struggling. 

"Aurgh you were _**not** _this strong before." Glimmer mutters as her hands come up to peel away my interlocked ones that rest over her abdomen. I rest my chin on her shoulder. 

"Training. Huntara is a tough coach." I reply. 

"Adora let go!" The royal expresses firmly. I raise an eyebrow at her tone.

"Why?" I ask, slightly confused at her sudden desire to pull away.

"It's the middle of the night and we were suppose to be helping you with your nightmares. If you really didn't want to talk about it you could've just said instead of trapping me like this." The Queen states. I blink and find my hold on her loosening.

"It's just a hug." I mumble as she scrambles out of my embrace.

"Well it's uncomfortable." The purple head answers, putting what little distance there is between us. My heart drops at the admission, never expecting the girl to have an aversion to any form of affection. 

"S-Sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable." I stutter while pushing myself up into a sitting position. The Queen refuses to meet my eyes for several moments and when she does its only brief.

"Let's go back to sleep. If you want, you can tell me the rest of your nightmare in the morning. Maybe we can come up with something that will finally put them to rest." Glimmer mumbles before lying back on the bed on her side, but this time she's facing away from me. I watch her in a mixture of confusion and hurt.

"O-oh ok." I answer quietly and lie back down myself. I don't bother to pull up the cover despite feeling cold, not wanting to cross a boundary that has seemingly appeared from nowhere. _'Glimmer loves hugs, why...why is she acting like this? Did I do something wrong?'_ I wonder as my eyes fix onto the girl's tense back. I cross my arms and stare up at the ceiling, all thoughts of my nightmare dissipating, only to be replaced by the girl beside me. Judging by the purple head's breathing, she's still very much awake.

"Did I break some new royal protocol or something?" I ask anxiously. The woman stiffens, but doesn't twist round to face me.

"No, it's nothing. Forget I said anything." Glimmer urges, but I shake my head and push myself up onto one elbow, my eyes still fixed on her back.

"You said I made you uncomfortable. How can I forget that?" I utter in bewilderment. 

"No you didn't. It's fine." The Queen insists as I stare at her.

"But you just said..." I start only to be cut off.

"Forget what I said! Just go to sleep." Glimmer orders, her tone taking on an edge. I'm tempted to refuse, but eventually decide not to press and return my head back onto the pillow.

"If you didn't want to sleep here then you could've just said." I mumble in a wounded tone. The royal promptly rolls over until she's facing me, her expression tormented. 

"No that's not it! I love our sleepovers." Glimmer utters strongly, but I look at her dubiously. 

"Then why are you acting so weird?!" I argue. The royal opens and closes her mouth several times before pressing her lips tightly together. 

"We're not kids anymore Adora. Sleepovers, sharing each others beds, cuddling at night. That's...that isn't really appropriate any more." I stare at her as if she's stranger, finding it hard to get my head around her words. 

"You're joking right?" I splutter while the Queen crosses her arms self-consciously. 

"Adora..." She starts, but I pull myself up all the way until I'm sitting, my back rigid.

"No. If you don't think this is 'appropriate' then you don't have to stay." I say with finger quotes around the word appropriate. Glimmer stares at me for a good long minute before sitting up. "I thought things were getting back to normal." I add thickly. The Queen widens her eyes and goes to grasp my hands.

"They are! I just...forget it. I'm being dumb." The purple head insists. I stare at her in disbelief. 

"You didn't get diagnosed with bipolar while I was gone, did you?" I query with a weary eye. Glimmer gapes at me before shoving backwards for the second time tonight and I go tumbling back onto the mattress.

"No! What about you, got diagnosed with acute sarcasm-itis?" The purple head fires back. I gaze at her in disapproval. 

"Ha ha very funny. I'm not the one shoving injured people back onto the mattress." I quip and the royal has the decency to look ashamed. She scoots over to me with her hands hovering over me.

"Gosh I'm so sorry, are you okay? Did I hurt you?" The Queen questions. I roll my eyes at her.

"I'm fine." I answer before dropping my voice to a mutter. "It's been 6 years and I still don't get you." Glimmer stiffens and pulls away, her eyes dropping to the bedsheets. 

"I'm sorry. I was being ridiculous." She mumbles. I squint my eyes at her.

"But you wouldn't have said that if there wasn't a reason for it. If it's not a new official rule then why?" I ask and watch as Glimmer becomes increasingly uncomfortable.

"No reason." She utters, but I just raise a disbelieving eyebrow.

"You don't really expect me to believe that, do you?" I say dryly as the Queen winces. She doesn't answer and I realise that I can't make her talk so instead I opt to sigh. "Alright. I promise this is the last time I ask you for a sleepover." I voice tightly. This gains the woman's attention as she jerks her lavender orbs onto me. 

"What?! I...that's not...I mean, you don't have to." She protests weakly, but I shake my head.

"I don't want you to feel _**uncomfortable**_." I say, again using finger quotation marks before grabbing the duvet and draping it over me. The Queen opens her mouth to refute my words, but I toss onto my side away from her. Her breathing catches but I refuse to spin round.

After the longest five minutes of my life I hear her shifting behind me. The duvet around me moves up slightly as the Queen pulls her side over her. The silence is foggy and filled with tense confusion so when I feel a light gloved hand landing on my shoulder, I shrug it off. From the corner of my eye I see it floating over my joint before eventually dropping away and out of my line of sight. 

"Adora..." The Queen starts, but I don't give the opportunity to finish.

" _ **Goodnight** _Glimmer." I state in a tone of finality. A weird sound escapes the girl's mouth, but I stubbornly remain rooted in my spot. Once again I hear shuffling behind me before something solid presses into my back. I stiffen up when I realise Glimmer is resting her forehead against my spine, filling me with conflicting emotions. 

"I'm sorry I offended you. That's the last thing I'd ever want to do. My Dad and I were talking about some stuff and I guess I let it get to my head. Please forgive me." Glimmer whispers, her tone strained. I swallow thickly, wondering what on earth were the two talking about for Glimmer to say what she did. I deliberate for several moments on my following action and with a sigh I flip over to face the purple head.

Before I can say anything the girl launches herself into me, knocking the breath out of my lungs as she hugs me tightly. After a few seconds I reciprocate the embrace and let my hands rest at the base of her back. "I'm so sorry." She mumbles into my shirt and seeing her this small just makes my heart melt and it's impossible not to forgive her. 

"It's ok." I breathe out while resting my chin on top of her head.

"No, I was being dumb." The purple head utters. My lips curve up into a half smile.

"Yeah you kinda were." I retort, prompting the Queen to glower up at me.

"Kind of ruining the moment here Adora." The royal mutters. And I just tighten my hold on her. 

"That's kind of my thing." I joke lightly.

"Do you want an elbow to the ribs?" Glimmer asks blandly. I quirk an eyebrow.

"Still injured, remember?" I remind and watch in amusement as the Queen starts grumbling to herself. I observe her for several moments before my face grows serious. "What on earth were you talking to your Dad about for you to say this anyway?" I query. The purple head halts her incoherent complains before sweeping her gaze downwards. 

"I don't think it's relevant at the moment." Glimmer voices stiffly. I purse my lips, hating how evasive she still is. 

"I swear you're always dodging my questions." I mutter with a hint of frustration. In the past, the purple head would've gone on the defensive, but now she seems to wilt into herself. 

"I don't want to. I...I want you to know everything, but sometimes there are things that are better left unsaid." I blink twice at her cryptic words and tilt my head forward in confusion. 

"I thought all the hiding stuff and secrets is what made things between us so bad." I say which elicits a flinch from the girl. 

"I...yes, but not everything needs to be spoken about. Like your time in the Horde. That stuff doesn't need to be revisited unless it's currently causing you problems, which it is." Glimmer tries to explain.

I bite my lip, not wanting to admit that she has a point. I flicker my eyes away from her and after a few moments of silence, she raises a hand to settle it on my cheek, prompting me to return my gaze to her. "Let's get some sleep and talk properly in the morning, ok?" She suggests. I chew my upper lip before sagging against her. 

"Ok." I mumble. The Queen withdraws her hand and settles it on my back. She pulls me closer to rest her head against my neck before finally drifting off. And I can't help but feel overjoyed that I'm needed like this. To be this support and comfort for the girl.

And yet my wandering mind won't stop bothering me. _'Here Glimmer is cuddling with me out of her own desire to do so and yet just moments ago she said it was inappropriate and uncomfortable. Is she trying to compensate for what she said? And is there something more that I'm missing? I bet it's all to do with that conversation she had with her dad. And I know Glimmer said that there are some things not worth knowing, but I can't imagine this being one of them. I mean, if it involves our sleepovers I should know, right?'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't ask me why Glimmer didn't just teleport them to her bed, they share one braincell ok? And most of the time that braincell is on holiday XD 
> 
> And I told you it was a dumb idea I came up with, I just went blank on what etiquette rule I could apply with them, but since they have a ton of sleepovers I was like ok, what if there was some rule against that? Even if you're friends, surely there's some sort of rule on appropriateness for royals regarding sharing the same mattress with anyone outside a spouse, or am I being dumb? Call me out on it if I am. Maybe I'm just reflecting on my middle eastern background. Like I've seen my friends rest their legs on each other's lap which is completely normal in the UK, but if you did that in the middle east that would be considered 'rude', so yeah. At least I hope you cringed or laughed, either one works XD 
> 
> If anyone is interested, any word you see ending with -itis refers to inflammation of (usually from an infection), for example tonsillitis - that's the inflammation of the tonsils. Acute refers to a sudden onset which is usually quite severe e.g. acute kidney injury. And you prob all know what bipolar is: a series of emotional extremes, moving between depressive episodes to manic or hypomanic episodes. You only need one manic episode to class you as bipolar.
> 
> Next chapter is a little bit angsty? And we also have another appearance of Bow's son, Kai, simply because I love kids and it's also a nice opportunity to add a tad bit of angst. Don't think I'll be able to update tomorrow, so see you whenever. 
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	68. Am I a Bother?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora gets to see some ice-skating for the first time in her life.  
> AND  
> Adora spends her day with Bow's son, Kai.  
> AND  
> Adora has a deep conversation with Micah.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My bro had a check-up appt at the hospital today and while I was waiting for him to finish I saw the CUTEST baby, looked like she was just a newborn and my heart melted, so adorable <3 Anyway I won't gush about babies and say I hope you enjoy this chapter!

**Adora's POV:**

I wake up to find the bed beside me empty and I slap my forehead in frustration. _'Typical Glimmer, always running off to avoid conversations.'_ I think bitterly, but it's more out of hurt than anything else. I sit up and go to get changed, taking reassurance in the fact that I at least didn't have any more nightmares last night. I throw on my attire from yesterday, being mindful of my bandages and stitches before exiting the room. But just as I step foot outside the door I find myself being reacquainted with the ground.

A loud groan escapes me as I push myself up onto my elbows, rubbing the back of my throbbing head and ignoring the spike of pain that runs through the rest of my body. I squint around to find what I slipped on to find a shiny laminated poster. Frowning, I start to pick it up until a masculine booming voice greets me. 

"Adora? What are you doing on the ground?" Micah asks as he strolls over to me. 

"I wish I could tell you." I retort dryly. The man offers me a hand and pulls me up to my feet. I wince, hoping I didn't pull any stitches. **_Again_**. And gaze up at the King. "I slipped on some poster." I add nonchalantly, so he doesn't start to think that I enjoy lying on the floor. The father blinks twice before clicking his tongue. 

"I told Bow not to go hanging those posters up without some help. He must've dropped one." Micah says to himself before flickering his eyes down the corridor. "Or several." He adds before shaking his head and returning his eyes to me. "Are you alright? You didn't aggravate any of your injuries did you?" The King queries, giving me a once over.

I swallow, trying to get past the wave of emotion that washes over me at his concern. _'I forgot what it's like to have a parent figure watching out for me.'_ But as soon as the thought enters my mind I shove it out because despite things between us having improved greatly, I can't help but remember his anger over what happened to his daughter. And it's then that I realise we haven't talked much since I found out about...I stop, suddenly feeling very anxious. 

"I-I'm alright thank you." I voice uneasily, earning me a strange look from the man as he leans back to cross his arms.

"You sure you didn't knock your head too hard when you went down? You're acting unusual. Or well, more unusual then normal." The royal amends and I hold back the urge to shoot him a glower. 

"I'm fine!" I answer gruffly. The man raises an eyebrow at me.

"The winter festival isn't really that big of a deal. Would've thought you've attended enough parties and celebrations to be used to it by now." I cock my head to one side in confusion.

"What?" I echo, befuddled. The King gives a pointed look at the paper in my hand and now that his attention is on it, I drop my blue orbs to the midnight coloured poster, only to drop my jaw at the sight. It's a photo of Glimmer at the centre, holding up a pair of what I presume are ice skates and beside her is a picture of me. Or rather a picture of She-ra with her arms crossed. In the background I can make out the other princesses like Mermista and Perfuma.

At the top of the sheet, the words Winter Festival are embroidered in glittering letters with the bottom saying; This year's theme: Ice-skating. Find a partner and sign-up to show off your talents to the kingdom. Winner of the contest has a choice of spending a night in the royal palace or the opportunity to plan and throw a celebration of their choosing. I gape at the words, trying to get my head around what I just read. _'Oh. My. **Gosh**. What on **earth** did I just sign myself up for?!'_ I think frantically. 

"Erm, Adora?" The King probes while waving his hand in front of my face which breaks me out of my stupor to stare at him.

"There's an Ice-skating competition?" I clarify weakly, surprising the man as he drops his hand back down to his side.

"Well yes. It's traditional to have a competition at these sort of events. Why? I would've thought you liked competitions or did I read that wrong?" Micah queries in confusion. I wave my hands out in front of me in denial, the poster flapping loudly with my motions.

"No, no. I love a good competition! Who doesn't love a good competition? Pfft not me. Nope, _**definitely not**_." I babble while the man crosses his arms in amusement.

"Right. And there aren't any other reasons that you're acting weirdly?" The King questions. My heart drops at him being able to see through me so clearly like Gl... _'nope not going to think about her.'_

"Nope, everything is completely dandy. Maybe I should go and help Bow with those posters." I excuse while taking a step back.

" _ **Adora**_." I stop at the King's stern tone and look up at him anxiously. 

"Yes?" I voice quietly. 

"Did you and my daughter have another argument?" I deflate at the question, not really wanting to talk about it, especially to her dad no less. So despite my better judgement I blurt out the other thing that's bothering me.

"I don't know how to ice-skate." I admit, feeling ashamed. Micah parts his lips in shock while he stares at me, making me feel more self-conscious than I already was. "I know it's dumb. I shouldn't have volunteered to be Glimmer's partner if I don't even know how to ice-skate. Aurgh and now there's a competition and I'm just going to make a fool out of her." I mumble while slapping a hand to my face. 

"You got this worked up over... _ **ice-skating?**_ " The man echoes in disbelief before shaking his head. I blink twice and tilt my head round one side.

"Yes?" I say, my voice unsure. 

"If you're like this over something so simple then I can't imagine what you were like helping my daughter run the kingdom or fighting in the war." The man expresses. My cheeks heat up in humiliation. I cross my arms in an attempt to hide my insecurity. 

"Well I grew up with my whole life being something huge to worry about so excuse me for still believing otherwise. Plus, I...I really don't want to embarrass Glimmer in front of her entire Kingdom." I retort, my tone dropping off to an anxious whisper. Micah stares at me for several minutes before coughing into his hand.

"Sorry. You're right. It wasn't fair of me to ignore your upbringing. In terms of embarrassing Glimmer, I think that's virtually impossible. She's too enthralled with you to consider getting annoyed at you over something so trivial." I crinkle my nose at his words in disbelief. 

"I'm not so sure." I mumble, my mind flashing to last night's awkward conversation. The man looks like he's about to ask something further, but declines a moment later.

"What about I teach you?" He opts to say instead. I balk at him.

" _ **You?!**_ " I screech while the King raises an eyebrow.

"Why not? Bow is hopeless at ice-skating and I'm assuming you don't want to tell Glimmer so I'm your best bet. Angie and I used to ice-skate together all the time. We won a few of those competitions even. Ah when she was on the ice she was somehow even more graceful than usual. Come to think if it I haven't seen Glimmer ice-skate since she was little." The man muses. I clutch my elbow self-consciously, hearing the King speak about Angella so fondly leaves me feeling guilty, no matter how ill-placed the guilt is. 

"I-I can't remember a time when Queen Angella wasn't graceful." I murmur quietly, bringing the royal out of his daze as he re-focusses his eyes on me. He shoots me a half smile.

"Oh I can recall a few, but for the sake of not destroying your image of her I'll spare you the details." Micah replies with a chuckle before slinging an arm around my shoulder and directing me down one of the corridors. "Come on. I've got a spare hour before my meeting to show you a bit of ice-skating." The King voices warmly. I beam up at him.

"Really? Are you sure? I don't want to take up your free time." I say as thoughts of being a burden shoves itself into my brain. But the father just waves his hand to one side.

"No bother at all. So, how much ice-skating do you know?" He queries, but I just hunch up my shoulders in embarrassment.

"I, er, have never seen it in real life. Just read about it in some books." I mumble with downcast eyes. Micah gazes at me in slight surprise before pulling me into an empty Hall. 

"Well then let me be the first to show you." The King announces with a clap of his hands.

He closes the door behind us before stretching both his arms out and creating those familiar violet circles, out of which shoots a beam of ice that he directs onto the marble floor. Within moments the entire ground is lined with a thick ice. Micah clicks his fingers and the bottoms of his shoes become laced with skates made out or ice. He turns to face me.

"Usually the skates would be metal, but I don't have a pair on me at the moment, so these will have to do. The most important thing about skating is to get the balance right. So if you can stand up straight on the ice in your skates then you've mastered half the art. Once you're used to standing and you're no longer wobbling, then you can walk around, taking each step as if you were walking normally, just a little more firmly. Some people like to do fancy tricks and whatnot. Personally I only ever got a few of those down. Angie usually was the one for the dramatics and I'm not sure if I can quite do them after all this time, but we'll see. I'll just start out with something simple." The King explains and I watch as he starts taking small and deliberate steps across the ice.

After he's got the feel of it again, he picks up the pace to a walk and then eventually he's zooming from one side of the room to the other in a matter of seconds. Ease starts to settle on his features and he starts doing all sorts of spins and twirls before jumping up in the air and landing with a funny pose. I stare at him with wide eyes, awed by the display.

"That was amazing!" I breathe out in excitement, making the man jump as he turns back to face me, as if forgetting I was present. He rubs the back of his head as he shoots me a sheepish grin.

"Thanks. I guess this old man still has a few tricks up his sleeve." Micah huffs out. 

"Could...could you do some more?" I request meekly. The father blinks twice in surprise before nodding as a faint smile tugs at his lips. 

"Sure." He answers and for the next hour he shows me all kinds of stunts, from the most simple to the most complex. Although at one point he does trip over and just about manages to save himself from getting a cracked skull in the nick of time by summoning a pile of feathers. However once he gets up, they all stick to his body like a chicken and I try hard not to burst out laughing, but fail. Even as we exit the room I'm still snickering, earning me a glower from the man. 

"So this is the thanks I get for showing you ice-skating?" He grumbles. I snort and go to pluck out a few of the feathers from his hair. 

"Sorry your majesty. It's just you look ridiculous." I voice humorously. The King nudges me with his elbow.

"Firstly, what did I tell you about all of this 'your majesty' talk? Secondly, I won't make you any promises that next time I won't be laughing at you." The man states, clearly miffed. My grin drops when I realise how much worse I'll be compared to the royal and I promptly cut off my snickering. When the father catches my horrified expression he groans. "Alright I won't _**really** _laugh at you, I have a bit more decorum than that, but still, never laugh at an old man." Micah amends in petulance, making my lips curl upwards once more.

"You're really not old sir." I point out, prompting the royal to raise an eyebrow at me.

"Sir? Jeez what did the Horde teach you." Micah mutters with a sigh. I shoot him a sheepish expression. 

"Dad! Where have you been? Your meeting started 10 minutes ago and..." I snap my neck forward to find the Queen standing with her arms crossed and her mouth open as she stares at the pair of us with wide eyes. 

"Is that..." She pauses and takes a step closer. "...feathers?" She echoes in disbelief, making my heart drop when I realise she's going to be asking us what on earth we were up to. 

"Sorry sweetheart, I got a bit caught up with showing Adora some of my whacky spells. Of course _**someone** _had to laugh when it went a little wrong." The man states with a pointed look in my direction, before giving me a quick wink and my shoulders sag in relief. The Queen appears speechless for several moments before pinching the bridge of her nose in frustration.

"You know what? I don't think I want to know. Come on, get changed and head straight to the meeting hall. I'll go and entertain the council in the meantime." Glimmer decides, earning her a nod from her Dad as he dashes past her down the corridor. She tuts under her breath before raising her head and blinks when she notices me standing there, as if only now registering my presence. "Since when have you and my Dad been friends?" She asks, her tone laced with surprise and suspicion. I shrug uneasily.

"I wouldn't say we're friends. We're just...tolerating each other better I guess." I answer awkwardly. Glimmer seems to consider this before nodding.

"Well that's good. I have to dash off so I'll see you around." She's gone before I can even reply. My hand is outstretched as if going to stop her, but I'm too slow for that too. I drop my limp arm to my side and kick at the non-existent dust on the ground. With a barely audible sigh I drag my feet along, hoping to bump into Bow or someone I know. It's just my luck that I end up crossing paths with Entrapta who bounds up and down in excitement when she sees me.

"Oh Adora this is great! You can look after Kai while I work in my lab!" I blink twice in confusion.

"I can what?" I echo back, not sure if I heard right. 

"You can look after Kai! Bow said it was my turn, but I'm pretty sure it was his. We really should keep a record of these things. Anyway! He likes you, you like him easy-peasy problem solved. He's in the play room which is three doors down from the communication hub. Have fun. Bye!" She sprints off before I can say anything else.

Grumbling to myself I pivot on my spot and walk the opposite way. I flicker my eyes between several doors as I trudge along, counting as I go along until I reach what I hope is the play room. Cautiously, I crack open the door slightly and exhale quietly when I find the little boy in the middle of a pile of...papers? I push open the door more and step in the room. 

"Mum I told you I'm listening!" The boy voices childishly, before dropping to a quiet mumble. "Even if I didn't want to be in the baby room." I swallow, torn between chuckling at how adorable he sounds and being emotional at being called mum, even if it's accidental. 

"Well I'm not your mum, should I go get her?" I finally say. This drags the boy's attention away from his papers to stare up at me. In moments he's on his feet and running towards me. My legs get tackled into a fierce hug as the child rubs his cheek against my knee.

"Auntie Adora! You came back! I kept begging my dad to see you, but he said you were busy." He complains, sticking out his tongue in distaste. I laugh and bend down to return the embrace. 

"Sorry buddy. Didn't realise you liked me that much." I mumble in apology. Kai pulls away to look up at me with those wide brown eyes of his. 

"Oh no! Did I not make that clear enough? I'll give you another hug to prove it." The child declares determinedly before launching himself into my chest and I'm just able to close my arms around him to save him from falling backwards. My heart leaps into my throat at the obvious adoration in this little guy's eyes.

"I...wow, thank you. It's nice to be liked." I voice thickly, enjoying the fact that at least this little guy's love for me is straightforward and easy to read. 

"Who wouldn't like you?!" The boy demands in disbelief. I crack a small smile at him. 

"You do realise you've only met me once right?" I point out with a snort. Kai juts his bottom lip out.

"You can tell a lot from one meeting! And I've seen you two times now!" The boy argues and I can't help but grin at him.

"Right you are. You really are a bright boy." I state, impressed. And he beams up at me.

"See? You're nice. Oh! Come on I want to show you my designs for a mega dinosaur!" Kai squeals, pointing at the discarded papers in the ground. I shift my hands to have a better hold on the boy and go over to squat by what I expect to be a pile of scribbles, but my jaw drops at the intricate details and insanely good drawing. My hold on the child loosens in shock, giving the little guy the chance to slip past and duck underneath my arm to pick up a few before coming back to show me.

"Did you draw this by yourself?" I ask in awe.

"Yep! Dad's always jealous that I can draw better than him." Kai states proudly. I snort as I picture Bow's face until I find my vision blocked my black lines and complex words. "This one is the interior of the dinosaur! I want it to be able to move and breathe fire!" I smile, taking the drawing in my hands and and sit back on crossed legs. Kai scrambles into my lap and points at another. "The fire will come out of its mouth like that. It will light some match thing and boom!" I purse my lips in thought.

"Don't dragons usually breathe fire though?" I ask. The boy swivels his head towards me with a thoughtful look. 

"Yeah, but that's what makes my dinosaur special! He's a er...erm..." The boy's face screws up tight in concentration. 

"A hybrid?" I supply helpfully, prompting him to nod enthusiastically. 

"Yeah that!" He confirms before picking up another paper. "He'll have wheels on the feet so he can move too. And he'll be huge! But not bigger than me so if he goes evil I'll be able to tower over him and scare it." Kai babbles excitedly and I can't help but chuckle at how familiar that sounds. I lean forward and rest my chin on top of his head as he continues talking, strangely finding all his stories amusing. "Hey Auntie Adora, are you still listening?" I blink and look down at my best friend's son, his face anxious. I grin at him.

"How can I not be listening? I love the idea of putting slime in his arms so that he can trip up his prey. But maybe you could add a net to his knapsack so that will really trap them." I suggest and that somehow makes the boy gaze up at me with even more wonder.

"That's a great idea!" He shouts and reaches forward to jot it beside his picture before leaning back into me. He remains quiet for several moment which, if I've learnt anything about this boy, is concerning. 

"Hey, what are you thinking about?" I query gently and to my surprise the boy releases a quiet sigh and dips his head forward. 

"Thank you for listening to me." He voices gratefully. My face warms and I go to wrap my arms loosely around him. 

"Anytime buddy. I enjoyed it." I answer gladly, but the boy just fiddles with the edge of my jacket. 

"Mum and dad are always too busy to. Sometimes they don't pay much attention." I blink twice at the sudden melancholy in his voice and furrow my eyebrows.

"Hey I'm sure that's not true." I argue, finding it impossible to imagine Bow as anything but a family man. However, when I see Kai tilting his head so far forward that his face is partially covered by his violet hair I start to have second thoughts. I swallow. "I guess being the Captain is a lot of work and your mum..." I trail off, not knowing where to start with the tech princess.

"Mum's always busy with her own inventions. Says mine are just toys, but they're not! They could help people like hers does! They _**could**_." He mumbles, as if trying to convince himself. My lips move wordlessly, while my heart thumps painfully at seeing this upbeat child so downtrodden. 

"Well, why don't we try to come up with some useful inventions then? The cars you helped design were incredible, but maybe we could work on designing some armour for it so that it could withstand something like, say a collision with a tree?" I ramble, not really sure what I'm saying, but wanting to suggest something to keep the sadness off the boy's features. Kai's face lights up as he jumps off my lap.

"Yeah! Let me get more paper!" I watch as he bounds over to a kid's table on the other side of the room and comes back with a stack of sheets. He goes to lie on the floor on his stomach and begins drawing. A few minutes into his doodling, he nudges me and motions for me to do the same. I laugh and get onto my stomach, hiding my wince at the added pressure on my abdomen and start my own drawings. _'Of what? Stars know.'_

And that's how we spend the remainder of the day, drawing and analysing each other's ideas. I'm not sure what time it is when I hear the swooshing of the door opening and a deep cough. I turn my head to the side to find Bow standing with an amused expression on his face. Before I can say anything, Kai is already up on his feet and running to his father.

"Dad! Dad! We've been coming up with lots of useful inventions! Like moving pavements and cars with armours!" The boy babbles while wrapping his arms around his Dad's legs. Bow chuckles and goes to scoop his son into his arms, tickling him.

"Sounds like you had a very busy day. Had fun with Auntie Adora?" He queries while trying to dodge Kai's hands batting away at his. 

"Yep! She's lots of fun and likes listening to my ideas." Kai expresses happily, but the implication hits the two of us harder than I thought it would.

"Ouch Kai. Am I not fun enough?" Bow utters, clearly wounded. I watch as the boy bites his lip, at a loss of words and I take this opportunity to step in.

"I think what he means is, that you're always so busy and wants to see more of you." I interrupt lightly. Bow furrows, glancing between me and his son.

"Oh. Well, Kai we've discussed this. Being a Captain means I have to be away a lot." Bow reprimands slightly as he puts Kai back on the ground. His son kicks the ground in a manner so strikingly similar to my action earlier that I find my heart breaking further.

"I know. I just...wish you'd pay more attention when you were here." Kai mumbles. The archer inhales sharply. 

"Kai you're a big boy now and have to understand that I can't split my attention over everything when I'm at home. Besides, we still have weekends together." Bow states firmly.

"But you spend most of the weekends with Mum or Auntie Glimmer! We haven't even..." Kai tries to explain, but is quickly cut off.

"Kai!" He shouts, causing the boy to flinch. I bite the inside of my cheek hard. The display is so sickeningly like my conversations with Shadow Weaver when I was younger.

"Dad I just want to spend more time with you." Kai chokes out as tears start to run down his chubby cheeks which shatters Bow's tough façade as he gets to his knees to hug his son.

"I...I know Kai. Trust me, I wish I could spend all of the time in the world with you, but I've got such an important role to play." The techmaster murmurs as he brushes away the boy's tears with his knuckles. 

"But Auntie Adora finds time to play with me." Kai argues stubbornly. I cringe before coiling into myself at the hardened gaze in the man's eyes. 

"That's because Auntie Adora doesn't have any duties at the moment. I'm the head of the Police Force, remember?" Bow reminds while I stare at my best friend in hurt. _'Wow thanks Bow.'_ I think bitterly. 

"But Mum said she's She-ra! She-ra did lots of stuff in the war." The child insists. Bow's eyes widen.

"How do you know about the war?" The man queries tightly while Kai drops his eyes to the ground. 

"I overhead. And went to the library to read some stuff about it." He mumbles, eliciting a long drawn out sigh from the man as he massages his forehead. When he finishes, he looks up at me.

"Adora, do you mind if I talk to my son alone?" The man requests. I bite my lip and glance at the downcast boy before returning my gaze back to my best friend.

"I...yeah, sure. Just don't be too hard on him. And...you know you can always take breaks right? There's no Horde looming over us anymore." I state quietly, but I clamp my jaws shut when the archer narrows his eyes. 

" _ **Adora**_." The man voices sternly. I hunch my shoulders up at being reprimanded and in front of a child no less! However, I obey and start making my way past the father-son duo, but not before my watch rings out. I clasp a hand on top of the dial to muffle the sound, but it still sounds as clear as day. I catch the torn expression on the techmaster's face as he rises to his feet. "Adora..." Bow voices again, though his tone is more strained than before. I turn my head away from him.

"It's ok. I'm going." I mutter and roughly yank open the door. I nearly slam it behind me, but on the last second remember that Kai is still inside the room and instead let it close with a soft click. I release a loud sigh and slide against the wall until I'm sitting on the group, head in my hands. _'Great things are awkward between not one, but both of my friends now. Is it ironic that the only person I'm on good terms with is the King? Are we even on good terms or is he just pretending for Glimmer's sake?'_

My watch beeps again and I quickly scramble to my feet, not wanting to alert Bow on the other side of my rampaging emotions. I wander to the gardens and trudge over to the far end. I summon the sword of power to my hand and choose the thickest tree trunk before stabbing at it repeatedly. Again and again. Slicing through the bark like a rabid animal. Though I'm careful to never cut clean through the trunk because I frankly don't want to be given grief over it. I release a yell and snap my foot out to kick the tree roughly, watching as it shudders slightly from the impact while ignoring the screaming pain from my body.

"Is this a bad time?" I jump at the sudden sound and topple over backwards, landing on my spine with a thump. I bite my tongue at the breath that's knocked out of my lungs before squinting my eyes up to take in...

"King Micah?" I scramble to my feet once more, groaning at my sore back before straightening up completely while the man watches me cautiously. His eyes slide over to the mauled tree before sliding back to me. 

"I think we need to talk." He finally says and goes to take a seat on the grass before patting a patch beside him. Biting my lip, I trail over to his spot and sit cross-legged, clutching each knee with one hand. He doesn't say anything for several moments and as the silence continues, the itch of discomfort intensities.

"What did you want to talk about?" I prompt when the quiet becomes stifling. 

"I feel you have a lot of unresolved issues." I balk at the massive assumption and scrunch my nose up.

"What does that have to do..." I start, but the King cuts me off.

"These issues are holding you back from behaving the way you want to act. You seem to be too worried and caught up with how everyone else will think of you. Your past is stopping you from letting go of things that bother you. Or rather you're holding on too tightly to the past. This will only hinder you from tackling your current problems. I mean, how can you fight today's demons when you still have yesterday's ones entangling itself around your neck?" My jaw slackens at the man's strangely insightful words of wisdom. 

"I..." I trail off, unable to answer. Finally, the man twists his head to face me.

"Adora it's ok to have problems and fears. It's not something to be ashamed of, but it's important that you talk about them and face them otherwise they'll only tie you down." Micah advises softly before releasing a sigh and turning his attention to the ground. "It took me a while to get over Angella's sacrifice." I wince at those words.

But either the man doesn't notice or chooses to ignore it as he carries on. "Sometimes, I still find it hard to believe she's really gone, that she's not going to pop through the door and ask me what I'd like for dinner even though we both know that she can't cook to save her life. And I can see Glimmer has also struggled with her mother's loss, till now she still does. But I had a long and lengthy conversation with an old friend of mine. It made it easier to get through." The King pauses, as if deliberating on his next words.

I continue to gaze at him curiously and watch as he re-opens his mouth. "I'll admit, there are some days I still wake up in fear of the terrors on Beast Island or losing Glimmer or even just picturing Angella's disappearance. But I don't let it tie me down. When I fall I get back up again and remember what I still have. I remind myself that no loss is too big to handle. No problem too impossible to solve. No fear too scary to be overcome. And you Adora, are _**far** _stronger than I am. So, why do you hold yourself back? Why do you let your problems continue to weigh you down?" Micah queries, his questions hitting too close to home as I turn my head away from him. 

"I...it's not like I want them to." I mumble. 

"But?" The King prompts. I close my eyes tightly, picturing every single thing that has me quaking in my spot. 

"I've grown accustomed to having problems around. I've always dealt with them by shoving it deep down and forgetting about them, but...they never really go away." I stop and pull my knees to my chest, hugging my legs close. "I guess the word is probably trauma. I dealt with a lot of stuff in the Horde and then things became better when I came to Brightmoon until...until Angella and then every wrong thing that happened after that just reminded me of how mucked up the Horde was, how all that bad stuff was happening again, with people I cared about and wanted to protect. I couldn't fix any of it. I never can." I stop, taking a shuddering breath before resting my chin on my kneecaps.

My eyes stare blankly ahead of me as I continue. "I don't understand Glimmer's weird behaviour around me. Her hot and cold treatment. I don't understand Bow's sudden strict attitude and stand-offish behaviour. Heck I don't even know what _**you** _think about me! Am I a nuance? A bother to be around? Why is it that every time I crave a family so much, I...I never seem to grasp it? I always feel like I'm being shoved away. I just...don't know where I fit in anymore." I confess as I hug my legs tighter.

A sharp intake of breath sounds behind me and in confusion, I turn my head back to find Glimmer and Bow standing with aghast expressions. My lips move wordlessly in shock. _'Oh **jeez**. Oh jeez, oh jeez, oh jeez! Did they just hear everything?!'_ I stumble to my feet and take a step back just as the King also rises to his feet. I glance between him and my pair of friends before understanding dawns on me.

"Did you tell them to come here?!" I question in disbelief, my eyes burning betrayal at the royal. Micah takes a step towards me.

"I thought it was best if they heard. It's obvious that the bunch of you are terrible at communication and..." I interrupt him sharply.

"That was _**private!**_ " I snap, surprising the man and shaking the younger duo out of their frozen state. 

"Adora, I..." Glimmer starts, but I shake my head vigorously. 

"No!" I shout, prompting the woman to recoil. I drop my eyes to the ground in shame. "I just need to be alone now." I mutter and sprint away before anyone can say otherwise. I run back into the castle, through my room and climb out of the window to perch on the roof outside. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, I just did that. What can I say? I'm a hopeless angst addict. But that's the last major one I think. Think what you like but Micah had good intentions, even if the way he went about it may not be the brightest move. Hope you liked those random bunch of wisdom quotes that I made up XD 
> 
> And no I do not for one second believe Bow is anything but an incredible father. But y'know when you hear about Aang being a bad father (which I still stubbornly refuse to believe) I can't help but wonder if that means anyone could potentially be a flawed parent? Looking at Bow's side of things, he has a wife that is already a hand-full on her own and then he has a an overly bright child that could get himself in trouble more than the average kid due to his heightened intelligence, that coupled with a stressful job and fragile state of his friendships, is it really a surprise that he may have slight faults? If that didn't convince you then you just accept that I love angst and was looking for an excuse to add some in XD
> 
> So I don't know the first thing about ice-skating or how to do it myself. I've tried roller-skating once at a friend's birthday, but I was hopeless and needless to say after falling painfully onto my behind for the third time I gave up and spent the rest of the birthday party on solid ground. I assume roller-skating is similar to ice-skating? I mean, one has ice and the other doesn't. Clueless, I know XD Anyway this is all guess work, I didn't search it up, so if I'm wrong you may laugh at my expense.
> 
> Next chapter is in Glimmer's POV and her thoughts on what she overheard from Adora. And heads up mellorine91 we're getting that holiday you wanted them to have XD Don't think I'll be able to post tomorrow, so see you when I see you.
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	69. How Can I Help?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glimmer decides to take Adora away from Brightmoon for some downtime.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I attended an optional suicide awareness course today which was really good, such simple tools we can use to help, but could make a world of difference. Why they don't teach this at school I don't know. If anyone's interested let me know, I'll pass on the tips I learnt.
> 
> So about this update, hmm I don't know why but I quite like this chapter...no, that's not because it's angsty, maybe it's because I feel like I wrote it well? Or maybe because it's nice to see Adora & Glimmer finally have some downtime after all they've been through. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did. And I just had a check, after this there's only one more proper chapter in Glimmer's POV (excluding a very mini one) which is the penultimate chapter of the story...gosh that sounds weird and sad to say.
> 
> Also, we've seen friendship jealous Glimmer, I thought it would be fun to see jealous Adora XD And I go into more of the Queen-Peasant/Superior-inferior trope because it's just so interesting. Anyway, I'll stop rambling now and leave you to read.

**Glimmer's POV:**

I stare at where the blonde once stood and start to follow, but a hand on my shoulder pulls me back.

"Maybe we should give her some space." Bow suggests, but I shoot daggers at him.

"No, what we _**need** _to do is go after her." I argue.

"Glimmer..." He starts, but I remove his hand off my shoulder.

"Did you not hear what she said?! It's obvious that she's still carrying all that baggage from before she left. Heck before she even met us! We were so busy dealing with the war and then her disappearing that we never stopped to think about her needing help for all the stuff she's gone through!" I state frantically, waving my hands in the air only to be stopped by my childhood friend grabbing my wrists. 

"Glimmer, we're _**part** _of the problem!" Bow shouts, shocking me into silence. When I don't say anything he drops my hands and goes to cross his arms self-consciously. "We're a part of the problem." He repeats quietly, as if trying to get his head around that fact. "There's no point trying to fix her past problems if we don't fix ourselves." He continues. I open my mouth to refute his argument, but slowly close it when I realise I don't have a counter point and I frustratingly cross my arms. 

"Well, it's not like we can change overnight." I mutter and my Dad chooses that moment to intervene.

"Well why don't you address the stuff that Adora mentioned? Like your apparent weird behaviour? And Bow's strictness?" Micah suggests. I open my mouth to deny those words, but my childhood friend gets in there first.

"Yeah what did she mean by your weird behaviour?" Bow asks and I flush when I recall what happened last night.

"N-nothing! I don't know what she's talking about." I protest, prompting both men to share a look before fixating their eyes on me again. 

"She wouldn't have brought it up if it wasn't nothing." Bow points out. I scowl at him for not dropping the subject.

"Well, what about you? What's all this about being strict?" I dodge, crossing my arms. The man wilts slightly at my question and looks away. 

"It's...we...it wasn't on purpose. Kai was being a handful again. I didn't mean to get angry at her." The archer defends weakly. I shift in discomfort, not liking how firm Bow is with his son, but knowing it's not quite my place to comment. 

"But Kai is such a sweet kid." I express instead, eliciting a sigh from the man.

"He is, but he doesn't understand a bunch of stuff." The archer grumbles while I stare at him.

"Well he is just a kid." I remind. Bow's left eye twitches. 

"I know that! Aurgh it doesn't matter. This isn't what we're meant to be discussing." He voices sourly. I roll my eyes at him, knowing that he's just dodging his feelings over his parenting.

"You know what? I'm going back to work." I state finally and spin on my heels.

"Glimmer..." My Dad starts, but I shake my head.

"Dad I'll sort it out. I just need to clear my head." I answer tiredly. I hear a sigh behind me and take that as my cue to leave.

Instead of my usual teleporting I decide to walk as my head swirls with all the stuff that Adora said. _'I know Adora went through a lot in the Horde, but I assumed that the years she spent away from it would've helped. Apparently not. And...and I should've **known** that, what with all her nightmares.'_ I stop in my tracks, clenching my hands into fists, frustrated at myself for shoving her feelings to one side. _'And...I guess she isn't over our previous spats. I don't know why did I ever think that could be swept under a rug.'_

A sigh escapes me as I go to massage my forehead. _'And the whole family thing? Gah! Did she have to rip my heart out? Of course she's family! Just because I'm...being strange, doesn't mean I don't want her to be.'_ A small breath escapes past my lips and I continue walking. _'I should've kept my big mouth shut. Who cares if there are dumb rules on royal appropriateness? Who cares if the council wants me to start looking for a spouse? It's enough that I feel safe and warm when she's around. So, why do I feel scared of getting too attached again? I shouldn't. I **know** I shouldn't. And yet I can't help but experience that familiar rush of fear.' _

I kick at a stray rock and watch as it flies several metres ahead. _'Aurgh dumb emotions! I don't want to feel like this, like I'm scared of getting too close. I blame that dumb conversation I had with my Dad. He just had to bring up the whole marriage thing, didn't he? I know I need to get married, but that just means I'll have less time to spend with Bow and Adora. No more sleepovers or night cuddles. There will be a new distance between us and on top of everything else that's the **LAST** thing I want. And...and what if that's not want Adora wants either? What if she leaves because of it?'_

I blow at an invisible hair stray and then take notice of where I am. In front of Adora's bedroom. I slap my forehead. _'Thanks a lot feet.'_ I grumble, ready to continue walking, but...I don't and remain fixed in place. I close my eyes, only to picture Adora's distraught expression. And I know, I just _**know** _that I won't be able to get any work done with Adora being so sad.

I take in a deep breath and knock, only to be greeted with silence. I wait a few moments more before teleporting inside, to find the room empty. My eyes sweep over the room in surprise until they fall on the open window. I purse my lips as a hunch occurs to me and teleport onto the roof and there seated on the tiles is the blonde, her back towards me while her chin rests on her raised knees. I bite my lip before taking a quiet step towards her.

"Room for one more?" I ask softly. The woman jumps at my sudden voice and snaps her head to me. Her gaze skirts away from mine as she nods.

"If you want." She mumbles and I go over to sit beside her, tucking my legs beneath me as I keep one eye on the warrior.

"I'm sorry about my Dad. If I knew that's what he meant by an emergency I would've stayed away." I start with, hoping to convey my regret. The blonde sighs.

"Your dad is something else that's for sure. But...he wasn't wrong. We do suck at communication." Adora mutters. The corner of my lips curl up into a half smile.

"I blame that on the decade he spent on Beast Island." I joke which prompts a snort from the Princess of Power. Taking that as a good sign I continue. "And unfortunately he's rarely wrong. Makes winning arguments with him very hard." This time the woman releases a light chuckle and finally lifts her head up to look at me.

"Yeah? And what do you blame our terrible communication skills on?" She queries with a small smile. I bite my lip and look away.

"Me. I...blame myself. I'm sorry. I should've been paying more attention to how everything from before was affecting you and I just...didn't." I take in a deep breath and look back to the girl. "I don't want you to feel like you're the one that's always chasing after us. That you have to be the one to put the effort in 95% of the time or that you feel you don't have a family in us. Because that's not true, you do. And you always will." I explain earnestly. Adora's eyes soften slightly before she quickly averts them. 

"I...maybe I was being overdramatic." She starts, but I shake my head and go to grasp her hand. 

"Not at all. I think I've just been terrible at paying attention and...I'm free now if you want to talk about it." I say quietly. I watch as confliction flickers through her blue orbs. I give her hand a reassuring squeeze before withdrawing, but she tightens her grasp around my fingers, keeping them in place. 

"What's...what's going on between us?" She asks quietly and my heart sinks at the question. 

"T-There's nothing going on." I refute anxiously. 

"That's not true. Most of the time things are normal and then sometimes...it becomes all tense and weird. Is it something I'm doing?" Adora asks while I bite the inside of my cheek hard. 

"No!" I shout suddenly, making the woman flinch. My face falls. "Sorry, sorry. I didn't mean to raise my voice. I just, it's not you. You're perfectly fine as you are." My mind races with something to say, something to throw her off track. "I'm worried that the things I said to you can't be erased or undone. I'm scared things won't be normal again." I mumble, hoping my words are convincing enough. The blonde stares at me through wide eyes. 

"This is about what I said yesterday? About..." She trails off, leaving me to pick up from where she stopped.

"About not forgetting our arguments and harsh words? Yeah." I mumble and despite there being truth in my words, I can't help but feel guilty for partially lying. Adora bites her lip and casts her gaze downwards. 

"I don't know why I can't get over it. It's been 6 years. It shouldn't still bother me, but I still get nightmares and it just pulls at the scabs and makes them bleed again." Adora expresses angrily; the annoyance directed at herself is evident. I swallow, knowing very well why she's still getting nightmares. It's because of my strange attitude towards her. _'If I can just forget my dumb feelings and focus on Adora's feelings for a change, then maybe I can actually be of use for once.'_ I take in a deep breath before getting to my feet and offering the blonde my hand. The warrior blinks in surprise and shoots my hand a questioning look. 

"I think you need some time to unwind. Come on, there's a town not far from here that my Mum and I used to always go to whenever things became a bit too much for us." I state, but Adora's face becomes dubious. 

"This isn't that tower again, is it?" She queries cautiously and I have to keep my emotions in check at that memory. 

"No. That tower is still within Brightmoon borders. This is somewhere else. I don't think you've been before." I answer. The blonde remains hesitant, but takes my hand regardless.

I pull her up to her feet and teleport away. Seconds later we appear in front of a forest based village and I drag the blonde to a restaurant. I feel her confused eyes on me, but I wait until we've ordered before explaining.

"This is one of the best restaurants in Etheria. I used to beg my Mum to come here for birthdays." I explain with a sad smile and reach out for my Cola flavoured drink to take a sip out of the straw. Adora's eyes sweep over the wooden furniture and soothingly lit lights before resting back on me.

"It's nice." She murmurs before nursing her own strawberry fizz. "So..." She pauses to collect her thoughts, but I already know what she's going to say. 

"I thought that maybe you needed a change of scenery. Brightmoon is still associated with...stuff." I explain and watch as understanding dawns on the blonde. 

"O-oh right. Thanks Glimmer." She voices gratefully until something occurs to her. "Wait, don't you have Queen duties to attend to?" Adora asks suddenly, but I just wave her query away with one hand.

"There's nothing urgent. I just want you to relax." I urge and after a moment the girl finally sags back into the backrest of her chair.

"Alright." The blonde answers reluctantly. I take another sip from my drink while keep one eye on the warrior. Adora rolls her straw back and forth between her fingertips, lost in thought before finally glancing up at me. "Has Bow always been that strict with Kai?" She suddenly asks. I purse my lips, taking a moment to consider her question before releasing a quiet sigh.

"Unfortunately yes." I mutter as the blonde rests her elbow on the table and settles her cheek onto her open palm.

"You know I always thought he'd be the lovable, spoil-your-kid-rotten kind of dad. She muses, a hint of disappointment leaks into her tone.

"I think it's because of Kai's heightened intelligence. He worries that he'll get himself into more trouble than the average kid. Plus, I don't think the tension between him and I helped. Bow has...become hardened over the years. He's still the same Bow we love, but more rough around the edges." I try to explain and watch as the former Horde soldier furrows her eyebrows. 

"That's...sad. The poor kid sounds like he was dying for attention and he just ended up getting told off." She mutters, her lips curling in distaste. I blow one of my pink hair strands out of my face.

"I've been wanting to tell him that for years, but...well, things were never easy between us for me to tell him." I express despondently.

"Maybe I should say something." Adora murmurs in thought just as I raise my eyebrows at her.

"Weren't you told off for interfering earlier today?" I point out. The warrior wilts slightly in her chair and continues playing with her straw, passing it from one side of the glass to the other. 

"Not exactly. I...I feel I have to say something. He's too sweet of a kid to be that upset." Adora states seriously and I can't help but smile at her. When the woman catches my expression, she quirks an eyebrow at me. "What?" She asks cautiously. I shrug.

"You still like working hard to make everyone's lives better. That's another thing about you that hasn't changed." I say, fondness slipping past my radar. Adora gives me a half smile.

"Yeah I don't think it's something I can help. Feels like it's been ingrained into me." She admits sheepishly. 

"Well, it's one of the things that makes you so special." I say nonchalantly just as the food arrives at our table. 

"Would you like anything else Your Majesty?" The young waiter queries brightly. I smile at him and shake my head.

"No this is fantastic. Thank you so much." I express gratefully before tucking in. Adora glances between the leaving waiter and me before picking up her fork.

"So, you know him?" The blonde asks carelessly, but from the way she keeps a keen eye on the server I can tell she's curious. I shrug.

"His mum owns the place so we used to play together a bit when we were kids." I say, not sounding too bothered as I take several bites from their signature dish. 

"So, you're friends?" She queries further. Her eyes once again swivelling to the young man who's stacking plates up at a table. His eyes flickers over to our table a few times before promptly looking away. 

"Well we didn't see each other often, but I guess?" I answer while spinning the spaghetti around my fork. 

"He seems to like you." The warrior muses quietly. I snort. 

"Isn't that what friends do? Like each other?" I voice, while pointing my fork at the woman before popping it into my mouth. "Why the sudden interest anyway? Jealous?" I tease and watch as the blonde splutters before shaking her head to either side vigorously.

" _ **No!**_ Why should I be?" Adora defends hotly. I shrug again.

"I don't know. You're asking a lot of questions." I remind and take a sip out of my glass. The blonde takes this as an opportunity to pile her mouth with food, making me wait for her response. 

"Just curious. You always said how it was just you and Bow when you were little." Adora finally says when she gulps down the load of food in her mouth. I gaze at her suspiciously before going back to my eating. 

"Yeah it was just us two. As I said, I didn't see Ryan that often, only on occasions and never for long." I elaborate and to my surprise the blonde releases a quiet sigh. 

"Oh ok. He seems nice." The blonde states, her tone relaxed. I shoot her a strange look. 

"I guess? What, are you looking for suitors for me?" I state distastefully. The girl's eyes snap wide open as she shakes her head and hands frantically.

" _ **NO!**_ " She bellows, catching the attention of a few other tables. Adora appears sheepish as she drops her voice right down. "I just wanted to know if there was anything going on." The blonde mutters with pink cheeks. I snort and shove her elbow playfully.

"With Ryan? Definitely not." I state firmly before dropping my voice to a more softer tone. "You're in luck, I'm not ready for that kind of commitment yet." I joke and go to take another sip from my drink while watching the girl flush a deeper red. 

"T-That's not what I meant!" Adora protests, her face becoming more and more like a tomato. I shoot her an innocent smile.

"Oh, so what did you mean?" I ask with a smirk. The blonde opens and closes her mouth like a goldfish.

"You know what? I'm just going to eat." Adora grumbles and starts digging into her meal while I laugh. 

"Alright, alright. I won't tease you anymore." I offer and just when the warrior sighs in relief I add: "For now." Which elicits a groan from the woman.

"I swear you didn't used to torture me this much." The warrior complains, making me laugh harder.

"That's before I found out it was fun." I say with a wink. Adora chokes mid-bite and starts hammering at her chest. I widen my eyes and teleport to the bench she's seated on to pat and rub her back until her sounds of choking dies down to the occasional cough. "Maybe for your safety I should tone down on the banter." I joke, but my eyes remain furrowed in concern as I pass the girl her drink. 

"Glimmer?" Adora rasps.

"Yes?" I say.

"Zip it." She orders. I flush and reach a hand behind me to rest it on the back of my head.

"Right." I voice sheepishly and teleport back to my seat opposite her.

We continue the rest of our meal in silence, but every now and again I swear I feel the blonde's eyes on me, but whenever I look up I find her eyes ingrained into her plate. Just as I raise my last spoonful to my mouth I finally catch the warrior looking at me, before promptly looking away. I frown and lower the spoon slightly.

"What's up?" I query, earning the woman's attention once more. She gives me an embarrassed smile.

"You know when I said zip it, I didn't really mean it literally." She voices quietly. My cheeks pinken slightly.

"O-oh! I thought...well, I kind of wanted to enjoy my spaghetti and meatballs." I say while rubbing my neck before popping my last spoonful into my mouth. I chew and swallow quickly before continuing. "But now that I'm done we can talk about whatever." The blonde widens her eyes slightly.

"Oh no I didn't mean we have to talk. I just didn't want you to think that..." I stretch out a hand to silence the warrior's ramblings. 

"You're awfully jittery today. Are you sure you're alright?" I ask with knit eyebrows. Adora smiles and rests a hand on top of mine.

"Yeah I'm fine. I guess I'm not used to having nothing much to do." The blonde admits. I quirk an eyebrow.

"You mean, relaxing?" I drawl out causing the woman to purse her lips.

"Well, you know how bad I am at that." She points out. I snort my agreement.

"I don't think I can ever forget Mystacor." I say with a small smile. But a petulant expression crosses the woman's features.

"It's not easy to relax when Shadow Weaver was lurking in the background." The woman voices defensively and her hands start to withdraw, but I grasp onto them, pulling them into my two warm ones. 

"I meant after you defeated Shadow Weaver. When we went back out on the beach and you woke up, calling for me. It was sweet how easily my presence calmed you back then." I recall fondly. Adora's face softens.

"You still do Glimmer." She murmurs, giving my hands a light squeeze. I look up to catch the adoration in her eyes and flush in embarrassment. 

"I- wow. I'm glad." I say with averted eyes. 

"I know I've already said this, but I really missed you. No one could calm me down like you could. Not even Catra." Adora states strongly. My heart leaps in my chest while my tongue becomes tied.

"I...well, that's what friends are for." I finally get out, but it doesn't feel like the right response, so I add: "And, well you know how much I missed you." I murmur. The blonde's face brightens, as if needing to hear that and I can't help but wonder what's going on in her head. But before she can respond Ryan returns to our table and I quickly release my hold on the warrior's hands.

"Your Majesty we're closing the doors now. Would you like to stay longer? We don't mind." The waiter offers, but I shake my head and rise from my seat. 

"That's sweet of you, but I wouldn't want to delay you from going home. Food was excellent as always Ryan." I thank while Adora also gets to her feet, her eyes weary. The young man beams up at me.

"I'll be sure to tell my Mum. You have a lovely time with..." He trails off, as if waiting for an introduction. I'm just about to open my mouth when the warrior steps in. 

"Adora." The blonde supplies, offering her hand to the man. He returns the gesture, shaking the girl's hand as his face turns inwards in thought before suddenly clicking his fingers.

"Oh! You're She-ra. The one who fought in the war. You're the Queen's soldier, right?" Adora stares at the man before pressing her lips tightly together. I gulp and decide to interfere before he says any other awkward thing. 

"Yes she's She-ra, but she's not my soldier. We're friends." I correct. Ryan raises an eyebrow at me. 

"Oh sorry for the muddle. That's just what I've been hearing from the locals." He states with a shrug. "Anyway, enjoy your evening." He bids and goes to clean our table. I drag the stoic blonde out of the restaurant and along the pavement outside. Silence stretches for a few moments before she finally decides to speak up.

"So people don't know we're friends?" She queries with slight hurt. I shake my head.

"I mean, news of your disappearance became widespread. If people knew that one of my best friends left then they'd assume we had an argument and their faith in the rebellion would've been shaken. If they thought you were just a soldier then they'd be less concerned." I explain uncomfortably. My eyes drop to the ground at the aghast expression on the blonde's face. "I'm sorry. It was a dumb and cowardly thing to do." I whisper.

The former Horde soldier doesn't say anything for a such a long time that I start to become hyper-aware of our surroundings. Particularly of how quiet and cold it is. A rush of wind whips past me, blowing my hair up and making me shiver. I hug my arms to my body, but keep my lilac orbs glued to the floor. After an eternity the woman sighs.

"We should get inside before we freeze to death." Adora utters. I look up, but she's not looking at me, instead her attention seems to be focused on the snowy trees around us. My eyes dart around until I spot a familiar looking cabin. 

"Oh! I know where we can go." I voice excitedly and grab the warrior's hand and start pulling her towards the wooden hut. 

"Where are we going? Shouldn't we, you know, be heading to Brightmoon?" The girl queries, clearly confused. 

"I told you, Brightmoon reminds you too much of what happened before. You need a break from it." I state firmly and push open the door to the cabin to be greeted with a rush of warm air. I sigh in content and go over to the receptionist desk where a peppy girl stands. 

"Hello and welcome to the cabin Inn! Do you need a place to stay?" She asks. 

"Yes please. Do you have a room for two?" I request and watch as the girl taps something on her tablet before looking up to me. 

"We sure do. Room 20B, just upstairs on the left. How would you like to pay?" At the question I pull out a bag of gold coins and put 5 on the desk. 

"Is that enough?" I query and watch as her eyes widen before taking a closer look at me.

"By golly you're the Queen! You don't need to pay. Here's the key." The woman decides, pushing the key into my hand. But I shake my head.

"Really. It's fine." I insist, but the receptionist seems adamant.

"I'm sorry Your Majesty, but I refuse to accept such a payment. The room is yours." The girl states firmly. I purse my lips and take back two coins, leaving three still on the table.

"There. Take that instead, I'm not accepting any less." I argue stubbornly. She appears hesitant, but after a few moments she takes the money and puts it in her till.

"Thank you Your Majesty. Hope you have a wonderful night." She bids and with a smile I start trekking upstairs, only to notice Adora hanging far behind. I pause and backtrack so that we're walking at the same pace. 

"Hey." I probe, pulling the blonde from her thoughts. She looks up and shoots me a feeble smile.

"Hey." She answers, but I can see the deep rooted sadness in those blues orbs of hers. I chew my lip.

"Are you still mad about the whole soldier thing?" I whisper anxiously. The blonde blinks, as if forgetting about that conversation entirely. She hesitates for a moment before shaking her head.

"No. You're right, the last thing you needed was to panic everyone even more during a war. I guess I was just surprised." She mumbles, averting her eyes and I get the feeling she's still hurt over it. I cluck my tongue and go to hook my arm with hers. Adora's features contours into surprise as she turns her head to look at me in bewilderment. "Glimmer what are you doing?!" She hisses anxiously, her eyes darting from side to side in a panic. I furrow my eyebrows at her behaviour, but think nothing much of it.

"I'm walking with my best friend, what does it look like I'm doing?" I state a matter-of-factly. 

"But you're the Queen!" Adora argues. I stare at her, perplexed.

"What is that supposed to mean?" I ask wearily. 

"I can't be walking around with you like this. People's might think I'm disrespecting you or something." The blonde mutters. I gawk at her in disbelief.

"Ok that sounds ridiculous, even for you." I voice brashly, earning me a glare from the woman.

"I'm not being ridiculous! Didn't you see how that receptionist treated you? People might be annoyed if I'm just holding your arm like this." The warrior explains as understanding dawns on me.

"Wait, that's what started this? Why does that bother you?" I query with a tilted head. 

"I told you before. You're the Queen and I'm just no one." Adora mumbles. I glare at her.

"And I told you that's not true! Don't you dare think that you have to be deserving or worthy to be my side because that's utterly ridiculous. You're more than enough. Aurgh, I don't get why you're even thinking about it like this! It never bothered you before." I argue in exasperation. The blonde chews her lip before looking away. 

"That's because I never really saw you as a Queen or Princess. I just saw you as my feisty, caring best friend." The warrior whispers. I tilt my head to one side, still feeling confused.

"Then why are you starting to see me as this untouchable, almighty Queen?" I query, wounded at the implication that our friendship has perhaps become more detached than I realised. The hurt must've leaked into my tone as blue orbs snap back to meet my lilac ones. 

"I...because I keep seeing how _**everyone** _treats you. It's a bit hard to ignore." Adora confesses. I knit my eyebrows while I run over her words in my head. _'Its not something I've ever paid any attention to before. I mean, being a princess my whole life meant I was used to the special treatment.'_ I concede begrudgingly.

"I guess I didn't think about it like that." I say reluctantly. 

"Yeah and I just feel unworthy to be so casual with you when everyone else are so formal." The blonde continues, but I shake my head.

"But you're not everyone. You're my best friend." I stress and to hammer the point home I stop at the second to last step and envelop the warrior in a tight hug. It takes her by surprise as she stumbles sideways to lean onto the surface behind her and I find that I've accidently pinned her to the wall. "I don't want you thinking like that. You need to give yourself more credit. And if it makes you feel better, tell yourself that you're the Princess of Power." I joke, but instead of the laugh I was hoping, the woman releases a sad sigh.

"Am I really She-ra if I don't use her?" I'm taken aback by the question and stare up at the blonde in disbelief.

"You're in a really melancholy mood today, aren't you?" I state bluntly, but I don't give her the chance to reply as I carry on. "Adora that's like saying am I really the Queen if I stop doing my duties. Just because you're not actively using your abilities, it doesn't mean you're no longer her. She-ra is a part of you, just like being a Queen is a part of me. It's inherently buried within us and won't go away even if we denied that piece of us." I explain calmly and that finally prompts a small chuckle from the woman as she returns my embrace. 

"How do you always know what to say?" Adora queries as awe leaks into her voice. I release an embarrassed sigh before pulling away from the girl. 

"I don't know, it just comes out." I say, abashed. Adora shoots me a warm smile before linking my arm with hers and continuing the short trek to the room. I fish the key out of my pocket and go to open the door. Stepping inside is like a blast from the past, reminding me of the many winters spent here as a getaway from all the royal stresses. And I can't help but hum in contentment.

"You look happy." The blonde notes as she goes to take a seat on the edge of one of the beds.

"Yeah. I've missed this place." I reply as nostalgia washes over me.

"You've never talked about it before." The blonde comments as she leans forward to rest her forearms on her knees. I shrug. 

"After we got the alliance going, we kind of forgot about this place or didn't have time to come here." I voice with a sigh. My eyes sweep around the room before settling on the warrior. "It's nice to be back here." I breathe out, prompting a small smile from the Princess of power. I return it, relieved to see the relaxation on the blonde's face. "I should tell my Dad that we're spending the night here." I say suddenly, pulling the girl out of her own self-induced daze. She blinks twice before rubbing the back of her head.

"Oh yeah that's a good idea." Adora agrees quickly and with a nod of my head I teleport back to Brightmoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So angst and fluff - it's nice to have a mixture of both. And you gotta love banter, honestly writing that diner scene was a lot of fun because I feel like we don't see enough of embarrassed Adora XD
> 
> A few months ago my bro said something that really made me think. It was prob the sweetest thing he ever said and for boys being so gung-ho with their emotions (or at least my siblings anyway) it was kinda a surprise. He said: "I'm worried that when you get married you won't be the same [insert name] that I know and love." And no I'm not getting married anytime soon guys lol. But it got me thinking, people often change when they get married and have kids, they mature with the responsibilities and may not have time to do things they did before. And I thought that was an interesting concept, so I inserted it here.
> 
> Next chapter and for most of the remaining chapters we'll stay in Adora's POV. I can't believe how quickly we're reaching the end, it's insane! I feel like I could've prolonged it, but for now I think I'll stick to the chapters I've written up. The next couple of chapters are more fluffy and I suppose therapeutic in a way? It focuses on trying to re-create that ease Adora and Glimmer used to have, so expect a lot of fluff! With traces of angst because this is me XD but nothing too heavy. I might update tomorrow?
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	70. It's OK to Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora tries to be selfless as usual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're at 70 CHAPTERS!!!!!! That's just amazing, thank you to everyone for reading and enjoying this story, I really appreciate it <3  
> I'm so sorry for how painfully short this one is, but the length of the next one will hopefully make up for it and I'll post tomorrow to make up for it. It helps that my lecturers have been terrible at getting out our lectures this week, so I've got less to do than usual...the downsides of having doctors as lecturers in a pandemic :P

**Adora's POV:**

I watch the Queen fade out in front of my eyes before falling back onto the mattress with a groan.

"Aurgh my emotions are all over the place and I used to complain about _**Glimmer** _being jealous. I think I just upped her on that." I voice in annoyance, slapping my forehead. "I really need to pull myself together. I'm She-ra for goodness sake! I can't crumble at every little thing. Jeez have I become...soft?" I shudder at the prospect and immediately jump to my feet, looking for something to do. _'Times like this makes me wish I could carry a portable punching bag.'_ I think mournfully.

I go over to one of the desk drawers and pull it open to find a collection of bathing ointments. I wrinkle my nose in disinterest and open the next one along to reveal stacks of old newspapers. Curious, I pull them out and leaf through them, but from the looks of the dates on these things they're super ancient and when I mean ancient, I mean before I was before born sort of thing.

Pursing my lips I take a seat on the ground and start to sort through them, organising them according to their dates. As I sift through them, one particular picture catches my eye. I pick it up for a close look, only for my jaw to drop when I recognise the two people standing proudly on the cover, their arms wrapped around each other while their faces beam with delight. My eyes trail upwards to read the headline:

QUEEN ANGELLA MARRIES SPELLCASTER PRODIGY

I gulp and go to trace Angella's face with the tips of my fingers. In this photo she doesn't appear one day younger from when I knew her. However, when I look to Micah the difference is clear. His hair is shorter and the only bit of facial hair he has is a measly moustache. I chuckle at the sight and place the newspaper on my lap before returning to the others.

As I continue leafing through them, I notice the dates becoming a little more recent, so I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when I spot another picture of the royal family, this time announcing Glimmer's birth. I stare in disbelief at the small adorable baby. Her chubby arms raised above her head in excitement as she's coddled by her mother and father. My eyes soften at the sweet photo. I brush my thumb over baby Glimmer's face before focusing on the picture as a whole.

A pang of longing runs through me at seeing such a happy family and it pains me that I know what happens later down the line. A wet drop falls onto the page, smudging the 'h' in the word 'birth' and I quickly go to swipe at my eyes, not wanting to ruin the precious article.

"I'm back!" The sudden announcement causes me to shoot up to my feet and in the process I end up spilling all the newspapers over the floor. My foot slips on a stray paper and I end up crashing to the ground ungracefully and painfully.

"Ow." I groan. I wait a few moments for the pain in my abdomen to dull before pushing myself up onto my elbows, only to be greeted by the squatting Queen.

"Are you alright?" She asks, her hand outstretched for me to take. I clasp onto it and she helps me back to my feet. 

"I'll live." I mumble in embarrassment.

"Right, and what is all this?" Glimmer asks as she releases my hand to point at the messy pile of papers on the ground. 

"Old newspaper clippings. I was sorting through them to pass the time." I answer with a shrug. The purple head stares at me in disbelief before shaking her head. 

"That's not quite the way I'd pass time, but alright. Come on, let's clean this up and head to bed, I didn't realise how late it is." The Queen orders as she drops to her knees to pick up the stray papers. My eyes widen and I quickly drop to my own knees to help, hoping to find those two pictures before she does.

However, when I hear a sharp intake of breath I realise I'm too late. I look up anxiously to find the girl staring at one of the newspaper clippings with tightly pressed lips. I shift a little closer and peer over her shoulder to see its the picture of her mum and dad at their wedding. I drop my gaze back to the clippings and spot the one I was looking at before Glimmer popped in and pick it up.

Wordlessly, I nudge the Queen's arm and pass it to her. Her breathing becomes more shallow as her eyes fixate on the photo. Her lips start to tremble slightly as she soaks in the details. Hesitantly, I open my mouth.

"Glimmer?" I probe gently. 

"I...never saw my parents wedding pictures. Mum hid them after Dad disappeared. She said the reminder was too painful. But wow...they looked so happy." The royal voices thickly and to my dismay moisture starts to collect on her eyelashes. I throw an arm around the girl's shoulders and pull her towards me. 

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have been snooping around with this." I apologise guiltily, but the Queen shakes her head.

"No, I'm glad you found them. I bet Dad would love to see these. I'll have to ask if I can take them though." Glimmer says, her voice becoming far-fetched as she sinks into her own swirling thoughts. I bite my lip, hating that my dumb inability to stay still has just sent the girl into another bout of grief. I look back at the family photo and blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.

"You were a really cute baby." I offer, but slap my forehead when I realise that's the worst thing to say right now. The purple head looks up from the clipping in her hands to gaze at me in surprise and I suppose that's because I'm not usually one to fuss over things like that. 

"Mum used to say that all the time, but I thought she was just being biased. Since you're saying that too, then I guess I must've been." The royal voices with a half smile. I gawk at her and go to point at her round face and wide sparkling eyes.

"How do you not see that as cute?! You're utterly adorable! I mean those big eyes, chubby face and tiny hands are enough for anyone to class as cute." I retort in disbelief. Glimmer stares at me with a slack jaw and I realise how ridiculous I must sound. My hand flies up to cover my eyes in embarrassment. "Oh man I've done it again, haven't I? Saying something I shouldn't." I groan into my palm. But to my relief the Queen simply laughs warmly as her hands go to pull mine away from my face. 

"Don't worry you're good. I thought it was adorable how passionate you got over my baby picture." Glimmer supplies with a grin. I huddle into myself, wishing the floor could just swallow me up from the amount of humiliation I'm feeling. 

"Please could you stop." I mumble, but if anything the purple head's smirk just widens.

"What? Calling you adorable? It's not my fault that you are." Glimmer teases, making me flush. I give her a light shove in the hopes it will stop her quips. However, I was not anticipating two things. One, that my shove was harder than intended resulting in the Queen falling backwards. And two, her arms snapping out to bring me down with her, resulting in me landing on top of the girl. "Jeez Adora, you didn't have to get physical." The purple head jokes. I glower at her and roll off the royal until I'm laying beside her on the ground. 

"You started it." I voice childishly, prompting the Queen to twist onto her side as she hooks an arm around my neck to give me a noogie.

"And here I thought that you were meant to be older than me." Glimmer comments playfully. I stick my tongue out at her, but make no attempts to get out of her hold, enjoying the closeness. The Queen chuckles at my behaviour before finally releasing me and sitting up. "Ok we really should get to bed, it's like 2am now and I don't think the residents will be too pleased if we continue being this loud." The purple head decides with a grin. I sigh and sit up too. 

"Yeah you're right." I agree begrudgingly. We take it in turns to change in the attached bathroom before going to opposite sides of the room to crash into our beds. The royal flicks the lights off and we're plunged into darkness. I blow a quiet breath before flickering my gaze to the obscured lump on the other side of the room. "Hey Glimmer?" I whisper. It's two beats before I hear the softly spoken reply.

"Yeah Adora?" The Queen murmurs.

"Thanks for this. I really needed an away day." I express gratefully. I hear squeaking of the mattress before the royal's response reaches my ears. 

"Anytime Adora. I'm glad it helped." Glimmer voices tenderly. My lips curl up into a relaxed smile. 

"Goodnight Glimmer." I bid and when the Queen returns the words and her breathing evens. I finally fall asleep. 

~=~

My eyes suddenly snap open. For once my sleep was peaceful without the usual nightmare horrors and yet something must've woken me. Creaks sound in the otherwise silent room and I turn my attention to the slumbering Queen, only to find her tossing in her bed.

I frown at the sight and pull my duvet back while swinging my legs off the bed until my feet touch the ground. Slowly and quietly, I tiptoe over to the purple head to find her eyebrows drawn together tightly and what appears to be small beads of sweat on her forehead, but in the dark it's a little hard to make out and the lamplight outside the window can only help you see so much.

The girl tosses again in her bed before huddling into a foetal position. _'Is this the nightmares that Glimmer was telling me about? I don't think I've ever seen her have one this bad. Heck I've probably only ever seen her having a mild one.'_ I crouch onto my knees and go to shake the royal gently by the shoulder, but when she doesn't awaken I try a little harder.

"Glimmer? Glimmer!" I call out. After several moments the Queen shoots up from her pillow with a gasp while clutching her chest. My eyebrows knit together in concern while I lean forward. "Hey you're ok. You're ok." I soothe while rubbing calming circles into her back.

Glimmer's dilated pupils starts to constrict to their normal size as she returns to the present moment and out of her subconscious fog. She blinks twice before dropping her gaze to me and in the limelight I can make out the paleness of her usually tanned skin. A barely audible whimper escapes past her lips and before I know it she launches at me, her arms wrapping tightly around me. Instantly my hands go up to return the hug.

"Hey its alright. It's just a nightmare." I try to reassure, but the girl just tightens her hold and buries her face deeper into my neck.

I swallow, unused to being the one to do the comforting. Usually I'm on the _**receiving** _side of the comfort. The only time I ever comforted anyone was Glimmer after she lost her mum and even then I didn't do much of a good job of it. I pat her back, bringing to mind all the times that Glimmer used to comfort me and realise how adept she was at it.

I continue uttering what I hope is a soothing mantra while ignoring my protesting limbs at the uncomfortable position and the wetness from what I assume is the Queen's tears. Eventually the purple head's hold on me slackens and I'm just about to ask her what her nightmare was about until I hear soft snores. Blinking, I pry the girl back gently to find her eyes closed. I smile tenderly at the sight before carefully settling her back onto the mattress. I slip my hand underneath her head to guide it back to the pillow before sliding it out.

In the faint yellow glow my heart shudders at her tear stained cheeks. Lightly, I brush them away with my knuckles before covering the royal in her blanket. I lean back slightly to observe the slumbering Queen, wondering what on earth her night terror was about for her to be that shaken up. I find myself rocking back and forth on my heels in indecision.

Part of me wants to jump into bed and get some sleep, but the other part of me is too concerned about my best friend to just go back to bed. In the end I opt to remain by the girl's side. Quietly, I swivel round and sit cross legged on the ground with my back resting against the bed post.

For the rest of the night I keep a keen ear on the purple head, ready to jump to her aid if another nightmare strikes. Fortunately, it's not needed and when streams of light start to enter the room I find my head lolling backwards to rest it on the edge of the mattress as my eyes drift to a close. 

~=~

**30 minutes later:**

I wake up to the sound of shifting or shaking? And force my tired eyes open to find the Queen crouching in front of me with furrowed eyebrows. 

"Did you sleep here the whole night?!" Glimmer asks in concern. I rub my eyes and yawn before pushing my back off the bed-frame. 

"Something like that." I voice sleepily while trying to stifle another yawn. The girl's eyes widen comically.

"Stars, did you even sleep?!" The purple head expresses anxiously, as a flash of guilt crosses her lavender orbs. My lips curl up in a half smile and I just wave her concerns away.

"I'm alright. What about you? Last night seemed...intense." I query with a cocked head. Similar to last night, the girl pales at the reminder, but she stubbornly shakes her head a moment later. 

"I think the first thing we should do is get you to your bed for some sleep." Glimmer suggests firmly. I roll my eyes at her.

"Glimmer I've had plenty of sleepless nights before." I remind lightly, but the Queen is already pulling me up to my feet and guiding me across the room to my bed. "Glimmer I'm fine." I insist, only to be pushed onto the mattress. 

"Nope I'm not hearing it." The royal states bluntly. 

"But...!" I start, only to be silenced by the duvet being pulled over me. 

"No buts. Sleep." The Queen orders. I blow a strand of hair from my face in frustration. I cross my arms underneath the cover while jutting my lip out. Glimmer rolls her eyes at the display before adding: "I can't believe you spent the whole night awake." 

"I did it in case you had another nightmare." I grumble. A quiet sigh sounds in the room before the Queen appears in my line of vision, standing over me while one of her hands goes to clutch her elbow. 

"I really appreciate that Adora, but you didn't have to do that to yourself." The purple head mutters. I roll over to my side to gaze at the Queen steadily.

"I wanted to." I enlighten and watch as the girl shakes her head fondly before bending down to ruffle my hair. 

"I don't deserve you." She breathes it out so quietly that I'm not sure whether I misheard or not. I blink twice before knitting my eyebrows. 

"What was that?" I echo in alarm, but the Queen quickly shakes her head.

"Go to sleep." She murmurs, playing with my hair. Her fingers travel slowly down my face until they reach my cheek and with her soft ministrations I find myself unwillingly pulled into the realm of sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing really happened here and I do apologise for that, but I wanted to slowly re-build those soft moments between them and try fixing things before we sink into the side-plot. If nothing else I hoped you enjoyed the fluff. If not, I'm sorry there wasn't much here.
> 
> Next chapter is another 'fixing things' sort of chapter, but I think it's more engaging and it's longer too, so I think you'll enjoy it. Next chapter is also the last day of their mini vacation, so after that we'll return to Brightmoon for the endgame so to speak. I think we have 9 chapters left...unless I decide to split it differently. I'll see you tomorrow in God's will.
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	71. Will I Be Needed?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora encourages Glimmer to not be worried about the future.  
> AND  
> Adora is accident prone.  
> AND  
> Adora contemplates the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my last therapeutic chapter for me. You know what that means, more awkwardness XD I attempt to resolve a bunch of other things, but mainly this is just a big fluff fest, so get ready for the tooth ache XD And this chapter is SO long too.
> 
> As always, I sincerely appreciate all your sweet words. You guys are really incredible and I can't thank you enough for being so supportive and awesome <3
> 
> So after all the angsty moments, CrazyButterSock drew a really touching scene that incorporates pure fluff. It legit warms my heart every time I look at it, it's just so sweet. Thank you so so much <3

**Adora's POV:**

When I next awake, my attention is instantly fixed on the cloudy sky peeking through the window. I frown and toss my covers to one side, annoyed at myself for wasting the whole day in bed. My eyes roam over the room in search of the Queen, but I'm surprised to find the room empty, even her bed is made. I get to my feet and wander around the small room before going to knock on the bathroom door. To my dismay there's no response. I twist the door handle and push the door open and indeed it's also absent of a certain purple head.

I sigh and trail back to the main room and throw myself onto the couch, feeling at a loss on what to do. _'Where did she go? Is she coming back soon?'_ I wonder, as anxiety starts to crawl in. My leg bounces up and down for the next hour with no sign of the purple head until the familiar whooshing sound alerts me of her presence. I still my leg and twist round to find the Queen running a hand through her hair. Quickly I get to my feet and round the sofa.

"Glimmer!" I call out, breaking the girl's attention as she looks up to pinpoint her gaze on me. 

"Hey Adora." Glimmer greets tiredly. Any words that I was about to say gets stuck in my throat as I take in the Queen's slightly dishevelled appearance.

"Are you alright?" I ask with a frown. "You look knackered." I add as an afterthought. The royal gives me a half smile.

"Yeah yeah. I just had one long meeting with Arthur. That guy will be the death of me. Sorry I left you for so long. I was hoping I'd be back before you woke up, but..." She trails off with a shrug. 

"It's ok. I woke up an hour or so. Was worried when I didn't see you." I say as the Queen combs a hand through her hair again. 

"Sorry, I should've left a note." Glimmer answers with a sheepish smile, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes which makes me wonder if there's something going on. I eye the purple head and the way her forehead creases ever so slightly with her barely knit together eyebrows. _'Yep, there's definitely something up.'_ But instead of asking her outright, I decide to use a different tactic. 

"What was your meeting about?" I ask casually and watch as the girl massages her forehead.

"Dumb stuff." She mutters which pretty much confirms my theory of what has her so anxious. I take her by the elbow and guide her towards the sofa. When we're both seated, I face my best friend.

"Whatever it is, it's obviously making you worried. You know you can always unload onto me if you want." I offer gently and the girl almost seems surprised at how passive I'm being about it. A small smile graces her lips.

"Thanks Adora." Glimmer voices gratefully before sighing. "My dumb adviser keeps saying how I should start looking for suitors." The Queen confesses sourly. I blink at her twice and tilt my head to one side.

"Suitors?" I echo out in confusion. This time it's the royal's turn to blink as she turns to face me fully. 

"Have you never heard of suitors?!" She queries in shock, her eyes wide. I scratch the side of my head.

"Am I have meant to?" I ask back. The girl opens her mouth before snapping it shut. 

"Well, no I guess not." Glimmer murmurs to herself before looking back to gaze at me. "Suitors are usually the fancy term that royalty uses to define people who are marriage prospects." She explains. I frown.

"Marriage?" I repeat back dumbly just as Glimmer throws up her arms in frustration. 

"I know right?! I'm not interested in thinking about this yet. The war only ended 3 years ago! There's still so much work to be done before I decide about settling down and finding the right guy." The purple head rants, but my brain remains fixated on the word marriage. 

"B-But aren't you too young for that?!" I splutter, my mouth suddenly working on its accord. My words causes the Queen to pause as she stares at me flatly.

"How old am I Adora?" Glimmer questions bluntly. I open my mouth to answer, only to find myself pausing in thought. I find myself doing some mental maths, but I must've taken longer than I realised as the Queen slaps her forehead. "Seriously?!" Glimmer gapes. 

"It's been 6 years! It's not like I actively thought about it." I defend hotly. The purple head looks ready to argue, but thinks better of it.

"I'm 26, nearly 27. That's the sort of age you start thinking about it." The Queen states instead. My jaw slackens.

"Oh." I breathe out while rubbing my elbow self-consciously. "I'm nearly 27 and still not fussed about it." I add, but the girl simply exhales heavily.

"That's because you don't have to worry about some dumb heir. If anything happened to me then that's the end of the royal line." The purple head mutters. I furrow my eyebrows at the prospect of anything happening to the girl.

"Nothing will happen to you. Besides, you've still got your dad and aunt." I point out. Glimmer chuckles.

"We don't know that. Plus Dad can't be King forever and he's definitely not intending to marry again which leaves my aunt who is married to her role in Mystacor. I'm the only one who can have an heir and according to Arthur the sooner the better otherwise 'I'll leave the future in disarray'. Aurgh, he annoys me so much!" The Queen complains in fervent frustration while throwing herself backwards against the backrest. I watch the girl through sympathetic eyes before leaning backwards myself, albeit more carefully than the Queen did. 

"Well, we've already established that you do want that at some point, right? Unless you've changed your mind about wanting to marry and have children?" I query cautiously. That silences the royal's incoherent grumblings as she turns her head to me, her eyes downcast.

"Of course I do. Having a child would be great, but...I'm not ready for that kind of commitment." The girl expresses, her voice small. I raise my eyebrows at her.

"Since when are we ever ready for anything? You weren't ready to be Queen, but look at you now!" I exclaim, but Glimmer just gazes at me sceptically.

"Are you forgetting that first year or are you just choosing to ignore it?" Glimmer mutters sarcastically. I roll my eyes at her.

"There's always going to be mistakes made along the way, that's life. But we're always learning from them. If you keep putting it off then you'll never get round to doing it." I voice wisely. The purple head crosses her arms over her chest and raises a single eyebrow.

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you _**want** _me to be married off." Glimmer retorts dryly. I swallow and look away.

"If I'm being entirely selfish? No, I don't want you to get married because it means we'll have less time to spend together. But this isn't about what I want." I mutter honestly, perhaps a little too honestly. The royal doesn't say anything for several awkward moments. 

"Wait. You _**don't** _want me to get married?" The Queen echoes back dumbly. I flinch and realise how terrible that sounds, especially when it's repeated back to me like that. I snap my neck back to the girl, her expression is a mixture of disbelief and...something else. Is she...pleased? Unsure of what to make out from her reaction I quickly go to shake my hands in front of me in defence.

"No! That's...that's not what I meant. I just...it will be sad when we don't get to spend much time together. But of course I want you to get married and have kids. I'll be super happy for you when you do." I state firmly and yet why does it feel like my words are laced with a lie? Glimmer's eyes fall slightly in thought, but she quickly plasters a smile to her face.

"It's not like I'll be going anywhere. I'll still be around." The girl points out. My gaze drops to my lap.

"But you'll be busy." I remind quietly. A soft hand settles on top of one of mine. 

"I'll always have time for you Adora. Always." Glimmer vows sincerely. My eyes flicker up. 

"Promise?" The words are laced with more vulnerability than I would've liked, but it's worth it when the purple head squeezes my hand in reassurance.

"I promise. No matter what's going on, I'll always make time to spend with you. It won't be like before." The royal whispers fervently. At this reassurance, I finally smile and lift my eyes up.

"In that case, I think you should take up Arthur's suggestion." I start, but when the Queen opens her mouth in protest I raise a hand to motion for me to continue. The girl blows at one of her hair strands, but nods. "At least see some of the suitors. You don't have to rush into anything, but it's always good to start and courting can last years until you decide anything." I advise.

Gimmer stares at me for a good long minute, the confliction evident in her lavender orbs. Her eyes shimmer from side to side in thought before finally going to eye me carefully. Making me confused on why she's spending so much time looking at me when _**she's** _the one who's going to start the whole marriage journey. 

"And you'll be okay with that?" She finally asks. My eyebrows shoot up in surprise. 

"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?" I ask, feeling perplexed. Glimmer bites her lips before shrugging.

"You're my best friend. I thought I'd at least take your opinion on it." My eyebrows rise up even higher.

"Aren't I the one trying to convince _**you** _to go ahead with it?" I tease, but instead of the laugh I was expecting, a look of unease crosses her features. 

"Just thought to double check you aren't doing that self-righteous thing you tend to do." The purple head mumbles. I blink and shake my head.

"Not at all. I think it will be good for you." I say with a genuine smile. At this the girl caves and nods her head.

"Yeah, maybe you're right. Thank you." The girl decides. I nudge her with my elbow.

"What are best friends for?" I say and go to wrap her in a hug. The purple head doesn't answer, but I assume her thoughts are so occupied with her future for her to say anything. That thought sends a pang to my heart. _'Her future. As in, a future where I'm not needed. A future where the traditional best friend squad trio is replaced with a husband and child.'_

I hold back a shudder. _'That's still ages away. She hadn't even started meeting people, let alone taking an interest in anyone. What do I have to worry about? Glimmer even promised that being married won't change anything, so it's fine for her to go ahead and do so. She needs a child to fill in that hole that her mother left behind.'_ And with that thought in mind, I relax a little more into the embrace. After a few more seconds the Queen finally pulls away.

"So what's on the agenda today?" She asks. I blink twice before furrowing my eyebrows.

"Wait, don't you have Queen stuff to do?" I ask befuddled and watch as the girl shakes her head with a grin.

"Nope. Dad said he's taking a load off for me, so we can have a few more days of relaxation before we should head back." The purple head explains. My lips curve upwards.

"Really?" I echo back in barely concealed joy. Glimmer's face takes on a picture of amusement at my reaction.

"Wow, you're actually happy to do nothing unproductive for the next few days? Who are you and what have you done with Adora?" She teases, elbowing me lightly. I roll my eyes at her. 

"Very funny. I actually think it's nice that we get a few undisturbed days together. You're usually so busy with Queen duties for us to hang out for very long." I retort. The Queen's cheeks pinken slightly, as if not expecting my response. 

"That's true." She answers, puffing her cheeks out in exasperation before gazing back at me. "So any requests?" Glimmer queries. I rub my chin in thought.

"Not very exciting, but maybe a walk? I haven't been in this part of Etheria before and there seems to be some amazing sights around." I suggest sheepishly, expecting the Queen to snort at my boring idea, but instead Glimmer lights up and nods her head vigorously.

"I know just the trek we can take!" She squeals in excitement. Her arm shoots out towards my shoulder, ready to teleport us but I snap my hand up to catch her fingers in mine.

"Erm Glimmer, I'm still in my PJs." I remind. The girl's eyes drop to my attire before flushing. 

"O-oh right. Well go and change slow poke! If we want to see nature in its complete glory we have to get a move on before it gets dark." Glimmer states impatiently. I roll my eyes at her.

"Right." I say with a nod and stoop down to pick up the clothes I left spewed on the carpet last night. But I freeze when I feel warm fingertips brushing against my skin from where my vest must've ridden up. 

"Have you been changing your bandages? These look pretty old." Glimmer queries, allowing me to breathe normally again and straighten up to face the Queen. I shoot her a sheepish expression.

"I...may have forgotten." I voice quietly, prompting the Queen to click her tongue. Before I know it I find myself pushed onto the bed while the royal goes hunting in the various drawers of the desk. After a few minutes she finds a first aid kit and returns to me. Before I can even protest, the Queen is already reaching for the edges of my vest and lifting it up. 

"Glimmer!" I finally croak out when my ability to speak eventually returns, along with my bright red face. Glimmer blinks twice at me but doesn't stop pulling the top over my head. 

"What? I think I've seen you in a lot less enough times now." The purple head reminds a matter-of-factly as her fingers start undoing the days old bandage. _'Can't argue with that.'_ But my head drops down anyway, at least to hide the redness in my face.

Fortunately this time I am wearing my chest bindings, so I'm not completely bare when all the bandages fall away. Her hands go to brush gently against the closed wounds while her eyebrows knit together tightly.

"Do they still hurt?" Glimmer queries quietly, a touch of guilt leaks into her voice. I swallow and shake my head.

"Not really. Only if I strain myself too much they start acting up." I reply honestly and watch as some of the tension eases off her face.

"Ok. Let's get a new pair of bandages on those." She finally breathes out and goes to open a packet and starts wrapping it around me. I observe the way her face scrunches up in concentration and I can't help but smile softly as I watch her work. When her eyes stray up to my face and catches the soft look on my face she suddenly becomes self-conscious. 

"What?" She utters. I shrug slightly.

"You must get bored of keep bandaging me up all the time." I point out and observe as the royal tilts her head to one side.

"Nah. This is becoming my favourite past time." Glimmer answers offhandedly as she continues wrapping the material around my waist. I freeze again at her words. _'Does...does she mean that?'_ I think, as a weird fuzzy feeling makes itself known in my chest.

"What, the me hurting myself part or the being close to me part?" I quip without thinking, but my eyes widen at what I just said. This time it's the Queen's turn to flush and she abruptly pulls away from me. 

"First of all, I hate seeing you get hurt, ok? I absolutely hate it. Secondly, I just like these few moments when you let me help you. It's not often you let anyone do that, so I treasure the fact that you let me do this for you." Glimmer answers with an averted gaze. My throat goes dry at those words and I have to clear it before I can say anything. 

"It's not like you gave me much of a choice." I joke, not knowing how else to address the sudden heavy air that seems to surround us when we get too close. The Queen sighs in relief at the out I've provided her and takes it on wholeheartedly.

"Hey if you're not looking after yourself, then someone needs to." Glimmer states stubbornly. Again my dumb mouth doesn't know when to keep shut.

"And that someone is you." I say with a tone of amusement. Glimmer looks up at me, even as we're sitting in front of each other, my added height always means she's the one looking up at me and for some reason that makes me feel warm. 

"Yes." She says it so simply as if this was her sworn duty and not her far more important role of being the Queen of Brightmoon. I'm at a loss for words and with the silence the royal picks up where she left off before tying a knot in the dressing. 

"Thank you." I mutter, but both to my surprise and embarrassment, the Queen isn't done yet and goes to help me to put on my sweatshirt. "Glimmerrrrr." I whine, ignoring the heat radiating from my cheeks. Glimmer grins at my expression and if anything she just leans in closer to embarrass me further. Thankfully the torture is over soon enough and I make a grab for my jacket before the purple head even thinks to try helping me with that too. The girl rolls her eyes and crosses her arms as she waits for me to finish. 

"Ready?" She queries, as if she hadn't been teasing for the last few minutes. I stare at her, unable to process how calm she is about her behaviour and the the amount of banter, but shake myself out of it and take her pre-offered hand.

"Ready." I confirm and in a flash we're outside in the green.

The sun is already starting to set and the beginnings of a beautiful sunset paints the skies. Glimmer tugs me along a well-trodden trail and we find ourselves walking up a steep hill. On either side of the trail are huge blossom trees and I can't help but admire them in awe. As we pass by a nearby branch, I break off a small bundle and keep it enclosed in my hand to keep as a souvenir. The royal is too busy humming to herself and enjoying the sights to take notice.

After a while the trail breaks up into a patch of grass and as the purple head continues to drag me along, I find ourselves standing on the top of the hill that overlooks the entire village. Lights have already started turning on and it looks like a flow of lanterns below. My eyes widen at the breath-taking sight and a small breath escapes past my lips. I feel a squeeze on my hand and turn to the side to find Glimmer pointing at a nearby bench.

"We can take a seat there and watch the night fall if you want?" She suggests and I find myself nodding my head enthusiastically at the idea, prompting a laugh from the royal as she guides us to the wooden seat.

Leaning backwards, I take in the awe-inspiring sight and for once I wish that I was half-good at art to be able to depict this. The orange-pink hues that make up the sunset in the sky and the various coloured lights from the town below is more than I've ever dreamed of. The gentle breeze that flows past us which ruffles our hair slightly is just an incredible plus.

As we sit in silence, enjoying the view, I almost forget of the girl's presence until I feel her head resting on my shoulder. I twist my head ever so slightly so as to not jolt her and smile warmly at the serene expression I find there. 

"You alright?" I whisper, not wanting to ruin the mood.

"Yeah. I just forgot how peaceful this spot is." She whispers back. My face softens and slowly I raise my arm and wrap it around the girl, allowing her to huddle closer into me. We watch as the skies eventually darken and the lights from below shine even brighter now that the sun is gone. If I wasn't worried about jinxing it, I'd say this is paradise.

I don't know how long we sit like that for. I suppose because neither of us wants to leave the tranquillity that this place brings, but the biting cold starts pressing into our bones.

"So you found this place with your mum?" I say gently, breaking the silence. Glimmer's gaze remains focused on the lights below, but she shakes her head slightly.

"Nah. I found it by myself while mum was busy catching up with a friend. Never told anyone about it. I guess I was under the childlike wonder that such beauty should be kept a secret. Though I wish I did tell her about it now. She would've loved it." Glimmer murmurs despondently and I regret bringing it up. I clear my throat and tilt my head until it rests on the Queen's temple. 

"So I'm the first one you showed this to?" I half-joke, while the other half of me is touched by the gesture. The royal stiffens slightly before relaxing into me.

"Don't get too proud of yourself Princess of Power." Glimmer teases back as she bumps her leg with mine.

"Of course not Queen of Brightmoon." I say back, prompting the two of us to dissolve into giggles and snorts. 

"We should really head back." Glimmer mumbles with a sigh. I exhale in disappointment.

"Do we have to?" I query, wanting to stretch out this moment for as long as humanely possible. _'Me and my best friend with a wicked view. Can't get better than that.'_

"Unless you're keen on getting hypothermia and me nursing you back to health." The Queen points out. I raise an eyebrow.

"Who says I'll be the one getting sick?" I fire back which elicits a quirked eyebrow from the royal.

"Immortal Mum remember?" Glimmer reminds lightly and I slump in remembrance.

"Oh yeah. Alright." I concede begrudgingly, but neither of us budges from our spot.

We stay a few moments more until a shiver runs down my back and before I know it the steady weight of Glimmer's head disappears as she jumps to her feet and pulls me up. A pink glow starts to surround her and I pull out of her grip before she can teleport us. She looks at me in surprise and the pink glow disappears.

"Could we walk it back?" I ask before she can question me. An unsure expression fleets across her face.

"I don't know Adora. It's really dark now and you've already done a lot of walking today." Glimmer reminds. I wave her concerns to one side.

"I feel fine. We've been sitting for a while." I reassure. The purple head still doesn't appear convinced, but she sighs in resignation. 

"Alright. But if you feel even the slightest twinge I'm teleporting us back. Ok?" Glimmer voices. I grin and nod.

We start to trek back down, but even with Glimmer's lit up hand, the dark makes it hard to see properly. And I suppose it isn't any surprise when my foot catches on a stray rock. I land hard on my front. A sharp pain renders me speechless and I take several short breaths in the hopes that the pain will ebb away.

"Adora!" The purple head shouts and instantly drops to my side, one hand on my back while the other helps me up. 

"I'm fine, I'm fine." I try to reassure and fortunately the dark masks the pinched expression of pain on my face. My hand twitches with the urge to rub my bruised chest, but I still it, not wanting to further worry the Queen. 

"I told you this wasn't a good idea." The girl reprimands, but I can tell she's more concerned than anything. 

"Aw come on Glimmer, a little fall never hurt anyone." I joke, trying to ease the tension I can just about make out in the darkness. I hear her release a quiet breath before nodding. 

"Alright. But this time we're holding hands, that way if you do trip up I'll catch you." The purple head decides and I have no choice but to agree.

She helps me up to my feet and when she's sure I'm steady on my feet, she grasps my hand and we continue the walk. My thoughts are torn between the warm sensation in my gut from holding hands with the Queen and the slightly sticky feeling in my chest.

As we step off the steep trail, Glimmer starts to swing our joint hands backwards and forwards. Her eyes dancing to either side of her as she takes in the lights. I gaze at her fondly, wondering how in the world did I go through 6 whole years without her. Glimmer's eyes stray to me and she quirks an eyebrow.

"Do I have something on my face?" She queries, breaking me out of my stupor. I blink twice and shake my head.

"What, no." I reply in confusion. The purple head lifts her unoccupied hand to point it at me.

"Then why do you have that look on your face?" The Queen questions, prompting me to tilt my head to the side.

"What look?" I echo. Glimmer opens her mouth, only to slowly close it again.

"Doesn't matter." She mutters with an eye roll. I bite my tongue and decide not to query her further.

When we arrive at the front of the hotel, the royal abruptly releases my hand and goes to open the door. For some reason my hand still tingles with her warmth. I shake my head, _'Who'd have thought that one day I'd enjoy all the affectionate gestures?'_ I think to myself, but forget it when a sharp jab jolts me as I close the door behind me.

Glimmer is already walking up the stairs back to our room. While her back is to me, I quickly glance down at where I fell, but with my red jacket buttoned right up, I see nothing of the ordinary. I shrug and ascend up the stairs after the Queen. But each step just sends another jolt through me. I bite my lip and when I arrive to the bedroom to find Glimmer already sprawled on her bed, I decide to take the opportunity to use the bathroom.

"I'm going to head to the loo." I announce, earning the girl's attention who props herself up onto her elbows to gaze at me.

"Sounds desperate." She teases. I stick my tongue at her and go into the bathroom, making sure to close the door firmly behind me.

I remove my jacket and inhale sharply at the red patch on my white sweatshirt. _'Shoot. I must've landed on a sharp rock or something.'_ I think and go to strip out of my top. I hold in a groan at the pain that accompanies all my movements, but when it's finally off I find my chest bindings tinged with blood.

A steady flow of blood drips from the cut and at its centre sits a small transparent object. I frown and go to poke at the object, only to find my fingers stinging. My eyes widen slightly as I pull back my forefinger to find blood beading out of my top phalange. Sucking my finger, I go to stare at myself in the toilet mirror to confirm my suspicion.

"Yep definitely a glass shard." I mumble to myself and slap my forehead. "Did I have to be so accident prone?!" I mutter under my breath.

I contemplate whether to take off my bra, but seeing how embedded the small shard is I'm not sure whether I'll end up pushing it further in or not. I massage my forehead. _'Should I tell Glimmer or...'_ I bite my lip, the urge to not worry her is unspeakably strong, _'but then again the last time I hid things from her, it didn't bode well.'_ I grab some tissue and try dabbing around the area when a knock sounds at the door.

"Are you alright? You've been in there for 20 minutes." Glimmer queries, a note of worry entering her voice. I bite my lip harder. _'To tell or not to tell...'_ I struggle to make a decision and with a defeated sigh I make up my mind. 

"Could you come in?" I request. Silence radiates from the other side for an age, making me panic that I said something wrong.

"A-are you sure?" Comes the stuttered response. I take in a deep breath before answering.

"Yeah." I respond. The door knob rattles before the door slowly opens. Glimmer cautiously pokes her head through the small opening, but when she catches the deep red on my chest bindings, she forces the door open completely, her eyes widen as she dashes over to me, her hands raised and hovering in mid-air.

"What happened?!" She demands as her eyes move up and down my form. I rub my neck in embarrassment.

"I think I fell on a glass shard." I mumble, eliciting a sharp intake of breath from the girl. 

"Shoot." She curses and bends slightly to get a closer look at the wound. "You didn't tell me it was that bad." The girl mutters as she leans forward slightly. 

"It didn't hurt that much, I thought it might bruise at the worst." I explain while the girl moves round me and closes the toilet lid. 

"Take a seat. I'll grab a chair and the first aid kit...again." Glimmer orders. I listen and sit down on the toilet seat. Seconds later the girl appears with a chair in hand and the first aid box in the other. She pushes the chair as close to me as possible before sitting down. My legs part to allow the royal space to lean forward without having to bump into my knees. I watch her squint before leaning back. "Do you know how deep it's in?" She says at last. I shake my head.

"No clue." I answer honestly while the purple head chews her lip.

"I think we'll need to take your bindings off for a better look." She decides. I internally groan at the idea, knowing it was going to happen, but still wishing it wouldn't. 

"Right." Is all I say as the girl reaches behind me to unclasp my bra and slowly starts to pull it back, leaving me exposed to the cool air. I wince when she pries the material off the shard and the urge to cover myself up arises. But unlike the last few times, Glimmer is strangely calm which if anything makes me feel even more embarrassed. My cheeks pinken as the Queen starts wiping the blood around the shard. When she's done, she takes another look and hums in thought. 

"It doesn't look like it's in there very deep. Are you alright with me pulling it out?" The royal asks as she looks up at me with concerned eyes. I furrow my eyebrows.

"I thought you're not meant to pull stuff out?" I ask in alarm and watch as the girl flicks her hair from side to side as she shakes her head. 

"Usually you're not, but this is so small and superficial. Besides. it will save you being dragged back to the sick bay." The purple head explains and that's enough persuasion for me. 

"Good point. Well, go ahead." I permit and observe as the royal rummages in the box before pulling out a pair of tweezers. 

"Ok you have to stay very still so that I don't push it in further, alright?" Glimmer states and with a nod of my head she leans super close and starts picking at the glass.

My breathing becomes shallow at the proximity and I watch as she sticks out her tongue to the side in concentration. A frown graces her face and before I know it her other hand goes to rest on my right breast for balance. I choke, but somehow stop the sound from escaping out of my mouth. The seconds tick by agonisingly, but eventually the shard is pulled out and I can make out the sharp glass glinting in the light and coated in my blood.

"Ta da!" Glimmer yells in triumph, but when she looks back at my beetroot face, her eyes snap down to her hand still leaning on my breast and she jerks back so quickly that her chair topples backwards. My eyes widen and I try to catch it, but I'm too slow and the Queen ends up sprawled on the ground.

"Oh my gosh Glimmer are you ok?" I shoot out anxiously and bend down to inspect her, only to have the girl wave her hand vigorously.

"I'm fine!" She squeaks and tries scramble to her feet, but I hadn't moved back quickly enough and she ends up colliding her head with mine. 

"Ow." We both say in unison. We lock eyes before bursting into laughter. When our chuckles die down, I offer the purple head a hand and pull her up. Somehow the tweezer with the shard is still firmly clasped in her hand. 

"That was..." I start, only for Glimmer to finish my sentence.

"Embarrassing. I'm sorry for...I was trying to steady myself and didn't realise. I should've asked." The Queen apologises with downcast eyes. But I shake my bead vigorously.

"No, no! It's fine. I just...wasn't expecting it." I croak out. An awkward silence falls between us and I have to cough into my hand to get rid of the sudden dryness in my throat. 

"Still, I'm sorry...let's get you bandaged up." Glimmer utters and goes to bin the glass piece before returning back to clean off the remaining blood on my sternum. A clean plaster is carefully stuck on. I go to pick up my bindings, but at Glimmer's stare I pause. 

"What?" I voice self-consciously. The Queen raises an eyebrow.

"Are you seriously going to put that back on? It has blood all over it!" The royal points out in disbelief. I lower the material down and allow it to rest on my lap. 

"Oh." I say, fiddling with the end of it before wrapping an arm over my abdomen, feeling more and more uncomfortable in my bare state. The Queen's face softens and gets up from her seat to disappear into the bedroom. She reappears with a plain white shirt in hand. 

"Here you can wear this until we get your stuff washed." Glimmer offers. My face brightens and I stand to take the top. After I put it on, I realise the Queen is still watching me. I rub the back of my neck.

"Thank you." I voice gratefully, but the girl just waves it away.

"Don't mention it. Erm..." She pauses as her eyebrows scrunch together. I tilt my head to the side at her unusual behaviour. "...thank you for telling me about this. I know you find it hard to say when you're injured." Glimmer murmurs quietly. I blink twice in surprise before my heart warms. _'Wow it really does mean a lot to her.'_ I suddenly realise. 

"I..." I look away. "...yeah I do. But I'm trying to be better." I voice lowly and before I know it I find myself wrapped in a gentle hug. I melt into the embrace. 

"Thank you." She murmurs and this hug is worth all the discomfort in the world. Eventually the purple head pulls away to smile up at me. 

"Come on, we should get some rest." The royal head suggests and I nod in agreement. As we both make our way to each of our beds, I can't help but recall what happened last night. As I perch on the edge of my bed, I work up the courage to ask. 

"Hey Glimmer?" I start as the girl unclasps her cape.

"Hmm?" She sounds and I take that as my cue.

"What did you dream about last night?" I query and I'm relieved when I don't see the girl stiffening up as I half expected. Instead she folds and places her cape to one side before looking up at me. 

"I knew you would ask me that." Glimmer replies quietly. I purse my lips and opt to rest my forearms on my kneecaps.

"You don't have to answer that if you don't want to." I add, but the girl just shakes her head. 

"No. If you're trying to be better, then I should at least do the same. It's...pretty dumb though." The Queen mumbles. I shake my head.

"It's not dumb if it bothers you." I reassure and watch as the purple head picks at her tights.

"I dreamt you left again." The purple head says, her voice small. My head jerks up in shock, but I regret the sudden movement and go to rest a light hand on my thorax.

"I..." I trail off, too shell-shocked to answer, but the Queen takes my silence as ridicule.

"I told you it was dumb." She mumbles. I widen my eyes and get to my feet and cross the room to bend in front of the girl. 

"No, not at all! I was just surprised. But I'm not going anywhere. I promise." I say with conviction while resting my hands on her knees. Lavender orbs peek through purple hair to gaze at me. She seems to gauge my expression and words and wilts slightly. Her hands goes to rest on top of mine and gives them a light squeeze. 

"Thanks Adora." She voices lowly, but something niggles at the back of my mind at the way she said it, but I can't seem to pinpoint what. I part my lips slightly, but no words come out. I squeeze her hands back and get to my feet. 

"Right. Sleep." I say statically, breaking the girl out of her own daze. 

"Yeah." She breathes out, getting to her feet as well. She passes by me and heads to the loo, presumably to change. That is until I hear the sound of running water. _'Shower. Makes sense.'_

I take that opportunity to tuck myself into bed and gaze up at the ceiling in thought. _'That was...unexpected. And literally the last thing that I would've thought was bothering her.'_ I think to myself, until my cruel brain decides to flash an image of that gruesome scar on Glimmer's wrist. My stomach churns and I roll over onto my side, facing away from the Queen's empty bed. _'I need to stop forgetting how much I mean to her. Sometimes I still don't know why she cares that much. Especially since I'm the cause of a lot of her hurt.'_

My dumb watch beeps. I quickly slap a hand over the device just as the sound of running water pauses. I curse under my breath and pray that she didn't hear me. Seconds later the running water returns and I sag against my pillows. _'Dumb feelings and emotions. I need to ask Entrapta to put a silence button on this thing.'_ I roll over onto my stomach, my preferred position of sleep. But a sharp pain reminds me of the injury at my chest.

With a groan, I roll back onto my side. Then my back. _'This isn't working. Either spending a night without sleep has skewered my sleeping pattern or I'm more concerned about Glimmer's nightmare than I'm allowing myself to believe.'_ I grab one of the pillows and shove my face into it. _'Nope no emotions.'_ But the more I try to push the thoughts away, the more they shove themselves back and it's then I realise that I never actually dealt with my feelings over what Glimmer had done to herself. _'Sure I sort of went into a depression over it, but I never really analysed it. Not in a healthy way at least.'_

And a terribly selfish part of me can't help but wish I hadn't found out, _'Maybe it's because it's just one extra spoonful of guilt on my plate and I'm still not 100% over what happened in the portal or heck what happened in the Horde.'_ Another beep sounds in the otherwise quiet room. Again the running water stops and I can almost imagine the Queen trying to crane her neck to decide if she heard something or not.

I hold my breath, waiting for the water to be turned back on. It takes longer than last time, but eventually it re-sounds. A sigh of relief escapes past my lips and I go to tap the device. I sit up and undo the various straps of my metal leg before lying back down again. I toss onto my side and start counting punches in my head. Something Catra had suggested when I was having trouble sleeping in the Crimson Waste. _'Strangely it had always helped, perhaps it had something to do with being trained for my whole life.'_

My shallow breathing eventually picks up and returns to its steady rate. Just in time too, as I hear the bathroom door opening. I shut my eyes immediately, not wanting the purple head to think that I'm still awake. I hear her soft feet padding across the carpet, but she stops near me. 

"Adora?" She whispers. I'm not sure whether to feign sleep or not so instead I just hum.

"Mmm?" I voice lowly with closed eyes and my back still facing towards her. 

"Are...are you ok?" Glimmer queries quietly. I curse silently, _'Darn it, she must've heard the beeps.'_ I opt to remain silent, maybe she'll think I'm too sleepy to say anything. "I thought I heard...never mind. I was probably imagining things." The Queen utters under her breath and I wilt in relief. "You sound like you're asleep anyway." She continues and I decide to follow through with that assumption by not saying anything.

I thought that was going to be it, but to my surprise, I feel the bed sinking underneath me.

"Lucky for me you sleep like a rock. Well, when you do sleep that is." Glimmer jokes, her voice still quiet before she releases a light sigh. 

"You know, sometimes I wonder how things would've gone if you hadn't left. Would we have been able to fix things? Would we have won the war? Would I have found my Dad? Would I have done...that? Probably not, but then again things were slowly piling up, so who knows." The girl pauses and I fight to keep my breathing steady.

Part of me knows that I shouldn't be pretending to be asleep. It feels dishonest to listen to something that's obviously so private. But my curiosity has always gotten the better of me.

"You know it's strange. Every time I try to envision the future. My future. I can't help, but always see you in it. In everything. You and Bow. I feel like you'll be the one taking care of my kids and keeping me sane when Arthur pushes my buttons, crazy huh? I guess that's what it means to care about someone so deeply. You want them to have a place in every aspect of your life." Those words are accompanied with gentle hands tucking blonde hair strands behind my ear. "Right. I probably should follow your example and get some sleep." The Queen mumbles.

And I finally think that's it, but the universe seems to love proving me wrong today because seconds later I feel light lips pressed against my cheek in a soft kiss. By some miracle I don't choke on my own saliva when I feel the girl's damp hair tickling my nose as she pulls back.

"Goodnight Adora." Finally, the purple head trails back to her own bed.

Sounds of ruffling echo in the small room, but I dare not move. It's probably an hour later when I hear the sounds of her gentle snores. I roll over onto my back, but my heart still refuses to return to its steady pace. I'm painfully aware of every single thump as it batters against my ribcage. _'What...what was that all about? It was way deeper than I ever imagined Glimmer being.'_

Carefully I toss onto my other side to eye the Queen slumbering away, her cheek smooched against the pillow while one arm dangles off the bed's edge. _'I don't know why but I feel like she just admitted something huge, but for the life of me I can't figure out what. All I can gather from her words is that I mean a ridiculously huge deal to her. And I'm only starting to comprehend how much. But why me? Does she say the same to Bow? For some reason I doubt it.'_

I shake my head at the thought, _'I'm being ridiculous. She's known Bow as long as I've known Catra. That's an irreplaceable bond. So...what do we have? And why is it so different? Why does it feel different from what I have with Catra and Bow? Is it because of how she treats me? Catra has always been a brash sort of friend and Bow has always been super supportive. But with Glimmer? I can't think of any other word to describe our friendship other than soft. Probably because of how affectionate she is...which has admittedly made me more open to affection.'_ I think.

A fond smile slips past my lips. _'And despite all the issues we've had in the past and recent weeks, I can't help but always recall that day when she offered me her hand. The day she took me in when I had no where else to go.'_

I feel my heart warming at the memory and flip onto my back. _'I promise you Glimmer, I'll make sure that your vision for the future comes true.'_ I think decisively. _'I'll be with you every step of the way. Complicated decisions, your wedding, play dates and all.'_ I falter at the reminder that she'll have to be married off sometime. Most likely sooner than we know. _'Who will I hang out with then? Surely I'll just be an outsider again. With Bow and Glimmer having their respective partners, I'll just be a third wheel.'_ I bite my lip and sit up.

My eyes trail back to the purple head who snuggles deeper into the mattress. I look at her sadly. _'I'm not even sure what my role is anymore. Glimmer said she'll find something, but I'm not sure.'_ A quiet sigh escapes me and I push back my covers. Quietly I tip toe out to the balcony, closing the door softly behind me. I shiver slightly at the cool air but go to lean my forearms against the railing regardless. _'Am I just doomed to be alone?'_

I look down at my hand and clench it as I recall I had...have? A brother. Maybe parents. _'They could still be out there. If I found them I wouldn't feel so alien anymore. I'd find a place where I actually belong.'_ But as soon as those thoughts take form I shove them out. _'No. I've witnessed first-hand how important my presence means to both Glimmer and Bow. I should just forget this ridiculous notion. I'm sure the right person will show up one day. And if not?'_ I falter, _'what do I do then? Stay lonely forever?'_

I bite the inside of my cheek hard, the possibility hurts me more than I'd like to admit. I run a hand through my blonde hair. _'I'm sure I'll figure it out.'_ I decide, but my thoughts have always had a knack of being against me. _'Who will want to be with someone as damaged as me?'_ My watch beeps. The sound echoing like thunder in the otherwise still night.

I drop my head onto my forearms and close my eyes. The night breeze sinks it's teeth into my thin pyjama top and shorts, but I don't move. _'Why am I so pathetic?'_ I wonder and it's as if the universe heard me as something warm presses lightly against my shoulder blade. _'Please let it not be Glimmer.'_ I plead silently.

"Adora?" Comes the gentle voice. _'Great.'_ I debate on whether I should respond or not before raising my head and glancing behind me to see the purple head donned in a sleeping robe, her hair sticking out in opposite directions and her eyebrows furrowed in concern. I smile at her unkempt appearance.

"Hey." I greet before looking back ahead of me. 

"What are you doing up? It's late." I shrug at her question. 

"Just wanted some fresh air. I'm sorry if I woke you." I apologise. I feel her hand withdrawing, only to land on my shoulder. 

"I wasn't sleeping that deeply anyway. Is...is something bothering you?" I hear the hesitation in her voice and decide that I probably shouldn't reveal that I wasn't sleeping when she thought I was. 

"When isn't there something bothering me?" I reply dryly. The Queen appears beside me, one hand on the railing, while the other remains on my shoulder. 

"Can I help?" The purple head queries in concern. I shake my head.

"Nah, it's ok. Just my overactive mind being annoying as usual." I voice offhandedly. The girl bites her lip, as if wanting to question me further, but instead she opts to shuffle closer to me and leans into my side. 

"Come on, let's get some sleep." The girl murmurs. I shoot her a grateful look for not pushing the subject and nod my head. 

"Yeah ok." I agree. The purple head waits for me to go back inside first before shutting the door behind her. I'm just about to head back to my bed, when gentle fingers encircle my wrist. I look back at the purple head in surprise as she starts tugging me towards her side of the room. "Glimmer?" I voice unsurely. 

"I think it's one of those nights that you need some company." The Queen murmurs. My heart leaps slightly at her thoughtfulness, but I find myself shaking my head.

"No. No, I'm alright." I argue weakly. The last time we shared a bed is still very much at the forefront of my mind, but either the girl has forgotten or is choosing to ignore it as she continues pulling me towards her bed. 

"You're obviously not, otherwise you wouldn't be up." Glimmer quips dryly and pushes my shoulders down until I'm seated on the bed. Warmth immediately envelops me and I realise that the mattress is still warm from Glimmer's body heat. The offer is tempting, but the last thing I'd want is to make the girl feel weird. 

"But, last time..." I trail off as the purple head's eyes widen in memory. She opens her mouth, only to close it again. I watch as she shakes her head and takes a seat beside me. 

"It's not important. Just let's sleep." Glimmer urges, I'm almost tempted to argue, but think better of it and lower myself onto the mattress.

A few moments later the Queen follows suit. We lie side by side as the clock ticks several times before finally the royal rolls over onto her side to face me. I swallow, but don't move. Instead, I opt to close my eyes, willing my frantic thoughts to pause. Hearing the girl's steady breathing beside me, helps to ease the swirling storm in my head and at the welcomed silence, a small sigh escapes my lips as I sink deeper into the warm bed.

Subconsciously I roll over onto my side, but a sharp intake of breath forces me to fling my eyes open. I find myself inches away from the Queen's face. Heat blossoms over my cheeks at the proximity and I try to jump back, but in my haste to move away I forgot that the bed isn't particularly big. A hand snaps out to clutch my collar and pulls me back into the centre of the mattress just before I topple over. 

"Thanks." I breathe out as the girl quirks an eyebrow. 

"You really are accident prone, aren't you?" Glimmer jokes with a head shake, her hand remains clutched around the material of my vest. I crack a small grin. 

"Yeah. I guess I am." I voice quietly. The girl's lips twitch at my response before she opens up her arms.

"Come here." The Queen demands. I hesitate for a beat before shifting towards the Queen who encloses her arms around me. I sigh in contentment. After several beats of silence, my eyes flutter to a close. I feel the purple head shifting slightly against me. "You heard me, didn't you?" Those words make me freeze. I gulp and re-open my eyes to find Glimmer staring at me neutrally. I lick my suddenly dry lips. 

"What do you mean?" I finally say, deciding to play dumb. The purple head rolls her eyes before reaching a hand out to grasp my chin lightly.

"You're still just as bad of an actor as you were 6 years ago." Glimmer comments. My heart thuds at how close we are and suddenly I can't breathe. I close my eyes briefly to compose myself before returning my steady gaze onto my best friend.

"I'm sorry." I apologise with downcast eyes. But to my relief the girl shakes her head.

"No. I...suspected you might be awake, but I wanted to say it anyway." The Queen reassures, but I shake my head slightly, confused.

"But why did you say that? It was so..." I trail off, looking for any other word to describe the intensity of her earlier words. "...deep." I settle on saying. The Queen rolls her lip between her teeth before answering.

"Because I wanted you to know how important you are to me. And well, sometimes I can't help but wonder about the what ifs. How I could've changed things. Then it occurred to me that I might not be able to change the past, but I can at least influence the present and hopefully the future. I guess what I'm really trying to say is I'm sorry for everything I put you through after the whole portal incident and even when you came back, I was still a mess. Still am. But you didn't give up on me and I'm more grateful for that than I can even put into words. So, thank you." I blink twice at the girl's long explanation before cracking a small smile at her words. 

"Your welcome, but I already told you. I forgive you." I remind lightly. The royal hums in response. 

"I know, but I still felt I had to say it." Glimmer voices quietly. I tilt my head slightly before nudging her slightly. 

"Well, I'm here and it's going to take more than a blizzard to keep me away." I utter seriously, eliciting a smile from the purple head. Her only reply is to tighten her hold around me and soon her eyes drift to a close. I watch her for a few moments more before doing likewise and thankfully my slumber is quiet, absent of both dreams and nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was that a fluff overload or what? XD I never know if I do angst or fluff better, prob angst lol. But I'm dedicated to fixing things by the story's end, even if I've had to somewhat sacrifice the angst. I mean there was a sprinkle there as you can see ;)
> 
> People over here tends to marry much older, like in their 30s I believe, but after having a whole term dedicated to learning about reproduction and how fertility is massively impacted from age 35 and onwards for women, it prob makes sense to get married way before then. Also, I'm being super traditional in saying marriage first and then children. Also also the common age in the middle east to marry at is roughly 25, so I'm going with that average since I don't know any of my friends that are married yet or heck are even considering it in the next couple of yrs lol.  
> And they say that people have kids to keep them company when their parents are gone, or at least my dad says that. Yeah, he's a sombre guy. 
> 
> I'll admit that I'm a big fan of the sunset, it never fails to leave me in awe and so that's why I slipped it in here. And this is probably going to sound corny so prepare yourselves lol. But I've had three friends who have randomly decided to rest their head on my shoulder. Lol when it first happened I was like whaaa XD but it's such a nice gesture. It's kind of like they trust and are comfortable enough with you to put themselves in that semi-vulnerable position and you kinda feel like this big protector and support for them. It's pretty tender and sweet. I kind of imagine it's what happens if you have sisters. Lol it's defo not something you'd do with your brothers, or maybe that's just me and my siblings XD You could prob guess that I always wanted a sister lol XD Anyway no more sappy stuff XD
> 
> Writing accident-prone Adora is just so much fun XD She would totally be the person to trip up on a rock XD
> 
> Next chapter starts to set up the side-plot! So we're back to Brightmoon. Adora has a talk with Bow and tries to tackle the art of ice-skating XD


	72. I'm Sorry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora begrudgingly is forced to tell Glimmer that she...can't skate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh we're really entering the end stage after this chapter, is it bad that it makes me sad? Well, I won't dwell on it yet, for now enjoy this fluffy sweetness. The main aim is just for Adora & Glimmer to talk out the final bits and bobs. I mean after all that arguing, they need at least more than one talk, right? And don't worry, there's no arguments, just a bunch of apologies XD
> 
> Triggers: small mentions of attempted suicide

**Adora's POV:**

**Next Morning:**

A loud beep awakens me the next morning and I have to groan at the insistent sound. I feel Glimmer moving beside me as she reaches towards the device that's emitting the sound on the bedside table. 

"Hey Dad." The Queen greets. I go cold and quickly rise to a seating position. My eyes fall on the screen in the Queen's hands, the image of her dad displayed proudly on the device. Fortunately, I'm angled away from the small camera and therefore not in sight. 

"Hey sweetheart, I'm sorry about disturbing you during your break, but I've been called away for something urgent at Mystacor. Is it alright if you man the fort while I'm gone?" The King requests while Glimmer's eyebrows bunch together slightly.

"Of course. But what's so urgent that you have to go? You already checked in a few weeks ago." The purple head queries in confusion. I watch as a troubled expression flashes across his brown orbs.

"Apparently Shadow Weaver hasn't been sighted for the last few days. I'm going over to see if I can find her." My blood goes ice cold at the news and I find my fingers grasping tightly at the bed covers. Glimmer shoots me a side glance and I realise that I must've voiced my displeasure through a sharp inhale.

"Oh. Right I'm heading to Brightmoon now. Be careful Dad." The purple head bids anxiously, but the man just waves his hand. 

"Don't worry about me darling. I'm sure it's nothing, you know how much your aunt likes to exaggerate things. I should be back soon, if not I'll call. See you soon." He reassures with a wave and the screen goes black. Glimmer puts down her pad before turning to look at me with furrowed eyebrows. 

"Are...are you ok?" She finally asks after a few moments of deliberation. A sharp retort is on the tip of my tongue, but I manage to shove it down and shoot her a fake smile. 

"Yeah..." I trail off, not knowing what else to say. If anything, the girl's frown deepens as she pivots to gaze at me fully.

"Still terrible at lying." She notes with a touch of exasperation. My shoulders sag and I release my firm grip around the blanket. 

"Sorry. I am fine. I just...didn't expect it. You think she's up to something?" I query anxiously. The royal tilts her head to one side, considering my words.

"I kind of was going to ask you. I mean, you know her better." Glimmer reminds gently. I shrug and turn my head away from her. Thoughts of Shadow Weaver has me clenching my jaws. I'm broken out of my daze when a hand lands on my shoulder and swivels me back towards the Queen. "Adora?" The prompt is filled with so much concern that I can't help but wilt. 

"I don't know why she still bothers me. I've been away from her control for a decade. Heck I haven't even seen her in years. But she still gets to me." I confess with downcast eyes. Moments later I feel my hands being taken into gloved ones.

"Because she was a big part of your life for such a long time. Its natural that she still has an affect on you. You shouldn't be ashamed of that, but I don't want her to worry you. As long as I'm around I won't allow her to even touch you, I promise." Glimmer vows vehemently. It's so earnest that I can't help but feel comforted by those words. A genuine smile tugs at my lips. 

"Thanks Glimmer." I breathe out gratefully. The royal nudges my side playfully before rising to her feet. 

"Of course. Now, we should change and head off in case there's any upcoming meetings." The Queen utters with a sigh. I smirk. 

"I thought you enjoyed being Queen." I joke, eliciting a stink eye from the royal.

"Not funny. Now get changed before I leave you here." The purple head threatens with crossed arms, a smirk gracing her own features. I groan and drag myself out of the warm, comfy bed to stand, stretching my arms over my head to rid the stiffness. I feel a set of lavender orbs on me, but when I glance at the Queen she's already making the bed. I shake my head, _'now I'm imagining things.'_ I go over to help, only for the girl to bat my hands away. 

"You've got your own bed to do." She jokes, pointing to my ruffled sheets on the other side of the room. I pout.

"And here I thought you were being nice." I drawl out as I go over to my bed and tidy it up. 

"Too early in the morning for that." Is all the purple head says, her eyes fixed on the sheets as she smooths the creases down.

I furrow my eyebrows in thought and watch the girl for a few moments more. Lavender orbs occasionally flicker over to the tablet on the bedside table as she folds the towel she used last night. My frown deepens. I quickly re-make my bed and go over to my best friend. When I rest a hand on her shoulder, she jumps and turns to face me in surprise.

"You're still in your pyjamas." She notes with a raised eyebrow.

"Are you alright?" I ask, dismissing her statement. The purple head tilts her head up to me, a puzzled look on her face. 

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" Glimmer reassures with a wave of her hand. I purse my lips and find myself shrugging.

"I don't know, you just seem...deep in thought." I try to explain and watch as her eyes drift away from mine while she goes to clutch her elbow.

"I guess I'm a little worried about my Dad. He didn't exactly hit it off with Shadow Weaver." The Queen admits with a sigh. I snort.

"I don't think anyone has hit it off with shadow Weaver." I retort with finger quotes, but the quip doesn't seem to ease the girl's anxieties. I lift my other hand to settle it on her other shoulder. "Besides, didn't you always say that your dad is a far stronger sorcerer? I'm sure he can handle things and if not, you can literally teleport there whenever you want to check up on him." I remind as the girls shoulders sag beneath my hands. 

"Yeah, you're right. I'm being silly." Glimmer mumbles, but I shake my head.

"No you're not. You're being cautious, that's wise." I rebuke and finally the girl looks up at me with a small smile. 

"Thanks Adora." The royal expresses. I give her shoulders a light squeeze. 

"Anytime." I pause, deliberating on my next words. I must've taken longer than I realised as I find the Queen reaching up to rest her hands on mine.

"Adora?" She probes with furrowed eyebrows, snapping me back to the here and now. 

"Sorry, I just wanted to say I enjoyed spending the last couple of days with you. It was nice being away from all the constant pressures and memories. Thanks for taking time out of your work for doing this." I utter honestly just as the girl's eyes brightens. 

"You don't need to thank me for that. I wanted to spend time with you. It was long overdue and I needed the break." Glimmer voices with a beam. I grin and finally drop my hands off her shoulders.

"Right I'm going to yet changed. Be with you in five." I decide and head to the bathroom, plucking my clothes from last night before going in.

~=~

20 minutes later I find myself back in Brightmoon. I hear Glimmer sigh beside me before her eyes flicker to the side. 

"Guess I should see what needs to be done today. You alright on your own?" The Queen queries as she turns to face me. I shoot her an encouraging smile.

"I am, what about you? You look annoyed." I joke lightly and the beginnings of a frown fades from the girl's face as she throws me a half smile.

"I guess I enjoyed the down time more than I realised." Glimmer voices ruefully. I open my mouth to reply, only to be stopped by the sound of hurried feet. Glancing behind me I spot the Queen's advisor, a displeased expression set on his features. 

"Your Majesty, your meeting started five minutes ago!" Arthur complains as he reaches us. My eyes flicker to the purple head beside me to spot her lips curling down in frustration, a rebuke ready on the tip of her tongue, but she seems to hold it in at the last possible minute.

"Sorry Arthur. Let's go." Glimmer apologises with furrowed eyebrows. Purple irises glances up to me with a small smile. "Guess that's my cue, I'll see you later I suppose." The royal bids, but I'm interrupted a second time by the snobbish advisor. 

"I hope you're coming up with a routine for the ice skating contest. The Queen and her partner's one should be extravagant." The man points out and I find myself paling at the expectation. _'Shoot! I forgot about the ice skating! Who's going to teach me now that Micah is at Mystacor?!'_ I think anxiously, until a gloved hand touches my wrist, I look up to find Glimmer shooting me a reassuring smile.

"Don't worry about it. We can come up with some routines later on today." The Queen reassures with an easy smile. I gulp and nod before watching the two disappear in a puff of sparkles. I slap my forehead hard. _'Oh jeez, now I'm going to look like a fool when Glimmer finds out that I can't skate! I need to find Bow.'_ I decide worriedly and start my hunt for the man.

It's 15 minutes before I finally find him mid-yawn as be scrolls through his tablet with furrowed eyebrows. 

"Bow?" I say as I enter the communication hub. The man snaps his neck up at my voice before putting his tablet down and getting to his feet awkwardly. I knit my eyebrows at his behaviour until I remember how we left things. 

"Hey Adora. Are...did you enjoy your time off?" The archer asks with a small smile. My lips curl up into a half smile as I cross the room.

"I did thank you..." I start, but the man interrupts me before I can continue.

"Look, about what I said before..." But I shake my head, cutting him off.

"You don't need to apologise, I understand that things must be stressful enough for you." I reassure, but the techmaster shakes his head.

"That's not an excuse. You're right, I am tough on Kai...tougher than I should be. I suppose I've got so used to working so hard during the war that I forget I've got other responsibilities that are equally as important. I just, didn't know how to accept that when you pointed it out, so I'm sorry for snapping at you." Bow mumbles, dropping his head in shame. My heart warms at his acceptance of his parenting skills and I go over to rest my hands on his shoulders and wait until he looks back up at me again before answering.

"Hey, it's alright. The war has mucked up all of us and considering that's all we've known for our whole lives it's natural to forget we have other things to juggle. I'm just glad you realised it." I explain with pride as the man lifts his hands to rest on mine.

"And this is exactly why we need you, you help us to think straight." Bow murmurs with a grin and I can't help my heart leaping in joy upon hearing that. I give his shoulders a squeeze.

"Well, you're stuck with me now." I tease, before biting my lip when I remember why I came here in the first place. The archer must've noticed my change in mood as he tilts his head to one side.

"Hey what's up?" He asks with concerned eyes. I pull back to cross my arms over my chest and look off to one side.

"You wouldn't happen to know how to ice skate would you?" I ask, returning my gaze to the man just as he scrunches his nose up in distaste.

"I'm not good at it, always keep falling backwards and bruising myself. Why?" Bow asks curiously. My heart falls at the news, _'I was hoping that even though he doesn't like it, he would at least know how to.'_ I shrug.

"No reason." I mumble in disappointment. I feel the man's eyes on me for several moments before they widen comically.

"Oh my gosh you don't know how to, do you?" The archer exclaims. I slump my shoulders and release a small sigh.

"No, I've never even tried and apparently it has to be really good." I state anxiously while the man shakes his head.

"Then why did you volunteer to be Glimmer's partner if you've never done it before?" The techmaster questions in confusion. I rub the back of my neck awkwardly.

"I blurted it out before I could even think about it." I admit with pink cheeks, prompting a laugh from the man.

"Typical Adora, running head first into things." Bow teases, I grumble incoherently and turn my head away from him. "Well you're in luck, Glimmer is an amazing ice skater. She could teach you no problem." Bow continues with bright eyes, but I shake my head vigorously.

"I don't want her to know! She'll think that I'm crazy for volunteering." I express, but the man just raises his eyebrow.

"Now you're just being paranoid. There's nothing wrong with not knowing how to do something. Just tell her and she'll be more than happy to teach you." The archer insists. I bite my tongue, not wanting to tell him my feelings about letting the girl down. Bow peers into my eyes before sighing. "You're not going to tell her are you?" He queries bluntly. I shoot him a sheepish look, which causes him to cross his arms over his chest. "If you're not telling her then I will." The techmaster declares. I stare at him through wide eyes.

"What's with you and telling on me all of a sudden?!" I complain and watch as the man smirks at me.

"It gets the message across quicker. So?" I groan at his question and turn my head to the side.

"Fine." I grit out, wishing that I could find another way around it.

"Good. She better know by tomorrow morning or else I'm spilling." Bow states with a determined nod while my jaws slacken.

"Now that's just mean." I mutter, but the man just chuckles and slings an arm around my shoulders.

"What are best friends for? Now, do you need anything else? I've got to radio in a few calls to some officers." The archer queries, his eyes attentive, but I shake my head. 

"No that's fine. Thanks Bow. I'll see you later." I bid and with a wave I exit the room. 

~=~

**8 hours later:**

I find myself sprawled on the ground with stacks of books and scrunched up pieces of paper in my attempts to come up with the best ice skating routine, but no such luck. I groan and slam my forehead against the carpet. _'Me and my big mouth. What was I **thinking**? I'm going to look like such a fool in front of Glimmer and the entire Kingdom.'_ I roll off my stomach and onto my back as I gaze up at the ceiling, staring at the patterns that I used to trace with my eyes when sleep refused to come.

The circle moon-like shapes are depicted in orbit, close in sequence as if going to align. I blink twice and push myself up onto one elbow as I stare at the patterns. _'Alignment? Stars! I forgot to ask Glimmer for the exact date that the moons align!'_ I slap my forehead in frustration before digging into my jacket pocket for Hordak's letter. I stare at the roughly sketched map and pick up one of the books left at the wayside. 'An atlas of Etheria' it reads.

I flicker through the thick book, hoping to find some star charts or something, but come up blank. An even louder groan escapes past my lips as I drop the letter on top of the open page. _'This isn't my day.'_

"You look frustrated, and here I thought the relaxing time away would do you some good." I jump at the sudden tease and twist round to find Glimmer standing with a hand on her hip as she gazes at me with a smirk. My tense shoulders sag as I narrow my eyes at her.

"Could you please warn me before you start popping in? I mean, there are doors for a reason." I point out while I wait for my racing heart to ease. I watch as the purple head rolls her eyes as she goes to crouch down beside me.

"There's no fun in that." She retorts with a twinkle in her eyes and I can't help but childishly stick my tongue out. "What are you doing anyway? What's with all the paper?" The Queen queries as she goes to pick up one of the scrunched-up paper balls. My eyes widen and I go to snatch it out of her hand, but somehow the girl dodges and teleports a metre away from me. I scramble to my legs in an attempt to get to her before she reads it.

"Glimmer!" I snap as I dash towards her, but she simply teleports again while unfolding the paper. I try to reach her again, but she ends up teleporting on top of the bookshelf and thus out of my reach. 

"A list of possible ice-skating routines." She starts to read before pausing to glance down at me. "Are you seriously doing that same thing you did when we went to Princess Prom?" Glimmer voices in amusement.

I flush and try to jump up to snatch the paper back, but she lifts the paper a little higher out of my reach. Her eyes return to the paper and she continues to read aloud.

"Ice-skating is too complicated..." She stops again before raising an eyebrow at me. "Jeez if I didn't know better I'd say you hated ice-skating." The girl jokes until she catches the look on my face. She blinks twice before teleporting down to stand in front of me, a frown on her face. "Wait, you do?!" The Queen expresses with wide eyes. I shake my head and hands vigorously.

"No!" I shout as the girl returns a hand to her hip while raising a sceptical eyebrow. 

" _ **Adora**_." The girl emphasises seriously. I wilt at her tone and stare at my shoes.

"I don't hate it. I just...don't know how to do it." I mumble quietly. Silence fills the room for two whole seconds before Glimmer starts shaking her head.

"Wait, _**what** **?!**_ Then why did you suggest it? And why did you want to be my partner if you don't know how to skate?" The royal asks in a mixture of confusion and disbelief. I hunch my shoulders up, embarrassment pressing hard on my joints.

"I read it in some book once and sometimes my brain can't catch up with my mouth." I mutter. The Queen doesn't say anything for several moments before reaching a hand out to tilt my head up, a determined look in her eyes.

"In that case we better start practicing." She states with an excited nod. I blink twice at her.

"Wait, really?" I echo out in shock as the girl pushes me back onto the floor and goes to grab a blank piece of paper before settling on her stomach beside me.

"Of course. Now, we could just do something simple but will still look as cool." Glimmer suggests as she starts drawing intricate circles, her tongue sticking out to the side as she concentrates. My eyes flicker between her face and the paper on the ground in disbelief. 

"You make it out like it's easy." I point out anxiously, causing the girl to pause in her drawings as she looks up at me, a grin on her face.

"Don't worry I'll teach you. We could do a bit now if you want?" The girl reassures. I bite my lip before nodding. "Let me just grab a pair of skates." Glimmer decides before disappearing in a puff of sparkles.

10 minutes later she reappears with two pairs of skates and goes to pass one to me before slipping into a pair herself. I inspect the shoes carefully before putting them on and go to stand, little did I know that standing on skates is a whole new skill. I nearly slip backwards if it wasn't for Glimmer snapping out her arms to grab me by the forearms.

"Ok so skating is a little bit of a skill, but the key thing is..." She starts, before I quickly cut in.

"Balance." I say, recalling Micah's words. The Queen looks up at me in surprise. 

"That's correct, how did you...?" She trails off as I look away abashed.

"Your dad was starting to teach me or at least show me the basics." I explain in a mumble as the girl widens her eyes before shaking her head.

"So that's what you two were doing that day when he was covered in feathers. Well, my Mum used to say that they were pretty good at it. I'm...I'm glad you two are getting along better." The purple head murmurs with a small smile. My lips curve up slightly.

"Yeah I think he's getting better at tolerating me." I joke as the girl rolls her eyes before adopting a professional expression. 

"Ok so he's right, balance is the number one rule. I'm going to let go now and all I want is for you to be able to stand by yourself without wobbling." the Queen orders, I nod my head in understanding and a second later her hands withdraw.

In the absence of her steady support, I find my leg muscles trembling slightly, but I stubbornly keep my feet in place. However, as the seconds tick by I find myself trembling even more, I try to shift to keep my balance, but suddenly my feet shoot out in front of me and I find myself falling backwards. The purple head stretches out her hand to catch me, but misses and I end up landing roughly on my behind. 

"Ow." I mutter as I rub my bruised tailbone. "Maybe you should find someone else to be your partner, I can't even stand on skates, forget doing a whole routine." I mumble, disappointed in myself. But instead of hearing the Queen's murmured agreement, I find a hand appearing in front of my face, looking up I catch the resolution on the girl's face.

"No way. I want you to be my partner." Glimmer expresses seriously, but I shake my head.

"You'll just embarrass yourself in that competition." I point out bitterly, but the royal takes my hands and helps me up.

"I don't care about the competition. I just want to skate with my best friend." Glimmer voices softly which fills me with a sense of warmth. 

"I...are you sure?" I ask uneasily, still not wanting to let her down. I feel the girl's hands tightening around mine.

"Of course I'm sure." She confirms and leans forward to tap her forehead against mine briefly. I shoot her a shy smile. 

"Alright, but I still don't want to look like a total clutz." I joke, eliciting a light chuckle from the Queen as she shakes her head.

"Don't worry I'll make sure that won't happen. I mean, you've got a great teacher." Glimmer teases with a wink. I roll my eyes at her, but can't help the laugh that escapes past my lips.

"So modest." I express with a smirk as the royal grins up at me. 

"That I am. Right, I'm going to keep a hold of you, but I want you to take one step forward when you're ready." The purple head instructs. I glance down at my feet and with a gulp I lift one foot up. I can already feel myself tipping forward, but with Glimmer's sturdy grip, I just end up falling against her instead of on the ground. "You alright?" She whispers as I slowly pull away from her. I glance down at her skated feet and sigh.

"How are you so good at it? You just took the bulk of my weight and you barely shook." I complain and watch as the royal bites back the smile that's trying to split her lips.

"Practice mainly and I've grown up doing it. But considering how hard you work in everything you do, I don't doubt you'll be a pro in no time." Glimmer encourages and when I stare into her eyes I can see the complete faith she has in me. I nod my head with a smile.

"Alright let's do it again." I say and we spend the next few hours consisting of me trying to get that balance, falling, being caught and a bunch of bruises. It's only when I manage to take five steps on my own that finally I throw my arms up in victory. "Yes!" I shout, finally feeling pleased with myself. 

"Told you, you could do it!" Glimmer praises with shining eyes as she skates back towards me. _'She makes it look like she's gliding on air.'_ I think in awe as she takes my hands again. "One aspect of the routine requires a slow part so we could just skate backwards and forwards while holding hands if you'd like?" The purple head suggests. My eyes drop to our joined appendages and I look up with a smile. 

"Sounds good." I agree and watch as she takes a step back, pulling me along with her. At first it's a bit hard, but soon we fall into a steady rhythm, each time I take a step forward, she steps back and then after a while we alternate. I'm concentrating so much on my feet that I don't notice the girl's gaze on me until I look up briefly. I quirk an eyebrow at her expression. "What?" I query self-consciously, but she just shakes her head.

"Nothing." She answers simply before slowing our pace to a stop. She keeps one of her hands in mine, while the other pulls away to reach up to my face until her fingers make contact with my jawline. I'm about to query her, but the question must've been clear in my eyes as she drops her hand down. "How'd you get that scar?" Glimmer finally asks, returning her gaze to my blue orbs. I shrug and re-start our slow swaying. 

"On a mission. My leg wasn't fully working so Huntara didn't want me to join her. And...well, you know I'm not great at listening. Ended up getting nicked by one of the Crimson Waste bandits and a telling off from H." I regale with a rueful smile. The purple head's eyebrows furrow at this. 

"It looks like it must've hurt." The Queen expresses, her voice low. I give her a half smile.

"I think I was more hurt by being told off like a kid." I joke, trying to ease the melancholy on the girl's face. It partially works as her lips twitch slightly. I sigh and bring our soft movements to a halt. My eyes drop to her hands and I can't help but brush the small patch of exposed skin that's not hidden by her gloves with my thumb. I swallow thickly when I think back to that gruesome scar. 

"Adora?" Glimmer prompts, concern evident in her voice. I bite the inside of my cheek before looking up at her.

"Can I do something?" I suddenly ask, the Queen is so befuddled that she ends up nodding. But when I go to peel one of her lilac coloured gloves, I find her other hand plopping on top of mine. 

"W-what are you doing?" The royal asks, her voice anxious. I chew my lip.

"Do you trust me?" I murmur and watch as her eyes widen ever so slightly before softening.

"Of course I trust you Adora." Glimmer breathes back. I nod my head, expecting that response.

"Then don't worry, I'm not going to hurt you." I express gently. Hesitation arises in those lavender orbs of hers before finally she retracts the hand on top of mine.

"Alright." Is all she says and I go back to peeling off her glove completely, leaving her hand bare. Well, almost bare. I turn it over and instantly my eyes fill up at the sight of that long jagged scar across her wrist. I gaze at it for the longest time, wishing that I could just turn back the clock. I don't realise I'm crying until a tear drops onto the girl's open palm. 

"Adora..." Glimmer starts, but I shake my head, cutting her off.

"We...I never got to talk to you about this properly. We were just shouting and avoiding each other and then we just left it to the wayside..." I trail off, trying to collect my thoughts until the purple head squeezes my hand.

"We don't have to talk about it." She murmurs, her tone laced with underlying discomfort. I swallow.

"No, I want to talk about it. I...I'm sorry for not being there when you needed me. I'm sorry that I left you feeling so lost and alone that you felt like this. I'm sorry that I wasn't there to pull you out of that drowning pit of despair. I'm s-sorry I didn't come back..." I pause as my breathing catches in my throat while my eyes become increasingly more moist. "...I'm just so _**so** _sorry. If I could change things I would. I wish I knew how much I meant to you. How much I helped. I-I didn't realise, I was so slow and pessimistic that I didn't see what was right in front of me. I didn't see all your struggles..." I trail off as my thumb brushes against that ragged scar.

I hear her inhale sharply, but my eyes remain glued to that mark, that permanent mark. I don't know what possess me to do the following action, but I don't care. Leaning forward I peck the scar with my lips before pulling away, again ignoring the hitched breathing coming from the girl opposite me.

"But I vow that I won't ever let you go down that hole again. I'll be here whenever you need me. If you need to talk or even when you can't, I'll be right here, always." I promise and when I look up to catch tears lining the Queen's eyes I reach a hand out to brush the slowly leaking tears. "I made a lot of mistakes, things I wish I could change, but I'm learning that the past doesn't have to define the future. You can make it into however you want it to be." I utter seriously and to my surprise I find the girl releasing my hands, only to take my face into her warm palms.

Her thumb goes to brush against the scar at my eyebrow, stopping at the small patch that will never grow a single hair follicle again. 

"A-Adora...thank you." Glimmer breathes out before her eyes crumple slightly. "I'm sorry for what happened that night. I'm sorry for being the cause of that blemish on your perfect face. I'm sorry for all the blood that came out that day. I'm sorry for the tears that were so often in your eyes. I'm sorry for being a cause of all the hurt I used to see so frequently on your face. I'm sorry that I forced you to leave...for every single argument and biting word. For every slap and tear. For every troubled sleep and anger." The Queen pauses.

I watch as she takes in a deep breath before continuing.

"I'm so sorry that I wasn't what you needed, that I pushed you past the limit. I'm sorry that I wasn't what I swore to be, the one who protects you even if that was from myself. I...I failed you and yet still you came back, still you stand before me apologising for things that you shouldn't apologise for. For things that were out of your control and actions that you justly made. I..." Glimmer stops, her lips quivering as she presses them tightly together. I stretch my arms up to rest my hands on top of hers that cup my cheeks. 

"Glimmer..." I start until the girl shakes her head slightly. 

"I don't deserve you." I hear her mumble. I furrow my eyebrows slightly, but don't say anything, waiting for the purple head to continue. Instead, she pushes herself onto the tips of her toes to plant a light kiss on my scarred eyebrow. I feel my throat going dry when she pulls away, but her steadfast gaze remains on me. "I promise that I'll never hurt you that way again. I never ever want to be the cause of your tears. I can only pray that someday you'll be able to forgive me." Glimmer mutters. My eyebrows knit together at this.

"Glimmer, I **_do_ **forgive you. I don't hold it against you. We both made mistakes 6 years ago, even now we both mucked up and...I can't say I'll be able to forget it or say I won't have nightmares over stuff we've gone through, but I'm willing to accept it. I'm accepting that it's a part of our past and it's not going to change. But remembering past mistakes helps us to improve. And even more than that I want to move on. I want us to re-build that friendship we used to have, if...if you want to?" I query, my voice low. The Queen's eyes fill up before launching herself into me for a hug.

"I wouldn't want anything more. Thank you." The purple head utters as I raise my arms to reciprocate, but I forgot about the skates attached to the bottom of my feet and find myself losing that carefully difficult to attain balance.

I screw my eyes shut, waiting for the fall, but when seconds pass without any painful bangs, I re-open one eye to find Glimmer gazing at me with an amused smirk, her hands are clutching my hips tight while mine are gripping her royal attire. I flush in embarrassment and promptly release my hold on her. But I underestimated how well balanced we were and find us tipping backwards.

A flash of sparkles blinds my vision momentarily and instead of the long painful fall I had expected, I find us landing on the ground with a softer thump on top of the masses of my crinkled paper. A relieved sigh escapes my lips until I catch sight of the Queen sprawled uncomfortably over my lap. I chuckle and sit up to give her a hand.

"This is the thanks I get for saving you a few bruises?" The girl complains in petulance, but a grin is already making its way onto her face. 

"I'm sorry, you just looked hilarious." I express lightly as the Queen moves off me and opts to sit cross legged beside me. Her eyes drop onto the atlas in front of us and instantly her eyes zone in on Hordak's letter. I gulp, hoping she wouldn't be mad. I watch as she goes to pick up the letter before turning to face me. 

"You're trying to figure out where the First One outpost is?" Glimmer asks quietly. I sigh and hang my head.

"Yeah, I'm sorry, I just..." I'm cut off when the royal squeezes my hand.

"Hey don't apologise. We can look for it together if you want?" The purple head suggests with a smile smile. I beam at her.

"That would be great!" I exclaim and go to lie down on my stomach before flickering through the book. A second later Glimmer appears beside me, her eyes glimpsing through the pages. I pause and turn my head towards her. "You wouldn't happen to know the exact date that the moons align?" I ask sheepishly and watch as the girl purses her lips. 

"It's usually the day before the Winter Festival, so we can go and check it out before adding the finishing touches to the decorations." Glimmer answers, her eyes thoughtful. I hesitate.

"Is that enough time? I could go by myself if you're needed here." I suggest, but that automatically receives a vigorous head shake.

"No way, we need to be careful in case it is a trap. Besides, if I'm needed I can just teleport back in a flash." The Queen sways easily. I purse my lips before nodding.

"Alright, sounds like a plan." I agree and watch as the purple head gets to her feet with a yawn. 

"Good. Now go and get some shut eye. I get the feeling we're going to need to fit in a lot of skating practice." My jaws drop at the girl's implication.

"Glimmerrrr!" I whine, prompting a laugh from the royal.

"I love you Adora, but your skating really needs work." Glimmer teases as she goes to ruffle my hair. I grumble and bat her hand away, until I realise her glove is still in my hand.

Swallowing, I offer it back to the Queen. A fleeting look of discomfort crosses her face before she takes it back. My eyes trails the way she snaps it back on before she looks back at me. I don't know what expression that must be on my face, but whatever it is it causes the purple head's eyes to soften. She drops to one knee in front of me and rests a hand on my shoulder.

"Hey, it's ok. I'm not going anywhere." Glimmer soothes gently. It's then that I realise what expression must be on my face: fear. Fear that I'd lose her. Fear that I almost had. I avert my eyes away from her. 

"Y-yeah." I falter, until I feel hands turning my head back towards her. 

"I'm not. I'm right here and nothing will change that." The resolution is almost enough to convince me. _**Almost**_. With my tongue losing the ability to speak, I opt to nod my head in understanding. I feel her hand squeezing my shoulder in comfort. "Do you want to have a sleepover tonight?" The soft query makes me sag in relief and I shine my grateful eyes to the girl.

"Yes please." I croak and with a half smile, I find myself being led to my bed while the girl takes her place on the floor by my bed and despite the heaviness of our talk the girl's presence has a way of soothing even the tiniest of fears and I find myself drifting off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See? I can resolve things just as well as I can break 'em...I think?
> 
> So, I have no idea how long it takes to master the art of ice-skating. All I know is I tried roller-skating for a total of 5-10 minutes and gave up. I'm assuming after a few hours of practice you'd get the basic gist of not falling flat on your face, right?
> 
> Next chapter is when the side plot FINALLY picks up. I'm sorry I made you wait this long, but all good things come to those who wait XD It focusses on the BFS looking for that First One outpost. Head's up, it's pretty angsty. I mean, how can I resist? I think I'm going to take the next day or two off, partly because I want to prolong this story for a little longer XD Is it bad if I want to reach 200 kudos before this story ends? It's ok, you can say so XD 
> 
> Not sure if you noticed, but I've put the total number of chapters at the top finally. I mean, it could change, but I think I'll leave it like that for the moment. Funny, I said it will end at chapter 70 something, I hadn't anticipated how precariously I was hanging on the something part XD Kinda annoyed that it's not 80, I mean who doesn't like a round number? So 7 chapters left guys. Gah I'm sad. Anyway, signing off till later.
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	73. The Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora finally goes to the First One hub that Hordak talked about in his letter. Little does she know that it's nothing like she thought it would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ngl it was kinda nice to have a couple of days off from posting. Was planning to take another day off, but thought it was unfair on you guys to wait esp with that side plot still hanging in the background.
> 
> So imo s5 did a half baked job in explaining the conflict between the original Horde and the First Ones. All we know was that they were enemies. But why were they at war? What happened? What sparked the fight? Surely there's more to it than what we got. Plus the fact that all of Adora's questions about her past and family got shoved to one side was mildly-annoying. I mean, I wouldn't have minded if they didn't decide to bring it up, but that ep in s3 was just so prominent - Adora badly wanted to find out some answers and she risked going to a highly dangerous location to try to get them. I personally thought the way that s5 handled her feelings on getting answers was disappointing. So this is my take on both issues. Hope you enjoy.

**1 week later...** **Evening Time:**

**Adora's POV:**

"So we're just willingly working into a trap?" Bow queries with a raised eyebrow. I twist my head back to glare at the man who raises his hands up in defence. "Hey I'm just saying this is _**Hordak** _we're talking about. You know, the guy who waged a decades long war on the planet." The archer reminds, prompting my argument to die on my tongue. 

"On the bright side at least we're expecting a trap rather than going in blind." Glimmer cuts in optimistically. I eye her wearily.

"I'm not quite sure how I feel about that statement." I retort blandly, causing the girl to nudge me in the side. 

"Aw come on, it's been a while since we last went on a mission all together." The Queen reminds, but I share a glance with the techmaster.

"We did go on a mission together, remember?" I point out just as the girl's face sours. 

"That one doesn't count and it was a downright shamble from the start." The purple head argues. I purse my lips and shrug. 

"If you say so." I mutter and continue trudging ahead with Bow and Glimmer trailing behind me. 

"Soooo how's the ice-skating going? Ready for tomorrow?" The archer queries with a knowing look. I shoot him another glower. 

"Are you in a teasing mood today or something?" I grumble, as the man laughs. 

"Aw come on, tell me." He insists with wide innocent eyes. Unfortunately for me the royal takes this moment to intervene.

"Well, she doesn't land on her face anymore and she can get from one side of the room to the other without falling." Glimmer retells with a grin. I roll my eyes and blow out a puff of air.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence Glimmer." I mutter. Moments later I feel her knuckles bumping against mine and when I look up I find the warmest of smiles on the girl's face. 

"I'm sorry I couldn't help it. But you've improved so much, I'm really proud of you." The purple head praises softly. I duck my head at the sudden compliment while the archer goes to sling an arm around my neck.

"Well if both of you can ice-skate maybe I should give it another go." Bow jokes with twinkling eyes. I elbow him in the ribs.

"So _**now** _you're interested in learning?" I tease with a head shake as the man goes to rub the assaulted area.

"Maybe?" The techmaster answers sheepishly. I open my mouth to reply, only to be stopped by Glimmer's hand on my shoulder. I throw her a questioning look as she points to an old rocky cave in front of us. 

"Is that the place?" She breathes out. I fumble for the letter in in my jacket pocket and stare at the crude drawing marked by the X. I glance up to compare it to the structure before me and find my throat going dry. I swallow and nod. 

"Y-yeah that looks like it." I voice anxiously. Bow bumps his shoulder with mine. 

"Come on let's go and investigate." He murmurs encouragingly. I shoot him a grateful smile and slowly we near the entrance.

We all peer into the darkness, keeping a keen ear for any sounds of people, but we're only greeted to silence. Glimmer steps forward and lights up one of her hands, making it a little easier to see. We follow the girl, being sure to be as quiet as possible in case there are anyone lurking around, but it seems our paranoia is ill-founded. The place looks like it's been untouched for years. Perhaps decades.

As we continue walking, my eyes trace patterns of First One writing on the rocky walls. I tilt my head and go towards one of them, running a hand along its surface as I read the words.

Magic. Portal. First One. She-ra. 

I shake my head, not understanding the point of the randomly arranged words and remove my hand. But just as I do so, I feel the ground shake beneath my feet and before I know it the floor disappears and I find myself tumbling down a dark pit. 

" _ **ADORA!**_ " My friends shout in alarm, but I'm too busy trying to bite back a scream to answer them. I keep tumbling down until I eventually reach the bottom, landing flat on my face. 

"Ouch." I groan and push myself up onto all fours, but before I can start grumbling my eyes catch sight of a large computer screen, similar to the one I came across in Beast Island in my attempt to look for answers in healing my leg.

I push myself up to my feet and walk over to the impressive piece of tech, I almost whistle at its complexity and for once can appreciate Entrapta's obsession with them. I brush off the dust with my hand only for the screen and room to light up. I jump and swivel my eyes round, but there's no one here. Just me.

I return my attention to the lit-up screen. It flashes NAME in green and then several dashes. I furrow my eyebrows before bending down and typing in my name. But nothing happens. I release a groan. _'Of course, nothing is ever that simple. When is it ever?!'_ I tap my fingers against the metal for a moment before typing in Eternia. _'That usually is the password for most things, right?'_ But again nothing happens.

I bite the inside of my lip before typing in Hordak. Nothing. I slam my fist against the metal dashboard. _'This is ridiculous! Maybe Glimmer's right. Maybe...they really are gone.'_ I swallow thickly before burying my eyes into my forearm. The loss pressing heavily on my shoulders for reasons I can't quite fathom. I pull my arm away and dig into my pocket for that letter again, reading it's contents for probably the twentieth time. My eyes land on my supposed brother's name. Adam. I chew my lip before typing it in.

As soon as I press enter, the screen flashes bright green before going blank. I almost feel like screaming. _'This is **Hordak** for goodness sake, what did I expect?! Of course he wouldn't show any morsel of kindness. This was just his last cruel joke he left before he died.'_ I sigh and ready myself to look for Bow and Glimmer. But a sudden bright light shines from behind me and twirling round I find an image of...Lighthope? I gulp, not expecting to ever come across the computer program again. 

"Hello Adam, how may I assist you?" I balk at her familiar voice and have to force myself not to feel choked up at hearing her voice again. 

"I...are there any more First Ones?" I ask quietly. I count to ten in my head before she speaks up again.

"Hello Adam, how may I assist you?" This time I do scream and kick the computer stand.

"Of _**course** _you wouldn't have changed after 3 years, what did I expect?! It's not like you ever helped me with anything before!" I screech before spinning round to give the screen my back before sinking to my knees and hugging my arms to my body. "I just...I just wanted to know, that's all. For once, I just wanted to get those answers. To find out who I really am. To know that just maybe there's someone like me out there. That I'm not the only alien from another world..." I take a shuddering breath. "...but I guess I'll never know. I won't even know if what Hordak said is true. I won't know if I do have a brother called Adam or if he's even still around." I whisper as tears starts to bur my vision. 

"Adam, the moons are almost in alignment. Would you like me to switch on the communication beacon?" I freeze and twist my head back to stare at the screen in disbelief. I quickly swipe at my eyes and nod my head vigorously.

"Yes please!" I nearly all but shout. 

"Communication beacon online in 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...now online. One voice message remaining. Would you like me to open it?" I swallow harshly.

"Y-yes." I confirm shakily and a second later the transmission plays. 

"I don't know who's listening to this..." The masculine voice pauses as explosions sound in the background. The pitter-patter sound of running feet echo moments later before the voice returns. "...Prime's here. That dictator found us! I don't know how, we were so darn careful. But I guess I shouldn't be surprised, he's Horde Prime after all. No one escapes him..." Another explosion sounds, louder than the first.

Panting breaths echo through the transmission, followed by what appears to be skidding feet.

"...gah! My dumb ancestors just _**had** _to destroy their world, didn't they?! They just had to oppress people if they refused to give them the magic. A bunch of fools if you ask me." Another explosion. "Sometimes I wish I wasn't a First One." A bang. My heart rate picks up. "Dumb great civilisation and all that." Several gunshots ring out. Then screaming, lots and _**lots** _of screaming.

The temptation to plug my fingers into my ears is overwhelming, but I have to listen. I have to know.

"I can't believe this is the end. Year 3057 and this is the dumb end of the First Ones. Funny name isn't it? We should've changed our name to the last ones after the Horde wiped most of us out in retaliation to their loss." More bangs and explosions. What sounds like rustling of leaves echoes into the transmission. "I can't blame them really. Loss sucks. I still want to punch the guy who took my sister away from me. The Horde who took my parents away from me-"

"Hey you!" A gruff voice cuts in and from this close up I can hear the speaker swallow. More dashing of feet follow.

"Looks like this is it. If there's any First Ones left in the universe then that's my sister. Adora, if you ever get this by some miracle, I want to say I wish I got to know you. Maybe...maybe it was a blessing in disguise that you were taken that day. Maybe you're still out there, somewhere. If so, put an end to this dumb war. End it all. You're the last peace keeper. I...I love you sis..." A single gunshot rings out. Something falls to the ground with a thud. The transmission crackles with more background screams before finally going silent.

I raise a hand to my mouth just as a harsh sob rips out from my throat. And another. And another. Before I know it I'm unravelling completely. Warm strong arms go around me, but I barely realise as my brother's final moments and words replay in my mind. _'He died. He's gone. A-and I heard it all. All that suffering and death.'_

A pained whimper escapes me and I find myself being rocked back and forth, but I'm too numb to feel anything. _'And my...our parents, they're gone too. Presumably killed in the first attack. I...I really am alone. I'm the last of the First Ones.'_ More tears slide down my cheeks and I can't seem to understand why this hurts so much. _'I didn't even know him! Heck, I didn't realise he existed. So why does it feel like I've lost a part of me?'_

"Adora?" At the sudden call of my name, I suddenly realise the shrill beeping sounds coming from my watch. I swallow thickly, my vision still blurred with tears as I fumble with the device to tap it. But my hands are shaking so badly that I keep missing and it's only on the fourth attempt does a purple gloved hand land on mine and steadies the trembles enough for me to tap the screen.

But...the screams. I can still hear them. The gunshots. That sickening thud which indicates my brother's death. The air starts getting tight. My chest feels like it's being coiled into a spring, wanting to burst and explode. 

"Adora!" I barely register the shout or the shaking that follows. Everything just hurts. _'While I've been taking it easy, people across the universe are getting murdered.'_ My breathing catches and oxygen currently feels like a luxury rather than an essential as stars start dancing across my vision.

Suddenly, I find my face being smooched against something warm and soft. Gentle murmurings are on repeat while arms hold me fiercely, as if trying to protect me from the pain. An agonising gasp escapes me as I screw my eyes tightly shut, wishing it would end. Wishing that my dumb curiosity hadn't gotten the better of me. Wishing that...that they didn't have to d-die. 

"It's going to be ok. It's going to be ok." Soft words continue on repeat alongside my constantly beeping watch. My leg starts twitching and I know that I have to stop. I know I have to block my feelings out otherwise I risk going into another seizure. But the pain, it's just _**so** _strong. I feel something squeeze my shoulder before the arms around me tighten. I take in a shuddering breath and still my dark swirling thoughts.

Once I do, the tension in my leg stills and the beeping from my watch pauses. After several moments I pull away, only to find myself back at Brightmoon, in Glimmer's bedroom. I blink several times to rid the tears from my eyes to find Glimmer gazing at me with tightly knit eyebrows and a deep-rooted concern buried in her lavender orbs. My throat bobs up and down before I look away.

"W-where's Bow?" I finally ask.

"He went to fetch Entrapta in case you..." She trails off, but I know what she was about to say. In case I went into a seizure. 

"Tell him I'm fine." I state robotically. The girl hesitates for a moment before going to click at something on her collar.

"Bow, you don't need to get Entrapta. Just...I'll see you tomorrow ok?" The Queen utters quietly. 

"Are you sure?" He crackles back, worry coating his voice.

"I'm sure. Get some rest." The purple head confirms before clicking off and turning back to watch me. I keep my face turned away from her, not wanting to see that concern in her eyes.

I drop my gaze down to find that we're sitting on the floor, or more Glimmer is sitting on the floor while I'm perched on her lap. Wordlessly, I move off the girl and take a seat on the ground. A hand appears at my forearm.

"Hey." The royal murmurs soothingly, but I don't look up. Instead, my eyes drift down to my watch and I spot the two red bars. _'Two bars away from a full blown seizure.'_ I gulp and reach a hand into my pocket for a spare metal piece. I bend down and fiddle with the knobs for a moment before slotting it in. The metal around my leg tightens slightly before relaxing and my watch screen goes blank. I straighten up and start pushing myself to my feet before a hand grasps my wrist. "Adora." Still I refuse to meet the girl's eyes.

"How much did you hear?" I croak. A beat of silence passes between us before she replies. 

"Just the last part." The purple head voices quietly. I nod my head. _'At least she didn't hear all of it.'_ I'm about to cross the room towards the door until the hand around my wrist tightens. "Adora..." I shake my head, not in the mood to talk about it. 

"I think I just want to go to bed." I mutter, but instead of her releasing me like I had expected I find myself being pulled closer to the girl and her arms wrap securely around me in a hug. My breathing catches, but I refuse to breakdown again. Not when I know that I'll just end up causing myself to blackout from all the raw pain that I feel inside my heart. 

"I'm not going to pretend that you're ok just because you're trying to downplaying it, but I know how that type of pain feels. Let me help." Glimmer murmurs softly and I can feel my eyes stinging with unshed tears. And if this is the pain that I've been subjecting the girl to since Angella took my place in the portal, then I must be the worst person in the universe because for stars sake it _**burns.**_ I swallow.

"I just want some time alone." Is all I say. The purple head releases the most inaudible of breaths before nodding into my shoulder.

"Alright. But if you change your mind my room is always open for you." The Queen reminds lightly. I nod and after a few moments the girl pulls back. I so desperately want to give her a half smile to tell her that I appreciate her comfort, but the hollow feeling inside stops me from doing such. Instead, I give the girl I half wave and quietly exit the room and head for my chambers. All the while my stomach continues churning, leaving me feel nauseous and dizzy.

I slip into my chambers quietly, but the twisting sensation in my belly intensifies and I barely make it to the bathroom before I spill out my entire gut's contents. I continue heaving long after my stomach is emptied, if only to distract myself from the sounds of those heart-wrenching screams. Those gunshots. The palpable fear. That thud.

My body quivers and I lean forward until my forehead rests on the toilet seat. The cool sensation tries to fight against the warm sweat coating my forehead. _'So it's true. It's all true. I am an alien from another world. I had a family that cared about me. But they were destroyed by Horde Prime. I really am the last First One. A-and that monster is still out there. He's still destroying countless other worlds, tearing up families. A-and I can't do anything to stop it.'_

And at that point I realise I've never felt so utterly and miserably _**useless** _in my whole life. _'I saved Etheria, but what about all those other planets? Who's going to save them? I...my brother needed me and I wasn't there to protect him. To protect anyone. I **should've** been there! I **could've** done something!'_ I slam my fist against the floor, numb to the pain that it elicits. _'I could've...'_ My thoughts trail off as I release a quiet whimper.

My watch beeps again, but right now I don't care. My feelings are so confused and muddled that I don't know what to feel or what to think with this overload of information. Shakily, I rise onto my jelly-like legs and stumble out of the bathroom, but in the dark my foot catches on the slightly raised carpet and I go tumbling to the ground just as tears leak through my eyelids again. _'The First Ones weren't this great civilisation that we were led to believe. They were monsters! And for their actions, many had to suffer. This isn't fair!'_ I press my forehead into the ground as tears continue to leak down my face.

"This isn't _**fair**_.' I choke out in a strangled tone as my mind flashes to Lighthope, to Mara, to all those people screaming, to...me. _'I'm a First One, how do I know that I'm not a monster too? What if...what if I become just as bad as them? A-and then I hurt people and get people in danger and...'_ My throat tightens at the onslaught of irrational fear just as my watch beeps again.

My body shudders in crippling anxiety and from the way that my chest starts to squeeze and press against my lungs, I know that I'm on a one way ticket to a panic attack. But the thoughts won't stop, they just...worsen. An anguished cry escapes my lips. _'No, no, **NO!** This can't be it. This can't be real. I can't, I **can't** be one of them. I can't really be alone. I can't be the last of that messed up civilisation...' _

Suddenly, I find myself being yanked up from the ground, only to be smooched into something soft and warm. I try to push back, push away from this comfort. _'I don't deserve it. I'm a monster. I'm a descendent from monsters!'_ But the tight grip doesn't give, instead it remains steadfast and pushes me deeper into the warmth. 

"N-no!" I cry out. 

"Adora, it's me!" The voice urges, cracking towards the end. My eyes weaken in pain. 

"P-please leave." I gasp out desperately, but I feel the girl shaking her head stubbornly.

"I'm not leaving you like this. I shouldn't have left you to go in the first place!" The Queen argues fiercely. Whether she's referring to seeing the First One hub or whether she's referring to leaving me to go back to my room, I do not know, nor can I really compute it. Everything is just a big ball of fiery pain. My lips tremble and my resolves weakens until finally I allow myself to bury my head into the girl's soft body as my shuddering continues.

"Hey, hey we'll work through it ok? Like we always do." Glimmer reassures as she rubs my back in soothing circles. I don't reply for the longest time. I only focus on her calming ministrations and after an age the heaviness in my chest eases.

A hiccup escapes me and then I realise my nose is stuffed with mucus. I try to pull away again, but the royal keeps her arms in place, as if her hold could protect me from the cruelty of the world, myself included. _'I wish it was that easy.'_ I sniff a couple of times and eventually the purple head pulls back ever so slightly to scan my face. Without a second more, I find us teleporting back to her room, this time onto her hanging nest. 

"Glim..." I start, but the girl stubbornly shakes her head.

"You're not leaving." The Queen states, her tone final. I drop my gaze down and it's then that I realise the damp patch and snot on the girl's attire. I bite my lip shamefully.

"I'm sorry..." I trail off with a pointed look at her clothes. The royal looks down briefly before shrugging. 

"It's just clothes. I was going to change into my nightwear anyway." Glimmer reassures with an easy flick of her wrist. A flash of confliction crosses her lavender orbs before she reaches out to squeeze my hand. "One second let me find some pyjamas." She voices quietly before disappearing into a puff of sparkles.

At her sudden absence the tightness around my chest returns and I wonder how did I thought being alone was anything, but a good idea. I needn't worry though, as less than a minute later the girl returns with a new top and shorts in hand. She fiddles with them for a moment before settling them on the bed and goes to pull up her damp shirt. My eyes widen and immediately I spin round to give the purple head some privacy. 

"Y-you can change in the bathroom if you want." I stutter out with uncomfortably pink cheeks as clothes continue to rustle behind me.

"And risk you having another panic attack? No, thank you." Glimmer retorts dryly. I feel the bed shifting nearby and opt to glue my eyes onto the soft punk plush beneath me. My embarrassment, thankfully (or unthankfully) overrides my intense feeling of sadness and loathing.

Seconds tick by in awkward silence until the girl finally declares she's finished. I glimpse behind me briefly, relieved to find her dressed once more. My eyes catch sight of her discarded clothes at one side and I promptly return my gaze to my friend's face, slight amusement is etched onto her features as she quirks her eyebrow. I flush and cough, averting my eyes once more. 

"I..." I trail off, coherent words have been unable to form since I found out...my heart drops at the reminder. It must've shown on my face as Glimmer shifts on her knees until she's a few breaths away. 

"Maybe the best way to get you out of a panic attack is to embarrass you?" Glimmer suggests lightly, her eyes dancing with mirth, but her eyebrows furrow in concern, as if she's trying to distract me from my pain. I shoot her a feeble smile.

"I think I'll stick to your hugs." I admit with warm ears. The Queen's eyes soften as she wraps her arm around my shoulders and pulls me into her side.

"That I can do." She murmurs gently, giving my shoulder a light squeeze. My eyes drift to a brief close before opening wearily again. 

"Glimmer, I..." I start, but the girl shakes her head.

"Shh, we can talk about it tomorrow. For now you should rest." The purple head urges and I find my eyes drifting back to a close. But minutes later I snap them open in sudden thought and push myself off the Queen. 

"Wait, the festival! It's tomorrow." I recall with wide eyes while the royal chews her lip before averting her eyes.

"I was thinking that...maybe you should give tomorrow a miss?" Glimmer utters quietly. I stare at her through disbelieving eyes.

"W-what?" I falter, as lead settles at the pit of my stomach.

"Seeing that many people probably won't do you any good." The purple head mumbles as she picks at her shorts. 

"Oh." Is all that leaves my mouth, too jumbled with feelings to say anything else. I bite the inside of my cheek hard. "Probably for the best, I would've just made the two of us a laughing stock." I mutter robotically, turning my head away. But moments later a gloved hand rests on my forearm. 

"That's not what I meant. I just..." I turn my head back when the girl pauses to find her chewing her lips with downcast eyes. "...I remembered how difficult my coronation was. All those expectations when all I wanted to do was curl up in my Mum's room and not see anyone. And...I understand if you want to do the same." Glimmer expresses quietly, her eyes fixed to one side. I knit my eyebrows and take her hand. 

"What do you want?" I finally ask, but the girl shakes her head.

"This isn't about what I want." The Queen utters firmly as she locks eyes with me. I stare at her carefully, trying to read her perfectly adorned mask of emotions. 

"But, if it was?" I urge. The royal opens her mouth, before closing it again and shrugs. 

"I think you know." She murmurs lightly. I give her hand a squeeze.

"Say it anyway." I say earnestly. Glimmer eyes me carefully, as if looking for some sort of sign before slumping her shoulders. 

"I guess...I'd like to ice-skate with my best friend." She whispers guiltily before dropping her gaze to the mattress. I push myself onto my knees and shuffle closer. 

"Then why don't we?" I query smoothly, but again the girl shakes her head.

"You need time to...sort this out. Not to be surrounded with people while pretending you're okay when you aren't." The purple head explains. I raise an eyebrow at her.

"Did you forget what happened when I went to try and sort it out by myself?" I remind, a sour expression etches itself onto my face at my pathetic attempt at dealing with...everything. Glimmer looks up at me, her lavender orbs shine with concern and sympathy. 

"I...but you need space." The girl argues weakly and this time I'm shaking my head.

"I don't need space. I need a _**distraction**_." I clarify, but it seems to have been the wrong thing to say as a range of emotions flicker through her orbs, alarm and disappointment are the key ones that I pick up on. The royal shifts slightly away from me.

"Distraction is the worst way to deal with it. It will just stew and then explode." Glimmer retorts with crossed arms. 

"Or maybe it will help me forget that I even listened to that dumb transmission!" I retaliate, prompting the girl to widen her eyes slightly at my admission. I groan and slap a hand over my face. "I just need the distraction." I repeat, my voice small. Hands reach out to pull my fingers away from my face to meet worried orbs. 

"Trust me Adora, distraction isn't the way. It will just chip away at your walls until they collapse. You need to..." I snatch my hands out of hers in frustration. 

"Not everyone has to deal with grief in the same way!" I shout angrily, but I regret the action when the Queen's eyes crumple. 

"I-I know that, I just thought..." She trails off before shaking her head and pinning me with those lavender irises of hers. "If _**you** _want to attend the festival, I'm not going to stop you." Glimmer decides quietly before finally lying down and pulling the cover over her. _'Great, now I feel like a jerk. It's just...she didn't hear the rest of it.'_

My eyes burn with unshed tears and I have to turn my head away from the girl as unwanted emotions bubble through me. I'm surprised when I feel fingers encircling my wrist and lightly pulling me down. I turn to see the Queen giving me the most open-hearted expression and that just serves to make me feel even more guilty for snapping at her. A single beep echoes in the otherwise silent room. Another pull and I find myself lying beside the royal.

"I'm not mad at you." Glimmer reassures, her eyes flickering to my watch. I swallow.

"Maybe you should be." I mutter under my breath. But arms goes around my waist and I find myself rolling over to observe the purple head. 

"Adora, I get what you're feeling now. You're angry, hurt and lost. I don't mind if you need to lash out." Glimmer states steadily with reassuring eyes, but I can't look at her anymore and I find myself screwing my own eyes tightly shut.

"You don't understand; you didn't hear the rest of the transmission." I choke out as the word 'monster' silently taunts me.

"I don't need to hear the rest of the transmission, what I heard was enough to get the message across." The girl insists, but suddenly I feel claustrophobic and the need to push the girl away is too great.

"No! If you knew...you would never look at me in the same way again." I cry out, pushing myself back up into a sitting position as I go to huddle near the edge of the hanging nest. I hear rustling of the duvet behind me, but I refuse to look the girl in the eye. A hand lands on my shoulder, but I don't even twitch.

"Adora, nothing in the universe can change the way I see you." Glimmer expresses firmly. I bow my head slightly.

"Maybe this will." I whisper. Silence echoes throughout the room as the Queen struggles to think of something to say. 

"I promise you, it won't." She settles on saying. I bite the inside of my cheek. _'My people were the reason why the Horde fights. The reason why Glimmer lost her mum.'_ And just like that, my stomach twists with nausea once more as I re-open my mouth.

"It _**will**_." I insist, eliciting a sigh from the purple head. 

"Why don't you let me be the judge of that?" Glimmer queries gently. I don't reply, instead opting to stare at the pink mattress beneath me. "You're feeling too many raw feelings at the moment, let's just get some sleep and think it over in the morning." The royal suggests lightly. I bite my lip, unsure if I'll be able to get any sleep with how frigid my mind is right now. Suddenly, I find myself being spun round to meet the girl's pleading gaze. "Please sleep." She implores. 

"Glimmer..." I trail off when she raises a hand to cup my cheek.

"For me?" The purple head adds softly, making my heart drop. I exhale quietly, knowing that I've never quite been good at denying the girl anything.

"Alright." I concede and find myself being pulled away from the edge and settling beside the girl. We lay on our backs for a few moments before Glimmer rolls over onto her side, facing me. After a couple of beats, I do the same and quirk an eyebrow when I find the girl staring. She shoots me a half smile before stretching a hand out to ruffle my hair. 

"You got bored of the hair poof?" The Queen comments offhandedly as I catch her hand in mine while I roll my eyes.

"I got tired of people finding it funny." I remark dryly, prompting a light chuckle from the girl as she drops her arm to her side. 

"You have to admit it was an interesting hair style." Glimmer teases. My features contour into a sour expression, but the purple head pays no heed and continues. "I like the side fringe." She adds and I find myself running a hand through my messy hair. "Thanks?" I voice unsurely with a half smile. "You didn't feel like changing yours?" I ask, more to distract myself than anything else. The Queen shakes her head.

"Nah. Dad wanted me to grow it out more, but short hair is so much easier. I might try to style it different sometime though." I nod are her words, before flickering my gaze downwards. 

"I'm sorry about what I said earlier." I apologise quietly. My eyes drift upwards when I feel a hand on my forearm. 

"It's alright. I guess I should let you figure it out." Glimmer voices. 

"So the festival...?" I leave the question hanging and watch as the royal shrugs her shoulders.

"I'm not going to stop you if you want to attend. I just want you to think about what I said, about giving yourself some time to get your head round everything." The purple head expresses quietly. I release a quiet breath and nod.

"Thanks." I utter. A couple of minutes pass before the girl reaches out and wraps her arms around me in a hug. I sigh in contentment and sag against her, until a thought rears it's ugly head. "So...it is okay if we hug like this in bed?" I question, my voice low. I feel the Queen stilling around me. 

"I figured we can do this until I get married. I mean, there's no harm about it. I think my Dad was just trying to prepare me for the future or to follow some dumb royal etiquette thing." Glimmer answers, her voice barely above a whisper. I release an inaudible sigh of relief. 

"Good." I mutter subconsciously. I feel the girl sinking deeper into me as she laughs.

"Yeah." The Queen agrees. "Goodnight Adora." She bids and finally I raise my arms to wrap around the small of her back.

"Goodnight Glimmer." I murmur softly. I wait until her eyes flutter to a close and her breathing evens before leaning forward to rest my forehead against hers. _'Somehow Glimmer has always had a knack of making the most darkest times appear bright.'_ I think fondly before finally allowing my own eyes flicker to a close and fortunately sleep comes relatively easy that night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I brought back the angst! Because, to be honest, how can I not? So for those of you who were missing it, I hope this made up for the recent lack of angst ;)  
> Anddddd what better way to unleash my thoughts of what sparked the conflict than a super sad depressing transmission? Feel free to disagree XD My idea is that the First Ones were sort of magic obsessed, I mean, they did come to Etheria to study and utilise that magic for their own purposes. What if that stemmed earlier on? Before they came to Etheria. I've even got a reason of why they're so enthralled with magic - you'll find that out in a couple of chapters time ;)
> 
> Ok so you guys are gonna have to stretch your imagination a bit with this one; as I said in a previous chapter, I like to think that on certain days when the magic is stronger, it's not impossible to connect to saved transmissions from outside of despondos. And Adora is totally the person who will beat herself up for not being able to save people, even if it's out of her grasp. Not to mention irrational thoughts like thinking she'll be as bad as the first ones is something that sounds like it's right up her street. I can't forget that ep in s2 where she agonised over the most 'perfect plan' and her fear over failing.
> 
> Slight plot hole - about Adora's name. I'm going on the assumption that Hordak must've heard Adora's parents call her name at one point and told SW. I know there's that whole moment in canon where SW names Adora, but I couldn't come up with a way to explain how else Adam knew Adora's name. I hate plot holes but gah couldn't overcome that one. So for the sake of this story, just take it that SW was told by Hordak Adora's name and she liked it and stuck with it. I mean, we never get to see everything in the eps right? The camera always pans out in different moments. So maybe I can get away with it? 
> 
> But yeah I tried not to end it on a total downer bc we're nearing the end, but I still hope you enjoyed that angst XD Next chapter is the winter festival! Starts with fluff and then we start to dive into that plot I keep talking about. Head's up Catra is also in the next chapter. I might take another day or two off, depends how I'm feeling tbh. If you find me posting tomorrow, it's prob bc I'm bored. Anyway catch you later!
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	74. A Surprise Visitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora helps set up decorations for the festivals before finally partaking in her first ice-skating performance. However, when she finishes she spots an unexpected face in the crowd.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aurgh I'm trying to write this essay for uni, but WORDS AREN'T WORKING. The day I never have to write an essay will be one of my happiest days. So here I am, it's a shame that essays take the fun out of writing.
> 
> This chapter is the start of the endgame! From here on out chapters will be relatively short because so much is going on and it's necessary to save confusion on some things. So I hope you enjoy!

**Adora's POV:**

When I awaken, Glimmer is already up and gone. I pull myself up into a sitting position as I rub my eyes. 

"Adora!" I blink twice at the sudden holler and peer over the edge of the hanging bed to catch sight of a waving Bow.

"Hey sleepyhead. Glimmer said to check in with you and see if you wanted to help with the decorations?" The archer queries with a warm smile. I sigh in relief, happy to have something to do.

"That sounds great. I'll be right down." I call out and make my way down the stairs. When I jump off the last step, I come face to face with concerned chocolate orbs.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" The man queries gently and it all comes crashing down again. The words 'I'm fine' is on the tip of my tongue, but I realise Bow deserves better than that. They both do.

"Not great, but I'll figure it out. After the whole festival thing is out of the way." I admit. The archer leans forward to sling an arm around me. 

"I'm here to talk when you're ready." Bow murmurs softly and I go to pull him into a side hug. 

"Thanks Bow, so what time does this whole winter festival start anyway?" I query in an attempt to change the topic. 

"Five in the evening and boy do we have a lot to get done by then. Come on!" He states with a grin and starts dragging me out of the room. I smile at the enthusiastic expression on his face, happy to see that it hasn't changed much.

~=~

**8 hours later:**

I throw myself on top of a bean bag, exhausted from all the ribbon tying and balloon pumping. A second later, Bow lands on the one beside me, feeling equally as washed out. 

"I thought celebrations were meant to be relaxing." I complain. The archer shoots me a side glance.

"Well for the party goes, yes. Not so much for the ones throwing the celebration." Bow replies blandly, but somehow he's still smiling. I quirk an eyebrow at him.

"You secretly enjoyed all the decorating, didn't you?" I note dryly as the man shoots me a sheepish grin.

"I mean, it is exhausting, but you have to admit it was fun." The man states giddily. I shake my head at him.

"We have two _**very** _different versions of fun." I retort as the man rolls his eyes at me.

"How could I forget? Your version of fun is punching things." The techmaster jokes. I grin.

"Exactly." 

"Well you two sound like you had fun." A masculine voice cuts in. I look up in surprise to find Micah standing with his arms crossed and a smirk painted across his lips. I blink twice at the sight of him and cautiously get to my feet.

"I haven't seen you since you left for Mystacor. Does that mean Shadow Weaver..." I trail off when Micah starts shaking his head regretfully. 

"No luck. We searched everywhere, but she just disappeared. I suspect she used one of those dark spells of hers. I've told the Sorcerer's Guild to keep an eye out." The King explains with a sigh. My shoulders stiffen slightly.

"Do you think she's going to try something?" I query anxiously, but the man shakes his head again. 

"I doubt it, her connection to magic isn't as strong as it used to be. I thought to come here just in case...which reminds me, Glimmer said the competition is just getting ready to start." The man states nodding his head to me. I widen my eyes.

"Oh stars of course. I'll see you later!" I bid as I dash past the King to go outside. A set of running footsteps echo behind me and glancing backwards, I find Bow sprinting to catch up. I quirk an eyebrow at him as he flashes me a grin.

"You didn't think I'd miss your first ice-skating performance, did you?" The archer teases. I roll my eyes at him, but I can't help my cheeks warming at the support.

I arrive to the ice-skating rink just as Glimmer wraps up her speech. A loud applause echoes throughout the large field located on the outskirts of Brightmoon. My eyes roam over the place, hundreds of open tents are pitched up which are all filled with stalls and lights. And no matter how many times I see it, the sight always leaves me in awe. I'm broken out of my trance when Arthur crosses the stage to stand at the centre, a microphone in his hand. A second later Glimmer appears beside me, her hand brushes against mine as I turn to face her with a nervous smile. 

"How are you feeling?" She voices softly and I immediately know what she's referring to. I flicker my gaze to the ground.

"I'll be alright." I answer honestly and look up when I feel my hand being squeezed.

"Are you sure you want to do this? You can still just sit back and watch." Glimmer suggests lightly as her concerned lavender orbs penetrate into me. I give her a half smile.

"I'm sure." I confirm as my eyes glance back to Arthur to find him wrapping up the itinerary of the evening. Another hand squeeze has me snapping my gaze back to the girl.

"Are you ready?" She whispers. My eyes flicker back to the large audience and I gulp.

"To embarrass myself?" I whisper back, eliciting a quiet chuckle from the girl.

"You'll be great. Just keep your eyes on me and it will be done in no time." The Queen murmurs.

"The first routine of the evening is by our very own Queen Glimmer of Brightmoon and her partner the Princess of Power." Arthur's voice leaks into my ears and with another gulp, I quickly don a pair of ice-skates and join the purple head on the ice-rink in front of the stage.

Another loud applause echoes throughout the field as hundreds of eyes watch me. A tap to my shoulder brings me out of my daze and I turn to find Glimmer offering me her hand as she smiles encouragingly. I give her a half smile and take her hand. She pulls me towards her and we start doing the routine that we've been practising for the past week.

But the feel of all those beady stares makes me shake slightly and I nearly lose my footing if it wasn't for the royal tugging my hand a little harder to keep me upright. We twirl around until my back is to the audience. The purple head grins at me as she rests her hands on either side of my waist. I rest my hands on her shoulders as we sway with the background music.

"You're doing great." Glimmer praises quietly. I quirk an eyebrow at her.

"I nearly fell on my face." I point out dryly, only for the girl to shake her head slightly.

"But you didn't." The Queen reminds. My lips twitch at her attempt to make me feel better. She gives me a light squeeze before pulling us apart. I watch in awe as she skates gracefully in circles before jumping in the air. I move to catch her and thank the stars that I'm able to maintain my balance.

Carefully, I hoist the Queen back down to the ground as we do a few more twirls before slowing down to a stop just as the music ends. Claps replace the sound of music and on instinct I find myself leaning forward to tap the girl's forehead with my own. Lavender orbs widen in surprise before flickering up to mine. 

"Thanks Glimmer." I breathe out as byway of explanation and watch as her eyes soften as she wraps her arms around me.

"That was all you." The purple head breathes back as a warm smile tugs at her lips. My heart leaps at the sight and finally I allow myself to pull away, just as Arthur returns to the stage. 

"A wonderfully simple yet graceful piece from our Queen and She-ra. Next we have Princess Mermista and Sea Hawk." At the announcement, I find myself being dragged off the rink by the Queen. I glance once more at the audience, but my heart freezes at the flash of furry ears in the background. I squint just as Catra turns her head to one side, a small scowl on her face. 

"Adora?" A voice pulls me out of my thoughts, but I keep my eyes on the cat. 

"Hmm?" I voice in distraction. 

"What are you looking...oh." At the sourness in the Queen's voice, I finally tear my eyes away from the feline to look at the purple head, her face is twisted in a mixture of conflicting emotions. Her lavender orbs glance up to me. "Did you invite her?" The royal asks bluntly. I hunch my shoulders at her query and bite my lip.

"I...not really. I just mentioned it in passing, I didn't think she'd actually be here though. I'm sorry. I should've asked..." I trail off when the royal shakes her head. 

"You don't have to, this area isn't technically under my direct rule..." Glimmer pauses to chew her lip before averting her eyes. "...you can go and talk to her if you want." My jaws drop at the uncharacteristic response. 

"A-Are you sure?" I stutter with wide eyes as the purple head goes to hold her elbow insecurely. 

"She's your friend. You don't have to ask me." Glimmer mumbles. I open my mouth, but close it slowly when I realise I don't have anything to say. My eyes flicker back to the audience and I can just make out Catra moving towards the back. I return my gaze to my best friend.

"I'll just talk to her quickly. See if there's anything up." I reassure. Glimmer glimpses at me before looking away. 

"Alright." Is all she says. I stretch out a hand to squeeze her gloved appendage.

"I promise I'll be right back." I insist. The Queen returns the squeeze with a half smile before slipping her hand out of my grip. 

"Well you better get going before you lose sight of her." Glimmer urges despondently. And I want to say something more, but I know she's right. So with a final smile, I go dash down the steps behind the stage and run into the crowd. My eyes flickering to every passing face in search of my childhood friend. It's a few minutes before I find her lounging at the very back on the ledge of a small water fountain. 

"Catra!" I yell, earning the girl's attention as her neck snaps up to look at me. She jumps off the ledge of the fountain to touch the ground, her arms crossed just as I reach her.

"You know yelling my name like that isn't the brightest thing you've done." Catra drawls. I roll my eyes at her as I bridge the gap between us.

"Very funny. What are you doing here? I thought you hated Brightmoon." I question with a tilted head. The girl shrugs slightly.

"I do hate Brightmoon. I'm only here because Huntara got wind that something bad might happen and I remember you telling me that you were going to be here. Thought you might need some back-up." The cat explains with averted eyes. My eyebrows shoot up to my hairline at the news.

"Something bad? Like what?" I echo anxiously, only for the girl to shrug again.

"No idea. We've been tracking some movement towards the capital. Couldn't pinpoint what or who. Some sources say it's big." Catra utters in that familiar bored tone of hers. I cross my arms.

"So we should be on alert then?" I say, dropping my voice to a hushed whisper. Finally, the cat returns her gaze to me.

"Should be. Although you seem to be having a lot of fun with Sparkles up there." The feline retorts blandly. I purse my lips at this. 

"If you call ice-skating fun, then you might need a new dictionary." I joke, but the cat's lips don't even twitch. I sigh and drop my arms to my sides. "I'm sorry." Is all I say. Finally, the feline slumps her shoulder as she shakes her head. 

"Don't be. It's...nice to see you happy. Stars knows you need it." Catra mutters and I feel my heart warming at her mature response. I bump my shoulder with hers.

"For the record, I miss you." I murmur and I'm pleased to see a flicker of hope crossing those mismatched eyes of hers. 

"Why am I not surprised to find the two of you together yet again?" My blood runs ice cold at the hauntingly familiar voice. Beside me I hear Catra growl as we both spin round to stare at the dark bushes behind the fountain. Seconds later, Shadow Weaver appears from behind them, her hands clasped in front of her as she makes her way towards us. What little colour I had on my face drains as I stare at the woman who raised me. The same woman who's the cause of so many of my nightmares and anxieties. 

"Shadow Weaver." I greet coldly. Beside me, Catra scowls before taking a step forward.

"What are you doing here?" The feline spits out. The spellcaster stares at the cat briefly.

"That's none of your concern." She utters smoothly, before fixing her gaze on me. I can sense the rising anger in my childhood friend, so I decide to speak up before she gets herself hurt.

"I heard you disappeared from Mystacor. Got tired from doing community service?" I jeer. I watch as the woman presses her lips tightly together before narrowing her eyes at me.

"You might not be under my command anymore, but a little more respect would be appreciated for the one who raised you and has come to bring you valuable information." Shadow Weaver utters rigidly.

"Raised? More like abused." Catra barks, but my mind focuses on the latter part of her sentence.

"What do you mean valuable information?" I query sceptically just as Catra turns to face me with surprise.

"Are you seriously going to listen to her?! She's the one who made our lives miserable!" Catra snaps in disbelief. I shake my head at her. 

"Shadow Weaver has been staying at Mystacor since the end of the war, I doubt she left just to hurt us." I state reasonably, but the cat just grasps me by the shoulders.

"Have you lost your mind?! This is _**Shadow Weaver!**_ " Catra hisses. But before I can reply, the woman cuts in.

"As much as I hate to interrupt you both, there isn't much time. Something bad is coming and unless you want to be too late you'll listen to what I have to say." Shadow Weaver voices sharply. I squint my eyes at her before batting Catra's hands off me to stalk over to the woman. 

"Fine. Tell us what made you crawl out of your hiding place and you better not lie." I warn seriously. The woman's eyes narrow ever so slightly before shaking her head.

"What do you know about the tale of the First Queen of Etheria?" I balk at the random question.

"I...why?" I fumble in confusion, but the spellcaster massages her forehead.

"Adora, answer the question." She demands. I purse my lips at her tone before shrugging.

"Not much other than she had a younger sister. There were tales that the sister may have either have started the First One civilisation or married into a First One family. That's it. Why?" I retell and watch as the woman tilts her head slightly.

"I didn't know much about her either until it was my turn to patrol the outskirts of Mystacor. Part of that pointless community service. While I was outside I spotted a running shadow, but before I could pin them down they had vanished. However, they dropped a map of a secret vault in Mystacor that even _**I**_ did not know about." Shadow Weaver explains, only to be interrupted by a snort. I glance behind me to find Catra standing with her arms crossed.

"I bet that was _**really** _hard for you." The feline retorts dryly, eliciting a glower from the elder, but I quickly jump in before she can shoot back a withering quip.

"I'm guessing you went into the vault?" I deduce, unamused. The spellcaster's eyes return to me.

"I did. It was a library, stocked with many old books. At the back of the map was written some code which I realised corresponded to the labels of certain books. They detailed the history of Etheria, but more specifically how the monarchy came to be." I blink twice in disbelief.

"So it's true? About the younger sister being a First One?" I ask as excitement leaks into my voice, but when I see the woman shaking her head, a flash of disappointment hits me.

"No she wasn't, but she did marry a noble from the First One Empire. But before all that, back when she lived on Etheria she was just from a simple tribe. Her and her older sister. Before the royal line came to be the planet was in disarray. Tribes stole from other tribes and wrecked havoc on each other. The two girls wanted something more, a better world." Shadow Weaver explains before suddenly being interrupted by the feline.

"Are you sure it's not **_you_ **who wants something more?" Catra snipes, but I go to shush her, already captivated by the story to my dismay.

"As I was saying. The girls were young when they lost their parents in another tribe war. They only had one another. The older sister, Zeporah, was said to be a cautious and wise soul whereas her sister, Nora, was rambunctious and a warrior. She even forged her own sword by materials she found along her travels. It's stated that while she was hunting for food one day, the younger sister found a glowing blue opal at the bottom of a deep pit she fell into. The pit was so deep that she was forced to make foot-holes into its wall..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ehhh SW is back, not for long, but she was the best person to use tbh. And so the story-telling begins! Next chapter we have a flashback to when it all started, many many years ago. It basically has the lore and explanations for any mysteries that I've been eluding to. It's also essentially my own take on the origin story that we didn't really get, stuff like how did the monarchy came to be, the history of the runestones etc. Oh and did anyone recognise that call back to the pit? I won't blame you if not, it was in chapter 3...so over 70 chapters ago XD but yep you'll understand why I'm so fixated on it next chapter. Basically next chapter is pretty interesting or crazy - depends which way you look at it. 
> 
> I guess it could be argued that it's bad story-telling to answer the mysteries at the very end of the story, but I hope you enjoy the way that I portray it anyway. Might see you tomorrow?
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	75. Origins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flashback of the past to when it all began.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have you ever had that moment when you've written/edited a chapter and you're THIS close to posting it, but the world decides to laugh at you and cause your laptop to switch off? Yep, that happened with this chapter, the pain is REAL. Legit felt like screaming lol. Anyway I might take tomorrow off bc I ended up spending more time than I anticipated. I hope it's worth it anyway.
> 
> Anyway I want to say you guys are SO awesome, thank you so very much for your sweet words and enthusiasm, I really appreciate it.
> 
> This chapter focusses on how the sword of power was made, how the monarchy came to be and why the Queen of brightmoon has pink-purple hair XD Considering none of this was explored in the show, it's kinda nice to know this isn't technically a lie XD Also hopefully it will answer some questions, or maybe give you some more?
> 
> CrazyButterSock drew the most perfect piece of two new characters, the first queen and her sister. It's such a beautiful drawing and is so spot on. The fact that you've brought them to life is phenomenal, thank you so so much <3

**Many Millennia ago:**

**Nora's POV:**

"Great work Nora, getting yourself stuck down a bottomless pit. It's a miracle I didn't kill myself." I berate myself as I crane my neck up to see the slowly darkening sky. 

"Zeporah is going to kill me if I don't show up...or she'll worry frantically and _**then** _kill me when she finds me." I mutter to myself, before dropping to a whisper. "I hope she finds me." I bang my head against the earthy wall of the pit in frustration. 

"That's the last time I go chasing a ferret for dinner." I grumble before plopping myself roughly on the ground. Minutes slowly crawl into hours and the insistent rumbling of my stomach isn't helping. 

"Come on Zeporah, where are you?!" I complain anxiously as darkness sweeps across the outside world as night falls. I chew my lip before hugging my knees close to my chest. 

"Great, so this is how I'm going to go out. To die in a deep, dark, scary pit all alone. Guess it beats Mum's and Dad's death, right?" I try to sound optimistic, but even I know dying from starvation isn't a pretty way to go. I sigh and get to my feet, inspecting the walls for any clue to get out of here. My sword jostles by my side as I walk and suddenly I'm hit with an idea. 

"Maybe I could make some foot-holes!" I squeal excitedly. I grab my sword from my sheath and start digging it's tip into the earthy wall. It's harder than I would've liked but it gives. I go about making as many holes as high as I can reach before climbing them. Once I reach the last one, I precariously dig my sword into the wall again to make more holes, but as soon as my weapon hits the wall, a loud clang sounds and my sword jumps back at me. The unexpected backwards force causes me to lose my grip and I tumble back to the bottom with a hard thud.

"Ow." I mutter as I rub my tail bone while squinting up in the hopes to see what on earth I came in contact with, but it's so dark that I can't see.

I shake my head in annoyance before rising back to my feet. But as soon as I get up the pit is suddenly shining with a blue glow. I whip around anxiously, not quite in the mood to be eaten by some monster of the forest. Instead, I'm greeted with a shining blue...stone? I quirk an eyebrow in confusion as I stoop down to pick it up. Somehow it shines even more brightly, nearly blinding me in the process. I shield my eyes and after a while it dims down again. When it does, I return my gaze to the blue opal and give it a cautious poke, only for it to brighten up again. I wince.

"Ok, poking a strange glowy object is probably not my best idea." I mumble as I gaze at the stone again.

It's surface is so shiny that I can see my own reflection in it. I throw it up and down in curiosity. _'This really isn't like any stone I've seen before. I mean legend has it that there mystical stones that can grant people unspeakable powers, but that's just legends.'_ I think to myself.

I'm so distracted with my thoughts that the stone slips through my fingers and it falls on top of my sword with a clatter. Grumbling at my clumsiness, I go to pick up both my sword and the stone, but a sharp electric shock runs through my body and a bright white light flashes before my vision, blinding me for several seconds. I blink several times to adjust to the sudden bright lighting, for some reason I feel strangely...taller? I go to scratch my head, but I balk at my glowing white hand. 

"What on Etheria's name?!" I shout. I look to my other hand to find my sword glowing too, with that blue stone snapped onto the centre of the hilt. I drop the sword in haste and as soon as I do, the white glowing stops and I...shrink?! My sword clatters to the ground and the stone detaches from it. I stare at the two objects in disbelief and run a shaky hand through my hair before slapping my cheeks.

"Oh boy, oh boy, _**oh boy**_ , I'm definitely hallucinating! The hunger has finally got to me. Before I know it, I'll begin talking gibberish and start thinking all the stars have disappeared!" I babble while pacing around in a circle. I'm so busy fretting that I don't notice I've reached the other side of the pit and I find myself smacking face first into the earthy wall to land back on the ground with an oomph. I rub my bruising forehead just as the stone starts glowing again. I snatch my fingers away from it. 

"Now look what you made me do stone! Why not add concussion to my slowly growing list of medical problems." I retort and then widen my eyes when I realise I'm talking to a rock. I slap my forehead and wince when it further aggravates my bruise. I flop to the ground in despair. 

"I just want to get out of here and see my sister. Is that too much to ask?" I whisper painfully. Just then the stone brightens up again. _'Not this again.'_ And before I know it I'm back to being some 8 foot glowy woman. 

"Very funny." I state dryly as I stare at my modified sword with the stone attached. It flickers several times, as if urging me to do...something. I raise an eyebrow as its flickering quickens. "What do you want from me?!" I shout while glaring at the piece of rock. But to my surprise I don't see my reflection, rather I see an image of me...raising the sword up?

I blow a strand of hair from my face before lifting the sword up, not expecting much until to my shock it shoots out a beam of light. I gape and lower the weapon down in disbelief. _'This couldn't be one of those legends...could it?'_ I wonder to myself. I scrutinise the shining opal while I bring to mind all those stories my parents used to tell us when we were little. Some stones could give powers to control water, others plants, others ice or electricity or teleportation.

"I wonder what do you do?" I murmur thoughtfully. I swing the sword to my right and out comes another blast, taking out a chunk of rock from the wall. I cringe.

"Ok bad idea. Maybe you just shoot stuff?" I sigh when I realise that's not helpful at all. Just before I can think of anything else, something wet and slimy lands on my face. I screech and chuck it off. A shallow groan echoes out as a frog shifts from his position against the wall and...flies up to me?! My jaw drops and before I know it I'm out like a light.

I awaken to that same frog resting on my chest. I'm about to scream when it shakes his head at me.

"Don't scream! I'm here to help." It says. The colour drains from my face.

"I...I...oh my _**gosh**_ , I've totally lost it. Either I'm dead or this is like the waiting place you stay in before you die." I ramble until something wet and sticky slaps me on the cheek. I shiver and push the frog off me. "What the heck frog?! Can't you see I'm having a meltdown!" I rebuke. The amphibian stares at me unimpressed.

"Firstly my name is not frog, it's Ribbet. Secondly, I'd rather not see a meltdown, I've seen enough of the things that you humans subject to each another. Thirdly, I can help you use the magic of the power stone." The frog explains while I stare at it in disbelief. My lips move several times, but words seem to have escaped me for once.

"So I'm not crazy?" I whisper fearfully and watch as he shakes his head.

"Hysterical yes, but not crazy. You gave me the ability to speak when you shot that light up there. Apparently I'm your guardian and my job is to help you use the powers of the stone." My eyes widen to unspeakable amounts. "And would you stop staring at me like that! Just because we can't talk doesn't mean we don't think and feel like the rest of you people!" I squint my eyes at his retort and shake my head.

"Alright, say that this is real. How do you know you're my guardian?" I ask dubiously and watch as he shrugs.

"I can't explain it, I just feel it. Now get off the ground, you're going to jump out of this hole before you really do start becoming delusional from the lack of hunger." I snort at him.

"It looks like I'm not the only delusional one. Have you noticed how deep this pit is? That's impossible." I retort.

"For a normal human yes. But you're not normal with that stone." Ribbet points out. I look down at my weapon and roll my eyes. 

"Fine. I'll try your wacky plan." I mutter and get to my feet. "But for the record I'm allowed to laugh if this fails." I add under my breath as I bend my knees. And jump. I shoot right the way up and out of the pit. Quickly, I scramble for the ledge and hoist myself up the rest of the way. Shock renders me speechless. 

"May I be the one to have that laugh now?" The frog asks from his place on my shoulder. I shoot him a stink eye. 

"You're lucky that worked otherwise I'd be swatting you off my shoulder there." I voice in a low growl. 

"As usual, frogs are always under appreciated." The amphibian complains and I can't help but feel guilty. 

"I...thank you for your help. I really thought that was it for me. I mean, part of me still thinks I'm having a whacky dream, but hey at least I don't die of hunger in it." I say with a grin. The frog quirks an eyebrow at me.

"I'm afraid that this is very much real." Ribbet admits. I cluck my tongue.

"Well let's go and tell my sister about this madness. Maybe this will make her forget that she's supposed to be mad at me." I say optimistically and make my way back to our hideout. _'For the record, I'm definitely going back to that pit to make some foot-holes in case some other poor sap finds themselves stuck in there.'_ I think to myself as I start tuning into the frog's droning.

~=~

**Present time:**

I stare at the woman who raised me in disbelief. 

"That's how the sword was made? By an _**accident?**_ " I breathe out in awe.

"For the love of! Adora she's baiting you! Just like always." Catra shouts in frustration. I glimpse at the girl behind me before returning my gaze back on the spellcaster.

"What happened next?" I ask, prompting the feline to slap her forehead, but my eyes are staring intently at the woman, curious to hear at least the end of the tale.

"I'll cut the long winded details, but they found out that Nora was the only one who could use the stone's power because she was the first one to touch it and had forged a connection with the runestone. After that the sisters went on quests to look for the other stones in the hopes that they could use their power to stop the fights between the tribes and restore order." Shadow Weaver pauses to collect her thoughts.

My mind races at the possibilities, but I don't get long to dwell on it as the spellcaster continues.

"Eventually the older sister stumbled across the Moonstone and formed a connection with it. However, it was different from Nora's stone. As you know you don't need to be in contact with the Moonstone to have its magic, unlike with the sword of power. The two used their newfound abilities to put an end to all the fights. It's also how the name She-ra came about. But after they put an end to the fighting, they came to the conclusion that there needed to be a leader to stop the unrest from occurring again. Naturally, there was a disagreement on who that should be..."

~=~

**Many Millennia ago:**

**Nora's POV:**

"Why should you be the Queen?!" I shout angrily as I stare at my older sister in hurt.

"Because my powers are permanent! Without the sword you're just a regular person." Zeporah tries to explain patiently, but I shake my head vigorously.

"I was the one who discovered that these stones even existed! Without me you wouldn't have forged a connection with the Moonstone." I remind heatedly.

"Then maybe you should've been the one to touch the Moonstone first!" My sister retorts. I narrow eyes at her.

"If I knew your powers were permanent compared to mine than I would've!" I fire back with clenched fists.

"But you didn't!" Zeporah shouts, throwing up her arms in frustration. "Besides, not only are my powers more stable than yours, I was also the one who came up with all our strategies to win those battles. It makes sense that I'd be the Queen. Besides, that would make you the Princess anyway; you'll still have a title ." She adds while offering her hand to me, but I scowl at her and slap her hand away.

"I don't want to be a princess! I want us to be equal rulers of Etheria. We've always had each other's backs, why are you pushing me to the side like this?" I choke out thickly as tears start to burn my eyes. I watch as my sister's face crumples at my words and she takes a step towards me.

"We still do have each other's backs. That will never change. But you've seen the type of mess that we've spent years trying to sort out. These people, they need one main leader to focus on. More than that will just encourage them to split off again and start those tribe wars again. Each tribe will go back to having their so-called leader. We already lost our parents in those fights, we don't want anyone else to suffer in the same way." Zeporah pleads, her irises, now lavender since she connected with the Moonstone, are wide. Begging me to understand. I turn my head away from her, my heart constricting in pain. After an age, I finally lift my watery, angry eyes to her.

"Fine. You can be the great Queen of Etheria because I'm not sticking around anyway." I grit out, somehow my sister's eyes widen further as she shakes her head in confusion.

"W-what do you mean?" Zeporah stutters out with trembling lips. I close my eyes briefly, not wanting to see the wounded expression in her irises. Somehow the lavender orbs express emotions even more strongly than her previous chocolate coloured orbs. I gulp, _'My eye colour stayed the same, maybe this was the start of the distance between us.'_

"I'm leaving." I finally say. Suddenly I feel desperate hands grasping my shoulders and I open my eyes to see the scared expression on my sister's face. _'I haven't that expression since the day we lost our parents.'_ And that almost makes me feel guilty. _**Almost**_.

"Where on Etheria would you go?!" She screeches. I scrunch my nose up at her words.

"Not on Etheria. I'm done with this place." I answer resolutely. Her fingers dig deeper into my shoulders.

"No way, you are not going on those unstable contraptions. I forbid it." Zeporah orders seriously, but the way her forehead crinkles slightly just reminds me of how she's always been the one looking out for me. _'Its time I take that burden off her.'_

"Tough, I'm going..." I pause, taking in a deep breath as I scan my older sister carefully, cataloguing her every feature before I finally continue. "...goodbye Zeporah. I'm sure Etheria will be safe in your hands." I bid and pull her hands off me. 

"No! Nora, don't. I...you're my sun that lightens the way when things are dark. You're all I have." She pleads and my heart leaps when I recall our childhood words. _'I was her sun and she was my moon. Together we lit up the day and night. Nothing was ever too dark for us to handle.'_ I bite my lip, part of me knows that I should just forget this silly notion. _'Maybe we could fix things?'_ But I immediately push the thought out. _'She would never listen. Besides, her powers are far stronger than mine, I'll only just slow her down. I have to leave. For both of us.'_

"Sometimes the moon covers the sun in an eclipse. You'll cope without me." I say smoothly, trying to hide behind a façade so she wouldn't notice that this is hurting me just as much. 

"Don't do this. You _**can't**_. You..." My sister trails off, but I've already made my decision and without a word I turn my back on her and dash out of the room. " ** _NORA!_** " I hear her shout, but I don't stop and continue running out of the half-constructed castle. Behind me I hear the flapping of wings and I curse under my breath before pulling my sword out of its sheath. I stare at the blue stone that I glued to the centre of the mantle. The stone that changed my life. I sigh before lifting it up in the air. 

"For the honour of peace!" I shout and feel the familiar rush of electricity through me as I change into my warrior form. The added agility aids me as I continue sprinting towards the closest space craft. I jump into the cockpit and start pressing buttons.

My thumb pushes the lift-off button just as I look outside the window to find my sister flying towards me. I feel the aircraft shuddering beneath me before suddenly the engines kick in and I shoot up off the ground. I rest my palms against the window just as Zeporah is blown back from the strong wind emitted from the spaceship.

My hazel coloured eyes watch as she picks herself up from the ground as she stares at me, her features pained and...is that a tear? I don't get long to dwell on it long as I find myself getting increasingly closer to the sky and before I know it I'm in the blackness and emptiness of space. I close my eyes as tears slide down my cheeks.

"I'm sorry Zeporah. I hope you find another sun." I whisper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooooo whatcha think? Too crazy? Believable? Not really?
> 
> Honestly I never considered writing an origin story before so I hadn't given it much thought, so I apologise if it's not good enough. So my idea is that since the stone was removed from its original place of rest, it would make the pit have a substantially lower amount of magic which would in a sense create a negative energy and thus act like a magic dampener which is why Glimmer couldn't use her powers in chp3. Far fetched I know XD
> 
> Also, remember in s1 when Adora accidently zapped a lizard? (I think it was a lizard? lol it's been ages) Well I thought it would be fun to pay some homage to the show and have a frog be the first she-ra's guardian, like swiftwind is to Adora.  
> Next chapter is back to present time where SW finishes the tale and answers a bunch of other questions you might have. Might see you tomorrow or a couple of days?
> 
> Oh! And remember when I said how I wished that the chapter count would be 80? Wellll I noticed a few loose ends pointed out by you guys, so I'm currently writing another chapter and ta da the count is now 80! So thank you guys <3
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	76. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora hears some shocking news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feeling sad at the mo, so not gonna say much except sorry it's short, but hope you enjoy it.

**Present Day:**

**Adora's POV:**

I feel my own lips quivering at the tale, moved by the pain in their story. _'Jeez, Glimmer's family is just full of tragedy.'_ I think sadly. 

"Well that explains why Sparkles is so overly emotional, it's obviously in her blood." Catra quips, I turn to face her with a raised eyebrow.

"I thought you said this is all a lie?" I remind with a small smirk and watch as she waves her hand.

"Most of it probably is, but Sparkles having a high strung family sounds about right." The feline retorts. I shoot the girl a glare. 

"Catra..." I start, before being interrupted by Shadow Weaver.

"Can you stop your squabbling and let me finish?" The spellcaster orders just as the cat crosses her arms roughly.

"Watch it Shadow Weaver, I'm barely tolerating you as it is." Catra growls. I purse my lips before turning my head back to the woman who raised me.

"Catra does have a point, what's the purpose of all this?" I question with a tilted head.

"The younger sister ended up crashing into a planet from low fuel. That planet housed an advanced civilisation, that we know as the First Ones." My breathing catches upon hearing that and subconsciously I lean forward. "Nora was injured in the crash and ended up being found by a noble who cared for her. They got along well and eventually got married and had a girl who they called Zara." Shadow Weaver regales just as Catra groans again.

"This is a waste of time!" She snaps angrily. I watch as the spellcaster's eyes narrow and hastily I go and sling an arm around Catra's shoulders. 

"Let's just listen for a little longer. You know how hard I've tried to look for any information about the First Ones." I plead to the feline. She shoots me a side-glance before sighing.

"Fine." The feline grumbles. I shoot her a grateful smile before jerking my head at the woman to continue the story.

"Now before I was rudely interrupted, the reason why I'm telling you this story is that Nora's associates were livid with Zeporah's actions and swore that they'd do anything to put a stop to her. They attempted many assassinations, but we're never successful. Over time this group called themselves the Zeporaian Assassins and made a pledge to kill any Queen of Brightmoon. This led to Queen Zeporah establishing a special role; the Royal Bodyguard, to protect her at all times." The woman explains. I shake my head at her.

"Seriously, why are you telling me this?" I demand, my patience running thin. Shadow Weaver stares at me for a moment before straightening her back slightly.

"Because those Zeporaian Assassins still exist. During the war they've remained hidden in the hopes that the Horde will bring the Queen down but now that the war is over, they're coming out of their hiding spot." The spellcaster replies simply. I stare at her with wide eyes before shaking my head vigorously.

"You're lying!" I yell, as my heart rate picks up in fear for Glimmer's life. The woman shakes her head slowly.

"I'm not." Is all she says.

"The war has been over for 3 years now, if you're not lying then why have they not acted before?" Catra points out sceptically. 

"Because now their champion has returned." Shadow Weaver utters, her eyes falling on me. I furrow my eyebrows.

"Who's their champion?" I ask in confusion. 

"You are." The woman replies. A wave of rage pass over me as I leave Catra's side and stalk up to the woman, my finger pointed at her.

"Stop spreading lies! Why on earth would I be a champion for some supposed assassin group?!" I shout, prompting the woman to snap her hand out to grab my wrist. I inhale sharply at the action just as Catra releases a low-pitched growl.

"Get your hands off her." The feline demands as she appears by my side, her claws on display. The woman promptly releases me, but doesn't step back.

"Because you are a descendent of Nora's daughter, Zara. The perfect face for their cause." Shadow Weaver hisses and with those words the world crashes around me as I take a step back.

"What? N-No...I can't be. That would mean I'm..." I trail off as the spellcaster picks up from where I've stopped.

"It would mean that you're a distant cousin to Queen Glimmer." She finishes for me. I shake my head hard, refusing to believe it, not wanting to get my hopes crushed again.

"You have no proof." I finally say, my confidence starting to return. I watch as the woman digs a hand into her robes before pulling out an old looking book. 

"Queen Zeporah sent a spy to keep an eye on her sister and to report back to her. The spy discovered that anyone in Nora's bloodline were marked with a small black swirly insignia, to distinguish them from the rest of the First Ones and to remind them of their heritage." Shadow Weaver states as she flickers through the book before stopping at a page and passing the book to me. "I recognised the insignia because I've seen it on you." She continues while pointing at a familiar looking mark. I sense Catra craning her neck over my shoulder as I stare with wide eyes at the image before me. 

"No way." I breathe out in shock.

"You have that same mark underneath your right breast." The spellcaster discloses. The tips of my ears pinken at her knowledge of something so private. I slam the book shut.

"That's just a birthmark!" I squeak while Catra smirks at me. 

"Now I'm curious to see this so called mark." The cat taunts as I glower at her.

"Zip it Catra!" I mutter with a flush before turning my attention to the woman who raised me. "That's a _**birthmark**_." I insist while the woman narrows her eyes at me.

"I think I know the difference between a birthmark and something that's been engraved. Plus, it's awfully coincidental that what you claim to be a birthmark is the exact same mark that was used to signify a direct lineage to Nora. Besides, this explains why only _**you** _can use the sword of power. That ability was passed on from generation to generation just as Queen Zeporah's magic abilities were passed onto her descendants all the way till the current Queen." Shadow Weaver insists firmly, but I can't believe it. I **_refuse_ **to believe it. 

"If any of what you're saying is true, them why are you telling me this? You don't care about Glimmer." I hiss out, trying to find something to counter her words. The woman turns her head to one side as she releases a soft sigh.

"Micah is the only reason I'm doing this. He might hate me, but my soft spot for him has never quite...vanished. I'm doing this for him. I'm not keen on seeing him lose it when I could've at least said something." The spellcaster mutters begrudgingly. And I hate how genuine her words are because it means she's telling the truth. _'It means...no. **No**.' _

I shake my head slowly as I back away from the woman, one step, then two and suddenly I'm running away, pushing past the crowds to get away from the suddenly suffocating air. Ignoring both Catra's calls and the beeping of my watch as I sprint away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise? More answers to follow.  
> I'm kinda trying to use names that kind of rhyme with Adora/Mara, hence the use of Nora, Zara etc. Thought it was nice to keep some consistency. 
> 
> Next chapter is the first and only chapter of the story with Catra's POV, but it's also super short - so just a heads up.
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	77. I Know Her Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra is given one final task from Shadow Weaver

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shortest chapter in the history of chapters, but I wanted this to be stand-alone so here ya go.

**Catra's POV:**

I stare after Adora in shock as she disappears out of my line of sight. I swirl round to meet Shadow Weaver with a scowl.

"You always have to ruin things! Why don't you just disappear for once?!" I shout angrily with clenched fists. But the woman doesn't even flinch.

"Think what you like child, but I came with a warning. You better find Adora and look for the Queen. Rumour has it that an attempt is taking place tonight." The spellcaster discloses before starting to walk away from me. I watch as she pauses mid-stride and half turns to chuck a square object at me. With quick reflexes I catch it and dropping my gaze down I find that it's an old-looking book. I frown.

"What's this?" I query as the woman waves her hand to one side.

"It's for Adora. It's written in First One writing, but it belonged with the other volume of books so it must hold some importance." The spellcaster replies stiffly, as if annoyed that she couldn't uncover the whole truth on her own. I growl at her and drop the book to the ground.

"I'm not doing any favours for you. I'm _**done** _with that." I spit out and watch as the woman narrows her eyes at me.

"Don't do it for me, do it for **_Adora_**. Either way, I've done my part." Shadow Weaver voices smoothly, annoying me further when I realise she's right. 

"Why today?" I shoot out before I can stop myself. The woman purses her lips as she tilts her head to one side.

"It's said that Nora disappeared into space on the day of the winter festival." The spellcaster reveals in that all too familiar I-know-everything tone. I scrunch my nose up and with a grumble I bend down and pick up the book, _'It's not for Shadow Weaver, it's for Adora.'_ I tell myself, but when I look up I find that the woman has already disappeared.

I clench my hands tightly before twirling round to give the bushes my back. _'The nerve of that woman. Thinking she can just drop by to spread a bunch of lies. I mean, Adora and Sparkles - related?! That's ridiculous...isn't it?'_

I chew my lip vigorously. _'And yet Adora seemed to know something about this whole first queen business. Did she have her suspicions? And...why didn't she tell me?'_ The small voice echoes in my mind. I shake my head. _'It doesn't matter. This doesn't change the fact that I know Adora better than that snobbish Queen ever will. And yet...that small display I saw earlier just reeks with...closeness. Something I haven't shared with the blonde since she first left the Horde. It doesn't matter that we spent the last few years together, the old bond that we shared never quite returned. No. Adora's attention belongs elsewhere now.'_

My heart throbs at that admission and I have to harden my eyes at the thought. _'Guess I should find her and tell her the last part of that witch's message. Not that it really bothers me what happens to Sparkles. Heck, maybe I would **finally** get some more attention for once.'_

But as soon as the thought enters my mind I kick it out. _'No. I'm better than that. At the very least I'm doing this because I don't want to see Adora mopping or a vengeful King for that matter.'_ I sigh and start trailing after where I saw the blonde disappear into.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol that was TOO short. I'm sorry. I was planning to tack it onto the last chapter, but Adora running off felt too good of a place to finish it. But hoped you liked that small insight in Catra even if it's so tiny. Writing in her pov is actually quite fun, might do it more in future fics if I get the time. But yeah I thought it was nice to give her some sort of a redemption.
> 
> So yep, assassination attempt. I felt like nearly every single heavy topic out there has just been dumped into this fic, heh how have you guys lasted this long I do not know. But I thank you either way for sticking around.
> 
> Also, I just realised that I can't count to save my life, the total count is actually 82 chapters. Andddd this is why I'm doing a science degree and not a maths one lol. But I promise that's the last count change. There are 5 chapters left for real.
> 
> Next chapter is another short chapter, maybe a bit longer than this one and it's in Glimmer's POV. After that chapters pick up a bit in length again. I'm gonna take a couple of days or so off prob - lectures have re-started and smacked me in the face with the sheer number of them :P but hey the aim is to defo finish this story before the month is out ;) (and yes I know we've just started this month - hence why I made that goal XD)
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	78. Ambush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glimmer is contemplating her current situation when she hears a noise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another super short chapter, but I think that's the last really short one. Hope you enjoy.

**Meanwhile...**

**Glimmer's POV:**

I watch the following routines with a touch of despondency as a sigh escapes past my lips. I perch my elbow on the armrest to rest my cheek against my palm.

"You alright there sweetheart?" I jerk my head up to see my Dad walking towards me with furrowed eyebrows and I shoot him a smile. 

"Yeah Dad, just a little bored." I admit quietly as the King takes a seat beside me to gaze at Mermista spinning faster and faster before returning his attention back to me.

"Because Adora's not here?" Micah teases lightly. I shoot him a stink eye before returning back to the display before me. 

"I'm fine." I mutter only to feel a nudge to my elbow a second later. I glance back at the man who wears an easy expression.

"I know that's not true. What's up?" My Dad queries softly. I sigh. 

"I guess I wish Adora wasn't so attached to..." I pause, not wanting to stir up unwanted emotions in the man. "...someone." I opt to say and watch as my father tilts his head to one side. 

"Is my daughter... _ **jealous** **?**_ " Micah expresses with a smirk and if I wasn't seated in front of my entire Kingdom I'm sure I would've given the man a shove. 

"I'm ignoring you." I mumble with a jut lip, eliciting a laugh from the royal.

"Why don't you go and have a break? I can watch the rest of the routines and fill you in for the judging part." My Dad suggests. I look at him with a raised sceptical eyebrow.

"Won't you be bored?" I query, but the King just smiles.

"I've watched plenty of this sort of stuff before. Go and take a break." Micah waves away and my heart warms at his insistence. I stretch a hand out to rest it on my Dad's and give his hand a squeeze in gratitude.

"Thank you Dad." I breathe out.

"Anytime darling. Just be back before the end to wrap it up." He reminds and with a smile I nod and teleport away into the royal gardens. It's eerily quiet, but with all the loud sounds and chatter from the festival it's a welcome relief. I stroll around the gardens in thought, wishing that I had either Bow or Adora to spend the festival with. But both are busy. Bow is spending it on a rare break with his family and Adora is with... ** _her_**.

Another sigh escapes past my lips as I pause by a tree to rest a gloved hand on the trunk. _'Maybe the whole marriage thing won't be a total disaster. It would be nice to have company with someone my age that isn't busy with other people.'_ I think to myself begrudgingly, but I'm broken out of my thoughts when I hear a twig snap.

Frowning, I spin round but find that the area is still deserted. I narrow my eyes, squinting in the poorly lit gardens but when nothing seems amiss I shrug my shoulders and turn back to the tree. But as I move, I hear something whizzing across the air at incredible speeds and instinctively I lean to the opposite side, away from the sound and to my shock I find an arrow embedding itself into the same tree trunk that my hand was resting on more moments ago. 

"Bow what the heck; you could've hit me!" I voice in annoyance as I turn round to face...a stranger? I furrow my eyebrows at the masked assailant. "What...?" I don't get far in my questioning when I sense someone creeping up behind me and I duck before teleporting a few paces away. I stare at the two men in frustration, annoyed at the gall they have to come here and attack me. 

"How did you get past the guards?" I demand, but neither of them answer, instead they sprint towards me. I frown and get ready to cast a freezing spell on them, but just before I can pass the rune over them, I feel something prick the side of my thigh. I glance down to spot a small needle sticking out and I grit my teeth.

I quickly pluck it out, but the effects are faster and I find the world around me darkening as I drop to my knees. I try to teleport, but my mind is so murky that I can't even bring the command to mind. Against my will, I find myself on all fours as I fight to stay awake. A shadowy figure hovers me. 

"The reign of Zeporah ends today." Is all he says in a low voice. I furrow my eyebrows. _'Zeporah?'_ But I don't get time to dwell on the familiar name as a searing burning pain flows across my body.

All feeling escapes my arms and I find myself falling to the ground with a harsh thud. I try to give the man a glare, but my head is pounding so much and against my better will I find consciousness slowly slipping away till darkness overcomes me completely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so it begins...or it ends? XD I think you can all prob guess how things are going to pan out from here.
> 
> Next chapter is back to Adora's POV and we return to the usual sort of long length. We legit are coming to the end (which you prob guessed from the increased frequency of short chapters). Sad times. Anyone wants to makes any guesses of what happens in the next chapter? XD Not sure when the next update will be, hopefully I won't keep you in suspense for too long ;) Until next time!
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	79. Assassins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora finds out that an attempt on Glimmer's life is being made today. She rushes to find the Queen before the assassins complete the job.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ngl, I missed the long chapters XD I feel like you get way more out of it and it's much more satisfying to read, tho that could just be me.  
> Sooo this is the most important chapter out of the last few, I'd say. It answers most of the lingering questions you may have, or at least I hope they do. Anyway, I found this pretty fun to write, so hope you enjoy.
> 
> Update: CrazyButterSock completed a fantastic, yet pretty heart-breaking piece for a scene here. Please scroll down to check it out, it's really awesome!! <3

**Adora's POV:**

My ears perk up at the sound of crunching leaves, but my mind is spinning so much with all the possible revelations to consider it. 

"Adora?" Catra voices unsurely. I cross my arms, but don't turn to face her. 

"I need some time alone." I mutter as I stare ahead of me.

"I don't get it, I would've thought that you'd be happy to be related to Sparkles." The cat queries, clear confusion in her tone. I bite my lip hard.

"I did! Or I do..." I trail off, unable to put my feelings into words.

"But?" The woman prompts. I run a haphazard hand through my hair.

"But...but not like _**this**_. Not when our ancestors had a falling out. Now when it seems that our friendship will always be skewered with some past feud!" I yell as the feline comes to stand beside me with an incredulous expression.

"What on earth are you talking about?" She questions bluntly in that tone she only uses when she thinks I'm being overly paranoid. I turn my head away from her.

"What if...what if our friendship was just doomed to fail from the start? Like history would just repeat itself again." I voice quietly. Silence pierces the air for several moments before the cat releases a long sigh.

"You...you didn't see yourself up there. With Sparkles." Catra mutters, her face twisted slightly. I blink and turn my head to face her with a quirked eyebrow.

"What do you mean?" I question, perplexed. I watch as the cat's ear flaps in irritation.

"I...the care you have for her was obvious to the blind. Even more so for someone who knows you. And...I might not know Sparkles, but the same look that you had was reflected in her eyes too. I think no matter what disagreements you have or had, it will never be stronger than that affection." Catra admits begrudgingly.

I stare at her in half wonder, never expecting such an admission from the feline. As I continue to stare at her, the cat gets frustrated and shoves me slightly.

"Will you stop looking at me like that and go and save that insufferable friend of yours?" The woman growls out and I almost laugh at her until my attention hones in on her words and I turn to face her properly.

"Wait, what do you mean save?" I echo and watch as the cat crosses her arms over her chest.

"Jeez, out of the whole conversation, I would've thought that the assassins would be the thing that you picked up on, but no, typical Adora is more worried about a small disagreement." Catra states sarcastically. My eyes widen as I recall the spellcaster's words. "Apparently they're going to try something tonight." She continues nonchalantly and I gape at her.

" _ **WHAT?!**_ Today?!! Why?!" I question aloud as my eyes shimmer from side to side in thought. The feline shrugs.

"Something about your ancestor leaving on the day of the winter festival. Best you find her." Catra mumbles and my face pales at the implications. Without thought I dash away from the feline. 

"Find Bow!" I yell over my shoulder.

"You want me to talk to _**arrow boy?!**_ " Catra hollers back, incredulously.

"Thank you!" I shout back before running and weaving through the crowd to reach the stage, but to my dismay I spot only King Micah sitting with relaxed features at the front. _'Shoot! Where is she?'_ I wonder anxiously. I chew my lips in thought as I go over her usual places, but after 6 years my memory is rusty. _'Gah! Why is it always so hard to find that woman!'_ I complain silently until my eyes widen as I recall our psychic connection with the Moonstone.

Without another thought, I sprint the whole way back to the castle. _'I'm probably being paranoid. Maybe Catra was just pulling my leg or Shadow Weaver for that matter. This could all be one big fat horrible lie.'_ I try to reassure myself as I skid into the castle before running up the stairs. My watch beeps at the physical strain, but I ignore it and push on; the need to see the Queen is so great that it practically overwhelms me.

I smash open the doors to outside and run towards the citadel that holds the stone, but I don't get far when I see what stands before me. The purple head is tied to one of the pillars surrounding the moonstone. Her arms are pulled above her head where are hands are tied up, while her legs dangle down, trapped in some black box. I gawk at her just as the royal spots me.

"Adora!" Her shout is enough to break me out of my stupor as I race towards the girl, but I don't get far when an arrow lands millimetres away from my feet. I skid to a stop and twist my neck round to find a hooded woman, who lowers her bow and arrow. My eyebrows furrow.

"Who on earth are you? And why have you tied Glimmer up?!" I demand angrily. The woman simply raises an eyebrow at my brashness and fastens her bow onto the waistband of her trousers.

"I'm a Zeporian Assassin, but I suspect you already know that after an old friend of yours paid a visit." The woman answers simply. I narrow my eyes at her.

"Firstly, Shadow Weaver _**isn't** _my friend." I start, ignoring the gasp that sounds from behind me. "Secondly, how would you know that she knows, unless..." My eyes widen in sudden realisation. "...unless Shadow Weaver is one of you." I breathe out as a wave of nausea washes over me. I slap my forehead. _'I'm such a fool!'_ But before I can berate myself further, the masked female shakes her head. 

"As if we would soil our group with her corrupt presence. We planted that map on purpose for her to find, so that we could get to you. She seemed to be the most fitting person for you to learn your true heritage from." The woman reveals. I shake my head wordlessly. The assassin notes my speechlessness before continuing on. "Now that we have found you again, we can finally fulfil our ancestors' goal." 

"This can't be true. There isn't any proof that I'm..." I falter, still finding the news impossible. The masked woman tilts her head to one side, before digging one hand into her pocket to pull out a black stone that's curled up like a snail, so similar to...no. _'That's just a coincidence.'_ I convince forcefully. The woman stretches her hand out to give me a better view and it somewhat glints in the moonlight.

"This is a piece of the runestone from your sword." She begins just as I raise a sceptical eyebrow and interrupt her with a snort.

"If you're trying to lie to me, the least you could do is make the lie believable. My runestone is turquoise." I state blandly. The female archer rolls her eyes at me.

"When _**intact**_ , it is." She opts to say and I find myself frowning in confusion.

"What?" I echo.

"Nora was a generous soul. As her power and feats became legendary, more people followed her. She befriended many, but there was one whom she was closest too. Her best friend, so to speak. Nora wanted to share her power with others and decided to cut parts of the stone to give to her close ones. However, once the fragment piece was removed it turned black and lost most of its powers. And thus she learnt that the abilities of the sword of power was hers and hers alone." I blink twice at the assassin's words before shaking my head.

"That still doesn't explain what that has got to do with me." I retort while crossing my arms over my chest. The woman purses her lips at me.

"Not the patient one I see. Don't worry, I'm almost finished. Despite those two fragments losing most of its power, Nora still gave it to her friend and kept the other as a friendship necklace. Later, it was found that the two fragment pieces helped in locating the other within a close range. When Nora fled to space, she used her fragment piece to engrave a mark into her child and passed the tradition on, so that her descendants would always remember that their blood was not only First One, but part Etherian too. It is said that when the bearer of the engraved mark is in contact with the fragment, the mark will glow turquoise once more." The assassin finishes and before I can call her crazy, she takes a step towards me and beckons for me to open my hand.

Hesitantly, I stretch out my hand and she drops the black stone into my open palm. As soon as the fragment makes contact with my skin, a searing pain flares up my chest. I bite my lip and instantly drop the rock to clutch my chest as a bright blue light shines from beneath my shirt. 

"So the legend is true." The assassin muses with interest as I shoot her a glare while the light from my chest starts to dim into nothing.

"What the heck?! That hurts!" I yell angrily and for the first time the woman's features contours into an expression other than serious, as mild amusement takes hold.

"I told you the fragment lost most of its powers. _**Not all**_. Detaching the fragment from the rest of its stone resulted in it having an opposite effect to its healing abilities. The ability to hurt." The female archer explains with a smirk. My eyes widen in shock and without thinking, I kick the black fragment as far away from me as possible. But the woman only laughs at my actions.

"Have you never wondered why your runestone was so small? It's because Nora tried repeatedly to make the fragments work. To help stop the tribes' rampage sooner. My followers and I have several of those black fragments, especially after we heard what it could do." The assassin discloses with a dark glint in her eyes. I clench my hands.

"So you can hurt me, big deal!" I grit out, but she just snorts at me.

"You're obviously not the target. I was referring to the time when one of my descendants struck Zeporah with a fragment. The so -called Queen lost her psychic connection to her close ones after that. Apparently the opposite runestone energy has a negative impact on those who have a runestone." My jaw drops at this revelation and without thinking, I spin on my heels to face Glimmer who's staring at me as if I were a stranger. _'That's why Glimmer couldn't contact me with her stone. Her connection was destroyed.'_ I realise in disbelief before facing the masked woman once more.

"So what now?" I force out and to my shock the woman offers me her bow and an arrow.

"Now? You'll kill the Queen with this arrow infused with some of the black fragments." The assassin orders. I stare at her as if she's gone crazy. 

"Are you insane?! Why would I do that?" I retort with a snort. The hooded woman reaches behind her back to pull out a small black device from her pocket. Her thumb hovers over the orange button. 

"My followers and I have rigged the entire palace with bombs. If you don't shoot the Queen then I'll set them to go off." She answers simply. I quirk an eyebrow at her.

"You do realise that no one lives in the castle except a very few select people, right? And they're probably at the festival right now." I answer with a touch of smugness. But instead of the anger that I expected, the woman is strangely calm.

"You've been away a long time Adora. Things change." I stare at her in confusion, before twisting my head back to the purple head with a questioning look. She gazes at me sheepishly.

"After the war, so many people had their homes destroyed. My Dad and I opened the palace for everyone who needed a place to stay. A lot of people decided to stay on." Glimmer admits. My eyes widen. _'Well that explains why there were no spare rooms when I first came.'_

"B-but surely everyone is still at the festival?" I argue hopefully, but when I see the purple head bite her lip, I already know the answer.

"Not everyone has time to frolic with festivities. The elderly, the young, the servants and the guards are all still very much present. Face it, you've got to make a choice." The assassin blackmails as another smirk contours her features. I furrow my eyebrows at her.

"But why _**me?**_ What's the point?" I question earnestly, trying to hide the quiver in my voice.

"Because the Zeporian Assassins started with Nora and so it should end with Nora's descendent. Before, we didn't have that luxury, but when we heard that the legendary She-ra had returned, we knew that so had the rightful heir to the Etherian throne." The female archer discloses. I look at her, appalled at her implications.

"I don't think Nora wanted revenge, especially on someone who's so close to her. Besides, I wouldn't _**want** _to be Queen anyway. That's Glimmer's job." I state forcefully, but the woman only gazes at me in amusement.

"I'm afraid you don't have a choice, either you kill the Queen or I press this lovely button here and many civilians will die because of you." Something like a pained whine escapes past my lips at her words. 

"N-no! There has to be another way." I argue, but the woman simply shakes her head and her thumb edges closer to the button, making my heart drop to the pit of my stomach.

"No other way. Make a choice or I'll make it for you." The assassin threatens.

"Adora, it will be ok." Glimmer echoes from behind me. I spin round to face the girl as she gives me an encouraging smile. But all I can do is stare at her as if she's grown two heads.

" _ **Are you**_ _**crazy?!**_ I feel bad when we get into a small fight! I can't k-kill you." I stumble over my words, the prospect too impossible, too _**horrifying** _to even compute, let alone voice in the open again.

"It's just one life. Don't sacrifice many others to save mine." The Queen orders, but I shake my head stubbornly.

"You're the _**Queen** _for star's sake!" I remind harshly, but the girl narrows her eyes at me.

"I told you, I'm the same like anyone else. We can't let other people die!" The purple head insists. My face crumples.

" _ **NO!**_ " I bellow, causing the girl to jump slightly as she gazes at me through wide eyes. "You're not like anyone else. You're _**Glimmer**_. My best friend. My...family. My only blood family I have left in this universe. I-I can't do that to you. You're too important to me." I confess in a strangled tone. I watch as Glimmer's eyes soften.

"I know I'm asking you a lot, but I need you to do this for me. I'm responsible for everyone in the palace. I can't let anything happen to them." The Queen murmurs gently, but I'm still shaking my head, almost frantically now.

"And _**I'm**_ responsible for you! This isn't what I promised Angella." I refute stubbornly. The girl's eyebrows furrow slightly.

"I think we both know how badly we failed that promise." Glimmer admits quietly and I hate how true that is. But before I can try to come up with a plausible come-back, I find both the bow and arrow being pushed into my hands.

"No more talking, do it now or I'll have no other choice." The assassin demands, her face shows no remorse whatsoever.

The woman pushes me hard and I find my feet stumbling forward until I stand face to face with the purple head. Her lip is swollen and puffy from either hitting the ground or from a tussle I do not know. My eyes drift to a cut on her right cheek and a flash of rage encompasses me. _'How **dare** they hurt you?!'_ I think angrily.

But it's as if Glimmer can sense my turmoil as she gazes at me in that expression that she always used to use when I was anxious and scared. The same expression she used mere hours ago when I discovered the dark fate that befell my older brother. _'How can I even think to do this?'_ My watch beeps just as I shakily stretch out a hand to rest it on her wounded cheek, wiping away the remnants of blood. Glimmer leans into the touch briefly before nodding her head.

"It will be ok." The royal reassures.

"How can it be ok?" I choke out.

"I'm starting a count-down from 5, if you fail to deliver the blow by then, I press the button that will kill everyone currently in the palace. And just to make sure the job is done, I've also stationed one of my followers in position to take out the Queen whether you choose to do so or not." My eyes bulk at this and I spin round to face the masked woman.

"What?! That means I never had the choice!" I shout furiously, but the woman's lip just curls upwards.

"We're called assassins for a reason. It's time we finally lived up to that namesake. The only difference is that my follower has an arrow filled with a slow acting poison. However, the arrow in your hands will act quickly and save the Queen from a long agonising death. You're the only one that chooses whether she goes out painlessly or not." My lips move wordlessly at this revelation and I turn back to stare at the purple head. She gives me a small nod. 

"5." My hands shake so much as I attach the arrow to the string of the bow.

"4." My stomach churns.

"3." Trembling, I close one eye as I stare at the end of the arrow. A single beep rings out from my watch and I watch as the purple head chews her lip while concern fills her features. Concern for _**me**_. A wave of nausea washes over me.

"2." The blood rushes to my head and pounds heavily as I feel my arteries throbbing rapidly. I gaze at Glimmer who somehow is able to keep a straight face. There's not one ounce of fear in those lavender orbs that I've come to know so well. Orbs that I'll never see dance with mirth and emotion again. _'I can't do this.'_

"1." A pit settles in my gut and I drop the bow and arrow to the ground. It clatters like a clap of thunder in the otherwise silent air. 

"Wrong choice." Before I can even comprehend what's happening, something whizzes through the air at unbreakable speeds and instead of watching the Queen's face screw-up in pain, I hear a grunt from behind me. Spinning around I find the remote detonator being shot clean out of the hooded woman's hand and watch as it skids across the floor several metres away from her.

My jaw slackens, but I don't get time to dwell on it as I hear a sharp intake of breath behind me. I glance back to find the Queen scrunching her face up in pain and I spot the source of her discomfort a moment later as blood seeps out of her shoulder. _'Shoot, the other assassin!'_ I curse myself as I press my hands against the cut to stop the steady stream of blood.

I look up to find Bow and Catra tangling with several other masked assassins and I can't the rush of relief that flows through me at seeing the two working together for once, as bizarre as it looks. But I'm broken out of my thoughts when Glimmer suddenly opens her mouth.

"Ado-" I'm tackled from behind before she has the chance to finish and I find myself rolling on the ground with the female archer trying to gain dominance. Just as I'm about to transform into She-ra, she slaps my bicep hard and seconds later a fiery pain runs through me. It's only then do I realise that she struck me with another one of those black fragments.

I shove her off as I claw at my arm to pull the rock out. In my distraction, I don't notice the pair of thick cuffs being fastened around my ankles until I try to stand. The thick magnetic block attaches me to the ground, stopping me from moving forward. I look down before pinning the woman with a glare once I've finally scraped the black fragment off me.

"You think chains can stop She-ra?" I taunt as I focus on the legendary warrior's energy, but as soon as I feel the magic washing over me, a surge of electricity runs through me, making me gasp and forcing me to lose my concentration on the warrior as I feel the magic fade away. I fall onto my knees with my hands splayed out in front of me as I pant heavily, trying to catch my breath. When I do, I lift my head to stare at the assassin who's busy dusting the dirt off her shirt.

"What did you do to me?" I demand as a tone of fear leaks into my voice. The female archer pauses and returns her hard eyes to me.

"It's called a magic destabiliser. It acts to suppress high volumes of magic. A helpful trinket when trapping the Queen to stop her from using her teleportation abilities, but I always keep a spare set with me." The masked woman answers with a smirk as she reaches behind her to pull out another bow and arrow.

I observe with wide eyes as she stalks over to me, her expression sombre.

"I didn't want to do this, but you leave me no choice. Tonight, the era of both Nora and Zeporah ends." The woman announces as she pops a new arrow into her bow.

I balk, never once expecting there to be a day that I'd actually hate an arrow, considering how often I've associated them with Bow. I close my eyes, internally preparing myself for the pain that is to come. When nothing happens for several seconds, I crack open one eye, only to be greeted with purple. I blink twice and look up to find Glimmer standing in front of me with both arms outstretched protectively, with the intention to shield me. I gaze past Glimmer to find the assassin wearing an amused expression.

"Perhaps Nora's era won't have to end after all." She expresses with a curl of her lip. I shudder before tugging on the purple head's cloak.

"What on earth are you doing?! Get out of the way!" I hiss violently. Glimmer spares me a backward glance before returning her gaze forward.

"No way. It's my turn to protect you for once." The Queen utters stubbornly and ice grips my heart at her implications. I try to move my legs again, but the magnetic force of the block is fastened strongly to the ground, stopping Glimmer from just simply teleporting us to safety. I grit my teeth.

"Glimmer _**MOVE!**_ " I shout when I see the assassin raising her bow and pulling back the string. My dumb watch chooses that precise moment to beep again, alerting everyone of my turmoil.

"Adora you'll always be special to me, remember that ok?" The purple head whispers softly and I watch in horror as the arrow leaves it's confines and starts whizzing through the air. I don't even think as I shove the royal from behind with my free hands. My focus is diverted when another arrow flies over my head towards the assassin. But I find my eyes quickly snapping back to Glimmer when I see her sink to the ground, her arms encircling around her waist. 

"Oh no. No no no." I repeat frantically as I pull the Queen towards me, only vaguely noticing the female archer collapsing to the ground also. "Glimmer?" I probe fearfully as I try to peel her hands away from her abdomen. A flash of dark red greets me and I almost feel like hurling. _' **No!** I didn't protect her.'_ I think frantically as I push my hands against her open skin in an attempt to seal the wound.

Only to remember that my feet are still trapped in that dumb cuff. A shaky breath escapes the Queen as she tries to focus on me, but her lips are quivering so much and her eyebrows are furrowed so tightly in what I can guess as immense pain. Seconds later Catra appears by my side. She takes one glance at the purple head before doing a double take at the sight of blood. 

"Shoot." She curses as she turns to face me. "Adora snap out of it!" She hollers and it's only then do I realise the shock that I'm slowly slipping into and the insistent beeping of my watch. A second later, I find my head being snapped to one side as a loud clap of skin against skin radiates around me, bringing me out of my self-induced funk. "Don't you know how to heal?!" Catra screeches, returning me back to my senses.

"I-I can't with this block around my feet." I babble incoherently, the amount of blood making me feel more and more queasy, but when I see the Queen slumping, I know I have to do something. "Catra I can't lose her." I whine and without further ado the feline crouches beside me as she scratches at the device around my feet.

"You're not going to lose her you dumb blonde. Just give me a moment to get you out of these." Catra states with such firmness that I almost begin to believe her. Seconds later I hear the crunch of metal and my feet are freed. The cat looks behind her briefly before scowling. "I need to help arrow boy, more of those assassins keep coming. It's on you to make sure you don't lose it." My childhood friend orders and disappears before I can say another word.

Quickly, I transform into She-ra and pour out a wave of healing magic into the now unconscious Queen. I watch as the flow of blood slows before ceasing completely as the broken skin knits back together. But my focus is on the girl's still blank face and I will her to wake up, to move, to do _**anything**_. 

"Come on Glimmer, you're stronger than this. What would Bow say if you got taken out by an arrow?" I choke out in a joke, but the purple head remains eerily silent and tears start to burn my eyes as my watch beeps. "Please, don't leave me." I voice haltingly as my throat constricts painfully. I dig my face into her shoulder as tears blur my vision while my watch continues to beep and I know I should do something about it, but I'm too numb to even think. 

"A-Adora...your w-watch." I jerk back at the raspy voice to find Glimmer's eyes cracked open in a squint, obvious pain still contours her features, but she's talking and alive.

My shoulders sag in relief as I hug her tightly. Sounds of choked sobs escapes me at seeing that I haven't lost her. That I managed to do one useful thing for once in my life. I feel a weak hand on my wrist and then the sudden tightening of the metal plate around my shin. I pull back slightly in surprise to find the Queen wearing a small smile.

"Can't have your leg...giving out on you." She whispers quietly, before grimacing as a flash of pain runs through her. I stare at her in a mixture of disbelief and gratefulness.

"And you call me selfless." I mumble as the purple head gazes at me wirily.

"You are." She states seriously before fluttering her eyes to a close. Behind me the sounds of fighting and yells finally get my attention and when I look back, I find Bow simultaneously dodging and firing arrows while Catra is jumping on various assassins and scratching at their faces. I return my gaze to the barely conscious Queen.

"I need to take you away from here." I whisper, but her hand around my wrist tightens slightly. 

"Where's that remote detonator?" The royal asks to my surprise. My stomach churns as I snap my neck to either side of me in search of the deadly device.

A few moments later I find it, several metres away from the groggy female archer. My heart drops as I watch her pull an arrow out of her shoulder. Her gaze follows mine. _'Shoot.'_ Before I decide what to do, I spot a flash of purple at my periphery and almost sag in relief when I find Micah racing towards me with the fury that only an overprotective father would have. He's by my side in moments, his face crumpling at the sight of blood stained clothes on his daughter. I ease Glimmer into his open arms before jumping to my feet.

"I'll be back." I state firmly when I catch the question in his expression.

My feet take off in the direction of the device, but I'm too slow and watch in horror as the female assassin snatches it up. Without thinking, I snap my leg out and strike at her kneecap before she has the chance to press the button. The woman drops the device once more as she sinks to her knees and I make a dive for it, only to be yanked back by the woman and I tumble to the ground onto my stomach.

Miraculously, the device doesn't land upside down. It's orange button stands proudly on display, almost taunting someone to press it. I push myself onto all fours, but a foot lands on my hand before I have the time to reach the device. I bite my lip to silence my yelp and look up to find the assassin standing over me. 

"My descendants have waited too long for this moment. It ends today." She snarls. I growl at her and with the strength that only She-ra can muster, I snatch my hand out from under her boot, toppling her over onto the ground.

I scramble to my feet and snatch up the device before she can recover. My eyes return to Bow and Catra, but before I can go and help them I hear a high pitched whistle. Spinning round, I eye the battered assassin wearily. Her gaze drops to the detonator in my hands and I tighten my grip on it. Her eyebrows furrow tightly before she shakes her head.

"All this time I thought waiting for you to return would be a good idea. I didn't realise how _**weak** _you are. Nora would be ashamed." I clench my teeth at her words. 

"From the sounds of it, she wanted to _**help** _people. If there's anyone who she would be ashamed at, it would be you." I bite back. The woman stares at me long and hard. 

"You didn't even know her." Is all she says and I can't help but snort.

"And you did? She's been dead for thousands of years, _**wake up!**_ " I holler, but the woman only gazes at me sadly, as if she was looking at a lost cause.

"It's you who needs to wake up. But fine. You've managed to save her today. However, you won't always be around to protect her and when you aren't, we will strike again, as we've always done." The assassin swears as my heart rate picks up in anxiety.

"Not if we find you all and throw you in prison." I retort sharply and at last this prompts a smile from the woman or at least I presume it's a smile by the way her eyes crinkle. 

"We've been around for several millennia. You will never be able to catch us." The female archer taunts. My free hand clenches into a fist.

"That means you've been _**failing** _for several millennia." I fire back, but the assassin releases a bark of laughter. 

"Have we?" I furrow my eyebrows at her ominous wording, but she doesn't give me the chance to question her further as her eyes falls on her fellow assassins and she whistles again. The shouts of fighting stop and when I turn to see what's going on, I find her followers halt in mid punch and run off the citadel. My eyes bulge at the sight and I snap my attention back to the woman to find her also running off.

"What are you doing?! You're going to kill yourself!" I shout as I try to catch up to her, but she's too fast. Her eyes skim back to meet mine.

"There'll be a day when you can't save her and when that day comes you'll regret ever being Nora's descendent." The assassin warns before jumping off the citadel.

I gawk and rush to peer over the edge, but no matter how hard I squint I can't see her, as if she simply vanished in thin air. Her words play on a loop in my mind, torturing me. My legs shake and before I know it I drop to the ground on my knees and release a blood curdling scream. The atmosphere around me is deafening silent when I finish and drop my head forward to stare at the concrete ground. Two pairs of feet appear in my line of vision and seconds later a hand settles on my shoulder. 

"You alright?" Glimpsing up, I find Catra's face pinched with worry while Bow gazes at me in concern. The man reaches forward and helps me up to my feet as I glance around. My eyes fall on Micah kneeling beside his daughter. 

"I...will be." I force out before focusing my attention on the cat and archer. "Never knew you two could work so well together." I joke in an attempt to distract myself from the masses of emotions I'm currently feeling. Catra pulls her hand back to cross her arms as she rolls her eyes at me.

"I suppose arrow boy isn't too bad of a fighter." She begrudgingly mutters and I watch as Bow's face brightens at the compliment. 

"I'd never thought I'd say this, but it was nice to be on the same side for once." The man voices gratefully. Catra scrunches her nose up before looking away.

"Well, don't get too sentimental." The feline mumbles, but I spot the small upwards tug in her lips and I can't help but warm at the sight. Before I can comment further, I catch Micah rising to his feet with Glimmer in his arms. My heart clenches at the sight and I'm forced to look away before the guilt overwhelms me. I feel a tug on my sleeve and following the movement I find Bow gazing at me in concern.

"Do you want to go and make sure Glimmer is alright?" He murmurs softly. My throat constricts, words seemingly failing me. Fortunately, Catra comes to my aide and perches her elbow on my shoulder.

"She'll catch up. I need to talk to Adora for a moment." The feline opts to say for me. The archer glances between the two of us, as if waiting for my confirmation.

"Go and make sure she's alright. I'll be there soon." I force out and with a nod the man disappears after Micah. My shoulders sag as soon as they're out of sight.

"Thanks." I breathe out, my eyes still glued to where the royal duo once stood. The cat shrugs before leaning back. 

"It doesn't take a genius to see how worked up you are." The feline drawls out. I shake my head, still finding it hard to talk. I hear the girl release an exaggerated sigh. "Come on, you've been through worse." Catra tries to reassure, but I can't seem to stop those words running through my head. I clench my hands into fists.

"I've never failed this badly before." I mutter bitterly, but to my disbelief the feline snorts.

"No one died, did they? I count that as a win in my opinion." Catra states blandly. I gaze at her wirily.

"You know we've always had different standards for success right?" I retort dryly, earning me an elbow to the ribs.

"Whatever. Just go and see that friend of yours. I'm sure she needs your company." The cat orders. I chew my lip as wisps of conflict and doubt rise through me, but I push it down. _'I'm not breaking. Not again. Not after last night.'_ I swallow and nod slowly. My foot takes one step forward towards the entrance, but I hesitate.

"Catra?" I voice quietly. The girl tilts her head slightly to indicate she's listening.

"Yeah?" She expresses casually.

"Thanks." I murmur. The feline stiffens slightly before her eyes soften. 

"Anytime Adora. Now go. I'll be around when you need me." Catra waves off smoothly. I shoot her a small smile and enter the castle once more. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew! I don't give these two a break do I? XD I'll admit I'm not really great when it comes to writing fight scenes, but hopefully this was engaging enough to read. I totally loved writing Glimmer as finally being the one to protect Adora, esp considering how often Adora throws herself in the firing line. Think of it like a nice complement piece to when Adora was jumping in front of bullets for Glimmer. 
> 
> Ok so I took the dive here, technically we've never seen the full stone, because some of it is obvs embedded into the sword and thus is out of our sight, but what if it wasnt a full stone? Lol it's my far-fetched craziness I know but the stone is so small in comparison to the other runestones, which begs the possibility that it may have been modified, cut smaller to fit nicely into the sword, or to be shared by a generous soul. Eh, crazy I know, but I thought it was an interesting concept and thought why not XD
> 
> You know how we always see red buttons in cartoons and they always mean something bad? Welp I thought to be a bit more original and go with orange XD And in case the implication wasn't clear, Bow freed Glimmer from her chains which is how she got out in time to shield Adora.
> 
> So some thanks are in order; you can thank Darkviral for sparking the idea of why the psychic connection was only one sided, I honestly forgot about that loose end until Darkviral pointed it out to me and ta da, my weird explanation for it XD Another thank you to CrazyButterSock for prompting more of Catra's involvement in this chapter. Excluding the beginning bit, I planned for that to essentially be the end for Catra and for Bow to be the one to free Adora from her chains, but this defo fitted better, so thank you CrazyButterSock.
> 
> Right, there are a few loose ends that I'll wrap up in the next 3 chapters (3 chapters - can you believe that?! :P), but I want to ask YOU guys if there are any glaringly huge plot holes or loose ends that I've blatantly missed. I wouldn't be surprised if I did miss something, so please let me know in the comments because I'd still be able to fit them in for the last chapters. There are some loose ends I'm keeping open on purpose which I'll explain in the last chapter, but do tell me if there's anything you want to know and I'll try my best to incorporate it somewhere before the story is completed.
> 
> Next chapter is back to Glimmer's pov and it's the last chapter in her pov - sad times :'( and it basically just focusses on the aftermath. Not sure if I'll have time to update tomorrow or not - guess we'll see XD
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	80. There are No Guarantees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Glimmer wakes up to find Adora sitting beside her which gives them the opportunity to talk about what happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was bored and decided to post this early. Andddddd we've reached 80 chapters!! That's INSANE - thank you so much everyone for sticking on this long ride <3
> 
> This is is the LAST angsty chapter, I mean it's no where near the angsty levels that we've seen in the majority of the story, but there is some angst. Oh and fluff. The remaining two chapters are just there to wrap up the little bits and bobs. This is also the last long chapter, bc the other two are defo on the shorter side. I can't believe this is the last angsty chapter, it's crazy bc this is exactly what this story was set out to be. Anyway I hope you enjoy it.

**Next Day:**

**Glimmer's POV:**

When consciousness slowly returns, the first thing I notice is the soreness radiating across my body. I groan and flutter my eyes open, but the sunlight is almost blinding and I have to screw them shut again. But now that I've become aware of it, cracks of light enter through my eyelids and without thinking I throw up my arm with the intention of resting it across my eyes, but a sharp sudden pain runs up my arm at the movement, making me inhale deeply until it fades. 

"Ouch." I mutter, but before I can pinpoint the source of the pain, I feel something gentle landing on my hand. Furrowing my eyebrows, I decide to make another attempt to open my eyes. I cringe at the brightness before turning to my right to find Adora gazing at my with tightly knit eyebrows and a small smile. I swallow, memories of her chilling scream from before I slipped back into unconscious echoes in my mind. "Hey." I greet quietly, my voice sounding more raspy than I would've liked.

"Hey." Adora greets just as quietly as she grabs a glass of water from the bedside table and eases my head up slightly for me to have a sip. 

"Thanks." I say. The room goes silent after that, as a tangible awkward air takes hold and for the life of me I can't pinpoint out why...my eyes widen. _'Oh shoot we're related aren't we? That's...'_ My thoughts trail off, unable to figure out how to feel about that. But when I spot Adora's twitching fingers, I realise that there are a whole load of other things that are bothering her. 

"Looks like our roles have reversed." I joke, but the blonde's face crumples and I kick myself for failing to say the right thing. _'Great job Glimmer, make the girl feel even more guilty.'_ I berate myself. 

"I never want to see you in bed hurt." The warrior mutters. I give her hand a squeeze. 

"I can say the same." I voice ruefully. The corner of her lips twitches, but the melancholy remains on her face. I bite my lip.

"What's bothering you more?" I query softly and watch as the blonde dips her head down.

"Not protecting you." Is the answer I receive and I open my mouth, ready to refute that statement, but it's as if a dam has been opened in the woman as words start tumbling out. "I'm scared about what the assassin said, that she won't stop trying, that they'll _**never** _stop trying and it's all because of me. Because of who my descendent is. I'm scared t-that our...whatever we have; friendship, family, whatever you want us to be, will always be filled with strife. There's always something in the way. Something that defines our bond because of the past. A-and then I can't stop thinking about...what I heard in the First One cave. It's just so muddled and I don't know what to think anymore." Adora confesses.

I blink twice at the word vomit before pushing myself up onto my elbows, determined to put her at ease. I grimace at the painful throb emitting from my abdomen, but push past it so that I can try to soothe the woman's fears. Adora's eyes widen and she reaches forward to settle her hand on my upper arm.

"What are you doing?! You should be lying down." The blonde rebukes and I can't help but think about all the times I've said something similar. 

"Adora, _**we** _define our bond. Not the past or future, but us now. I don't know the details of what happened between Zeporah and Nora, but that doesn't matter. Their issues were their own." I state firmly but the blonde shakes her head.

"But what if the past repeats itself? What if...I become corrupt?" Adora queries, her tone low and almost haunted. I balk, _'what on earth is she saying?! Why is she saying that? What...wait.'_ I gaze at her with furrowed eyebrows.

"This is about the other thing that you heard from the transmission. The thing that's been bothering you, right?" I realise aloud and when the warrior turns her head to one side I know I've deduced it correctly. I push myself all the way up to a sitting position, biting my tongue to hold off another sharp intake of breath and shift closer towards the woman. "What was it?" I ask, but the blonde refuses to meet my eye.

I stretch out an arm and cup the girl's cheek with my hand, coaxing her to meet my gaze, but for the first time she stubbornly refuses and continues to stare at the wall. A lump appears in my throat and I try to swallow past it, but it just bobs up and down.

"A-Adora you don't have to try and carry everything alone, I want to help. When will you understand that? When will you realise that nothing you do can ever change how much I care about you?" I choke out with building emotion. Finally, the warrior turns her head to me, her eyes are watery as she leans forward to wrap me in a hug and it's then that I realise my eyes are blurring with tears too. 

"I'm sorry, I just...he said they destroyed the original Horde world for magic, that all this suffering was because of _**them**_. How can I live with myself knowing that part of them runs through me?" Adora voices thickly. My mind races with her words, trying to piece together the missing pieces. _'Them...as in the First Ones? They...did that?'_ I take in a deep breath, hating that there's so many gaps in my knowledge. 

"Adora, am I like my Aunt?" I question suddenly, causing the girl to pull away slightly to stare at my face due to the randomness of the question. 

"I...no?" She answers in bewilderment, but I carry on.

"Am I like my Dad?" I ask. Again confusion radiates off the girl in waves, but she goes to answer anyway.

"Not really? I mean, in some things, but on the whole not really." She replies. I nod my head, pausing briefly to collect myself as I say my next words.

"Am I like my Mum?" I query softly. Adora stares at me for the longest time, trying to figure out the reason behind these questions, but I maintain a blank face. 

"I..." She trails off, looking away briefly before glancing back at me. "If you're talking about appearances, then yes - _**very** _much so. But if you're referring to your personality, then not really." The blonde discloses, I swallow, not wanting her words to trip me up. 

"Yet, I've lived with them and known them for years. Somehow, while I picked up various parts of them, I still became my own person - different and separate from them. How can you, someone who's never even known another First One, ever be like them?" I pose lightly and watch as the woman's eyes widen a fraction, but I plough ahead. "Adora, you are your own person. Only _**you** _can shape who you want to be, not anyone else. You can choose to be kind and self-sacrificing or you can choose to go on a crazy rampage and yet..." I pause, taking the moment to gaze into her sky blue orbs.

It's as if I were peering right into her soul. Her vulnerable, yet kind-hearted soul. "...you could never be the latter. The core of who you are would never allow it. You care about everyone too deeply to allow that to happen. Don't be scared of loving yourself, because you're perfect just the way you are." I finish.

The blonde's lips part in disbelief as she stares at me, making me feel a little self-conscious. Biting the inside of my cheek, I scramble my mind for something else to say.

"Too much?" I express sheepishly which breaks the woman out of her daze as she flicks her head to either side. 

"No. That's...that's what I needed to hear. How are you so convincing?" The warrior queries as admiration crosses her blue irises. My cheeks warm at the praise as I shoot her a half smile and shrug.

"I try." I say casually, eliciting a snort from the woman. 

"Real modest." She jokes, making me roll my eyes.

"Can't a girl like her compliments?" I tease back, prompting the warrior to quirk her eyebrow. 

"I suppose." Adora concedes with a grin. I shake my head fondly, but my mind is still caught up with what she said before, what we learnt.

"So, we're related huh?" I say, trying to sound casual, but knowing I've failed in being anything but, if the waver in my voice is any indication. Adora gazes at me with furrowed eyebrows, as if trying to analyse me beyond surface level. I squirm at the attention.

"This doesn't have to change anything." She finally says. I swallow and flicker my lilac irises away from the intensity of her gaze.

"Do you want it to change anything?" I whisper. The warrior doesn't say anything for several moments and at her continued silence, I finally glance back at her.

"No? It's just...nice to know I suppose." Adora breathes out quietly. I shift a little closer to her as I try to sort out the jumbled mess that is my mind. _'Me and Adora...related. Distant cousins. Actual blood connection. Genetically. Why does that sound so impossible and unreal?'_ I'm broken out of my thoughts when a a warm hand lands on top of mine. I jerk my head up in surprise to find the blonde gazing at me anxiously.

"Does it bother you?" She queries. I widen my eyes and rush to shake my head. 

"Of course not! I always said you were family, I guess I never imagined that it would become literal." I joke dryly, but Adora shakes her head.

"Glimmer, tell me the truth. I won't mind." The blonde voices gently. I purse my lips. 

"Is it bad that I'm slightly freaked out by it?" I confess shamefully, my cheeks burn with frustration at myself.

"Why?" Comes the simple question. The lump in my throat bobs up and down and I have to drop my gaze down to the blanket covering my legs. 

"Because it means I did all those terrible things to my cousin no less. How much worse can I get?" I choke out and I cringe when every awful action I committed flashes through my mind's eye. I feel Adora tightening her grip around my hand. 

"I told you I forgave you for all that." The blonde murmurs, but I shake my head. 

"I'm so sorry." My voice cracks, but the Princess refuses to accept my apology. 

"You have nothing to be sorry for. We worked through it, so you shouldn't let this make you feel more guilty." The warrior states stubbornly. I raise my eyes to meet hers, the resolution in her eyes is crystal clear. I exhale a small breath. 

"Ok." I whisper. Seconds tick by into minutes before Adora's lips finally twitch into a half smile. 

"Never had a cousin before, this will be interesting." She jokes and I can't help but chuckle at her quip. 

"Well we're on the same boat. My Aunt never had kids and my Mum was the only child. Guess we'll learn together?" I suggest hopefully and the barely concealed joy that radiates from those baby blue eyes, is enough to vanquish the remnants of guilt.

"I can't believe I've finally found out more about my past...our past. I never thought my family would be closer than I realised." Adora expresses excitedly, close to bounding up and down to her chair.

I smile softly at her enthusiasm, touched that I'm somehow the reason for it and wishing I could keep it there forever. I blink twice as a sudden thought occurs to me, _'maybe I can?'_ I think as the beginnings of a plan forms in my mind.

"What are you grinning about?" Adora suddenly asks, breaking me out of my thoughts . I smirk at her.

"I'll tell you later." I say mysteriously, causing the girl to frown.

"Glimmerrrr." The warrior whines, but I shake my head.

"Nope, it's a surprise." I tease, enjoying the way that the woman crosses her arms over her chest while jutting out her lip in petulance.

"But!" She starts, but I interrupt her with a shake of my head.

"Stubborn remember? You'll have to wait." I taunt, my face smug. Adora stares at me for several moments before releasing a sigh.

"Fine." The blonde grumbles as she drops her hands back to her lap. I watch her in amusement, before realising that I haven't asked about everyone else.

"Was everyone ok? No one else was hurt?" I ask anxiously. I was so out of it that I wasn't paying much attention to anything after that arrow hit me. The ease drops off the girl's face at my query.

"Everyone else is fine." The blonde mutters statically. A little _**too** _statically. I furrow my eyebrows.

"Hey what's wrong?" I query softly and watch as the woman squeezes her knees tightly.

"You shouldn't have done that." She whispers tightly. I frown, trying to pinpoint what she's referring to until it hits me. I quirk an eyebrow at her.

"What? Trying to save you?" I clarify as the blonde pales slightly.

"You could've died." Adora argues, her tone husky and it's a second later that I realise it's from her pent-up emotions.

"But I _**didn't**_." I point out. 

"But what if I couldn't heal you? What if I was too late?" The warrior babbles as worry becomes deeply etched into her face. I bite my tongue, forgetting how protective the blonde can be. So I stretch out my hands, ignoring the way it tugs at my wounds, to rest them against Adora's cheeks.

"I'm sorry I worried you, but I couldn't stand by and watch you die. I've waited too long to get you back. I wasn't about to let you slip away again." I confess thickly as the blonde reaches up to grasp my hands, but she doesn't pull my hands away. No. She presses them into her cheekbones, as if she needs the validation that I'm really here and that I'm not going away. _'Gosh, maybe I'm not the only one with abandonment issues.'_ I realise silently. I watch as a lump bobs up and down Adora's throat as tears line her eyelids.

"This time we were lucky. What's stopping them from keep coming back? They obviously know their way around the castle. What if...what if they succeed in their mission of...of taking you away forever? What if I'm put in another impossible position again? I nearly _**killed** _you Glimmer. Heck, _**you** _asked me to kill you! How did you expect me to be ok with that?! _**How?!**_ " The blonde fires out heatedly. _'Ah, so that's the real issue.'_

I part my lips, not sure what to say and when I feel my stomach and shoulder twinging in increasing discomfort, I'm forced to let my hands drop from the girl's face, breaking the emotional anchor. I press a light hand against my abdomen at the source of the pain and grimace at the throb. I feel a hand on my forearm, prompting me to look up into the guilty expression of...my distant cousin? 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to shout, I just..." I swiftly shake my head, cutting the girl off.

"Don't apologise. I...don't know. Zeporah mentioned so little of the assassins in her accounts. All she said was she had a personal bodyguard." I pause, trying to collect my thoughts on her other words. "And...I'm sorry. I should never have asked you to be in that position. I can only imagine how you must've felt to make such a decision, but I just _**couldn't** _save myself. I've done so many mistakes and I felt this was finally my chance to make things right. My chance to show that maybe I'm not such a terrible Queen; to show that I do care about everyone else. But I guess I still failed in showing that I care about _**you**_." I choke out, my eyes dropping to the bed covers as I feel my eyes burn with shame.

"Glimmer, no..." Adora starts, but I can't bear to hear the guilt in her voice.

"I just finally wanted to put others first. My people first." I mutter.

"But you didn't consider what that would do to me. Or Bow, or your Dad. You told me before that I don't place enough value in my life and yet here you are doing the exact same." The warrior expresses, her voice wavering slightly with frustration and pain. I bite the inside of my cheek, wishing that the ground could just swallow me up.

"I..." I trail off, for once being at a loss for words, but it seems like Adora certainly isn't.

"You have to promise that you'll never make me do something like that again. Heck, _**promise** _me that you'll never put yourself in that position." I jerk my head up at this.

"You do realise getting captured wasn't part of the plan, right?" I retort sarcastically, but the blonde simply rolls her eyes.

"I meant, don't put yourself in the firing line for me." The warrior orders and I can't help but snort.

"I told you the same thing with those bullets and yet did you listen?" I remind blandly which cuts off the blonde's retort. Her shoulders slump and her head dips forward until her side fringe covers her face. I chew my lip. "I'm sorry Adora. It was an impossible situation, but there was no way we could've done things differently. And...you can't put me above anyone else." I say gently, but the girl is shaking her head vigorously, her blue eyes snap up to meet my lavender ones.

"But why not?!" She demands and I'm forced to bite my tongue to avoid an argument.

"Because, one life isn't more significant than hundreds more. If you're ever in that situation again, you have to weigh up who's more important on a larger scale and look past just the ones you care about." I explain calmly, but the blonde either doesn't get it or doesn't _**want** _to get it.

"No way. I can save everyone, I don't need to make that decision." Adora disagrees stubbornly. I run a tired hand through my hair.

"Adora please. Anything could've happened yesterday. I need to know that you can make the right decision if we're in that situation again." I plead, but the warrior just clenches her hands.

"But we won't be in that situation again. I'll be more vigilant. I'll-" I cut her off before she can continue.

" _ **There are no guarantees!**_ " I shout, silencing the woman. She stares at me through wide eyes. I swallow as my shoulders sag in defeat. "There are no guarantees." I repeat, my voice just above a hair breadth as my mind flashes to my mother. "We never know what's going to happen. It's anyone's game. We can try to do our best to avoid certain outcomes, but sometimes our best won't be e-enough." I mutter, my voice cracking slightly. 

"You're...you're thinking about your mum, aren't you?" Adora murmurs softly. I avert my eyes from hers. 

"Yeah." I whisper. "I tried so hard that day to try and save everyone. I risked everything. Trusting Shadow Weaver was my only option to stop the Horde from opening that portal, but we were too late. **_I_** was too late. I never want to be a moment behind again. That's why I'm asking you. No, I'm _**begging** _you, don't make the wrong decision just because you care about me. There are other people out there that need your help more." I express thickly, praying that the girl will understand. 

"I understand Glimmer, heck I understand better than most. But how can you expect me to keep functioning when I...if I did something like that to you?" Adora whispers, her tone and posture broken. I furrow my eyebrows at her.

"You're stronger than you realise." I answer strongly, my complete and utter faith in the girl is palpable, but her eyes crumple.

"I'm not Glimmer. I'm really not. I wouldn't take it. Please don't ask me to promise you this. _**Please**_." The blonde pleads and her plea is so intense that it tugs hard at my heartstrings. I drop my head down and rub my eyes in thought. After several moments, I finally risk a glance at the woman.

"I'll never force you to do something you don't want to do. But I will ask you to think it over. Everything is too raw now, think about it when things settle a bit." I request. Confliction arises in those sky blue irises, but eventually she sighs and nods.

"Alright. In the meantime, you need to find a good bodyguard." I release a sigh of relief that we managed to get somewhere. But then I re-focus on the latter part of her statement and raise my eyebrow.

"Any suggestions?" I query and watch as the warrior adopts the most serious expression I've ever seen.

"Not yet, but I'll make sure that I personally interview every guard in the palace and then they'll have to undergo rigorous training. Preferably by me so that I know they have the skill set and then I'll have to test them with surprise attacks to be sure that they can handle the pressure." I stare at the blonde in disbelief. _'Oh boy.'_ I think, realising the menace I've just unleashed on Brightmoon. My mind races for something to say to slow the girl's tirade down.

"It sounds like you'll be very involved in the selection process." I drawl out experimentally as the blonde nods her head vigorously.

"Of course, I've had the most intense training in the Horde and plenty of experience. I'm the best one equipped to find the best bodyguard for you." Adora explains, as if I didn't already know all this, but I play along and nod my head in mock-thought.

"Seems like it will be a high bar to reach." I say casually.

"Of course. The better the bodyguard, the more I don't have to worry and the less likely we'll face any future difficult situations." The warrior states all business-like and I try hard not to roll my eyes as I say my next words.

"So why not you?" I ask. That must've been the last thing the woman expected as her jaws slacken and her eyes widen.

"Me?" She breathes out in disbelief. I shrug my shoulders, before wincing at the action.

"Why not? You said you wanted to find a useful role at Brightmoon and you said it yourself, who better equipped than you?" I point out and watch as the blonde opens and closes her mouth several times as she fumbles for something to say.

"B-but I might not be good enough." She stutters. I quirk an eyebrow at her.

"You just said you were." I remind jokingly. Her gaze flickers down below and it's only when she says her next words do I understand why.

"But my leg..." She trails off. I chew my lip in thought.

"You fought pretty well from what I could see last night." I say lightly and watch as the gears turn in her head in thought. "Plus, this way it means that you'll be by my side at all times. No waiting for me to finish my meetings or work. You'll always be there. I mean, a total downside if you get bored of my company." I add jokingly, but I can't help but want that. _'An excuse just to have Adora around all the time? How can I **not** want that?'_ The girl purses her lips and I know from the way that her eyes brighten up slightly that the offer is indeed tempting.

"I have one condition." Adora finally says. I blink twice in surprise.

"What's that?" I ask, dipping my head forward to motion for her to continue.

"That we station another personal guard outside any meetings, just in case I'm not enough." Adora suggests. My lips twitch into a smile.

"Deal." I agree easily and watch as the blonde beams down at me.

"This is brilliant! This way I can make sure you're alright at all times and spend time with you without worrying about getting in the way." Adora regales excitedly, but my eyes widen a fraction in alarm, _'Oh jeez, let's hope she doesn't get too overprotective.'_ But I shove the thought to one side, _'I'm sure it will be fine.'_ But then my attention falls on her last words. _'Getting in the way?'_ I wonder anxiously.

"You could _**never** _be in the way." I utter firmly, shaking the girl out of her blissful bubble. She gazes at me sheepishly. 

"Well, give it a few weeks and you might change your mind." Adora jokes, making me chuckle.

"Worried we'll get bored of each other?" I tease and watch as the blonde scrunches up her nose.

"How could I get bored of my cousin?" She throws back offhandedly, making me blink in surprise. She must've noticed the expression on my face as she back-tracks. "I mean..." But I quickly shake my head, interrupting her.

"Sounds like a perfect way to spend family time." I say warmly and watch as the girl beams at me, making me heart swell in adoration and affection for the woman. _'I can't believe this is real, it's like a wish come true.'_

"Well, I'll leave you to get some rest." Adora decides as she places her hands on her knees, readying herself to get up. I quirk an eyebrow at her before pulling back my covers.

"Adora I'm fine." I wave off nonchalantly, ready to leave the bed, but the blonde's eyes widen comically as she flicks her head back and forth.

"No way you're getting out of that bed!" She argues. I furrow my eyebrows.

"But...!" I start, but I'm quickly interrupted by the warrior.

"Don't think I didn't catch you grimacing. You're in pain, just rest." My best friend urges. I purse my lips in disagreement, but when the girl reaches over me to drape back the duvet over me, I know it's a losing battle. Begrudgingly, I fall back onto my pillows with a displeased grunt, ignoring the throb of pain that follows at my less than delicate treatment. 

"Fine." I mutter. Seconds later I feel a nudge at my triceps. I flicker my eyes up to find the girl staring down at me with a sympathetic expression.

"I know it sucks, but give yourself some time to heal before you launch into anything." I gaze at the blonde in amusement who furrows her eyebrows at me. "What?" She echoes in confusion as a smile tugs at my lips.

"You're starting to sound like me." I joke, eliciting a snort from the warrior.

"Well, you weren't wrong all those times." Adora admits, giving my arm a light squeeze as she raises to her feet. "I'll go and tell your dad that you're awake." She continues and I watch as she crosses the room, opens the door, gives me a small wave before closing the door behind her.

Once I hear the click of the door shutting, I slump further into the mattress. _'What an overload.'_ I raise my arm to rest it across my eyes. _'Now that I'm alone, I can finally think about...everything.'_ I bite my lip. _'So there's an assassination group that has been around for as long as my ancestors have been on the throne. **Shoot**. How did I not know about this?! Did Mum know? If she did, why didn't she tell me? And what on earth am I going to do? I can't watch my back every waking moment and despite my suggestion, I certainly don't want Adora to be doing that for me either.' _

A loud groan escapes past my lips as I push my face deeper into my arm. That familiar sense of anxiety rises up within me once more. _'I need to come up with a plan or something. I need to be prepared because I refuse for what happened today to ever happen again. There's no way I'm letting more people die after all they've been through in the war and there's no way I can let Adora get hurt...'_ My breathing catches at that thought and without further ado I push myself back up into a sitting position.

I bite my lip as my abdomen protests at the movement, but I can't sit still. Not when I know something bad could happen at any moment. That they could get in here at _**any** _time. I clench my hands. _'No, I'll fix that. Post more guards, get more checks done, more sweeps around the palace. Nothing will get in.'_ I think stubbornly, the plan of action in my mind helps put me at ease. _'And...I should put more trust in Adora. Heck, if anything she'll probably be coming up with her own course of action right now.'_

I release a quiet breath. _'Right. I'm just being paranoid.'_ I try to convince myself as I lie back down on the bed. But still my thoughts twirl around like an angry tempest. And the only light at the moment seems to be Adora's giddy expression at having found a link to her past.

A faint smile appears across my lips in memory. _'Things will work out. We'll catch those assassins and put an end to them once and for all, easy peasy, right?'_ I bite my lip, but refuse to get myself worked up over it and decide to still my thoughts entirely and just gaze out of the window beside me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, whatcha ya think? Hopefully it satiated some of your angsty hunger, even if it was just a little bit. After the train-wreck of emotions and revelations I felt they both needed that talk. I'll admit not everything is resolved, but it's such a huge issue that it's hard to just resolve it in a single talk. 
> 
> The last two chapters are in Adora's POV, they are short which I apologise for, but it just worked out like that. Next chapter follows on directly after Adora exits Glimmer's room and her thoughts. Confession? This chapter was actually meant to be in Adora's POV, but I realised that would mean the story would end without getting a final Glimmer POV and I couldn't do that. She's such a great character and I felt she needed that moment to shine. But next chapter we get to see Adora's conflicts, plus a few more answers that you guys might find fun/interesting to learn. Next chapter has sprinkles of angst, but this current one was certainly the last hard hitting chp. I mean, perhaps you may disagree after reading the next one? I think I'm gonna take another break for a couple of days- we'll see. 
> 
> Again, if any of you have questions or something you really wanted to see/learn but haven't, then this is your last chance to tell me in the comments. Next chapter is the last one where I try to tie in and wrap up everything and so I could still add it there, because after that the final chapter is kind of like an epilogue and wont dive into answering any questions. It will essentially be your reward for sticking through this angst disaster XD If you've felt that I covered pretty much all my bases then I count that as a success XD Either way, I still love hearing from you and it's been a joy to hear all your thoughts over the course of the story. Only 2 chapters left guys - get ready for the end ;) 
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	81. Queens of Brightmoon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora is still feeling anxious over the assassins and ends up having a conversation with Micah.  
> AND  
> Adora gets paid a visit from Catra.  
> AND  
> Adora uncovers some secrets of the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wasn't going to post, but couldn't help it XD  
> Last bit of angst here, then it's pretty much free sailing ;) I know, only 1 chapter left to be angst free, but lol you know how I love my angst, have to keep some till the very end XD

**Adora's POV:**

I close the door gently behind me and turn round, only to jump when I find Micah standing before me. I clutch my chest, waiting for my heart rate to ease again just as the man raises his hands sheepishly.

"I apologise, I didn't mean to make you jump. I was just about to check on Glimmer. Is she awake?" At Micah's worried expression, I quickly shoot him a reassuring smile.

"She is. A bit sore, but she'll be alright." I say smoothly and watch as the man slumps his shoulders in relief.

"Thank the stars." He breathes out before fixating his eyes in me. "I haven't had the chance to thank you for saving her." The King murmurs gratefully, but I flicker my guilty eyes away from him.

"I'm the reason she got hurt in the first place." I mutter sourly, prompting the man to raise his eyebrows in surprise.

"Isn't she the one who shielded you? You can hardly blame yourself for her actions." Micah points out wisely, but I shake my head.

"It doesn't matter; she took that arrow for me. That automatically makes it my fault. I...I didn't protect her." I choke out. The King takes a step towards me and rests his hands on my shoulders.

"You healed her Adora. How does that not count?" The man utters softly, but I slap his hands away.

"Because she _**shouldn't** _have got hurt in the first place!" I shout angrily and give my back to the royal. "She shouldn't have got hurt." I repeat quietly. "Now that we know that assassins are out there. What's stopping them from pulling a stunt like this again?" I query, almost to myself as my eyes dart from side to side in a frantic attempt to come up with a solution to stop them. Again a warm hand lands on my shoulder, but I refuse to turn around.

"We'll post more guards around, have tighter control on who enters the castle. Nothing bad will happen." Micah voices strongly, but after the train-wreck of emotions I've been through for the past few days I find it hard to believe him.

"You don't know that!" I retort sharply.

"Adora you need to stop worrying..." I whirl around so quickly that even I'm half impressed with myself.

"How are you so calm?! You've already lost your wife and now there's someone after your daughter and you're acting like it's completely OK!" I yell, but at the flash of anger that crosses the man's dark orbs, I snap my jaws closed and drop my head down in shame.

"For your information, I'm _**not**_ OK with this. Have you not stopped to consider that I'm more scared for her than anyone else on the planet? She's my _**daughter**_. The last link I have with my Angie..." I start cursing myself when I hear the man falter and against my better judgement, my eyes start to sting.

"I-I'm sorry Micah. You're right, you of all people would be the most worried for Glimmer's safety. I didn't mean to assume otherwise." I apologise, biting my lip in guilt. A light sigh escapes the man and he reaches out to tilt my chin up.

"Do you want me to tell you why I'm not afraid right now?" The King queries gently. I furrow my eyebrows, prompting him to continue. "Because I know she's in safe hands. You've saved her time and time again from her rash choices. I don't doubt you'll continue to save her." My lips quiver at the man's words and I wordlessly shake my head in disagreement.

"But what if I'm not enough?" I express thickly, the utter fear of failing is just too big a burden to comprehend. The loss too great to handle. The possibilities are too heart-wrenching to accept.

"And what if you are?" I balk at having my question being thrown back at me and stare at the King with wide eyes. "What if you're _**more** _than you give yourself credit for? What if you're stronger than your weaknesses? What if you're bigger than your fears? What if...you're the only one who can protect her?" I glance away at that final question.

"I've failed before." Is all I say and by his sudden intake of breath, I know that he catches my meaning.

"So have I." I blink twice at the unexpected response and turn my attention back to the man. "I failed her when I was taken by the Horde that day. I failed her when I couldn't rescue myself and get back to her. Failure doesn't mean hopeless. It means you keep trying till you get it right." Micah states and if I wasn't so wound up tight I would've congratulated the man on his seemingly limitless fountain of wisdom.

"This is different. This is someone's life. _**Glimmer's** _life. There are no failures when it comes to that." I retort sharply. I watch as the royal releases a heavy exhale as he shakes his head at me.

"Trust me, I know that better than anyone. But beating yourself up over it won't change anything. All you can do is prepare and hope. We'll do what we can on our end and leave the rest to fate." I slump my shoulders at those words because if nothing else, he's right about that. _'Me worrying about it won't magically save the day. No. Being prepared will.'_ I sigh.

"I guess I can't argue there." I mumble with a half smile and the man claps me on the shoulder.

"Glad to hear." Micah states with a grin and goes towards Glimmer's door, but he pauses in mid-stride and glances back to me. "Oh I forgot to mention, Shadow Weaver is back at Mystacor and is under strict rules not to leave." The King discloses. I frown.

"Wasn't she under rules not to leave before? What's stopping her from leaving again?" I query wearily and to my surprise the man adopts a smug expression.

"I put a tracking spell on her. If she leaves the vicinity, I'll know about it." Micah explains with a wink and I can't help but chuckle at that.

"Alright. Thank you Micah." I murmur gratefully and watch as the man's face softens. 

"Anytime. If you ever need a favour, just ask." He promises and with a nod of my head I observe as he slips into his daughter's room. I spin round and start walking down the corridor until a sudden arm snaps out from one of the corners and before I can shout, a hand is slapped over my mouth. I squint behind me, only to realise that I recognise my captor. 

"Catra what on earth?!" I hiss lowly, not wanting to alert any nearby passer-bys. Her hand withdraws as she pulls me further down a side corridor and out of sight.

"Jeez you sure talk a lot when you want to." The feline complains, but I stare at her as if she's grown two heads.

"How are you even here?!" I question in disbelief.

"Wasn't particularly hard to get into. I mean, sure getting an army here proved difficult, but a single person? Relatively easy. You're going to have to tell your friends to beef up security if they want to stay alive." Catra states in a bored tone. I glare at her.

"Not helping Catra." I grit out, earning me an eye roll from the cat as she leans back.

"Maybe later then." She answers with a shrug. I furrow my eyebrows at her and shake my head.

"You still haven't told me why you're here." I repeat and watch as she crosses her arms.

"How's Sparkles? Not dead I assume?" Catra asks, her tone filled with disinterest, as if the mere question was a chore. And I can't decide whether to stare at her I'm disbelief or be annoyed at her statement.

"What, you care?" I can't help but tease, eliciting a scowl from the woman.

"As if. I still can't believe you care about her after she put you in a coma and all that." Catra retorts. I roll my eyes at her and cross my arms.

"It wasn't like it was intentional; she didn't know the effect it would have on me. Besides, I've forgiven her for it." I answer with a pointed look, causing the cat to flap one of her ears in irritation.

"You dodged my question." The woman asks bluntly, ignoring the slight jab at her past mistakes. I uncross my arms and slump my shoulders.

"She'll be alright." I mumble. The feline nods absently while digging into her jacket for something. A moment later an old book appears from beneath. I blink twice at the sight.

"Didn't know you were interested in reading." I tease which elicits a snort from the girl.

"You wish. Shadow Weaver wanted me to give you this. She said that it's written in First One writing, so she couldn't read it, but felt it was important for you to read." Catra states nonchalantly. I stare at the book in shock before stretching out a hand to take the ancient novel.

"You willingly did a favour for Shadow Weaver?" I echo dumbly, prompting a scowl from the woman. 

"I would _**never**_. I did it for you because you're always so bothered about your past. Besides, she shoved it in my hands after you ran off. So I didn't have much choice in the matter." Catra grumbles, but I can't help my face splitting into a grin at the thoughtful gesture and before I know it I throw my arms around the girl.

"Thanks Catra." I murmur gratefully. The feline gives my back a few pats before pulling away.

"Don't mention it. Anyway, I should go before anyone notices I'm here." The cat decides, her eyes sweeping around the area as if she expects someone to jump on her at any moment. 

"Do you want me to make sure you get out alright?" I query in concern, but she simply waves me off.

"Nah I got in here by myself and I'll get out too. I'll catch you later." She bids and I watch as she disappears out of sight. I watch her with a sad smile before my gaze drops to the book in my hands. _'I wonder why Shadow Weaver was so intent for me to have this book?'_ I wonder silently and decide to make my way to my room.

Once inside, I make my way to the bed and perch on it lightly as my eyes drop to the front cover. I squint at the faded writing and inhale sharply when I make out the letters: _**The Fall of the Queens**_.

I stare with wide eyes as I quickly pull back the cover to read the first page. Queen Zeporah is written faintly and underneath is a large block of text, I groan at the tedious amount until my eyes drop to a single sentence at the bottom of the page; _**Affliction** : psychic connection lost_. I blink twice, already having discovered that, so I flip to the next page.

Another name of a Queen sits proudly on the top, Queen Laura. I scan to the bottom and read the bold line. _**Affliction** : Leg amputation_. My breathing catches. _'Wait. That assassin said they never really failed, is...is this what she meant? That they managed to harm every Queen in some other way?'_ I gulp and keep flicking through. A range of disasters are detailed, various losses of body parts, destructions to the castle or prized belongings of the Queen and even some success attempts, but those are rare and far in between.

As I read on, each story becomes more gruelling than the last. As I reach the end I find Queen Angella at the top of the page, but the rest of it is blank. With a frown, I flick back a page and stare at the name on front: Queen Deborah. _**Affliction** : Loss of life_. A stone hard lump settles at the pit of my stomach. _'Angella...lost her mum?'_ I think in shock. _'I...never knew that. And then years later she lost her husband. That must have been so hard on her. I wonder if Glimmer knows?'_ My mind flashes to her neutral expression when she was talking about the assassins and I shake my head. _'I don't think she does.'_

I release a light breath and flicker to the end of the book. My eyes widen in awe as I read how the other princesses came to be. A collection of trusted friends chosen by both Zeporah and Nora were selectively bestowed a runestone that they discovered. I chew my lip in thought. _'That's it. That's the whole story. And...she wasn't lying. They may not have succeeded in ending the lives of most of the past Queens, but they still succeeded in creating destruction.'_

My stomach twists painfully as I raise a hand to fist a bunch of my hair. _'I'm in way over my head here. This has been going on for thousands of years, how am I going to put a stop to it?'_ I place the old book on the mattress before jumping to my feet as I pace back and forth anxiously. _'Is a personal bodyguard enough? Can I really be by Glimmer's side all the time? What if I need the loo? Or...'_

I shake my head violently. _'Get a grip Adora. I've faced impossible outcomes before, this is no different. Except...there's so much more to lose.'_ I groan and sink to my knees in despair. _'How can I defeat a millennia year old assassin group?'_ I chew my lip and release a soft sigh. _'Preparation. Lots of preparations.'_

And with a nod I rise to my feet and grab a wodge of papers and start scribbling potential security ideas. _'I won't fail. I vow that nothing will happen. Not when I'm around.'_ And with a decisive nod my tense shoulders start to ease as plans start to take form. And for the first time, my doubts settle. _'I can do this.'_ I think confidently and continue writing with renewed vigour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo I couldn't help but bring some angst back, bc...well, this is me XD I hope you found the little bits and bobs of info interesting tho. And I felt the last part is a bit of development for Adora, the fact that she's slowly starting to believe in her abilities.
> 
> Ok so my parents say this a lot: "You do what you can and leave the rest to God." Obvs no one's religious in this universe so I changed it to fate otherwise I would've so left it as God. But I love that saying, it helps to put a halt on the worries, so I thought it was a great idea to put it here.
> 
> So in the show we find out that Angella was immortal, suggesting that it's one of the magic abilities bestowed onto the Queen of Brightmoon - but obvs Angella isn't the only/first queen to have ever lived, there must've been dozens more before her and if they're all immortal then that begs the question - what happened to them? Did they retire? Somehow I think not. This was my way of answering that question - what if they were mortally wounded? Morbid I know, but that would be a logical explanation to the end of immortality, I believe. And just to add to the sadness trail I thought it would be interesting if Angella's mum was killed in one of those attempts...yep angst is still very much present XD
> 
> 1 final chapter left guys...it's been an honour to have you guys on this journey. We're nearly there.  
> Also, Darkviral, I managed to slip in a subtle nod to the whole coma situation, hope it somewhat ties that off alright ;)
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)


	82. Family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora is coronated officially as a Princess of Brightmoon given her revealed family history. She's also given the role of Royal Bodyguard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I didn't want to post today, but...I am.  
> Well, this is it guys. The last chapter...is it weird if I feel sentimental? Well, I'll go all mushy at the notes at the end, but for now I hope you enjoy this. 
> 
> I thought it would be a good idea to give Adora her own version of a coronation so to speak, since she technically has royal blood and is thus no longer just an honorary princess, but rather an official one. This is really to wrap up most of the plot elements that I've introduced in the story.
> 
> And CrazyButterSock drew the softest pic for Adora & Glimmer, it basically screams how sweet their friendship is and basically how far they've come. Thank you so so much, it's too sweet & heart warming <3

**1 Week Later:**

**Adora's POV:**

I walk into the Queen's chambers just in time to spot her grimacing as she wraps her cape around her shoulders. I furrow my eyebrows and go to her side.

"We can delay it till later you know?" I suggest softly as I go help the purple head. She jumps at the sound of my voice and turns to face me with a quirked eyebrow.

"What happened to knocking?" Glimmer queries in amusement, hoping to embarrass me, but I'm too elated to feel such and so I smirk instead.

"Hey you've seen me in a lot less," I joke back and watch as the Queen's cheeks pinken slightly. A string of incoherent words escape past her lips, but I simply laugh and finish fastening her cape. I take a step back and nod my head, proud of my handiwork, before returning my eyes to the royal. "But seriously, we can delay it if you're shoulder still hurts." I insist, only for the girl to shake her head.

"I'm fine. Dad managed to get most of the toxins out, remember? It's just a little sore, but I'll deal." Glimmer waves away smoothly. I frown slightly, but decide to leave it and nod.

"Alright. Are you ready?" I query, earning the Queen's attention once more as she smiles brightly at me.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that? You're the one being ordained as a Royal Bodyguard in front of the entire Kingdom." The purple head reminds. I swallow at the reminder.

"I'm a little nervous, but I'm ready." I state resolutely, eliciting a laugh from the royal.

"Fair enough. But..." She pauses and goes to grasp my hand. "...you have nothing to be nervous about. It's not ice-skating." Glimmer voices mischievously. I roll my eyes at her.

"Very funny." I quip dryly. I feel my hand being squeezed lightly.

"Honestly though, don't worry. Other than Bow, I can't think of anyone better to be by my side." The Queen confesses softly, making my heart feel warm and fuzzy. 

"Thanks Glimmer, I promise I'll try my best" I vow seriously, but she simply chuckles and swings our joined hands back and forth playfully.

"I don't doubt that." She murmurs and lifts our interlocked appendages to plant a kiss on my second knuckle. "Come on, we wouldn't want to be late would we?" The purple head voices, her tone laced with mirth and I can't help but wonder if she has something else under her sleeves. 

"Nope." I agree, but before we teleport, the Queen gives me a once over, a smile makes its way to her face. I raise a questioning eyebrow at her. "What?" I echo in confusion, just as she shakes her head.

"Nice uniform." She teases and goes to brush the gold shoulder pads until the strings align a little better. I grin at her.

"I thought that it was about time to put the whole red colour scheme to rest and give blue ago." I explain while glancing down at my deep blue jacket and black jeans.

"It suits you, but you were always able to pull off red so well too." The purple head expresses with bright eyes. I smirk.

"Missing the red already?" I joke as she her hair flicks from side to side as she shakes her head.

"Nah, you can pretty much pull off any look." Glimmer voices nonchalantly and I can't help but feel a bolt of pride running through me at the compliment. "Now, off we go." Is the only warning I get before I find myself in front of a huge assembly.

King Micah is already standing at the front with Bow by his side and we quickly join them. A series of trumpet sounds follow before I'm nudged forward to stand before the King who shoots me a warm smile. I return the gesture and go to kneel on one knee in front of him as he raises a golden staff in his hands.

"Today we're gathered here for two occasions. The first is to grant Adora the post of royal bodyguard. Your role will be to protect Queen Glimmer. If you wish to accept?" Micah pauses, giving me the chance to answer. I look up and lock eyes with him.

"I do." I confirm as the man nods his head.

"The next is to officially accept Adora as a Princess of Brightmoon." At this I feel the golden staff rest on either side of my shoulders. "Arise Princess Adora." At the command, I find myself rising to my feet just as an earth-shattering sound of applause envelops the castle. I turn around to face the assembly and spot my friends at the front seat.

Mermista releases a cat-call as she claps. Perfuma applauds both loudly and enthusiastically. Frosta has her arms up in the air in a cheer. Entrapta seems half distracted with a tablet in her hands, but when Kai pulls on her sleeve, she looks up at me to give an enthusiastic wave of her hair. And soon Kai is jumping up and down waving at me also, making me grin at the display.

My eyes rake over everyone else as they clap. Many I've never seen before and yet their smiles are wide and their faces are joyful. I catch some movement at the far back and squinting, I spot Huntara and Catra. The purple woman tips her head forward at me and I return the gesture. My irises slide over to Catra. Her discomfort is obvious, but when she spots me looking she shoots me a half smile and a moment later follows the action with a thumbs up, making my smile broaden. I feel Glimmer and Bow coming to stand beside me and I decide that this has got to be one of the biggest highlights of my life, where I'm surrounded by so many people who love and care about me. 

~=~ 

**2 Hours Later:**

My forearms rest on the railing as I stare down below from where the balcony hangs over the garden, just enjoying the evening breeze.

"Well someone got bored of their own party." I smile at the statement, already knowing who it is.

"It's such a beautiful evening, I thought it would be a shame not to catch some of the fresh air before it gets cold." I explain without turning around. Seconds later, Glimmer appears by my side, her back leans against the railing so that she can face me.

"You're not overwhelmed, are you?" The Queen queries in concern. I smile at her and shake my head.

"No, this is perfect. I never thought I'd actually be a Princess of Brightmoon, feel like I've taken your title." I joke lightly and watch as the purple head snorts.

"You know it does mean you'll have more work to do?" Glimmer points out, but I simply grin.

"You forget, I _**like** _the work." I remind, prompting the girl to shake her head affectionately at me.

"How could I forget?" The purple head draws out, but her lips curve upwards. I smile and flicker my gaze back to the garden, enjoying the serenity and beauty. 

"So, have you thought about what I asked?" Glimmer queries softly. I swallow, having expected that question to come sooner or later. I nod my head slowly.

"I have." Is all I say, keeping my gaze ahead of me. I feel the girl shifting closer towards me as she utters her next words.

"And?" The Queen asks quietly. I release a light exhale. 

"No." I answer resolutely, surprising the purple head as she crosses her arms over her chest.

"Adora..." She starts, but I cut her off before she can continue.

"I understand what you're saying Glimmer, but I refuse to hurt you." I pause to close my eyes briefly. "Not again." I whisper thickly as I re-open my eyes. "Last time I wasn't ready or prepared. Now that I know they're out there, I'll be sure to never be in that position again. _**I**_ _**promise**_." I vow strongly as I lock eyes with the Queen. The conflict in her lavender orbs is so intense that I nearly glance away, but I don't. I remain steadfast to hammer the point home. _'This time I **won't** fail.'_ A heavy sigh breaks me out of my thoughts and I watch as Glimmer dips her head slightly.

"Alright, but...you need to be ready to consider that possibility if something like this does happen again." The purple head murmurs and I almost grin in victory. Instead, I opt to nod my head in understanding.

"Of course." I say smoothly, before flickering my gaze ahead of me once more.

I inhale deeply, enjoying the fresh air. That is, until I hear rustling beside me and I turn my head to find Glimmer chewing her lip nervously as she pulls out an envelope from her robes. I quirk an eyebrow at her.

"What's that?" I ask while nodding my head towards the paper in her hands. She looks hesitant at first before she finally gives it to me.

"Dad wanted me to give this to you. You're completely free to say no." Glimmer mumbles before averting her eyes, making me feel even more perplexed. My eyes drop to the lilac envelope that has my name scrawled in elegant writing. I turn it over and break open the seal. Reaching a hand in, I take out the fine paper and start to read, but my heart freezes at the first three words: _ **Issue of Adoption**_. I balk and quickly scan over the rest of the contents. 

**Adoptee Father** : King Micah of Brightmoon

**Adoptee Mother** : Queen Angella of Brightmoon

**Adoptee Child** : Adora 

**Adoptee Sibling** : Queen Glimmer of Brightmoon

_**Signature of Adoptee parents** :_________

_**Signature of Adoptee: _______** _

I stare at where the signature dashed lines are empty and shake my head in disbelief, before raising my eyes to meet the discomfort on the Queen's face.

"W-what is this?" I ask, my voice wavering. Glimmer bites her lip before coming to stand by my side and holds the other end of the letter.

"We...I guess we wanted to make the whole being a part of our family official and my Dad suggested the idea of an adoption. To put it bluntly, he wants to adopt you." The purple head explains, her gaze fixed on me, gauging my expression. But it seems that the power of speech has escaped me, either that or my brain has short-circuited. "We went through the whole legal process, but we left the signatures blank in case you disagreed. And we completely understand if you say no. It's just a piece of a paper, I mean it doesn't really..." I silence the Queen with a fierce hug, my arms wrapping tightly around her.

Tears blur my vision as I bury my face into her neck. Glimmer reciprocates a moment later and I feel her hands resting on my spine while her forehead leans into my shoulder. I only realise I'm shuddering when I feel her rubbing my back up and down. 

"Gosh I'm so sorry, I didn't mean..." But I shake my head, cutting her off once more and I force my paralysed tongue to move.

"I'd love to." I whisper softly, stilling the woman's ministrations. I feel her pulling away slightly to catch my eyes.

"Are you sure? You can have time to think about it if you want. There's no pressure." Glimmer insists earnestly, but I shake my head and lean forward to tap my forehead against hers. 

"I'm sure. I just...I'm so honoured that you even want to do this for me. That both of you do." I choke out emotionally and I find myself being pulled into another warm embrace.

"Of course Adora, anything for you." The Queen whispers and I tighten my hold around her.

"Am I interrupting something?" I jerk my head up at the masculine voice and my eyes zone in on Micah who's sporting a gentle smile. I pull away from Glimmer and gaze at him.

"Are...are you sure you want this? I don't know if..." I start, but the man is by my side in two paces with a hand on my shoulder.

"I've never been more sure of anything in my life, but the decision is yours." At that prompt, I summon my sword before quickly transforming it into a pen and scribbling my signature. The man takes the paper from me and etches his own signature with a satisfied grin and beams at me. "Welcome to the family." He murmurs softly, a lump wedges itself into my throat and a second later I'm tackled into another hug by Glimmer as she pulls me and her Dad into a group hug. My first hug with my family. My eyes blur with emotion. _**A family**_. I finally have one. 

"Mind if I join the hug or is it family only?" Bow jokes and I snap my wide eyes over to him.

"You _**knew?!**_ " I voice in shock as he grins sheepishly.

"I did and boy was it hard not to spill. Sorry if I ended up semi-avoiding you for the past week." The man apologises as he comes to join the hug. I open my arm and pull him in until he's nestled between Glimmer and I as Micah wraps his arms around all of us.

"I did wonder if something was up." I admit with a half smile. 

"Yeah. Glimmer and Micah, _**please** _don't ask me to keep secrets again. I was about to combust with excitement." Bow pleads with wide eyes, eliciting a laugh from the three of us. 

"I'll be sure to keep that in mind." The King utters in amusement. 

"Anyone fancy some chocolate from the chocolate fountain?" Glimmer suggests suddenly. I shoot her a mischievous grin. 

"First one there without magic gets all the marshmallows." I challenge and watch as the Queen widens her eyes comically.

"No fair, you know chocolate with marshmallows are my favourite!" The purple head whines. I smirk.

"Then you better run fast." I joke before dashing back inside with Glimmer hot on my heels. Briefly, I catch Micah's grumbled:

"Stars, what have I unleashed?" The complaint is quickly followed by Bow's chuckle and my smile broadens as I run. _'Yeah, this is what I've been missing.'_ I realise as a rush of contentment washes over me.

That is, until Glimmer tackles me, bringing us to the ground. Her eyes are triumphant, but I reach up and tickle her, wiping the victory off her face. But she teleports away from me and stand over me with a hand on her hip.

"You're going to have to do better than that if you want some chocolate." She teases and I shake my head, not even bothering to call her out for using her powers. And together we run, weaving in and out between the guests until we reach the table filled with food.

I huff and puff, bending over to catch my breath until I catch a whiff of chocolate. I straighten up, ready to complain until I find a huge stick of chocolate marshmallows in front of my face. 

"There you go." Glimmer offers softly, another stick in her other hand. I smile at her and take it, and together we bite into the sweet goodness. _'Yep, definitely missed this.'_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all folks. Sorry, I couldn't help the Tom & Jerry jab there, esp since the film is out and about (which I have yet to watch). 
> 
> So, if you noticed the latter part of the story focussed on Adora's desire for a family and her past. Found family is such a brilliant trope and I thought it would be sweet if I made it official. I mean, I hope I succeeded in showing Micah's development throughout the story and how he came to care for Adora. He certainly wasn't the focus of the story, but I hope the hints were enough to persuade you guys XD
> 
> I hope this ending provided enough fluff, healing and closure for all of you. This story is pretty special to me because it was the first time I poured so much of my own thoughts, feelings and emotions over stuff. Insecurities, doubts and all. Perhaps a lot of the heavier topics I can't personally relate to, but those feelings and negative thinking I certainly can. This is essentially a buried part of me that no one knows and perhaps that's why it came out as raw and angsty as it did, because those feelings were real. They were mine. And it was an honour to be able to share them with you all.
> 
> Now, I know I've left some loose ends. The biggest one of course is the fact that the assassins are still around and they haven't been defeated. I thought it wouldn't be realistic to tackle it in this story, simply because they've been around for so long. They can't be defeated with a snap of our fingers. As you've probably gathered by now, I strive to be accurate, realistic and authentic when writing. This begs the question...do you want a sequel?
> 
> I do have some ideas on where a sequel would go if the general consensus is yes. Heads up, it would be as painful and angsty as this one - or at least that's the aim. I haven't actually written anything for it yet. Would you all prefer if I left the story to rest? I mean, we got our happy ending. Glimmer & Adora's friendship is fixed and is healing. Would you like for me to tear it down again? All up to you. I won't write a sequel unless you all want it. 
> 
> That being said, if the general answer is yes, would you prefer if I stay radio-silent until I've got a whole bunch of chapters ready, similar to how I did with this one (took a little over a year to write this story btw - writing blocks and all) OR would you prefer I update whenever I have a chapter ready? The latter would mean that updates would be very sporadic and not frequent at all. Again, up to you. I do have a fic I need to finish over at FFN first tho...kind've been leaving it to the wayside to get this done.
> 
> Finally, I want to say the BIGGEST thank you to you all. You've been star readers and a downright joy to hear from. Your enthusiasm and interest in this story was a delight and words can't describe how much I appreciated that support and positive feedback. I was terrible at English at school, so to know you guys think I'm a decent writer really touches me. Darkviral you deserve the hugest thanks for being so invested in this story that made me want to update this frequently and for sticking with me from beginning to end, I always eagerly loved hearing from you. mellorine91, thank you for all your sweet words and touching enthusiasm, I sincerely appreciate it. A massive thank you CrazyButterSock for taking all that time to draw the most awesome scenes for this story and for making me more excited than I possibly thought when I first posted this story. Thank you KnightsOfRayx, dummysapphic, Ddr_Naomi & Dada_05 for your consistent comments, I looked forward to each and every one of them and they made my day. And a final thank you to everyone who has subscribed, bookmarked, left kudos and read this story! I hope you enjoyed reading it just as much as I enjoyed writing it.
> 
> I'd appreciate any final thoughts from you guys. If not, I hope you all keep well.
> 
> Comments & Kudos are always appreciated :)

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this first chapter. Please comment and let me know your thoughts. Thank you for reading.


End file.
